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This book was automatically created by FLAG on January 16th, 2012, based on content retrieved from http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4085168/. The content in this book is copyrighted by caracol or their authorised agent(s). All rights are reserved except where explicitly stated otherwise. This story was first published on February 20th, 2008, and was last updated on March 13th, 2008. Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated - please email any bugs, problems, feature requests etc. to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Table of Contents
Summary 1. Chapter 1 2. Chapter 2 3. Chapter 3 4. Chapter 4 5. Chapter 5 6. Chapter 6 7. Chapter 7 8. Chapter 8 9. Chapter 9 10. Chapter 10 11. Chapter 11 12. Chapter 12 13. Chapter 13 14. Chapter 14 15. Chapter 15 16. Chapter 16
AU All Human. Bella and Edward are best friends. A story of self discovery and the loss of innocence. This story is about how two people deal with sex, love, trust, friendship all while growing up. Very OOC.
After reading amazing stories and thinking of some great movies favorites of mine, I started playing with the idea of a certain plot. My story is AU, where everybody is human, and I want to believe I'm offering a twist on the best friends perspective. I wanted to get back to the Bella of the first book, I loved how ballsy she was, she certainly had a lot of spunk. I love a good best friends get together kind of story, and I was thinking of movies I like, such as "Some kind of wonderful" and "Jeux d'enfants" , those movies explore how a boy and a girl who are best friends come of age, how their relationship evolves. I had also just saw "Juno" so to me, Bella has a lot of Ellen Page, though do not think that what I offer is a crossover between Twilight and Juno. Juno was great about a girl who takes a journey of self discovery. I wanted to explore that self discovery, but for both the boy and the girl. I have a very particular way I imagine the characters, so I have a few links in my profile of what they look like, in case you are interested. Note that my favorite for Edward looks more like a regular teenager than a 100 plus vampire. I tried just taking the essence of the characters, and leaving out a lot of the books. I think they are great and I do not wish to mess with that. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this and I look forward your feedback. Caracol Preface I know what anyone would expect out of a story like ours. Well, let me tell you, that is not us. This is not the story of a boy and girl that grew up together, best friends, where the boy makes a vow to protect the girl. If you were to tell that to us we'd laugh our butts off. But the story of our friendship, of our bond is quirky and weird. And it is full of humor and drama and just plain awesomeness. This is the story of Edward and Bella. This is our story. This is not a love story, though we do love each other. This is not a glorified Harlequin novel that the intellectual in me despises though from time to time enjoys a worn and forgotten copy found wrapped in paper at the bottom of one of my friends' bookcases. Our back story is plain and simple: We grew together, to be honest I don't really
know how we met. I just know that I cannot think back to my childhood without Edward's goofy face in it. I guess our moms were friends, or met at a park when we were babies. Who knows... Who cares... I'm the only child of only children. Grandparents long gone. At the age of ten I learned what it is to be all alone in this world, as all my past, and all my hope of some sort of tangible history went down a hill on a dark rainy night. It was hard. I won't trivialize it. But I want you to see with my eyes, to understand even more what this friendship has meant to me. I was taken in by Edward's parents, Esme and Carlisle. I thank my lucky stars for them. Their family is my family, and yet is not. A few months before I was born Esme had Edward and Emmet. The joke is that they are too far to resemble twins. Not only physicaly but personality wise they couldn't be further apart. Esme jokes that Edward and I are more twins than her own sons, and when she talks about her tiwns, people that don't know us that well assume that it is indeed Edward and I the ones that shared Esme's womb. I love Emmet as well, he is by all menas my brother, but we don't have the same connection Edward and I do. I feel bad because more than once he gets left outside of our world, but yet again, he was always the extrovert. Carlisle told me once they were happy about me being so close to Edward. They were worried about his shyness. I can't think of him as shy, he's no Emmet, but he is confident and outgoing, Carlisle said that that was me bringing that out in him. I was glad to hear that, I always thought he had gotten the crappy end on this bargain. Edward and I are best friends but yet more, we are like sibling and yet not quite. We are about to graduate form high school. Just about to dive head on our adult years, and this is our year of discovery. This is the story that I want to share. Of how this amazing and terrifying world can be perceived, seized by us, by someone like us.
And now I don't know if its a well known secret.. for the dark humor in every day life. I'm a sucker for discovering everyone else's secrets. placidly asleep. We don't know any other way. I hate Mondays. but I don't see him that way. And I love that he can fall asleep so easily and stay asleep." I said with a glare." The voice of a not so much sleeping beauty brings me back. And yet I'm not a tragic one. "Wow. That is why he is on my bed. There is nothing sexual. their personal universes. taking me where I don't want to be taken. And now. "Bella. Not so much of a "I'm only happy when it rains" very Shirley Manson kind of way. a funny and incredible sad memory of a tormented past. we found the solution was sneaking into each other's rooms. this is our reality. though I know he is good looking. "Always a pleasure to fight alongside you Sarcasm Girl" "I guess we should get up and get ready if we want to make it on time" -7- . nightmares at bay. heck! my first born. Alarm goes off. Our parents (his parents actually) knew and chose to look the other way. I look at him. not yet 6:05 and we are already sharing wisdom Captain Stating-the-Obvious.. Since I was ten. I truly hate comparisons of beauty with greek and roman deities. And I smile. when I knew the vertigo of standing before the edge of the world. Not in a cheesy creepy Cruisesque "You complete me" kind of way. every night is the same battle. the same dread of my mind running amok. And who wouldn't? I look back to the dormant figure next to me. I know. Not me. He is the other side of me. You are over thinking again. Though there is some of that in me. He's a good sleeper and I hate him for it.Chapter 2 6:00 am. But enough of this internal monologue. This is our routine. I just like observing life. Or if it's just a distant memory for them. He's right. something that is just the way it is and no one mentions it. It is plain survival. And I'll give an arm and a leg. it's plain custom. nothing romantic about it. He makes me smile because he exists. not because of his looks. It's a downer. because he helps me define myself.
well Carlisle laid the law. We sat at the cafeteria table that Emmet and our friends Alice." He looked at me quizzically. I guess you lose car privileges if we keep up our shit. as Alice and Jasper were. I guess if you think about it I get the worse part of it. now that we are staying the whole day. right Bella?" said Rosalie "Yeah.. "And what is it that the two of you did this summer that is so more important that whatever we did?" Asked Jasper. So anyways. Wait! What was your punishment? I only heard bout mine" "Put up with you without a car" "I guess that is fair" "I don't really". They were cool. but sometimes Edward and I need to get away from all the syrupy love expressions. "I know." "Ouch."On time on the first day of school? That will be a first. He said he would be calling the school every hour to make sure we were here the entire day. Emmet and Rosalie were together. "Dude it was rad! " said Edward "We put together our band" -8- .. Jasper and Rosalie were sitting at. knowing it was out of character. Don't you always ditch first day of school?" said Alice "Yeah. "I guess then you will be putting up with all the moaning and bitching. " Edward shared with our friends "And if he catches us ditching Edward loses the volvo" I added smiling. "Hey guys we didn't expect to see you in today. so intent and dramatic about their high school romances. He said senior year must be taken seriously. their words not mine." I loved making fun of our friends. But you heard Esme and Carlisle last night. we get the pleasure of seeing all your moppy faces since you are not sucking face all day or whatever you guys did for the entire summer.
"Do not forget those poor souls whose idea of Romeo and Juliet was only the Leonardo DiCaprio version." Added Edward "Must I remind you two morons that Emmet and I did a piece of Romeo and Juliet on that festival?" Said Rosalie "You did. even if Mr. you two can't do what you did last year" Said Alice. "Hey! Watch it! Or you won't be invited when we open for the Stones" I said as I noticed the posters on the wall. but I still speak to you guys because you were original enough to do the scene where they meet."You too goofing around blasting chords through your amps in the basement the whole summer does not a band make" answered Emmet. -9- . We are not ready to let him off the hook for that one yet. "What are you talking about? It was wicked!" Replied Edward "A gore version of the final scene in Hamlet? The whole first row was drench in red corn syrup by the time you two were done! " Alice was really ticked off about that one. how many times do you have to watch the kiss scene?" I tried to reason with her. "Yeah." I said to what Edward added: "It was priceless to see Emmet reciting Shakespeare! " We were all laughing by now. What about Lauren's version. They were about the preparation for the Shakespeare Festival "Oh shit not this crap again" "Well. that was getting a little soft core porn" Said Rosalie. "And wasn't that better than all the Romeo and Juliet scenes we were subjected to? Talk about lack of creativity. when has a catatonic person french kiss?" Everyone at the table was laughing remembering it. he actually attempted to build a case against us stating that it broke his concentration when he worked out. Anderson cut it short for being inappropiate. "Ah. But I must admit that the 'Young hearts run free' musical number was the highlight of the night. He hated our noise. She had been so mortified of our little stunt. "And. I guess we could participate and open all these pubescent minds" said Edward noticing what I was referring to. since she was sitting in that first row.
"What's wrong with you? Looks like you didn't rest much. You can have others you know I'm a beast of habits. Somehow we kept it going. we have Spanish now" I said as Edward and I headed for our class." We had grown so accustomed to it." "Aren't we all. reading and watching TV until the wee hours. Being the closest one. "How can you lose a pillow hun?" Esme asked "Bella stole it. Bells. afterall we shared a jack and jill bathroom. At the breakfast table Edward did not look so fresh. "Sorry Eds.10 - . Oh yes. That night was one of those odd nights when neither I nor Edward made it to the other's bed. I know my infomercials well. Thought you had plenty. Only three things were able to keep my mind from falling: Edward. past that witching hour that I so dread. But then again I was waking up at 3 in the morning screaming my lungs off. I had been reading until late. I think they thought they would close up the access to it from both rooms and open it up from the hallway. I took it 'cause my leg was sore and I wanted to prop it up. "I tossed and turned the entire night. I don't wake up screaming anymore. I didn't know it was your favorite."You guys are retarded!" Said Emmet as the bell rang. "Adios dudes. " He replied to his worried mother. now. I seemed to have misplaced my favorite pillow. Esme and Carlisle got used to me falling back to sleep next to him. Just don't take IT again. And it wasn't such an overproduction to sneak in. we talk about music and movies." Crap. When I came to live with them the only room available shared the bathroom with Edward's. He was going to make it difficult for me. Edward would find me first." Esme asked him. He looked at me a little upset." "No worries. we teach each other chords and .
overthinking. He jokes about it and says that that way I won't be able to escape. sort of a protection device. sticking to your own kind. with Edwards hand tight around my ankle. or because he is a deeper sleeper. I guess. We had issues with being too vulnerable. about not getting to me on time. At least none that were not dependant of me. I imagine that a nightly dose of panic screaming from the orphan next door wouldn't sit well with a ten year old boy. He knows I just need to know that I am not alone. Since I turn so much in the bed. I don't know why Emmet grew through it unscathed. most times it is my foot. maybe because he did not have to sleep in a room so close to mine. if my best friend wakes up confused. during the night we use each other as pillows. We see it much more like animals sleeping in a pack. Often. I cringe at the concept of cuddling. it's something almost comical. Now. since that is not what we do. . Edward knew that my mind couldn't be trusted alone.11 - . He has nightmares about that. or just read side by side. he pats around until he knows where I am.riffs with our guitars. and holds on to a limb. That's how he calls it. I've gotten used to the feeling of sleeping bolted down. without it running wild. He didn't have too much of night fears. My own human ball and chain.
but I guess he was right. and even though we were far away to be able to listen to her conversation. "Oh look at that here she comes.12 - . perhaps Johanna.. Wait. We made it fun by ad libbing for comedic purposes. that's totally why I don't have sex" I let out. would totally do him right here to get that A-list treatment of his. "Admit Bella you are hot for him right now." I chuckled "Fuck. did he just brushed her off?" I noted as we saw him barely acknowledge her presence. "He did. See I told you they totally did it last week!" Edward had pointed out to me how it was easy to tell when a girl was getting some. amazing!" I may not be able to tell with that conviction if someone was being sexually active. The voyeur in me liked witnessing other people's lives. but the outcome of their liaison was far from unexpected. She was interesting enough.Chapter 3 That day at lunch Edward and I sat outside on the grass to people watch. maybe it's something completely different. Today we had been watching redhead girl whose name I never can really remember. I thought he was a pig. For that I'll do him myself. "The bastard! Totally unexpected that the resident jock of our generation who happens to change girlfriends as often as socks would dump the girl after having sex.. her body language spoke in detail. excited much?" Said Edward as we watched her approach the jock who was standing next to his friends." We were laughing our asses off by then. There was something morbid about that. Lacy who knows. She was one of our favorites. Stacy. "But you will eventually" . She had been participating in this courting kind of dance that is highschool romance with a jock neither of us could stand. "Get ready for the make-out-a-thon. "See. " "Yeah. I especially liked watching their romantic interactions.
"Seriously. you are right" He admitted more seriously than what the situation called for just to annoy me. I made a good deal since I was curious as well. I won't. I hate that feeling. Alice was not so fond of hers. I started thinking. I remember also one day when we were talking about first kisses with friends." He said with a smile." We laughed and critiziced a lot the courting habits of our generation. She said it felt like being licked by a cat. I guess partly because of that reason I loved being so close to Edward. living every new age with him made it so much easier. but truth to be told I worried. Pretty much all my life I had dreaded milestones. if I help him know what the fuss it was about what all the other boys were doing he'd shared all his video game cheats.. I think I may have had the best idea ever. Very funny Cullen. the kid caught her off guard and shoved his tongue in.. every new age. he didn't see what the fuss was at all. I smiled fondly remembering my first kiss. and that it hadn't been a traumatizing experience. he was curious and proposed the deal to me. I grinned looking into the space and Edward threw a pencil at me "What are you thinking about Bells?" "I'll tell you later. He was enjoying this. All that day I pondered over it. He was very happy. And anyways what is so romantic about waiting until I'm in college and losing it at a frat party with a douche bag that might as well be a date rapist? Or . I was pleased to think I had avoided that kind of awkwardess. Right then and there I got my epiphany... I dreaded all that drama.." "I much rather get it over with" I announced to Edward "I thought girls were suposed to fantasize with romance and shit. "Since when have I done things like the other girls" "Dude. I was glad my first kiss was done. I'll be the spinster aunt of yours and Emmet's kids. very funny. and got the cheats pretty much for free. They will love me. my solution. I had had enough.."No. Later in class. came with changes that treatened the comfort of finally feeling like I had gotten used to living in my own skin.13 - ." "Who told you I'll let your near my kids? " "Ouch.
I smiled thinking that was exactly what I was trying to do. what about you?" "What about what?" "I mean.14 - . Have you thought about that?" "Bella. So anyways. "A man of almost 18 and still a virgin" "Look who's talking" "Hey. I wonder if they got the same I did. it's just that that was a very odd image." "Mom and Dad must be so proud of you" Esme had given me the talk while Carlisle took the boys camping and gave it to them. "Well stop imagining me having sex" "You so wish" He said giving me a wicked smile. I am a man" He looked at me not believing I could actually believe he didn't think about sex at all." "I am. I'm a girl. Esme hadn't said marriage. Though Esme would probably tell me that I was twisting her words." He said as he rolled his eyes trying to picture the situation I had described. she was more open-minded than other moms I knew. if she knew about this. But what she had told me was to wait for someone who cared about me and that I cared about.. "You deserve to experience it with someone who loves you kiddo" were her precise words.with the weird goth guy that manages to write something remotely decent in my Creative Writing class?" "Do you fantasize with a frat boy?" "Dude. "And that brings us back to my worries about getting to college. about waiting for the right person. I'm not expected to be too experienced. . "You're an idiot. you are so not paying attention." "Immaculate?" He cut me off..
So my success only answers to the cosmic law of karma. "Hey. I might be lesbian by then too.. think that that must be love and ten years down the line. you. "So remind me again why we are conmiserating on our crappy future sex lives?. and a very very non existant sex life. "And now I know what I will be masturbating to when Barbie and I no longer do it.. But we were talking about you. and mine only takes me to the suburbs?" It was rather sweet." "How Valerie Solanas of you. yes it was all fun and games in the beggining. I pulled myself together and ended up as the new feminist writer icon with my best selling. After frat OR goth boy.. and emasculating I might say.... While it's not like frat boy or goth boy were that amazing. being so incredibly starved of a way to relieve your sexual needs." "Yeah. don't interrupt me."Exactly. I see you falling for the first Malibu Barbie you meet in college. How come your crappy sex life gets you to be a succesful writer. . So tell me about why are we tracing our future sex lives and their downfall again".... "Don't you love that we can have this kind of friendship?" "I love you alright." "I love you too you big dufus" I said to him. after frat and/or goth boys. She puts out. novel slash manifesto against men. especially when she invited her roomate Candy to join you. "Well. how sometimes it took him a little while to figure out the full the extend of what I said. the house in the 'burbs and a dog.15 - . okay. it's your own damn fault for having sex with Malibu Barbie in the first place. Hey wait.." We lost it by then." "And/or? You really turned slutty in college" "Hey." "Where are you while I'm not getting laid in the 'burbs" Said Edward amused." "Okay.." i added to make him laugh. Barbie and you have two point five kids.. He said with a quizzical look.
. I know that it may be awkward though" I . "Dude.." I said as an idea brewed in my mind." "Well then that won't be a turn off then. Just as you don't think about me in that way either. "Don't be ridiculous." "Bear with me for a second. and I certainly don't want to regret it. of course I don't think about you in that way."I was trying to make a point about why we have to have sex before college. Better?" "Yeah" "Well. I really don't want my memories of my first time to be with someone that I'll end up hating.. I think you actually need that part.. that.. "Ah. We just didn't have to put those feelings in words.. And it's not like we are lusting for each other. pretty sure?" "Definitely sure. that is not what I was saying. Though wait.. "And I'm pretty sure that we'll always be best friends" "Ouch Bella. You'll never hate me right?" "Of course not" We could joke a lot. experimenting in a controlled and safe way. plus the fact that we don't have the whole romance thing to fuck it up could actually make this work.16 - .. what I'm thinking is that I want to do my share of. right?" "Not at all." "Well. though we were sure what we felt for each other. I'm not that disgusting looking. and just about how far we would go to avoid the other one pain." "WE have to? As you and me?" He smiled enjoying too much to put me on the spot." I said with a serious look on my face. I was joking. You may be onto something" "Bella. I did not know you thought about me in that way" "Be serious. See. Let's just entertain this idea for a second.
