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Caracol - A Rite of Passage

Caracol - A Rite of Passage

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Published by: eileenmaree on Feb 28, 2013
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Copyright Page
This book was automatically created by FLAG on January 16th, 2012, based on content retrieved from http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4085168/. The content in this book is copyrighted by caracol or their authorised agent(s). All rights are reserved except where explicitly stated otherwise. This story was first published on February 20th, 2008, and was last updated on March 13th, 2008. Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated - please email any bugs, problems, feature requests etc. to flag@erayd.net.

Table of Contents
Summary 1. Chapter 1 2. Chapter 2 3. Chapter 3 4. Chapter 4 5. Chapter 5 6. Chapter 6 7. Chapter 7 8. Chapter 8 9. Chapter 9 10. Chapter 10 11. Chapter 11 12. Chapter 12 13. Chapter 13 14. Chapter 14 15. Chapter 15 16. Chapter 16


AU All Human. Bella and Edward are best friends. A story of self discovery and the loss of innocence. This story is about how two people deal with sex, love, trust, friendship all while growing up. Very OOC.


Chapter 1
After reading amazing stories and thinking of some great movies favorites of mine, I started playing with the idea of a certain plot. My story is AU, where everybody is human, and I want to believe I'm offering a twist on the best friends perspective. I wanted to get back to the Bella of the first book, I loved how ballsy she was, she certainly had a lot of spunk. I love a good best friends get together kind of story, and I was thinking of movies I like, such as "Some kind of wonderful" and "Jeux d'enfants" , those movies explore how a boy and a girl who are best friends come of age, how their relationship evolves. I had also just saw "Juno" so to me, Bella has a lot of Ellen Page, though do not think that what I offer is a crossover between Twilight and Juno. Juno was great about a girl who takes a journey of self discovery. I wanted to explore that self discovery, but for both the boy and the girl. I have a very particular way I imagine the characters, so I have a few links in my profile of what they look like, in case you are interested. Note that my favorite for Edward looks more like a regular teenager than a 100 plus vampire. I tried just taking the essence of the characters, and leaving out a lot of the books. I think they are great and I do not wish to mess with that. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this and I look forward your feedback. Caracol Preface I know what anyone would expect out of a story like ours. Well, let me tell you, that is not us. This is not the story of a boy and girl that grew up together, best friends, where the boy makes a vow to protect the girl. If you were to tell that to us we'd laugh our butts off. But the story of our friendship, of our bond is quirky and weird. And it is full of humor and drama and just plain awesomeness. This is the story of Edward and Bella. This is our story. This is not a love story, though we do love each other. This is not a glorified Harlequin novel that the intellectual in me despises though from time to time enjoys a worn and forgotten copy found wrapped in paper at the bottom of one of my friends' bookcases. Our back story is plain and simple: We grew together, to be honest I don't really

know how we met. I just know that I cannot think back to my childhood without Edward's goofy face in it. I guess our moms were friends, or met at a park when we were babies. Who knows... Who cares... I'm the only child of only children. Grandparents long gone. At the age of ten I learned what it is to be all alone in this world, as all my past, and all my hope of some sort of tangible history went down a hill on a dark rainy night. It was hard. I won't trivialize it. But I want you to see with my eyes, to understand even more what this friendship has meant to me. I was taken in by Edward's parents, Esme and Carlisle. I thank my lucky stars for them. Their family is my family, and yet is not. A few months before I was born Esme had Edward and Emmet. The joke is that they are too far to resemble twins. Not only physicaly but personality wise they couldn't be further apart. Esme jokes that Edward and I are more twins than her own sons, and when she talks about her tiwns, people that don't know us that well assume that it is indeed Edward and I the ones that shared Esme's womb. I love Emmet as well, he is by all menas my brother, but we don't have the same connection Edward and I do. I feel bad because more than once he gets left outside of our world, but yet again, he was always the extrovert. Carlisle told me once they were happy about me being so close to Edward. They were worried about his shyness. I can't think of him as shy, he's no Emmet, but he is confident and outgoing, Carlisle said that that was me bringing that out in him. I was glad to hear that, I always thought he had gotten the crappy end on this bargain. Edward and I are best friends but yet more, we are like sibling and yet not quite. We are about to graduate form high school. Just about to dive head on our adult years, and this is our year of discovery. This is the story that I want to share. Of how this amazing and terrifying world can be perceived, seized by us, by someone like us.


. Not me. And yet I'm not a tragic one. nightmares at bay. the same dread of my mind running amok. Our parents (his parents actually) knew and chose to look the other way. taking me where I don't want to be taken. heck! my first born. Not in a cheesy creepy Cruisesque "You complete me" kind of way. every night is the same battle. it's plain custom. placidly asleep.Chapter 2 6:00 am. And who wouldn't? I look back to the dormant figure next to me. "Wow. He's right. But enough of this internal monologue. It is plain survival. Since I was ten. There is nothing sexual. nothing romantic about it. we found the solution was sneaking into each other's rooms. this is our reality. I look at him." I said with a glare. "Bella. He makes me smile because he exists. when I knew the vertigo of standing before the edge of the world. I'm a sucker for discovering everyone else's secrets. I just like observing life. though I know he is good looking.. That is why he is on my bed. He is the other side of me. because he helps me define myself. something that is just the way it is and no one mentions it. Though there is some of that in me. And now. He's a good sleeper and I hate him for it. I know. You are over thinking again. but I don't see him that way. And now I don't know if its a well known secret. for the dark humor in every day life. We don't know any other way. Alarm goes off. This is our routine. I truly hate comparisons of beauty with greek and roman deities. Not so much of a "I'm only happy when it rains" very Shirley Manson kind of way. And I smile. It's a downer. Or if it's just a distant memory for them. I hate Mondays. their personal universes. a funny and incredible sad memory of a tormented past. not because of his looks. And I love that he can fall asleep so easily and stay asleep. "Always a pleasure to fight alongside you Sarcasm Girl" "I guess we should get up and get ready if we want to make it on time" -7- ." The voice of a not so much sleeping beauty brings me back. not yet 6:05 and we are already sharing wisdom Captain Stating-the-Obvious. And I'll give an arm and a leg.

" I loved making fun of our friends. So anyways. now that we are staying the whole day. Jasper and Rosalie were sitting at... their words not mine. "I know. well Carlisle laid the law. but sometimes Edward and I need to get away from all the syrupy love expressions. "Dude it was rad! " said Edward "We put together our band" -8- . But you heard Esme and Carlisle last night. I guess you lose car privileges if we keep up our shit. Don't you always ditch first day of school?" said Alice "Yeah. " Edward shared with our friends "And if he catches us ditching Edward loses the volvo" I added smiling. I guess if you think about it I get the worse part of it. They were cool."On time on the first day of school? That will be a first. as Alice and Jasper were. He said he would be calling the school every hour to make sure we were here the entire day. we get the pleasure of seeing all your moppy faces since you are not sucking face all day or whatever you guys did for the entire summer." "Ouch. "And what is it that the two of you did this summer that is so more important that whatever we did?" Asked Jasper. Emmet and Rosalie were together. "Hey guys we didn't expect to see you in today. He said senior year must be taken seriously. Wait! What was your punishment? I only heard bout mine" "Put up with you without a car" "I guess that is fair" "I don't really". so intent and dramatic about their high school romances." He looked at me quizzically. We sat at the cafeteria table that Emmet and our friends Alice. knowing it was out of character. right Bella?" said Rosalie "Yeah. "I guess then you will be putting up with all the moaning and bitching.

-9- . What about Lauren's version. "Ah. since she was sitting in that first row. We are not ready to let him off the hook for that one yet."You too goofing around blasting chords through your amps in the basement the whole summer does not a band make" answered Emmet. you two can't do what you did last year" Said Alice. They were about the preparation for the Shakespeare Festival "Oh shit not this crap again" "Well. "What are you talking about? It was wicked!" Replied Edward "A gore version of the final scene in Hamlet? The whole first row was drench in red corn syrup by the time you two were done! " Alice was really ticked off about that one. "And. "Yeah. he actually attempted to build a case against us stating that it broke his concentration when he worked out. Anderson cut it short for being inappropiate. "Hey! Watch it! Or you won't be invited when we open for the Stones" I said as I noticed the posters on the wall." Added Edward "Must I remind you two morons that Emmet and I did a piece of Romeo and Juliet on that festival?" Said Rosalie "You did. She had been so mortified of our little stunt. "Do not forget those poor souls whose idea of Romeo and Juliet was only the Leonardo DiCaprio version. that was getting a little soft core porn" Said Rosalie. how many times do you have to watch the kiss scene?" I tried to reason with her. He hated our noise. But I must admit that the 'Young hearts run free' musical number was the highlight of the night. even if Mr. when has a catatonic person french kiss?" Everyone at the table was laughing remembering it. "And wasn't that better than all the Romeo and Juliet scenes we were subjected to? Talk about lack of creativity. but I still speak to you guys because you were original enough to do the scene where they meet." I said to what Edward added: "It was priceless to see Emmet reciting Shakespeare! " We were all laughing by now. I guess we could participate and open all these pubescent minds" said Edward noticing what I was referring to.

Being the closest one. reading and watching TV until the wee hours. "What's wrong with you? Looks like you didn't rest much. now. I seemed to have misplaced my favorite pillow. we teach each other chords and . I think they thought they would close up the access to it from both rooms and open it up from the hallway. "Sorry Eds. At the breakfast table Edward did not look so fresh." We had grown so accustomed to it. "I tossed and turned the entire night. When I came to live with them the only room available shared the bathroom with Edward's. That night was one of those odd nights when neither I nor Edward made it to the other's bed. You can have others you know I'm a beast of habits." Esme asked him. Esme and Carlisle got used to me falling back to sleep next to him. Just don't take IT again. "Adios dudes."You guys are retarded!" Said Emmet as the bell rang. Bells. I had been reading until late. Only three things were able to keep my mind from falling: Edward. I know my infomercials well. I don't wake up screaming anymore.10 - . But then again I was waking up at 3 in the morning screaming my lungs off. we have Spanish now" I said as Edward and I headed for our class." "No worries. afterall we shared a jack and jill bathroom. I didn't know it was your favorite. " He replied to his worried mother. Thought you had plenty." Crap. past that witching hour that I so dread. He was going to make it difficult for me. Edward would find me first. we talk about music and movies." "Aren't we all. Somehow we kept it going. "How can you lose a pillow hun?" Esme asked "Bella stole it. He looked at me a little upset. Oh yes. I took it 'cause my leg was sore and I wanted to prop it up. And it wasn't such an overproduction to sneak in.

he pats around until he knows where I am. during the night we use each other as pillows. We see it much more like animals sleeping in a pack. I cringe at the concept of cuddling. My own human ball and chain.11 - . Often. since that is not what we do. . and holds on to a limb. without it running wild. He has nightmares about that. it's something almost comical. most times it is my foot. with Edwards hand tight around my ankle. He didn't have too much of night fears. Now. if my best friend wakes up confused. That's how he calls it. maybe because he did not have to sleep in a room so close to mine. sort of a protection device. I don't know why Emmet grew through it unscathed. or just read side by side. I guess. overthinking. sticking to your own kind. He knows I just need to know that I am not alone. Edward knew that my mind couldn't be trusted alone. I've gotten used to the feeling of sleeping bolted down. He jokes about it and says that that way I won't be able to escape. or because he is a deeper sleeper. about not getting to me on time. Since I turn so much in the bed.riffs with our guitars. At least none that were not dependant of me. I imagine that a nightly dose of panic screaming from the orphan next door wouldn't sit well with a ten year old boy. We had issues with being too vulnerable.

" We were laughing our asses off by then. The voyeur in me liked witnessing other people's lives. There was something morbid about that. For that I'll do him myself. maybe it's something completely different.. and even though we were far away to be able to listen to her conversation..Chapter 3 That day at lunch Edward and I sat outside on the grass to people watch. Stacy. She was interesting enough. perhaps Johanna. "Get ready for the make-out-a-thon. but I guess he was right. I especially liked watching their romantic interactions. that's totally why I don't have sex" I let out. "Oh look at that here she comes. She was one of our favorites. See I told you they totally did it last week!" Edward had pointed out to me how it was easy to tell when a girl was getting some. Lacy who knows. her body language spoke in detail. "Admit Bella you are hot for him right now." I chuckled "Fuck. "See. "He did.12 - . I thought he was a pig. "The bastard! Totally unexpected that the resident jock of our generation who happens to change girlfriends as often as socks would dump the girl after having sex. excited much?" Said Edward as we watched her approach the jock who was standing next to his friends. amazing!" I may not be able to tell with that conviction if someone was being sexually active. Wait. did he just brushed her off?" I noted as we saw him barely acknowledge her presence. but the outcome of their liaison was far from unexpected. " "Yeah. Today we had been watching redhead girl whose name I never can really remember. She had been participating in this courting kind of dance that is highschool romance with a jock neither of us could stand. "But you will eventually" . would totally do him right here to get that A-list treatment of his. We made it fun by ad libbing for comedic purposes.

I guess partly because of that reason I loved being so close to Edward.. "Seriously. Very funny Cullen. I was glad my first kiss was done." We laughed and critiziced a lot the courting habits of our generation. my solution. I hate that feeling. I had had enough. I think I may have had the best idea ever.. Alice was not so fond of hers.. He was enjoying this. I grinned looking into the space and Edward threw a pencil at me "What are you thinking about Bells?" "I'll tell you later.. but truth to be told I worried." He said with a smile. you are right" He admitted more seriously than what the situation called for just to annoy me." "I much rather get it over with" I announced to Edward "I thought girls were suposed to fantasize with romance and shit.. came with changes that treatened the comfort of finally feeling like I had gotten used to living in my own skin. he didn't see what the fuss was at all.. he was curious and proposed the deal to me. He was very happy. I'll be the spinster aunt of yours and Emmet's kids. if I help him know what the fuss it was about what all the other boys were doing he'd shared all his video game cheats. Later in class. All that day I pondered over it. I won't. and that it hadn't been a traumatizing experience. I started thinking. I smiled fondly remembering my first kiss. And anyways what is so romantic about waiting until I'm in college and losing it at a frat party with a douche bag that might as well be a date rapist? Or . I made a good deal since I was curious as well. Right then and there I got my epiphany. living every new age with him made it so much easier. I dreaded all that drama. They will love me. the kid caught her off guard and shoved his tongue in. every new age."No." "Who told you I'll let your near my kids? " "Ouch. I remember also one day when we were talking about first kisses with friends. She said it felt like being licked by a cat. very funny. "Since when have I done things like the other girls" "Dude. Pretty much all my life I had dreaded milestones.13 - . and got the cheats pretty much for free. I was pleased to think I had avoided that kind of awkwardess.

. Esme hadn't said marriage. I am a man" He looked at me not believing I could actually believe he didn't think about sex at all. if she knew about this. what about you?" "What about what?" "I mean." "Mom and Dad must be so proud of you" Esme had given me the talk while Carlisle took the boys camping and gave it to them. she was more open-minded than other moms I knew." "Immaculate?" He cut me off." "I am.. "And that brings us back to my worries about getting to college. Though Esme would probably tell me that I was twisting her words. "A man of almost 18 and still a virgin" "Look who's talking" "Hey. about waiting for the right person. "You deserve to experience it with someone who loves you kiddo" were her precise words.14 - . you are so not paying attention.. I wonder if they got the same I did. I'm a girl. So anyways. Have you thought about that?" "Bella.with the weird goth guy that manages to write something remotely decent in my Creative Writing class?" "Do you fantasize with a frat boy?" "Dude." He said as he rolled his eyes trying to picture the situation I had described. I smiled thinking that was exactly what I was trying to do. "You're an idiot. "Well stop imagining me having sex" "You so wish" He said giving me a wicked smile. it's just that that was a very odd image. I'm not expected to be too experienced. But what she had told me was to wait for someone who cared about me and that I cared about.

" "Yeah.15 - . He said with a quizzical look. you.. after frat and/or goth boys." "Okay. the house in the 'burbs and a dog. and a very very non existant sex life. how sometimes it took him a little while to figure out the full the extend of what I said. novel slash manifesto against men. "Hey." "Where are you while I'm not getting laid in the 'burbs" Said Edward amused. But we were talking about you. I might be lesbian by then too. "Well. How come your crappy sex life gets you to be a succesful writer.. it's your own damn fault for having sex with Malibu Barbie in the first place." i added to make him laugh.." "I love you too you big dufus" I said to him.. I pulled myself together and ended up as the new feminist writer icon with my best selling." "And/or? You really turned slutty in college" "Hey." We lost it by then. "And now I know what I will be masturbating to when Barbie and I no longer do it.." "How Valerie Solanas of you. "So remind me again why we are conmiserating on our crappy future sex lives?. and mine only takes me to the suburbs?" It was rather sweet. So my success only answers to the cosmic law of karma. Hey wait. So tell me about why are we tracing our future sex lives and their downfall again". After frat OR goth boy. being so incredibly starved of a way to relieve your sexual needs. yes it was all fun and games in the beggining. ."Exactly.. and emasculating I might say.... I see you falling for the first Malibu Barbie you meet in college.. think that that must be love and ten years down the line. She puts out. don't interrupt me.. okay. Barbie and you have two point five kids.. While it's not like frat boy or goth boy were that amazing. especially when she invited her roomate Candy to join you. "Don't you love that we can have this kind of friendship?" "I love you alright.

.16 - . See. Though wait. And it's not like we are lusting for each other. Let's just entertain this idea for a second. of course I don't think about you in that way. plus the fact that we don't have the whole romance thing to fuck it up could actually make this work. experimenting in a controlled and safe way. what I'm thinking is that I want to do my share of. and I certainly don't want to regret it."I was trying to make a point about why we have to have sex before college. I'm not that disgusting looking. that is not what I was saying." I said with a serious look on my face. I did not know you thought about me in that way" "Be serious.. I think you actually need that part. though we were sure what we felt for each other. I know that it may be awkward though" I . I really don't want my memories of my first time to be with someone that I'll end up hating. "And I'm pretty sure that we'll always be best friends" "Ouch Bella. You may be onto something" "Bella. Better?" "Yeah" "Well. "Dude. Just as you don't think about me in that way either." I said as an idea brewed in my mind. right?" "Not at all.. We just didn't have to put those feelings in words. pretty sure?" "Definitely sure.." "Bear with me for a second... I was joking.. and just about how far we would go to avoid the other one pain. "Ah.." "WE have to? As you and me?" He smiled enjoying too much to put me on the spot. "Don't be ridiculous. that." "Well. You'll never hate me right?" "Of course not" We could joke a lot." "Well then that won't be a turn off then.

