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Pondering on the modern day equivalent and that s obviously guns. In films women are rarely seen using swords, although might be portrayed with a knife, but in modern movies they are routinely shown as using guns, killing and behaving violently. This is a Caduceus, is it not, a symbol of healing and medicine. Okay. Swords, knives are also used to heal. As instruments of surgery. As straightforward tools for cutting, in various forms. Saws and scissors for example. Knives for eating. It's an incredibly primary implement is it not?. Presumably based on animal claws or such. Is their a such.? Started with stone instruments and flint I suppose. Don't know how long ago that was. All those films, such as the Three Musketeers, so thrilling. Robin Hood films. All kinds of sword play. Incredible to have grown up in a culture where killing of one or many humans, by another was routinely portrayed. Never got any pleasure out of the notion of killing. Occurs to me it wasn’t that that loomed so large, t’was the build up to the action. That was so enjoyable, so exciting, not the final moment. Still enjoy adventure movies, but not splatter fests, with a high blood count ,body's falling all over the place. Really does turn my stomach. Enjoyed Predators 2, but the opening sequence is one of the most wearing I've ever seen. The film is almost divided into two parts. That violent opening run; and then it's like a door opens, and the mysterious second phase begins. Always made me consider, that inversion. All powerful humans on the receiving end of what is so readily dispensed, by so many ,given the opportunity.
Now despite having practised same for over 30 years I wouldn’t be able to say what it is. I've got there. and don't rule the mind in the way they did. Have explored various techniques. which are part of the mind. That was all completely off the cuff and triggered by once again taking a random card from a pack of 78 Tarot cards and setting out to fill a close line A. but which are now dramatically less in conflict. swords in that position. This denotation sometimes includes. overbearing. page. by the sea. mind is the stream of consciousness. largely because of that dress. On top of that I don't actually know what mind is. A brief flurry of remembering Angelina Jolie in that first Lara Croft film. and it's generally associated with meditation. ’’to coin a phrase''. with the swords at ready and at rest. perception. memory. It includes all of the brain's conscious processes.finally. Yes. All the characters worked. Don't always feel like it but I find something rewarding about this and always experience a sense of satisfaction when I reach the bottom.4. 'being a lady Ninja in a dress like that is going to give you a few problems. A number of initial responses. A picture of the four of swords surfaces. wearing a blindfold. First a quip about lady ninjas. Mind collectively refers to the aspects of intellect and consciousness manifested as combinations of thought. ) It occurs to me that by going into meditation I’ve changed my relationship with ego and conscience. and then . away from everybody and everything. and which were the tail that wagged the dog that’s the mind'. all the hair. Meditation is. and am much less knowing now than then. I presume.Two of Swords. the working of the human unconscious or the conscious thoughts of animals. that I’m pondering upon what mind is using the mind itself !! (At a Glance Wikipedia. great fun and so well put together. putting the mind aside. It's about meditation. in certain contexts. which I don't see. emotion. Great fun . "Mind" is often used to refer especially to the thought processes of reason. in the night. or isn't. which is of course not helped by the fact . back to this card and she’s sitting on a rock. alone. . and then. will and imagination.
and my aunt. As I got older. will set in motion events so that the other feels hurt. If one hundred people each give us one hurt point at the same time. Not written this down before. at work one day. we grow up with the idea that we have to choose between what we have been taught to perceive as incompatible notions.(Sorry about the clumsiness.'. and that is exactly what it was like. that everybody in the world couldn't be wrong but me.) Came to see this as 'riding two horses at once‘. Was as though there was two me's. more and more. A sobering moment. At the age of about nineteen. more particularly my teenage aunt. although it took me such time to deal with the fact that people actually walked the earth who saw themselves as having been wronged by me. dealt with it by choosing to see myself as the villain. because. after having had another row with someone. Had some dealings with a fifty year old online. that I will have done things that. A symbol for both 'victim' and 'perp. Either good or bad. The fifty eight year old brother still hasn't realised he's wrong sometimes. we experience the hurt as a hundred times greater than anything we dispense. I now see. regularly lays into people without excuse without any provocation. and becomes incensed if questioned. In the case of the online individual. ( she was the same age as me) Mind you she hasn't changed much at all. early twenties. However have come to understand that if we have one hundred hurt points to dispense and we dispense one point at a time to one hundred people it is spread out. who’s violent. and don’t get me started on a discussion of what is good and bad. but of course the reverse is true. and developed a great big fat ego around that. they see themselves as wronged by the other.) My experience of people is that almost without exception. depending on the circumstances. either because of my. not sometimes one or the other. ( we get hurt and hurt people) and it seems so obvious when on paper. That either or view of the world. (Talking now about everything that went on with people in general. even mildly and the behaviour is that of a spoilt teenager. and I was torn between seeing myself as always the bad guy and always the good guy. Problems with people get greater as the gap between who they are and who they think they are widens. abusive. had the salutary experience of having to acknowledge.Three of Swords. or the expectations of the other. there is no overlap between what they . Fascinating. I will feel hurt because of my own or the expectations of the other.
