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Paul Feig Judd Apatow Barry Mendel Clayton Townsend Annie Mumolo Kristen Wiig Lisa Yadavaia
by Annie Mumolo & Kristen Wiig
This material is the property of So Happy for You! Productions, LLC (A wholly owned subsidiary of Universal City Studios, Inc.) and is intended and restricted solely for studio use by studio personnel. Distribution or disclosure of the material to unauthorized persons is prohibited. The sale, copying or reproduction of this material in any form is also prohibited.
FADE IN: EXT. UPSCALE MODERN HOME - NIGHT The ultimate bachelor pad. it. A Porsche is parked in front of
ANNIE (O.S.) I’m so glad you called. TED (O.S.) I’m so glad you were free. ANNIE (O.S.) I love your eyes. TED (O.S.) Cup my balls. ANNIE (O.S.) Ok, yes, alright, I can do that. TED (O.S.) Oh, there it is! INT. BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS ANNIE WALKER, mid 30's, is having sweaty sex with TED, handsome, 40. In a series of close-ups and jump cuts, we see Annie in the middle of a very long, vigorous session. ANNIE Oh, that feels good. TED You know what to do! ANNIE I’m so glad I got to see you again. JUMP CUT to see she’s now bouncing on top of him. ANNIE (CONT’D) Oh yes! (then, looking concerned) Uh, okay, wait, hold on. You and I are on different rhythms I think. TED I want to go fast!
2. ANNIE Sure--
He bounces Annie SUPER FAST. INT. CLEAN, UPSCALE MODERN BATHROOM - MORNING Annie stands in front of a mirror in nice lingerie. She puts on lotion, make-up, brushes her hair, mascara, etc. She getting ready to... Creep back into the bed, where Ted is still sleeping. She gets in and begins to position herself to show her good parts. Coughs and nudges Ted to wake him up. Annie quickly pretends she’s still asleep. He taps her. ANNIE (gasps/ pretending) Oh! I was having a nightmare, I was so scared. Good Morning. TED Good morning. You look beautiful. ANNIE (acting embarrassed) What? No. I’m sure I look terrible. I just woke up. I’m sure I’m a mess. TED You slept over. I did. ANNIE
TED I thought we had a rule against that. ...oh. ANNIE
TED I’m kidding. ANNIE Oh, that’s funny. You’re funny in the morning. TED I like hanging out with you.
3. ANNIE I love hanging out with you. I think we get along really well. And you’re so sexy... TED I know. Look, I just have a lot coming up at work. And I don’t want to make promises I can’t keep. ANNIE We’re on the same page. I’m not looking for a relationship right now either, let’s just say that. Whatever you want, I can do. I like “simple”, I’m not like the other girls who would be like “be my boyfriend!” Unless you were like, “yeah!”, then I’d be like “maybe”. They hug tightly and he kisses her deeply. go. Stares at her... Then he lets her
TED Wow, this is awkward. I really want you to leave but I don’t know how to say it without sounding like a dick. ANNIE (speechless) Awkward moment leading into ...
Oh. Annie stares.
EXT. UPSCALE MODERN HOME DRIVEWAY- MORNING Annie does the walk of shame out of the house. She attempts to exit through the driveway gate but it won’t open. Tries to pull it open to fit through the crack but can’t. She sighs, then starts to climb over the gate. As she’s straddling the top, it starts to OPEN. The HOUSEKEEPER in her car with her clicker. Annie WAVES to her from the top of the opening gate. Mortified. Annie jumps down and runs to her car. A old neighbor getting his paper, stares at this sad spectacle. His dog stares too.
4. EXT. PARK - DAY A BOOT-CAMP workout session is going on, men and women are painfully following along. The instructor is yelling angrily at the class. WAY IN THE BACKGROUND we see two women peaking out from behind a tree. It is Annie and her best friend, LILLIAN, mid 30’s. They are taking his class without him knowing. LILLIAN He scares me. Me too. ANNIE
LILLIAN But he’s an excellent motivator. ANNIE That’s true. Oh shit, he sees us. From the distance we hear the BOOT CAMP INSTRUCTOR yelling. BOOT CAMP INSTRUCTOR Hey! If you want to take this class, you’re going to have to pay for it like the rest of these bitches! Caught, Annie and Lillian pretend to randomly dance. BOOT CAMP INSTRUCTOR (CONT’D) Oh, dancing? In the park?! You are not dancing in the park. Freeloaders! I’m comin’ over there. The women run off. Lillian yells back.
LILLIAN Sorry, Rodney, we’re on a budget! INT. JONI’S RESTAURANT - DAY Annie and Lillian continue laughing, as they sit in their workout clothes, casually picking food off each other’s plates as they talk. ANNIE I’m so glad we got to do this, I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.
5. LILLIAN I know, I’ve been in Chicago a lot. ANNIE I know, sleeping at Dougie’s house. LILLIAN It’s just closer to work. ANNIE How’s it going with him anyway? LILLIAN I don’t know. It’s fine, but I feel like he’s been a bit distant lately. He calls me “dude” a lot. ANNIE That doesn’t mean anything. I think everything’s fine. LILLIAN I don’t know. Anyway, what did you do last night? Umm... ANNIE
LILLIAN What did you do last night? You are not telling me something. ANNIE I hung out with Ted for a little bit. I knew it! LILLIAN
ANNIE We had fun. It was fun. LILLIAN Here’s what I don’t like about it. You hate yourself after you see him, every time. And then we go through this and you feel like shit, and it’s almost like you’re doing it because you feel bad about yourself.
. ANNIE (CONT’D) That’s my impression. He kept putting it near my face..6. LILLIAN Oh. ANNIE We had. It wasn’t a big deal. Annie imitates a penis.. Annie sticks out her elbows. LILLIAN Those are the balls? ANNIE I’m trying to make it round.an adult sleep over.. I know you say he’s cute and all that stuff. but it makes you feel like shit. ANNIE I couldn’t! You don’t want to look right at it. It’s too aggressive. LILLIAN Ew. He’s so hot though! LILLIAN Look. ANNIE He called me late and we hung out.. did you let him sleep over IN YOUR MOUTH? .. And it was fun.Annie! ANNIE I’m sorry. It’s like. (MORE) . You’re a total catch and any guy would be psyched to be your man. ANNIE Let us offer. If we don’t offer-LILLIAN You’re supposed to slap it away. you had sex with him. but I can’t cause I have elbows. LILLIAN They do that.
7. only 15. EXT.DAY Annie and Lillian are walking in downtown Milwaukee. ANNIE There’s nothing wrong with my teeth. LILLIAN You’re so beautiful. LILLIAN I don’t want to go to work today! Lillian fishes in her purse for her phone and checks it. MILWAUKEE STREET . Lillian has food on her teeth too. Ya know what Teri? I don’t want to pick up your monkey lamps. and we’re just having fun. . He told me we are what we are. LILLIAN You’re right. Sorry. he’s honest. ANNIE LILLIAN I love you. Oh. Will you marry me? Yes. He’s an asshole! Annie has food covering a tooth. ANNIE You know what. LILLIAN (CONT’D) Let’s see how many times Teri has called me. ANNIE I don’t need dental work. And I like that! LILLIAN He also told you you need dental work. LILLIAN (CONT'D) You should just make room for somebody who is nice to you. ANNIE I love you.
That will go away. I should have gone down Mason. LILLIAN They were good cakes Annie. what do you think honey? ASIAN HUSBAND Whatever you want. You guys love each other huh? Oh that’s sweet. Lillian notices Annie has stopped to stare at a CLOSED DOWN BAKERY across the street. outdated jewelry store in downtown Milwaukee. ANNIE Look at how you guys are making this decision together. . INT. ANNIE Well.8. like the CBGB's of baked goods. Annie stands at a counter talking to an excited ASIAN COUPLE. CHOLODECKI’S JEWELRY STORE . ANNIE LILLIAN Come on. I’m the genius that opened up a bakery during a recession. Some of the letters have been removed. ANNIE Monkey lamps? LILLIAN I cannot wait to never work for a psychopath again. LILLIAN (CONT’D) I’m sorry.DAY A family owned. Look away.” Between the two words is a cool drawing of 1950’s RETRO PINUP style woman with a cake tucked under her arm. look away. I don't know. It's cool and unique. but we can see that it used to say “Cake Baby. ANNIE Do you have any ideas of what style? ASIAN WIFE Oh. Thank you. that’s sweet.
DON No wonder. The couple turn and leave. that’s two years. DON What was that about? ANNIE (searching) Nothing. did you guys want to look at these engagement rings? ASIAN HUSBAND We’re gonna browse. horrified. Annie. Four years. is glaring at her from his desk. Annie tries to make a pleasant face. Especially someone you’re in a relationship with. It is scary. They had to run. It’s scary. a very pretty African-American woman. he might not even be Asian. You’re selling life long happiness. They had to go somewhere. you know? Cause they’re living with ya. You’re not telling everyone your problems and how your boyfriend left you and maybe marriage will work out. you have to represent lifelong happiness. come over here please. ANNIE (CONT’D) You can not trust anybody.9. Show me your “love-iseternal” face. You don’t know who you’re sleeping next to. KAHLUA Sup. Ever. Don-Don? DON You’re so good at nicknames. That’s not eternal. tops. walks over. I mean look at him. Kahlua. DON (CONT’D) No. So. when you’re selling an engagement ring. DON. KAHLUA. (MORE) . ANGLE ON: Annie's boss. You don’t need a nickname because Kahlua is so delicious.
10. Guess what happened to me today? I got a free tattoo. Don turns to Annie. (stepping closer to Annie) The whole reason you got this job was because your mom was my sponsor in AA and I’m doing her a favor.DUSK Annie walks into her crappy two bedroom apartment. watching TV. DON You’ve just got to try harder. Kahlua. get back to work. Don turns to the guard before leaving to a back office. . ANNIE’S APARTMENT . ANNIE (to Oscar) You shouldn’t be behind the counter. DON (CONT'D) Don’t sue me for touching you. sits on the couch. DON (CONT’D) (to Annie) That looks like you have menstrual cramps. Kahlua beams in a sensual. INT. In the background. ANNIE I understand. Show Annie your love-is-eternal face. Thank you so much. Brynn. who is trying to mimic Kahlua’s face. Kahlua smiles and leaves. ridiculous way. DON (CONT’D) Why can’t you be more like Kahlua? ANNIE I’m trying really hard here. DON Oscar. ANNIE Hey. BRYNN. a SECURITY GUARD is lounging against the displays behind the counter. A woman in her 20’s. BRYNN Oh hey roomie.
It’s like a Native American symbol meaning ‘wasted. he opened up the side of his van and said ‘it’s fo’ free!’ And I said. He’s wearing a short- . Brynn stands and lifts her shirt and down to reveal an enormous tattoo of that extends from her stomach around back half is completely infected and discharge leaking out. pulls half of her pants a giant Mexican worm to her lower back. ‘sure. sleeved dress shirt and tie. Brynn. GIL Maybe we’ll get a bit of ice on it.’ ANNIE You said yes? BRYNN Yeah! Look. GIL (uncomfortably nice) Annie! ANNIE Hi! Have you seen your sister’s tattoo? It’s really infected. ANNIE Yeah. BRYNN It’s a Mexican drinking worm. maybe get some frozen peas on there. The guy said.’ GIL enters from the bedroom smiling. it looks awful.11. ‘do you want a tattoo?’ ANNIE Just a random guy? BRYNN Yeah. with disgusting ANNIE Oh god. ANNIE You did what? BRYNN I couldn’t believe it. The scabbed.
. I’m getting the money.12. ANNIE Yes. the check? Yes. Its been a little. GIL Sure.. Annie stares at the smiling Gil. posing with bottles of wine and a stack of magazines. Ok. GIL So. ANNIE (CONT’D) (to Brynn) You’re supposed to keep them in the bag. Annie escapes to her room. Gil turns and sees Brynn. An excited Lillian opens the door to reveal Annie. put the bag on it. Brynn has taken a bag of frozen peas out of the freezer and openly pours them down her back.. Brynn moves to the kitchen to get ice. GIL (CONT’D) Um. ANNIE GIL Because it’s kind of like. going everywhere. CUT TO: INT. Brynn gives her a thumbs up and goes back into the freezer. . You know that tomorrow the rent is due? I was getting my check and I wondered if I could get your check too? ANNIE Yes. They clatter onto the ground. smiles warmly and chuckles.NIGHT DING DONG. LILLIAN’S APARTMENT . He She doesn’t have the check. Behind Gil. needingit-today type sort of situation. It’s coming. just wanted a quick word. can’t hurt.
Come in. LILLIAN Are you OK? . I’m shocked. ANNIE (in shock) Oh my god. Lillian is practically skipping. I just got hot. but I’m happy. ANNIE What? WHAT?! LILLIAN He asked me last night! That’s why he’s been acting so weird. Welcome to the magazine and wine party!! Lillian excitedly takes the wine.13. LILLIAN (CONT’D) Have a seat. ANNIE Hurry up. Your creepy neighbor invited me in to his place to watch the news again. Let me help you with those. because I want to eat an apple. let me in. LILLIAN I know. he would just stay away from me. I guess he’s been planning it for like two months and he’s not a good liar and so if he felt like he was gonna blow it. ANNIE (seeing ring) Lillian. ANNIE Oh my god. Would you like some apple? Lillian splays her hand. I’m very happy you’re here. showing off a sparkling DIAMOND ENGAGEMENT RING. Annie walks in confused by this.. let me take your magazines... Lillian. what is that? LILLIAN I got engaged. LILLIAN Ew. Oh my god..
honey! Yeah. I’m hot. you’re getting married. I don’t know. Lillian hugs her back but it’s a decidedly awkward moment as Annie hugs her way too long and hard. They finally separate. ANNIE Lill. LILLIAN We’ll have so much fun. of course I will. My stomach hurts. LILLIAN So you’ll be my Maid of Honor.14.. You’re going through a tricky time. She smiles. It’s fine and I’m more than happy to do it.. Ah! What is happening?! LILLIAN I cant believe it. Annie hugs Lillian tightly. LILLIAN (goofing) Can you hold that thought? fiancee calling.. yeah.. (they both laugh) Hey. Lillian’s cell phone rings. ANNIE My pits are sweating. ANNIE Stop. We can plan everything together. ANNIE Oh god. ANNIE . LILLIAN Are you sure you’re up for it? I know it’s a lot to ask and put on on your plate. it’s a lot to ask.planning a wedding... Oh my god. like Lillian’s going off to war. ANNIE (into the phone) Yay!! It’s my . It’s not too much.