We didn't over think it. to know. and like them we did not know what it would entail. and given that I had started using the patch to regulate me took that off our minds. somehow I had convinced him. the itch. My cd player happened to be playing "All the young dudes". Like Adam and Eve we were about to taste the fruit of knowledge. Oddly enough. It's sex. but more of a scientific experiment. It was the end of an era for us as well." "Yeah. seeing where that would take them.said as I realized I was soliciting my best friend right then and there. and how it really suited us. giving in animal instincts. I thought about my analogy and ponder about the first man and woman. no enticing lingerie. when they laid together it was very likely not about love. There were no romantic preparations.17 - . but it was sweet and true. Blindfold about to fall from out eyes. The only real question was about being safe. Not a lot to plan ahead. no rose petals. Humor trying to mask the clumsiness and inexperience.. exactly. Eerie coincidence. self discovery and other stuff" He said. driven by the thirst. We settled to try that very night. All wrapped in the perfect and controlled environment of paradise. Innocence about to be lost. almost relieved. So you are starting to see my point. We didn't want to have time to back out. We had made a monumental decision amidst jokes and observations of our generation and yet felt calm... "I don't want to bend your arm" "Dude. to feel. Who needs arm bending?" His smile was back as he looked up to look at me. I think I can" He said looking down. In the dark he had approached me as I sat on . it can be more of a controlled situation. And so. the burn. good and evil. like cattle to the slaughter. It was us. one we had made up our minds we didn't need to discuss it much. No candles. With nothing but the moonlight trough the window (we were afraid of light taking away the courage). "Yeah. That glam rock song was a hymn for the end of an era. Our mating wasn't romantic. "That could actually help the experimenting part. We touched and explored. We were willingly going to the end. and for a minute I thought that I may have had sold him the idea..
indiscriminately they touched every surface of my body. and slowly rotated them. He . He touched me as if I were to break. though the veil of night enveloped me. and a little to the front. Mine for him to satisfy every curiosity. I was now exposed to him. realizing how hard it was. I threw my head back. along with silent gasps that I wasn't sure came from my mouth or his. while he got on his knees and tilted forward. After a while of this slow torture.18 - . We had chosen not to plan it too much. He then placed his right hand on the mattress to hold his weight while his left had keeping me hovering on the bed. going back and forth. His index finger rested now on the edge of my top. He felt the unencumbered skin now. sending small shocks through my body. Slowly he sat in front of me. His body was there for me to know the geography of the male lands. Mimicking his movement I touched his chest. as if he was letting my peaks trace patterns on his palms. he grew impatient. His mouth caught the offering as he tasted me. and lazily pulled a little touching the smooth skin of my breast. It was fogging my brain thinking that the flesh he was caressing had never been felt before. I let out a moan. The smooth skin became coarse with the texture of his hair. a little more every so often. no longer able to suppress it. to answer every question he may had. but the breeze on my breasts made me feel so vulnerable. His hands went to my sides and held on to the ends of my top and swiftly pulled it off me. With this I went to the buttons of his pajama top and undid them and took it off. but enough to prove to me that he was a man and not boy. arching myself to force a more direct contact with his hands. his finger would brush one of my nipples. arched and offering my breasts to him. and starting a new warm and moist feeling in my core. Eager. and using my arms behind me as support. He took advantage of this and placed one hand on my back to hold me in place and slowly pushed me back. his hands slid over my skin. while his came up to my shoulders and rested on the straps of my tank top. and then the other. Once in a while. and then so lovingly he cupped them. I was resting mine on his chest. not too much to make me feel disgusted. Slowly he pushed one to the side. to the top swells of my still covered breasts. I never felt so womanly before. and I could feel them tense and contract. I knew he could barely make out my forms in he dark. The only premise was to explore. He raised his palms against my nipples. The first interest was texture. to let the primal drive of our bodies lead the way. not to talk it out. He placed his hands on my sides and slid them up. to rest just under my breasts. and now he was claiming it as his.my bed. We were to not feel too shy about experimenting.
. but relieved to be with someone I could trust. hot and ready. I went to by humor shield to protect me. "You are not going to get all sappy on me right?" I said with a pathetic smile. We were now in the nude. I just need you to give me a little distraction from the very inminent pain I'm about to feel. But by all means if this is going to make you cry or hinder your plans to join a seminary. He was getting ready. Have you changed your mind?" I broke the spell and he seemed confused. I could feel him now hard and moist against my belly. I mean. I'm not a chicken. this was my idea. As Edward positioned himself against me I felt anxious and awkward. massaging my buttocks and teasing me as he slide them to my front." I could hear his frustration and felt him eager against me. as he lifted me slightly to take them off. He was playing with the friction of my breasts against his flat and hard chest. his hands now massaging my bottom. "Of course I am buying time.slowly lowered us until we were both lying on my bed. I didn't see it coming. I had only my underwear on now and he was playfully getting his hands under it. and pull them down. "Agh Bella. I just don't like the anticipation. just touching the sensitive skin there." I bluffed "Bella. . I caressed his back and played with his bronze curls. nothing between us. After a while. and my thing is sealed shut. And so he did give me a distraction. we can call it off. "No way dude. my pajama bottoms were sliding down. to where my other foot could help take them off. are you buying time?" He said seeing through me. My biggest worry was not so much the physical thing about to happen but the emotional implications. he just took them off in one decisive motion. Bella. you tell me who has the short end of the stick here. Next thing I noticed. "No.19 - . You are the one with the pointy thing. I raised my leg and got it under the waistband of his. He held me tight and just rubbed slowly to let every inch of our bodies feel the warmth of flesh on flesh.. He tasted and sucked and gently bit. and I blushed in the dark realizing that he was now bare.. " I blurted out. excited and ashamed of how much I enjoyed the torture of his mouth on my nipple. I can take it.
In one swift movement his mouth was on mine. The deed was done. no fireworks. now in a sweeter way. We did not make love. Before we knew it we had found our rhythm. There were no professions of love. Open and speared. There was a new feeling in me that embarrassed me. if we'd be the same people when we wake. We loved each other alright. At least I knew I was. It was not glamorous like in the movies.20 - . but with my best friend. the newly awaken and discovered need to know how our bodies worked. no mind blowing orgasms. It was plain fucking. because I was not brave enough to dive head first in love. as I fell asleep. And when it was over we didn't say another word. No lustful promises of eternal love that could fade away with the diminishing aftershocks of an orgasm. I was enjoying how he was fucking me. but to rush that love into a romantic one would have been to plummet from a higher ground. I liked how Edward was fucking me. no all night love making. He kissed me again. Shit. He went to the bathroom and retrieved a damp towel and lovingly cleaned me up. it both calmed me and took my mind from the subduing pain in my now open threshold. not because I had a crush on him (I didn't) but because with him I could feel safe. on his eagerness to penetrate me. A part of me felt proud on how ready he was. It was awkward and unexperienced. It didn't take long. I needed my controlled space. I had admitted it to myself. I wanted to experience as much as I could. on how he took me. It was short and sweet buy it was satisfaying. I could see panic in his face. what made us tick. We went to sleep and I wonder. I was now full. the intrigue. And we did not become lovers to get our relationship to a new level. And by all means it seemed that my best friend was enjoying it too. And we also did this because we were chicken shits. the pubescent desire. No one could have a friendship like ours and not love each other. on his masculinity reassured with the force he used to drive into me. I was scaring him "It's okay just give me a minute" I manage to say to him. It was not love making. We did this to quench the curiosity. . His kiss was hungry and it distracted me from everything else. Until he swiftly entered me. The pain made me break the kiss. A sort of pride on his hardness.
but hopefully you'll continue to enjoy this.. But seeing his face as usual. You don't look too scarred for life either. I'm glad that you find refreshing the idea of their first time not being romantic and lovey dovey. "And so Forks High Purity Club loses two more members. that we would have a heart to heart about what had happened. Thank you all for the reviews. and that we shouldn't pretend nothing had happened." "Oh no. we need to make it on time.Chapter 4 Okay so I finally did a very needed edition of my previous chapters.21 - . Hopefully not as dreadful in terms of typos. Anyways.. I was afraid of what the reaction would be. "Hit the shower Swan. I'll be downstairs in 20. Give me some privacy. I guess. Carlisle said the volvo threat was good for the whole week. So. without further ado. or pretended that it was nothing at all. "Aren't you post-coital happy?" I said smiling and squinting my eyes. wake up!" I woke up to a fully dressed Edward shaking me." "Well thank you. I was certain that things were the same. Bella." "Nice. I had dreaded morning for what it would mean. I want to run wild with this idea of how this situation could be maintained and what the consequences would be." "Tragic." He chuckled. "Yeah. I felt we could still be us. Thank you" He said with a wicked smile. I promise to keep like that. Nothing spells success like going to school freshly deflowered." . I feared that it would be awkward or worse. Actually I must say you had a very peaceful sleep. and try to make them as real and truthful to just plain teenagers. "Bella.
Weird. somehow it was too intimate to share. It was no longer possible to ignore that we were man and woman. tasting. it made me feel too vulnerable. well versed on how to play each others bodies. And also. I could look into his eyes in the dark while he penetrated me. not forbidden places in each other. that this made me more aroused. I liked the way my body molded to his. . alternating the massage of my breast with his left hand with the rubbing of my ass with his right. of knowing that it was nothing but sex. I found out. Would he come to my bed or was it the end of us spending our nights together? He did come to my bed that night. I knew that the trick was on convincing us women of it. It was less awkward than that first night." The day went by as usual and I was glad that nothing had seemed to change. He knew how to come to my bed and embrace me from behind. I could not name the feeling. I did wonder if Edward's theory of how easy it is to spot sexual gratification in a girl the morning after. to make us blush and give it all away. He would place his lips on the nape of my head and make me shiver. too exposed. the sensation of being full. And every night for the next few weeks. tenderly brushing my breasts. kissing seemed so romantic. He didn't kiss me again. I could always make him gasp. we no longer waited for full nudity. snaking his hands under my tank top. but I could not stand the idea of us kissing. of him just exposing certain areas. and it was different. and very lightly rubbed my backside against him. I looked at him and saw my friend and not a boy I had a crush on. but secret and kinky. I always liked that first penetration. but there was something about the feeling of being taken. and then he would find his tempo. though I never shared it with him. and he knew it. He no longer asked for permission before entering me. And I started wondering what it would be like at night. not rushed. it was more practical to just get them out of the way. I looked at him and thought that there were no longer secrets. we had set an unspoken rule about kissing. See you then. We spent countless nights exploring. I was better than that. It was almost ironic. I had not turned into the damsel in distress waiting for Edward to saved her. it felt too hypocritical. the idea of not being completely nude."Okay. feeling. During biology though my mind started to wonder and I came to the realization that my best friend's DNA was still roaming free in me. probing. we were now.22 - . I knew he was full of shit and knowing Edward. This was something new and mysterious that we were more than willing to explore. Before long clothes had been pulled and shifted. tamed somehow.
I enjoy getting to know myself. my explorations of him. But I know I don't want to stop. or going to his. . now that he could flip us quite easily. Hours later in school. but I still feel his warmth inside. if like me he has flashes our encounters. I'm not strong enough for now. I don't want to think about it. that we won't be able to scape. I walk the hallways of school knowing that he's been inside me. unable to control the powerful explosion in my core. that he has left traces in my body of him. Unable to quiet our moans of release with kisses I would bury my mouth on his shoulder. I wonder if he can smell himself on my. I got us in this terrible hell. Feeling him pour himself inside of me. he made me feel weightless the way he maneuvered me. If his mind betrays him suddenly and thinks of me as his woman rather than his friend. I don't want to analyze my feelings. that I've killed something pure. I cannot stop it. But I'll keep waiting for him in my bed. what this means. I can't tell what is going on.For the first time I fully realized how strong he was. I don't want to accept the fact that we can not keep this up. if he feels the tingling I feel inside sometimes when I remember. we may not talk about it. In the back of my mind there is a dread: I've done something terrible. but mostly I think. I'm enjoying our explorations.23 - . now a little bruised from a couple times I've bitten him. That things have been changed.
"So Rose.Chapter 5 I walked out of my English class and headed to the cafeteria. Got a spare brother. He's been moping around though." "You probably don't wanna know about that Rose. what did my idiotic brother do for you to keep him in the doghouse?" "Did he tell you? I'm going to kill Emmet! No offense Bells" "None taken. Esme is worried. "What up dolls?" "Hey Bells." Said Alice "That is strange." Added Alice. figured out how to give Shakespeare buffs a bigger and better shock this year?" Asked Rosalie looking up to me. "No can do. he didn't tell me. His daily ten thousand calories are not going to eat themselves you know?" "I can't believe you haven't told me either Rose!" Said Alice truly shocked. But no. My work here was done. I've been banned from the festival. I couldn't help but grin after Mrs. As per her expressed request we were not allowed to take her class together. Bennett told me that I was strictly forbidden to participate in this year's Shakespeare festival and to please pass the message along to my stepbrother. He didn't tell me we'd be watching the soaps today. He did tell Edward I think. they were heading out to the bleachers. "Little teen drama we've been watching.24 - ." "The soaps?" Asked Rosalie confused. I noticed that Alice and Rosalie were already seated at our usual table. I think she said something about the "evil twins" being bad for her nerves. Have you seem him?" "I saw him earlier with Emmet and Jasper. I know . And his appettite is not the same. but the bastard hasn't cracked yet. Actually I can't wait to tell Edward about it.
That's the only way to go to make a quick getaway. but Emmet convinced me that we had time" She was visibly embarrassed.that Rose confides more in her. I was the resident freak with my jeans. vintage t-shirts and combat boots.. I think from outside we .And no underwear. Probably the fact that I live in the same house as Emmet does the trick. though maybe slightly more that I'm a blabber mouth that cannot keep a pice of juicy information from Edward.. He wasn't part of any particular clique unless you considered our friendship a clique in itself. It always amazed me the mobility my best friend had in high school demographics. but they preferred to hang out with us.. Alice broke the silence "Here come the guys" I looked up to see the three of them walking along some jocks. I knew my parents were coming... Both sets of eyes were now burning me with a half suspicious... "Skirts and elastic bands. "You. didn't have enough time to." I said taking a bite from the sandwich I packed for lunch. When they opened the door I only had a bra on and my pants halfway up. half scared look. You could say that we were more down to earth normal people that tended to group but we all had very different personalities and tastes. Alice was perceived more as a kooky character and Jasper was seen the same by association.. Emmet and Rosalie were well liked by them... redress?" Asked Alice "Well. while Alice and I were desperately trying to avoid laughing at the mental picture.. "Well.." We were now openly laughing. including the one who had dumped redhead Lacy-Stacy a few weeks ago. "Bella?" "I'm just a girl with common sense.." "What about Emmet?" "Boxers and a T-shirt half on over his head. It was very impromptu and it took me a little bit to gather everything. I think Edward called my style "punk-chic". my parents kinda caught us.25 - . I guess the fact that he was somewhat good looking gave him a free pass to be visible to the "beautiful" people of our school.... in a compromising situation." That seemed to placate them.
" "Hey Rose." I said taking back what was left of my sandwich. we could do something together for this year now that these two are not going to be sullying the Cullen last name." Added Edward "Anyways. so they are going to have a kegger. I saw you three with the athletic lesser minds. Carlisle will be so proud." I said. "Have news for you my dear Hamlet. What's up with that?" I asked to the three of them. Jasper was chastely kissing Alice while Edward was stealing the other half of my sandwich from my bag. though we can only hope. Mrs. but more worried of what Edward had to do with the jocks. "I'm not technically a Cullen. The rents are not in town. Bennett only mentioned this year's." "That one is going in the scrapbook." Said Jasper. Emmet sat down loudly on the long bench getting me out of my long mental rambling. We were banned from the festival. "Hey. but I'm not your mom. plus what was known as the unnatural symbiosis of Edward and me. "Sean invited us to a party this weekend." "Forever?" He said proud "Dunno.were perceived as in-breeders because Emmet.26 - . "That doesn't work with me and you know it." Said a hopeful Emmet trying to get into Rosalie's good graces. "A kegger? That sounds refined." He said giving me his full-charm smile hoping it would work with me. right Eds?" . Pack your own sandwich!" "You know mine are not half as good as yours. You are not actually considering going. you kind of are a honoris causa one. and I figured her pants as well. Edward and I were technically siblings and there were two couples in our group. watch it Ed! I may live in your house. "Well.
" I could not believe he was actually entertaining the idea. You are so going to pledge in college.. "Talk about self-fullfiling prophecies. "Nope. He was quite proud of that car. so don't act all high and mighty" "Anyone has any idea of what these two are talking about?" Asked Rosalie trying to follow out conversation.27 - . but opted to find his own car.... "Who knows. I hadn't realized it." He said with a crooked smile that said more to me that to anyone else on the table. dreamy" I said while I gather my things as the bell ring called the cattle back to our stables. You have to respect my legal guardian." Said Alice "You try living with them...." he said. It had been Carlisle's and he took a lot of care of it. which was not a lot being many years old. he truly believed on rewards solely based on hard work. "I am shocked about this turn of events Edward. Emmet wasn't that thrilled either. There is not a lot to do this weekend.. I can't believe you are going greek on me." Was all Emmet said. Maybe. way. Esme's old minivan did not go with ... "Don't get your knickers in a bunch. He said there was no way any of his children (including me) would own new cars while in high school. "No." Edward laughed at the idea.. huh?" He said smiling "Oh. but it was still steep for Edward." "I KNOW for a fact that you have a thing for frat boys..."Dunno. I may end up a frat boy.... He." "Chad. "Just wanted to be a little more like your frat boy" "You have nothing on Chad. But I gave up long ago trying to follow the siamese twins' train of thought.. is." I said faking concern... Later that day we were driving home in Edward's old volvo. He made Edward save and pay him half the current value of the car. He really has a knack about getting freshmen girls to pass out. I gave him an incredulous look..
his style. are you mad at me?" Edward broke the silence. You are certainly NOT a guy. and I thought it wouldn't be bad to spend some time with the guys. since we really don't like what's-his-face?" "Sean?" "Yeah.." He said grinning wickedly. Anyways... and I prefer to let my mind wonder while we're riding. I don't mind where you go." "I did pop your cherry.. So now I'm not one of the guys" "Bella. "Aren't you proud." "Well... "So you get into my pants and now I'm too girlie to spend time with?" "Don't be ridiculous. Though I don't see why not to go." "I dunno. Jasper and Emmet really want to.. "So..." He said without peeling his eyes from the road." . But I was not exempt from the working and saving.. I chose not to get a car." "Wow. Why?" "About the whole kegger thing. since Edward is always so happy to drive.." "I guess that you do need some testosterone from time to time... "Nope. Carlisle made me save an equivalent amount and we put it in my college fund. Just don't get too smug. I wouldn't want him to be my best friend. you know. So he has his own beat up jeep.. You know that if I need a guy's or a girl's opinion I always come to you first.. I must know. which he also paid half price for..28 - . it just seemed out of character to me.