are and what they think they are. . so it becomes impossible to not offend them.
and was deeply touched by the fact that he apparently asked me off his own back. although now he's seventeen he's appalled by who he was at that age and we’ve had conversations which lead to me saying that he should give his younger self a break. and it was good to know I’ve become fairly untouched by those people. then presented it as a fait accompli to his parents. decided he wanted to be christened and rang me one evening. Uncles and Aunts. but I see a tomb. Mum and dad. so it's another symbol of death. I must say. because such are found on tombs in Christian Churches. Various friends of the family.) The youngest son of two close friends. or its Christian imagery that relates to death. (Haven't been in a Christian Church for a good number of years. both born Irish Catholics. over and above giving my little mate something he wanted. . Couldn’t have said no to him. It was almost funny really. The whole thing meant an awful lot to him. Such an excellent rendering based on the Waite Smith Four of swords. it was about five years ago. the crowd that little lad got together in a church. because I felt neither defensive nor aggressive in that place. which seems to me not entirely unlikely. Not sure I'd be very good at dealing with physical torture. to ask me to be his godfather. all fallen from grace in the eyes of the Christian Church. and then before that only got as far as the churchyard and before that for ever. unless of course the inquisition comes back. but in a way no dilemma at all.Four of Swords. although it occurs to me its the first time I've seen such a representation where the figure’s female. at that time. it was a useful experience. which has always thrown me. the name of which I can't recall. Talk about dilemma. The things one does for kids. Had always got on great. but for me. personally. The tarot experts consider it to be something to do with meditation. Godfather and godmother. Has a vague look of a particular Pre-Raphaelite painting. an image. who at best don't want to know about such things.
but I reckon my theory would stand up to some kind of statistical analysis. and an incident occurred which to my chagrin. Laughing jeering bully. and I heard. (You see.Five of Swords. Suppose it's what left wing. liberal politics is about really. because something similar had happened to me at a previous school and I’d run for it. Have a theory that individuals who rated Robin Hood in those stories end up as left wingers. those values are rooted in empathy are they not? The brother is extremely right wing and I just realised shows no understanding. Had a tendency as I got older to champion the underdog. It's strange for me. which wasn't that difficult. and when I say squeal I mean it. and I’m pleased to say I got the others to stop. all these years later. still makes me squirm. incidences from schooldays.) He was the class geek. in a way that the pack they’re based on doesn’t. (We had no real bad eggs in the class.)are right wing because most right wing women and men politicos. with a kid called Terry Doyle. although never able to relate to the mentality of those who get pleasure from behaving in this way. and very timid. Recall an occurrence at the start of grammar school.) Maybe my first conscious. or fellow feeling at all. Just silly. the way these cards so often remind me of adventures. and I’ve come to feel dispassionate about people like that. albeit coated in sugar. and although it's never occurred to me before. and those who were on the side of the Sheriff of Nottingham (You know who you are. which culminated in him squealing 'leave me alone'. semiconscious experience of empathy. Seared on the memory. It was shit. . kept himself to himself. Have of course come across left wing and liberal bullies I must add. are bullies. completely unable to relate to anyone very well. heard the distress in his voice. for anyone. liberals.
Collectively organised social stuff. Involvement in voluntary groups. We had travelled to Margate in a charabanc. Eventually we go alone. Hiring a coach. Would never have made it to India if I hadn't been able to set out on my own. Keep it up and mostly it's a solitary affair. Writing.' Can't have been more than five. be involved. Yoga and meditation in groups. I’ll be accused of being a Communist. We are at a fairground in Margate. in a positive way. Past a certain point we go alone. Mother was only 24. Not much of one for being nostalgic about the past. in the apartment block. The residents association here. The only vague memory I have of her. That's how it is. organises get together trips for inhabitants who want to join in. but got to a point of life where so many of the things I wanted to do meant I had to get on with it on my own. hear me. Maybe some of those collective things that people did when they didn't have much were cohesive. ‘Where’s mum'?' ‘She's over their. but maybe stuff like that was a good thing. On the carousel. Can see myself looking up at father. . Events like that don't happen much now. Exercise. one way or the other. and I've just come upon it. The whole family must have been. Political involvement. Grandmother was alive and I'm sure she was with us. It's good to be able to go alone and involve one's self collectively it occurs to me. Such is life. She must have been devastated. Meditation. Filling it with kids and beer and sandwiches and lemonade and mums and dads and uncles and aunts and heading off to the seaside.Six of Swords. this very moment. Gosh. Maybe pooling of resources is a good thing. She died when I was five. We go alone. Painting. Did years of involvement in collective cooperative things. She was the eldest of a large collection. In the Fifties. Bereft. but much as I like the idea in principle I have a big no in practice. binding. A British institution. Community theatre.
