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Costambar Monthly February 2013

Costambar Monthly February 2013

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Published by CostambarMonthly
English language magazine for the North Coast of the Dominican Republic.
English language magazine for the North Coast of the Dominican Republic.

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Published by: CostambarMonthly on Jan 31, 2013
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07/10/2013

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February 2013

What To Do This Month Useful Telephone Numbers Classified Ads Costambar Cable Channel Listing The Rainy Day Page And Lots Of Other Fun Stuff!!

NEW HEALTH RISK DISCOVERED ON NORTH COAST
A recent investigation of hospital and clinic records has revealed a previously undisclosed cause for many serious and even life threatening injuries. The Costambar Monthly can now reveal what tourism authorities have tried to hide from the public but something that is a serious risk to your health. This risk comes from something so innocuous that it is hard to believe. But health authorities are urging people to take this seriously. It is injuries arising from falling almonds, coconuts and palm leaves. While almonds by far do the least amount of damage they can potentially cause serious injury on windy days when they fall in batches battering the victim relentlessly, leaving random bruising and goose egg size lumps on the head. It only takes one coconut to cause serious head injury to the victim but health authorities hate to think of the possible implications of someone being struck by a falling batch. Falling palm leaves on the other hand have the potential to inflict full body damage and, along with coconuts, are considered life threatening. Concussions, bruising and neck injuries are all common results of these hazardous plants. Health authorities are urging citizens to take precautions. On windy days they advise wearing a helmet. They also recommend hiring a gardener to remove all possible hazards before they strike. Don’t be a victim of this plant peril in paradise!
REPRINTED FROM AUGUST 2005 This was originally just a tongue & cheek take on life here in the Dominican Republic. Recent conversations reminded us that there is always a bit of truth in any situation that you make light of down here!

Yenny’s Market Loase Resort/Sam’s Bar Catamaran Beach Bar Bieke’s Bar Happy Hippo El Carey Syl’s Place Taste Restaurant Las Rocas Restaurant Harley y Rock Costambar Community Center & Library Supermercado Tropical Restaurant Chino The Meeting Place Puerto Plata Beach Resort Big Lee’s Beach Bar Ocean World Marina Los Charros La Tasca Los Dos Los Tres Cocos

“Life is worth living as long as there's a laugh in it.” L.M. Montgomery Anne of Green Gables

Costambar Monthly page 2

Best Burger! Sundays you can get a chili dog for RD$60 and throw some horseshoes! Check out the blackboards for brunch and evening food specials during the week! Now open at the Happy Hippo - Pedro’s Kitchen offering lots of specials to eat in or take out! February 3rd & 24th at 3pm is Karaoke Jepols! February 14th is their 2nd anniversary! And February 18th they are hosting the 2nd Annual Costambar Golf Scramble! Every 3rd Sunday of the month is Pedro’s famous BBQ ribs & country western music! Drop by and see Hill van Gogh’s new collection of art! Puerto Plata Beach Club, the newest community for foreign residents, offers all expats the opportunity to use their facilities. Or why not spend the day at their large swimming pool for only RD$200? They will also make their facilities available for activities such as playing cards, chess, BBQ’s, yoga or exercise classes, meetings or whatever else North Coast expats enjoy doing. They now offer a spa, bar and cafeteria for your enjoyment. Las Tasca Los Dos in Villas Cofresi is back again with all your favourite Austrian and International Specialties! Karaoke on Fridays at 8pm!! Syl’s Place always has a great food & fun! Mondays - all things chili. Wednesday - closed. Thursday - Quiz Nite! Friday - fish & chips/onion rings. Saturday - chicken dumpling stew. Sundays beer butt chicken. All their great food can be delivered for free in Costambar! This month they are hosting Josie’s 60th Birthday Bash on February 9th at 6pm! February 14th is Josie’s Quiz! And on February 22nd at 8pm they have live music with Ivan! And every Saturday it’s Karaoke and a dinner special! They also have satellite radio with some great oldies stations! Kevin & Patricia invite you to El Carey Restaurant - where you can enjoy the beach your way!! You can enjoy great food & drinks inside, in their garden or under parasols on the beach. They have Dominican food, burgers, pizza & more. The house specialty is garlic shrimp and you should try Kevin’s Mama Juana and piña colada’s! They’ve got lots happening! Every day from 7-8pm it’s Happy Hour with 2X1 cuba/santo libres! Every

