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Reflections Of My Heart
Photos by Badal Parashar
Reflections Of My Heart
Photos by Badal Parashar
Dedicated to all those who Believe in Love.
1 2 3 4 5 6 8 10 11 12 15 16 18 20 22 24 26 Poet’s Note Tell Me A Story To Soothe My Soul Waiting For You To Talk You’ve Got Mail Girl In The Train The Scare The Risk Till Death Do Us Part Beautiful Eyes Growing Old With You I Sat By His Side I Do The Girl Who Sneezed Waiting For A Reply To Have Met You After A While I Met You As A Stranger I Loved A Guy Once
28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 38 39 40 41 42 44 45 48 How Can I Confess My Love For You? Life Begins I Hate it I Love You Too Do You Also Love Me? You Are The Best Of Me Oh Boy! You Rescued Me Love Struck The Way You Smile What Keeps Me Going I Think Of You You Wonderful You Will You Walk With Me? I Miss You I Keep Searching You Everywhere Acknowledgements
I try to write what Inspires me. Most of the times, it is from Real people and their lives. Through my works, I hope to bring across my feelings and interpretations of the varied emotions. We can be single or married, in love or loved by someone. Love is an emotion that everybody needs to experience. Some try to control their emotions and some are controlled by them. Whichever type you are, believe me, You are not alone. I write about Love, because I am in Love. And its a great feeling to be in. Whether you love yourself, your family, some guy or girl. It is Love. And you have, are or will experience it. In that, I wish you all the Best.
February 2013, Mumbai
TELL ME A STORY TO SOOTHE MY SOUL.
Waiting For You To Talk.
He looked away when I asked him a question, I thought He didn’t want to talk, So I picked up my books and walked away, Didn’t realize he just didn’t know how to react. As I walked away, he came running behind, He looked lost and that I did understand, He caught my hand and pulled me along, We sat in a corner and I waited for him to talk. He looked at me, but didn’t say a word, I could feel the silence in the room, Slowly he caught my hand again, And slipped in a note. As I opened it, he walked past me, I couldn’t understand, Did he want to break up? I looked at the books around and then at the note. In it written were little words, “I know that I don’t really speak, But that’s cause I love listening to you, I know that when I do speak up, I am scared that I might not be able to tell you all, But one thing that I really want to tell you is, I love you a lot.” I was crying by the time I had finished reading. I went out to search him, and found him by the steps, I quietly sat beside him; he smiled and looked at me. So many times I have misunderstood his silence, So many times I have misunderstood his words, But all that doesn’t matter as long as I know he loves me...
You’ve Got Mail.
I write a small prose, And then still quite unsure, I send the mail, Did I do this right, Well, it’s already too late. I go off to sleep, But a few hours of restless sleep, And I want to check my mail, Will she write back, I ask, Well, it’s still a bit early. So I go back to sleep, Early morning, I look out of the window, Everything seems to be just fine, So I start up the net, Well, it’s taking too much time. It was just another day, We had exchanged a lot of mails, I think I was already in love, So with great courage, I finally asked her out, Well, I hope she says a yes. So I stare at the comp, It says “You’ve Got Mail”, I wonder what she will reply, What if she isn’t interested at all, Well, that would be devastating! They say, love is crazy, And I never felt like this before, So I open the mail, and on the very last line, Is the answer to our destiny, Well, she said, “I thought you would never ask”
Girl In The Train.
I board a train, And see her standing still, Calm on her face, But the wind is being mischievous, Playing with her hair, She is smiling to herself, My stop is up next, But somehow I can’t seem to let go.
I take one last look at her, She looks at me, gives a nod, I think that’s my cue, I muster all my courage, I walk and stand by her side, The rest, well, is another story!
We were having a fight, And you just walked away, I didn’t know what to think, Or whom to blame. That night, I cried myself to bed, Cause you still hadn’t come back, And my heart was breaking up, Uncertain of our future together. Morning came and you were still astray, I tried ringing your cell, And checked with your friends, But all I got was a negative reply. My panic, my frustration, My life, my aggravation, My love, my tribulation, My helplessness, my disorientation. A ring at the bell, I pray it’s you, I wonder what I will say, For all the times you drove me mad, This one too is added to the archive. But I need to know, That you love me still, You look angry no more, But you stay mum. I wonder what’s going through your mind, You look at me and ask, “I am starving, is there something to eat?” I want to shout, but I smile instead.