I know baby. ANNIE Mom. um.DAY Close-up of JUDY. I forgot to tell you. You’re not an alcoholic. let me check. INT. WALKER HOUSE . hold on. I have to go. And the teeth nearly killed me.NIGHT Annie lays in bed looking at a photo of her and Lillian as kids. Painting those giant bangs was a royal pain in my can. she’s excited! Yeah. you should hurry up. you’re not supposed to go to those things. Yeah. ANNIE’S APARTMENT . I forgot. JUDY Oh. LILLIAN I just told Annie. I signed up to speak at AA tonight. JUDY Only cause I’ve never had a drink! But they are inspiring. I miss you too. ANNIE putting the finishing touches JUDY It’s Wynonna Judd.15. ANNIE Mom! I keep telling you. (MORE) . Annie’s mom. (then) Annie. Lillian makes a goofy face at Annie and they both laugh joyously as Lillian runs out of the room. Wow. We’re gonna be late for the engagement party. There is this one amazing story I have to tell you. I’ll be right back. I should have painted her mouth shut. freaking out inside. INT. on a painting of Wynonna Judd. Annie is left laughing too hard by herself.
I go everywhere by myself. Maybe this is your bottom. JUDY Are you sure you don’t want to move in with me? ANNIE Thanks mom but no way. ANNIE It’s supposed to be anonymous. Thanks to that new whore Barb.. But I’m telling you. ANNIE I don’t want to think about that.16. JUDY Oh honey. JUDY Ok. but she’s still a whore. Marvin J. Positive message. ANNIE Mom. No way in hell. ANNIE Well. His name is Marvin Johnson. Cause it’s only up from there. don’t talk to me about being by yourself. JUDY (CONT'D) This gentleman who started blow jobbing to get crack. whatever. come on. hitting bottom is good. JUDY OK. JUDY Oh honey. He turned into a gay prostitute and he realized he hit his bottom. I guess I’m going to Lill’s party all by myself. I’m sure she greets him in the evening beaver first. They’ve been married twelve years. anytime. ANNIE Thanks for the pep talk Mom. .
I’m gonna go. EXT. And Dougie I guess. Live music. Annie. A lively cocktail party’s underway.DAY Annie’s eyes go wide as she walks into the elegant dining room. I can’t believe Dougie’s boss is a member here. Alright.17. FANCY. Annie! LILLIAN ANNIE Oh my gosh Lillian. THE HUNT CLUB . Annie smooths her dress. You don’t need your own place. ANNIE I kind of do. LILLIAN Isn’t that crazy? ANNIE It’s so beautiful. JUDY Think about it. a voluptuous. She hands her keys to the valet. They head over to RITA. Happy upper-class people. C’mon.DAY Annie pulls up a tree-lined driveway of a BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY CLUB. 30’s.CHICAGO SUBURB . . The valet can’t get it started. and me I guess too now. and his parents too. then sees Lillian. let’s go say hi to the rest of the bridal party. Oh gosh. this is your engagement party. self-conscious about her car. it needs a wash. tired housewife. People entering in fancy clothes getting out of luxury cars. ANNIE Sorry. LILLIAN I know. self-conscious. INT. dressed expensively. surprised at how extravagant it all is. ANNIE (CONT’D) You have to punch it a few times. HUNT CLUB .
RITA Three boys. We’re in the trenches together. yeah. Do you get where I’m going with that? ANNIE I do. The one from work. They smell. She stands very close to her BECCA Hi. RITA I cracked it in half. . They’re disgusting. but when they reach that age they’re disgusting. I cracked a blanket in half. husband KEVIN. We’re newlyweds. this is Becca. 30. BECCA. I love saying that. LILLIAN She has three kids now. So cute. LILLIAN (CONT’D) Do you remember my cousin Rita? Rita! ANNIE RITA Annie! I haven’t seen you since you graduated high school. BY THE PATIO BAR LILLIAN Annie. cute and perky.18. they say things that are horrible and there is semen all over everything. they’re sticky. ANNIE Congratulations. ANNIE RITA They are cute. Annie! This is my husband Kevin.
We went on a sweetheart honeymoon. tomboyish. BALD MAN Do you want to go for a walk later? ANNIE I can’t. looking a bit odd in her floral dress. I’m solo. standing behind her. late 40’s. BECCA Thank you. You don’t have a husband. ANNIE I’m not with anybody. BECCA I’m so sorry! Let’s start it again. . sorry. is this your husband? Annie looks confused. BY THE BANDSTAND Annie and Lillian stand with MEGAN. BECCA (CONT’D) So. BECCA I’m so sorry. They do a dumb. I don’t know him. Rewind! KEVIN BECCA I’m Becca. then turns to see a BALD MAN with a neck brace. I’m sorry. He looks like a strict math teacher. ANNIE Where’d you guys go? BECCA AND KEVIN Disneyworld. BECCA We finish each others sentences. Sorry. lovey gesture.19. 30’s. This is my husband. ANNIE No.
I’ll be right back. and said ‘I’m saving you Megan. I'm on the mend. Annie looks and sees a very smart looking African-American MAN in his 60’s who is wearing an ascot and smoking a pipe standing next to her. but into my soul. Oh shit! ANNIE MEGAN Yeah.’ Took a hard..’ Not with his mouth. I’m Megan. Just got pins in my legs. ANNIE No.. hit a lot of railings. my grandma’s not supposed to have wine. wait. ANNIE How’s it going? MEGAN It’s going great. I’m glad he’s single ‘cause I’m gonna climb that like a tree. I’m not gonna say I survived. I fell off a cruise ship. (sees something) Oh.I’m assuming telepathically. Megan. MEGAN (excited) Alright. We had a connection that I don’t even know if I can-(sees something behind Annie) Oh man. I’m not with him. what an asshole I am. I swear to god that dolphin looked not at me. violent fall. I met a dolphin down there. into my goddamn soul Annie. LILLIAN And this is Dougie's sister Megan. Lillian rushes off. . ‘oh shit. but he said it. Kind of pin-balled down.20. I’m gonna say I thrived. broke a lot of shit. Where’s my manners? You must be Annie’s husband. Believe it or not. Megan holds her hand out to shake his.
Lillian re-appears. wearing a much-too-fancy. Which is good. grabs Annie and pulls her away. Annie! Annie It’s . Helen hugs Lillian. Everything about her is perfect. Annie swallows. Mr. the gorgeous HELEN turns and looks right at Annie. She walks toward them. Smiling. HELEN Maid of honor! There she is! so lovely to meet Lillian’s childhood friend! ANNIE You’re so pretty. LILLIAN Helen is married to Dougie’s boss. like a goddess. me too. HELEN Oh. Perry. now I have to introduce you to Helen. In slow motion. Harris. straightens her plastic beads. ANNIE I know. HELEN You’re so cute! Oh. HELEN And they’re so close now they’re literally joined at the hip. because so are we. LILLIAN Okay. She’s BEAUTIFUL. LILLIAN I’m so glad you guys are finally meeting. seems thrown by their intimacy. So great meeting you.21. Helen! C’mere. if you’ll excuse me I’d better go check on the (in perfect French) hors d’oeuvres. this is Annie. you’re so sweet. floor-length GOWN. (looking around) There she is. Lillian hugs her back tightly. LILLIAN (CONT’D) Helen.
cheers! She raises her glass. stunned. Annie . I’m so happy to be a part of this celebration. ANNIE Um. ANNIE It’s a great party. people clap. hi everyone. Annie! ANNIE (laughs) I actually don’t want to go on with a long speech.. LILLIAN Yay. enough of me.NIGHT Lillian’s father. INT.22.LATER . Everyone claps. So much that I think you two should just get married now. (everyone LAUGHS) People always laugh when I say that but I’m not joking. thanks to all of you for coming. ED. So. Save me a shitload of money. Annie looks a bit surprised. Anyway. LILLIAN She’s great isn’t she? ANNIE She’s awesome. who sits down. you’re up. Maid of honor. Helen stands clapping and takes the mic from her. Here’s to Doug and Lillian. finishes a speech. Annie. CLUB . watches after her. I’m Annie Walker. ED . (everyone toasts) All right. Helen gives her a smile motioning Annie to sit.. a vision. some whistles. Helen turns and glides off into the crowd. so I’ll just say this. and I really do look forward to having Doug as part of the family. You two deserve each other as well as a lifetime of happiness. as Annie nervously takes the mic from Ed.
So let me just say. you are my best friend. you’d better not keep my Lill on a leash. She gets emotional again. People applaud and LAUGH. sniffling. and the boys ended up working the whole time? You and I sat by the pool the whole time. Annie's mouth drops. I know you had some other choices. You’re like my sister and I love you. sorry inside joke. raise your glasses to the couple of the decade: DOUG AND LILLIAN! Have a great night. HELEN (CONT’D) Everybody. One of the reasons is because I’ve known you my entire life and you’ve really helped shape who I am. are moved. ‘Dougly’. People. Now. Helen wipes away a tear. I still need my drunken Saturday nights at Rockin’ Sushi! Helen winks. Without thinking. Lillian. remember when the four of us spent that weekend in Miami. ANNIE I just wanted to say really quick that you’re SO special to me. I just want to thank you for carefully selecting me as your Maid of Honor. HELEN Thanks Annie. HELEN (CONT’D) (composing herself) And I’m so proud of you. Lill. Well.23. Everyone “Ahh’s” and claps a little bit LOUDER. You made me realize I can trust people again. dessert wine is out. I told you things I’ve never told anyone before. . (laughs) We got such a tummy ache! I will never forget all that we shared on that trip. including Lillian. drinking wine and eating that peanut brittle. that concludes the speeches for the night. that was so sweet. Annie stands up and takes the mic from Helen.
” (bowing) Kap-hoon-kow. Tienes con vivir en las. Consuelo? People are crying and hugging. Annie looks around the room and sees everyone is in awe. En la escuelas and el azul marcada. ANNIE Speaking of Consuelo. (speaks in Thai) It means. a part that I could never live without. Helen instantly appears again with her mic. I went to Thailand recently with my husband Perry and there was a beautiful saying that I learned there. HELEN (CONT’D) That’s it for tonight. Lillian and I took Spanish together in school. Annie sits down. one last thing.. Helen reappears with her HELEN Thank you. HELEN (CONT’D) Thank you for coming. and gracias. Helen “looks” at Lillian. That’s you Lill. And so I want to say to you and to everyone here.gracias para vivar en la casa. So. And I hope and I pray that I never have to. “You are a part of me. let me say . Thank you all for coming... . I feel I can communicate with you with simply a look. dessert wine is out.24. but Annie’s back.. keeping the mic. Helen has concluded the speeches.forstuatsa. The crowd quiets. Annie pops back up. own WIRELESS MIC. It’s rare to meet an adult you really connect with.. You’re my angel and soulmate.. HELEN I feel so close to you and can trust you.
Made me feel awesome... for sure. Lillian smiles and shrugs. HUNT CLUB . HELEN AND ANNIE “In good times. LILLIAN (sarcastic) Engagement parties rule.. Keep shinin’. Get it all out. ANNIE So what’s up with her anyway? Helen. Helen steps forward with her now louder mic and in a very loud R & B voice sings with Annie. I’ll be on your side for ever mooooore. She stares at Lillian for a long. get it out. right? LILLIAN Come on. right? Annie laughs..gown thing. in bad times. ANNIE The whole. That’s what friends are fooor!!!” EXT. ANNIE (CONT’D) (suddenly singing) “Keep smilin’.NIGHT Annie is waiting for her car with Lillian. What? LILLIAN ANNIE She’s in your wedding and you’ve only know her eight months. like I could go out and catch another dude to marry. . It’s just weird. that’s what friends are for. ANNIE Lillian.25. Knowin’ you can always count on me. awkward beat.
I’ll like her. ANNIE (CONT’D) No. A He’s all . She’s a good one. I know we’ve only known each other for five minutes. ANNIE I’m sure if you like her. LILLIAN You have to get to know her. she’s actually really cool Annie. business and is not having it. Will you just do me a favor and hang out with her once. OFFICER RHODES. Annie drives fast. watches her walk. I’m sorry. You live in Milwaukee? Oh. but she is only drunk with indignation. which I think you really should. LILLIAN You know what.26. 30’s.. policeman.NIGHT ANGRY ROCK MUSIC BLARES. angrily swerving all over the place like a drunk person.NIGHT Annie is walking the line as part of a drunk test. Come on. She hugs her and leaves.. EXT. I’m telling you. LILLIAN I love you Annie. just the two of you? As a favor to me? ANNIE Ok. which turns into more fake Thai impressions as she gets madder and madder. Annie starts doing mocking gibberish like a five year old. ANNIE’S CAR . A POLICE CAR sounds its siren behind her. Just then. ANNIE (mocking) My name is Helen. ROAD . Have you met Lillian? She’s my best friend. no. I will. INT.
