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Paul Feig Judd Apatow Barry Mendel Clayton Townsend Annie Mumolo Kristen Wiig Lisa Yadavaia
by Annie Mumolo & Kristen Wiig
This material is the property of So Happy for You! Productions, LLC (A wholly owned subsidiary of Universal City Studios, Inc.) and is intended and restricted solely for studio use by studio personnel. Distribution or disclosure of the material to unauthorized persons is prohibited. The sale, copying or reproduction of this material in any form is also prohibited.
FADE IN: EXT. UPSCALE MODERN HOME - NIGHT The ultimate bachelor pad. it. A Porsche is parked in front of
ANNIE (O.S.) I’m so glad you called. TED (O.S.) I’m so glad you were free. ANNIE (O.S.) I love your eyes. TED (O.S.) Cup my balls. ANNIE (O.S.) Ok, yes, alright, I can do that. TED (O.S.) Oh, there it is! INT. BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS ANNIE WALKER, mid 30's, is having sweaty sex with TED, handsome, 40. In a series of close-ups and jump cuts, we see Annie in the middle of a very long, vigorous session. ANNIE Oh, that feels good. TED You know what to do! ANNIE I’m so glad I got to see you again. JUMP CUT to see she’s now bouncing on top of him. ANNIE (CONT’D) Oh yes! (then, looking concerned) Uh, okay, wait, hold on. You and I are on different rhythms I think. TED I want to go fast!
2. ANNIE Sure--
He bounces Annie SUPER FAST. INT. CLEAN, UPSCALE MODERN BATHROOM - MORNING Annie stands in front of a mirror in nice lingerie. She puts on lotion, make-up, brushes her hair, mascara, etc. She getting ready to... Creep back into the bed, where Ted is still sleeping. She gets in and begins to position herself to show her good parts. Coughs and nudges Ted to wake him up. Annie quickly pretends she’s still asleep. He taps her. ANNIE (gasps/ pretending) Oh! I was having a nightmare, I was so scared. Good Morning. TED Good morning. You look beautiful. ANNIE (acting embarrassed) What? No. I’m sure I look terrible. I just woke up. I’m sure I’m a mess. TED You slept over. I did. ANNIE
TED I thought we had a rule against that. ...oh. ANNIE
TED I’m kidding. ANNIE Oh, that’s funny. You’re funny in the morning. TED I like hanging out with you.
3. ANNIE I love hanging out with you. I think we get along really well. And you’re so sexy... TED I know. Look, I just have a lot coming up at work. And I don’t want to make promises I can’t keep. ANNIE We’re on the same page. I’m not looking for a relationship right now either, let’s just say that. Whatever you want, I can do. I like “simple”, I’m not like the other girls who would be like “be my boyfriend!” Unless you were like, “yeah!”, then I’d be like “maybe”. They hug tightly and he kisses her deeply. go. Stares at her... Then he lets her
TED Wow, this is awkward. I really want you to leave but I don’t know how to say it without sounding like a dick. ANNIE (speechless) Awkward moment leading into ...
Oh. Annie stares.
EXT. UPSCALE MODERN HOME DRIVEWAY- MORNING Annie does the walk of shame out of the house. She attempts to exit through the driveway gate but it won’t open. Tries to pull it open to fit through the crack but can’t. She sighs, then starts to climb over the gate. As she’s straddling the top, it starts to OPEN. The HOUSEKEEPER in her car with her clicker. Annie WAVES to her from the top of the opening gate. Mortified. Annie jumps down and runs to her car. A old neighbor getting his paper, stares at this sad spectacle. His dog stares too.
4. EXT. PARK - DAY A BOOT-CAMP workout session is going on, men and women are painfully following along. The instructor is yelling angrily at the class. WAY IN THE BACKGROUND we see two women peaking out from behind a tree. It is Annie and her best friend, LILLIAN, mid 30’s. They are taking his class without him knowing. LILLIAN He scares me. Me too. ANNIE
LILLIAN But he’s an excellent motivator. ANNIE That’s true. Oh shit, he sees us. From the distance we hear the BOOT CAMP INSTRUCTOR yelling. BOOT CAMP INSTRUCTOR Hey! If you want to take this class, you’re going to have to pay for it like the rest of these bitches! Caught, Annie and Lillian pretend to randomly dance. BOOT CAMP INSTRUCTOR (CONT’D) Oh, dancing? In the park?! You are not dancing in the park. Freeloaders! I’m comin’ over there. The women run off. Lillian yells back.
LILLIAN Sorry, Rodney, we’re on a budget! INT. JONI’S RESTAURANT - DAY Annie and Lillian continue laughing, as they sit in their workout clothes, casually picking food off each other’s plates as they talk. ANNIE I’m so glad we got to do this, I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.
5. LILLIAN I know, I’ve been in Chicago a lot. ANNIE I know, sleeping at Dougie’s house. LILLIAN It’s just closer to work. ANNIE How’s it going with him anyway? LILLIAN I don’t know. It’s fine, but I feel like he’s been a bit distant lately. He calls me “dude” a lot. ANNIE That doesn’t mean anything. I think everything’s fine. LILLIAN I don’t know. Anyway, what did you do last night? Umm... ANNIE
LILLIAN What did you do last night? You are not telling me something. ANNIE I hung out with Ted for a little bit. I knew it! LILLIAN
ANNIE We had fun. It was fun. LILLIAN Here’s what I don’t like about it. You hate yourself after you see him, every time. And then we go through this and you feel like shit, and it’s almost like you’re doing it because you feel bad about yourself.
.. He kept putting it near my face. but it makes you feel like shit. He’s so hot though! LILLIAN Look. LILLIAN Ew. ANNIE Let us offer. It’s too aggressive.. It’s like. (MORE) .. but I can’t cause I have elbows. ANNIE (CONT’D) That’s my impression. You’re a total catch and any guy would be psyched to be your man. LILLIAN They do that. It wasn’t a big deal. ANNIE We had. Annie sticks out her elbows.6. ANNIE I couldn’t! You don’t want to look right at it. And it was fun. I know you say he’s cute and all that stuff. LILLIAN Oh. Annie imitates a penis. ANNIE He called me late and we hung out. LILLIAN Those are the balls? ANNIE I’m trying to make it round.. If we don’t offer-LILLIAN You’re supposed to slap it away..Annie! ANNIE I’m sorry.an adult sleep over. did you let him sleep over IN YOUR MOUTH? . you had sex with him.
Lillian has food on her teeth too. LILLIAN (CONT'D) You should just make room for somebody who is nice to you. EXT. And I like that! LILLIAN He also told you you need dental work. ANNIE I don’t need dental work. He told me we are what we are. Will you marry me? Yes.DAY Annie and Lillian are walking in downtown Milwaukee. Ya know what Teri? I don’t want to pick up your monkey lamps. only 15. LILLIAN You’re right. ANNIE LILLIAN I love you. ANNIE I love you. . he’s honest. ANNIE There’s nothing wrong with my teeth. Sorry. LILLIAN (CONT’D) Let’s see how many times Teri has called me. He’s an asshole! Annie has food covering a tooth. ANNIE You know what. LILLIAN I don’t want to go to work today! Lillian fishes in her purse for her phone and checks it. and we’re just having fun. Oh.7. MILWAUKEE STREET . LILLIAN You’re so beautiful.
It's cool and unique. outdated jewelry store in downtown Milwaukee. Thank you. ANNIE Well. INT. ANNIE Look at how you guys are making this decision together. LILLIAN (CONT’D) I’m sorry. ANNIE Monkey lamps? LILLIAN I cannot wait to never work for a psychopath again. Annie stands at a counter talking to an excited ASIAN COUPLE. what do you think honey? ASIAN HUSBAND Whatever you want. like the CBGB's of baked goods. LILLIAN They were good cakes Annie. That will go away.DAY A family owned. . but we can see that it used to say “Cake Baby. You guys love each other huh? Oh that’s sweet. Look away. Lillian notices Annie has stopped to stare at a CLOSED DOWN BAKERY across the street. ANNIE LILLIAN Come on. I don't know. Some of the letters have been removed. I’m the genius that opened up a bakery during a recession. I should have gone down Mason. CHOLODECKI’S JEWELRY STORE .” Between the two words is a cool drawing of 1950’s RETRO PINUP style woman with a cake tucked under her arm.8. look away. ANNIE Do you have any ideas of what style? ASIAN WIFE Oh. that’s sweet.
You don’t need a nickname because Kahlua is so delicious. So. It’s scary. That’s not eternal. ANNIE (CONT’D) You can not trust anybody.9. KAHLUA Sup. that’s two years. KAHLUA. Annie tries to make a pleasant face. The couple turn and leave. did you guys want to look at these engagement rings? ASIAN HUSBAND We’re gonna browse. Don-Don? DON You’re so good at nicknames. Four years. (MORE) . DON No wonder. You’re not telling everyone your problems and how your boyfriend left you and maybe marriage will work out. You’re selling life long happiness. is glaring at her from his desk. DON. when you’re selling an engagement ring. he might not even be Asian. Annie. horrified. You don’t know who you’re sleeping next to. They had to go somewhere. you have to represent lifelong happiness. DON (CONT’D) No. tops. Especially someone you’re in a relationship with. a very pretty African-American woman. DON What was that about? ANNIE (searching) Nothing. you know? Cause they’re living with ya. Ever. come over here please. I mean look at him. walks over. ANGLE ON: Annie's boss. They had to run. Show me your “love-iseternal” face. It is scary. Kahlua.
DON (CONT’D) (to Annie) That looks like you have menstrual cramps. Thank you so much. INT. Don turns to Annie. a SECURITY GUARD is lounging against the displays behind the counter. Guess what happened to me today? I got a free tattoo. sits on the couch. ANNIE I understand. BRYNN. . DON You’ve just got to try harder. ANNIE Hey. DON Oscar. ridiculous way. Don turns to the guard before leaving to a back office. get back to work. Kahlua beams in a sensual. Kahlua smiles and leaves. (stepping closer to Annie) The whole reason you got this job was because your mom was my sponsor in AA and I’m doing her a favor. Show Annie your love-is-eternal face. DON (CONT'D) Don’t sue me for touching you. watching TV. ANNIE (to Oscar) You shouldn’t be behind the counter. DON (CONT’D) Why can’t you be more like Kahlua? ANNIE I’m trying really hard here. who is trying to mimic Kahlua’s face. A woman in her 20’s.DUSK Annie walks into her crappy two bedroom apartment. In the background. ANNIE’S APARTMENT .10. Brynn. Kahlua. BRYNN Oh hey roomie.
GIL (uncomfortably nice) Annie! ANNIE Hi! Have you seen your sister’s tattoo? It’s really infected. maybe get some frozen peas on there. He’s wearing a short- . sleeved dress shirt and tie. it looks awful.’ GIL enters from the bedroom smiling. ‘do you want a tattoo?’ ANNIE Just a random guy? BRYNN Yeah. The guy said. ANNIE You did what? BRYNN I couldn’t believe it. pulls half of her pants a giant Mexican worm to her lower back. ANNIE Yeah. he opened up the side of his van and said ‘it’s fo’ free!’ And I said. GIL Maybe we’ll get a bit of ice on it. ‘sure. It’s like a Native American symbol meaning ‘wasted. with disgusting ANNIE Oh god. BRYNN It’s a Mexican drinking worm.11. Brynn stands and lifts her shirt and down to reveal an enormous tattoo of that extends from her stomach around back half is completely infected and discharge leaking out.’ ANNIE You said yes? BRYNN Yeah! Look. The scabbed. Brynn.
just wanted a quick word. put the bag on it.12. You know that tomorrow the rent is due? I was getting my check and I wondered if I could get your check too? ANNIE Yes.. Behind Gil. Brynn moves to the kitchen to get ice. Ok. It’s coming. I’m getting the money. Annie stares at the smiling Gil.. ANNIE (CONT’D) (to Brynn) You’re supposed to keep them in the bag. CUT TO: INT. Brynn has taken a bag of frozen peas out of the freezer and openly pours them down her back. Gil turns and sees Brynn. He She doesn’t have the check. They clatter onto the ground. Its been a little.NIGHT DING DONG. An excited Lillian opens the door to reveal Annie. GIL Sure. GIL So. can’t hurt. Annie escapes to her room. the check? Yes. . LILLIAN’S APARTMENT . ANNIE GIL Because it’s kind of like. ANNIE Yes. posing with bottles of wine and a stack of magazines. needingit-today type sort of situation. going everywhere.. GIL (CONT’D) Um. Brynn gives her a thumbs up and goes back into the freezer. smiles warmly and chuckles.
Lillian.. let me take your magazines. ANNIE What? WHAT?! LILLIAN He asked me last night! That’s why he’s been acting so weird. Welcome to the magazine and wine party!! Lillian excitedly takes the wine. ANNIE Oh my god. LILLIAN I know.. ANNIE Hurry up. he would just stay away from me.13. I’m very happy you’re here. I just got hot. because I want to eat an apple. Oh my god. ANNIE (seeing ring) Lillian. Would you like some apple? Lillian splays her hand. LILLIAN Ew. LILLIAN (CONT’D) Have a seat. let me in. Your creepy neighbor invited me in to his place to watch the news again.. I’m shocked. I guess he’s been planning it for like two months and he’s not a good liar and so if he felt like he was gonna blow it. Annie walks in confused by this. but I’m happy.. Lillian is practically skipping. Come in. ANNIE (in shock) Oh my god. showing off a sparkling DIAMOND ENGAGEMENT RING. Let me help you with those. LILLIAN Are you OK? . what is that? LILLIAN I got engaged.