I reckon, now’s not the time. We sure have our fights, But last night’s scare, Proved how much you mean to me. I guess you realised it too. That’s the reason we each, For the time being, forgive our misgivings, And I guess that’s what marriage is all about.
To love and to hold, In sickness and in health, To compromise and to forgive, As long as we shall live.
You looked at me, And for a second there, I thought I knew you, I sensed we had already met. You started to run, To catch a cab, I felt a jump in my heart, How silly of me not to realize. Your look said it all, My search for that something, Was finally over, And maybe you were "The One". The one that made me feel at home, The one whose face was like an angel, The one that I wanted to love, The one that I wanted to marry. But all that was slipping away, Because I didn't know you, So I started to run behind you, Did you not feel the connection? Lucky for me, it was raining, You couldn’t get a cab, I quickly caught up, And said, "Excuse me, mam". For years, I had thought of such a moment, And yet, it had me dumbfounded, You looked irritated, I continued, "Mam, I think I am in love with you."
I waited for you to say something, Stupid of me, I know, But I had to take a risk, A slap, an angry banter, anything would do. You looked for some gruesome seconds, And then quite suddenly, You laughed, and said, "I think you have a really funny bone." From there on, One thing led to another, And till this day, she still Laughs the loudest on all my jokes.
Till Death Do Us Part.
I look into those eyes, And then I realise, Why is it that I am here? That is to say. The two little words to you. I have never felt this way before, Like it’s just you and me, And no one else in this world. We met as strangers, Then became friends. You felt deep warmth in me, Said I reminded you of your mom. I think I found myself at home, Whenever I was with you, So when you did ask me out one day, I never let you know that I liked you as well. I guess, everything went pretty fast from there, Days became years, and now, We are where we are, As I stand right next to you, there’s very less to say. I have never loved anyone more before, You are my love, and my better half, So when I shall be asked to speak, All I ever will say is - “I do”.
I saw a girl staring at me, And all I wondered was about her eyes. Beautiful, like I had never seen, And then I realised there was a girl standing in front of me. The girl seemed so angry. I was making too much noise in the library, And she couldn’t study. I wanted to say something back. But I couldn’t. Her eyes kept me silent. I thought whether I should speak to her, But with what had just occurred, I just sat still. I waited everyday for those eyes, Searched every corner for those eyes, But couldn’t find them at all. I kept thinking about them all. So expressive and yet so calm. So stern and yet so simple. I think I fell in love, With just a stare. I was just waiting, When I saw the familiar gaze again, She was angry at me, I didn’t care, I saw my angel in front of me. I didn’t have any complaints, I went across to her, She looked more beautiful, when she was angry Well, that was just the beginning of our story.
Growing Old With You.
It’s been years now, with you and me, Playing hide and seek, You love me or I love you more than you. The truth I can never find. You know after all these years love is still there, When writing this, all I think about is - you, When you talk to me, my heart still skips a beat, When I take your name, I start blushing. When I am looking at you, the world doesn’t matter, With you standing beside me, I feel safe, When you look at me, I still feel the most beautiful, When you hold my hand, I feel magic. We started as being friends and then moved on, Never in between leaving each other, A call, a letter, you were always there for me! Simple joys with you, Simple fights as well, Its growing old with you that I like the most. I remember the way you proposed, I thought it was another of those dates, I still think about that look in your eyes, when I said, “yes”. I still remember the church, the people, And your face, when I walked into the altar. I never saw you so happy ever, I felt the luckiest. It’s been 50 years since that day, It’s been a roller coaster ride since then, But every bit the fun,
Times have changed, people have changed People have come and people have gone, You still look as charming as ever with every growing wrinkle, But I know for sure, the sparkle that I still see in your eyes, Is all because of your love for me, I am still confused whether you love me or I love you more! And then I know it was always you. I smile. I think I like it that way.