(then) Okay. OFFICER RHODES Yes. . OFFICER RHODES So you’re just a terrible driver. I believe you. I promise. Miss. then starts to dance. I’m so stupid. ANNIE I told you I’m not drunk. ANNIE I’m not drunk. He keeps smiling. Not well. You’re supposed to have them. if you please.27. was. Ha ha. (then. Those have been out for like a year. What? ANNIE Why? OFFICER RHODES Funny thing about brake lights. ANNIE Here. License and registration. fake smiling) Do you still have to give me a ticket? He searches for words. could I do this? Hey if I Annie starts to dance on the “line” she’s supposed to be walking. I do. Ugh. Awkward silence. That’s what happens when you break the law. But I’m still going to have to write you a ticket. I promise I’ll get them fixed this week. RHODES I would hope so. She’s cute and he wants to keep her there. ANNIE I knew it. you can stop walking. Look. ANNIE Can I stop walking now? OFFICER RHODES I’ll tell you when to stop walking. See.
that was you. with a wormy face. RHODES Cream puffs. Starts looking in her purse. Delicious. Sorry. RHODES Oh. you’d put something in them like a cream or a custard? ANNIE Cream puffs. Wynnewood Drive. You had your sign. She hands him OFFICER RHODES Oh. where? ANNIE I owned a bakery there for a little bit.28. that’s what you called them. Awkward silence. RHODES You made good cakes. it was your face. her license. RHODES . ANNIE That was me. I live on Ashley. Thanks. We’re practically neighbors. Cake Baby! You’re Cake Baby. ANNIE RHODES You used to make these little pastries. I used to work on that street. ANNIE Oh. I used to get served by a tall broad guy. OFFICER RHODES No kidding. ANNIE My boyfriend.
OFFICER RHODES That’s my name right there. RHODES You know what. thanks. Different guy. Under one condition. RHODES Well I appreciated your cakes. thank you. I really appreciate it. I get it. Thanks..29. Rhodes. Don’t mention the whole Bill Cosby thing to him. He thinks. OFFICER RHODES Let’s forget about this. it drives him nuts. . Rhodes stares at her. ANNIE (reading) Bill. ANNIE Oh. Get those lights fixed tomorrow so you don’t kill anyone. His body shop’s in Milwaukee. so we’re even. ANNIE Ok. OFFICER RHODES (CONT’D) Here. he’ll give you a particularly good deal. I’m glad I never tipped him. But then he left when the business went under. What a dick. if you mention my name that I referred you. He hands her a business card. Cozbi’s? RHODES With a “z”. He takes back the card and writes on it. I mean it. RHODES You’re kidding.. ANNIE No. then rips the ticket up. It’s a buddy of mine. Officer Rhodes. he was my boyfriend.
HELEN I’m so glad we were able to do this.NIGHT Annie is in her small kitchen. Thank you. looks at the cupcake. TENNIS CLUB . INT. She waves and drives off. surrounded by baking supplies. Haha. . ANNIE I played a little in high school. the frosting sculpted into a realistic looking 3D orchid. It’s beautiful. It’s good we’re finally getting a chance to hang out.30. EXT. HELEN I know right? Neither of them means it. She is meticulously putting the finishing touches on the most elaborate cupcake ever. HELEN I didn’t know you played tennis. Annie finishes.DAY Annie and Helen are walking through the tennis club on their way to the courts. Actually. SIGHS sadly and eats it in two bites. chatting before their big game. OFFICER RHODES We’re not all bad. ANNIE That’s really nice of you. but not me. ANNIE’S APARTMENT . It’s a work of art. All the work and mess was for one cupcake. ANNIE He watches her go. the rest of them are. then heads off to bed. thank you. ANNIE I’m glad we’re doing this too. I’m the best of them.
ANNIE But they still stay who they are. do people really change? HELEN I think they do. and ALYSSA. HELEN Not really. HELEN I think we change all the time. Step. It’s funny how people change. ANNIE I think we stay the same. she didn’t like anything too competitive. Annie. RYAN. isn’t it? ANNIE I don’t know. I don’t think so. which we always stay as. 16. 13. but grow a little bit. . HELEN (CONT’D) Oh. HELEN Well she certainly enjoys tennis now. ANNIE She’s not really that into sports. Helen stops them.31. HELEN (CONT’D) It’s too bad Lillian couldn’t play with us. then you’re changing. pretty much. Even when we were little. ALYSSA Step kids. Poor thing is so busy. pass by. ANNIE But we’re changing from who we are. HELEN I think if you’re growing. these are my kids.
my husband’s kids. They both smile warmly at each other. Helen. hitting Helen in the left breast as hard as humanly possible. What are you guys up to? ALYSSA (lots of attitude) We’re going to the snack bar. TENNIS COURT . ANNIE (to her partner) Come on! Get your shit together! . neck. Annie unloads on the ball.32. HELEN Okay. misses a shot. They walk off. who returns it ferociously. HELEN Do you need a ride home later? RYAN Fuck off. HELEN (trying to joke) Aren’t they hilarious? Excuse me. Annie is teamed with CAROL. ANNIE Sweet kids. with insane intensity. Helen is with her partner BARBARA. Annie’s partner. Helen calls after them cheerily.” we see Helen and Annie have an intense showdown. Helen smashes a serve to Annie. WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! Annie and Helen smash the ball into each other’s breast. a rich. Carol. put a quarter in the swear jar! (to Annie) So cute. It is super violent. and “other female parts”. IN A SERIES OF SHOTS as cinematic and violent as the pool scene in Scorsese’s “The Color of Money. Ryan and Alyssa. EXT. chest. also rich but in less great shape. fit woman in her 40’s.DAY Helen and Annie stare intensely at each other across the net.
33. There are three people living here. Put your American sausage in my English McMuffin. ANNIE’S APARTMENT . she has to leave. I have no way of earning money unless I go prostitute down on the street. ALL ANNIE’S POV: She serves hard and runs Helen around the court. knocking her down. what do you say? GIL Well she can’t work. it’s not fair for me to be paying half. So technically I’m only allowed to tour. BRYNN Yeah. here I am. We split it three ways. She’s been here long enough. she’s on a tourist Visa. Brynn needs to start paying rent. ANNIE I’ve been thinking. INT. BRYNN “Hello fellas. GIL Is this about the diary again? . Helen’s step kids are watching and laugh.DAY Annie. Gil. If she doesn’t start paying. Annie accidentally serves very hard directly into Carol’s back.” ANNIE I don’t even know what you’re talking about anymore. The three of us live here. and Brynn sit on the couch. ANNIE I don’t want you to do that. RYAN I’ve seen better tennis playing in a tampon commercial. That’s it.
. but the food is really good. Lillian looks shocked.DAY Annie and the bridesmaids stand in a parking lot of a standalone Brazilian steak-house in a not-great part of town.34. We’re not quite sure if she thinks so.. BECCA Wow. hello. and wear my clothes. hand-written book. I thought it was a very sad. CHURRA-CHI BRAZILIAN RESTAURANT . no.” EXT. HELEN Look. Authentic Brazilian. you can get your checks cashed next door. GIL Well. ANNIE No. I’ve never been to this part of town. This is where Brazilian’s come to eat. ANNIE You read my journal?? BRYNN At first I did not know that it was your diary. Don’t go in my room. . ANNIE I know it looks a little scary from the outside. read my diary. Don’t read my journal. But then because of the personal details and the bits that mentioned Gil and Brynn. ANNIE What diary? BRYNN Your diary proved very interesting to read. I think before you make those sort of demands you need to think about putting a note on your door that says “Don’t come into my room. no.
So happy to get to know you guys and happy to say I have four new friends. WAITER Senoritas bonitas. Helen wrinkles her nose and flags the waiter..DAY The girls walk into the Brazilian-themed restaurant... LILLIAN To my bridesmaids. Helen picks away at her salad. LILLIAN This is crazy good. Just then. which looks more like a rundown English steakhouse. so that’s good. LILLIAN Annie’s really good at this. I hope you’re all hungry for Churrasco Brazil. each holding a sword with huge hunks of meat on it. . Several OUT OF SHAPE WAITERS walk around. She always drags me to the weirdest places and the food is always incredible. ANNIE I just want to toast all of you ladies. Only a few customers are there. The girls all laugh and click glasses. INT. The girls all look excited and start pointing at different meats as the waiters start to carve large hunks onto their plates. Everyone’s having a great time. Annie grabs Lillian and pulls her toward the restaurant as the other girls follow. CHURRA-CHI BRAZILIAN RESTAURANT . ANNIE Plus.. you get a lot for your money too.35. aren’t you eating any meat? The girls are scarfing down tons of food. five waiters all holding HUGE SWORDS with different types of MEAT skewered on them surround the table. BECCA Helen.this is such a stone cold pack of weirdos and I’m so proud. As Helen stares at the place like she just smelt dog shit.
And to have kids. I say ‘no we aren’t ordering pizza tonight. BECCA I can’t wait to be married for as long as you’ve been married.’ He’s nine. ‘Mom. To be a mom. I was thinking it could have a French theme.’ He says. nope. MEGAN It’s a gift. Becca. since Lillian’s always wanted to go to Paris her whole life. while Lillian’s in the bathroom. . So I figured we could bring Paris here. Becca leans over to Rita. HELEN It’s not good to eat a big meal before a fitting. they’d say “Lillian and Dougie” on them. why don't you go fuck yourself. RITA Oh. The other night I’m slaving away to make a beautiful dinner for my family. ANNIE Okay.A LITTLE LATER The girls continue to eat. MEGAN I love that. Lillian’s seat is empty.36. LILLIAN You’re lucky. Physically. let’s talk about the shower. MEGAN Not me. we can dip them in chocolate fondue. CHURRA-CHI BRAZILIAN RESTAURANT . My youngest boy comes in and says he wants to order pizza. I’ll feel a bit bloated. Get cheese from the nice part of the store. INT. I don’t bloat. Have champagne and little cookies.
I don’t know. I love him. Annie. That poor girl Lillian who we’re all here for is probably in the bathroom balling her eyes out because she’s realizing ‘holy shit. What about the bachelorette party? I got a tube top I’ve been waiting to cut the tags off of and I really want to take advantage of this opportunity. BECCA What about a Pixar themed shower? We all come dressed as our favorite Pixar character. the whole thing. but he’s a fucking asshole. See if anyone else has a theme they had in mind. HELEN Mmm. MEGAN I’ll just snowball on top of that.. can I be honest? I’m stuck with three teenage boys all day every day. We better blow this shit out.’ He’s my brother. ANNIE We can have French invitations. Lillian doesn’t know. Don’t you think that would be nice? The women like that idea. done that”.. BECCA Good idea Annie. You know? I just think we can top it. She’s not gonna forget that. We should throw some ideas around. That’s sweet.37. Also. We grease up. I don’t know. right? . we pull in. so it’s ‘Surprise! Were gonna fight. I think we can all agree on that. Fightclub.’ We beat the shit out her. but a Paris theme feels a bit . RITA Look. Female fightclub. MEGAN I’m gonna second her. I’ve got to spend the rest of my life with Doug. “been there.
She notices a buzzer and presses it. It’ll be great. VOICE FROM INSIDE Belle En Blanc. Reservation name? ANNIE Oh. I don’t have one.CONTINUOUS They are led into a PRISTINE.DAY The bridesmaids walk up to an imposing building. BECCA Belle En Blanc! This is the best place. INT. I’ll think of stuff. She grabs the door which says “OPEN” but it’s locked. HELEN We just have to make sure it’s really. Annie. ANNIE We’ll figure it out. Helen leans into the intercom. Absolutely no walk-ins. WHITNEY Helen Harris?! Hiiii! Hiiii! HELEN Hiiii! WHITNEY WHITNEY (CONT’D) Oh my god. ‘BELLE EN BLANC’ BRIDAL SHOP .38. I’ll buzz you right in. a glamorous woman. EXT. . VOICE FROM INSIDE The next available appointment for bridesmaids fittings is in seven weeks. Annie looks proud. ALL-WHITE WONDERLAND of dresses and bridal bliss by WHITNEY. ‘BELLE EN BLANC’ BRIDAL SHOP . Great work. HELEN Whitney. really special. We’re just here to shop. it’s Helen. try on some dresses.
HELEN Oh. She heads over to it. The tag says $250. WHITNEY Welcome to Belle En Blanc ladies. I just don’t think we can do any better. cheaper dress. Whitney just gives Megan a tense smile and exits. ANNIE (only to Helen) Whoa. ANNIE Lillian. The girls all gather around it and “OOO” and “AAH”. MEGAN This is some classy shit in here-A burp escapes Megan’s mouth! RITA Jesus Christ. My. It’s a Fritz Bernaise. back to you. Helen GASPS and walks over to a beautiful ball gown. What about this one? It’s really pretty and sweet. We don’t want to upstage Lillian with a fancy dress. Ladies. this dress is $800.. I’m sorry. I’m not even confident on which end that came out of. MEGAN I want to apologize. Lillian. HELEN You’re kidding. She checks the tag. If you need anything I’ll be in my office. WHITNEY Anyway. Gosh. It looks very expensive. (MORE) . ANNIE Oh my god . This is beautiful. take a look around and get to know the dresses. It’s on sale! Annie’s eyes quickly scan the room and see a simpler. welcome to heaven.. Whitney. Megan.39.
guess who Helen is friends and who is designing my wedding dress? Lady St. INT. A drip of sweat comes down her forehead. ANNIE (CONT'D) Maybe we should get something kind of simple? LILLIAN Don’t worry about that. They look great.LATER The girls are in different dresses. And it’s a great price. you can. Petsois JuJu. you can move in it. you all look beautiful. I think this dress would look great on everybody. Sadly. who smiles at her.40. But personally. it’s fun. Because. the Fritz Bernaise..spread your legs apart. WHITNEY Well you all look fantastic. It’s a great color. MEGAN (sweating. Try some things on and have some fun. it’s one of a kind. it’s a great length. start your engines. although Megan’s face is beet red. She looks at Helen. you need to agree on one. I just sent my measurements to France! The girls all chatter excitedly about this as Annie looks stung. Let’s let our bodies decide. I don’t think there’s a question. Ladies. BELLE EN BLANC .. Embarrassed. The ladies all head off excitedly to different dresses as Annie looks concerned. I might have one.MAIN FITTING AREA . you can twirl. let’s not decide on this bridesmaids dress straight away. HELEN Ladies. Lillian is not there. red) Is anybody else hot? . she wipes it away and grabs a dress. ANNIE There might be a question. HELEN Ladies.