Actually find it pleasing. on what I feel. Took on board Christianity as a seven-year old.) and loathed and felt guilty and defensive about how I felt. Well that's not new. in about '85. Began to see how torn I’d been between feelings and ideas about people. although I continued in the area of life to do with people to be torn between ideas and feelings. well it does. and I said yes to that. about everything. It wasn't until art school. theft is only okay when self-preservations an issue. but I realise at this moment (another new one on me) that it was okay to feel bad about feeling bad about violent people in authority.The Seven of Swords. that I became aware that when working a painting. in ninety one. which confuses. . I've come across extra ordinarily violent women and men in positions of authority (not physically. the introvert point. how I should feel. and so I move on. because it's a stereotype of the sneaking thief. when I took up painting. I came to realise. and having said that the card doesn’t have the ambivalence of the Waite Smith. That was a huge jump. Could go on and write about attitudes to theft. with every word that Osho said. The extrovert position. and easy-going as I am. This image is so close to the Waite Smith version and yet doesn’t evoke in me the same ambivalence. how I should behave. which first manifested in a really comfortable way. does it not?. Feelings and ideas. and in particular ideas about individuals in authority. or ideas versus feelings. but that was another step in becoming comfortable with honouring and acting through feelings. Torn between ideas and feelings. of making every decision according to how I felt. This guy looks far too healthy to be stealing to survive. and then. Base all decisions.
which was given to me by a friend five years previously. I’d never read it. and one of my phrases that relates to it is. My view of this image has always been about being trapped in a maze of ideas. which I interpreted. a new project. which had brought things to a head anyway. Round about this time I opened that book and caught a few lines. although as soon I write it. but can see now it was a bit of a turning point. and I most certainly didn't understand that then . seems pretty obvious. entitled ‘Zen flesh. Found my way out of that hole when I began to go more deeply into meditation. Can recall standing by a door working on a decision about opening or shutting it. I owned a book. The worse experience for me being a spell in the early days of meditation. again unconsciously. which I did not start until about three years later and it worked. When in doubt I would restrain myself and keep restraining myself until something happened spontaneously again (living in the head is the absolute opposite of spontaneity. is the spontaneity killer) and once I'd started something. being in the head. and by adding to it the practise of Wu Wei.Eight of Swords. Never made the connection between classical art and film iconography before. not knowing which way to turn because of that. and began to practise my understanding of what is called Wu Wei or active non doing. not something I’d ever really gone into in my life. but in this version King Kong did the rescuing. Came to meditation well read. and every idea is then the subject of scrutiny from the vantage point of many other ideas. Frightening. when being in my head came to a head. A maze. Zen Bones. and certainly not consciously up until then. Yes an ultimate idea helped sort out or find a way through a maze of ideas. The young woman being offered to King Kong. St George will come along soon to perform a rescue. but not about 'spiritual' matters. The maiden being sacrificed to the Dragon. pain or pleasure I would keep going. Active non doing. I got my spontaneity back. although I’ve just realised the latter was a second phase. unconsciously ensnared by conflicting information. by Paul Reps. and so on and so on. no matter what I went through. . Understand moments like that to be about being so caught up with ideas. and that understanding was to apply waiting. A Taoist concept or idea. ‘staying with it until the change comes by itself‘.
Have woken from a nightmare. and that was seriously disturbing at the time. do wake in the middle of the night distressed. off hand. 'The Darkest Hour is just before Dawn'. although I did realise in retrospect I found the incident exciting as well. Been ages. Do recall getting a new Tarot pack. when. It was as though my throat seized. Strewth but this pack of cards is twee. and it actually kicked in when I started to drink. nice representation. but can't say. Pretty girls who live well.Nine of Swords. Did when I drank and did drugs. but I had ideas that things should be different to the way they were. which doesn't relate to what's going on. Had so many unrealistic expectations. heart pounding. and in particular a complete failure about how I got on with people. but never the works. Usually seemed to be tied to that feeling of failure.' (Incredibly vivid and unusual imagery. Waking early. Just looked more closely and felt a flurry of feeling. . Such a miserable number. of fellow feeling. All those syrupy colours. God. Occasionally get early morning low blood sugar lows. about everything. with something weighing. that’s true. Thrown completely to the self. nice. head filled with an even more intense flow of imagery than usual. Completely normally I’ve come to realise. Probably culled from all those Victorian novels I read as a kid. and all verbal responses had ceased. Is that just sugar coating the poison on the part of the author? Being on a downer does happen to ordinary people in ordinary settings. alone. no distractions. Can't even recall the last time I felt like that.) and waking. 'The Navigators Tarot of the Mystic Sea. continued until I stopped.
