Speechless

Anne Jenettwe

Speechless

 2008 Anne Jenettwe Forlag: Books on Demand GmbH, Kbenhavn, Danmark Tryk: Books on demand Gmbh, Norderstedt, Tyskland

To Michael my very own MJ This story, and the song, will forever and ever remind me of you. Thank you for reading my story and sending me the Speechless voice clip. Thank you for four incredible months. And thank you for letting me use your name for this one copy of my book. Ill love you always. Anne

Chapter 1 Karen put her large suitcase down on the ground and looked around the crowded train station. She ran her hand through her long red curly hair, letting out a big sigh. This was so like Helen, being late. She grabbed a bottle of mineral water from her bag and took a large sip. Her t-shirt was sticking to her back in the heat, and her sandals suddenly felt like they were two sizes too small. Everywhere around her people were hugging and kissing, either saying goodbye or hello to their loved ones. About 10 minutes later she heard a very familiar laughter, cutting through all the noise. KAREN! I am so sorry I am late, but you know me! Oh my gosh, I have missed you so much! Helen threw herself in Karens arms, hugging her tight. Welcome to the States! So how was your flight? Not too bad, Karen replied, cheerfully trying to wrench herself out of Helens arms. But the train ride was quite exhausting. Hey, you are choking me, she laughed, poking Helen in the back. Helen smiled and took her arm, impatiently leading the way out of the train station. I am so glad that you are finally here, she said while throwing Karens suitcase into the trunk of her silver coloured BMW. Just wait till you see the house. Its paradise on earth. And I have reserved the best room for you, my dear. With a fabulous bathroom with a very large bath tub and a huge shower cabin. Just wait till you see it. And everybody else has arrived already. Its an odd mixture of models, musicians, business men, and normal

people like you and me. Helen laughed her pearly laughter once again while taking off from the curb. Describing herself as normal compared to the other guests was clearly an understatement. Helen was one of the most successful supermodels of the Ford Agency in New York, at the same time being the most modest and down to earth friend Karen had ever had. They had known each other for almost 10 years, ever since Helen first came to New York at 17 to work as a model, totally overwhelmed and scared to death by the modelling industry, and only too happy to meet a friendly face at her very first photo shoot. At the time, Karen had just started working as the assistant photographer to Alec Newton, her exhusband, and felt equally overwhelmed and confused. Despite an age difference of almost 7 years, the two girls bonded immediately. Alec The mere thought of him made her stomach twist. Almost as if she could read her mind, Helen turned her head and looked at Karen inquiringly. Are you okay, honey? You look a little pale. Have you been comfortable, living with Tony since you got out of the hospital? Is he looking after you the way he should? She turned her head again, once again concentrating on the traffic. Karen nodded, forcing a smile. Sure, Tony has been great. The best friend a girl could ever wish for. Actually, he offered me to move in with him permanently just before I left yesterday, renting the 2nd floor of his gorgeous terrace house, and I instantly accepted. The house has been way too big for him since Maria moved out 2 years ago, and both of us are on the move most of the time anyway. No doubt, hell be the perfect room mate. Eager to change the subject, she smiled at Helen. So tell me about Mark. Is he gorgeous?

Yeah, Helen said dreamily. Gorgeous and sexy as hell. He is the perfect boyfriend, and I dont think I have been this much in love ever before. And the fact that he is 15 years older than me only makes him so much more interesting. Karen looked at her teasingly. Good for you! Interesting, gorgeous, sexy AND loaded. Quite a combination, huh? So tell me why you persuaded me to come here. What will we be doing for the next 3 weeks? Helen faked a big sigh. Well, youll hate it. Like I said, the house is fantastic, a summer cottage the size of the White House, situated in the middle of nowhere in the most beautiful landscape. A large swimming pool, a tennis court, stables with lots of horses, several outrageously expensive cars at our disposal, and the most amazing garden. Not to mention an enormous terrace with a huge barbecue and even a fire pit. Its extremely cosy. The nearest village is about 15 minutes away by car, and apart from a very few staff members, the only people around are Marks friends. Apparently they meet up here every summer for 3 weeks, while his parents are staying at their house in Milan. This is exactly what you need to get on top of the world again, Karen. I am so excited that you decided to come. So hows London? Busy as always, Karen replied absent-mindedly, suddenly feeling a touch of concern thinking about the people she would be living with for the next 3 weeks. But I havent been out much since the accident though. The accident, Helen repeated hesitatingly. Is that how you describe it? Accident isnt exactly the first word that crosses my mind. Never mind, Karen said lightly, smiling at her. Lets just leave it at that, shall we? So how many of Marks friends will I get to meet?

A lot! Helen replied, grinning. Well be nineteen including you, me and Mark. I told you, the house is gigantic. 15 guest rooms to be exact. And dont worry, you wont be the only single. Her grin increased. I am sure youll find one of them particularly interesting, but youll find out for yourself. All of the guests are really, really nice people though. She made a wry face. Except for one of the models. She is well, you know what models are like. She gives the word primadonna a whole new meaning. She came here with one of Marks friends, a musician of course. Well just have to spend as little time with her as possible, I guess. Karen laughed. Sounds very cosy. This model that you mention so heartily - anybody I have worked with? Helen nodded. Yeah, I think so. Her name is Monique. Know her? Oh yeah, I know her. Not my favourite cup of tea, but she is harmless. Just dont share your most intimate secrets with her. Helen giggled. Thanks for the advice. But believe me, I didnt intend to. Well, here we are. This is Pinehaven. A long, impressive driveway led up to the house. Karen let out a gasp. Wow, this place is fantastic! You were so right. I am totally gonna hate staying here! Helen parked the car near a paddock with 5 beautiful horses. Karen stepped closer and gently petted one of them. She breathed in and turned to Helen. Gee, I just love the smell of horses, dont you? Its so soothing. Helen shrugged her shoulders mischievously. Yeah, its okay, I guess as long as I dont have to touch the damn creatures. She lifted the suitcase out of the trunk and closed the lid. Well, we will have to carry your suitcase ourselves. Mark has

10

decided to keep only a minimum of staff up here to make it as private as possible. A stable boy, two maids to take care of the cleaning and stuff for a few hours a day, and a chef in charge of dinner. We make breakfast and lunch ourselves. Its very down to earth, just the way you like it. She showed Karen to her room, located on the first floor at the end of a long hallway. As they walked past the room to the right, Helen let out a tiny giggle. You and your neighbour definitely have the best rooms of them all and the most privacy. He needs that, just like you. And my neighbour is ? Hes the guy I told you about. The one that you will, no doubt, find extremely interesting. But I am not gonna tell you who he is. Youll freak out! You think? Karen rolled her eyes cheerfully and stepped into her room. The room was indeed extremely beautiful, decorated in old country style with a huge four poster bed in the middle, a very large closet, an antique desk and a small sitting area. The large bathroom took her breath away. It, too, was decorated in old country style with a cream and pale green colour scheme, being completely dominated by a large oval tub to the left, while a large spa shower cabin was partly hidden behind a wooden wall at the far end of the bathroom. See, Helen said, holding up a cream candle. I asked the maids to purchase a lot of candles for you, plus your favourite foam bath. I know how much you love to relax in the tub after a hard days work, right? Karen laughed. Yeah, you are so right, and its so like you to remember that. Thanks, Helen. Ill definitely enjoy the tub, but I am not sure if Ill get any work done here at all. Although I would definitely

11

love to take a few shots now and then, if the other guests will allow me. Ill have to ask them later on. Helen looked at her. Are you tired, Karen? Jetlagged? Do you want to rest a bit, or would you like to join the rest of us for lunch? Everybody went into the village and wont be back for another hour or so. Lunch will be served as soon as they get back. I have made my famous chicken salad. She gave Karen a self-ironic smile. Chicken salad was the only dish she knew how to make. Karen hugged her and held her out at arms length, looking her straight into the eyes. Helen, my friend. Please dont worry about me, okay? I am fine. It has taken me a while to get here, but I am okay now. I know you want to do whatever you can for me, but please just pretend that the accident never happened, okay? And I am not sleepy at all. Actually, I think Ill immediately unpack my suitcase and take a quick look around the premises before lunch. Helen kissed her on the cheek. Sounds like a great plan, Karen ... and I promise not to be such a mother hen. See you at lunch in an hour then. We have all our meals on the terrace, and it shouldnt be too hard to find for you. Just follow the noise and Moniques foolish tee-hee. She giggled and went out of the room. Karen sat down on the bed, letting out a big sigh. Actually, she was pretty tired, but she didnt want to sleep now. Getting through the nights was the worst part since the accident, and she wanted to be as tired as possible before going to bed. Right now a bit of fresh air would do her good. A quick shower and a change of clothes made her feel less tired. She unpacked her suitcase quickly and grabbed her camera, suddenly feeling almost claustrophobic. The garden was magnificent. The rich smell of the roses mingled with the less emphasised fragrances

12

of white lilacs and beautiful blue forget-me-nots. Purple bouquet lavender blossomed beside a small pond in the far end corner of the garden, while huge flower beds of pink and magenta azaleas graced the path to the horse paddock. Helen was right; this was exactly what she needed. Peace and quiet, and the most wonderful surroundings. She smiled as she opened the gate to the horse paddock and stepped inside, once again deeply breathing in the soothing smell of the horses. She buried her head into one of the horses mane and felt completely happy for a second. The feeling took her by surprise completely and caused another smile to cross her face. She pulled out her camera and started photographing two of the horses up close and front, every little detail of their beautiful heads. As always she was totally absorbed in her own thoughts, holding the camera in her hands. Humming cheerfully to herself, she felt relaxed and at ease for the first time in months. After a while, she buried her head in the horses mane once again and turned around to leave the paddock. She jumped. A man was leaning against the gate, watching her. She shaded her eyes with her hand while approaching him, secretly wondering just how long he had been watching her. Sorry I didnt mean to startle you, but you were so caught up in your work that I didnt want to disturb you by announcing my presence either. My name is Michael, he said in a soft voice, reaching out his hand to shake hands with her.

13

Chapter 2 She looked at him while shaking hands with him. He was tall and slender, casually dressed in a pair of blue jeans and a white t-shirt. His sunglasses concealed his eyes completely, but his sensual lips were parted in a gorgeous smile. His skin looked soft and pale, and his curly black hair, gathered in a ponytail, gave him a boyish look. You must be Karen, he said, his tone of voice still surprisingly soft and pleasant. Helen told me that her friend would be coming from London today, a very famous fashion photographer. Guess it wasnt too hard to guess your profession, watching you just now, although I am sure that the horses are a lot easier to work with than the models. He giggled cheerfully. Karen returned his smile. And you must be Michael Jackson. Even if I hadnt recognized your face, that giggle would have given you away. Its so nice to meet you. I am a big fan of your music, and I just love your new album. Thank you. Thats very kind of you. He bent his head backwards, looking at the sun. The suns awfully powerful right now. I am sorry, but I have to get into the shade. I am allergic to sunlight, I am afraid. Vitiligo, right? I read about it once. He nodded shyly. Yes, thats right. Wanna join me for a glass of lemonade on the terrace? The others will be back soon, I think. She nodded and soon followed him through the garden to the terrace.

14

He pulled out a chair for her. Sit down and relax, Karen, you must be pretty tired. Ill fetch the lemonade. Karen sat down at the table, already set for nineteen. She looked around the terrace. It was extremely cosy, just as Helen had told her. Suddenly her mood increased considerably, and she no longer felt quite as exhausted. Michael emerged again, holding two tall glasses in his hands. He sat down in front of her beneath a large parasol and took off his sunglasses to look at her, giving her a friendly smile. His eyes took her breath away. Big, dark a perfect hazel colour. The kind of eyes that would make a girl feel like drowning if she looked into them too deep. Their equally perfect shape was enhanced by only a touch of make-up. Naturally, she had seen him in magazines and on the TV so many times before, but Michael Jackson the King of Pop was nothing but a faint copy compared to the real Michael. So how long have you and Helen been friends? he asked, sipping his lemonade. His question interrupted her thoughts. Almost 10 years. Ever since Helen had her first photo shoot for the Ford Agency at 17. She had just arrived in New York, and I had just started working for my husband as his assistant photographer. We were equally lost and scared to death by the crazy business, and we just instantly clicked. We have been very close friends ever since. Have you ever wanted to become a model yourself? He looked at her long red hair. You certainly are very beautiful, he added unexpectedly with a sincere look in his eyes. Oh thanks for the compliment! To her annoyance, she felt her cheeks getting hot. No, I never considered that for a second. I have always

15

preferred to work on the other side of the camera. Modelling is definitely not for me. She smiled cheerfully. And even if I had wanted to become a model, I am just not tall enough. He played with the glass in his hand, sloshing the ice cubes around a few times before taking a sip. But you are no longer the assistant photographer, right? Helen told me that you are a very talented fashion photographer, and quite famous too. Are you still working with your husband? The look on her face changed. Actually, he is my ex-husband now, and no, we are not working together. We did for quite a while, while we were still married, but Alec had some problems, and for a longer period of time he didnt work as much as he used to. At some point the clients started asking for me instead, and before I knew it I was working on my own on several occasions and became fairly successful well, that was really hard for Alec to handle, and we stopped working together completely. Noticing the sudden look of discomfort on her face, he immediately changed the subject. So this is your first time here? You have never met Mark before? She shook her head. No, but Helen has told me so many nice things about him, and I cant wait to meet him. Michael smiled warmly. Yeah, hes a great guy and a great friend. Like you and Helen, we have been friends for almost a decade, and he is the most loyal friend you could ever wish for. I spent three weeks up here last year too, and I just couldnt wait to spend time here again this year. This is one of the only places on earth where I am totally comfortable staying without my bodyguards, and I just love it. His cell phone rang, and he immediately flipped it open, giving her an apologetic smile. Hey, sweetey,

16

I have been waiting for you to call, he said as he answered the phone, now smiling hugely. His voice was even softer and warmer than before. To her utter surprise, she felt a small sting of dislike, hearing the change in this tone of voice and his choice of words. He listened for a while, still smiling broadly while adding a few words now and then. Obviously, the girl at the other end did most of the talking. He laughed heartily. All right, sweetey, you have persuaded me. But then you always do, dont you? Tell Janet that I said okay. Yeah, daddy misses you, too. Say hello to Prince and Blanket for me, okay? Love you. He closed his cell phone and looked at her across the table. She felt a blush creep into her cheeks once again, clearly getting the feeling that he was able to see right through her and feel the ridiculous relief the word daddy brought to her. So this was your daughter? You are not bringing your kids with you? He shook his head. No, they are staying with my sister Janet. Last year I intended to stay here alone for maybe one or two weeks and then have their nanny bring them here, but they had so much fun with Janet and never got here at all. This year, they begged me to stay with her for three weeks too, and she loves to have them, so I really didnt have too much saying in the matter. He laughed softly. And although I miss them terribly already, I must admit that I kind of like the idea of having a vacation on my own, knowing that they are having a blast, too. I just got back from my European tour 3 weeks ago, and I am still kind of exhausted, still having trouble sleeping and stuff. Guess I am not that easy to be around when I am feeling this way. Kind of cranky, you know. So the kids are better off being with Janet for a while, I am sure.

17

Karen burst out in laughter. Sorry, Michael, but I find that very hard to believe. You being difficult to be around, I mean. I know I dont know you very well yet, but you definitely strike me as an extremely agreeable person to be around, and I am sure that you are a very perfect father, too. His dark eyes looked straight into hers. Thank you, Karen. That was a beautiful thing to say. I hope youll feel the same way after spending three weeks with me. So what about you, do you have any kids? She smiled sadly. No, unfortunately I am not able to have children. Or at least the chance is almost non-existent. I had to have one of my ovaries removed when I was a teenager, and the other one is not working the way it should. So I have like a 0.5% chance of getting pregnant, and since I am 34 years old and never have been so far, I would say that the chance equals zero. He reached out his hand and put in on her arm, squeezing it lightly. I am so sorry. It must have been really hard for you. I hope you dont mind my asking, but did you and your husband never consider adoption or maybe some of the technical wonders of today? I mean, there are so many ways to get professional help to get pregnant, like artificial insemination for instance. His touch took her by surprise completely, and she looked down at his hand on her arm. A strong, big hand, his skin soft and warm. He followed her glance and giggled. So sorry. I guess I got just a little carried away. He removed his hand, smiling shyly. Its okay, she said, returning his smile. I dont mind. Well, adoption was never really an option to my ex-husband. He wanted a child of his own or no child at all. We did try artificial insemination three times, but without luck.

18

Must have been a tough time to go through, huh? Michael asked sympathetically, once again giving her a look which made her feel that he could see right through her soul. She looked down at her hands. Yeah, it was, actually. I was quite disappointed every time I failed to get pregnant, to put it mildly. For that period of time, my whole life seemed to evolve around the fact that I was unable to have a baby, and after three tries I decided to give it up. I just couldnt take it anymore. She laughed a small laughter. Oh my God, Michael. I cant believe I am telling you this. Actually, I have never discussed this with anybody before, apart from Helen and my ex-husband of course. I guess you would be able to drag all of my dark secrets out of me in no time, looking at me with those big brown eyes of yours. He giggled cheerfully once again. Ill take that as a compliment. It was a compliment, wasnt it? Karen avoiding giving him an answer to that question as Helen turned up, carrying a large bowl of chicken salad. Hey so you guys have met? The others will be back in five minutes; Mark just called me from the car. Michael got up immediately. Let me help you carry out the rest, he said, disappearing into the house. Helen gave her a cheerful wink. Sweet guy, right? If I were single . She faked a deep sigh. Well, I am not. But he IS rather gorgeous, isnt he? Karen finished her lemonade in one large gulp, then shook her head teasingly. I know exactly what you are trying to do, but dont even think about it! I am definitely not looking for any kind of romantic relationship. Ill leave that up to you, honey. But how come you didnt tell me that he was coming? I did

19

ask you about the guests on the phone the other night, remember? Well, actually, Helen grinned, I didnt even know myself until he turned up yesterday. Thats typical of Mark he just told me that his good friend Michael would join us. To Mark, Michael is just Michael, not Michael Jackson. Thats one of the things I love about him. He couldnt care less whether you are famous or not. To him you are defined by what you are inside, not what you do for a living or your money and fame. And he NEVER tells me anything personal about Michael. Nothing at all. Thats between the two of them, and Michael can trust him completely. And of course that goes for all of Marks friends. Marks like a closed book when it comes to them. Maybe thats why he has so many famous friends. She put up an innocent face. I did warn you today that you would find one of the guests particularly interesting though, didnt I? She smiled teasingly as she dragged Karen out of her chair. Now come help me fetch the rest of the food. She bent down to whisper into Karens ear. And dont even pretend that you dont like him. I saw the look on your face as you looked at him. I am sure this vacation will be quite interesting for all of us!

20

Chapter 3 A few minutes later, Mark turned up on the terrace. He approached Karen immediately, reaching out his hand to shake hands with her. Its so nice to finally meet you, he said in a pleasant voice, giving her a firm handshake. Helen has told me so much about you. All good stuff, of course. He smiled cheerfully, turning his head to look at Helen with a teasing look in his eyes. He was very good looking, tall and sporty with blond, short hair and honest blue eyes. Karen instantly liked him. Come and meet everybody, he said, taking her by the arm. He held on to her arm as he introduced her to the other guests, now arriving on the terrace, one by one. Helen was right; this really was a pretty odd mixture of people. Joel, the singer of Marks new discovery, the British rock band Sweet Revenge. A tall young guy with black hair, lots of tattoos and a very charming smile. James, his big brother and the drummer of Sweet Revenge. His girlfriend Monique, the famous top model that Helen had mentioned so heartily earlier that day. Gordon, one of Marks colleagues from Sony, and his girlfriend Deborah, a very pretty and rather shy young girl. Henry, another of Marks colleagues, single, slightly snobbish and definitely not Karens type. Johnny, a gorgeous young actor, and his girlfriend Angie, a beautiful Asian model (and this probably wasnt her real name, Karen thought to herself). Andrew, another famous musician, and his wife Kiki; a tall, blond girl with a heavy make-up and a very impressive body. Jennifer,

21

an extremely charming, upcoming British painter who had just had a very successful exhibition in New York. Susie, another one of Marks old colleagues and very dear friends, and her husband Ryan. An extremely charming couple, only married for a few months, Helen later told her. Eric, an IT wizard who had just sold his fifth company for a nine figure selling price, and his girlfriend, Louise. And of course, Michael. The lunch was extremely cosy. The conversation was lively and light-hearted, and everybody seemed to be enjoying each others company. Karen looked at Michael out of the corner of her eye. He, too, seemed to be relaxed and having a good time. He laughed a lot; a bubbly, warm, catchy laughter - not a couple of chuckles or a bit of polite laughter, but the kind of laughter that rolls up from deep within the belly and reminds people around you why life is definitely worth living. After lunch, most of the party went down to the swimming pool area, everybody soon resting lazily on the sun beds or cooling down in the swimming pool. Feeling almost excited, Karen went upstairs to change into her red bikini. She hummed as she pulled her long hair into a ponytail and took a quick glance at herself in the mirror, very careful not to look at anything beneath her face. Sadly, the trick didnt work this time. The hum changed into a gasp as the all too familiar feeling of fear swept over her like a tidal wave, making her heart race out of control, and every muscle in her body clench into a tight knot. She closed her eyes, anxiously waiting for the feeling to pass like she knew it would eventually. After a few minutes, her breathing returned to normal. She swallowed hard a few times, then turned around to grab her white t-shirt. She put it on top of her bikini quickly and rushed out of the room,

22

desperate to get out and once again breathe the air outside. She flung herself on one of the sun beds and turned her head toward the sun. Despite her red hair and delicate skin, she had no problem working up a dark tan, and nothing would more efficiently wash away the remnants of the anxiety attack she just went through as the feeling of the warm sun on her skin, almost like a comforting hand. She closed her eyes. The humming voices around her, and the splashing sounds from the pool, the laughter and the occasional cheerful shouting, only added to her newfound feeling of safety and relaxation. Within minutes, she dozed off. She woke with a start as someone touched her arm. She looked up quickly, disoriented and frightened. Hey, Helen said softly, its only me. No need to be scared. Wanna go for a swim? Karen nodded, her heart still beating way too fast. She got up and jumped into the water, her t-shirt instantly soaked and heavy with water. Joel looked at her teasingly. Hey, Karen, you forgot to take off your t-shirt, he said in his thick British accent, giving her a charming smile from across the pool. Actually, I keep it on deliberately, Karen said, returning his smile. Why is that? he asked curiously. Too much sun on your shoulders? Of course people would make remarks on her tshirt. She took a deep breath and smiled cheerfully. No, not exactly, Joel. To tell you the truth, Im thinking about joining the next Miss Wet T-shirt competition in London and thought I better practice for a while first. Joel laughed cheerfully.

23

In that case, Karen, you better remember that the purpose of such competitions is to NOT wear any bikini top underneath. He winked at her. Sure but I havent quite gotten to that part yet. To her annoyance, she felt her cheeks getting hot. He was flirting, and flirting was definitely not on her agenda right now. He laughed again, throwing a soft ball at her. Sounds fair. And by the way, I really like your sense of humour. She threw the ball back at him and got out of the pool, casually wringing some of the water out of the notorious t-shirt. Michael was sitting on his sun bed beneath a large parasol, reading a book. He turned his face to look at her, giving her a smile before returning his eyes to his book. For some odd reason, his smile remained on the inside of her eye lids as she lay down on the sun bed again, turning her face towards the sun like before. Dinner was served on the terrace at exactly 8 p.m., and the chef had prepared a delicious Mexican buffet with all kinds of Mexican specialities. As it turned out, nobody had fixed seats at the table, and this time Karen found herself seated between Joel and James. Both brothers did their utmost to make her laugh a lot, almost making a competition out of waiting on her hand and foot in the most charming way possible. Michael was seated at the other end of the table, apparently engaged in a very interesting conversation with Susie and Ryan. He looked totally at ease with himself and the world, now and then smiling his warm smile, unconsciously drawing her eyes to his face again and again. She almost bumped into him at the buffet. He laughed heartily while reaching out his hand to her. Sorry, my bad, Karen. He looked at her plate. Now

24

come on, girl, is that all you intend to eat? You have got to try this. Mmmm, I just love quesadillas! Oh, and try this too. And the Pollo Encacahuatado. He turned around to look at the buffet, putting a lot of food on her plate from various dishes. He looked at her plate again and giggled. I am sorry. Perhaps this is just a little too much for you. Anyway, just try it out. I am sure youll like it. She looked down at her plate and the huge amount of food on it and burst out in laughter. Perhaps? Are you kidding? Theres food enough for three or four people here. Missing your children, are you, Michael? Sorry, he giggled once again. Old habits die hard, you know. He returned to his chair and sat down again, a cheerful look on his face. She felt an unexpected warm, tickling sensation inside, looking back at him. Withdrawing her eyes again quickly, she seated herself again, almost dropping her plate on the table as she did so, and to her annoyance clearly feeling her cheeks getting hotter. James immediately refilled her glass of white wine, giving her a friendly smile which she hardly noticed. Relax, she warned herself, once again looking at the food on her plate. The food HE had chosen for her. And for Gods sake, stop reacting this way, just because he smiles at you. Dont be so damn ridiculous. He is only trying to be nice. Thats what he is. Nice. She sipped her white wine while moving a stuffed red chili pepper around with her fork absentmindedly. Joel elbowed her in the side. Hellooooo Karen, are you still with us? A penny for your thoughts! Sorry? She looked up, confused and slightly embarrassed, suddenly noticing that Eric was looking

25

at her from across the table, waiting for her to reply to a question that she hadnt even heard. Sorry, she repeated with a smile, I think I was kind of caught up in my own little world for a while. It happens a lot, I am afraid. Believe me, I know what thats like, Karen. I guess we all need to disappear for a while now and then. It wasnt important after all; I was just commenting on the amount of food on your plate. Guess Michael means well, but he definitely hasnt got a clue as to the amount of food girls eat in public. Grown up girls that is Sorry Michael, he grinned while raising his glass in a silent toast. Okay, okay, point taken. I promise to never interfere again. Michael rolled his eyes cheerfully while lifting his glass to his perfectly shaped lips. He ran his eyes over Karens plate once again as he sipped his wine slowly, the smile still playing on his face. Oh my God, that smile. She felt Helens eyes on her face and turned her head in her direction. Helen was grinning softly to herself, clearly noticing the unfamiliar look on her friends face and definitely liking what she saw. What? she mouthed, faking an angry stare. I told you so, Helens red lips formed silently in reply, a cheerful look growing on her pretty face. Shaking her head resignedly, Karen returned her eyes to the food on her plate, feeling only too clearly how the small girly smile refused to leave her face.

26

Chapter 4 Having helped clear the table after dinner, Karen felt a sudden urge to be alone for a while, eager to digest the happenings of the day. Automatically, her steps led her to the horse paddock. She leaned against the gate, watching the horses. The sun was setting, painting the sky with streaks of perfect pink, purple and blue colours. She breathed in deep and instantly recognized the overwhelming sweet smell of the roses in the garden. I am actually happy right now. Relaxed. Not frightened at all. I never thought I would feel that way again. A few tears trailed slowly down her cheeks. Its such a beautiful night, isnt it? a voice behind her said. She turned around startled, swiftly brushing away the tears. Michael was standing close behind her; she had been too lost in her own thoughts to hear him approach. Yes, it is, she nodded. Its breathtaking. Are you all right? he asked, his eyes taking in every detail of her facial expression. Am I disturbing you? No, no, of course not, she said quickly. Yeah, I am alright. I just got a little carried away by the beauty of the night. I havent watched a sunset in a really, really long time, and the feeling kind of overwhelmed me. Its silly, I know. I am sorry. He shook his head. No, thats not silly at all. I think its wonderful that you are able to feel so strongly, watching the wonders of nature. Not many people are, you know.

27

She laughed a tiny laughter. Well, I am just too emotional for my own good these days. I am still not quite myself yet. As soon as the last word slipped her mouth, she bit her lip hard, instantly regretting her admission. He gave her a soft look. And why is that? She hesitated. I errh just got out of the hospital a few weeks ago. I had an accident two months ago and have been kind of keeping myself to myself since then. An accident? he repeated in a warm, soothing voice. Wanna tell me about it? She shook her head, smiling apologetically. No, not really. I am sorry, Michael, I am just not ready to talk about it. Okay, he said, looking her deep into her eyes. I understand. And if you do wanna talk about it at some point, you know where to find me for the next three weeks. I think I know how you feel. After my trial I just couldnt talk about that either. Even if people were only trying to be supportive. It was just too painful for me. The look on her face changed. I cant begin to understand what you went through, Michael. I dont know how you managed to survive, mentally and emotionally. He returned her glance. So what did you think about the trial, Karen? Did you think I did all those horrible things I was accused of? Did you have any doubts along the way? The slight tremble in his voice touched her immensely. She turned her head to look at the horses, trying to find the right words. Actually, Michael, I never doubted for a second that you were totally innocent. The accusations were so . ridiculous. My heart bled for you, and I decided from day one not to listen to any of it. I never read about it in the papers, I never watched anything about it on

28

the TV. I just waited for them to find you not guilty. And they did. In the end, justice prevailed. He swallowed hard and stood in silence for a short while, his eyes fixed on a beautiful brown mare. Then he laughed softly, turning his head to look at her again. You are a very special girl, Karen. Thank you. You have no idea how much it means to me what you just said. Once again changing the subject, he gave her a mischievous look. So what does a girl like you like to do in her leisure time? Horseback riding? Dancing maybe? She burst out in a tiny giggle, still not looking at him. What? he asked, raising an eyebrow. What did I say? Her eyes were still sparkling as she turned to face to him. Sorry, Michael. Its just the way you keep calling me girl. Nobody else calls me girl anymore. After all, I am 34 years old. He cracked a smile. Who cares? Age is just a number, right? I still feel like a little boy inside from time to time. But if you dont like it, I wont call you that anymore. Of course I like it, she laughed. Who wouldnt? What was the question again? Never mind, he pouted cheerfully, trying to get rid of the smile on his lips. Tell me about your work instead. Any interesting projects coming up? Sure, she nodded. I am going to New York right after this vacation to work with some very talented models, Helen being one of them. Its a shoot for Vanity Fair, and I am really looking forward to it. I havent been working since the accident, and I cant wait to get started again. I have been working on my book though. Your book? So you are writing a book?

29

Yeah, its a project that I had been thinking about for a long time, and now its finally happening. So whats the book about? he asked interestedly. She shrugged her shoulders. Well, the modelling industry of course. Thats all I know about. The book is based on three models, including Helen. Ill be focusing on their hard work, their successes and their disappointments. Everything that happens behind the camera. The life that surrounds them. People tend to think that being within the fashion industry is such a piece of cake, that models have fun all day long and party all night. Actually, its such hard work, and so many girls dont make it. They are facing too many temptations and end up wrecking up their lives and their careers. And this goes for everybody else within the industry, too. Her expression changed, and she looked unhappy and uncomfortable for a second. He picked up on her change of mood immediately. This is something you have experienced yourself, isnt it? She shook her head hesitatingly. No, not me personally. I have always known when to say no, I guess. But Alec, my ex-husband he kind of got caught in the crazy game. You know; alcohol, drugs, and life in the fast track. So this is why you divorced him? he asked, once again putting his hand on her arm. She nodded, looking away from him at the horses again, very much aware of his gentle touch. Yes, I guess you can say that. Alec had had a drinking problem for quite some time, and as my career went the right way, and his career went down the drain, his drinking problem increased. I tried to help him the best I could, begging him to do something about it. I felt awfully guilty, I guess. Then one day I caught him doing drugs in our bathroom, and it completely

30

caught me off guard. I just well, I just couldnt take it anymore. I gave him an ultimatum. Either he checked into rehab, or I would leave him immediately. He decided to check into rehab, and when he got back, things seemed to be great between us for some time. Until one day I came back from a shoot one day too early and found him in our bed with a very young model, both of them high on drugs of course. She turned to look at him again, laughing a joyless laughter. I am sorry to bore you with this, Michael. I told you this afternoon, didnt I? For some odd reason you are able to make me babble on about myself, and believe me, usually I NEVER do that. Even my closest friends accuse me of keeping my personal life too much to myself. Suddenly he hugged her. His gesture took her by surprise completely, and she immediately turned stiff in his arms. He let go of her while lifting her head with his fingertips, forcing her to look at him. You definitely dont bore me, Karen. I am honoured that you seem to have confidence in me. I feel just the same way about you, you know. It feels good to have someone to talk to for a change. Like you, I tend to keep my personal life to myself, always scared that I might be let down if I trust somebody too much. I just hate to read about my every move in the tabloids, he added, cracking a smile. For a while none of them spoke. So, you and your husband are you still friends? Friends? she repeated hoarsely. His question caught her off guard, and the usual flashbacks entered her mind immediately. She felt the wellknown sting of fear, and as her heart started racing out of control, she knew only too well what was about to come. The panic. The choking sensation.

31

The embarrassing, uncontrolled shivering, followed by the inability to breathe. She wrapped her hands around the gate in front of her and squeezed it tight. Closing her eyes shut, she gasped deeply a few times, impatiently waiting for her breathing and her heartbeat to return to normal again. He looked at her in astonishment. Hey girl, he said softly, are you alright? Did I say something wrong? She shook her head, her eyes still closed. No Michael, its okay. I am fine. Slowly regaining control of her emotions, she opened her eyes, smiling shyly. I am sorry. If you dont mind, I would prefer to change the subject. He nodded and took off his black jacket in one swift movement. Before she even realized his intentions, the jacket was wrapped around her shoulders casually. Of course, Karen. I am sorry; I shouldnt have asked you this. Wanna dance? WHAT? she burst out, looking at him as if he had lost it completely. Dont look at me that way, he giggled. Listen! The others have turned on the music on the terrace. I bet they are dancing, just like yesterday. And I bet a dance would make you feel better. I know it always makes ME feel better! She grinned, suddenly noticing the music. Yeah, but then again, you are a great dancer. I am not! You dont have to be, he said, reaching out his hand to her. Come on, lets join the others. As if it was the most natural thing on earth, he put his arm lightly around her waist as they walked through the garden to the terrace.

32

Chapter 5 Just as he had anticipated, some of the guests were already dancing on the terrace. Mark had lit a huge amount of bamboo garden torches all around the garden, casting a soft, warm light on the terrace and the provisional dance floor. Michael removed his jacket from her shoulders and hung it on the back of her chair. Oh my, he said as they approached the dance floor, giving Mark a cheerful smile across the floor. They are even playing my music! Thanks, Mark. My number one fan! He laughed cheerfully as he reached out his hand to her again, dragging her onto the dance floor. So do you like this song? he asked as he pulled her closer to wrap his arms around her. I sure do, she replied, nodding, praying that her voice would not reveal the way her heart was racing like crazy. You are not alone has always been one of my favourite songs of yours. This one and Smile. They always make me feel better when I am feeling sad or tired. Really? He broke into a warm smile. Thank you, Im really glad that my music has that effect on you. Actually, those are two of my favourite songs, too. He closed his eyes and drew her just a little bit closer, humming the song while moving gracefully to the music. A shiver ran down her spine. This situation was almost too much for her to handle right now. The night was beautiful beyond description, his arms were wrapped around her shoulders, and the heavenly scent of his very masculine cologne was

33

tickling her nose. And he was holding her just a little too tight. As the song ended, she instantly pulled away from him. Lets sit down again, please. I am dying for something to drink. Sure, he smiled. What can I get you? A glass of wine maybe? She nodded. Yes please, a glass of white wine would be great. As soon as she seated herself, Joel sat down beside her, smiling at her too. She tried to suppress the sudden ridiculous feeling inside her that he was interrupting something important. Feeling kind of guilty, she returned his smile. Sitting all by yourself? No, not really, she replied in a friendly tone of voice. He laughed. I know, I know. Good old Mike has been keeping you company. So do you wanna dance? Eager to avoid further comments on good old Mike, she got up quickly. As soon as they got on the dance floor, he wrapped his arms around her tightly. She tried to stifle a sudden urge to push him away and tried to concentrate on the music instead. Michaels music. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched Michael return to the table, holding two glasses of white wine in his hands. He looked at the two of them while seating himself. She was totally absorbed in her own thoughts as she suddenly felt Joel trail his hand down her back slowly while lowering his mouth to her neck. She put her hands on his chest and gently pushed him away. I am sorry, he said, giving her a very charming smile. You are just a very beautiful girl. She smiled to herself. This was the second time today that someone had called her "girl.

34

Misinterpreting her smile, he drew her closer again. She pushed him away again, harder this time. Sorry, Joel, but its not gonna happen, okay? He held her out at arms length, still smiling his very charming smile which would definitely make many a girl melt instantly. And why is that, Karen? he asked seductively. She laughed a tiny laughter. Well, for once, Joel, I am like 10 years older than you. Thats okay, he giggled. To tell you the truth, I find that very attractive. But maybe you dont like younger guys? Maybe you prefer OLDER guys? he asked sarcastically, giving Michael a sideway glance. His question made her heart skip a beat. Well, Joel, at this stage in my life I kind of prefer cats. LOTS of cats, if you know what I mean. He looked at her in astonishment. Cats? You have a lot of cats? She shook her head, grinning. Actually, I am highly allergic to cats. But if I werent, I would have at least ten. Get the picture? He nodded, bursting out in laughter. Okay, Karen, I get it. And I promise I wont flirt with you again, unless you change your mind. Just let me know if you do, okay? Gosh, I really DO love your sense of humour. He hugged her cheerfully while escorting her to the table. She prefers cats! he said, looking at Michael. He burst out in a giggle again and squeezed her shoulder lightly before he left the table. A mischievous smile slid across Michaels face. Cats? So what was that all about? Seems like you have got a new admirer, judging by the look on his face as he did his best to charm you on the dance floor. Guess he wasnt that lucky after all though, was he? Poor guy. He sipped his white wine, giving her a teasing look.

35

She returned his teasing glance. Aw, dont feel sorry for him, Michael. Hell live. Hes a cute, charming guy, and I bet that girls are usually lining up to get the chance to take a closer peak at his tattoos. One rejection wont hurt him. And believe me, I was being very gentle with him I just had to explain to him that at this point in my life, I prefer cats to a romantic relationship. Although I am extremely allergic to cats. Michael burst out in a bubbly laughter, almost choking on his white wine. Cats instead of romance? Really? No romance for you, Karen? Thats strange. I would have thought that you were a very romantic, passionate person. He cracked a smile. I am sorry, but I am just too romantic for my own good myself. Guess you already know that, having listened to some of my lyrics, right? He looked at the glass in his hands for while, a thoughtful look growing on his face. For some odd reason, I do believe in love. You know; true, eternal love, finding your soul mate. Although I have definitely never had much luck in the love department. What about you, dont you believe in love? She shook her head hesitatingly. I dont know. I have only been in love once, and he taught me that love will make you do crazy things. That love can turn into hate in no time and hurt you. I mean, REALLY hurt you. Her heart started beating painfully hard, and the usual feeling of fright and defeat crept over her. She bent her head down while trying to take control of her breathing once again. Michael looked at her, slowly shaking his head. Somebody definitely hurt you big time. Your exhusband?

36

She nodded, still not able to control her breathing. Yes, Michael, he did. You have no idea. She got up, a frantic look on her face. He got up immediately, too. Come on, lets dance again, he said softly. He pulled her to the dance floor, and within seconds his arms were wrapped around her soothingly, and her head resting against his chest. For some odd reason, she instantly stopped trembling, clearly feeling his heartbeat. She raised her head to look at him. I am sorry, Michael. I am not usually like this such a nervous wreck. Like I said I am still just not myself yet. But I will be, sooner or later. Dont apologize, he said, pulling her head down to his chest again with a huge, warm hand. I dont know why you feel this way, but I know exactly how you feel. I have been there myself. Frightened to the point that you just cannot breathe and think that you are gonna faint any minute. Just try to relax, okay? Just follow the music. She did as he asked. And to her astonishment, it wasnt hard to let go of the unpleasant feeling inside her this time. Very slowly the colour returned to her cheeks as she gave in to the music and the soothing feeling of his body close to hers, now feeling completely safe. As the song ended, he squeezed her hand lightly and pulled away from her, a thoughtful look on his face. Lets get back to our white wines, shall we? Quite unexpectedly, he bent down to whisper into her ear. By the way, Karen, I just knew that I would love the way you smell. She felt herself flush and looked for the usual mischievous glint in his eyes, but it wasnt there. They finished their white wines, talking about this and that, both of them deliberately trying to avoid serious or personal topics. Close to midnight, she

37

rubbed her eyes and yawned several times, tired to the point of exhaustion. He looked at her, laughing softly. Dont you think that you ought to hit the sack, Karen? You look totally beat. You are right. I dont think I can put it off much longer. He gave her a mischievous look once again. Trying to put it off? Having a great time, are you? She nodded cheerfully. Of course I am, Michael, but dont flatter yourself too much. I just hate going to sleep, thats all. The night is definitely not a friend of mine. His face grew serious. Nightmares, huh? She nodded again. Serious ones. Ever since the accident. Before that, I slept like a baby. Suddenly he reached out for his jacket across the table and pulled out a pen. He grabbed her left hand and turned it around, writing some numbers in the palm of her hand. Heres the deal, he said, giving her a warm smile. If you wake up during the night, having a nightmare, you just call me, okay? This is the number for my cell phone. As I told you earlier today, I have a hard time sleeping myself after the tour, and I probably wont be asleep after all. She shook her head hesitatingly. Thats so sweet of you, but I just cant call you in the middle of the night. What if you WERE finally asleep? I would feel awful, waking you up. Okay, I understand. But what about a text message then? If Im asleep, I wont wake up. If I am not, Ill meet you in the kitchen for a cup of coffee. Deal? His eyes rested on her face, waiting. She was unable to hold back a huge smile. Deal. Ill go to bed then. Goodnight, Michael. Ill see you tomorrow.

38

Yeah, he laughed. Or in a few hours. Sleep tight. She felt a warm sensation inside as she turned around and left the terrace, waving cheerfully to Mark and Helen, dancing a slow dance on the dance floor.

39

Chapter 6 Her own scream woke her up a few hours later. She blinked a few times while frantically trying to focus on her surroundings in the dim light seeping out from beneath the bathroom door. It took her a long, suffocating moment to realize where she was. She rushed out of bed and instantly turned on all the lights in the bedroom. Her chest moved up and down rapidly, and her breathing was heavy and loud. This time, she was even more frightened than usual more frightened than she cared to admit even to herself. The unfamiliar surroundings only added to the ugly feeling of sheer panic welling up inside her. Come on, Karen, she whispered to herself. Take a deep breath. You know its not happening again, its just a bad dream. Take a deep breath. He is not here. Still struggling hard to breathe in deep, even inhalations and exhalations, she stumbled into the bathroom and locked the door behind her. In the all too familiar manner, she took a quick look around the room to make sure that she was still all alone. Although spacious, there werent many places to hide in the cosy, well-lit bathroom. Her eyes quickly assessed all possibilities. The shower cabin maybe She gulped, hesitated, her hand already wrapped around the D-shaped handle of the shower door. With only a light touch of her hand, the door flung open. She let out a small gasp of relief. Nobody there. She closed the shower door again, rolling her eyes self-mockingly, yet feeling the tears build up in her

40

throat only too clearly. How many times had she being doing this during the past two months? At the hospital, at home in Tonys house, now even here looking for somebody who was not there, overwhelmed by her own stupid, ridiculous, humiliating fear? She poured herself a glass of cold water and drank greedily and rapidly, swallowing the water in long gulps. The liquid seemed to somewhat soothe her aching throat. Her hands were still shaking as she put the glass down on the sink with a loud thud. The sound seemed hollow and strange in the silence of the night. She cupped her hands, filled them with cold water and splashed her face over and over again as if to wash away any trace of her fear. A few drops of water trailed down her neck as she lifted her head to look at herself in the mirror. Her green eyes looked abnormally big against her pale skin. She pinched her cheeks a few times and watched the colour return to her face slowly. Okay this was ridiculous. She couldnt stay locked inside the bathroom forever. She felt better now. At least well enough to go back to bed. As she turned away from the mirror, something moved beside her. A human figure. She gasped loudly before realizing it was her own reflection, staring back at her from the full length mirror on the bathroom door. Nausea climbed up her throat as a feeling of sheer panic overwhelmed her again. Black spots danced behind her eyes and blurred her vision. Just as she expected, the room now started spinning. Please dont faint, she said out loud. Please dont faint.

41

Next thing she knew, she was back in the bedroom, sitting on the floor leaning against the bed, once again gasping for air. She turned her hand around and looked at the numbers written on her palm, now slightly erased by the water. He was probably asleep now, but She reached out for her cell phone on the bedside table and twirled it around in her hand for a while. Then she flipped it open. She pressed the keys quickly and looked at the message. Are u still awake? She hesitated, gulped lightly, then quickly pressed the SEND button. The cell phone hummed quietly against her hand two minutes later. Sure. Nightmare? She pressed the keys again. Yes. Nasty one. Wanna meet in the kitchen? Definitely. See you. Half-way down the stairs, she heard the door to his room open. She turned around to wait for him. He held a white t-shirt in his hand as he approached her. She ran her eyes over him quickly. He was wearing nothing but a pair of blue striped pjs bottoms and looked absolutely stunning, his long black hair sweeping his shoulders, a soothing smile on his face. Her heart suddenly beat faster again, only this time not caused by fear or anxiety. He put on the t-shirt while walking down the last two steps towards her. Hey, he said in his soft toned voice, are you okay? He reached out his hand and touched her shoulder lightly as he opened the kitchen door. His touch sent a shiver down her spine. Yeah, I am fine. At least I am now. She gave him a tiny, shy smile.

42

Sit down, he said, pointing at the kitchen table. He opened the cupboard in front of him. Ill make some coffee. Or do you prefer hot chocolate? Tea maybe? He turned around to look at her. I would love a cup of hot chocolate. I never was much of a coffee drinker. Then hot chocolate it is, he smiled as he turned around again. She looked at him as he made the hot chocolate, turning his back to her. His lean back, his long legs, his bare feet . his perfect behind. She ran her fingers through her hair and fixed her eyes on the white table cloth. Stop staring! But oh my God, he is just so What? he said, putting her cup in front of her, instantly noticing the funny look on her face. She tried to contain a foolish giggle. Nothing. I just erh never mind. A small smile lurked in the corners of his mouth. Okay. Now drink your chocolate while its hot, itll make you relax. Sure, daddy. She sipped her hot chocolate cautiously, giving him a teasing look over the rim of her cup. His laughter was soft and warm. I know, I know. I told you earlier. Old habits die hard, and after all I do have three kids. He took a big slurp and made a wry face as the hot liquid burnt its way down his throat. So do you wanna tell me about it? Your nightmare, I mean. She shook her head. No, please lets not talk about it. Just has to do with the accident I told you about. Well, you didnt exactly tell me about that, but perhaps you will some day. His voice grew serious. Ill be here if you wanna talk about it at some point. Its entirely up to you.

43

Thank you. She turned her cup around in her hand nervously, back and forth, now and then taking a sip. He noticed the slight tremble of her hands and decided to change the subject. So what will you be doing tomorrow. Any plans? Not really, but I would love to see a little bit more of the surroundings. Helen and I drove past some truly beautiful places on our way from the train station. Yeah, the surroundings are beautiful. Do you like to swim? I mean, not in a swimming pool, but in lake? Mark showed me an amazing spot last year, only 10 minutes away by car. Its a lake with crystal clear water the most breathtaking scenery imaginable, and as far as I know never a single soul in sight. Lots of birds and sometimes frogs though. He laughed. Do you hate frogs, Karen? Or would you like to come? I am thinking about going there tomorrow for a few hours. Its a perfect place to relax and think about life I went there quite often last year. What do you say, wanna see it? She returned his smile. Sounds extremely tempting. Sure, I would love to come, Michael. When do you plan to leave? He shrugged his shoulders. Straight after breakfast I guess. We can bring lunch if you like. He cracked a smile. I just love a good picnic. The kids and I went on a picnic all the time while living in Ireland. Not that many spots to have a cosy picnic in Vegas though. A picnic sounds great, she said, trying not to sound too ecstatic. I havent been on a picnic for years. Actually, I havent been on a picnic since I was a child, come to think of it. Really? Then its definitely about time, he smirked.

44

She yawned as she finished the rest of her hot chocolate. Thanks Michael, the hot chocolate was delicious. I think Ill hit the sack now. She looked deep into his bottomless dark eyes. Thanks for doing this for me. It means a lot to me. I am sure Ill sleep like a baby now. He got up and reached out for her cup. My pleasure, he smiled. Nothing like a nice pj party in the kitchen at night. Wait a second while I put the cups in the dish washer. Like a true gentleman, Ill walk you to your room. He grinned. After all, Ill be heading in the same direction just the same. They went silently up the stairs. Outside her room, he reached out for her door handle and opened the door for her. Sleep tight, he whispered, then quite unexpectedly bent down and kissed her on the cheek. This was cosy, he whispered again. Please feel free to text message me any time you have trouble sleeping. Love your pj by the way. He smiled as he turned around and headed for his own bedroom next door. She looked at his back for a second before entering her room. A second later she jumped into bed with a silly girly smile on her face, still clearly feeling his soft lips against her skin.

45

Chapter 7 She woke up the next morning feeling totally relaxed and refreshed. A big smile slid across her face. Last night had been well, perfect. HE had been perfect. She reached out for the alarm clock on her bedside table and smacked her hand to her forehead in annoyance. Damn it! Almost 11.30. She rushed out of bed with a loud outburst including several not very ladylike words. A feeling of disappointment crept over her. So he was just being polite last night after all, when he asked her to join him today? He had probably left already, not intending to wake her up. She slumped down on her bed and let out a deep sigh. Well, it was all too good to be true anyway, wasnt it? Usually, something this perfect did turn out to be too good to be true. She turned her head and fixed her eyes on the cell phone on her bedside table. Maybe She rolled her eyes at herself. No way! Dont even think about it! You are not THAT desperate, are you? She grabbed the phone quickly and pressed the keys. Sadly, I overslept. Guess you have left already? Ill miss out on the frogs then. She hesitated and rolled over on her back, closing her eyes shut. This was a mistake this was definitely a mistake. Somehow, his smiling face kept emerging behind her eyelids. His warm, gorgeous brown eyes, looking at her as if She swallowed hard and pressed the SEND button. She sat up in bed and ran her hand through her hair. Well, maybe she wasnt exactly desperate, but

46

she was definitely disappointed. No use trying to pretend she wasnt. She let out another deep sigh as she got out of bed and headed for the bathroom. Maybe a shower would A cheerful, humming sound stopped her in her tracks. Within seconds, the cell phone was back in her hand. Morning sleepy head. Asked Helen not to wake u up, thought u needed a little extra sleep. Waiting for u downstairs. Within a split second, her foul mood vanished into thin air. Her fingers danced over the keys once again. Time for a quick shower? He replied instantly. Sure. Meet u in say 15 minutes. 15 minutes? Okay, this would definitely give the phrase a quick shower a whole new meaning. Nevertheless, she caught herself humming while washing her hair. When was the last time she actually did that? Definitely not since the accident. Five minutes later, she wrapped a large white towel around her body, brushed her hair and left it to air dry. She applied a minimum of make up and added a tiny drop of perfume behind her ears. Turning away from the mirror, she put on her red bikini with a short blue skirt and a white t-shirt on top. All done 14 minutes sharp. She rushed down the stairs, nearly tripping in her sandals. He was waiting for her in the kitchen. A small smile crossed his face as he pointed at the breakfast tray on the kitchen table. I though you might want a glass of juice and a fruit salad, just to keep you going until lunch. If you are still in the mood for a picnic, that is, he added, suddenly a shy tone to his voice. That smile again. Are you kidding? Of course I am, she grinned shyly as she reached out for the delicious fruit salad.

47

She ate it quickly, leaning against the kitchen counter. Should we make some sandwiches? He smiled boyishly and watched her drink her juice in a few large gulps. Its all taken care of. Ready to go? He grabbed the car keys and led the way to the car. Mark suggested that we take this one, he said, pointing at a beautiful white Mercedes Convertible. She whistled approvingly. Wow, nice car! Nothings too good for you, milady! he smirked in a British accent as he opened the door to the passenger seat, bowing gracefully. He hummed as he slipped in behind the wheel. Setting the car in motion, he turned his head to look at her, suddenly spotting the huge teasing smile on her face. What? he asked, poking her cheerfully on the shoulder. What did I say or do this time to cause that look on your face? She shook her head, her smile increasing a bit more. Nothing, Michael. I am just kind of surprised that you wanted to drive yourself. Honestly, I didnt even think you had a drivers licence. Guess your chauffeurs do the driving for you back home, right? He faked an offended look. So you didnt think that I know how to drive? Of course I do! Actually, my mother kind of forced me to take a drivers license test when I was old enough, claiming that I needed to have one to keep my independence. But you are right; I definitely do not drive very much myself, so I need to take every opportunity to practice a bit. Actually, up until this morning I hadnt been behind the wheel in a really long time. Guess this piece of information makes you feel really comfortable, huh? He giggled loudly while giving her a sideway glance. He turned right on a small forest road. Tall trees were blocking most of the incoming light, and the scenery was almost surreal, the silence broken only

48

by the birds in the tree tops. He drove for a few minutes, then stopped the car and turned off the engine. Well, here we are. Youll be able to see the lake in a minute; we have to walk the last stretch. He opened the trunk and pulled out a picnic basket, two large blankets and two huge towels. Wow! she burst out. You definitely do come prepared! He grinned. I told you, Im a pro in the picnic department - the kids and I used to go on a picnic all the time. Now come on, lets go. A few minutes later he turned right, and all of a sudden the lake was right in front of her. She let out a gasp. Michael, this scenery is amazing. I have never seen anything this beautiful in my life! He looked at her face, shining with excitement. Yeah, this place just takes your breath away, every time I just knew you would love it. Come on; lets find a place to have lunch. He walked towards a large oak tree, just a few yards from the edge of the lake. The leaves and the branches were blocking the sunlight from hitting the grass beneath it, but between the tree and the edge of the lake playful sun beams enhanced the magnificent colours of the wild flowers, spread out among the green grass. Is this place okay with you? He pointed at the oak tree. She looked around excited. Its perfect. Just perfect. He spread out one of the blankets on the ground before opening the picnic basket. I hope you like some of this, he said, pulling out several items from the basket, a cheerful look on his face. We have cold chicken, vegetable pies, green salad, several kinds of bread and sandwiches, and various fresh berries. AND, of course, chocolate cake, he added triumphantly. He held a bottle of white wine into the

49

air. And something to drink. Apart from the wine we have mineral water and ice tea. He dived into the basket again. And then there are plates, glasses, napkins, and forks and knives, of course. She giggled as he unfolded a small white table cloth before neatly arranging everything on the blanket. I am impressed, Michael. It seems as if you have thought of everything. Even towels. I didnt even remember to bring one myself. He smiled. Actually, Karen, I cannot take all the credit. I called the inn at the village this morning and asked them to make a perfect picnic basket for us, including the blankets and the towels. I picked it up straight after breakfast. Well, I hope everything tastes as good as it looks. They ate in silence for a while, both completely taking in the beauty of the surroundings. So do you like the food? he asked her as she finished the last of her cold chicken. She nodded, wiping her mouth with the blue napkin. Honestly, Michael, I cant recall ever having had a better meal than this one. Everything just tastes a lot better out here. Even the mineral water. He nodded cheerfully. Yeah, I know what you mean. Come on, help yourself to a piece of chocolate cake. She shook her head. I am sorry, but I just cannot eat another bite. I am totally full. Dont be silly, girl. Theres always room for chocolate cake. Now come on, try it. Its delicious. He held a piece of his own cake in front of her mouth, waiting for her to open up. She gulped lightly, then took a small bite while looking at him shyly. She closed her eyes for a second, chewing the cake. A smile slid across her lips. Oh my God. You are right, Michael. This cake, too, beats everything I have tried before.

50

He grinned as he put the rest of the cake into his own mouth. She leaned back and folded her arms behind her head, looking at the leaves above her. She turned her eyes to him. He was still chewing his cake, staring at her absent-mindedly with an unfamiliar look on his face while leaning backwards, resting on the palms of his hands. Is something wrong? she smiled. Are you still with me? You seem to be far away in dreamland. Suddenly, a pinkish colour crept into his cheeks. He cracked a wry smile. Sorry. Yeah, I am still with you. Do you wanna go for a swim? The water level isnt very high, its totally safe, although rather cold of course. He got up and reached out his hand to pull her up. Rather cold? Sounds tempting! But okay, lets take a swim! She hesitated, hoping that he would turn around while she took of her skirt. Almost as if he could read her mind, he turned around to take off his pants. He was wearing a pair of black swimming trunks underneath. His legs were long and lean with strong calves and nicely shaped knees dancers legs. She realized that that she was staring at him shamelessly and withdrew her eyes quickly. She unzipped her skirt and let it drop to the ground while trying not to look at him again. Like the day before, she kept on her t-shirt on top of her bikini. He turned around. Still wearing your t-shirt? Well, so am I. Lets hit the water! He ran down to the lake and rushed into the water, quickly diving beneath it. He reappeared and tossed her a boyish smile. You better get under water immediately otherwise the water will feel rather cold. Okay I think. She hesitated a few seconds before slowly walking into the water. She let out a

51

gasp. Gosh, Michael, this water isnt just cold. Its ice cold. He laughed. Just wait a minute. Itll feel better soon. He swam towards her, playfully splashing water on her arms. Come on, Karen. Dive under. She did as he asked, shivering violently. But he was quite right; as soon as her whole body had been covered in water, the temperature became more pleasant. She looked around her as she swam towards him, looking for frogs. Actually, she hated frogs. He laughed at her, noticing the expression on her face. Suddenly he stopped laughing. Look behind you! Wow, its huge, he said in an awestruck voice, looking at something behind her back. Maybe this was the right time to admit to him that she had actually never been comfortable swimming in anything but a swimming pool. Without thinking, she jumped right into his arms, desperate to get her body out of the water. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled her legs up high, ultimately wrapping them around his waist. What? she said anxiously, what is it, Michael? He held his arms around her waist carefully to prevent her from sliding down into the water and burst out in laughter. His eyes sparkled with mischief. Oh my God, Karen, if you could only see the look on your face! And the way you jumped out of the water that was just hilarious. He leaned forward until both of them were covered in water, his body still shaking with laughter. MICHAEL! she burst out. This is sooo not funny! You scared the crap out of me. She put her hand on top of his head and forced it below water. Then she rushed out of the lake, heading for her towel. Still laughing hard at her, he went out of the water, too. He soon caught up with her and grabbed

52

her by the arm, quickly turning her around to face him. The sudden movement made her slip and fall on the soft moist grass. He grinned as he let himself slide down close beside her, pinning her hands to the ground. I am so sorry, Karen, he grinned, his grin turning into a giggle as he looked down at her. Dont be mad at me, I just couldnt help it. You kept looking at the bottom of the lake, almost as if you expected something unpleasant to emerge out of nowhere. I promise I wont do it again. She narrowed her eyes at him and faked an angry tone of voice. Ill get you for this, Michael. You just wait and see. Ill get you for this. I cant wait! he grinned, his eyes sparkling even more than before. His long wet hair was dripping down her face and into her eyes. She blinked a few times but didnt say anything. Still laughing softly, he reached out his hand and gently removed the drops of water with his thumb, very careful not to ruin her make-up. Suddenly and unexpectedly he ceased laughing, and the look on his face changed completely. He kept gazing at her face, carefully studying every little detail of her features, his thumb still resting on her chin. She gazed back at him with unwavering eyes, almost the colour of emerald. Unable to resist temptation, and still keeping his eyes on hers, he lowered his head and kissed her softly, his lips barely touching hers. He raised his head and looked at her insecurely. As if to answer his silent question, she lifted her head up, searching for his lips again. A small smile formed on his face as he wrapped his arms tighter around her shoulders while brushing his lips against hers again, this time much more confidently. As they finally broke the kiss, he got up and reached out his hand to her, dragging her with him

53

to the blanket on the ground. He sat down and pulled her down with him. He laughed shyly, still holding her hand. I am sorry, Karen. Maybe I shouldnt have kissed you. I know we havent known each other for more than two days, but I have wanted to do it ever since I looked into those amazing green eyes of yours for the first time yesterday. Please dont apologize, she smiled. I definitely didnt mind. You didnt? Definitely not. He shook himself, sending droplets of water in every direction. Hesitating for a second, he pulled his wet t-shirt over his head. He grabbed the extra blanket and handed it to her. You better get out of your wet t-shirt too or you might catch a cold. After all, its not that warm in the shadows, wearing wet clothes. She shook her head, suddenly a shy look on her face. Its okay, Michael. Ill go sit in the sun for a minute while my t-shirt dries. No big deal. She stared at him for a second, then, giving in to temptation, suddenly reached out and slowly slid her fingers down his chest. She bent over and kissed him softly on his shoulder. You are an amazing guy, Michael. Simply amazing. Her touch sent a shiver down his spine. He drew her closer once again and kissed her intensely, inhaling the intoxicating scent of her perfume while wrapping the blanket around the two of them. She leaned back, pulling him down with her, gently caressing his back while kissing him back willingly. He broke the kiss a few seconds later. You really have to get out of this wet t-shirt, he mumbled. You are shivering. He lifted her arms above her head and began pulling her wet t-shirt over her head.