She looks crazy gorgeous. She claps her hand over her mouth to stop from throwing up. Looks nauseous. WHITNEY Maybe this will help you decide. Is there a bathroom? . a mark between her boobs. Becca politely cups her hand over her mouth to stifle herself from getting sick. The girls GASP. ANNIE Lill. Suddenly. RITA (fanning herself) Holy shit. through her hands) I’m so sorry. RITA It’s like an oven in here. No. You got food poisoning from that restaurant. HELEN Oh my god. ANNIE (sweating) No. Annie is really sweaty now. are you okay? MEGAN I think my dress is too tight. I don’t know what to say. After a beat. Lillian? Lillian walks out in a very ornate COUTURE wedding dress. BECCA (muffled. MEGAN That dress is so beautiful it makes my stomach hurt. You are-Megan lurches forward as the contents of her stomach come up into her mouth.41. She had the same thing I had and I feel fine. you look amazing. ANNIE (CONT’D) Megan. she swallows and pushes it back down. I happened to have a two year old Lady JuJu dress in storage in the back and figured it might help you see what you’ll be standing next to.
and SITS in the SINK. No. WHITNEY Not the bathroom! Everybody go outside! Seriously! Whitney and Lillian chase after them as Annie stands her ground with Helen. MEGAN I need the toilet! toilet! I need the Rita ignores her as her head is in it and she grips the sides. no!!! . RITA I don’t care what dress we get.42. facing off. She projectile vomits into the toilet. BATHROOM . Annie unwilling to admit she’s sick. Shit! RITA Rita slams the top open and heaves again into the bowl as Megan runs in holding her backside. I just need to get off this white carpet. hops up onto the counter. Becca still holding her hands against her face. followed by Becca and Megan. Everything sprays onto the back wall.. In desperation. ANNIE I think everyone has the flu.but the seat is down. Calm and quiet. Megan! RITA Megan. Rita bolts down a hallway. BLAM! The door bursts open as Rita runs in. There are faint (and loud) stomach CHURNING sounds. Megan hikes up her dress. Classical music plays softly.. They all stand in horrified silence. Rita looks back at Megan. Rita grabs her stomach and hunches over a bit.CONTINUOUS The single toilet bathroom is as PRISTINE and WHITE as the fitting area. barfing. INT. We hear a noise. Everything is just right.
43. BECCA I’m so sorry. Annie is soaked and woozy.CONTINUOUS The stand-off continues. I feel fine.MAIN FITTING AREA . BATHROOM .MAIN FITTING AREA . . ANNIE I don’t have to throw up. I wish I had a snack. ANNIE I feel fine.CONTINUOUS Helen and Annie are faced off. RITA Get away from me! INT.CONTINUOUS Becca runs in blindly over the toilet that Rita is still barfing in. BELLE EN BLANC . HELEN You’re not sick. I’m feeling hungry. ANNIE No. INT. MEGAN Look away! Look away! INT. In fact. BELLE EN BLANC . Was it that? ANNIE No. HELEN You don’t look very well Annie. Annie is sweating profusely. Vomit rains down on the back of Rita’s head. HELEN I think you’d just feel better if you threw up. HELEN Are you sure? It wasn’t that grey kind of lamb? You ate a lot of that weird chicken.
CONTINUOUS Helen picks up a bowl off a table next to her. chewing them slowly. Better? HELEN ANNIE I was just hungry. These are great. thank you. everyone’s really sick from that restaurant.CONTINUOUS MEGAN What did we eat??! This sink’s a goner. LILLIAN Annie.44. GURGLES loudly. BATHROOM . She forces it and swallows the almonds down with a slow gulp. INT. A sweaty Lillian runs up to Annie. HELEN You’re hungry? ANNIE I’m starving. BELLE EN BLANC . She grabs her stomach as it ANNIE It wasn’t the restaurant. BECCA (noticing her on the sink) What are you doing? MEGAN It’s comin’ out of me like lava! Don’t fucking look at me!! INT.MAIN FITTING AREA . Lillian gets a look on her face. who is still faced off with Helen. Annie takes a handful and painfully puts them in her mouth. . ANNIE Jordan almonds.
HELEN (re: the expensive dress) We’ll just take five of the Fritz Bernaise Whitney. thank you. I.it happened. In the doorway. BELLE EN BLANC . Cars SCREECH to a halt to avoid the fleeing bride. it’s happening. LILLIAN (CONT’D) Oh. ANNIE’S CAR . Helen walks up behind Whitney. INT.. embarrassed and unable to move. She throws a helpless look back at Annie. it’s happening. Whitney and Annie watch it all in horror. Am. I need a bathroom. don’t you dare ruin that dress! ANNIE Oh.DAY A green looking Annie drives a green looking Lillian. After a beat. Lillian! careful! ANNIE What are you doing? Be LILLIAN It’s happening. Annie runs out and watches in horror. WHITNEY Oh no. In trouble. where are you going? EXT. LILLIAN Oh no..CONTINUOUS Lillian bursts out of the building and runs across the street toward a 7-11. ANNIE Lillian. Suddenly Lillian stops running and slowly sinks down onto the ground. Annie runs after her. .45. She turns and bolts away. you’re really doing it aren’t ya? You’re shittin’ in the street. who is back in her regular clothes.
LILLIAN I shit in my shorts. TED’S BEDROOM . Right? ANNIE Yeah. We can get dressed up. TED I’m just thinking of you. post-coital. ANNIE You okay? LILLIAN I just took a shit in the middle of the street. It will be fun right? TED (chuckling warmly) I don’t want to put you in a position of having to explain to everyone who I am and what our relationship is. INT. I just shit. TED Really? Who? Who are you gonna bring? Annie struggles to think of a name. Still panting. ANNIE Oh my gosh. just a fun time. ANNIE That’s okay. go dancing. drink. TED That was fun.NIGHT Annie and Ted lay in bed. ANNIE People do that.46. You know what I was thinking? You should come with me to Lillian’s wedding maybe. I shit myself. Nothing serious. . I guess so. (lying) I have someone else to bring anyways. You know? That would suck for you.
OFFICER RHODES You want me to arrest anybody? I could do that.) Annie Walker. Ok? TED Who is this George? ANNIE He is a very hot. ANNIE Actually.. Just had a bad night. INT. .” She finally picks “Calm.. Idea! ANNIE (CONT’D) George Glass. Probably? 41 ANNIE TED You know what. MINI MART . I’m gonna miss you so much.” “Focus. Ted grabs a glass of water from the night-stand and takes a sip.NIGHT Annie is looking at the herbal drinks. hey. nice guy who likes me a lot and would probably love to be my date. You should probably go.S. it’s getting really late.” “Sex OFFICER RHODES (O. Boy stuff. ANNIE (lying) This guy George. TED Really? Well let me ask you this. can George Glass do this to you? Ted intensely cups her breast and just rubs it in a circle. Appeal.47. What brings you here so early? ANNIE Oh.” 41 “Calm.
ANNIE That doesn’t sound very inviting. I’ll share. right? RHODES I’m sure it will get better. OFFICER RHODES Do you want to talk to a cop about it? We’re just like priests. RHODES That sounds rough. I won’t though. RHODES It grew back. I’ll have a carrot. But it was pretty gross. MINI MART . ANNIE It’s gonna get better. EXT. (MORE) . holding a bag of carrots. sharing a bag of carrots. considering. I’ve got plenty. He approaches her.NIGHT Annie and Rhodes sit on the hood of his cop car in front of the mini mart. I’d want everyone to be stress free. her hair started falling out. ANNIE Sure.48. I’d like it to be like a carnival. OFFICER RHODES You want a carrot? Annie stares at him. ANNIE That’s terrible. My sister was the maid of honor at our cousin’s wedding and she found it so stressful. except we can tell everybody about it afterwords. If I ever had a wedding. Planning a wedding should be fun. Right now? ANNIE OFFICER RHODES Yea.
it’s good luck. no! She grabs it out of his hands. ANNIE Don’t eat it! EW!!! . RHODES You know. You missed it. ANNIE I’m done with all that. ANNIE I’m not eating this. RHODES Yeah. dunk tanks. He goes to eat it. RHODES Oh. RHODES (CONT'D) People win prizes for guessing the brides weight. I’ll eat it.. instead of spending your money and time on all this wedding business.. Rhodes studies Annie a beat. ANNIE (smiles) Sorry. What? RHODES ANNIE I don’t do it anymore. you should really be figuring out how to open your next bakery.49. No. It’s a small dried-out carrot. RHODES What you’re talking about there is a circus wedding. That is a totally different thing. ANNIE You could have elephants. You have to eat it. the bride and groom could walk on a tight rope. There’s one in every bag.. She takes another carrot. you got the ugly carrot. this one’s weird.. ANNIE (CONT’D) Ew.
and handsome.. Sun is nearly up. RHODES (CONT’D) You didn’t let me flex that time. let’s see. EXT.50. She throws it on the ground. . But they made a special dispensation because I’m so tough and strong. Annie feels his bicep. a bit intrigued. ANNIE Right. RHODES You think you could be a cop? Yeah. I’ll fine you. let’s see if you’ve got what it takes. You’re a tough cop. Haha (then) Seriously. RHODES Hey hey. I could be a cop.MORNING Annie is standing in front of Rhodes’ cop car on the side of the road. ANNIE RHODES Okay. RHODES You’re saying that but you’re laughing. He picks it up.. RHODES You can’t. that really bothers me. ANNIE I didn’t know you could be a cop here if you weren’t a citizen. I’m really tough. don’t litter. ROAD . Rhodes sits on the hood and continues to eat his food. that was unfair. aiming it. ANNIE So am I. holding up the speed gun. Annie watches him.
they’re probably going to work. You’re missing some good ones here. ANNIE Fifty-eight. what you want to do is aim it right at the license plate. That gives you the most accurate reading. forty-eight. I’m pretty impressed. ANNIE Okay. Forty-eight. RHODES I’m pretty impressive. look at you. we’ll let them go. . ANNIE Sixty-three. Rhodes looks at it. What’s the speed limit here? RHODES Fifty-five. It was forty-eight? ANNIE Yeah. RHODES (CONT’D) Watch this. A car zooms by. RHODES That’s right. Arms straight. Now. RHODES You were born to do this. ANNIE Forty-eight! How’d you do that? RHODES It wasn’t! That has never happened before.51. The car zooms past. RHODES Ah. Another car zooms by. Plant your feet. Why ruin their day? Another car is approaching.
” “campfires. HELEN A bachelorette party at a cabin? Annie’s call waiting BEEPS again. and is very pleased. He smiles.lake ANNIE (polite but firm) It’s Lillian’s parents’ house. we used to go there all the time in the summers. Let’s go get the fucker. Hello? ANNIE They jump in the car and drive off. looking at her laptop. INTERCUT BETWEEN CALLS. A car roars by. hot shot.” “Beer and s’mores. delighted. Annie whoops. INT. Annie picks it up. then goes back to pointing a fun as Rhodes watches her. ANNIE Oh.. (she clicks over) Hello? Rita in her “new money” kitchen.. house? Um. The phone immediately rings. ANNIE’S BEDROOM A fired-up Annie goes to the computer and starts typing feverishly We see words she types: “Bachelorette party!. .52. She presses send.” etc. just a sec. She deflates. HELEN I just got your e-mail. Helen sits in her BEAUTIFUL home. Annie gives him an impressed look. Helen. straight out of the Soprano’s. that one was ninety-three! Can we go? RHODES Okay. ANNIE Oh. Her three boys are fighting and playing.” “LILLIAN’S LAKE HOUSE.
ANNIE But we’d have to fly there. Annie glances down at her $350 PAYCHECK. Helen just called.” BECCA Annie. It is a TECHNICAL HAVEN that looks like NASA. I know you’re afraid of flying but I want to see Criss Angel! But I’m scared. That’s why I’m thinking Vegas. my other line is ringing. in her shabby-chic home office. it’s Rita. Annie’s call waiting BEEPS again. RITA Annie. BECCA Annie. . I’m so excited. she said we could go to Vegas. (to boys) Shut your filthy mouths! (to Annie) I’m sorry. paints a front porch sign that says “The Whitman’s. Annie’s call waiting BEEPS again.53. I need a trip that I can fantasize about forever so that I’m able to have sex with my husband. Bye! ANNIE Becca. ANNIE You know I should probably run. I’m surrounded by savages. which I sort of love. RITA I can get cocaine from my hair dresser. Vegas? ANNIE Really? RITA Hang on. Megan is in front of a wall of computer and television screens. She clicks over.
DAY The women are dressed to the NINES.54. Annie forces a smile at her. Just had some thoughts about the bachelorette party. Here we go. COACH SECTION . didn’t she. Annie tails the group. HELEN I tried to buy her a first class ticket but she wouldn’t let me. She’s too proud. LILLIAN I feel so bad that Annie’s stuck back in coach. INT. This is not going to be a fun flight. Lillian sits next to Helen. MEGAN Annie.JETWAY . it’s Megan. MEGAN Yeah. HELEN Honestly. looking very afraid. She takes a breath and gets on board.DAY The bridesmaids settle in.DAY Annie settles into her seat next to a PREGNANT WOMAN who’s reading. heading to the plane. easy-peasy. . ANNIE Helen called you. The woman gives her a dismissive smile. Vegas it is. INT. FIRST CLASS . BECCA I love puppets! Balls! RITA ANNIE I guess were undecided? INT . I think it’s Vegas. excited. she got the jump on you. RITA I want balls in my face.