... Lillian’s cell phone rings. ANNIE . LILLIAN Are you sure you’re up for it? I know it’s a lot to ask and put on on your plate. You’re going through a tricky time. They finally separate. ANNIE My pits are sweating. LILLIAN So you’ll be my Maid of Honor. it’s a lot to ask. ANNIE Stop. She smiles. My stomach hurts. honey! Yeah. LILLIAN (goofing) Can you hold that thought? fiancee calling. I’m hot. (they both laugh) Hey. It’s fine and I’m more than happy to do it. of course I will. Ah! What is happening?! LILLIAN I cant believe it. LILLIAN We’ll have so much fun. I don’t know. ANNIE (into the phone) Yay!! It’s my .. We can plan everything together. It’s not too much. Annie hugs Lillian tightly. ANNIE Oh god. Oh my god.planning a wedding. Lillian hugs her back but it’s a decidedly awkward moment as Annie hugs her way too long and hard. like Lillian’s going off to war. ANNIE Lill.14.. you’re getting married.. yeah.
WALKER HOUSE . freaking out inside. you’re not supposed to go to those things. I forgot to tell you. ANNIE putting the finishing touches JUDY It’s Wynonna Judd. JUDY Only cause I’ve never had a drink! But they are inspiring. I have to go. INT. I forgot. on a painting of Wynonna Judd. she’s excited! Yeah. And the teeth nearly killed me. Lillian makes a goofy face at Annie and they both laugh joyously as Lillian runs out of the room. LILLIAN I just told Annie. JUDY Oh. ANNIE Mom! I keep telling you. (then) Annie. Annie is left laughing too hard by herself. Wow. (MORE) . Yeah. ANNIE Mom. I signed up to speak at AA tonight. um.15.NIGHT Annie lays in bed looking at a photo of her and Lillian as kids. There is this one amazing story I have to tell you. I’ll be right back. you should hurry up.DAY Close-up of JUDY. Painting those giant bangs was a royal pain in my can. ANNIE’S APARTMENT . hold on. let me check. I know baby. You’re not an alcoholic. Annie’s mom. I miss you too. INT. I should have painted her mouth shut. We’re gonna be late for the engagement party.
JUDY (CONT'D) This gentleman who started blow jobbing to get crack. but she’s still a whore. I’m sure she greets him in the evening beaver first. But I’m telling you. anytime. They’ve been married twelve years. JUDY Oh honey. He turned into a gay prostitute and he realized he hit his bottom. JUDY Are you sure you don’t want to move in with me? ANNIE Thanks mom but no way. No way in hell. come on. His name is Marvin Johnson. JUDY OK. Maybe this is your bottom. I go everywhere by myself. ANNIE Thanks for the pep talk Mom. ANNIE It’s supposed to be anonymous. don’t talk to me about being by yourself. whatever. ANNIE Well. JUDY Oh honey. ANNIE Mom. Thanks to that new whore Barb. Positive message. Marvin J.. ANNIE I don’t want to think about that. JUDY Ok. I guess I’m going to Lill’s party all by myself. Cause it’s only up from there. .16. hitting bottom is good.
And Dougie I guess. it needs a wash. C’mon. She hands her keys to the valet. self-conscious about her car. EXT. Happy upper-class people. then sees Lillian. Oh gosh. self-conscious. Alright. LILLIAN Isn’t that crazy? ANNIE It’s so beautiful. ANNIE (CONT’D) You have to punch it a few times. Annie smooths her dress. You don’t need your own place. dressed expensively. Annie. I’m gonna go. a voluptuous. INT. LILLIAN I know. 30’s.CHICAGO SUBURB . and me I guess too now. They head over to RITA. ANNIE Sorry. Live music. The valet can’t get it started. FANCY. HUNT CLUB . People entering in fancy clothes getting out of luxury cars. tired housewife. JUDY Think about it. Annie! LILLIAN ANNIE Oh my gosh Lillian.17. ANNIE I kind of do. this is your engagement party. A lively cocktail party’s underway. surprised at how extravagant it all is. I can’t believe Dougie’s boss is a member here.DAY Annie’s eyes go wide as she walks into the elegant dining room. and his parents too. let’s go say hi to the rest of the bridal party. THE HUNT CLUB .DAY Annie pulls up a tree-lined driveway of a BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY CLUB. .
She stands very close to her BECCA Hi. they’re sticky. husband KEVIN. RITA I cracked it in half. I love saying that. They’re disgusting. . but when they reach that age they’re disgusting. cute and perky. We’re newlyweds. they say things that are horrible and there is semen all over everything. BY THE PATIO BAR LILLIAN Annie. We’re in the trenches together. ANNIE RITA They are cute. BECCA. Annie! This is my husband Kevin. LILLIAN (CONT’D) Do you remember my cousin Rita? Rita! ANNIE RITA Annie! I haven’t seen you since you graduated high school. 30. LILLIAN She has three kids now. So cute. this is Becca. RITA Three boys. ANNIE Congratulations.18. The one from work. yeah. They smell. Do you get where I’m going with that? ANNIE I do. I cracked a blanket in half.
then turns to see a BALD MAN with a neck brace. looking a bit odd in her floral dress. BALD MAN Do you want to go for a walk later? ANNIE I can’t. BECCA I’m so sorry. ANNIE No. ANNIE Where’d you guys go? BECCA AND KEVIN Disneyworld. This is my husband. is this your husband? Annie looks confused. I’m solo. Sorry. 30’s. You don’t have a husband. I don’t know him. lovey gesture. tomboyish. late 40’s. ANNIE I’m not with anybody. Rewind! KEVIN BECCA I’m Becca. I’m sorry.19. BECCA (CONT’D) So. He looks like a strict math teacher. sorry. They do a dumb. BECCA I’m so sorry! Let’s start it again. BY THE BANDSTAND Annie and Lillian stand with MEGAN. BECCA We finish each others sentences. standing behind her. BECCA Thank you. . We went on a sweetheart honeymoon.
‘oh shit.’ Took a hard.I’m assuming telepathically. I’ll be right back. I met a dolphin down there. I’m gonna say I thrived. broke a lot of shit.’ Not with his mouth. but into my soul. Megan holds her hand out to shake his. Kind of pin-balled down. ANNIE How’s it going? MEGAN It’s going great. violent fall. Just got pins in my legs. Megan. I swear to god that dolphin looked not at me. I’m not with him. and said ‘I’m saving you Megan. I'm on the mend. wait. hit a lot of railings. Annie looks and sees a very smart looking African-American MAN in his 60’s who is wearing an ascot and smoking a pipe standing next to her. I’m glad he’s single ‘cause I’m gonna climb that like a tree.. Where’s my manners? You must be Annie’s husband. Lillian rushes off. but he said it. (sees something) Oh. Oh shit! ANNIE MEGAN Yeah. into my goddamn soul Annie. what an asshole I am. ANNIE No.20. LILLIAN And this is Dougie's sister Megan. I fell off a cruise ship. . I’m Megan. I’m not gonna say I survived. We had a connection that I don’t even know if I can-(sees something behind Annie) Oh man. my grandma’s not supposed to have wine. MEGAN (excited) Alright.. Believe it or not.
Annie! Annie It’s . LILLIAN Okay. She walks toward them. HELEN And they’re so close now they’re literally joined at the hip. grabs Annie and pulls her away. seems thrown by their intimacy. you’re so sweet. Lillian hugs her back tightly. straightens her plastic beads. Helen! C’mere. Which is good. Everything about her is perfect. Mr. ANNIE I know. Smiling. LILLIAN (CONT’D) Helen. because so are we. now I have to introduce you to Helen. if you’ll excuse me I’d better go check on the (in perfect French) hors d’oeuvres. HELEN You’re so cute! Oh. LILLIAN I’m so glad you guys are finally meeting. (looking around) There she is. floor-length GOWN. HELEN Maid of honor! There she is! so lovely to meet Lillian’s childhood friend! ANNIE You’re so pretty. She’s BEAUTIFUL. LILLIAN Helen is married to Dougie’s boss. In slow motion.21. wearing a much-too-fancy. like a goddess. me too. HELEN Oh. the gorgeous HELEN turns and looks right at Annie. So great meeting you. this is Annie. Lillian re-appears. Annie swallows. Perry. Helen hugs Lillian. Harris.
Annie looks a bit surprised.LATER . thanks to all of you for coming. Anyway. a vision. some whistles. you’re up. ED. Helen turns and glides off into the crowd. people clap. stunned. Here’s to Doug and Lillian. enough of me. Helen stands clapping and takes the mic from her. Maid of honor. LILLIAN Yay. ANNIE It’s a great party. INT.22. ED . (everyone LAUGHS) People always laugh when I say that but I’m not joking.. watches after her. Save me a shitload of money. I’m Annie Walker. as Annie nervously takes the mic from Ed. LILLIAN She’s great isn’t she? ANNIE She’s awesome. ANNIE Um. so I’ll just say this. who sits down.NIGHT Lillian’s father. cheers! She raises her glass. Everyone claps. Annie! ANNIE (laughs) I actually don’t want to go on with a long speech. You two deserve each other as well as a lifetime of happiness. Annie . So much that I think you two should just get married now. and I really do look forward to having Doug as part of the family.. I’m so happy to be a part of this celebration. hi everyone. Helen gives her a smile motioning Annie to sit. Annie. (everyone toasts) All right. finishes a speech. CLUB . So.
Lill. HELEN (CONT’D) Everybody. (laughs) We got such a tummy ache! I will never forget all that we shared on that trip. including Lillian. you are my best friend. Lillian. Now. Helen wipes away a tear. I still need my drunken Saturday nights at Rockin’ Sushi! Helen winks. raise your glasses to the couple of the decade: DOUG AND LILLIAN! Have a great night. So let me just say. sniffling. I told you things I’ve never told anyone before. drinking wine and eating that peanut brittle. I know you had some other choices. Well. Annie's mouth drops. ‘Dougly’.23. You’re like my sister and I love you. I just want to thank you for carefully selecting me as your Maid of Honor. Annie stands up and takes the mic from Helen. One of the reasons is because I’ve known you my entire life and you’ve really helped shape who I am. People applaud and LAUGH. She gets emotional again. dessert wine is out. . Without thinking. HELEN (CONT’D) (composing herself) And I’m so proud of you. Everyone “Ahh’s” and claps a little bit LOUDER. ANNIE I just wanted to say really quick that you’re SO special to me. sorry inside joke. you’d better not keep my Lill on a leash. that was so sweet. and the boys ended up working the whole time? You and I sat by the pool the whole time. are moved. People. that concludes the speeches for the night. remember when the four of us spent that weekend in Miami. HELEN Thanks Annie. You made me realize I can trust people again.
HELEN (CONT’D) That’s it for tonight. Annie looks around the room and sees everyone is in awe. And so I want to say to you and to everyone here.forstuatsa.. dessert wine is out. That’s you Lill. En la escuelas and el azul marcada. I feel I can communicate with you with simply a look. own WIRELESS MIC. Helen reappears with her HELEN Thank you. “You are a part of me. Thank you all for coming. Tienes con vivir en las. let me say . It’s rare to meet an adult you really connect with. Helen “looks” at Lillian. I went to Thailand recently with my husband Perry and there was a beautiful saying that I learned there. And I hope and I pray that I never have to. Consuelo? People are crying and hugging. Annie sits down. Helen has concluded the speeches. HELEN (CONT’D) Thank you for coming. . keeping the mic.. You’re my angel and soulmate.. but Annie’s back.” (bowing) Kap-hoon-kow. HELEN I feel so close to you and can trust you. So. The crowd quiets. ANNIE Speaking of Consuelo. a part that I could never live without.. one last thing..gracias para vivar en la casa. (speaks in Thai) It means. Lillian and I took Spanish together in school. and gracias.. Helen instantly appears again with her mic. Annie pops back up.24.
Get it all out. get it out. She stares at Lillian for a long.. What? LILLIAN ANNIE She’s in your wedding and you’ve only know her eight months. that’s what friends are for.. ANNIE The whole. ANNIE (CONT’D) (suddenly singing) “Keep smilin’. HELEN AND ANNIE “In good times. Knowin’ you can always count on me. Helen steps forward with her now louder mic and in a very loud R & B voice sings with Annie. LILLIAN (sarcastic) Engagement parties rule.NIGHT Annie is waiting for her car with Lillian. Lillian smiles and shrugs. right? LILLIAN Come on. . for sure. right? Annie laughs. ANNIE Lillian. That’s what friends are fooor!!!” EXT. Keep shinin’. like I could go out and catch another dude to marry... It’s just weird. HUNT CLUB . in bad times. awkward beat. I’ll be on your side for ever mooooore.25.gown thing. Made me feel awesome. ANNIE So what’s up with her anyway? Helen.
ANNIE (CONT’D) No. watches her walk. She hugs her and leaves. I’m telling you. A POLICE CAR sounds its siren behind her. Will you just do me a favor and hang out with her once. EXT. LILLIAN I love you Annie. LILLIAN You know what. She’s a good one. she’s actually really cool Annie. Have you met Lillian? She’s my best friend. angrily swerving all over the place like a drunk person.. but she is only drunk with indignation. 30’s.NIGHT Annie is walking the line as part of a drunk test. Annie starts doing mocking gibberish like a five year old. ANNIE I’m sure if you like her. OFFICER RHODES. I’ll like her. Come on.. which I think you really should. just the two of you? As a favor to me? ANNIE Ok. ANNIE (mocking) My name is Helen. Just then. policeman. which turns into more fake Thai impressions as she gets madder and madder. I’m sorry. ANNIE’S CAR . LILLIAN You have to get to know her. You live in Milwaukee? Oh. no. business and is not having it. ROAD . A He’s all .26.NIGHT ANGRY ROCK MUSIC BLARES. Annie drives fast. I will. INT. I know we’ve only known each other for five minutes.