54

Very quickly and unexpectedly, she grabbed his hands. Dont do that, she said abruptly, pulling her t-shirt down again in one swift motion. He pulled away from her instantly. I am so, so sorry, he said in a low voice, slightly out of breath. I thought you wanted this just as much as me. I apologize. He sat up, looking confused and embarrassed, his cheeks a dark pink colour. She reached out for his hand. No no, Michael, dont get me wrong. I didnt want you to stop. I just didnt want you to remove my t-shirt. I just dont feel comfortable without my t-shirt. He looked at her inquiringly, still confused. I am not quite sure what you expect from me now. Obviously, I am having a hard time reading your signals. I know, Michael, and I am sorry. Its just that I look absolutely horrible without my t-shirt, okay? The sad look in her beautiful eyes touched him deep down inside. He leaned forward. Why dont you let me be the judge of that, he whispered in her ear. Kissing her softly, he gently pulled up her t-shirt. She instantly froze and turned her head away from him. He looked down at her bikini top and her perfect body. Then he pulled up her t-shirt just a little bit more, now revealing two very large, fresh scars just above her right breast, dark red and still swollen. Oh my God! he burst out, what happened to you? He tried to catch her eyes as she automatically wrapped her hands on top of the scars to hide them from him. She looked vulnerable and hurt as she finally returned his glance. Never mind, she said in a flat voice. Its sort of a farewell gift from my exhusband. Just pull down my t-shirt again, okay? Now you know why I prefer to keep it on. He looked at her in utter astonishment. Your exhusband? He did this to you? On purpose?

55

She shook her head. Please, lets not talk about it right now, okay? Its a long humiliating story. Unless youve changed your mind about this, please just kiss me again but I dont blame you if you would rather stop. She hesitated, then sat up quickly. Actually, Michael, I think we better He pulled her down again and wrapped his hands around her face, softly kissing every part of it. Without further hesitation, he pulled her t-shirt over her head. As she instantly reached down her hands to cover her scars like before, biting her lip hard, he gently pushed away her hands, closing his huge hands on top of hers. He raised both her hands to his lips and kissed them lightly before he let go of them once again. Michael He shook his head softly. Dont say anything, Karen. He caressed her cheek with his fingertips, then slowly slid his fingers down her neck to her scars. Her chest heaved up and down as he touched the scars lightly, slowly following the shape of each scar with his fingertips. A wave of compassion washed over him as he bent down and kissed her skin softly. His eyes looked deep into hers. I dont understand how anybody could deliberately hurt you. I hope that some day youll trust me enough to tell me about it. But please dont think that I find you any less attractive because of that. You are unbelievable beautiful, and you just take my breath away. He bent down and kissed her face once more while wrapping the blanket closer around their bodies, then raised his head to look at her again. She was laying very still, her eyes closed, tears trailing silently down her cheeks. Please dont be sad, he said hoarsely and wiped away her tears with a corner of the blanket.

56

She opened her eyes and looked at him, for the first time allowing herself to drown in his bottomless brown eyes, no reservations whatsoever. The look in his eyes made her dizzy made her forget everything but the present moment. A small smile formed on her lips as she pulled him even closer, totally surrendering to his touch.

57

Chapter 8 They were laying close together, his head on her arm. He was playing with her long hair, entangling his fingers in her curls with a happy look on his face. She giggled. Gosh, Michael, what just happened? I didnt plan for this to happen, you know. You just kind of swept me off my feet with those amazing kisses of yours. I have never jumped to bed with someone this fast, just so you know. He cracked a smile. Neither have I, just so you know. But dont expect me to say that Im sorry. I am not. This is the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. He kissed her on the cheek, now resting on his elbow, looking down at her. Can I ask you a personal question? Do you have someone special in your life? I mean, are you seeing someone? She poked him in the ribs playfully. For crying out loud, Michael. Do you think I would be laying here with you if I had? Now what kind of question is that? Am I supposed to ask you if you are seeing someone? He hesitated just one or two seconds too long. The smile on her face faded away and was replaced by a look of disappointment and discomfort. She pushed him away quickly and sat up, holding the blanket tightly in front of her body with her arms. She gave him an angry stare. You ARE seeing somebody, arent you? I cant believe it! How on earth could you do this to me? I mean if you want to cheat on your girlfriend, thats your business, but how could you make me a part of it? Gosh, you make me feel so ashamed and disgusted about myself.

58

He sat up beside her and put his hand on her chin to force her to look at him. Dont EVER say that, okay Karen? he said firmly. What just happened between us is nothing to be ashamed of or disgusted about. I am so sorry, I should have told you about Linda right from the start. But the point is that ever since I laid eyes on you, you have been all that mattered to me. Linda and I well, I should have broken it off long ago. I was never really in love with her, and I sincerely doubt if she has ever been in love with me either. I think shes in love with Michael Jackson, but not me. He hesitated. To be quite honest, she doesnt even know the real me, I never let her inside. Its not her fault, I guess. Karen looked at him for a long time. And thats supposed to make everything all right? Maybe not, but But if you dont love her, then why are you still with her? He looked down on his hands. Its complicated, Karen. Our relationship its nice, if you know what I mean? Comfortable. Convenient. But love has nothing to do with it. She just made me feel LESS lonely. I was still lonely, I have been lonely my entire life, but she made me feel LESS lonely. But having been with you today, I could never go back to her, and I will break it off as soon as Im back in Vegas. I dont want to do it over the phone, and I dont want to send her an e-mail. Thats just not my style. But trust me, I will definitely break it off as soon as I can see her face to face again. Dont do it on my account. Her voice was thick with sarcasm, clearly revealing the fact that she still felt hurt and humiliated. Dont expect me to jump into bed with you again no matter what. Why is Linda not here with you in the first place? Out here? In the country? He smiled a small smile. She would be bored from day one. Actually,

59

she would hate every second of it, although Monique is one of her closest friends, believe it or not. Besides, shes in Paris right now, doing a cover for Vogue and a fashion show. Afterwards, shes going to Milan with a friend of hers to do some shopping and stuff. Thats more her style. You are kidding, right? Karen burst out. Are you dating Linda Anderson, the model? He nodded. Yes, thats her. Do you know her? Yeah, she said very slowly. I know her. I worked with her once. He cracked a smile once again. And judging by the look on your face right now, you really, really dont like her, do you? Honestly? No, I really dont. And I am sort of surprised that shes the kind of girl you would choose. I would have thought that you would want to be with someone well, different from her. For a minute, he was totally caught up in his own thoughts. Then he turned to look at her again. What did you mean by what you just said; that you dont ever want to jump into bed with me again, no matter what? Are you serious? Was I that bad? She rolled down on her back again with her arms beneath her head, looking up at him. He returned her glance with an almost childlike, hurtful expression in his huge brown eyes. She couldnt help laughing. Now come on, Michael. Whether you were good or bad has absolutely nothing to do with it. You are involved with someone else. Thats the point. Technically yes, he said, very slowly lowering his lips towards her mouth. But in my heart, its over. Now tell me that you didnt feel what I just felt. Tell me that it didnt mean anything to you, and Ill leave you alone. If you cannot do that, I definitely wont leave you alone, not ever. He stopped just inches from her lips. So tell me you dont like me anymore. Then I wont kiss you.

60

I dont like you. He lowered his mouth even more, now only half an inch from her lips. Say it again, and I promise I wont kiss you. I really dont like you. Sure? he whispered seductively, his warm breath tickling her skin. Quite sure, she mumbled as she wrapped her arms around him to draw him closer. She kissed him like before and then pushed him away. And this, she said with a girly smile, was the last kiss youll ever get from me as long as you are romantically involved with someone else. And now get up, we better get dressed and return to Pinehaven. The others will soon wonder where we are, and you having a girlfriend makes everything so much more complicated, right? He exaggerated a sigh. Okay, guess you are right; we ought to get back home. He looked at her mischievously, softly trailing his fingertip across her lips. But dont expect me to give up this easily. 3 weeks is a looong time.

61

Chapter 9 They didnt talk much on the way back to the house. As Michael turned off the engine, Karen turned to him, smiling shyly. So do you think everybody will be able to tell, looking at us? What just happened at the lake, I mean. He trailed his hand down her arm, a teasing look in his eyes. I really dont care, Karen, but they probably will if they take a closer look at me and spot the very content look in my eyes or the smirk on my face. Well, I do care! she burst out. This is a rather awkward situation. I am sure that Helen will know, taking one quick look at me. He laughed. I am sure you are right you girls seem to have some sort of telepathic connection. He opened the door and climbed out of the car, then walked to the other side of the car to open her door for her. Walking towards the house, she looked down at her clothes. I definitely need to change my clothes before joining the others for tea. My t-shirt looks as if somebody put in on the ground while it was still wet. And I am pretty sure that my hair and make-up are a mess, too. He smiled warmly. Actually, Karen, you look beautiful. He took at closer look at her clothes and giggled. But maybe you are right about that t-shirt. And mine too. Think we better change before tea, both of us. As she joined the party on the terrace, he was already there. He had changed into a pair of black

62

jeans and a red t-shirt and looked gorgeous, a teasing smile on his face as she seated herself, clearing feeling a burning sensation in her cheeks. She had changed into a white dress with small buttons all the way down the front. Her long red hair fell softly down her back, slightly curlier than usual, and she had applied just a little bit of mascara and lipstick. Helen looked at her, instantly noticing the shimmer in her eyes and her hot cheeks. She gave her an innocent smile while trying to contain her giggle. So how was your picnic, Karen? Did you have a good time? Sure, Karen replied, hoping that her smile would look equally innocent. Michael was right; it was a truly beautiful place. The water was cold as ice, though. She reached out for the tea pot, attempting not to look at anybody in particular. Especially Michael. As soon everybody was engaged in the usual light hearted conversations again, she breathed a deep sigh of relief, no longer being the centre of attention. She felt Michaels eyes on her face and looked up. He was chewing a muffin, a huge smile on his face. She instantly blushed again and gave him an angry look which, of course, only made his smile broaden even more. She was quite happy to get up and leave the terrace as the party broke up a few minutes later, heading in different directions. Having helped clear the table, she decided to head for the swimming pool. Michael was sitting on one of the sun beds, the usual parasol protecting his skin from the sun, although the sun was less powerful at this time of the day. He was all alone, reading a book, his long legs curled up beneath him.

63

He flashed her a smile as she approached him, and put his book face-down in his lap. Hey there. Are you okay? She felt an overwhelming urge to nestle up to him, to feel his strong embrace once again to feel his lips on hers. Instantly dismissing the thought, she nodded and threw herself on the sun bed beside him. She turned her head towards the sky, thoroughly enjoying the way the afternoon sun instantly warmed her face while creating beautiful orange and yellow blurry images behind her eye lids. She knew he was looking at her. After a while, she sat up again, stretching her bare legs over the edge of the sun bed. She was still wearing her white dress and knew that it showed off her figure in the most flattering way possible. Wow, its so hot right now, she sighed. Too hot to be laying here doing NOTHING. I guess the temperature beneath your parasol is much more agreeable. You know what I wanna do right now, Michael? she asked seductively while bending her head backwards with her eyes closed, revealing her perfect neckline. She slid her hand down her neck softly. Raising her head again, she looked him deep into his eyes and slowly unbuttoned the first button of her dress. What do you mean? he asked her, swallowing hard. What do think I mean, Michael? she replied softly, slowly unbuttoning the second button. I have been thinking about this ever since we got back from the lake. Why, here? he said, swallowing hard once more. I mean, somebody might come. I dont mind, she said, still unbuttoning the small buttons all the way down the front of her dress while looking at him with unwavering eyes.

64

Gosh, you are so beautiful, he said hoarsely, his chocolate brown eyes not leaving her face and body for a second. But here are you sure? She nodded. Yes, Michael, right here, I am sure. Dont you want to? She unbuttoned the last button and pulled the dress slightly out on her shoulders, still holding it together in front of her with her right hand. She stood up in front of him, flirtatiously resting her bended knee on his sun bed. He stared at her face while gently caressing her knee, waiting for her next move in a hesitating manner. Well, Michael, do you want to or not? she repeated, leaning slightly forward towards him. A sweet, inviting smile was still playing on her soft red lips. As he reached out for her, she burst out in laughter and let go of her dress. She was wearing a white bikini underneath. So do you, Michael? she laughed. Wanna take a swim? You little devil! he burst out, quickly jumping out of his sun bed. You made me think that you were He picked up her dress and threw it at her. She blew him a kiss. Payback time, Michael. I told you I would get you, didnt I? She turned around and made a perfect headlong dive into the pool. He sat down on the sun bed again, laughing silently to himself while watching her swim. Two minutes later Mark and Helen turned up. Like two playful kids, they jumped into the water instantly, holding each others hands and laughing loudly. Helen disappeared under the water and reappeared close to Karen, now leaning against the edge of the pool. She ran her eyes over the white bikini approvingly. No t-shirt? she smiled while pushing back her long wet hair. No, no t-shirt. I have to accept my body sooner or later, right? And something convinced me today that

65

my scars arent that important. Karen smiled innocently and cast a sideway glance at the sun beds. Helen hugged her heartily and let out a giggle. Good for you! And I kind of guessed that something had happened, judging by the look on your face at tea. She leaned forward to whisper into Karens ear. So how was it? Bet he is perfect at anything he does! She let out another giggle and dived into the water again before Karen could say anything. Shaking her head resignedly at her friend, Karen climbed out of the pool and picked up her dress. She returned her eyes to Michael and tossed a sweet, innocent smile in his direction while turning her back to Mark and Helen. See you later, she said casually. Too bad you didnt feel like taking a swim you know, for a minute I actually thought I had persuaded you to join me! You ! He threw his paperback at her teasingly, faking an offended look. I am not even talking to you! She laughed to herself as she left the pool area, clearly feeling his eyes on her back and the smile on his face. Seated diagonally opposite him at dinner, she caught him staring at her more than once while absent-mindedly playing with the food on his plate. She, on the other hand, was acting cheerful and lively throughout the entire dinner, carefully avoiding having eye contact with him. After dinner the kitchen team appointed for the day helped each other clear the table. For a few seconds the two of them were alone in the kitchen, loading the dish washer. He bent down to whisper into her ear. Karen, what on earth are you doing to me?

66

What? she asked innocently, raising her head to look at him. What do you mean? Gordon came into the kitchen with a stack of dirty dishes. As he left the kitchen, Michael looked at her again. You know exactly what I mean. That little show of yours down by the pool. I just cant stop thinking about it. You made me think . Helen came into the kitchen with a tray of dirty bowls and jars. She put it down on the table beside the sink and left again. You made me think that you wanted to pick up where we left off! he said accusingly. But you were only teasing me. Thats not fair, you know. Monique entered the kitchen, looking at the two of them. Need a hand? she asked way too sweetly. No thanks, Karen replied, equally sweetly. We are almost done. Monique left again, only too pleased to avoid any chores which might have ruined her perfect manicure. Actually, Michael, she said softly into his ear, Ive changed my mind. You are just too damn irresistible. Im all yours, body and soul. He stared at her, putting his hand on his chest as if to keep his heart from leaping out of it. Is this for real, or just a part of your vicious little prank? Helen came into the kitchen with the dirty glasses on a large wooden tray. She put it on the table, a teasing look on her face. She left the kitchen quickly to go fetch a sweater upstairs. Karen turned to Michael, once again smiling innocently. I am sorry, Michael, but thats for me to know and you to find out. Then she, too, left the kitchen, laughing cheerfully to herself.

67

Chapter 10 Half an hour later, Mark built a bonfire on the terrace, and all nineteen guests gathered around the fire pit, cosily surrounded by small benches with thick, soft cushions. Casually, Michael seated himself beside her, having Monique to his right. Joel fetched his guitar and was soon playing and singing some old Beatles songs, revealing a really nice voice. Having sung a few songs, he looked around the bonfire. Hey, lets take turns singing a song of our own choice, with the others joining in on the chorus, right? Ill start. His version of Yesterday was slow and emotional. When Michael joined in on the chorus, Karen looked at him and smiled. He returned her smile shyly, still singing. That was extremely beautiful, she said as the song ended, once again smiling at him. Monique looked from one of them to the other. Noticing the curious look on Moniques face, Karen flashed her an innocent smile. His voice is truly beautiful, dont you think, Monique? Monique nodded eagerly. Yes, he is AMAZING, she beamed. She put her hand on his arm. Please sing for us, Michael, she asked pleadingly, looking at him with her big blue eyes. He shook his head. Sorry, Monique, its not my turn yet. Actually, its Karens. Karen shrugged her shoulders. I dont mind singing a song, but although I love to sing, I have to admit that Im lucky if I hit only a few notes correctly. Consider yourself duly warned, she grinned. Then she started singing.

68

Somebody killed little Susie The girl with the tune Who sings in the daytime at noon She was there screaming Beating her voice in her doom But nobody came to her soon... Michael joined in on the chorus, smiling at her with a teasing look on his face. As the song ended, he instinctively hugged her, laughing hard. Oh my God, Karen, I never thought I would say this to you, but you are right. You really are a dreadful singer, but I just love the fact that you go ahead and sing in public nevertheless. Thats totally refreshing. And thank you for choosing one of my songs I think! Everybody laughed, including Karen, and he let go of her, reluctantly. Okay, Joel smiled. Your turn, Michael. Michael hesitated for a second, his cheeks getting slightly hot. He took a deep breath. Your love is magical, that's how I feel But I have not the words here to explain Gone is the grace for expressions of passion But there are worlds and worlds of ways to explain To tell you how I feel But I am speechless, speechless .... He sang the entire song alone. Nobody cared to join in on the chorus and spoil the magic of his voice, singing this song acapella, effortlessly reaching each and every note perfectly. Karens heart started racing, watching him sing. He closed his eyes, and all tension left his face. He seemed to be totally caught up in the lyrics and seemed to not notice anything around him anymore.

69

The look on his face was as soft as it had been earlier that day - and he never looked more beautiful. He smiled shyly as he sang the last note. While everybody applauded him, Karen looked down at the glass in her hands, suddenly unable to look at him again. Monique was next in line. She had an excellent singing voice, and James looked at her with pride on his face while joining in on the chorus. Michael didnt join in. He was staring at the fire, apparently absorbed in his own thoughts, sipping his glass of wine. For a brief moment, his arm accidentally touched hers, his skin soft and warm against her own. She felt a flutter of butterflies in her stomach and an almost irresistible urge to grab his big hand, now resting on his leg only inches from hers. Looking for an excuse to be alone for a few minutes, she got up quickly and headed for the kitchen. She grabbed a bottle of mineral water from the fridge and leaned her head against the cool fridge door. Pull yourself together, you idiot, she said out loud, softly banging her head against the fridge three or four times. She breathed in deep and took a large sip of her water. Okay, time to stop acting so ridiculous. Time to pull yourself together. He smiled at her softly as she seated herself beside him at the bonfire. Within half a second, all the butterflies had returned to her stomach, and her heartbeat had increased to an almost painful pace. They kept taking turns until all of them had chosen a song. Then Joel asked Michael to sing one more song for them. Michael, will you sing You are not alone, please, Helen asked eagerly, I just love that song!

70

Anything for you, Helen, Michael smiled shyly and started singing, softly tapping the beat on his thighs. Karen closed her eyes and gave in to his voice. His soft, beautiful, soothing voice which seemed to wash over her, bringing with it vivid images of him making love to her, down by the lake. Of him caressing her scars and making her feel safe and loved for the first time in a very long time. Of him kissing her scars and magically making her feel beautiful and desirable. Of him making this day the most perfect day of her entire life, just by being there to spend it with her. It hit her like a tonne of bricks. To her, this wasnt just an innocent flirt. For some odd reason, she had allowed herself to fall totally and utterly in love with him. She loved everything about him, and having known him for only TWO days, she would follow him to the end of the world if he asked her to. Out of nowhere, another image crossed her mind. Him holding Linda in his arms, kissing her equally passionately. Looking at her with his amazing dark eyes. Making love to her. Her throat contracted painfully. As soon as Michael stopped singing, she got up. She smiled strainedly. Sorry guys, its almost midnight, and I just have to go to bed now. I am totally beat, still kind of jetlagged, I guess. See you tomorrow. She hugged Helen and quickly left the terrace, clearly feeling Michaels eyes on her back. As she closed her door behind her, she looked around her room and instantly felt trapped and restless, even slightly frightened. She let out a big sigh, trying to calm herself down and suddenly longing for a long, hot bath. That would usually do the trick.

71

She went into her bathroom and turned on the water in the tub. Her eyes ran over the candles around the bathtub. Sweet, sweet Helen. She had gone out of her way to make her friends stay as pleasant as possible. She lit the candles, turned off the electric light, and poured a generous amount of foam bath into the water. She flung her clothes on the floor and looked at herself in the mirror in the dim light of the candles. Stupid, stupid girl, she said out loud, looking at the girl in the mirror with the big green eyes and the sad look on her face. How on earth could you allow yourself to fall in love with him like this? Havent you learned ANYTHING from your mistakes? She lowered her eyes to her scars, for a split second overwhelmed by the usual feeling of fear and despair. She hesitated, then touched them softly, slowly following their shape with her fingertips the way HE had done earlier that day. A cold shiver ran down her spine. Once again looking at her face in the mirror, she grimaced and brushed away a few tears from her cheek with an angry motion of her hand. No, she wasnt gonna cry. Not today. She put her hair up on top of her head and climbed into the tub quickly. Just as she had expected, this was exactly what she needed. The hot water was both soothing and sleep inducing. She felt her muscles relax, and the tension leave her body. Soon, she dozed off. She woke up startled by the gentle touch of a hand on her shoulder. Letting out a loud gasp, she looked up frightened. Sorry, dont be scared, its only me, Michael smiled softly. You fell asleep, didnt you? Sleeping in the bath tub can be quite dangerous, you know. She let out a sigh of relief. Michael, you startled me. You are quite right; I guess I did fall asleep, but

72

only for a second. What are you doing here? Shouldnt you be down on the terrace with the others? He let his hand slide through the water, not looking at her. I said goodnight exactly 20 minutes after you left, he admitted. I was pretty tired, too. He giggled, somewhat embarrassed. Or at least, thats what I told everybody. Guess I am not that sleepy after all, so I thought I would take you up on what you said in the kitchen, although I am still not quite sure if you really meant it or not. Whether you were still only teasing me, I mean. She looked up at him. He returned her glance with a sincere look in his eyes, no smile on his face. His big brown eyes looked almost black in the dim light in the bathroom black and bottomless. A mischievous smile formed on her face. I told you, Michael its for me to know and you to find out. Okay, he said, shrugging his shoulders cheerfully. Without further hesitation, he bent down and kissed her. Very lightly at first, then more insistently, his lips soft and tempting as his tongue gently begged for entrance. As he let go of her, a small sigh escaped her mouth. She blushed as he burst out in a bubbly laughter. Good! he said triumphantly, guess you were not teasing me after all, huh? He bent down to kiss her again, then hesitated. So can I join you? he whispered in her ear, his lips touching her skin briefly. She ran her fingers through his long dark hair and wrapped her hand around the back of his neck. Softly pulling him closer, she buried her face in his chest. She let out another small sigh. Finally, Michael, I thought you would never ask!

73

Chapter 11 He had her cornered, right between the wall and the kitchen door. His all too familiar face was too close to hers, his features twisted in anger. She held her hand up in front of her, shivering with fear. Please dont hurt me again, please dont hurt me again, she whispered. Her voice seemed to rise to a hoarse scream as she felt herself falling, her knees giving in under her. Her body jerked awake. Breathing violently, her eyes looked around the bedroom, a frantic look on her face. All she saw was darkness. No light seeping out from beneath the bathroom door, no small lamp still turned on in any corner. She gasped loudly. She NEVER turned off all the lights. NEVER. A small cry escaped her throat. He was here. It had to be him. Somebody moved beside her in the dark and reached out for her. Its okay, honey, Im right here, a male voice said. She didnt hear his words; all she could hear was his voice, and the roaring sound of her own heartbeat. She punched her hand in his direction, instantly hitting something soft. He let out a gasp of surprise and jumped out of bed. As he turned on the light, she gazed at him, now fully awake. Michael! she burst out. Oh my God, did I just do that? She looked at his nose, bleeding down his face and onto his naked chest. Without waiting for his reply, she rushed out of bed and into the bathroom. She pulled down one of the pale green towels to soak it in cold water, then quickly ran back to the bedroom and pushed him down on the bed.

74

Lay back and press this against your nose. Oh no, Michael, I am so sorry. Did I break anything? He laughed softly. Its okay. My nose isnt nearly as delicate as it looks. And I should have known better than to scare you like that, knowing that you werent totally awake. Are you okay? She nodded, a devastated look on her face. Yeah, I am okay, just a little shook up. But dont worry about me. That must hurt so badly. He pulled her down with him and wrapped his arms around her waist. A small smile lurked on his lips. Its okay. Just lay here with me. Then Ill be fine. After a while the bleeding stopped, and he went into the bathroom to clean his face. His voiced sounded cheerful through the bathroom door. Wow, honey, what a punch! You owe me for this! He stepped back into the bedroom, his nose red and swollen. He touched it lightly and cracked a wry smile. Quite an adventurous first night! You really do know how to defend yourself, girl. He sat down on the bed, his back against the bed head, and instantly pulled her close. Burying his face in her curly hair, he let out a small sigh. Tiny drops wet his naked skin. He looked down at her surprised, suddenly noticing the tears dripping from her eyes and onto his chest. He smiled soothingly. Aw, come on, baby. Dont cry. Im okay. She shook her head against his neck. Its not that, Michael, although I am terribly sorry about punching you. Its just that I dont know how to defend myself. Thats why all of this is still haunting me the way it is. My scars I dont hate my scars for cosmetic reasons, although they definitely do not improve my self-confidence. I hate them because they are a constant reminder of my inability to defend myself, of my defeat, my humiliation, my I dont know. This accident turned me into

75

something I hate and despise. The girl I have become. The frightened, pathetic girl, scared of everything, scared to go to sleep at night, scared to death just thinking about what happened. What DID happen, Karen? he asked, gently caressing her arm, his voice softer than ever. Dont you think you ought to tell me? I want to be there for you, to help you chase your demons away, but its so hard, not knowing what you went through. She hesitated for a second, trying to build up the courage to say the words out loud. He tried to kill me, Michael, she said in a low voice, her body trembling. He left me to die in a pool of blood, on our kitchen floor. Two months ago. He stared at her for what seemed like forever, his mouth slightly open. He pulled her even closer but didnt say anything. As he waited for her to continue, his heart beat fast and hard against her cheek. When I found him in bed with another woman, I instantly left him. I went to my best friend in London, Tony, and told him what happened. He offered me to move in with him until I had found a place of my own, and I accepted. I was . well, kind of relieved in a way. I had felt too guilty to leave Alec although we had drifted apart, and now he had kind of given me a reason to do so without feeling guilty. Does that make any sense? Michael nodded. Yes, I think so. Later that day, I called Alec and told him that I would come over to get some of my things. We lived only a few minutes away from Tony, so I decided to walk there, although Tony offered to drive me. He wanted to come with me, but I refused. I wanted to do this on my own. When I locked myself into the house, Alec came into the hall, trying to kiss me. I pushed him away and told him that I would leave him for good, that I wanted a divorce. He was high on drugs once again and had been drinking, too. He

76

begged me to forgive him, told me that he couldnt live without me. I just shook my head. I am sorry, I said, but I do not love you anymore. He tried to kiss me again, and I pushed him away, hard. I guess you will be moving in with Tony then, he said in a rage. I confirmed that I would actually be moving in with Tony until I had found a place of my own. Well, he has been in love with you forever, he yelled, and then he accused me of having an affair with Tony. He knew it wasnt true, but he was furious and probably just needed an excuse to get it all out. Then he hit me. I instantly hit him back, and then he hit me again. And again. And again. I almost fainted. Next thing I knew, he was pulling me down on the floor and She burst out in tears and buried her head in his neck once again. I cant tell you this. Its just too humiliating. He swallowed back the lump in his throat and ran his fingers through her hair like before. And then he forced himself on you? She nodded. Yes, he did. I passed out for a second, I think. He had beaten me up pretty badly. Then I somehow managed to run away from him, into the kitchen. He was still furious. I had never seen him like that before Next thing I knew, I was laying on the kitchen floor, bleeding hard. He had stabbed me twice with a kitchen knife. I lay on the floor, waiting to bleed to death while he just stood there, watching me. My whole life passed me by. Then he left me, closing the door behind him. I still couldnt move. What happened then? He tried to clear his throat. The lump was growing rapidly by now, leaving a painful sensation in his throat. Tony came looking for me. He was worried about me and was mad at me for not letting him come along. He had a key to our house; he used to look

77

after our house for us when we were away, just as we did for him. He locked himself in and found me there. He saved my life. And Alec? he asked hoarsely. He went to see his sister and told her all about it. She persuaded him to turn himself in. So hes in prison now? She shook her head. No, hes locked up somewhere in London for psychiatric treatment. And I hope theyll keep him there for a very, very long time. As he pulled her down on her back and kissed her tenderly, her body was still shivering. He lifted his head and looked deep into her eyes. Karen, I just dont know what to say. I knew that something terrible had happened to you, but this this beats anything that I could ever imagine The lump was choking him by now. Michael you are crying She reached out and brushed away his tears, her eyes clearly revealing her surprise. He drew her closer. Of course I am crying, baby. What you just told me He swallowed and breathed in deep. But Karen what you said earlier about being weak and defeated that is not true. Not true at all. Although you are frightened and have these terrible nightmares, you have come such a long way already. He seemed to hesitate slightly. No wonder you hate going to sleep Didnt your doctors offer you anything to help you through it medication sleeping pills? She nodded. The doctors offered me all sorts of things. Sleeping pills. Anti-anxiety medicine. Antidepressives. You name it. But? But I refused to take any of it. I have to deal with my feelings, not live in some artificial cosy little

78

world, created by the drugs. I would have to face reality sooner or later anyway. He lowered his lips to her mouth again and planted a soft kiss on her lips. Seriously, you are beyond comparison the strongest person I have ever met. You are definitely not weak and defeated. You will be the person you used to be in no time, without the nightmares. And Ill be there for you, always. I wont let anybody hurt you ever again. She trailed her finger down his face and gazed back into his warm eyes. I love that you say that, Michael thank you. Actually, you have helped me a lot already just making me talk about this by listening to me. But neither of us know what the future will bring, so dont make any promises that you may not be able to keep, okay? Now lets change the subject, please. Just kiss me. She pulled him closer and pressed her lips against his in a passionate kiss. Ouch! he burst out as her face touched his nose. She sniffed. Oh no, I am so sorry, did I hurt you again? He pulled away from her teasingly. Girl, you really are dangerous tonight! All of a sudden, I am dying for a cup of hot chocolate. What do you say? Pj party in the kitchen again? She just laughed and jumped out of bed. Like the night before, he asked her to sit down while he made the hot chocolate for her. She giggled loudly as he turned his back to her, opening the cupboard. What? He turned around to look at her. Nothing! she smiled innocently. You just have a REALLY cute behind in those pjs. Absolutely perfect. Yesterday I just couldnt stop staring at you, and I was soooo afraid that you would be able to read my mind completely. You have this way of looking so

79

deep into my eyes that I feel as if you can read my every thought. Actually, I can. He approached her quickly, grinning mischievously. And right now you are having naughty thoughts, baby. He wrapped his arms around her and brushed his lips against hers, teasingly trailing his hand down her back. And you know what, Karen? he whispered into her ear. You can look all you like, anytime. I dont mind. He kissed her again, harder this time. Well, excuse me, but get a room! They both jumped and instantly broke the kiss, like two kids caught with their hands in the cookie jar. Helen was standing in the doorway, holding Marks hand. The look on their faces made her laugh. So did both of you have a sudden craving for something hot to drink in the middle of the night, at the exact same time? she asked teasingly while pulling Mark with her into the kitchen. She took a closer look at Michael. Wow, Michael, what happened to you? Did the two of you have a fight? He laughed cheerfully. No, I just bumped into something. He did not! Karen admitted embarrassed. He tried to wake me up from my nightmare, and I just well, punched him hard on the nose. Did you have a bad dream again, honey? I didnt know that you still have nightmares? The look on Helens face was one of genuine care and concern. Well, Marks commented sarcastically. Nothing beats holding hands and kissing in the kitchen at night when it comes to chasing away a bad dream, right Michael? He looked Michael straight into his eyes, the look on his face saying what his was too polite to say out loud. I just hope you know what you are doing.

80

Michael returned his glance calmly. I know what you are thinking, Mark, but dont worry. I dont intend to hurt her in any way. I did tell her about Linda this afternoon. That Linda is my girlfriend. I will sort this out as soon as I get the chance to meet Linda face to face again. Please just be happy for me, okay? This is the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. Mark hesitated, then gave Michael a warm smile while patting him on the shoulder. I am happy for you, my friend. I just dont want anybody to get hurt. He grabbed a bottle of wine from the fridge and dragged Helen with him out of the kitchen. Karen looked at Michael across the kitchen as he made the hot chocolate. That was a bit awkward, wasnt it? He grinned. You think? Well, maybe, but at least we dont have to hide anything in their presence anymore. Thats quite a relief. Seating himself in front of her, putting the cups with their hot chocolate on the table, he gave her a teasing look. I forgot to ask you something upstairs. That Tony guy . wanna tell me about him? Any reason to be jealous? She shook her head, laughing girlishly. Jealous? You? Why would you be jealous of Tony? I mean, just because he used to be one of the most famous male models in the world, gorgeous as hell. Tall, very muscular, his skin the most amazing black colour, his hair black and soft and his eyes very big and brown. Almost like yours but not exactly. Oh, and a perfect smile, too. Not to mention a wonderful personality, wit, brains and a lovely sense of humour. Why would that make you jealous? The look on his face made her laugh again. No Michael, definitely no reason to be jealous, although I have moved in with him, you know. I have rented the

81

2nd floor of his gorgeous terrace house in London. Apart from Helen, he is my best friend, but thats all there is to it. We have been friends for more than 10 years, and he is the reason why my accident never hit the tabloids. He pulled a lot of strings for me. He used to work for the Ford Agency in New York as a model, but he was never really into the modelling stuff. When he told them that he wanted to quit to pursue a new career, they offered him a job at the office in London. He moved to England and has been quite successful ever since. You have to meet him. Youll like him, I am sure. Michael pouted boyishly. I am not quite convinced yet. You have to do better than that. Oh yeah? she asked seductively while leaning across the table to kiss him, very careful not to touch his nose. Then hurry up and finish your hot chocolate, handsome. I think I might be able to come up with a way to do just that.

82

Chapter 12 They were laying together in the large four poster bed in Karens room, her head on his chest. He was playing with her hand, gently twisting his fingers with hers. He looked down at her, a look of pure innocence in his brown eyes. You know what, Karen? This just gets better and better. He giggled shyly. And I am not talking about the physical part, although thats pretty awesome too. She gave him a teasing look. Oh yeah, Michael, you think so? Well, I guess the physical part is sort of okay too. WHAT! he burst out, playfully tickling her ribs while holding her down with his other hand. STOP IT MICHAEL, she instantly yelled, squirming from side to side, at the same time letting out a wave of girlish giggles. Please dont tickle me I just cant stand it I MEAN IT. He laughed boyishly while planting sporadic kisses all over her face. Okay okay, I guess I better stop, or youll definitely wake up the entire house. He drew her closer, feeling her trying to catch her breath. And Karen, have you noticed? The nightmares you havent had one in more than a week now. She slid her hand through his long hair slowly. Yeah, handsome, of course I have noticed. And I owe it all to you. You make me feel incredibly safe, holding me at night. She chuckled lightly and nestled her body against his again. By the way, do you know that tomorrow is our two weeks anniversary?

83

He let out a soft moan as he felt her mouth against his neck. Of course I do! So what do you wanna do tomorrow, do you want to . The shrill sound of his cell phone interrupted him. Still holding his arm around her, he rolled over and picked it up from the bedside table and put it to his ear. Only a few words into the conversation, he pulled loose and got out of bed. He sat down on the edge of the bed, his back to her, his elbows on his knees. No no, its okay. I wasnt asleep. He listened for a while, throwing in a few words now and then. No, I am fine, he finally said, Im just really tired . Yeah, okay, talk to you tomorrow. I miss you too. He put down the cell phone and turned to look at Karen again. Now that was awkward, he said apologetically, gently sliding his hand down her naked shoulder. She gave him an angry look. Awkward doesnt begin to cut it, Michael. Try embarrassing, humiliating and hurtful. She swallowed hard. You know what the funny thing is? I never even thought about the fact that the two of you would be calling each other all the time. How stupid of me. She got out of bed quickly and looked at their clothes, shattered on the floor. With swift, angry movements she picked up his clothes and threw them in his face. Get dressed, please. Ill take a shower, I feel kind of dirty all of a sudden. Please leave my room as soon as you are dressed. See you tomorrow. She turned around and headed for the bathroom. Her facial expression made his heart beat faster. Angry wasnt exactly the right word to describe it. Furious would probably be more accurate. He jumped off the bed and grabbed her arm swiftly. Letting out a deep sigh, he pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her. Now come on,

84

honey, he said, faking a cheerful tone of voice to ease the mood. Dont be mad at me, please. He kissed her on the hair. I always wondered if that hair colour of yours is your natural colour. Now I know. He held her out at arms length while tossing a smile in her direction, still trying to catch her eyes. She pushed him away angrily. I am not kidding. Dont you EVER do this to me again. Picking up the phone in my presence although you might have guessed that it would probably be Linda is one thing, but telling her that you miss her, like five seconds after making love to me? How do you think that makes me feel? He looked down at her again, the smile on his face fading away. He pulled her close once again and gently drew her head to his chest with his hand. I know, baby. Thats unforgivable. I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you, I just didnt think straight. He kissed her on the hair resignedly. She pulled loose. Okay, Michael, just dont EVER do that again, okay? But I still need you to leave. Ill talk to you in the morning. Before he had time to say anything, the lock to the bathroom door clicked behind her. She woke up the next morning feeling his lips on her cheek. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, holding a cup of tea in his hand. Morning, honey, he said softly. I brought you a cup of tea. Did you get a good nights sleep? She shook her head. No, I missed you terribly. She grabbed the cup out of his hand, took a sip and put the cup on her bedside table, then pulled him down beside her. He slid his arms around her waist and smiled into her eyes. So does this mean that you are not mad at me anymore?

85

She cuddled up to him. Yeah, I am not mad. I just cant stay mad at you, I guess. But I needed to be alone last night; I felt awful and I didnt want to fight with you. She buried her face in his neck. Gee, I just love the way you smell. Very masculine. He laughed as she trailed her lips down the right side of his neck. Dont do that, please or I might have to get undressed again. The look on his face changed to one of concern. Seriously, I need to talk to you, Karen. I did a lot of thinking last night, lying all alone in my bed. I missed you so much, and I knew that you were right. I cant keep doing this to you, or Ill probably end up loosing you. I need to break it off with Linda immediately. I thought that maybe I ought to go to Paris to talk to her; I can be back here in two days. What do you think? She rested on her elbow, playing with a lock of his long black hair, still moist from his shower. She shook her head slowly. I love that you want to do that for me, Michael, but I dont want you to go. You coming back here and just picking up with me again would be kind of awkward, dont you think? I dont want everybody to feel that I am to blame for your break up. She gave him an ironic smile. And trust me; Monique would just looove to make a big deal out of it. No, I dont wanna ruin the friendly atmosphere here, it wouldnt be fair to Helen and Mark either. Lets just keep things the way they are right now, okay? When I go to New York after this vacation, you can have your talk with Linda, and then we can take it from there. Okay, he nodded, if thats how you prefer to do it. He hesitated, a look of discomfort on his face. But Karen I need to tell you something about me and Linda, and I am afraid that its not gonna make you feel better. I just need to be honest with you. She looked at him for a while, gently sliding her fingertips down his cheek. Then she shook her head

86

again. Dont, Michael. Not now, okay? Just hold me. I felt so awfully sad and lonely last night, I dont think I can take any bad news right now. She pulled him closer and kissed him passionately, her arms locked tightly around his waist. He finally broke the kiss. Wow, Karen, he giggled. Dont do this to me. You have to get up now, breakfast will be ready in 10 minutes. Ill see you downstairs. He planted another soft kiss on her cheek and got up. He hesitated and looked down at her. I do love you, you know, he said, suddenly a shy look on his face. Then he quickly turned around and left the room. A broad smile formed on her face as she got up and went into the shower, humming cheerfully to herself, once again feeling completely happy.

87

Chapter 13 Cosily seated at the breakfast table, Karen looked around, smiling. Im going in to town today. Anybody care to join me? I dont expect to be back for lunch though. Was it a lie? Pretending not to know that the girls had decided to hold a tennis tournament after breakfast? Anyway. She was not gonna feel guilty about it. This was her day. Her day with Michael. Ill join you if thats okay, he said casually. I need to buy some toiletries and stuff. Karen nodded. Sure, thats okay. But I can buy them for you if you like, she added innocently. The suppressed laughter tickled his throat. No, actually, I need to buy several items, so I better join you. When do you plan to leave? Straight after breakfast. She finished her juice in one large gulp and smiled amicably. As soon as they got into the car, he looked at her and burst into laughter, poking her shoulder teasingly. You naughty little thing! I can buy them for you, if you like, he giggled, imitating her voice. Guess you can always pursue a career in Hollywood if photography looses its charms to you. He put on his sun glasses and baseball cap, still smiling cheerfully as he set the car in motion. He wrapped his big hand around hers as soon as they stepped out of the car. Her heart flipped over. Are you sure about this? Somebody might recognize you. For the first time in my life, I dont care. You dont?

88

No, I dont. I intend to enjoy this day with you to the max. He closed his arms around her tightly and gazed into her eyes. The world stopped turning as he lowered his lips to hers in a slow, affectionate kiss. As he let go of her, the corners of his mouth tilted upward in his familiar, unhurried smile. Any paparazzies around? In that case, I just made their day. The hours flew by only too quickly. They strolled along the beautiful village streets, went shopping in the cosy little shops and had lunch at the inn. Nobody seemed to recognize Michael, or if they did, simply did not intend to invade his privacy in any way. He looked at her as they walked back towards the car, still hand in hand. This has been one of the most amazing days of my life, Karen. I cant believe that I am able to just walk around, spending time with you like any normal guy. I wish we didnt have to return to the house just yet. He grimaced. And I wish we didnt have to play hide and seek like this. I have had a wonderful time, too. I wish this day could go on forever. Smiling warmly, he twined his fingers with hers and pulled her hand to his mouth, pressing a light kiss against her knuckles. But this is just the beginning, Karen. Dont forget that. He drew her even closer and lowered his mouth to her ear. And I did mean what I said to you this morning. I love you deeply, madly, eternally. She laughed softly. I love you too, Michael. Actually, I think I loved you from the moment you took off your sunglasses and looked at me with those amazing dark eyes of yours. What was that? Five or ten minutes after we met? Is that even possible? He winked mischievously while opening the car door for her. Five or ten minutes? It took you THAT

89

long? He slid in behind the wheel, still a smirk on his face. On the way back to Pinehaven, they sat in silence. The silence was warm, peaceful and never awkward, and none of them felt the need to break it. Her head on his shoulder, and the smile on his face, spoke more than words and was all the communication they needed. They came back just in time for tea and soon joined the party on the terrace, already seated cosily around the table. Half way through the tea, Gordon tapped his cup with his tea spoon, blushing slightly. Okay, guys, I want to let you be the first ones to know that about an hour ago, Deborah finally agreed to marry me. Youll all be invited to the wedding, of course. He looked down at Deborah and kissed her cheerfully. She let out a tiny giggle and raised her hand in the air to expose a very large diamond ring. Wow, Deborah, this is the most beautiful ring I have ever seen in my life, Monique beamed as everybody had congratulated the happy couple. She turned to Michael. I know its not official yet, but I am dying to know, Michael. Have you and Linda set a date yet? In a split second, the surroundings started spinning violently. Karens eyes jerked to his face. He would clear up this misunderstanding instantly. Monique was mistaken. Of course she was. Her gut twisted into knots as she watched him squirm on his chair while looking down at his tea cup. No, not yet, he mumbled uncomfortably. He sipped his tea quickly, the lips wrapped around the rim of the cup quivering lightly. Monique looked around the table with a shimmer in her eyes, only too eager to be the one to pass on such exciting news. I know that Michael will probably hate me for telling you guys this, but only 4

90

weeks ago he popped the question to Linda, too. Isnt that sweet? Purchasing her a $ 200,000 engagement ring with a pink diamond, Linda told me. Once again, smiles, hugs and heartfelt congratulations filled the air. Her heartbeat was almost audible. Wow, congratulations Michael! You popped the question only four weeks ago? Moniques right, thats just SO sweet! And a pink diamond? Well, you certainly do have impeccable taste. Karens voice was sweet as honey as she turned to look at him. She smiled at him, but the look in her eyes made his heart sink. More tea, anyone? she asked casually, her face expressionless. She poured the rest of the tea into Joels cup and got up quickly, heading for the kitchen. Two minutes later, Helen joined her, finding her leaning against the kitchen sink, shaking all over while breathing in small gasps. She enveloped her in a comforting hug. I take it you didnt know about this? Well, neither did I, or I would have told you, I swear. I guess this is why Mark was so worried about you and Michael kissing in the kitchen that night, but he NEVER discusses Michael with me. Never. So what are you gonna do now, honey? Karen shook her head vigorously, still trying to calm herself down. I dont know, she whispered. She looked at Helen with a devastated look on her face. I desperately need to be alone. Please cover for me, okay? Tell them I received an important phone call or something. Just dont let anybody know how I feel about this, right? Things are bad enough as they are. She kissed Helen on the cheek and rushed up the stairs.

91

Helen returned to the table with the tea pot. Karen just got a phone call from London, she said, smiling innocently while looking around the table. Shell be back later. She felt Michaels eyes on her face as she seated herself, a silent question on his face. She returned his glance with unwavering eyes, a fierce look of anger and resentment on her pretty face. He withdrew his eyes quickly, swallowing hard. Alone in her room, Karen flung herself on the bed. Her body refused to obey her and still shook violently. The pain in her gut seemed to come in waves, whereas the flood of salty tears, streaming down her face, seemed to be never ending. He said he loved her. Even twice. She could still sense his masculine scent on her skin, in her hair. She glanced at his side of the bed and rushed out on the floor again, furiously ripping off her clothes. Another loud sob escaped her throat as she rushed into the bathroom and turned on the water in the shower cabin. Scrubbing her skin raw as if to remove every trace of him seemed to soothe the pain in her gut briefly. After a while, her breathing calmed down. She slid her back down the shower cabin wall and sat down on the floor with her arms wrapped tightly around her legs, and her face resting on her knees. The water cascaded down her back as she sat there, not moving at all, crying silently. As in a trance, she vaguely noticed him opening the door to the shower cabin. She looked up at him through blurry eyes, then immediately resumed her position again. He went into the shower cabin resolutely to turn off the water, his right side being totally drenched within seconds. Come on, honey, he said softly and pulled her up. He grabbed her robe and wrapped it around her while rubbing her

92

shoulders soothingly to stop her from shivering. He drew her closer. I am so, so sorry, he whispered into her ear. I never meant to hurt you like this. She lifted her head to look at him, as if she suddenly acknowledged his presence. Get out of here, she said in a low voice. Now, Michael. I mean it. Get out of here. He shook his head. No, Karen, I am not leaving until I have had the chance to explain this to you. Please calm down. Calm down! she burst out furiously. Dont you dare ask me to calm down! She pushed him away, hard. He lost his balance for a second, then wrapped his arms around her again. She beat her fists on his chest. Let go of me! she cried. Dont you touch me! He kept his arms wrapped tightly around her body while silently absorbing the pounding of her fists on his chest and patiently waiting for her to finally calm down. After a while she looked up at him, tears still trailing relentlessly down her face. Are you really gonna marry her, Michael? she asked with a world of hurt in her voice. But why didnt you tell me? Why did you pretend to have feelings for me? I trusted you He led her to the bed and forced her to sit down on the edge of the bed. He was still holding her tight. Look at me, he said firmly while kneeling down in front of her, holding his hand under her head to force her to look up. His dark eyes looked deep into hers. I am NOT gonna marry her, okay Karen? I wanted to tell you about the engagement this morning, but you persuaded me not to. I know I should have told you about it right from the start, when I told you about Linda, but I knew that you wouldnt understand. I was afraid to loose you if I told you.

93

And you would have! she replied angrily, her voice cold as ice. I NEVER would have allowed myself to fall in love with you, if I had known that you were engaged to be married. He slid his hand down her arm soothingly. See? Thats exactly why I didnt tell you. This doesnt change a thing. I still wanna break up with her. I still do not love her. But how the hell could you ask her to marry you? I just dont get it! Her voice was almost unrecognizable as she yelled the last words into his face. He let out a big sigh and seemed to search for the right words. It was at the end of my European tour. I was feeling down and lonely, I just hate to tour. It gets to me, every time. Then Linda showed up to surprise me. We had a great night out, and we drank just a little too much champagne. And then I just kind of asked her to move in with me. Like I said, I had been feeling extremely lonely and lost. She laughed at me and shook her head. I am not moving in with you to cohabit without marriage, she said. Then marry me, I slipped out. I didnt think, I just said it. And she immediately accepted. So the next day we went out and bought her an engagement ring. She picked it herself. He smiled ironically. I never would have picked a pink diamond myself. Believe it or not, I do have good taste in jewellery. He paused, once again sliding his hand down her arm. It didnt matter much to me whether we got married or not, but obviously it mattered a lot to her, she really wants to become Mrs. Michael Jackson. I just didnt want to be alone anymore, thats all. I was totally confused and not thinking straight. Yeah, Karen replied sarcastically, or maybe you are just confused and not thinking straight right now. Maybe that fact that I so foolishly threw myself in your arms, offering myself on a plate, was just kind

94

of tempting in some way. Maybe us being together will turn out to be nothing but a big mistake, once Linda comes waltzing into your life again. Well, pardon me, Michael, but I dont intend to sit around and wait for you to find out. Okay. He got up from the floor with a calm but very decisive look on his face. Then Ill call her straight away. I will NOT let anything come between you and me. I mean it. He pulled out his cell phone from the pocket of his wet jeans and flipped it open. Karen jumped off the bed. Dont you dare, Michael! she snarled. You are not breaking off your engagement over the phone. I would never look at you again if you did. He looked at her challengingly, still holding the cell phone in his hand. So where does it leave us? I mean it; I will not allow anything to come between us. She shook her head hesitatingly. I dont know, Michael. I really dont. I am just too confused and too angry with you right now. I cannot think straight. Please just leave me alone, okay? You need to get out of your wet clothes anyway. He nodded. Fine, Ill leave you alone. But you have to promise to meet me down by the pool or somewhere else, if you do not wish to be alone with me. I dont want you to sit up here, all by yourself. I am not leaving until you promise me that. She shrugged her shoulders. Okay, Ill meet you downstairs in half an hour. Just leave now, please. 10 minutes. 15 at the most. A sad look crept over his face again. See you downstairs, Karen. He closed the door silently behind him. She looked at the door for some time, biting her lip hard, determined not to start crying again. After a while she fetched a heavy sigh and got up, knowing that he would come back for her if she didnt turn up.

95

She put on a dress, slid her feet into a pair of sandals and brushed her hair. Having applied a small amount of make-up to cover up her puffy eyes, she put on her sunglasses and went downstairs, bringing a random book with her. Although it was the last thing on earth she wanted to do right now, she joined the party down by the pool. She forced a cheerful face and even managed to produce a fairly genuine smile. Michael was already there too, reading a book. He looked at her inquiringly and gave her a small uncertain smile which she did not return. She sat down on one of the sun beds, determined to ignore him completely. He looked sad. Sad and guilty. Guilty and sad. And he should. She pulled her legs up beneath her and pretended to read, her eyes still dry and sore from all the tears. Ten minutes later, Helen sat down on the edge of her sun bed. She handed her a glass of ice tea and touched her hand gently. Are you okay? she asked in a low voice. You are awfully quiet. Anything I can do? Karen shook her head, not intending to let anybody in on her feelings right now, not even her best friend. No, I am okay. Im just kind of caught up in this. She raised the book into the air and smiled phonily. Its really great. In that case, Helen whispered sweetly into her ear, you might wanna turn a page now and then. She planted a kiss on Karens cheek and got up, unconsciously letting out a deep sigh. Michael dropped his book to his lap and gazed at the two of them. She was trying so hard to maintain a cheerful face, but he knew exactly what her eyes would look like behind those sunglasses of hers. He suppressed a violent urge to jump out of his sun bed to hold her and comfort her. Honestly, he couldnt care less what everybody would think, but

96

he didnt doubt for a second how she would react to such a gesture. Especially now. Would she ever forgive him? Right now, he wasnt so sure. He leaned back against the sun bed and closed his eyes, the feeling of sadness and hopelessness even stronger than before.

97

Chapter 14 The dinner on the terrace was really cosy as usual. The chef had turned on the huge outdoor barbeque grill and had prepared the most delicious marinated chicken breast and steaks, accompanied by fresh vegetables, various green salads, roasted potatoes and homemade breads. Yes, the food was delicious. Nevertheless, it seemed to grow in Karens mouth, and she ended up moving the food around on her plate with her fork, hoping that nobody would notice her unusual lack of appetite. She felt Michaels eyes on her face from time to time but stubbornly refused to meet his glance. She let out a sigh of relief as the dinner was over and everybody got up to clear the table. He passed her on the way into the kitchen, carrying a large tray. Are you all right? he asked her softly. The haunted look of guilt and sadness was still there in his eyes. Yeah, I am okay, she replied way too casually. Dont you worry about me. She intended to fake a smile, but somehow her face refused to comply. The hours seemed to go by very slowly, but close to midnight she excused herself and went to bed, locking the door to her room behind her for the first time since she arrived at the house. She knew he would come to talk to her, and she just couldnt face him. Not yet. About half an hour later her door handle was moved up and down a few times. She held her breath and tried to gulp down the lump in her throat as she waited for him to leave again. He seemed to

98

hesitate, but a few minutes later she heard him open and close the door to his own room next door. A tear trailed down her cheek, but she brushed it away impatiently. She was exhausted. No more tears. She was going to sleep now, all night long. Sleep and then she would wake up refreshed and clear headed and would be able to deal with everything. That was the plan. She closed her eyes again and waited for sleep to take her. Having tossed and turned for more than an hour, she finally fell asleep. She ran down the stairs, out of the house and into open air, her clothes flowing behind her in the cold, moonlit night. Her steps were light and soundless, her naked feet barely grazing the ground. She caught a glimpse of him as he disappeared into the garden. Desperate to catch up with him, she called out his name again and again, now slightly out of breath. He did not listen. His body was in constant motion, never looking back at her. His white clothes made it easy for her to spot him in the night, but no matter how fast she ran, he was constantly way ahead of her. The scenery changed, and suddenly the lake emerged out of nowhere. He rushed into the ice cold water. Hesitating but a split second, she followed him, her clothes instantly soaked and clinging to her body, weighing her down. Her body shivered with cold and fear. Michael, she yelled, please stop. Still pretending not to hear her, he dived down and vanished beneath the dark water of the lake. She, too, dived down sorrowfully into the water, her lungs soon crying out for air in the pitch-black darkness.

99

Finally, she caught up with him. She wrapped her arms around him tightly under the water. She felt her love for him rush through her body like a tidal wave and smiled happily, but as he turned around to face her, his features changed. Michael was no longer Michael. He was Alec, and he was holding a knife in his hand, laughing cheerfully. Her hoarse scream woke her up. Her body was trembling with fear, her nightie soaked in sweat. Still breathing frantically, she rushed out of bed and into the bathroom. She poured herself a glass of water with trembling hands. Wake up, Karen, she mumbled to herself. Dont go to bed until you are totally awake, or the dream will still be there when you fall asleep. You know the drill. She smiled ironically to her reflection in the mirror. Talking to yourself now, are you? She brushed away a moist lock of hair and splashed cold water onto her face, trying to shake away the remnants of her nightmare. She changed her nightie and jumped into bed again. She closed her eyes hesitatingly. Just as she had feared, the memory of her nightmare instantly crept over her. Yes, she knew the drill only too well. Once again trembling with fright, she jumped out of bed and unlocked her door. She left her room quickly and tiptoed to Michaels room next door. She opened his door quietly. To her surprise, he wasnt asleep. He was sitting up in bed, his back against the bed head, writing something down on a piece of paper. She closed the door behind her and stopped just inside the room, hesitating. Suddenly, the lump was back in her throat, growing by the minute. She shifted her feet nervously in an almost childlike manner.

100

What are you doing? He looked up at her slowly. In the dim light from the lamp on his bedside table, his face looked extraordinary pale against his curly black hair. Out of the blue it hit her that this was actually the first time she had ever seen him completely without make-up. He gave her a sad smile. I am writing a new song. Or the lyrics at least. Just had to get all of this out of my system. He reached out his hand to her. Please, Karen, dont just stand there. He bit his lower lip and gulped audibly. I promise that I wont touch you if you dont want me to. She approached him and sat down on the edge of his bed, taking a closer look at him. His cheeks were moist. Have you been crying, Michael? she asked with surprise in her voice. She reached out and gently slid her fingers down his cheek. He grabbed her hand and slowly entangled his fingers with hers. He didnt answer her question, but he didnt have to. The look in his eyes as he returned her glance totally broke down her defences. She threw herself in his arms. Please hold me, Michael. I had a bad dream, and I just cant seem to shake it off me again. His embrace was warm and soothing. Did you dream about Alec again? I was so hoping that your nightmares had stopped. She shook her head against his chest. No, not just about Alec. I kept chasing after you, but you wouldnt stop. You kept running away from me, running faster and faster. And when I finally caught up with you, it wasnt you after all, it was Alec. She buried her head in his neck, a shiver running through her body. Come here, he said and pulled the sheets aside to make room for her.

101

She climbed into his bed, once again nestled in the warmth of his embrace. I am so sorry, Michael! she burst out. I really want to do the honourable thing and leave you alone, until you and Linda have had the chance to sort things out, one way or the other. But I cant. Against my better judgement, I just want to be with you, to spend as much time with you as I can. She hesitated. At the same time, I am so afraid that I am being terribly nave, and that youll end up hurting me again. Her eyes pierced into his. If there is anything else you still havent told me that I ought to know about, this is the time to tell me. He shook his head softly. I am so sorry for hurting you the way I did I never meant to deceive you in any way. No more secrets, Karen. I promise. He drew her closer. I have to fix this mess, and I have decided to stay for three more days, then Ill join Linda in Milan to break up with her in the most decent way possible. I have already called my assistant and asked her to book a flight for me. Linda will have one of her very good friends with her, and Melanie will know how to cheer her up after I leave. She wont be alone. I am sure her feelings will be hurt, but shell get over it in no time, I think. And as soon as I have sorted things out with Linda, Ill come back here. I know you worry about how everybody would feel about you and me being an item, right after I break up with Linda, but I really dont care. I want the whole world to know just how strongly I feel about you. She gave him a serious glance. You are quite sure about this? He returned her glance. Yes, of course I am. I have no doubts whatsoever. And I have decided to cancel some of my appointments and join you in New York when this vacation is over if you want me to.