I Sat By His Side.
I sat by his side, Not wanting him to leave, I wanted to say so much more, But time was not on my side. And I didn’t want to look into his eyes, Because I knew, I would certainly cry. Could you please ask him to stay? All the while he kept talking, And all I wanted to do, Was slip my fingers into his, And lay my head on his shoulders. I nodded once or twice, We promised to stay in touch, A few years later, I sat through the wedding, Wondering about that one time and all the worry. I should have had more faith in him, I should have believed in him then, I should have known that a year later, He would confess his love for me. And a few year hence, we would have got married. These days, when we sit together, I often slip my fingers into his and lay my head on his shoulders, It feels bliss.
My heart beats loudly and I am scared, With every breath I take, I know that I love you, Then why do I feel this way, Do you feel the same too? For years I have thought about this day, But never knew it would be this way, I am waiting for the music to start, Besides me my father - my giver. He seems to be happy, but the Pain of separation is there, I feel it too, From a little gap, I can see your face as well, Standing there tall, are you scared too? I think I want you to, I have never seen you this happy ever, Not even when I said a maybe! No, not even when I said, YES! I remember, the daily shopping that we did, The planning for the wedding, The cake, the music, the hall, the guests, the family, My bridal shower, my bridesmaids. In the whole chaos, I forgot, I would be leaving a whole world behind, Only to enter a new world, With you in it. I want to see your face when I Walk down the aisle, That’s the feeling I always thought about, You mean the world to me!
And give and take all the fear, Not thinking about anything more, I love you a lot and that’s the, Reason I want to say - I DO!
The Girl Who Sneezed.
Aachu! She sneezed, I said, “God Bless”, And though I had known Her for years now. Never had she appeared, So Sick and Beautiful! “Cold”, she said, “does that to me”, But cold in summer was something I didn’t know. With her pink handkerchief, She rubbed her red nose, For in her misery too, She looked cuter and cuter. The cold had made me realize, How I wanted to cuddle her in my arms, And save her from the chill, And somehow her pains seemed to hurt me too. Aachu! She sneezed again, And I wanted to punch the cold, For doing this to her, And then she pinched me. “You forgot to say - God Bless you” She said angrily, I gazed at her and asked, “Will you marry me?” And then she smiled and nodded a yes, And asked me about the ring, “I didn’t have one”, so I said, “Will a jacket do?” And gave her that instead.
Who knew, How a cold could change my Heart, And make me fall in love, With a girl who sneezed a lot!!!!
Waiting For A Reply.
Looking through my diary, Seeing all the photographs, Wondering how it is, That I ever did let you slip. So happy to be in love with you, So glad to have you in my life, I never felt you could have felt my love too, Did I tell you how much I love you? Boy, you went away, And it made me realise, How much it is I can’t do without you, How much you really mean to me. With every hour, That you were far away, I knew my love was, Colouring my heart all the way. You were away from me, You didn’t know, How I felt about you, How much I missed you. Should have never let you go, Could have stopped you and now you were gone, How could I have told you the truth? How could I have poured my heart out? I waited for some time, Really felt the pain inside, When I really couldn’t be so strong anymore, I called you.
Your voice brought all the memories, Telling you was the only way, I spoke with my beating heart, There was a silence for a while. So happy to be in love with you, So glad to have you in my life, I never felt you could have felt my love too, Softly you told me - You loved me more instead.
To Have Met You After A While.
I met you after a few years, Of what I called the final “Break up”,
You still looked the same, A fool and a jerk, who still made my heart melt. I was a girl of 16, when we first met, You were all grown up a gentleman of 18, The first time I saw you, I almost fell a step and there you were to catch me instead. You always said, “It was love at first sight for you” I never confessed, but for me too, With enough courage, you finally asked me out, And that’s how we soon became a couple. For a few years everything went on well, Then you realised you also had a family to care, I couldn’t wait anymore longer, I had to move on and marry someone else. I did meet you one last time, You tried to show me you were really not concerned, You told me how you didn’t care, But your eyes gave you away. Now years later, I met you at my son’s wedding, They say, you never married, I really don’t want to put the blame on myself, But I lost my husband, do you think that was my punishment? You very calmly walked by my side, As if everything was just like before, You suddenly asked me out again, To lunch as well as dinner. As I write this, you are getting ready with your vows, I guess life does give some people a second chance, And when one does, I say, “Grab it with both your arms”.