You’re supposed to have them. I believe you. you can stop walking.27. RHODES I would hope so. Ha ha. That’s what happens when you break the law. ANNIE I’m not drunk. He keeps smiling. could I do this? Hey if I Annie starts to dance on the “line” she’s supposed to be walking. was. What? ANNIE Why? OFFICER RHODES Funny thing about brake lights. ANNIE I told you I’m not drunk. See. ANNIE Here. if you please. then starts to dance. License and registration. ANNIE Can I stop walking now? OFFICER RHODES I’ll tell you when to stop walking. OFFICER RHODES Yes. She’s cute and he wants to keep her there. . But I’m still going to have to write you a ticket. I’m so stupid. I do. (then) Okay. (then. Awkward silence. Not well. OFFICER RHODES So you’re just a terrible driver. ANNIE I knew it. Miss. Look. fake smiling) Do you still have to give me a ticket? He searches for words. I promise I’ll get them fixed this week. Those have been out for like a year. I promise. Ugh.
Awkward silence. Starts looking in her purse. Delicious. We’re practically neighbors. Cake Baby! You’re Cake Baby. I used to get served by a tall broad guy. you’d put something in them like a cream or a custard? ANNIE Cream puffs. She hands him OFFICER RHODES Oh. her license. I live on Ashley. I used to work on that street. ANNIE Oh. OFFICER RHODES No kidding. RHODES . ANNIE That was me. with a wormy face. that was you. Wynnewood Drive. ANNIE My boyfriend. RHODES You made good cakes. Sorry. RHODES Oh. it was your face. RHODES Cream puffs. that’s what you called them. You had your sign. where? ANNIE I owned a bakery there for a little bit. Thanks.28. ANNIE RHODES You used to make these little pastries.
thanks. I really appreciate it. He thinks. I mean it. He hands her a business card. Officer Rhodes. OFFICER RHODES That’s my name right there. His body shop’s in Milwaukee. He takes back the card and writes on it. It’s a buddy of mine. RHODES You’re kidding. he’ll give you a particularly good deal. ANNIE Ok. thank you. RHODES Well I appreciated your cakes. I’m glad I never tipped him. RHODES You know what. I get it. Rhodes. Under one condition. Thanks. Different guy. OFFICER RHODES Let’s forget about this. What a dick. then rips the ticket up. Don’t mention the whole Bill Cosby thing to him. Cozbi’s? RHODES With a “z”.. he was my boyfriend.. ANNIE No. if you mention my name that I referred you. ANNIE Oh. But then he left when the business went under. it drives him nuts.29. OFFICER RHODES (CONT’D) Here. . Get those lights fixed tomorrow so you don’t kill anyone. Rhodes stares at her. ANNIE (reading) Bill. so we’re even.
It’s a work of art. Haha. the frosting sculpted into a realistic looking 3D orchid. EXT. chatting before their big game. TENNIS CLUB . It’s good we’re finally getting a chance to hang out. She waves and drives off. SIGHS sadly and eats it in two bites. Actually. I’m the best of them. Thank you. HELEN I didn’t know you played tennis. She is meticulously putting the finishing touches on the most elaborate cupcake ever. ANNIE’S APARTMENT . ANNIE That’s really nice of you. surrounded by baking supplies. INT. then heads off to bed. OFFICER RHODES We’re not all bad.DAY Annie and Helen are walking through the tennis club on their way to the courts. looks at the cupcake.NIGHT Annie is in her small kitchen. thank you. ANNIE I’m glad we’re doing this too. ANNIE I played a little in high school. but not me. HELEN I know right? Neither of them means it. the rest of them are. ANNIE He watches her go. All the work and mess was for one cupcake. It’s beautiful. . Annie finishes. HELEN I’m so glad we were able to do this.30.
31. HELEN Not really. ANNIE But we’re changing from who we are. which we always stay as. pass by. I don’t think so. It’s funny how people change. . Annie. 16. these are my kids. HELEN I think if you’re growing. HELEN (CONT’D) It’s too bad Lillian couldn’t play with us. ANNIE I think we stay the same. Poor thing is so busy. she didn’t like anything too competitive. pretty much. Even when we were little. 13. do people really change? HELEN I think they do. then you’re changing. but grow a little bit. isn’t it? ANNIE I don’t know. ALYSSA Step kids. Step. HELEN Well she certainly enjoys tennis now. ANNIE But they still stay who they are. RYAN. ANNIE She’s not really that into sports. HELEN I think we change all the time. HELEN (CONT’D) Oh. and ALYSSA. Helen stops them.
They walk off. hitting Helen in the left breast as hard as humanly possible. Annie’s partner. with insane intensity. a rich. Helen smashes a serve to Annie. HELEN Okay. Helen calls after them cheerily. TENNIS COURT . also rich but in less great shape. Ryan and Alyssa.DAY Helen and Annie stare intensely at each other across the net. misses a shot. It is super violent. WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! Annie and Helen smash the ball into each other’s breast. EXT. chest. my husband’s kids. HELEN Do you need a ride home later? RYAN Fuck off. Helen is with her partner BARBARA. and “other female parts”.” we see Helen and Annie have an intense showdown. Carol. ANNIE (to her partner) Come on! Get your shit together! . who returns it ferociously. Helen. neck. HELEN (trying to joke) Aren’t they hilarious? Excuse me. Annie is teamed with CAROL. What are you guys up to? ALYSSA (lots of attitude) We’re going to the snack bar. Annie unloads on the ball. fit woman in her 40’s. They both smile warmly at each other.32. IN A SERIES OF SHOTS as cinematic and violent as the pool scene in Scorsese’s “The Color of Money. put a quarter in the swear jar! (to Annie) So cute. ANNIE Sweet kids.
RYAN I’ve seen better tennis playing in a tampon commercial. what do you say? GIL Well she can’t work. ANNIE’S APARTMENT . knocking her down. she’s on a tourist Visa. I have no way of earning money unless I go prostitute down on the street. ALL ANNIE’S POV: She serves hard and runs Helen around the court. BRYNN “Hello fellas. ANNIE I’ve been thinking. BRYNN Yeah. and Brynn sit on the couch. She’s been here long enough. here I am. The three of us live here. We split it three ways. So technically I’m only allowed to tour. Annie accidentally serves very hard directly into Carol’s back. That’s it. Put your American sausage in my English McMuffin. If she doesn’t start paying. Brynn needs to start paying rent.33. it’s not fair for me to be paying half. Helen’s step kids are watching and laugh.” ANNIE I don’t even know what you’re talking about anymore. ANNIE I don’t want you to do that. Gil. she has to leave. There are three people living here. INT. GIL Is this about the diary again? .DAY Annie.
HELEN Look. GIL Well. ANNIE No. ANNIE You read my journal?? BRYNN At first I did not know that it was your diary. CHURRA-CHI BRAZILIAN RESTAURANT . ANNIE I know it looks a little scary from the outside. I thought it was a very sad. but the food is really good. and wear my clothes. This is where Brazilian’s come to eat. I’ve never been to this part of town. .. read my diary. But then because of the personal details and the bits that mentioned Gil and Brynn. you can get your checks cashed next door. no. Authentic Brazilian.” EXT. BECCA Wow. Don’t go in my room. Don’t read my journal. Lillian looks shocked. no. hand-written book. We’re not quite sure if she thinks so. hello.DAY Annie and the bridesmaids stand in a parking lot of a standalone Brazilian steak-house in a not-great part of town. I think before you make those sort of demands you need to think about putting a note on your door that says “Don’t come into my room.34. ANNIE What diary? BRYNN Your diary proved very interesting to read..
As Helen stares at the place like she just smelt dog shit. BECCA Helen. LILLIAN To my bridesmaids. WAITER Senoritas bonitas. LILLIAN Annie’s really good at this. Helen picks away at her salad. Just then.. So happy to get to know you guys and happy to say I have four new friends. so that’s good. Everyone’s having a great time. Only a few customers are there. INT. The girls all look excited and start pointing at different meats as the waiters start to carve large hunks onto their plates. The girls all laugh and click glasses. ANNIE I just want to toast all of you ladies.. CHURRA-CHI BRAZILIAN RESTAURANT . She always drags me to the weirdest places and the food is always incredible. LILLIAN This is crazy good. five waiters all holding HUGE SWORDS with different types of MEAT skewered on them surround the table.35. . Annie grabs Lillian and pulls her toward the restaurant as the other girls follow.. Several OUT OF SHAPE WAITERS walk around. ANNIE Plus. I hope you’re all hungry for Churrasco Brazil.this is such a stone cold pack of weirdos and I’m so proud. each holding a sword with huge hunks of meat on it. Helen wrinkles her nose and flags the waiter. aren’t you eating any meat? The girls are scarfing down tons of food.DAY The girls walk into the Brazilian-themed restaurant. you get a lot for your money too.. which looks more like a rundown English steakhouse.
since Lillian’s always wanted to go to Paris her whole life. BECCA I can’t wait to be married for as long as you’ve been married. I don’t bloat. Becca leans over to Rita. Physically. we can dip them in chocolate fondue. while Lillian’s in the bathroom. why don't you go fuck yourself.’ He’s nine. MEGAN It’s a gift. To be a mom. MEGAN I love that. . CHURRA-CHI BRAZILIAN RESTAURANT . LILLIAN You’re lucky. RITA Oh. I say ‘no we aren’t ordering pizza tonight. Lillian’s seat is empty. And to have kids. Get cheese from the nice part of the store. nope. The other night I’m slaving away to make a beautiful dinner for my family. So I figured we could bring Paris here. INT. I’ll feel a bit bloated. My youngest boy comes in and says he wants to order pizza. ANNIE Okay.36. ‘Mom. they’d say “Lillian and Dougie” on them. Have champagne and little cookies.’ He says. MEGAN Not me.A LITTLE LATER The girls continue to eat. HELEN It’s not good to eat a big meal before a fitting. let’s talk about the shower. I was thinking it could have a French theme. Becca.
ANNIE We can have French invitations. Also. What about the bachelorette party? I got a tube top I’ve been waiting to cut the tags off of and I really want to take advantage of this opportunity. I’ve got to spend the rest of my life with Doug.. She’s not gonna forget that. We grease up.37. so it’s ‘Surprise! Were gonna fight. I don’t know. Lillian doesn’t know. done that”.. That poor girl Lillian who we’re all here for is probably in the bathroom balling her eyes out because she’s realizing ‘holy shit. BECCA Good idea Annie. I think we can all agree on that. HELEN Mmm.’ We beat the shit out her. Fightclub. We should throw some ideas around. Don’t you think that would be nice? The women like that idea. but a Paris theme feels a bit . I don’t know. can I be honest? I’m stuck with three teenage boys all day every day. BECCA What about a Pixar themed shower? We all come dressed as our favorite Pixar character. Female fightclub. “been there. MEGAN I’ll just snowball on top of that. That’s sweet. the whole thing. See if anyone else has a theme they had in mind. right? . We better blow this shit out. we pull in. You know? I just think we can top it. but he’s a fucking asshole. Annie.’ He’s my brother. I love him. MEGAN I’m gonna second her. RITA Look.
38. I don’t have one.CONTINUOUS They are led into a PRISTINE. She notices a buzzer and presses it. BECCA Belle En Blanc! This is the best place. try on some dresses. I’ll buzz you right in. Great work. it’s Helen. Absolutely no walk-ins. VOICE FROM INSIDE Belle En Blanc. ALL-WHITE WONDERLAND of dresses and bridal bliss by WHITNEY. HELEN We just have to make sure it’s really. We’re just here to shop. EXT. a glamorous woman. Annie looks proud. INT. HELEN Whitney. I’ll think of stuff. ‘BELLE EN BLANC’ BRIDAL SHOP . ‘BELLE EN BLANC’ BRIDAL SHOP . Helen leans into the intercom. really special. Annie. She grabs the door which says “OPEN” but it’s locked. . VOICE FROM INSIDE The next available appointment for bridesmaids fittings is in seven weeks. It’ll be great. WHITNEY Helen Harris?! Hiiii! Hiiii! HELEN Hiiii! WHITNEY WHITNEY (CONT’D) Oh my god. Reservation name? ANNIE Oh. ANNIE We’ll figure it out.DAY The bridesmaids walk up to an imposing building.
. HELEN You’re kidding. MEGAN This is some classy shit in here-A burp escapes Megan’s mouth! RITA Jesus Christ. What about this one? It’s really pretty and sweet. ANNIE Oh my god . It’s on sale! Annie’s eyes quickly scan the room and see a simpler. ANNIE (only to Helen) Whoa. My. take a look around and get to know the dresses. She checks the tag. MEGAN I want to apologize. HELEN Oh. welcome to heaven. Lillian. Megan. It’s a Fritz Bernaise. I just don’t think we can do any better. She heads over to it. I’m sorry. Gosh. Whitney just gives Megan a tense smile and exits. cheaper dress. It looks very expensive. We don’t want to upstage Lillian with a fancy dress. WHITNEY Anyway. The girls all gather around it and “OOO” and “AAH”. I’m not even confident on which end that came out of. back to you. this dress is $800. ANNIE Lillian. The tag says $250. This is beautiful. Helen GASPS and walks over to a beautiful ball gown. Whitney. Ladies. WHITNEY Welcome to Belle En Blanc ladies.. If you need anything I’ll be in my office. (MORE) .39.
And it’s a great price. you need to agree on one. Let’s let our bodies decide.spread your legs apart. ANNIE (CONT'D) Maybe we should get something kind of simple? LILLIAN Don’t worry about that.. A drip of sweat comes down her forehead. MEGAN (sweating. you can twirl. But personally. who smiles at her. guess who Helen is friends and who is designing my wedding dress? Lady St. I just sent my measurements to France! The girls all chatter excitedly about this as Annie looks stung.LATER The girls are in different dresses. it’s fun. I think this dress would look great on everybody. she wipes it away and grabs a dress. I don’t think there’s a question. Embarrassed. Sadly. ANNIE There might be a question. red) Is anybody else hot? . The ladies all head off excitedly to different dresses as Annie looks concerned. it’s a great length. you can move in it. I might have one. They look great.MAIN FITTING AREA . start your engines. let’s not decide on this bridesmaids dress straight away. Petsois JuJu. HELEN Ladies. BELLE EN BLANC . HELEN Ladies. although Megan’s face is beet red.. it’s one of a kind. the Fritz Bernaise. Ladies. WHITNEY Well you all look fantastic. INT. you can. Because. Try some things on and have some fun.40. you all look beautiful. It’s a great color. She looks at Helen. Lillian is not there.