In the dark he had approached me as I sat on . Eerie coincidence. Oddly enough. It was us. With nothing but the moonlight trough the window (we were afraid of light taking away the courage). driven by the thirst. My cd player happened to be playing "All the young dudes". and like them we did not know what it would entail. the burn. That glam rock song was a hymn for the end of an era. and given that I had started using the patch to regulate me took that off our minds. seeing where that would take them. We settled to try that very night. no enticing lingerie. All wrapped in the perfect and controlled environment of paradise. to know. like cattle to the slaughter. We didn't want to have time to back out. one we had made up our minds we didn't need to discuss it much." "Yeah. We had made a monumental decision amidst jokes and observations of our generation and yet felt calm. but it was sweet and true. good and evil. I think I can" He said looking down. "Yeah. Like Adam and Eve we were about to taste the fruit of knowledge. "That could actually help the experimenting part.said as I realized I was soliciting my best friend right then and there. Innocence about to be lost. There were no romantic preparations... somehow I had convinced him. it can be more of a controlled situation. It was the end of an era for us as well. exactly. We touched and explored. and for a minute I thought that I may have had sold him the idea. We were willingly going to the end. the itch. "I don't want to bend your arm" "Dude. almost relieved. I thought about my analogy and ponder about the first man and woman. giving in animal instincts. So you are starting to see my point. but more of a scientific experiment. No candles.17 - . Not a lot to plan ahead. self discovery and other stuff" He said. to feel. when they laid together it was very likely not about love.. Humor trying to mask the clumsiness and inexperience. Our mating wasn't romantic. It's sex. And so.. Who needs arm bending?" His smile was back as he looked up to look at me. The only real question was about being safe. no rose petals. and how it really suited us. We didn't over think it. Blindfold about to fall from out eyes.

The smooth skin became coarse with the texture of his hair. realizing how hard it was. He . Mimicking his movement I touched his chest. Eager. arching myself to force a more direct contact with his hands. going back and forth. not to talk it out. I was resting mine on his chest. and slowly rotated them. indiscriminately they touched every surface of my body. arched and offering my breasts to him. The first interest was texture. His mouth caught the offering as he tasted me. He felt the unencumbered skin now. his hands slid over my skin. Once in a while. not too much to make me feel disgusted. He placed his hands on my sides and slid them up. It was fogging my brain thinking that the flesh he was caressing had never been felt before. no longer able to suppress it. sending small shocks through my body. We were to not feel too shy about experimenting. His body was there for me to know the geography of the male lands. Slowly he sat in front of me. to the top swells of my still covered breasts. and a little to the front. to let the primal drive of our bodies lead the way. He then placed his right hand on the mattress to hold his weight while his left had keeping me hovering on the bed. to rest just under my breasts. Mine for him to satisfy every curiosity. I was now exposed to him. and lazily pulled a little touching the smooth skin of my breast. He raised his palms against my nipples. and now he was claiming it as his. We had chosen not to plan it too much. His index finger rested now on the edge of my top. his finger would brush one of my nipples. and using my arms behind me as support. After a while of this slow torture. but the breeze on my breasts made me feel so vulnerable. and starting a new warm and moist feeling in my core. I knew he could barely make out my forms in he dark. while he got on his knees and tilted forward. while his came up to my shoulders and rested on the straps of my tank top.18 - . though the veil of night enveloped me. as if he was letting my peaks trace patterns on his palms. and then the other. His hands went to my sides and held on to the ends of my top and swiftly pulled it off me. and then so lovingly he cupped them. I never felt so womanly before. With this I went to the buttons of his pajama top and undid them and took it off. along with silent gasps that I wasn't sure came from my mouth or his. I threw my head back. and I could feel them tense and contract. He took advantage of this and placed one hand on my back to hold me in place and slowly pushed me back. but enough to prove to me that he was a man and not boy. I let out a moan. The only premise was to explore. a little more every so often. Slowly he pushed one to the side. He touched me as if I were to break. he grew impatient.my bed. to answer every question he may had.

as he lifted me slightly to take them off.. He held me tight and just rubbed slowly to let every inch of our bodies feel the warmth of flesh on flesh. And so he did give me a distraction.slowly lowered us until we were both lying on my bed. "You are not going to get all sappy on me right?" I said with a pathetic smile. After a while. to where my other foot could help take them off. I raised my leg and got it under the waistband of his. my pajama bottoms were sliding down. I'm not a chicken. Bella. "No way dude. He was playing with the friction of my breasts against his flat and hard chest. massaging my buttocks and teasing me as he slide them to my front. just touching the sensitive skin there. you tell me who has the short end of the stick here. I didn't see it coming." I bluffed "Bella. are you buying time?" He said seeing through me. I could feel him now hard and moist against my belly. Next thing I noticed. "No. and I blushed in the dark realizing that he was now bare. he just took them off in one decisive motion. You are the one with the pointy thing. I went to by humor shield to protect me. and my thing is sealed shut. excited and ashamed of how much I enjoyed the torture of his mouth on my nipple. we can call it off. I can take it. I caressed his back and played with his bronze curls. I mean. . "Of course I am buying time. but relieved to be with someone I could trust. He tasted and sucked and gently bit. "Agh Bella. He was getting ready. and pull them down. I just don't like the anticipation.. this was my idea. his hands now massaging my bottom.19 - . " I blurted out." I could hear his frustration and felt him eager against me. hot and ready. My biggest worry was not so much the physical thing about to happen but the emotional implications. As Edward positioned himself against me I felt anxious and awkward.. Have you changed your mind?" I broke the spell and he seemed confused. But by all means if this is going to make you cry or hinder your plans to join a seminary. We were now in the nude. I just need you to give me a little distraction from the very inminent pain I'm about to feel. I had only my underwear on now and he was playfully getting his hands under it. nothing between us.

The deed was done. A part of me felt proud on how ready he was. the newly awaken and discovered need to know how our bodies worked. I had admitted it to myself. We loved each other alright. I wanted to experience as much as I could. There were no professions of love. on his masculinity reassured with the force he used to drive into me. It was plain fucking. on how he took me. I was enjoying how he was fucking me. as I fell asleep. now in a sweeter way. No one could have a friendship like ours and not love each other. but to rush that love into a romantic one would have been to plummet from a higher ground. no mind blowing orgasms. It was not love making.20 - . if we'd be the same people when we wake. it both calmed me and took my mind from the subduing pain in my now open threshold. what made us tick.In one swift movement his mouth was on mine. but with my best friend. No lustful promises of eternal love that could fade away with the diminishing aftershocks of an orgasm. We did not make love. I liked how Edward was fucking me. The pain made me break the kiss. I needed my controlled space. It didn't take long. He went to the bathroom and retrieved a damp towel and lovingly cleaned me up. Until he swiftly entered me. no all night love making. We went to sleep and I wonder. the pubescent desire. And by all means it seemed that my best friend was enjoying it too. on his eagerness to penetrate me. because I was not brave enough to dive head first in love. It was not glamorous like in the movies. And we also did this because we were chicken shits. And when it was over we didn't say another word. the intrigue. His kiss was hungry and it distracted me from everything else. I was now full. Before we knew it we had found our rhythm. I could see panic in his face. It was awkward and unexperienced. And we did not become lovers to get our relationship to a new level. It was short and sweet buy it was satisfaying. There was a new feeling in me that embarrassed me. We did this to quench the curiosity. Open and speared. I was scaring him "It's okay just give me a minute" I manage to say to him. At least I knew I was. not because I had a crush on him (I didn't) but because with him I could feel safe. A sort of pride on his hardness. Shit. He kissed me again. no fireworks. .

but hopefully you'll continue to enjoy this. "Bella. Thank you all for the reviews." "Well thank you. without further ado." . or pretended that it was nothing at all." "Nice. and try to make them as real and truthful to just plain teenagers.21 - . Carlisle said the volvo threat was good for the whole week." "Tragic. we need to make it on time.Chapter 4 Okay so I finally did a very needed edition of my previous chapters. "Yeah." He chuckled. So. But seeing his face as usual." "Oh no. I felt we could still be us. Nothing spells success like going to school freshly deflowered. "Aren't you post-coital happy?" I said smiling and squinting my eyes. I'll be downstairs in 20. You don't look too scarred for life either. and that we shouldn't pretend nothing had happened. "Hit the shower Swan. wake up!" I woke up to a fully dressed Edward shaking me. Actually I must say you had a very peaceful sleep. I want to run wild with this idea of how this situation could be maintained and what the consequences would be. Hopefully not as dreadful in terms of typos. Anyways.. "And so Forks High Purity Club loses two more members. I'm glad that you find refreshing the idea of their first time not being romantic and lovey dovey. I was afraid of what the reaction would be. Bella. Thank you" He said with a wicked smile. that we would have a heart to heart about what had happened. I feared that it would be awkward or worse. I promise to keep like that. I guess.. I was certain that things were the same. I had dreaded morning for what it would mean. Give me some privacy.

It was no longer possible to ignore that we were man and woman. And I started wondering what it would be like at night. It was almost ironic. and he knew it. I knew that the trick was on convincing us women of it. I was better than that. the sensation of being full. I found out. that this made me more aroused. tasting. Before long clothes had been pulled and shifted. . but secret and kinky." The day went by as usual and I was glad that nothing had seemed to change. we were now. we no longer waited for full nudity. not rushed. though I never shared it with him. not forbidden places in each other. snaking his hands under my tank top. I could look into his eyes in the dark while he penetrated me. I always liked that first penetration. He didn't kiss me again. I knew he was full of shit and knowing Edward. but I could not stand the idea of us kissing. I did wonder if Edward's theory of how easy it is to spot sexual gratification in a girl the morning after. it was more practical to just get them out of the way. of knowing that it was nothing but sex. feeling. I could not name the feeling.22 - . And also. and then he would find his tempo. Would he come to my bed or was it the end of us spending our nights together? He did come to my bed that night. He knew how to come to my bed and embrace me from behind. I liked the way my body molded to his. It was less awkward than that first night. Weird. the idea of not being completely nude. to make us blush and give it all away. During biology though my mind started to wonder and I came to the realization that my best friend's DNA was still roaming free in me. kissing seemed so romantic. somehow it was too intimate to share. we had set an unspoken rule about kissing. He would place his lips on the nape of my head and make me shiver. I looked at him and thought that there were no longer secrets. of him just exposing certain areas. We spent countless nights exploring."Okay. probing. And every night for the next few weeks. too exposed. but there was something about the feeling of being taken. I could always make him gasp. I looked at him and saw my friend and not a boy I had a crush on. it felt too hypocritical. tenderly brushing my breasts. I had not turned into the damsel in distress waiting for Edward to saved her. and very lightly rubbed my backside against him. it made me feel too vulnerable. He no longer asked for permission before entering me. See you then. alternating the massage of my breast with his left hand with the rubbing of my ass with his right. and it was different. This was something new and mysterious that we were more than willing to explore. tamed somehow. well versed on how to play each others bodies.

I enjoy getting to know myself. if like me he has flashes our encounters. he made me feel weightless the way he maneuvered me. Hours later in school. I can't tell what is going on.23 - . if he feels the tingling I feel inside sometimes when I remember. I'm not strong enough for now. Unable to quiet our moans of release with kisses I would bury my mouth on his shoulder. but mostly I think. Feeling him pour himself inside of me. I cannot stop it. that I've killed something pure. I don't want to think about it. my explorations of him. . I got us in this terrible hell. But I know I don't want to stop. now that he could flip us quite easily. I don't want to analyze my feelings. I don't want to accept the fact that we can not keep this up. unable to control the powerful explosion in my core.For the first time I fully realized how strong he was. that he has left traces in my body of him. but I still feel his warmth inside. But I'll keep waiting for him in my bed. what this means. That things have been changed. we may not talk about it. now a little bruised from a couple times I've bitten him. In the back of my mind there is a dread: I've done something terrible. If his mind betrays him suddenly and thinks of me as his woman rather than his friend. I wonder if he can smell himself on my. I walk the hallways of school knowing that he's been inside me. that we won't be able to scape. or going to his. I'm enjoying our explorations.

I think she said something about the "evil twins" being bad for her nerves. His daily ten thousand calories are not going to eat themselves you know?" "I can't believe you haven't told me either Rose!" Said Alice truly shocked. what did my idiotic brother do for you to keep him in the doghouse?" "Did he tell you? I'm going to kill Emmet! No offense Bells" "None taken. "What up dolls?" "Hey Bells.24 - . Actually I can't wait to tell Edward about it. He's been moping around though. He didn't tell me we'd be watching the soaps today. they were heading out to the bleachers. Esme is worried." Added Alice. As per her expressed request we were not allowed to take her class together. figured out how to give Shakespeare buffs a bigger and better shock this year?" Asked Rosalie looking up to me." Said Alice "That is strange." "You probably don't wanna know about that Rose.Chapter 5 I walked out of my English class and headed to the cafeteria. I know ." "The soaps?" Asked Rosalie confused. He did tell Edward I think. And his appettite is not the same. Got a spare brother. he didn't tell me. "Little teen drama we've been watching. But no. I've been banned from the festival. "No can do. I noticed that Alice and Rosalie were already seated at our usual table. "So Rose. Have you seem him?" "I saw him earlier with Emmet and Jasper. but the bastard hasn't cracked yet. I couldn't help but grin after Mrs. My work here was done. Bennett told me that I was strictly forbidden to participate in this year's Shakespeare festival and to please pass the message along to my stepbrother.

Emmet and Rosalie were well liked by them.. He wasn't part of any particular clique unless you considered our friendship a clique in itself.. Alice was perceived more as a kooky character and Jasper was seen the same by association..25 - .. in a compromising situation." That seemed to placate them. my parents kinda caught us." I said taking a bite from the sandwich I packed for lunch... "You. I knew my parents were coming. while Alice and I were desperately trying to avoid laughing at the mental picture. but Emmet convinced me that we had time" She was visibly embarrassed. Probably the fact that I live in the same house as Emmet does the trick. including the one who had dumped redhead Lacy-Stacy a few weeks ago.. "Well.. half scared look.. but they preferred to hang out with us." "What about Emmet?" "Boxers and a T-shirt half on over his head. "Skirts and elastic bands. I think Edward called my style "punk-chic". didn't have enough time to. though maybe slightly more that I'm a blabber mouth that cannot keep a pice of juicy information from Edward. It always amazed me the mobility my best friend had in high school demographics. Both sets of eyes were now burning me with a half suspicious. I guess the fact that he was somewhat good looking gave him a free pass to be visible to the "beautiful" people of our school. That's the only way to go to make a quick getaway.And no underwear.that Rose confides more in her. I think from outside we . You could say that we were more down to earth normal people that tended to group but we all had very different personalities and tastes. I was the resident freak with my jeans.. It was very impromptu and it took me a little bit to gather everything." We were now openly laughing.... redress?" Asked Alice "Well. When they opened the door I only had a bra on and my pants halfway up.. Alice broke the silence "Here come the guys" I looked up to see the three of them walking along some jocks. vintage t-shirts and combat boots. "Bella?" "I'm just a girl with common sense...

" Added Edward "Anyways. "Hey. Pack your own sandwich!" "You know mine are not half as good as yours. You are not actually considering going.were perceived as in-breeders because Emmet. Bennett only mentioned this year's. so they are going to have a kegger. and I figured her pants as well. Carlisle will be so proud. "Well. What's up with that?" I asked to the three of them. Jasper was chastely kissing Alice while Edward was stealing the other half of my sandwich from my bag. but I'm not your mom. We were banned from the festival. Edward and I were technically siblings and there were two couples in our group. though we can only hope." "That one is going in the scrapbook." Said a hopeful Emmet trying to get into Rosalie's good graces. plus what was known as the unnatural symbiosis of Edward and me. "I'm not technically a Cullen. "Have news for you my dear Hamlet. The rents are not in town. watch it Ed! I may live in your house. "That doesn't work with me and you know it. "Sean invited us to a party this weekend. Mrs. I saw you three with the athletic lesser minds. we could do something together for this year now that these two are not going to be sullying the Cullen last name." He said giving me his full-charm smile hoping it would work with me." "Hey Rose. Emmet sat down loudly on the long bench getting me out of my long mental rambling." Said Jasper. but more worried of what Edward had to do with the jocks." I said taking back what was left of my sandwich. "A kegger? That sounds refined." I said. right Eds?" ." "Forever?" He said proud "Dunno. you kind of are a honoris causa one.26 - .

. Later that day we were driving home in Edward's old volvo." Edward laughed at the idea. so don't act all high and mighty" "Anyone has any idea of what these two are talking about?" Asked Rosalie trying to follow out conversation. is. which was not a lot being many years old. It had been Carlisle's and he took a lot of care of it..... I can't believe you are going greek on me... but it was still steep for Edward. He made Edward save and pay him half the current value of the car. way.. I gave him an incredulous look." I said faking concern." "I KNOW for a fact that you have a thing for frat boys. "Talk about self-fullfiling prophecies. But I gave up long ago trying to follow the siamese twins' train of thought. "I am shocked about this turn of events Edward." Said Alice "You try living with them. "Nope. I hadn't realized it.... He really has a knack about getting freshmen girls to pass out. I may end up a frat boy. He.. huh?" He said smiling "Oh. There is not a lot to do this weekend... "Don't get your knickers in a bunch. He was quite proud of that car. Emmet wasn't that thrilled either.." I could not believe he was actually entertaining the idea." Was all Emmet said.. "Just wanted to be a little more like your frat boy" "You have nothing on Chad. Esme's old minivan did not go with . He said there was no way any of his children (including me) would own new cars while in high school."Dunno.27 - . You are so going to pledge in college. he truly believed on rewards solely based on hard work.. "No. You have to respect my legal guardian." he said... "Who knows.. Maybe." He said with a crooked smile that said more to me that to anyone else on the table. but opted to find his own car." "Chad. dreamy" I said while I gather my things as the bell ring called the cattle back to our stables.