Los Tres Cocos in Las Rocas invites you to try something different. Fine dining at it’s best! Call 809-993-4503 for details. Sam’s Cafe at Loase Resort & Spa tempts you with Fish & Chips and Chicken Curry Specials and All Day Breakfast. They also offer a number of activities for your enjoyment. Join them Sunday February 3rd for Superbowl XLVII on their big screen TV!! Treat your special someone to a full Romantic Valentine’s Day dinner on February 14th - reservations required! At The Catamaran on Costambar Beach you’ll find great food at great prices enjoyed with a million dollar view! Every day they have Power Hour with 3X1 cuba libres from 6-7pm. Pizza is available on request - RD$350 for a medium! They also hold a monthly Flea Market on the last Saturday of every month beginning at 10am. No cost to vendors! Restaurant Chino has the best Chinese food on the North Coast! Eat in or take out. Two locations - on the Malecon in Puerto Plata and calle Principal in Cabarete. The Meeting Place starts the month with an open forum about the cruise ships coming to Maimon on February 2nd at 3pm. February 9th at 2pm will be a showing of La Violencia del Poder about Balaguer. A visit by the Canadian Ambassador and a showing of the film Monsieur Lazhar is on February 16th at 1:30pm. They round out the month with a discussion on the changing immigration laws on February 23rd at 1:30pm. Big Lee’s Beach Bar on the Malecon has great food deals at their Little Snack Shack! Amazing Fish & Chips, big juicy burgers and yummy sandwiches. Every Tuesday & Thursday enjoy a cuba/santo libre for only RD$50 or Jose Cuervo for only RD$100 and every Friday is Cheap Beer Day Presidente RD$90 & Bohemia RD$80!! Bieke’s Bar - the first bar in & the last bar out of Costambar! Drop by Saturdays for Costambar’s

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“Feel the Breeze - Feel Free”…and Safe
Our Best Offer

Puerto Plata Beach Club
One time fee of US$175 - 6 months prepaid: US$1050 - next 6 months US$175 per month - no A/C, furniture available - penthouse apt. with cathedral ceilings US$299 - offer valid until March 31, 2013

Come Be Part of a New Community for Foreign Residents!

Monthly Payment Option
Apartments available from US$299 per month Luxury Ocean View apartments from US$400US-$1100 per month - furnished or bring your own - with or without A/C

Hotel Rooms from US$69 per room per night 24 hour electricity and security 50% discount for residents’ family and friends

A ONE OF A KIND LIFESTYLE On The Malecon in Puerto Plata Bar - Spa - Cafeteria

809-586-4243 www.puertoplatabeachclub.com Email ppbeachclub@gmail.com Twitter: @ppbeachclub Facebook: Ptoplabeachclub Apartments

Costambar Monthly page 4

Feeling lucky? Ocean World Casino offers free transportation and free drinks for players! Open 3pm to 3am. Celebrate Valentine’s Day with them on February 14th and get a free drink and $5 coupon for bringing their ad with you! Friday at 7pm DJ Vik plays Rock, Blues, Oldies & more for you to party to! And every Sunday at 2pm is Karaoke with party maker Segundo! They would love to host your next event. Taste Restaurant in Los Mangos Golf Club has a full International menu serving breakfast, lunch and dinner with many healthy options available. They invite you to join them for a special Valentine’s Day Dinner and live music on February 14th - call 809-586-3800 for more info. Las Rocas Restaurant has been newly renovated and reopened specializing in steaks and international fine food. They have an exclusive live concert by Pascual Silva & Victoria - February 8th - show starts at 8pm. For reservations call 809852-1015. Los Charros has 3 great February specials! On Sundays it’s sliders! On Wednesdays it’s giant burritos! And on Fridays try to resist 2X1 fried ice cream with your lunch or dinner! They have a Feast of St. Valentines on February 14th at 6:30pm with live music and romantic hits! Harley y Rock offers real Italian pizza & pastas with the best prices on the North Coast! Get a medium pepperoni pizza for only RD$200!

CUBA/SANTA LIBRES RD$50
COME FOR THE GREAT FOOD AT GREAT PRICES AND THE MILLION DOLLAR VIEW!

