COCO OA rrDO Se SPP ee ) *IN THIS ISSUE* Church Hymns, Member Testimony #4, The Orgy, To Steal A Golden Calf, The Milk Epistles #7 and #8, Obey The Cow God, Carl's Page, Member News, 4 Jerry Baly, Mooism Rant, [Sp Cow Posters!!! 4 A Lifetime Membership Is Only $3! What Are You Waiting For?CHEW YOUR CUD & YOU CHEW LIFE ITSELF...MILK IS THE RIVER OF LIFE.. A CALL T0 Cup Organ of The Holy Church of Moo in ‘spiritual devotion to COW and CARL Life Is A Gamble If I could ever stop playing the slot machines in Atlantic City and Las Vegas during my free time perhaps could complete this issue! I met CARL on the Boardwalk in AC a few years back (see Issue # 1 of| ACTC) and since then he has helped me see the “fun” and “spiritual” gain from playing the quarter slots. IMy last trip to AC in November 1999 I lost $500 the first night and woke up in my free hotel room with crime tape wrapped around the bed. It was an ugly scene! However, Carl has taught me that no matter| Hhow badly you do one day there is always another day. True to form we went to another casino where we had a free room (and free meals) and visited Auntie Em (ATM) for another $250 to try again. Sure lenough a few hours later a jackpot of $675 was hit and later in the evening another jackpot of $725 was it. I left the next day a winner with $650 of their money. My last three trips to the sacramental slot machines has left me $1445 ahead! Playing the slots has taught me a lot about patience, attitude, self-control and how to handle winning and losing. To me it is a spiritual pursuit (fraught with dangers| lof course) and each quarter dropped is a sacrament on the road to spiritual enlightenment. Yes I know this sounds like bullshit, but we all have different ways of pursuing the truth, relaxing and learning our| spiritual sevens. The casino has become my “building church” and once inside I can be myself again they let you smoke!) whereas in the rest of the world I have to conform to a myriad of rules and regulations that constrict my blood flow, my humor and my spirituality. [Thanks to the many contributors in this issue: Rev. Mad Dog, Miss Bovinia, Lloyd Michael Lohr, [Nathan Shaffer, Dusty Erik Lunde, A.G. Baugh, Dungmistress Freda Peepwhole, St. Joe Torre and lespecially TinaTean for thirteen years of love and jackpots. Members and non-members are invited to [contribute to this zine. We like articles and illustrations that focus on the spiritual nature of life and the “holy cow.” Let us know about that side of your life not spent earning your daily bread. Too much of our| life is spent working and so litte time pursuing our own truth and having fun! Birth is a blessing, death is a certainty and life is a gamble... MOO OOM, PUNGMASTER CANNON X. COWPIER Blind Cow Publications Editor & Publisher Blind Cow Publications Dungmaster Cannon X. Cowpier 87 Richard Street, Apt. 7 Passaic, NJ 07055 (aka David R. Wyder) Web Site ‘members.aokcom/dailycow/indexhcom him .THE GRASS IS NEVER GREENER ELSEWHERE...THE FENCE IS THERE FOR A REASON...qhe Holy Chure;, ‘ ‘ Seeaxexexennnennernnnnnen ‘All mai, mal sobmisions and membership rogers sity be sent: Dangmester Cannon X. Cowper 8? Tichard Stet #7, Paste 90 07085 or Send mal 0 Beas al ae eepceiore eatocrg Subject: Questions of Faith From: @micron.net (mjc) ‘When you say “to love the cows” is this a literal meaning (you know in “THAT WAY”) or is it more like love the image of loving a cow, What an image that brings to mind. Do you need a personal lube to do that? I have some at a reasonable price if you need any. (I cannot speak for all the members of The Holy Church of Moo but I love “cows” in a spiritual manner. Iam not Interested in bestiality but if folks are into that (pun intended) I say bless them as long as no one gets hurt. I did date a woman once who some mean-spirited folks called a cow and I did mount her for a tong ride but I ‘guess that doesn’t count. My current lover looks nothing Uke a cow but I have told her that I will love her for heifer and heifer. 1 do not have fantasies about having sex with cows but like all healthy males the udders on both cows ‘and women can get me going and yes I was breast fed as a child (you can draw your own conclusions.) Does MOOISM mean being a vegetarian. After all Carl was ‘given milk and a rib, not just milk. (MOOISM does not incorporate vegetarianism in its tenents. However, some of its humans tenants are vegans (ome may even be vegetables for all I know). As all ‘members of the non-human animal kingdom are MOOIST’s the vast majority are herbivores but we wel- ‘come carnivores and cannibals alike. Yes, Carl was given 4a rib (he is very ticklish down there) but prefers a diet of ‘salt water taffy and Drakes Ring Dings.) Do the golden pies reappear periodically to rearrange the structure of ethics and procedures. Like using the LUBE? (You are very astute! The answer is a most definite YES! ‘Mooism is a religion of flexibility not all rigid and hard. It goes with the flow and if it needs some LUBE to get it working it will be applied liberally.) Does a Dungmaster have to go to school like a divinity school or a cheesemakers school? (Most Dungmasters have to live in New Jersey for a year ‘or two to attain their “Dungmasterism” but most just have to recognize bullshit when they see, hear, taste, touch or ‘smell i) ‘And most of all are there holier breeds in the pantheon of Mooism? (Holsteins tend t0 think they are holier than thou but in ‘Mooism the cockroach, the cow and Donald Trump are all equal) Was this “cow cul” around in 1994-95? I was in a group of ‘AOLers who joked around about cows and called ourselves the BGH. I went by the name of RedVimoogr. Do you remember that? Peter A. Peterson (We have files on every cow-related thing that has ever hhappened. You are sil being monitored. No joke..) T have become converted to MOOISM. I too will worship the great cow in the sky. Please send me life membership. Rosco (This is perhaps the most intelligent thing you have done in your whole life. You won't regret it) In a culture where every image or idea can and willbe used for commerce, how can anything remain sacred? And if nothing sacred remains, why not lie and steal? When we're barraged with messages equating personal worth with mate- rial wealth, when the poorest can buy a gun, what's aston- ishing is not that America has so much violence but that it hhas so litte-testimony both to some elemental longing for virtue and our willingness to fund a police state as the price of prosperity. Meanwhile, fundamentalist movements grow here and abroad, as people seek to find or restore value in lives that corporate capitalism perceives as another resource to be exploited, exhausted and trashed. The Holy Church of Moo is about the only thing that makes sense to me these days. St. Gilligan [now infects our globe from sea to shining sea..| #03