WHAT ENABLES CLOSE RELATIONSHIP?

By: Winnie Ng

“Intimate attachments to other human beings are the hub around which a person’s life revolves…From these intimate attachments [people draw] strength and enjoyment of life.” –John Bowlby ATTACHMENT .

and vasopressin produce good feelings that triggers male-female bonding. valuing and enjoying being with the loved one . Oxytoxin . • Elements common to all loving attachments: mutual understanding. giving and receiving support.Attachment • Researchers have found that different forms of a particular gene predict mammalian pair bonding. which females released during nursing and mating.

exclusiveness and intense fascination with the loved one. .• For Passionate love: physical affection. –Intense love of parent and infant for each other is also a form of passionate love.

Attachment Styles “Early attachment experiences form the basis of internal working models or characteristic ways of thinking about relationships.” -Cindy Hazan .

becomes distressed when mother leaves and relaxes when she returns. • Infants (approximately 7 in 10 infants): When mother is present: play comfortably and explore strange environment (usually a laboratory playroom). . • Adults: Secure adults find it easy to get close to others and don’t fret about getting too dependent or being abandoned.attachment rooted in trust and marked by intimacy.Attachment Styles • Secure Attachment.

more fretful towards partner. Infants (2 in 10 infants): reveal little distress during separation or clinging upon reunion with mother. or resistance to being close to others. .marked by anxiety or ambivalence Infants (1 in 10): more likely to cling anxiously to their mother Adults: less trusting. more possessive and jealous • Other researchers believe attachment styles may reflect inherited temperament.• Avoidant Attachment.attachments marked by discomfort over. Adults: tend to be less invested in relationships and more likely to leave partner • Insecure Attachment.

Equity Principle of attraction: “What you and your partner get out of a relationship should be proportional to what you each put in it.” .William Walster and Ellen Berscheid EQUITY .

Also confirmed that not being calculating is a mark of friendship .Long-Term Equity • Clark and Judson Mills: people take pains to avoid calculating any exchange benefits .

• Robert Schafer and Patricia Keith: surveyed married couples who felt their marriages where somewhat unfair.Perceived Equity and Satisfaction • Those who perceive their relationship as inequitable feel discomfort. The one with the better deal feels guilty while the one with the raw deal feels strong irritation. because one spouse contributed too little on household chores. .

disclosure SELF-DISCLOSURE .One reward of companionate love is the opportunity for intimate self.

Self-Disclosure • Defined as revealing intimate aspects of oneself to others. It is opening ourselves without fear of losing the other’s affection • Sidney Jourard was the one that coined the term • Disclosure Reciprocity: Disclosure begets disclosure .

-Carl Rogers calls them the “growthpromoting” listeners . are good listeners maintain attentive facial expressions and appear to be comfortably enjoying themselves.Self-Disclosure • skilled “openers” can elicit intimate disclosures from others.

• Arthur Aron and Elaine Aron: “self-other integration”: intertwined self-concepts. people feel better on days when they have disclosed something significant about themselves and can even help us survive stress. .Self-Disclosure • What are the effects of self-disclosure? It nurtures love.

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