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IELTS SECRETS Writing Set 15

Task 1 The table shows how the attendance at seven cultural events changed in Britain between 1986-7 and 2001-2. In general, most of the attendance of at the cultural events remained quite stable except for that of cinema over these 15 years. ( excellent well done this is the correct way to do this however you should have changed the word attendance in the second sentence) The attendance of at the cinema increased significantly from 1986-7 to 2001-2. In 1986-7, 31% of people Britons reported to go going to the cinema at least once a month, which was already the most popular categories category of all seven events.people chose to attend. In addition- ( wrong connector), By 199192,it attendance had increased dramatically to 44% by 1991-92 and by 1999-00to 56% by 1999-00, before it went down slightly the following year by 1% and then before rising again rose up to 57% in 2001/02. In contrast, other attendance of categoriesAT the other six cultural activities remained quite stable over these 15%15 years. Attending The plays and art galleries/exhibitions were was the second most popular categories activity with around 23% of attendance and 21% of attendance throughout these yearsof Britons going once a month. Attendance at Classical classical music concerts(12%), the ballet (around 6%), and contemporary dance(4%) were also quite stable from 1986-7 to 2001-02. The attendance AT an event = is a collocation / The attendance AT the cinema was small. But you would have been better of showing the examiner you know the variations on this word e.g Around 15% of Britons ATTENDED the ballet once a month ----I have highlighted how many times you have used this word without changing it.
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Ok but as you can see, you had quite a few grammar errors - the topic attendance at or the percentage of people attending, attending the cinema needs to be there. You used incorrect prepositions and the last sentence has no subject. Be careful that you pay attention to the grammar and try and change the main word so that it doesnt sound repetitive.

IELTS SECRETS Writing Set 15

Otherwise the organization is good and definitely at the BAND 7 level the grammar however though there are good sentences there are too many errors for a BAND 7. In terms of lexis because of the repetition your score is lowered also.

Task achievement BAND 7 covers the requirements of the task (Academic) presents a clear overview of main trends, differences or stages clearly presents and highlights key features/bullet points but could be more fully extended

Coherence and cohesion BAND 7 logically organises information and ideas; there is clear progression throughout uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use

Lexical Resource BAND 6 uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation, but they do not impede communication

Grammatical range and accuracy BAND 6 uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms makes some errors in grammar and punctuation but they rarely reduce communication

IELTS SECRETS Writing Set 15

Task 2: Some people think that teenagers use of the internet should be limited. Others feel that the internet is an academic resource that they should have free access to, in order to do things such as homework and projects. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Umbrella Topic : Teenagers/TEchnology Subtopic: Use of the internet 2 topic: 1. That internet use should be limited for teenagers 2. That there should be free access for educational reasons
Task 2 An increasing number of distance education have been developed and many students indulge themselves to play online games throughout the night. (????? This is NOT the topic here the Umbrella topic is TECHNOLOGY or the INTERNET this sentence does not really make sense to me) Therefore, the idea that whether the teenagers should be limited to access to the internet has been discussing. ( this is NOT the way to introduce a two sided essay you need to present both sides this sentence is difficult to understand) In this essay, I will outline both of the views and give my own opinion. ( What two views?? the two views are not clear in this introduction. The introduction of new technology and especially the internet has both benefits and drawbacks, especially for teenagers. The internet offers students an easy educational resource and an easier way to do their homework so they should be encouraged to use it extensively. On the other hand, it is felt by some that there is also dangerous content on line as well as many distractions so the use by teenagers should be restricted. Some people think that teenagers' accessing to the internet should be restricted since as they lack sufficient self-control in this period. For example, rather than doing homework or research, many teenagers nowadays, can not help playing online games and chatting with their friends through social media like Facebook day and night. Therefore, for the sake's of healthy habits and a positive study routine, people think that the internet should be limited to thefor teenagers. However, others consider the internet as an educational tool which teenagers should be have free to access for the studentsto. There have beenare thousands of study resources online such as encyclopedias, professional websites and online courses, which mostly are mostly beneficial to the student's students studies. Wikipedia is one of the example that which allows students to search and know about the new words they do not know. Thus these people think that the internet is obviously an inevitably useful tool for study and should teenagers should be given all the time they needbe accessed to anytime. ( try and use another word than access you need to show the examiner that you understand what it means and in most cases you have used it incorrectly) In my own opinion, the internet is an useful ( we do not use an in front of useful because the pronunciation of useful starts with a y study tool, but it should be regulated to for teenagers. Although the internet is very helpful for doing homework and research nowadays, it may also may be a distractive thing ofon from studying because teenagers in this period areoften lack of self-control. Therefore, the internet should be regulated by the parents in order to teach their children how to use internet properly.

IELTS SECRETS Writing Set 15

Generally, except for the first paragraph which is very difficult to understand, this essay is well laid out and organized. Your examples are still not strong but this is good enough for a BAND 7. However, again you have used the word accessed too much remember you need to show the examiner that you understand this terms and it is incorrectly used a number of times . Also, there are numerous small grammar errors such as missing subjects, incorrect tense, word formation problems as well. Unfortunately these errors pull the grammar score down to a BAND 6 , even though you have good sentence structures. Try to leave some time at the end of the writing to go back and check your grammar. Small errors like this are the difference between a BAND 6.5 and a BAND 7.

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Task response BAND 7 addresses all parts of the task presents a clear position throughout the response presents, extends and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to over-generalise and/or supporting ideas may lack focus

Coherence and Cohesion BAND 7 logically organises information and ideas; there is clear progression throughout uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately presents a clear central topic within each paragraph

Lexical resource BAND 7 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation may produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation

Grammatical range and accuracy BAND 7 uses a variety of complex structures BAND 6 makes some errors in grammar and punctuation but they rarely reduce communication