"Nope." . since Edward is always so happy to drive." "I dunno." "Wow. Anyways. Jasper and Emmet really want to.... I wouldn't want him to be my best friend. are you mad at me?" Edward broke the silence. You know that if I need a guy's or a girl's opinion I always come to you first... You are certainly NOT a guy.. which he also paid half price for. it just seemed out of character to me. I chose not to get a car.." He said without peeling his eyes from the road. Carlisle made me save an equivalent amount and we put it in my college fund.his style. So now I'm not one of the guys" "Bella." He said grinning wickedly..... you know.. Just don't get too smug. and I prefer to let my mind wonder while we're riding. and I thought it wouldn't be bad to spend some time with the guys. So he has his own beat up jeep." "I guess that you do need some testosterone from time to time. Though I don't see why not to go." "I did pop your cherry. Why?" "About the whole kegger thing.. "Aren't you proud.." "Well. I don't mind where you go. "So.. I must know..28 - . "So you get into my pants and now I'm too girlie to spend time with?" "Don't be ridiculous. since we really don't like what's-his-face?" "Sean?" "Yeah. But I was not exempt from the working and saving.

"Aren't you proud." "Let's see.. as it is mine.." "As a matter of fact I am.. maybe if you pledge next fall. I do want to write it.. enjoy! The characters are extremely different. "You did knocked out a couple of things from your 'Things to do before getting to college' list though. Checked.. Am I?" I said looking directly at him. Losing virginity." "Well I took your virginity and I'm not prancing around and bragging. and not a gentleman. I can check 'Sleeping with a frat boy." . but I wanted to make one very human.29 - . And of both I wanted them to be flawed and beautiful. very young.'" "I thought you were looking forward Chad. but more weirdly extraordinary. but I think I'll write a separate story from his point of view.. I know I'm bastardizing the characters.. strong and empowered... But I am enjoying taking this somewhere different (I hope)... but if this is your cup of tea. My apologies.. Checked. And the other one. And who knows. Helping Edward lose his. And the second thing was. A couple things I wanted to say are that I'm extremely thankful for your reviews. Thanks! Caracol "I did pop your cherry. not always feeling ordinary. some of you have asked for Edward's perspective. this is the first time I post fanfiction and I wasn't sure anyone wanted to read a story with this plot." He said grinning wickedly.Chapter 6 Here you have the new chapter.

never recording it. When we went inside I could hear Esme working in the kitchen.Swan's pants'. being the one with the mind that stored all kind of random information would recognize that we had been plagiarizing someone else's music. Esme and Carlisle's cars where already parked at the house while Emmet's jeep was missing." "I guess that'll make Claude happy. don't worry."I'll never sleep with one of your fraternity brothers. hey Ed! Dad is in his study and Emmet is not here yet." By now we had arrived home. and me. Esme had kindly let us cover the walls with egg cartons for the acoustics. was that we were never writing chords down.30 - ." "So what sort of things did I help you check on your own list. letting the music lead away. I guess the same ones. Most of the times we would have to stop and laugh because we'd end up playing something familiar. I found. "Are the Beatles British?" We went to the basement. The beauty . We really enjoyed just doing this. But sometimes. Go do some homework or at least pretend to while I'm done with this and then we can have dinner." "Want to jam?" Said Edward looking at me. kind sir?" "Well. Not to mention I got away with the coveted 'I got into Bella -I think men are scum. in very special occasions. I grabbed my electro acoustic guitar and started playing some chords. we're home!" "Hey Bells." "Nice one dude!" "My pleasure." "Yeah. Lot of people queuing for that one. since he had gone to drop off Rosalie. we'd find ourselves making something truly unique. The beauty of it. "Honey." "Who is Claude again?" "Goth boy. while Edward soon started improvising a melody with his.

most harmonious melodies. " "Thanks Em" We went upstairs to find Esme and Carlisle already at the table. That actually sounded good. and then completely blew you away because it had taken you in a complete different direction. "What the hell?" I said opening my eyes as Edward was doing the same. It really hurt not having Charlie anymore. After jamming for a while we started playing a song we had been working on. "No." He said in a preemptive strike "What? You hurt my feelings" I said feigning hurt. Mom says food is ready. there is something cathartic about screaming on the top of you lungs. I liked my friend's mind for the very same reason. the wonders of having a daughter" He said smiling. "Emmet you idiot. we were in our grunge period and had been working on Pearl Jam's "Black". abruptly.was in the fugacity of all. I really enjoyed playing like that with Carlisle. "Hey Carlisle!" I said with an overacted sweetness. Emmet's smiling face was there in front of us holding the unplugged cables of our guitars. I gave him a loud kiss on the cheek and sat next to him. I'd be sure what way it was going but then. don't ever mess with the guitars" Yelled Edward "Well you two were too into it to hear me. but something that pulled you with a feeling of familiarity. I liked songs that started slow and clean and then got all dirtied up (that's the technical term I gave the phenomenon). And by the way. my guitar went silent.31 - . he'd take me somewhere completely different. Not just average saccharine ballads. I was fully into the last verses. singing my heart out with eyes closed about the firm belief that a lost love would be a star in somebody else's sky when. but it was nice to pretend to be a child again and have him treat me differently than the boys. You cannot go and whatever you and Edward are thinking about forget about it. . Edward really had a knack for the sweetest. "Oh.

. I wasn't invited.." I said wickedly as I tried to get them into trouble." "What?" Said the three of us at the same time.. or at least they'll be worried about you being okay... .." Said Esme. "Some people from school are getting together at Sean Lake's house... I don't want to go." Said Emmet.. "What are you planning to do?" Said Carlisle. "If you don't go. but.. "Ah." Said Edward "Well.. I guess for us is better if you two don't get yourselves expelled." "And you haven't even heard the boys' plans for the weekend. tell him about that get together.. "You're taking Bella. we could have done way much better this year." We were all visibly upset.." Said Carlisle perceiving that something wasn't completely being disclosed. "Nice going Bella. I'm sure we'll find something to do. "Don't worry about us Esme. This surely had backfired. They were not happy with me. "That actually worries me. they don't go. Are you two proud to be banned from school grounds on that night?" "If you ask me. What are you going to do that night." I replied. "Shut up. Nothing especial." I said reassuringly."Anyways.. We are still going if Emmet acts again.Emmet tells me the Shakespeare festival will be gore-free this year." I pleaded. Ah! And I'm checking all your breaths when you get home to make sure no one comes home drunk. I think if you are there these two are going to behave.32 - ." Said Emmet "Oh come on Em." I said mischievously. "But." Said Edward "Okay...

Though I'm not going to get suckered into the whole cinderella-make-up thing that Alice will try to pull. I'm going to see Jasper. You'll do what your father said. You could really use some girl time with them. I'll tell Alice to start getting her make-up ready. eat!" Chimed in Esme. After dinner I was in my room doing homework when Edward came in. "Hey. if I have you for that?" I said messing with him. Couldn't help myself. I was propelled from the bed to start running. It's going to be business as usual for me.. Our relationship hadn't been suffering." "Ouch" "You know what I mean.." "But why. my mind still asleep." "Hey. Nothing was taboo. not even our little experiment. to flee. And just as fast as . I REALLY don't want to go. That vertigo grew deeper in my sleep. You should definitely go to an Ivy League School.33 - .. You have no choice. We were still close and talked about everything. that's enough. and unable to control it got me up from my sleep forcefully. Two against one. I guess you're coming now.. that girl can still dream about making you look like a girl.." "Well. Bells." "No problem... It was very weird.. but I couldn't quite define it.. I'm sorry about that I just wanted to mess with you both. And anyways I think Alice and Rose are coming too." "Oh no." "Sorry." "Well. Now. I woke up with the imperative to run. That was really smart."Okay. Yet there was something that was getting heavier and heavier in my mind. "Yeah." He smiled as he left my room. "Traitor!" I fell asleep alone that night thinking about the economical systems I was reading for class and trying to avoid thinking about what Edward and I had been doing on our spare time. I guess I'll do the whole girlie thing..

I went up I went down with a thud, something had kept me attached to the bed. "Agh!" I complained quietly. "Are you okay?" Said a deep voice. My left foot was still on the bed while the rest of me was sprawled next to it on the floor. My eyes opened and my mind suddenly awoke to the sight and smell of shaggy carpet. 'What was I doing here?' "Bella? What are you doing on the floor?" I could now see Edward when I looked up, his hand still clutching my ankle. "Damn it Edward. You are holding my ankle again. I guess I was sleep walking... Or better yet, I intended to sleep run." He chuckled quietly. "I didn't feel you lay down." "You were out when I came in. I couldn't sleep. Get over here" He said as he extended his hand and helped me up and back on my bed. "You okay?" "Yeah. Just a little shaken. I guess I was having a very lively dream." "You've been a little restless lately. Nightmares?" His voice was concerned. "No. Not that I know of. Just a little anxiety. But I don't know why." "Come here." He said as he held me close to him. His hand tracing circles on my back trying to sooth me. I breathed in his smell, my face against his t-shirt. He smelled like a man. I really couldn't call it anything else. Men had that smell that could be bad and nice at the same time. It was familiar and calming. I had my hand around him and soon it had gotten under his shirt. I lazily moved it back and forth over his abdomen and all the way to his back. That part of his body, I had found out, was extremely soft. I played a little with the coarseness of the trail of hair that ran from his navel down. I heard him gasp.
- 34 -

That brought me back to my senses. I had not realized what I was doing. I t wasn't my intention to start something. I was awaking the lion. That was now a pivotal second where I had to make up my mind of where to go next. His hands were under my top touching chastely my back. He wasn't forcing anything, still waiting to see if I was trying to say more with my touch, but I could sense his eagerness. I felt generous and continued touching, giving him a green light. My fingers were now over his hip bone, that land on the male body that I discovered, had a certain femininity to it. Such a contradiction, being so close to the all mighty source of manliness and yet so vulnerable at my touch. He was now sighing sweetly. His arms now held me tighter, pulling me closer, forcing me to feel small and delicate enveloped in his body. His feet were rubbing up and down my legs, shifting my pants, uncovering a little skin here and there of my shins. We kept touching and caressing ever so slowly. Slower than ever before, rush free. Soon clothes were pushed, taken off. I felt my body prepare with anticipation. It didn't matter who we were, what we were, nothing but a female body getting ready to receive, to envelope, to be bigger and stronger. "Are you ready for me?" He breathed low in my ear. I just nodded as I open myself to him. Such a sweet surrender. My legs locked around him, keeping him close, keeping him safe. By know he knew what to expect, how to proceed. He was well versed on the power of the moonlight, the rocking of the tide. I knew him. I knew him well. I had been learning how to make him moan, and groan and sigh. Such a complex labor love was. A full body score to read and play. Tensing, relaxing, staying still and moving everywhere. Symphony of sound and silence. He picked up his tempo, my hips were dancing to it. In the dark he came to me as I came to him. Spent. Exhausted we stayed embraced. My feet rubbing against his, trying to get buried under. "Your feet are cold... You feet are always cold." He said. I peeled myself from him and started to dress myself. "Are you okay?"
- 35 -

"Yes... I am... I just... Do you mind if I sleep alone tonight." He sat up and looked for his clothes. "Okay... I don't mind... Is something wrong?" "No... I just think I want to be alone tonight. I'm not mad." "Whatever you need." He said getting ready and up. I had no idea what had prompted me to ask for space. I just knew I needed it.

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Just a little melancholic. I looked at the steam-stained mirror while I brushed my hair as I noticed Edward coming in. hot water scalding my back wanting to clear the black cloud over me. Are you going to take long?" "No. I looked at myself on the mirror not liking what I saw. But don't worry I'm fine. I woke up feeling restless. "Up before everyone else. I peaked in and noticed Edward was still asleep. 6:00 am. Ten minutes tops!" I yelled. "I'll finish getting ready in my room. I really wasn't in the mood to try to deal with it. The alarm went off. I'll take a quick shower. I heard knocking on the door. then opened my underwear drawer and got out a cotton set. "Yup." I finished dressing and put my hair in a pony tail. I went in the bathroom closing the door behind me. I went back to my melancholy." In an automatic motion he placed a hand on my shoulder and quickly kissed the back of my head. See you in a bit. He stood right behind me." "Okay then.. the most comfortable I could find knowing I was not going to be comfortable at all. with an unknown feeling stuck in my throat.Chapter 7 Friday morning. I stepped into the shower. I wasn't ready to face him yet. "Hey Bells. I went downstairs and found Emmet getting his breakfast ready. I went to my closet and pulled jeans and a t-shirt. I'm impressed Em" "Morning Bella. I didn't want it to follow me anymore. I'm fine.37 - . cereal?" . "Feeling okay Bells?" He said looking concerned. I wrapped the towel around me and stepped out. It was going to be a self-loathing day. Before long I was done and ready to get out. I closed that door as well trying not to wake him.. It was a fleeting moment but I felt a wave inside. the other door was ajar.

"Yes please" I said taciturnly.. Dunno. "Bella. and not sulking in a corner." "I think the two of you are probably in sync. not making a scene. Okay." "You are going to get ready with them?" Emmet sounded incredulous. Emmet smiled as well. please.. not calling anyone a moron or a slut. No making you uncomfortable. "Keep it up and I'll make you buy my tampons Em." I said chewing and crunching loudly on purpose. "Cereal?" I said passing along the box that Emmet had given me a few minutes before. happy?" "Add to it.. Okay?" "Okay DAD! Anyways. "Yes please. And I'm sorry I tried to put you on the spot last night.. or anything else that might be condescending. you don't seem your usual today. Where is the firecracker I call my de facto sister?" "Neh. I'm going to go with Alice and Rose.. So today is the aforementioned party right?" "Yipee.38 - . and I will try to be normal.. And I don't want to threat anyone because your sharp mouth got you in trouble. I promise I'll be good Em. I already said I'll go. . That boy is way too comfortable with my womanly cycle... "Very funny Emmet. Now not only we have to bring you. "What's wrong sunshine.." "Yeah. "Shit.. you are going to be all PMS bitchy" Said Emmet. "She'll actually let Alice do her make-up" Edward said smiling. I made a deal with Ed." Said Edward having heard the end of our conversation.. Might be PMsing" I said knowing it would make Emmet cringe. okay.." He made me laugh and pulled me away from my moodiness. I'm not Edward.

it usually meant that I was in trouble. Needed a little space.. I'll go pick up Rosalie." "Gotta have a good self-esteem you know?" "Okay. "Right.. I worried when he didn't talk to me...... concerned?" "Listen." "I'll see you both there. He laughed. I won't punish you withholding sex. lover boy. On the ride to school Edward was silent.. "I think you give yourself way too much credit... Alright let's get to school. "You're not mad. I knew for sure it wasn't that. I'm not mad." He was now enjoying this way too much... But I really respect you.. "So.. I don't know what's going on. despite Em and Edward thinking it was PMS.. I'm. You mean about using and kicking me out." Everything was right in my universe again.39 - . what's the plan for tonight?" Asked Alice.. . right?" "What do you mean?" "Ah."You two enjoy this way too much... I just. At lunch we were all sitting outside. About last night?" "Ah. Really" I said trying to sound like a guy. I'm sorry about using your body." He was now grinning.. "Bells...." Said Emmet heading to the door. I wanted to believe that. Though I knew that my anxiety was still lingering somewhere. We should decide what we're doing at lunch time. just get us to school." "Don't worry. it was a nice sunny day...

nice shoes. "Wait. "Ouch. But I know that this is not exactly your cup of tea." Said Emmet." "I'm just surprised. What prompted the change of heart?" "Carlisle's evil plan. she promised me she'll let you do her make-up." I said with a stern look." I said." I could see her wicked thought starting to form. My self-esteem is just getting better and better. I could see Alice eyes sparkling. "Make-up and dress." "If you promise to wear your good jeans. hair." Said Edward "Apparently Bella will be the little caustic ball and chain that will keep us out of trouble tonight. "You're coming Bella?" Said Alice surprised." Said Alice "Oh no! I'm wearing jeans and a t-shirt. and no puffy hair." "Forget the dress.40 - ." Added my best friend. My own boots. You are getting the full Alice treatment. though that title seemed a little loose right now. dress and heels."You girls should get all dolled-up and see us at Sean's." "Oh. "Make-up." I countered. "Stop it Alice." Jasper added. I get it now. "Way to make me feel loved Alice." "Who's keeping Bella out of trouble though?" Said Jasper. "Hold it missy. I want to look like me." . boots that don't require the combat qualifier and thrown in a manicure from Rose you got yourself a deal. "Glad to know you're coming along Bella. Happily surprised. I'll throw in a nice top from MY OWN wardrobe. You are not changing me.

. with Alice curling my hair and Rose taking care of my nails. I'll do my best. Pale. very pale. . You are a tough negotiator Miss. Just foretelling our future love lives. very tormented goth boy." "That's my girl" Said Jasper. very California. Not that bright though."Okay." Explained Alice. Claude is not into flawless manicures. I'm intrigued. You boys should get ready at Jasper's so you don't peak.. But don't tell Edward he doesn't know yet. Edward named him you know?" "Were you smoking something when he named him?" "No." I said cryptically "She means playing the guitar make her fingers bleed." "And what is Edward's. But I really like you. "Well. "No worries.. For me at least. This was going to be a drag. slightly cute. She slept with Claude though." Complained Rose "That's the steep price my mistress demands for her wonders." She said challenged. "Okay then." Directed Rosalie. crushed my heart. Very hot..." Said Alice looking at me through the mirror." "Malibu Barbie. A few hours later I was sitting in front of the mirror. The poor thing.41 - .. "Bella! Your nails are awful and you have blisters and scabs on your fingers." "Claude?" "Future lover from college." "You are one freaky chick Bella. so we'll go directly from school to Bella's and we'll see you all at Lake's house.

were lovely. "Hey you." Said Jasper greeting us. I still looked like myself: I was wearing an Alice and Rosalie approved top that came from Esme's closet.. I couldn't believe I knew his name now. It wasn't bad at all. despite the two of you wanting my charming self to go away." "One day that tongue is going to get you in trouble you now?" "Oh it has. The most feminine ones they could find. "Pretty ladies. formed by a lot of jocks. "You not so much Cullen" We were all kissing on the cheek. I guessed inspired by the whole Claude conversation. We made our way in as we could since it was pretty packed.. it was black and very 20's. a lot the school's snobby beautiful girls and a few of what I called down to earth folk. again from Esme's closet. We arrived at Lake's house. I was probably going to be the only freak. since all my footwear deserved the "combat" qualifier. It was nice but quirky. but lovely. I knew I would be tolerated because of my Cullen kin though. I was wearing boots. subjecting me to this modern day torture and trying to mold me into a stereotyped standard of beauty. first time being confused about our roles and places.. It scared me a little. I felt a little unbalanced by the closeness. Emmet seemed to have beer in his hand. And then I got to Edward. "You look good."Well. He was going to be so busted. . His hand was firm on my hip and for a second made me remember the same firmness and confidence that he used when we were intimate." The outcome of my grooming wasn't bad. We were greeted by a noisy crowd. very flapper style.42 - ." He said as he placed his hand on my hip and kissed my cheek. too mainstream for my taste. And Alice had made my make-up dark. It had character. slightly goth with smoky eyes. "You clean up well Swan" Said Emmet to me. And we could see Emmet and Edward's cars already there. And spotted the boys standing near the keg.. Them in turn. It already has." I said as I leaned in to greet him. since nothing in mine was up to standard. I really dig you guys.