Every Tuesday & Thursday

Made with Brugal Anejo or Blanco

JOSE CUERV0 RD$100

CHEAP BEER DAY!!! Presidente RD$90 Bohemia RD$80
GREAT FOOD AT INEXPENSIVE PRICES!! KITCHEN OPEN NOON TO 8PM

Every Friday

PIZZA AVAILABLE ON REQUEST
MEDIUM RD$350 (6-8 slices)

Full RD$300 Half RD$200

EVERY LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH FREE TO VENDORS! Starting at 10am

FLEA MARKET!!!

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Restaurant Chino
Best Chinese Food On the North Coast! Two Great Locations! Eat In or Takeout!
Xiang Wan Jia Plaza Neptuno, Malecon, Puerto Plata 809-261-5609 Calle Principal, Cabarete 809-571-0385

OFFICIAL NORTH COAST T-SHIRT!

LOS DOS
INTERNATIONAL & AUSTRIAN SPECIALTIES!!!
Every Friday starting at 8pm KARAOKE!!!

La Tasca

Villas Cofresi 809-815-6838
A guy stopped at a local gas station, and after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind him and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was 25 feet behind filling in the hole. The men worked right past the guy with the soft drink and went on down the road. "I can't stand this," said the man tossing the can into a trash container and headed down the road toward the men. "Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with all this digging and refilling?" "Well, we work for the government and we're just doing our job," one of the men said. "But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the taxpayers' money?" "You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally there's three of us: me, Elmer and Leroy. I dig the hole, Elmer sticks in the tree, and Leroy here puts the dirt back. Elmer's job's been cut ... so now it's just me an' Leroy

OPEN FROM 12 NOON SATURDAYS BIEKE BURGERS!! SUNDAYS RD$60 CHILI DOGS & HORSESHOES CHECK OUR BOARD FOR BRUNCH & EVENING FOOD SPECIALS!

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PASCUAL SILVA & VANESSA LIVE IN COSTAMBAR EXCLUSIVELY AT LAS ROCAS!!
Reservations 809-852-1015
Las Rocas Restaurant Calle Anacaona, Costambar Open Mon-Sun from 3pm-11pm Kitchen open at 5pm

FRIDAY FEBRUARY 8th at 8pm

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-panel energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them. Hellllloooooo just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! Hellllooooooo? It's been a year! I told him. There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot!!

MEDIUM PEPPERONI PIZZA 8 SLICES ONLY RD$200!!!

REAL ITALIAN PIZZA AND PASTAS WITH THE BEST PRICES ON THE NORTH COAST!!
Open 11am-3pm and 6pm-12am On the Beach Closed Monday

Costambar Monthly page 7

WELCOME TO KEVIN & PATRICIA’S EL CAREY Where you can enjoy the beach your way!

HAPPY HOUR EVERY DAY 7-8pm!
2X1 Cuba/Santo Libres With Brugal blanco or anejo

Rock, Blues, Oldies & More with Vik!

EVERY FRIDAY 7pm!

EVERY SUNDAY 2pm!
KARAOKE with party maker Segundo

Try Kevin’s Mama Juana & Pina Coladas!
Also available for parties, weddings, etc.
Calle Reina Isabel, Costambar, Puerto Plata Spanish 809-918-1448 English 809-924-8233 CLOSED MONDAYS

It happened at a New York Airport. This is hilarious. I wish I had the guts of this girl. An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in New York for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. For all of you out there who have had to deal with an irate customer, this one is for you. A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS." The agent replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first; and then I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?" Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention, please?", she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him with his identity, please come to Gate 14". With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United Airlines agent, gritted his teeth, and said, "F*** You!" Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to get in line for that, too."

