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B Draft 4 Ideas for Revising

B Draft 4 Ideas for Revising

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Published by bmadden714
Danelion Poem Revision in handout form
Danelion Poem Revision in handout form

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Categories:Types, School Work
Published by: bmadden714 on Apr 10, 2013
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial

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09/22/2014

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Name of Poet: __________________ Ideas for Revising Say a student wrote a poem but was stuck on the idea

of rhyming every line with a poem that went something like this:
The lawn has flowers that look like towers they are getting mowed then they are towed the blade is sour with all its power the flower must cower with the smell of gas and the mower coming past

I started to write about just regular flowers but then I thought about what kind of flower would be afraid of a mower, so I changed it to a more specific flower. Then I wondered what would happen if I took all the same ideas in the poem but didn’t try to rhyme at all… FIRST DRAFT
Weed is such an unfair name This soft delicious yellow I show My soft spongy petals Touching your cheek Don’t you love that? Doesn’t it fill you With the promise of summer? Yet every week it’s the same The horrid shriek Of whirring blades Revving engine The mower comes

This poem has a lot of interesting ideas in it: a cowardly flower that doesn’t want to grow because it will get mowed. Blowing grass. The sour blade of a lawn mower. However, because the poets are very focused on rhyming each line, it’s not easy to understand what they’re trying to talk about in the poem.
Dandelions are like towers over the grass The yellow head cowers with the smell of gas It lives in fear of the mower coming to pass The blade is sour

SECOND DRAFT

THIRD DRAFT

Weed is such an unfair name for my delicious yellow Don’t my soft spongy petals caressing your cheek fill you with the promise of summer? Yet every week it’s the same The horrid shriek of whirring blades revving engine The mower plows

Dandelion’s Lament Weed is such an unfair name for my delicious yellow My soft spongy petals caress your cheek A glimpse of this bright bloom fills you with the promise of summer Yet every week it’s the same The horrid shriek of whirring blades of revving engine of putrid exhaust The mower plows

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