INT. who doesn’t notice. I’m really hoping this flight is quick and we get there on the ground safely.. but I want you to know I appreciate your service to this country and I respect the hell out of you. I’ve got the first watch. She raises her eyebrows at Jon. I’ll take the first watch. You don’t need to take a watch.. Annie grips the armrest. What? MAN She MEGAN Listen. The pregnant woman is even more freaked out than Annie. Megan sits next to an middle-aged man. I’m gonna take a nap. COACH SECTION . I’m not an Air Marshal. I don't want to infringe on your privacy.55. trying to maintain her composure but SHEER TERROR takes over. (leaning in) .. JON Huh? No. I’m not a good flier.. Air Marshal style. She mimes a key locking her lips shut. .. I get it. LILLIAN That was really nice of you.MOMENTS LATER The plane is taking off. JON I’m not an Air Marshal. ANNIE Woooooooo . MEGAN No carry on? I noticed you didn’t put anything in the overhead bin. MEGAN Awesome... I’m sorry. JON. Oh god. looks down at his feet. Behind them. MEGAN Ok. Protect and serve .
ANNIE Thank you. Take two. It was terrible. LILLIAN Annie. FEMALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT (yelling from jump seat) Ma’am. PREGNANT WOMAN (CONT’D) Oh god. Annie is officially terrified. Helen. Annie comes through the curtain and approaches. I have something. It jolts a bit. it sounds like something’s happening. INT.” FEMALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT Ma’am. The plane is ascending now. everyone strapped in. Yeah. Annie looks at Lillian who shrugs like “What the hell. Annie goes back to coach. do it.MOMENTS LATER The plane is still ascending. When you wake up and we’ll be there. . we are still ascending! Please return to your seat. PREGNANT WOMAN I had a dream last night that we went down. struggling to walk uphill as the plane ascends. I was just -HELEN Annie. FIRST CLASS . you’re going to have to return to your seat please. what are you doing? You’re supposed to be in your seat. Annie looks at the pill in Helen’s palm. ANNIE Okay. ANNIE I know but I’m freaking out. The plane hits a bump of turbulence. Considers. you’ll fall asleep.56. You were in it.
57. hip. In front of them. RITA You’ve never been with anyone else?! BECCA Nope. I don’t stick a gun up my butt. She’ll be fine. Megan is flirting with Jon. I just can’t help but feel bad for you. lower back? You don’t. I should be sitting back there with her. MEGAN I gotta know where you keep the gun man. I promise you. JON That can’t be true. HELEN Lill.A LITTLE LATER Rita has a cocktail. LILLIAN God I feel terrible. how are you gonna get it? . FIRST CLASS . You are treating yourself.. INT. Just Kevin. I feel like such a jerk. MEGAN I didn’t say “up”. this is your weekend. Becca looks perplexed. People don’t keep guns up their asses because if you needed to use it. Ankle. That’s stupid. relax.. She will make friends.all I know is that he had tape marks all up and down his cheeks. RITA I’m sorry Becca...between the cheeks? JON No. There’s much more of a sense of community in coach. I just know of a guy that did a lot of undercover work. You don’t even know what you want. I shouldn’t be in first class.
I’m not tired. She signals the flight attendant. In the dark. (holding up her ipod) And you’ll never find this again. Rita and Becca are talking. Sometimes by the time we’re finished cleaning ourselves he’s too tired. I will cut a hole in my pocket. Under the covers. BECCA (thrown) Kevin can only have sex in the bed. Until I want you to find it. MEGAN He cut a hole in his back pocket. Separately. .. After we shower.. but I’m not tired. I will show you. Becca’s eye are wide. If you get me scissors. RITA Two double Seven and Sevens. Rita gives her a look like “WHAT?” RITA See that’s why every girl needs those slutty college years to experiment and get it out of their system. find out what you like. BECCA Excuse me. Behind them.58. You’ve gotta get something out of your ass and you cut a hole in the back of your jeans. you want to tell me you can’t get to something? JON I don’t have a gun for you to put up my ass to make your point. could I have a glass of alcohol when you get a chance. (to Becca) You’ll like it. it’s sweet. MEGAN I can put my Nano. Then I pretend I’m tired.
DAY Becca and Rita are drinking. take my Scotch. I do it all the time. I have too much adrenaline or something. I think what you gave me didn’t do anything. that will do it. Helen comes back. Sucked right in. Thanks. PREGNANT WOMAN You should just toss it back. INT. This’ll just give that pill the kick it needs. And I have a much smaller build than you. This is not helping Annie.59.CONTINUOUS Annie is FIDGETING. COACH CLASS . and she got sucked into the toilet. HELEN Here. but I heard about a woman who went to the bathroom on a plane. INT. HELEN Are you okay? ANNIE Yes. Helen hands a cocktail to Annie. Don’t waste anymore time. PREGNANT WOMAN I have to go to the bathroom. ANNIE Okay. FIRST CLASS . The pregnant lady is freaked. ANNIE Helen gives her a wink and heads up back to first class. Annie downs the glass. BECCA So you don’t even have sex anymore? .
ANNIE What are you guys talking about up here? . BECCA What are you doing when you’re having sex then? RITA Thinking about other things and wishing it would stop. I’m ready to paaaaarrrtttyyyy. (starts singing) . And I’m gonna go down to the river! LILLIAN Wow. The sex is constant. LILLIAN I'm so excited! Annie pops up next to them.. I have sex constantly.. ANNIE I’m goooood. rubs Lillian’s head.. RITA Oh no. The people from the Real World go there all the time.with the best of them. LILLIAN (CONT’D) Hey buddy.60. it looks like someone is really relaxing now. I just feel like I’m excited. But he hasn’t kissed me in five years. Thank you Helen. I’m so much more relaxed now. HELEN And then we’re going to the MGM Grand Wet Republic Ultra Pool. then leans on the back of Lillian's chair. how ya doin? Annie gives her a big druggy smile. The curtain sweeps open and a drugged Annie comes sauntering in.. I’m relaxed. Sometimes I just want to watch The Daily Show without him entering me. Helen and Lillian are drinking champagne.
I know the owner. I’m with this group. LILLIAN I think that’s a good idea. ANNIE Catch you on the flip side muthafuckas! LILLIAN I’m sorry.. can she just stay up here for a while? The sign's off. let’s go take a nap. I’m sorry. HELEN We’re going to a restaurant tonight. A MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT appears. Woo woo. . she’s -ANNIE I’m leaving. LILLIAN Yeah. ANNIE Hello grandpa. Helen knows the owner. Welcome to Germany. Annie sweeps open the curtain and steps into coach. Okay. Sorry. ANNIE Gosh. LILLIAN Hey Annie. I'm gonna go take a nap. MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT No. Helen. MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT Miss. Coach passengers aren’t allowed up here in first class.61. It’s policy. you cannot be up here.. I just want to be up here with my friends. this plane is very strict. ANNIE (mocking) You do? Oooh. What do you say? STEVE. Big whoop.
You’re in the wrong decade. I’m Mrs.62. it’s you. FIRST CLASS . This is the 90’s. ANNIE MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT Okay right. ANNIE I’m with him.MOMENTS LATER Annie comes back into first class wearing SUNGLASSES and sits down next to a man who looks like Enrique Iglesias. Iglesias. You were just up here and you put sunglasses on. You are. what did you give her? She looks at Helen. . Out. who shrugs like “I don’t know what’s wrong with her. Lillian and Helen get up from their seats. MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT Right. ANNIE I don’t want to.” INT. MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT Yes. MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT ANNIE No. it’s not. I am. LILLIAN Holy shit. it’s civil rights. ANNIE (CONT’D) This should be open. MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT No you’re not. it’s not me. Please go back to your seat. Miss.
MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT Well. We’ll calm her down.. Everyone should experience first class in their lives and I don't want Annie to miss out just because she couldn't afford a ticket. Whatever you say. ma’am. MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT You especially. ANNIE Stove. you’ve gotta try. I’m the bride. FEMALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT I’m afraid it’s not allowed. MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT That’s not a name. HELEN She can have my seat. LILLIAN (to flight attendant) Please. but Claire is right -ANNIE Everyone get back to your seats. You have three seconds to get back to your seat. I’m getting married. MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT I understand. ANNIE You’re setting me up for a loss already. . ANNIE You can’t get anywhere in three seconds. what kind of name is that. MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT It’s Steve. (reading his name tag) Stove. My name is Steve. The seat is empty.63.. I’m poor. She’s obviously nervous. ANNIE Help me. We’re a whole wedding party.
You get it? JON I definitely get it.64. That can go up and higher. JON I should get back to my seat. what’s that? Somebody found a souvenir. JON I’ve got to get back to my seat.. on my seat. you’ve got to get back . I’ve got to go. two inches from the door. I’m a man and my name is Steve. ANNIE You’re a flight attendant. MEGAN Uh oh.. Megan is right there. MEGAN Yeah. MEGAN Hey. MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT That’s absolutely accurate. coach. Could you move your leg please. Annie leaps back into . Talks quietly to him. blocking the door. “not-Air-Marshal Jon”. Jon tries to move Megan’s leg out of the way. AT THE FRONT OF THE PLANE Jon walks out of the bathroom. Megan swings her leg up. ANNIE Are you an appliance? MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT No. The flight attendant glares at her. MEGAN You feel that steam heat coming? That’s from my undercarriage. Maybe we should go back into the restroom and not rest.
As Jon escapes. Cool.DAY Annie is seated. FIRST CLASS . INT. LILLIAN . INT. BECCA How do you think I feel? RITA You can still turn it around. She looks past the pregnant woman and out the window. It seems we’ve found rough patch of weather here-ANNIE (O. Megan lets him pass and opens the bathroom door. Oh.S.As you can see. get us a blanket.CONTINUOUS The flight attendant gets on the microphone. Her eyes go WIDE. BECCA Stop it! You’re more beautiful than Cinderella. FEMALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT Ladies and gentlemen. The plane shakes a little. Lillian recognizes Annie's voice. shit.. he walks past a drunk Rita and Becca.. COACH SECTION . the captain has turned on the fasten-your-seat belt sign. I’ve gotta take a whiz and then I’ll be right back. RITA I don’t want you to be a big fuck up like me.) (over intercom) I have an announcement too. There is a colonial woman on the wing. MEGAN (CONT’D) Jon.65. You smell like pine needles and you have a face like like sunshine.
FAKES the Air Marshal out and climbs over people to get to the other aisle and heads for first class. . RUNS up the aisle. She is churning butter. EVERYONE REMAIN CALM! I’M AN AIR MARSHAL. Megan APPEARS from the galley and tackles her. who reaches for her. The unhappy bridesmaids follow. PEOPLE.DAY Annie and Lillian are being escorted off the plane in handcuffs by the police and Air Marshal Jon. I saw her.66. Megan jumps up. Annie runs past Rita and Becca who are now MAKING OUT. Lillian jumps up and runs back to help Annie. There’s something they’re not telling us! She is out there right now! PREGNANT WOMAN LET’S GET OUT! LET’S OPEN THE DOORS AND GET OUT. There is a woman on the wing. Jon jumps up MEGAN Yes! I knew it!! Holy shit. all three flight attendants are battling with Annie. Annie DUCKS away. JON ALL RIGHT. WYOMING TERMINAL . PREGNANT WOMAN (CONT’D) Where is this woman? Who is she?! What does she want?! Passengers get HYSTERICAL. who is still trying to yell into the mic. and draws his gun and a taser. CUT TO: INT. I knew it! I got your back. Jon! In the back of plane. ANNIE There is a colonial woman on the wing. towards the bathroom. passing the pregnant woman. He runs to the back of the plane. SAY GOODBYE! WE’RE GOING DOWN! Lillian and the flight attendant grapple.
ANNIE Let me make it up to you please. Annie looks crushed. I get it. I have so many ideas. your shower is going to be amazing. I’m telling you. LILLIAN No. BUS . you’re not fine Annie. LILLIAN I wanted to talk to you about something. She’s good at it and she likes doing it.. ANNIE Lill.67. for everything. . This way you don’t have to plan any more lunches or trips. LILLIAN I think that will make me happy. We need things to just flow smoothly from now on and Helen knows how to do this kind of stuff.. Annie sits next to Lillian. I’m fine.DAY The bridesmaids are BUMMED. ANNIE Whatever you want. That’s probably best. This has been very overwhelming for you. For the shower. She does it all the time. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. LILLIAN I think so. ANNIE LILLIAN I think that it would be best for here on out. INT. It’s starting to make you crazy. right? ANNIE I just want you to be happy.
NIGHT Annie drives home depressed. Do you want to hang out? INT.. . ANNIE Hi. ANNIE I wish things were they way they used to be. ANNIE I’ve been hearing that for a long time. INT. RHODES It’s gonna turn around. I feel like her life is going off and getting perfect and mine is just. ANNIE’S CAR . I just know it. Annie pulls up next to him.. Have you ever been kicked off a plane? RHODES I can’t say I have. ANNIE All of the girls hate me right now.NIGHT Rhodes and Annie are talking in the middle of a crowded bar. BAR ..68. RHODES So you’re like the maid of dishonor. RHODES She’ll be alright. she sees Rhodes’ car sitting on the side of the road in his usual spot. Up ahead. You gotta bake.. ANNIE It’s not funny. ANNIE I hope Lillian won’t be mad at me too long. RHODES It will turn around.
ANNIE You don’t know me very well. ANNIE I don’t really do that anymore. RHODES Just because you didn’t make any money doesn’t mean you failed at it. let’s change the subject. ANNIE Oh well. (beat) You’re ok. you know. If I wasn’t a cop. All my money. Thanks. RHODES I just don’t know how you can not do it anymore. I would still go out with a gun and shoot people. I’m done. You’ve got some stuff. You’ve got bits and pieces going on. ANNIE RHODES I’ve been thinking about you a little bit. It doesn’t make me happy anymore. RHODES I know you well enough to know that you’re not so bad. RHODES You’re so good at it. (beat) I probably wouldn’t do that. . No more baking.69. I told you. I stopped. Why? RHODES ANNIE After it went under. ANNIE I lost a lot of money.
