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1024340 Enneagram

1024340 Enneagram

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Published by Wes Art

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Published by: Wes Art on Apr 12, 2013
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07/13/2013

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Potential Trouble Spots or Issues

The Three/Nine couple can almost be a case of "too much of a good thing." Because both
types are attracted to keeping the positive values in their lives alive—and there can be so
much attachment to comfort and stability in their world—that it becomes difficult to
question the status quo and the routines that they get into. Neither wants to bring up
conflicts that they have with the other. Nines are more likely not to want to talk about
whatever is bothering them for fear of further endangering the relationship. But Threes
also do not want to express their complaints because doing so will risk rejection and may
also expose the fragility or even the falseness of their relationship. Nines feel that it is
better not to say anything and to let things work out on their own, if that is at all possible. If
Threes are heavily invested in having a "perfect marriage" to the outside world, it will be
difficult to talk about their unhappiness in the relationship or the frustrations they are
feeling.

Often the relationship will continue for a while as if nothing is wrong-even if it is essentially
over. Eventually, however, Threes begin to feel unseen and unappreciated, and that the
Nine is not really there for them—not really present to the relationship. The Nine may be
an excellent provider in a material sense, but under stress, may begin to become
emotionally absent. Feeling abandoned or rejected usually makes Threes become
depressed, although often they do not realize this since they can get quite out of touch
with their emotions. Threes can feel that Nines are stifling them, whereas Nines can feel
that Threes are too demanding and are "spoiled." Sometimes a crisis, an affair, or some
other major life challenge brings the deterioration of the relationship into awareness. They
may go through cycles of breaking up and getting back together, although if the underlying
problems are not resolved, the real feelings and frustrations continue and will eventually
undermine the relationship.

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