both aspects of the mind. Don't think there’s any harm in the former. It really is a specific assertion about that. Probably adds frisson to life. physically at least. but then It always seems to be the case. battering of people is completely normal. abrasion. schoolboy violence. Only ever seen someone with a black eye. I've encountered such a lot of verbally and emotionally violent people on chat board's. and expectation. but that's another issue. Wow! . Haven't encountered a lot. very particularly in tabloid newspapers. People laying into others for absolutely no reason and then getting even more angry. It's something we hear about. actually a rephrase will help here. and I’ve heard of friends being badly hurt. and more. First I realise I've never seen the outcome of this degree of brutality. and a declaration about violence in general. Not considered this in this way before. Everybody believes their violence is valid and it's the others that’s wrong. both woman and men. As soon as I write that down I realise that in one way or the other non physical violence is around all the time. but not seen it happen and not seen them until they’d got over it. words and language. I’ve certainly come across more overtly verbally and emotionally violent people than I generally have to deal with in my ongoing life. because of course there is violence to do with feeling. Always found something unpleasant about the habitual vilification and abuse of anyone in public life. Television programmes in which the routine slaughter. I hear about. and within the tabloid press the violence of the writers. although of course in recent years much more closely. No one tampers. and violence. Always made a distinction between friction. but I am shocked I’ve become so inured to the ongoing stream of it. The worst kind of school girl. The remorseless sneering and jeering has always made my flesh crawl. Most people seem pretty sound. Rather shocked.Ten of Swords . the violence of the newspapers is always handled from that moral high ground. and it's true of every version I've seen. more aggressive and violent when challenged. Because the theme is swords its to do with mind. that always seems to me to be happening at its worse somewhere else. a testimony about the violence that goes with ideology. far away. Have always seen a pretty obvious statement in this card about being ganged up on.
so I suppose I'm now always me behaving differently depending who I'm communicating with.Page of Swords. 'The tarot isn't about presenting an image of the world as you want it to be. so don't nag!) Then it occurs. One for friends. That's an issue. Seen a straight mate squirm on meeting straight friends. as men behave differently amongst each other in the absence of women. One for mother. God this image grates. Although I'm sure things are not as strongly different as at one time. instead of jumping from one ’persona' to another. because he’s been caught in the compromising situation of the company of an obviously gay man. to me. idea. so effeminate and yet utterly likeable. maybe you. and with teachers it depends how we get on with them. riding two horses at once. and during the incident I’m recalling he was introduced to the new blokes who all seemed to take a shine to him. have seen girls behave like this. for male teachers. The gay guy. Was squirming myself and felt such a shit. completely incongruous and I would like to say to the author. trapped. We certainly don't when younger. Get the feeling. as I probably did when younger . it's about a representation of truth. For women teachers. We don't have just one. reckon most women do act differently amongst other women in the absence of men. for father. for brother. have only have one identity now but am very clear about who I want to be involved with. Would feel so torn. (Am fully aware the explosive discussion we can get into about that one. Recall so often when younger the discomfort of being with someone gay and meeting up with straight friends. Identity. a woman. how involved. So. so loud. for enemies. Robin Wood. a loudly effeminate gay man.
Today’s card evokes little for me. A very cool scene. realised that although it doesn't loom that large anymore. and so out of sight are a large number of people in attendance. Finished. although that bush.) and realised how specifically addressed the musings were. so back to the Queen of Swords. while she the dominant self interacts with others. our other smaller ego courtiers are plotting. out of sight. That’s it. red rose. Being a somewhat sociable man I’m concerned. watching.The Queen of Swords. and a very telling and verdant looking plant it is. a beautiful dominant figure holds sway in our minds. or maybe a resistance to even an attempt at response. waiting to take over any moment. dancing in attendance. experience they’ve been communicated with. This is a point of blogging really. She's out in the open. and don't get me started on that dress. I know there’s a possibility of someone reading the post and I’ve been making more effort than I might because of that. The suns shining from behind that grey storm cloud and the sky's pretty much filled with them. and once that’s happened I can ramble on. She represents our main ego does. who are not part of the court. she not? If we're lucky. to start the piece. Began to mull over a phrase or two. or those of my fellows who take time to read the post. at the very least. Gets me to be more considered than I would. or we've gone to a lot of effort to make it so. is a cultivated plant . who are in the imagination. Page filled. which helps. to an extent. Sorry to be so abrupt. . plainly she's high status. (Getting going is the deal. And that's nearly half a page covered. to adapt so that my fellows. had the right breaks. whilst in the background. Don't seem to want to pursue the aforementioned topic. for a page. on what looks like moor land. Given that she’s dressed like that. She’s holding the sword in an upright position and looks as though she's offering it to someone whose outside the picture frame. waiting.