She had the same thing I had and I feel fine. ANNIE (sweating) No. Annie is really sweaty now. ANNIE (CONT’D) Megan. WHITNEY Maybe this will help you decide. Becca politely cups her hand over her mouth to stifle herself from getting sick. she swallows and pushes it back down. Looks nauseous. through her hands) I’m so sorry. She looks crazy gorgeous. you look amazing. I don’t know what to say. The girls GASP. MEGAN That dress is so beautiful it makes my stomach hurt. You are-Megan lurches forward as the contents of her stomach come up into her mouth. She claps her hand over her mouth to stop from throwing up. No. Suddenly. HELEN Oh my god. RITA (fanning herself) Holy shit. Is there a bathroom? . BECCA (muffled. ANNIE Lill. RITA It’s like an oven in here. a mark between her boobs. You got food poisoning from that restaurant. I happened to have a two year old Lady JuJu dress in storage in the back and figured it might help you see what you’ll be standing next to.41. After a beat. Lillian? Lillian walks out in a very ornate COUTURE wedding dress. are you okay? MEGAN I think my dress is too tight.
MEGAN I need the toilet! toilet! I need the Rita ignores her as her head is in it and she grips the sides. Rita looks back at Megan. We hear a noise.but the seat is down. Megan! RITA Megan. No.CONTINUOUS The single toilet bathroom is as PRISTINE and WHITE as the fitting area. hops up onto the counter. Rita bolts down a hallway. facing off. WHITNEY Not the bathroom! Everybody go outside! Seriously! Whitney and Lillian chase after them as Annie stands her ground with Helen. There are faint (and loud) stomach CHURNING sounds. and SITS in the SINK..42. no!!! . Megan hikes up her dress. In desperation. Shit! RITA Rita slams the top open and heaves again into the bowl as Megan runs in holding her backside. Annie unwilling to admit she’s sick. followed by Becca and Megan. Classical music plays softly. I just need to get off this white carpet. Everything sprays onto the back wall. INT. They all stand in horrified silence. barfing. ANNIE I think everyone has the flu. Everything is just right. She projectile vomits into the toilet. Rita grabs her stomach and hunches over a bit. Calm and quiet. Becca still holding her hands against her face. BLAM! The door bursts open as Rita runs in. BATHROOM . RITA I don’t care what dress we get..
Annie is soaked and woozy. HELEN You don’t look very well Annie. BELLE EN BLANC .CONTINUOUS The stand-off continues. RITA Get away from me! INT. HELEN Are you sure? It wasn’t that grey kind of lamb? You ate a lot of that weird chicken. Vomit rains down on the back of Rita’s head.CONTINUOUS Helen and Annie are faced off. BELLE EN BLANC .MAIN FITTING AREA . HELEN You’re not sick. I wish I had a snack. . I feel fine. HELEN I think you’d just feel better if you threw up.MAIN FITTING AREA . BECCA I’m so sorry. BATHROOM . ANNIE I don’t have to throw up.43.CONTINUOUS Becca runs in blindly over the toilet that Rita is still barfing in. I’m feeling hungry. Was it that? ANNIE No. ANNIE I feel fine. Annie is sweating profusely. In fact. MEGAN Look away! Look away! INT. ANNIE No. INT.
who is still faced off with Helen. GURGLES loudly. Lillian gets a look on her face. .MAIN FITTING AREA . chewing them slowly. BATHROOM .CONTINUOUS Helen picks up a bowl off a table next to her. ANNIE Jordan almonds.CONTINUOUS MEGAN What did we eat??! This sink’s a goner. Annie takes a handful and painfully puts them in her mouth. These are great. A sweaty Lillian runs up to Annie. everyone’s really sick from that restaurant. HELEN You’re hungry? ANNIE I’m starving. Better? HELEN ANNIE I was just hungry.44. She forces it and swallows the almonds down with a slow gulp. INT. BELLE EN BLANC . LILLIAN Annie. thank you. BECCA (noticing her on the sink) What are you doing? MEGAN It’s comin’ out of me like lava! Don’t fucking look at me!! INT. She grabs her stomach as it ANNIE It wasn’t the restaurant.
I need a bathroom. In the doorway. In trouble. LILLIAN (CONT’D) Oh. WHITNEY Oh no. Suddenly Lillian stops running and slowly sinks down onto the ground..DAY A green looking Annie drives a green looking Lillian. ANNIE Lillian. you’re really doing it aren’t ya? You’re shittin’ in the street. . She throws a helpless look back at Annie. where are you going? EXT. I. Lillian! careful! ANNIE What are you doing? Be LILLIAN It’s happening. embarrassed and unable to move. Annie runs out and watches in horror.it happened. don’t you dare ruin that dress! ANNIE Oh. ANNIE’S CAR . Annie runs after her. it’s happening. Am. LILLIAN Oh no.CONTINUOUS Lillian bursts out of the building and runs across the street toward a 7-11.45. who is back in her regular clothes. it’s happening.. Cars SCREECH to a halt to avoid the fleeing bride. Whitney and Annie watch it all in horror. Helen walks up behind Whitney. She turns and bolts away. After a beat. thank you. INT. HELEN (re: the expensive dress) We’ll just take five of the Fritz Bernaise Whitney. BELLE EN BLANC .
I just shit. TED’S BEDROOM . ANNIE People do that. go dancing. We can get dressed up. ANNIE You okay? LILLIAN I just took a shit in the middle of the street. I guess so. TED Really? Who? Who are you gonna bring? Annie struggles to think of a name. ANNIE That’s okay. Right? ANNIE Yeah. You know what I was thinking? You should come with me to Lillian’s wedding maybe. post-coital. (lying) I have someone else to bring anyways. INT. Still panting. TED I’m just thinking of you.46. You know? That would suck for you. . Nothing serious. LILLIAN I shit in my shorts. It will be fun right? TED (chuckling warmly) I don’t want to put you in a position of having to explain to everyone who I am and what our relationship is. just a fun time. TED That was fun.NIGHT Annie and Ted lay in bed. ANNIE Oh my gosh. drink. I shit myself.
INT.47.” “Sex OFFICER RHODES (O. TED Really? Well let me ask you this.NIGHT Annie is looking at the herbal drinks. ANNIE (lying) This guy George. Idea! ANNIE (CONT’D) George Glass. Just had a bad night. ANNIE Actually. What brings you here so early? ANNIE Oh. it’s getting really late. hey.S. Ok? TED Who is this George? ANNIE He is a very hot. MINI MART .) Annie Walker. Appeal.” She finally picks “Calm. can George Glass do this to you? Ted intensely cups her breast and just rubs it in a circle. You should probably go. OFFICER RHODES You want me to arrest anybody? I could do that. Ted grabs a glass of water from the night-stand and takes a sip. I’m gonna miss you so much.. Boy stuff. Probably? 41 ANNIE TED You know what. nice guy who likes me a lot and would probably love to be my date.” 41 “Calm.” “Focus. ..
My sister was the maid of honor at our cousin’s wedding and she found it so stressful. RHODES It grew back. ANNIE That’s terrible. OFFICER RHODES Do you want to talk to a cop about it? We’re just like priests. I’ll have a carrot. except we can tell everybody about it afterwords. But it was pretty gross. right? RHODES I’m sure it will get better.NIGHT Annie and Rhodes sit on the hood of his cop car in front of the mini mart. I’ll share. (MORE) . OFFICER RHODES You want a carrot? Annie stares at him. sharing a bag of carrots. Right now? ANNIE OFFICER RHODES Yea. I’d want everyone to be stress free. EXT. ANNIE It’s gonna get better. If I ever had a wedding. Planning a wedding should be fun. ANNIE Sure. He approaches her. holding a bag of carrots. RHODES That sounds rough. ANNIE That doesn’t sound very inviting. her hair started falling out. I won’t though. I’d like it to be like a carnival. MINI MART . considering.48. I’ve got plenty.
That is a totally different thing. you should really be figuring out how to open your next bakery. He goes to eat it.49. Rhodes studies Annie a beat. you got the ugly carrot. instead of spending your money and time on all this wedding business. I’ll eat it. RHODES (CONT'D) People win prizes for guessing the brides weight.. RHODES You know. dunk tanks. What? RHODES ANNIE I don’t do it anymore. RHODES What you’re talking about there is a circus wedding. ANNIE (CONT’D) Ew. RHODES Yeah. There’s one in every bag. She takes another carrot. it’s good luck. the bride and groom could walk on a tight rope. ANNIE I’m not eating this. It’s a small dried-out carrot. ANNIE You could have elephants. You missed it. ANNIE Don’t eat it! EW!!! . ANNIE (smiles) Sorry. No. no! She grabs it out of his hands. this one’s weird. You have to eat it.. RHODES Oh.. ANNIE I’m done with all that..
But they made a special dispensation because I’m so tough and strong. I could be a cop. RHODES You can’t. She throws it on the ground. RHODES You think you could be a cop? Yeah. don’t litter. RHODES (CONT’D) You didn’t let me flex that time. holding up the speed gun. ANNIE Right. I’ll fine you. Haha (then) Seriously. that was unfair. ANNIE I didn’t know you could be a cop here if you weren’t a citizen. let’s see. Annie feels his bicep. ANNIE So am I. RHODES You’re saying that but you’re laughing. that really bothers me. aiming it. EXT.MORNING Annie is standing in front of Rhodes’ cop car on the side of the road.. ANNIE RHODES Okay. He picks it up.50. I’m really tough. You’re a tough cop. let’s see if you’ve got what it takes. a bit intrigued. .and handsome. Rhodes sits on the hood and continues to eat his food.. Annie watches him. RHODES Hey hey. Sun is nearly up. ROAD .
Arms straight. Why ruin their day? Another car is approaching. look at you. ANNIE Sixty-three. ANNIE Forty-eight! How’d you do that? RHODES It wasn’t! That has never happened before. You’re missing some good ones here. RHODES (CONT’D) Watch this.51. I’m pretty impressed. . we’ll let them go. What’s the speed limit here? RHODES Fifty-five. Forty-eight. The car zooms past. what you want to do is aim it right at the license plate. they’re probably going to work. ANNIE Okay. RHODES Ah. That gives you the most accurate reading. RHODES I’m pretty impressive. RHODES That’s right. Rhodes looks at it. RHODES You were born to do this. ANNIE Fifty-eight. Plant your feet. It was forty-eight? ANNIE Yeah. forty-eight. Now. A car zooms by. Another car zooms by.
” “campfires. just a sec. looking at her laptop. HELEN A bachelorette party at a cabin? Annie’s call waiting BEEPS again. delighted. A car roars by. that one was ninety-three! Can we go? RHODES Okay. hot shot. Annie picks it up.lake ANNIE (polite but firm) It’s Lillian’s parents’ house. INTERCUT BETWEEN CALLS. (she clicks over) Hello? Rita in her “new money” kitchen. She presses send. Helen sits in her BEAUTIFUL home. . Let’s go get the fucker. ANNIE Oh. ANNIE Oh. The phone immediately rings. She deflates.” “Beer and s’mores. INT.” etc.. we used to go there all the time in the summers. ANNIE’S BEDROOM A fired-up Annie goes to the computer and starts typing feverishly We see words she types: “Bachelorette party!. Annie whoops. Her three boys are fighting and playing. Hello? ANNIE They jump in the car and drive off. Annie gives him an impressed look. straight out of the Soprano’s. and is very pleased.52. HELEN I just got your e-mail.. then goes back to pointing a fun as Rhodes watches her. house? Um.” “LILLIAN’S LAKE HOUSE. He smiles. Helen.
my other line is ringing. (to boys) Shut your filthy mouths! (to Annie) I’m sorry. Helen just called. RITA I can get cocaine from my hair dresser. which I sort of love. That’s why I’m thinking Vegas. I need a trip that I can fantasize about forever so that I’m able to have sex with my husband. Bye! ANNIE Becca. She clicks over. RITA Annie. ANNIE But we’d have to fly there. paints a front porch sign that says “The Whitman’s. . it’s Rita. Annie’s call waiting BEEPS again. Annie’s call waiting BEEPS again. I’m surrounded by savages. I know you’re afraid of flying but I want to see Criss Angel! But I’m scared.53. It is a TECHNICAL HAVEN that looks like NASA. I’m so excited. she said we could go to Vegas. in her shabby-chic home office. Vegas? ANNIE Really? RITA Hang on. BECCA Annie. ANNIE You know I should probably run. Annie glances down at her $350 PAYCHECK. Megan is in front of a wall of computer and television screens.” BECCA Annie.
didn’t she. RITA I want balls in my face. I think it’s Vegas. excited. Annie tails the group. HELEN I tried to buy her a first class ticket but she wouldn’t let me. MEGAN Yeah. Vegas it is. heading to the plane. This is not going to be a fun flight. FIRST CLASS . looking very afraid.DAY Annie settles into her seat next to a PREGNANT WOMAN who’s reading. easy-peasy. Just had some thoughts about the bachelorette party. She takes a breath and gets on board. INT. . ANNIE Helen called you. COACH SECTION . MEGAN Annie. Annie forces a smile at her. She’s too proud.54. it’s Megan.JETWAY . she got the jump on you.DAY The bridesmaids settle in. Here we go. Lillian sits next to Helen. BECCA I love puppets! Balls! RITA ANNIE I guess were undecided? INT . LILLIAN I feel so bad that Annie’s stuck back in coach. INT. The woman gives her a dismissive smile.DAY The women are dressed to the NINES. HELEN Honestly.