And of both I wanted them to be flawed and beautiful..." "Well I took your virginity and I'm not prancing around and bragging. Helping Edward lose his. Losing virginity. Checked. maybe if you pledge next fall... Am I?" I said looking directly at him.." "As a matter of fact I am. I know I'm bastardizing the characters.. not always feeling ordinary. this is the first time I post fanfiction and I wasn't sure anyone wanted to read a story with this plot. enjoy! The characters are extremely different. I do want to write it. My apologies.. And the other one.'" "I thought you were looking forward Chad. And who knows.29 - . And the second thing was." He said grinning wickedly. "Aren't you proud. but if this is your cup of tea.Chapter 6 Here you have the new chapter.. and not a gentleman." "Let's see.. Checked.. as it is mine. strong and empowered.." . but I wanted to make one very human. "You did knocked out a couple of things from your 'Things to do before getting to college' list though. I can check 'Sleeping with a frat boy. Thanks! Caracol "I did pop your cherry. A couple things I wanted to say are that I'm extremely thankful for your reviews.. but more weirdly extraordinary. but I think I'll write a separate story from his point of view. But I am enjoying taking this somewhere different (I hope). some of you have asked for Edward's perspective. very young.
and me. was that we were never writing chords down. The beauty of it." "Nice one dude!" "My pleasure. We really enjoyed just doing this. I found. When we went inside I could hear Esme working in the kitchen. never recording it. Lot of people queuing for that one. hey Ed! Dad is in his study and Emmet is not here yet. since he had gone to drop off Rosalie. being the one with the mind that stored all kind of random information would recognize that we had been plagiarizing someone else's music. don't worry." "Want to jam?" Said Edward looking at me." "I guess that'll make Claude happy. I guess the same ones. letting the music lead away. Most of the times we would have to stop and laugh because we'd end up playing something familiar." By now we had arrived home."I'll never sleep with one of your fraternity brothers. Go do some homework or at least pretend to while I'm done with this and then we can have dinner. I grabbed my electro acoustic guitar and started playing some chords." "Yeah. "Honey. The beauty . "Are the Beatles British?" We went to the basement. Esme had kindly let us cover the walls with egg cartons for the acoustics. Not to mention I got away with the coveted 'I got into Bella -I think men are scum." "Who is Claude again?" "Goth boy. Esme and Carlisle's cars where already parked at the house while Emmet's jeep was missing. we're home!" "Hey Bells." "So what sort of things did I help you check on your own list. while Edward soon started improvising a melody with his. But sometimes.Swan's pants'. in very special occasions. kind sir?" "Well. we'd find ourselves making something truly unique.30 - .
was in the fugacity of all. don't ever mess with the guitars" Yelled Edward "Well you two were too into it to hear me. After jamming for a while we started playing a song we had been working on. That actually sounded good. You cannot go and whatever you and Edward are thinking about forget about it. "Oh. Edward really had a knack for the sweetest. I was fully into the last verses. there is something cathartic about screaming on the top of you lungs. Not just average saccharine ballads. "Hey Carlisle!" I said with an overacted sweetness.31 - . I liked songs that started slow and clean and then got all dirtied up (that's the technical term I gave the phenomenon). And by the way. most harmonious melodies. "Emmet you idiot. the wonders of having a daughter" He said smiling. Mom says food is ready. he'd take me somewhere completely different. Emmet's smiling face was there in front of us holding the unplugged cables of our guitars. but something that pulled you with a feeling of familiarity. singing my heart out with eyes closed about the firm belief that a lost love would be a star in somebody else's sky when. I'd be sure what way it was going but then." He said in a preemptive strike "What? You hurt my feelings" I said feigning hurt. . and then completely blew you away because it had taken you in a complete different direction. we were in our grunge period and had been working on Pearl Jam's "Black". I really enjoyed playing like that with Carlisle. abruptly. my guitar went silent. "What the hell?" I said opening my eyes as Edward was doing the same. It really hurt not having Charlie anymore. " "Thanks Em" We went upstairs to find Esme and Carlisle already at the table. I liked my friend's mind for the very same reason. "No. I gave him a loud kiss on the cheek and sat next to him. but it was nice to pretend to be a child again and have him treat me differently than the boys.
. They were not happy with me." Said Esme." "What?" Said the three of us at the same time. but. Nothing especial..." I pleaded... I'm sure we'll find something to do." I said wickedly as I tried to get them into trouble. "Shut up.Emmet tells me the Shakespeare festival will be gore-free this year. "Don't worry about us Esme. What are you going to do that night. tell him about that get together.." Said Emmet. I think if you are there these two are going to behave.32 - ." I replied." "And you haven't even heard the boys' plans for the weekend. "Some people from school are getting together at Sean Lake's house. Ah! And I'm checking all your breaths when you get home to make sure no one comes home drunk. "If you don't go." Said Edward "Okay.. "That actually worries me.. "Ah.. we could have done way much better this year." I said mischievously.. "But. . I wasn't invited.."Anyways. "What are you planning to do?" Said Carlisle.. This surely had backfired. they don't go. or at least they'll be worried about you being okay." Said Emmet "Oh come on Em." Said Carlisle perceiving that something wasn't completely being disclosed. We are still going if Emmet acts again." We were all visibly upset. I guess for us is better if you two don't get yourselves expelled. "Nice going Bella." Said Edward "Well.... "You're taking Bella.. I don't want to go." I said reassuringly. Are you two proud to be banned from school grounds on that night?" "If you ask me.
Couldn't help myself.. And anyways I think Alice and Rose are coming too. not even our little experiment. After dinner I was in my room doing homework when Edward came in. "Traitor!" I fell asleep alone that night thinking about the economical systems I was reading for class and trying to avoid thinking about what Edward and I had been doing on our spare time. but I couldn't quite define it. You should definitely go to an Ivy League School." "Sorry. It was very weird.. I'll tell Alice to start getting her make-up ready.. Our relationship hadn't been suffering. That was really smart.... I'm going to see Jasper. Yet there was something that was getting heavier and heavier in my mind. my mind still asleep. We were still close and talked about everything. It's going to be business as usual for me. and unable to control it got me up from my sleep forcefully." "Ouch" "You know what I mean." "Hey.33 - . Nothing was taboo. I woke up with the imperative to run. eat!" Chimed in Esme."Okay. Two against one. I'm sorry about that I just wanted to mess with you both.. if I have you for that?" I said messing with him. Now.. that's enough." "Well. You'll do what your father said. Though I'm not going to get suckered into the whole cinderella-make-up thing that Alice will try to pull. You could really use some girl time with them.. You have no choice. I REALLY don't want to go." He smiled as he left my room." "No problem. "Yeah. And just as fast as ." "But why." "Oh no. I guess I'll do the whole girlie thing. that girl can still dream about making you look like a girl. to flee. "Hey. That vertigo grew deeper in my sleep. I was propelled from the bed to start running." "Well. Bells. I guess you're coming now..
I went up I went down with a thud, something had kept me attached to the bed. "Agh!" I complained quietly. "Are you okay?" Said a deep voice. My left foot was still on the bed while the rest of me was sprawled next to it on the floor. My eyes opened and my mind suddenly awoke to the sight and smell of shaggy carpet. 'What was I doing here?' "Bella? What are you doing on the floor?" I could now see Edward when I looked up, his hand still clutching my ankle. "Damn it Edward. You are holding my ankle again. I guess I was sleep walking... Or better yet, I intended to sleep run." He chuckled quietly. "I didn't feel you lay down." "You were out when I came in. I couldn't sleep. Get over here" He said as he extended his hand and helped me up and back on my bed. "You okay?" "Yeah. Just a little shaken. I guess I was having a very lively dream." "You've been a little restless lately. Nightmares?" His voice was concerned. "No. Not that I know of. Just a little anxiety. But I don't know why." "Come here." He said as he held me close to him. His hand tracing circles on my back trying to sooth me. I breathed in his smell, my face against his t-shirt. He smelled like a man. I really couldn't call it anything else. Men had that smell that could be bad and nice at the same time. It was familiar and calming. I had my hand around him and soon it had gotten under his shirt. I lazily moved it back and forth over his abdomen and all the way to his back. That part of his body, I had found out, was extremely soft. I played a little with the coarseness of the trail of hair that ran from his navel down. I heard him gasp.
- 34 -
That brought me back to my senses. I had not realized what I was doing. I t wasn't my intention to start something. I was awaking the lion. That was now a pivotal second where I had to make up my mind of where to go next. His hands were under my top touching chastely my back. He wasn't forcing anything, still waiting to see if I was trying to say more with my touch, but I could sense his eagerness. I felt generous and continued touching, giving him a green light. My fingers were now over his hip bone, that land on the male body that I discovered, had a certain femininity to it. Such a contradiction, being so close to the all mighty source of manliness and yet so vulnerable at my touch. He was now sighing sweetly. His arms now held me tighter, pulling me closer, forcing me to feel small and delicate enveloped in his body. His feet were rubbing up and down my legs, shifting my pants, uncovering a little skin here and there of my shins. We kept touching and caressing ever so slowly. Slower than ever before, rush free. Soon clothes were pushed, taken off. I felt my body prepare with anticipation. It didn't matter who we were, what we were, nothing but a female body getting ready to receive, to envelope, to be bigger and stronger. "Are you ready for me?" He breathed low in my ear. I just nodded as I open myself to him. Such a sweet surrender. My legs locked around him, keeping him close, keeping him safe. By know he knew what to expect, how to proceed. He was well versed on the power of the moonlight, the rocking of the tide. I knew him. I knew him well. I had been learning how to make him moan, and groan and sigh. Such a complex labor love was. A full body score to read and play. Tensing, relaxing, staying still and moving everywhere. Symphony of sound and silence. He picked up his tempo, my hips were dancing to it. In the dark he came to me as I came to him. Spent. Exhausted we stayed embraced. My feet rubbing against his, trying to get buried under. "Your feet are cold... You feet are always cold." He said. I peeled myself from him and started to dress myself. "Are you okay?"
- 35 -
"Yes... I am... I just... Do you mind if I sleep alone tonight." He sat up and looked for his clothes. "Okay... I don't mind... Is something wrong?" "No... I just think I want to be alone tonight. I'm not mad." "Whatever you need." He said getting ready and up. I had no idea what had prompted me to ask for space. I just knew I needed it.
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. cereal?" . I heard knocking on the door. I looked at the steam-stained mirror while I brushed my hair as I noticed Edward coming in. I peaked in and noticed Edward was still asleep. He stood right behind me. The alarm went off. I really wasn't in the mood to try to deal with it. then opened my underwear drawer and got out a cotton set. 6:00 am. I'm impressed Em" "Morning Bella. See you in a bit. Before long I was done and ready to get out. Are you going to take long?" "No. with an unknown feeling stuck in my throat. But don't worry I'm fine. I went downstairs and found Emmet getting his breakfast ready. I went in the bathroom closing the door behind me. I'll take a quick shower. hot water scalding my back wanting to clear the black cloud over me. I closed that door as well trying not to wake him. I stepped into the shower. "Hey Bells. I woke up feeling restless. I went to my closet and pulled jeans and a t-shirt." "Okay then. "Feeling okay Bells?" He said looking concerned. Ten minutes tops!" I yelled. I wasn't ready to face him yet.Chapter 7 Friday morning. I wrapped the towel around me and stepped out." I finished dressing and put my hair in a pony tail. I didn't want it to follow me anymore. "Yup." In an automatic motion he placed a hand on my shoulder and quickly kissed the back of my head. Just a little melancholic. I went back to my melancholy.. It was going to be a self-loathing day. I'm fine. the most comfortable I could find knowing I was not going to be comfortable at all. It was a fleeting moment but I felt a wave inside.37 - . the other door was ajar. "I'll finish getting ready in my room. "Up before everyone else. I looked at myself on the mirror not liking what I saw.
" Said Edward having heard the end of our conversation. "What's wrong sunshine. Now not only we have to bring you. and not sulking in a corner. "Yes please. "Bella. No making you uncomfortable.... okay.. Okay.." "Yeah. Where is the firecracker I call my de facto sister?" "Neh." He made me laugh and pulled me away from my moodiness." "You are going to get ready with them?" Emmet sounded incredulous.38 - . And I'm sorry I tried to put you on the spot last night. and I will try to be normal. I'm not Edward. happy?" "Add to it. "Very funny Emmet. Dunno. "Shit. Emmet smiled as well." I said chewing and crunching loudly on purpose. or anything else that might be condescending. I promise I'll be good Em.. I'm going to go with Alice and Rose. please.."Yes please" I said taciturnly.. So today is the aforementioned party right?" "Yipee.. you don't seem your usual today.. not calling anyone a moron or a slut.. "She'll actually let Alice do her make-up" Edward said smiling. you are going to be all PMS bitchy" Said Emmet. That boy is way too comfortable with my womanly cycle. ." "I think the two of you are probably in sync. And I don't want to threat anyone because your sharp mouth got you in trouble. "Keep it up and I'll make you buy my tampons Em.. not making a scene. I made a deal with Ed. "Cereal?" I said passing along the box that Emmet had given me a few minutes before. Might be PMsing" I said knowing it would make Emmet cringe. I already said I'll go. Okay?" "Okay DAD! Anyways.
Needed a little space. despite Em and Edward thinking it was PMS... "Right."You two enjoy this way too much. right?" "What do you mean?" "Ah. "Bells." He was now grinning. "You're not mad..." Everything was right in my universe again. But I really respect you.. I don't know what's going on." "Don't worry... Though I knew that my anxiety was still lingering somewhere.... "I think you give yourself way too much credit. I'll go pick up Rosalie. concerned?" "Listen. At lunch we were all sitting outside... Really" I said trying to sound like a guy.. it usually meant that I was in trouble. I'm sorry about using your body.39 - ... I'm. I'm not mad. I worried when he didn't talk to me. I just. it was a nice sunny day. lover boy." Said Emmet heading to the door. I wanted to believe that. We should decide what we're doing at lunch time... You mean about using and kicking me out. He laughed. I won't punish you withholding sex...." "I'll see you both there." He was now enjoying this way too much." "Gotta have a good self-esteem you know?" "Okay... .. Alright let's get to school. I knew for sure it wasn't that. "So. About last night?" "Ah.. On the ride to school Edward was silent. what's the plan for tonight?" Asked Alice. just get us to school.
40 - . I want to look like me. I could see Alice eyes sparkling. But I know that this is not exactly your cup of tea." Jasper added." "Who's keeping Bella out of trouble though?" Said Jasper." I said with a stern look." Said Edward "Apparently Bella will be the little caustic ball and chain that will keep us out of trouble tonight. You are getting the full Alice treatment. hair. My own boots. she promised me she'll let you do her make-up." Added my best friend. "You're coming Bella?" Said Alice surprised." I countered." Said Alice "Oh no! I'm wearing jeans and a t-shirt. though that title seemed a little loose right now." I said. My self-esteem is just getting better and better. "Make-up. What prompted the change of heart?" "Carlisle's evil plan. "Ouch." "If you promise to wear your good jeans." I could see her wicked thought starting to form." "Forget the dress. I'll throw in a nice top from MY OWN wardrobe. "Make-up and dress. dress and heels. nice shoes. Happily surprised. "Glad to know you're coming along Bella. "Wait. I get it now."You girls should get all dolled-up and see us at Sean's. "Hold it missy. and no puffy hair." "I'm just surprised. "Way to make me feel loved Alice. "Stop it Alice." ." "Oh." Said Emmet. boots that don't require the combat qualifier and thrown in a manicure from Rose you got yourself a deal. You are not changing me.
" Complained Rose "That's the steep price my mistress demands for her wonders." "Malibu Barbie. You are a tough negotiator Miss. Edward named him you know?" "Were you smoking something when he named him?" "No." "And what is Edward's. This was going to be a drag. "Okay then. But I really like you.. crushed my heart.41 - . with Alice curling my hair and Rose taking care of my nails.."Okay. She slept with Claude though. A few hours later I was sitting in front of the mirror. Not that bright though." She said challenged. I'm intrigued." "You are one freaky chick Bella. Just foretelling our future love lives. slightly cute. so we'll go directly from school to Bella's and we'll see you all at Lake's house. Claude is not into flawless manicures.. The poor thing.." "Claude?" "Future lover from college." "That's my girl" Said Jasper. You boys should get ready at Jasper's so you don't peak. For me at least." Explained Alice. "No worries. .." I said cryptically "She means playing the guitar make her fingers bleed. "Well. I'll do my best. But don't tell Edward he doesn't know yet. Very hot. very tormented goth boy. very pale. "Bella! Your nails are awful and you have blisters and scabs on your fingers." Said Alice looking at me through the mirror.." Directed Rosalie. Pale. very California.
The most feminine ones they could find. We were greeted by a noisy crowd. I couldn't believe I knew his name now. I was wearing boots. And spotted the boys standing near the keg. "Pretty ladies. It scared me a little. "You clean up well Swan" Said Emmet to me. slightly goth with smoky eyes. He was going to be so busted." "One day that tongue is going to get you in trouble you now?" "Oh it has. It had character. "Hey you. I felt a little unbalanced by the closeness. very flapper style. formed by a lot of jocks." He said as he placed his hand on my hip and kissed my cheek. . subjecting me to this modern day torture and trying to mold me into a stereotyped standard of beauty. I guessed inspired by the whole Claude conversation. too mainstream for my taste. I really dig you guys. first time being confused about our roles and places." The outcome of my grooming wasn't bad." I said as I leaned in to greet him. I still looked like myself: I was wearing an Alice and Rosalie approved top that came from Esme's closet." Said Jasper greeting us. were lovely. And we could see Emmet and Edward's cars already there. "You not so much Cullen" We were all kissing on the cheek. It was nice but quirky. I knew I would be tolerated because of my Cullen kin though. It wasn't bad at all. Emmet seemed to have beer in his hand."Well.42 - .. His hand was firm on my hip and for a second made me remember the same firmness and confidence that he used when we were intimate. a lot the school's snobby beautiful girls and a few of what I called down to earth folk. We made our way in as we could since it was pretty packed. but lovely. We arrived at Lake's house.. again from Esme's closet. it was black and very 20's. since all my footwear deserved the "combat" qualifier. And then I got to Edward. It already has. Them in turn. despite the two of you wanting my charming self to go away.. since nothing in mine was up to standard. And Alice had made my make-up dark. I was probably going to be the only freak. "You look good..