102

Her eyes lit up. Youll come to New York with me, Michael? But what about your kids? I know how much you miss them. He brushed away a stray lock of hair from her face. Well, since I really want you to meet my kids, I thought I would bring them with me to New York. What do you say? Wanna meet them? She jumped on top of him, planting exaggerated kisses all over his mouth and chin. Thank, thank, thank you, she laughed. Of course I wanna meet them I cant wait to spend time with you AND your kids in New York! He rolled her over on her back and looked down at her with a mischievous smile on his face. So, are we okay now, Karen? Can I kiss you? She laughed and grabbed his ponytail to pull his head down towards her mouth. You better! And fast, handsome, before I change my mind

103

Chapter 15 Monique woke up with a terrible headache, instantly regretting having the last two or three tequilas before going to bed the night before. She reached out her hand and pulled James arm. James, please, do you have any aspirins? Please wake up, I need one really badly. Hush, he mumbled. I wanna sleep. She pulled his arm once again. James, please, are you awake? NO! he burst out, turning to his right side while pulling the sheets over his head. She fetched a deep sigh and got out of bed. Slipping on her robe, she went downstairs to look for Helen or Mark. Fortunately, they used to get up pretty early to prepare the breakfast. The kitchen was empty. Rolling her eyes in annoyance, she turned around to walk back to her room, not making a sound on her bare feet. Half way up the stairs, she heard a door open and the sound of silent laughter. Headache or no headache her curiosity never failed her. She tip-toed up the last stairs and clapped her hand over her mouth to strangle a small cry of surprise as she caught a glimpse of Karen, leaving Michaels room in her pjs, turning around in the doorway playfully to blow a kiss into the room before closing the door behind her. Her heart started racing. Karen and Michael? So her gut feeling about the two of them was right after all As soon as Karen had closed her door behind her, Monique rushed back into her room, once again

104

pulling James arm. You need to wake up! she burst out. I have to tell you something. Something in her voice caught his attention. He sat up in bed, still half-asleep and rather hung over. What? What is it? Can it wait? No! she exclaimed. It cannot wait! I just saw Karen leaving Michaels room. Shes been sleeping with him, I am sure. I knew there was something fishy about the way they always seem to end up spending their days together. If shes going to town, Michael is going to town. If shes going to the lake, Michaels going to the lake. And whenever shes down by the pool, Michael is down by the pool, too. And the way they look at each other . For Gods sake, James mumbled, making a wry face. Dont you have anything better to do with your valuable time than spying on other people? If theyre sleeping together, its their business. Definitely not yours! But He shook his head at her. I really, really like him. If he has someone special to keep him company in his bed at night while staying here good for him! Its definitely none of your business. And besides, shes a really beautiful, sweet girl. No wonder he wants to spend some quality time with her. Monique jumped off the bed, looking at him accusingly. How can you say that, James! This is not a joke. His fianc is MY best friend. She needs to know! Immediately, that is. Back off, Monique, he said warningly, a tired tone to his voice. Shes not gonna thank you for telling her this. Leave it to Michael to do the explaining. Hes a decent guy, hell know what to do next. I am sure he has a damn good reason for cheating on her, if thats what hes doing. Dont get caught in the middle of this.

105

Men! Giving him an angry stare, Monique picked up her cell phone and rushed into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. Her head hurt even worse as she sat down on the bathroom floor, her back against the tub, quickly dialling Lindas number. Hello? Linda replied cheerfully as she picked up the phone. Hey Linda, its me, Monique. Did I wake you up? I am a bit confused about the time zone thing, but I have to talk to you about something. Its okay, I wasnt sleeping. I am not totally alone though, if you know what I mean, Linda laughed, sitting up in bed. Whats up, Monique? You sound a bit strange. Monique searched for the right words. Well its Michael, Linda. I think you better get your lazy butt over here, if you still wanna marry him. Hes well, hes kind of seeking greener grass, if you know what I mean. WHAT? Linda burst out while jumping out of bed quickly. Michael? MY Michael? He would never do that Michael is just not that kind of guy. Hes the most loyal and faithful guy I have ever met. She ran her fingers through her long blond hair with an angry motion of her hand, instantly feeling her heart pound with frustration. You are right, Monique admitted slowly. I know thats what hes usually like. But right now ... to tell you the truth, he has changed quite a bit during these past two weeks. I think you would Who is she? Linda asked abruptly, feeling a fit of hysteria building up inside her. Karen Newton, the fashion photographer. She is staying here, too. Karen Newton? Linda repeated harshly, almost chewing on the words. Well, I am certainly not gonna let any second rate photographer ruin my

106

future. I have spent a whole year using my female charms to get Michael to propose to me, and I am NOT letting anybody get in my way. Monique rubbed her temples with her fingertips. In that case, you might wanna do something about it straight away. Its not that simple, I am afraid. Karen is not exactly a second rate photographer. She is extremely smart, funny and beautiful, and Michael cant seem to keep his eyes off her. And whats more important, he cant seem to keep his hands off her either. Like I said, he has changed a lot during these past two weeks, and he seems to be well, very happy, actually. I think its fair to warn you about this. Yeah, you are right, and thank you for telling me this, Monique. I appreciate it. But dont worry, Linda added sarcastically, twirling the engagement ring on her finger. I will make him forget about her in no time. You just wait and see. Talk to you later. She hung up quickly, not waiting for Monique to finish the conversation. Monique looked at the cell phone in her hand and let out a deep sigh. She never doubted for a second that Linda wasnt going to take this lightly, and Linda just proved her right. Her headache returned with a vengeance as she crawled back into bed, pulling the sheets up over her head.

107

Chapter 16 The sun was shining from a clear blue sky as she sat down on the terrace with her laptop in front of her, straight after breakfast. She yawned absentmindedly while turning on the computer. Not getting enough sleep, are you? a teasing voice asked her. She looked up at Michael. His dark eyes sparkled with mischief as he gave her one of his boyish grins. Even the sight of him made her heart beat faster. She flashed him an innocent look. I dont know what on earth you are implying, Mr. Jackson. I have been sleeping like a baby all night, all alone in my bed. Gosh! he gasped, faking a terrified look. In that case, who was the girl in MY bed, keeping me awake till the crack of dawn? He laughed silently and leaned over her laptop from behind. So what are you doing? Working on your book? She nodded. I was planning to. I took a few shots of Helen the other day and thought I might include them in the book. Wanna show them to me? Come to think of it, I have never seen any of your photographs. She nodded and motioned for him to get closer. He stepped around the table and leaned down behind her to look at the screen, resting both his hands on her shoulders. The warmth of his hands sent a pleasant shiver down her spine. He looked at the photographs for some time, and the look on his face changed to one of sincere admiration.

108

Oh my God, Karen! Obviously, I knew you would be a great photographer but I had no idea that you were THIS talented! These photographs are AMAZING. His palms caressed her shoulders lightly. Can I read some of your stuff, please? She hesitated, suddenly a shy look on her face. My book? You wanna read some of my book? But its not finished yet its only a rough draft. He laughed. Now come on, Karen. Dont be shy. You read the lyrics I wrote yesterday, although they werent finished! Okay then. She got up from her chair. Sit down while I fetch some lemonade from the kitchen. Want some? He nodded absent-mindedly, already reading through the first page. He looked at her in astonishment as she returned to the terrace ten minutes later. Why didnt you show me any of this before? I am speechless! Your writing is just as amazing as your photographs. Where did you learn to write like this? She instantly blushed. You like it? Well, I wanted to become a journalist to begin with and almost completed my education. Then I met Alec, and after a while he sort of convinced me that I was wasting my time, that my talent for photography was more important. So I quit and started working as his assistant instead. And well, you know the rest of the story. A warm smile slid across his lips. This book is gonna hit the bestseller charts in no time. Trust me. If I ever decide to release a new book, I want you to co-write it with me AND take each and every photograph of course. I would love to. And you do ought to release a new book. I love both Moonwalk and Dancing the dream. Any ideas for a new book?

109

He shook his head hesitatingly. Not really well, maybe thats not entirely true. I wrote some essays and poems during my recent European tour, and if I were to release a new book, I would like to write a book about life on tour. What its like for me, you know. The ups and downs. I love to be on stage and to have the opportunity to meet my fans, but touring life as such it just gets to me. I hate it. And I love it. Weird, huh? All of a sudden, he looked a little sad. She smiled softly, looking deep into his eyes. That would make an amazing book, Michael. If you ever decide to write it, I would love to participate. Let me show you some of the photographs I have taken of you during our stay here. She opened a new folder, revealing about 180-190 photographs of him. He looked at her in utter astonishment once again. When did you take these? I know you have taken a few photographs now and then, but so many? I mean, I never even noticed that you took a fraction of these. Thats the point, Michael. Shooting a portrait, asking the person in front of the camera to say cheese is just not my style. I prefer to surprise with my photographs. To capture the soul of the object. And you certainly did! he burst out, looking at the photographs again. I mean, these are the most perfect photographs ever taken of me. She let out a girly giggle. Maybe the fact that I have such a major soft spot for the object I am photographing has something to do with the quality of the photographs too. Wanna see some of the other photographs? Of the other guests, I mean? She opened a new folder and clicked on slideshow. He shook his head slowly, looking at the photographs one by one. These photographs are brilliant. I just dont get it, Karen. I hardly noticed you

110

taking any of them. The way you capture the heart and soul of each and everyone you photograph its beyond amazing. You ought to release a book with your portraits, or have your own exhibition. You are incredibly talented. She blushed again and poked him in the side. Now stop it, Michael. You are flattering me. Wanna see the last ones, the ones of you and me? The ones we took down by the lake the other day with the self timer? He cracked a sly smile. Sure, I wanna see them. Are they decent? I mean, what if somebody turns up out here? Another girly giggle. Of course they are decent! And I can close the folder in no time, dont worry. She clicked on slideshow once again, and a series of photographs of the two of them emerged; smiling, laughing, kissing. As the slideshow finished, he turned around in the chair and looked up at her. I love them, Karen. They almost make me wanna cry. It was such a perfect day. Seriously, I have never been this happy in my entire life. I need to have these photographs, too. Can you e-mail them to my computer, please? The tone to his voice, and the look on his face, made her heart beat faster. He locked his eyes on hers, and once again it hit her that nothing else mattered as long as he looked at her that way, his feelings for her clearly revealed in his amazing brown eyes. She struggled not to reach out to touch his face. He recognized the look on her face and grabbed her hand, squeezing it tight. Then he let go of her reluctantly and got up. She sat down in front of the laptop again. Ill email them to you straight away, Michael. I just need your e-mail address.

111

He gave it to her, and within a few seconds she clicked the send button. All done, she smiled warmly, looking up at him. He pulled her out of the chair and wrapped his arms around her. Dont smile at me that way, he mumbled. I just cannot hold my distance when you do that. He lowered his lips and kissed her, drawing her even closer. Oops, so sorry to disturb you, a female voice said. I better leave you guys alone Karen jumped out of his arms and turned around. Helen! she gasped, a look of relief on her face. You scared the crap out of me! Helen burst out in a giggle. I bet you guys are not sorry that I was the one to catch you red-handed AGAIN, huh? Oh my gosh, that was quite a kiss! Guess this means that the two of you have sorted things out? She turned her head to Michael, faking an angry look. Just dont EVER hurt her feelings like that again, or youll have to answer to me, you know. I dont care if you are the King of Pop. If you break her heart He grinned shyly, once again grabbing Karens hand for just a second. Yeah, Helen, we have sorted things out. And dont you worry. I dont intend to hurt her ever again. In only a few days my life will be a lot less complicated, I promise. Helen planted a small kiss on Karens cheek while slapping her butt teasingly. Good for you, I just love happy endings! She smiled cheerfully as she turned around to leave. Alone again, Michael drew in a deep breath, then let it out slowly. Wow, that was close! Guess I have to control myself for just a few more days, huh? I am sorry, honey, but you are just so damn irresistible. He blew her a kiss and left the terrace, humming cheerfully.

112

A feeling of complete and utter happiness overwhelmed her as she sat down to continue her work. The sun was still beating down from the sky, the air practically buzzing with heat. After a while, the words just wouldnt come out right anymore. She yawned for the 100th time; she was just too tired and too hot to get any real work done. She closed her laptop and went to her room to change, suddenly longing for some company. As she had put on her bikini, she gathered her hair into a ponytail and turned around to look into the mirror. She widened her eyes in surprise, finding a message on the mirror, written in her lipstick. She stepped closer, a huge smile on her face. Girl, you make me speechless. I love you. M. Still smiling to herself, she went down to the pool and flung herself on one of the sun beds. Michael was resting on his sun bed too, beneath the parasol. He had closed his eyes and only opened them for a second to give her a warm smile. His smile sent a shiver of reminiscence down her spine. As she turned her head towards the sun with her eyes closed, she could almost feel his arms around her, his playful lips on her skin, his hungry kisses. She bit her lower lip hard in a fruitless attempt to strangle the stubborn smile on her face. The warm rays of the sun and the cheerful voices around her lulled her to sleep almost immediately. She woke up startled as somebody touched her arm. Her head was spinning, and her mouth was dry. Hey, dont be scared, Helen smiled. She sat down on the sun bed and handed her a glass of lemonade. You have been sleeping for almost an

113

hour. Its not healthy for you to sleep in the sun, you know Michaels sleeping too, she added innocently. I wonder why the two of you are always so terribly sleepy during the day. She winked at her teasingly. Everybody else has left, and lunch will be ready in a few minutes. Dont fall asleep again, okay? Are you gonna wake up Michael, or do you want me to do it? Karen sipped her ice tea and smiled happily. Its okay, Helen, Ill do it. Helen got up, laughing softly. Sure, honey, but remember five minutes, okay? Or somebody will come looking for you. Sitting on his sun bed, Karen looked down at him. He looked adorable, sleeping one his side with his hand under his cheek, his legs curled up beneath him. His long hair fell softly down his back, slightly messy. She sat there for a while, unable to take her eyes away from him, wishing she had had her camera with her. Well, are you gonna kiss me or not? he asked teasingly, not opening his eyes. You have been staring at me for quite a while, and I am getting rather impatient here. He giggled and pulled her down beside him, wrapping his arms around her. Now come on, kiss me. You better hurry up, you heard what Helen said. Five minutes or somebody might come looking for us. You definitely dont deserve a kiss, laying there so innocently, pretending to be asleep while listening in on our conversation, she said, poking him in the chest. He faked a guilty look. You are so right, and I am terribly sorry. Will you forgive me if I kiss you instead? She shrugged her shoulders teasingly. I dont know, Michael. Maybe. He kissed her softly on the lips. Forgiven?

114

Are you kidding? No girl would forgive you based on that kiss. You have to do better than that. Without hesitation, his arms pulled her close to his body. He closed his eyes and locked his mouth on hers in a slow kiss, gently burying one hand in her hair. As the kiss ended, she let out a deep sigh. That was so much better, handsome. You are totally forgiven. She got up and reached out her hand to pull him up. Now get you lazy butt out of here, we have to join the others for lunch straight away. Okay okay, he moaned, grabbing her hand firmly while pretending to get up. Instead, he pulled her down beside him once again. Just one more kiss, he begged childishly, his voice soft as velvet. Then I promise to let you go. She cupped his face in her hands and repeated the kiss, her breath sweet and warm against his skin. She looked deep into his brown eyes. Michael you make me speechless too, you know, she said in a low voice, still slightly breathless from the kiss. She got up and left the pool area quickly, suddenly a big lump in her throat. After lunch, Michael decided to go horseback riding with Mark. Being totally exhausted, Karen chose to retire to her room to catch up on sleep. She didnt see him again until dinner. She was already seated at the table between Eric and Ryan when he entered the terrace. She looked up at him, her heart suddenly racing as she realized just how much she had missed him for the past hours. He looked absolutely gorgeous, dressed all in white, his curly hair hanging loose. He returned her glance as he seated himself in front of her, a slow smile gracing his lips.

115

Throwing a charming, inviting smile at him while pulling back her long blond hair, Kiki approached the table and seated herself beside him. She was a very beautiful girl, Karen commented to herself silently, although her heavy make-up definitely added several years to her age. Nobody could ever accuse her of not knowing how to make the best out of what nature had so generously given her. She wore a classy black skirt with long sexy slits which revealed her long legs, while flaunting her outrageously impressive cleavage in a low cut yellow top. VERY low cut Eating her prawn cocktail in small sexy bites, her lips hardly ever touching her fork, she kept looking up at Michael from under her long, dark lashes while smiling sweetly, clearly swallowing every word that came out of his mouth. Would he fall for that? Most men would, right? Karen looked at him out of the corner of her eye for a second while sipping her wine, hating the way her heart was beating just a little too fast now. No, he was not like most men. Setting her glass down on the table with a soft thud, she tried to strangle the relieved giggle in her throat caused by the strained look on his face and the way he kept licking his lips nervously while moving his almost untouched food around on his plate. Obviously concentrating hard on not dropping his eyes to any point below Kikis face, he did his best to keep the conversation flowing. A joke. A joke would ease the tension, he seemed to decide. No doubt, he soon regretted his action. As Kiki laughed heartily, her two most impressive assets instantly started giggling up and down. Keeping the laughter inside was almost choking her. Oh my God! OH MY GOD. Poor, poor guy. If he

116

cracks another joke, her breasts will definitely fall out of that top. As Kiki kept laughing, Michael accidentally dropped his eyes to her top and instantly blushed heavily while returning his eyes to his food again, clearly having the exact same though. Karen hid her growing smile and giggles behind her hand, coughing discretely. He took a short look at her and quickly returned his eyes to his plate again, now a mischievous glint in his eyes as he bit his lower lip hard. During the rest of the dinner, he did his best to avoid having eye contact with Karen while having nothing but eye contact with Kiki whenever he turned his face in her direction. After spending the entire day in the sun, the light, pleasant breeze during dinner chilled her slightly. Having finished her dessert, she wrapped her hands around her naked arms while sipping the rest of her white wine. He looked at her across the table and pointed at his white jacket, a silent question on his face. A small grateful smile slid across her lips as she shook her head almost imperceptibly. After dinner, she went straight to her room to fetch a sweater. He joined her a few minutes later. Closing the door behind him, he pointed at her accusingly, a giggle working its way up his throat. You! You are gonna pay for this! She stepped backwards while laughing hard at him. He rushed through the room and pushed her down on the bed, flung himself on top of her and tickled her hard. You little devil! he burst out. You kept looking at me all the way through dinner with that you are staaaaaring Michael! look on your face. Do you have any idea how HARD it was for me not to

117

laugh, every time I looked at you? That dinner was a total nightmare! STOP IT! she yelled, her body shaking with laughter against his. You know I cant stand it. I am sorry. I didnt mean to do that to you, but boy, you looked hilarious! You were trying SO hard not to stare, and the harder you tried, the more you blushed like a little school boy, caught red-handed staring at the teachers boobs. And I just love the way you keep licking your lips whenever you are nervous. You look SO adorable. He giggled and looked down at her, resting his elbows on each side of her head while messing up her hair with his fingers. I only wanna stare at you, you know. So what did you do all day while I was away? Did you miss me? I missed you terribly. He gazed deep into her eyes while removing a stray lock of hair from her cheek. She lifted her head to kiss his cheek. I slept, Michael. For hours. Guess I needed the sleep. But when I woke up and you werent here, I really did miss you. A lot. You slept, did you? he repeated, teasingly sliding his nose down her neck. So you are very much awake and definitely not sleepy right now? What do you say, do you think theyll miss us for the next half hour or so? She laughed again and wrapped her arms around his waist. Probably not, Michael. Theyll be too busy staring at Kiki in that outfit. So what did you have in mind do wanna kiss me or not? Kiss you? he repeated, a sly smile on his face as he lowered his lips to hers. Yeah, thats exactly what I had in mind exactly

118

Chapter 18 He leaned on his elbow and looked down at her, for some odd reason suddenly feeling the need to swallow back a lump in his throat. She never looked more beautiful than right now, lying on her back beneath the oak tree, down by the lake. Still slightly moist and messy from their love making, her long red hair was spread out on the blanket, flowing around her face like silky liquid. He slid a blade of grass down her nose and watched her open her eyes, a smile on her face. Guess we have to get back, he said regretfully. He bent down to plant a kiss on her cheek, then gazed into her green eyes. I wish we could stay here forever, Karen, just you and me. This is the most perfect place on earth, AND its getting harder and harder to hide my feeling for you when we are back at the house. I hate the fact that I cannot just reach out and touch you or kiss you whenever I feel like it. He laughed, teasingly trailing his hand down her chest. Guess the problem is that I feel like it all the time. I just cannot get enough of you. The look on his face grew serious. I dont know what I would do if you ever left me. I just dont think I could go on living without you. Strange, isnt it? We havent known each other for more than a few weeks, but I feel as if I have been waiting for you all my life. For the first time ever, my life is complete. He leaned over her again to kiss her. She pulled him close and buried her face in his neck, a sob escaping her lips.

119

He held her out at arms length. Hey, what was that all about? Are you crying? He laughed softly. No need to cry, baby. Thoughtfully, she slid her fingers through his hair. I know, Michael, and I am sorry. I dont mean to ruin our last day its just that I am kind of scared. I have this horrible feeling that my happy bubble will burst. That something dreadful is about to happen. He let out a sigh. You are thinking about me leaving tomorrow to meet Linda in Milan, arent you? Theres really no need to worry about that. There is nothing she can say or do to make me change my mind. Nothing. I know, Michael. Its just a feeling I have. He gave her a cheerful smile to make her feel better. Dont be silly now, okay? Nothings ever gonna burst your happy bubble. I intend to devote the rest of my life to making you happy. Ill be back from Milan in no time, and everything will be so much easier for us afterwards. He got up and reached out his hand to her. I am sorry, but we have to leave now. Its getting late. He embraced her as soon as she got up on her feet, planting small kisses on her cheek. She nestled up to him. I love you, Michael, you know that, dont you? He rubbed his cheek against hers and puller her even closer, enveloping her in his warmth. I love you more, he said softly. Dont ever forget that. He grabbed her hand and held it tight while walking to the car, holding the blanket in his other hand. On the way back to the house, he turned to look at her. You are awfully quiet, honey. Anything I can do to cheer you up? He slid his hand down her arm, then wrapped his hand around hers on the steering wheel.

120

She smiled, not taking her eyes off the narrow road. Sure, Michael. Sing for me. I love it when you sing. Actually, I wish you would sing for me all the time. Now thats a modest wish. Sure, what do you want me to sing for you? She shrugged her shoulders. Whatever you like. You choose. He squeezed her hand tenderly. In that case, I know exactly which song to sing. Actually, I have sung this song for you before. You just didnt know. She looked at him, astonished. What do you mean, Michael? Youve never sung for me before. Of course I have, he replied teasingly. The first night at the bonfire, the day we made love for the first time. When it was my turn to sing, I closed my eyes and thought of you of us, singing just for you. He looked at her and began to sing, still a smile on his face. Your love is magical, that's how I feel But I have not the words here to explain Gone is the grace for expressions of passion But there are worlds and worlds of ways to explain To tell you how I feel But I am speechless, speechless That's how you make me feel She gazed at him as he stopped singing. You sang this song for me that night? Do you have any idea how you singing this song so beautifully affected me? I just had to get up and leave the bonfire to pull myself together in the kitchen, banging my head against the fridge door while telling myself what an idiot I was to fall in love with you the

121

way I did. She laughed softly. Guess we do have some kind of weird connection, huh? Gravel crunched beneath the wheels as she drove into the driveway and turned off the engine. He squeezed her hand tightly before climbing of the car. I think we are back just in time to join the others for tea on the terrace as usual, he winked, tugging a stray lock of hair away from his face. We MIKE, a girly voice interrupted him loudly as a tall girl came running down the driveway, her thick long blond hair flowing behind her. Not hesitating a second, she threw herself in his arms and brushed her lips against his lovingly. A look of utter surprise and discomfort grew on his face as he pushed her away gently to hold her out at arms length. Linda! he exclaimed in a strange voice. What on earth are you doing here? I thought we agreed that I was leaving tomorrow to meet you in Milan. I know, Mike. Please dont be mad at me. I just missed you so much, and I didnt feel like going to Milan after all, so I decided to surprise you. Letting out a happy, girly laughter, she threw herself in his arms once again. Almost as if in slow motion, he raised his head to cast an uncertain, embarrassed glance at Karen above Lindas head. She was still standing beside the car, awkwardly fumbling with the car keys, looking down at her hands, white as a sheet. Once again, he pushed Linda away, slightly more insistent this time. Seemingly ignoring his lack of enthusiasm, she gave him another perfect smile while turning around to face Karen. Karen! Its so nice to meet you again. Oh my God, you look absolutely stunning. The fresh air around here certainly agrees with you! She stepped closer and hugged her, her arms wrapped around

122

Karens shoulders lightly but heartily. Mmm, love your perfume, she commented sweetly as she lowered her arms again, still smiling. Not waiting for any reply, she turned to Michael again. So where have the two you been hiding all day? I have been waiting for you for hours. We went for a swim, down by the lake. His voice was unfamiliar, almost husky, and his cheeks a dark pink colour. He hesitated a split second, then, swallowing hard, he seemed to straighten himself up and looked into his fiancs eyes firmly. Linda, I need to talk to you about something straight away. Can we go to your room, or take a walk in the garden? MY room! she burst out laughing. Mike, my darling, I am staying in YOUR room. After all, we are engaged to be married, arent we? As if to emphasize her words, she held up her hand, flashing her gigantic pink diamond in front of Karens face. For a second, Karens eyes were drawn to the ring on the other girls finger. Then she gulped lightly. Guess I better leave you guys alone, she said, faking a cheerful tone of voice which did not end up quite the way she intended. I am sure the two of you have some catching up to do. No wait, please, Linda insisted, still smiling hugely. Dont leave; Michael and I will have plenty of time to catch up later. Come with us to the terrace, we are having tea and delicious sandwiches. You dont wanna miss out on those. Cheerfully, she put her arm around Karens waist as if to gently force her to come along. Linda, please, Michael said once again, his voice firmer now. I really need to talk to you about something, and theres no need to wait. His fianc slid her hand down his chest teasingly.

123

Of course there is, she giggled. I am just in the middle of having my tea, so whats the rush? Besides, I have some news to share with you, too. Something really important. As she put her left arm around his waist and headed for the terrace, still smiling cheerfully while dragging the two of them along with her, he seemed to give up persuading her to have that private conversation with him right now. Obviously, she was determined to have her tea, and, more importantly, to have the both of them accompany her. Michael looked at Karen out of the corner of his eye. The look on her face and her blank stare made his heart twist in guilt and pain. As the three of them seated themselves at the table on the terrace, Helen looked at Karen inquiringly, offering a comforting smile. Karen just looked back at her, unable to produce something even remotely resembling a smile. She reached out for the tea pot, desperate to have something to keep her hands busy. As in a daze, she heard Lindas pearly laughter above the humming voices, over and over again. Her voice saying his name cheerfully, over and over again too. She put a sandwich on her plate to concentrate on something else, looked down at it for a while, then pushed away the plate with a look of disgust, nausea quickly climbing up her throat. Monique turned to Linda with a curious look in her eyes. So Linda, dont keep us in suspense anymore. Whats the big secret that brought you here? I am dying to know. Aww, Monique! You are just too curious for your own good! Linda laughed her pearly laughter once again and turned to face Michael, a happy, bright smile on her gorgeous face. Well, okay, I guess I cant keep it a secret much longer anyway, so I am

124

just gonna jump right into it. Mike you are gonna be a daddy again. I am pregnant!

125

Chapter 19 Karen let out a small gasp, then instantly coughed to cover up her mistake. Michaels eyes shifted from Linda to Karen and back again, a look of utter confusion and disbelief on his face. Pregnant? But how? I mean are you sure? How? Linda threw her head backwards and let out a teasing, girly giggle. I think you know how! You have definitely never had any problems in that department. I mean DEFINITELY not! She giggled again and licked her lips playfully. Yes, I am sure. The doctor in Paris confirmed it the day before yesterday, and I am four weeks pregnant. Guess you did the magic trick the night you asked me to marry you, Mike. I know we never planned for this to happen, but isnt it just perfect? Her eyes were practically glowing with happiness as she slid her perfect, slender fingers down his face and cupped his cheek with the palm of her hand. He nodded hesitatingly, unable to force a single word out. His mouth was dry and his heart racing out of control as he automatically turned his head to look at Karen again, ignoring the laughter and the friendly comments from his friends around the table. Somehow, their voices seemed to be rising and falling in his head, and not a single word seemed to like waves on a stormy ocean. She stared back at him through unmoving eyes, her hands clenched around her teacup. Only a little over an hour ago, those hands had been dancing over his skin seductively, and now

126

Her pain was almost visible in the air, flowing towards him like tiny, colourful dots. He stared at her for a second, then dropped his eyes to his hands while trying to gulp back a sudden feeling of sheer, white panic. Karen, my dear, will you help me in the kitchen for a minute? Helens voice was as casual and emotionless as her facial expression as she got up and pulled Karen out of the chair, not waiting for her reply. Lindas eyes were on her face now, then moving back to Karen again. The smile was still there, bright and happy. Oh my God, I wanna strangle that girl so badly, just to get that smile off her face!!!! Helen put on a cheerful smile as her eyes locked on Lindas almost challengingly. Then she turned around resolutely to leave the terrace with her arm wrapped around Karens waist. The look on her face changed as soon as they were out of sight, and now her eyes welled up with tears and clearly revealed the pain she felt on her friends behalf. She let out a deep sigh as she led the way to Karens room. Karen following her as in a trance as they mounted the stairs. Outside her door, Karen finally returned to reality. I need to be alone for a while, please, Helen. I know you want to do whatever you can to help me, but I just desperately need to be alone right now, okay? Her voice sounded lifeless and distant to her own ears. She cleared her throat. Dont worry about me. Ill be fine. Helen reached out and removed a stray lock of hair from Karens face. Okay, honey, but you know where to find me. And Karen I am so sorry. I know how extremely painful this must be for you. Linda

127

turning up here is one thing, but the baby She made a helpless gesture with her hand. Karen nodded and closed the door behind her. She flung herself on the bed and buried her face in his pillow, but this time his scent did not warm and comfort her the way it used to. On the contrary, she soon realized that breathing in his smell was like rubbing salt into the wound. All the tears that had been building up inside her since Lindas big revelation came pouring out of her eyes all at once as she sobbed relentlessly into his pillow, her violent heartbeat repeating one single word, over and over again. Pregnant, pregnant, pregnant. Later, literally exhausted from crying for what seemed like hours, her sobbing ceased into hiccups, and her usual instinct of self-preservation finally kicked in. She sat up in bed, unhesitatingly grabbing her cell phone to dial Tonys number. She didnt waste any time on friendly chit chat as he answered the phone. Tony? I need you to do me a favour. Hey, K., he said cheerfully, clearly happy to hear her voice. So hows your vacation going? Enjoying yourself? Sure. But you know me, I have had more than enough vacation for now, and I really need to get back to work. I am feeling a bit claustrophobic. I I desperately need you to do something for me, please. Can you call me on my cell phone at precisely 8 p.m. our time, mentioning some kind of job that you want me to do for you? What job? What do you mean, K.? Are you all right? You sound a bit strange, to be honest. Never mind that, Tony, she replied impatiently. You work for Ford Agency, you are in charge of booking the photographers for all photo shoots, and you use me freelance all the time. This time, just use

128

your imagination and invent something, make up some job that you need me to do. Yeah, but Tony just do it, please. I need to get out of here immediately. Okay, he said in a soft voice. Suddenly, his heart was beating faster, but he knew her well enough not to ask any more questions. Actually, I DO need a photographer for a photo shoot in Spain in 4 days. Sebastian just checked into rehab. I can ask my secretary to book a flight for you out of the States tomorrow; that will give you a few days to relax in Spain before the shoot. After all, you still need to take it easy, you know. Interested? I can fax you the details. Sure, Tony, whatever, its perfect. Just make sure that you call me at exactly 8 p.m., okay? I owe you big time. Oh, and make sure that the flight tomorrow is as early as possible. I need to leave this place straight after breakfast. Ill take the train to the airport. No doubt, Helen will drive me to the train station. She laughed a joyless laughter. You see, I am stuck right in the middle of nowhere right now. Bye Tony, talk to you later. Then she hung up. They gathered around the table for dinner on the terrace at precisely 7.30 p.m. Linda looked absolutely stunning as she entered the terrace, holding Michaels hand. Her long blond hair fell soft below her shoulders, and her red dress showed off her curvy body beautifully. Her make-up was perfect, her skin absolutely flawless. Karen withdrew her eyes quickly. Linda turned her face to Karen as she sat down at the table. Oh, by the way, Karen. I think one of the maids has made a mistake. I just found what appears to be your sweater in Michaels room. Her voice was

129

innocent and just loud enough for everybody to hear. At least it smells like your perfume. She flashed Karen a perfect, bright smile across the table. Karen returned her glance, not batting an eyelid while reaching out for the salad. Really, Linda? Well, thats definitely a mistake. Just leave it outside my door, please. She reached into her pocked and wrapped her hand around her cell phone. Ring, goddammit. Ring! And it did ring at precisely 8 p.m. Hi Tony, she said heartily as she picked up, its so good to hear your voice. Ive really missed you. She stopped talking for a while, Tony laughing at the other end. Yeah, bet you have, he replied cheerfully, his tone of voice soft and warm. She pretended to listen carefully, now and then repeating a few words. Spain? She hesitated. Well, Tony, as you know, I am on vacation right now oh, I see okay no, of course I wont let you down tomorrow already? all right yes, no problem. Just fax me the details, okay? See you back home. Yeah, love you too. She closed her cell phone with a loud thud and poured herself another glass of wine. What was that all about? Helen asked, giving her a strange look across the table. Ive missed you? I love you too? This was definitely not the usual tone between her two friends. Karen returned her stare demonstratively, flashing an innocent smile. Oh, that was Tony. Hes quite desperate, he has no photographer for a photo shoot in Spain and needs me to fill in. I promised Ill do it. So Ill leave first thing tomorrow morning. Please dont be angry with me for leaving earlier than expected. For the first time since she sat down at the dinner table, she raised her eyes to meet Michaels gaze across the table. The look on his face was one of hurt

130

and pain as he lowered his eyes to the almost untouched food on his plate. He gulped repeatedly while pressing his lips together tightly. She turned her eyes away from him again instantly, hating the way her heart was racing out of control. Linda pouted in disappointment. Oh no, Karen, are you leaving already? I was so hoping to get to spend time with you again. Well, I guess you have no choice but to help your friend out, do you? Karen shook her head regretfully while taking a very large sip of her white wine, only one thought in her head. Oh my God, I really, really hate that girl . As soon as dinner was over, Karen got up. I think Ill say goodnight now. I need to go pack my things and get ready to leave. Very careful not to look at Michael, she turned around to leave the party on the terrace, faking a cheerful smile. Back in her room, she took a deep breath to calm herself down before she pulled out her suitcase to start packing, desperate to keep herself busy. As she put the last t-shirt into the suitcase, Michael entered her room, not making a sound. He sat down on the bed and rested his hands on his knees while looking at her in complete silence. The look on his face almost finished off the rest of her self-control. Inside her head her voice was screaming for him to hold her and make her feel better, but she did not intend to break down in front of him. Not again. This time there would be nothing he could say or do to make everything all right. Nothing at all. Stalling the inevitable painful goodbye, she went into the bathroom to pack her make-up and toiletries. Her heart was pounding in her chest, and her hands were shaking. She poured herself a glass of water and emptied the glass in a single gulp.

131

Finally, her breathing slowed down enough for her to return to the bedroom. He was still sitting on her bed, now hiding his face in his hands, his body shaking violently. He looked up at her. Karen, dont leave, he said pleadingly. Please stay a little longer. His tears broke down her defences. She kneeled down in front of him. Michael, please dont cry, she said softly, trying hard not to give in to the feeling of panic that lurked just around the corner. This is all for the better. I have to leave now; I just cannot stay, watching you and Linda together. It hurts too much. Will I ever see you again? His dark eyes looked deep into hers, tears still leaving wet, salty trails on his cheeks. She shook her head, biting her lip hard. No, Michael. You wont. You have a baby on the way, and this baby is more important than anything else. More important than you and me. This baby needs a mother and a father, devoted to make their life together work. Youll marry Linda, and Ill go on with my life in London. This is the end for us. He reached out for her and clung to her like a child. She could feel his heart beating fast and hard against her chest. Michael, dont do this to me, please, she begged, on the verge of tears. I am trying so hard to stay calm and maintain my self control. Please just leave now, okay? I dont want to say goodbye to you. I just cannot do that. But how can I leave you? he asked in a broken voice as she got up from the bed. Youll No! The look on his face turned into one of both anger and frustration. I love you, for crying out loud! This just cannot be happening! I dont love her, I dont want this baby! Michael! she burst out, shocked. Dont say that. Of course you want this baby. You love children,

132

and this is YOUR baby youre talking about. Dont say anything youll regret later on. He dried his tears with his sleeve and nodded. You are right. That was an awful thing to say. But right now because of this baby, I am loosing you. I just dont know how to ... A knock on the door interrupted him. Linda soon emerged in the doorway. Sorry to barge in like this, she said, smiling warmly. I just wanted to return your sweater. Oh, Mike, here you are. I have been looking for you. Are you coming to bed? I am sooooo tired, so jetlagged. She bent down and kissed him. And I just cant wait to sleep in your arms again, she whispered seductively into his ear, loud enough for Karen to hear. Karen turned away from them, folding her sweater ridiculously thoroughly before throwing it randomly into the suitcase. Michael got up, giving her a devastated look behind Lindas back. See you tomorrow, he said, trying hard to get control of his voice. She nodded as the two of them turned around to leave her room, Linda playfully sliding her hand down his back before digging her fingers into the right back pocket of his blue jeans. The door closed behind them with a soft click. Karens knees gave in beneath her as she surrendered herself to the worst crying fit she had ever gone through in her entire life.

133

Chapter 20 The monotonous voice in the loudspeaker woke her up from her nap. She opened her eyes and let out a deep sigh of relief. The Fasten your seatbelt sign was on, and she automatically reached down and pulled the belt tighter around her waist, not looking down. The plane was about to land at Heathrow. Home. She would be home soon. She closed her eyes again. The past 12 days were kind of blurry. The photo shoot in Spain, the shoot for Vanity Fair in New York. The days just went by; she did what was expected of her, but nothing seemed to make any sense any more. She missed him too much. The though of him made her heart pound in pain Saying goodbye to him the following morning was the most painful experience she had ever gone through, apart from the accident of course. All the guests lined up beside the car as she was about to leave. Everybody hugged and kissed her, including Linda. Maybe well meet here again next year, she smiled. I never knew I would love this place so much. Ill definitely come again next year. She looked at Michael and gave him a happy smile. And next year we can even bring our new baby. Michael didnt offer any reply. His glance was locked on Karens face as if to take in every little bit of her features, a devastated look in his dark eyes. She forced a smile and reached out her hand to shake hands with him, her eyes begging him not to hug her. He took her hand in his and held it tight,

134

wrapping his long fingers around the back of her hand like so many times before. The feeling of his warm hand in hers made the painful lump in her throat grow. She tried to pull her hand away, but he was holding on to her too tightly. His Adams apple moved up and down between the tips of his open collar as he swallowed hard, squeezing her hand for the last time before he let her go reluctantly. Take care, Karen, he said lowly, his voice almost unrecognizable. Taking one final look at him, she climbed into the car, quickly fastening her seat belt, her expression silently asking Helen to please get her out of there immediately. Helen put the car in motion and drove out of the driveway, a small comforting smile on her face. Are you okay? she asked, looking at Karen inquiringly. Karen nodded, looking away from her out of the window, tears trailing silently down her cheeks. Helen felt the tears well up in her eyes too and blinked them back. I am so sorry, Karen. I shouldnt have asked you to come. I am sure you feel even worse now than when you got here. This is not how I wanted your vacation to turn out. I am so, so sorry. Karen turned her head to look at her friend, smiling through her tears. Dont be, Helen. Actually, I am really glad that I came. This vacation has been good for me, despite the unhappy ending. Meeting Michael Ill never be sorry, you know. Ill never have any regrets. Hes the best thing that has ever happened to me, and although I really do feel like crap right now, I am not scared anymore. You know? He helped me feel safe, he made the nightmares disappear. He made me wanna live again. Dont worry about me, please. Ill be okay. I promise. Helen shook her head softly. How can you be so strong all the time? Are you just faking it? You dont

135

have to fake anything with me, you know. Ill love and support you no matter what. And Helen did support her through the shoot in New York, offering a comforting shoulder to cry on during the lonely nights when she almost broke down, missing him too much and constantly thinking about the day he promised her to come to New York to spend time with her, bringing his kids. Now he had a new baby on the way and everything had changed. The shoot in Spain was easier. She was still in denial, still not believing that he was actually out of her life for good. In New York reality hit her like a tonne of brick. Thank God for Helen. Her body jerked forward as the plane landed, taxied and came to a halt. She unbuckled her seat belt impatiently and soon left the plane, collected her suitcase and went through customs. She turned around to look for Tony. He was waiting for her a few yards away and greeted her with a huge smile. Hey, K. Gosh, I am so happy to have you back. The house has been really empty without you. She returned his smile and hugged him. Its good to see you too, Tony. Now lets get out of here. I cant wait to get home! He grabbed her suitcase and put his arm around her waist, gently leading the way out of the crowded airport. Like so often before, Karen couldnt help but notice how women of all ages turned their heads to take a second look at him. And he did look gorgeous in his black suit and long black coat. He flashed her a smile again. What? What are you smiling at? She giggled. You, Tony. The girls turn their heads to look at you, giving me an angry stare. I bet theyll still turn their heads to look at you when you are 60 or 70. And by the way, you do look extra handsome today.

136

He laughed shyly. Now come on, K. Dont do this to me. You know how compliments on my looks make me feel. She elbowed him in the side teasingly. Yeah, I do. How on earth did you ever manage to work as a model? But dont feel bad. You know I love the inside as well as the outside. As soon as they entered the house, she rushed into the sitting room and flung herself on the sofa, a small smile on her face. Finally home! Hopefully, she would soon feel better, being in her homely surroundings. Tony looked down at her while taking off his suit coat and tie. Are you tired? Want a cup of my famous hot chocolate? She shook her head, the smile on her face fading away almost instantly. No thanks, I am not into hot chocolate anymore. She hesitated for a second. But a cup of tea would be nice. A few minutes later, her cell phone rang. She pulled it out of her pocket and flipped it open, absent-mindedly examining the new nails that Helen had forced her to acquire from the beauty salon at the hotel in New York in a well-meaning attempt to get her mind off things. Karen? The unexpected sound of his voice made her heart jump. She got up too quickly and accidentally banged her knee against the coffee table. She let out a small cry. Michael, is that you? She could almost hear him nod his head. I am so sorry, but I just had to talk to you, to hear your voice. Please dont be mad at me for calling you. I know you didnt want me to. Michael I dont think Karen, I miss you so much it hurts. Please say that its okay for me to call you.

137

His voice was thick with tears, and for a second she felt almost dizzy, all the feelings that she had tried so hard to suppress during the past 12 days washing over her like a tidal wave, threatening to drown her. Tears dripped from her eyes as she sat down again, rocking back and forth slowly, her left arm around her knees. She cleared her throat. Michael, listen to me. You cannot call me again. Please. Dont make things any harder than they already are, okay? I need to hang up now. I am sorry. She closed her cell phone with a sharp clap, just as Tony entered the room with the teapot, cups and biscuits in his hands. He looked at her, surprised. Are you okay, K.? What just happened? Nothing. She faked a smile while quickly brushing away the tears with her sleeve. I am just being silly. Dont mind me. Ill be okay in a minute. He wrapped his arms around her in a friendly hug. I am here if you need to talk, okay? I can sort of guess that something happened while you were away, but whether you wanna talk about it or not is totally up to you. I wont ask any questions, I promise. She kissed him on the cheek before pulling away from him, her heart still racing out of control. Thanks, Tony, you are the best friend a girl could ever have. But please, just forget about it, okay? I really dont wanna talk about it, not now, not ever. I met someone, but it was over before it started, thats all. Actually, he is getting married soon. He just called me, but he wont be calling me again. She removed the last, traitorous tears from her cheek and took a deep audible breath. She forced a smile. So are you gonna give me some of those delicious biscuits or not?

138

He handed her the biscuits, hoping that his face would not reveal the guilty relief the its over part made him feel.

139

Chapter 21 Monique was sitting at the table in the restaurant, waiting for Linda to turn up. She let out a deep sigh of annoyance. Linda was late of course. As always. She hadnt seen Linda since they left Pinehaven 6 weeks ago. Monique had been working in Milan and Paris most of the time, while Linda had been in Germany doing a cover before going to Las Vegas to spend time with Michael and the kids. Now they were finally both here, in New York. Monique was dying to catch up on everything. Finally Linda entered the restaurant, very slowly approaching their regular table by the window while pulling back her long blond hair, knowing that every man in the room would turn his head to take a second glance at her. And most women, too. She hugged Monique heartily and kissed her on the cheek. Sorry I am late, honey. The traffic was horrible! So did you order for me? She gave her friend a charming smile while gracefully seating herself. Monique returned her smile. No, not yet. I decided to wait for you. Now come on, tell me about the wedding. I am dying to know. I am so sorry that I wasnt able to be there, but with such short notice . Linda cracked a smile. Well, it wasnt exactly the wedding of my dreams, but who cares? I got married, and we can always have a second wedding later on. A HUGE wedding, I mean. That would be so romantic, wouldnt it? She laughed sarcastically. No, Mike wanted a small, private wedding at the house, and thats what he got. I just wanted to get married as

140

soon as possible, and Mike agreed to marry me at once, before my pregnancy would show. She made the quotation marks in the air with her fingers while cracking a smile once again. Gosh, I need something to drink. As she raised her hand in the air, the waiter immediately approached her, smiling shyly. Linda flashed him a huge, sensual smile, knowing exactly how it would affect him. Hi Andrew. Can I have the grilled chicken salad; no bacon, no dressing, no bread. And a very large glass of white wine and a pack of these. She waved a pack of cigarettes in front of him. Oh, and a dry martini while we wait. Same for me, please. Monique looked at her friend inquiringly as the waiter turned around to leave, giving Linda yet another shy smile. I know its none of my business, but do you think its wise to be drinking AND smoking, Linda? I mean, in your condition? What? Linda asked confusedly while lighting her cigarette. What do you mean? She gaped at her friend. Monique, for Gods sake. You dont think that .? Oh my God!!! You do!!! She burst out laughing. You actually think that I am pregnant? I thought you knew me better than that. Of course I am not pregnant! Do you really think that I would let ANY pregnancy ruin my body? Hell, I dont even like babies! She lit her cigarette, inhaling the smoke deeply into her lungs, still smiling cheerfully to herself. Monique stared at her. What do you mean, you are not pregnant? But I thought ...? Linda laughed her pearly laughter once again. You bought that? I mean, you know me better than anybody else, and you actually bought that? So thats why you kept asking me how I was over the phone? And all those questions while we were staying at Pinehaven? Gosh, I thought you were just

141

playing along. Of course I am not pregnant. I was only trying to persuade good old Mike to stay put, and it worked perfectly, didnt it? I had to think of something real fast once you called me in Paris, and this seemed to be the perfect solution. Monique stared at her hand, unable to look Linda into the eyes. Yes, she did know Linda better than anybody else. She knew that she was capable of anything to get what she wanted. And Linda ALWAYS got what she wanted. But this this was quite unexpected. The waiter brought their drinks. She took a large sip of her dry martini and finally raised her eyes to Lindas face once again. So how is good old Mike? Still convinced that he is gonna be a daddy again soon? Linda smiled. Yes, he is. But its getting more and more difficult to keep the charade going, and I have to do something soon. He keeps asking me to come with me to all these examinations I am supposed to go to. Working in Germany for a while made it a lot easier of course, but he keeps asking me a lot of questions. After all, this would have been his fourth child, and he knows a lot more about being pregnant than I do. You know what he is like. His children mean everything to him. So he is really excited about this baby? Once again, Monique was hit by a vague feeling of guilt in her stomach. She liked Michael, and after all she was the one to call Linda to tell her about him being in love with someone else. Linda shrugged her shoulders. I dont know. Yeah, I guess he is. But not as much as I thought he would be. He is very protective of me though, does everything he can to make me feel comfortable. She made a wry face.

142

Monique took another sip of her drink, trying to warm the cold feeling inside. What do you mean, comfortable? Arh, you know Mike. He tries to do everything so correctly. He is being so nice and supportive that its almost killing me. I dont want him to be nice. I want passion! She laughed a small laughter, letting out a perfect ring of smoke from her cigarette. So no passion? Monique smiled. I mean, you never used to complain about that before. On the contrary. Linda grimaced again. Really? Well, I hardly remember, if you catch my drift. Passion isnt exactly on top of Mikes list of priorities right now. Hes well, he is kind of withdrawn and quiet these days. Still mourning the loss of his precious fashion photographer, I guess. What do you mean? The unexpected touch of guilt returned, stronger this time. Linda made a sweeping gesture with her hands. I dont know. You know staring out into thin air when he thinks nobody is paying attention. Forcing himself to act cheerful with his kids when its quite obvious that hes not happy at all. Crying himself to sleep the other night when he thought I was sound asleep. She laughed a joyless laughter. Trying to avoid going to bed at the same time as me, hoping that I will be asleep when he finally gets to bed, so that I wont expect anything from him in that department. She let out a deep sigh. Two weeks ago I finally got enough of it and decided to seduce him in the shower, although the look on his face as I opened the shower cabinet door to join him would have scared away most girls. Monique couldnt help smiling at that last remark. So what happened? Was it worth the effort? Linda laughed. Oh yeah, it was okay, once he realized that I wasnt going to take no for an answer

143

no matter how much headache he claimed to have. But afterwards . She finished the rest of her martini before looking at Monique. Afterwards he had the guiltiest look on his face I have ever seen. I almost felt sorry for him. I fell asleep soon after but woke up a few hours later. He wasnt there, so I went looking for him. He was in his library and didnt hear me approach. He was sitting in front of the computer, staring at a picture of the two of them. I think he was crying. I tip-toed out of the library again and went back to bed. I havent tried to seduce him since, she admitted sarcastically. Monique played with her glass for a while. So how do you feel about that? I mean, you still went ahead and married him? Arent you afraid that he is gonna divorce you when he finds out that there is no baby after all? Linda gave her a stare. Of course I married him! And I intend to stay married to him at least for a few years. He is Michael Jackson for Gods sake! I dont care if he loves me or not. Hell, I dont even love him the way I ought to. You know, the butterflies-in-my-stomach-and-trembling-all-overwhen-he-touches-me way. But I cannot be a model forever, and sooner or later I need to pursue a new career. I have a really nice voice; I always wanted to become a singer when I was younger. Or perhaps an actress. Do you have any idea how many doors Michaels name is gonna open for me? Yeah, he is gonna stay with me, kid or no kid. I just have to be extra imaginative. She hesitated for a few seconds, the look in her eyes getting harder. No man has ever left me before, and I dont intend to let Mike be the first one to do it. My dad walked out of my mom when I was 7, leaving her heartbroken and scared of life, but NOBODY leaves me. I wont allow it. Monique shook her head slowly, taking a close look at her friend. I dont know whether to admire

144

you or despise you right now, she admitted, a small smile on her face. Seriously, I am glad I am your best fried and not your enemy. You really dont stop at NOTHING, do you Linda? Linda giggled self-confidently as the waiter put their food on the table. Now why would I do that when getting what you want is so easy? Now come on, lets eat. I am starving!

145

Chapter 22 Linda woke up in her hotel room, feeling rather hung-over and almost regretting partying until the crack of dawn. Her entire body was aching and her head hurt. Her mouth was dry. She stumbled out of bed, heading for the bathroom. She looked at her reflection in the mirror as she poured herself a glass of water not a happy sight. She made a wry face. Well, for once she needed to look like something the cat just dragged in. Actually, the worse, the better. This was her big day - time to prove if she had any acting talent whatsoever. She collected a pair of panties from her suitcase and threw them in a see-through plastic bag. Then she took off her white silk nightie and slid it into the bag, too. She grabbed a small bottle from her toiletries bag and slowly poured the contents over her clothes, watching the colour of her nightie change from white to red as the blood soaked the delicate fabric. Thank God for the internet! she smiled sarcastically as she threw the empty bottle into the bin. A quick shower and two aspirins made her feel slightly better. She got dressed quickly and flung herself on the bed again, calling Monique. Michael looked at her in astonishment as she climbed into the SUV at the airport in Las Vegas. He could hardly recognize her. Her long blond hair was scraped back off her face in a ponytail, making her look girly and innocent. He had never seen her wear her hair like that before. She wore no make-up at all,

146

and her eyes were red and swollen as she took off her sunglasses. Usually, she would definitely never go anywhere in public without a perfect make-up. She threw herself in his arms as the car took off from the curb. Holding her out at arms length, he reached out discretely to close the dark window behind the chauffeur. Linda, whats wrong? he asked in his soft voice. Did something happen in New York? She clung to him, sobbing loudly, her whole body shaking from the sobbing. She shook her head as if to indicate that she was unable to say anything right now. He gently caressed her hair as he would do with Paris whenever she was feeling sad or upset, patiently waiting for his wife to calm down. After a while her sobbing ceased, and she raised her head to look at him. I lost the baby, Mike. Tears welled up in her eyes again. Please dont hate me; I am so, so sorry. For a split second, the world seemed to stop turning. He looked at her, swallowing hard. Her innocent blue eyes stared back at him, patiently waiting for him to say something to comfort her. I am terribly sorry, Linda, he said, his voice breaking. I know how much this baby meant to you. Of course I dont hate you, how can you even say that? But He shook his head softly. I know you have done whatever you could to take good care of the baby. Eating healthy, resting a lot, no alcohol, no cigarettes. There are no guarantees in any pregnancy, you know, he added in a soothing voice, still caressing her hair. What happened? Did you go to the hospital? She nodded. I woke up this morning, feeling awful. I went into the bathroom to have a glass of water and instantly noticed that

147

She broke down in tears again, then took a deep breath. My nightie was covered in blood, Mike. I knew that something was terribly wrong. I called Monique, and she came and took me to the hospital. They examined me and told me that I had lost the baby. She nestled up to him, her body shaking violently. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight, not quite sure what to say or do to comfort her. He slid his hand through her hair repeatedly, trying hard not to start analyzing the feelings arising inside himself. He needed to be alone to do that. He held her close until they got back to the house, then gently led the way into the bedroom. You better go to bed now, he suggested soothingly. You need to rest. Do you want something to eat? Some soup maybe? Ill fetch something for you. She sat down on the bed and watched him turn around to leave. Wait! Actually, I am not hungry at all. Please, will you hand me my green nightie? Its in my suitcase. She lay down on her back as he opened her suitcase. Just as she had expected, the first thing he noticed when opening her suitcase was the seethrough plastic bag with her white silk nightie and panties, soaked in blood. He jumped and stared at the bag for some time, not picking it up. He turned around slowly and locked his eyes on hers, a devastated look on his face. Linda, I am so sorry that you had to go through this all by yourself. I wish I had been there with you. She broke down in tears again and hid her face in her hands. He sat down on the bed beside her, drawing her close. Dont cry, he said comfortingly, kissing her hair. You are young, youll have a new baby soon. She pulled away from him and crawled across the bed to rest her back against the soft cushions on the

148

bed head. A fresh wave of tears slipped from her eyes as she turned her head towards him. Why do you keep saying that, Mike? You keep saying that ILL have a new baby. You mean WELL have a new baby, dont you? The mournful tremble in her voice was unmistakable. He twisted his hands in his lap, unable to conceal the guilty look on his face as he returned her glance. Dont upset yourself now, please. You need to rest. Well talk some more later, okay? Just try to get some sleep now. She shook her head vigorously, a look of determination on her face. No, I want to talk about this now. What are you trying to say? Will you be leaving me because I lost the baby? Do you hold it against me, despite what you said in the car? Do you think I am to blame? He shook his head while walking around the bed to sit down beside her again. He smiled softly and slid his hand down her cheek comfortingly. No, Linda. Please dont feel that way. Of course I would never hold this against you. I know how much you wanted this baby. WHY do you keep saying that too? As if YOU didnt want this baby. There was a world of sadness in her teary eyes as she bit her lip hard, trying to stop it from quivering. I know why you keep saying that. You never wanted me or the baby in the first place. Dont say that. Of course I wanted us to have this baby. He swallowed and looked down at his hands, knowing only too painfully that his words would add to the guilty look on his face. She shook her head, looking sadder than ever before. No you didnt, Mike. Do you think I am blind? Do you think I dont know what happened during your vacation? Do you think I dont know about you and the other woman ... Karen?

149

He looked at her in astonishment, his cheeks suddenly burning unpleasantly. What ... what do you mean, Linda? She gazed deep into his eyes, her innocent blue eyes refilled with tears. I know what you did. I know that while I was in Paris, impatiently waiting to see you again to tell you the big news, you slept with her. When I hugged you as you returned from the lake, her perfume was all over you. The two of you had just just made love. A loud sob escaped her lips as she turned her eyes away from him to look out of the window. He swallowed hard once again. I am not gonna lie to you anymore, Linda. Yes, I did sleep with her. I fell in love with her. I am so sorry for hurting you this way, but if you knew, then why didnt you tell me? She made a helpless gesture. Why? Because I love you. Because you are all that matter to me. If I loose you I just dont know what I would do. I cannot live without you. I forgave you for cheating on me because I didnt know what to do. I just didnt wanna loose you. I thought that in time you would love me again. Do you, Mike? Do you love me? Her eyes searched his face for answers eagerly. He swallowed hard for the third time, unable to tell her the lie she wanted to hear. Suddenly she bent down, holding her hand to her stomach in severe pain. What it is? he burst out, instantly wrapping his arms around her again. Are you in pain? Do you want me to call the doctor? She shook her head. No no, please dont. This is perfectly normal, they told me at the hospital. I may have a painful stomach ache for some days. She nestled up to him, softly kissing his neck. Mike, please, she whispered persuasively. Lets have a new baby as soon as we can. In a few weeks Ill be able to try to get pregnant again. I have never

150

been this sad in my life; I need to get pregnant again as soon as possible. She trailed her hand down his back while moving her lips from his neck to his ear lobe. He pulled away from her while gently squeezing her hand. Try to get some sleep, Linda. Well talk later. He got up a little too quickly. Dont leave! she sobbed. I desperately need you to hold me. Please. He hesitated, then nodded agreeingly. Okay, lets both take a nap. Im exhausted too. She looked at him as he took off his suit, turning his back to her. Even with his back to her, she could feel his embarrassment, getting undressed in front of her. She sighed deeply. This was gonna be even harder than she thought. He held her tight until they both fell asleep, the way he would hold an unhappy child. She woke up about half an hour later and left his embrace, very careful not to wake him up. She tiptoed into the bathroom. Okay, she whispered to herself. This is it. Youll have one shot at this, and one shot only, so you better make it work. She looked at his shaver on the shelf. Yes, cutting her wrists would definitely be very effective with the blood and everything. Michael hated blood but that would leave a scar. She made a wry face. Definitely not an option. She opened the cabinet and looked inside. Yes, the sleeping pills his doctor prescribed for him after his last tour, almost an untouched bottle. That would be perfect. Using his pills would definitely make him feel even guiltier. She emptied the glass into the palm of her hand, then grabbed a glass and filled it with water. She hesitated for a brief moment and flung the glass loudly on the bathroom floor.

151

The glass broke into a thousand pieces in front of her, the water splashing against her bare feet. She sobbed noisily. Just as she had expected, Michael soon emerged in the doorway, looking slightly groggy. He looked at the floor. Hey, what happened, did you drop the glass? Dont cry, Ill clean it up for you. Stay where you are, or you may cut your feet. He raised his eyes to her face, suddenly noticing the guilty look in her eyes and the awkward way she hid her hand behind her back. His eyes shifted to the sink, spotting the empty bottle. A look of horror spread on his face. LINDA, what on earth are you thinking! Come here, honey. Very careful not to step on any pieces of broken glass he approached her, gently wrapping his arms around her. Honey? Not bad. She sobbed even noisier now, shivering all over. She shot him an angry stare. Dont interfere, Mike. This is MY choice. This is what I want to do. He shook his head, quickly grabbing her hand firmly to force her to let go of the pills, hidden in her clenched fist. He turned on the water and watched the pills disappear down the drain, then lifted her up in his arms and carried her into bed. Listen, he said in a strange voice, his heart pounding violently. Suicide is NEVER the way out, you hear me? Life has too much to offer. Youll have a new baby soon, I promise. Tears poured down her cheeks. No, I wont, Mike. Not YOUR baby. You are gonna leave me, I know. You dont love me anymore. Maybe you never did. Do you have any idea how lonely and heartbroken I have been since we got married? But even if you do not love me, how could you not love our baby? Why didnt you just let me do it now? You wont be around to save me the next time anyway.

152

He hugged her tight, a look of guilt and despair on his face. Now come on, Linda. Dont say that. She clung to him. Then promise me that youll give me another baby. Promise me that you wont leave me. I need you so much. The guilt overwhelmed him completely. How could he deny it? She was right. He didnt want the baby right from the start. He wasnt even able to feel sorry about loosing it. How could he be such a terrible human being? It was as if the baby never really existed to him. He had done everything wrong, all the way through. Asked her to marry him although he did not love her the way he ought to. Cheated on her when she was pregnant and dying to be with him to tell him the good news. Left her lonely and heartbroken ever since they got back from Pinehaven, too wrapped up in his own sad feelings to even notice. Married her only to do the honourable thing because of the baby, even thinking of another woman as he said the I do. And now he considered leaving her only a few weeks after marrying her, instead of comforting her the way he ought to, his insensitivity making her feel so miserable that she wanted to kill herself. If he hadnt woken up in time if she had died, he would be have been to blame. Him and him alone. He had to make it up to her. He took a deep breath, trying to fight the feeling of sheer panic rising inside him. Okay, he said, his voice trembling. I promise that we can have a new baby. Together. I promise that I wont leave you.