She raises her eyebrows at Jon. I don't want to infringe on your privacy. JON Huh? No. Air Marshal style. I’m really hoping this flight is quick and we get there on the ground safely. JON.. MEGAN Awesome. INT.55. MEGAN Ok. Megan sits next to an middle-aged man. What? MAN She MEGAN Listen. Oh god. Protect and serve . MEGAN No carry on? I noticed you didn’t put anything in the overhead bin. You don’t need to take a watch. She mimes a key locking her lips shut. I’ve got the first watch. . I’m not a good flier. who doesn’t notice. I’m sorry. I get it. I’ll take the first watch. Annie grips the armrest.. ANNIE Woooooooo . I’m gonna take a nap. (leaning in) . COACH SECTION . JON I’m not an Air Marshal. trying to maintain her composure but SHEER TERROR takes over..... LILLIAN That was really nice of you. Behind them. looks down at his feet. I’m not an Air Marshal. The pregnant woman is even more freaked out than Annie..MOMENTS LATER The plane is taking off. but I want you to know I appreciate your service to this country and I respect the hell out of you.
what are you doing? You’re supposed to be in your seat. we are still ascending! Please return to your seat. struggling to walk uphill as the plane ascends. It was terrible. PREGNANT WOMAN (CONT’D) Oh god. Take two. I was just -HELEN Annie.MOMENTS LATER The plane is still ascending. you’ll fall asleep. INT. it sounds like something’s happening. ANNIE Okay. Annie looks at Lillian who shrugs like “What the hell. It jolts a bit. ANNIE Thank you. When you wake up and we’ll be there. The plane is ascending now. I have something. Annie comes through the curtain and approaches. FEMALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT (yelling from jump seat) Ma’am. everyone strapped in. you’re going to have to return to your seat please. PREGNANT WOMAN I had a dream last night that we went down. Annie looks at the pill in Helen’s palm. Annie goes back to coach. Yeah.56. You were in it. Considers. . ANNIE I know but I’m freaking out. The plane hits a bump of turbulence. LILLIAN Annie. Helen.” FEMALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT Ma’am. FIRST CLASS . Annie is officially terrified. do it.
MEGAN I gotta know where you keep the gun man.57. relax. how are you gonna get it? . I should be sitting back there with her. I just can’t help but feel bad for you.. JON That can’t be true. In front of them. Becca looks perplexed... I just know of a guy that did a lot of undercover work.. HELEN Lill. I don’t stick a gun up my butt. LILLIAN God I feel terrible. MEGAN I didn’t say “up”. Megan is flirting with Jon. Just Kevin.A LITTLE LATER Rita has a cocktail. I feel like such a jerk.all I know is that he had tape marks all up and down his cheeks. RITA I’m sorry Becca.between the cheeks? JON No. People don’t keep guns up their asses because if you needed to use it. That’s stupid. Ankle. FIRST CLASS . lower back? You don’t. I promise you. She’ll be fine. I shouldn’t be in first class. You don’t even know what you want. She will make friends. this is your weekend. INT. hip. There’s much more of a sense of community in coach. You are treating yourself. RITA You’ve never been with anyone else?! BECCA Nope.
After we shower. Until I want you to find it. RITA Two double Seven and Sevens. MEGAN I can put my Nano. (holding up her ipod) And you’ll never find this again. could I have a glass of alcohol when you get a chance. BECCA (thrown) Kevin can only have sex in the bed. She signals the flight attendant. . Under the covers.58. MEGAN He cut a hole in his back pocket. it’s sweet. Behind them. BECCA Excuse me. I’m not tired. but I’m not tired. Becca’s eye are wide.. I will show you. In the dark. you want to tell me you can’t get to something? JON I don’t have a gun for you to put up my ass to make your point. Sometimes by the time we’re finished cleaning ourselves he’s too tired. Then I pretend I’m tired. Separately. Rita gives her a look like “WHAT?” RITA See that’s why every girl needs those slutty college years to experiment and get it out of their system. find out what you like. You’ve gotta get something out of your ass and you cut a hole in the back of your jeans. If you get me scissors. Rita and Becca are talking. I will cut a hole in my pocket. (to Becca) You’ll like it..
The pregnant lady is freaked. Helen hands a cocktail to Annie. This’ll just give that pill the kick it needs. and she got sucked into the toilet. that will do it. This is not helping Annie. I have too much adrenaline or something. ANNIE Helen gives her a wink and heads up back to first class. HELEN Are you okay? ANNIE Yes. I think what you gave me didn’t do anything. HELEN Here. COACH CLASS . Don’t waste anymore time. And I have a much smaller build than you.59. PREGNANT WOMAN You should just toss it back. I do it all the time. ANNIE Okay. FIRST CLASS . BECCA So you don’t even have sex anymore? . Helen comes back. Sucked right in. Annie downs the glass.DAY Becca and Rita are drinking. Thanks. take my Scotch. INT. PREGNANT WOMAN I have to go to the bathroom.CONTINUOUS Annie is FIDGETING. but I heard about a woman who went to the bathroom on a plane. INT.
Helen and Lillian are drinking champagne. The sex is constant. I’m relaxed. ANNIE I’m goooood.. I’m ready to paaaaarrrtttyyyy.60. I’m so much more relaxed now. rubs Lillian’s head. I just feel like I’m excited. The curtain sweeps open and a drugged Annie comes sauntering in... LILLIAN (CONT’D) Hey buddy. ANNIE What are you guys talking about up here? . Thank you Helen. how ya doin? Annie gives her a big druggy smile. The people from the Real World go there all the time. Sometimes I just want to watch The Daily Show without him entering me.with the best of them. HELEN And then we’re going to the MGM Grand Wet Republic Ultra Pool. RITA Oh no.. I have sex constantly. But he hasn’t kissed me in five years. And I’m gonna go down to the river! LILLIAN Wow. it looks like someone is really relaxing now. BECCA What are you doing when you’re having sex then? RITA Thinking about other things and wishing it would stop. LILLIAN I'm so excited! Annie pops up next to them. (starts singing) . then leans on the back of Lillian's chair.
Helen. this plane is very strict. ANNIE Gosh. ANNIE Hello grandpa. Coach passengers aren’t allowed up here in first class. I’m sorry. Big whoop. LILLIAN Yeah. can she just stay up here for a while? The sign's off. I'm gonna go take a nap. MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT Miss. It’s policy. Annie sweeps open the curtain and steps into coach. . ANNIE (mocking) You do? Oooh. I know the owner. Helen knows the owner. What do you say? STEVE. you cannot be up here. Welcome to Germany. HELEN We’re going to a restaurant tonight. Woo woo. LILLIAN Hey Annie. I just want to be up here with my friends. Okay. let’s go take a nap. Sorry.. A MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT appears. ANNIE Catch you on the flip side muthafuckas! LILLIAN I’m sorry. I’m with this group. she’s -ANNIE I’m leaving.61. LILLIAN I think that’s a good idea.. MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT No.
it’s not. MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT No you’re not. it’s not me. You were just up here and you put sunglasses on. Miss. ANNIE I’m with him. MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT ANNIE No. Lillian and Helen get up from their seats. who shrugs like “I don’t know what’s wrong with her. what did you give her? She looks at Helen.” INT. it’s civil rights. LILLIAN Holy shit. You are.62. Out. I’m Mrs. You’re in the wrong decade. ANNIE MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT Okay right. MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT Right. Iglesias. Please go back to your seat. ANNIE I don’t want to. ANNIE (CONT’D) This should be open. it’s you. FIRST CLASS . I am.MOMENTS LATER Annie comes back into first class wearing SUNGLASSES and sits down next to a man who looks like Enrique Iglesias. . MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT Yes. This is the 90’s.
LILLIAN (to flight attendant) Please. FEMALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT I’m afraid it’s not allowed. I’m poor. She’s obviously nervous. but Claire is right -ANNIE Everyone get back to your seats. what kind of name is that..63. MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT I understand. We’ll calm her down. . MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT It’s Steve. I’m the bride. Everyone should experience first class in their lives and I don't want Annie to miss out just because she couldn't afford a ticket. you’ve gotta try. You have three seconds to get back to your seat. The seat is empty. ANNIE Help me.. MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT Well. MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT That’s not a name. HELEN She can have my seat. ANNIE You’re setting me up for a loss already. We’re a whole wedding party. ANNIE You can’t get anywhere in three seconds. My name is Steve. ANNIE Stove. I’m getting married. ma’am. MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT You especially. (reading his name tag) Stove. Whatever you say.
Megan swings her leg up. Talks quietly to him.. two inches from the door. The flight attendant glares at her. Megan is right there. That can go up and higher. You get it? JON I definitely get it. I’m a man and my name is Steve. AT THE FRONT OF THE PLANE Jon walks out of the bathroom. JON I’ve got to get back to my seat. MEGAN Yeah.. blocking the door. you’ve got to get back . Could you move your leg please. MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT That’s absolutely accurate. MEGAN Uh oh. Jon tries to move Megan’s leg out of the way. MEGAN You feel that steam heat coming? That’s from my undercarriage. I’ve got to go. what’s that? Somebody found a souvenir. “not-Air-Marshal Jon”. ANNIE Are you an appliance? MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT No. JON I should get back to my seat.64. on my seat. Maybe we should go back into the restroom and not rest. MEGAN Hey. ANNIE You’re a flight attendant. coach. Annie leaps back into .
DAY Annie is seated.. There is a colonial woman on the wing. MEGAN (CONT’D) Jon. Her eyes go WIDE.) (over intercom) I have an announcement too. FEMALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT Ladies and gentlemen. FIRST CLASS . Lillian recognizes Annie's voice. It seems we’ve found rough patch of weather here-ANNIE (O.As you can see. The plane shakes a little. he walks past a drunk Rita and Becca. I’ve gotta take a whiz and then I’ll be right back. BECCA Stop it! You’re more beautiful than Cinderella. BECCA How do you think I feel? RITA You can still turn it around. Megan lets him pass and opens the bathroom door. get us a blanket. You smell like pine needles and you have a face like like sunshine. the captain has turned on the fasten-your-seat belt sign. INT. RITA I don’t want you to be a big fuck up like me. INT.. She looks past the pregnant woman and out the window.S. As Jon escapes.CONTINUOUS The flight attendant gets on the microphone. COACH SECTION . shit. Oh.65. Cool. LILLIAN .
. I saw her. Annie DUCKS away. passing the pregnant woman. PREGNANT WOMAN (CONT’D) Where is this woman? Who is she?! What does she want?! Passengers get HYSTERICAL. WYOMING TERMINAL . Annie runs past Rita and Becca who are now MAKING OUT. Megan jumps up. There is a woman on the wing. I knew it! I got your back. ANNIE There is a colonial woman on the wing. RUNS up the aisle. and draws his gun and a taser. Jon! In the back of plane. Lillian jumps up and runs back to help Annie. CUT TO: INT. He runs to the back of the plane.66. who is still trying to yell into the mic. towards the bathroom. who reaches for her. all three flight attendants are battling with Annie. JON ALL RIGHT.DAY Annie and Lillian are being escorted off the plane in handcuffs by the police and Air Marshal Jon. There’s something they’re not telling us! She is out there right now! PREGNANT WOMAN LET’S GET OUT! LET’S OPEN THE DOORS AND GET OUT. SAY GOODBYE! WE’RE GOING DOWN! Lillian and the flight attendant grapple. PEOPLE. FAKES the Air Marshal out and climbs over people to get to the other aisle and heads for first class. She is churning butter. The unhappy bridesmaids follow. Megan APPEARS from the galley and tackles her. Jon jumps up MEGAN Yes! I knew it!! Holy shit. EVERYONE REMAIN CALM! I’M AN AIR MARSHAL.
For the shower.. I have so many ideas.DAY The bridesmaids are BUMMED. That’s probably best. right? ANNIE I just want you to be happy. Annie looks crushed. LILLIAN I think so. you’re not fine Annie. She’s good at it and she likes doing it. INT. She does it all the time. I get it. ANNIE LILLIAN I think that it would be best for here on out. I’m fine. LILLIAN I think that will make me happy. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. BUS .. LILLIAN No. I’m telling you. . This way you don’t have to plan any more lunches or trips. LILLIAN I wanted to talk to you about something. your shower is going to be amazing. It’s starting to make you crazy. ANNIE Whatever you want. ANNIE Let me make it up to you please. Annie sits next to Lillian. We need things to just flow smoothly from now on and Helen knows how to do this kind of stuff. ANNIE Lill. This has been very overwhelming for you.67. for everything.
BAR . INT. I just know it. RHODES So you’re like the maid of dishonor. Have you ever been kicked off a plane? RHODES I can’t say I have. ANNIE I’ve been hearing that for a long time. RHODES It’s gonna turn around... ANNIE’S CAR .NIGHT Annie drives home depressed. ANNIE All of the girls hate me right now. ANNIE It’s not funny. she sees Rhodes’ car sitting on the side of the road in his usual spot.68.. You gotta bake. RHODES It will turn around.NIGHT Rhodes and Annie are talking in the middle of a crowded bar. Up ahead.. ANNIE I wish things were they way they used to be. Do you want to hang out? INT. . Annie pulls up next to him. I feel like her life is going off and getting perfect and mine is just. ANNIE I hope Lillian won’t be mad at me too long. ANNIE Hi. RHODES She’ll be alright.