MORNING Annie wakes up. INT. RHODES DUPLEX .. ANNIE Where’s the bedroom? RHODES I am so glad this is happening. I guess I fell asleep. DARK APARTMENT .NIGHT Annie and Rhodes fly through the door.70. He is in a t-shirt and shorts. She reacts when she sees Rhodes sitting on the bed. Looks like a kid in love. I didn’t mean to sleep over.that sticks. making out. Annie instantly seems a little freaked out. ANNIE You made it? . She looks like a disaster.. It is a role reversal of her relationship with Ted. (still smiling) I made you a cappuccino. RHODES Don’t be silly. staring at her. I haven’t been sitting here that long. So am I. ANNIE About me? Really? RHODES There’s something about you. ANNIE INT. ANNIE Good morning. RHODES Good morning. RHODES Sorry to freak you out. ANNIE Sorry.
Why don’t you get dressed though. but it’s nothing like Ted’s apartment. would you mind following me into the kitchen? The fun may continue. He chuckles.. ANNIE It was. RHODES Last night was fun. Annie stares at the ingredients in horror. She walks in and stops as Rhodes gestures grandly at something. RHODES’ KITCHEN . sugar. RHODES (CONT’D) I know it’s a bit crazy. Annie looks surprised. RHODES There she is.CONTINUOUS Rhodes walks in with a big smile. I left your clothes over there. ANNIE’S POV: The kitchen counter is laid out with mixing bowls and baking pans and brand new ingredients like flour. etc. then turns to Annie. I thought it would be fun for us to bake together today.71. The place is modest. ANNIE I know you went through all this trouble but I don’t really want to-- . vanilla. RHODES Annie Walker. milk. ANNIE (smiling) Ok. Bits and pieces--butter. eggs. Rhodes stands up. because you are the expert. (catching himself) A different kind of fun.. Your workshop awaits. Very fun. Obviously you will be doing the baking and I will be doing the eating. Annie looks around the room. butter. It is clean and organized. INT. at best. but I popped out and got a few little things.
RHODES To fix you? ANNIE I don’t need any help. Rhodes stares after . It was all my fault. we had a really good time and now you’re being all -ANNIE It’s my fault. Last night was a mistake. Don’t be silly. Rhodes stares at her. RHODES ANNIE I’m sorry. ANNIE Because you don’t know me. Annie is uncomfortable. her. She stares at him. Who do you think you are? RHODES Jesus Annie. I don’t need you to fix me. I don’t know what you’re getting so upset about. It’s obvious he really cares about her. I shouldn’t have come here last night. it was a bit of a curve ball. You don’t know anything about me or my life. but it will be great. RHODES (CONT’D) Alright I get it. Alright. I know you haven’t done it a while. She stares back at him. She exits. Sorry. stunned. RHODES Annie. just get into it. RHODES Come on. then heads for the door. slamming the door behind her. You’re so good at it. I don’t know what you’re trying to do here.72. This was all a mistake. ANNIE I think I’m gonna go.
MORNING . BRYNN Annie wake up. INT. Twin Flames. Annie wakes up. She gets Lillian’s voicemail. so just call me when yo get a chance.” In the box. it reads. She finds Lillian's name on her phone and dials.. I hope not. “CANON IN D” PLAYS and a real butterfly flies out. it’s 11 AM. I’m sure you’re still probably a bit mad at me. I’d love to talk this out with you when you can. a candle that has two wicks and says on the outside “Lillian and Dougie. INT.A COUPLE OF WEEKS LATER The clock reads 11 am. Brynn pops her head in. ANNIE BRYNN You got a package. bye.” A stunned Annie takes a card out that reads “A SHOWER FOR LILLIAN.73.. ANNIE Hey Lill. I ran off as fast as I could. shit. What’s wrong with me? I know you’re busy with stuff. and cute. An Atmospheria Special Addition. . ANNIE'S APARTMENT . So naturally. nice. Anyway. the excitement continues with me. I’d bring it to you but you said ‘don’t touch my things. there is a chocolate sculpture of Lillian and Doug as Bride and Groom. KNOCK at the door. ANNIE'S CAR .MORNING Annie gets in her car. surprised that she slept this late. Oh.’ She goes into the living room and sees a beautiful pink and white striped box with her name and address in calligraphy sitting on the table. it’s me. I just slept with a cop that pulled me over and woke up today with him. Okay.” She opens it. He was really sweet. depressed and confused. When Annie opens the lid. “A Shower for Lillian. Inside the lid.
GIRL (CONT’D) I’m looking for a birthday gift for my best friend. chewing gum.74. GIRL Yes you are. but the friends you have when you’re younger. Yay! The butterfly lands on her face. and prettier. HELEN (V. CHOLODECKI’S . And maybe she’ll be more successful than you are.) Excuse me!! Annie looks up. and they end up doing everything together. ANNIE I’m not weird.S. INT. sometimes you grow apart.) Please join us for a Parisian brunch at the home of Helen Harris III to celebrate the marriage of Lillian Donovan and Douglas Price.O. GIRL You’re weird. A snotty 13 year old rich GIRL stands at Annie’s counter with an iced coffee. and skinnier. GIRL (O. No offense.DAY Annie stares at wedding rings in the counter. You’ll get older and maybe she’ll find a new best friend. .’ ANNIE Are you sure you want it to say forever? (off the girl’s “duh” face) I don’t think you guys will be together forever. Responde S’il Vous Plait. Let us “shower” Lillian with gifts and love. and richer. I want to get her a necklace that says ‘Best Friends Forever.
Very popular. you aren’t as popular as you think you are. GIRL You started it. Did you forget to take your Xanax this morning? ANNIE God.75. GIRL I feel bad for your face. ANNIE No I’m not. ANNIE You know. GIRL You look like an old mop. GIRL You’re an old single loser who is never going to have any friends. ANNIE (miming a blow job) I’m sure you are. CUT TO: . I feel bad for your parents. GIRL I’m very popular. do you have four boyfriends? Exactly. ANNIE You’re a little cunt. GIRL You call me when yours come in. You started it. ANNIE What. GIRL ANNIE Have fun having a baby at your prom. ANNIE Call me when your boobs come in.
unsure if she’s made the right decision about him or not.DAY Don stands across from Annie who finishes cleaning out her locker.S. INT. BRYNN We’d like to invite you to no longer live with us anymore. disappointed. INT. Since you aren’t returning any of my calls I assume you aren’t interested in spending any more time with me. So don’t worry. INT. (beat) Get those tail lights fixed. ANNIE’S CAR . . okay? DON I already told her. DON Don walks out. which is fine. Rhodes hangs up. ANNIE Was she mad? Mmm-hmm. RHODES (O. ANNIE’S BEDROOM . Let me tell my mom. its Rhodes again. ANNIE Sorry. ANNIE What do you mean? I don’t get it. I won’t be bothering you ever again. She sadly starts to leave. DON’S OFFICE .76.) (on phone) Hey Annie.CONTINUOUS She sits in her parked car listening to a message on her cell.DAY Brynn and Gil sit at the edge of Annie’s bed. Annie looks confused and torn.
JUDY'S HOUSE . BRYNN (to Gil) She has to. Her mom meets her in the ANNIE Remember when you thought I hit bottom? That wasn’t bottom.DAY Annie gets out of her loaded car. eventually. BRYNN GIL So we’re actually going to live together alone. (to Annie) You have to go. Without you. We look a bit silly don’t we? Pathetic. And guess what just came in today on the Netflix? “Castaway. am really glad you’re here. GIL (tries to soften it) We decided it’s a bit immature for a grown up brother and sister to still be living together with a roommate at this age. MOM Aw. Brynn touches Annie’s leg to console her. Annie absorbs this. GIL She will move. for one. I.” Tom Hanks. (MORE) . EXT. driveway. BRYNN (CONT’D) She’s not moving. We’re going to have fun. BRYNN You’re moving out. that’s prickly. come here. BRYNN (CONT’D) Oh.77.
tree-lined driveway. She takes a sip. ANNIE’S CAR . She is annoyed. Pink lemonade? He hands her a crystal glass of pink lemonade with a large orchid sticking out of it. plantation-style. MILWAUKEE STREET . You’re going to love it. wrought-iron gates that lead to a beautiful. EXT.” INT. but on an island. But he has moved on to the next car.DAY She drives past a stone column inscribed “The Harris House established 2006” and proceeds through two huge. Annie struggles to drive while holding the too-full glass. that is fresh. Shit. ANNIE (CONT’D) Goddamnit. ANNIE (CONT’D) (mumbling) Pink lemonade./EXT. The sign has been vandalized to read “Cock Baby. I guess so. BUTLER The shower is over the second bridge. that’s good. ANNIE I don’t have a cup-holder.DAY Annie stands outside the closed Cake Baby storefront. CUT TO: . MOM (CONT'D) It’s like Forrest Gump. Nice touch.78. AT THE NEXT STOP SIGN A BUTLER appears with a tray. BUTLER Are you a guest of Helen Harris III? ANNIE Yeah. Her jaw drops.
HELEN’S ESTATE . EXT. As Annie enters the mansion.DAY Annie walks into the backyard and stops. WAITER (fake French accent) Would you like some champagne? It’s French. ANNIE’S POV: It’s all of the Paris shower ideas she told Helen. but huge and over the top. Girls are around it dipping in strawberries and smaller cookies.. SHOWER GIRLS This is the most beautiful shower I’ve ever been to/Can you believe this?/Did you see the party favors?!/What a good friend .79. Couches are puffy. She struggles to dismount. The house of a very rich person. laughing.BACKYARD . A TRIO WITH AN ACCORDION PLAYER PLAYS FRENCH STANDARDS. In the middle of everything stands an eight foot tall HEART COOKIE that says “Lillian and Dougie!” in puffy pink cursive. Attendants in full French outfits ready to serve. Annie takes it all in. The horseman looks annoyed. A waiter offers her champagne.. EXT. groups of girls pass by her. ANNIE Yeah.. A giant cake shaped like the Eiffel Tower. REVEAL a glorious four-tiered CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN.. LILLIAN Hey Annie. Helen’s house is ALL cream and white with gold. Decorations to make it look like France are everywhere. you’re here! . LIVE SWANS and bunnies mill about. with a horseman leading her on foot. The front door is swung open by two attendants. no kidding.DAY Annie arrives at the main house straddling a WHITE HORSE. art hangs everywhere. her jaw dropping. shocked. HELEN’S ESTATE .
. I’ve been. LILLIAN ..80. Awkward silence. You too. ANNIE LILLIAN Sorry I haven’t called back. you’re here.you look great. ANNIE I didn’t want to bug you.. right? LILLIAN No yeah. ANNIE I totally understand. I’m here. LILLIAN Can you believe this? Isn’t this amazing? ANNIE Yep.. but I just. I was invited.have so much to tell you. ANNIE Well.. ANNIE (CONT’D) LILLIAN They both speak at the same time. swamped... ANNIE Yeah. Are we ok? Yes. I just meant. here I am. Like you’ve arrived. Forgive me. Yeah.. it’s nice. there’s just lots of organizing and- LILLIAN So you’re cool? Yup. ANNIE LILLIAN And we’re cool? .
kid. smiling. HELEN’S GREAT ROOM . I can tell by the wrapping. It’s us. ANNIE Super cool. Lillian then grabs a gift. tons of bows. (pulling out a CD. Doesn’t look like the others. . Lillian unwraps it. LILLIAN I know who this is from. INT. This is such an amazing gift. Inside is. Awkward silence. It’s quirky. thank you.000 times when I got my driver’s license. great. LILLIAN (CONT’D) OK. We’ll talk later though. Annie watches her go.. obviously from Annie. beautiful towels. Annie. beams) Wilson Phillips? MEGAN I love Wilson Phillips. right? For sure. homemade. you got all our towels? RITA Love you. Rita takes a picture. It’s a box of all my favorite things from stores I love in Milwaukee. This is so unbelievable. She stands there alone.LATER Lillian is opening presents. frustrated by the brief encounter. She opens a box filled with LILLIAN LILLIAN Rita. LILLIAN We listened to “Hold On” probably 10. LILLIAN (CONT’D) Awww.81. Lillian runs off. I have to say hi to my aunt or she’ll get mad at my mom..
Shrugs like “it was nothing.” Helen looks a bit self-conscious. They share a moment. HELEN Now I feel bad. we’re going to meet your wedding dress designer and have a fitting! LILLIAN Paris? YOU GOT ME A TRIP TO PARIS?!!! Lillian jumps up and down. LILLIAN (CONT’D) Helen. And while we’re there. you threw me this shower. then grabs Helen and hugs her tightly. what are you doing? . LILLIAN Helen. then something (finally) snaps. Lillian opens the card and reads it.. Oh my god. what is it? LILLIAN Helen’s taking me to Paris. Annie looks pleased.82. Then. ANNIE Are you fucking kidding me? Annie? JUDY ANNIE MOTHERFUCKING PARIS?! LILLIAN Annie. throwing a smug look at Helen. That’s more than enough. I’ve been so busy putting the shower together that all I did was get you a card. with Annie.. Annie watches them. HELEN Ha ha! Got you! (then) Just a little pre-wedding vacation. Helen hands her an envelope. in shock . Helen exchanges a look LAURIE Honey.