153

Chapter 23 Okay, folks, its a wrap, Karen yelled, letting out a deep sigh. The shoot had been a total nightmare, and she couldnt wait to get back to the hotel. She wiped the sweat off her forehead with the back of her hand and sat down in the shadows, fumbling for her bottle of water. She felt dizzy and nauseous. Helen flung herself on a chair beside her, still wearing a very colourful, artistic make-up. Gosh, its hot. I hate this place! Why did I ever think that going to Africa to shoot a bathing suit spread for Vogue would be so much greater than staying in New York, enjoying the perfect October weather? She opened a bottle of mineral water and drank greedily. You know, I really looked forward to working with my favourite photographer, but boy, she is being difficult this time, yelling and screaming at everybody. She never uses to raise her voice at all; this is quite unexpected. Do you have any idea whats gotten into her? She shot Karen a challenging look which, at the same time, clearly revealed her concern. Karen shrugged her shoulders. I am sorry, Helen. I know you are right. I am acting totally ridiculous, but this new model working with you I guess I just dont have the patience to do this job anymore. She ran her hand over her eyes. And more than anything, the heat just gets to me. I feel like shit, to tell you the truth. I feel dizzy and nauseous all the time. I cannot wait to get back to the hotel. Helen nodded. Actually my friend, you do look like something the cat wouldnt even drag in, and

154

you are white as a sheet. Dont you think you ought to see a doctor? Maybe it isnt just the heat. You have lost a lot of weight too, havent you? No surprise, you eat like a bird these days. How about sleep? Are you getting enough sleep? You are working yourself to death, shoots during the day and working on your book at night. You ought to slow down a bit and take better care of yourself, maybe take a vacation or something. Karen picked at the label on her bottle for a while before returning her eyes to Helens face. You are right. I have been working rather hard lately, but its a deliberate choice I have made. I tend to think less about personal matters when I am working, and I try to be as exhausted as possible before going to sleep. She shrugged her shoulders resignedly again. Honestly, I dont sleep very well. Maybe thats why I feel so dizzy all the time. Helen looked at her worriedly. Are you still having nightmares? I though they disappeared months ago? Yeah, they did. I havent had a single nightmare since you know. She hesitated, pulling off the remainder of the label. Its just difficult to sleep at night when everything is quiet around me, and all the unwanted thoughts and memories come drifting into my mind. She looked away, taking a large sip of her water. Helen touched her arm lightly. Still thinking about him? Do you still miss him terribly? Only like every five minutes. Karen laughed a joyless laughter. Pathetic, right? It has been three months now, I ought to have been moving on by now. After all, he has. Its just that him being like one of the most famous men on earth doesnt make it less difficult. Everywhere I look, something reminds me of him. Magazines, papers, the TV, his music. I dont read anything about him of course, but

155

nevertheless. Hes everywhere. If I turn on the radio, he is there. The other night when Tony turned on the TV, he was there. Its not helping me much. She made a wry face. Listen to me. Jeeez, do I feel sorry for myself! Sorry, Helen. It must be so boring for you, having to listen to me whining all the time. Actually, honey, although I do feel awful about you having to go through all of this, you meeting Michael has brought us even closer together, and I love that. You never used to talk so frankly about your feelings before. Not even with me. Karen cracked a tiny smile. I know. Guess Michael did have a great impact on me, huh? Helen hesitated, playing with the bottle in her hand. Karen, I need to tell you something, and honestly, I dont know how. Its not gonna make you feel better, but I think you need to know. Karen stared at her. Now come on, girl, what is it? Just spit it out. You are making me nervous. Helen kept her eyes on the bottle, still hesitating. Its about Michael. You know he got married about a month after leaving Pinehaven. Linda wanted to get married before her pregnancy would show, and he agreed. About a month ago she lost the baby but . Oh my God! Karen interrupted, a sad look on her face. She lost the baby? Michael must be devastated. Is he all right? She blushed suddenly and bit her lower lip hard. And Linda too, of course. This must be so hard on her. Helen sighed deeply. We didnt know about this until the day before I left New York to come here. Michael called Mark, and I picked up the phone and talked to him a few minutes before handing the phone to Mark. Mark probably wouldnt have told me anything. Actually he wasnt as devastated as I thought he would be, but Linda was feeling very sad, he told me. She really wanted this baby more than anything else.

156

Karen looked at her friend intently, a sudden glimmer of hope sparked to life in her green eyes. So he is okay? What what does he intend to do now? Where is he? Is he still in Vegas? She held her breath, impatiently waiting for Helen to reply. A sad look crept over Helens face. Gosh, Karen, I really dont know how to say this to you. The look in your eyes right now I havent seen that look in months. I wish ... I really wish that I didnt have to tell you this, but no, honey, he is not in Vegas. He is on a belated honeymoon on a tropical island, somewhere in the Pacific Ocean. They are ... trying to have a new baby as soon as possible, he told me. Karen kept staring at her without saying anything. Then the true meaning of the words finally sunk in. She got up, swaying slightly. Its okay, Helen, please dont feel bad about having to tell me this. Ill be okay in a minute. I just need to She looked at Helen confused, then passed out, hitting the back of her head hard against the tiles as she hit the ground. The doctor looked down at her, smiling comfortingly. Hey, Miss Newton, its so good to have you back with us. You fainted and hit your head, and you have been unconscious for quite some time. Do you know which date it is today? Karen nodded, her head spinning violently. She put her hand on the back of her head and burst out in pain. Yes, its Monday 21 October 2008. Her throat was dry as sandpaper, and her voice barely audible. She tried to clear her throat but ended up coughing painfully. I am in a hospital? The doctor smiled at her again. Yes, you are. You have a minor concussion, and we need to keep you here for observation for a few days. In addition, you

157

are rather dehydrated and need to have massive fluids - this is probably why you fainted in the first place. Fortunately, all test results are satisfactory. Dont worry, I am sure youll be up and about in no time. His smile increased. And equally important, Miss Newton, I am happy to inform you that the baby is fine, too.

158

Chapter 24 Karen seated herself at the dinner table, giving her friend a huge smile while putting two delicious salmon salads on the table, beautifully arranged on two black square plates. Gosh, Helen, I cant believe you are actually here, in London, visiting me. Too bad Tony is abroad. He would have loved to meet you again, too. Helen looked at the food approvingly and let out a girly laughter. Although I would have loved to meet Tony again, I am not VERY sorry that hes not here. I have missed you so much and want to know every little detail of your life since we left Africa almost two months ago. Wow, this is the first time in ten years that I havent actually seen you in two whole months! Well, at least you have put on some weight again. It was about time. Karen smiled while pouring Helen a glass of white wine. You are right; it HAS been nearly two months. My, how time flies! I have been busy like crazy, and so have you, right? She put the bottle on the table. Helen gave her a stare. Whats up with you? Arent you gonna have a glass yourself? Letting me drink alone, are you? This is your favourite Chardonnay, brought to you directly from France by your very best friend. I am sorry, Karen said, not looking straight at her, her cheeks getting slightly hot. I am not supposed to drink alcohol for some time, the doctor in Africa told me. Helen looked at her inquiringly, then put her knife and fork down on the table again. Karen, come on, level with me. Whats wrong? You have been acting

159

really strange these past two months, I just dont know what to think. I promised myself not to bring it up, but looking at you now you look so different. You blush all the time, you dont look me in the eyes. Every time I called you these past months you had some lame excuse for not talking to me for more than a few minutes. You never called me. If it has to do with what happened in Africa, I am truly sorry. Maybe I shouldnt have told you about Michael. Talk to me, please, I need to know if I did something stupid. Karen shook her head and sipped her mineral water slowly. No, please dont think that! I am so grateful that you told me. I would have found out sooner or later anyway, and I would rather hear it from you than someone else. How is he by the way? Is she pregnant yet? Changing the subject, are you? Helen sounded slightly annoyed for a second, but her annoyance disappeared as soon as it emerged as she noticed the look in her friends eyes. She shook her head softly. No, Karen, no news. Linda still isnt pregnant, as far as I know. Well, I am sorry to hear that, but at least hell still have the pleasure of working on it, right? Probably loving every minute of it, and who can blame him. Tyra called Linda the most beautiful model in the world in the latest episode of Americas Next Top Model, did you see that? Remind me to choke her the next time I see her. Tyra, that is, she added, a sarcastic smile on her face. Her tone of her voice made Helen drop her jaw. Karen, what is WRONG with you? This is so not like you. All this time you never said one bad word about him. Are you angry with him now? Is that it? Karen quit playing with the food on her plate and looked straight back at Helen, a few tears forming in the corner of her eye. What do you think, Helen?

160

How would you feel? She inhaled air deeply through her mouth. I didnt want to have this conversation, but you brought it up yourself. I am not angry with you for telling me, not at all. But yes, I am angry with him. When we had to break up, I didnt hold it against him. He had had his fun, got her pregnant, and he had to take responsibility for it, although it was a mistake. He never planned to get her pregnant. It hurt like hell, but I never questioned whether there were other options or not. There werent. But when she lost the baby . I would have expected him to stay with her for a while to comfort her. I wouldnt expect him to leave her straight away, that would have been too painful for her, too embarrassing for both of them. After all, they just got married. But him wanting to stay with her to have a second baby with her oh my God, Helen, I never expected that, and you have no idea how much it hurts. I believed him when he said that he didnt love her. Honestly, I never questioned his motives for a second. But I guess he does have feelings for her after all or they grew because of the pregnancy, I dont know. I didnt feel like he left me for her back in the States, but in Africa She shrugged her shoulders and brushed away her tears angrily. I dont know if it makes any sense to you, Helen. But thats how I feel. And its killing me. Helen grabbed her hand on the table and held it tight. I do understand how you feel, Karen. At least I do now. I am sorry. I should have been there for you. Called you more often. I just felt as if you were pushing me away, as if you were hiding something from me. Karen took a deep breath, pushing her almost untouched food away. She looked Helen deep into her eyes. Actually, Helen. I am hiding something from you. Promise me that youll never tell a living

161

soul, not even Mark. Especially not Mark. Promise me. Helen nodded, suddenly a terrified look on her face. I promise. Now tell me you are scaring me. Are you ill or something? Karen shook her head slowly. No, I am not ill. I am pregnant. PREGNANT! Helen burst out. But you cant have children . According to my doctor, I had a 0.5% chance of getting pregnant, but it is kind of a miracle. I hardly believe it myself, but the doctor in Africa told me that I was 3 months pregnant, and my own doctor confirmed it when I returned to London. I never suspected anything. I got my period the day I left Pinehaven, but it happens now and then, my doctor told me. This means that I am 5 months pregnant now, and its beginning to show. I have to be really careful how I dress. 5 months! Helen burst out. So it is Michaels? Would you believe me if I told you that I had a one night stand, in Spain or in New York, or straight after I came back here? Helen shook her head. Not you, Karen. You would never let any man touch you unless you had feelings for him. And at that time, you definitely never would have touched any man but Michael. Karen looked at her without batting an eyelid. Well, in that case, Helen, it is Michaels baby. But have you told him? No, and I am not going to. He is married now, trying to have a baby with his wife. What should I do? Call them and say Hey Linda, I am so sorry to have to tell you this, but while you were on your way to tell your future husband that you were pregnant, he slept with me. So sorry to hear that you lost your

162

baby and havent been able to get pregnant again yet, but you know what? I am pregnant now, so I guess I beat you to it. She shrugged her shoulders helplessly. What do you think, Helen? Do you think either of them would thank me for it? What happened between me and Michael is over. I cant make him a part of this. Part of me thinks that he has a right to know, the other part of me thinks that maybe I didnt know him that well after all. The part of me that just cannot accept the fact that he is trying to get her pregnant again is afraid that if I told him about this baby, he would file for custody. He has more lawyers and legal advisors than anybody else I know, he would definitely win in court. If I lost this baby So much has happened in my life, I just couldnt deal with that, too. So do you hate me now? Helen shook her head slowly, looking confused. I dont know what to say, Karen, but I do not hate you for not telling him. Of course I dont. I think he has a right to know, but I understand your reasons for not telling him. No doubt, this is the only baby you are ever gonna have, and you shouldnt let anything ruin your pregnancy. I dont think he would ever fight you in court though. Come on, Karen. He loves you. I used to think so, too. But now I am not sure anymore. I am not sure of anything. I just know that I want this baby more than anything else in the whole world. This baby is a part of him. At least I get to have that. She put her hand on her belly as if to protect the baby, a few tears trailing down her cheeks. Promise me that you wont tell Mark about my pregnancy. Promise me, Helen. I dont want Michael to hear about it just yet. Helen nodded, hesitating. I promise, Karen. If you are quite sure that this is the way you want to do it, Ill support you 100%. The look on her face changed, and she cracked a

163

huge smile. Oh my God, this is wonderful. You are gonna be a mom! And I am gonna be Auntie Helen! She rushed out of her chair and embraced her friend, putting her hand on her belly. So does he kick yet? Can I feel it? Karen laughed. Its not a he. Its a she. I just know that, dont ask me why. And she doesnt kick that hard yet, but she will soon. I have read a lot of books on this subject, believe me, I know everything there is to know about pregnancies and giving birth. Well, almost. She dried her tears with the back of her hand. Now, come on, lets eat! I need to eat for two, you know!

164

Chapter 25 Having told Helen about the baby was such a relief. During the following days she actually felt better. She even slept all the way through the nights without waking up, thinking about Michael. However, she still had one more major hurdle to pass. Telling Tony about the baby and finding a new place to live. He got back from the States three days later. She had offered to pick him up at the airport, but he was going to drive back to London with a colleague, he told her. She made his favourite carrot cake and a pot of tea and waited for him in the living room, the coffee table cosily set with flowers and candles to welcome him home. He entered the living room half an hour later, a cheerful smile on his face. He bent down to kiss her on the cheek as he took off his coat. Hey K. wow, this look cosy. You sure know how to make me feel missed and appreciated. Thats nice. He sat down beside her on the sofa, pouring the tea for both of them. How was New York? she asked, giving him a smile. Busy and boring! Snowy AND packed with hideous Christmas stuff everywhere, he grinned. Actually, I always miss London after spending only a few days in New York. She burst out in laughter. How anybody can call New York boring, Ill never understand! Well, its good to have you back.

165

He turned to look at her, helping himself to a large piece of her carrot cake. So how have you been? Anything interesting to tell me about? She swallowed hard and put her cup on the table. Actually, Tony, I have to talk to you about something, and its really hard for me. First of all, I have decided to stop working as a fashion photographer and concentrate on my book instead. I have a few contracts left, the one with Americas Next Top Model next week for instance, then Ill quit. My deadline on the book is approaching rapidly and Then there is this other thing. He stopped chewing and stared at her, a strange look in his eyes. You have met someone, havent you? You have someone new in your life, and now you want to move out. She gave him a small smile. You really do know me very well, Tony. Yes, you are right. I have someone new in my life, and I need to find a new place to live. He put the rest of his cake back on his plate, a devastated look on his face. Well, K., I always knew that this day would come. I just didnt think that it would come so soon. Ill miss you terribly; I love to have you around. So who is he? Anybody I know? Actually, she said, her cheeks getting pink. Its not a he. Its a she. Or at least I think it is. He stared at her again, totally confused. What do you mean, you think? So is it a she or isnt it? Is it Helen? Are you moving to New York to share an apartment with her? You are not are you? I would have known if you were. No, of course not, you silly boy, she laughed shyly. I am not into girls all of a sudden, if thats what you mean. The smile on her face faded away. I dont know how to say this, so Im just gonna jump right into it. Tony, I am gonna have a baby. I am five months pregnant.

166

A baby! he burst out. But I thought that . K., this is fantastic! He hugged her tight, laughing cheerfully. Then he held her out at arms length. And the father? Is he excited about this baby or is he still married? She nodded. Yes, he is still married, and I dont intend to tell him about the baby. Please dont think that I am horrible person, things are just too complicated. This will be my child, and my child alone. He nodded, gently touching her arm. I am so happy for you, truly I am. But why do you want to move out? I dont think its fair to you to stay here. I mean you didnt choose this. A kid in the house will change everything. You would hate it and not know how to tell me. I better find a place of my own before I get too fat and lazy. She cracked a smile. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it lightly. Are you kidding me! I would love to have a baby in the house! I always wanted to have a kid myself. I can help you out; I bet that having a tiny baby is such hard work. Ill be the perfect sitter, you just wait and see. A look of surprise grew on her face. Do you really mean that? Honestly? It would mean the world to me. He giggled. Of course I mean it. Ill even help you in the delivery room, if you want me to. I promise not to faint. She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tight. Thank you, Tony. How can I ever thank you for everything? You dont know how much your friendship means to me. He swallowed hard, feeling her body close to his. He pulled lose and kissed her softly on the cheek. Your friendship means the world to me too. And I am sure that this baby will be beautiful, with curly

167

red hair, just like you. Green eyes and fair skin, just like her mother. Karen looked away for a second, then looked straight into his eyes. Actually, I am fairly sure that shell have curly black hair, big brown eyes and skin the colour of milk chocolate. Tony looked at her in astonishment. You mean her father is black? She nodded. Yes, he is black. He bent his head backwards, laughing out loud. Oh my gosh, K. Thats just perfect. For some odd reason, I never even considered that for a second. He looked at her teasingly. People will think that I am the father then, seeing the three of us together. Picture that? She poked him in the ribs. Now why does that make you look so foolishly content with yourself? Do you want people to think that? He smiled hugely. Of course I do! I would love people to think that I was able to produce such a perfect little baby. I am sure shell be absolutely perfect, he added cheerfully. Karen gave him a strange look. Actually, Tony, things ARE rather complicated, like I told you. And I would love it if if you wouldnt mind letting people think that you are in fact the father. That we that just once, you know. Not that we are living together as a couple or something, but that you Oh, come on, you know what I mean. It would save me a lot of embarrassing questions from a lot of people. He grabbed his cake and went on chewing cheerfully. Sure, you can count on me. I just got myself a baby. Or at least a baby on the way. And by the way I really loved that night we spent together when you came back from the States. Remember? He faked a terrified look. Now dont tell me you

168

forgot! Did it mean that little to you? He grinned teasingly. Stop it, Tony, you are embarrassing me, she laughed, throwing a pillow at him, yet a smile of relief on her face.

169

Chapter 26 Michael entered the living room, throwing a warm smile in his daughters direction. She was glued to the TV, watching her favourite show, a very excited expression on her pretty face. She waved him closer with her hand. Come look, daddy. This lady has the most beautiful long red hair I have ever seen. Really curly. I want to have hair like that. She is much prettier than all the models, competing to be Americas Next Top Model. He laughed silently to himself. Paris just loved watching the pretty girls on TV, always wanting to look exactly like them. Short blond hair one day, long black hair the next. Curly hair one day, straight hair the next. He bent down over the back of the sofa, wrapping his arms around her neck from behind while kissing her soft brown hair, breathing in her sweet smell with a clear sense of fatherly pride inside. Look, there she is. She has taken all these wonderful photographs of the girls, and shes the guest judge, too. He turned his eyes to the TV screen and froze. Karen was looking right at him, smiling her perfect smile. The smile which used to give him a warm, tickling sensation inside and an irresistible urge to immediately wrap his arms around her and kiss her. And it still did. He let go of his daughter, unconsciously clenching his hands tightly around the edge of the sofa back while carefully taking in every little detail of her, suddenly a big lump in his throat. Her hair was a bit

170

longer, she looked extremely healthy and happy, and she had a very special glow in her amazing green eyes. Something about her was definitely different. She looked even more beautiful than before. She looks like a woman in love, he admitted to himself, the lump in his throat threatening to choke him. Paris turned her head to look up at him. Isnt she beautiful, daddy? He nodded, forcing a smile. Yes she is, Paris. Extremely beautiful. He put his hand on his chest while trying to control his breathing again. He had been staring at her photographs on the computer so many times, but this was different. Her voice, her smile, her catchy laughter. He recalled only to clearly her scent, the feeling of her long soft hair against his skin, the warmth of her embrace. Her lips against his. A wave of sadness overwhelmed him completely, looking at her image on the TV screen. Linda came strolling into the living room with a large glass of ice tea and a copy of Vogue in her hand. Giving Michael a quick glance across the room, she suddenly noticed the look on his face and turned her head to the TV screen. Oh my, if it isnt sweet Karen! Her voice was thick with sarcasm and condescension as she turned her face away from the screen again. You know her! Paris burst out, sounding extremely impressed. Yes, I know her, but ask your daddy about her. He knows her A LOT better than I do. She gave Michael an angry stare while flinging herself into one of the large cosy chairs by the window, flipping her magazine open with an angry motion of her hand, her sudden rage surprising even herself.

171

You know her too, daddy! Paris exclaimed, her eyes sparkling. Why didnt you say so! Can I meet her? Please daddy, I would so love to meet her. She is not just beautiful, she looks really, really nice too. She jumped up and down on the sofa, a look of expectancy on her face. He shook his head, his eyes still locked on the TV screen. No sweetey, I am sorry to disappoint you, but you cant meet her. She lives in England, and I dont know her that well anymore. He paused. But you are right; she is a very nice girl. He gave her a small smile to make up for the slight tremble in his voice and quickly left the living room, his heart still pounding painfully hard. Back in his library, he poured himself a large brandy and sat down in the corner of his Chesterfield, stretching his long legs out in front of him. He closed his eyes and rested his head back, letting out a deep sigh while running his hand through his hair. Without her, I am nothing. Suddenly feeling tears burning painfully behind his eyes, he raised his glass to his lips to take a large sip, his eyes still closed. He grimaced as the brandy burnt its way down his throat and into his stomach. Completely consumed in his own thoughts, he jumped as he felt a warm little hand softly touching his cheek. Slightly confused, he raised his head and looked straight into Paris blue eyes. Are you okay, daddy? she asked in a low voice. Are you feeling sad? He pulled her down beside him on the sofa, gently wrapping his arms around her while kissing her on the hair. No, I am okay. I am just a little tired, thats all. Dont you worry. She nestled up to him. I hate it when you look sad, daddy. If you are tired, you should go to sleep now. Youll feel better in the morning.

172

He laughed a soft laughter and pulled her closer. I love you, Paris you are such a smart little girl. But talking about sleep; its way past your bedtime now. If you want me to, Ill read a bedtime story to you. She giggled. Okay, but I get to choose the book this time. And it wont be Peter Pan again! He elbowed her in the side, pouting boyishly. Whats wrong with Peter Pan? You know its my favourite book. Yeah, dont I know it! she replied dryly, cheerfully rolling her eyes at him. But I dont think that anything at all has changed at Neverland since we read it for the 5000th time a few weeks ago. He laughed and finished his brandy in one large swallow, then got up and reached out his hand to her, giving her a mischievous smile. Come on, sweetey, Ill race you to your room. The loser makes pancakes in the morning. Deal? She laughed heartily. Sure, daddy. But remember, no cheating this time, okay? Ready? One, two . She was out of the door before she even finished the sentence. He smiled to himself, shaking his head at her while feeling the hard knot in his chest loosen up a bit. If it wasnt for her . for all of his three children I am coming, you cheater, he yelled, slamming the door shut behind him.

173

Chapter 27 Gosh, Tony, this was delicious. Thank you so much for dinner. I have eaten way too much of that dessert though. I can hardly move. He gave her a teasing look. Its okay, K. After all you are eating for two, remember? She smiled strainedly. Yeah, how can I forget but fortunately not for long. I just hate being this fat and shapeless, this slow! He burst out in laughter. Now what did you expect? You are nine months pregnant. And you are definitely not fat and shapeless - actually, I think you look even more beautiful than before. Being pregnant totally agrees with you. And how much weight have you gained? 18 pounds? 20? Thats not a lot; youll get back in shape in no time. You just wait and see. Actually 25, she pouted. Dont you think thats more than enough? She let out a girly laughter. Sorry, I dont mean to complain in any way. Being pregnant is wonderful, but I just wish that shell come out real soon. It hasnt just been nine months, remember? Nine months and almost three weeks. I didnt expect to go past my due date, and I am being rather impatient now. He reached out and touched her hand lightly. I can understand that, K. But if you dont go into labour in two days, the labour will be induced, right? So shell be here in two days at the most. You can wait that long. Guess you are just the perfect incubator!

174

She made a wry face. You think? Well, hopefully Ill be an even better mom, so please tell her to just get out NOW. He pulled her out of the chair. Now come on. Make yourself comfortable in the living room while I clear the table. Do you want some tea? She put her hand on top of his, a serious look on her face. Thank you, Tony. He looked back at her, smiling softly. Now what is that all about? What do you thank me for? She shook her head slowly. Everything. For being here to support me. For doing everything you can to make me feel comfortable. For spoiling me rotten. For massaging my swollen ankles in the evenings. For bringing home A LOT of teddy bears. For going shopping with me in like a zillion baby stores. For being excited about the baby. For being my friend. For everything. He squeezed her hand, looking slightly embarrassed. There is no need to thank me. I love taking part in your pregnancy, you know. I am just as excited about this baby as you are. Tea? She nodded teasingly. Okay, I wont say another word. Yes, I would love a cup of tea. He looked at her out of the corner of his eye as she sipped her tea, supposedly watching a movie on the TV. Several times, he caught her staring into thin air, clearly not concentrating on the plot. Half way through the movie she got up, softly rubbing her lower back with her right hand. She smiled apologetically. I think Ill hit the sack now, Tony. I am totally beat. Goodnight, sleep tight. He watched her as she walked towards the stairs, a sad look on his face. She wasnt half as happy as she pretended to be, and it didnt take much to figure out why. She still missed him. The father of her child.

175

She closed her bedroom door behind her and leaned against the door, feeling almost guilty for desperately needing to be alone. Tony was her best friend and yet She closed her eyes and let out a deep sigh, for some odd reason suddenly feeling tears prick at the back of her eyes. Trying very hard to ignore the feeling, she took off her dress, put on one of her oversize nighties and sat down on her bed, drew in a deep breath, then let it out slowly. She turned on the radio on her bedside table and leaned back against her pillows while putting her hand on her stomach, clearly feeling the baby kicking. Only ten minutes later his voice was there, on the radio. She jumped, immediately turning her face to the radio, a big lump in her throat. She reached out to turn off the music, then hesitated and turned up the volume instead. Wanna hear daddys music? she asked softly, gently touching her stomach again. A tear trailed down her cheek as she listened to his voice, softly singing Childhood. Childhood. What a coincidence. She closed her eyes and could almost feel his hand, lovingly caressing her pregnant stomach. A sudden feeling of sheer panic overwhelmed her and forced her to sit up in bed again. She pulled her legs up beneath her and rocked back and forth like a child while hiding her face in her hands. I cannot do this on my own, she sobbed into her hands, finally giving up fighting the tears. Tony is here, but he is not Michael. This is Michaels baby. The baby will be out soon, and he ought to be here with me. He needs to hold my hand while I give birth to her, to our daughter. Oh my God, I am so scared because he is not here with me. She sobbed noisily as the song ended, her raging hormones clearly contributing to her emotional breakdown.

176

I just cannot do this on my own! she burst out. And he is here in London. Its all over the newspapers. She grabbed her cell phone and hesitated but a split second, then quickly pressed the keys. Hi Michael, how are you? Long time no see, but I really, really need to talk to you. Call me, please. Love, Karen. She held her breath and pushed the SEND button. Michael entered the bedroom of the suite, finding Linda sitting on the bed, reading a magazine. Hey, he smiled, whats up? Why are you hiding in here? He took off his suit coat and tie while kicking off his shoes. She looked up at him, not returning his smile. I dont know. I just needed some privacy, I guess. The children are quite noisy today. So how was your meeting? Actually, it was okay. My new British business manager is doing an excellent job. He ran his hand through his hair. Gosh, it has been hot today. I desperately need a shower. He turned his back to her while taking off his trousers and socks. He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and put it on the bed. I am expecting a rather important call. Would you mind calling out for me if my cell phone rings while I am in the shower? She shrugged her shoulders. Sure. Oh, and by the way, Mark called you while you were away. He sounded quite depressed. I promised that you would call him later. He didnt want to call you on your cell phone while you were in a meeting, he said. He sounded depressed? he asked with concern in his voice. I better call him as soon as I have taken a shower.

177

A curious look grew on her face. Whats up? Do you think he just got fired or something? Of course not. He hesitated. Actually, I think Helen is breaking up with him. Last time I talked to him, they hadnt seen each other in a really long time, and he was kind of worried that her feelings for him had cooled off a bit. Apparently, she wants to settle down, and he doesnt. As you know, getting married and having children isnt exactly his style. Guess this is quite upsetting for you, huh? I mean, after all Helen is your closest link to dear Karen. He let out a deep sigh, trying to catch her eyes. Please dont. I really dont want to have this discussion right now. Of course I am quite upset. Mark is one of my best friends, and he is unhappy right now. Obviously, I care. He headed for the bathroom and closed the door behind him. She emerged in the doorway a few seconds later, a sarcastic smile on her face. Actually, Michael, its totally okay to get undressed in front of me. We are still married, in case you have forgotten. You dont have to close the door behind you before revealing your perfect butt, although I must admit that I hardly remember what it looks like anymore. She looked up and down his body demonstratively. He let out another deep sigh and wrapped a large towel around his waist. Linda, whats wrong with you today? Did I say or do something wrong? If I did, I am sorry, but I am really not in the mood to have this conversation right now. Then admit that you still think about her all the time, she snarled accusingly. You hardly ever touch me. Only once a month, when my temperature chart indicates that this is the right time of the

178

month to get pregnant. This is all you want from me. He shook his head angrily, suddenly looking tired and worn out. Dont go down that road again, Linda. You were the one who begged me to get pregnant again. If you have changed your mind, just let me know. He gave her a challenging look before turning on the water in the shower cabin. Slamming the door behind her, she returned to the bedroom and flung herself on the bed, angry tears burning in her eyes. Damn him! Who did he think he was? His cell phone beeped cheerfully on the bed, and she grabbed it quickly. One message. She sat up and opened his message box. Hi Michael, how r u? Long time no see, but I really, really need to talk to u. Call me, please. Love, Karen. An icy wave of fury washed over her, leaving her almost gasping for air. Soon, her fingers flew over the keys. Hi Karen. Yes, long time no see. Please forgive me for not calling u like you ask me to, but this is all for the better. I need to focus on my marriage. I am sorry. She looked at the message and quickly added: Take care. Love, Michael. She pressed the SEND button, then instantly deleted both messages.

179

Chapter 28 She kept staring at her cell phone, reading his text message over and over again as if her eyes could magically change the words if she stared at them long and hard enough. She felt completely numb, even unable to let go of the tears burning behind her eyes as the devastating meaning of his words sunk in completely. Out of nowhere, a bolt of pain ripped through her womb. She let out a small gasp and put her hand on her stomach, clearly feeling the womb getting increasingly hard and then softening again after about 30 seconds. It didnt take her long to realize what was happening. The first contraction; the baby was on its way. She turned her eyes to the bag in the corner of her bedroom. Everything was packed. She was as ready as could be; now all she had to do was wait. And he wasnt going to be there. She gulped down the lump in her throat and climbed out of bed to fetch her old portable Discman player from the second drawer of the bedside table. Holding the Discman player in her hand, she kneeled down in front of the black CD rack and pulled out all of Michaels CDs. Back in bed, she finally let go of the tears. Okay if he wasnt going to help her through this, at least she would have his voice to comfort her and the baby. His soft, beautiful, soothing voice. She didnt want to wake up Tony just yet. This would take hours, and more than anything she needed to be alone.

180

Several hours and several CDs later, as the contractions were around seven minutes apart, she started timing them, just as her midwife had instructed her. She hesitated before she put the next CD in the CD player. Invincible. The one CD that she was almost unable to listen to. She knew what would happen as soon as this very special song of his started playing, his voice almost inhumanly beautiful, so full of emotions, so perfect and touching. Speechless. The song he sang for her twice at Pinehaven, the most beautiful song he had ever recorded. Never once did she listen to that song since since then. Just as she had expected, she broke down completely and sobbed her way all through the song, feeling an almost unbearable pain inside, yet completely unable to turn off the music. As he sang the last words: Your love is magical, that's how I feel But in your presence I am lost for words Words like, "I love you." she grabbed her cell phone, suddenly gasping loudly as an extremely painful contraction and an irresistible urge to call him again to personally beg him to come hold her hand rushed through her body at the same time. She looked at the cell phone for some time, then threw it on the floor with an angry motion of her hand. What for? What good would that do? His text message was loud and clear. He had moved on. He just wanted to be left alone. She turned off the music and timed her contractions again, desperately trying to control herself.

181

As her contractions were five minutes apart, she got out of bed in between two contractions and got dressed, gasping loudly. She went downstairs to Tonys bedroom. He was sound asleep, resting his hand under his cheek, the edge of the duvet tucked between his knees. Even in his sleep, he was almost inhumanely beautiful. She pulled his arm lightly and watched him close his eyes slowly, still groggy. Is it time? he asked, suddenly fully awake. She nodded. Yes, we need to leave soon. While you get dressed, Ill call the midwife to let her know that we are coming. The drive to the hospital was uncomfortable. She was in serious pain and mourned her way through each contraction, now only a few minutes apart. Tony looked at her inquiringly from time to time, wishing he could do something to ease her pain. They reached the hospital in 10 minutes, and soon she was having her first exam. As all her vital signs had been checked, she begged to lie down and just be left alone. All the way through her pregnancy, she had thought about what giving birth would be like. Being the pretty reserved person she was, she always expected herself to silently moan her way through the contractions the way she did in the car, but suddenly she found herself screaming and yelling. Tony turned out to be the perfect aid. With the patience of an angel, he gently rubbed her back in between contractions, totally ignoring her angry outbursts when the next contraction hit her. Knowing how unexpected this new side of her was to even herself, he just smiled patiently while waiting for her to calm down again, feeling closer to her than ever before.

182

Her water finally broke, and suddenly the babys head was in the birth canal like a cork. The burning sensation was more intense than anything she had ever experienced in her life. She gasped and sobbed noisily. Michael, she suddenly yelled, why the hell arent you here with me? She broke down in tears, unable to stop the violent shiver. She looked around for Tony, but he wasnt there either. Her midwife wiped away the sweat and gave her a soft smile. Hell be with you in a second, she said in a comforting voice. He just had to go to the mens room. You are doing great. During the next contraction you just give me a big push, and the baby will be here very soon. Its almost over now. Tony entered the room again, rushing to her side. She gave him a teary look. He should have been here too, she sobbed. He nodded, softly caressing her hair. I know, K. He should have. The next contraction hit her, but suddenly it was all over, and the pain stopped miraculously as her baby daughter came into the world with a loud cry and was placed on her stomach. She looked down at her, a completely unknown feeling of love and devotion flowing through her heart as she grabbed the tiny little hand. The baby was perfect. The midwife turned to Tony. Would you like to cut the cord? He hesitated and turned his head to Karen, a silent question on his face. She swallowed hard. Sure Tony, go ahead. Her heart cried out in silent pain as he cut the cord. This was all wrong. Michael should have been there. He should have been the one to do it. The rest of the birth was over pretty fast. She gave birth to the placenta, and soon a young nurse helped her freshen up and change her hospital gown while the baby was examined, washed and dressed.

183

Half an hour later she found herself alone in a hospital room with Tony and the baby. You did great, K., he smiled, turning his eyes to the baby. And this baby girl is just perfect. So what are you gonna name her? She hesitated. Megan, I think. I always wanted her to have a name that starts with an M, and Megan is just perfect for her, dont you think? He nodded, taking her little hand in his. Yes, Megan is just perfect. He made a funny face. She is the most perfect little girl I have ever seen in my life, but you were wrong about the colours, werent you? Her skin is rather light, and her eyes are blue. AND her hair is straight and not curly at all. She shook her head teasingly. Oh my God, Tony, how ignorant can you be? Dont you know that almost all babies have blue eyes? Her eyes will turn brown, you just wait and see. And the colour of her skin will change gradually over the next months. AND her hair will change, too. Dont worry. Shell look just like you in no time. She turned her head away from him, suddenly a painful lump in her throat. And like her father. Yes, hopefully shell look just like her father before long.

184

Chapter 29 The next months went by at the speed of lightning. She loved every minute she spent with her new baby, and being a mother beat anything she could ever imagine. For a while, her life was perfect. Almost perfect. Only one thing was still missing. Just as she had expected, Tony was amazing with the baby. He did everything he could to help her out, and he even insisted on having a baby alarm installed in his bedroom so that he could take turns with her at night, feeding the baby a bottle of breast milk and changing her diaper. He was as proud as any father could be. Except he wasnt the father. Obviously, she took A LOT of photographs of Megan. Megan eating, Megan sleeping, Megan smiling, Megan crying. Tony laughed at her, but he even grabbed the camera now and then himself when she wasnt watching. Megans eyes did turn brown. And her skin did become the colour of milk chocolate. And her hair did become curly. And she did look a lot like her father when he was a baby. Karen found herself searching the internet for photographs, downloading them to her computer with a sad feeling inside. If only But if only was a wish too late. One month after Megan was born, Karens book was finally released. It was heavily promoted by the publisher and instantly hit the bestseller charts, just as Michael had anticipated almost a year earlier. Suddenly she found herself in the public eye, doing various talk shows, interviews and book signings to further promote the book.

185

Helen went with her as often as her busy schedule would allow, the book clearly boosting her career, too. Having broken up with Mark just before Megan was born, she tried to spend as much time with Karen as she possibly could, feeling lonely and depressed from time to time. Helen had promised to join her for a major book signing at Harrods in August, and Karen was quite excited about the event. The date was rapidly approaching, and she was discussing the event with Tony over dinner as her cell phone rang. She flipped it open and left the kitchen, grimacing apologetically at him. Karen? This is Jennifer. Remember me? We meet at Pinehaven last year. Gosh, Jennifer! Of course I remember you. Its so good to hear from you. So whats up? Well, you know, Karen. Back at Pinehaven we talked about my exhibition in New York, and you expressed a lot of interest in my paintings. You showed me some of your work too, remember? You even emailed me some of your photographs, the ones you took at Pinehaven. Yeah, I remember. Your work is incredible, and I have read so much about you in the papers since then. Yours recent exhibition in Berlin was such a huge success, wasnt it? I wish I had invested in some of your paintings years ago. I bet the prices have sky rocketed. Jennifer laughed cheerfully. Well, its still not too late. But Karen, I am calling you to ask you if you would like to do a joint exhibition with me at the Proud Central Art Gallery in London. I know you are quite busy right now, but its not until March next year, which is seven months from now. I think it would be so cool to combine my paintings with your portraits. You probably know this gallery. They did an excellent exhibition on Harrison Funk and Lynn

186

Goldsmiths amazing photographs of Michael a few years ago. Karen gasped. A joint exhibition with your paintings and my portraits? Gee, Jennifer, I dont know ... I am not sure if my photographs are suitable for an exhibition. Are you kidding? Your portraits are amazing, they are perfect for an exhibition. Remember how Michael kept saying that too? He definitely encouraged you to do it. And actually, I have shown some of your portraits to my agent, and he was totally impressed and instantly fell in love with the idea of a joint exhibition. He showed your works to the gallery owner, and he loved them, too. Especially the ones of Michael, Joel and Helen, but all of them, really. He wants you to use some of the portraits from Pinehaven, mixed with some of your recent work, of course. Wow girl, you definitely are here and there and everywhere right now, arent you? Congratulations on your book by the way. Number two in the British book bestseller chart already, thats pretty impressive. And I hear its doing quite well in the USA, too. Karen laughed shyly. Thank you. I have a hard time believing it myself, and I am working by butt off promoting it right now. And now this . an exhibition? Can I think about it, please? It is really, really tempting. But as for the portraits from Pinehaven I am not sure I want to include them if I decide to do the exhibition with you. At least I do not wish to use the ones of Michael. I mean I shot those during his vacation. I dont wish to invade his privacy in any way. I understand what you are saying, but I am quite sure that Michael would love for you to use some of them. He was rather proud of them, remember? Said they were the best photographs ever taken of him. I know, but

187

Of course well have to get permission from each and every one before using their photographs. Listen, I am meeting up with the gallery owner and my agent in London next week - what do you say, wanna join us? Karen hesitated, then let out a small laugh. All right, Ill join you. You sure are very persuasive! Just call me with the details, okay? I would love to meet you. Great! I look forward to seeing you again, too. And how is everybody by the way? I only meet up with Susie and Ryan on a regular basis, and then I bump into Joel and James from time to time. And Mark of course. How is Michael? She swallowed hard. I wouldnt know, Jennifer. We dont stay in touch. Oh, I am sorry. Its just that you seemed to be really close friends back at Pinehaven. Well, I guess that awful wife of his makes it quite impossible to maintain a friendship with him, right? She laughed apologetically. Sorry, I dont mean to be rude, but she just got to me. After you left she kind of dominated the entire party. Oh, and Monique, too. And Michael was in such a bad mood all of a sudden, not at all the same guy as he was before she turned up. You definitely got the best part of the vacation, thats for sure. This year, neither Michael nor his wife could be there, Mark told me. Oh, you didnt go yourself this year? No, unfortunately I was way too busy due to the exhibition in Berlin, but next year I definitely wanna go. I just love Pinehaven. Anyway. Ill call you in a few days, okay? Take care, Karen. After they hung up, she stared at the cell phone for quite some time. An exhibition? At one of the most prestigious art galleries in London? This was definitely a huge career opportunity. She felt a flutter of butterflies in her stomach, just thinking about it.

188

But using her photographs of Michael? If she could avoid it in any way, she definitely would .. Michael gathered the papers in front of him and stuck them into the blue folder while looking around the conference table. He was in the middle of a meeting with his business management and personal assistants at the office of his Las Vegas mansion, but he was feeling way too restless and cranky to be able to concentrate on any of the subjects raised and only wished for the meeting to end as soon as possible. His mind kept wandering to the talk show Linda was watching that morning at breakfast. They had had breakfast alone for once, and he had felt extremely annoyed as she, once again, insisted on turning on the TV instead of having a decent, cosy conversation across the table. Suddenly she was there Karen. Looking more gorgeous than ever in a crisp white designer suit, a constant smile on her lips. She was discussing her new book, answering all questions in her usual professional and very charming manner, now and then tucking a playful lock of her long red hair behind her ear with the girly motion of her hand he always loved so much. The sight of her made twisted his stomach into a hard knot. The show did, of course, instantly cause a scene, Linda once again feeling angry and upset as she watched Karen on the TV screen. The fact that he had been unable to stop staring at the screen himself had definitely not eased the tension in any way but had eventually caused his wife to leave the room, slamming the door behind her. He let out a big sigh and looked at Susie, one of his personal assistants. By the way, Susie, did you manage to get the book I asked you to get for me, Just another pretty face?

189

Susie nodded and pulled out the book from her black Gucci replica handbag. Yes, Michael, I did. She dug into her handbag once again and produced a clear plastic folder. And I took a copy of this newspaper article for you as well since you mentioned that you know the author personally. Its a really interesting in-dept interview about her background and the book itself. She straightened her blue suit coat and gave him a shy smile as she handed him the book and the sheet of paper. Helens smiling face was all over the front page of the thick glossy dust-cover. He felt his pulse increase as he held the book in his hand, quite sure that he would find a photograph of Karen on the inside of the dust-cover. He hesitated briefly, then put the book down on the table in front of him without opening it. He tucked the white sheet of paper beneath it and smiled politely. Thank you, Susie. I look forward to reading that article. Susie smiled shyly once again, her blue eyes meeting his briefly across the table. I am reading this book right now myself, and I think its fantastic. Karen Newton is a brilliant author, and the photographs are nothing short of amazing. I am sure youll like it. He nodded, swallowing hard. I am sure I will. I read some of it last year He paused as a painful memory of a perfect summer day at Pinehaven washed over him. His business manager took at closer look at the book on the table and raised a bushy eyebrow in surprise. This is quite a coincidence. Ive just received a letter from the author of this book. Karen? Michael repeated quickly, his heart beating faster. Why would she write to you, Tom? Tom dug into the neat pile of papers in front of him, pulling out a blue sheet of paper and several

190

large photographs. He handed the lot to Michael. Well, apparently she will be doing an exhibition in London next year and have asked our permission to use four photographs of you, shot last year during your vacation. These photographs are rather excellent, I must say - but how do you feel about it, Michael? Do you want me to give her permission to use them? Actually, Tom, Michael replied absent-mindedly, his brown eyes quickly running through her letter, I think Ill forward a reply to her myself. Like I said, I know her personally. He cleared his throat. To tell you the truth, I am quite surprised to learn that she did not approach me directly. Well, if this is all for now He got up, clearly impatient to finish the meeting. Finally alone in his office, he inhaled a breath of relief and settled himself down behind his huge mahogany desk, holding the article and her letter in his hand, the photographs spread out in front of him. An exhibition, using his photographs? But why on earth did she write to his management and not to him? He ran his fingers over his eyes, suddenly feeling tired and exhausted. He went through the article slowly, for a long time fixing his eyes on the black and white photograph which accompanied the article. So she and Helen would be doing a book signing at Harrods next week? He tapped his fingers on his chest while biting his lower lip hard, his teeth leaving tiny marks on his skin. He grimaced as the metallic taste of blood interrupted his thoughts. Licking the blood off his lip impatiently, he folded the article and stuck it in his jacket pocket while staring at her signature on the blue sheet of paper. Karen Newton. A very neat and personal handwriting. He slid his index finger across her signature slowly and breathed in deep, once

191

again overwhelmed by the all too familiar longing for her. He emptied his glass of mineral water in one large gulp and reached out for his cell phone. Susie? This is Michael again. Please make arrangements for me to be in London next week. I would prefer to stay at the Dorchester for 3-4 days. Please check my schedule and see what you can do. Its important that I am there on the Wednesday. Oh, and by the way the exhibition in London next year please prepare a written permit regarding the use of the four photographs we just discussed, but dont send it to Karen Newton, just send it to me, please and make sure that you reserve that date in my calendar as well. I intend to be in London for the private view day. He hung up, suddenly feeling more alive than he had felt in a really, really long time.

192

Chapter 30 Are you ready? Helen asked her, giving her a teasing smile. Deep down inside, Karen just hated public appearances, but this time she didnt feel quite as bad, having Helen by her side. She nodded cheerfully. Sure, Helen. I was born ready, you know. The door to the book store at Harrods would open in a minute for the first part of the book signing event. They would be signing books for an hour and a half, then have a lunch break before continuing for another hour. She looked around the book store, suddenly feeling the butterflies move around in her stomach. They had definitely gone out of their way to promote her book. Several large posters and banners were placed around the store, and stacks of her book were placed on the counters. A large photograph of herself the one from the dust-cover was exhibited in the window display. A large table, covered in a white table cloth with the Harrods logo, was set up for her and Helen in front of the white end wall - the entire end wall being covered in posters portraying her book, of course. Karen brought Megan and her new sitter with her. Alice was a sweet 20 year old college girl and a very experienced sitter. She and Megan were staying in one of the executive conference rooms on the upper floor, and Karen and Helen would join them there for lunch. This way Karen would still be able to breastfeed Megan in privacy.

193

Somewhere between 200 and 300 readers were already waiting in line as the doors opened. Karen let out a gasp. Oh my God, Helen. They all came to meet us, just to have their book signed? This is amazing! Helen laughed her pearly laughter before the first reader reached their table. Sure Karen. You are famous now. You may as well get used to it. This is just your first book. Soon others will follow, I am sure. Despite Karens aversion to big crowds, they actually had a great time, chatting with the readers while writing a short personal message in each book. As the lunch break drew closer, the manager of the book store approached them. He offered Karen a very charming smile, discretely bending down to whisper into her ear. Do you think you would be able to take a short break, Miss Newton? A gentleman is waiting to see you in one of the executive conference rooms on the upper floor, room 5. This is just beside the room already reserved for you. Karen looked at him in astonishment, trying not to smile at his excessive politeness and more than polished appearance. Somebody is waiting to meet me? Who is it, please? The manager smiled again. I am sorry, but I am not at liberty to reveal this information at this point. Please follow me, and Ill escort you to the conference room. She gave Helen a strange look, then got up to follow him into the lift. He escorted her to the conference room, opened the door for her and left discretely. She took a quick glance around the room. It was completely dominated by a huge mahogany conference table and more than twenty black leather chairs. Several large paintings covered most of the wall to her right,

194

and two large identical bouquets of flowers were placed on the table, the colours perfectly matching those of the paintings. Green plants were placed between the four large windows, covering most of the wall to her left, and the sunlight fell softly through the open blinds and wrapped the room in a golden light. A man was waiting for her at the far end of the room, staring out of the window absent-mindedly, his hands in his pockets. He was dressed all in black, and his long black hair was gathered in a ponytail, falling curly down his back. For a second, her heart stopped beating, and her knees almost gave way under her. Hi Michael, she said hoarsely. Long time no see. He turned around, a huge smile instantly forming on his face. His dark eyes looked deep into hers as he approached her. Hey Karen. Its good to see you again you look beautiful. The familiar sound of his soft toned voice almost took her breath away. He grabbed her hand, giving her a firm handshake, his eyes not leaving her face for a second. His hand was soft and warm, just the way she remembered it. She pulled away from him quickly. I guess you are quite surprised to see me, he said shyly, his cheeks getting slightly hot. I just came to give you this. He pulled a white envelope out of his pocket but did not hand it to her. Instead, he turned it around in his hand in a nervous manner, over and over again. This is the permit you requested. You know, to use my photographs for the exhibition next year. I am really flattered that you have decided to use them.

195

A very michaelish smile crossed his face and lit up his eyes. She shrugged her shoulders. Actually, Michael, it wasnt my decision at all. The gallery owner insisted. His eyes widened with surprise at her unfriendly comment. Oh I didnt realize that. I am I am wondering why you wrote to my management and not to me directly? She gave him a stare. Are you, Michael? Really? I would have thought that that was quite obvious, considering. Her voice sounded cold and impersonal and did not in any way reflect the chaos his presence created inside her. Considering? he repeated in a strange voice. I am not quite sure I follow you. He hesitated. Are you angry with me for turning up here today? She looked at him with unwavering eyes. No, why would I be? I mean, I havent seen you in more than a year, what is more natural than you turning up today? She grabbed his left hand. By the way, lovely wedding band, Michael. Very tasteful. How is Linda? He did not reply to her question. Feeling a sudden awkwardness, he dropped his eyes to the floor, his cheeks getting hot again. She took a closer look at him. He looked gorgeous, despite his embarrassment. His skin looked soft and perfect, thanks to a very discrete, flawless make-up which clearly enhanced his beautiful features especially his dark, bottomless eyes. His long hair was shinier than ever, and his body still lean and powerful. He bit his lower lip, then ran his thumb across it. She remembered that gesture only too well and looked away for a second, trying to swallow the lump in her throat. He looked up at her again, a hurtful expression in his eyes. I am so sorry, Karen. I should not have

196

surprised you like this. I was just really afraid that you would refuse to meet me if I told you about my visit beforehand. He cracked a sarcastic smile. And obviously, I was quite right. He ran his eyes over her face, searching for a glimpse of the old Karen. The devastated, confused look in his eyes softened her anger against him, and very slowly the smile returned to her face. I am sorry, Michael, she said in a much softer voice. I am just not very good at surprises. She cleared her voice. It is lovely to see you though. So what are you doing in London? He hesitated, the look of embarrassment returning to his face. I planned to tell you that I am in London on business, but thats not entirely true. Suddenly, his voice was overflowing with sadness. I might as well tell you the truth I just really needed to see you, Karen, and you requesting this permit kind of gave me the excuse I needed. He took a step forward but stopped in his tracks as a glint in her eyes warned him not to get any closer. And does Linda know that you are here? He shook his head, looking down at his hands. No, she doesnt. Karen please try to understand She interrupted him, holding her hand up in front of her face. Michael, please dont. Something in her voice made him look at her again, locking his eyes into her amazing green eyes. He could see his own feelings reflected in them. His loneliness, his longing, his despair. He swallowed hard. She reached out her hand to him again, this time forcing a cheerful smile. I have to get back to the book signing, but it was so nice to meet you again. Take care, okay?

197

He grabbed her hand and locked his fingers around hers. His touch made her heart race out of control again. She pulled away her hand quickly, instantly wrapping her left hand around her fingers in a nervous manner while turning away from him. She opened the door to leave. Karen! he burst out. He was still standing in the middle of the room, his arms down his sides. Yes? She turned around reluctantly to face him again. Can I call you some time? Would you mind? She gave him a soft smile. Actually, I dont think thats such a good idea. It took me quite a while to be able to move on with my life, but I have, and it just hurts too much to have you come in and out of my life this way. I cant go back to just being your friend. I am so sorry, Michael, I wish I could, but too much has happened between us. She paused, a sad look emerging in her eyes. You broke my heart, you know. He closed his eyes for a tiny second. Okay, Karen, I understand But for what its worth I broke mine too. The tone of his voice, deep and hoarse, made her look at him insecurely, hesitating. She felt the tears sting behind her eyes as she gazed into his sad eyes. No She shook her head and rushed out of the room, closing the door behind her firmly. She stumbled into the room next door and closed this door behind her, too. The room was spinning as she turned her head to look at the sitter, forcing a smile. How is she doing, Alice? Has she been asleep the whole time? Alice returned her smile, looking up from her book. Yes, she has been sleeping like an angel. Karen approached the carrycot, gulping repeatedly to hold back the tears. She looked at her

198

daughter and gently slid her fingers down her soft little cheek while taking another deep breath. The sleeping baby gave a jump and automatically flung her arms to the sides, an unhappy look on her face. Its okay, Karen whispered in a thick voice. Its okay. Mommy is here. She put her hand to her chest, her heart still pounding painfully. And daddy, too.

199

Chapter 31 She woke up the next morning feeling just awful. Her head ached and her eyes were burning in her face, red and swollen from crying herself to sleep. She went into Megans room to check up on her. The room was empty. Good old Tony. She gave him a grateful thought while heading for her bathroom. Heaven knows, she could really do with some time on her own right now. Taking a long, cold shower made her feel better. She picked a random dress from her closet and went into the bathroom again to put on her make-up, trying to cover up the traces of last nights tears on her face. She looked at her reflection in the mirror. Definitely not an encouraging sight. She shrugged her shoulders. Well, who cared anyway? As she entered the kitchen, Tony had just finished setting the table, Megan on his arm. He gave her a cheerful smile. Morning, K. You looked totally beat last night, so I decided to let you sleep this morning. Megan and I have had a great time. I gave her her bath; I hope you dont mind. Feeling better? He looked at her inquiringly. She nodded, not returning his glance. Yes, I am. Thanks, Tony. You are the best sitter in the world. I really did need the extra sleep. After breakfast, she retired to her office, determined to work for a few hours, but her mind kept wandering to the book signing the day before. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the chair.

200

I am right back where I started. Missing him with my entire body and soul. As if the past year did not exist at all. Why on earth did I ever agree to include his photographs in that stupid, stupid exhibition? And why did he have to come to hand me the permit himself? He could have just mailed it to me. He chose her he even refused to call me when I begged him to, 3 months ago. Why did he turn up, out of the blue, to turn my life upside down once again? And why did he look so sad yesterday, as if he still had some sort of feelings for me? Why? She straightened herself up again and looked out of the window at the park across the street. Then it suddenly struck her. The permit. He held it in his hand, but he never handed it to her. He still held it in his hand as she left the room. She slid her chair back quickly and got up, suddenly desperate to get out of the house. Tony was playing with Megan in the living room. She faked a smile at the two of them. I think Ill take Megan for a walk in the park. I need some fresh air, and so does she. You mean like now? Its gonna rain soon. He pointed out of the window at the dark black clouds covering the sky completely. She shrugged her shoulders. I dont care. Just means that therell be less people in the park. I really, really need to get out of the house right now. He gave her a sad smile. Okay, I understand. Ill get the pram ready for you. Just as she had anticipated, the playground was almost empty. Two sitters were playing in the swings with some 3 or 4 year olds, and a father was playing with his sons on the dark green seesaw. She sat down on one of the wooden benches, leaving the pram on the right side of the bench. Megan was already sound asleep.

201

She closed her eyes and rested her face in her hands, trying to shake off the unhappy feeling inside, but no matter how hard she tried to avoid it, his sad face kept emerging behind her eyelids. Michaels face. She jumped as someone sat down beside her to her right, between the pram and herself. As per instinct, she smiled apologetically while turning her head in his or her direction. Her smile stiffened as she recognized his face. Hey Karen, he said in his soft voice. Did I startle you? I am sorry. She shook her head, her heart racing like crazy. No, its okay, Michael. I was just far away in dreamland, I guess. What are you doing here? How did you know where to find me? He gave her a little smile. I talked to Tony back at the house. I came to deliver the permit which I totally forgot to give to you yesterday, and he told me where to find you. You were right; he is very, very nice. Yes, he is. I guess this is the playground you told me about at Pinehaven, right? You told me how much you love to spend time here, watching the kids. Yes, I love the entire park, but the playground is really special. He looked at the pram beside the bench, smiling teasingly. Even babysitting, are you? She swallowed hard, not looking at him. She nodded. He handed the envelope to her. This is quite embarrassing. I totally forgot to hand it to you yesterday although I had it in my hand the whole time, but here it is. She looked him straight into his eyes. Thank you, Michael. But you could have just mailed it to me. No

202

need to travel all the way through London to hand it to me personally. He looked embarrassed for a second, his cheeks changing colour. Then he cracked a sarcastic smile. Actually, Karen, once again its just a really lame excuse to see you. I am going back to Vegas this afternoon, and I just couldnt leave without saying goodbye. I know you didnt want me to, but I just had to. You looked so angry yesterday. I just really need to know that we are okay. He turned to look at her again, his dark eyes piercing into hers. The sad look in his eyes was almost unbearable. She knew he would find the exact same expression in her eyes, if he looked closely enough. She looked away quickly. Karen ... he said, his voice cracking. I really do need to have you in my life, one way or another. Please. She looked at him as he ran his fingers through his hair with the usual almost childlike movement. She reached out to touch his face but stopped as she caught a glimpse of the wedding band on his left hand, shining cheerfully against his jet black hair. She grabbed his hand instead and turned the ring around with her fingers, giving him a sad smile before letting go of his hand again. Its not possible, okay Michael? I told you yesterday. We cant go back to just being friends. And it wouldnt be fair to Linda either. How is she by the way? You never answered my question yesterday. He swallowed hard. She is fine, thank you. Still no baby on the way? He shook his head. No, still no baby on the way. She smiled a sad smile once again. I feel so sorry for her, for both of you. I know what its like, being terribly disappointed every month. So is she making temperature charts and everything?

203

He squirmed on the bench, the subject clearly making him feel extremely uncomfortable. Yes, she is. She is . He broke off in the middle of the sentence and looked at her, astonished. She was staring at the gate to the playground, white as a sheet. Within a split second, she was trembling all over, a look of sheer panic growing on her face. He put his arm around her. Karen, what is it? Whats the matter? She shook off his arm and got up, still trembling hard. Apparently not trusting her legs to support her, she instantly sat down again, as jumpy as a puppet on a string. A very handsome tall man approached her, giving her an uncertain smile. Hi Karen, the stranger said. Tony told me where to find you. It took some serious persuasion, but I think I managed to convince him that I just had to see you. He turned his face to look at Michael, repeating the smile. And after all, he knew that you wouldnt be alone. His voice was hoarse and trembling slightly, yet warm and pleasant. She nodded, still a frantic look on her face. He reached out for her. Please, Karen dont look so scared. It breaks my heart, seeing you look at me that way. I would never ever hurt you again. I swear. I just I just have to talk to you. She backed away from him quickly, her arms wrapped around her body tightly in an almost childlike manner. DONT touch me, please. Just dont touch me. He nodded and dropped his hand to his side, swallowing hard. He gave her another pleading look, his blue eyes now slightly watery. I just need to talk to you, okay? She nodded but didnt say anything.