He seemed to sense it as well, as he looked into my eyes for a little longer than usual. I let go and moved to stand next to him, leaning against a tall table. "Goth boy would be all worked up" He said pointing at my make-up. "Yeah, you noticed it too. Alice got inspired. I told her about Claude so she did her fashion version of goth." "it suits you" "Well thank you." I had started noticing something new amidst the noise and hordes of people. Some sort of energy between us, that intensified when our skins touched. I felt a sudden vertigo. Something was changing. I wondered what it was and guessed that the spark of our nightly activities was starting to seep into our everyday life. I was scared shitless. I was deep in my thoughts when he headed some place else, to get pass us he brushed against me and I felt a range of things he had made me feel the previous nights. I realized with panic my anxiety had been traveling south and I felt it now palpitating under my belly. I realized then the true name of the sensation. It was desire. Laced with something else, something warm and silly. I forced myself away from that thought. "You want to dance Bella?" Rosalie had pulled me from my thoughts. "Ah... Sure, why not?" I said and followed her. Music was not so bad, something that sounded latin, easy to follow, and lots of people were dancing as well, so I didn't feel too much on display. I let my worries fly away while I closed my eyes and moved to the rhythm. Soon something pulled me back, a pair of hands around my waist. It incensed me and I turned around, ready to break my promise to Emmet. But I found Edward holding me instead of the drunk jock I had suspected. He was looking at me intensely, and I liked it. We danced for a while and I felt like I was dancing on the edge. My self-preservation mode urging me to flee, my body and my heart urging me to stay. After a while I let go, and said I needed to get some water. I went into a bathroom and splashed my face. I looked at me in the mirror and decided I was not yet ready to name my emotions. I dried my face and made sure my make-up was still fine. Going back I saw Edward dancing with a blonde girl, she was being quite forward and whispering things in his ear. I felt a pang. I needed to get air so I went out.
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Outside it was calm, there was a small patio slightly enclosed by shrubs and flower beds, I sat down on a chair and looked at nothing in particular. "There you are! I've been looking for you everywhere. You know I need to know where you are or Carlisle will be mad." "Sorry I'm always your punishment." I said icily "What is that supposed to mean?" "Nothing... Just I'm sorry you always get stuck taking care of me and getting in trouble on my behalf." "That's bullshit…" He said visibly upset "You know what your problem is Bella?" "No, but please enlighten me Edward" I said acidly. "Your problem is that all our lives you have thought that I'm this spineless boy that does exactly what you tell him to do. And please spare me the whole crap about what a bad influence you have been on my life" We were going to have to show our hands now. "I just think that you didn't need the screaming orphan next door, you didn't need to feel the responsibility of taking care of me, of saving me, and god knows that it's not in you to be out and loud..." "Cut the crap, I may be a little more reserved than you and maybe I am drawn by your colorfulness and personality, but my life has never been about just drifting towards you" We were silent for a while. "Who was she? She seemed... nice" I finally said "Who?" "The girl you were dancing with" "Ah... Ashley." "You surely looked like you were having fun." And I was already regretting saying
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that. "She started dancing next to me while you were away" "She was doing more than dancing next to you, she was telling you things on your ear, all over you" My blood was starting to boil. "Is this what I think it is?" "This is nothing. You can do whatever you want to do with whomever you want to, just don't come to my bed when someone else got you all worked up. I won't be used like that." I was clamming up. Full protection mode. "Is this what you think of me? I can see now how low I am in your eyes." Disappointment was now palpable in his voice. "This is just very complicated. I had not foreseen this contingency." "What contingency?" "Feeling... territorial..." He was lightly laughing. "What's so funny? "Why do you think I put my hand on your hip when you arrived? And then why I had to come and hold you when you were dancing? I saw how guys were looking at you." "You didn't like them looking at your little sister that way?" "No Bella... I didn't like them looking at my woman that way."
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It will be his take on the whole thing. What were we agreeing on? That we were capable of jealousy? That this arrangement was a mistake? That we were morphing into . I felt the full force of what we had agreed upon: what was supposed to be no strings attached implied a lot more than what we had thought. I was feeling so confused I was lightheaded. in his own mind. not sure where I wanted this to go. sort of the whole thing planned ( though the characters often take me into uncharted waters). so instead I cut in half.. Now.. And of course. so I need to say this: they got themselves into a very messy situation and there is going to be a lot of conflict. I'm actually half way through the next chapter. "Yes. "We always had issues about people coming in between. I'm sorry to say that I won't make them all happy right away. I actually didn't post this story until I had a 'skeleton' of it. I didn't like them looking at my woman that way. The whole idea was that they have to face adult situations that they are not quite ready for.Chapter 8 Last chapter had very good feedback and I'm sorry I left everyone a little frustrated with the cliffhanger. "You didn't like them looking at your little sister that way?" "No Bella. I can't be with you the way we do and not feel like you belong to me. And of course I take into account your ideas." That one was heavy and he said it without looking at me. Ah! And the requested companion story from Edward's perspective is already in the works. I really like when some of you have told me interesting twists that are cohesive with my premise of two best friends get ting into this unusual situation." I said. " He was now looking directly at me.46 - . While writing this one I realized it was getting very long. but the memories that. So don't despair if you finish this one feeling like you wanted more. It truly needs to be about how all these situations make them grow and mature. I'm hoping later tonight I'll be posting the next one. just as Bella I needed time to process all that. It just felt right. but not necessarily the same scenes and dialogs. are more meaningful. I need to stay true to the idea I had when I planned where I wanted the story to go.
"Jasper. I was lost for words." We were silent for a few minutes. "Hey guys. "Is he drunk?" I asked "Not at all. Emmet was having fun.. What are we going to do with driving?" I said. There was something in my throat that just wouldn't let anything come out." "Okay. Ah! He also said that breath check is still on and that if any of you drank alcohol he better not be seeing that person driving home. can you go with Alice and Rosalie?" asked Edward. you drive my car and I'll drive Emmet's jeep" We got up and walked back inside to fetch Emmet. so he tried calling Carlisle and telling him that he was staying with me. Just wanted to tell you that Carlisle wants you guys back NOW. "We're here!" Said Edward. and that he wants the three of you back within 15 minutes. Or his stupidity.something else? Or was it just the beginning of the end? "I guess it's safe to say this is no longer an experiment" "You got that right. Carlisle. so I guess we have to get going." "How we gestated together eludes me. Edward looked back to me for . said no. He only had that one beer. "Yes" "Then. He actually wanted to have another one." "What happened?" I said somewhat relieved to shift the focus. so that's why he called. "Edward! Bella!" Jasper's voice broke the tension.." You got to admire Emmet's courage. Wait. "Are you going to say anything at all?" His voice had now a tangible frustration. "Well.47 - . not having been born yesterday. Bella.
Emmet actually tried to pull the lame sucking in instead of blowing out." It was all he said.. My right palm sat on the strings silencing the guitar. "Bella. This was going to be interesting. Carlisle caught him and made him do the full sobriety test. I needed Edward. But true. "Just hold me" "You are trembling. but that didn't get Emmet out of losing his jeep privileges and having now an earlier curfew.48 - . I was terrified. and replace it. but we all knew better. A truce had to be called. anxiety was setting in and I knew I was going to have a panic attack. I didn't know where we were standing. You can be really dense sometimes." "Just make me stop thinking. As I opened the door his silhouette was visible on his armchair. Everything put on hold to save me from my madness. I was avoiding him as I was avoiding myself. My anxiety was back plus a new heavy feeling of guiltiness." Harsh. You have to give it to him." I said and he did. I tossed and turned unable to sleep. My mind started going to the dark side. Dense and more than anything: a coward. They were glad that Emmet hadn't drank more than a beer and commended us for being safe. I walked through the bathroom and I could hear him quietly playing his guitar. and probably even driven without a problem. I knew that we needed to talk but right now I needed him to stop me from falling down the rabbit hole. For being the most intelligent person I know after mom and dad. Carlisle did make us breath on him. guitar in hand. . He only had the one beer so he was fully capable of doing anything. Carlisle was a surgeon after all and got to perform emergency surgery on pretty gruesome drunk-related accidents. it was dark. I gently took the guitar away. I slowly approached until I was right in from of him and couldn't tell if he had seen me or not. I followed Edward and Emmet on the Volvo and as we approached the house I could see Carlisle and Esme at the door. I went to sleep unable to face Edward. filling the void with my own body.a second and said: "You know Bella. he is a man of conviction.
I used humor to protect me.. anyone else..... this. ashamed of what I made us do.. the day. Answer me... of all words. My left arm snaking around to his back and my right under his arm and hooked over his left shoulder..He knew I needed to get out of my mind.. "Bella.." "Bella... either. the shoulder I could hold on to because it was the place reserved for best friends to cry upon... "Do you think about .. As always. "Edward. screwing.. not just to him. and I replied with mine. I was straddling him on his armchair." 'Here' he said as he kissed the skin on my neck.. So he spoke with his hands. during. as he caught my nipple in his mouth and spilt deep inside of me..... but to myself as well.... His voice... I arched my head as it hit me.. About being… inside of you. do." he said between moans. here. I could tell he wanted to ask something.. The piece of him where I could bury my face... anyone else. and between the shadows of his room I could see his intense eyes." It was all I could say. The left shoulder that I clutched as a saving board to keep me afloat." "I. I don't want.. his words.. "I don't want..49 - . but instead I would use it to muffle my sounds when I violently came..... his lips on my neck." I said out of breath. my brains… out. had sent me past the point of no return. the day?" He had asked something that I was not entirely sure I wanted to answer. "Says the man. About you.. . During. "Am I?" He said smiling crookedly." He forced my face to face his. "I think about it.. when you get… too close to me. while his strong arms eased my body up and down on him. me.... ashamed that I enjoyed this so much..
I felt I deserved the whole speech since I had made Edward and I dive into a situation that.) We had every meal that weekend at the table. had a very different meaning to me. Carlisle was taking any opportunity to lecture us on having common sense and waiting to be more mature before facing adult experiences we may think we were prepared for. Both nights neither of us visited the other. Every attempt to a conversation would lead us to a halt. and since we are not picking her up. Monday morning came and since Emmet couldn't drive we were all silent in the Volvo. however. what had been happening or what we had said out in Sean Lake's patio. Nothing but good old family time. We weren't having time to really discuss what had happened. a very democratic lecturing. you name any other technological gadget. had no chance of being sustainable. All was obviously directed at Emmet but of course it was a good chance for him to give the three of us a lesson. but actually we weren't. but my way is so much better.50 - ." "Yes. laptop. "Edward. we're going to be late. all together. I stared at the ceiling thinking that maybe for the first time I had no idea what was going on in Edward's mind." Said Emmet impatiently "I know where I'm going and this is my car. no tv. We were at a fork and I was terrified about the possible options. you shouldn't have taken this road. "She's driving her own car and will be doing so until I'm not grounded. Carlisle and Esme had taken the three of us in a series of errands-slash-family-activities: from going to the mall to get us all new clothes (slightly more feminine for me and formal shirts and slacks for the guys as Carlisle was adamant about the picture perfect family) to the mother of all grocery shops (I think we now had Kirkland non-perishables to last us 'till kingdom came." He mentioned with disappointment. cell phone. your way would be just a ridiculous detour" "How is Rose getting to school today Em?" I said trying to defuse an arising argument.The weekend had been very family-oriented. Ipod. His words. as I had started to accept. all banned." "You just take another way because you normally pick up Rosalie. "So you're not coming home with her?" .
Edward walked pulling me gently by the arm. that is none of your business." "Bella… It's not going away…" He looked sad. To make matters worse Carlisle called her parents to let them know I was being grounded and couldn't pick her up."No. with Emmet around all the time it's hard to find the right time and place. okay?… I don't want our friendship to go away. "Rose told you? Or was this chatty Kathy?" "She did. "Well." After our Spanish class Edward pulled me aside and I could see that my period of grace was coming to an end. for me to be in your same situation they would not be gentlemen nor would they be ringing the bell." I said trying to cheer him up." "I don't want to lose you. I'm not pretending nothing happened." "Yeah… Tell me something new. I'm trying to avoid facing the consequences of what happened. but to be honest I kind of tricked it out of her. Emmet. and of course her parents shared what had happened with…" "Your little indiscretion?" I cut him off. And anyway. I'd high five you but getting caught like that made you lose serious points. "Well. I don't think this the time nor the place to talk about it" I was trying to make my point and at the same time avoid anyone else figuring out what we were talking about. "So you're just going to pretend nothing happened?" "No. "You are just making fun of me because you don't have a chance at being in the same situation. which is very different. .51 - . He enjoyed this way too much. heading towards a semi-secluded area outside. I don't see any gentleman callers ringing our bell. And to be fair." Edward was laughing." "I know… I'm just… scared.
" "I agree." This man knew me way too well. but since he had opened his soul to me I felt I had to reciprocate."I know… And you know… I'm not delusional… I know this situation can't be sustained forever. I can't force this. and definitely I won't pretend I don't like touching you… Being with you. I know that I've been feeling things that … I shouldn't be feeling about my best friend. But then… I can't pretend that sometimes I have this very primal. and I want to play the guitar and make fun of all the rest of the mortal souls. you are still my best friend. and I don't know where to go from here. "And… the rest?" "I don't know… let it flow naturally… Listen Bella… I'm not going to pretend it didn't happen." "Or your somewhat sister. "Listen." "I know… I feel the same." I forced myself to ask what I dreaded." "I know… The good old shield. And it just gets so confusing. "What do we do now?" "I don't know… I feel like we have to let this progress naturally. "Yeah… That is quite creepy." "Sorry. and I can talk and laugh with you. it already was confusing before everything…. We had that 'us against the world' kind of thing and it just made me feel so comfortable. an errand or an experiment any more." "Can we be our regular selves?""Of course" He was smiling now. Too comfortable actually… Maybe that's why I never tried to have something with a girl." He laughed quietly.52 - ." . I know that our… arrangement had an expiration date… But somehow this morphed into something else. It was going to be okay. But that can't be a chore. I just don't want to fuck it up. claim over you. Neanderthal almost. Let's not think about it anymore please.
" "Oh no." "I beg to differ. goth boy and I didn't have any" "Really? not an Edgard. maybe not your playdate-ballet-soccer mom. before the others send a search party. And with Claude. "By the way I heard about Barbie cheating on me." We started walking towards the cafeteria. They'll understand. "Yeah. It should be Lenore. Great touch.. let's go grab lunch." He said to lighten the mood." "Nevermore?" I asked grinning. I can't believe it." "What about yours?" "Mine? Oh." "You have good kids though." . I think you'd be a great mom" "Oh. "Nevermore. you know?" "What did you say?" I asked with a smile. then.. I don't think so" "Sure. Allan and Poe Goth running around? I think you should definitely reproduce..53 - . That's a good Edgar Allan Poe inspired name for a girl. But you'll make a good one. I'm hoping Poe is a girl of course. why? I'm not particularly the image of maternity. You've done well with Emmet and me. "Alice told you huh? "Yeah."Okay. "That you are just naturally insane… Anyways the kids are going to be devastated. she did… She and Rose think you're on Ritalin.." "I love the Edgar Allan Poe inspired names by the way.
We were no longer bullshitting each other with those roles. that cheapens it. We were enjoying this transitional stage. And at night. "That's even worse" "Don't name it then." I said. taking forever to take a new step. Weeks went by while we played this slow and wicked game. Hope you'll enjoy it! The game we have been playing. "What do you prefer then." "I'll tell you who we are. At night. and the person that knows you best. but spontaneous and openly enjoyed." He said confidently . in bed. Such an exquisite and cruel torture. I just couldn't get it right. nor we were in a scientific study of the mating rituals of men and women. since declaring our experiment lost. "Are we 'friends with benefits'? Because I really don't like the term." "I guess we have entered no-name land now. Still true to my original vision. We had acknowledged we were lovers in daylight. It seemed like the two sides to our relationship had been slowly contaminating each other.54 - . talking about silly stuff and making jokes. instinct leading the way. 'sex buddies'?" He said with a smile. I am your friend.Chapter 9 This one I had to take longer to finish. But now here it is. we no longer played the part of explorers conquering a new land. Rules were made up as we went. had been long and complicated. when we were alone or if no one was looking. with brushed kissed on the back of my neck as he walked by me on his way to the fridge and long conversations about music and books while I molded my body to his. laying on the floor of the family room in front of a neglected tv. Our encounters were now sporadic. we were friends again.
And we end on my personal favorite. A lifetime." . "Behold my superpower woman. Right here… the lonely satellite of your left nipple.55 - .. "How long have you been preparing that?" I asked "Oh. "Two very sexy moons rest over here on your left cheek" he marked with another kiss on my bum. just below my shoulder. Now we turn you around and we get to my second favorite here on your right hip. "By now. "Want me to prove it?" He countered as he sat up." And he closed his eyes and leaned on me."Oh. I am not. "And here" he said with a kiss on the base of my back. there is one freckle here on the back of your left leg and a funny one on your right heel. "There is a small constellation here" His fingers tracing circles on the right side of my upper back." "You are cheating" "No." Cockiness was filling his face . "Am I supposed to be impressed by that?" "Wait woman. Swan. if we continue our expedition." He said with a quick kiss. making me tingle. I'm not done… And here" He said trailing his hand down to the base of my neck. do you?" I asked daringly. A lifetime. "You have a freckle right here" He said placing a finger on my upper lip. He then gently pushed my body to its side.. you are blushing. making me blush. until I was lying on my stomach. and then sitting up facing me as he opened his eyes. "How did I do?" I was speechless "That good huh?" His face was now inches away from my face. "Now.