ANNIE Oh well. I stopped. you know. If I wasn’t a cop. RHODES Just because you didn’t make any money doesn’t mean you failed at it. (beat) I probably wouldn’t do that. It doesn’t make me happy anymore. (beat) You’re ok. ANNIE I don’t really do that anymore. You’ve got some stuff. Thanks. ANNIE You don’t know me very well. Why? RHODES ANNIE After it went under. RHODES I just don’t know how you can not do it anymore. I would still go out with a gun and shoot people. No more baking. You’ve got bits and pieces going on. I’m done. I told you. All my money. let’s change the subject. ANNIE I lost a lot of money.69. RHODES You’re so good at it. ANNIE RHODES I’ve been thinking about you a little bit. . RHODES I know you well enough to know that you’re not so bad.
staring at her.70.. I didn’t mean to sleep over. RHODES Don’t be silly. I guess I fell asleep. She looks like a disaster. Annie instantly seems a little freaked out. RHODES Good morning.NIGHT Annie and Rhodes fly through the door. INT. DARK APARTMENT . ANNIE INT. So am I. ANNIE Where’s the bedroom? RHODES I am so glad this is happening.. (still smiling) I made you a cappuccino. He is in a t-shirt and shorts. RHODES Sorry to freak you out. It is a role reversal of her relationship with Ted. ANNIE About me? Really? RHODES There’s something about you. I haven’t been sitting here that long.that sticks. She reacts when she sees Rhodes sitting on the bed. making out.MORNING Annie wakes up. ANNIE Good morning. ANNIE You made it? . ANNIE Sorry. RHODES DUPLEX . Looks like a kid in love.
sugar. Why don’t you get dressed though.CONTINUOUS Rhodes walks in with a big smile. Very fun. then turns to Annie. I left your clothes over there. ANNIE’S POV: The kitchen counter is laid out with mixing bowls and baking pans and brand new ingredients like flour. Annie stares at the ingredients in horror. INT. milk. etc. Bits and pieces--butter. eggs. ANNIE It was. would you mind following me into the kitchen? The fun may continue. RHODES Last night was fun.. because you are the expert. Your workshop awaits. Rhodes stands up. butter. RHODES’ KITCHEN . vanilla. It is clean and organized.. I thought it would be fun for us to bake together today. Annie looks around the room. but it’s nothing like Ted’s apartment. Annie looks surprised. at best. She walks in and stops as Rhodes gestures grandly at something. RHODES (CONT’D) I know it’s a bit crazy. but I popped out and got a few little things. (catching himself) A different kind of fun. The place is modest. RHODES Annie Walker. Obviously you will be doing the baking and I will be doing the eating. RHODES There she is. He chuckles.71. ANNIE I know you went through all this trouble but I don’t really want to-- . ANNIE (smiling) Ok.
RHODES ANNIE I’m sorry. RHODES Annie. RHODES Come on. just get into it. Alright. RHODES (CONT’D) Alright I get it. She exits. then heads for the door.72. Don’t be silly. I don’t need you to fix me. Annie is uncomfortable. we had a really good time and now you’re being all -ANNIE It’s my fault. ANNIE I think I’m gonna go. It’s obvious he really cares about her. but it will be great. stunned. You don’t know anything about me or my life. it was a bit of a curve ball. Rhodes stares at her. This was all a mistake. Last night was a mistake. Rhodes stares after . It was all my fault. I don’t know what you’re getting so upset about. I know you haven’t done it a while. Who do you think you are? RHODES Jesus Annie. I don’t know what you’re trying to do here. ANNIE Because you don’t know me. RHODES To fix you? ANNIE I don’t need any help. slamming the door behind her. She stares back at him. She stares at him. You’re so good at it. I shouldn’t have come here last night. her. Sorry.
Okay. She finds Lillian's name on her phone and dials. I’d bring it to you but you said ‘don’t touch my things. surprised that she slept this late. Oh. ANNIE Hey Lill. When Annie opens the lid.” She opens it. . it’s 11 AM. nice. the excitement continues with me. Annie wakes up.A COUPLE OF WEEKS LATER The clock reads 11 am. Inside the lid. so just call me when yo get a chance. So naturally.MORNING Annie gets in her car. bye.MORNING . a candle that has two wicks and says on the outside “Lillian and Dougie. I hope not. BRYNN Annie wake up. and cute. I’d love to talk this out with you when you can. Anyway. INT. Twin Flames.’ She goes into the living room and sees a beautiful pink and white striped box with her name and address in calligraphy sitting on the table. “CANON IN D” PLAYS and a real butterfly flies out. I ran off as fast as I could. ANNIE'S CAR . “A Shower for Lillian.. Brynn pops her head in.” In the box. An Atmospheria Special Addition. INT. it’s me. What’s wrong with me? I know you’re busy with stuff. there is a chocolate sculpture of Lillian and Doug as Bride and Groom.73. depressed and confused. He was really sweet. She gets Lillian’s voicemail. ANNIE BRYNN You got a package. KNOCK at the door.” A stunned Annie takes a card out that reads “A SHOWER FOR LILLIAN.. I just slept with a cop that pulled me over and woke up today with him. I’m sure you’re still probably a bit mad at me. ANNIE'S APARTMENT . it reads. shit.
Yay! The butterfly lands on her face. ANNIE I’m not weird. HELEN (V. and richer. You’ll get older and maybe she’ll find a new best friend. I want to get her a necklace that says ‘Best Friends Forever.74. and they end up doing everything together.O. GIRL (O. No offense.S. Responde S’il Vous Plait.DAY Annie stares at wedding rings in the counter.’ ANNIE Are you sure you want it to say forever? (off the girl’s “duh” face) I don’t think you guys will be together forever. but the friends you have when you’re younger.) Please join us for a Parisian brunch at the home of Helen Harris III to celebrate the marriage of Lillian Donovan and Douglas Price. A snotty 13 year old rich GIRL stands at Annie’s counter with an iced coffee. GIRL You’re weird.) Excuse me!! Annie looks up. INT. GIRL Yes you are. sometimes you grow apart. CHOLODECKI’S . and skinnier. . Let us “shower” Lillian with gifts and love. GIRL (CONT’D) I’m looking for a birthday gift for my best friend. And maybe she’ll be more successful than you are. chewing gum. and prettier.
ANNIE Call me when your boobs come in. ANNIE No I’m not. GIRL I feel bad for your face.75. GIRL You look like an old mop. ANNIE What. ANNIE (miming a blow job) I’m sure you are. GIRL You’re an old single loser who is never going to have any friends. GIRL You started it. ANNIE You’re a little cunt. you aren’t as popular as you think you are. ANNIE You know. GIRL You call me when yours come in. Very popular. You started it. GIRL I’m very popular. CUT TO: . I feel bad for your parents. Did you forget to take your Xanax this morning? ANNIE God. GIRL ANNIE Have fun having a baby at your prom. do you have four boyfriends? Exactly.
CONTINUOUS She sits in her parked car listening to a message on her cell. I won’t be bothering you ever again. ANNIE Was she mad? Mmm-hmm. RHODES (O. ANNIE’S BEDROOM . Let me tell my mom. disappointed. Rhodes hangs up. okay? DON I already told her.DAY Don stands across from Annie who finishes cleaning out her locker. She sadly starts to leave. unsure if she’s made the right decision about him or not. INT. DON’S OFFICE . DON Don walks out. Since you aren’t returning any of my calls I assume you aren’t interested in spending any more time with me. Annie looks confused and torn. ANNIE What do you mean? I don’t get it. So don’t worry. . BRYNN We’d like to invite you to no longer live with us anymore. INT.) (on phone) Hey Annie. which is fine.S.DAY Brynn and Gil sit at the edge of Annie’s bed. (beat) Get those tail lights fixed.76. its Rhodes again. ANNIE Sorry. INT. ANNIE’S CAR .
EXT. Annie absorbs this. BRYNN You’re moving out. BRYNN (CONT’D) Oh. And guess what just came in today on the Netflix? “Castaway. BRYNN GIL So we’re actually going to live together alone.77. MOM Aw. JUDY'S HOUSE . GIL (tries to soften it) We decided it’s a bit immature for a grown up brother and sister to still be living together with a roommate at this age. I. Brynn touches Annie’s leg to console her. for one. am really glad you’re here. that’s prickly. come here. driveway. Without you. We look a bit silly don’t we? Pathetic. BRYNN (to Gil) She has to.DAY Annie gets out of her loaded car.” Tom Hanks. We’re going to have fun. GIL She will move. (to Annie) You have to go. Her mom meets her in the ANNIE Remember when you thought I hit bottom? That wasn’t bottom. (MORE) . eventually. BRYNN (CONT’D) She’s not moving.
Shit. that’s good.78. Her jaw drops. Annie struggles to drive while holding the too-full glass. plantation-style./EXT. EXT. You’re going to love it. tree-lined driveway. The sign has been vandalized to read “Cock Baby. She takes a sip. but on an island. wrought-iron gates that lead to a beautiful. ANNIE I don’t have a cup-holder. BUTLER The shower is over the second bridge.” INT. ANNIE (CONT’D) (mumbling) Pink lemonade. Nice touch. Pink lemonade? He hands her a crystal glass of pink lemonade with a large orchid sticking out of it. that is fresh. CUT TO: . ANNIE’S CAR . MOM (CONT'D) It’s like Forrest Gump. MILWAUKEE STREET .DAY She drives past a stone column inscribed “The Harris House established 2006” and proceeds through two huge. BUTLER Are you a guest of Helen Harris III? ANNIE Yeah. AT THE NEXT STOP SIGN A BUTLER appears with a tray.DAY Annie stands outside the closed Cake Baby storefront. I guess so. But he has moved on to the next car. ANNIE (CONT’D) Goddamnit. She is annoyed.
ANNIE Yeah. The house of a very rich person.DAY Annie walks into the backyard and stops. Helen’s house is ALL cream and white with gold. LILLIAN Hey Annie. groups of girls pass by her.DAY Annie arrives at the main house straddling a WHITE HORSE. you’re here! . shocked. She struggles to dismount. In the middle of everything stands an eight foot tall HEART COOKIE that says “Lillian and Dougie!” in puffy pink cursive. Girls are around it dipping in strawberries and smaller cookies. with a horseman leading her on foot. SHOWER GIRLS This is the most beautiful shower I’ve ever been to/Can you believe this?/Did you see the party favors?!/What a good friend . but huge and over the top. A giant cake shaped like the Eiffel Tower. A TRIO WITH AN ACCORDION PLAYER PLAYS FRENCH STANDARDS. LIVE SWANS and bunnies mill about. Annie takes it all in. HELEN’S ESTATE ... EXT. ANNIE’S POV: It’s all of the Paris shower ideas she told Helen. art hangs everywhere. Attendants in full French outfits ready to serve. EXT. A waiter offers her champagne. Couches are puffy. her jaw dropping.79. WAITER (fake French accent) Would you like some champagne? It’s French. HELEN’S ESTATE . REVEAL a glorious four-tiered CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN.. Decorations to make it look like France are everywhere. laughing. no kidding. The horseman looks annoyed. As Annie enters the mansion. The front door is swung open by two attendants.BACKYARD ..
Forgive me. ANNIE LILLIAN And we’re cool? .have so much to tell you. LILLIAN Can you believe this? Isn’t this amazing? ANNIE Yep. you’re here. ANNIE LILLIAN Sorry I haven’t called back. LILLIAN .80. I’m here.. here I am..you look great.. ANNIE I didn’t want to bug you. Are we ok? Yes. but I just. ANNIE I totally understand. I’ve been.. it’s nice. Like you’ve arrived.. ANNIE Yeah... ANNIE (CONT’D) LILLIAN They both speak at the same time. Awkward silence. I just meant.. I was invited. You too. Yeah. right? LILLIAN No yeah. ANNIE Well. swamped. there’s just lots of organizing and- LILLIAN So you’re cool? Yup.
She opens a box filled with LILLIAN LILLIAN Rita. LILLIAN (CONT’D) Awww. kid.LATER Lillian is opening presents. right? For sure. This is so unbelievable. beautiful towels. you got all our towels? RITA Love you. Awkward silence. It’s a box of all my favorite things from stores I love in Milwaukee. She stands there alone. Annie watches her go. HELEN’S GREAT ROOM . smiling. Doesn’t look like the others. frustrated by the brief encounter. Lillian then grabs a gift. INT. Lillian runs off. I have to say hi to my aunt or she’ll get mad at my mom. It’s quirky. ANNIE Super cool. Lillian unwraps it. beams) Wilson Phillips? MEGAN I love Wilson Phillips. Rita takes a picture. thank you. LILLIAN We listened to “Hold On” probably 10.000 times when I got my driver’s license. obviously from Annie. Annie.81. I can tell by the wrapping. We’ll talk later though. (pulling out a CD. tons of bows. LILLIAN (CONT’D) OK. . great. Inside is. homemade. This is such an amazing gift.. It’s us. LILLIAN I know who this is from..
then grabs Helen and hugs her tightly. That’s more than enough. Then. Annie watches them. we’re going to meet your wedding dress designer and have a fitting! LILLIAN Paris? YOU GOT ME A TRIP TO PARIS?!!! Lillian jumps up and down. Oh my god. They share a moment. I’ve been so busy putting the shower together that all I did was get you a card. in shock . Shrugs like “it was nothing. Helen hands her an envelope.82. what are you doing? .” Helen looks a bit self-conscious. Annie looks pleased. with Annie. Lillian opens the card and reads it. you threw me this shower. LILLIAN (CONT’D) Helen. ANNIE Are you fucking kidding me? Annie? JUDY ANNIE MOTHERFUCKING PARIS?! LILLIAN Annie.. Helen exchanges a look LAURIE Honey. LILLIAN Helen. what is it? LILLIAN Helen’s taking me to Paris. then something (finally) snaps. throwing a smug look at Helen. And while we’re there. HELEN Now I feel bad.. HELEN Ha ha! Got you! (then) Just a little pre-wedding vacation.