204

Michael pulled his coat closer around his body and got up, a look of sheer confusion on his face. He looked from one of them to the other. I better leave you guys alone. Obviously, you have some catching up to do. She reached out for his hand and squeezed it hard. No, Michael, please dont leave. Her voice was shrill and almost unrecognizable. She made a helpless, sweeping gesture with her hand. Michael, this is Alec, my ex-husband. Alec, this is Michael, a friend of mine. He jumped, an incredulous look spreading on his face as he looked at the man who almost killed her a little over a year earlier. An unfamiliar feeling of burning rage shot through his body and made him loose his breath completely. What on earth are you doing here? he gritted through his teeth, his voice cold as ice. He turned to Karen while his fingers grabbed the beeper attached to his belt. Do you want me to call my bodyguards? They are waiting in the car, just outside the park. His eyes caressed her face, trying to ease her pain. She shook her head, biting her lower lip hard. No thanks, Michael. I dont think that will be necessary. Please sit down. He plopped down on the bench again reluctantly, still looking angry and upset. Alec was still standing in front of her, shyly drawing a strange pattern on the ground with his right foot. He looked down at her. Karen, I know this may sound totally strange to you, but I got out two months ago, and I really, really need to talk to you. What I did to you back then Ill never be able to forgive myself. I dont remember much of what happened, but I have seen the photographs, and I just oh my God, Karen. Ill never understand how I could do that to you. I loved you more than anything

205

in the whole world. The drugs the drugs and the booze turned me into this horrible monster, but I need you to know that I have changed. I am clean, and I have been through serious therapy. She nodded, clearing her throat. You look great, Alec. You look like the old Alec. He nodded confirmingly. I feel like the old Alec too, and I cant wait to go on with my life again. I have just opened my own studio, and I am deeply involved in an anti-drugs programme. We give antidrugs lectures at high schools and youth clubs and I met a really sweet girl in rehab, and we are getting married soon. He reached out his hand to her. I just really, really need you to forgive me. I cant seem to get on with my life until you do. Michael jumped off the bench again and gave him a furious look, instantly brushing off his hand. Dont touch her! he snarled. It makes her uncomfortable, cant you see that? Have you any idea what you did to her? How dare you turn up here, asking her forgiveness! Have you any idea how many nights she spent unable to sleep, scared to the point of insanity at the thought that maybe some day you would come back for her? Have you any idea what she went through? Her scars physically and emotionally? His chest heaved up and down, and his voice trembled with anger. He took a deep breath, trying to control his rage, but the look on his face remained unchanged as he kept staring at Alec with unwavering eyes. He suddenly realized that she was staring at him in utter surprise, her mouth slightly open. As he turned his face to look at her, she gave him a soft smile. Its okay, Michael. Actually, seeing Alec again sort of helps me.

206

She turned her face to her ex-husband. I am really happy for you, and I wish you all the best. I hope you and your new girlfriend will be very happy together, and I wish you good luck on your new career. And if you need my forgiveness, you have it. But in return, you have to promise me to never contact me again. He locked his eyes on hers, swallowing hard. Thank you, Karen. This means the world to me. And I totally understand that you do not ever want to see me again. I promise to never turn up on your doorstep or anywhere else. Have a great life I really mean it. Both of you. He turned to Michael, an honest look on his face. I hope youll treat her better than I did I am sure youll never do anything to hurt her. She truly deserves to be happy. Once again, he reached out his hand to shake hands with her. She looked at his hand, instantly leaning backwards, once again reaching out for Michaels hand. Take care, Alec. I am sorry, but I just cannot touch you. He nodded understandingly, gave her once last sad smile, then turned around and left. She got up and looked at his back as he left the playground, tears welling up in her eyes. All of a sudden she looked incredibly vulnerable and lost. She trembled violently and let out a loud sob, then suddenly turned to Michael and stumbled into his arms like a frightened child. Its okay, honey, just let it all out. I understand how you must be feeling right now. The all too familiar lump in his throat was instantly there again as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her head to his chest. His heart was beating fast hard. He closed his eyes and lowered his head towards hers, burying his face in her hair for the first time in more than a year, softly inhaling her scent.

207

He held her tight for a long time while she let go of the tears, not in any way trying to control herself. She needed to cry. And she wasnt crying over Alec. The clouds opened up, and heavy August rain began to pour. None of them seemed to notice. He still held her, still gently caressing her hair. She shivered as her dress got wet. He looked up at the sky, then unbuttoned his black coat to wrap it around her too, not letting go of her. After a while her sobbing ceased, and she looked around, suddenly noticing the rain and the empty playground. She left his embrace slowly and brushed away her tears, locking her eyes into his. Thank you, Michael, she said softly, pushing back her long wet hair. Thank you for being here when I needed you the most. I better go home now. She reached out her hand to shake hands with him, trying hard to prevent the sudden rapid beating of her heart from affecting her voice. He would be gone in a second back to his life, back to his beautiful, soon-to-be pregnant wife. Have a nice trip back to Vegas, and take care, okay? He gave her a devastated look as he grabbed her hand firmly. Please please change your mind about not staying in touch. Please let me call you some time. She shook her head. No, Michael. A few months ago I really, really needed to talk to you, but you ... No, never mind. Its too late anyway. Please just leave now; dont make this any harder than it already is. There is nothing I can say or do to make you change your mind, is there? I mean obviously, I cant force you to let me be a part of your life. He swallowed hard. Ill leave now, but dont you want me to escort you back to the house? Just in case ?

208

She shook her head again, giving the pram a sideway glance. He seemed to have totally forgotten about that. No, its okay. He promised me to never contact me again, and he wont. I am not scared anymore. He reached out and removed a wet lock of hair from her cheek. He tucked it behind her ear gently and took one long last look at her, then quickly turned around and left the playground, not looking back.

209

Chapter 32 Gosh, I am tired. It has been such a long day. Karen flung herself on the sofa and let out a big sigh, running her hand over her eyes quickly. Is Megan sleeping yet? I bet she was pretty tired too? Tony untied his tie and slipped it into his pocket. She nodded and looked at him as he sat down beside her. Yeah, she fell asleep immediately. One lullaby and she was sound asleep. Guess all the new impressions were just a little too much for her. He gave her a small smile, looking at her inquiringly. Are you okay? You have been looking kind of sad ever since we left the birthday party. She shook her head slowly. I dont know, Tony. Its just that seeing all those kids and their parents. You know, mothers AND fathers. Megan is only ten months old, but soon soon shell be asking questions about her dad. I guess today it kind of struck me that I just wouldnt know what to say to her. I cannot tell her anything about him. I cannot even tell her his name. How do I apologize to her for screwing up my life as well as hers the way I did? She cleared her throat. I dont know if this makes any sense to you, Tony, but all I ever wanted was to do whats best for her. I am just so confused and so, so worried about the future right now. He looked at her with unwavering eyes. Please dont hate me for saying this, but there is one obvious solution to your worries. She raised an eyebrow. I am sorry, Tony. I dont quite follow you.

210

He swallowed hard, his cheeks getting slightly pink. You could marry me, K. There is nothing in the whole world I would love more than to take care of the two of you, and I would love to give Megan my name. I love her as if she was my own child, and you know how I feel about you, dont you? How I have always felt about you. She gave him a sad smile and grabbed his hand. Yes I do. At least I think I do. And I know how much you love Megan, too. But I cannot lie to you. I just dont feel the same way about you. I love you, but not the way you want me to. Your friendship means everything to me, but I am still in love with someone else, and its not gonna change. I dont think Ill ever be able to feel about somebody else the way I feel about him. He swallowed hard once again, nodding. I know, K. I know how you feel about him, but do you think hell ever come back to you? Are you waiting for him to come back? Tears stuck in her throat suddenly. No, Tony. He is not coming back to me, he is still married, and they are trying to have a baby. Its over. He hesitated, putting his hand on her cheek to force her to look at him. Do you think that some day youll fall in love with someone else? And I dont mean me. She laughed a joyless laughter. No, trust me. Thats not gonna happen. Once burnt, twice shy . No, its definitely not gonna happen. The tone of her voice changed. Nobody is ever gonna break my heart again the way he did. Never. He squeezed her hand lightly, his eyes seeking hers again. Then marry me just the same. I accept the fact that your love for me is nothing like the love I feel for you. I still want to marry you, to live my life with you and Megan. And who knows, maybe some day maybe you will get over him, despite how you

211

feel about it now. I have time. I can wait. But Megan cant. You are right. Some day she will be asking questions but it doesnt have to be that way. Think about it, please, you dont have to answer me straight away. If you decide to marry me, we can have a quiet wedding get married at the City Hall. I know you would prefer it that way. No fuss, no publicity. Nobody even needs to know, if you dont want them to. She looked at him, touched by the honesty and unselfishness reflected in his eyes. She hugged him tight. Thank you, Tony. I dont think Ill be able to take you up on your offer, but I promise to think about it. Just promise me that whatever we decide, nothing will ever ruin our friendship, okay? Please promise me that. He nodded, a serious look on his face. I promise, K. I promise. He got up. Want a cup of tea or something? Yes, please. That would be nice. As he left the sitting room, she grabbed the latest issue of Vanity Fair from the coffee table. She ran her eyes over the front page and froze. Linda Jackson, the new style icon. Her heart pounded as she flipped the magazine open and searched for the pages in question. It was a six-page article, richly illustrated. Pictures from her modelling career, and lots of beautiful pictures of her and Michael. She went over the pictures one by one, hardly breathing at all. She fixed her eyes on the text beneath the largest picture, a picture of the two of them at a recent charity event in New York, Michael giving his wife a big, warm smile, looking gorgeous and extremely happy. A new Jackson baby on the way? According to sources close to the happy couple, Linda Jackson is expecting Michaels fourth child.

212

A feeling of nausea overwhelmed her as she closed the magazine and stood up. She tried to gulp back the feeling as she went into the kitchen, instantly leaning against the frame for support. Tony, I am sorry, but I think I have to hit the sack instead. I am totally beat. Okay, he smiled. Actually, you do look a little pale. Ill see you in the morning. Even her own bedroom was spinning unpleasantly. She flung herself on the floor, her back against the bed. She breathed in deep as she grabbed her cell phone and dialled Helens number. Helen took her time picking up the phone. Come on, Helen. Please pick up. Please pick up. Please She squeezed her eyes shut as a fresh wave of nausea washed over her, but finally Helens cheerful voice reached her ear. Hey, Helen? Its Karen. Can you talk? Sure, girl. Whats up? You sound a little strange. Umm I just need to ask you something. Did you read the new issue of Vanity Fair? Vanity Fair? No, not yet why? Well According to an article about Linda, she is finally pregnant. Did you hear anything about it? Helen hesitated. Actually, Karen, rumour has it that she is pregnant. You know, she hasnt been working much lately, but I dont know if this is true or not. Everybody gossips all the time, there are so many rumours flowing around. Honestly, I dont know if its true or not. But yes, thats what I have heard. I wish I could call Mark and find out for you if you really want to know, but I havent actually spoken to him since we broke up. As you know, he took it rather badly. The tone of her voice changed. Are you sure youre okay, Karen? Do you wanna talk about it?

213

No no, its okay, Helen. Dont worry about it. I was I was just curious. I gotta go, but I promise to call you back soon. Take care. The nausea was gone by the time she hung up and buried her face in her hands, but the tears still left a painful, burning sensation in her throat. It would be such a relief to finally let go She waited for the tears to flow, but not a single tear left her eyes, as if there werent any tears left to cry. Finally, she gave up on the tears, changed into her nightie and went into the bathroom to brush her teeth. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror above the sink, her green eyes looking back at her, lifeless and empty. He looked so incredibly happy. She slid under her sheets and curled into a ball, hugging her knees, closing her eyes too tightly while impatiently waiting for sleep to take her. Several hours later she was still lying in the same position, the lump in her throat threatening to choke her as the smile on Michaels face remained on the inside of her eyelids, and her heartbeat refused to slow down. According to sources close to the happy couple, Linda Jackson is expecting Michaels fourth child. She sat up in bed, hugging her pillow in her arms. She ought to be happy for him. Of course she did. This was what he wanted what he had wanted for more than a year and a half, and now it was finally happening. And he looked so happy. She swallowed and buried her head in the pillow, the tears finally welling up in her eyes and releasing at least some of the pain inside. I am so sorry, Michael, but I wish After a while she dried her tears, got out of bed and went silently down the stairs and into Tonys bedroom. She sat down on the edge of his bed, looking at him. He was sound asleep, lying on his

214

stomach, one hand tucked under his cheek, his short black hair slightly messy. He looked beautiful in his sleep, his skin dark and flawless against the white sheets, every muscle in his arms and back clearly defined under his skin. She took a deep breath and placed her hand on his arm, squeezing it lightly. He woke up instantly and looked up at her in the dim light of the street lamp outside his window. Hey, is something the matter? He sat up in bed and ran his hand through his hair, slightly confused. She shook her head slowly. No, nothings the matter, but I have thought about your proposition, and yes, Tony, Ill marry you. If you accept the fact that I am not able to love you exactly the way you want me to, I promise that Ill do whatever I can to make you happy. I promise to never deliberately hurt you. A huge smile formed on his face. Oh my God, K. You make me the happiest man on earth. And Ill make you love me, when you are ready. You just wait and see. She gave him a strange look, all of a sudden looking both vulnerable and lonely. Tony, can you hold me, please? I just really need you to hold me right now. He reached out for her, laughing softly. Of course Ill hold you. Come here. He drew her closer and felt this heart race as she nestled up close to him, her lips suddenly seeking his.

215

Chapter 33 Michael buttoned the last button of his shirt and looked at his wife, still lying in bed. The expression on her pretty face was one of annoyance and boredom as she turned her head away from him demonstratively. He grabbed his cell phone from the bedside table and sat down on the edge of the bed, giving her a thoughtful look. Is something wrong, Linda? You have been rather quiet ever since we got to New York two weeks ago. She shook her head, now carefully examining her perfectly manicured nails. No, I am fine. Its just that New York is not quite what I expected it to be. I am bored, to be honest. You are working day and night, and the kids are driving me insane. He smiled strainedly. Now come on. New York is never boring. You can do whatever you like, the nanny will take care of the kids for you, and you knew beforehand that I would be spending most of my time in various meetings. After all, thats what I came here for but I promise to take you out for dinner tonight. We can go see a show if you like. You choose. He reached out and removed a stray lock of hair from her face. I have to stay another week, he added softly. But if you dont wanna stay, why dont you go back to Vegas? The kids can stay here with me. She shook her head. No, its okay, Mike. Like I said, I am just bored, thats all. I would probably be bored in Vegas just the same.

216

He bent down and kissed her on the cheek. Have a nice day, Linda. Try to have fun. Go shopping, catch a movie, call Monique. I am sure youll think of something. The kids are out already, going sightseeing with Janet. He got up from the bed and left the suite, silently closing the door behind him. He gave the two bodyguards outside his suite a friendly nod and walked towards the lift, escorted by three other bodyguards. He left the hotel through the back entrance and quickly climbed into the black SUV waiting for him outside. A similar black SUV was waiting for him in front of the hotel, and apparently this trick had successfully fooled the huge crowd, patiently waiting for him outside the hotel. He fetched a deep sigh, feeling slightly guilty. Raymone Bain was already waiting for him in the car. She gave him a cheerful smile, running her eyes over his black suit approvingly. Morning, Michael. You look fresh and fit for fight. He returned her smile. Sure, Raymone. I was totally beat last night following that extremely boring dinner meeting, but theres nothing a few hours of sleep wont cure, right? A few blocks away from the hotel it suddenly hit him. His documents. He left them on his bedside table last night, having gone through some of them in bed very late at night. He knocked on the window behind the chauffeur. I am sorry, Randy, but we have to go back, please. The car stopped at the back entrance once again. Naturally, the black SUV had not left the hotel unnoticed, and now half of the fans were waiting at the back entrance, the other half in front of the main entrance. He stepped out of the car and fought his way through the crowd, the screaming and yelling now rising to a level that defied description. He smiled and blew a few kisses, then quickly rushed

217

into the hotel, his bodyguards forming a tight circle around him. This time, only one bodyguard was standing outside the suite. Well, obviously even bodyguards have to use the mens room now and then, he thought sardonically as he stepped inside. He went through the sitting room and into his bedroom, stopping in his tracks just inside the door, an incredulous look growing on his face. His wife was still in bed, but she was no longer alone, and apparently she was no longer bored. She was sitting on top of the missing bodyguard, making a series of funny noises. He leaned against the frame, watching the two of them for a short while. For some odd reason, he had to bite his lower lip hard to prevent a giggle from escaping his mouth. He approached the bed gracefully. The bodyguard moved his head in his direction and jumped. He let out a funny, half-choked gasp and ran his eyes over his employer quickly, then instantly averting his eyes in utter embarrassment. Leaning forward, he grabbed Linda by the waist hard handedly to pull her away from him. She made a wry face but did not intend to move away. Michael grinned teasingly, now leaning against one of the posters of the large four poster bed. Dont do that, Thomas. Obviously she hasnt gotten to the good part yet. Just give her time. Lindas head jerked sideways, hearing his voice. Flushing heavily, she rushed out of bed, quickly pulling the blue silk bedspread with her to cover herself up. He gave her a mischievous look. No need to cover yourself like that, honey. After all, I have seen you naked before. Although never on top of

218

somebody else, I must admit, he added sarcastically. Mike its not what you think, she pleaded. Please listen to me. Oh, I did listen just before, he smirked. You always were rather vocal, right Linda? But its okay, dont let me stop you, I am just here to pick up these documents. He grabbed the pile of papers from his bedside table. I forgot these. And by the way, as I have only been gone for like fifteen minutes, I presume that its not the first time this has happened. You have probably been waiting impatiently for me to leave, but honey, why didnt you just say so? I could have left earlier, you know. I am glad you have found something to make you feel less bored. He gave her a firm look. Given the circumstances, I am sure we can agree that a quick divorce will be best for all parties involved. I consider myself released from any promises made in the past. He turned around to leave, then hesitated for a second, looking back at her. Just one more question. What would you have done if you had finally gotten pregnant? Would you have told me that there was a slight possibility that I might not have been the father after all? According to your temperature chart, today is one of the most risky days to have sex, right? Thomas, what do you say? Ready to take that risk? He gave the two of them a challenging look. Thomas swallowed hard, his entire body language revealing his discomfort. I just dont know what to say, Mr. Jackson. This situation is extremely embarrassing. I am not quite sure I understand what you mean about the pregnancy risk though. After all, your wife does use birth control.

219

Oh, she does? Michael repeated slowly, his voice cold as ice. And what kind of birth control might that be? Thomas reached out for the drawer of her bedside table, pulling out a pack of birth control pills. These, Mr. Jackson. I have seen her take one of these pills every . He blushed heavily, realizing his mistake. Michael looked back at Linda, his eyes flaming with anger. Is that so, Linda? You use birth control? And how long have you been doing that? And you just kind of forgot to tell me? She looked at the soft, cream carpet, unable to meet his eyes. I am sorry, Mike, she whispered. I gave up on the baby thing some time ago. Even now she was unable to tell him the truth, scared of what he might do if he found out that she had been on birth control pills since the day she met him, never missing a single pill. Michael threw the package back at her furiously. Its okay, Linda. It doesnt matter now. I have been such a fool, but this is it. He turned to Thomas. Oh, and Thomas? You are dismissed, of course. Not for sleeping with my wife, but for sleeping with my wife while you were supposed to look after me and my family. Not just my wife, he added sardonically. He turned around and left the room, the anger suddenly replaced by an overwhelming, bubbly feeling of relief. Linda caught up with him in the living room. Mike, please dont leave. I will make it up to you, I promise. Please dont be angry. What happened between me and Thomas didnt mean anything to me at all, I swear. She ran her hand through her hair, tears welling up in her big blue eyes as she looked up at him. He took a long look at her, gently sliding his fingers down her cheek. The problem is, Linda It

220

didnt mean anything at all to me either. He gave her a sad smile, then turned around and left the suite quickly. Having fought his way through the crowd outside the hotel, he climbed back into the car and leaned his head back against the cream leather seat, closing his eyes firmly while letting out a big sigh. Raymone took a closer look at him. Whats the matter, Michael? Fans? He shook his head. Not exactly. I just asked my wife for a divorce. A look of utter astonishment crept over her face. You did WHAT? What do you mean? He opened his eyes and looked at her, smiling sarcastically. I just caught her in bed with one of my bodyguards. What a clich, huh? She put her hand on his arm. Are you sure you dont wanna cancel the meeting? Ill come up with some kind of excuse if you want me to. I am so sorry, Michael. He shook his head once more. Dont be. And theres no need to cancel. I am okay. She gave him a strange look. You are okay? You just left your wife, for Christs sake! He looked at her, smiling a less sarcastic smile, then closed his eyes again. I dont know if this makes any sense to you, but to tell you the truth I was gone long before I left. The smile increased slowly. Actually, Raymone I think I am more than okay!

221

Chapter 34 The preparation for the exhibition was one of the most harrowing experiences Karen had ever had to go through. She worked in her darkroom day and night for weeks and weeks, and up until about one week before the hanging date she had fears that her work just wasnt good enough and that it would be better to save face and just pull out. Fortunately, once all the photographs had been printed and framed, she did feel a little better. Jennifer laughed at her when she told her about her worries. Oh my God, Karen, you have no idea just how talented you really are. The art critics are gonna love your portraits. You just wait and see. They had gotten to know each other pretty well while working on the exhibition, and both of them truly enjoyed each others company. Jennifer was a cheerful, inspiring girl in her late twenties with an amazing sense of humour. Despite her age, she had a deep knowledge of life and great inner strength the power to believe in herself and her abilities. In addition, she was passionate about everything she did, about everything she believed in. She insisted on living life on her own terms and seemed to enjoy life at its fullest. The day before the exhibition, Karen was hanging the photographs of Michael on the wall four huge photographs, showing various sides of him. Laughing, smiling softly, consumed in thoughts, a mischievous glint in his eyes. His portraits covered most of the end wall. As she took a step back, looking at the photographs, all the memories came floating back; unwanted thoughts, feelings and

222

emotions, the intensity of each one of them almost stealing her breath away. She swallowed hard and fought to hold back the tears instantly burning behind her eyes. She jumped as she felt a comforting arm around her shoulder. Are you okay? Jennifer asked her softly. She nodded, faking a smile. Yeah, I am okay. I am just a little stressed right now, thats all. Jennifer pulled her closer and wrapped her arms around her. You dont have to keep anything from me, you know. I am your friend. I think I know how you feel. Karen buried her head in Jennifers shoulder. Her soothing voice broke down her defences, and suddenly she had no choice but to let her tears flow freely. I am sorry, Jennifer, she sobbed. I know this is totally ridiculous. Here I am; a newly wed. But I just miss him too much, and these photographs from Pinehaven . How pathetic is that? Jennifer shook her head. Actually, its not pathetic at all. It makes perfect sense to me. Having seen the two you together at Pinehaven although you did your best to conceal your feelings for each other I just cannot understand how both of you end up being married, but not to each other. Karen pulled away from her, brushing away her tears. A sad smile crossed her face. Honestly, I am not sure I understand that either. But Michael and I it just wasnt meant to be. Well, long story. I better not dwell on that right now; I am just way too emotional for my own good these days. She took a deep breath. Now come on, lets finish hanging the other photographs. Wanna help? As they had finished hanging the photographs, Karen looked around the room. The settings were just perfect. Two beautiful tall white rooms with

223

blond wood floors, and black leather benches in the middle of each room. Jennifers paintings were already hanging in the second room. Her works were brightly coloured, playful paintings, gradually shifting to her now famous "black on black" minimalist works. Karen looked at Jennifer, softly poking her in the back. You know what, Jennifer? This calls for a celebration. Even if the art critics hate us tomorrow, we did it! We actually managed to prepare this exhibition on deadline, and I have truly enjoyed working with you. What do you say - want me to fetch a bottle of champagne? Lets celebrate, just you and me. Jennifer laughed. I totally agree. We need to make a toast to ourselves. Go get the champagne, girl! Five minutes later the gallery owner arrived. He took a quick tour of the exhibition, a very content look on his face. You girls have done an amazing job. I am sure the private viewing tomorrow will be a huge success. He stepped closer and smiled brightly. By the way, I have some exciting news for you. Michael Jacksons office called me the other day, requesting a personal invitation for Mr. Jackson. Seems like Mr. Jackson intends to turn up personally tomorrow. We will need extra security of course, but this will be such great PR for the exhibition and the gallery. Jennifer hesitated. This is indeed great news, but would you do me a favour please? Could you not tell Karen about this? She is kind of stressed right now, and I am afraid that this piece of information would make her even more nervous. I think we better surprise her. He nodded. Sure. I understand. As he turned around to leave the exhibition, he was still smiling cheerfully to himself.

224

Karen returned a little later with a magnum bottle of champagne. She looked at Jennifer. Oh no, I forgot to purchase some disposable glasses. Do you think we can find any glasses around here? Jennifer laughed. Who needs glasses? Come here, girl. She sat down on the floor beneath Michaels photographs and opened the bottle, sending the cork flying across the room. She handed the bottle to Karen. You first, she smiled, playing with a lock of her long blond hair. Karen put the bottle to her mouth and took a large sip, the sparkling champagne instantly tickling her nose. She made a funny face as she handed the bottle back to Jennifer. Jennifer took several large sips, then turned around to face Michaels portraits. Cheers, Michael. Too bad you are not here in person. She gave Karen a strange stare. What do you say, Karen. Wouldnt you like to meet him again? And if you were to meet him again, would you rather know beforehand or would you rather not know? Karen shrugged her shoulders, grabbing the bottle to take another sip. Of course I would love to see him again, Jennifer. At least part of me would. Another part of me knows that it just hurts too much afterwards, having to say goodbye. But I would definitely prefer to not know. I wouldnt be able to handle that right now. Jennifer nodded, looking around the room. Well, thats what I thought. Now give back that bottle! About an hour later most of the bottle was empty. The girls got on their feet, cheerfully leaning against each other for support. Oops the floor is moving! Jennifer grinned. Karen giggled. You are right about that Now say goodbye to Michael, Jennifer. Poor guy. Hell have to stay here all night, all alone. She giggled

225

again. Ill better go find a cab now Ill see you tomorrow, honey. Sleep tight. Jennifer hugged her, giggling too. This was an excellent idea, Karen. I feel so much more relaxed now. Dont you think I better take a cab too? She grabbed Karens arm and dragged her with her out of the gallery, still giggling loudly. The opening of the exhibition the following day could not have been more successful. At opening time, the room filled up instantly, and it stayed full until closing time. Karen was delighted to see so many artists and photographers among the crowd, although the majority of the guests on the guest list were rich collectors, some of them with no knowledge about art whatsoever. Everybody wanted to shake her hand, some of the guests only too eager to tell her that she was such a strong new voice in the art world with a bright future ahead of her. She found herself surrounded by people non-stop and had to take a deep breath now and then, desperately needing some fresh air. After the first hour Tony approached her, smiling comfortingly. More than anybody else, he knew how challenging the whole event was for her, and just how stressed she had felt all day. This is a huge success, the art critics love you, and you look absolutely gorgeous, he whispered into her ear. And by the way, I just love that black dress on you. She smiled back at him. Thank you, Tony. I really needed to hear that. I am so relieved that the exhibition seems to be such a success, but honestly most of the time, I feel like a fish in a bowl! An hour before closing time, Michael entered the exhibition, escorted by four bodyguards. An oil painting of Karen greeted him at the entrance, and

226

the expression on his face changed from one of shyness to one of appreciation. He looked around for her and caught a glimpse of her at the far end of the room, talking to Jennifer and a handsome man in his fifties. Almost as if she could feel his eyes on her back, she turned around immediately. She stared at him for what seemed like an eternity, no smile on her face, her hand resting on her neck in a nervous manner. She swallowed hard as he approached her. Hey Karen, he said softly. This is quite an impressive event. Quite a large turn-up. How are you? He reached out his hand to her. She forced a smile, still too surprised to say anything. Her hand trembled in his. Then she seemed to pull herself together. Hey Michael. I never expected to see you here tonight. I am fine, thank you. Michael turned to Jennifer and gave her a smile, reaching out his hand to her, too. Jennifer, its so good to see you again. She smiled. You too, Michael. Allow me to introduce you. This is Eric Bloom from the Daily Telegraph. Mr. Bloom, this is Michael Jackson, a very good friend of mine. Eric Bloom smiled shyly as he gave Michael a firm handshake. It very nice to meet you, Mr. Jackson. I have just complimented Miss Newton on her portraits of you. Amazing works wonderful compositions. Very personal and very private. Jennifer gave him a charming smile, looking at Karen out of the corner of her eye. Mr. Bloom, can I give you a second tour of the exhibition? There are some other pieces that I would like to draw your attention to.

227

She dragged him away by the arm, leaving Michael and Karen on their own. Michael looked at her inquiringly. You look great, Karen. Its so good to see you again. I cant believe I havent seen you in seven months. She returned his glance. You really do look great, too, Michael. You look different in some way. I just cannot explain it. Happier maybe. He laughed heartily, his eyes not leaving her face. I just knew you would notice! You know me way too well. Yes, something has changed about me. Or rather something is missing. Now tell me what it is, he requested, a twinkle in his eyes and a teasing tone to his voice. She shook her head, still way to shook up to try to figure out what he meant. I dont know, Michael, you tell me. He gave her a mischievous look, gently sliding his left index finger over his chin. She stared at his hand. Your ring, Michael. You ring is missing. I wonder how Linda feels about that? His eyes were still locked on hers, almost caressing her face. So was his voice. Actually, Karen, I am not married to Linda anymore. Or at least, I am in the middle of a divorce. Dont you read the tabloids at all? he added teasingly. Then he laughed heartily again Well, this hasnt reached the tabloids yet. I am only kidding. She could feel her rapid heartbeat in her throat. A wave of dizziness rose in her and made her gulp repeatedly. She stared at him, as if she was waiting for something to change the shock of the moment. Suddenly, a feeling of nausea swept through her and weakened her knees. In the middle of a divorce NOW? So no baby? He reached out for her. Are you okay? he asked in his soft voice. I am sorry. Maybe I should have

228

called you instead, but I wanted to tell you in person. She gave him a devastated look, slowly shaking her head. How can you do this to me, Michael? How can you turn up here tonight, telling me this? Her voice cracked, and a tear trailed down her cheek as she locked her eyes on his again. She brushed it away impatiently, struggling hard to remain in control of her emotions. He looked at her in astonishment, a hurtful expression spreading on his face. I am sorry, Karen. I guess I have been too naive. I thought that I thought that this would actually be good news. And I thought that today would be a perfect opportunity to share the news with you. She cleared her throat. So when did this happen? Two weeks ago. But like I said, I decided not to call you. I wanted to tell you in person, and I wasnt able to come to London until today. She ran her fingers through her hair, her hand trembling like before. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it lightly. I am sorry, Karen. I should have known better than to break it to you like this. Please forgive me. He looked down at her hand, suddenly noticing the ring on her finger. He raised his head swiftly, a horrified look growing on his face. Is is this a wedding ring? She nodded, looking away from him. Yes, it is, Michael. I got married last week. He let go of her hand. Quite a coincidence, huh? he asked in a flat voice, licking his lips nervously before sinking his teeth into his lower lip deeply for a second. This means that you got married around the time that I asked Linda for a divorce. Really bad timing, dont you think? His voice cracked as he

229

looked away from her to his portraits on the wall. So who is the lucky guy? Just now, Tony approached them, two glasses of champagne in his hands. He handed Karen one of the glasses, kissing her softly on her cheek. You look as if you need this, he said, smiling soothingly. It is rather hot in here. He turned to Michael. Oh, Mr. Jackson, so we meet again. We met at the house some time ago when you came to deliver the permit to Karen, remember? He reached out his hand. My name is Tony Perry. I am Karens husband. Michael shook his hand, his face totally expressionless. Yes, I remember meeting you. Its very nice to meet you again. Congratulations on your marriage. Karen just told me that you got married only last week. Tony smiled warmly, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. Yes, finally. Marrying Karen has been my top priority for years and years. So have you seen the exhibition yet, Mr. Jackson? Michael, please. No, not yet. Actually, I think Ill take a tour now. Please excuse me. He turned around, bowing his head lightly. About twenty minutes later he approached her again. She excused herself to the two art critics in front of her, only too eager to get away. She hadnt been able to pay attention to a word they said anyway. As she walked towards him, the lump in her throat made it almost impossible for her to breathe. This is a very impressive exhibition, Karen, he said casually. Both you and Jennifer are amazingly talented. I told you a long time ago that your work would be perfect for an exhibition, didnt I? He faked a smile, a hurtful, sad expression in his eyes.

230

She swallowed hard. Yes you did. Michael about my marriage He raised his hand quickly. Please, Karen. Lets not talk about it, okay? You and me apparently we just werent meant to be. Or I should have called you two weeks ago I dont know. He slid his hand through his long black hair. I just cant talk about it right now, okay? he added in a broken voice. He turned to the photograph on the wall beside him while clearing his throat. This portrait is amazing, Karen. I love it. Why is it marked Not for sale? She swallowed hard once again, looking at the photograph of Megan. So you like it? Well, this particular photograph is in private possession. I just wanted to include it in the exhibition nevertheless. It is one of my favourite portraits, too. He nodded understandingly. Too bad it is not for sale. This girl is mesmerizing. In some ways, she reminds me of Janet when she was a little girl. She had that look on her face too. He put his hand on her arm. I better go now. The fans outside are getting quite noisy, and I dont want to cause any trouble. Take care, Karen. And good luck. He squeezed her arm lightly and turned his back to her, then hesitated and turned around to face her again. His eyes sought hers as he wrapped his hands around her face, gently sliding his right hand into her hair. He kissed her on the cheek, took one very long last look at her and turned around once more, quickly leaving the exhibition through the back door, surrounded by his bodyguards.

231

Chapter 35 A month had passed since the exhibition. She had been feeling sad and restless the entire time, unwilling to admit the reason even to herself, the pouring rain outside her windows during most of March perfectly symbolizing the way she felt inside. Tony did his utmost to cheer her up, being totally convinced that her foul mood was just a reaction to the strain she had been under while organizing the exhibition. Today the sun was shining from a clear blue April sky, it was almost as hot as any summer day, and her mood miraculously improved. She had her lunch alone in the kitchen but soon decided to join Alice and Megan in the park, bringing her laptop with her to complete some of the work she needed to do to follow up on the exhibition. To her surprise, she caught herself humming cheerfully while putting on her denim shorts and a green halterneck top. She fetched a blanket from the living room, grabbed her laptop and a bottle of mineral water and walked across the street to the park. Megan was sitting in the sand box playing with a little boy, 2 or 3 years old. She looked adorable in her red dress with yellow Winnie the Pooh buttons down the front, her long black curly hair gathered in a ponytail. The girl let out a happy cry as she watched her mother approach, instantly reaching out her tiny arms for her. Karen hugged her tight, giving Alice a warm smile. Hey Alice, I decided to get some fresh air while I work. Ill sit on the blanket over there. She pointed

232

at the lawn across the playground, pleasantly shadowed by some large yellow bushes. During the next half hour she finished a lot of the compulsory thank you notes she had to write immediately. Actually, she should have done that weeks ago. She looked up at her daughter now and then, the happy smile on the girls face giving her a warm sensation inside each time she looked at her. She took a sip of her mineral water and ran her eyes over the people on the playground. Children of all ages, mothers and fathers, grandparents, sitters. She wished that she had brought her camera with her and decided to fetch it later. She closed her eyes, leaning back resting on her hands, enjoying the happy voices and the children laughing. Hey Karen. She jumped, looking up. Michael was standing in front of her, smiling shyly. He pointed at the laptop. Am I disturbing you? She shook her head, her heart instantly racing completely out of control. No no, of course not. Sit down, please. She pointed at the blanket. He sat down and wrapped his arms around his knees casually. He cracked a shy smile once again while taking off his sunglasses. I guess you are rather surprised to see me here? I called you at the house, and your cleaning lady told me where to find you. Apparently you havent got your cell phone with you. She smiled apologetically, secretly taking a very deep breath to calm herself down. No, I left it at home. The battery is low. So whats up, Michael? He hesitated. Actually, I am here to talk business with you. Remember the book we talked about at Pinehaven? The book I said I would love to write about touring? You said that you would write it with me if I ever decided to do it, and that you would take the photographs as well. Well, I mentioned this idea

233

to my management some time ago, and they have encouraged me to go ahead with the project. He made a wry face. And maybe this book will give the tabloids some of the information they need when writing about me, and then maybe, just maybe, theyll stop making up stuff themselves. He smiled sarcastically. Or maybe not! So will you do it? She shook her head, giving him a sad smile. I dont think so, Michael. For obvious reasons, I dont think that us working together and spending a lot of time together would be such a good idea. He looked at her for some time, biting his lip unconsciously. I understand what you mean, but please think about it, okay? Nobody can write this book with me but you. You know me better than anybody else, despite the fact that we only got to spend a few weeks together at Pinehaven. Nobody understands me better than you do. Nobody has ever taken greater pictures of me. I trust you completely. Either I write it with you or not at all. Will you please think about it? She nodded, giving Megan a sideway glance. She was still sitting in the sand box, playing with the sand, the little boy still playing beside her, too. The kids were sweaty, and Alice had unbuttoned Megans dress, revealing her colourful Winnie the Pooh panties. Michael looked around the playground, a soft smile on his face. I can understand why you love to spend time here, Karen. The entire park is amazing ... we took a walk around the place before I came here. I love the Japanese Garden and all the tame squirrels, rabbits and peacocks. We? she replied, holding her breath. He giggled. Yeah, me and my shadows. He pointed at two very tall, muscular black men, sitting on a bench at the far end of the playground. Oh, your bodyguards. I hadnt noticed.

234

So you will think about it, please? I promise to behave, and I promise to be very, very agreeable. Very easy to work with. He turned his face in her direction again, a mischievous glint in his dark eyes. Then his expression turned serious. If you decide to do the book with me, I would like you to spend two weeks on tour with me to get the feeling of what life on tour is all about. I am going on tour with Janet in the USA next month, and you could join us whenever you choose. I wont be on stage much, just doing a few songs with Janet and a few on my own, but she has been pestering me to come with her, and I just couldnt keep saying no. Well be touring Europe later on, too. Yeah, Ive heard about the tours. And by the way, the two tracks you are doing together on Janets new album are fantastic it was about time the two of you did something together again. After all, your fans have been dying for you to do a follow up to Scream for YEARS. The videos are amazing, too. You look absolutely gorgeous, both of you. His lips parted in a sly smile. Still following my musical career, are you? She smiled sardonically. Well, its pretty hard to avoid, dont you think? Besides, you know how much I love your music, Michael. That hasnt changed. And I always loved Janets music, too. He nodded, stretching his long legs out in front of him. About the book . If you decide to do this project with me, it would be great if you could come to Vegas in between the two tours to write on the book with me and take some photographs of me and maybe even my children. You know to show the private side of me. I wrote quite a lot of poems and essays the last time I toured, and I would love to show everything to you. He played with his sunglasses in an almost nervous manner. I dont

235

have any hidden motives, Karen. I will happily invite your husband to come along, too. She shook her head. That wouldnt be necessary. First of all, Tony trusts me completely, and secondly, he has work to do here in London. He sat in silence for a while. I cant believe you are married now. Guess you didnt quite level with me when I asked you if I had any reason to be jealous of Tony, huh? That night in the kitchen, I mean remember? The very first night that we the night you punched me on the nose. He cracked a small smile which did not reach his eyes. She felt her cheeks getting hot. Yes, I remember. But actually, I was telling you the truth that night. What happened between me and you well, it kind of brought Tony and me together. Before that, we were only friends and nothing more, and I definitely never expected us to be anything but. So I helped the two of you fall in love? So glad to be of service! He grimaced and looked down at his hands, then suddenly turned his head to look straight at her, his extraordinary dark eyes piercing sharply into hers. Are you happy, Karen? I mean, do you love him? Please forgive me for asking you such a personal question, but do you love him the way . He looked down again, not finishing the sentence. She let out a deep sigh. Why do you want to know, Michael? Whats the point? There is too much water under the bridge; it doesnt matter anymore, does it? He looked at the kids on the playground, a sad look growing on his face. It still matters to me. I just need to know, okay? I just need to know. She hesitated for a second. Yes, I do love him very much but no, not the same way I loved you. What I felt for you was very, very special. Is that what you want to know? Can we change the subject now, please?

236

The tone of her voice took him by surprise. It was almost unfriendly. The way I loved you, he repeated hoarsely. Past tense okay, Karen, I guess that was all I needed to know. He got up and walked to the sand box. Looking at the two kids, he kneeled down in front of it. She followed him with her eyes, taking deep breaths feverishly to eliminate the sudden wave of dizziness that washed over her as he took a closer look at his daughter. The little boy in the sand box was holding out Megans diaper, throwing sand onto her skin and smiling hugely as the sand continued down her stomach and into her diaper. Megan was looking at the boy with an uncertain look on her face, not really knowing whether to cry or not. Michael gave the little boy a big, friendly smile while taking the tiny blue plastic spade away from him gently. Hey little guy, this is not a nice thing to do to this cute little girl. She doesnt like it and she wants you to stop, but she is too little to say it to you, okay? So I am saying it for her. You have to play with the sand, not throw it at anybody, okay buddy? He handed the spade back to the boy, softly messing up his hair. The boy looked at him with wide eyes, nodding vigorously. Megan now decided to start crying. Without a trace of hesitation, Michael lifted her up in his arms, gently brushing away the sand from her skin while looking around for her mother. Alice turned around as she heard Megan cry, holding her cell phone to her ear, standing as few yards away from the sand box. She shot Karen a shy look, her cheeks getting hot. I am sorry, she mumbled to Michael, quickly tucking her cell phone into her pocket. Its my fault. I should have looked after her instead of talking on the phone.

237

He gave her a warm smile, handing her the little girl. Its okay. I have kids myself, I know what its like to have to keep an eye on them 24/7. She needs a new diaper, I think. He giggled. She is kind of heavy. He turned around again and walked back to Karen. She had been watching the incident, her heart still pounding like crazy despite her breathing exercises. She gave him a strange look as he sat down on the blanket again. He returned her glance calmly. What? Is something the matter? She shook her head, her cheeks burning. No no, Michael. Its just that you are very good with kids. I always knew you would be, but this is actually the first time that I have ever seen you around any. He laughed. Maybe I shouldnt have interfered, but sometimes I just cannot help it. The young mother was pretty embarrassed, I almost felt sorry for her. The young mother was walking towards them now with the girl on her arm. Karen swallowed hard, not quite knowing what to say or do as Alice sat the girl down on the blanket. I am sorry about that, Karen, she said apologetically. I was only talking on the phone for like five seconds, but I guess I picked the wrong five seconds. It wont happen again. Would you mind keeping an eye on Megan for a few minutes? I need to go back to the house to fetch another diaper. I only brought one along, and I have used that one already. Karen nodded. Sure. Im taking a break anyway. Alice, meet a friend of mine. This is Michael. And Michael, this is Alice, my sitter. Nice to meet you, Michael, Alice smiled, still not recognizing him. As soon as Alice had turned around to leave the playground, Michael stared at Megan in utter

238

astonishment. This is YOUR daughter? You have a daughter, Karen? I didnt know that! How could I not know that? This is the girl from the exhibition, isnt it? Now I recognise her. So thats why you didnt want to sell that particular portrait? Did you and Tony adopt her? But how is it possible? I mean, you have only been married for a few weeks, havent you? How ? He talked very fast, almost tripping over his words as his eyes flickered from her to the child and back, a look of painful confusion on his face. Karen slid her fingers through Megans curly ponytail. No, Michael, she is not adopted. She is my biological daughter. Guess miracles still do happen, huh? She smiled nervously, still looking at her little girl. He shook his head vigorously, an incredulous look on his face. How could I not know? I read a lot of articles about you. I even saw you on TV several times, and never once did anybody mention anything about you having a baby. Or you being married for that matter, he added in a strange voice. She gave him a small smile. That probably has to do with the fact that I am still very, very protective of my personal life. I quit my job as a fashion photographer in order to concentrate on my book right before my pregnancy would show, so I kind of avoided all the gossip. And each and every contract I sign regarding interviews includes a privacy clause. They are not allowed to ask questions about my personal life. He stared at the little girl in front of him. But still. I just dont get it. How could I not know? He swallowed hard, his eyes seeking hers. And Megan is that her name? how old is she? Ten months? Eleven? A year? She looked him straight into his eyes, folding her hands tightly together on her lap to stop them from

239

trembling. She is eleven months old, but dont think what you are thinking right now, Michael." She took a deep breath, relieved that at least the next part would be the absolute truth, although it would only serve to make the biggest lie of her entire life all the more plausible to him. "Megan was born exactly nine months and three weeks after I left you at Pinehaven. I got my period the day I left. I remember it very clearly. He swallowed hard once again. So what you are saying is that you returned to London and immediately sought comfort in Tonys muscular arms? Is that what you are saying? Well, so much for true love. The tone of his voice made her furious. Now please allow me to refresh your memory! At the exact same time, you were planning your wedding. Yes, you are right. So much for true love. She closed her laptop with an angry motion of her hand, giving him a cold stare. He bit his lip hard. You are right that was an awful thing to say. I guess I guess I just have a hard time adapting to the fact that I was so easy to replace. But of course I had no right to say something like that to you. Please forgive me. He looked at the girl again, gently sliding his fingers down her cheek, the little girl staring back at him with her big brown eyes. She is lovely, Karen. I am so happy for you. More than anything, I just want you to be happy. He hesitated, seemingly searching for the right words. Then he changed his mind and got up. I wont take up anymore of your time. Promise me to think about my project and call me once you have reached a decision, okay? This book is very important to me, and I sincerely hope that you decide to do it with me. Oh, and you can bring Megan with you, of course.

240

She got up too as he reached out his hand to shake hands with her. In a second, he would be gone. A feeling of despair overwhelmed her, her heart pounding even harder than before. She swallowed painfully while taking his hand, immediately feeling the well-known sensation in her stomach as his long fingers touched her skin in a firm handshake. A tiny voice inside her begged her to quickly let go of his hand, but the voice seemed to drown in the thunder of her roaring heartbeat. She kept staring at it, unable to let go. His big, strong, gentle hand, soft and warm, even the slightest touch on her skin making her quiver from the moment she met him. Suddenly, she found herself squeezing his hand lightly, her fingers gently caressing his skin, her eyes still locked on their hands, tangled together. He took once small step closer, his other hand gently forcing her head upwards to meet his eyes. Karen, he said hoarsely, why Out of the corner of her eye Karen caught a glimpse of Alice, approaching them with the diaper in her hand. She snapped back to reality and cleared her throat, quickly letting go of his hand. Take care, Michael. Ill call you tomorrow to let you know what I decide. He nodded hesitatingly, his sad eyes looking deep into hers one last time as he turned away from her. She pulled Megan closer and hugged her tight while following him with her eyes as he left the playground, trying hard not to let go of the tears burning behind her eyes as a feeling of loneliness came over her, watching the point where he had disappeared.

241

Chapter 36 You are kidding, right? Tony looked at her over the rim of his coffee cup, a look of sheer astonishment on his face. Michael Jackson asked you to write a book with him, and you intend to turn him down? She turned her cup around in her hands, her cheeks slightly hot. Yes, I think I will turn down his offer. I just I really dont feel like writing this book with him. But why? Tony shook his head slowly. I just dont get it. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and you have no urgent projects waiting for you. You have the time to do it right now. Dont you think working with him would be quite interesting? I mean he is MICHAEL JACKSON for crying out loud. One of the most talented, innovative and mysterious artists of all time. And besides, you really, really love his music. She squirmed in her chair. I know, Tony, but I was kind of hoping to get to spend some time with Megan now. After all, I havent really had any maternity leave, promoting my book and arranging the exhibition But he told you to bring Megan along, didnt he? And you can bring Alice, I am sure she would love to go with you. He gave her a soft smile. Dont think about me. Ill miss both of you terribly, but I definitely dont want to stand in your way. That is so sweet of you, but He reached out and ran his fingers down her arm slowly. I think you would be crazy not to do this, K. Dont you like him? He seems like such a nice, down

242

to earth person to me, but of course I have only met him briefly twice. She swallowed hard. Yeah, I like him. Its not that. Its just that well, I dont know. I just dont feel like writing this book, going on tour with him and Janet and staying at his mansion in Las Vegas. He gave her a strange stare. Now listen to yourself, K. You dont want to go on tour with Michael and Janet Jackson. You dont want to spend time at his mansion, getting to know the man behind the myth and writing a book with him. Now tell me whats really bothering you. This is so not like you. Normally, you would have been jumping up and down, taking on this challenge immediately. Where did the two of you meet by the way? He must really trust you, wanting to write this rather personal book with you. She took a sip of her tea, not looking at him. We met through mutual friends a couple of years ago, and I shot those pics of him that I used for the exhibition. He was very happy with the result, and apparently he likes my book, too. Nothing is bothering me. I just well, I dont know. She sighed deeply. I just dont think this is my thing, writing this book. He squeezed her arm lightly. I definitely dont want to push you, but I do think that you are making a big mistake here. Think about it. This really is a once in a lifetime opportunity. And you can do it. Dont question your talent for a second. She shrugged her shoulder. Maybe you are right. But what about Megans birthday? Surely, you dont wanna miss her very first birthday? Tony shook his head. Of course I dont wanna miss her birthday, but you know what? If you decide to do this, Ill come visit on her birthday, and maybe I can even combine it with a visit to my parents in

243

New York. That would be great. What do you say? Solution? She let out a deep sight. Tony, you are not gonna give up, are you? Okay, if you really think I ought to do this, I will. Now get off my back about this Michael thing, okay? She smiled at him, but something in her eyes silently warned him to change the subject. He leaned across the table and kissed her softly. I love you, K. Whatever you decide to do, Ill support your decision 100%. He got up. Now I better get to work. As soon as Tony had left the house, she picked up the telephone and held it in her hand for a long time, hesitating. Finally, taking a deep breath, she dialled his number. He picked up almost immediately. Hey Michael? Its Karen. Oh no, it just occurred to me - did I wake you up? Are you still in London, or have I called you at some odd hour in another country? She could almost hear him smile. Hey Karen. Its good to hear your voice. And dont worry, I am still in London, fully awake, having breakfast. Great, Michael. I promised to call you today about the book. Yeah, the book so when are you coming? She broke out in a laugh. Oh my God, Michael. You are so conceited! What makes you so certain that I will not turn down your kind offer to write this book with you? He laughed back. I know you. Even if you do not want to spend time with me, you still want to take on this challenge. And I promised to be as charming and polite as ever, didnt I? I mean, how can you resist? His voice turned serious. No, honestly, Karen, I would be devastated if you decided not to do it, so I

244

will not consider the possibility until I have to. Please say youll come. She let out a deep sigh. Of course Ill come. You are so right. How can I turn down this challenge? You will? Gosh, you just made my day. He hesitated. And Tony he is okay with you spending two weeks on tour with Janet and me? And visiting me in Vegas? Sure he is. Otherwise I wouldnt do it. He even encouraged me to do it. I am glad to hear that. So when do you want to join us? And youll bring Megan, wont you? I cant wait to get to know her better, and dont worry about the practical stuff. I have an excellent nanny, and she would love to take care of Megan, too. He paused. I still cant believe you have a daughter, Karen. You definitely are full of surprises, but then again you always were, werent you? She tried to ignore the sudden soft tone to his voice. Yeah, I guess so. Okay, then I wont bring Alice along. When does the tour start exactly? In two weeks. Well be touring for six weeks, doing 24 concerts. I think it would be great if you could join us after the first week. We have four concerts during the second week, but during the third week we have more than one concert at the same concert halls, in New York for instance. This means that this week will not be quite as exhausting as we dont have to travel so much, and well have more time to work on the book then. Week four is kind of crazy with a lot of travelling. Okay, sounds good. Just email me the details, okay? Ill text message you my email address. He chuckled lightly. I still have it unless you have changed it. I still have the email you sent me from Pinehaven. You know the one with our photographs.

245

The unfamiliar tone to his voice made her heart start beating faster. Right then just email me the details. Ill let you know when I plan to arrive once I have booked my flight. Yes, please do - Ill arrange for somebody to pick you up at the airport. Janet will be thrilled to hear that you are coming. I cant wait to meet her. She swallowed hard. And your kids are you bringing your kids? He laughed softly. Yeah, sure. I cannot do without my kids for six whole weeks. Fortunately, they dont mind touring. And Karen Paris will be going out of her mind, getting the chance to meet you. She begged me to meet you when she saw you on Americas Next Top Model. And just wait till she meets Megan. I guarantee you shell be the best sitter you have ever had she just loves little girls. She has been on my back for years, wanting me to somehow magically conjure up a little sister for her. She ran her hand through her hair, swallowing hard once again. I cant wait to meet your children. I was really disappointed to not meet them you know. Back then. She paused, clearing her throat. Do you think this will work? I mean do you think well be able to go on with this project as if nothing ever happened between us? Do you, Michael? He instantly noticed the sudden sadness and concern in her voice. Listen, Karen. If we want to make this work, we can. Being your friend is not my dream scenario, I admit it. But if I have to choose between being your friend and not having you in my life at all, I definitely want to be your friend. He paused, his voice even softer than before as he continued. I promise to do whatever I can to not make you feel uncomfortable. It may be awkward at first, but well be fine. Honestly, Karen. Dont worry.

246

She nodded to herself, repeatedly trying to swallow the painful lump in her throat. Okay I am sure you are right. Well, guess Ill see you in three weeks then. I look forward to it. Take care. She hung up and went back the kitchen to pour herself a large glass of water. She emptied the glass in a few quick swallows, leaning over the sink, a shiver of panic running down her spine. Working closely with Michael for two weeks? Being FRIENDS with Michael? Forgetting the past and starting a new chapter? Even if she would be able to do that, then what about Megan? Watching him spend time with Megan without revealing the truth to him, without being totally eaten up inside by the guilt already nagging her night and day would she be able to do THAT?

247

Chapter 37 Karen looked around the buzzing airport, holding Megan on her right arm and her large suitcase in her left hand, for a second feeling slightly lost and exhausted. It had been an extremely long and tiring flight, and she was hot, hungry and very thirsty. She let out a sigh of relief as a tall, muscular man in his forties approached her rapidly, giving her a friendly smile. Just as Michael had promised her, his chauffeur was here to pick them up. The chauffeur introduced himself as Randy, reaching out to shake her hand firmly. He grabbed her suitcase and led the way to a black SUV with tinted windows, parked just outside the arrival hall. He opened the door and waited for her to climb in, still holding Megan in her arms. Michael! she burst out as she seated herself. I didnt know that you would come to pick me up yourself! He smiled warmly and wrapped his arms around her in a friendly hug, his masculine, pleasant scent instantly enveloping her. I wanted to surprise you. Its nice to see you, Karen. Did you have a good flight? Not waiting for her reply, he turned to Megan, gently touching her hair. Hi Megan, how are you doing today? The little girl buried her face in her mothers neck, smiling shyly. Michael laughed, pulling her ponytail softly. He turned to Karen again. Are you tired? Janet and the kids are waiting for us with tea and sandwiches at the hotel, I hope you dont mind. They are all very excited to meet you.

248

Believe me, tea and sandwiches sound great. And I cannot wait to meet them either. You can rest a bit afterwards; I bet you are dying for some peace and quiet after the long flight. Janet and I will be heading for the concert hall in a few hours, but you can have dinner in the suite with the kids if you like. Janet and I always grab a quick bite to eat at the concert hall none of us like to eat a large meal before going on stage. She gave him a teasing smile. So Michael, does this means that you are not gonna invite me to the concert tonight? Now thats disappointing. I was looking forward to it very much. He looked slightly surprised as he ran his eyes over her face. Of course I would like you to come. I just thought that you would be way too exhausted to even think about doing anything tonight. She shook her head. If Megan is comfortable with the nanny, I would love to come. I have never seen you in concert, you know. Why waste any time? He licked his lips, suddenly a shy look on his face. Oh I hope I wont disappoint you then. Well, actually, this is mostly Janets tour. We do Scream and our two new songs together, and I do a medley of some of my own stuff. Thats about it. Nevertheless, youll probably be sick and tired of watching me on stage before you return to London in two weeks. She broke into a grin. Sure, Michael. I am probably gonna hate every minute of it!" They talked about her trip for a while until finally Michael pointed out the window. "Well, here we are. About fifty fans were gathered outside the back entrance of the hotel, chanting. The chauffeur drove as close to the back entrance as possible and waited for Michaels bodyguards, following in a car behind them, to come open the door for him.

249

As soon as Michael got out of the car, smiling cheerfully, the yelling and screaming rose to a level that defied description. Five very large bodyguards instantly formed a tight circle around the three of them. Most of the fans were crying, yelling Michaels name over and over again, desperately trying to get close enough to touch him. As he waved at them, blowing them a kiss, the noise was deafening. To Megan, the noise and the commotion were all too overwhelming. She broke out into a loud wail, tears pouring down her cheeks. Karen drew the childs face closer to her chest and put her free hand over the girls right ear protectively while rushing into the building, Michael close behind her. She looked at him inquiringly as they entered the lift. Oh my God, Michael. How do you deal with this, every time you show your face anywhere? He laughed softly. This? This was nothing, Karen. Most of the fans are waiting outside the main entrance. Just wait till you have had to fight your way through a really LARGE crowd, then youll know what it feels like. He shrugged his shoulders. No point in letting it get to you. It comes with the territory. I love my fans, and most of the time I can deal with it, but it can be scary at times though if the crowd is too enthusiastic. He smiled mischievously. When they try to pull out my hair and stuff THAT scares the crap out of me! He reached out and let his hand slide down Megans back, trying to comfort the frightened child. She gave him a shy look, once again hiding her face in her mothers neck but soon raising her head again to look at him, a curious look on her face. Michael winked at her, smiling broadly. He turned to Karen. Your daughter definitely does not intend to let me charm my way into her life too soon, huh? Well, Ill have to work on that, wont I!

250

She forced a casual smile, her heart suddenly pounding. Dont worry, Michael. I am sure youll be able to wrap her around your little finger in no time. He laughed, returning his eyes to Megans face. Yeah, or maybe the other way around. She is one of the most charming little girls I have ever seen. They left the lift, the bodyguards still close behind them. Two other bodyguards were positioned outside the suite, and one of them opened the door to the suite as soon as Michael approached them. A beautiful girl with long brown hair came running out of the living room, a huge smile on her face. She stopped in front of Karen, reaching out her hand. Hi Karen, I am Paris. Its so nice to finally meet you. You are even more beautiful in real life. Karen smiled warmly. And you must be Paris. Your daddy has told me so much about you, and he definitely did not exaggerate. I have really been looking forward to meeting you. Paris turned to Megan. And this is Megan? Gosh, she is sooo cute. Karen put Megan down on the floor, still holding her hand. Paris kneeled down in front of her. Hi Megan, I am Paris. Come Megan, Ill show you the living room. We have milk and cookies waiting for you. Karen kneeled down in front of Megan, too, giving Paris a soft look. She cannot walk herself yet, you have to hold her hand all the time. It wont take long though, sometimes she almost forgets not to let go of the hand holding her. But she is rather shy, Paris. I dont think youll be able to persuade her to come with you just yet. She needs to know you just a little better first. Paris smiled her beautiful smile while reaching out her hand, and without a trace of hesitation Megan instantly grabbed it and followed her into the living

251

room, not even looking back to see if her mother was still behind her. Karen looked at Michael in astonishment, still kneeling down. Wow, this is incredible. Megan has never done anything like that before. Like most one year olds, she is extremely shy. Michael laughed softly, reaching out his hand to pull her up, a look of fatherly pride on his face. I told you, didnt I? Paris is the best sitter in the world all children simply adore her. You just wait and see; before long shell ask your permission to have Megan stay in her room with her. You wont be seeing much of your daughter while you are here. No doubt, Paris will compete for her attention 24/7. As they entered the living room, two adorable boys approached them. Michael introduced them, once again a very proud, fatherly look on his face. Karen, this is Prince, and this is Blanket. Guys, this is Karen. The boys reached out their hands to shake hands with her, Prince bowing his head lightly while giving her a very firm handshake and a charming smile, Blanket smiling shyly. As the boys returned to the coffee table, Karen turned to Michael. Your kids are utterly adorable, Michael. All of them. And Prince wow, you gotta look out for him. Hes gonna be such a ladies man, I can tell. He definitely has his fathers killer smile and mesmerizing eyes already just imagine what he is gonna be like in a few years. Michael giggled cheerfully. Ill take that as a compliment for both of us. Now come have some tea. Janet will be here in a minute, I am sure. As soon as they were all seated around the coffee table, Janet arrived, rushing into the room while throwing her short leather jacket into a cosy chair. Hey guys, sorry I am late. She approached Karen, a huge smile on her face. Hi Karen. Its so good to

252

finally meet you; Michael has told me so much about you. She looked at her inquiringly. Gosh, you are beautiful. No wonder my big brother She paused, looking at the children, then at Michael, giving him an apologetic smile. She hugged Karen heartily. I am sorry. This is me in a nutshell. I am not very subtle, I am afraid. I tend to say whats on my mind, not thinking first. Karen laughed. Thats okay, Janet. I actually like that. Its so nice to meet you. A few minutes later Jenny, the nanny, turned up. A tall, blond girl in her early twenties with a soft smile on her face. Karen instantly liked her, and Megan allowed her to hold her at once, even giving her a huge smile. The tea was really cosy, everybody talking all at once, Janet giggling a lot and Michael laughing his bubbly laughter over and over again. Karen looked around the table, a warm feeling inside. She turned her eyes to Megan. She was sitting on Paris lap, eating a sandwich, a very content look on her face. Michael followed her glance, looking back at her with a mischievous I-told-you-so smile on his face. Despite her better judgement, Karen just had to look at him from time to time from the corner of her eye. He never looked more at ease than right now, with his family. He had a constant happy look in his eyes, a constant soft look on his face. She hadnt seen that look since a long time ago. He looked almost frighteningly gorgeous. His purple shirt complemented his dark eyes and black, shiny hair perfectly, and his blue jeans added to his casual, very relaxed look. Her eyes were drawn to his hands, wrapped around his cup. His amazing, big hands. She felt a shiver down her spine and took a large sip of her tea, trying to calm herself down. Stop it, for crying out loud! This is the beginning of the new chapter, remember? You and him, being friends. No

253

more thinking about the past, no more thinking about what wasnt meant to be. Friends. Thats all. He interrupted her thoughts, a teasing look in his eyes. Are you still with us, Karen? If you are sure you want to come along to the concert, I better show you your room. Perhaps you wanna take a shower or something before we leave. Paris caught up with them on the way to Karens room. She looked at Karen, then at her father, then back at Karen pleadingly. Karen, can Megan stay in my room, please? I have a really large bed, theres plenty of room for her too. Michael burst out laughing. What did I tell you? The girls will be like Siamese twins from now on. Karen hugged Paris tightly, suddenly a big lump in her throat. Of course she can stay in your room. I have a baby alarm in my suitcase. Ill leave it by your bed and wake up if she starts crying during the night. Usually she doesnt, but better safe than sorry, right? Paris nodded. But if she just needs her pacifier, I can give it to her. You dont have to get out of bed to do that. She turned around and went back to the coffee table, pulling Megan close again. Michael shook his head softly at his daughter while opening the door to Karens room. He made a sweeping gesture. I hope youll like it here, although its only for two nights. Well leave in about an hour. Just let me know if you need anything, okay? She looked at the door as he closed it behind him, letting out a deep sigh. Need anything? How about the possibility to go back in time like two years?