He seemed to sense it as well, as he looked into my eyes for a little longer than usual. I let go and moved to stand next to him, leaning against a tall table. "Goth boy would be all worked up" He said pointing at my make-up. "Yeah, you noticed it too. Alice got inspired. I told her about Claude so she did her fashion version of goth." "it suits you" "Well thank you." I had started noticing something new amidst the noise and hordes of people. Some sort of energy between us, that intensified when our skins touched. I felt a sudden vertigo. Something was changing. I wondered what it was and guessed that the spark of our nightly activities was starting to seep into our everyday life. I was scared shitless. I was deep in my thoughts when he headed some place else, to get pass us he brushed against me and I felt a range of things he had made me feel the previous nights. I realized with panic my anxiety had been traveling south and I felt it now palpitating under my belly. I realized then the true name of the sensation. It was desire. Laced with something else, something warm and silly. I forced myself away from that thought. "You want to dance Bella?" Rosalie had pulled me from my thoughts. "Ah... Sure, why not?" I said and followed her. Music was not so bad, something that sounded latin, easy to follow, and lots of people were dancing as well, so I didn't feel too much on display. I let my worries fly away while I closed my eyes and moved to the rhythm. Soon something pulled me back, a pair of hands around my waist. It incensed me and I turned around, ready to break my promise to Emmet. But I found Edward holding me instead of the drunk jock I had suspected. He was looking at me intensely, and I liked it. We danced for a while and I felt like I was dancing on the edge. My self-preservation mode urging me to flee, my body and my heart urging me to stay. After a while I let go, and said I needed to get some water. I went into a bathroom and splashed my face. I looked at me in the mirror and decided I was not yet ready to name my emotions. I dried my face and made sure my make-up was still fine. Going back I saw Edward dancing with a blonde girl, she was being quite forward and whispering things in his ear. I felt a pang. I needed to get air so I went out.
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Outside it was calm, there was a small patio slightly enclosed by shrubs and flower beds, I sat down on a chair and looked at nothing in particular. "There you are! I've been looking for you everywhere. You know I need to know where you are or Carlisle will be mad." "Sorry I'm always your punishment." I said icily "What is that supposed to mean?" "Nothing... Just I'm sorry you always get stuck taking care of me and getting in trouble on my behalf." "That's bullshit…" He said visibly upset "You know what your problem is Bella?" "No, but please enlighten me Edward" I said acidly. "Your problem is that all our lives you have thought that I'm this spineless boy that does exactly what you tell him to do. And please spare me the whole crap about what a bad influence you have been on my life" We were going to have to show our hands now. "I just think that you didn't need the screaming orphan next door, you didn't need to feel the responsibility of taking care of me, of saving me, and god knows that it's not in you to be out and loud..." "Cut the crap, I may be a little more reserved than you and maybe I am drawn by your colorfulness and personality, but my life has never been about just drifting towards you" We were silent for a while. "Who was she? She seemed... nice" I finally said "Who?" "The girl you were dancing with" "Ah... Ashley." "You surely looked like you were having fun." And I was already regretting saying
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that. "She started dancing next to me while you were away" "She was doing more than dancing next to you, she was telling you things on your ear, all over you" My blood was starting to boil. "Is this what I think it is?" "This is nothing. You can do whatever you want to do with whomever you want to, just don't come to my bed when someone else got you all worked up. I won't be used like that." I was clamming up. Full protection mode. "Is this what you think of me? I can see now how low I am in your eyes." Disappointment was now palpable in his voice. "This is just very complicated. I had not foreseen this contingency." "What contingency?" "Feeling... territorial..." He was lightly laughing. "What's so funny? "Why do you think I put my hand on your hip when you arrived? And then why I had to come and hold you when you were dancing? I saw how guys were looking at you." "You didn't like them looking at your little sister that way?" "No Bella... I didn't like them looking at my woman that way."

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" That one was heavy and he said it without looking at me. Now. It will be his take on the whole thing. "We always had issues about people coming in between. While writing this one I realized it was getting very long. Ah! And the requested companion story from Edward's perspective is already in the works. I'm hoping later tonight I'll be posting the next one. I felt the full force of what we had agreed upon: what was supposed to be no strings attached implied a lot more than what we had thought. so I need to say this: they got themselves into a very messy situation and there is going to be a lot of conflict. so instead I cut in half.. are more meaningful. I was feeling so confused I was lightheaded. not sure where I wanted this to go. It truly needs to be about how all these situations make them grow and mature. I need to stay true to the idea I had when I planned where I wanted the story to go. What were we agreeing on? That we were capable of jealousy? That this arrangement was a mistake? That we were morphing into . "Yes. And of course I take into account your ideas. " He was now looking directly at me. I didn't like them looking at my woman that way.Chapter 8 Last chapter had very good feedback and I'm sorry I left everyone a little frustrated with the cliffhanger. I actually didn't post this story until I had a 'skeleton' of it. in his own mind. So don't despair if you finish this one feeling like you wanted more." I said.46 - . but not necessarily the same scenes and dialogs. I'm actually half way through the next chapter. I'm sorry to say that I won't make them all happy right away. sort of the whole thing planned ( though the characters often take me into uncharted waters). just as Bella I needed time to process all that. but the memories that. It just felt right. "You didn't like them looking at your little sister that way?" "No Bella. The whole idea was that they have to face adult situations that they are not quite ready for. I can't be with you the way we do and not feel like you belong to me. And of course. I really like when some of you have told me interesting twists that are cohesive with my premise of two best friends get ting into this unusual situation..

What are we going to do with driving?" I said. can you go with Alice and Rosalie?" asked Edward." "How we gestated together eludes me. "Well.. Bella. "Edward! Bella!" Jasper's voice broke the tension. "We're here!" Said Edward. "Jasper.. There was something in my throat that just wouldn't let anything come out. I was lost for words. "Are you going to say anything at all?" His voice had now a tangible frustration. "Yes" "Then." "What happened?" I said somewhat relieved to shift the focus." We were silent for a few minutes." "Okay. Just wanted to tell you that Carlisle wants you guys back NOW. Ah! He also said that breath check is still on and that if any of you drank alcohol he better not be seeing that person driving home. so that's why he called. Carlisle. "Hey guys. "Is he drunk?" I asked "Not at all. Edward looked back to me for . Emmet was having fun. you drive my car and I'll drive Emmet's jeep" We got up and walked back inside to fetch Emmet. Wait. and that he wants the three of you back within 15 minutes." You got to admire Emmet's courage. Or his stupidity. He only had that one beer. He actually wanted to have another one. so I guess we have to get going.something else? Or was it just the beginning of the end? "I guess it's safe to say this is no longer an experiment" "You got that right. so he tried calling Carlisle and telling him that he was staying with me. not having been born yesterday.47 - . said no.

I followed Edward and Emmet on the Volvo and as we approached the house I could see Carlisle and Esme at the door. I slowly approached until I was right in from of him and couldn't tell if he had seen me or not. I didn't know where we were standing. and probably even driven without a problem. As I opened the door his silhouette was visible on his armchair. My mind started going to the dark side. You can be really dense sometimes." I said and he did." "Just make me stop thinking. A truce had to be called. But true. I was terrified. Dense and more than anything: a coward. I knew that we needed to talk but right now I needed him to stop me from falling down the rabbit hole. This was going to be interesting. Carlisle was a surgeon after all and got to perform emergency surgery on pretty gruesome drunk-related accidents.. Everything put on hold to save me from my madness. Carlisle did make us breath on him. Carlisle caught him and made him do the full sobriety test. filling the void with my own body. "Just hold me" "You are trembling. but we all knew better." Harsh. he is a man of conviction. but that didn't get Emmet out of losing his jeep privileges and having now an earlier curfew. . Emmet actually tried to pull the lame sucking in instead of blowing out. guitar in hand. They were glad that Emmet hadn't drank more than a beer and commended us for being safe. I needed Edward. I gently took the guitar away. My right palm sat on the strings silencing the guitar. "Bella. For being the most intelligent person I know after mom and dad.a second and said: "You know Bella. I was avoiding him as I was avoiding myself. it was dark. He only had the one beer so he was fully capable of doing anything. and replace it." It was all he said. anxiety was setting in and I knew I was going to have a panic attack.48 - . My anxiety was back plus a new heavy feeling of guiltiness. I tossed and turned unable to sleep. You have to give it to him. I went to sleep unable to face Edward. I walked through the bathroom and I could hear him quietly playing his guitar.

.." "Bella. About being… inside of you. screwing. About you.. had sent me past the point of no return." He forced my face to face his... "Bella..." 'Here' he said as he kissed the skin on my neck.. "Says the man. "I don't want. my brains… out. not just to him. this. but instead I would use it to muffle my sounds when I violently came. his words. as he caught my nipple in his mouth and spilt deep inside of me. So he spoke with his hands. The left shoulder that I clutched as a saving board to keep me afloat.." It was all I could say.. either.... During.49 - .. I could tell he wanted to ask something.. when you get… too close to me... . "Edward. anyone else. the day." he said between moans.. but to myself as well.He knew I needed to get out of my mind.. His voice... "Am I?" He said smiling crookedly. Answer me... and between the shadows of his room I could see his intense eyes.. "I think about it. while his strong arms eased my body up and down on him.. the shoulder I could hold on to because it was the place reserved for best friends to cry upon. during. ashamed of what I made us do... of all words.. I used humor to protect me. As always.. I was straddling him on his armchair......... I don't want. here... his lips on my neck.. do.. My left arm snaking around to his back and my right under his arm and hooked over his left shoulder." I said out of breath. the day?" He had asked something that I was not entirely sure I wanted to answer. and I replied with mine.. "Do you think about . me. I arched my head as it hit me." "I.. ashamed that I enjoyed this so much. anyone else.. The piece of him where I could bury my face.

laptop. I stared at the ceiling thinking that maybe for the first time I had no idea what was going on in Edward's mind. you shouldn't have taken this road. cell phone. your way would be just a ridiculous detour" "How is Rose getting to school today Em?" I said trying to defuse an arising argument. Carlisle and Esme had taken the three of us in a series of errands-slash-family-activities: from going to the mall to get us all new clothes (slightly more feminine for me and formal shirts and slacks for the guys as Carlisle was adamant about the picture perfect family) to the mother of all grocery shops (I think we now had Kirkland non-perishables to last us 'till kingdom came." Said Emmet impatiently "I know where I'm going and this is my car.) We had every meal that weekend at the table." He mentioned with disappointment. His words. we're going to be late. but actually we weren't. however. and since we are not picking her up. Both nights neither of us visited the other. all together. as I had started to accept. but my way is so much better.The weekend had been very family-oriented. "So you're not coming home with her?" . a very democratic lecturing. what had been happening or what we had said out in Sean Lake's patio. I felt I deserved the whole speech since I had made Edward and I dive into a situation that." "Yes. We were at a fork and I was terrified about the possible options. "She's driving her own car and will be doing so until I'm not grounded. Monday morning came and since Emmet couldn't drive we were all silent in the Volvo. you name any other technological gadget. had a very different meaning to me. Ipod. "Edward. All was obviously directed at Emmet but of course it was a good chance for him to give the three of us a lesson. We weren't having time to really discuss what had happened. all banned." "You just take another way because you normally pick up Rosalie. no tv. Carlisle was taking any opportunity to lecture us on having common sense and waiting to be more mature before facing adult experiences we may think we were prepared for.50 - . had no chance of being sustainable. Nothing but good old family time. Every attempt to a conversation would lead us to a halt.

but to be honest I kind of tricked it out of her."No. that is none of your business. Edward walked pulling me gently by the arm. To make matters worse Carlisle called her parents to let them know I was being grounded and couldn't pick her up. okay?… I don't want our friendship to go away." Edward was laughing. "Rose told you? Or was this chatty Kathy?" "She did. And to be fair." "I don't want to lose you." "Bella… It's not going away…" He looked sad. "So you're just going to pretend nothing happened?" "No. I'm trying to avoid facing the consequences of what happened. for me to be in your same situation they would not be gentlemen nor would they be ringing the bell. and of course her parents shared what had happened with…" "Your little indiscretion?" I cut him off. He enjoyed this way too much." "I know… I'm just… scared.51 - . "You are just making fun of me because you don't have a chance at being in the same situation. I'm not pretending nothing happened. I'd high five you but getting caught like that made you lose serious points." "Yeah… Tell me something new." I said trying to cheer him up. which is very different. I don't think this the time nor the place to talk about it" I was trying to make my point and at the same time avoid anyone else figuring out what we were talking about. I don't see any gentleman callers ringing our bell. . And anyway. Emmet." After our Spanish class Edward pulled me aside and I could see that my period of grace was coming to an end. with Emmet around all the time it's hard to find the right time and place. "Well. "Well. heading towards a semi-secluded area outside.

52 - . I just don't want to fuck it up. And it just gets so confusing. and I want to play the guitar and make fun of all the rest of the mortal souls." He laughed quietly." . But that can't be a chore." "Can we be our regular selves?""Of course" He was smiling now. an errand or an experiment any more. I know that our… arrangement had an expiration date… But somehow this morphed into something else. I know that I've been feeling things that … I shouldn't be feeling about my best friend." This man knew me way too well." "I know… I feel the same." "I agree. and I can talk and laugh with you." "Or your somewhat sister. But then… I can't pretend that sometimes I have this very primal." "Sorry. but since he had opened his soul to me I felt I had to reciprocate. it already was confusing before everything…. "And… the rest?" "I don't know… let it flow naturally… Listen Bella… I'm not going to pretend it didn't happen." I forced myself to ask what I dreaded. you are still my best friend. I can't force this. Too comfortable actually… Maybe that's why I never tried to have something with a girl."I know… And you know… I'm not delusional… I know this situation can't be sustained forever. Neanderthal almost. Let's not think about it anymore please." "I know… The good old shield. and definitely I won't pretend I don't like touching you… Being with you. It was going to be okay. "Listen. We had that 'us against the world' kind of thing and it just made me feel so comfortable. claim over you. "Yeah… That is quite creepy. and I don't know where to go from here. "What do we do now?" "I don't know… I feel like we have to let this progress naturally.

. That's a good Edgar Allan Poe inspired name for a girl. They'll understand. I can't believe it." "Nevermore?" I asked grinning. You've done well with Emmet and me. maybe not your playdate-ballet-soccer mom. "That you are just naturally insane… Anyways the kids are going to be devastated. goth boy and I didn't have any" "Really? not an Edgard." "Oh no. then. you know?" "What did you say?" I asked with a smile." We started walking towards the cafeteria. But you'll make a good one. "Yeah. why? I'm not particularly the image of maternity. It should be Lenore." "What about yours?" "Mine? Oh. "Alice told you huh? "Yeah." . And with Claude." "I beg to differ. I think you'd be a great mom" "Oh."Okay. Allan and Poe Goth running around? I think you should definitely reproduce. "Nevermore. before the others send a search party. she did… She and Rose think you're on Ritalin. I don't think so" "Sure. I'm hoping Poe is a girl of course.." He said to lighten the mood. "By the way I heard about Barbie cheating on me.53 - ..." "You have good kids though." "I love the Edgar Allan Poe inspired names by the way. let's go grab lunch. Great touch.

in bed. We were no longer bullshitting each other with those roles. laying on the floor of the family room in front of a neglected tv. And at night. "That's even worse" "Don't name it then. 'sex buddies'?" He said with a smile. we no longer played the part of explorers conquering a new land. Rules were made up as we went.Chapter 9 This one I had to take longer to finish. nor we were in a scientific study of the mating rituals of men and women. Such an exquisite and cruel torture. But now here it is. talking about silly stuff and making jokes. I just couldn't get it right. We were enjoying this transitional stage. with brushed kissed on the back of my neck as he walked by me on his way to the fridge and long conversations about music and books while I molded my body to his." He said confidently . and the person that knows you best. but spontaneous and openly enjoyed." I said." "I'll tell you who we are.54 - . had been long and complicated. "Are we 'friends with benefits'? Because I really don't like the term. taking forever to take a new step. since declaring our experiment lost. when we were alone or if no one was looking. Our encounters were now sporadic. that cheapens it. Weeks went by while we played this slow and wicked game. It seemed like the two sides to our relationship had been slowly contaminating each other." "I guess we have entered no-name land now. Hope you'll enjoy it! The game we have been playing. we were friends again. "What do you prefer then. instinct leading the way. We had acknowledged we were lovers in daylight. I am your friend. Still true to my original vision. At night.

making me blush. do you?" I asked daringly. Now we turn you around and we get to my second favorite here on your right hip.55 - . "Two very sexy moons rest over here on your left cheek" he marked with another kiss on my bum. "You have a freckle right here" He said placing a finger on my upper lip.. "How long have you been preparing that?" I asked "Oh. there is one freckle here on the back of your left leg and a funny one on your right heel. "And here" he said with a kiss on the base of my back. if we continue our expedition. "How did I do?" I was speechless "That good huh?" His face was now inches away from my face. I am not." . "Now." He said with a quick kiss. you are blushing. "Want me to prove it?" He countered as he sat up." "You are cheating" "No. I'm not done… And here" He said trailing his hand down to the base of my neck." And he closed his eyes and leaned on me. until I was lying on my stomach."Oh. "By now. "Am I supposed to be impressed by that?" "Wait woman. Right here… the lonely satellite of your left nipple. A lifetime. just below my shoulder." Cockiness was filling his face . He then gently pushed my body to its side. and then sitting up facing me as he opened his eyes. Swan. And we end on my personal favorite. A lifetime. "Behold my superpower woman. "There is a small constellation here" His fingers tracing circles on the right side of my upper back. making me tingle..