by my early thirties. and increasingly includes girls. Suppose I could go into that. and I found another adventure. that I’ve used to trigger writing in a daily journal. Was most definitely like this. and that eventually ran down . Teenagers and twenty something’s. Charging into things. now I still go into the water. threw myself into it. of a certain temperament. no longer naive to the fact that there’s always something in the new that will be enjoyed and something that wont. write about writing. because all teenagers and twenty something’s are not exactly the same. to avoid writing about this. and younger. what a load of ballocks. throw themselves into new things. if you choose to say it that way . things that are fresh to them. but I get there more slowly. The phrase 'youth is wasted on the young' is almost a cliche. explored and shared. with anyone whose open to the sharing. The idea that only people under a certain age make mistakes is as ridiculous as the suggestion that anyone over a certain age is incapable of being original. which once upon a time was mostly just about lads. Useful analogy might be that as a kid I raced down the beach and hurled myself head long into the waves. Autobiography in Five Short Chapters I walk down the street. definitely go more carefully now. have never ceased to do that. explore the new. Getting mocked by people of a similar age. it's a 'hoary old chestnut'. still swim. because I’m no longer innocent. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. is a fuddy-duddy. not so much taking risk. who were stuffy and pompous in a way that fits the stereotype of middle-aged. Chapter 1 . The final image in the third pack of tarot cards. coupled often with the fearlessness of inexperience. stayed for a year and a half. and set off for India. or naivete.Knight of Swords . so all manner of new things get opened up. but I won't. getting into trouble. Did so much. as being completely innocent of the fact that there’s any risk involved at all. but something eventually changed and although I continue to take risks. Bloody fantastic say I. Impetuosity of youth.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. It still takes a long time to get out.I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. My eyes are open. Chapter 2 I walk down the same street. it's a habit. I pretend I don't see it. It is my fault. Chapter 3 I walk down the same street.. I know where I am. I see it is there. It isn't my fault. I am lost . I walk around it. I fall in. But it isn't my fault.. I can't believe I am in the same place. I fall in again. I still fall in . .. I get out immediately. Chapter 5 I walk down another street. Chapter 4. It takes forever to find a way out.. I am helpless.
Terrific! A great achievement. Have reservations. so it would have been in Malta. but must say I really enjoyed it enormously. 'The 13th Warrior'. Hm! Viking warrior in a tarot pack triggers ponderings about movies. which I get the impression was not well received. Recently got myself a 32 inch flat screen TV and have to say my only regret about it is that I didn’t give myself a bigger one. along with Tony Curtis. in that resolute pose on the bridge in the mines of Moria. which led to a few months bout of watching many films. Tend to like strong visual imagery and thrills. although it occurs to me any decently made film that holds attention will trigger in the right situation musings with a bit of depth. but occasionally deep and meaningful is good. Recall being enthralled by the Viking film as a kid. and will almost certainly catch it again sometime.' I've read the book more times than I can count. As soon as I turned the card over I pictured Kirk Douglas in ‘The Viking'. Not sure. The way the King of Swords is standing in that image then triggers a picture of Gandalf. Have a great capacity for suspension of disbelief when watching film. 'You shall not pass. all mixed up with some from a film which starred Antonio Bandera’s. and then I acquired my flat screen and that triggered another spell of pigging out on movie. It was well done. but overall the film is so good I give Jackson an A. but not for years. Will almost certainly watch it again. so watching the film was easy. Only got me a DVD player about three years ago. May have seen the former in Malta. roaring at the Balrog. and more recently the 13th Warrior. He remade 'King Kong. Don’t recall much detail. Yeah! I do enjoy films. The 13th Warrior is also terrific and I’ve watched it three times. Excellent! . Have it on DVD. Was possibly about 13 or 12.King of Swords. but my imagination is filled with a stream of colourful image's without sound. especially on DVD.
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