254

Chapter 38 Michael and Janet made their way into their dressing rooms as soon as they arrived at the concert hall, Janet waving cheerfully as she closed the door behind her. Michaels tour stylist was already waiting for him, her make-up and hair products spread out on the black table in the front of the large mirror. A clothes rack with this stage outfits was placed in the corner, an even larger portable mirror set up beside it. Michael made a sweeping gesture with his hand, for some odd reason feeling his cheeks getting slightly hot. Welcome to my world. This is how I spend a lot of time during the tour. Who ever said that there is anything even remotely glamorous about being on tour? Now come meet Angie. Angie reached out her hand, giving Karen a firm handshake. She was in her late thirties; a pretty girl with a cheerful glint in her eyes and a very casual, but not in any way boring, look. Her short hair had been dyed in a flaming red colour which suited her skin tone perfectly, and her tight black jeans and top revealed a well-toned body. She greeted Michael with a teasing smile while softly running her hand through his long hair. So, Mike, are you ready for your make over? Boy, you look hot tonight! She grinned as she gently pulled him into the chair and planted a soft kiss on his cheek. He let out a deep sigh. You dont have to watch this if you dont want to, Karen. Youll be bored to death, I am sure. You can take a look around the

255

premises if you like, but you are welcome to stay of course. She met his eyes in the mirror. Actually, Michael, I would love to watch. Can I take a few photographs, please? After all, this is what I am here for, right? He nodded shyly. Sure. Shoot away. She watched Angie work on his face with fast, confident movements, first of all removing his makeup, then applying a new and heavier stage make-up. Then she worked on his hair for a long time, using various hair products to straighten his curls before gathering his hair in a ponytail, falling soft and shiny down his back. Michael and Angie conversed cheerfully the entire time, bursting out in laughter now and then, Angie putting her hand on his shoulder on numerous occasions while fixing her eyes on his in the mirror. Karen shot a lot of photographs of the two of them from various angles, only too pleased to have something to keep her hands busy while trying hard to ignore the strange feeling inside. Angie turned to Karen, smiling teasingly while pulling his ponytail softly. So which hair style do you prefer, Karen? Straight or curly? Karen felt her cheeks getting hot. Oh, I never thought about that, she lied. Michael caught her eyes in the mirror once again. You havent, Karen? Thats strange. I clearly recall a very heated debate at Pinehaven, you trying to persuade me to never ever straighten my hair again. He grinned, clearly noticing her embarrassment. Well, no use in arguing with Angie here. Shes in charge and she hates my curls. Angie slapped his head teasingly. I do not! I just think that the straight ponytail suits your outfits better. Now get your lazy butt out of the chair and put on the first one. I know youll start begging me to

256

stop touching you soon, wanting me to let you eat instead. Angie looked at him as he got undressed, not the least embarrassed. Karen turned around discretely, the strange feeling inside her increasing rapidly. She swallowed hard, listening in on the cheerful conversation in front of the mirror. You can turn around now, Angie said a few minutes later, a touch of amusement in her voice. Hes totally decent. She put her hand on Michaels shoulder, nudging it lightly. Well, Ill leave you guys alone for a while. If you need me, you know where to find me. If not, Ill be back just before the show. Michael turned to Karen as soon as Angie had left the room, handing her a mineral water and a tall glass. So what do you think? Do you like her? She is really talented, definitely a great tour stylist. And in addition, always cheerful and fun to be around. Karen nodded, now clearly feeling the hard knot forming in her stomach. Yes, she seems to be. Well, I really, really like her. Shes such a funny girl and very pretty. She hesitated. So whats the story? The two of you, I mean. She tried not to look at him as she took a large sip of her water. He smiled teasingly. Me and Angie? Why do you ask? Karen shook her head, her cheeks burning unpleasantly again. No reason. You just have a very I dont know. A very special tone between the two of you. Michael nodded. I know what you mean. Angie is the kind of girl who doesnt treat you differently, just because you are famous. I really like that. A mischievous glint appeared in his eyes. Actually, she reminds me of you in so many ways. You never did that either. He locked his eyes on hers. So you really wanna know about Angie? Sure?

257

Karen got up quickly, taking a closer look at his stage outfits, looking for any excuse to turn her eyes away from him. She ran her fingers down one of his stage jackets, trying to make her voice sound as casual as possible. No, actually, its okay, Michael. You dont have to let me in on the details. I get it. He stepped closer, resting his arm on the clothes rack, his body language somehow forcing her to look at him again. The mischievous look in his eyes was still there, but his smile was soft and genuine. No you dont, silly girl. To tell you the truth, Angie is already involved with someone. A very pretty girl called Lisa. He burst out in a giggle. Guess you hadnt figured that out, huh? Karen turned her back to him again, holding one of his outfits up in front of her, hoping that he wouldnt see the ridiculous relief in her eyes. Okay, tease me all you like no, I hadnt figured that out. Wow, this is serious stuff. Very sexy. He giggled again. You think so? .. or are you just trying to change the subject? He looked at the black outfit in her hand. Well, Janet has been in charge of the designs, so I havent had much saying in the matter. Well be wearing matching outfits throughout the entire show. He put his hand on her arm, squeezing it lightly. Now come on, lets join Janet in her dressing room to have something to eat. I am starving. An hour and a delicious, light meal later, one of the bodyguards escorted her to the VIP box. She seated herself, nodding politely to the couple beside her. She felt a shiver run down her spine as all the lights were turned off, a single beam of light bathing the stage in a soft red light while the intro filled the hall. The music changed to So Excited, the audience screaming at the top of their lungs as Janet appeared

258

on stage in a sexy white outfit with two male dancers dancing close beside her. The male dancer danced away from Janet slowly as the spotlight caught a silhouette, dancing behind a huge screen, every single movement matching Janets movements synchronically. Janet moved closer and closer to the screen, and standing right beside it, the screen disappeared and Michael emerged. The noise in the concert hall was indescribable. Karen looked at him, her heart beating fast. He looked stunning, a huge smile on his face, his black outfit perfectly matching Janets, both of them complementing each other to perfection on stage. The audience screamed in ecstasy as the music changed to Scream. Afterwards, Michael and Janet performed their two new songs, Care for you and Never again. At the end of the second song, Michael bowed gracefully, getting ready to leave the stage. The music changed into Billie Jean, and he turned around again, looking at Janet mischievously, his arms crossed in front of his chest. She grabbed a black fedora from the guitarist standing close to her while pulling out Michaels famous sequined glove from her jacket pocket, quickly slipping it on. She started singing while imitating his dance routine, now and then grabbing her crouch while letting out a perfect series of michaelish screams and sounds. As she did the moonwalk, the audience went crazy. The music changed to Rhythm Nation, and Michael cheerfully pushed her away, doing a perfect imitation of her dance routine. Half way through the song, she joined him in the centre of the stage, finishing the song with him. Karen let out a sigh as he left the stage again, Janet taking over with the songs from her new

259

album. She breathed in deep, trying to calm down her rapid heartbeat. Watching him on stage had taken her by surprise completely. It was impossible not to stare at him shamelessly, taking in every move he made, ever note he sang, every smile. He had the audience in the palm of his hand, and he knew it. He was more confident and alive on that stage than she had ever seen him before. She ran her hand through her hair, thinking of him returning to his dressing room, getting ready to change his outfit. She knew he would be back later, doing a medley of his old songs. She turned her eyes to Janet again, trying hard to focus on the show. As Michael returned to the stage about half an hour later, the screams were deafening. He smiled broadly as he started to sing, soon interrupting himself, bowing humbly while shouting an I love you to the audience, the audience screaming loudly at every move he made. Karen swallowed hard, for the first time totally realizing how different the Michael she knew was from Michael Jackson, the entertainer. This was a completely different side to him, mesmerizing and enchanting, and unfortunately taking her breath away completely. Her thoughts were interrupted as the intro to Shes out of my life started playing. One of her favourite songs. Michael sang the first verse, then the first line of the second verse. Janet suddenly emerged on the stage in a new outfit, letting out a soft, high-pitched Can I come down there? to the audience on the front row, before Michael could sing the second line. He tried not to laugh. One of young guys was pulled on stage, Janet hugging him tight while Michael continued to sing. As the guy was led down from the stage again, Janet kneeled down, pretending to cry. Michael burst

260

out in a giggle, almost unable to finish the song, the crowd once again going crazy. He pulled her up and hugged her tight, kissing her on the cheek. She joined him on stage for the rest of the concert, singing some of his old songs with him. And soon the concert was over. Karen stayed in the VIP box for some time after the light was turned back on, not quite sure what to do. Somehow heading for the back stage area seemed next to impossible. Facing him right would be almost too much of a challenge, but as the minutes went by, she knew she had to pull herself together and go meet him. She got up, running her hand through her hair confusedly once again while stepping towards the back stage area slowly. The back stage was packed, but Janet soon approached her. She hugged her cheerfully. So what do you think, girl. Did we do okay? Karen hugged her back. Janet, you were amazing. I just dont know what to say. Both of you just took my breath away. Janet smiled teasingly. Michael more than me, I am sure. He has that effect on women, doesnt he? Well, he is in his dressing room. He has been asking for you. Karen nodded, only too pleased that apparently Janet did not expect any reply to her question. Okay, Ill go look for him. See you later. She knocked on the door to his dressing room and opened the door, swallowing hard. He was sitting on the floor, his long legs pulled up to his chest, his head resting on his knees. He lifted his head as she approached him, smiling shyly. Hey Karen there you are. I was beginning to worry about you. He ran his eyes over her face inquiringly. So how did you like the show? Did you manage to stay awake? You must be totally exhausted by now.

261

She shook her head, forcing a smile. Actually, I am not that tired. And the show was amazing. You and Janet together on stage . its beyond comparison the most mesmerizing experience I have ever had in my life. Thank you! He smiled shyly once again. I am glad you like it, but youll probably get sick and tired of watching us on stage before you return to London. He hesitated. I hope youll come to every concert, wont you? Her heart turned a somersault. Of course, Michael. Thats what I am here for, right? A soft tone of pink crept into his cheeks. Yes, it is. Among other things. Well, lets not talk about work tonight. Janet usually goes out after the concert, too hyped up to sleep anyway. Do you wanna join her, or do you wanna go back to the hotel with me? She gulped lightly. I definitely wanna go back to the hotel. I am really not in the mood for anything else. He nodded, getting up. Then wait for me, please. Ill take a quick shower, then lets get out of here. She looked at him as he headed for the shower area, his long hair moist from the heat on stage, his clothes clinging to his body. She let out a deep sigh. Oh my God, Michael. This is gonna be so much harder than I thought spending time with you like this every night. Friends, right? Show me how to be just that because I really havent got a clue.

262

Chapter 39 Karen seated herself at the breakfast table, smiling cheerfully. Morning, guys. Are the boys still sleeping? Janet cracked a smile. Yeah, both of them are such sleepyheads. Not at all like their dad. Karen grinned. Really? Well, Megan is still far away in dreamland, too. I better let her sleep a little longer. She guess she did go to sleep rather late yesterday. She looked at Michael across the table while buttering her toast. Michael, if you have a few minutes later on, I think we ought to talk about my photographs. I would like to know a little more about what kind of photographs you wish to include in the book. I might as well start shooting some straight away, apart from the ones in your dressing room last night. The more we have to choose between in the end, the better. Michael nodded. Sure, Karen. Lets do it straight after breakfast. Paris looked at her curiously. Dont you ever take photographs of models anymore, Karen? Wasnt it exciting, photographing all those beautiful girls? Karen smiled at the thought. Well, most of the time, Paris. But models can be quite challenging, you know. But arent you gonna miss the models? Well, I dont so far. And now I am working with your dad on his book, right? That will be exciting, too. Paris nodded thoughtfully. Yeah, and daddy likes you sooo much. When we saw you on Americas Next Top Model he told me that you were so nice and beautiful, and afterwards he was rather sad and went into his library. I had to go cheer him up.

263

PARIS! Michael burst out, giving her a firm look across the table. Now concentrate on your breakfast please and leave Karen alone for a minute! Janet looked down at her plate, trying to contain a giggle but failing miserably. Soon a very girlish teehee escaped her lips. Michael rolled his eyes, a slightly sarcastic smile forming on his lips. Thanks, Jan. You always know how to support me when I try to teach my children the basic good manners. She burst out laughing. Sorry, big brother. Its just that gosh, I love that girl! She has no filter at all, always says exactly whats on her mind. Just like me. Karen looked at Paris, trying hard to ignore the sudden change of subject around the breakfast table. You know, Paris, if your daddy will allow it, I would love to take some photographs of you when I come to stay with you in Vegas, like the ones I used to shoot of the models. I am sure you will be the prettiest model of them all. We can give the photographs to you daddy afterwards, what do you say? Would you like that? OH YES, Paris burst out, an ecstatic look on her face. I would LOVE that. Will you do my hair then? I would love to try that hairstyle you had yesterday when you got here. The French braid? Karen nodded, finishing her juice. Sure. Ill make a French braid on you. You like that hairstyle? I can teach you how to make one yourself in no time if you like. Paris got up from her chair. Yes, Karen, please. Will you teach me now? Karen looked at her, touched by the excitement in her eyes. Sure, Ill teach you. I better show it on someone else though. As soon as Megan wakes up, Ill make one on her and explain it to you along the way, okay?

264

Paris nodded, looking slightly disappointed. Okay, Karen. But cant we do it now? She looked at her father. You can make one on daddy. I am sure he wouldnt mind. Karen shook her head, not looking at Michael. I think we better wait for Megan. Shell be up soon. Janet burst out laughing. Now come on, girl. Like Paris, I am sure my brother wouldnt mind. And his hair sure is long enough. What do you say, Michael? She shot him a challenging look, a teasing smile on her face. He shrugged his shoulders. What can I say? No matter what, you girls are gonna team up against me, arent you? He looked at Karen. So okay, make a French braid. He got up and turned one of the spare chairs around, sitting down in front of her, his stomach against the back of the chair. Karen looked at his ponytail, falling soft and curly down his back. She swallowed, trying hard to disregard the tiny voice inside her, warning her not to touch him. She took a deep breath and reached out to remove the black rubber band, careful not to pull out any hairs. She let her hands slide through his hair, using her fingers to comb it. A visible shiver ran through him, causing the small hairs on the back of his neck to stand on end, but he didnt move an inch. Sorry, she mumbled, letting go of his hair. Its okay, he said, a strange tone to his voice. He cleared his throat. Now do you thing, Karen. Dont keep my child and my childish sister waiting. Karen smiled at Paris, hoping that the chaos inside her would not show. Okay, Paris. This is how its done . She worked her way through his hair slowly, careful to show every little detail to the girl beside her. Paris smiled broadly as the hairstyle began to take shape, poking her father teasingly in the back.

265

Aww, you look handsome, daddy. Just like that Blood on the dance floor video. She nodded agreeingly as Karen tied off the end with his rubber band. This hairstyle is amazing. What do you say, daddy? Do you love it? He got up, smiling shyly, running his hand down the braid. Sure, sweetey, I love it, and Ill keep my hair like this all day, just because you like it so much too. He gave Karen a quick look. Thanks, Karen, you would make a great stylist. You have got really gentle hands. He seated himself at the table again, taking a large sip of his juice, not looking at any of them. Janet let out a tiny giggle into her cup. He turned to look at her, a challenging look in his eyes, his cheeks getting slightly hot. What? She shook her head, trying to wipe the smile off her face. Nothing, Michael, she replied innocently and got up. I think Ill leave you guys alone. I have some shopping to do. She left the suite, still smiling broadly to herself. Paris took a closer look at his braid, then turned to Karen. I think I have got it now. Can I practice on you, please? You have such a lovely hair. Karen nodded, smiling. Sure, Paris. She sat down on the chair that Michael had just left, sitting in the same position, her stomach against the back of the chair. Paris ran her fingers through Karens hair, the way Karen did with Michael just before. She started making the French braid, a worried look forming on her face as she worked her way through it. This is not at all right, she burst out, sounding slightly desperate. Its getting really crooked, and the strands of hair pull loose all the time. She let her hands slide down her sides, looking as if she was about to burst into tears.

266

Michael got up. Its okay, Paris. Ill repeat to you how its done. Actually, I know how to make this hairstyle, too. Karen Faye taught me that a long time ago. Paris undid the braid and looked at Karens long, curly hair. I am sorry; I have messed up your hair so badly. I need a brush. Is it okay if I fetch your brush from your bathroom, please? She turned around quickly and left the room, soon returning with Karens silver brush in her hand. She handed the brush to Michael. You do it, daddy. You are so good at brushing long hair without causing any pain, even if the hair is really messy. Michael hesitated, then sat down on the chair behind Karens back, holding the brush in his hand. He grabbed her long, soft hair in his left hand and slid the brush through it gently. Karen looked down at her hands, her heart pounding. She held her breath as he put the brush down on the table and ran his fingers through her hair very slowly, quite certain that he would be able to clearly feel how even his slightest touch affected her. He cleared his throat like before. Now come look, Paris. Ill show you the technique once again. She tried to breathe in deep without making a noise, hoping to calm down her heartbeat as his hands grabbed her hair again. He always did love to play with my hair. She felt her cheeks getting hot as the thought entered her mind out of nowhere, unexpected and unwanted. She tried to concentrate on his voice, patiently talking to his daughter as he worked his way through her hair with soft, confident movements, his hands now and then touching her neck accidentally. She let out a sigh of relief as he asked Paris to fetch another rubber band, holding the end of the braid in his right hand.

267

The sudden silence between them was awkward. He put his other hand on her shoulder absentmindedly, waiting for his daughter to return. Karen stared into thin air, only too grateful that he wasnt able to see her facial expression. It seemed like forever until Paris returned, the requested item in her hand. He put it in her hair and stepped in front of her, smiling teasingly. All done, Karen. Any future in hair styling for me? You look beautiful by the way. She looked into his eyes, clearly spotting another look behind the teasing glance. She forced a smile. Sure, Michael. If you ever consider a change of career, Ill be first in line. She got up, giving Paris a hug. Now let me make a French braid on you, and well all have matching hairstyles today. Paris laughed and sat down in front of her, waiting for her to begin. Karen made the braid, quickly and effortlessly. Clearly feeling Michaels eyes on her neck she turned her face towards him. He was staring at the two of them, playing with the empty glass in his hand. He gave her a small mischievous smile across the table as Paris left the room, heading for the mirror in her bedroom She felt the warmth of her cheeks increase unpleasantly. Oh no, he is still able to see right through my soul. He knows exactly how I feel right now. No doubt, he enjoys himself tremendously. Only too eager to change the subject, she tried to make her voice as casual as possible while giving him a slightly challenging stare. By the way, I need to talk to about something, Michael. As you know, Megans birthday is approaching rapidly. Tony will be coming to New York to celebrate with her and will stay for the night before visiting his parents for a day or two. I was wondering if I could ask your assistant to book a room for us at the same hotel where you

268

and Janet will be staying. I am not quite sure which one it is. He returned her stare. Actually, I have been meaning to talk to you about that, too. Paris is dying to arrange a birthday party for Megan. If you would allow her to do that, we could celebrate in the suite, and of course Tony can stay with you in your room. The suites are always big enough for all of us, dont you think? She looked at him inquiringly. And you are okay with that, Michael? We wont be in your way? He shook his head, looking at her calmly. Of course I am. Why wouldnt I be? He is your husband, right? He looked away, quickly finishing his coffee, an unpleasant knot forming in his stomach.

269

Chapter 40 The show had been a huge success, and both Janet and Michael were in high spirits, sitting in his dressing room, Karen shooting a series of photographs of the two of them. Gosh, I need a shower! Michael exclaimed, pulling the damp t-shirt away from his chest. He turned his face towards the door as Angie stuck her head through the doorway. Michael, I forgot to tell you. For some odd reason, your clean shirts were not delivered today. I left a tshirt for you instead. She nodded towards the clothes rack in the corner of his dressing room. I am sure you are gonna love it. Winking cheerfully at Janet, she closed the door behind her. Michael got up and fetched the t-shirt from the rack, unfolded it and held it up in front of him. He shook his head resignedly. She expects me to wear THIS? He checked the label in the back of the neck. And size XL? Well, thanks, Angie. He turned around and made a funny gesture with his hand. Well, what do you think, girls? Very stylish, huh? He held the t-shirt into the air. What do you say, Janet, wouldnt you just LOVE to see me wearing this, your picture all over me? Janet looked at the t-shirt with a large picture of the two of them on the front and the tour dates on the back. Oh, I love it! she giggled. You never ever wore a t-shirt with my picture on it before, and a picture of the two of us? Now, thats even better! He turned it around for Karen to see. Isnt this just cute? He made a wry face to emphasize his perception of the word cute.

270

Karen burst out laughing. Of course its CUTE, Michael. Actually, I think Ill purchase one just like it. And naturally I cant wait to shoot a picture of you in that t-shirt. You girls He let out a deep sigh while heading for the shower, shaking his head resignedly again. Janet rolled her eyes mischievously. Come with me, Karen. Lets leave him to shower in peace. I would like you to meet some of my friends back stage. About fifteen minutes later Michael showed up, wearing the t-shirt with one of his black Cavalli jackets on top, his hair hanging damp down his back. He gave her a shy smile, bending down to whisper into her ear. What do you say, Karen? Wanna stick around, or would you rather go back to the hotel to grab a bite to eat? I just hate this crowded back stage area. Karen nodded approvingly. A night snack sounds great. I am kind of hungry, actually. As they got back to the hotel, Michael called room service and ordered two grilled chicken Caesar salads. He flung himself on the sofa, pulling up his legs. Oh my God, I am totally beat. I am getting way too old for this s*hit. He laughed cheerfully. Or maybe I just ought to get a good nights sleep. Maybe that would do the trick. He looked down at his t-shirt, making a funny face. He sat up and pulled it over his head, then threw it into Karens lap. Here you are. You wanted this t-shirt, didnt you? He grinned. But you have to promise me to wear it now and then. I am sure itll look good on you. He got up and went into his bedroom to fetch a white, v-cut t-shirt. He put it on while turning on the TV, randomly zapping the channels. Not finding anything interesting, he turned off the TV again.

271

What do you say, Karen? Wanna talk instead? Maybe you would like to fill me in on the book. Have you decided how to go about the first chapters? She nodded, suddenly feeling rather shy and kind of embarrassed. Actually, I have written the first chapter already. Of course everything I write is just a rough draft, and then we can discuss your wishes and ideas, based on my draft. That is if you agree to this procedure, of course. She felt her cheeks getting hot and broke into a smile. Oh my God, Michael, this is so awkward. Having you as my boss, I mean. I never thought of you that way before. You didnt? he asked teasingly, his smile broadening as he ran his eyes over her face, clearly noticing her embarrassment. Now thats disappointing! Well, why dont you stop blushing and let me see what you have written so far, please. Rolling her eyes at him, she got up and fetched her laptop. She opened the document and turned the laptop around so he could see the screen. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees while reading. He read very slowly, his face not revealing any emotions whatsoever. After a while he started running his fingertip over his lips slowly and repeatedly, not in any way realizing how this habit of his always affected her. She got up to fetch herself a mineral water from the small fridge of the bar in the corner of the living room, her heart suddenly racing unpleasantly as she waited for him to comment on her work. Having read the entire chapter he sat in silence for a while, staring into the air, tapping his fingers on the coffee table absent-mindedly. She approached him, her cheeks getting annoyingly hot once again. Its okay, Michael. You dont have to say anything. I told you, this is just a rough draft. If its not at all what you expected, Ill write it differently. You just need to be specific about the style you prefer. She

272

made a somewhat helpless gesture with the bottle in her hand. We never really talked about that He turned his head to look at her, a soft look on his face. You know what? This is exactly what I had in mind. Once again you have proven beyond any doubt that no one in the entire world knows me better than you. Its almost scary as if you are able to read my mind completely. And the way you describe me, my thoughts He got up and poured himself a glass of wine. He lifted the bottle into the air. Want some? She nodded, his words affecting her more than she cared to admit to herself. Sure. So you actually like it? He seated himself in front of the laptop again, nodding seriously while running his hand through his hair. Yes, I actually like it. To be honest, I love it. I dont want you to change a single word. And these photographs you have added they are just perfect. Well, I just added them kind of randomly. Well choose between all my photographs once we have finished the book, right? I just added them to sort of define where the text should end and the photographs be added. AND your amazing short stories and poems of course. I typed some of them this morning, but I think that we should scan some of them and add them in your handwriting. What do you think? Sounds like a great idea. He hesitated. You work pretty fast dont you? If you keep writing at this speed, the book will be finished in no time. She cracked a smile. Yeah, I have been working pretty fast. But its not that difficult, Michael. You talk to me, tell me stuff, stories from your past, your thoughts and emotions. I have it all on tape or in my head and just write it down, trying to make it as authentic as possible. Using your words and

273

expressions, I mean. More than anything, this book should be based on your thoughts. Not mine. He looked at the photographs on the screen again. You are doing a fantastic job. I just knew you would. And by the way when we get back to Vegas, I hope youll take some portraits of the kids. He paused, biting his lip. I have been thinking a lot about their future lately. They are getting big now, and I cannot keep hiding them forever. I need to let go and trust the world enough to show their faces. I want to use this book to introduce my kids to the world, at the same time giving my thoughts on the matter, hoping that the public the media will treat them with the respect they deserve. Will you help me do that? She nodded, touched by the look on his face. Of course I will. I understand how important this is to you. Thank you. He took a large sip of his white wine. The kids really like you, you know. Especially Paris. She hasnt been this attached to anyone outside the family since Grace went back home to get married. Linda and Paris never got along that well. He grimaced. Linda wasnt great with kids, to put it mildly. But you I am kind of concerned what will happen if you disappear out of her life for good, once we have finished the book. He looked at his glass, twirling the liquid around. She leaned forward, putting her hand on his arm. Are you asking me something, Michael? Or just making a random remark? He looked at her, a shy look on his face. I told you you read me like an open book. Yes, I am asking you something here. Do you intend to disappear out of my life again, or are you comfortable being friends now? His eyes pierced into hers. I am trying very hard to make things work, Karen. I really am.

274

She nodded. I know, Michael. I know. And I think we are doing okay. I hope well be able to stay friends. She paused, gulping lightly. I would hate to not have you in my life again. He covered her hand with his and squeezed it lightly. Good. Thats exactly what I wanted to know. Well, room service is here. He got up and came back a few seconds later, holding the food in his hands. He put her plate in front of her, looking at her teasingly. Now lets eat. I am starving. And no more talk about the book tonight. Ill try to slow you down; I wouldnt mind being your boss for some time. He smiled boyishly while digging into his food. As they had finished eating, Karen got up, yawning. I think Ill hit the sack now, so . goodnight. He got up, too. Ill join you. He put his hand on his chest and cracked a quick smile. That came out wrong. Obviously, I didnt mean it like that. See you in the morning, Karen. Sweet dreams. She looked at her face in the mirror while brushing her teeth, recalling the expression on his face as he asked her about the future. He was right. He was trying very hard. She took off her clothes and returned to the bedroom, reaching out for her nightie while casting a long sideway glance to the black tshirt on the bed. She hesitated but a second, then grabbed the t-shirt and slipped it on quickly, his pleasant scent instantly enveloping her. Karen, you are pathetic, she said out loud, looking down at the picture on the t-shirt. Pathetic AND childish. She smiled self-ironically while jumping into bed, a happy feeling inside.

275

Chapter 41 Michael wasnt his usual cheerful self at breakfast. He hardly raised his head to say good morning as Karen seated herself, apparently too busy tapping his fingers on his mail absent-mindedly, a look of sheer annoyance on his face. Is something wrong? Karen asked him kindly while reaching out for the orange juice. Huh? He looked at her confused. No, nothings wrong. Clearly demonstrating his lack of interest in engaging in any kind of conversation, he got up quickly and left the table. Janet gave him a strange stare behind his back, then shrugged her shoulders, flashing Karen a bright whats-wrong-with-him smile. Guess my brother is kind of cranky today, huh? I wonder who peed in his corn flakes. Not you, I take it? Karen cracked a wry smile. Not that I remember will you pass me the toast, please? Having finished her breakfast, Karen walked towards her bedroom to start packing, passing Michaels bedroom on the way. The door was half open, and his voice filled the air, louder and angrier than usual. She heard him mention her name and automatically stopped in her tracks, looking at him from the doorway. He was standing in the middle of the room, his back to her, holding his cell phone to his ear. I dont give a damn, Raymone. This is your responsibility. You know I dont read the tabloids. I trust you to fill me in. He paused, listening. Maybe so, but my office just sent me the clippings. You should have warned me and made some kind of

276

statement. He listened again, his voice getting angrier. Yeah, maybe I dont usually listen to that kind of garbage, but this garbage isnt just about me, right? He listened again, tapping a large white envelope in his left hand against his leg repeatedly, producing a sharp, annoying sound. Laugh all you like, Raymone. I am not kidding. I may sound overprotective, but I will not put up with it. I expect you to make that statement immediately, or set up some kind of interview for me. I dont care. Just do something. He paused to listen once more, his body language now clearly revealing his overwhelming annoyance. I know I dont do interviews. So Ill make an exception, okay? Just deal with it. He breathed in hard. Oh, and Raymone you can tell them to stop digging. They are not gonna find anything dirty on her. Theres nothing to find. She is the most decent and honest girl I know. He hung up and turned around, suddenly finding her in his doorway. He shot her an angry look. Listening in on my conversation, are you? She felt herself blush heavily, instantly offended by his tone of voice. Of course I am not, Michael! I just heard you mentioned my name as I passed your door. So what was that all about? He shook his head brusquely. Nothing. Just the usual stuff I have to deal with all the time. Just drop it, okay? He flung the envelope on his bed with an angry motion of his hand, an unfriendly look on his face. Now if youll excuse me, Karen, I need to take a shower. Well be checking out of the hotel in half an hour. What the f? She gave him a stare, opened her mouth as if to say something, then pressed her lips into a thin line and left his bedroom quickly.

277

Back in her own room, she tried to calm down her rapid heartbeat. What on earth was wrong with him? What had made him so angry? Clearly she had something to do with it so why wouldnt he tell her? With a wave of annoyance, she recalled his angry, unfriendly face as he asked her to leave his room, for the first time ever. Michael, you arrogant prick. Jerk. Asshole. Saying the words out loud made her feel slightly better. She got up from the bed and headed for his room again, determined to demand some sort of explanation. With a look of sheer determination, she knocked on his door a few times and opened it immediately, too angry and too impatient to wait for his reply. His room was empty, and the sound of running water coming from the bathroom suggested that he was taking the shower he mentioned just before. She let out a sigh of annoyance and turned around to leave the room again while casting a sideway glance to the envelope on the bed. She hesitated, then sat down and took it in her hand, turning it around. Okay. This is wrong. This is Michaels personal mail. She turned it around again, watching the neat handwriting on the front of the envelope. On the other hand, this is something about me. Dont I have the right to know what it is? Her curiosity got the better of her, and soon she found herself opening the envelope and pulling out the contents, her heart once again beating way too fast. The envelope contained a bunch of newspaper clippings. She leafed through the clippings, quickly running her eyes over the headlines. Michael Jacksons new conquest Michael Jacksons secret love affair

278

Jackos new surrogate mother (this article included a picture of Michael holding Megan on his arm, Karen following close behind him) Michaels hot date in dressing room Michael Jackson's secrete wife? Jacko pays woman to pose as girlfriend Michael's hot love affair with new nanny The real mother of Michael Jackson's children Debbie Rowe threatens Jacko's new girlfriend: Michael outraged! Famous photographer seen leaving hotel with Jacko: The new Lisa Marie? She shook her head resignedly, staring at some of the photographs. Her face stared right back at her. Her face and Michaels. Suddenly, the water was turned off in the shower and the shower cabinet door opened abruptly. Definitely not wanting to surprise him when he got out of the bathroom, probably wearing nothing but a towel, she slid the clippings back into the envelope quickly. A few seconds later she left his bedroom, silently closing the door behind her. She flung herself on her own bed, confused. Why did these clippings upset him this much? She would have thought that he would be used to such rumours by now, having had to deal with them all his life. She had discussed the tabloids with Tony before she left London, both of them not doubting for a second that her turning up with Michael on numerous occasions would create some kind of rumours. Why didnt he just laugh at them, the way he used to when they talked about the crazy media? Did he just utterly resent being romantically linked to her in the media? Well, he still owed her some kind of explanation, and she would be waiting for it impatiently. He didnt talk much in the car on their way to the airport. Even the kids noticed his unusual behaviour.

279

Paris tucked her hand into his, giving him a huge smile. He reciprocated her smile, gently squeezing her hand, but soon the expression on his face changed again. Karen felt the anger built up inside her, watching him. Why did he act as if this was her fault? HE was the one to ask her to come write the book with him, to spend time on tour with him. She didnt even want to come in the first place. As they walked through the airport, heading for the private plane they were using for the entire tour, he didnt walk close beside her as he used to. On the contrary, he ignored her completely, constantly walking two steps in front of her. The airport was packed with fans and reporters, and the heat was overwhelming. Six bodyguards had formed a tight circle around Michael, Karen and Megan, moving forward only very slowly while Michael took his time talking to fans and writing autographs. By now, Janet, Jenny and the kids were far ahead of them, equally surrounded by a circle of bodyguards. The tight crowd of people, the heat and the noise was overwhelming. Having to carry Megan the entire time did not help much. She swallowed her pride and called out for him twice before he turned around, no smile on his face. Michael, will you please take Megan for a second? I really, really need to take off my jacket. He pointed towards one of the bodyguards. Please ask Will to take her. I am kind of busy. Then he turned around quickly, once again concentrating on the fans. She felt her cheeks getting hot as the anger filled her completely. Handing Megan to a stranger? Sure, that would be perfect, and he knew it. The girl would burst out in a loud squall immediately, probably kicking her legs up and down furiously too while

280

squirming to get down. She took a deep breath, trying to ignore the tiny drops of sweat forming on her back. Entering the plane she didnt seat herself beside him as usual but picked a seat in the back of the plane, holding Megan on her lap. He didnt look around for her or encourage her to sit next to him but kept looking out of the window, apparently not even noticing that she wasnt there. They checked into the new hotel around lunch time. Karen looked around the very impressive suite, impatiently brushing away her long hair, running her hand over her forehead. I desperately need a shower. Jenny, will you look after Megan for me, please? A long cold shower washed away most of her frustrations, and she felt slightly better as she opened her suitcase, looking at her dresses. She pulled out a white dress with small buttons all the way down the front. The dress she bought just before she went to Pinehaven two years ago. The dress she wore once while staying there and then never again. She let out a deep sigh. Okay, why not wear it now? It was a shame to let a rather expensive dress go to waste, just because She put on the dress and brushed her hair, took a deep breath and headed for his bedroom. This was it. She wanted an explanation, and she wanted it now. She knocked on the open door to his bedroom and entered the room, carefully closing the door behind her. He was standing in the far end of the room, a bottle of mineral water in his hand. He had changed into a red t-shirt and looked kind of exhausted. A look of utter astonishment crept over his face as his eyes wandered down her dress. You still have that dress? he asked while stepping closer, an unfamiliar tone to his voice.

281

Sure, she said, not smiling. Why wouldnt I? It may be two years old, but I havent worn it more than once or twice. He nodded, a softer look on his face. Thats not what I meant. I just have very fond memories about that dress. You wore it that day the very first day we were together, remember? That perfect day down by the lake. Well, not while we were at the lake, but later when you were trying to drive me crazy by the pool. He cracked a tiny smile. And it worked perfectly, didnt it? The look on his face changed, and he turned away from her, taking a large sip of his water. I kind of wish you would take off that dress, Karen. She looked at him sarcastically. Why, here, Michael? Right now? That was certainly quite unexpected. He turned to her again, the angry look from earlier returning to his face, but this time mixed with something else. Sadness, confusion, loneliness. Its just a joke to you, isnt it, Karen? Always a smart remark on everything. No, I dont mean here. I just wish you wouldnt wear it while I am around. He paused, taking another sip of his water. Now tell me to what I owe the pleasure your company in my bedroom. His sarcastic tone of voice finished off the rest of her self-control. Shooting him a cold stare, she turned around and rushed out of his room, slamming the door behind her. Back in her bedroom she immediately started unbuttoning the small buttons, her furious hands too unsteady to manage as quickly as she wanted them too. Bursting out in angry tears she gave up on the buttons and tore them open quickly, the delicate fabric ripping instantly as the small buttons shattered on the floor. She ripped off the dress and flung it on the bed.

282

The door to her room opened, and Michael emerged. Karen, I am ... He stopped just inside her room, staring at her, then quickly closed the door behind him. She grabbed her dress and held it up in front of her. He looked at the buttons on the floor, astonished. Your dress you ruined it? She returned his glance with unwavering eyes, quickly brushing away her tears. Yes, I did and so what? No big deal. Now please leave my room while I get dressed again. He grabbed the dress out of her hand. Maybe my tailor can fix it I am so sorry for letting my foul mood get the better of me. I never meant to hurt you this way. He raised his head and looked at her, suddenly fixing his eyes on the area just above her cream lace bra, an incredulous look spreading on his face. He walked closer and gently slid his fingers across her skin, following the thin white lines, almost invisible. Your scars, Karen . Your scars are gone. You never told me . You never asked. She felt her skin burn beneath his fingers and turned away from him, quickly grabbing a random dress from her suitcase. She slid it over her head and pulled up the small zipper in the side seam. He shook his head very slowly, still staring at her. But how .? She tried to ignore his stare. The wonders of cosmetic surgery and modern laser technology, Michael. No big deal. Now what did you want to talk to me about, all of a sudden. You havent exactly been talkative all day. He bit his lower lip, embarrassed. I know. I have been totally obnoxious all day, havent I? Even rude. I have just had a really awful day. As regards the incident at the airport actually, I was only trying to

283

protect you by keeping my distance, but I realize that my behaviour must have confused you completely. He pulled out the white envelope from his pocket and handed it to her while cracking a sad, wry smile. Read this, and youll understand why. I am so sorry, Karen. I wish I could have done something to prevent this. She looked at the envelope in his hand, not reaching out for it. I already read it. This morning to be precise, while you were taking a shower. I totally understand if youll get angry with me for going through your personal mail, but I kind of got the impression that the contents had something to do with me, and as you so stubbornly refused to let me in on the matter, I had to look for myself. I apologize. Normally I wouldnt dream of doing something like that. I hope you know that. He stared at her, his eyes flitting to the envelope and back to her face again. You already read these articles? And you are not angry? Hurt? Humiliated? She shrugged her shoulders. What did you expect? You are not nave, Michael. Surely you must have expected something like this to happen when you turn up with the same girl beside you night after night, day after day? He broke into a smile. Karen, I swear. Youll never cease to amaze me. Yes, I did expect something like that, but I was hoping that . that the articles wouldnt be this vicious and insulting. I dont mind at all, but I was convinced that you would react completely differently. He swallowed hard, looking at the dress in his hands. Actually, I was quite sure that you would decide to leave, to go back to London, completely fed up with the fans, the bodyguards, the media, the entire circus constantly surrounding me. I thought that these articles would

284

sort of be the last straw for you you know what I mean? She laughed. Now come on. I thought you knew me better than that. Dont you think that I expected something like this? That I thought about it before I agreed to come here? If this is the price I have to pay for being in your life, then so be it. I hate these articles, but I dont intend to let them ruin my day. As long as . She bit her lip, not finishing her sentence. As long as? he asked softly. She looked him straight into his eyes. As long as they dont write about my accident. That would hurt me big time. He put his hand on her arm, squeezing it lightly. I understand that completely. But nobody knows apart from your close friends, right? And Alec of course. Not even Linda. She nodded. Yes, you are right. I think the media would have written about it when my book was released if somebody knew about it and wanted to spill the beans to the media. So I guess I have no interesting secrets for them to dig out. He smiled teasingly. You dont? Not even a secret love affair with Michael Jackson two years ago? She blushed. Oh . that. Well, its not like that was common knowledge, right? So if any rumours arise, well just deny it completely. A serious look formed on his face. I dont wanna deny it. I am proud of what we shared. His words sent a shiver down her spine. Thank you, Michael. That was a lovely thing to say. But as long as the two of us know what happened, that we dont deny it to each other, then I am fine with it. We know the truth, thats all that matters.

285

He shook his head slowly, his dark eyes piercing into hers. Like I said, Karen. You never cease to amaze me. She let out a sigh. Just promise me to never ever treat me the way you did today. And certainly not in public that was quite humiliating. I can deal with the tabloids, but I cannot deal with you treating me that way. Oh, and just wait till you see the tabloids tomorrow. Can you imagine the headlines? A lovers quarrel? and then a picture of you deliberately walking two steps in front of me, totally ignoring me, me looking really angry and upset? He laughed. I guess you are right. And I promise to never do that again. I apologize. He bowed his head teasingly, the usual mischievous glint returning to his eyes as he headed for the door. Michael? He turned around. Yes? What about Linda? Wouldnt she just love to share a few secrets with the media? He shook his head. No, I dont think so. The fact that I found her in bed with my bodyguard kind of ruined her chances of a fat alimony settlement after our divorce. No court in the world would have granted her that, but I agreed to pay her generously for five years if she agreed to sign a contract prohibiting any contact to the media involving my name, any autobiography and the like for as long as she lives. She has to pay back every dollar if she does, AND face a lawsuit for breach of contract immediately of course. And she knows me well enough to know that I am not kidding. No, I dont think she would dare. He gave her a cheerful smile as he left the room, leaving the door open. Sitting down on her bed she looked at the girls playing with Megans teddy bear just outside the

286

room. A strong feeling of guilt washed over her, watching Megans happy face. I am so sorry, Michael. Maybe I do have one little secret that I still need to share with you

287

Chapter 42 Karen and Megan picked up Tony from the airport in the early afternoon on Megans birthday. Karen had asked the kids not to celebrate her birthday in the morning as Tony wanted to be there too. Paris agreed, although she could hardly wait. She asked Karen several times if she would leave for the airport soon, jumping up and down from excitement. Karen nodded cheerfully. Michael had warned her that Paris intended to decorate the suite appropriately as soon as Megan was out of sight. He, on the other hand, was very quiet all morning, and she caught him staring at her inquiringly several times during lunch. Whenever she tried to catch his eyes, he would look away quickly, not returning her smile. He was reading a story to Paris when Karen came into the living room to let Paris know that they would be leaving now. Although Paris was old enough to read at least some books on her own, she still treasured the quiet moments with her dad when he would read out loud to her, Paris leaning her head against his shoulder affectionately, her hand tucked into the crook of his elbow. He stopped reading for a second and ran his eyes over Karens face and white sleeveless turtleneck dress slowly. You look lovely new dress? She smiled while trying to interpret the look on his face. Yeah, new dress. You are amazing, Michael. Its as if you know my entire wardrobe by heart. Well, Megan and I are off to pick up Tony now. See you guys later.

288

Tony arrived on time and was overwhelmingly happy to see both of them. He lifted Megan into his arms and hugged her tight while reaching out for Karen with his free arm. He buried his face in her hair and let out a deep sigh as he breathed in her scent. Oh my God, Karen, I have missed you so much. You look lovely new dress? She heart skipped a beat. The exact same choice of words the two most important men in her life definitely had a way with words, both of them. She nodded cheerfully and got on her toes to plant a soft kiss on his cheek. We missed you too, Tony. Now lets get back to the hotel. No doubt, Paris is dying for us to get back. She led the way to the black SUV parked outside the arrival hall, and Randy immediately turned up to open the doors and put Tonys suitcase into the trunk. Tony whistled approvingly. Wow, Michael sure knows how to travel in stile, huh? Did he bring his own car with him? Karen shook her head, a soft subconscious smile crossing her face. No, he brings his chauffeur with him from place to place, but the car is a rental. A similar car in each and every city. I guess this is Michaels way of bringing some sort of stability into his life. He likes stability. As they entered the suite, Paris came running out to greet them. She reached out her hand to Tony. Its so nice to finally meet you, Tony. My name is Paris. He grabbed her hand, giving her one of his outrageously charming smiles. Its so good to meet you too, Paris. Karen mentions you all the time. You definitely have a very special place in her heart. Paris smiled from ear to ear, quickly grabbing Megan by the hand. Now come into the living room. We have a surprise for you.

289

Michael approached them as they entered the room. He shook Tonys hand, smiling politely. So we finally meet again, he said in his soft toned voice. Karen has told me so much about you. He made a sweeping gesture. We have been kind of busy while you were gone, Karen. I hope you dont feel like we have overdone it. He looked at Paris mischievously. Karen let out a gasp, looking around the room. Gosh, Paris. You must have been so busy, organising all of this. This is amazing. The entire room was filled with pink and silver coloured balloons, ribbons and confetti. A large pink birthday banner was hanging on the wall just inside the door: Happy 1st birthday, Megan. Karen looked at Michael in surprise. How on earth did you manage to find a personalized birthday banner, Michael? I guess you have been quite busy working on this surprise as well? He smiled shyly. The wonders of the internet, Karen. No big deal. Paris and I have had so much fun planning this. He gestured towards the coffee table, cheerfully decorated with matching table cover, plates and napkins with Disney princesses and a large cardboard center piece of Cinderellas castle placed in the middle of the table. Now come have a cup of hot chocolate and a piece of birthday cake. Paris has been driving the hotel staff crazy, checking up on things all morning. She wanted everything to be as perfect as possible. Karen turned to Paris, hugging her hard. Everything IS perfect, sweet Paris. I couldnt have arranged a more perfect birthday party for Megan myself. Thank you so much. She kissed the girl on the cheek and squeezed her hand lovingly while seating herself beside her on the sofa. Paris blushed with pride and licked her lips nervously while running

290

her hand through her long brown hair, a spitting image of her father. Tony sat down on Karens other side with Megan on his lap but got up as soon as Janet entered the room, gracefully approaching the table. She gave him a very girly smile while shaking his hand, then turned her eyes to Karen and winked teasingly. Wow, Karen, your husband sure is extraordinarily gorgeous. She burst out laughing. I am sorry, Tony. I hope Karen has warned you about me - unfortunately, I always say exactly whats on my mind. He smiled broadly, trying to conceal his embarrassment. In fact, she hasnt. But thank you nevertheless, Janet. I appreciate your compliment, of course. Janet caught a glimpse of the expression Michaels face and cracked a wry smile. Oops. Guees I just displeased my big brother again. I am afraid his manners by far exceed mine. Michael avoided replying as Prince, Blanket and Jenny joined the party, both boys greeting Tony very politely, the nanny almost dropping her jaw while blushing heavily. Karen strangled a smile, once again realizing that the only person in the room who wasnt the least impressed by Tonys good looks was Tony himself. Michael left the table and came back a few seconds later with a huge pink birthday cake in his hands, beautifully decorated with marzipan roses and Megans name written in silver frosting. Karen turned to Paris, almost touched to tears. Gosh, Paris. The cake even matches the room decoration perfectly. Girl, you really have thought of everything, havent you? Ill fetch my camera. I sure need a picture of this. While Paris cut the birthday cake, Michael poured hot chocolate for everybody. He poured a cup for

291

Karen and put it down on the table in front of her seat on the sofa as she walked through the door to the living room. Tony looked at him, smiling. I think you better hand me that cup instead, Michael. Karen doesnt care for hot chocolate, I am afraid. Michael turned his head and looked at her across the room. Really? You dont like hot chocolate, Karen? Oh, I am sorry. I didnt know. Well, Ill pour you some tea then. He handed the hot chocolate to Tony and reached out for the tea pot, a small smile on his face. Karen blushed as she seated herself, not commenting on the hot chocolate topic but only too aware of the mischievous look in his eyes as he handed her the cup. The conversation at the coffee table was lively and cosy, Tony soon chatting cheerfully with the kids. Karen smiled to herself as Blanket got up to fetch his large collection of robots to show them to Tony. Just like Michael, Tony had a very special way with kids. She looked at Jenny out of the corner of her eye, trying not to giggle at the look on the young girls face. Kids AND women of all ages. Paris got up as they had finished eating the birthday cake. Daddy, will you sing to Megan now? Please? Michael squirmed in his chair. Not just me, sweetey. All of us. Janet will start. He looked at Janet pleadingly. She turned to Tony, a cheerful look on her face. Look at my brother now. He can sing in front of thousands, loving every minute of it. But singing in front of you She took a second glance at Michael and broke into a smile. Gosh, Michael. You are blushing like a school boy. She leaned over and kissed his cheek, her voice soft and sweet. Thats

292

one of the reasons why I love you so much, you know. Dont worry. Ill start. She caught Megans eyes while starting to sing, her beautiful voice sending a shiver down Karens spine. Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Megan . Soon everybody joined in, even Michael. Karen looked at him teasingly across the table. He blushed again and turned his eyes to Megan, a self-ironic grin on his face. And now the presents! Paris exclaimed. She ran into the room next door, soon returning with several presents in her arms. She left the room again and came back carrying one very large, apparently rather heavy present in her arms. This one is from daddy, she said proudly, slightly out of breath. He picked it himself in a toy store with lots of fans chasing him all over the store. She seated Megan on the floor and put all the presents in front of her. She sat down behind her, holding her arms around the little girls waist. Now lets open the presents, Megan. This one is from me . Soon Megan and Paris had opened all the present. Toys from the boys, a soft pink and yellow ball from Paris with Megans name embroidered on it, a beautiful silver bracelet from Janet, a talking Winnie the Pooh teddy bear and a gold chain with a gold heart pendant from Karen and Tony. Paris turned to Michael. Now give her your present, daddy. Michael got up and grabbed Megans hand. He led her to his present and kneeled down to her level. Okay, Megan, he said softly. Lets open your present. He helped her tear off the colourful wrapping, soon revealing a beautiful handcrafted wooden rocking horse with gentle eyes, a fluffy

293

mane, a long, soft tail and even a real leather miniature saddle. Megan jumped up and down from excitement, and Karen let out a gasp. Wow, Michael, this rocking horse is amazing. She gave him a strange look, swallowing hard. You really have gone out of your way to make Megans first birthday as perfect as possible. He smiled shyly. So do you like it? Of course I do. I love it. She laughed heartily while seating Megan on the back of the rocking horse. But how on earth do you expect me to bring this present with me back to London? He smiled cheerfully. Dont worry about that. You can always choose to leave it with us in Vegas for her to play with every time she comes to visit. I am sure Paris would love to keep it in her room for her, and we have so much stuff to bring with us back to Vegas anyway. OR I can arrange for it to be sent to you in London, of course, he added casually, yet a challenging look in his eyes. Trying to ignore the way her heart was racing way too fast, Karen nodded, not doubting for a second what he was trying to say to her once again. Thanks, Michael. Its so sweet of you. Lets decide later, okay? He nodded agreeingly and seated himself again, looking at the kids, Janet and Tony, now kneeling down on the floor to take a closer look at the present. So guys, this is one of our rare nights off. What do you guys wanna do tonight? Go out for dinner? Catch a show? Go to the movies? Or just stay at home, having dinner in the suite and relaxing? Janet rolled her eyes and got up from the floor again. Actually, Mike, I think I vote for a quiet night at home. I have been going out most nights after the show, and I could do with some peace and quiet, I

294

think. She let out a deep sigh. After all, I am not 17 anymore. Sadly. Michael burst out laughing. No, you are not. I love to hear you admit it, finally. He turned to the kids again. So kids, what do you wanna do? I wanna eat with you here, at the hotel, Paris replied without hesitation while sitting down on his lap, sliding her arms around his neck. Megan and I love it when you have dinner with us here, no fans or paparazzis around. The boys nodded agreeingly. A look of guilt crossed his face for a second. He hugged her tight. I know I havent been around much in the evenings, sweetey. But itll change soon, okay? He looked down at the boys on the floor. The tour isnt gonna last forever, guys. Just bear with me a few more weeks. He turned to Karen. And what about the two of you? Will you be dining with us tonight? His face was expressionless, his tone of voice very casual, but he was unable to look her into her eyes the way he used to. Tony returned to the table and finished the last of his hot chocolate. Actually, Michael, Karen and I havent been to New York together for ages, so if we can find a sitter for Megan, I have planned to treat my wife to a romantic night out. He looked at Karen, a soft smile on his face. I have already made a dinner reservation at Karens favourite restaurant and have managed to get tickets for her all time favourite show. Which she has seen twice already, he added, grinning teasingly. Karens eyed widened in surprise. A Chorus Line? Tony, you are amazing. She looked around the table apologetically. Sorry guys, guess you have to count us out then.

295

She turned to Paris. This is Jennys night off, right? So can I hire you as my sitter tonight? For Megan, I mean? Paris laughed softly. Of course Ill look after Megan for you. Dont worry. Well have a lot of fun with daddy tonight. Karen nodded, trying not to listen to the tiny voice inside her that insisted on pointing out that maybe this romantic night out with her husband was not her first choice of how to spend the evening. She instantly brushed it away, a feeling of guilt washing over her. A few hours later she got ready to leave the hotel with Tony. She put on her black dress and stilettos and put her hair up. She worked on her a make-up a bit longer than usual, trying on some new shades of green and soft gold for her eyes. She put on her lipstick and made a wry face, looking at herself in the mirror. Okay, this will have to do. Like Janet, I am not 17 anymore. Michael was sitting in the living room, playing a board game with the kids. He looked at them as they put Megan on the floor, kissing her goodbye. Have a great time, he said politely. He returned his brown eyes to Karen. You look beautiful tonight, Karen. New perfume? She felt herself blush. Yeah, Tony just gave it to me today. Guess I overdid it, huh? He shook his head, his face expressionless. Not at all. I just noticed the difference. Tony looked at her teasingly in the lift. New perfume? He keeps track of your perfumes? She laughed softly. Michael keeps track of everything. Nothing ever escapes his attention. He is obsessed with detail. Thats probably why he is such a genius artistically, right? Tony pulled her closer. You are right, honey. As always. He is indeed an extraordinary man. Now lets

296

not talk about Michael, Janet or the kids tonight. Not even about Megan. I havent had you to myself in ages. She snuggled up to him. Okay, Tony, Ill try my best not to think about the Jackson family at all tonight. Or Megan, she quickly added, flushing.

297

Chapter 43 They returned to the suite way past midnight and found Michael curled up on the sofa in the living room, reading. He closed his book and looked up at them politely. Oh, you are back already? Did you have a great time? Tony nodded, a cheerful smile on his face. Yes, Michael, we most certainly did. He put his arm around Karens shoulder, drawing her closer while planting a soft kiss on her hair. The dinner, the show, my date. Everything has been just perfect. Karen looked around the room, board games, books and toys laying everywhere. What about you? Did you have a great time? Did Megan behave herself? He smiled softly. Sure, we had a great time. And Megan was adorable, as always. Thanks for looking after her for me. She looked at his book, smiling apologetically. Well leave you to your book now. Sleep tight, Michael. See you tomorrow. Michael fixed his eyes on Tony as he followed his wife into her bedroom, gently trailing his hand down her back before closing the door behind them. He threw his book on the table and looked at the closed door for some time, trying to calm down his violent heartbeat, only one thought on his mind. You have had your romantic night out with her. Now please dont touch her. Please dont touch her. He swallowed painfully and headed for the bar in the corner of the living room, grabbed a random glass and poured himself a large whisky. Flinging himself on the sofa in front of the TV, he swallowed

298

his drink in two large sips, impatiently zapping the channels in a desperate attempt to focus on something else. Despite his efforts, his eyes kept wandering to the door at the end of the living room. After a while he gave it up, turned off the TV and went into his bathroom. He took off his clothes and looked at himself in the mirror above the sink, letting out a deep sigh. Not exactly the right thing to do to boost his selfconfidence right now. His face was even paler than usual, his eyes sad and lifeless, his mouth pressed into a thin line. Closing his eyes, he ran his fingers through his hair, once again trying to swallow the painful lump in this throat. He turned on the water in the shower cabin and stepped under the spray, feeling it pelt against his body. Resting his palms against the wall, he let the water cascade over his head, hoping to wash away the panic and the anger that persisted inside. He shook his head repeatedly, trying to clear his mind of the lingering images from the room next door. Almost twenty minutes later he stepped out of the shower, put on his dark blue pj bottoms and sat down on the bedside, trying to decide whether to blow dry his hair or not. The decision seemed almost too major for him to handle right now. He hid his face in his hands, his elbows resting on his knees, drew a couple of long breaths and decided to just go to sleep. He crawled into bed, rolled over on his back and folded his hands beneath his head, his hands at least partly keeping his wet hair from touching his pillow. He closed his eyes and waited impatiently for sleep to catch up with him, only to find himself staring into the ceiling minutes later, still trying to fight the way too vivid images on his mind. Well, they hadnt seen each other in a week, obviously they would be . He pulled his pillow over his head and tried to fight an overwhelming urge to rush into

299

her bedroom to beg Tony to please leave her alone. Worst of all he really liked Tony. It was impossible not to like him, and he could easily understand why a girl like Karen would find him irresistible. Intelligent, charming, funny, unselfish. And the way he looked at her his love for her was extraordinary, and he did absolutely nothing not to show it. Last not least, although he hated to admit it, Tony was probably the most handsome man he had ever seen, and in addition totally unimpressed by his good looks. He was almost painfully perfect. Probably perfect at everything he did. He flung the pillow on the floor and turned onto his right side, pulling his legs up to his chest while trying hard to ignore the constant burning sensation behind his eyes. About an hour later he gave up on sleep and went back into the living room. He let out a deep sigh as he seated himself on the edge of the sofa. By now, his entire body was quivering with restlessness and annoyance, and no matter what he did, he seemed to be unable to relax. He spotted her sweater on one of the cosy chairs. The golden brown one the one that clearly intensified the extraordinary emerald green colour of her eyes not to mention the way it complemented her figure perfectly. He got up and picked it up, then returned to the sofa and nestled up in the corner, her sweater in his arms. He buried his face in it and breathed in her scent. The breathtaking, lemonish scent which always surrounded her if you got close enough. The burning sensation behind his eyes was even more intense now. Michael, you are pathetic, he said out loud, making a wry face. No doubt, this was gonna be a very long night. Feeling a sudden urge to look at the kids, he stepped into Blankets room and sat down on the edge of the bed. Blanket looked adorable in his

300

sleep, his long hair spread out on the pillow, both his hands tucked under his cheek. He smiled softly and planted a kiss on the boys silky hair while gently sliding his fingers down his cheek. Blanket turned around and mumbled a few ununderstandable words. Prince was sleeping on his back, his arms above his head, his mouth slightly open. He looked at him for a while, a feeling of love and pride overwhelming him. He fought an urge to touch his sons face. Prince had always been a very light sleeper and would wake up at the slightest touch. He tiptoed out of the room and closed the door silently behind him. He let out a deep sigh as he headed towards the girls room. More than anything, he loved watching Paris sleep. She always looked so innocent and almost angelic in her sleep, and now and then he would look at her for hours, the sleeping child soothing his loneliness and occasional sadness. He approached the bed and turned on the small lamp on the bedside table, very careful not to make a sound. As he turned around to look at the girl, an incredulous look spread on his face. Paris was sleeping in the left side of the bed, holding Megan tight. Karen was sleeping on Megans other side, holding Paris hand across Megans back. Finding her in here, holding his daughters hand, killed the rest of his self-control. He felt the unpleasant lump in his throat vanish slowly as he finally allowed the tears to fall freely and unrestrictedly, instantly leaving a wet trail down his cheeks. He sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at her for a long time, unable to take his eyes away from her. Her back was still turned to him, and her long curly hair floated behind her in unending waves. He knew it was only a matter of time before he would have to give in to the irresistible urge to gently touch it, to bury his face in it, to breathe in

301

her smell again, and before long he found himself doing just that, his tears still flowing, dripping upon her pillow, but this time out of relief that soon one of the worst nights of his life would be over. As the tears dried up, he got on his feet again and turned off the lamp. He stepped towards the door, then hesitated, almost half way out of the room. It was as if a force stronger than his better judgement led him back to the bed. He sat down on the edge of the bed once more, gazing at her in the dim streetlight seeping through the window. Once again, he reached out and touched her hair. She turned around in her sleep, no longer her back to him. She reached out for his hand on the sheets and squeezed it tight, still sound asleep. Her hand was soft and warm, just the way he remembered it. It looked small and slender in his own huge hand, yet her fingers were long and strong. The pleasant scent of her hand lotion tickled his nose as he raised their hands to his lips, planting a soft, slow kiss on the back of her hand. There was no way on earth he could resist temptation now. Against all better judgement, he slid down on the bed, positioning himself on his side with his face on the edge of her pillow, facing her. He tucked the sheets around her more tightly, then wrapped his arm around her shoulder, his hand resting lightly on her back. She let out a long sigh and nestled up to him, burying her head in his neck. I love you, she mumbled in her sleep while curling her arm around his waist. His heart stopped beating. I love you Michael? Or I love you Tony? The feeling of her warm, sleeping body in his arms and her soft curls against his cheek was intoxicating. Her breath tickled the skin on his neck, and her arm around his waist brought back memories stronger

302

than ever before. He held his breath, afraid to wake her up if he dared to breathe, afraid of how she would react if she woke up, finding him lying beside her, his arm wrapped around her. After a while his heartbeat slowed down, his breathing returned to normal and he felt relaxed and sleepy while listening to her deep, regular breathing. He closed his eyes, trying to ignore the voice inside him, telling him to leave. Just five minutes. Ill hold her for five minutes, then Ill leave and go to bed. He woke up several hours later as she moved against his body. He opened his eyes slowly, just a she lifted her head from his shoulder, looking around the room confused. Her eyes sought his in the pale morning light, her arm still wrapped around his waist. He held his breath and felt his cheeks getting hot, the hand cupped tightly around her shoulder now subconsciously caressing it lightly in an almost nervous manner. He tried to prepare himself for her angry outburst. What could he say to defend himself? Nothing really He gulped lightly as he looked back at her, waiting for her to say something. Time stood still as she gazed deep into his eyes, almost as if she was searching for answers to countless unspoken questions. Then she let out a deep sigh of resignation and completely unexpectedly put her head back on his shoulder, burying her head in his chest for a second while sliding her hand through his black hair slowly. As he pulled her closer, his heart racing completely out of control, she gently pushed him away. Karen he whispered, but she immediately put a finger on his lips to silent him. Dont say anything, Michael, she whispered back, a strange tone to her voice. Very careful not to wake up the girls, she entangled herself from the sheets and quickly

303

climbed out of bed. She left the room, silently closing the door behind her, not looking at him.