INTERNATIONAL GOURMET CUISINE & AUSTRIAN SPECIALTIES

Costambar Monthly page 8

Open Tues-Sat 9am to 8:30pm Sundays 9am to 6pm CLOSED Mondays
JOIN US FOR SUPERBOWL XLVII!! SUNDAY FEBRUARY 3RD PARTY STARTS 6PM

ROMANTIC VALENTINE’S DINNER
Thursday February 14th at 7pm Reservations Required RD$500 before Feb. 12 and RD$600 after

Racquetball, handball, wallyball, pool-billiards, All Day Breakfast Big Screen TV for sports, movies and concerts Fish & Chips * Chicken Curry Full Menu * Daily Specialty Smoking and non-smoking areas

VILLA FOR RENT BY THE WEEK

Tuesday to Friday 11- 5:30 Saturday 11- 4
Puerto Plata’s non-profit English Bookstore and Resource Center

A PREVIEW OF THE FEBRUARY 2013 PROGRAM*
Saturday February 2, 3.00 pm. OPEN FORUM. An update on initiatives to prepare for the cruise ships with representatives of the Cluster and other highly informed individuals. Saturday, February 9, 2:00 PM. A showing of La Violencia Del Poder: by René Fortunato about Joaquim Balaguer, who dominated the Dominican Republic from 1966 to 1996, with commentary by expert observers. Saturday February 16, 1:30 pm. In honour of the visit of Canadian Ambassador Georges Boissé the Film Club Presents the prize-winning Canadian film: Monsieur Lazhar. Saturday February 23, 1:30 pm. Changing Dominican immigration and visa rules: A briefing by a leading immigration lawyer, followed by a Q&A session.
*Please note: This program is subject to change. Please consult the Meeting Place website: www.MeetingplacePuertoPlata.com

Info@MeetingplacePuertoPlata.com 809-261-7393/829-455-6110 Juan Bosch (JFK) 60 (2 blocks NE of Central Park)

Costambar Monthly page 9

I had an appointment with my doctor. He asked me what I did yesterday. I told him about my day: "Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded across the edge of a lake, escaped from an angry 14 point buck in the heavy brush, marched up and down a steep hill, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand, jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake, then outran an alligator!" Inspired by my story, the doctor said, "You must be an awesome outdoorsman!" "No," I replied, "I'm just a shitty golfer."

Costambar Monthly page 10

JOSIE & MAL INVITE ALL THEIR MANY & DIVERSE FRIENDS TO JOSIE’S 65TH BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION!!
At Syl’s Place February 9th at 6pm FREE Food & Snacks & Cake!! Tell Josie she looks young for her age or that she sings divinely & get a FREE drink!!

809-848-9009

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. 3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. 4. There is great need for a sarcasm font. 5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? 6. Was learning cursive really necessary? 7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. 8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. 9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. 10. Bad decisions make good stories.

SATURDAY FEB 9TH AT 6PM Josie’s Birthday Party! THURSDAY FEB 14 AT 7:30PM Josie’s Quiz FRIDAY FEB 22 AT 8PM Music by Ivan
MONDAYS! ALL THINGS CHILI! WEDNESDAY CLOSED! THURSDAY QUIZ NIGHT!! FRIDAYS!!!! FISH & CHIPS/ONION RINGS!!! SATURDAYS! CHICKEN DUMPLING STEW! SUNDAYS BEER BUTT CHICKEN

Costambar Monthly page 11

Costambar Monthly page 12

CLEAR FIBERGLASS 7 GALLON PROPANE CYLINDER TANK 24” TALL & 12” DIAMETER

Tanks & valves are brand new Made in the USA Always know how much gas you get or have left! Lightweight & rustproof!
ONLY RD$2500 CALL COLIN AT 809-449-1819

CHARTS AVAILABLE
Get your nautical charts of the Bahamas, Turks and Caicos Islands, Providenciales and Hispaniola From Rosa at Luperon Swap Meet Wendy’s Bar in Luperon Ocean World Marina in Cofresi

BOAT NAME OF THE MONTH!

If you have difficulty call Colin at 809-449-1819

Costambar Monthly page 13

SOLUTIONS ON PAGE 13
SUDOKU PUZZLES Fill in the missing numbers so every row, column and quadrant contains the number 1 through 9.