I Met You As A Stranger.
Passing by, I saw you standing there, You looked at me too, And smiled when you realised, I was looking only at you. And then you simply disappeared, A train came by, you had to go, Just the opposite way. I wish you could have stayed longer. Every day, I came by, Wanting to catch a glimpse of you again,
A day passed by and then it became a week. Somehow, you seemed to have disappeared. And then, when I had given up all hope, I saw the angel reappear. You looked so good, my Prince Charming. And when you saw me noticing, you smiled again. A week went by, we talking through our eyes. And somehow I knew we were meant to be together. But do I ask you first or, Should I wait for you to ask? I didn’t even know your name, I seem to have fallen in love with a stranger! The day I made up my mind to cross the platform, I saw you with someone else. Was she a friend, a lover, a wife or a sister? Oh! The sight brought so much pain. I didn’t know what to do. She was there every day by your side. I knew my heart was broken. I tried hard to forget you, But things were so difficult. With you standing just opposite me, My heart bled, but that I guess you didn’t see. And then, one day as I reached, I saw you standing there with a bouquet of roses, Hey, that was my platform you were standing at. Do I need to tell you further on? She was his neighbour and just a friend, He said he loved me and asked me out. And that’s how our story began. How each of us fell in love with a stranger.
I Loved A Guy Once.
I loved a guy once, Brought up in the same town, He was my soul mate, I thought he was in my fate. In school and in college, He was my Prince Charming, Then came the fact, We had to move apart. He had to go a college up north, While I had to study hard.
Don’t worry, he said, “You are just as far as you ever want to be” A call sometimes, And just like that, it was three years, He was finally returning home, I knew I was on seventh heaven. A wicked smile, And a gift in hand, I walked across, To give him a surprise. Sometimes they say That distances make you forget, But that’s not how My story goes. He was standing with a bicycle in hand, I had forgotten, We were still kids at heart, He still made my heart skip a beat. He gave me a hug, And we talked a lot, But never once, About the love we had. A bit worried, I walked back home, Only to be surprised, By what I saw. There standing besides everyone, Was my guy, with his parents too. I don’t think, I have to go on, Cause the following year, I said – “I Do”.
HOW CAN I CONFESS MY LOVE FOR YOU?
Do you think, you’ll let me lie, Holding on so tight, That I can’t breathe, With happiness inside. I cannot really tell, How much it is I love you, But with every breath, All I think of is you. I won’t remember, My past or even yours too, For we are together, And now there’s no one else. This moment here, Is the beginning of Life again!
I Hate It.
I hate it how you throw Things around you, Even when there are spaces to spare. I hate it when you are, Late always And have a lame excuse. I hate it when you, Don’t wash the plates, And I have to remind you. I hate it when we fight, And we both shout, Too loud. There are many things, I know I would want to, Change about you. And many a times, I keep wondering, The reason I married you, And then I remember it was Love. But I also know That if you too had a, Hate list like mine, It would be longer. And still you love me, Like no one else.
I Love You Too.
You adjust your specs, And look at me, My world begins to spin, But it’s in a very slow motion. Your twisted smile, Makes me smile every time, And so many little things, From the way you dress to the way you walk.
Then there is the way you talk, And your thoughts, But if I had to choose one thing, It would have to be... How you know what I am thinking, And like magic, I don’t have to say anything more, I may be lazy, fat, slim, good or bad. But I know for sure, none would matter, You would always Love me, And for all those reasons and more, I love you too!
Do You Also Love Me?