I've known that freckle since you were flat as a board and did not require a top to go into a pool. "Wha-" I silenced him with my hand on his mouth." I said as I saw Edward jump to our shared bathroom. Do you mind? … Hey. I don't want to bother you. or… he'll be cranky in the morning." . claimed as his own. it is a very nice breast." "No! I mean don't wake him up. Though. while I played gently with his messy hair and drifted smiling into sleep. "Sorry about that" I said opening the door dressed with the sweatshirt I had been wearing earlier and Edward's pajama bottoms "Sorry about it Bella. as a New World explorer. It's because it's the closest one to your heart… I used to think that freckle represented me you know? The person closest to you. his head rested on that spot he had just. but I really need to talk. It's kind of mine. So forgive me for feeling a little attached to it. but it's not the breast that makes it my favorite. Let goth and frat boys get the twins on your bum. Cherub-like innocence in his nakedness." "Bella? If you want I can go talk with Edward instead.56 - . I was suddenly awaken by knocking on my door and realized with horror that Edward was still asleep with his head over my chest. This one is mine."How am I not surprised your favorite is the one on my breast?" "Well. "Don't give me that look Bells. are those Edward's pj's? They look a little too big for you." After his sweet and weird monologue he lied down next to me and hugged me tight. So get up and get out!" "Bella?" I could hear Emmet outside my door as Edward was frantically picking up his clothes "Ah… Hmmm … Just a second Em! I'm just putting on something a little more decent." He probably saw the confusion and fear on my face. There was the knocking again and in pure panic I shook Edward awake. you might be surprised."Shhh someone is at the door.
what do you need to know." "Okay I promise… By the way. Rose has been kind of frustrated." "I know. I just rather not talk about it okay?" "Alright Em." He countered. " .57 - . "Well. I won't tease you."Ah… They're … roomier… you know… I've been… a little bloated… with PMS and all" "Bella spare me the details." "Anyways. what do you do when Rose has her period. get the hell out!" I said faking anger. "But I'm the only one that can make fun of me. Anyways. run for the hills?" "I'm not that bad you know. You know… She doesn't have a lot of patience with me. I'm self-deprecating okay?" "You let Edward make fun of you.. It's about Rose… I kind of have been on the doghouse. you started it!" He had obviously bought it. he kind of earned the right. I'm your regular spin doctor. from a girl's point of view?" "You know about the whole punishment for the beer. So what can I help you with?" "Well. "Hey. I thought I could use a girl's advice." "And you came to me?" I said in shock "Yeah… I'm kind of desperate" "Em." "Getting caught in flagrante delicto?" "You sure have a knack to make stuff sound less scandalous. and the. Oh and you better not wear my clothes when you have your … womanly stuff going on.
" "I see. "Like getting yourself grounded affects how often she sees you now. "Hey. of course.58 - ." "Okay you two. can you two keep it down?" We heard Edward say as he came through the bathroom."Well maybe you need to think about the repercussions that your actions have on her." I said tired of being the butt of their jokes. It's not rocket science Em. but wondering if he was right. it can be sexy you know?" said Emmet "I like when Rose wears my shirt and nothing more…" He seemed to ponder for a second and added: "Of course it's not the same thing when it's your sister wearing your clothes." "Admit it Swan. So I get you bro. what you mean and hoping you'll figure out what we want without us telling you. Oh he was going to get in trouble. Is that how you feel Bells?" "Oh no. Girls think too much and guys don't think enough. feigning sleepiness by rubbing his eyes. That's an eye opener. what's with all the noise. We are always trying to figure out what you think. "Wow. "Well." He said pointing at my lower half and continuing with the charade. get the f… out of here. "Are those my pants? What's with chicks stealing guys' clothes? Buy your own damn men's clothes if you like them so much. I just went through some of Alice and Rose's Cosmos while they were doing my hair one day. I'm one of the dudes. . would much rather get simple and direct information of what we want and what makes us happy or not. " "What do you mean?" Said Emmet truly intrigued. And you." "Bite me Em" I said jokingly." I finished my rant. and for what I heard she kind of was nervous about getting caught but you were able to persuade her. I think under all the attitude there is just a regular girl." "I think us girls only want to feel like you guys think about us and listen to us.
There were kisses everywhere else though. I haven't been kissing anyone lately. 'If it hadn't happened by then it was because the time was not right' I thought. as it was now our habit. His presence in the car. you been kind of off for a bit longer" Emmet replied. since you seem to be moody for so long. you haven't been kissing anyone."You are really about to get your period. But I didn't want to force that. trying to veer away the conversation. "But you have been PMSing for what now? A few weeks? How long does that last. "I think I might be PMSing…" I said with my Emmet trumping card. though welcomed. Emmet.59 - . messed with our normal rhythm. ." Emmet was catching up. just not on the lips." Said Edward with a smile looking back at our brother on the rear view mirror. "Maybe you have mono. have you?" "No." Added Emmet from the backseat. Car rides with Emmet were difficult. "I've noticed too Bella. Our conversations didn't quite get the speed of our witticisms and sarcastic remarks. We seemed to have been doing everything out of order. if you could call that transaction a kiss. but they seem to be almost over. "Nah… I just feel tired. there were no other kisses. Besides that one kiss that Edward had used as a distraction. "Oh man! Chicks are always doing that! It's like a never ending cycle!" "Emmet. not to mention the one from when we were kids." That one was true. I realized that in our changing relationship that one thing was missing." "It wasn't that long. as his punishment was about to be lifted. Our premise had been spontaneity. I think I didn't sleep too well. The following morning we were all in the Volvo heading towards school. Or maybe it was because of you two morons keeping me up last night. "Are you okay? You have been quiet lately" Said Edward as turning briefly to look at me. But despite all we loved him. And besides." Said Emmet as he left a highly amused Edward staring at my annoyed self. It definitely is a never ending cycle. I'm out.
I just tell you it is PMS all the time because I know that'll get you to drop the issue.60 - ." I said.. "First kisses" Said Jasper "You have missed some really funny stories. I sat down next to Alice. Maybe that's why it seems so long. "That means we are allowed to tease you at school?" Asked Edward without peeling his eyes from the road.. which poked our interest. We were busted and would have to confess."How do you tell the difference between normal Bella and moody Bella bro? I can't really see the difference. I felt Edward stiffen next to me. "Are we going out for dinner after everything?" Asked Emmet changing the . Panicking. "Why is it that when a girl is anything but sunny and perky it has to be her hormones. They seemed to be having fun." Said Rose. "We were laughing at how pathetic they all were… They're only funny now in retrospect.And of course Bella and Edward were each other firsts. "What were you guys talking about?" He was going far and beyond to fake nonchalance." Said Edward teasing me. would he? Was Alice the one who noticed? Could anyone really tell just by looking at us? I started mumbling and was about to spill everything when Edward jumped in. as we approached our friends' lunch table we could see they were having a lively discussion. Yours of course is kind of boring. "Shut it Cullen!" Later that day. PMSing or having her period?" I said ticked off." That one was close. who turned around to point to both Edward and me and said: ".. Now. "Sorry we don't fulfill your expectations." That stopped me dead on my tracks.. How had they figured it out? Had Emmet realized what had been going on last night? He couldn't have just blurted it out to everyone else without confronting us first. I don't want to hear anything else until we get to school. "That's some chauvinistic shit… And for your information Em." I said pointing my finger to both.
It couldn't be. "Where are we going?" Said Edward looking at Emmet. you also have been sleepy and a little moody... that I hadn't been paying attention. During class I kept thinking about my time confusion and started getting worried. I had been so distracted with figuring out Edward and me.. "That stupid thing is not until a couple of weeks. vertigo was setting in." What was with everyone thinking I was moody? "Thank you. After class I must had been very out of it. I have been crampy. "That can't be. as Emmet had stated.." "I think you have been more than distracted. remember? Banned for the festival..conversation. listing in my head the number of things that made my theory insane. Most days anyways." "Ah… Do you own a calendar?" Said my friend amused. while I pondered on where time had gone. "No Bella. I've been a little distracted." They all laughed and went back to their plans. and had been spotting.. I had had cramps." I said taking a sip from a bottle of water." Alice quickly answered beating Emmet to it. and stop bothering all of you. Walking aimlessly like a zombie..61 - . I'm sure I would have noticed.. That was sweet. So I should be getting my period very soon and then I'll go back to my charming old self. I was having the longest PMS in the history of the world. With dread I started counting days in my head until I got to a shocking realization. .. "Okay." Alice informed me. I was on the patch.. The festival is tonight. what? Is there rehearsals or something? I was not aware the ban included preparations. As I almost choked on my water. and avoiding anyone else finding out. okay. you are not going anywhere. "Ah. And then.. Oh boy. of course..
Is the honeymoon over?" Said Edward holding on to my arm and giving me his most playful smile.. What is it then? Pads... Until next one! . "Okay then. They will have to face more consequences of their actions. "Oh."Hey. This time we were alone." "You seem to have been doing that a lot… So you have any ideas what we can do to entertain ourselves tonight.. "Ah." And strike two. I hoped that was the only thing we'd be regretting. you're not waiting for me now?. It may seem predictable. since everyone will be busy.. Since he hit the brakes so abruptly that I knew the next day we'd be regretting it with whiplash pain... Edward started driving home while I sat there silent looking out the window.. no. tampons? That seems to match your current mood much better. "Is that supposed to be a joke? We don't even use them anyways…" That being the reason of my present preoccupation. I have an idea. So you can expect it. "We'll we are going to need to stop at the pharmacy"I said. and some more conflict. since Emmet had last rehearsal of his Shakespeare scene.." I said as I got in the Volvo and closed the door gently.. "No Edward…" I said so annoyed that I just blurted it out "What I need is a pregnancy test." He said to me as we approached his car. And of course. Okay.. this is a romance story. happy?" I guess he wasn't. but I promise all of you twists.." Boy did I ever...62 - .. partly wishing. Just have something in my mind. "So… Are you going to share your plans? Or do I have to guess? You need to need to give me a clue. "Condoms?" He said partly joking.
A relationship between them. Bear with me. Nothing small. . little. "Survey says?" He said breaking the silence and my train of thought. Thanks again! So there I was looking at the little plastic stick in my hand.Chapter 10 Thank you to all of you who have read and reviewed my story. Emmett. Carlisle and Esme are only her legal guardians. nor tiny. I am overwhelmed by the response. I paced around my room and thought. Edward and Bella and first and foremost best friends. because of the way their family is set up. Though there will be joking about it. About the school timing. I can't think of any sort of diminutives. and she definitely sees Emmett as a brother. No. To answer a couple of questions: Bella was not adopted legally. staring at me with a perfect poker face was Edward. sister or sibling. is not incestuous. Now. Sitting on my bed across from me. I didn't want to consider the implications of the possible outcome of our little experiment. Bella and Edward throw call themselves brother. And now who knew where that was going. impatient to know if I was to be punished for my abominable stupidity. My thing is character development. I guess they are probably around mid November. though awkward. Though they see her as a daughter.63 - . We had just been figuring out where we stood. No diminutives.
Nice picture we probably made : her son embracing me from behind. slowly. mainly concerned and superbly shocked. his face buried in my hair and me holding a very obvious pregnancy test. like those stupid thousand-piece puzzles with nothing but blue-sky pieces when after much frustration you get a break. "I'm pregnant. . "Oh Bella…" She was now approaching us. "Bella… What… Is… Is it… a pregnancy test?" This day has just gone from bad to worse. "Well. are you planning on putting that on your mouth?. "Bella? Edward? Carlisle and I are just about to head out to the festival to go see Emmett. stopping her dead in her tracks. I must have been staring at this thing for a long time since I suddenly felt myself be tightly held. We were slowly swaying and he was kissing the back of my head.64 - . "Ah… Would you… believe me… if I told you it was a… thermometer?" I said trying desperately to lighten the mood and sucking royally at it. he could see it over my shoulder." She said very slightly amused. The whole picture suddenly made sense and fit perfectly together. It was time to man up and look." I said. And then something else clicked in her mind. If you get hungry there's lasagna in the-" And there Esme was. Was I still looking the thing? Completely fixated on the fortune it revealed? He already knew. at my door.I sighed. And I couldn't find a witty thing to say to save my life. speechless... I looked down and I saw it.
"You… do not… take… this… lightly… young man! I raised you better than this. I'm. Carlisle and Esme sitting side to side. I raised you both better than this!" And she was now mostly mad. I was just a simple girl. "No wonder why you're pregnant if the person that gave you 'the talk' is asking how. I looked around for a dog to come and piss on me now. guilty and humbled. We were all now in the living room. but we were not touching. now crying her . I'm so sorry.65 - .. forever in pieces. We were close." …and worse. "Okay. "How did this happen?" Such an accustomed regally useless question us humans keep asking in times like this. As I cried I remembered Emmett's words. It was Edward's turn to be a smart ass."The two of you?" Was all she said.." I was now crying like a baby. "Carlisle. "Esme!. Broken. …and worse and worse… Esme breathed deeply. It was my idea. deep inside I wasn't made of steel. while we sat in front of them. and I thought that he was probably right.. Worse and worse… We nodded like little scared kids that had gotten caught breaking mom's generation to generation passed priced family heirloom. I know I betrayed your and Esme's trust.. I thought. We're going downstairs to talk to your father. irreparably. We're going to be late!" Carlisle's voice was coming from downstairs." Uttered pathetically my partner in crime.
. with life experiences. but later.66 - ." Carlisle meant well. face your responsibilities and set the foundation for a bright future. "You really think I believe for a second that this was just your idea?" Carlisle said. .. we are a little disappointed. The bond wasn't broken. I knew she had given up on me. and are still able to enjoy your youth." "So what do you want to do?" Esme finally asked. I'm sure the idea had crossed his mind already. I hate to break it to you but any hot-blooded seventeen-year-old boy would jump to the opportunity. "Dude! That is so wicked! If I wasn't the knocked up chick in question I would totally high five you right now!" Edward chuckled and gave his crooked smile. And given what you are getting yourselves into. We worry on what this will mean for your lives. "Bella honey. "Bella. whatever you want to call it. We will support you in your decisions." It was all Esme could mutter.. I can assure you that you did not corrupt Edward into this. My heart calmed down.. you will see what I mean. "I know that you think you know more than I give you credit for.eyes out when facing adversity.." I felt the proverbial divine light fall on me. "You thought about it?" Nothing in my voice but surprise. our only hope is that you can rise above. of… personal exploration. I think it will be sooner rather than later. your futures. He continued. And believe me. and even though you are throwing yourselves into situations that are way more mature than your years. but sometimes he could be so serious. "We don't hate any of you. And yet I think she still loved my humor.. He nodded and looked down embarrassed. Was Carlisle right? I turned to look at Edward.
But. and held me... and yet.. I feel… I feel like this is my only flesh and blood … You are my family. Those were the last words. . And we will support you. But you are our daughter.. all of you.. I can't give away of... "And . Knowing that I came unexpected. But… I can't." I was crying by know... "I know honey. He looked at his parents and said: "We love each other." I looked at him as he said it. It was an understanding. but I can't let go. I got up and paced." Carlisle and Edward had gotten up and were standing a few steps away from us unable to intervene. We loved you like a daughter before you came to us.. what I was the most ashamed of. Please understand that. my guard distancing safely I said what I was feeling deepest in me.. Rosalie. and finally.. but did I love him? Did he? "We know you do" Esme said.. to enter in that women's world... It affected them. it had been all my decision to make. I don't know how to say this without feeling like an ungrateful bitch.Edward just looked at me. I gathered myself and let go.. He had just conceded to whatever I was going to say. I took a few moments to sob on her motherly embrace. We did love each other. or if he'd like it. Esme had her arms around me again. I know. Sure I loved him. I didn't need to say anything else." Where had words gone? I didn't seem to catch them lately. unwilling to let me go. Knowing my parents could have chosen differently. Alice and Jasper just barged in.hmmm… I'm all pro choice and everything. you've been nothing but our daughter. but I couldn't tell what was what he meant. standing away from the three of them. They were so young… I can't.67 - ... The front door suddenly opened and Emmet... Even if he didn't know what it was. this time. And since then. and reached for my hand. "And your plans?" "I. "We understand Bella" Esme said as she came running to my side.
And they left. "I'm pregnant Em" It was all I could say.: My red eyes. I looked at him and he looked at me. And suddenly everyone knew. They knew something was wrong. The living tableau they were staring at started to make sense. I noticed and thought. abandoning my worries for a moment. This family has nothing to be ashamed. I could sense that she felt like an intruder in our family drama. "What?" You could see the surprise and confusion in his face. Rosalie looked uncertain. I did not know how to say the rest. but Emmett held on to her hand firmly. "Hey guys! We decided to come to get you instead of going out for dinner…" Emmett's voice died down as they all suddenly took in the eerie coldness of the room. Jasper was silent. Just by simply coming to my side and holding my hand. everybody's concerned looks. So I think you guys should tell Emmett… And everybody else.68 - . He motioned to Alice to leave the house. giving us our space. We are not going to keep any secrets. I had to let it out. Esme's embrace." Decided Carlisle. "Oh Bella" Alice said. and then a touch of sadness. She then moved trying to leave. "Well. The cat was now out of the bag. Kindly Edward said it for me. that it was such a sweet . "What is going on?" Said Emmett visibly scared. "Oh my god!" Said Rose very quietly. All eyes were on me. "Edward?" Said Emmett.Our brother and Rosalie were still in their medieval costumes. She quickly came to me and gave me a hug and said that everything was going to be okay.
" That night Esme slept with me." Was Carlisle's solomonic decision. please. The next one will definitely have romance. She just kissed my forehead and said: "I'll be rooting for you kiddo. . I smiled pathetically. let's go to your room." "Edward needs a blood test too?" Emmet asked. I think we should all go to bed. I told her it had started out of curiosity and then we were somewhere new and unknown. but they're in this together. Still lots of twists to come. Tomorrow you two are coming with me for a blood test. you may think you know where this is going.69 - .and loving silent request for support. "Our priority will be. but patiently waited for me to disclose only what I was ready to say. "Rose. We had talked until late but she had been careful to let me lead the way. "So… what's the game plan?" Asked Emmett. We were still trying to figure it out. And it will be posted today." "And now. "Our main concern is to be sure first. obviously. I promise this is not your usual pregnancy story. stay." Okay. It's okay. "Well…" Answered Carlisle. She did not ask questions about us. that Bella is healthy and safe. Though I highly doubt we're wrong." I sniffled and got myself together. but I'll assure you don't." Said Esme "Bella. "No. I prompted me to speak.