ROLLER COASTERS
Find and circle all of the words that are hidden in the grid. The remaining letters spell a hidden message

AFTERBURN ALPENGEIST BALDER BIZARRO COLOSSOS COMET CYCLONE DESPERADO DIAMONDBACK EL TORO

GHOSTRIDER GOLIATH GRIFFON HADES INTIMIDATOR JUPITER KATUN LEVIATHAN MANTA MAVERICK

MIND BENDER MONTU NEMESIS NITRO PHOENIX PROWLER RAGING BULL RAPTOR RENEGADE ROAR

SHEIKRA TATSU THUNDERBOLT TITAN TREMORS TROY TWISTER VIPER XCELERATOR

Across 1. Written message 5. Give a detailed account 6. Igneous rock 7. Esteem Down 1. Someone in charge 2. Excel 3. Envisage 4. Component

Costambar Monthly page 14

12 22 28 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 40 42 43 44 46 49

CNN FOX ABC NBC CBS KIDS TBS CNBC ESPN-1 WGN CDN TNT USA ESPN-2 DISCOVERY DISNEY HBO SPORT BOOMERANG

51 56 57 64 66

CINE SPEED

CANAL

ANIMAL PLANET SCI-FI FOOD 69 DISCOVERY

70 71 72 74 79 80 81 83 84 85

WEATHER CINEMAX SHOWTIME STARZ NASA JETIX CARTOON TNT LA HISTORY THE FILM ZONE

LOCAL SUSTAINABILITY & ENVIRONMENTAL INITIATIVE
809-320-8510 809-320-8840 809-970-7877 809-970-7015 809-220-1111 809-261-1844 809-586-9823 809-970-7318 809-586-5761 809-586-4244 809-586-4204 809-586-6995 809-320-7601 809-586-2342 809-586-2519 809-970-7607
PROJECTS INCLUDE: Organic Farming Aquaponics Fish Farming (with ISA University) Community Cacao Nursery (with IDIAF) Conservation The overall mission is to teach healthy, cost-effective alternatives which are environmentally sound. Willard Taylor, who established this model farm, has a background in psychology, human rights and service and international missionary work. Donations of funds and materials to help and expand this initiative are greatly appreciated. For more info email biodivomar@gmail.com or call 829-663-3815 Willard invites all calls, emails, visits or forms of investigation into his project.

Police Office Police Car APC Office APC Gate Security Codetel Edenorte - emergency Edenorte - office Costambar Taxi Stand Canada Britain U.S.A. German Italian Clinica Bournigal Clinica Brugal Los Tropicos Pharmacy

Costambar Monthly page 15

My Way to Inner-Happiness and Health with the RamiLife - Program RamiLife.com
NOW the book for this program is available in 3 languages - English, Spanish and German. This book has been suggested for the next International Book Fair in Frankfurt! The Austrian author Guenter (Harry) Eberl has been living in Puerto Plata for 13 years. The author has dedicated himself since his early childhood in a search for the meaning of life. From the moment the author unconditionally started the search for answers to all of his spiritual questions about himself and the universe, his life became very extraordinary. The RamiLife-Program in connection with the RAM-Meridian massage (REM) enables one to move closer to the inner self and to discover a new quality and love of life. Reading this book you will, among other things, lose the fear of so-called malignant diseases like cancer. You will learn to understand your body better. Don’t read this book if you are not prepared to change something in your life.

This month’s d.R.recycling tip!

The author is available every Sunday at 5pm at The Catamaran Restaurant on Costambar Beach to discuss his program and answer any questions. Books are available to purchase. More Info at www.ramilife.com and 809-710-1221

BEGINNER

INTERMEDIA TE

HIDDEN MESSAGE
Live life to the fullest

Costambar Monthly page 16

Massage: Relax, Reduction, Deep Tissue, Facial Massage, Reflexology, Acupressure, & Hot Stone Physical Therapy, Paraffin Treatment & Lymphatic Drainage Manicure & Pedicure: Regular & Intensive Braids & Hair Extensions & Mens Haircuts Facials, Waxing , Peeling, Hydration & Nurse Services Natural Health & Beauty Products
ASK ABOUT OUR SPECIALS. Open Mon-Sat from 9:00am / Sundays by appointment Service to the home. Transportation available. #14 Penon St, Costambar Tel: 809-970-7522 Cell: 809-993-2944

RD$1230 Includes Dental RD$1480 with Drugs
Aquacero, Malecon, Puerto Plata 5pm Bieke’s Bar, Costambar 6:30pm Or call Petra & Marcel Bahr 1-809-885-2155
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?" Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other. She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine." The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely...Are - my - test - results - back?"

Costambar Monthly page 17

OPEN DAILY (INCLUDING HOLIDAYS) Mon-Sat 8am-10pm Sundays 8am-8pm Everything you need from snacks to supper! Delivery Service Available! Calle Principal, Costambar (just inside the gate) 809-970-3028

CONTRACTOR OF THE MONTH AWARD!