Look at this shower! LOOK at that fucking COOKIE!! Did you really think this group of women would finish that cookie? Hey. BECCA MEGAN ANNIE Yes. LILLIAN ANNIE Lillian this is not the ‘you’ I know. ANNIE (CONT’D) Stupid fucking cookie! . you’re going to go to Paris with Helen now?! Are you going to ride around on bikes with berets and fucking baguettes in the basket of the front of your bikes? How romantic! What woman gives another woman a trip to Paris? Am I right? Lesbian! We’re all thinking it aren’t we? Rita and Becca are uncomfortable. punching it. calm down.83. ANNIE (to Helen) I told you she wanted to go to Paris. I told you Paris! I told you about ALL this stuff! LILLIAN Annie. you know what!? That reminds me. ridiculous. Right? Annie. The ‘you’ that I know. She takes swings at the cookie. I don’t think I ever got a piece! Annie storms outside. would have walked in here and rolled your eyes and thought this was completely over the top. I’m not. ANNIE No! What. I was. we’re all thinking it. and stupid.
Ever since you got engaged. She falls backwards and the cookie falls on top of her. Well. what are you doing? What is going on?! ANNIE What am I doing? You wouldn’t know. You have managed to ruin every event in my wedding. ow! Oh. Lillian storms outside seething. It’s way too heavy. shoves it in her mouth. ANNIE Thank you very much. She storms over to the chocolate fountain and tries to tip it over. it’s so hot. ANNIE (CONT’D) (as she scoops) Is this what you want Lillian!? Nothing says friendship like 1. Everyone is watching Annie. Where have you been?! You would have no idea. (pointing to Helen) It’s all her fault. thank you very much. In fact. LILLIAN This is supposed to be my time. out of her asshole! WHICH I’M SURE IS PERFECTLY BLEACHED! . chasing a swan. It’s too huge. everything has turned to shit. She is fighting and punching the air like a crazy person. You would know that if you got your beautiful-haired-head out of your asshole.84. LILLIAN Annie. god. It’s not mine. let me fill you in.000 gallons of unsanitary chocolate! (still scooping) Ow. delicious! Ooo! Maybe it’s better if I dip it in the CHOCOLATE!! She tries to take the cookie off its stand to carry it. She starts to empty the HOT chocolate with her hands onto the ground. A little girl starts crying. ANNIE (CONT’D) Oooh. ow. Annie punches her fist up through the cookie and struggles awkwardly to get out from under it. She rips off a large hunk.
DOORMAN Party favor? LILLIAN No. Lill. the DOORMAN offers her the party favor. Megan’s hand shoots up. LILLIAN (CONT’D) And if you’re going to act like this. Lillian turns to sees all the women standing behind Helen.. On her way out the door. I wish you well and I won’t bother you anymore. A PUPPY. This hangs in the air. They’re . her hands and forearms completely covered in chocolate.. don’t even bother coming to my wedding. Anyone else have anything they want to share today? No one says anything. Annie walks fast through the lobby. Lillian. Helen.85. I am very happy for you. HELEN I’m proud of you. Lillian soon follows. upset. LILLIAN Shut up. She does not get a dog! Annie walks out. no! She does not get a party favor. LILLIAN IT IS! You know how I know? Because I went to the fucking salon with her and I GOT MY ASSHOLE BLEACHED TOO! And I LOVE my new asshole! Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back like a normal person! ANNIE I am happy for you. Lillian follows her. LILLIAN Are you kidding me? Annie! Annie storms off back through the house. Annie looks at her. and then is gone. MEGAN I took two dogs already! in the back of my van. then .
CLASSY! This is perfect! WHIR-WHIR-WHIR. RHODES Well. Pretty simple. at her wit’s end. He's distant but dutiful. (suddenly losing it) DO YOU KNOW HOW CRAZY THAT MAKES ME?! SEEING YOU DRIVING PAST NIGHT AFTER NIGHT AND YOU STILL HAVEN’T GOTTEN THOSE FUCKING LIGHTS FIXED?! DO YOU KNOW HOW FRUSTRATING THAT IS?! THERE WAS A SIMPLE SOLUTION AND YOU DIDN’T DO IT!! (MORE) I . Her car won’t start. INT.DAY Rhodes is looking at the damage. a PORCUPINE crosses the road in front of her. EXT. This happened because you didn’t get your tail lights fixed. I can’t say I’m surprised. ANNIE Look I’ve had a horrible day. She slams on her brakes to avoid hitting it and BOOM! Annie is rear-ended. ANNIE (yelling after car) Hit and run. PACKED WITH DOGS who are looking out the windows. HIGHWAY . laying on the dashboard. driving down the highway. RHODES And now here we are. She looks over as MEGAN’S VAN SPEEDS PAST HER. ANNIE’S CAR . Helen just -RHODES This didn’t happen because of Helen. sitting on her lap. She puts her forehead on the steering wheel. hard. did tell you to get your lights fixed. I don’t need a lecture from you right now. peels out and drives away.86. The driver behind her then backs up. ANNIE (sheepish) I know. As she stares at the van.DAY Annie is pissed.
Annie is stunned. that’s how it works. ANNIE Please. . fun stuff. Seriously. done is done. that's it? RHODES Yes. you flirted with me. You were so nice and I feel like you-RHODES Like I said.with these broken lights.87. What is done is done. What's He turns and starts walking toward his car. but I didn’t. Which is really unfair. and then you left like it was nothing. RHODES Don’t worry about it. I’m just in a weird place right now. Then you came home with me and we did stuff. ANNIE So. RHODES (CONT'D) Your problem Annie. You made me feel like you really liked me.. Annie is speechless. I should have gotten my taillights fixed. don’t bother. is that you just don’t understand that you could hurt people. I don’t know what’s going on with me right now -RHODES It’s fine. don't bother. what. your message was received. Don’t you see how irresponsible that is? ANNIE Yes.. ANNIE Look. Come on -ANNIE RHODES For the record Annie.
TED (CONT’D) Come on Dingus. drives off. Come on! RHODES Just then. ANNIE Oh please. ANNIE I didn't have anyone else to call! I didn’t know you were going to show up. I have shit to do. . Tic-tock. unsure. we’re never there when you need us. you got it all figured out. pretty good? Rhodes stops and turns to look at her. TED (CONT’D) Thanks officer. What’s up fuck buddy? You called for some roadside assistance? Rhodes’ face drops.88. How’s that working out for you. RHODES Right. TED That cop talks weird. I know how guys do this thing. She sadly gets into Ted's car. how they act. Rhodes gets into his car. then SIGHS. Annie looks defeated. One minute it means something the next minute it doesn't. RHODES That’s the problem with cops Annie. TED Boom. TED screeches up in his Porsche. I can take it from here.
TED No. TED'S CAR . just please stop the car. If you want.89. INT. please stop the car. TED Not a problem. ANNIE No. ANNIE Were you busy? TED Well. I want to get out.. it is Friday. Now. . Annie looks at him. You look tired. ANNIE Can you please pull over? TED That’s an even better idea. If you’re tired you can totally lay down in my lap. ANNIE Please pull over! Why? TED ANNIE (looking at him) I just realized I would rather get murdered out here than spend the next half hour with you. (pointing) Open for biz. if you want. Then .MOMENTS LATER ANNIE Thanks for picking me up. it’s super gravelly.. What? ANNIE TED Just take a little lap nap. thinking.
90. She closes the door. grabbing her purse. Heel. Heel. TED (CONT’D) You used me! (As she walks away) Fine. JUDY’S HOUSE . The DOORBELL rings. It’s the tearjerking scene when Wilson the volleyball is floating away from Tom Hanks. He’s losing his friend. Annie opens the door. it’s called humor. straightens her sweater.MOMENTS LATER. Megan puts the dogs on the porch then closes the door. Then .NIGHT Annie sits on the couch waiting Castaway. Heel. I overcommitted with this whole dog thing. Heel. MEGAN Heel. Annie gets out. and heads off down the shoulder of the road. Uh. I’d probably be more comfortable with six. MEGAN I’m coming in. INT. TED Annie. Heel. I took nine. MEGAN (CONT’D) Heel. Annie is sobbing.LIVING ROOM . But you wouldn't know that because you haven't been returning my calls. Besides. ANNIE How many did you take? MEGAN Oh. Megan barges into the house with the dogs leading the way. learn about it. It’s a lot of energy to deal with. Heel. Ted pulls over. ANNIE'S MOM'S LIVING ROOM . He drives beside her. I would never last a half hour. MEGAN is standing there with 7 PUPPIES from Helen’s shower on leashes. she sits on the couch with Annie. you’re no longer my number three! INT.
I got kicked out of my apartment. I don’t have any friends -Megan stands up and starts pacing then gets in Annie’s face. You’re gonna let life bite you on the ass? Then Megan sits on top of Annie and holds her arms. . ANNIE Ow. I got fired from my job. talks. MEGAN You know what I think? She pokes Annie. I can’t get off the couch. I'm your life. Stop it. Life bothering you? Life's hard.91. my car is a piece of shit. MEGAN You're an asshole Annie. I can’t pay any of my bills. Then continues to prod and push her as she MEGAN (CONT’D) You don't want help. MEGAN You know what I find interesting about that Annie? It’s interesting to me that you have absolutely no friends. ANNIE And say what? Hi. Do you know why that’s interesting? Here’s a friend standing directly in front of you trying to talk to you and you choose to talk about having no friends. What are you doing? MEGAN What? Am I bothering you? I’m life. huh? Life can push you around. ANNIE You know what I mean. I don't. You want a pity party. ANNIE No. Megan shoves Annie.
boy she must have breezed through high school. a lot of shopping malls. Firecrackers. MEGAN (CONT’D) I’m trying to get you to fight for your shitty life and you won’t do it. Not the case Annie. You know what I did? I pulled myself up. I’m glad to see you’ve got a little bit of spark in you. but then she smiles. Megan looks like she might get mad. "Oh. I studied hard. Annie SMACKS Megan hard in the face. Don’t repeat that. I knew that Annie was in there somewhere. Nice hit. (then) I think you’re ready to hear a little story about a girl named Megan who didn’t have a very good time in high school. literally. I’m sorry. Don’t repeat that. MEGAN You would be amazed. I know where all the nukes are and I know the codes. I know you look at me now and think. I’m referring to myself when I say Megan. I don't have any friends. ANNIE Oh my god. They used to try to blow me up. not figuratively. ANNIE I won’t say anything. They called me a freak. it’s me Megan. I cannot protect you. I’m your shitty life Annie. Do you think I let that stop me? Do you think I went home crying to my mommy. MEGAN I’m not. .92. This was not easy going up and down the halls with. People used to throw firecrackers on my head in high school." I did not. I read every book in the library and now I work for the government and have the highest possible security clearance.
LATER The kitchen is a mess as Annie bakes something. ANNIE Nothing. You lost Lillian. MEGAN I have six houses. You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. MEGAN (CONT’D) There’s the Annie I knew was there. You’ve got to wash your hair. INT. INT.KITCHEN . bring it in. JUDY’S HOUSE . You get that? This hits Annie. (smelling her hair) Oh Annie. JUDY What's going on? Annie hugs her mom. very focused. ANNIE I won’t.93. and you’re also your solution. Megan exhales. JUDY’S HOUSE . Annie's speechless. Come on. I do not associate with people that blame the world for their problems cause you’re your problem Annie. winded. I know you do. They hug.MOMENTS LATER Annie walks up and smiles at her mom. MEGAN I know you do. ANNIE Yes.BEDROOM . You got another best friend sitting right in front of you if you’d notice. I bought an eighteen wheeler just cause I could. I love you. . I just miss her I guess. wash your hair.
JUDY (looks at Bill. don’t I know you from AA? 117 BILL Oh my gosh. Rhodes opens the front door and looks down. Heartbroken.” He stares at it as Annie watches. RHODES DUPLEX . sparks an idea. EXT. Judy sits reading an ancient magazine in the waiting area. She sees the cake still sitting on the stoop. It was just delicious. ANNIE Wow.DAY Annie puts a cake box on the stoop in front of Rhodes’ front door. writes her bill.94. then leaves. then continues on sadly. leaving the cake out there. Annie deflated. She ducks down. INT. EXT. RHODES DUPLEX . it looks fantastic. ANNIE (CONT’D) This is my mom. a big pleasant mechanic in his 50’s. Drags her over. over and grabs her mom. you made that artichoke dip didn’t you. BILL Rhodes and I worked a deal out way back when so it’s on the house. They smile a each other. ANNIE Are you serious? Annie sees something warm in him. Judy. BILL COZBI’S BODY SHOP . then rings the doorbell and runs back to her car.NIGHT Annie drives past Rhodes’ place. he heads back into the house and closes the door. she drives away. Then. then) Wait. It’s a cake shaped like a carrot that says “I’m Sorry.DAY Annie stands looking at her fixed and cleaned-up car as BILL COZBI. Happy. 117 She walks . She looks pleased. Annie motions for her mom to talk to Bill.
.MORNING Annie is sleeping. ANNIE It’s eight in the morning. INT.. Helen stops her.SOME TIME LATER DING DONG. still sitting in the same place on the stoop. we looked everywhere. JUDY’S HOUSE . JUDY You can put syrup on it. HELEN ANNIE What do you want? HELEN (strangely calm) I was wondering if you knew where Lillian was? ANNIE What do you mean? HELEN She disappeared after the Rehearsal dinner last night. It hits her. JUDY Okay. Annie answers the door in her clothes. It’s HELEN. I can’t find her. JUDY’S HOUSE . ANNIE Mom. she doesn’t want me there. EXT.95.DAY Annie drives past the house AGAIN.she’s lost him. I know. RHODES DUPLEX . . The cake is being eaten by RACCOONS. She starts to close the door. I’ll fix you a tuna fish sandwich. INT. JUDY Are you sure you’re not gonna come with me today? It’s Lillian’s big day. Judy enters in her bathrobe.
you guys are so close. A123 A123 HELEN I just don’t know what could have possibly gone wrong. I think I know someone that could help. right? You’re her best friend. ANNIE I don’t know. It’s weird that you don’t know. HELEN Annie I want to apologize to you. I just don’t know what happened to her. for all the things that have gone down. It is beyond awkward. . She fights to remain completely composed. INT. I just don’t want to talk to you. ANNIE’S CAR . Can you help? ANNIE (suddenly concerned) Wait here. I had organized everything to the last final detail. You should know. I don’t want to hear anymore honestly. I’ll get my keys. personally.96. with Las Vegas -ANNIE Okay. As Helen starts to talk. ANNIE What? HELEN She’s missing. I know I hurt you and that I created a distance between you and Lillian and I want to apologize for that and everything that happened at the shower. her face is starting to get red and her eyes are welling up. it had come in from Paris. Everything was going smoothly. Dougie was being great and very helpful.DAY Helen and Annie are driving. The dress looked fantastic.