I have a plan and it's all thoroughly calculated. I didn't know how that was going to go. Not appalled. so I'll add chapters as I can. Enjoy! caracol The next day Emmett left for school while we followed Carlisle's car to the hospital.Chapter 11 Okay. I guess with "Coming of age" is not as important that I write it chronologically. enough for now. School. We hadn't really talked. Last chapter I idiotically wrote the opposite of what I meant in my AN.70 - . So I'm finally giving them a break. I'm open to suggestions if you want his inside of other certain chapters. For EPOV I'm planning to write the chapter about the party. Not at all. I had to go and face my real world. and since these last two are so eventful I'll write his perspective of those as well. . We waited in the car until the end of the period so it wouldn't be so noticeable when we arrived. With the bell ring I knew I was out of time. Soon enough we had confirmation to what we all knew too well. Well. Sighing Edward got out and walked around to open the door for me. Esme had called ahead and said we'd be coming in late. I meant to say that I feel overwhelmed with the response. We had been sitting in silence in the car. And sent us on our way to school. Thank you all again. Carlisle gave me a quick check-up and said he'd set up an appointment with an OB/GYN. especially since we were both in that class. Bear with me. I was thankful for not having to enter a class in progress.
I was not alone. "Oh… fine… considering. not sure if it was in response to our open affection or for the fact they knew what we had been doing. All jokes aside." "It's going to be okay. And because I could see now how much I loved him as a brother. Perhaps it was because I knew he'd be thinking of what had been happening just mere feet from his own room. and I knew I was blushing. "So… This… is new… For us at least…" Alice finally asked what they were all thinking. I couldn't wait for lunch to come so I could go to our friends. unsure of what to say. "There is no need to hide it anymore. So we walked hand in hand. I was surprised. he was my brother. During class I even thought I could hear our classmates whisper our names. I desperately needed some sort of normalcy. "Hey there Bella? How are you?" Asked Rosalie forcing the group trying to pretend everything was okay. And slowly. unsure of being like this in the open. As we passed people I could see them look at us. . Of all the people on the table Emmett was the one I felt the most embarrassed facing. "I don't think so. what we had done. I felt their eyes focus on us holding hands.71 - ." And with that he took my hand and started walking. my courage resurfaced. When lunch finally came we found the rest of the gang at the table." He said noting my apprehension. But time passed torturously slow. I stared at them blankly. I could see in Emmett's eyes a slight anger as they were fixed on Edward's."Are you ready?" He said." I could play this game as well.
I can't believe you have been secretly dating. "You too Edward.Jasper and Emmett were silent." Alice added"But…" "But nothing. we want to talk and you obviously have no idea what to say. "Okay… Let me have it. "It's okay. . "This is ridiculous" Said Rose "Okay. It was… I don't know… curiosity… It just happened and then… We just didn't stop. I could see the three of them leaving the cafeteria. since when?" Asked Alice. "Ah… Pretty much since the beginning of the year?" "I can't believe we didn't see it coming." I said turning back to face them. How do I explain this? "Bella!" They both yelled in unison. "What do you mean? This… You weren't dating secretly?" Asked Rose intrigued.72 - . Look I can't explain to you two how this exactly happened. I needed them to yell at me. "I know… I already hate myself. Go. "Well." Said Rose. "Oh… Right…" She could see I was hiding something." I said." She said firmly. But they didn't yell. you guys go somewhere else." "So it was just sex then?" Alice was truly shocked." She continued. "Bella. It wasn't technically dating…" Oh crap. tension very tangible. I knew I deserved it.
"Well. So pretty much everybody is speculating if you are pregnant." "Well. Seemed like suddenly I was ready to get all the building tension out by laughing at the ridiculousness of my situation.73 - . My laugh grew and grew as Rose and Alice joined me." Said Rose between laughs. do not forget that you are the weird chick that was knocked up by her 'brother' " Alice said gesturing quotation marks with her fingers as she said the word 'brother'. And then since the two of you were absent this morning…" "And then of course you were holding hands. "Know what?" Rose started talking: "Well… Seems like someone saw the two of you at the pharmacy going through pregnancy tests." Alice told her. Shit. And soon I started laughing. People were looking at us when we arrived" "Ah… Bella…" Rose looked worried. "I think she should know. . that explains why people are looking at me like I'm the queen of the damned… Anyways… It's not like I wasn't already in the freak side."No! It wasn't." A smile started creeping in. but I don't know what it is now okay?" My eyes had started to well up again. "Ouch." Alice finished informing me. when I noticed people looking at me. "I cannot believe you Bella… All this time… I can't believe we didn't' catch you guys. "So… Seems like we've been putting up a show.
"Actually we never talked since I took the test. And I was thankful for the release this was for me." Commanded Rosalie. someone weird like her. And then of course the Cullens took her in when her parents died.74 - . I think he's just doing the gentleman thing and covering for her. "So besides the obvious worry. I don't believe for a second that it's his. what are you doing speaking with us instead? You two should be talking. "Can you believe it?" "She's always been a freak." "And you had the audacity to laugh at me and Emmett getting caught!" We laughed some more."Well… We haven't really had time to talk" "You mean you haven't talked since last night?" Asked Alice with surprise. "Well. "So who do you think it was?" "Who knows. As I exited the cafeteria I made a small stop in the rest room. What's going up with you guys?" Asked now Alice getting back to serious matters. Now." "Do you believe what they say? That it's Edward's?" "Those two have been friends forever. though I really don't see why he is her friend. go find him." . I nodded and got up to look for Edward. Emmett kind of did." "You have not talked to Edward about the fact you are pregnant with his baby?" "Hmmm. no. I'm not surprised she got in trouble. Edward barely made it out my room that night. While I was in the stall I heard some girls come in and started talking." I was now feeling lightheaded."Well… As a matter of fact." I said embarrassed as I look down.
"I just need to get away okay?" I was now raising my voice. As I opened the door I realized one of the girls was Ashley. the blonde that had danced with Edward and Lake's house. I needed air. I couldn't stay and listen anymore. But I could not stay in that bathroom. I felt my cheeks burn. About was a million years ago. with the salty acid of my tears. visibly upset.75 - . I left the stall slamming the door and going past their surprised faces. It was small and the air was stale. He saw me and started walking faster towards me. "Where are you going?" I notice in his voice a little anger. As I walked through the hallways the looks I was getting and the people pretending not to look started taking a toll on me." . Instead I turned and took an adjacent hallway that lead outside to a secluded grassy area. I saw Edward on the other side of the hallway. Suddenly his arm strongly held on to my arm. you can't. My mouth was salty and I feared I was going to be sick. Okay? But right now I can't deal with all of this. I did not want to stop. okay?" "No. Of course she would want Edward to be with my just out of pity.That was it. "I'll go with you then. "Bella!" I could hear him calling me. I need to be alone" "And don't you think we need to talk?" What about? It's pretty clear that I've fucked up!" "What about?" He repeated my words incredulous. "I cannot believe you! I'll tell you what about: What about what is going to happen with us? What about the fact that I'm in love with you and that you're in love with me? What about the fact that you're carrying my child? Don't I deserve at least to talk about it?" "I know I got us into this mess. For a second I thought we might collide with the force and speed we were walking.
No one is judging you!" "What? "Yes."With what? Why are you shutting me out?" We were both yelling now. fortunately we had made it away from everyone else. I could see myself almost as an outer body experience wanting to slap my mouth shut. I was surprised we didn't have an audience." I stayed silent. Today it had been Edward the one I wanted to bleed. talk in the bathroom with some other girl.76 - . 'What are you doing you idiot?' Kept going in my mind. you are cleaning up my mess? They are saying that you are pretending to be the father and be with me to protect me…. I heard Ashley." "Well I don't fucking care about what people say!" He was very mad by now. that girl you danced with before. I'm not sure if you are accusing me of not being there for you or being there too much. Do you really think that all our lives I've been forced to protect you? To pick up after you? And for what you're saying right now." And then he left. lunch break . Why did I have to open my mouth all the time and have the verbal diarrhea spillage? More often than what I wanted to admit I would regret my words right as I was uttering them. as always. "All those people are wrong. then I'll grant you your wish. But I'd never stop talking. I was thinking this while I walked through the hallways of school. If you so want to be alone. Couldn't think what else to say. "You know what? This time I'm not going the one trying to convince you. See. and sometimes I so needed my words to make that someone bleed. "Well no one is shunning you in the cross-section of society that is high school! Don't you think I hear what they say? About what a freak I am and that. I know what to say to hurt somebody. Oh how I let the venom pour.
There was something written on it but I couldn't quite read it. this time around somebody else. Just a little while before that had hurt me so much. Once he was close enough I was able to read his shirt and I felt my respiration stop. and yet it didn't matter anymore. I smiled at the idea of proposing a club though. hey there Moses" Said Rose. as they moved away from me. then yes. if by my people you mean me and the unborn. "Taking your people to the promised land?" "Well. It looked like he had taken a sharpie and handwritten something on it. I could see he had taken his button shirt off and left only his white undershirt. I wanted so much to suffer to vindicate myself for my actions earlier that I thought I very well deserved the stigma that my scarlet letter was placing upon me. his eyes fixed on me." "Actually I think your people count is now up to three" Said Alice pointing behind me. I hated myself for what I had said to Edward.77 - . I could not believe probability would allow for some other knocked up teen wander our school. "Well. He saw me and kept getting closer and closer. People around me stared and gossiped. I saw Alice and Rose by their lockers so I headed towards them. I'm pregnant too' . It read: 'Look at me.almost over. Then I saw who it was. I looked back and I saw the Red Sea part again. Edward. referring to people moving away of me and talking.
I hope you enjoyed it! It won't be the last either. There you go. He was burning his bridges. And now. He was not going to take any prisoners.78 - . He was changing the game making sure there was no way back. His hands flew at me with decision. Though it won't be all rosy! Until next time.This guy was going to kill me. We finally got to the romance part. Oh no. I couldn't think of anything good. I was finally sure. I didn't want a way back either. I frantically looked for a witty thing to say. Trying to hide my nervousness though I said: "That was ballsy Cul-" I was not allowed to finish. as he was kissing me. one anchored my waist and the other took firmly my face as he shut me up with his mouth. . He surely didn't want a way back.
No romantic music nor a lame last line like 'You had me at hello' or 'Just remember who said it first'. . Edward kissed me. What happens after? Edward's gesture was very close to one of those.Chapter 12 I dedicate my carpal tunnel pain to all of you :) Enjoy. I suspected he did it in part to shut me up. Not for curiosity… Not to distract me… Although. Mostly because it felt real. The grand gesture hadn't been performed for an audience. The only people that really cared about the kiss where Alice and Rosalie. There weren't people clapping and whistling. I have always hated the romantic moments at the end of movies where the guy does his larger-than-life grand gesture and the camera pans out.79 - . For real. and yet I totally fell for it. and they were witnessing it quite overwhelmed. But mostly just for the sake of kissing me. It's so fake.
until I was straddling his lap. "You have a stupid grin on your face. "Well… First of all… I want to say it properly: I love you… Now. you are one to talk. What was that for? "Ah… Supportive of you maybe… Carlisle kind of read me the riot act. Yours is equally stupid. almost convinced that they'd be kicking me out. After it he just held my hand and walked me out of school." "What are you talking about? He was so supportive. "And then I'm going to kiss you a little more. "Well." "What do you want to talk about?" I said amused." He said parking in a secluded viewpoint." Carlisle and Esme had really been supportive last night." "Well… He can't get angrier. "Well. Was that what happiness looked like? "Then. "And what are we going to do here?" I said raising an eyebrow. his hand resting on my leg from time to time." "Carlisle is not going to be happy." "So. here… We are going to finally talk.That grand gesture had been for me and only for me. you go…" . where are we going?" "Just about here. We got in the Volvo and drove for while. I guess it was a good idea to ditch the rest of the day." He said turning to face me. but he really looked silly." I hadn't checked mine." "Don't worry… I had it coming." "Sorry about that. I heard him chuckle." He said getting on the back seat and pulling me towards him.80 - . I had been so scared.
" "I mean… here." "Ah… Yeah…" "We really fuck it up." "Can I… touch you?" "Well… You never asked for permission before. deep down you really like romance novels. " "Agh… Okay… I do love you. "Wow." "You tell me" He looked up again. "Sorry I knocked you up" ."Now you go?" I didn't know if I should be mad or laugh. you just don't want to admit it because you are a coward. "Yes indeed. didn't we?" He said looking intently at me. Cocky?" "You totally love me and you now it. And now that brings us to the second topic.81 - . this is really weird." He said placing his palm on my stomach. Now you say it. you big baby" "Good. I've said it. you are one to talk. don't you Swan? And anyways who said I was a gentleman?" "You are impossible. "Yeah." "Well." "What if I don't want to say? What if I don't love you? Have thought about it Mr. I just wanted you to know'?" "Boy." "Isn't it the gentleman thing to say: 'I don't expect you to say anything back. You are the most stubborn person I know.
"Now that you mention it. friend. comrade. "I told you should have taken the Volvo" Came Edward's voice from the backseat." "Oh. "Bella. Some days later we were riding to school in Emmett's jeep. As it turned out." "Yes. this is a jeep." I yelled at Emmett. lover. . watch the potholes." Said Edward. I do remember you there. woman… You take your pick. Edward lost car privileges. partner."None taken. "And whose fault was that?" "Geez Emmett. good to know my precarious situation is such a concern of yours. "Idiot." I said playfully knocking his head to the side. that was you?" He said wickedly." I said as I glared at him. it's intended for rough terrain. so we were back riding all together.82 - . "Well. now I think I'd like to kiss my girlfriend" "Do I know her?" "Smart ass… Girlfriend. Emmett. It's just semantics…" And with that he proceeded to make up for lost time by kissing me. mate. Though I kind of was there too. "Ouch." "Well. but now we have to ride all here. this is my car. common-law-wife." "Ah… So what now?" "Well. I'm not." I replied. That afternoon we went home. and he made love to me for the first time.
You only tried to. You really did it for me?" "Yes. I quickly climbed in the back with Edward while Rosalie hopped on the front. dear." "Can you call him some normal term of endearment for Pete's sake? That is my last name as well. sweetheart. Emmett had prohibited us to ride in the backseat together if no one else was on the . "That attitude is no not going to make you win points with me Cullen."Are you kidding me.83 - ." As he said it we pulled up at Rosalie's house. "Don't make fun of me Bella!" "I don't want to make fun of you." "I love you freaky sis." "And what kind of terms of endearment do you suggest?" I asked Emmett. "I don't know. and knowing that this is some weird foreplay ritual between you two. I cannot believe you tried to kick Edward's ass. love. She had been waiting for us already." Edward answered me. honey? I don't care." "Emmett…" I was touched." "I love you brother bear. didn't Edward tell you I kicked his ass?" He said taking his eyes from the road to give me an incredulous look." "How did I not know this?" "I don't necessarily tell you everything. despite the unholy things that you two have done. "Hey. "You kicked his ass?" I said loudly. I'm here you know? And you did not kick my ass. this is almost making me cry!" "Well." "Those are really lame Emmett. But anyways. he was definitely trying to protect your honor. it really creeps me out. I do consider you my little sister.
He said that apparently it didn't do you any good Edward.84 - . "Talk about a sore spot. hey Bella! Hey baby" Greeted us Rosalie as she gave Emmett a kiss on the lips." Said Edward kissing me lightly." "Well. "I just noticed that November 30th is around the corner. "So is December 1st." Said Edward. "Whoops. Sorry guys!" "No problem Rose. "That really hurts my feelings Swan. So I got a refresher. now that I think about it there is something else you guys owe me for. Everyone on the table started laughing. it's not like we can use that." Said Alice was addressing all of us around the lunch table." I said making fun of the randomness of her comment." "And that is?" "Carlisle gave me 'the talk' again" "He did?" "Yeah. but thank you for the update Alice." The four of us were laughing loudly now. "Why?" . right now. He said there was no way he'd be driving us around while we made out.front with him. "Hey Edward." I added. "See that is a normal term of endearment" "Well.
"I'm supposed to get you something?" I said turning to see him." I said in response." I said annoyed. "Nothing. "Okay." "Whatever. "So what was it with the ass kicking?" Asked Rosalie." Said Jasper. Emmett just tried to kick Edward's ass. you know." He said with all his charm. "You still need to get me a present. "I guess I do. "Carrying your genetic material is not enough? And believe me. remember? Your dear brother and this dufus you've been doing will turning 18. just by looking at yours and Emmett's heads I should probably be exempt of buying a Christmas present as well." "Oh. "What are you talking about? No one had ever fought for me. Swan. "I actually haven't been doing him lately but that's none of your beeswax." Asked Alice." Said Emmett.85 - ." "You tried to do what?" Yelled Alice and Rosalie. "You so deserved it" Emmett added looking straight to Edward. for taking Bella's innocence and all. You did try to kick Edward's ass for me so I owe you. "Bite me Alice. I have fought for you Swan." . thank you very much. "So what are you getting for Edward Bella? Though now thanks to you we all know what he needs. I think enough people know about this now. Cullen." That thought was actually quite scary." Edward informed me." Replied Edward. "Thank you for sharing details of our intimate life." Informed me Emmett. I just had to fight you."It's our birthday. I'm flattered. "I think we've already solved that issue.
. not my thing."So what are we going to do for a party then?" Asked Alice." Added Rosalie. And anyways. "Come on Bella." Said Alice. or even wearing a d-" I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my abdomen that knocked all the air out f my lungs. "Where does it hurt?" Rose asked "My abdomen" Alice lifted my t-shirt a little. though here is the deal: I won't be coming out of a cake.86 - . we have to plan something big. "Bella? Bella!" I could hear their voices though my eyes were wide shut." "Fine… Whatever. "Ahh!" I yelled as I collapsed. I don't think Carlisle would be very appreciative of me or Edward having a huge celebration. "You are not going to let that go. are you?" I asked. or singing 'Happy birthday' dressed as Marilyn Monroe. "I'm really not into the big overproduction of a party you know. "Bella what's going on?" "I'm just… in a lot of pain right now." I said as they moved me to my bed. "Do you even know me Bella?" Later that day Rosalie and Alice were with me in my bedroom." "Come on Bella. "Once again." "But it's not Emmett's fault!" "We'll you plan something then!" "Pregnancy is so not making you sweeter. it's our boyfriends' birthday.