ANNIE (CONT’D) Stupid fucking cookie! . ANNIE No! What.83. you know what!? That reminds me. I told you Paris! I told you about ALL this stuff! LILLIAN Annie. Look at this shower! LOOK at that fucking COOKIE!! Did you really think this group of women would finish that cookie? Hey. Right? Annie. ANNIE (to Helen) I told you she wanted to go to Paris. She takes swings at the cookie. and stupid. punching it. would have walked in here and rolled your eyes and thought this was completely over the top. I was. I’m not. you’re going to go to Paris with Helen now?! Are you going to ride around on bikes with berets and fucking baguettes in the basket of the front of your bikes? How romantic! What woman gives another woman a trip to Paris? Am I right? Lesbian! We’re all thinking it aren’t we? Rita and Becca are uncomfortable. The ‘you’ that I know. ridiculous. I don’t think I ever got a piece! Annie storms outside. LILLIAN ANNIE Lillian this is not the ‘you’ I know. calm down. we’re all thinking it. BECCA MEGAN ANNIE Yes.
Lillian storms outside seething. ANNIE Thank you very much. She is fighting and punching the air like a crazy person. A little girl starts crying. In fact. god. ANNIE (CONT’D) Oooh. LILLIAN This is supposed to be my time. ANNIE (CONT’D) (as she scoops) Is this what you want Lillian!? Nothing says friendship like 1. delicious! Ooo! Maybe it’s better if I dip it in the CHOCOLATE!! She tries to take the cookie off its stand to carry it. It’s too huge. shoves it in her mouth. everything has turned to shit. Everyone is watching Annie. out of her asshole! WHICH I’M SURE IS PERFECTLY BLEACHED! . She starts to empty the HOT chocolate with her hands onto the ground. it’s so hot. She rips off a large hunk. You would know that if you got your beautiful-haired-head out of your asshole. (pointing to Helen) It’s all her fault. ow! Oh. thank you very much.84. Ever since you got engaged. chasing a swan. It’s way too heavy.000 gallons of unsanitary chocolate! (still scooping) Ow. Annie punches her fist up through the cookie and struggles awkwardly to get out from under it. She falls backwards and the cookie falls on top of her. LILLIAN Annie. let me fill you in. She storms over to the chocolate fountain and tries to tip it over. You have managed to ruin every event in my wedding. what are you doing? What is going on?! ANNIE What am I doing? You wouldn’t know. Where have you been?! You would have no idea. ow. It’s not mine. Well.
Annie walks fast through the lobby. LILLIAN IT IS! You know how I know? Because I went to the fucking salon with her and I GOT MY ASSHOLE BLEACHED TOO! And I LOVE my new asshole! Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back like a normal person! ANNIE I am happy for you. They’re . DOORMAN Party favor? LILLIAN No. Lill. Helen. Anyone else have anything they want to share today? No one says anything..85. A PUPPY.. Annie looks at her. On her way out the door. the DOORMAN offers her the party favor. Lillian soon follows. LILLIAN (CONT’D) And if you’re going to act like this. Lillian follows her. upset. LILLIAN Are you kidding me? Annie! Annie storms off back through the house. MEGAN I took two dogs already! in the back of my van. Megan’s hand shoots up. She does not get a dog! Annie walks out. don’t even bother coming to my wedding. Lillian. I am very happy for you. HELEN I’m proud of you. and then is gone. LILLIAN Shut up. This hangs in the air. Lillian turns to sees all the women standing behind Helen. her hands and forearms completely covered in chocolate. then . no! She does not get a party favor. I wish you well and I won’t bother you anymore.
CLASSY! This is perfect! WHIR-WHIR-WHIR. HIGHWAY . RHODES Well. hard. (suddenly losing it) DO YOU KNOW HOW CRAZY THAT MAKES ME?! SEEING YOU DRIVING PAST NIGHT AFTER NIGHT AND YOU STILL HAVEN’T GOTTEN THOSE FUCKING LIGHTS FIXED?! DO YOU KNOW HOW FRUSTRATING THAT IS?! THERE WAS A SIMPLE SOLUTION AND YOU DIDN’T DO IT!! (MORE) I . The driver behind her then backs up. ANNIE (sheepish) I know. sitting on her lap. driving down the highway.86. did tell you to get your lights fixed. a PORCUPINE crosses the road in front of her. INT. Helen just -RHODES This didn’t happen because of Helen. She looks over as MEGAN’S VAN SPEEDS PAST HER. I can’t say I’m surprised. peels out and drives away. at her wit’s end.DAY Rhodes is looking at the damage. As she stares at the van. EXT. RHODES And now here we are. ANNIE (yelling after car) Hit and run. Her car won’t start. ANNIE Look I’ve had a horrible day. He's distant but dutiful. This happened because you didn’t get your tail lights fixed.DAY Annie is pissed. laying on the dashboard. ANNIE’S CAR . Pretty simple. I don’t need a lecture from you right now. She puts her forehead on the steering wheel. PACKED WITH DOGS who are looking out the windows. She slams on her brakes to avoid hitting it and BOOM! Annie is rear-ended.
ANNIE So.with these broken lights. You were so nice and I feel like you-RHODES Like I said. that's it? RHODES Yes. but I didn’t. don’t bother. You made me feel like you really liked me. don't bother. RHODES (CONT'D) Your problem Annie. . Annie is speechless. What is done is done. Which is really unfair. I don’t know what’s going on with me right now -RHODES It’s fine.. what. that’s how it works.. done is done. Annie is stunned. ANNIE Please. is that you just don’t understand that you could hurt people.87. RHODES Don’t worry about it. Come on -ANNIE RHODES For the record Annie. I should have gotten my taillights fixed. you flirted with me. I’m just in a weird place right now. fun stuff. your message was received. What's He turns and starts walking toward his car. Seriously. ANNIE Look. Then you came home with me and we did stuff. and then you left like it was nothing. Don’t you see how irresponsible that is? ANNIE Yes.
Rhodes gets into his car. RHODES That’s the problem with cops Annie. I know how guys do this thing. TED (CONT’D) Come on Dingus. She sadly gets into Ted's car. One minute it means something the next minute it doesn't. how they act. RHODES Right. Annie looks defeated. pretty good? Rhodes stops and turns to look at her. we’re never there when you need us. TED (CONT’D) Thanks officer. ANNIE Oh please. Tic-tock.88. Come on! RHODES Just then. you got it all figured out. I can take it from here. TED screeches up in his Porsche. . How’s that working out for you. What’s up fuck buddy? You called for some roadside assistance? Rhodes’ face drops. ANNIE I didn't have anyone else to call! I didn’t know you were going to show up. unsure. I have shit to do. drives off. TED Boom. TED That cop talks weird. then SIGHS.
it’s super gravelly.. What? ANNIE TED Just take a little lap nap. Annie looks at him.89.MOMENTS LATER ANNIE Thanks for picking me up. You look tired. ANNIE Please pull over! Why? TED ANNIE (looking at him) I just realized I would rather get murdered out here than spend the next half hour with you. If you’re tired you can totally lay down in my lap. if you want. TED'S CAR . please stop the car. it is Friday. Now. (pointing) Open for biz. just please stop the car. TED No. ANNIE Can you please pull over? TED That’s an even better idea. ANNIE Were you busy? TED Well.. INT. Then . TED Not a problem. . thinking. I want to get out. ANNIE No. If you want.
Ted pulls over. Heel. and heads off down the shoulder of the road. Heel. I’d probably be more comfortable with six. INT. Megan puts the dogs on the porch then closes the door. Annie gets out. The DOORBELL rings. But you wouldn't know that because you haven't been returning my calls. Heel. you’re no longer my number three! INT. learn about it. I overcommitted with this whole dog thing. Annie opens the door.NIGHT Annie sits on the couch waiting Castaway. Besides. MEGAN is standing there with 7 PUPPIES from Helen’s shower on leashes. Annie is sobbing. Then . He drives beside her. MEGAN (CONT’D) Heel. MEGAN I’m coming in. ANNIE'S MOM'S LIVING ROOM . JUDY’S HOUSE . He’s losing his friend.90. Megan barges into the house with the dogs leading the way. Uh. She closes the door. she sits on the couch with Annie.MOMENTS LATER. straightens her sweater. ANNIE How many did you take? MEGAN Oh. grabbing her purse.LIVING ROOM . It’s a lot of energy to deal with. I would never last a half hour. TED Annie. it’s called humor. Heel. It’s the tearjerking scene when Wilson the volleyball is floating away from Tom Hanks. MEGAN Heel. I took nine. TED (CONT’D) You used me! (As she walks away) Fine. Heel. Heel.
ANNIE You know what I mean. I can’t get off the couch. I got fired from my job.91. I don’t have any friends -Megan stands up and starts pacing then gets in Annie’s face. Do you know why that’s interesting? Here’s a friend standing directly in front of you trying to talk to you and you choose to talk about having no friends. my car is a piece of shit. ANNIE No. MEGAN You're an asshole Annie. Life bothering you? Life's hard. ANNIE Ow. MEGAN You know what I find interesting about that Annie? It’s interesting to me that you have absolutely no friends. You want a pity party. I got kicked out of my apartment. MEGAN You know what I think? She pokes Annie. huh? Life can push you around. Stop it. Then continues to prod and push her as she MEGAN (CONT’D) You don't want help. What are you doing? MEGAN What? Am I bothering you? I’m life. talks. ANNIE And say what? Hi. I'm your life. I don't. I can’t pay any of my bills. . You’re gonna let life bite you on the ass? Then Megan sits on top of Annie and holds her arms. Megan shoves Annie.
Do you think I let that stop me? Do you think I went home crying to my mommy. This was not easy going up and down the halls with. I’m sorry. I’m referring to myself when I say Megan. I don't have any friends. I read every book in the library and now I work for the government and have the highest possible security clearance. Not the case Annie. it’s me Megan. ANNIE Oh my god. "Oh. MEGAN You would be amazed. They called me a freak. literally. I know where all the nukes are and I know the codes. MEGAN I’m not. MEGAN (CONT’D) I’m trying to get you to fight for your shitty life and you won’t do it. ANNIE I won’t say anything." I did not. Annie SMACKS Megan hard in the face.92. Megan looks like she might get mad. I studied hard. a lot of shopping malls. I’m glad to see you’ve got a little bit of spark in you. but then she smiles. I’m your shitty life Annie. (then) I think you’re ready to hear a little story about a girl named Megan who didn’t have a very good time in high school. I cannot protect you. You know what I did? I pulled myself up. Don’t repeat that. Nice hit. I know you look at me now and think. People used to throw firecrackers on my head in high school. . boy she must have breezed through high school. Don’t repeat that. They used to try to blow me up. Firecrackers. not figuratively. I knew that Annie was in there somewhere.
(smelling her hair) Oh Annie. MEGAN I have six houses. You’ve got to wash your hair. I do not associate with people that blame the world for their problems cause you’re your problem Annie. Come on. MEGAN (CONT’D) There’s the Annie I knew was there. I just miss her I guess. and you’re also your solution. . Megan exhales. JUDY’S HOUSE . winded. You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. I love you. wash your hair. ANNIE I won’t.MOMENTS LATER Annie walks up and smiles at her mom. INT. You get that? This hits Annie. You lost Lillian. ANNIE Nothing. I know you do. I bought an eighteen wheeler just cause I could.LATER The kitchen is a mess as Annie bakes something. JUDY’S HOUSE . You got another best friend sitting right in front of you if you’d notice. bring it in. They hug.KITCHEN . Annie's speechless. very focused. JUDY What's going on? Annie hugs her mom. INT. MEGAN I know you do.93.BEDROOM . ANNIE Yes.
EXT. ANNIE Wow. Annie deflated. she drives away. don’t I know you from AA? 117 BILL Oh my gosh. They smile a each other. It’s a cake shaped like a carrot that says “I’m Sorry. ANNIE Are you serious? Annie sees something warm in him. it looks fantastic. BILL COZBI’S BODY SHOP . then leaves. She ducks down. 117 She walks .” He stares at it as Annie watches. EXT. sparks an idea. then rings the doorbell and runs back to her car.NIGHT Annie drives past Rhodes’ place. She looks pleased. then continues on sadly. Heartbroken. Annie motions for her mom to talk to Bill. over and grabs her mom. INT. writes her bill. ANNIE (CONT’D) This is my mom. a big pleasant mechanic in his 50’s.DAY Annie stands looking at her fixed and cleaned-up car as BILL COZBI. then) Wait. BILL Rhodes and I worked a deal out way back when so it’s on the house. you made that artichoke dip didn’t you. Rhodes opens the front door and looks down. RHODES DUPLEX . She sees the cake still sitting on the stoop. he heads back into the house and closes the door. RHODES DUPLEX .94. Judy sits reading an ancient magazine in the waiting area. Judy. Drags her over. leaving the cake out there. It was just delicious.DAY Annie puts a cake box on the stoop in front of Rhodes’ front door. Happy. JUDY (looks at Bill. Then.
JUDY You can put syrup on it.. I’ll fix you a tuna fish sandwich. we looked everywhere. I know. HELEN ANNIE What do you want? HELEN (strangely calm) I was wondering if you knew where Lillian was? ANNIE What do you mean? HELEN She disappeared after the Rehearsal dinner last night. Annie answers the door in her clothes.she’s lost him. still sitting in the same place on the stoop.MORNING Annie is sleeping.. ANNIE It’s eight in the morning. Helen stops her.DAY Annie drives past the house AGAIN. JUDY Are you sure you’re not gonna come with me today? It’s Lillian’s big day. JUDY’S HOUSE . EXT. . It’s HELEN. Judy enters in her bathrobe. she doesn’t want me there. I can’t find her. ANNIE Mom. JUDY’S HOUSE . The cake is being eaten by RACCOONS. INT. RHODES DUPLEX .95. It hits her. INT.SOME TIME LATER DING DONG. She starts to close the door. JUDY Okay.
right? You’re her best friend. ANNIE What? HELEN She’s missing. It’s weird that you don’t know. HELEN Annie I want to apologize to you. A123 A123 HELEN I just don’t know what could have possibly gone wrong. I had organized everything to the last final detail.DAY Helen and Annie are driving. . it had come in from Paris.96. I know I hurt you and that I created a distance between you and Lillian and I want to apologize for that and everything that happened at the shower. Can you help? ANNIE (suddenly concerned) Wait here. Everything was going smoothly. ANNIE’S CAR . It is beyond awkward. INT. You should know. I think I know someone that could help. She fights to remain completely composed. you guys are so close. her face is starting to get red and her eyes are welling up. I don’t want to hear anymore honestly. I just don’t know what happened to her. I just don’t want to talk to you. The dress looked fantastic. As Helen starts to talk. personally. for all the things that have gone down. ANNIE I don’t know. Dougie was being great and very helpful. I’ll get my keys. with Las Vegas -ANNIE Okay.