304

Chapter 44 Michael and Tony were already seated at the breakfast table as she turned up, her long hair wet from the shower, no trace of make up. She bent down and kissed Tony on the cheek. Morning, she smiled as her lips touched his dark skin lightly. She turned to Michael. Morning, Michael. Are Jenny, Janet and the children still sleeping? She seated herself without looking at any of them. Tony returned her smile. Yes, everybody is still sleeping. Did you have a good sleep, honey? I think I fell asleep the minute you left the bed, and I didnt even hear you get back. I am still kind of jetlagged, I guess. She nodded, pouring herself a cup of tea. Actually, I slept like a baby. She raised her eyes to look at Michael across the table, a delicate pink colour creeping slowly into her cheeks. Paris woke up just after we got to bed, having a bad dream. I heard her through the baby alarm and went into her room. She asked me to stay with her until she fell asleep you know, to hold her hand. She cracked a small smile and withdrew her eyes quickly. I ended up falling asleep in her bed, too. Michael nodded slowly. Sadly, she does have these horrible dreams from time to time. I guess they are caused by her vivid imagination, but when she wakes up, she doesnt remember anything about them. Thank you so much for comforting her. The look in his brown eyes was softer than ever, as was his voice. I know what its like to fall asleep like that. Sometimes I lay down on the edge of her bed to look at her for five minutes and end up falling asleep

305

too. I am sure she loved sleeping with both you and Megan in her bed though. She took a few small sips of tea, trying hard to ignore the way his eyes rested on her face. Yes, I think she did. Your daughter is amazing, Michael. I am gonna miss her so much when I return to London. He nodded. I dare not think about that. No doubt, she will be devastated when you and Megan leave. Well, fortunately the two of you will be coming to Vegas soon. That thought will comfort her, I hope. Tony smiled warmly. Karen is right. Paris truly is a very special girl, as are all your kids. You are an amazing father, Michael. I have never met more wellbalanced, happy and polite children in my life. Thank you. I The conversation was interrupted as Karen knocked over her tea cup, the tea instantly creating a greyish puddle on the crisp white table cloth. Michael looked at her quickly, the familiar mischievous glint soon emerging in his eyes as she let out a small cry of annoyance, looking both flushed and uncomfortable while frantically trying to wipe up the tea with her napkin. He grinned. Hey, slow down dont worry about that, Karen. Here, let me help you. He dabbed at the spot with one of the spare napkins, then lifted the table cloth in one corner and put another one beneath it. No problem, just leave it now. He poured her another cup of tea and handed it to her, still smiling teasingly. Then he turned to Tony again. So how is London? Anything interesting going on? Tony swallowed his scrambled eggs and shook his head slowly. Not really, apart from the usual stuff. Lots of new shows, new exhibitions and concerts, but honestly I have been way to busy lately to concentrate on anything but work.

306

Karen looked up from her cup. What about the media? Still having a field day, writing about this fashion photographer following Michael around? She smiled sarcastically. Michael asked Raymone to issue a statement, but somehow the media prefer to make up stuff themselves. The crap they write A look of discomfort spread on Tonys face. He wiped his mouth with his napkin before returning his eyes to her. Actually, K. I have something I need to show to you. I have been waiting for the right moment, but What is it? she interrupted him quickly. Something very unpleasant, judging by the look on your face. Tell me, Tony. You are making me extremely uncomfortable now. He left the table, soon returning with a piece of paper in his hand. A newspaper clipping. He handed it to her, a sad look in his eyes. Dont feel bad about it, honey. Its all over and done with, please remember that. She read the article quickly, a look of disgust spreading on her face. She looked up at him for a second, then continued reading, angry tears clearly threatening to well up in her eyes. She gulped repeatedly. Who wrote this garbage? she burst out, her voice thick with anger. Oh my God, Tony, this is so humiliating. Now everybody knows the entire world I mean, after two years why do they have to bring that up NOW? Everything he did to me? They know every little detail? Even But how? She hid her face in her hands, her body trembling violently. Michael had kept his eyes locked on her face the entire time she read the article, his heart crying out in pain for her. He knew exactly what she was going through, the humiliation and frustration she would be feeling. He reached out his hand to her, but Tony had already wrapped his arms around her tightly.

307

He desperately wanted to look away, but somehow his eyes, or rather his entire body, refused to respond to any impulses received from his brain. He kept staring at them, taking in every little detail of this painful image. How Tony ran his fingers through her hair and hugged her comfortingly, his other hand moving slowly up and down her back. How she buried her face in his neck, her hand clutching his shirt so tightly that her knuckles turned white. All of a sudden she let go of her husband and got up quickly, almost tipping her chair over. Please excuse me, she mumbled, her voice cracking. Clearly, she was about to give up fighting the tears. Before any of them could say something, she rushed into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Fighting an almost irresistible urge to follow her, Michael looked at Tony confused. Tony was now sipping his coffee, looking sad and uncomfortable, but he did not look as if he intended to get up to go to her. He grabbed the article and folded it carefully before sliding it into his shirt pocket. Michael cleared his throat, trying to fight his anger. Arent you gonna follow her, Tony? Dont you think she needs you right now? Tony shook his head resignedly. No, Michael. She wouldnt want me to. But surely she must need a shoulder to cry on right now? Someone to comfort her? To hold her? I have never seen her this upset before. Tony smiled softly. Believe me, I wanna hold her and comfort her. And I will. In a minute. I just need to give her time to pull herself together first. I will. In a minute. A huge, cold hand grabbed his heart and squeezed hard, making it hard for him to breathe.

308

Tony looked at him, misinterpreting his facial expression. Actually, it is rather hard, seeing her like that and not being allowed to comfort her. But I know her like the inside of my pocket, and she wouldnt want me to hold her right now. She left the table just now because she hates to flash her vulnerability in front of anybody, even me. I have known her for twelve years, and I have only seen her cry a very few times. I have heard her cry when she thought I couldnt hear her, but thats a different story. Michael looked at him surprised. She doesnt want you to see her cry? To comfort her? I may not have known her for twelve years, Tony, but actually, I have seen her cry more than a few times already, and she didnt seem to mind to have a shoulder to cry on Tony shook his head again. No, whenever she feels vulnerable, she hates to show her feelings in front of anybody, even in front of me. The only time I ever saw her doing that was the day Megan was born. She showed a completely new side of her personality that day, and it surprised even herself. He smiled. She cried a lot that day. Sobbed. And yelled, he added, his smile broadening. The hand squeezed his heart again, harder this time. He breathed in deep. It must have been fantastic, watching Megan being born, the two of you sharing that magical moment. Tony nodded agreeingly. That was beyond comparison the most amazing day of my life. Watching Megan come into the world, taking her first breath, so tiny and vulnerable. Cutting the cord . Words just cannot describe it. He fiddled with his cup. Its funny how my most precious memories all evolve around Karen. The day she agreed to marry me. The day she did marry me. The very first night she came into my bedroom, waking me up in the

309

middle of the night, asking me to hold her. I was married before, you know. But somehow I dont seem to have that kind of memories from my first marriage. Its as though that marriage never existed. He smiled shyly, yet not embarrassed at all. I hope you dont mind me sharing such personal thoughts with you, Michael. Somehow you inspired confidence from the minute I met you. Michael swallowed hard, trying to ignore the meaning of what Tony just confided in him. The very first night she came into my bedroom, waking me up in the middle of the night, asking me to hold her. He felt nausea wash over him over him like a tidal wave but managed to look back at Tony, his face expressionless. I am honoured that you feel that way, Tony. And I dont mind at all. Tony turned his head, looking towards Karens bedroom door. He shook his head slowly. I cannot even begin to describe how much I hate that journalist for doing this to her, for writing that article. You have no idea how much it meant to her that nobody knew about the assault. She felt so humiliated and defeated. Now this article has brought back all her pain. All the memories from Pinehaven came flooding back instantly. Her fear. Her nightmares. Her despair. He took a large sip of his coffee. Yes, I can imagine how this . accident must have affected her. Scared the wit out of her completely. Tony looked at him, surprised. Did she tell you about it? She always did refer to the assault as the accident. Although there was absolutely nothing accidental about it, she hated to admit that it wasnt an accident at all, even to herself. Well, if she told you about it, she must really trust you. He took a deep breath. I dont think she even realized how the assault affected me too. I tried very hard not to show it to her, she had enough on her mind as it

310

was. But turning up in their kitchen, finding the woman you love on the floor, bleeding all over the place, stabbed twice and beaten up beyond recognition I honestly thought I had lost her. I sat there on the floor with her in my arms and tried to stop the bleeding by pressing a tea towel against the wounds, waiting for the ambulance to arrive, praying that she wouldnt die before they got there, crying my eyes out, almost feeling like fainting, at one point screaming out of fear when she lost her conscience again, watching how the blood still poured out of her She was conscious some of the time, you know. She was so certain that she was gonna die Ill never forget the look in her eyes. She was trembling violently said she felt awfully cold, and even though I wrapped my suit coat around her and tried to keep her warm, she was still shaking like a leaf the whole time she was conscious. He swallowed hard. I had nightmares for months, too. And when she got out of the hospital, I was afraid to even leave her alone for a minute, so afraid that something would happen to her again. I still feel that way now and then. He smiled apologetically and straightened himself up on his chair. Sorry, Michael. I am babbling. I know. Michael looked at him, a reluctant look of admiration in his eyes. No, you are not, Tony. I think I can imagine how you felt. It must have been the most horrifying experience one could ever go through. Thank God you turned up in time. The tone of his voice changed. I understand how this incident must have created a very special bond between you and Karen. She owes her life to you. The two of you will always have a very special connection. His last remark made Tony look slightly embarrassed. Well, I only did what I had to do. Who saved her is not important. The important thing is that she DIDNT die. He played with his fork for a

311

while, consumed in thoughts. You are right though. Sharing that horrible incident did bring us closer together. He got up. I think I better go check up on her now. Michael watched him walk towards Karens bedroom door. Tony? Tony turned around. That article ... was it related to me? Did I cause this? Tony hesitated. Yes, I am afraid it was, Michael. Dont blame yourself though. I am sure that Karen doesnt either. His heart was beating harder and faster. Tony, please what was the headline? Tony hesitated again, then pulled the article out of his pocket and put it on the table. With a small encouraging smile he turned around again and headed for his wifes bedroom. Michael stared at the article in front of him, carefully folded. No doubt, reading it was not gonna make him feel better, and God knows he felt sick to his stomach already. How many times had he been in this situation before? He held it in his hand for a second, then unfolded it slowly.

Jackos past

secret

girlfriends

bloody

Almost stabbed to death and left to die on kitchen floor by jealous husband His eyes rested on the big black letters until the words blurred together. Several times, he tried to swallow the painful lump in his throat that seemed to keep growing rapidly, making it harder and harder for him to breathe. He bent his head backwards, determined to fight the moist releasing in his eyes. I will hold her. In a minute.

312

History seemed to be repeating itself. By some cruel twist of fate, he was once again the one to hurt her, while Tony was the one to comfort her. He flung his napkin on the table defeatedly and quickly retired to his bedroom, locking the door behind him.

313

Chapter 45 Karen was sitting on the floor with Megan on her lap, the little girl playing with the soft pink and yellow ball Paris gave her for her birthday. Tony had left after lunch as planned, Michael was taking a nap, Janet had taken Jenny and the kids to the movies, and the suite was almost awkwardly silent, apart from the little girls cheerful prattle. A faint sound made her look up. Michael was standing in the doorway, looking at the two of them, his arms crossed in front of his chest, a broad smile on his lips. This looks really cosy. Can I join you? He sat down on the floor a few steps away, stretching his long legs out in front of him. Megan looked at him curiously for a second before tossing a big smile in his direction. The smile she got in return was huge, warm and playful. Now come on, Megan. Roll the ball to Michael. He tapped his long fingers on the floor in front of him persuasively. Megan looked at him for a second and tried to roll the ball in his direction, not quite succeeding. He laughed, reached out for the ball and rolled it back into her lap. She giggled loudly and instantly rolled it back to him, almost making it this time. They played with the ball for a while, then, tired of the game, the girl got up, holding on to her mothers arm. She jumped up and down a few times, her feet not leaving the floor. She made a lot of happy sounds, turning her eyes to Michael from time to time. She grabbed Karens long hair firmly, playing with it, entangling her fingers in it, now and then

314

pulling hard. Karen grimaced in pain but instantly cracked a smile, hugging her daughter tight. Michael breathed in slowly as if to calm himself, exhaled and closed his eyes for a second. Then he locked his eyes on her face. Can I ask you something, please? She nodded, hesitating, a look of slight discomfort on her face. Sure, as long as it hasnt got anything to do with that article or what happened at the breakfast table. I dont wanna talk about that. He licked his lips nervously, his eyes pleading. But Karen, I am so sorry I know how much that article hurt you, I She cut him off quickly. Michael forget it. Whats done is done. Talking about it wont change anything. He shook his head, his eyes still locked on her face, looking for any sign of blame or anger in her eyes or in her facial expression. I know, but I feel awfully guilty nevertheless. If it wasnt for me She cut him off again, her voice softer than before. Dont feel guilty in any way. You are not responsible for the way the media works. I dont hold it against you, not at all. And I am okay. Dont worry about it. He looked away, thinking about the way she desperately tried to put up a cheerful face during lunch, her forceful smile making his heart ache even more than the tears he knew she had been crying in her bedroom all morning. Megan, finding the conversation extremely boring, turned around, once again staring at Michael curiously. She let go of Karens arm, hesitated, then stumbled three steps in her fathers direction. He caught her in his arms just before she tripped over her own feet, grinning. His face lit up instantly. Oh my God! Did you see that, Karen? She walked! She actually walked! Three steps, isnt that amazing?

315

He grabbed the girl around her waist with his big hands and lifted her into the air, both of them giggling cheerfully. He wriggled her a few times in the air before lowering her body towards his face. He kissed her quickly, then lifted her into the air again, soon lowering her to his face again for another quick kiss. The little girl reached out for his hair with her tiny hands, squealing with delight, a mischievous glint in her dark brown eyes. Karen watched the two of them, tears burning behind her eyes, her heart pounding hard and fast in her chest. Look at them. She loves him already, and I actually think he feels exactly the same way about her. She reminds me so much of him. They even giggle the exact same way. The all too well-known feeling of guilt and sadness overwhelmed her. I better fetch my camera, she said, her voice slightly shaky. She tried to fake a smile, but the smile faded away before it even touched her lips. She got up quickly and stepped into her bedroom, looking around for her camera confused, her vision blurred from tears. A few seconds later Michael emerged in the doorway with Megan on his arm. Are you okay? he asked softly, slowly walking towards her. He sat the girl down on the floor and grabbed Karens arm, turning her around to face him. He looked at the tears on her face and drew her closer. Whats wrong, Karen? Is it the article or are you upset about me kissing Megan? I dont know what came over me, I am so sorry if I crossed a line here. She shook her head and tried to move away from him, but he was holding her too tight. She instantly gave up and leaned her head against his chest, giving in to the soothing feeling of his hand on her hair, his heartbeat against her cheek. I dont mind you kissing her, Michael. Not at all. Actually, I just got a little carried away, watching the two of you

316

together. You are so great with kids. Please dont mind me; I am just way too emotional today. I am sorry. He hugged her tightly. Dont apologize. Apart from the fact that you have had a horrible day, your daughter just took her first steps; you are supposed to be emotional and deeply touched. I cried like a baby when Prince took his first steps. Honestly, I did. He paused, slightly embarrassed. And Paris. And Blanket. He looked down at her, smiling. I know exactly what you need right now, Karen. Lets order some hot chocolate. It always made you feel better, remember? A teasing look grew on his face. Oh no, I forgot. Tony told me that you dont like hot chocolate. How could I forget? He held her out at arms length, the very special michaelish glint emerging in his eyes. Actually, I thought you love hot chocolate. So who is right ... Tony or me? Her cheeks flushed instantly. Stop teasing me, Michael. You know darn well why I havent had a single cup of hot chocolate in two years. It reminded me too much of you, making it for me in the kitchen at Pinehaven. He gave her another teasing look. Yeah, and you staring at my butt shamelessly. I havent forgotten about that part either. He elbowed her in the side. Well, happy memories are necessarily at bad thing, right? And I am here now nevertheless, so what if hot chocolate brings back memories? Lets order some. And I am dying for a piece of chocolate cake, too. What do you say, ready for a chocolate orgy? She grinned. When it comes to chocolate, I was born ready. Ill put Megan to bed while you order something. Its time for her nap. He giggled as he picked up the telephone, calling room service.

317

Soon they were seated cosily in the sofa, indulging themselves in Michaels chocolate orgy. He was right. This was exactly what she needed. He looked at her mischievously as she took the first sip of her hot chocolate, her taste buds exploding in delight as she swallowed the sweet hot liquid. You have missed your hot chocolate, girl. I can tell. He closed his eyes and put a large piece of chocolate cake into his mouth, a blissful smile on his lips, clearly enjoying every little piece of it immensely. Isnt this heavenly? Hot chocolate and lots of chocolate cake and no kids, no sister, no nanny to disturb you. Thoughtlessly he took his fingers and pinched off a piece of the cake putting it in his mouth, the way a child would. While casually licking his fingers he looked up at Karen to see her giving him a teasing look. "What?" he grinned as he slowly licked a piece of frosting off his lower lip. He took another bite of his cake, once again closing his eyes in delight. Karen burst out in a girly giggle. Oh my God, Michael, you look extremely sensual, eating your cake like that. He opened his eyes quickly, cracking a wry smile, a deep red colour painting his cheeks. You think? Well, that wasnt my intention. She laughed again. I know. I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable. Gosh, I am beginning to act like your sister, not thinking before I talk. Thank God I will be returning to London soon, far away from the two of you. He looked at her thoughtfully, chewing the last piece of his cake. Actually, Karen. I have been meaning to talk to you about that. I think that your work on the book is progressing extraordinary well, but maybe it would be a good idea if you could stay another week. To work on the book together, I mean.

318

She gave him a teasing smile. To work on the book, Michael? You dont trust me enough to work on it on my own, back in London? The red colour returned to his cheeks. You know what I mean. What do you say? Would you hate to stay another week? Tony did mention that he is extremely busy at work right now, didnt he? Perhaps he wont even have the time to miss you. She leaned back in the sofa, pulling her legs up. Another week? Having to put up with you and your crazy sister from early morning to late at night now thats a tempting offer. She laughed cheerfully again. Just kidding, of course. You know how much I love Janet. He raised his eyebrow. And .? And I dont particularly have anything against you either. He tossed his napkin at her. Okay, you made your point. So what do you say? Wanna stay? His brown eyes rested on her face, waiting. She tossed the napkin back at him, letting out a deep sigh. You can be annoyingly persuasive at times, do you know that? Okay, Michael, Ill stay for another week. Actually, Tony is going away on business anyway. Now hand me another piece of that cake. You dont intend to eat all of it yourself, do you?

319

Chapter 46 Watching the show for the sixth time certainly didnt make it any less breathtaking. Knowing exactly when he would be on stage, which songs he would sing, his dance moves, his interaction with Janet, the way he would look made her even more excited than the first night she watched him on stage, totally unaware of what was in store for her. Somehow he was even more compelling than before, dressed in his black outfit, his hair falling softly down his back. He seemed to be totally relaxed, comfortable with himself, a teasing smile never far from his lips. As always, he had the audience in the palm of his hand, including her. She just couldnt stop staring at him feeling as if he stared right back at her, piercing his eyes into hers. Singing just for her. Dancing just for her. She smiled sarcastically to herself. No doubt, every girl in the audience felt that way. That was who he was up there on stage. Michael Jackson, the King of Pop. The most talented entertainer in the world. As the light was turned on in the VIP box again, she took at deep breath and waited just a little while before heading for the back stage area. She couldnt face him just yet. If he looked at her right now, he would be able to see right through her soul. Like so many times before. The back stage area was already packed. Just as she has anticipated, he wasnt there, so she headed for his dressing room, her camera in her hand. She opened the door and froze. Michael was standing in the middle of the room, kissing a beautiful young girl. The girl had her arms wrapped around him,

320

holding her hands tightly on his perfect butt. His was naked from his waist up, holding his black t-shirt in his hand. The one he wore on stage. Without thinking, she raised her camera and took a picture of the two of them, her heart pounding painfully hard, tears threatening to well up in her eyes. This was certainly much unexpected. He pulled loose as her camera blitz went off. He held the girl out at arms length with a look of utter confusion on his face. The girl tried to embrace him again, a few tears trailing down her cheeks. I love you, Michael! she exclaimed, sounding slightly desperate. He touched the beeper attached to his belt and gazed at the door in complete silence, waiting for one of his bodyguards to appear. One of them did within a few seconds, quickly assessing the situation and stepping closer. Michael gave him an angry look across the room. Tom, please escort this girl out of the backstage area. And once I have had the opportunity to shower and change my clothes, I would appreciate your report as to how she could end up in my dressing room unannounced. He gave the girl a small smile as he let go of her. Take care, he said in his usual soft voice, looking at the tears on her face. A look of embarrassment grew on the bodyguards face as he grabbed the girl by the arm. Of course, Mr. Jackson. Ill look into the matter immediately. As the door closed behind them, Michael turned to Karen, his facial expression and tone of voice clearly revealing his anger. Why did you do that, Karen? Why did you take that photograph? She returned his angry stare. What do you mean, Michael? Dont you want to include it in the book? Or isnt you kissing a beautiful young fan in your dressing room something that you are just dying to

321

share with the public? She ran her eyes over his naked torso. Half naked, I might add. He eyes widened. What on earth are you saying? Do you think I kissed her? She came rushing into my dressing room, throwing herself at me while kissing me and grabbing my butt. Do you think I enjoy incident such as this one? She shrugged her shoulders, a knot in her stomach and once again a ridiculous urge to burst into tears. Whatever, Michael. Its none of my business. She turned around, heading for the door. He reached out for her, forcing her to face him again. Wait a minute! Lets get this out in the open. What are you implying? That I invited this myself? His voice trembled with anger. She gave him the most sarcastic look she could possibly muster, her voice cold and almost hostile as she continued. I dont know, Michael, and like I said, its none of my business. You just kind of surprised me, thats all. But dont act so ridiculously innocent. I am sure you didnt mind one bit. The girl was beautiful, you are only human, and it has been quite a while since the last time, hasnt it? She turned for the door again, desperate to get away from him before the overwhelming, unexpected feeling of jealousy would consume her completely. Like before, he grabbed her by the arm and turned her around, a furious look on his face. As she tried to pull away from him, he caged her against the wall, resting his palms on the wall on each side of her head. So what are you saying? he snarled. That I am the kind of guy who would love to have fun with one of my very young fans in my dressing room? Do you think that I find any pleasure in kissing a girl who wants to kiss me because I am Michael Jackson? A girl who doesnt know me, Michael, at all? Dont you think I would rather kiss a girl who loves

322

me for who I am, who looks at me the way you did back then? Before my life turned into this mess? His eyes pierced into hers, almost black from anger and hurt. His body was inches from hers, his chest heaving up and down, a stray lock of his long hair tickling her cheek. His mouth was dangerously close. She couldnt move, even if she wanted to. She closed her eyes as he lowered his mouth even closer to hers, waiting for him to kiss her, quite certain that he would be able to hear her heartbeat, standing so close to her. He didnt kiss her. Moving away from her again, he punched his right palm into the wall, turned around and stormed towards the door while putting on his t-shirt again. With his hand on the door handle he turned to face her, shooting her another furious look. If I ever see this picture anywhere and I do mean ANYWHERE at all Ill hold you responsible. Obviously, you have absolutely no idea how humiliating I find such incidents. I do not need you to further rub it in my nose, apparently not thinking too highly of my moral standards. He turned around and left, slamming the door behind him. She closed her eyes as the door slammed shut, her heart racing out of control while a wave of conflicting emotions washed over her confusion, embarrassment, surprise, anger, humiliation and disappointment. She slid down the wall, clearly feeling the rough texture of the wall scrape against her back. Wrapping her arms around her knees to stop them from trembling she breathed in deep, determined not to drop a single tear, no matter how tempting it might seem to just let go and flow with it. He might be back soon to shower. Ive got to get out of here, she mumbled out loud. He is NOT gonna see me like this. I hate him right now! She

323

got up and left the dressing room quickly, running her hand through her hair in a nervous manner but very careful not to look around for him as she entered the back stage area. She bumped into Susie and faked a smile. Hey Susie. I have a bit of a head ache, so Ill just take a cab back to the hotel. Please let Michael know that I have left already and that I do not need a ride back to the hotel with him. Not waiting for Susies reply, she rushed out of the door. It took her quite a while to get a cab, but she didnt care. She was in no hurry to get back to the hotel, and for once it felt almost soothing to melt with the huge crowd outside the concert hall. To just disappear. She could sense Michaels cologne in the air as she opened the door to the suite, having greeted the bodyguards outside. The masculine, spicy scent instantly brought back a way too vivid image of his angry eyes, his chest heaving in fury. She swallowed hard, once again feeling the knot in her stomach tighten. The suite was awkwardly silent as she got undressed and slipped into white pjs. She sat down on her bed and looked around her bedroom for a while, feeling way too restless to go to bed just yet. She touched her lips absent-mindedly, once again recalling the look on his face as he lowered his lips towards hers as if to kiss her and the instant, ridiculous feeling of disappointment as he pulled away from her instead, still furious. She shook her head angrily at the thought. Disappointed? Karen, you idiot. 1. You are married. 2. He just kissed another girl for crying out loud . The spacious hotel living room looked even more impersonal than usual. Empty. Lonely. Depressing. Usually, they would get back from the concert hall

324

together and She let out a deep sigh and flung herself on the sofa. Okay, so this was not like any other night. She was alone, and she was perfectly able to have a great time on her own. She always did like her own company. Only she had never seen him this furious before. He was definitely not gonna forgive her any time soon. She turned on the TV with an angry motion of her hand, hesitated for a second, then called room service and ordered a large ice cream, a bottle of coca cola and a large bowl of hot popcorn. Her order was delivered to the suite only ten minutes later. She wrapped the soft off-white blanket around herself and snuggled up in one corner of the large sofa with the ice cream in her hand, determined not to give the incident in his dressing room another thought. Her heart started racing as Michael, quite unexpectedly, returned to the suite less than half an hour later. He came directly into the living room and stopped in the middle of the room, looking at her inquiringly while quickly taking off his black leather jacket. He flung it on a nearby chair, still looking angry and upset. You left on your own, he said abruptly. Why didnt you wait for me? Or Janet? She returned his angry stare, the unpleasant knot in her stomach growing rapidly. Why do you think, Michael? Guess I just needed to get out of there He placed his hands on his hips, his entire body revealing his annoyance. In that case, why didnt you at least take one of my bodyguards with you? She smiled sarcastically. Why would I do that? I am not the celebrity, remember? You are the one who need bodyguards. Not me.

325

He looked even more furious now. Still. Running around on your own in a foreign country at night isnt such a smart thing to do. The tone of his voice only increased her annoyance. Well, pardon me, Michael, but I didnt exactly run around. I just took a cab back here. No big deal. I can take care of myself. Sure, he replied coldly, you have proven that perfectly in your past, havent you? His words definitely hit a nerve. Her head jerked back as if he had slapped her across the face, her cheeks turning red in humiliation. Instantly regretting his remark, he raised his hand into the air. Okay, Karen. That was totally out of line. I apologize. He hesitated, then sat down on the sofa beside her, shaking his head resignedly. Gosh, girl. You really piss me off so badly. He breathed in deep, dropping his hands into his lap. The truth is, I just got really worried when I found out that you had left on your own. His admission softened her anger. She locked her eyes on his, looking vulnerable and determined at the same time. Okay, Michael, so I admit that I shouldnt have left the way I did, but dont you EVER make that kind of remark about my past again, you hear me? What happened between me and my exhusband He ran his eyes over her face and nodded agreeingly. I know. I am truly sorry and I totally hate fighting with you. Truce? Not waiting for her reply, he grabbed the glass of coca cola out of her hand and took a large sip. He made a wry face. Honestly, girl, how can you drink this stuff? He handed the glass back to her, quickly grabbing the bowl of popcorn instead. He pulled his legs up beneath him, turning his eyes to the TV screen. What are you watching? Is it any good?

326

She shook her head. No, actually, its pretty lame. But who cares? I just needed something to occupy my mind. I hate fighting with you, too. Gosh, Michael, I never knew that you could be this angry. He smiled shyly. Oh yeah, I have a temper all right but I wish that I hadnt proved it to you the way I did. I just got REALLY upset, finding out that your opinion of me has changed so drastically. Back at Pinehaven, you never would have looked at me with such contempt. It hurt a lot, you know. His words magically loosened the knot in her stomach. She played with her sleeve for a while, then sought his eyes again. I apologize, Michael. It just totally caught me off guard when I came into your dressing room and found you kissing that girl, her hands grabbing your butt like that. She looked at him teasingly. She did hold on to you rather tightly, didnt she? Her face turned serious again. Honestly, contempt has nothing to do with what I felt. She swallowed hard, looking down at her sleeve again, blushing. He raised his eyebrows questioningly, waiting for her to continue. She took a deep breath, her blush growing brighter, slowly creeping down her neck. Oh my God, Michael, I just hate admitting this, but I think that jealousy is the right word here. Although I do realize that at this point in our lives, I have absolutely no right to feel that way whatsoever. I promise it wont happen again. He handed the bowl back to her, a big grin on his face. Jealousy? Oh my, Karen. That certainly was very hard for you to admit, judging by the look on your face. But its totally okay. I can live with that! Actually, I .. She put her finger on his lips, suddenly a sad look on her face. Just hear me out, okay? I know that

327

youll want to move on with your life any day now, and I do hope that great things will happen to you; I truly want you to be happy. What happened tonight just proved to me that I cannot stick around to watch when this happens, okay? I know I am being totally selfish right now, being married myself, and it really bugs me. But I just cant. The way I felt tonight, looking at the two of you you have no idea how much that hurt. He looked at her for a while, returning her serious glance. He raised his hand as if to touch her face, then changed his mind and let his hand drop to his lap. Its okay, Karen, he said softly, his eyes still locked on hers. I totally understand. And dont worry. I dont intend to move in that direction any time soon. I still have a really hard time dealing with my past. He elbowed her in the side, giving her a charming smile. Now lets cheer up and watch that movie. Watching even the lamest movie in the world sure beats fighting with you! Can I have some more popcorn?

328

Chapter 47 None of them brought up the fight the following day. As they werent travelling that day, Michael and Karen worked on the book after lunch while Janet decided to take Jenny and the kids on a tour of the town in the black SUV. Having worked for several hours, Michael stretched his long legs out in front of him, looking around the living room area of the spacious suite. Lets order something delicious for tea. I think the kids deserve something special today. Karen grinned. The kids or you, Michael? I never met anybody with a sweeter tooth than you. He cracked a smile. Now dont get started, girl. You are such a sucker for chocolate of any kind yourself. You have proven that on numerous occasions. He got up and called room service, ordering tea, hot chocolate, freshly squeezed lemonade, chocolate chip cookies and a large four layer chocolate cake, looking at her mischievously. It was delivered to the suite shortly after, soon neatly arranged on the coffee table. Karen looked at the table, her hands on her hips. Okay, so I admit it, Michael. This does look extremely delicious. She took a closer look at the four layer cake. Wow, this cake is gigantic. No doubt, the kids are gonna love it. Ill fetch my camera, please keep an eye on Megan for me for a second, okay? She went into her bedroom, looking for her camera. Karen, please come back here! Michael yelled from the living room. She hesitated, still looking

329

around for the camera. She found it on the bedside table and grabbed it quickly. PLEASE HURRY, Karen He yelled louder now, then burst out in laughter. She rushed into the living room, the camera in her hand. Michael sat on the floor, just beside the coffee table. Megan was standing on his lap, cheerfully jumping up and down while trying to catch his hair, her hands covered in chocolate cake. He giggled loudly and struggled hard to hold her and at the same time keep her tiny hands away from him. He looked up at Karen. I only looked away for a second. I swear. But of course the cake was way too tempting for her. Megan now managed to wriggle loose and immediately put one hand on his cheek, caressing him affectionately. The other hand grabbed the front of his crisp white shirt. He leaned his head backwards, laughing. Megan, you little devil. Ill pay you back for this. He buried his head in her neck, kissing her loudly while making a tickling, blowing sound. The girl screamed in delight, now grabbing both his cheeks with her greasy hands. Karen burst out laughing, quickly taking a series of photographs of the two of them. She kneeled down to take a close-up of Michaels face and looked at him mischievously. Oh my God, Michael, you should know better than to look away, having a large, delicious cake on a low coffee table. And you have three children yourself? Guess you are a slow learner, huh? Before she even realized his intentions, he dipped his index finger in the cake and quickly brushed his finger down her cheek. He giggled loudly again, turning his head to his daughter. Look at mommy, Megan. This should teach her not to laugh at us, dont you think? She

330

looks pretty with chocolate cake in her face, doesnt she? Karen hesitated but a split second, then grabbed a large piece of the already rather messed up cake with her right hand, instantly rubbing her hand in his face. He burst out surprised. Oh no, you didnt . you . you. While searching for the right words he let go of Megan, grabbed Karens camera out of her left hand and put it on the table. He pulled her to the floor quickly and effortlessly, cheerfully pinning her arms down with his knees, bursting out in yet another boyish giggle. He leaned over the coffee table and dug his hand deep into the cake. Holding a huge piece of cake in his hand, he looked down at her with a smug grin on his face. You know what I am gonna do now, Karen? Are you ready? She wriggled, kicking her legs up and down, trying hard to pull loose. You wouldnt dare, Michael. You are such a sissy. Now LET ME GO Oh yeah, a sissy? Okay, I may be a sissy and very, very childish, but fortunately you are equally childish, Karen. AND you deserve this big time. He leaned forward and rubbed the cake onto her cheeks, nose, mouth and chin, careful to avoid her eyes, the grin on his face even bigger now. Sorry to ruin your very perfect make-up, girl. Unfortunately, extreme situations call for extreme measures. She fought to pull loose once again, laughing hard, the cake tickling her face. Let me go, you goofball. Get away from me. He laughed back, wiped the rest of the cake off his right hand in his shirt, then grabbed her camera and took a picture of her, still pinning her to the floor with his knees. No way. Not until you say you are sorry and dont intend to do anything unpleasant to me once I let you go. He leaned further forward.

331

This cake really does look delicious. You were so right. He lowered his mouth to her face, eating a piece of cake from her cheek. He licked his lips. Mmmm, simply delicious. We cannot let any of this cake go to waste. He lowered his mouth to her face again, his lips tickling her cheek as he ate the next bite of cake off her face. Her heart started beating faster as she looked up at him, watching him lick his lips again, his own face still covered in cake. He had that special glint in his eyes, a huge smile on his face. He lowered his face towards her again, very slowly. What on EARTH are the two of you doing down there? Need some privacy? The teasing questions were followed by the usual girly giggle. They both instantly turned their heads to the door. Janet stood just inside the living room, laughing hard, her arms crossed across her chest. Paris was standing right beside her, a look of surprise and utter amusement on her face. Prince and Blanket soon turned up too, both of them instantly laughing out loud, watching Karen and their father on the floor, their faces covered in cake. Michael looked down at Karen again. Now this is awkward, isnt it? he asked cheerfully in a low voice. She wriggled to get loose from his grip. Yes it is, so get off me, Mikey. He smiled mischievously. Mikey? Sure, girl. In a second. If I rush off you, theyll think we were doing something wrong down here, and its not like that at all, right? His eyes locked on hers, a bubbly laughter working its way up his throat again. Michael, get OFF me, she repeated, now a slightly desperate tone to her voice. Look after your daughter, I bet she is up to something by now. He arched a perfect eyebrow. My daughter?

332

She swallowed hard, quickly looking in Paris direction. Yeah, your daughter. Paris, remember? The one with the long brown hair? I am sure she is dying to join the party, and I think I have had just about enough cake in my face for today. Michael removed his knees from her arms and pulled her up with him. He looked at Paris, laughing teasingly while wiping some of the cake off his face with his finger tip. Sorry, sweetey, but you are late for the party. Paris laughed back. I dont think so, daddy. Look at Megan. The little girl was standing at the coffee table, jumping up and down with excitement, both her hands buried deep inside the cake, now totally unrecognizable. Her face, hands, arms and clothes were covered in chocolate cake and whip cream. Michael picked her up, his body shaking with laughter. Oh boy, I think we have to give up on that cake Megan definitely just killed the last of it. He made a sweeping gesture, still laughing. Hot chocolate and cookies, anyone? Ill go clean up Megan first. Do you have a fresh set of clothes for her, Karen? She nodded, not looking at him, wiping some of the cake off her face with one of the napkins on the table. What was it about this man? He went into his bathroom with the girl on his arm, not even doubting for a second if he should be the one to clean her up or not. Of course, he was responsible for her getting covered in chocolate cake to begin with, but nevertheless. He acted almost as if as if . She closed her eyes for a second, unable to finish the sentence in her head. Almost as if he was the father. She swallowed hard and disappeared into her bedroom to pick up a new dress for Megan, taking a few deep breaths to calm down her rapid heartbeat.

333

She stopped in her tracks just inside his bathroom and looked at the two of them. Megan was sitting on the marble counter beside the sink, Michael holding her carefully with one hand while cleaning her face with a soft white washcloth with the other. Megan was constantly trying to catch his long black hair between her fingers, intending to pull hard if she did. He was chatting with her cheerfully, his voice softer than ever. He patted her face with a towel, then leaned down in front of her, looking her straight into the eyes. There you go, pumpkin. Now youre as good as new. Do you think mommy will turn up with something to wear soon? Karen snapped out of her trance and stepped closer. As if it was the most natural thing in the world, he reached out for the dress and quickly slipped it over the girls head, buttoning the buttons on her back with quick yet gentle movements. He kissed her on the cheek before putting her down on the floor, turning to Karen. Thanks, Michael. She forced a smile, hoping that he would not notice her fluster. Apparently he didnt. He returned her smile, looking at her teasingly. Now come here, girl. Let me help you clean up, too. She looked into the mirror. The rest of the cake on her face - she had totally forgotten about that, watching him with his daughter. She looked around the bathroom as he rinsed the washcloth. His pjs, casually thrown over the rim of the bath tub. His brush, his tooth brush, his skin care, his make-up She breathed in, clearly sensing his cologne in the air. She loved the smell. Soothing, warm, spicy and masculine at the same time. He interrupted her thoughts as he pulled her closer, now gently wiping the cake off her face in soft

334

motions. The washcloth felt warm and soothing against her face, and his hand behind her neck left a burning sensation on her skin. He grinned boyishly. Its such a shame to let this delicious cake go to waste. Too bad my sister and my kids turned up just then. He wiped her face with the towel and caught her eyes. All done. Looking as beautiful as ever, even without most of your make-up. She forced another smile, trying to sound as casual as possible, not sure if her racing heart would mess up her voice. Thanks DAD. You are so good at this stuff. What about you? Dont you think you need to clean up, too? You still have a little bit of cake in your face, and your clothes . She rolled her eyes cheerfully. He grinned as he took off his shirt and t-shirt. He rinsed the wash cloth once again before washing his face quickly, not even looking into the mirror. He splashed his face with water. Would you mind fetching a t-shirt from my suitcase, Karen? She shook her head, trying not to stare at him too much, and went into his bedroom. She took a quick look around, her heart still racing out of control. Even in this impersonal hotel room, his presence was overwhelming . and he wasnt even in the room. She opened one of his large Louis Vuitton suitcases and looked at his clothes, neatly folded and separated into piles. Shirts in one pile, pants in one, t-shirts in one, pjs in one, underwear in one. She grabbed the t-shirt on top quickly and returned to the bathroom. He reached out for the t-shirt while wiping his face with the towel. He looked shy, catching her glance in the mirror. Guess you havent seen me without make-up in a while, huh? Apart from a few seconds in my dressing room at night, of course. He looked

335

almost vulnerable for a second, slowly sliding his fingers over his skin. She looked at the brown spots on his face and neck and shook her head softly. No, I havent, Michael. But my opinion on that subject hasnt changed though. I still think you look just as gorgeous without it. He sighed deeply. Sure, if you say so. He put on the t-shirt and cracked a smile. I think we better join the others in the living room again before Janet makes another smart remark. You know my sister . She loves nothing better than to embarrass me whenever she gets the chance. He pulled her out of his bathroom with him while picking up Megan from the floor. Come here, pumpkin. You are such a clever little girl, arent you? You sure know how to have fun you deserve a real treat now. He bent down to whisper into her ear, loud enough for Karen to hear. Ill give you a very large cookie when your mommy isnt looking. He smiled as he headed for the coffee table, Megan soon wrapping her tiny arms around his neck tightly.

336

Chapter 48 A huge crowd of fans were waiting outside the hotel as they got back from the concert hall the following day. Michael looked at her worriedly as they waited for the bodyguards to open the car door for them. Are you up to this? he asked softly. Its quite a large crowd tonight, and I know that you are tired and probably wish that you could just sneak through the door anonymously. She nodded, forcing a smile. Ill be fine, Michael. Dont worry about me. He squeezed her arm encouragingly and climbed out the car, the crowd instantly trying to get close enough to touch him, screaming his name over and over again. He waved at them, smiling. How does he do this? she thought to herself, suddenly a hard knot in her stomach as she watched the crowd. He must be exhausted, and still he never says one bad word to any fan, pulling his clothes or yelling in his face. He always smiles so patiently. He truly does love his fans. The bodyguards instantly formed the usual tight circle around him, allowing no fan to get too close. Karens sleeve got stuck in the door as she climbed out of the car, and looking up a few seconds later she suddenly realized that the bodyguards were in front of her now, not around her. Within seconds the fans surrounded her, pushing her vigorously from all sides, making it impossible for her to keep her balance. Her heart started racing as she watched Michael and the bodyguards move further away from her. Michael! she yelled, her voice sounding scared and unfamiliar to her own ear.

337

He couldnt hear her. She felt several fans pull her hair hard, trying to get her attention. Please give this to Michael. Please tell him I love him. Please . They all wanted her to do something for them, or to simply get close to the girl they had heard so much about from the media and other fans during the past weeks. The girl who was always by his side these days. She felt a stinging pain as several small locks of hair were pulled out abruptly. Everything happened so fast. Nausea climbed up her throat rapidly, and sheer panic welled up inside her as she felt her dress being torn by eager hands, pulling her in different directions. She could hardly breathe. Pain shot through her head in a steady pulse, throbbing with her violent heartbeat. Her ribs were aching, and all the faces seemed to melt together now. She screamed his name once again, holding her hands in front of her face to protect herself from all the hands and elbows way too near her face. Suddenly Michael was there, instantly wrapping his arms around her tightly, fighting to get them through the crowd. Within a split second his bodyguards came rushing into the crowd too, close behind him. The screaming was ear shattering as each and every fan tried to catch his attention, to get closer to him. Michael let out a cry of pain as a fan pulled his hair hard. I love you, Michael, she screamed into his ear, tears pouring down her face. She tried to hug him, clinging to his leather jacket. A bodyguard grabbed her wrist heavy-handed, pulling her away hard. She let out a small cry, still struggling hard to stay close to him while screaming his name repeatedly. Michael gave the bodyguard an angry stare while being pulled closer to the hotel entrance by another body guard, Karen still locked in his arms. Dont hurt her, he yelled to the body guard in a

338

shaky voice, trying to make his voice heard through the noise. Finally, they were all safely inside the hotel, quickly heading for the lift. Michael kept his arms wrapped around her as the lift was set in motion. She could feel his heart beat fast and hard against her hand on his chest. Are you okay? he whispered, trying to catch her eyes. She nodded but kept her eyes locked at the floor, ashamed to show him the overwhelming fright in her eyes. Totally ignoring the bodyguards he pulled her closer and kissed her on the hair. I am so sorry, Karen. Ill never forgive myself for not looking after you the way I ought to. I thought you were close behind me. Oh my God, I was so frightened once I realized you were still out there, on your own. Please forgive me. She did not object as he pulled her head to his chest and rested his chin on her hair. She was still breathing frantically, and her heartbeat refused to slow down. She shook her head slowly. Its okay, Michael. Its my own fault. I got stuck in the car door on my way out of the car. It slowed me down. You shouldnt have come back for me. She finally looked up at him. Guess you lost a bit of hair too, didnt you? She ran her fingers over his jacket. And your leather jacket, too, Michael. Its such a shame. I love this jacket. He let out a soft laugh, but his voice still trembled slightly. Dont worry, Karen. A jacket and a few strands of hair is a small price to pay. I just need you to be safe. He looked at the bodyguards as the lift reached the upper floor. I would like all of you to join me in the suite, please. We need to discuss this. His tone of his voice did not encourage discussion, and all five bodyguards instantly followed him into the living room of the suite.

339

Karen headed for her bedroom, desperately needing to be alone for a while. She closed the door behind her and took of her ruined dress while letting out a few sobs, slipped into her pjs and sat down on the bed, still shaking all over. She wrapped her arms tightly around her knees and tried to control her rapid breathing. The incident with the fans had brought back memories of another accident one she did not wish to ever relive. The circumstances were totally different, but the feeling of panic and utter helplessness had been exactly the same. After a while, she ran her hand through her hair and removed the loose strands of hair. Her head was still aching, but she was able to breathe normally now, despite the pain in her ribs. She heard a mumbled from the living room, then Michaels angry voice rising above the other voices. I dont give a damn about your excuses. Karen is my guest, my responsibility. Her safety is just as important as mine. No actually, its even more important to me. She is here because I asked her to, and I expect each and every one of you to make her feel as comfortable and safe as possible. Have I made myself clear? She flung herself on her back on the bed, her arms beneath her head. She had never heard him this angry with any of his staff before. Obviously, he was still frightened and upset. Just like her. A few minutes later she heard his light steps approach her door. He knocked softly, then opened the door quietly. Karen, are you still up? He approached the bed and looked down at her. I am sorry, he repeated, a sad smile on his face. It wont happen again, I promise. He glanced at her dress on the bed, slowing shaking his head, a strange look in his eyes.

340

She looked up at him. Its okay, Michael. Its definitely not your fault at all. Lets forget about it, okay? Its gonna cost you a cup of hot chocolate though. I am dying for something to make me relax. Do you think you can persuade room service to bring you some at this odd hour? He burst out laughing. Thats a modest wish, Karen. Ill see what I can do. He reached out his hand to her, pulling her up. Totally taking her by surprise, he wrapped his arms around her again as she got up, holding her close for a second. I dont know what I would do if something ever happened to you, he said into her ear, his voice suddenly thick with emotions. He kissed her softly on the cheek, then instantly let go of her. I am sorry, he said, looking away shyly. I am just still pretty shook up. I guess you are too? She nodded, forcing a cheerful tone of voice. Sure, Michael. I am. But there is nothing a cup of hot chocolate wont cure. Even though you wont be making it yourself. He cracked a smile and pulled her into the living room with him. Then he grabbed the phone and called room service. Soon they were seated cosily in each corner of the sofa, drinking their hot drink, both of them eager to talk about something else. Karens cell phone hummed quietly on the table. She reached out for it and checked the caller id. Helen, of course, she smiled apologetically while flipping the telephone open. Hey honey. Why are you calling me this late? Helen laughed cheerfully. Oh, I am so sorry. Did I wake you up? I am in Germany, and you know me. I never seem to get the time zone thing right. I just suddenly felt like checking up on you. Are you okay?

341

Yeah, I am fine, and dont worry, I was still up, Karen replied casually, not feeling like letting Helen in on the incident half an hour earlier. So tell me about you and Michael. I am dying to know. How are things between you? Actually, Helen, Ill have to get back to you on that one. Helen burst into a giggle. So he is around right now? Yes Sitting right in front of you perhaps? Karen studied her nails with a sudden overwhelming interest. Yes Looking way too gorgeous as always? She let out a deep sigh. Yes Wearing something sexy? Yes yes. Looking at you right now with those dark bottomless eyes of his? Yes oh my God, yes. Helen laughed. Still making you feel like a love struck teenager? Sadly, yes. Still dreaming about him at night, are you? Yes, I am afraid so. Oh, you naughty girl, you are in deep trouble, arent you? She let out another deep sigh. Yes, definitely. Helen giggled again. Well, gotta go. Give my love to Michael then. And dont do anything I wouldnt do ... at least not without telling me everything about it. Promise to call me soon, okay? Michael looked at her mischievously as she hung up, raising his eyebrows. That was quite a one way conversation, wasnt it? Is something wrong? She gave him an innocent look. No no, nothings wrong. We were just discussing how outrageously gorgeous and sexy you look tonight, as always.

342

He rolled his eyes. Yeah, sure you were. But you are right; its none of my business. I am sorry; I guess I am way too curious for my own good. He faked a deep sigh, pulling his legs up beneath him. She tried not to smile too much. Its okay, Michael. And by the way, Helen sends her love. She picked up her cup and took a huge sip, feeling her body relax as the hot chocolate made its way down her throat.

343

Chapter 49 They arrived at the new hotel in the early afternoon. Michael had been very cheerful all morning, almost as if he was up to something. The suites were amazing, as always. As so often before, the boys were staying with Janet in her suite while Paris, Megan, the nanny, Karen and Michael shared a second suite. And as always, they had booked the entire upper floor to have as much privacy as possible. Karen looked around her beautiful bedroom, letting out a deep sigh. Being on tour with Michael and Janet definitely had its bright sides. But travelling so much, going from one hotel to another she understood completely why Michael had always hated that, why it made him feel so restless and lonely. If it wasnt for him, she would feel that way too already. And she had only been on tour for two weeks and didnt even have to cope with the pressure he had to go through every night. Having to be on stage, giving his utmost, night after night, no matter how exhausted he would be she just didnt understand how he dealt with it the way he did. Michael appeared in the doorway, leaning against the frame nonchalantly. Are you okay? You look a little down. She forced a smile. I am just a little tired today you know, the travelling and stuff. Ill be okay in a minute, I am just dying for something to drink and maybe a sandwich. He cracked a mischievous smile. I thought as much, and I have already ordered some. They will be served in a few minutes. And I have a surprise for

344

you which I am sure will cheer you up. His smile broadened as he moved away from the door, making room for someone standing behind him. Helens smiling face soon emerged. Surprise! she yelled, rushing into the bedroom, throwing herself in Karens arms. Gosh, honey, I have missed you SO much. I have two days off work and decided to meet you here. Are you glad to see me? Karen burst out laughing, a few tears of joy finding their way down her cheeks. Are you kidding? This is exactly what I needed. I have missed you so much, too. She turned to Michael, looking at the two of them with a huge grin on his face. How long have you known about this? And you didnt even tell me? I dont have to tell you everything, do I? he smirked. Now if you girls are done hugging and kissing, making me feel rather left out, maybe we should have some tea now. Left out? Karen asked teasingly. Why is that, Michael? He grinned. Well, I dont recall ever having gotten such a welcome, showing up unexpectedly. He turned around and left the room, still a big grin on his face. Helen hugged her again. Oh my God, Karen. He IS adorable. Such a cutie pie. He was so thrilled when I called him the other day, asking if I could come surprise you. He couldnt wait to see your face, he said. Girl, is he still in love with you! Karen poked her in the back teasingly. Stop it, Helen. You have absolutely no idea what you are talking about, you stupid girl. Not lets join the others for tea. Ill go find Megan, shes with Paris, no doubt. Those girls have turned into Siamese twins no kidding. They even sleep in the same bed every

345

night. They are gonna miss each other so badly when Megan and I return to London. Helen gave her a strange look. Returning to London wont be easy for lots of reasons, right? Its obvious, having been here for only a few minutes. Karen swallowed hard, shrugging her shoulder. Lets not have this discussion right now, okay? Lets find the living room. The others were already gathered around the coffee table, Michael pouring the tea, Janet helping the kids to fresh lemonade, sandwiches and fresh fruit. She turned to Helen immediately, hugging her tight. So I finally get to meet you! Karen and Michael have told me so much about you. Will you be going to the concert with us tonight? Helen nodded eagerly. Sure, I would love to. I have never seen any of you in concert before, although I do love your music. I have been looking forward to it so much ever since I decided to come. Janet smiled teasingly. Well, lets hope we wont disappoint you, girl. My brother is getting old and tired, you know. She elbowed Michael in the side, the look in her eyes clearly contradicting her teasing words. She kissed him on the cheek and turned to Helen again. I am only kidding of course. Actually, having Michael with me on tour is such a blast. He is a constant source of inspiration, and I love every minute of it. Michael handed her a cup of tea, smiling embarrassedly. Thank you, Jan. I am happy you feel that way now can we change the subject, please? Kids, say hello to Helen. The kids greeted her politely, Paris having that special I-love-models-so-much look in her eyes. You are sooo beautiful, she said sincerely, still holding

346

Helens hand. I have seen you in magazines so many times. I wish I was a model, too. Helen burst out laughing. Well, you probably will be some day, Paris. You are very, very pretty. Michael picked up Megan from the floor and placed her on his lap. He reached out for a glass of lemonade and held it to her lips. Are you thirsty, pumpkin? he asked in his soft toned voice, looking down at her affectionately. The girl took a large sip, then leaned her head backwards to look up at him, a teasing smile on her lips. Within seconds she turned around on his lap and pulled herself up, holding on to his shirt tightly. She planted a huge, sloppy kiss on his mouth and let out a giggle, her brown eyes shimmering with mischief. Her sudden movement took him by surprise completely, and most of the lemonade splashed out of the glass. He grinned as he wiped his pants and sat her down again. Never a dull moment around you, huh? He ran the back of his hand over his lips discretely while ruffling her long hair with the other hand. Thank you so much, pumpkin. Lets trade that kiss for a sandwich, shall we? He reached out for a tiny sandwich and handed it to the girl, then grabbed another sandwich for himself, a cheerful look in his eyes. A look of utter surprise grew on Helens face, watching the two of them together. She turned her face to Karen and opened her mouth as if to say something, then closed it again, confused. Karen looked at her over the rim of her cup, her eyes silently pleading her friend not to say anything. The look on her face did not escape Helens attention. She shook her head imperceptibly, then turned her eyes away and soon joined the lighthearted conversation around the table. After tea, Karen and Helen returned to her bedroom, eager to catch up on things. As soon as they flung themselves on Karens bed, Helen looked

347

at her sternly. Honey, we need to talk about his. Michael and Megan I mean. Karen let out a deep sigh. Now why did I know that you would bring that up immediately? Maybe because you know that they love each other to death? You only have to look at them for a second to realize that. Its as if they have some kind of special bond between them, isnt it? And he has absolutely no idea? Karen shook her head resignedly. No. He hasnt. But you have to tell him Karen, you cannot keep this from him . I know, Helen. I know. And its killing me. I know I have to tell him .eventually. But not now. Its complicated, right? Yes, it is, and it wont become less complicated along the way. Karen shook her head again. I know. Believe me, I know. But I cannot tell him right now, working on the book. We need to finish working together first. Helen rolled her eyes. The book? Gosh, girl, get your priorities straight! Whats the book compared to watching the two of them together? Not telling him when you got pregnant was probably the right thing for you to do at the time. I totally understood your reasons for choosing not to include him Linda trying to become pregnant and all .. but the situation is totally different now, right? You HAVE to tell him, Karen. And I will but not now, okay? I need to wait for the exact right moment to tell him. She swallowed hard, trying to remove the big lump in her throat. Helen hesitated, clearly feeling Karens despair. Her voice was soft and comforting as she spoke. There is no such thing as the exact right moment. That moment may never come, and I think you know that.