So forgive me for feeling a little attached to it. it is a very nice breast. but I really need to talk." I said as I saw Edward jump to our shared bathroom." He probably saw the confusion and fear on my face. I don't want to bother you. claimed as his own. I was suddenly awaken by knocking on my door and realized with horror that Edward was still asleep with his head over my chest. his head rested on that spot he had just. you might be surprised. or… he'll be cranky in the morning. "Wha-" I silenced him with my hand on his mouth. while I played gently with his messy hair and drifted smiling into sleep. but it's not the breast that makes it my favorite. "Sorry about that" I said opening the door dressed with the sweatshirt I had been wearing earlier and Edward's pajama bottoms "Sorry about it Bella. Let goth and frat boys get the twins on your bum."How am I not surprised your favorite is the one on my breast?" "Well. There was the knocking again and in pure panic I shook Edward awake." After his sweet and weird monologue he lied down next to me and hugged me tight. So get up and get out!" "Bella?" I could hear Emmet outside my door as Edward was frantically picking up his clothes "Ah… Hmmm … Just a second Em! I'm just putting on something a little more decent.56 - . It's kind of mine. This one is mine. Do you mind? … Hey. "Don't give me that look Bells. I've known that freckle since you were flat as a board and did not require a top to go into a pool." "No! I mean don't wake him up. It's because it's the closest one to your heart… I used to think that freckle represented me you know? The person closest to you." "Bella? If you want I can go talk with Edward instead. as a New World explorer. Though. are those Edward's pj's? They look a little too big for you." ."Shhh someone is at the door. Cherub-like innocence in his nakedness.

what do you need to know." "I know. I won't tease you. " ." "Anyways." "Okay I promise… By the way. what do you do when Rose has her period. So what can I help you with?" "Well. Rose has been kind of frustrated. "Hey." He countered. You know… She doesn't have a lot of patience with me. I'm your regular spin doctor. Anyways. "But I'm the only one that can make fun of me. I'm self-deprecating okay?" "You let Edward make fun of you. from a girl's point of view?" "You know about the whole punishment for the beer."Ah… They're … roomier… you know… I've been… a little bloated… with PMS and all" "Bella spare me the details. It's about Rose… I kind of have been on the doghouse. "Well. run for the hills?" "I'm not that bad you know.57 - ." "Getting caught in flagrante delicto?" "You sure have a knack to make stuff sound less scandalous.. he kind of earned the right. get the hell out!" I said faking anger. Oh and you better not wear my clothes when you have your … womanly stuff going on. I just rather not talk about it okay?" "Alright Em. and the. I thought I could use a girl's advice. you started it!" He had obviously bought it." "And you came to me?" I said in shock "Yeah… I'm kind of desperate" "Em.

" "I think us girls only want to feel like you guys think about us and listen to us." "Bite me Em" I said jokingly. . I think under all the attitude there is just a regular girl. Oh he was going to get in trouble." "Admit it Swan. what's with all the noise. "Hey. I'm one of the dudes. And you. and for what I heard she kind of was nervous about getting caught but you were able to persuade her. get the f… out of here. It's not rocket science Em. can you two keep it down?" We heard Edward say as he came through the bathroom. "Are those my pants? What's with chicks stealing guys' clothes? Buy your own damn men's clothes if you like them so much. I just went through some of Alice and Rose's Cosmos while they were doing my hair one day. Girls think too much and guys don't think enough." I said tired of being the butt of their jokes. That's an eye opener. "Wow. We are always trying to figure out what you think. Is that how you feel Bells?" "Oh no. of course." "Okay you two." "I see.58 - . would much rather get simple and direct information of what we want and what makes us happy or not." He said pointing at my lower half and continuing with the charade. "Like getting yourself grounded affects how often she sees you now. " "What do you mean?" Said Emmet truly intrigued." I finished my rant. but wondering if he was right. feigning sleepiness by rubbing his eyes. "Well. So I get you bro."Well maybe you need to think about the repercussions that your actions have on her. it can be sexy you know?" said Emmet "I like when Rose wears my shirt and nothing more…" He seemed to ponder for a second and added: "Of course it's not the same thing when it's your sister wearing your clothes. what you mean and hoping you'll figure out what we want without us telling you.

"Nah… I just feel tired. "I've noticed too Bella. I'm out. if you could call that transaction a kiss. "I think I might be PMSing…" I said with my Emmet trumping card. And besides. I haven't been kissing anyone lately. But despite all we loved him." Added Emmet from the backseat. But I didn't want to force that. "Maybe you have mono. messed with our normal rhythm. you haven't been kissing anyone. Or maybe it was because of you two morons keeping me up last night. Our conversations didn't quite get the speed of our witticisms and sarcastic remarks. There were kisses everywhere else though. have you?" "No. Emmet. trying to veer away the conversation. I realized that in our changing relationship that one thing was missing. since you seem to be moody for so long." Said Emmet as he left a highly amused Edward staring at my annoyed self.59 - . you been kind of off for a bit longer" Emmet replied. as his punishment was about to be lifted. "Are you okay? You have been quiet lately" Said Edward as turning briefly to look at me. but they seem to be almost over. Our premise had been spontaneity." "It wasn't that long. though welcomed. His presence in the car." That one was true." Said Edward with a smile looking back at our brother on the rear view mirror. We seemed to have been doing everything out of order. The following morning we were all in the Volvo heading towards school. Car rides with Emmet were difficult. "But you have been PMSing for what now? A few weeks? How long does that last. just not on the lips. as it was now our habit. not to mention the one from when we were kids. Besides that one kiss that Edward had used as a distraction. "Oh man! Chicks are always doing that! It's like a never ending cycle!" "Emmet. 'If it hadn't happened by then it was because the time was not right' I thought."You are really about to get your period. . It definitely is a never ending cycle. I think I didn't sleep too well. there were no other kisses." Emmet was catching up.

I sat down next to Alice. "Shut it Cullen!" Later that day. "We were laughing at how pathetic they all were… They're only funny now in retrospect. I don't want to hear anything else until we get to school.60 - . "What were you guys talking about?" He was going far and beyond to fake nonchalance. Maybe that's why it seems so long."How do you tell the difference between normal Bella and moody Bella bro? I can't really see the difference.. How had they figured it out? Had Emmet realized what had been going on last night? He couldn't have just blurted it out to everyone else without confronting us first." Said Rose." That stopped me dead on my tracks. "First kisses" Said Jasper "You have missed some really funny stories. "Why is it that when a girl is anything but sunny and perky it has to be her hormones. I just tell you it is PMS all the time because I know that'll get you to drop the issue. PMSing or having her period?" I said ticked off. "That means we are allowed to tease you at school?" Asked Edward without peeling his eyes from the road." I said. "Are we going out for dinner after everything?" Asked Emmet changing the . "Sorry we don't fulfill your expectations. "That's some chauvinistic shit… And for your information Em. would he? Was Alice the one who noticed? Could anyone really tell just by looking at us? I started mumbling and was about to spill everything when Edward jumped in. They seemed to be having fun." Said Edward teasing me.." That one was close. Panicking. as we approached our friends' lunch table we could see they were having a lively discussion.And of course Bella and Edward were each other firsts. We were busted and would have to confess. I felt Edward stiffen next to me. Yours of course is kind of boring. Now.. who turned around to point to both Edward and me and said: ".." I said pointing my finger to both. which poked our interest.

vertigo was setting in... remember? Banned for the festival." "I think you have been more than distracted." I said taking a sip from a bottle of water. and had been spotting. I had been so distracted with figuring out Edward and me. "That stupid thing is not until a couple of weeks.. okay. as Emmet had stated.. of course. "That can't be. "No Bella.. I've been a little distracted. I had had cramps. "Ah. After class I must had been very out of it." "Ah… Do you own a calendar?" Said my friend amused. I have been crampy. With dread I started counting days in my head until I got to a shocking realization. So I should be getting my period very soon and then I'll go back to my charming old self." Alice quickly answered beating Emmet to it.... I was on the patch. you are not going anywhere. you also have been sleepy and a little moody. I was having the longest PMS in the history of the world... and stop bothering all of you. . The festival is tonight." They all laughed and went back to their plans.61 - .. that I hadn't been paying attention.conversation. During class I kept thinking about my time confusion and started getting worried." Alice informed me. I'm sure I would have noticed. and avoiding anyone else finding out. listing in my head the number of things that made my theory insane. "Where are we going?" Said Edward looking at Emmet. Walking aimlessly like a zombie. And then." What was with everyone thinking I was moody? "Thank you. what? Is there rehearsals or something? I was not aware the ban included preparations. "Okay. while I pondered on where time had gone. Oh boy. That was sweet. It couldn't be. As I almost choked on my water.. Most days anyways.

" Boy did I ever."Hey." And strike two. Okay.. It may seem predictable... Just have something in my mind.. "So… Are you going to share your plans? Or do I have to guess? You need to need to give me a clue. no. Until next one! . and some more conflict. This time we were alone.. Since he hit the brakes so abruptly that I knew the next day we'd be regretting it with whiplash pain. "Okay then... since everyone will be busy. "Ah. "Condoms?" He said partly joking. And of course. partly wishing. "Is that supposed to be a joke? We don't even use them anyways…" That being the reason of my present preoccupation." "You seem to have been doing that a lot… So you have any ideas what we can do to entertain ourselves tonight." I said as I got in the Volvo and closed the door gently.62 - . I hoped that was the only thing we'd be regretting... Is the honeymoon over?" Said Edward holding on to my arm and giving me his most playful smile.. since Emmet had last rehearsal of his Shakespeare scene. So you can expect it.. you're not waiting for me now?. Edward started driving home while I sat there silent looking out the window.. this is a romance story.. "Oh.. "We'll we are going to need to stop at the pharmacy"I said.." He said to me as we approached his car. I have an idea. but I promise all of you twists. "No Edward…" I said so annoyed that I just blurted it out "What I need is a pregnancy test. They will have to face more consequences of their actions. What is it then? Pads. tampons? That seems to match your current mood much better. happy?" I guess he wasn't.

and she definitely sees Emmett as a brother. Sitting on my bed across from me. sister or sibling. To answer a couple of questions: Bella was not adopted legally. Edward and Bella and first and foremost best friends.Chapter 10 Thank you to all of you who have read and reviewed my story. Emmett. impatient to know if I was to be punished for my abominable stupidity. Thanks again! So there I was looking at the little plastic stick in my hand. nor tiny. I can't think of any sort of diminutives. is not incestuous. I didn't want to consider the implications of the possible outcome of our little experiment. No. "Survey says?" He said breaking the silence and my train of thought. . I am overwhelmed by the response. I guess they are probably around mid November. And now who knew where that was going. because of the way their family is set up. About the school timing.63 - . A relationship between them. We had just been figuring out where we stood. Though there will be joking about it. Carlisle and Esme are only her legal guardians. Though they see her as a daughter. Bear with me. I paced around my room and thought. staring at me with a perfect poker face was Edward. though awkward. My thing is character development. No diminutives. Bella and Edward throw call themselves brother. Now. little. Nothing small.

Was I still looking the thing? Completely fixated on the fortune it revealed? He already knew. "Bella… What… Is… Is it… a pregnancy test?" This day has just gone from bad to worse." She said very slightly amused. slowly. And then something else clicked in her mind. at my door.64 - . "Ah… Would you… believe me… if I told you it was a… thermometer?" I said trying desperately to lighten the mood and sucking royally at it. I looked down and I saw it. stopping her dead in her tracks.. . "Bella? Edward? Carlisle and I are just about to head out to the festival to go see Emmett. he could see it over my shoulder. And I couldn't find a witty thing to say to save my life. If you get hungry there's lasagna in the-" And there Esme was. are you planning on putting that on your mouth?." I said. "I'm pregnant. Nice picture we probably made : her son embracing me from behind. The whole picture suddenly made sense and fit perfectly together. like those stupid thousand-piece puzzles with nothing but blue-sky pieces when after much frustration you get a break. mainly concerned and superbly shocked. his face buried in my hair and me holding a very obvious pregnancy test. "Well.. We were slowly swaying and he was kissing the back of my head. speechless.I sighed. "Oh Bella…" She was now approaching us. I must have been staring at this thing for a long time since I suddenly felt myself be tightly held. It was time to man up and look.

guilty and humbled. I know I betrayed your and Esme's trust. "You… do not… take… this… lightly… young man! I raised you better than this." Uttered pathetically my partner in crime. I looked around for a dog to come and piss on me now. "Okay. "Esme!."The two of you?" Was all she said. while we sat in front of them. I'm.. deep inside I wasn't made of steel. Carlisle and Esme sitting side to side... As I cried I remembered Emmett's words. We were close. We're going downstairs to talk to your father. It was Edward's turn to be a smart ass. I raised you both better than this!" And she was now mostly mad. and I thought that he was probably right. Broken. forever in pieces. …and worse and worse… Esme breathed deeply.65 - .. "Carlisle. but we were not touching. It was my idea." …and worse. Worse and worse… We nodded like little scared kids that had gotten caught breaking mom's generation to generation passed priced family heirloom. "No wonder why you're pregnant if the person that gave you 'the talk' is asking how. We were all now in the living room. now crying her . We're going to be late!" Carlisle's voice was coming from downstairs. I thought. I was just a simple girl. irreparably. "How did this happen?" Such an accustomed regally useless question us humans keep asking in times like this. I'm so sorry." I was now crying like a baby.

66 - . but later. "You thought about it?" Nothing in my voice but surprise.. "Bella.eyes out when facing adversity. And given what you are getting yourselves into.. And yet I think she still loved my humor. .. with life experiences. I knew she had given up on me. My heart calmed down. whatever you want to call it. and even though you are throwing yourselves into situations that are way more mature than your years. we are a little disappointed. but sometimes he could be so serious.." Carlisle meant well. He nodded and looked down embarrassed. and are still able to enjoy your youth. our only hope is that you can rise above. "Bella honey. "We don't hate any of you. I hate to break it to you but any hot-blooded seventeen-year-old boy would jump to the opportunity. We worry on what this will mean for your lives. The bond wasn't broken." It was all Esme could mutter. Was Carlisle right? I turned to look at Edward. And believe me. We will support you in your decisions. "I know that you think you know more than I give you credit for. "You really think I believe for a second that this was just your idea?" Carlisle said.. your futures. you will see what I mean.. I can assure you that you did not corrupt Edward into this. face your responsibilities and set the foundation for a bright future." "So what do you want to do?" Esme finally asked." I felt the proverbial divine light fall on me. I'm sure the idea had crossed his mind already. I think it will be sooner rather than later. "Dude! That is so wicked! If I wasn't the knocked up chick in question I would totally high five you right now!" Edward chuckled and gave his crooked smile. He continued. of… personal exploration.

this time. It affected them.. I can't give away of. .. Those were the last words. and reached for my hand.. but I couldn't tell what was what he meant." Where had words gone? I didn't seem to catch them lately. but did I love him? Did he? "We know you do" Esme said. I got up and paced. Alice and Jasper just barged in.. Even if he didn't know what it was. And since then. you've been nothing but our daughter. or if he'd like it. unwilling to let me go. But… I can't. He looked at his parents and said: "We love each other." I was crying by know. I took a few moments to sob on her motherly embrace. "And . We loved you like a daughter before you came to us. Knowing my parents could have chosen differently. and held me. standing away from the three of them.. what I was the most ashamed of. The front door suddenly opened and Emmet. and finally... I know." I looked at him as he said it. "And your plans?" "I. Sure I loved him. We did love each other. But you are our daughter.. it had been all my decision to make. He had just conceded to whatever I was going to say. They were so young… I can't.. Knowing that I came unexpected.. Rosalie.. But.. It was an understanding.67 - . I feel… I feel like this is my only flesh and blood … You are my family. but I can't let go... I didn't need to say anything else.hmmm… I'm all pro choice and everything. "I know honey. "We understand Bella" Esme said as she came running to my side.... and yet. my guard distancing safely I said what I was feeling deepest in me." Carlisle and Edward had gotten up and were standing a few steps away from us unable to intervene.Edward just looked at me... I gathered myself and let go. I don't know how to say this without feeling like an ungrateful bitch. Esme had her arms around me again.. all of you. And we will support you. Please understand that. to enter in that women's world.

So I think you guys should tell Emmett… And everybody else. Esme's embrace. Just by simply coming to my side and holding my hand. I could sense that she felt like an intruder in our family drama. that it was such a sweet . The living tableau they were staring at started to make sense.Our brother and Rosalie were still in their medieval costumes. They knew something was wrong. And they left. Jasper was silent. All eyes were on me. Rosalie looked uncertain. "I'm pregnant Em" It was all I could say. I noticed and thought. but Emmett held on to her hand firmly. The cat was now out of the bag. "Well. "Oh my god!" Said Rose very quietly. "Hey guys! We decided to come to get you instead of going out for dinner…" Emmett's voice died down as they all suddenly took in the eerie coldness of the room. I looked at him and he looked at me. "Edward?" Said Emmett. I had to let it out. We are not going to keep any secrets. This family has nothing to be ashamed. giving us our space. and then a touch of sadness. She quickly came to me and gave me a hug and said that everything was going to be okay. "What is going on?" Said Emmett visibly scared. Kindly Edward said it for me." Decided Carlisle.: My red eyes. And suddenly everyone knew. everybody's concerned looks. "Oh Bella" Alice said. "What?" You could see the surprise and confusion in his face. She then moved trying to leave. abandoning my worries for a moment.68 - . He motioned to Alice to leave the house. I did not know how to say the rest.

Though I highly doubt we're wrong. but they're in this together. And it will be posted today. "Rose. but I'll assure you don't. Tomorrow you two are coming with me for a blood test. "So… what's the game plan?" Asked Emmett. "Our priority will be. We were still trying to figure it out." "And now. . I smiled pathetically. I prompted me to speak. stay." "Edward needs a blood test too?" Emmet asked. She just kissed my forehead and said: "I'll be rooting for you kiddo. She did not ask questions about us.and loving silent request for support. I told her it had started out of curiosity and then we were somewhere new and unknown. It's okay. that Bella is healthy and safe.69 - ." That night Esme slept with me." Was Carlisle's solomonic decision. Still lots of twists to come. I think we should all go to bed. The next one will definitely have romance." Said Esme "Bella. please. you may think you know where this is going. I promise this is not your usual pregnancy story. We had talked until late but she had been careful to let me lead the way." I sniffled and got myself together. let's go to your room. "Well…" Answered Carlisle. obviously. "No. "Our main concern is to be sure first." Okay. but patiently waited for me to disclose only what I was ready to say.