ANSWERS ON PAGE 18

WE FOUND OUT WHY THAT SWITCH IN YOUR HOUSE SEEMS TO DO NOTHING!!

Costambar Monthly page 18

Ann Jaggard
Interior Design A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed Made to Measure Curtains reading when the wife looks over at him and asks Patio Furniture Recovery the question.... & much more WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you Free Estimates Quick Return get married again?" annjaggard@hotmail.com 809-712-4911 HUSBAND: "Definitely not!" ANSWERS TO PAGE 17 WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?" HUSBAND: "Of course I do.." WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry? " HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again." WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look) HUSBAND: (makes audible groan) WIFE: "Would you live in our house?" HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house." WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?" WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?" HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new." WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?" HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do." WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?" HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own." WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you? HUSBAND: "Yes, those are always good times." WIFE: "Would she use my clubs? HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed." WIFE: -- silence HUSBAND: "shit."

Costambar Monthly page 19

WHY DON’T THEY SELL THESE HERE!!

SOUND RENTAL

Karaoke Tropical
For Any Event Of Your Choice With Animation in English, Spanish, German and French Lyrics in 7 Languages International Music, Videos and DVDs

809-204-4172 Email dj.marilyne_karaoke_tropical@hotmail.com

LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, surely I can't look that old? Well.....you'll love this one! My name is Alice Smith and I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his dental diploma, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark haired boy with the same name had been in my secondary school class some 30-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then? Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, grey haired man with the deeply lined face was far too old to have been my classmate. After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park secondary school . "Yes, yes I did. I'm a Morganner! " he beamed with pride. 'When did you leave to go to college?' I asked He answered, "In 1965. Why do you ask?" 'You were in my class!' I exclaimed. He looked at me closely.. Then that: Ugly, Old, Bald, Wrinkled, Fat arsed, Grey haired, Decrepit, Old bastard asked.... "What did you teach?!!"

Costambar Monthly page 20

VIVERO MAIMON
GREEN THUMB
Landscaping and Gardening Maintenance Services
Palms, Flowering and Foliage Plants BEST PRICES ON THE NORTH COAST!!!
George Roesch 809-543-8041
OPEN Monday to Friday 8am-5pm Saturday 8am-noon

Km 11 Carretera PP-Imbert Just past ‘The Fish Places’

Costambar Monthly page 21 LIKE CHECKING OUT THE CLASSIFIEDS FOR GREAT DEALS? OR USING THEM TO GET RID OF YOUR UNWANTED ITEMS? THEN WHY NOT CHECK OUT COSTAMBAR’S FLEA MARKET AT THE CATAMARAN BAR ON THE BEACH. EVERY LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH STARTING AT 10AM! FREE TO VENDORS!! Costambar Monthly classified ads are free but can only be placed by emailing costambarmonthly@yahoo.ca Or calling 809-970-7507 or 809-449-1820 PLEASE NOTE - free classified ads are only for personal items. Commercial properties or enterprises (including real estate sales or rentals) must purchase an ad. Classifieds will usually be run for one month only unless we are otherwise notified.

CLASSIFIEDS
FOR SALE Assorted packaging materials. Cheap. Call 809-244-4432 FOR SALE Skoda, 2000, well-running small car. Various tools and equipment including small compressor, and water pressure cleaning machine. Call cel 809-451-5379 FOR SALE Honda CRV 2000 for RD$255,000 Diane & Victor Call 809 261 3795 FOR SALE Laptop, Dell Vostro 1510, 15.6”, core duo 1.8ghz, ram 2.00gb, HDD 160 GO RD$12,000 Call 829-705-0044 FOR SALE kitchen mixer, two bowls, mixing blades and dough hooks, built in weigh scale $1500RD Electric knife, Black & Decker, never used $600RD Small GE microwave oven $1500RD 809-970-7123 or 1-809-6547165 (English only) FOR SALE 1991 Ford Escort, Automatic, 4 door hatchback, runs well, good on gas. Original Marticula, 809-543-0728, iaminthedr@hotmail.com