“Love” was a word unknown to me, Till the time you seemed to walk into my life. We were just friends at first, But with time, we grew much closer. What will you say? When I tell you, In a few words, How I feel about you. A girl so elegant, and yet so simple, Your talks make me crazy. I feel no voice sweeter than yours. Every time I think of you my heart skips a beat, Its only after talking to you, I feel my day complete, With you, my life feels perfect. Just Perfect! I can go on and on about how you make my heart melt, Or how I start blushing, whenever I take your name, Or how nice I feel, just recalling memories of you and me, Or when I get so worried when you even sneeze. Believe me when I say, There will never be anyone as lucky as me, If you could just answer the question asked by me, Is it just me or Do you also Love Me?
You Are The Best Of Me
You are kind and decent, But these are just words, And they mean less, When I look at you. A smile and just a glance, Can get my heart racing fast, Then there’s also your voice, That makes me forget everything. I see the goodness in me, And then I realize, You are the one that brings, Those things out of Love, You influence me more than you know, You are the Best of Me.
Oh Boy! Did I tell you How much you mean to me? Every time, you appear in front of me, I can’t seem to think, Because... I want to spend my life with you. Oh Boy! Don’t you realise We were meant for each other? Every time, that you appear, My heart beats faster, Because... I want to spend my life with you. Oh Boy! Cant you hear, Even the winds speak about our love? Every time, that you talk to me, I am so much in love, Because... I want to spend my life with you. Oh Boy! Cant you feel, You belong to me? Every time, that you smile, The world disappears, I only see you, Because... I want to spend my life with you. Oh Boy! I will keep waiting, For you to understand, Every time, you look behind, I will be standing there for you, Because... I want to spend my life with you.
You Rescued Me.
I kept walking in circles, Lost in my life, Clueless, Lazy and Restless, That was till you rescued me. Now the meaning to my being, Has changed, I want to live the rest of my life, To the best. And there are times, When I falter, And curse the world, But everything seems fine. Because life seems So much better, when I am Thinking about you, You are my Love, My Inspiration.
If I had you in front of me, This is all I would want to ever tell, “I had read it in story books, How a prince charming was always there, And I know that I am not a Princess, But if I were, then you would surely be my Prince. I know the line sounds a bit cliché, But that is how my story begins, Mom told me, That it’s how love is meant to be. I never believed in it, Till the day, I first met you, It was love at first sight, You had me at hello. I didn’t show how much you scored, But love, it was a 150. So I pretended to tell you, How much I hated you, And you tried to impress me much more. Over the years, We have remained friends, I still play the game of love and hate, But that somehow has always been a game for you, You have grown up, but I still am stuck or should I say - LOVE STRUCK At times I still wonder, What would life be if I ever tell you, How much it is I love you, Would you still be my friend? Or maybe become someone more,
Or maybe just disappear. Would I be risking too much? I have tried hard to forget you, And when you found someone else, I did date a few, But in them I couldn’t see, The man that I wanted with me. Let the past be just a memory, And the future for us to make, I know things are not what they ought to be, But can’t we give it just a chance? You make my heart skip a beat, And your voice makes me droll. I have never met someone, Who makes me feel so good.” I can still keep writing, But then words sometimes fail me, The whole idea is to tell you, How much it is I care, How much it is I Love you. Do you think you could say – ME TOO?
The Way You Smile.
I looked at you and you gave me a smile, That million dollar smile, It always makes my heart skip a beat. Whether good or bad, No matter how things are, Your smile is always reassuring. When I am all alone, Or sitting in a train, I never feel alone. People think I might be going mad, Just smiling in between when no one’s around, But should I tell them the truth? It’s your smile that has that effect on me, Your smile has me captivated, I just LOVE the way YOU SMILE!!!!
What Keeps Me Going.
A hard time at work, Hell in the train, What pulls me through, Is a thought of you. Every time I imagine myself, Fighting through my misery, Walking past the fire, Is all thanks to you. I see you waiting for me, With that enchanting smile of yours, Believe me, it drains off All my pain. I should confess my love, To you more often, And I need to tell you, A lot many things. But I have always been bad with words, And I know that you still understand me well, I don’t know how anyone can be, As lucky as me.
I Think Of You.