I think it's an ectopic pregnancy. after asking Esme and Edward to leave. but I knew something was very wrong. It made me sad to see the panic in his eyes. Before long I was taken to the hospital while I was in the backseat lying partly on Edward's lap while he held on tight to me. honey."Rose…." He went briefly outside and then came back with Edward who came to stand next to me and held my hand.87 - ." Said Carlisle. "Can you call Edward back in before telling me?" "Of course. I could feel a little wetness. now! And Carlisle!" I said as vertigo was taking over. "What is it…?" I asked panicking. This doesn't look too good. "Bella-" I cut him off. The pain had subsided somewhat. Soon enough I was in the ER with Carlisle and a nurse checking the bruising under my belly button. Carlisle's hands touched my abdomen for a while and then. Look at this". which I guessed would be blood. he gave me a vaginal exam. We're going to do an ultrasound to be sure. and it is impossible to . are you sure?" "Yes. Esme stood by the door. but I think the fetus is unviable. The implantation may have happened in the fallopian tube. They had yelled for Edward and everyone else. "How can you know that. "The bruise under the bellybutton. just like that?" I asked trying to keep my voice from breaking. "You're bruised…" "Call Edward. That is a sign. "Bella.
I think the odds are pretty slim. Numb. though we'll keep you for observation. It'll stop the growth and your body will take of the rest. "I need an abortion?" "No… We'll treat you with methrotrexate." He said as he went out holding Esme's waist. "I guess I need to get you a present after all…" I said looking at Edward.88 - . who in return leaned slightly on him. If it is ectopic indeed. so I think you won't be needing surgery. "Oh Bella…" And he broke down burying his head on my lap and holding me tight. Bit of trivia: The bruising is actually called Cullen's sign." I could see Esme at the door with her hands over her mouth. Now. Edward was looking at the floor and Carlisle's jaw looked very tense. .carry it to term. if we don't do anything it can be very dangerous for-" I cut to the chase. You are also bleeding profusely and your pain. I couldn't remember the last time I had seen him cry. Even if it is not ectopic. we'll let you two alone. We caught it early. I was eerily calm. "I'm very sorry honey.
The world still spins. Edward hadn't left my side. So I was told. and therefore wouldn't be requiring surgery. I really didn't care about that. seeing something alive that was doomed to die. I had been still enjoying . I didn't cry at all. I was lucky.Chapter 13 It is a fallacy to think that the time can stand still when tragedy strikes. which caused the bruising. clutching the silver locket she always wore around her neck. The baby I hadn't assimilated was growing inside of me yet. newspapers get delivered. She always did that when things were rough. On the third I went back to school. they said. It wouldn't diminish my possibilities to get pregnant again later. Before that fateful night I had tried not to think about it. since the internal bleeding had ceased. My eyes were dry and yet everybody else's had been not. had already started its damage control. had already a death sentence. The ultrasound had been extremely harsh. only a small clot was showing and there was no visible damage to my tube. Esme had been by my side. Two days later I was home. That the world crumbles with each one of our personal fatalities.89 - . and someone still has to come into a hospital room and mop the floor despite the sad sad faces of the people inside it. After that time that he broke down on my lap he hadn't cried anymore. It had partially ruptured. My body already realizing this.
"Hey Bella. Such a lame and romantic idea. "I've missed you. We were teenagers. how are you?" Said Alice when she saw me getting to the place were . I had resented instead being pregnant and most of the times I had tried to ignore the fact.the amazing first stage of a relationship and consciously tried to push back the fact that I was pregnant." He said. Once there he held me tight. How could I cry? I didn't deserve to cry. I had a tangible piece of him in me. and yet. I didn't bother to set the record straight. I never talked to the baby. I didn't want to be treated as if I was made of glass. and my personal favorite: that I had runaway with some guy and since he had left me I had come back. alone in my bed. And yet. this had been a huge mistake.90 - . "How are you feeling?" He said. that I had never been pregnant at all. Not cramping anymore. a handful of nights. I didn't care anymore what they were saying. so gentle and sweet. Not even seven weeks altogether. Edward following behind. that I was still pregnant. At school rumors were running wild with me missing a couple of days. It had given me a stupid smile thinking that I had Edward's baby growing in me. or when I was under the shower. The night I got home I went to my room." "That is good. And it had been something so tiny. "I'm okay. and I never made plans. my hands had traveled down to rest on my non-existent belly. I heard things like I had gone to have an abortion." I stood on my tippy toes to kiss him.
. "Ah. I won't be wearing a dress." Rosalie offered. "Yes I'm sure." Alice informed me. We could have a few friends there. Somebody had to smile. There was a very uncomfortable silence." "I thought there wasn't going to be a party. I don't want to dwell on it. "Okay then. our boyfriends don't turn eighteen everyday. "Emmett and Edward called it off. "And I think the party should be back on. My effort had backfired." Said Rosalie "Of course there is going to be a party. "Why? Who died?" I said thinking that I could show them that I was okay. And no.91 - . So." I smiled. Though my rules still apply. But I just want to go back to my life. ." I tried to make them see. "I'm fine now." "Okay then. I could laugh about it. unless it is playing the guitar with Edward. Too soon for you guys?" "Isn't it for you?" Alice looked almost teary-eyed. I won't be in any way performing." I said committed to my enthusiasm. what are we going to do for the party. I'm not happy about it. it was real for me for like… a week. I'll even convince Emmett and Edward.she and Rosalie were standing.." "So where are we having this thing?" "My parents will be out of town that day. like you said. "Listen. "Are you sure Bella?" Said Rose." Was all Alice could say.
But I knew well what had happened. Actually I don't feel anything about it right now.92 - . "I don't want to fight either. you just were in the hospital and there was a baby and then there was none. I still . "What is there to deal with it? I can't be heartbroken for something I didn't want in the first place. all of us to be able to go back. "I can't believe you are doing this. The tough one to crack had been Edward. Like I didn't know what had happened." Him not wanting to fight with me just angered me more." I finally let out. he looked truly happy to see me excited about something. but have you dealt with it?" His voice also raising.." I said. I'm trying to give us a chance. I'm trying to be normal!" "Okay. But for everybody's sake I tried to calm down. Why couldn't anyone see that? "I just can't dwell on that forever okay?" I said slightly angered." "You haven't cried at all. I'd be a hypocrite. This is getting out of hand. Well today I'm not pushing you away. What do you want from me? Do you want me to break down and lose it? Would you have preferred that I pulled away from you and believe that the only thing that got us together was the responsibility of a baby that suddenly is gone? The one thing you hate about me the most is that I push you away. " Well. I knew it better than anyone else. "I really think we shouldn't have the party.." He said as if he were trying to make me see something I was unable to. I just want us." He said matter-of-factly."Sounds like a plan." "Why?" I asked him. "I don't want you to dwell on it. Convincing Emmett hadn't been difficult. "Oh Bella… You don't have to feel guilty…" "I don't feel guilty. I don't want to fight.
. for a moment we were back to our silly arguments. but I went out of my way to try to look more feminine. Can we do that?" "Yes we can do that." "I rather give you the striptease.. Everything had turned out great. but the kind I liked. "I'm not doing a striptease for you. "I'll live. trying to decide who was the most stubborn. or rather three. promise me that when you are ready to cry you'll come to me.. But I did not wear a dress… I wasn't feeling quite that generous. make-up and nails for the party." He said quietly. They'd be happy and I maybe Edward would get a kick out it as well." I said jokingly." "Just promise me.93 - . . "I won't cry." And as he said this he reached for me and pulled me to an embrace." "Can you just promise me Swan?" He was getting frustrated with me.. I thought I could shoot two birds with the same stone.want to be a teenager. "Just promise me something… Actually I'll tell you what you can give me for my birthday. I had even let Rose and Alice do my hair. What I mean is. And I felt great feeling like I was contributing to people being happy and getting back to their old selves." I finally said. But you are not getting that striptease now." He was setting a deadline I never wanted to get to. I had chosen my own clothes. "Hmmm... Thank you very much." A week later we had the party at Rosalie's. Especially when Edward came to greet me with a huge smile on his face. no I didn't mean that. "Okay. Though now you have planted that in my head. Alice and Rose were proud of their work.
He let go of me and just caressed my face and pushed a lock of my hair behind my ear. "I know another way you can prove I'm yours.94 - . his firm hands preventing me form getting away." "I do belong to you. huh?" "You are far from disgusting?" I could see his eyes avoiding my gaze. "Yes. "Come upstairs with me. but this time I won't just feel like I want everyone to know you belong to me." "I do?" I said smiling. Convincing me of his words. "Of what?" I asked." He said looking into my eyes. "Wow… I'm really that disgusting. . And you belong to me. Instead of the wicked grin he looked worried and incredibly sad." I really just wanted to spend some time with him apart from everybody else. This time." His look was completely the opposite of what I had expected. And you know what I want to do?""What do you want to do?" I said raising an eyebrow "Well… That… But more than anything I want to dance with you again. "Yeah? What is that?" Edward asked." "I must certainly do. I can really show everyone that you indeed belong to me." "Happy Birthday" "It is now… You know what this reminds me of?" He said as he planted little kisses along my face. "You kind of remind me of how you looked at Lake's party. though I didn't want to go."You look great tonight.
He let me take the lead and just leaned back as I climbed on to him. "It's not that… I'm just… afraid it's too soon. After I while. I am very far from being fragile. "No… I think it is too soon for you." "My body is fine." He said. As a matter of fact." "Your body is not what I'm worried about just now. "When is everyone just going to let go? I am not made of glass."Then what are you afraid of?" "I don't know if you are ready. I perceived his lack of participation and I broke the kiss to stare at him." "I know you too well. You are hiding away from your feelings. We came into Rosalie's room and we sat in a couch. I started pacing around trying to calm myself. "What?" I yelled frustrated." "Too soon for you?" I asked knowing already what I knew he was thinking. I was fragile before. "I'm not necessarily offering sex okay? Just come upstairs with me. "What do you mean?" He was playing to be naïve. But I am fine now… You could .95 - . I was the one being more forward as I started hungrily kissing him." "Well you are certainly not with me" I said climbing down his lap and standing up." "I wished it was my body you worried about now to be perfectly honest. But needing him to say it." He said looking down. "I mean where are you?" "I'm right here." I was pleading now. Couldn't he realize I was pleading? And so we went to the second story.
"Don't be stupid. Because you joke about it like it was nothing!" He finally exploded." "Well." "Well." .96 - . I can't even stop that right? I'm just so stupid." I said icily. I do know that." I said as I left. "I do. And I know that is the reason why you are shielding yourself from feeling. this is getting stupid. I wanted him to react. But this." That one I meant." I said pouring my venom. "You have no idea what that meant to me. "I cannot believe it. I went straight home and ran into Carlisle and Esme. "Yes I am. You really only wanted me as long as I was having your child. "Bella? Are you okay?" Esme asked. I wanted him to explode and fight me. You know for a fact that it was not the pregnancy that got us together. but then why am I feeling so lonely here?" "Because I don't think you have processed this yet." "You know what? It may be your birthday and all… But you are not my favorite person right now. This was angering me. He looked down. They were sitting in the family room when I arrived.hit me with your best shot." He just wasn't taking the bait. "You are far from stupid. There is nothing to break.
" I said as I went up the stairs." "Is everything okay?" I sensed Esme's preoccupation. I just had to come home. Edward and I had a fight. I wanted to say that when I did some poking around to find out more about ectopic pregnancies I read about the Cullen's sign and I had use that. There are amazing pregnancy stories here."Is the party over? It seems so early. But I felt like it was far from stupid. Now. 'Could it really be me who had been wrong all along?' I thought as I went." I said. I felt like a caged lion in my room. "Will do. So I grabbed my coat and a blanket and I head to the upper deck that faced our backyard. I stared into it as I thought." Esme said. I needed air. please take it with a huge grain of salt. "No. It's sad I know. right now being "The . which was so see how someone grows up when facing adversity like this. I hope you all understand. Yell if you need something. With the bruising she would have needed immediate surgery. I'm sorry. First of all. "Okay honey. It was overwhelming the number of reviews asking for the baby to live." I didn't want them to worry. Why couldn't I cry? Okay. still looking worried.97 - . I'm sorry. Being that my "scientific" sources are Google and Wikipedia. There was beautiful full moon. "Yes it is. I sat down and put the blanket over me. Obviously this does not make sense in real life." Said Carlisle. "I'm just going to go upstairs. It was something stupid. Second. I never intended for the pregnancy to go full term. but this opens a lot more possibilities for what I wanted to do originally.
I know this one didn't end in a very positive note. And lastly. Caracol "The baby killer" (I feel awful about that btw). I will still write the EPOV's that you ask for. and I think you will enjoy it. Next chapter had a scene that is one of my favorites. but it will get better I promise.98 - .curse of the smiley" my favorite. . Then it can end in a nice round number. we are getting close to the end. I'm thinking it's probably going to be two more chapters now.
I remember thinking that it would be my family tree." She said burying herself under my blanket. That is impressive. I remember all of you guys climbing up and down. "I planted it when we bought this house." I said avoiding her gaze." "Got the scars to prove it. "I love that tree. And it has. "Thanks. And just a music suggestion to get the mood of the climax scene: "This woman's work" by Kate Bush I sat on the deck for a while staring into the full moon until Esme came and sat next to me. "Hey Esme. and falling a few times. I did include a little EPOV here because I really needed to show what was going own from outside. It was an awesome tree to climb. because I really wanted it to come out right." She said as she handing me the water bottle she had been drinking from. you know?" "Wow." "I know. I hope you enjoy it. fearful of her reading my thoughts through my eyes. I want to tell you something… The boys don't quite know about this… But I want to share it with you. But she kept looking straight into the woods at the back of the house directly into a tree that had become a landmark of our childhood. Here drink some water." "Listen.99 - ." I said smiling fondly of the memories. "Hey there kiddo.Chapter 14 I took a little longer with this one. so that tree is older than me. twenty years." .
The guilt. "Hey! Listen to me. I didn't bring this up for me. I want you to know that the burn… The pit in the stomach. Anyways... "You guys were toddlers. "How far along were you?" Was all I was able to say. or that I had been trying to push deep down. I knew that pathetic tactic. I'm so sorry. I've felt them too. but they don't know how this feels. Not for us.... the very first things I hadn't been able to share with Edward. right?" . All of those things you may not find a way to let Edward know about. Carlisle felt so bad." The last part was rushed.. being a doctor and all. trying to brush away any hint of emotion. I lost it.. Six months seemed like hell.. About six months. "Ah. everything was fine. "When?" I said with a shaky voice." "Esme! Oh my god. Choked with the cord. two I think. and then one day my baby just died. I was trying to deal with something that had just existed for six weeks." Six months. not all of them acknowledged by me... what I had kept from him. They said that there was no way to know.. But I guess it was fate." I looked at her in disbelief but she was avoiding my gaze and I wasn't sure if she was guarding my feelings or hers."Shoot. Not old enough to remember." "I want you to know that I know how you feel… That someone understands. it hurt a lot still to say it directly." She said while clutching her silver locket and turning to face me." This woman was truly amazing. she named all the things I could not. "The time difference doesn't make a difference." "I lost one too. "How?" "Well.. Fathers… They lose a lot and hurt too.100 - . Exactly what I was feeling.
" "I had wanted a girl you know." She said pointing at the tree." I hugged her."Was it a boy or a girl?" "Ah… A girl. Get it through that thick skull of yours. I'd gladly wear all the pink in the world to have her back. But eventually we tried. "I took a pinch of her ashes and put them here. "Why didn't you have more?" "At first it was hard." "She had a major pink fetish. in my locket. Most of her ashes are there. I got my third when you came along. You've always been quite stubborn. " "No Bella." I understood right then. You are a Cullen alright." "She did have a thing about you wearing pink. but you are mine. It just never happened. and I mixed her there. you did look cute though." "Most of them?" I said trying to understand what she had just said." I smiled thinking about Renee. I had the boys and I envied your mom a little." "I guess you were supposed to have just two.101 - . I understood now why she held on to it when we heard about my own loss. why she had always grabbed it whenever things got complicated. . "I dug up to expose the roots. That's probably why I turned out like this. I may not have bore you. I didn't want to feel like we were trying to replace her. all the cute outfits she used to put on you. "What happened to her?" "We cremated her." "I'm so sorry. Of course later you found out you could say no. I wanted her in my family tree.
' But that is bullshit. 'At the end it was for the best'. It had been real. I didn't give him time to say anything. All those years I was a motherless child while she was the counterpart: the mother that had lost a daughter. no one is going to say the right thing. 'Timing was not perfect'. "I'm ready. I went out and past Esme's tree as I ran into the wooded area behind our house. It suddenly hit me. how brief it had been. I could feel the flood coming. are you staying here longer?" "Just a few minutes. It was not a dream Bella. Not one second could be spared to make sure he was behind. to do anything. You have no idea. He heard me and turned around. All those years Esme saw us playing at that tree. I went inside as fast as I could. When you are ready. I could not pretend it hadn't. I looked at the tree Esme had planted."Now. his shirt half off his body. "I think the boys are back. The wind felt icy on my cheeks. how out of time. looking for him. It was cold outside and as I ran I felt the cold wind against my face. Love you. It happened. Don't let anyone take that away from you. I know what people will tell you. See." "Okay." She said as she hugged me and I hugged her back. No matter how wrong. Was I crying already? . I slammed his door open without knocking. No matter how it came to be. I went down the stairs fast heading for the backdoor. he was facing away from me. I had just enough time. But the thing I want you to remember is that this was real. Not even me. And that bond existed. I'm coming in. how inconvenient. 'You are both so young. Don't forget that kiddo. This may be the wrong thing as well. probably thinking of the one that wasn't there. She was right. how you and Edward got together.102 - . All those years climbing on it." We heard some noises from inside the house. "I love you too." I said as she went in." I said and I ran out.