HELEN I think people only ask me to do their weddings because I’m good at organizing parties. like all year. Annie looks disturbed. Helen is now beet red and looks almost like she’s in pain as she fights with every muscle in her body to remain composed. But it’s a little too late for that. Helen’s hands and body contort and her face gets redder and sweatier. ANNIE I don’t feel sorry for you. I don’t think it did. HELEN (CONT’D) I don’t have any female friends. . I’m basically just by myself. and not pretty. No it did. ANNIE HELEN No. HELEN And I don’t think that Brazilian food really gave us food poisoning. I thought it was beautiful. HELEN Perry never wants to talk to me either. I shit my pants. ANNIE Thanks. Helen is now crying. that was my fault. Annie cracks a smile. ANNIE It was the food.97. you have really lovely taste. ANNIE No. He travels a lot. HELEN You know I really liked that original dress you picked at the bridal store. HELEN I don’t think that was your fault.
Flips to the next page of the paper. . HELEN Well. ANNIE You’re an ugly crier. (to Rhodes) Officer! Roll down your window! Excuse me! Please! ANNIE Rhodes. I still look pretty right? EXT. Icing Annie. ANNIE (yelling over Helen) Rhodes! Rhodes. HELEN He’s ignoring you. Rhodes starts to roll up his window. ANNIE Maybe just a little bit.DAY Rhodes sits in his car at his post. Rhodes lifts a sandwich to his mouth and takes a casual bite. I’m not really an ugly crier. reading a newspaper. Annie’s car pulls up next to him. HELEN I ruined my makeup. but that’s okay. It makes me kind of happy. But I need your help. ROAD . HELEN (CONT’D) Why are you smiling? ANNIE This is the first time I’ve seen you look ugly. I don’t really look ugly. I know you can hear me and I know you’re mad at me. please. HELEN I look ugly? (laughing and crying) No I don’t.98.
sending up a cloud of smoke. Makes the siren give one small sad BLOOP. He takes another bite of his sandwich. ignoring her. HELEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! ANNIE Just trying to get his attention. this time swerving all over the road. She’s gonna try again. ANNIE I’m speeding! You better pull me over!! Rhodes REALLY wants to.. Helen is scared. She finally pulls up behind him and taps the back of his car. ROAD . thinking. doing a donut in the middle of the road.CONTINUOUS Annie’s car SPEEDS past Rhodes. that would have been dangerous for a good driver. EXT. RHODES (CONT’D) Are you crazy? All that stuff.. drinking a 40 oz. but instead takes out a pen and starts doing the crossword.99. Really. HELEN You know this guy? Annie stares at him. Annie turns around again. then drives away.CONTINUOUS She speeds by Rhodes again. She yells to him. Rhodes folds his paper into a square and prepares to do the crossword. speeding past even faster. throwing a bunch of TRASH and DIET COKE CANS out of the window. burning rubber. EXT.. Rhodes sets down his crossword and turns on his flashing lights. . This time she honks the horn and flashes her headlights. RHODES Annie speeds by again and again. She screeches to a stop. ROAD . He fights to continue ignoring her. Then quickly gets out of his car. blaring music. Annie looks back and turns the car around.
RHODES (into phone) Uh huh. RHODES’ CAR .please. RHODES How long has she been gone? ANNIE She’s been missing for like twelve hours. Annie and Helen stand. We can’t find Lillian. Uh huh. I need your help..100. Do you know where that is? . watching.. ANNIE I’m sorry.MOMENTS LATER Rhodes is on his phone as he types on the car’s computer. HELEN Please Nathan. Let me get on with my job Annie. ANNIE (sincere) Nathan. thanks. Have you ever seen CSI? Twenty four hours. RHODES Hello Helen. Rhodes is immediately speechless. EXT. RHODES Twelve hours? It’s not a missing person until it’s at least twenty four hours. I’ve heard wonderful things. RHODES Who’s this one? ANNIE (hesitates) This is Helen. Okay. I really need your help. (then) We’ve traced her cell phone to the corner of Craner and Rose.
that was crazy of her. This is the kind of high-octane stuff that made me want to be a cop. talking softly to each other. HELEN Thank god. Thank you. Means I won’t have to stop you again. Annie reads between the lines. That’s embarrassing. Missing girl found at her apartment. We did.101. . Let’s go. RHODES (underwhelmed) No. ANNIE (to Rhodes) We found her! I’m so sorry. RHODES I’m glad that you got your tail lights fixed. It’s adrenaline pinching. Let’s go. thank you. RHODES So you’re saying she’s at her apartment? That’s what you’re telling me? ANNIE She must have gone back after you left. HELEN Annie. ANNIE (to Helen) That’s her apartment. you’re welcome.. The girls are quiet and perplexed.. I didn't mean to waste your time. let’s go! It’s over. I thought you said you looked there. HELEN Last night.It’s nice to see you. RHODES God. ANNIE .
102. RHODES Anyway, go and save your friend from her apartment. He sits in his car. Annie looks like she wants to say more but can’t. She gets in her car, then drives away. Helen looks at Annie, then out the back window at Rhodes. HELEN’S POV: Rhodes stares after them, looking bummed. EXT. LILLIAN’S APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY Annie’s car pulls up in front of Lillian’s apartment building. Her car is there! They start to jump out. ANNIE Do you mind if I actually go by myself? Helen understands and nicely nods. INT. LILLIAN’S APARTMENT - DAY Annie, with her own key, unlocks the door, and walks into the apartment. It’s quiet. Lillian? ANNIE Lill?! She gets it.
After a beat, she hears a small GROAN. Annie walks in and sees the outline of Lillian in bed. She’s completely covered from head to toe by her comforter. Lill? Go away. ANNIE (CONT’D) LILLIAN
Annie sits on the bed and pulls the covers off of Lillian’s face. ANNIE What happened? Lillian has been crying, and continues to. LILLIAN This whole wedding is fucked up. Helen took over everything. Everything’s gotten out of control. My dad can’t afford the wedding. (MORE)
103. LILLIAN (CONT'D) (beat) This has been really hard to do without you. It’s been shitty. I’m sorry. ANNIE
LILLIAN Nope, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I kicked you out of my wedding. It’s my fault. ANNIE No it’s my fault. (beat) I think I’m the one with the mental problems. LILLIAN Yeah, wasn’t it my turn to be crazy? The bride is supposed to be crazy. ANNIE Yes, technically. LILLIAN You kind of stole all the crazy. ANNIE I out-crazied you. Everything is going to be okay. LILLIAN How do you know that? At the rehearsal dinner last night I told Dougie I had to get Q-Tips and all of a sudden I was driving here. I came here. I realize this is the last time I’m going to be here. With that couch and this bed. Taking a bath in my bathtub. You know how much I love my bathtub. ANNIE (humoring her kindly) It’s a good tub. I slept in there on my 30th birthday. LILLIAN I remember. Everything is going to change. (tearfully) (MORE)
104. LILLIAN (CONT'D) I’m not going to get to live five minutes away from you. That makes me so sad. Annie soaks this in, and although sad, sees this is her time to be there for Lillian. ANNIE Don’t be sad. Things are going to change, but they’ll be better. You’re gonna take this huge, great, beautiful step. And Dougie loves you more than anything and so do I. LILLIAN But what about you? What’s going to happen to you? Annie realizes she’s going to be okay. ANNIE I’ll be fine. Don’t worry. I am fine. Besides, you need to blaze the trail for me and then report back and tell me what’s coming. LILLIAN Whatever you say, boss. They smile and hug. ANNIE C’mon, put on your dress and let’s go to your wedding. LILLIAN Mmm. That’s the other problem. CUT TO: INT. LILLIAN’S APARTMENT - SAME Lillian entering in THE MOST OVER-THE-TOP COUTURE WEDDING DRESS EVER IMAGINED. Annie IMMEDIATLEY starts to laugh. LILLIAN Don’t you dare laugh. Annie cracks up. Lillian joins her. It’s RIDICULOUS. LILLIAN (CONT’D) I cannot wear this dress.
Megan has one of her dogs on a leash. It has a ring bearer’s pillow on it’s back and wears a dog tuxedo. I do. A minister is giving the vows to Lillian and Dougie in front of a wall of fog. LILLIAN Do you have a chain saw? And a blow torch? I think this whole wedding is going to be a disaster. DOUGIE They’re both MINISTER And do you. happy to be friends again.. I will not let you walk down that aisle unless you look perfect and beautiful. ANNIE Don’t say that. I do. Lillian Grace Donovan. OUTDOOR WEDDING .. As the minister continues. EXT. take Lillian . MINISTER Do you. PULL BACK to see the bridesmaids and groomsmen are standing on ornate platforms that are sticking up out of a reflecting pool. take Douglas . ANNIE Don’t panic..105. Lill. Lillian nods and gives Annie a grateful smile. we’ll fix it.NIGHT DRAMATIC LIGHTING AND MUSIC.. LILLIAN PULL BACK MORE to see that Lillian and Dougie are actually standing ON THE WATER as a laser light show is spelling out “THEY DO” inside a beating heart on the fog behind them. Douglas Anthony Hastings. I promise. . If Helen had anything to do with this wedding it is going to be perfect and tasteful. We’ll tweak it.
I promise. She couldn’t be happier. Lillian’s gone. winking. beaming. They say goodbye to people. You may now kiss the bride. here with us tonight is Lillian’s favorite band. Lillian mouths “Thank You. “We were wrong. Annie is floored. playing her favorite song. Put it together for Wilson Phillips! WILSON PHILLIPS walks out singing. BOOM! FIREWORKS start to go off as the LASER LIGHT SHOW goes into overdrive. Lillian looks over at Annie. Lill hugs Helen and thanks her. who couldn’t get close to the front. I now declare you man and wife. This is crazy. ANNIE What’s so funny? MEGAN I put a loaded gun in Dougie’s carry on. MINISTER By the powers invested in me. WEDDING RECEPTION . It’s Annie. As fireworks continue and MUSIC starts . A133 . Megan looks into the crowd.106. HELEN And now ladies and gentlemen. Lillian and Dougie kiss. Before she gets in the car she looks for someone.. TSA is gonna rip his ass apart. They exchange a smile that says..” and waves goodbye. share a smile.HUNT CLUB . JON the Air Marshal winks back! EXT. ANNIE (to Helen) Really? A133 HELEN This is the last one. hug etc. They find each other. The bride and groom run down the stairs everyone is throwing flower petals and cheering. Once again she pulls a mic out of no where. Annie watches as the car drives away. Megan comes up next to Annie laughing. It’s nuts.NIGHT The doors fly open.” Helen is looking around at it all.
your ride is here. right? ANNIE It was perfect. (beat) Hey maybe one night the three of us can go to Rockin’ Sushi together. She then glances out to the HELEN (CONT’D) (then) Annie. it was really nice meeting you too. HELEN It was great. HELEN Thank you Annie. yes. Annie gives Helen a look of “How?” Helen just smiles and nods for Annie to head over. followed by an awkward pause. then smiles. HUNT CLUB PARKING LOT . parking lot. Annie looks out. . happiness comes over her. EXT.NIGHT Annie and Helen are saying goodbye. HELEN What did you think of the wedding? ANNIE It was great. HELEN Did you have a nice evening? ANNIE It was beautiful. RHODES How did it all work out? ANNIE Strangely well. touched. ANNIE Helen. Helen is relieved.107. Helen’s eyes light up. She does. HELEN It was really nice meeting you. I would love that. like Jake Ryan in ‘Sixteen Candles’. Reveal Officer Rhodes standing next to his squad car.
they’re going to think I stole the car. Annie walks around the car and starts to get into the front passenger seat. And I need to put my uniform on. I’m on duty.S. I had to fight some raccoons off but that’s okay. alright. Yeah. I’m pretty strong and tough so it wasn’t much of a contest. I’m just gonna kiss you now rather than -They kiss.108. please report to North Brook Street -RHODES Whoops. . If I drive like this. ANNIE (CONT’D) You’re gonna make me sit in the back seat? RHODES Yes. c’mon. You did? ANNIE RHODES Yup. Care to ride along? ANNIE Sure. (beat) I ate your cake that you left. RHODES Good. it’s against regulation for you to sit in the front. She goes around to the other side and as she’s getting in Rhodes pushes her head down like she’s under arrest. What?! ANNIE Rhodes opens the car’s BACK door for her. POLICE RADIO (O. RHODES Where you goin? You’ll have to sit in the back seat.) Officer Rhodes.
force of habit. littering. did you? ANNIE (O.109.S. RHODES (CONT’D) Sorry. ANNIE (O.) What!? Why? RHODES (O. As the car pulls away we continue to hear their conversation. He closes the door and jumps in the driver’s seat. texting.S.S.S. ANNIE (O. THE END .S. consuming alcohol while operating a vehicle.) Actually I’m afraid there is a warrant out for your arrest.) Reckless driving. You didn’t think I was gonna let you get away with that.S.) (CONT’D) (smiling) Thank you.) Can I please get in the front seat? RHODES (O. ANNIE (O.) Can you at least put the siren on? Rhodes flips on the siren as they drive off.
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