70 - . I'm open to suggestions if you want his inside of other certain chapters. enough for now. especially since we were both in that class. I didn't know how that was going to go. We waited in the car until the end of the period so it wouldn't be so noticeable when we arrived. Enjoy! caracol The next day Emmett left for school while we followed Carlisle's car to the hospital. Bear with me. I had to go and face my real world. Esme had called ahead and said we'd be coming in late. Carlisle gave me a quick check-up and said he'd set up an appointment with an OB/GYN. With the bell ring I knew I was out of time. School. We had been sitting in silence in the car. We hadn't really talked. so I'll add chapters as I can. I meant to say that I feel overwhelmed with the response. For EPOV I'm planning to write the chapter about the party. . So I'm finally giving them a break. I have a plan and it's all thoroughly calculated. Soon enough we had confirmation to what we all knew too well. I was thankful for not having to enter a class in progress. Well.Chapter 11 Okay. And sent us on our way to school. I guess with "Coming of age" is not as important that I write it chronologically. Last chapter I idiotically wrote the opposite of what I meant in my AN. Not appalled. Sighing Edward got out and walked around to open the door for me. Not at all. Thank you all again. and since these last two are so eventful I'll write his perspective of those as well.

When lunch finally came we found the rest of the gang at the table. "So… This… is new… For us at least…" Alice finally asked what they were all thinking. I was surprised. not sure if it was in response to our open affection or for the fact they knew what we had been doing. "Oh… fine… considering. I couldn't wait for lunch to come so I could go to our friends.71 - . unsure of being like this in the open. he was my brother. As we passed people I could see them look at us. During class I even thought I could hear our classmates whisper our names. "There is no need to hide it anymore. So we walked hand in hand. I felt their eyes focus on us holding hands. my courage resurfaced. I was not alone. All jokes aside. I stared at them blankly. But time passed torturously slow." I could play this game as well. unsure of what to say. and I knew I was blushing. And slowly. And because I could see now how much I loved him as a brother. "I don't think so. Of all the people on the table Emmett was the one I felt the most embarrassed facing."Are you ready?" He said. "Hey there Bella? How are you?" Asked Rosalie forcing the group trying to pretend everything was okay. I could see in Emmett's eyes a slight anger as they were fixed on Edward's." He said noting my apprehension. what we had done. I desperately needed some sort of normalcy." "It's going to be okay. Perhaps it was because I knew he'd be thinking of what had been happening just mere feet from his own room. ." And with that he took my hand and started walking.

It was… I don't know… curiosity… It just happened and then… We just didn't stop." "So it was just sex then?" Alice was truly shocked. I could see the three of them leaving the cafeteria. "Oh… Right…" She could see I was hiding something." I said. "It's okay. I knew I deserved it. "Ah… Pretty much since the beginning of the year?" "I can't believe we didn't see it coming. Look I can't explain to you two how this exactly happened. "I know… I already hate myself. since when?" Asked Alice. "Okay… Let me have it. It wasn't technically dating…" Oh crap." She said firmly. "This is ridiculous" Said Rose "Okay. I needed them to yell at me. you guys go somewhere else. But they didn't yell." I said turning back to face them. tension very tangible. "Well. "What do you mean? This… You weren't dating secretly?" Asked Rose intrigued. "Bella. "You too Edward.72 - . I can't believe you have been secretly dating." Said Rose. Go." Alice added"But…" "But nothing. ." She continued. How do I explain this? "Bella!" They both yelled in unison.Jasper and Emmett were silent. we want to talk and you obviously have no idea what to say.

"Well. "I think she should know." Alice finished informing me."No! It wasn't. And then since the two of you were absent this morning…" "And then of course you were holding hands. "I cannot believe you Bella… All this time… I can't believe we didn't' catch you guys. ." Alice told her. So pretty much everybody is speculating if you are pregnant. "Know what?" Rose started talking: "Well… Seems like someone saw the two of you at the pharmacy going through pregnancy tests." "Well. do not forget that you are the weird chick that was knocked up by her 'brother' " Alice said gesturing quotation marks with her fingers as she said the word 'brother'." A smile started creeping in. "Ouch. People were looking at us when we arrived" "Ah… Bella…" Rose looked worried. that explains why people are looking at me like I'm the queen of the damned… Anyways… It's not like I wasn't already in the freak side. when I noticed people looking at me.73 - . Seemed like suddenly I was ready to get all the building tension out by laughing at the ridiculousness of my situation. but I don't know what it is now okay?" My eyes had started to well up again. Shit. "So… Seems like we've been putting up a show." Said Rose between laughs. And soon I started laughing. My laugh grew and grew as Rose and Alice joined me.

"So besides the obvious worry. no." I said embarrassed as I look down."Well… As a matter of fact. though I really don't see why he is her friend. And I was thankful for the release this was for me. what are you doing speaking with us instead? You two should be talking." Commanded Rosalie."Well… We haven't really had time to talk" "You mean you haven't talked since last night?" Asked Alice with surprise. "So who do you think it was?" "Who knows." . And then of course the Cullens took her in when her parents died. Now. I'm not surprised she got in trouble. Edward barely made it out my room that night. I nodded and got up to look for Edward. go find him. I don't believe for a second that it's his. I think he's just doing the gentleman thing and covering for her.74 - ." "You have not talked to Edward about the fact you are pregnant with his baby?" "Hmmm. "Well. Emmett kind of did. "Can you believe it?" "She's always been a freak. What's going up with you guys?" Asked now Alice getting back to serious matters. "Actually we never talked since I took the test." I was now feeling lightheaded. While I was in the stall I heard some girls come in and started talking." "Do you believe what they say? That it's Edward's?" "Those two have been friends forever." "And you had the audacity to laugh at me and Emmett getting caught!" We laughed some more. As I exited the cafeteria I made a small stop in the rest room. someone weird like her.

"Where are you going?" I notice in his voice a little anger. I left the stall slamming the door and going past their surprised faces. As I walked through the hallways the looks I was getting and the people pretending not to look started taking a toll on me.75 - . Suddenly his arm strongly held on to my arm. "I just need to get away okay?" I was now raising my voice. "I'll go with you then." . I saw Edward on the other side of the hallway. My mouth was salty and I feared I was going to be sick. About was a million years ago. I felt my cheeks burn. It was small and the air was stale. Instead I turned and took an adjacent hallway that lead outside to a secluded grassy area. As I opened the door I realized one of the girls was Ashley. Okay? But right now I can't deal with all of this. Of course she would want Edward to be with my just out of pity.That was it. For a second I thought we might collide with the force and speed we were walking. "I cannot believe you! I'll tell you what about: What about what is going to happen with us? What about the fact that I'm in love with you and that you're in love with me? What about the fact that you're carrying my child? Don't I deserve at least to talk about it?" "I know I got us into this mess. I needed air. I did not want to stop. the blonde that had danced with Edward and Lake's house. with the salty acid of my tears. visibly upset. okay?" "No. I need to be alone" "And don't you think we need to talk?" What about? It's pretty clear that I've fucked up!" "What about?" He repeated my words incredulous. "Bella!" I could hear him calling me. I couldn't stay and listen anymore. But I could not stay in that bathroom. He saw me and started walking faster towards me. you can't.

I'm not sure if you are accusing me of not being there for you or being there too much. Couldn't think what else to say.76 - . then I'll grant you your wish. I could see myself almost as an outer body experience wanting to slap my mouth shut. that girl you danced with before. No one is judging you!" "What? "Yes. 'What are you doing you idiot?' Kept going in my mind. Do you really think that all our lives I've been forced to protect you? To pick up after you? And for what you're saying right now. I was thinking this while I walked through the hallways of school. Oh how I let the venom pour. I heard Ashley. If you so want to be alone. as always. "You know what? This time I'm not going the one trying to convince you. But I'd never stop talking."With what? Why are you shutting me out?" We were both yelling now." "Well I don't fucking care about what people say!" He was very mad by now. I was surprised we didn't have an audience. lunch break . I know what to say to hurt somebody. talk in the bathroom with some other girl. See. "Well no one is shunning you in the cross-section of society that is high school! Don't you think I hear what they say? About what a freak I am and that. and sometimes I so needed my words to make that someone bleed. "All those people are wrong. Today it had been Edward the one I wanted to bleed." I stayed silent. Why did I have to open my mouth all the time and have the verbal diarrhea spillage? More often than what I wanted to admit I would regret my words right as I was uttering them. fortunately we had made it away from everyone else." And then he left. you are cleaning up my mess? They are saying that you are pretending to be the father and be with me to protect me….

and yet it didn't matter anymore. his eyes fixed on me. "Taking your people to the promised land?" "Well. I looked back and I saw the Red Sea part again. this time around somebody else. then yes. I hated myself for what I had said to Edward.77 - . It looked like he had taken a sharpie and handwritten something on it. He saw me and kept getting closer and closer. I'm pregnant too' . There was something written on it but I couldn't quite read it. Just a little while before that had hurt me so much. Edward. I smiled at the idea of proposing a club though. I wanted so much to suffer to vindicate myself for my actions earlier that I thought I very well deserved the stigma that my scarlet letter was placing upon me. as they moved away from me. hey there Moses" Said Rose. if by my people you mean me and the unborn. Then I saw who it was.almost over. I could see he had taken his button shirt off and left only his white undershirt. referring to people moving away of me and talking. I could not believe probability would allow for some other knocked up teen wander our school." "Actually I think your people count is now up to three" Said Alice pointing behind me. Once he was close enough I was able to read his shirt and I felt my respiration stop. "Well. It read: 'Look at me. People around me stared and gossiped. I saw Alice and Rose by their lockers so I headed towards them.

He was not going to take any prisoners. Trying to hide my nervousness though I said: "That was ballsy Cul-" I was not allowed to finish. . Though it won't be all rosy! Until next time. as he was kissing me. His hands flew at me with decision. He surely didn't want a way back. And now. He was burning his bridges. There you go. I hope you enjoyed it! It won't be the last either. one anchored my waist and the other took firmly my face as he shut me up with his mouth.78 - . I didn't want a way back either. I couldn't think of anything good. I frantically looked for a witty thing to say. Oh no. He was changing the game making sure there was no way back. I was finally sure. We finally got to the romance part.This guy was going to kill me.

79 - . and yet I totally fell for it. What happens after? Edward's gesture was very close to one of those.Chapter 12 I dedicate my carpal tunnel pain to all of you :) Enjoy. It's so fake. Edward kissed me. There weren't people clapping and whistling. Not for curiosity… Not to distract me… Although. and they were witnessing it quite overwhelmed. No romantic music nor a lame last line like 'You had me at hello' or 'Just remember who said it first'. I have always hated the romantic moments at the end of movies where the guy does his larger-than-life grand gesture and the camera pans out. For real. The grand gesture hadn't been performed for an audience. The only people that really cared about the kiss where Alice and Rosalie. I suspected he did it in part to shut me up. . Mostly because it felt real. But mostly just for the sake of kissing me.

" "So. "Well… First of all… I want to say it properly: I love you… Now. his hand resting on my leg from time to time. After it he just held my hand and walked me out of school." "Well… He can't get angrier. "Well." He said getting on the back seat and pulling me towards him. "And what are we going to do here?" I said raising an eyebrow. We got in the Volvo and drove for while. Yours is equally stupid. "And then I'm going to kiss you a little more. you are one to talk." "Sorry about that. What was that for? "Ah… Supportive of you maybe… Carlisle kind of read me the riot act." "What do you want to talk about?" I said amused." "Carlisle is not going to be happy.80 - ." He said parking in a secluded viewpoint." I hadn't checked mine. until I was straddling his lap." He said turning to face me. I guess it was a good idea to ditch the rest of the day." "Don't worry… I had it coming." Carlisle and Esme had really been supportive last night. I had been so scared. where are we going?" "Just about here. almost convinced that they'd be kicking me out. here… We are going to finally talk." "What are you talking about? He was so supportive. but he really looked silly. Was that what happiness looked like? "Then. I heard him chuckle. "You have a stupid grin on your face. "Well.That grand gesture had been for me and only for me. you go…" .

You are the most stubborn person I know." "Can I… touch you?" "Well… You never asked for permission before. didn't we?" He said looking intently at me. " "Agh… Okay… I do love you. this is really weird." "Isn't it the gentleman thing to say: 'I don't expect you to say anything back. don't you Swan? And anyways who said I was a gentleman?" "You are impossible. "Sorry I knocked you up" . I've said it. you big baby" "Good. Now you say it. "Wow. "Yes indeed. "Yeah. And now that brings us to the second topic."Now you go?" I didn't know if I should be mad or laugh." "You tell me" He looked up again. I just wanted you to know'?" "Boy." He said placing his palm on my stomach." "Ah… Yeah…" "We really fuck it up. Cocky?" "You totally love me and you now it." "What if I don't want to say? What if I don't love you? Have thought about it Mr. you are one to talk." "Well. deep down you really like romance novels.81 - . you just don't want to admit it because you are a coward." "I mean… here.

As it turned out. but now we have to ride all here. now I think I'd like to kiss my girlfriend" "Do I know her?" "Smart ass… Girlfriend. "Idiot. I do remember you there. "Now that you mention it. this is my car. It's just semantics…" And with that he proceeded to make up for lost time by kissing me. Edward lost car privileges. "Bella. good to know my precarious situation is such a concern of yours. watch the potholes."None taken. I'm not.82 - ." Said Edward. so we were back riding all together. Emmett." "Ah… So what now?" "Well. "Well. and he made love to me for the first time. woman… You take your pick." I yelled at Emmett. partner. . mate. that was you?" He said wickedly." I said as I glared at him. lover." I said playfully knocking his head to the side." I replied. Some days later we were riding to school in Emmett's jeep." "Yes. "I told you should have taken the Volvo" Came Edward's voice from the backseat. "And whose fault was that?" "Geez Emmett." "Oh. common-law-wife. "Ouch." "Well. comrade. That afternoon we went home. it's intended for rough terrain. this is a jeep. Though I kind of was there too. friend.

"Are you kidding me.83 - ." "I love you brother bear. it really creeps me out. I do consider you my little sister." "And what kind of terms of endearment do you suggest?" I asked Emmett." "Emmett…" I was touched. "I don't know. didn't Edward tell you I kicked his ass?" He said taking his eyes from the road to give me an incredulous look. dear. Emmett had prohibited us to ride in the backseat together if no one else was on the . You really did it for me?" "Yes. despite the unholy things that you two have done. love. "You kicked his ass?" I said loudly. I'm here you know? And you did not kick my ass." "How did I not know this?" "I don't necessarily tell you everything. "That attitude is no not going to make you win points with me Cullen. this is almost making me cry!" "Well. I quickly climbed in the back with Edward while Rosalie hopped on the front. and knowing that this is some weird foreplay ritual between you two. But anyways." "I love you freaky sis. "Don't make fun of me Bella!" "I don't want to make fun of you. honey? I don't care. She had been waiting for us already. You only tried to. "Hey." As he said it we pulled up at Rosalie's house." Edward answered me. he was definitely trying to protect your honor. I cannot believe you tried to kick Edward's ass." "Those are really lame Emmett. sweetheart." "Can you call him some normal term of endearment for Pete's sake? That is my last name as well.

"I just noticed that November 30th is around the corner. Everyone on the table started laughing. right now. "Talk about a sore spot.84 - . it's not like we can use that." I added. but thank you for the update Alice. now that I think about it there is something else you guys owe me for. He said that apparently it didn't do you any good Edward. "That really hurts my feelings Swan." Said Edward kissing me lightly. hey Bella! Hey baby" Greeted us Rosalie as she gave Emmett a kiss on the lips. "See that is a normal term of endearment" "Well. Sorry guys!" "No problem Rose. So I got a refresher." Said Edward." Said Alice was addressing all of us around the lunch table.front with him. "Why?" . "Whoops. He said there was no way he'd be driving us around while we made out." I said making fun of the randomness of her comment." "And that is?" "Carlisle gave me 'the talk' again" "He did?" "Yeah. "Hey Edward." "Well. "So is December 1st." The four of us were laughing loudly now.

I think enough people know about this now. "So what was it with the ass kicking?" Asked Rosalie. "I'm supposed to get you something?" I said turning to see him. I'm flattered. for taking Bella's innocence and all. "I actually haven't been doing him lately but that's none of your beeswax." Informed me Emmett. "Okay. "Thank you for sharing details of our intimate life.85 - . "Carrying your genetic material is not enough? And believe me." Edward informed me." "You tried to do what?" Yelled Alice and Rosalie. you know." That thought was actually quite scary. Swan. remember? Your dear brother and this dufus you've been doing will turning 18. Cullen. "You still need to get me a present. "I think we've already solved that issue." "Whatever." He said with all his charm. I have fought for you Swan. "Bite me Alice." "Oh. Emmett just tried to kick Edward's ass." . "Nothing. just by looking at yours and Emmett's heads I should probably be exempt of buying a Christmas present as well."It's our birthday. "You so deserved it" Emmett added looking straight to Edward." Replied Edward. You did try to kick Edward's ass for me so I owe you." Asked Alice." Said Jasper. "So what are you getting for Edward Bella? Though now thanks to you we all know what he needs." I said annoyed. "What are you talking about? No one had ever fought for me. thank you very much. I just had to fight you." Said Emmett. "I guess I do." I said in response.

not my thing. "You are not going to let that go. "Once again. "Ahh!" I yelled as I collapsed." Added Rosalie. "Bella what's going on?" "I'm just… in a lot of pain right now.86 - . And anyways." "Fine… Whatever."So what are we going to do for a party then?" Asked Alice." "Come on Bella. "I'm really not into the big overproduction of a party you know." "But it's not Emmett's fault!" "We'll you plan something then!" "Pregnancy is so not making you sweeter. I don't think Carlisle would be very appreciative of me or Edward having a huge celebration. or singing 'Happy birthday' dressed as Marilyn Monroe. "Do you even know me Bella?" Later that day Rosalie and Alice were with me in my bedroom. it's our boyfriends' birthday. "Where does it hurt?" Rose asked "My abdomen" Alice lifted my t-shirt a little. are you?" I asked. . "Come on Bella." I said as they moved me to my bed." Said Alice. or even wearing a d-" I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my abdomen that knocked all the air out f my lungs. "Bella? Bella!" I could hear their voices though my eyes were wide shut. though here is the deal: I won't be coming out of a cake. we have to plan something big.