It wasn't pretty: I cried with a force that came from my gut. until I felt at peace. I cried because. And he rocked me. Once the crying was so raw and fiery that it had dried me up inside. My face was so close to the ground that the smell of wet soil flooded my nostrils. until it was just sad moans and a feeling of choking. I pushed it out of my body. I cried for me. And finally. an instinct almost ancient taking over. sadly and thankfully.I could hear him catching up with me. I cried because I didn't know how much I had loved it. . I let myself fall down on my hands and knees letting it all out with a deep and painful groan. although unconventionally. I cried for the baby I had barely known and lost. And I cried for Esme and her own loss. I cried because I had had hopes I didn't want to admit to myself. My hands open and my fingers digging in the ground. EPOV "I'm ready" I heard her say and then she just ran out. I cried for the misery that had brought the both of us together. I cried. I more than cried: I wailed. I cried until fire spread violently from my lungs out and burned my throat.103 - . enveloping me and pulling me back against his chest. I felt his hands on my back. for my lost baby and for my dead mother. it had been made with love. holding me tight.
afraid to enter a forbidden place where she was and I could never get her." I barely smiled. afraid to intervene. we were able to say all that we couldn't say before. "What for?" "For giving me what I really wanted for my birthday. I grabbed my coat and my keys and ran as fast as I could trying to catch up. She went down to her hands and knees and then I heard it: a primal howl piercing the night. and her nature had always been to flee. it was so powerful and instinctive. I saw her going to the backyard and I went for her. And after a while I was able to pull her to me. . Her body rocked back and forth.I knew she was heading out because she had her coat on. And we stayed like that for a long time. After a while we were able to speak. but I had to let her. Her sounds were raw and deep and I just let her get it out. I was just standing there while she broke down in a million pieces.104 - . to hold her and not let go. It was so painful and sad. I pulled her close and buried my face in her hair. I'd just had to do my best to put her back together. Back to BPOV "Thank you" He said. I stopped. I was getting closer when we went to the woods behind the house and she suddenly collapsed. I stayed outside. I slowly approached her. hopeful I would be able to do so. until I was able to feel her heartbeat ease against my chest. And it also pierced my heart. It broke my heart.
it had been for me. I'm still here." "So what do we do now?" I asked. "You don't regret anything?" I asked fearful.105 - . you know?" "I know. It was true. Not at all. "I know. "I didn't mean to hurt you. just like he had done before. I felt it was my fault. but it was quickly rubbed off with his thumb when he looked back at me." "And finally say what we were too afraid to say?" "That's a start. "I don't. "You didn't will the baby to die. "We could talk. "I felt guilty. And that's actually what I wanted. and just for me. I felt a single tear come down my cheek."But I didn't do it for you" I had to admit." It took me a few minutes to gather my courage." He said forcing me to face him and placing his hand on his chest right over his heart. "Want to know something I never told you?" "Of course." He said looking down at my abdomen and placing his palm on it." "I liked the idea of my baby growing in you. But I felt… I feel rotten… I feel like I turn everything I touch into misery." ." "I'm not turning into anything." We were silent for a few moments until he spoke again." It was finally out.
A couple of times it made me smile like a moron. I had a lovely time. "What for?" "Ruining your birthday party. "It's a nice full moon." There were no words to say after that. I let my lips speak for me. I liked thinking that your baby was growing inside me." I said.." "Children?" I said surprised. resting his forehead on mine." We walked around hand in hand for a while. I think we need to say these things. His face suddenly went somber and my heart skipped. It was lame. "It won't be anytime soon. . but it will happen" He said after the kiss. "I'll tell you another secret: That won't be the only time you carry my children. and so. "What do we do now?" I said. for what is worth.." I playfully pushed him away from me. That made him smile and he quickly kissed me. And." I said smiling. But he pushed back with more force until he had me against a tree."It's okay. "Walk with me" He said pulling me up. "I'm sorry." "Who told you ruined it. "With our track record you think it'll be only one?" I smiled.106 - . with only the moonlight to shine our path. It was also my blood you bled. "You always say that you have no flesh and blood attachment anywhere… You can't say that anymore. Met this cute blonde from California after you left.
"You what?" He said looking at our surroundings.." I agreed." "Well." "Anyways. "It does. "He did say his house wasn't going to be known as the place where teen sex is condoned. We were just very spoiled sleeping together every night." "No Edward!" I said mostly horrified. his knee forcing my legs slightly apart." I said remembering it fondly." He said.. and slightly intrigued by the idea." "The day you kissed me."This feels much better." "Last time I had you was the day after we found out. "I won't do it outdoors. college is not that far away." He said as he pushed his body against me. "I guess it's not such a bad thing to make me yearn for you." I added." "You know he is going to make us stay in separate dorms right?" "I know. What happened to you deciding that yearning was a good thing anyways?" .107 - . "Hmmm. Can you tell?" He said as he rubbed his hardness against me. it's not easy with Carlisle's random bed checks." "It just makes us more like normal teens trying to sneak in lovemaking." "We were. "We're not under Carlisle's roof right now." "You'd think that with the hours he has at the hospital he'd need his sleep. I know… I've missed you too." I agreed "I've missed you. "It's been long.
"You are going to get in trouble Swan. And I thought I had already given you what you wanted."I'm only human." "Oh.108 - . He alternated staring at me and kissing me passionately as coercion methods. "Let's go inside." He said as we headed back to the house." "It's barely your birthday anymore. That is not a problem for you is it?" I said trying to get back at him. "You'll just have to be quick. "It's my birthday after all. I promise to sneak into your room. But now who's the prude?" "It's very cold!" I said trying to convince him. . you'll see." I said in defeat. I don't think you'll ever give me enough of what I want. "You'll risk Carlisle's checks?" His voice sounded quite amused." He said grinning." "And what are you going to do about it?" "Oh.
109 - . we hadn't worried at all about getting caught. but what happened in the woods was intimate and private. Esme and Carlisle were happy to know that our silly spat was settled. Enjoy. and spending time with the family. This night it hadn't been innocent at all. careful not to start something that couldn't be continued right away. as it hadn't been for a full night of sleep either: It had to be brief. In the dark I listed for the sounds of every door closing. My apologies. of course. and everyone turning in.Chapter 15 I took my time with this one. but I knew that I had to wait at least a couple of hours. I had closed my eyes in anticipation. . I waited eagerly in my bed having gone upstairs earlier. and yet not staying too far apart to stir suspicion. But it felt like ages. and the purpose had not been sleeping at all. It had been so easy to go back. in desperation for him to come to me. It just wasn't coming out how I wanted it. We'd had to contain ourselves coming in the house. But here it is. back then it had been completely innocent. But this night we had the thrill and the desperation of long-lost lovers that had just reunited. Though. even if it hadn't been that long. It is funny to think about it: during our experiment. We were so used to it that it was second nature. It hadn't been a fight at all. no one else's business but ours. We hanged out in the kitchen yearning to touch. Sneaking into each other rooms had almost felt like years before when we would still worry about getting caught.
somehow I fell asleep. I'm going back to my own bed. Okay." I said smiling. "Desperate much?" He said lifting an eyebrow." "Don't I get a belated birthday celebration?" "I'll send you a card." I said trying to get a reaction out of him." He said as he started pulling my clothes off. "You are a sadist. he had pulled me underneath him. And in the middle of my desperation. "Don't you dare. they felt warm against the back of my head and somehow managed to wrap around my body." He let go of me and shifted pushing himself off my bed. You are here." I said sternly. he was enjoying teasing me.He was so close and yet so far away. "Tough luck.." I said. and yet he had not done anything about it. "Are you looking forward giving Carlisle a show? Along with a heart attack?" "As you wish. It hasn't been your birthday for a few hours now. my treacherous body was exhausted. He had made a point of me being overdressed. savoring the sensation of him all around me. He stared at me silently making me nervous. holding me tight. soon enough. That was all the incentive he needed. without opening my eyes." He said as his index finger lazily tugged at the elastic band of my pants. "Hmmm. and I became quite aware of my nudity and the fact that he still had his on. Quickly enough they littered my floor. so much that I felt myself blushing. spent after letting go. . kissing and caressing everywhere. "You are absolutely way overdressed for this birthday party..110 - . "We don't have time for this. "This is a serious blow to my ego you know?" Were the words I woke up to.
" He said sliding into me and pushing me into oblivion. "I can't stand the guy. "Point taken. given how long you've been staring I'm afraid you are having second thoughts. And I don't ." "Why? I like staring. But you are damn beautiful. "Again with the sarcasm?" "Well." "Does this feel like I'm having second thoughts?" And with that he rubbed against me." He said as he trapped my mouth with his. We hadn't come to the grassy area from where we loved to watch people in a very long time. "Possessive much?" "Of you. "And you are mine. I don't know if I have even told you this. "And I love it.111 - ." He stated. You do know we've done this before right?" "I hate that you make me this vulnerable. I guess it's safe to say that we had caught ourselves living instead of just being spectators."Expecting someone else?" I said trying to make me feel more empowered… And failing miserably." "Stop staring at me. but the next day it just felt right to go back." I said as once more we saw Sean Lake repeat the same clichéd romantic tactics we had witnessed many times before." I said in defeat. "Well maybe some of those girls actually want the Lake treatment." I said blushing more. and going after his pants right after. "You are blushing. I really don't understand why no one can see through him. I tugged at his shirt taking it off.
"No." He said with a wicked smile. as I was saying. Think whatever you like but I'm . I can't forget though that your hatred of him and guys like him got you to me…" "Give it up Cullen! Quit the romantic crap! You totally thought about thanking him for indirectly making me give you some.. "Yeah." I said seeing right through him. Lake? Me?" I said trying to remember. you are such a chick. "I can't believe you are getting smug about this. I was ready to punch him" "You have to be kidding me." "Ass" "You can't honestly tell me you haven't noticed how he looks at you.know… they probably think they'll be the ones changing his ways. This was completely new. I much rather him continue doing the rounds with all the other girls. I regretted my words. last night I proved to you that I'm so not a chick. the one thing I really hate about the guy is how he looks at you. I had walked into that one.. He laughed loudly at that one." "Like I'm the Antichrist?" I said with a proud smile. that night had been memorable to me. yeah. but none of my memories were remotely associated to Lake. "What are you talking about?" I said truly at lost." Said Edward playing devil's advocate. "It'll be my demise how well you can read me… But anyways.112 - . and I couldn't suppress a faint smile with the boost my ego was getting. regarding Lake. Have you been reading Alice's romance novels? Sometimes I wonder why I let you get on top of me." "It's because you love me. "Dude.. That I can live with. The bastard wants you. "At his party?." He said with a hint of exasperation. So what's up with you defending Lake? You're his friend now?" "Not at all… I mean… I still don't like the guy." He said leaning in for a kiss "And anyways..
"Not only the two of you can make obscure cultural references you know? I can read too. Good one. well. "Not calling each other. "Dangerous liaisons. Scratch that. as we all laughed at Emmett." He said nuzzling my neck." I said feigning hurt but flattered to hear him jealous of me. "Jasper!. I'm impressed… A de Laclos reference. "What are you guys talking about?" Asked Emmett completely at lost." Jasper replied. and completely missing our friends approaching us." I said. Swan is the Antichrist. I just don't want him anywhere near you. I don't want any other guy near you. "Cruel intentions sweetie. "What can I say? I really have a thing for the Antichrist. the book?" I said trying to clue him in. ." Said Emmett pointing at the both of us. I get it." He said pulling me close until my back was against his chest." Said Rosalie without taking her eyes from the slices of apple she was eating." "You really have it bad for me. and calling each other the Antichrist. You two really can be snobby. "I know you won't. It's great to see you laughing." Said Alice getting us back to the world. I closed my eyes and laughed enjoying the attention. "Yeah? Well then you are the Antichrist's lover. I guess everything is back to normal. "So what's going on with your dangerous liaison?" Said Jasper." I said pulling away and trying to look annoyed. Like I'd go for the jerk." I said." Said Edward without letting go of me. "Thank you for the vow of trust. "Les liaisons dangereuses. "Well. putting together visibly the abject implications of Jasper's reference to us. the movie?" Chipped in Edward. "Ah.113 - .not letting you out of my sight if he's around.
"I cannot believe you are saying this. for example. are you guys going to tell us how your unholy union came to be?" Asked Alice." I said flabbergasted. "Yeah. "What are you talking about dude? It was most definitely my idea."Anyway…" I said." He said looking at me. "Jasper your stock just went up in my book" "Not in mine. "That's mean." "You may have brought it up.114 - . I seduced Edward. It was more of business proposal." He quickly added. you lost big points when you interrupted us at Lake's party." Said Jasper. "She proposed an experiment. I. there was so much tension when I arrived." Said Emmett. could end up sexually frustrated in the suburbs. "What was it then?" Asked Rose now putting aside her apple slices and paying attention." Said Edward quite happy to volunteer the information." Said Edward. with all the intention of embarrassing me. would warrant us crappy love lives. "So what was Bella's doomed sexual future without the experimentation?" Asked . "Easy. "What are you talking about?" I asked "I was about to kiss you when this idiot showed up." "I remember! I knew something was going on." Answered Edward. "So anyways. "For real?" Jasper asked." I sated matter-of-factly. but that was far from seductive. she said that going to college without … experimenting first. "You did not seduce me.
" Emmett said grinning." Rose said. So awkward. "Yeah. avoiding the touchy-feely stuff. I was nervous… And I did enjoy myself. but I didn't want them to think of Edward of having taken advantage of me.. "You two seem to have your groove back. "I distracted her with a kiss." He quickly answered. "She almost changed her mind" Edward added. "She did not complain." Said Rose. I'm back.." He said smiling. ." I said acknowledging that I had healed in my own way. That's good. "Sorry to say it bro. but I think she did seduce you with that mental image. trying to let me know I'd be regretting that later. "Thank you!" I said triumphal. I know somebody has to be cynical critic of our generation. Dealt with my shit." I said defending him. "She would end up a man hater feminist writer… With a lesbian lover. "What did you do?" Jasper asked. I guessed I'd have to suffer the consequences. "I cannot believe you guys… To actually go through with that. He looked at me nodding slightly. "I wasn't going to change my mind. It may had been embarrassing to say it." He said defiantly." "Edward you are such a pig. "Watch me. "You wouldn't dare" I said looking directly at him knowing what he was about to disclose.115 - ." Alice said looking at him disgusted. School's environment was threatening implosion with the sarcasm imbalance and all.Alice.
I'm sorry to say but you did miss an awesome party last night. "Relax Em! There was no celebration there."Well." Said Alice giving him a seductive look. I'm not complaining. "Okay that's it." He answered with a proud smile. the celebration was held in my own bedroom." I replied reassuring him." I hit that one right back at him." He was now taunting me. "Hey. I cannot keep hearing about celebrations." "Well it was a belated celebration and quite a quick one if I may add." Said Rose. And with that I declare the use of the euphemism dead. "Ah… Didn't you spend the night talking with that blonde guy from San Diego?" Asked Alice. I just didn't go into details. "And whose fault was that? I remember being at Rose's bedroom all too willing to celebrate you senseless. we can celebrate later. "What are you talking about? You and Emmett disappeared for almost the whole night!" Yelled Alice. "Cute blonde huh?" I said dumfounded at misled me the night before. "Alice!" Rose admonished her blushing. Unlike my dear brother here" Emmet said patting Edward's back." Said Jasper. "Dude." "Interesting how that little omission contributed into you guilt tripping me into… celebrating you. I got a great birthday celebration. we were in Rose's bedroom after you!" Added Emmett thinking of the implications of my previous comment. "I did not lie to you. I will not be able to go to Hallmark with an innocent mind anymore. "Don't worry honey. "A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell.116 - . but I did not go… uncelebrated. .
" "I really think we are. See you guys!" Said Edward taking my hand and walking towards our classroom."Wait. "I guess those are the perils of keeping it all in the family." Said Jasper with a deadpan look. "Even if we end up sexless in the suburbs?" I teased. romantically speaking?" He asked me as we walked away. "And in that note we're out of here. with time… Making it as a couple actually comes down to if you still enjoy spending time with the other person. "I love you Cullen" . "Well. once you take all the romantic aspects of a relationship out. "Hence the quick reference before. but also I think that I'm happy with were we ended up.117 - . "Best bet is to end up being best friends then?" He asked." He said smiling back. "What are you talking about?" I asked." I said and then added: "I know we've done everything out of order but." Answered Edward making me smile. our friendship. So I guess for that we're covered. kind of determined us ending up together. I don't know… I was thinking about that." "I guess I have thought about that as well. if you think about it. isn't dad making sure you two don't sleep together anymore?" He asked us both. as sickly close as we were. "Do you mind not really getting the opportunity to branch out. "I guess we'll just have to make the most of our time until we move there." He said with a huge grin. "Jasper!" We all yelled with disgust. you know?" I said. "Yup.
as it is something of mine. I think I'm enjoying the change. making mistakes and facing the consequences. though Edward says that what I actually enjoy is the idea of unencumbered sexcapades. In a few months we'll be in college. One single word that is mantra. It forced us to grow up faster than we had planned. that my little attempt at avoiding the normal progression of growing and wising up completely backfired. I can honestly say. He is not at all subtle." That evening I was once again looking at Esme's tree."I love you Swan. nor I will be attending any Greek parties. I actually look forward to the next phase of our lives. He's also taking Creative Writing with me and I am sure going to keep an eye for any blonde from California… Girl or boy… But I also dread. though. Who knows? Maybe this time I won't need to be in the woods… What I know for sure is that along the roots of this tree in our backyard. and desperate hope: 'Nevermore. A reminder of things that never were. I dread a date to come. And now. lays a piece of paper with only one word written on it. He'll be by my side.' . eerily coincidental with the start of college. I have no regrets. prayer. That fear had warranted me a distraction kiss after all. and we already have a few rules: he's not to pledge to any fraternity. I did this on my own. I had always hated the anticipation of change. But at the end. no guiltiness of keeping this from him. the experiment had triggered life and maturity. epitaph. and mine alone. Consequences that could threat what was safe and familiar. with long-ago mixed soil and ashes.118 - . I can't say I had foreseen us ending up where we were when I first thought about our little arrangement. though this time I was out there in the backyard running my hands over it and thinking about Edward and me. We made it through despite it all. I had been so afraid of living. A date that would have been monumental. and I know I'll probably will do my share of crying.
It is done. I hadn't planned it but I have been having ideas for a sequel. If you want a specific event in their lives. since I can't do happiness at all. there will be conflict. so you can find me there with the same name. And I thought about giving a try. Caracol . And you know me. If anyone is interested let me know I really want to explore how their adult lives would play out. Thank you all. I'm very grateful to al of you that read and to those who reviewed. even if they are prior to what I wrote. For the EPOVs I'll do them on demand. or parts that are not included in BPOV. I will enjoy for a while reading your stories now.119 - . let me know and I'll write them.Okay.
120 - .Chapter 16 .
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