Costambar Community Center & Library Open 9am-5pm Monday-Saturday Located next to the Farmacia (courtesy of Mark Gill) Separate English & foreign language book rooms

FOR SALE 15 KW diesel generator 4 cylinder Kubota diesel engine ,1800 RPM brushless generator head , Made by Phaser. This unit has low hours approx 400 hrs. Unit new is 7500.00 in the states, asking 5000.00 or best IGLESIA FILIPOS PRESBITERIANA invites you to offer Joanne 829 319-0572 services every Sunday at 10 A.M. Worships are in FOR SALE Spanish. Children activities. Before Costambar Gate TENDER: 2007 ‘Caribe’ 11ft Security, turn on the right side toward the power hard bottom inflatable with plant, 100 meters on the right side. 2007 25hp Yamaha 2-stroke (recent tune up – starts ease & runs good). Great run-around boat! Asking $4,600 u.s.d. Ph.# 829-902-1234 FOR SALE Outboard 15 hp - 4 stroke 1000$ dinghy caribe 13 feet with latte 800$ both are negotiable US Microwave oven GE, combo convection and grill oven,stainless steel inside and out,rack for grilling and broiling 200$ US Nice spear gun ab biller 32special 100$ Boat stereo 30$ Wet suit 30$ Life jacket 10$ Snorkels 5$ Dog vest 20$ Fire extinguisher 10$ Power cord 30$ 50 to 30 adapter 100$ Fishing poles (3)80$ each Joanne 829-319-0572 or email: noiseuxjoanne@hotmail.com

Costambar Monthly page 22

FOR SALE
Renovated 3 bedroom 3 bath contemporary ranch w/screened front patio area. 2 studio rentals. Spacious open living and dining areas. Master bedroom with 2 wall to wall closets. Mechanically updated with inverter (8 battery system), 2 separate electric meters, well and more. Stone front patio plus a very private and tranquil garden area.

TRITON I APARTMENT FOR SALE
One of the best views of the beach in Costambar! First floor 2bdrm, 2bath New windows and a new porch

Call 809-868-0273
Biology Exam Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother' Milk.? The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages. However, he wrote: 1) It is the perfect formula for the child. 2) It provides immunity against several diseases. 3) It is always the right temperature. 4) It is inexpensive. 5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa. 6) It is always available as needed. And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote: 7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the ground where the cat can't get it. He got an A.

US$265,000
Contact Annette 8098690054

CONDO FOR SALE IN OCHO VILLAS
www.CaonaboEnterprises.com
Your new life In the Dominican Republic STARTS HERE
We build houses, we rent houses, we sell houses! Check out our extensive listings and give us a call. for English, call Mike @809 571-1741 for Spanish, call Sofia @829 421-8575 for German/French, call Francisco @829 421-8579

One of the best maintained buildings in Costambar! Cozy and secure complex First floor - 1 bdrm, 1 bath Completely renovated and new windows

Call 809-674-5609

Costambar Monthly page 23

POLINATURA SHOP POLIPLAZA PUERTO PLATA
In front of the free zone Puerto Plata-Santiago highway

#1 STORE FOR NATURAL PRODUCTS, VITAMINS & MINERALS, HERBS AND HONEY
*Antioxidant/Anti-Inflammatory Omega 3.6.7 & Omega 3,6,9 formula *Prostate & Colon Cleanser *Beauty from the inside out! Super Collagen 1&3 for structural support of hair, skin, nails, tendons, ligaments, bones, muscles & weight control *Anti-aging - CoQ10 Ubiquinol , Collagen 1&2 (redefining the aging process) in a honey base *DHEA 5,10,25&50mg *Melatonin 1,2&3mg *Premium honey, bee pollen, propolis, royal jelly fresh & powder *Bone & joint health - Glucosamine and MSM *Hyaluronic acid*Boswellia*Chondroitin*Celadrin *Viagra natural for men & women *Sport Nutrition - high performance muscle mass Creatine 3.56lb and Super Advanced Whey Protein 2lb and much more *Sulphur (MSM) - the mineral that helps fight fatigue, stress, pain, cancer, wrinkles, muscle cramps, supports joints, cartilage, tendons, ligaments, skin & nails. Neutralizes inflammation and is a super antioxidant (1000 & 1500 mg)

809-465-4946/809-979-3116

Costambar Monthly page 24

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