Before long I was taken to the hospital while I was in the backseat lying partly on Edward's lap while he held on tight to me. "What is it…?" I asked panicking. Carlisle's hands touched my abdomen for a while and then. Look at this". I could feel a little wetness. "Can you call Edward back in before telling me?" "Of course. and it is impossible to . but I knew something was very wrong." Said Carlisle. "The bruise under the bellybutton. but I think the fetus is unviable. This doesn't look too good. just like that?" I asked trying to keep my voice from breaking. after asking Esme and Edward to leave. "You're bruised…" "Call Edward." He went briefly outside and then came back with Edward who came to stand next to me and held my hand. It made me sad to see the panic in his eyes. Soon enough I was in the ER with Carlisle and a nurse checking the bruising under my belly button. We're going to do an ultrasound to be sure. "Bella-" I cut him off. "How can you know that. are you sure?" "Yes. Esme stood by the door. I think it's an ectopic pregnancy. honey. The pain had subsided somewhat. he gave me a vaginal exam. They had yelled for Edward and everyone else. now! And Carlisle!" I said as vertigo was taking over."Rose….87 - . "Bella. That is a sign. The implantation may have happened in the fallopian tube. which I guessed would be blood.

who in return leaned slightly on him. so I think you won't be needing surgery. It'll stop the growth and your body will take of the rest." He said as he went out holding Esme's waist. "I'm very sorry honey. Bit of trivia: The bruising is actually called Cullen's sign. Edward was looking at the floor and Carlisle's jaw looked very tense. Numb. "I guess I need to get you a present after all…" I said looking at Edward. "Oh Bella…" And he broke down burying his head on my lap and holding me tight. We caught it early. I couldn't remember the last time I had seen him cry. if we don't do anything it can be very dangerous for-" I cut to the chase. You are also bleeding profusely and your pain. I think the odds are pretty slim. Even if it is not ectopic." I could see Esme at the door with her hands over her mouth.88 - . If it is ectopic indeed. . we'll let you two alone. I was eerily calm. "I need an abortion?" "No… We'll treat you with methrotrexate. Now.carry it to term. though we'll keep you for observation.

Esme had been by my side. So I was told. since the internal bleeding had ceased. Before that fateful night I had tried not to think about it. The baby I hadn't assimilated was growing inside of me yet. seeing something alive that was doomed to die. and therefore wouldn't be requiring surgery.89 - . newspapers get delivered. She always did that when things were rough. had already started its damage control. It wouldn't diminish my possibilities to get pregnant again later. I had been still enjoying . I really didn't care about that. Edward hadn't left my side. Two days later I was home. which caused the bruising. I was lucky. The world still spins.Chapter 13 It is a fallacy to think that the time can stand still when tragedy strikes. After that time that he broke down on my lap he hadn't cried anymore. The ultrasound had been extremely harsh. they said. had already a death sentence. and someone still has to come into a hospital room and mop the floor despite the sad sad faces of the people inside it. only a small clot was showing and there was no visible damage to my tube. My body already realizing this. It had partially ruptured. On the third I went back to school. I didn't cry at all. That the world crumbles with each one of our personal fatalities. My eyes were dry and yet everybody else's had been not. clutching the silver locket she always wore around her neck.

how are you?" Said Alice when she saw me getting to the place were . Such a lame and romantic idea. And it had been something so tiny." "That is good. Once there he held me tight. this had been a huge mistake. We were teenagers. Not even seven weeks altogether. At school rumors were running wild with me missing a couple of days. "I'm okay." He said. I had resented instead being pregnant and most of the times I had tried to ignore the fact. I heard things like I had gone to have an abortion. and I never made plans." I stood on my tippy toes to kiss him. I didn't want to be treated as if I was made of glass. a handful of nights. I didn't care anymore what they were saying. "How are you feeling?" He said. Not cramping anymore. or when I was under the shower. alone in my bed. my hands had traveled down to rest on my non-existent belly.90 - . "I've missed you.the amazing first stage of a relationship and consciously tried to push back the fact that I was pregnant. that I had never been pregnant at all. How could I cry? I didn't deserve to cry. It had given me a stupid smile thinking that I had Edward's baby growing in me. that I was still pregnant. so gentle and sweet. I had a tangible piece of him in me. and yet. "Hey Bella. I didn't bother to set the record straight. Edward following behind. And yet. I never talked to the baby. and my personal favorite: that I had runaway with some guy and since he had left me I had come back. The night I got home I went to my room.

I won't be in any way performing. There was a very uncomfortable silence. "Yes I'm sure. I could laugh about it." I smiled.91 - ." I said committed to my enthusiasm." "So where are we having this thing?" "My parents will be out of town that day. . I'm not happy about it. like you said. But I just want to go back to my life. I won't be wearing a dress. We could have a few friends there. "Emmett and Edward called it off. Somebody had to smile." "I thought there wasn't going to be a party. My effort had backfired." "Okay then. "I'm fine now.she and Rosalie were standing. "Listen. "And I think the party should be back on. So. Too soon for you guys?" "Isn't it for you?" Alice looked almost teary-eyed. I'll even convince Emmett and Edward." Alice informed me.. "Ah.. "Okay then. I don't want to dwell on it. "Are you sure Bella?" Said Rose." Was all Alice could say. And no. our boyfriends don't turn eighteen everyday. what are we going to do for the party. it was real for me for like… a week." I tried to make them see. "Why? Who died?" I said thinking that I could show them that I was okay." Rosalie offered. unless it is playing the guitar with Edward." Said Rosalie "Of course there is going to be a party. Though my rules still apply.

I just want us. "What is there to deal with it? I can't be heartbroken for something I didn't want in the first place. "Oh Bella… You don't have to feel guilty…" "I don't feel guilty. "I can't believe you are doing this. "I really think we shouldn't have the party. I still .. Like I didn't know what had happened. he looked truly happy to see me excited about something. This is getting out of hand." Him not wanting to fight with me just angered me more. The tough one to crack had been Edward. Convincing Emmett hadn't been difficult.92 - . you just were in the hospital and there was a baby and then there was none. I'm trying to give us a chance. But I knew well what had happened. Actually I don't feel anything about it right now." "Why?" I asked him. I'd be a hypocrite. Why couldn't anyone see that? "I just can't dwell on that forever okay?" I said slightly angered." He said matter-of-factly. I don't want to fight." I said. What do you want from me? Do you want me to break down and lose it? Would you have preferred that I pulled away from you and believe that the only thing that got us together was the responsibility of a baby that suddenly is gone? The one thing you hate about me the most is that I push you away."Sounds like a plan. but have you dealt with it?" His voice also raising. "I don't want to fight either." "You haven't cried at all. " Well. "I don't want you to dwell on it. all of us to be able to go back. Well today I'm not pushing you away. I'm trying to be normal!" "Okay. But for everybody's sake I tried to calm down." I finally let out. I knew it better than anyone else.." He said as if he were trying to make me see something I was unable to.

" I said jokingly. "Just promise me something… Actually I'll tell you what you can give me for my birthday. I had chosen my own clothes. But I did not wear a dress… I wasn't feeling quite that generous." "Can you just promise me Swan?" He was getting frustrated with me... "Okay.93 - .. Though now you have planted that in my head." He said quietly." "I rather give you the striptease. "Hmmm. Especially when Edward came to greet me with a huge smile on his face." And as he said this he reached for me and pulled me to an embrace. "I'll live. "I'm not doing a striptease for you. make-up and nails for the party. ." I finally said. They'd be happy and I maybe Edward would get a kick out it as well. And I felt great feeling like I was contributing to people being happy and getting back to their old selves. but the kind I liked." He was setting a deadline I never wanted to get to. promise me that when you are ready to cry you'll come to me. trying to decide who was the most stubborn.. or rather three.. I thought I could shoot two birds with the same stone. I had even let Rose and Alice do my hair. for a moment we were back to our silly arguments. no I didn't mean that. "I won't cry. but I went out of my way to try to look more feminine. Thank you very much." A week later we had the party at Rosalie's.want to be a teenager." "Just promise me. Alice and Rose were proud of their work. Can we do that?" "Yes we can do that. Everything had turned out great. But you are not getting that striptease now. What I mean is..

" His look was completely the opposite of what I had expected. . Convincing me of his words. "Of what?" I asked. He let go of me and just caressed my face and pushed a lock of my hair behind my ear. "You kind of remind me of how you looked at Lake's party. "I know another way you can prove I'm yours. "Come upstairs with me. "Yes.94 - . And you belong to me. though I didn't want to go."You look great tonight. "Wow… I'm really that disgusting." "I do belong to you. I can really show everyone that you indeed belong to me." "I do?" I said smiling. his firm hands preventing me form getting away." "I must certainly do." He said looking into my eyes. huh?" "You are far from disgusting?" I could see his eyes avoiding my gaze. This time. but this time I won't just feel like I want everyone to know you belong to me. "Yeah? What is that?" Edward asked." "Happy Birthday" "It is now… You know what this reminds me of?" He said as he planted little kisses along my face." I really just wanted to spend some time with him apart from everybody else. And you know what I want to do?""What do you want to do?" I said raising an eyebrow "Well… That… But more than anything I want to dance with you again. Instead of the wicked grin he looked worried and incredibly sad.

After I while." I was pleading now. As a matter of fact. "When is everyone just going to let go? I am not made of glass." "Too soon for you?" I asked knowing already what I knew he was thinking. "What do you mean?" He was playing to be naïve. You are hiding away from your feelings.95 - . "It's not that… I'm just… afraid it's too soon. I am very far from being fragile. But needing him to say it."Then what are you afraid of?" "I don't know if you are ready. I was the one being more forward as I started hungrily kissing him. But I am fine now… You could . Couldn't he realize I was pleading? And so we went to the second story. "I'm not necessarily offering sex okay? Just come upstairs with me. I perceived his lack of participation and I broke the kiss to stare at him. He let me take the lead and just leaned back as I climbed on to him. We came into Rosalie's room and we sat in a couch." He said." "I know you too well." He said looking down." "My body is fine." "Your body is not what I'm worried about just now. "No… I think it is too soon for you. "What?" I yelled frustrated. I started pacing around trying to calm myself. "I mean where are you?" "I'm right here." "I wished it was my body you worried about now to be perfectly honest. I was fragile before." "Well you are certainly not with me" I said climbing down his lap and standing up.

He looked down." "You know what? It may be your birthday and all… But you are not my favorite person right now. They were sitting in the family room when I arrived. I wanted him to explode and fight me.96 - . But this. You know for a fact that it was not the pregnancy that got us together. "Bella? Are you okay?" Esme asked. "You have no idea what that meant to me. "You are far from stupid. And I know that is the reason why you are shielding yourself from feeling. There is nothing to break. but then why am I feeling so lonely here?" "Because I don't think you have processed this yet. "Yes I am." I said icily. "Don't be stupid." I said pouring my venom. Because you joke about it like it was nothing!" He finally exploded. You really only wanted me as long as I was having your child. "I do. I wanted him to react." That one I meant." "Well." "Well." I said as I left. I do know that. I went straight home and ran into Carlisle and Esme. I can't even stop that right? I'm just so stupid." He just wasn't taking the bait.hit me with your best shot." . this is getting stupid. This was angering me. "I cannot believe it.

"Is the party over? It seems so early. I felt like a caged lion in my room.97 - . I stared into it as I thought. "Okay honey. "Will do. I needed air. I hope you all understand. Being that my "scientific" sources are Google and Wikipedia. still looking worried. which was so see how someone grows up when facing adversity like this. But I felt like it was far from stupid. With the bruising she would have needed immediate surgery. I sat down and put the blanket over me. I'm sorry. Obviously this does not make sense in real life. Second. It was something stupid. Now. Why couldn't I cry? Okay. I'm sorry. "I'm just going to go upstairs. First of all. I never intended for the pregnancy to go full term. There are amazing pregnancy stories here. 'Could it really be me who had been wrong all along?' I thought as I went. There was beautiful full moon. I just had to come home." I didn't want them to worry. Yell if you need something. but this opens a lot more possibilities for what I wanted to do originally. "Yes it is. It's sad I know." Said Carlisle. please take it with a huge grain of salt. Edward and I had a fight. So I grabbed my coat and a blanket and I head to the upper deck that faced our backyard. "No." I said as I went up the stairs. It was overwhelming the number of reviews asking for the baby to live. I wanted to say that when I did some poking around to find out more about ectopic pregnancies I read about the Cullen's sign and I had use that." Esme said. right now being "The ." "Is everything okay?" I sensed Esme's preoccupation." I said.

I'm thinking it's probably going to be two more chapters now. but it will get better I promise. we are getting close to the end.curse of the smiley" my favorite. I will still write the EPOV's that you ask for. And lastly. Then it can end in a nice round number. Next chapter had a scene that is one of my favorites. Caracol "The baby killer" (I feel awful about that btw).98 - . . and I think you will enjoy it. I know this one didn't end in a very positive note.

But she kept looking straight into the woods at the back of the house directly into a tree that had become a landmark of our childhood." She said as she handing me the water bottle she had been drinking from. "Hey Esme.99 - . you know?" "Wow. It was an awesome tree to climb. "Thanks. because I really wanted it to come out right." "Listen." "Got the scars to prove it. And just a music suggestion to get the mood of the climax scene: "This woman's work" by Kate Bush I sat on the deck for a while staring into the full moon until Esme came and sat next to me." I said avoiding her gaze. Here drink some water. That is impressive." . and falling a few times. so that tree is older than me." She said burying herself under my blanket. "Hey there kiddo. I want to tell you something… The boys don't quite know about this… But I want to share it with you." "I know. I remember thinking that it would be my family tree. I remember all of you guys climbing up and down.Chapter 14 I took a little longer with this one. twenty years. I did include a little EPOV here because I really needed to show what was going own from outside. I hope you enjoy it. And it has." I said smiling fondly of the memories. "I planted it when we bought this house. "I love that tree. fearful of her reading my thoughts through my eyes.

it hurt a lot still to say it directly."Shoot." "I lost one too. The guilt. They said that there was no way to know.." I looked at her in disbelief but she was avoiding my gaze and I wasn't sure if she was guarding my feelings or hers.... Choked with the cord. I'm so sorry. and then one day my baby just died. not all of them acknowledged by me. I knew that pathetic tactic." The last part was rushed.. she named all the things I could not. or that I had been trying to push deep down. Not for us. I've felt them too. two I think. "When?" I said with a shaky voice." "Esme! Oh my god. I lost it. I want you to know that the burn… The pit in the stomach. Not old enough to remember." She said while clutching her silver locket and turning to face me. what I had kept from him.. Anyways. Six months seemed like hell. "How far along were you?" Was all I was able to say. All of those things you may not find a way to let Edward know about. everything was fine." This woman was truly amazing. Exactly what I was feeling.. "Hey! Listen to me.100 - . About six months." "I want you to know that I know how you feel… That someone understands. the very first things I hadn't been able to share with Edward. right?" . trying to brush away any hint of emotion.. Fathers… They lose a lot and hurt too.. I didn't bring this up for me. being a doctor and all. "Ah. I was trying to deal with something that had just existed for six weeks.." Six months... "The time difference doesn't make a difference. Carlisle felt so bad. "How?" "Well. "You guys were toddlers. But I guess it was fate. but they don't know how this feels.

It just never happened. you did look cute though. Of course later you found out you could say no. I wanted her in my family tree. I'd gladly wear all the pink in the world to have her back. I had the boys and I envied your mom a little." I smiled thinking about Renee." "I had wanted a girl you know. You've always been quite stubborn."Was it a boy or a girl?" "Ah… A girl. ." She said pointing at the tree. That's probably why I turned out like this. I didn't want to feel like we were trying to replace her. "What happened to her?" "We cremated her." "I'm so sorry. " "No Bella. Most of her ashes are there. Get it through that thick skull of yours. But eventually we tried." "I guess you were supposed to have just two. I understood now why she held on to it when we heard about my own loss. all the cute outfits she used to put on you. and I mixed her there. in my locket." I hugged her. "I took a pinch of her ashes and put them here. I may not have bore you. but you are mine." I understood right then. why she had always grabbed it whenever things got complicated. You are a Cullen alright." "She had a major pink fetish. I got my third when you came along. "I dug up to expose the roots. "Why didn't you have more?" "At first it was hard." "She did have a thing about you wearing pink." "Most of them?" I said trying to understand what she had just said.101 - .