ANNIE Thanks. I don’t think it did. like all year. He travels a lot. HELEN Perry never wants to talk to me either. Annie cracks a smile. ANNIE No. ANNIE It was the food. Annie looks disturbed. you have really lovely taste. that was my fault. HELEN I think people only ask me to do their weddings because I’m good at organizing parties. Helen’s hands and body contort and her face gets redder and sweatier. I thought it was beautiful. ANNIE HELEN No. ANNIE I don’t feel sorry for you. I’m basically just by myself.97. No it did. I shit my pants. HELEN And I don’t think that Brazilian food really gave us food poisoning. But it’s a little too late for that. HELEN I don’t think that was your fault. Helen is now crying. and not pretty. Helen is now beet red and looks almost like she’s in pain as she fights with every muscle in her body to remain composed. . HELEN (CONT’D) I don’t have any female friends. HELEN You know I really liked that original dress you picked at the bridal store.
. ANNIE (yelling over Helen) Rhodes! Rhodes. I know you can hear me and I know you’re mad at me. Rhodes lifts a sandwich to his mouth and takes a casual bite. but that’s okay. HELEN He’s ignoring you. Rhodes starts to roll up his window. reading a newspaper.DAY Rhodes sits in his car at his post. HELEN Well. ANNIE Maybe just a little bit. I’m not really an ugly crier. ANNIE You’re an ugly crier.98. It makes me kind of happy. Flips to the next page of the paper. please. HELEN (CONT’D) Why are you smiling? ANNIE This is the first time I’ve seen you look ugly. (to Rhodes) Officer! Roll down your window! Excuse me! Please! ANNIE Rhodes. But I need your help. Annie’s car pulls up next to him. HELEN I look ugly? (laughing and crying) No I don’t. Icing Annie. ROAD . HELEN I ruined my makeup. I don’t really look ugly. I still look pretty right? EXT.
Makes the siren give one small sad BLOOP. throwing a bunch of TRASH and DIET COKE CANS out of the window. ROAD . Annie looks back and turns the car around. She screeches to a stop. ANNIE I’m speeding! You better pull me over!! Rhodes REALLY wants to. blaring music. He takes another bite of his sandwich. sending up a cloud of smoke. She’s gonna try again. thinking. HELEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! ANNIE Just trying to get his attention. Rhodes folds his paper into a square and prepares to do the crossword. Annie turns around again. Really.. speeding past even faster. burning rubber. She finally pulls up behind him and taps the back of his car.CONTINUOUS She speeds by Rhodes again. but instead takes out a pen and starts doing the crossword. this time swerving all over the road. . Then quickly gets out of his car.. HELEN You know this guy? Annie stares at him. ignoring her. doing a donut in the middle of the road..99. that would have been dangerous for a good driver. EXT.CONTINUOUS Annie’s car SPEEDS past Rhodes. Rhodes sets down his crossword and turns on his flashing lights. She yells to him. He fights to continue ignoring her. then drives away. drinking a 40 oz. This time she honks the horn and flashes her headlights. Helen is scared. ROAD . RHODES (CONT’D) Are you crazy? All that stuff. RHODES Annie speeds by again and again. EXT.
ANNIE I’m sorry. We can’t find Lillian.100.please. I’ve heard wonderful things. ANNIE (sincere) Nathan. I need your help. Let me get on with my job Annie. RHODES’ CAR . I really need your help. Have you ever seen CSI? Twenty four hours. Rhodes is immediately speechless. watching. RHODES How long has she been gone? ANNIE She’s been missing for like twelve hours. Okay. RHODES Twelve hours? It’s not a missing person until it’s at least twenty four hours. Uh huh. (then) We’ve traced her cell phone to the corner of Craner and Rose. Do you know where that is? . thanks.MOMENTS LATER Rhodes is on his phone as he types on the car’s computer. HELEN Please Nathan. RHODES Who’s this one? ANNIE (hesitates) This is Helen. RHODES Hello Helen.. Annie and Helen stand.. RHODES (into phone) Uh huh. EXT.
let’s go! It’s over. RHODES God. . you’re welcome. ANNIE (to Helen) That’s her apartment. RHODES I’m glad that you got your tail lights fixed. thank you. HELEN Thank god. RHODES (underwhelmed) No. It’s adrenaline pinching. Let’s go. that was crazy of her. That’s embarrassing. I thought you said you looked there. We did. HELEN Annie. I didn't mean to waste your time.It’s nice to see you. This is the kind of high-octane stuff that made me want to be a cop. talking softly to each other.101. HELEN Last night. ANNIE (to Rhodes) We found her! I’m so sorry. ANNIE ... The girls are quiet and perplexed. Let’s go. RHODES So you’re saying she’s at her apartment? That’s what you’re telling me? ANNIE She must have gone back after you left. Means I won’t have to stop you again. Annie reads between the lines. Thank you. Missing girl found at her apartment.
102. RHODES Anyway, go and save your friend from her apartment. He sits in his car. Annie looks like she wants to say more but can’t. She gets in her car, then drives away. Helen looks at Annie, then out the back window at Rhodes. HELEN’S POV: Rhodes stares after them, looking bummed. EXT. LILLIAN’S APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY Annie’s car pulls up in front of Lillian’s apartment building. Her car is there! They start to jump out. ANNIE Do you mind if I actually go by myself? Helen understands and nicely nods. INT. LILLIAN’S APARTMENT - DAY Annie, with her own key, unlocks the door, and walks into the apartment. It’s quiet. Lillian? ANNIE Lill?! She gets it.
After a beat, she hears a small GROAN. Annie walks in and sees the outline of Lillian in bed. She’s completely covered from head to toe by her comforter. Lill? Go away. ANNIE (CONT’D) LILLIAN
Annie sits on the bed and pulls the covers off of Lillian’s face. ANNIE What happened? Lillian has been crying, and continues to. LILLIAN This whole wedding is fucked up. Helen took over everything. Everything’s gotten out of control. My dad can’t afford the wedding. (MORE)
103. LILLIAN (CONT'D) (beat) This has been really hard to do without you. It’s been shitty. I’m sorry. ANNIE
LILLIAN Nope, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I kicked you out of my wedding. It’s my fault. ANNIE No it’s my fault. (beat) I think I’m the one with the mental problems. LILLIAN Yeah, wasn’t it my turn to be crazy? The bride is supposed to be crazy. ANNIE Yes, technically. LILLIAN You kind of stole all the crazy. ANNIE I out-crazied you. Everything is going to be okay. LILLIAN How do you know that? At the rehearsal dinner last night I told Dougie I had to get Q-Tips and all of a sudden I was driving here. I came here. I realize this is the last time I’m going to be here. With that couch and this bed. Taking a bath in my bathtub. You know how much I love my bathtub. ANNIE (humoring her kindly) It’s a good tub. I slept in there on my 30th birthday. LILLIAN I remember. Everything is going to change. (tearfully) (MORE)
104. LILLIAN (CONT'D) I’m not going to get to live five minutes away from you. That makes me so sad. Annie soaks this in, and although sad, sees this is her time to be there for Lillian. ANNIE Don’t be sad. Things are going to change, but they’ll be better. You’re gonna take this huge, great, beautiful step. And Dougie loves you more than anything and so do I. LILLIAN But what about you? What’s going to happen to you? Annie realizes she’s going to be okay. ANNIE I’ll be fine. Don’t worry. I am fine. Besides, you need to blaze the trail for me and then report back and tell me what’s coming. LILLIAN Whatever you say, boss. They smile and hug. ANNIE C’mon, put on your dress and let’s go to your wedding. LILLIAN Mmm. That’s the other problem. CUT TO: INT. LILLIAN’S APARTMENT - SAME Lillian entering in THE MOST OVER-THE-TOP COUTURE WEDDING DRESS EVER IMAGINED. Annie IMMEDIATLEY starts to laugh. LILLIAN Don’t you dare laugh. Annie cracks up. Lillian joins her. It’s RIDICULOUS. LILLIAN (CONT’D) I cannot wear this dress.
happy to be friends again. LILLIAN Do you have a chain saw? And a blow torch? I think this whole wedding is going to be a disaster. ANNIE Don’t panic. ANNIE Don’t say that. Douglas Anthony Hastings.NIGHT DRAMATIC LIGHTING AND MUSIC. It has a ring bearer’s pillow on it’s back and wears a dog tuxedo.. LILLIAN PULL BACK MORE to see that Lillian and Dougie are actually standing ON THE WATER as a laser light show is spelling out “THEY DO” inside a beating heart on the fog behind them. I promise. Lill. PULL BACK to see the bridesmaids and groomsmen are standing on ornate platforms that are sticking up out of a reflecting pool. Lillian Grace Donovan. take Lillian .105. We’ll tweak it. EXT. As the minister continues. .. I will not let you walk down that aisle unless you look perfect and beautiful. Lillian nods and gives Annie a grateful smile.. MINISTER Do you. take Douglas . A minister is giving the vows to Lillian and Dougie in front of a wall of fog. I do. If Helen had anything to do with this wedding it is going to be perfect and tasteful. DOUGIE They’re both MINISTER And do you.. we’ll fix it. OUTDOOR WEDDING . I do. Megan has one of her dogs on a leash.
MINISTER By the powers invested in me. Megan comes up next to Annie laughing. They find each other. A133 . ANNIE What’s so funny? MEGAN I put a loaded gun in Dougie’s carry on. Lillian’s gone. Lillian and Dougie kiss. She couldn’t be happier. They say goodbye to people. As fireworks continue and MUSIC starts .” and waves goodbye. beaming. who couldn’t get close to the front. I promise. hug etc. They exchange a smile that says. BOOM! FIREWORKS start to go off as the LASER LIGHT SHOW goes into overdrive. Annie watches as the car drives away. ANNIE (to Helen) Really? A133 HELEN This is the last one. It’s nuts.HUNT CLUB . winking. Annie is floored. You may now kiss the bride. share a smile. playing her favorite song. “We were wrong. Megan looks into the crowd.” Helen is looking around at it all.NIGHT The doors fly open. HELEN And now ladies and gentlemen.. I now declare you man and wife. Before she gets in the car she looks for someone. JON the Air Marshal winks back! EXT.. The bride and groom run down the stairs everyone is throwing flower petals and cheering.106. Lill hugs Helen and thanks her. Put it together for Wilson Phillips! WILSON PHILLIPS walks out singing. Once again she pulls a mic out of no where. WEDDING RECEPTION . here with us tonight is Lillian’s favorite band. Lillian looks over at Annie. Lillian mouths “Thank You. It’s Annie. TSA is gonna rip his ass apart. This is crazy.
107. like Jake Ryan in ‘Sixteen Candles’. Helen is relieved. Helen’s eyes light up. ANNIE Helen. happiness comes over her. HUNT CLUB PARKING LOT . HELEN Thank you Annie. She then glances out to the HELEN (CONT’D) (then) Annie. HELEN Did you have a nice evening? ANNIE It was beautiful. Annie looks out. HELEN It was really nice meeting you. I would love that. EXT. yes. Reveal Officer Rhodes standing next to his squad car. HELEN It was great. touched.NIGHT Annie and Helen are saying goodbye. parking lot. followed by an awkward pause. . HELEN What did you think of the wedding? ANNIE It was great. it was really nice meeting you too. right? ANNIE It was perfect. She does. Annie gives Helen a look of “How?” Helen just smiles and nods for Annie to head over. then smiles. (beat) Hey maybe one night the three of us can go to Rockin’ Sushi together. RHODES How did it all work out? ANNIE Strangely well. your ride is here.
(beat) I ate your cake that you left. What?! ANNIE Rhodes opens the car’s BACK door for her. RHODES Good. Care to ride along? ANNIE Sure. please report to North Brook Street -RHODES Whoops. it’s against regulation for you to sit in the front. alright.S. Annie walks around the car and starts to get into the front passenger seat.) Officer Rhodes.108. . I had to fight some raccoons off but that’s okay. RHODES Where you goin? You’ll have to sit in the back seat. And I need to put my uniform on. POLICE RADIO (O. I’m just gonna kiss you now rather than -They kiss. You did? ANNIE RHODES Yup. ANNIE (CONT’D) You’re gonna make me sit in the back seat? RHODES Yes. I’m pretty strong and tough so it wasn’t much of a contest. I’m on duty. She goes around to the other side and as she’s getting in Rhodes pushes her head down like she’s under arrest. Yeah. c’mon. If I drive like this. they’re going to think I stole the car.
RHODES (CONT’D) Sorry. littering. ANNIE (O. THE END . did you? ANNIE (O. texting.S.S.S.) What!? Why? RHODES (O. ANNIE (O.S.S.) Reckless driving.S. As the car pulls away we continue to hear their conversation. consuming alcohol while operating a vehicle. He closes the door and jumps in the driver’s seat.) (CONT’D) (smiling) Thank you.109. You didn’t think I was gonna let you get away with that.) Can you at least put the siren on? Rhodes flips on the siren as they drive off. ANNIE (O.) Can I please get in the front seat? RHODES (O. force of habit.) Actually I’m afraid there is a warrant out for your arrest.
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