For every time that I feel lonely, I close my eyes and there you are by my side, For every time that I get a scolding, I remember the times we were together. For every time that I feel like crying, I imagine you dancing all through the night, Like for every dark cloud, there is a silver lining, And every tunnel has a light at its end.
For every bad time, there is something good, For me darling, it’s you. You don’t have to be always by my side, You don’t have to always listen to me, You don’t always have to care for me, Just thinking about you, does that for me.
You Wonderful You.
I think I like you, You Wonderful You, I think I adore you, You Wonderful You. Every morning, everyday, You enliven me to woo you this way, I would be lost without you, You Wonderful You. Work and money, success and health, Everything’s just for you, You keep inspiring me, You Wonderful You. You with your sparkly eyes, And skin so rosy, Your kindness, none to match, You Wonderful You. I can’t believe my fortune, I think I feel everyone’s envy, I think I love you, You Wonderful You.
Will You Walk With Me?
People say we never walk alone, But I disagree, Even on a crowded street, I seem to walk alone. This is the only thing I can’t understand, And that’s the reason, I ask – Will you walk with me? I never felt this way before, When we are together, Somehow the world seems so right. Every call that comes my way, I want it to be yours, How come when you take my name, I can’t stop blushing? Every time I look at you, my heart skips a beat. I remember how we first met, Just by chance, I guess. I didn’t seem to like you at first, And yet destiny had my name written with you. I like the way you look at me, The way you dance or the way you make me dance, The smaller details that even I forget, Sometimes I wonder how you remember. We have our disagreements of course, And it’s always the fights that bring us closer, I think it’s more fun fighting, than agree on everything. You talk a lot I think sometimes, And yet I always love to listen, I know you pretend a lot too, But with time, I am used to it now.
There are so many things I don’t tell you, And yet you understand. But there are miles yet to discover, That’s the reason I ask – Will you walk with me? People say we never walk alone, I think I am starting to agree, With you beside me walking hand in hand, Even on a lonely street, we won’t be alone. And that’s the reason I ask – Will you walk with me?
I Miss You.
I miss you, On a night so beautiful, I want to share it, With you. We could dance through the night, I would sit by your side, Telling each other stories, Laughing at your jokes. I would rest my head, On your shoulders, And not care about the world, And count the stars - one or two. I miss you, And I wish you miss me too, Because there is only, You for me.
I Keep Searching You Everywhere.
I keep searching you everywhere, The roses on the pathway, The books on the shelves, Each reminds me of you more than anything else. I keep searching you everywhere, I wonder why you had to go. But then I think of the time we spent together, And I think it’s the best we could do. I keep searching you everywhere, I wish you were close by, The distances are killing, The thought of me being alone, is just frustrating. I keep searching you everywhere, I message now and then. I wonder what you must be doing. Whether you are asleep or awake? I keep searching you everywhere, But seem to forget the truth, You told me something earlier, That I will never find you any place better than just within my soul.
Reflections Of My Heart
For All Those Who Believe In LOVE
A heartfelt “Thank You” to the many wonderful people who helped me in writing this book. To Achinto Mahato, for his encouragements. To my friends - Sampada Pednekar, Tanvi Priya, Dushyant Mishra and Sohrab Bijlani for always being there. To my Dad for his advice and help. To my Mom, for her youthful enthusiasm, suggestions and editing. And above all, to my brother Shaad, who believed in the idea that I could write a book and pushed me towards it.
Thanks to Agnieszka Pokorsko for tiredlessly motivating me to do what I love. To Angel Shao, an amazing friend with an amazing personality. And to the mesmerising city of L’ile d’e France aka Paris.
Fizaah Mulla is a writer, chef and a Poet. She loves writing Poetry on all things that inspire her. Most of her work can be seen on her blog:
Badal Parashar is a self-taught photographer who loves his work. Most of his work can be seen at:
Thomas Abercrombie once said, “The most satisfying journey is the one that is shared.” This world needs more Love than hate, more peace and care than it can handle. Reflections Of My Heart is an affirmation to this Philosophy. Life is a journey that becomes more meaningful and worthy when it is shared with someone you love.
Reflections Of My Heart
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