It suddenly hit me. Was I crying already? ." She said as she hugged me and I hugged her back. 'You are both so young. All those years Esme saw us playing at that tree. I looked at the tree Esme had planted. "I love you too. Love you. Don't let anyone take that away from you. I didn't give him time to say anything. I know what people will tell you. how you and Edward got together. When you are ready. All those years I was a motherless child while she was the counterpart: the mother that had lost a daughter.' But that is bullshit. It was cold outside and as I ran I felt the cold wind against my face. probably thinking of the one that wasn't there."Now. It had been real. his shirt half off his body. I went out and past Esme's tree as I ran into the wooded area behind our house. I went inside as fast as I could. I had just enough time. All those years climbing on it. This may be the wrong thing as well. "I'm ready. no one is going to say the right thing. how inconvenient. how brief it had been. You have no idea. Not even me. No matter how it came to be. Not one second could be spared to make sure he was behind. See. It was not a dream Bella. He heard me and turned around.102 - . But the thing I want you to remember is that this was real. I could feel the flood coming." "Okay. how out of time. looking for him. I'm coming in. I could not pretend it hadn't. 'Timing was not perfect'. he was facing away from me. She was right. It happened. 'At the end it was for the best'. "I think the boys are back. Don't forget that kiddo. And that bond existed. I went down the stairs fast heading for the backdoor." I said and I ran out. to do anything. I slammed his door open without knocking. are you staying here longer?" "Just a few minutes. No matter how wrong." We heard some noises from inside the house." I said as she went in. The wind felt icy on my cheeks.

for my lost baby and for my dead mother. I cried.I could hear him catching up with me. it had been made with love. Once the crying was so raw and fiery that it had dried me up inside. I cried because I didn't know how much I had loved it. My hands open and my fingers digging in the ground. And he rocked me. I cried for the baby I had barely known and lost. I felt his hands on my back. enveloping me and pulling me back against his chest. And finally. I cried because I had had hopes I didn't want to admit to myself. I cried for the misery that had brought the both of us together. . until I felt at peace. holding me tight. I cried because. And I cried for Esme and her own loss. EPOV "I'm ready" I heard her say and then she just ran out. It wasn't pretty: I cried with a force that came from my gut. I cried until fire spread violently from my lungs out and burned my throat. My face was so close to the ground that the smell of wet soil flooded my nostrils. I let myself fall down on my hands and knees letting it all out with a deep and painful groan. I more than cried: I wailed.103 - . an instinct almost ancient taking over. although unconventionally. sadly and thankfully. I cried for me. until it was just sad moans and a feeling of choking. I pushed it out of my body.

but I had to let her. And after a while I was able to pull her to me. we were able to say all that we couldn't say before. And it also pierced my heart. I stayed outside. it was so powerful and instinctive.104 - . and her nature had always been to flee. until I was able to feel her heartbeat ease against my chest.I knew she was heading out because she had her coat on. I was getting closer when we went to the woods behind the house and she suddenly collapsed. I stopped. "What for?" "For giving me what I really wanted for my birthday. Back to BPOV "Thank you" He said. And we stayed like that for a long time. After a while we were able to speak. afraid to enter a forbidden place where she was and I could never get her. afraid to intervene. I slowly approached her. . She went down to her hands and knees and then I heard it: a primal howl piercing the night. It was so painful and sad. I pulled her close and buried my face in her hair. I saw her going to the backyard and I went for her. Her sounds were raw and deep and I just let her get it out. I'd just had to do my best to put her back together. Her body rocked back and forth. I was just standing there while she broke down in a million pieces. hopeful I would be able to do so." I barely smiled. It broke my heart. to hold her and not let go. I grabbed my coat and my keys and ran as fast as I could trying to catch up.

and just for me. it had been for me. "We could talk."But I didn't do it for you" I had to admit. just like he had done before." It took me a few minutes to gather my courage. "Want to know something I never told you?" "Of course. "You don't regret anything?" I asked fearful. "I know." It was finally out. "I didn't mean to hurt you. And that's actually what I wanted." "And finally say what we were too afraid to say?" "That's a start. I felt it was my fault. It was true." We were silent for a few moments until he spoke again. you know?" "I know." "I'm not turning into anything. "I don't." He said forcing me to face him and placing his hand on his chest right over his heart." "I liked the idea of my baby growing in you. But I felt… I feel rotten… I feel like I turn everything I touch into misery." He said looking down at my abdomen and placing his palm on it." . I'm still here. but it was quickly rubbed off with his thumb when he looked back at me. Not at all. "You didn't will the baby to die.105 - ." "So what do we do now?" I asked. I felt a single tear come down my cheek. "I felt guilty.

"Walk with me" He said pulling me up. "It won't be anytime soon.. "What do we do now?" I said. I let my lips speak for me. I had a lovely time. but it will happen" He said after the kiss. It was also my blood you bled. "With our track record you think it'll be only one?" I smiled." I said smiling. I liked thinking that your baby was growing inside me. Met this cute blonde from California after you left." We walked around hand in hand for a while. "It's a nice full moon. resting his forehead on mine. . It was lame.. "What for?" "Ruining your birthday party. That made him smile and he quickly kissed me. "I'll tell you another secret: That won't be the only time you carry my children." "Who told you ruined it. and so. His face suddenly went somber and my heart skipped." I said. "You always say that you have no flesh and blood attachment anywhere… You can't say that anymore. And. A couple of times it made me smile like a moron. I think we need to say these things. with only the moonlight to shine our path. "I'm sorry. for what is worth.106 - ." I playfully pushed him away from me." "Children?" I said surprised. But he pushed back with more force until he had me against a tree."It's okay." There were no words to say after that.

. I know… I've missed you too." "No Edward!" I said mostly horrified." I agreed "I've missed you. "It does.." I agreed." "We were. "He did say his house wasn't going to be known as the place where teen sex is condoned." "You know he is going to make us stay in separate dorms right?" "I know. "I guess it's not such a bad thing to make me yearn for you. his knee forcing my legs slightly apart."This feels much better. college is not that far away." He said as he pushed his body against me." "The day you kissed me." "Anyways." I added." "Well." "You'd think that with the hours he has at the hospital he'd need his sleep.107 - . it's not easy with Carlisle's random bed checks." "It just makes us more like normal teens trying to sneak in lovemaking. "It's been long. "Hmmm. "You what?" He said looking at our surroundings." He said. "We're not under Carlisle's roof right now. "I won't do it outdoors." I said remembering it fondly. Can you tell?" He said as he rubbed his hardness against me. and slightly intrigued by the idea." "Last time I had you was the day after we found out. We were just very spoiled sleeping together every night. What happened to you deciding that yearning was a good thing anyways?" .

"You are going to get in trouble Swan." "It's barely your birthday anymore. He alternated staring at me and kissing me passionately as coercion methods. I don't think you'll ever give me enough of what I want. And I thought I had already given you what you wanted."I'm only human. That is not a problem for you is it?" I said trying to get back at him. But now who's the prude?" "It's very cold!" I said trying to convince him.108 - . you'll see. I promise to sneak into your room. "Let's go inside." "Oh." He said as we headed back to the house." "And what are you going to do about it?" "Oh." I said in defeat. "You'll risk Carlisle's checks?" His voice sounded quite amused. "You'll just have to be quick." He said grinning. . "It's my birthday after all.

but what happened in the woods was intimate and private. It hadn't been a fight at all. In the dark I listed for the sounds of every door closing. It just wasn't coming out how I wanted it. and yet not staying too far apart to stir suspicion. we hadn't worried at all about getting caught. of course. I had closed my eyes in anticipation. Though. back then it had been completely innocent. and spending time with the family. but I knew that I had to wait at least a couple of hours.Chapter 15 I took my time with this one. We'd had to contain ourselves coming in the house. Esme and Carlisle were happy to know that our silly spat was settled. Sneaking into each other rooms had almost felt like years before when we would still worry about getting caught. We were so used to it that it was second nature. It is funny to think about it: during our experiment. We hanged out in the kitchen yearning to touch. Enjoy. careful not to start something that couldn't be continued right away. I waited eagerly in my bed having gone upstairs earlier. My apologies.109 - . and the purpose had not been sleeping at all. as it hadn't been for a full night of sleep either: It had to be brief. But it felt like ages. no one else's business but ours. But here it is. But this night we had the thrill and the desperation of long-lost lovers that had just reunited. . in desperation for him to come to me. This night it hadn't been innocent at all. and everyone turning in. even if it hadn't been that long. It had been so easy to go back.

. I'm going back to my own bed. without opening my eyes. "This is a serious blow to my ego you know?" Were the words I woke up to. holding me tight. savoring the sensation of him all around me." He said as his index finger lazily tugged at the elastic band of my pants.He was so close and yet so far away.." I said sternly. And in the middle of my desperation." I said smiling." He said as he started pulling my clothes off. He stared at me silently making me nervous. so much that I felt myself blushing. You are here. It hasn't been your birthday for a few hours now. he had pulled me underneath him. soon enough." "Don't I get a belated birthday celebration?" "I'll send you a card. "Tough luck." He let go of me and shifted pushing himself off my bed. "We don't have time for this. That was all the incentive he needed. and I became quite aware of my nudity and the fact that he still had his on." I said." I said trying to get a reaction out of him. Okay. kissing and caressing everywhere. Quickly enough they littered my floor. "Desperate much?" He said lifting an eyebrow. they felt warm against the back of my head and somehow managed to wrap around my body. and yet he had not done anything about it.. he was enjoying teasing me. "You are a sadist. "Hmmm. "Are you looking forward giving Carlisle a show? Along with a heart attack?" "As you wish. spent after letting go. somehow I fell asleep. "You are absolutely way overdressed for this birthday party. He had made a point of me being overdressed.110 - . "Don't you dare. my treacherous body was exhausted.

"Point taken. I guess it's safe to say that we had caught ourselves living instead of just being spectators. I tugged at his shirt taking it off.111 - . And I don't . "You are blushing." "Stop staring at me. I really don't understand why no one can see through him. "Possessive much?" "Of you. "And I love it. and going after his pants right after. "And you are mine. We hadn't come to the grassy area from where we loved to watch people in a very long time."Expecting someone else?" I said trying to make me feel more empowered… And failing miserably. "Well maybe some of those girls actually want the Lake treatment. "Again with the sarcasm?" "Well. given how long you've been staring I'm afraid you are having second thoughts. but the next day it just felt right to go back. "I can't stand the guy. I don't know if I have even told you this." "Does this feel like I'm having second thoughts?" And with that he rubbed against me." He said as he trapped my mouth with his." He said sliding into me and pushing me into oblivion." I said blushing more." "Why? I like staring. You do know we've done this before right?" "I hate that you make me this vulnerable." I said in defeat." He stated. But you are damn beautiful." I said as once more we saw Sean Lake repeat the same clichéd romantic tactics we had witnessed many times before.

"At his party?." He said with a wicked smile. Lake? Me?" I said trying to remember. I regretted my words. "I can't believe you are getting smug about this. Think whatever you like but I'm . that night had been memorable to me. So what's up with you defending Lake? You're his friend now?" "Not at all… I mean… I still don't like the guy. He laughed loudly at that one.. the one thing I really hate about the guy is how he looks at you. "Yeah. The bastard wants you. regarding Lake. last night I proved to you that I'm so not a chick. I can't forget though that your hatred of him and guys like him got you to me…" "Give it up Cullen! Quit the romantic crap! You totally thought about thanking him for indirectly making me give you some." I said seeing right through him. I much rather him continue doing the rounds with all the other girls." "Ass" "You can't honestly tell me you haven't noticed how he looks at you." "Like I'm the Antichrist?" I said with a proud smile. Have you been reading Alice's romance novels? Sometimes I wonder why I let you get on top of me. you are such a chick. That I can live with." "It's because you love me.." Said Edward playing devil's advocate. as I was saying. yeah. and I couldn't suppress a faint smile with the boost my ego was getting. "What are you talking about?" I said truly at lost..112 - ." He said leaning in for a kiss "And anyways. I was ready to punch him" "You have to be kidding me..know… they probably think they'll be the ones changing his ways. "It'll be my demise how well you can read me… But anyways. "Dude. "No. I had walked into that one. This was completely new." He said with a hint of exasperation. but none of my memories were remotely associated to Lake.

"Yeah? Well then you are the Antichrist's lover. Good one. "Dangerous liaisons." Said Rosalie without taking her eyes from the slices of apple she was eating." Said Emmett pointing at the both of us. "Not only the two of you can make obscure cultural references you know? I can read too. It's great to see you laughing. I just don't want him anywhere near you." I said. "Les liaisons dangereuses." Said Edward without letting go of me. I get it. the book?" I said trying to clue him in. Swan is the Antichrist. I don't want any other guy near you." He said nuzzling my neck." He said pulling me close until my back was against his chest. Like I'd go for the jerk. "Not calling each other. putting together visibly the abject implications of Jasper's reference to us. and calling each other the Antichrist. You two really can be snobby." "You really have it bad for me. . "Well. well. I'm impressed… A de Laclos reference. "Ah." I said." I said pulling away and trying to look annoyed." Said Alice getting us back to the world. as we all laughed at Emmett. "Jasper!. I guess everything is back to normal." Jasper replied. I closed my eyes and laughed enjoying the attention. "I know you won't. "What are you guys talking about?" Asked Emmett completely at lost. "Thank you for the vow of trust. "Cruel intentions sweetie. and completely missing our friends approaching us.113 - .not letting you out of my sight if he's around. "What can I say? I really have a thing for the Antichrist." I said feigning hurt but flattered to hear him jealous of me. Scratch that. "So what's going on with your dangerous liaison?" Said Jasper. the movie?" Chipped in Edward.

" "I remember! I knew something was going on." I said flabbergasted. It was more of business proposal. you lost big points when you interrupted us at Lake's party. with all the intention of embarrassing me." I sated matter-of-factly.114 - . would warrant us crappy love lives. "So what was Bella's doomed sexual future without the experimentation?" Asked ." Answered Edward." He said looking at me. "Jasper your stock just went up in my book" "Not in mine." Said Edward." He quickly added. I seduced Edward. are you guys going to tell us how your unholy union came to be?" Asked Alice. but that was far from seductive. she said that going to college without … experimenting first. "For real?" Jasper asked." Said Jasper. "What are you talking about dude? It was most definitely my idea." Said Edward quite happy to volunteer the information. I." "You may have brought it up. there was so much tension when I arrived. "I cannot believe you are saying this. "So anyways. for example. "She proposed an experiment."Anyway…" I said. "You did not seduce me." Said Emmett. "That's mean. "Easy. "Yeah. could end up sexually frustrated in the suburbs. "What was it then?" Asked Rose now putting aside her apple slices and paying attention. "What are you talking about?" I asked "I was about to kiss you when this idiot showed up.

" I said acknowledging that I had healed in my own way. It may had been embarrassing to say it. "She would end up a man hater feminist writer… With a lesbian lover. School's environment was threatening implosion with the sarcasm imbalance and all. Dealt with my shit.115 - ." He said smiling. "Thank you!" I said triumphal. I know somebody has to be cynical critic of our generation. but I think she did seduce you with that mental image. "She did not complain. He looked at me nodding slightly." Said Rose.Alice. ." Rose said. "I cannot believe you guys… To actually go through with that." Emmett said grinning. trying to let me know I'd be regretting that later.. I was nervous… And I did enjoy myself." "Edward you are such a pig. "I distracted her with a kiss. I'm back. "Sorry to say it bro. "She almost changed her mind" Edward added." Alice said looking at him disgusted. "I wasn't going to change my mind. "Watch me. "You two seem to have your groove back. avoiding the touchy-feely stuff." He quickly answered. That's good. "Yeah." I said defending him. "You wouldn't dare" I said looking directly at him knowing what he was about to disclose." He said defiantly. but I didn't want them to think of Edward of having taken advantage of me. I guessed I'd have to suffer the consequences.. So awkward. "What did you do?" Jasper asked.

"Hey." He answered with a proud smile. "What are you talking about? You and Emmett disappeared for almost the whole night!" Yelled Alice. "Relax Em! There was no celebration there. ." Said Rose. "Cute blonde huh?" I said dumfounded at misled me the night before. I'm not complaining. Unlike my dear brother here" Emmet said patting Edward's back. "I did not lie to you. I'm sorry to say but you did miss an awesome party last night." Said Alice giving him a seductive look. we were in Rose's bedroom after you!" Added Emmett thinking of the implications of my previous comment. but I did not go… uncelebrated.116 - . "And whose fault was that? I remember being at Rose's bedroom all too willing to celebrate you senseless. "Don't worry honey. "Alice!" Rose admonished her blushing." I hit that one right back at him. we can celebrate later."Well. the celebration was held in my own bedroom." He was now taunting me. "Ah… Didn't you spend the night talking with that blonde guy from San Diego?" Asked Alice." "Interesting how that little omission contributed into you guilt tripping me into… celebrating you. "Okay that's it." Said Jasper. And with that I declare the use of the euphemism dead. I just didn't go into details. "A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell. I got a great birthday celebration." I replied reassuring him. "Dude." "Well it was a belated celebration and quite a quick one if I may add. I will not be able to go to Hallmark with an innocent mind anymore. I cannot keep hearing about celebrations.

isn't dad making sure you two don't sleep together anymore?" He asked us both. "Do you mind not really getting the opportunity to branch out. "What are you talking about?" I asked. I don't know… I was thinking about that. as sickly close as we were. "Best bet is to end up being best friends then?" He asked. you know?" I said."Wait. "Jasper!" We all yelled with disgust." I said and then added: "I know we've done everything out of order but. So I guess for that we're covered. "And in that note we're out of here. "I guess those are the perils of keeping it all in the family. our friendship. "Even if we end up sexless in the suburbs?" I teased." He said with a huge grin. romantically speaking?" He asked me as we walked away. with time… Making it as a couple actually comes down to if you still enjoy spending time with the other person.117 - . See you guys!" Said Edward taking my hand and walking towards our classroom. but also I think that I'm happy with were we ended up. "I guess we'll just have to make the most of our time until we move there. "Well. "I love you Cullen" . kind of determined us ending up together. "Hence the quick reference before. if you think about it. once you take all the romantic aspects of a relationship out. "Yup." Said Jasper with a deadpan look." "I guess I have thought about that as well." Answered Edward making me smile." He said smiling back." "I really think we are.

I actually look forward to the next phase of our lives. In a few months we'll be in college. with long-ago mixed soil and ashes. He is not at all subtle. nor I will be attending any Greek parties. lays a piece of paper with only one word written on it. though this time I was out there in the backyard running my hands over it and thinking about Edward and me. It forced us to grow up faster than we had planned. I had been so afraid of living.118 - . And now. But at the end."I love you Swan. I think I'm enjoying the change. One single word that is mantra. the experiment had triggered life and maturity. We made it through despite it all. He'll be by my side. and mine alone. I can't say I had foreseen us ending up where we were when I first thought about our little arrangement. A reminder of things that never were. That fear had warranted me a distraction kiss after all. though Edward says that what I actually enjoy is the idea of unencumbered sexcapades. Who knows? Maybe this time I won't need to be in the woods… What I know for sure is that along the roots of this tree in our backyard. prayer. and we already have a few rules: he's not to pledge to any fraternity. though. that my little attempt at avoiding the normal progression of growing and wising up completely backfired. and desperate hope: 'Nevermore. He's also taking Creative Writing with me and I am sure going to keep an eye for any blonde from California… Girl or boy… But I also dread. epitaph. Consequences that could threat what was safe and familiar. no guiltiness of keeping this from him. I had always hated the anticipation of change. eerily coincidental with the start of college. I did this on my own. making mistakes and facing the consequences. and I know I'll probably will do my share of crying. I have no regrets. I dread a date to come. A date that would have been monumental. I can honestly say.' . as it is something of mine." That evening I was once again looking at Esme's tree.

And I thought about giving a try. let me know and I'll write them. Caracol . even if they are prior to what I wrote. I hadn't planned it but I have been having ideas for a sequel. there will be conflict. since I can't do happiness at all. It is done. If anyone is interested let me know I really want to explore how their adult lives would play out. so you can find me there with the same name. I will enjoy for a while reading your stories now.119 - . I'm very grateful to al of you that read and to those who reviewed. Thank you all.Okay. And you know me. For the EPOVs I'll do them on demand. or parts that are not included in BPOV. If you want a specific event in their lives.

120 - .Chapter 16 .

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