348

You just dont get it, do you? A few tears trailed down Karens cheeks. He is gonna hate me forever when he finds out. Hell never forgive me for lying to him, for deceiving him this way. He trusts me completely, and I have let him down. How can I tell him that? And I am still so afraid that Ill end up loosing both him AND Megan if I tell him. He loves her so much already, maybe he WILL end up fighting me for custody, being angry with me for keeping her away from him to begin with. Helen ran her fingers through her friends hair soothingly. Of course he wont hate you. Hell probably be disappointed in you to begin with, but hell come to his senses. And the two of you will find a way to share her. Who knows, maybe youll even end up raising her together. Honey, he is so in love with you. Its so obvious. The way he looks at you, smiles at you . Nothing has changed since Pinehaven. Karen turned around on her stomach, studying her hands intently, tears now pouring down her cheeks. I am not so sure about that. Sure, he has some sort of feelings for me. Maybe he even thinks he still loves me. But with Michael, you never know. There are so many kinds of love saying I love you is so easy to him. He does that all the time, right? Back at Pinehaven I really, really thought he loved me. And what did he do? He went back to Linda, totally forgetting about me. Now for some reason she is out of his life again and maybe he thinks hes in love with me again but for how long this time? Until something better turns up? The tone of her voice did not escape Helens attention. She rubbed her back soothingly. You never totally forgave him for staying with Linda, did you? You still hurt because of that? Her soft and comforting voice released a new series of salty tears from Karens eyes. No, actually,

349

I never quite forgave him for that. I mean, I love him unconditionally, but I dont think I would ever dare to trust him completely again, even if even if I wasnt married and had the right to do whatever I wanted with my life. I went through living hell the first time he broke my heart. I cannot go through that again. She took a deep breath. And about Megan if I loose his friendship, if he would hate me forever, that would break my heart, too. I can settle for what we have now. But him hating me ... I dont know if I could live with that. My life would be completely empty. Does it make any sense to you? Helen nodded, once again rubbing Karens back soothingly. Of course it does. But you havent got a choice anymore, do you? You HAVE to tell him. And I will! But not right now, okay? I am just not ready! And Tony what about Tony? When Michael finds out about Megan, hell be the father, right? But Tony is her father in every way, too, apart from the biological part. He has been her father from the day I got pregnant. He would be devastated, dont you see? He never expected the biological father to turn up. In his heart, he IS Megans father. How can I do this to him? I would have to prepare him BEFORE telling Michael about Megan Tony has the right to know first. Tony is the one person on earth whom I owe everything. I cannot hurt him. I owe him my life, Helen. Helen looked into the ceiling for a while, not saying anything. When she finally spoke, she spoke slowly and softly, carefully selecting her words. Yes, you do owe him your life. But you cannot feel guilty about that for the rest of your life. You cannot pay him back by ruining your own life until you die. For not letting yourself be happy with someone else. Thats too high a price to pay. You dont owe him THAT much.

350

Karen shook her head vigorously. Its not like that at least not entirely. I made a commitment to marry him when I thought that Michael was out of my life for good, and I am not paying Tony back by running away from my promise because something better turns up. Tony is the most decent guy in the world, he deserves better than that. He would never hurt me in any way, how could I do that to him? I love him too. Its just a different kind of love. But its the kind of love that will never hurt you. Helen let out a deep sigh. I KNOW how much Michael hurt you back then, but you have to let go, girl. You have to start living again, not hiding behind some safe and cosy marriage. You have the right to be happy, to be ecstatically in love, without any safety net. Thats the kind of love that makes life worth living. You and Michael you were meant to be. You have to admit it to yourself sooner or later. AND you have to tell him about his daughter. Karen swallowed hard. And I will tell him about Megan. When the time is right. Just trust me on that one, okay? Now lets cheer up lets change the subject. They lay in silence for a while. Helen got on her elbow, looking at Karen teasingly. You know what we need, honey? We need to be pampered a bit. I bet this hotel has a fantastic beauty salon. Why dont we call them and see if they have time for us. You know, a facial, manicure, make-up, a new hair style the lot? Then lets go out for dinner, just the two of us. What do you say? Sounds tempting? Karen let out a deep sigh. Yeah, I would love that. Lets call them straight away. And if you dont mind missing out on the supporting act tonight, we dont have to be at the concert hall until 10 p.m. That will give us plenty of time to have dinner and get back here to change. That was a great idea, Helen.

351

She got up immediately and called the beauty salon. A few minutes later she hung up, looking at Helen cheerfully. No problem. They will squeeze us in. Guess calling from the most expensive suite of the hotel helps a bit. She cracked a smile. Now lets ask the concierge to make a dinner reservation for us at some outrageously expensive restaurant, okay? Only the best will do today. As soon as she hung up again, having made the arrangement with the concierge, they left the bedroom, both of them in high spirits. They found Michael in the living room, reading a book. Going out? he asked, lowering his book to his lap. Karen smiled mischievously. Yeah, we are. Helen has persuaded me to spend the afternoon in the beauty salon. I guess she feels that I desperately need some kind of make over. I have decided to cut my hair short and change the colour completely. What do you think? Brown, black, blond? Dont you dare! he burst out, a horrified look on his face. Then he laughed shyly, giving Helen a sideway glance. I am sorry, this is none of my business, I know. I just love your hair, just the way it is. Please reconsider, okay? So what will you be doing afterwards? The concierge is making a dinner reservation for us right now. Well stop by his desk on our way out. I am not sure where well be dining. Somewhere luxurious though, Karen smiled. We need to pamper ourselves a bit. So I wont be seeing you before the show? You will turn up backstage afterwards though, wont you? His voice sounded quite casual, but his eyes gave him away. Helen laughed softly. Dont you worry, Mike. I wont keep her away for good. Believe me; none of

352

us want to miss the concert. Well be there, definitely. A faint blush painted his cheeks. Okay, so Ill see you girls later. Have a great time. He got up, putting his book on the table. Just wait a second while I arrange something with the bodyguards. Karen shook her head vigorously. No thanks, Michael. I definitely dont want any of your watch dogs following us around. The bodyguards are your thing, not mine. He looked at her pleadingly. But you have to bring at least two, Karen. I wont have a moments rest if you dont. She shook her head again. I love that you want to look after me, Michael, but I really dont need your bodyguards. I have managed fine on my own so far. He gave her a stern look. No you havent. The other night you almost got squeezed to death. Helens head jerked in his direction, surprised. What are you talking about? What happened? He wringed his hands, a guilty look on his face. It was an unforgivable mistake on my part. A huge crowd of fans were waiting outside the hotel and got carried away too much. Unfortunately, Karen suffered the consequences. It was really scary. He smiled a small smile. I still owe her a new dress. He turned to Karen again, his eyes seeking hers. Karen, please agree to bring the bodyguards. Please indulge me on this one. She shook her head for the third time. No. I am sorry, but I am not changing my mind. Even when I had my 15 minutes of fame after releasing my book, I did not hire a bodyguard. I was controlled by my own fear for such a long time two years ago, I am not gonna let that happen again. But . He hesitated, not quite sure how to make her change her mind. Then he shrugged his

353

shoulders resignedly. Okay. You win. But take care, okay? Ill see you later then. He sat down on the sofa again, reaching out for his book. Karen hesitated, then leaned down and kissed him on the cheek. Thanks, Michael, she said softly. I do appreciate your concern, you know. She turned around and left the suite, Helen quickly grabbing her purse to keep up with her.

354

Chapter 50 They spent a cosy afternoon in the beauty salon, the entire staff going out of their way to provide the best service possible. Helen decided to cut her hair shorter, while Karen decided to just have a new hair style for the day. The young hairdresser slid her fingers through her hair approvingly. I am glad you dont want me to cut it. That would be such a shame. I would love to put it up on your head though. Nothing too ladylike, just something casual. Karen laughed. You decide. Ill leave it up to you entirely. Once both of them were done, they looked at each other in the mirror, grinning approvingly. Helen did look stunning with her new hair and make-up, and Karen was quite satisfied with her result, too. The stylist had chosen some brown, dark green and golden colours for her make-up which were very different from the colours she usually wore but definitely enhanced her green eyes and red hair perfectly. Her hair was put up on her head, a few locks of hair falling down her shoulders in soft curls. Helen hugged her cheerfully. Oh my gosh, Karen. You look amazing. I mean AMAZING. You are gonna knock him off of his feet completely tonight. Karen rolled her eyes at her but had to confess to herself that for some odd reason her heartbeat did increase at the thought. The restaurant was situated only 10 minutes from the hotel, so they decided to walk there to work up an appetite. Fortunately, the fans were no longer

355

waiting outside the hotel as both Michael and Janet had left for the concert hall already. Somehow, the fans seemed to know every little bit of their itinerary and knew exactly where to find them. The restaurant recommended by the Concierge turned out to be an excellent choice, the menu offering only the best from the French cuisine. They soon agreed on a light four course gourmet dinner and a bottle of Chardonnay. Karen looked at her friend over the rim of her glass as they sipped their wines, waiting for their entrees to be served. Thank you for surprising me today, Helen. It is so great to see you again. Helen smiled back. I am awfully glad I came. We ought to do this a lot more often. She ran her eyes around the cosy restaurant, her smile suddenly fading. Thats strange, she said hesitatingly, looking at two tall men, seating themselves at a nearby table. What? Karen asked confused. What do you mean? Helen hesitated again. I am not quite sure, and I dont mean to alarm you. I just have a very strong feeling that I saw these guys outside the hotel too, AND once I turned around while walking here. Thats too much of a coincidence, isnt it? Karen bit her lip thoughtfully, then broke into a smile. Dont worry, Helen. I think I know what this is all about. Lets make an experiment. Ill go to the ladies room; Ill be back soon. She got up, reaching out for her small handbag. She entered the ladies room, checked her make-up, waited a few minutes and left again. She looked around while closing the door behind her. Just as she had anticipated, one of the men was standing just outside the mens room, talking on his cell phone. She gave him an innocent smile as she walked past him.

356

Helen looked at her strangely as she seated herself. One of them followed you to the ladies room. I really dont like this at all, Karen. Maybe we ought to leave. Karen burst out laughing and reached out for her glass of wine. Dont you get it, Helen? Guess Michael didnt take no for an answer again. Ill bet you a million dollars that he is behind this. Lets wait a while, then Ill have a chat with them. They are quite cute, dont you think? Though kind of muscular for my taste. She laughed softly as she sipped her wine, her thoughts once again wandering to the dressing room where he would be right now, having his make-up done. During dessert, she pushed back her chair, letting out a tiny giggle. I think its time to find out if I am right or wrong. Now cross your fingers that I wont make a complete fool of myself. She walked to their table slowly and stopped right in front of them. She leaned forward teasingly, resting her hands on the table, looking one of them deep into his eyes. Hey, she said softly. Will you do me a favour, please? He looked at her surprised, nodding. Sure, Miss. What can I do for you? Taking him by surprise completely, she learned forward and kissed him on his forehead, his cheeks instantly getting hot. Please make sure to pass on this kiss to your employer. AND dont forget to tell him that I really appreciate his concern but must tell him once again that I do NOT need any bodyguards. She laughed innocently. Please dont forget about the kiss. Will you do that for me, please? And as soon as you have finished your dinner, please feel free to leave. Well manage on our own from now on.

357

The man looked at his plate, his cheeks getting even hotter. Ill pass on your message, Miss Newton. But I am quite sure that Mr. Jackson would be very upset if we left. He specifically requested that we do not leave you out of sight at any time until you are safely seated in the VIP box. I am afraid that we have to follow his instructions, but I guarantee you that we shall do our utmost not to bother you in any way. Karen looked at him for a second, suddenly feeling slightly sorry for both of them. She nodded. Okay, I understand your dilemma. But at least promise me not to follow us around like before. Well share a cab back to the hotel once we have all finished our dinners, okay? He cracked a smile, a look of relief on his face. Thank you. I appreciate it. Karen returned to the table, smiling cheerfully. Well, guess I was right after all, huh? I am gonna give him such a hard time about this. He is so used to getting things his way SO stubborn its driving me crazy. Helen burst out laughing. Stubborn? Well, that certainly makes two of you! She shook her head slowly. No, actually, hes not stubborn at all. He is just going out of his mind, worrying about your safety. Tease him all you like, but dont give him a hard time Gosh, Karen. There is nothing he wouldnt do for you. They finished the rest of their meal chatting cheerfully, then shared a cab back to the hotel with the bodyguards as agreed. The two men followed them to the upper floor, greeted the bodyguards already seated outside the suite and sat down, waiting. Mr. Jacksons order, one of them smiled as he felt Karens eyes on his face.

358

Karen shook her head resignedly as she opened the door to the suite, nevertheless feeling a warm sensation inside. She stopped just inside the door to her bedroom and let out a small cry of surprise. A black dress and matching black shoes were waiting for her on the bed. Oh my God, she burst out. Michael, Ill kill you! Helen picked up the dress and held it up in front of her. Wow, honey, Gucci? Guess nothings too good for you, huh? A black dress, short, yet very classy. Definitely purchased by a guy with impeccable taste. And matching Gucci shoes? She turned them around, looking at the number at the bottom. And exactly your size. Now why am I not surprised? She flung the dress into Karens arms. Put it on, girl. I wanna see you wear it tonight. And so does he, I am sure. Karen hesitated but a split second, then gave into temptation and quickly put on the dress. It fitted her perfectly, showing off her figure in the most flattering way possible. She turned around in front of the mirror. Do you think I should wear it tonight? I wont be overdressed? Helen laughed girlishly. Who cares? Ill wear my black dress too, although Ill look like the poor penniless relative compared to you. Now lets take a quick shower and leave. Having spent a few minutes with the kids, they left the suite and headed for the concert hall, accompanied by the bodyguards. They followed them all the way to the VIP box and said goodbye, bowing politely. Karen loved to have Helen by her side during the concert, Helen being equally mesmerized by both Janet and Michael. Janet is incredible, Helen burst out as the light in the hall was turned on again. And Michael well,

359

Michael is beyond amazing and sexy as hell. How on earth do you keep your hands off him, girl? I mean, spending so much time alone with him? Karen poked her in the back. Now dont get started, honey I definitely dont want my best friend to fall in love with him too. And keeping my hands off him its hard. Believe me. Sometimes I feel as if the tension between us is so thick that the whole world must notice. But I guess its all in my head. You think? Helen laughed. I guarantee you, its not. And dont worry. Even though I do love him as a friend and am in no way blind to his sex appeal, he is really not my type. My type is more . well, I dont know. Different. The back stage area was as crowded as ever. This time, Michael was there, engaged in a lively conversation with several VIPs, a glass of champagne in his hand. He broke into a huge, warm smile as he watched the girls enter the room. He raised his hand in a wave, rested his eyes approvingly on both of them for a few seconds, then returned his eyes to the VIPs in front of him reluctantly. This was just like any other night in the backstage area and yet something was different. To her surprise, Karen felt a warm, tickling sensation inside, watching him across the room. Maybe it was Helens constant remarks on his feelings for her, maybe it was the way he had gone out of his way to make sure that she was safe, maybe it was the fact that he had chosen this amazing dress for her maybe it was the fact that he looked absolutely stunning, his hair slightly curlier than usual, his black outfit and low cut t-shirt showing off his lean body perfectly. Whatever the reason, something was definitely different, and the look in his eyes as he kept turning his head to look at her made her heart race out of

360

control. She found herself waiting impatiently for him to approach her. And suddenly he was there, discretely signalling a staff member to bring them champagne. He whistled approvingly, looking at the two of them. Girls, you look absolutely marvellous tonight. New hair style, Helen? I really like it. And still long red hair for you, Karen? Thats certainly a relief but I must confess that love the way you are wearing your hair tonight too. His eyes wandered slowly down her body, resting at her shoes for a second, then wandered all the way back to her face. New dress? he asked teasingly. It fits you perfectly. Love the shoes, too. Karen felt herself flush annoyingly, just as he intended. Yeah, I found it on my bed this evening. You wouldnt happen to know who put it there, would you? He shook his head, a mischievous glint in his eyes. Sorry, cant help you. Must have been after we left. He turned to Helen again. So, Helen, please tell me . did we disappoint you badly? Or did you like the show? She let out a deep, girlish sigh. Michael, you could never disappoint me. You were great, and so was Janet. I am really impressed and wish that I could see you in concert again soon. Who knows, maybe Ill turn up during your European tour. You are most welcome, he smiled, then turned to Karen again, suddenly a shy look on his face. I guess I should be thanking you for the kiss, although I must admit that kissing my bodyguards never was on my list of priorities. He cracked a smile. Well, for the sake of good order I better reveal to you that he didnt actually kiss me, but he reported in detail of your lively conversation at the restaurant. He turned his glass around in his hand, embarrassed. I am sorry, Karen. I know you

361

specifically asked me not to interfere, but I just had to, okay? Please dont be angry with me. Oh, I am very, very angry, she replied, trying to wipe the smile off her face. But Ill forgive you, just because I love the dress so much. AND the shoes. So what will you guys be doing now? he asked, taking a sip of his champagne. Karen smiled innocently. Well, we have decided to go bar hopping. Maybe well even check out a night club or two. Michael almost choked on his champagne. You are kidding, right? If you are serious, you have GOT to take at least two . bodyguards with me. She laughed. Just kidding. Dont worry. Well be going back to the hotel with you. We expect you to perform for us exclusively all night long. Singing, dancing, moonwalking He smiled shyly. Still just kidding, right? You know I could never do that. She burst out laughing again. Sure, Michael. Still kidding. You know what? Ill sing for you instead. He faked a horrified look. Oh no, Karen. In that case, Ill even consider a private performance. He squeezed her arm teasingly. Sorry, girl. I just had to say it. Ill take a quick shower, then lets get back to the hotel .

362

Chapter 51 The end of her stay approached rapidly. She had made a solemn promise to herself not to waste the time she had left with him worrying about what it would be like to leave him and go back to London back to her life with Tony. The thought was too unbearable, too devastating. She was utterly determined to enjoy the present and not worry about the future. Nevertheless, she found herself tossing and turning for two nights, not getting any sleep at all, and not thinking about the future became increasingly impossible. Getting through the last day seemed like climbing a never ending staircase, and a wave of tears seemed to be lurking right beneath the surface, waiting for any excuse to wash over her. To top it all, they spent a long time travelling both days, the fans gathering everywhere in large crowds, making their travel even more tiring. She felt totally exhausted and depressed as she went to bed on the last night of her stay, not even wanting to spend time with Michael after the show. She had excused herself as soon as they got back to the hotel, quickly retiring to her bedroom, trying to ignore the slightly hurtful expression on his face. She fell into a restless sleep and woke up in the middle of the night, breathing frantically, her pillow wet from tears. She sat up in bed and tried to recall the nightmare that had crept into every inch of her body in her sleep and was still making her muscles clench and her throat tighten with fear.

363

It was Tony. Her nightmare had to do with Tony, and he had died a horrible death. That was all she could remember. She turned on the small lamp on her bedside table while trying to calm down her breathing. She looked at her cell phone beside the lamp and hesitated but a few seconds before grabbing it quickly, dialling his number. He picked up immediately. Hey Tony, its me. Karen. Hey K., he replied, a smile to his voice. Why are you calling me at this odd hour? It must be in the middle of the night at your end. Having trouble sleeping? She nodded, then shook her head confused. Yeah, Tony. I had a terrible nightmare I dreamt that something happened to you. I kind of freaked out, but I am okay now. He laughed softly. Well, dont worry, honey. I am fine, sitting at my desk at work, trying to organize a very important shoot for Vogue. He paused. Are you sure you are okay? Your voice sounds a bit shaky. His soft voice released a flood of tears. Not the kind of tears which are good for the soul, but the kind of tears that close up your throat and leave you gasping for breath. She struggled to get control of her voice again. Tony, I have to ask you something. I have been thinking a lot lately, and I really, really need to ask you this. That man I met at Pinehaven two years ago do you blame me for not telling you more about him? I mean, now that we are married? Do you want to know about him? She could almost feel him shake his head. No, I dont blame you. This happened before we got married, and I dont need to know. I know how you felt about him, how you still feel about him, and I accepted that, right? You were totally honest with

364

me. You always have been. You are the most honest and caring person I know. She sobbed loudly. Dont say that, Tony. I dont deserve that. I feel like I am treating you so badly. If I ever met him again, would you want to know? No, K., I wouldnt. Of course you are bound to run into him again at some point, you have mutual friends, right? And apart from the feelings you have for him, he is Megans father. That will link you together forever, and I know that. His voice deepened, trying to make her feel better. Dont worry, K. You could never let me down. I dont need to know about this chapter of your life, even if you meet him again you know what I mean. As long as it doesnt change the way you feel about me, you dont owe me any explanation, no matter what you do. If at some point you wanna tell me more about him, I am here to listen. If you dont, then I am okay with that, too. Please dont cry, honey. She brushed away her tears with her sleeve and gulped hard, once again trying to swallow the huge lump in her throat. Tony, you are the most amazing human being, do you know that? He laughed. Now dont make me blush. Go back to bed. Ill talk to you tomorrow before you leave the hotel, okay? And give Megan a hug for me. She hung up and turned the cell phone around in her hand absent-mindedly for a while. She wouldnt be able to sleep right now, and she desperately needed something to calm her down. She let out a deep sigh as she headed for the living room and turned on the small lamp on the bar in the corner. She poured herself a large whisky and swallowed it in only a few gulps, leaning against the wall, her eyes closed. Drinking at night, are you? a teasing voice asked her.

365

She felt the glass slide out of her hand as she turned around startled. It splintered into a thousand pieces as it hit the floor. Michael, for Gods sake! she burst out angrily. You scared the crap out of me. What are you doing here in the middle of the night, sitting in the dark? She tip-toed away from the bar, very careful not to step on the pieces of glass on her bare feet. She stopped in the middle of the room at looked at him in the dim light from the bar. He was sitting in the corner of the sofa, his long legs curled up beneath him, wearing his black silk pj bottoms and a black t-shirt. His face was naked and his hair slightly messy. No doubt he too had had to give up on sleep after hours in bed, tossing and turning. He shrugged his shoulders and lifted the glass in his hand into the air. Drinking, like you. He cracked a smile. Although my glass only contains mineral water. He took a closer look at her face, her eyes red and swollen. Are you okay? She shook her head, tears threatening to well up in her eyes again. No, not really. I just had a terrible nightmare and had to call Tony to make sure that he was alright. I dreamt that he died. Michael gave her a strange stare. But he is okay, right? She nodded, biting her lip. Yes, he is okay. But thats not all. She made a sweeping gesture and let go of the tears again. I just feel so guilty, Michael. Guilty? he repeated, surprised. But why? She shifted her feet uneasily. Because I am married to the most wonderful man on earth, and here I am, only one thing on my mind all the time ... I am such a horrible person. He laughed softly, putting his glass on the coffee table. No you are not. Wanna tell me about it? Anything I can do to help?

366

She made a sarcastic face. I dont think you are the right person to help me out you just dont get it, do you? You are the reason why I feel so guilty all the time. I am married now, and all thats ever on my mind is what happened between us two years ago. All of it, every little detail. Its pathetic. We are friends now, right? Thats what we promised each other. So how could I be so disappointed that you decided NOT to kiss me in your dressing room when we were fighting? Why do I keep having this feeling that I desperately want you to kiss me again the way you did back then just once? She paused, looking utterly confused an unhappy, once again biting her lip. You know what the silly thing is? Its been two years now, right? Who knows if all this tension . is nothing but the idea of what we once shared? I am so confused. Suddenly I am not sure if any of it is real anymore. You know what I mean? If I am just keeping a dream alive that should have died a long time ago. My life would be so much less complicated if that was the case. Am I just holding on to something thats not even there anymore? Then I really want to learn how to let go. What if I am craving this delicious piece of chocolate, and once I finally give in to my craving and pick it up, I dont want it anymore? He looked at her for a long time, watching the tears trail down her cheeks. His eyes pierced into hers, a strange look on his face. You know there is only one way to find out, dont you? He patted the sofa beside him. Karen come here please. She hesitated, then approached him slowly, her heart pounding hard. She sat down beside him, afraid to even look at him. He lifted her head with his hand and brushed her tears away gently before wrapping his huge hands

367

around her face, his mesmerizing eyes still looking deep into hers. He tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear, then leaned forward and lowered his mouth to her face, his lips barely touching hers before moving away again to kiss every inch of her face, his touch still light as a butterfly. She felt her whole body collapse as he waited but a split second, then once again brushed his lips against hers, his lips burning against her skin. Her breathing, her pulse, her heartbeat she gave up on controlling any of it as she waited for him to deepen his kiss like she knew he would, allowing her to finally kiss him back. As they broke the kiss, he looked at her teasingly, yet a serious and vulnerable look in his brown eyes. So Karen, is the magic still there? Still craving that very special piece of chocolate? His soft voice only added to her despair. She rose from the sofa quickly, trembling all over. She knew she needed to get away from him immediately. Still feeling his eyes on her face, she shook her head vigorously. Dont look at me that way. Actually the magic is gone, Michael. He reached out for her. Thats not what I felt right now. Come back here, please. She shook her head again, stepping further away from him. This was a very stupid experiment. VERY stupid. Please excuse me; I have to go to bed now. Not waiting for his reply, she rushed out of the room and into her bedroom. She locked the door behind her and leaned against it for a second, then quickly climbed into bed and pulled her legs up to her chest, her arms wrapped around them tightly in a fruitless attempt to calm herself down. That kiss the kiss that was supposed to give her the peace of mind she longed for so deeply had left her with only one frightening thought on her mind. No, Michael, I dont crave that very special piece of chocolate I crave the entire box.

368

She skipped breakfast the following morning, unable to look at him at the breakfast table, still feeling exhausted, unhappy and utterly confused. He knocked on her open door as she was packing her suitcase, Megan playing on the floor. He entered the room but stopped just inside the door. You are finishing packing? he asked casually, not looking her in the eyes. Are you ready to leave? She faked a smile, her heart pounding at the sight of him. Yeah, I am. Ill come say goodbye to everybody in a second. He nodded. Okay. Ill come with you to the airport though. She shook her head softly. You really dont have to, Michael. Ill be fine. He turned around to leave. I insist, Karen. I want to see you off properly. He gave Megan a smile and left the room quickly. Having said a slightly teary goodbye to Janet, Jenny and the kids she followed him through the crowd of fans for the last time, one of the bodyguards carrying her suitcase for her. Safely seated in the car, she let out a deep sigh. He turned his face to look at her inquiringly, his hands playing with the dark Ray-Ban shades in his lap. Are you okay, Karen? You dont look okay. She forced a smile. Yeah, I am okay, really. I am just tired, thats all. He cleared his throat. Dont you think we need to talk about last night? The soft, tender tone to his voice made her heart race instantly. She shook her head. No, I would prefer not to. His eyes sought hers. Why? She shrugged her shoulders, trying to conceal the chaos inside her head. Theres no point in discussing what happened. I am married, and it was

369

an experiment gone wrong, right? I was totally exhausted, I had just had a terrible nightmare, I was feeling guilty and vulnerable terribly confused. We just picked a really bad time, thats all. It doesnt prove anything apart from the fact that you are still an amazing kisser. I shouldnt have let you in on my feelings last night that was a stupid thing to do, being so out of control. Before I came here, you you promised me not to do anything that would make me feel uncomfortable. This conversation is, Michael. Please lets change the subject. He looked out of the window for a while, then turned his head to face her again. Okay. I made that promise and I intend to keep it. So lets change the subject. The hurtful expression in his eyes did not escape her attention. He looked tired and disappointed. She felt the all too familiar lump in her throat, watching him. Suddenly she just needed to ask him this one question which was constantly on her mind, as ridiculous as it might seem right now. She let go of all better judgement and put her hand on his arm, squeezing it lightly. And for you, Michael? Was the magic still there? Her question took him by surprise completely. He swallowed audibly then shook his head slowly. You dont wanna know, Karen. Trust me. You just dont wanna know. He leaned back his head and closed his eyes, clearly indicating the end of the conversation.

370

Chapter 52 She pulled the sleeping child closer, carefully fastening the seat belt around the two of them. They were about to land in Las Vegas in a few minutes. She let out a deep sigh. It had been a very tiring flight, leaving Gatwick Airport at 10.35 central European time, a stop in Dallas Forth Worth and now arriving at Las Vegas in the afternoon local time. She couldnt wait to get out of the plane, once again breathing the air outside. She kissed Megan on the cheek and ran her hand through her long jet black hair. The girl moved in her sleep and automatically wrapped her soft little hand around the pink pacifier in her mouth. She looked adorable in her sleep, the look on her tiny face resembling that of her father more and more each passing day. Karen leaned her head back against the uncomfortable seat and closed her eyes. She couldnt wait to see him again. She had missed him to an extent that had astonished even herself, so much that it has almost taken her emotional strength away. She found herself waking up during the night, weeping. She found herself staring into thin air during the day, wondering what he would be doing right now. Wondering what he would look like right now. If he would be happy. If he would be sad. If he would be thinking about her missing her. For a moment, her thoughts dwelled on the day they said goodbye. He had kept his eyes closed until they reached the airport, not uttering a single word. He hugged her quickly as they said goodbye in the car, his hug totally lacking the usual affection and warmth. The pain in his eyes was heartbreaking, but

371

obviously he was determined not to say or do anything to ease the awkwardness between them. He kissed Megan on the nose, softly touching her cheek. Take care, he said and pulled back, waiting for them to climb out of the car, his eyes fixed on the now empty seat beside him. She fought the tears as she headed for the airport entrance, three oversize bodyguards forming a tight circle around her although, fortunately, none of his fans had followed them there. As long as Michael stayed in the car, she was able to leave anonymously. He called her in the morning three long days later. Tony had just left for work, and Alice had taken Megan to the park. She was just about to finish the last of her tea and start working on the book, feeling miserable and exhausted, as her cell phone rang. Her heart skipped a beat as she quickly checked the caller ID, afraid to be disappointed once again. This time it was him. She took a deep breath before picking up, unconsciously holding her hand to her chest. Hey Karen. Its Michael. Am I disturbing you? His voice sounded even softer than usual, but there was something else in his voice. Like embarrassment. She closed her eyes, the sound of his voice instantly bringing all the butterflies to life. No, not at all, Michael. Its good to hear from you. So its okay that I call you? Sure. Why wouldnt it be? She struggled to make her voice sound as casual as possible. Well, I was kind of rude when I said goodbye to you, wasnt I? I mean, wanting to take you to the airport to see you off properly and then just well, reacting the way I did, not really wanting to talk anymore. Just saying goodbye to you real quickly in the car. He took a quick breath. Are you mad at

372

me, Karen? I have been waiting for you to call me once you got back to London you know, just to let me know that you and Megan got home safely. But um ... you havent. She laughed shyly. Of course I am not mad. Like you, I just didnt really know what to think. Actually, I have been waiting for you to call me, too. Silly, huh? I am sorry, Michael. Of course I should have called you to let you know that we arrived home safely. She could hear him smile. Thats good to know. So we are okay? I mean you are still coming to Vegas in four weeks? Of course I am. We are writing a book, right? Yeah, but He paused, clearing his voice. This is embarrassing, Karen. I have just been feeling rather sad these past days, quite convinced that the way we parted had made you change your mind about coming. I feel really guilty about what happened ... the night before you left, I mean. Dont, okay? Cant we just forget about it, please? If anybody is to blame, I am. I encouraged it. I was just completely worn out tired exhausted. And I guess you were too. You are right. As always. I am so glad that we had this talk I just wish that I had called you sooner. He laughed softly. I am afraid I have been rather cranky since you left, giving Janet and everybody else around me a hard time. She got really furious at me tonight and even yelled at me just before we got onstage, telling me straight out to get my act together. He laughed again, a sarcastic tone to his voice. I am sure she would love to tell you all about it. Karen grinned teasingly. I bet she would. Maybe I should call her. Yeah, maybe you should. The tone of his voice changed. So are you happy to be back in London?

373

She hesitated. What was she gonna tell him? The truth or the easy version? She chose the latter. Sure, its good to be back. She paused, adding just a tiny fraction of the truth. Both Megan and I do miss all of you though. I have had a really hard time putting Megan to sleep since we got back. She misses Paris terribly, especially at bedtime. And so do I. We miss you too. He was silent for a while, playing with the glass in his hand. She could hear the ice cubes clinking in the glass as she waited for him to continue. Nothing has been quite the same since you left. Lonelier. The tone of his voice made her heart race. It was only too easy to picture him there in the hotel suite, sitting in the corner of the sofa in his pjs, his long, lean legs pulled up beneath him, a glass of mineral water or maybe whisky in his hand, biting his lower lip or maybe running his hand through his hair absent-mindedly, a sad or tired look on his beautiful face. She swallowed hard. What are you doing up so late anyway, Michael? You must have gotten back to the hotel hours ago. Arent you tired? He let out a deep sigh. Yeah, I am tired all right. But I have a hard time sleeping these days. Too much on my mind, I guess. But you are right, its getting awfully late, and I better go now. He paused. Can I call you again tomorrow? Sure, Michael. Anytime. Sleep tight. As she hung up, she closed her eyes and held the cell phone to her cheek for a while, determined not to let go of the tears now stinging behind her eyes. Since that day, he had called her every day at the exact same time, so precise that you could almost set your watch by him. The duration of his calls increased as the weeks went by, and three days prior to her departure he even called her as he woke up in the morning, too.

374

I totally forgot to ask you last night Paris has been bugging me to ask you if Megan can stay in her room while you are staying with us in Vegas. Is that okay with you? She smiled to herself. Sure Michael. I am sure Megan would love to share Paris room again. They hung up soon after. She looked at her phone, then quickly dialled his number, still a huge smile on her face. You dont need an excuse to call me, you know she said teasingly as he picked up. She knew he was blushing. Okay, he said shyly, letting out a tiny giggle. I guess that was pretty obvious, huh? Sorry . She laughed and hung up, not doubting for a second that he would call her again later. And he did. Hey Karen, I was just wondering if He laughed boyishly. Okay, so I dont need to come up with any excuse. In that case I just wanted to talk to you again to ask you what you are doing right now? I am trying to get some work done on this book I am writing about Michael Jackson, but this mad person keeps calling me all the time He grinned. Okay, so I promise you not to call you again today. She laughed cheerfully. Its okay, Michael. You can call me all you like, anytime. But next time you call me, you have to sing to me. You know, just to get me in the writing mood again. I guess that will definitely put you off calling me again today, huh? You think? he smirked and hung up. He called her ten minutes later, not saying anything as she picked up. He just started singing. Smile, though your heart is aching Smile, even though it's breaking When there are clouds in the sky You'll get by...

375

He giggled as he finished the verse. So Karen, are you in the writing mood now? She laughed softly, trying to fight the feelings that washed over her, hearing his beautiful voice sing this particular song, straight into her ear. Her longing for him overwhelmed her completely. Sure, Michael. Ill write something really nice about you. Unless you keep calling me. Then Ill make a list of your very annoying habits instead. Such as? he asked teasingly. She grinned. I dont know. Ill just make some up if I cannot think of any. Nobody will know, right? He giggled again as he hung up, not calling her anymore that day. Her body jerked forward as the plane landed. Megan woke up startled, letting out a dissatisfied cry. Karen kissed her on the cheek. We are here now, pumpkin. Lets see if Randy is here to pick us up like Michael promised. Randy was waiting for them in the arrival hall. He broke into a friendly smile as he greeted them, wrapping both his hands around her hand in a firm handshake. Its so good to see you again, Ms. Newton. Welcome to Las Vegas. She reciprocated his smile. Thank you, Randy. Its really nice to see a familiar face. Its been a long flight. He grabbed her suitcase. Well, lets not keep Mr. Jackson waiting. He is waiting for you in the car. She felt her heart race as she drew Megan closer. You hear that, pumpkin? Michael is here to pick us up. You have missed Michael, havent you? She tried to put on a casual face as she followed Randy outside, her heart still pounding in her chest. So he came to pick her up himself? She breathed in deep a few times to calm herself down. Friends, remember?

376

No more mistakes. You have to try harder this time, or maybe there wont be a next time at all .......

377

Chapter 53 Michael broke out in a huge smile as they climbed into the car. He reached out for Megan and hugged her tight, the little girl instantly grabbing his hair the way she used to, pulling hard while planting a wet kiss in the corner of his mouth. He laughed cheerfully. Guess she hasnt forgotten about me completely, huh? Remember the last time I picked you up at the airport? She was totally unimpressed by my overwhelming charm back then. He looked almost shy for a second, pointing at a new baby chair. I just purchased this one for her. I hope shell like it. Trying to ignore the way her heart was racing out of control, Karen looked at his hands as he seated Megan in the baby chair. Thank you, Michael. You really do think of everything, dont you? It means a lot to me, you know. He fastened the straps and turned to face her again. His eyes rested on her face, still a broad smile on his lips. Its so good to see you again, Karen. Can I hug you? She laughed shyly, having a hard time returning his glance. Sure, Michael, why not. Friends hug, dont they? He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tight. His hand automatically reached out for her hair as he brushed his cheek against hers. He held her just a few seconds too long, the warmth of his body and his familiar, masculine scent instantly enveloping her like a soft summer breeze. She felt her defences melt and slid her arms around his

378

waist, allowing herself to drown in his embrace for just a few seconds. Then she pulled loose. Its so nice of you to come pick us up yourself, she said, clearing her throat. So are you happy to be back home? He nodded and dropped his hands into his lap. Yeah, the last part of the tour wasnt a picnic to put it mildly. The kids and I couldnt wait to get back to Vegas. He let out a deep sigh. But Ill be going back on tour in the near future, you know. I hope Ill feel differently about it then. After all, I do love Europe very much. He seemed eager to change the subject. So this is your first time in Vegas? How do you like it so far? She looked out of the window and cracked a smile. Well, so far its everything I thought it would be. Very colourful. He giggled. You can say that again. Well, Ill point out some of the sights to you . They arrived at the mansion twenty minutes later. She let out a gasp as they drove through the magnificent iron gate. Wow, Michael, this house is gigantic. Really beautiful, but gigantic. How many rooms are there? He shrugged his shoulders, smiling. I dont know exactly . 28, I think. She shook her head in astonishment. 28 rooms, are you kidding? Thank God I am not doing the cleaning around here! Paris came running out of the house as soon as the car came to a halt, her long brown hair flowing behind her. She jumped up and down while waiting for Megan to get out of the car. Michael loosened the straps and shook his head cheerfully as Megan began moving around in her chair, clearly revealing her impatience. These girls are amazing, arent they? He lifted Megan out of the

379

car and let out a soft giggle as he watched her rush into Paris arms. He turned his head to look at Karen, the expression on her face taking him by surprise completely. She seemed to have a hard time pulling herself together and quickly brushed away a tear from the corner of her eye. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it lightly, then let go of it again reluctantly. Watching the two of them is very touching, isnt it? They do look adorable together almost like sisters. I think Megan is exactly like the baby sister Paris always wanted so badly. He let out a small sigh. Well, guess that will never happen. Time is running out for me in the baby department. A sad look crossed his face for a second, then he cracked a smile. Hey, this is a happy reunion, lets cheer up. I guess you are dying for something to drink, and maybe a sandwich? He led the way into the house, Randy following him with Karens suitcase. The girls happy laughter filled the air as soon as they entered the house. The boys greeted her in the hall, Blanket instantly throwing himself in her arms, Prince giving her the usual mesmerizing smile while reaching out his hand to shake hands with her. She put her arms around his shoulders and drew him closer. Hey, Prince, come on, I havent seen you in a month, I need a hug. His cheeks got slightly hot, but without further hesitation he wrapped his arms around her gladly and even brushed his cheek against hers the tender way his dad had done it in the car. Its good to see you again, Karen, he said smoothly, throwing a shy look in his fathers direction. Michael shook his head slowly as the boys ran out of the hall to join the girls in the living room, the well-known I-love-my-kids-to-death smile on his face. They really have missed you, he said in a soft

380

voice, turning his eyes to her face again. His smile changed. We all have. He put his arm around her waist lightly as he showed the way into the living room. The spacious room, wrapped in a golden light flowing in from the garden through the huge windows, took her breath away completely. It was beautifully decorated in cream, white and gold with a touch of red, and each piece of furniture seemed to have been carefully picked to add both comfort and further charisma to the room. She looked around astonished. Gosh, Michael, this room is unlike anything I have ever seen before. Simply amazing Its definitely the cosiest living room I have ever seen in my life, my own included. I love it. He grinned shyly and made a sweeping gesture towards the coffee table set with tea, fresh lemonade, sandwiches, cookies and lots of fresh fruit. I am glad you like it. Ill give you a tour of the house after tea. Now help yourself to some sandwiches. You must be hungry. He poured the tea and seated himself in front of her in the other huge off-white sofa. A few minutes later she found herself looking around the table, chewing one of the delicious sandwiches while listening to the happy voices all around her. It was as if time had stood still and they were still on tour, gathered around the coffee table in one of the suites. Only this time the surroundings were much cosier, and Michael seemed even more at ease with himself, having his family around him in his homely surroundings. She fixed her eyes on him while sipping her tea. He was chatting with Prince, a teasing look on his face. He reached out and poked the boy in the back, laughing heartily. His long hair was hanging loose, and he looked extremely young and boyish as he tucked it behind his ears with a graceful movement of his hand while letting out

381

another infectious, bubbly laughter. His casual but probably very expensive red sweatshirt enhanced the amazing colour of his dark eyes, and his blue jeans only added to his boyish look. Although he had definitely lost some weight while on tour, he never looked more gorgeous. Feeling her eyes on his face he turned his eyes to her, still smiling warmly. Well, Karen, are you ready for the grand tour of the house? Or would you rather wait? She got up and stretched her legs. I am definitely ready - I would love some exercise. She took another look around the room. 28 rooms, huh? With a little luck I guess well be done in time for dinner. He laughed as he led the way out of the living room, once again holding his arm lightly on her shoulder as he walked close behind her out of the door. The rest of the house was just as enchanting as the living room, each room beautifully decorated in soft colours and with a mixture of antiques and modern furniture. Her own room was no exception, and the magnificent adjourning bathroom in white marble with a huge antique tub caused a small gasp of happy approval to leave her mouth. He smiled at her enthusiasm. You like it? I chose this room for you, knowing how much you like offwhite and pale green. Just like your room at Pinehaven, remember? And I was quite sure that you would like this bathroom, too. She nodded, swallowing hard. Yeah, I remember. She walked back into the bedroom to take another look at the room. I love it, Michael. I am sure I am gonna enjoy every minute of my stay here. His expression turned serious for a second. I hope so, Karen. And I hope this will be the first of many visits. Once the book is finished, Ill have to

382

think of an excuse to drag you over here. He smiled cheerfully to make up for his words. Or hopefully youll love staying here so much that I wont need an excuse to make you visit, despite the tiring flight. The childrens rooms were equally big and beautiful. The first one was Paris room. It was decorated in white and gold with lots of pink accessories and a huge four poster bed in the far end of the room. Michael laughed, watching the expression on her face as she sat down on the bed and slid her hand over the beautiful silk bedspread. I know, I know. This is a rather extravagant bed for such a little girl, but she fell in love with it completely, seeing it in a store in Ireland. How could I refuse? I just had to buy it for her. Blanket room was dark blue with stars and clouds painted all over the ceiling and small built-in spotlights in one of the walls and part of the ceiling. Once the heavy curtains blocked the sunlight, the atmosphere in the room was amazing like sitting beneath the stars on a moonlit night. Karen looked around the room, totally taken by surprise. This room is unlike anything I have ever seen before. Who came up with this idea? His face softened. Blanket did. I took him outside on a starry night, and he immediately asked me if he could have his room decorated like that. I love to spend time with him in here. Its very soothing and relaxing. Princes room was decorated in green colours with lots of beautiful posters on the walls. She looked around the room, smiling. It was a very personal room, clearly revealing his lovely personality and impeccable taste. Suddenly, her eyes were drawn to something in the corner. She stepped closer, then stopped, a frantic look on her face.

383

Clearly noticing the sudden change in her body language, Michael looked at her surprised. What? Whats the matter, Karen? She pointed at the terrarium. Is that a snake in there, Michael? She could hear the fright in her trembling voice and grimaced, her heart pounding hard. He smiled and stepped closer to the terrarium. Sure, its a snake. This is Sir Hiss, but we just call him Hiss. There is no need to be scared of him. He is not poisonous, and he is far too small to be dangerous although it is a boa constrictor, of course. Actually, he is really beautiful. Wanna hold him? She stepped two steps backwards, still a terrified look on her face. Sorry, but I have to leave the room. She rushed out of the room and into her own room next door, her hand on her chest. She leaned against the wall just inside the door and tried to calm down her breathing, laughing shyly as he turned up in the doorway. I am sorry, Michael, I just have this thing about snakes. He stepped closer, smiling teasingly. Really, Karen? You are afraid of snakes? I bet I can cure your phobia in no time if youll let me. If you try to hold the snake, I am sure youll feel differently about him. He is really smooth and warm, not at all what you expect. She shook her head vigorously. Dont even think about it. Last time a friend of mine thought he could do just that, I fainted the minute he held the snake in front of me. She hesitated. Dont laugh, but I have to ask you this does Prince ever let the snake out of the terrarium? I mean, does he allow it to move around the house freely now and then? He took at closer look at her, suddenly noticing her heavy breathing and the small drops of sweat on her forehead. He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her comfortingly. Dont worry, honey. Ill tell

384

him not to do that while you are here. Dont be afraid. The snake wont come anywhere near you, I swear. She nodded, relieved. Suddenly realizing what he just called her, she pulled loose. So, Michael, what about your bedroom? Is that off limits or do you wanna show it to me? He smiled shyly. No no, of course its not off limits. Ill show it to you if you wanna see it. Its just opposite your room. He walked across the hallway and opened the door to a large room decorated in blue colours. She let out a gasp. Gosh, this room is amazing. Really beautiful and very masculine. She looked at the large painting of Peter Pan on the wall beside the bed. And very you, she added teasingly. He elbowed her in the side, grinning. Wipe that look off your face and stop teasing me. It was a gift from a fan, and I love it. I have several fan paintings in here. He pointed to the wall beside the bathroom. Seven beautiful paintings of various sizes covered most of the wall, some of which were portraits of him. She stepped closer and slid her hand across the painting closer to her, almost caressing his face, smiling back at her on the canvas. She turned around and looked at him again, astonished. These painting are amazing! And all of them were made by your fans? He nodded. Yeah, they are some of my most precious belongings. Each and every one of them is made with love. I am so thankful to have fans like that. She looked around the room, once again overwhelmed by its charisma. His presence was evident in every little detail, and the room seemed to embrace her in warmth and comfort. She looked at the stack of books on his bedside table and stepped

385

closer, leafing through the books. Wow, this is serious stuff, she burst out. Not at all like the stuff I read before I go to bed. She pulled out one of the books. Apart from this one perhaps. She waved it in front of him teasingly, cracking a huge smile. His cheeks got hot. Oh your book. Well, of course I purchased your book. What did you expect? She laughed girlishly. I most certainly did not expect to find it on your bedside table, Michael, but thank you I am really flattered. As she turned away from him again, the book slid out of her hand and hit the floor with a loud thud. The book fell open, and a book marker landed on the floor beside it. She bent down to pick it up and held it in her hand for a second, an incredulous look forming on her face. It was a photograph of a very happy couple looking each other deep into the eyes, a bright smile on their faces. Michaels face and hers. It was one of the pictures she had taken with the self-timer while staying at Pinehaven. She turned it around and found the lyrics for a song on the back, in Michaels handwriting. Love of my life - you've hurt me You've broken my heart and now you leave

me

He rushed across the floor and grabbed the photograph out of her hand, his cheeks almost a dark pink colour. Sorry, this is personal, he said, embarrassed. He slid the photograph into the book again and put it back on the bedside table. He turned to her, trying to force a casual face. So, ready to continue with the tour? Half an hour later he had showed her around the entire house. His office, his library, the staff area, the guest rooms, the gym, the game room, the music room with his huge black grand piano, the kitchen,

386

the dining room. They stopped outside her room. Ill show you my dance studio and the garden tomorrow. So do you wanna take a nap or maybe a shower before dinner? Dont worry about Megan; the kids and I will look after her for you, and Jenny will be back later tonight. Just relax and make yourself comfortable. The entire house is at your disposal. She nodded, trying hard not to reach out and remove a stray lock of hair from his cheek. Thanks, Michael. An hour on my own sounds really tempting. Ill see you at dinner then. She flung herself on her back on top of the beautiful pale green bedspread and breathed in the sweet smell of the white roses on her bedside table, suddenly feeling completely happy and content for the first time in weeks. She was actually here now, in his beautiful home. And no doubt, he was happy to have her here. She felt a flock of butterflies in her stomach as her mind drifted to the book on his bedside table and his rather special book marker. She closed her eyes and started humming the lyrics softly: Love of my life - you've hurt me You've broken my heart and now you leave Love of my life can't you see Bring it back, bring it back Don't take it away from me Because you don't know What it means to me Love of my life - don't leave me You've taken my love and now desert me Love of my life can't you see Bring it back, bring it back Don't take it away from me Because you don't know -

me

387

What it means to me You will remember When this is blown over And everything's all by the way When I grow older I will be there at your side to remind you How I still love you - I still love you Back - hurry back Please bring it back home to me Because you don't know What it means to me Love of my life Love of my life ... She let out a deep, girly sigh, the look on his face as he grabbed the book out of her hand still lingering on her mind. So you love this song too, Michael? But any particular reason why you have written the lyrics on the back of MY photograph?

388

Chapter 54 She slept like a baby all night and woke up the following morning feeling totally refreshed and ready to get to work. She took a quick shower and joined the others for breakfast in the dining room. Megan was already there too, eating porridge while playing with a red plastic spoon, cosily seated between Paris and Michael in a high chair. Paris was feeding her the porridge, Michael supervising the meal with a very fatherly look on his face. Karen gave him a teasing look while seating herself. New chair, Michael? You sure DO think of everything, dont you? He cracked a smile. Yeah, new chair. Did you have a good sleep? She nodded and reached out for a piece of toast. I slept like a baby all night long, thank you. I am totally fit for fight and hope that you are too. I hope to shoot some of the photographs today. Hey, hey, slow down, he burst out laughing. Dont you want to take a day off? Or are you just dying to finish the book as soon as possible, hoping to get back to London before time? He was only teasing her of course, but still there was something else in his voice. She looked him straight into his eyes, putting up a casual face, realizing that the kids were listening in on their conversation curiously. Dont worry, Michael. I dont intend to rush anything. Well need all the time we can get to work on the book, and I definitely dont intend to go back to London sooner than planned. We still lack more than half of it. She reached out

389

for her juice, then looked back at him again. Ill show you the chapters I have written so far later today, but I would really, really like to take some photographs after breakfast. I feel very inspired, being here. He returned her glance. Well, in that case, Karen, I am all for it. Lets shoot some photographs today. Where would you like to start? She took a large sip of the freshly squeezed orange juice. Mmm, this juice is delicious. Well, what about some photographs of you in your dance studio? I havent seen it yet, but I am sure itll be the perfect setting. And youll get to dance for me. I know youll love that. She gave him an innocent look across the table, trying not to smile. He blushed slightly. You think? I think you know me better than that. Well, I guess Ill just have to jump right into it, wont I? You are not letting me off the hook, I am sure. He turned around and wiped a stray spoonful of porridge off Megans chin, giving Paris an encouraging smile. As soon as she had finished her breakfast she went into her room to unpack her equipment. Michael emerged in the doorway, a goofy smile on his face. I was just wondering what do you want me to wear? She burst out in a giggle. What do I want you to wear? Well, nothing special, Michael. Just whatever you would normally wear in your dance studio. Pants and a t-shirt I hope. He rolled his eyes at her, a big grin on his face. I give up you are not helping me much, you know that? Yeah, thats what I usually wear. I dont dance around in my underwear or less - if thats what you mean. So this is okay? He looked down at his black jeans, red t-shirt and black open shirt.

390

She nodded and whistled approvingly, a teasing look on her face. Sure Michael, thats perfect. You look great. Very sexy. I think you need to change outfits a few times though, in case we want to use several photographs from the dance studio. He rolled his eyes again, shaking his head resignedly. Ill give you sexy Now come on, lets get to work. He grabbed the heavy parts of her equipment and led the way out of the house. His dance studio turned out to be situated in the far end of the garden. He made a sweeping gesture as they stepped inside. This used to be the guest house, but I had it rebuilt when I bought the house, and I intend to build a small recording studio out here too. So what do you think? She looked around the spacious room with the beautiful wooden floor, a huge mirror covering two entire walls, an impressive HI FI tower placed in the corner. This is just perfect, Michael. Just do whatever you wanna do while I get the equipment ready. She looked up at the huge skylight windows. The lighting in here is perfect though, I wont need to work a whole lot on that. She looked at him out of the corner of her eye while putting up the tripods. He looked a little lost for a second, then went to the corner and turned the music up high, partly dancing, partly walking across the room back to the mirror. Her heart started beating fast, watching him. He had this incredible grace and charisma about him in every move he made; it was impossible not to be drawn to him, watching him dance. This was very different from watching him dance on stage, almost She let out a girly sigh, giving up trying to find the right word. The music shifted to Jam, and he started dancing the routine she recognized from the video. His energy took her breath away; he no longer seemed

391

to notice her presence, he was totally consumed in his dancing. Nevertheless he did smile shyly into the mirror as he caught a glimpse of her, grabbing her camera. She shot about two hundred pictures of him as he danced his way through several upbeat songs. Finally he sat down, slightly out of breath, his back against the mirror. He wiped the sweat off his forehead and cracked a smile. Sit down and take five, Karen. I am awfully out of shape, I need to take a break. She laughed teasingly while seating herself beside him. You call this out of shape? Oh my God, I would die, having to do just one of your routines. She continued to take photographs as he leaned the back of his head against the mirror and closed his eyes, trying to catch his breath while licking his lips. He got up and walked to a small built-in fridge, grabbed two bottles of mineral water and returned to where she was sitting, once again flinging himself on the floor, his back against the mirror. He handed her one of the bottles and opened his own, drinking greedily. She took his picture, watching him close his eyes while almost finishing the water in one large gulp. He turned his head to look at her. So how did I do? Do you think some of them will work, or do you need more? Some of them are perfect, I think. You look awesome dancing, Michael. Your facial expressions keep changing all the time. So do you wanna change into something else now? Sure. Ill go change in a minute. He broke into a grin and got up. But lets have some fun first. He was still grinning as he pulled her up with him. Having put the bottles up against the wall, he went to the HI FI tower, his grin changing into a sly smile as he hesitated for a second, then pressed a few

392

buttons. He turned around to face her as the music started, then turned up the volume even more. Her heart started racing as he danced towards her, his eyes piercing into hers mischievously. He stopped right in front of her, his body moving gracefully to the music, his right hand on his chest, his long fingers tapping the beat on his t-shirt. Suddenly he started singing along out loud: Looking over my photographs I saw a picture of you and me Lovin' me deep had to write you just to tell you that And to find out if you really love missin' me 'cos If you don't love me If you don't love me If you don't love me If you don't love me If you don't need me Just like I need you If you don't love me If I don't love you

He bent his head backward, still standing right in front of her, singing along loudly in a hoarse, sexy voice, his hips moving back and forth, his arms stretched out to each side, his fingers snapping: And if you don't love me If you don't love me And if you don't love me If you don't love me And if you don't love me If you don't love me What will I do baby?

393

He opened his eyes and looked at her, singing the last line of the chorus, a teasing look on his face: 'Cos I'm in love with you Singing the second verse, he danced around her with his hand on her shoulder while moving his face closer to hers, his voice still hoarse and sensual, a teasing smile all over his face: I told the doctor that I got a broken heart And my temperature has risen to a hundred and three Why don't you write me back and save me girl? Tell me what I wanna hear Like your missin' me 'cos If you don't love me If you don't love me If you don't need me If you don't need me If you don't want me The way I want you If you don't love me If you don't love me He quickly turned around and grabbed his fedora from a small shelf beside the mirror. He put it on gracefully, stretched his fingers and slid his hand up the back of his head, teasingly pushing the fedora further down his face while spinning around, moving his legs to the side and lifting up the collar of his shirt. He grabbed her hand and twirled her around with him while singing the second chorus: And if you don't love me If you don't love me And if you don't love me

394

If you don't love me And if you don't love me If you don't love me What will I do baby? Pulling her close in one swift movement, his eyes looked deep into hers teasingly from beneath the fedora: 'Cos I'm in love with you You! He grabbed her around the waist and turned her around with him slowly while singing the bridge, his eyes still not leaving her face for a second: Oh, baby, baby, I've been missing you For such a long, long time ago You changed your number and I couldn't call So I couldn't tell you so Suddenly he threw himself on his knees on the floor in front of her. Looking up at her, he made a very sexy version of the famous Michael Jackson pout: I had to write you just to tell you that I may be kissing on your photograph He got up quickly and soon twirled her around again, his hips moving towards her and away from her constantly in small, sexy movements, his head, arms and legs not in the same position for a second, his entire body in motion with every beat of the music. If you don't love me If you don't love me

you

395

And if you don't love me If you don't love me And if you don't love me If you don't love me Baby baby, baby If you don't love me If you don't love me And if you don't want me I you don't love me Give it to me If you don't love me He took off the fedora in a swift graceful movement and put it on her head, using his fingertip to pull it down over her eyes, still moving in quick circles against her body, then away from her teasingly while singing the fourth chorus: Baby, baby, baby If you don't love me And if you don't love me And I don't love you If you don't love me If you don't need me If you don't love me While holding his hand up in front of his face teasingly, still a huge smile on his lips, his fingers motioning her to get closer: Give it to me Give it If you don't love me Give it to me, baby If you don't love me If you don't love me If you don't love me Love me

396

If you don't love me I really wanna have it If you don't love me I'm beggin' my bed Oooh, ooh Taking her by surprise completely, he grabbed her by the waist and leaned her backwards, holding her almost horizontally in his arms, his head dangerously close to hers, a teasing glow in his eyes. He exaggerated a heavy breathing as he moaned and almost whispered his way through the next lines, his voice low and sexy: Dont know what I'm gonna do All I know is... then once again leaned his head backwards and almost screamed out the next line while pulling her up into vertical position again: Baby, baby, baby, baby He twirled around and danced away from her backwards, still keeping his eyes locked on hers, his hips still moving in circles in a way which would make most women blush, his thumbs tucked into the belt loops of his jeans, his hands resting flirtatiously on his hips: If you don't love me If you don't love me If you don't love me If you don't love me And if you don't want me If you don't love me And if you don't need me If you don't love me

397

I'm beggin' my bed If you don't love me I'm beggin' my bed If you don't love me Give it to me, baby As the music stopped, he approached her again and pulled her into a hug, laughing hard while taking the fedora from her to put it back on himself. He slid it down over his eyes again and pouted mischievously. Oh my God, Karen, look at you! I have never seen you blush this heavily before. Guess I can still make you loose your breath, huh? His eyes sparkled teasingly as he held her out at arms length. Now are you done making fun at me when I feel slightly embarrassed, having to dance in front of you? Was this sexy enough for you? She poked him in the chest softly while pulling away from him, trying hard to conceal her fluster and uneven breathing, her cheeks still embarrassingly hot. Huh? yeah okay, stop it, Michael, you um you made your point. She breathed in hard, a small whistling sound escaping her mouth. Now just get back to work, please or go get changed just get out of here. She looked at his back as he left the dance studio to go change, still laughing out loud. She sat down like before, leaning her head against the mirror, reaching out for her mineral water. Oh my God, Michael. You have absolutely no idea what this did to me, do you? You have absolutely no idea HOW outrageously sexy and cute you look, dancing that way, even wearing your fedora. Yeah, you still know how to make me loose my breath and not because of the exercise. She breathed in deep, then let it out slowly. Okay, time to calm down, Karen. Friends remember?

398

399

Chapter 55 They had been working on the book all day, only taking a short break to have lunch with the kids on the terrace before returning to his office again. Michael looked at her across the desk, watching her fingers dance over the keyboard, her head turned to the notes beside her laptop. Her long red hair was gathered in an impressive ponytail, and her amazing green eyes looked almost transparent in the sunlight flowing in from the large window to her right. Her facial expression was constantly changing as she worked her way through her notes, a subconscious smile crossing her face now and then, clearly intensifying the glow in her eyes. Arent you tired? he asked softly, trying to catch her eyes. She stopped writing, still resting her fingers on the keyboard. She looked almost surprised. Tired? Why would I be tired, Michael? Its in the middle of the day. Only she looked at her watch half past four. He cracked a smile. Yes, I know, but you have been working non-stop for several hours. Dont you need to take a break? I feel almost guilty. You do all the hard work. She laughed. Like typing? Well, thats not hard work. Not at all. Dont feel guilty. I intend to let you work very hard tonight. He giggled mischievously. Really? She threw a paper clip at him, rolling her eyes. He giggled again. Sorry Yeah, bet you are! No, I was actually thinking of shooting some pictures of you in your music room.

400

Her eyes wandered away from his face and landed on his hands, resting on the desk right in front of her. And just so you know. This time I do not intend to participate in any way, the way you had me do in your dance studio the other day. She blushed becomingly, thinking about it. A small smile lurked in the corners of his mouth as he took in every little detail of the look on her face. Suddenly he gave her a pleading, almost childlike stare. You know lets not work tonight, Karen. Its Friday, and those photographs can wait until tomorrow. Lets take the evening off and spend time with the kids. Maybe watch a movie once they have been put to bed. He pointed his finger at her teasingly. You need to learn to relax again, girl. You have become such a workaholic. She rolled her eyes eloquently again. Said Michael Jackson? Come on, who are you trying to kid here? She flashed him a smile. But okay, lets not work tonight. She stretched her arms over her head. In fact, Michael lets stop working right now. How about taking a swim in your gigantic swimming pool? Its still pretty hot, isnt it? He got up eagerly. Great idea. Ill meet you by the pool in five minutes. He was sitting on one of the sun beds as she approached the pool, wearing his red bathing trunks and a white t-shirt. She flung her towel, her sunglasses and her camera on his sun bed and turned her back to him, quickly taking off her dress. She was wearing a black bikini underneath. He couldnt take his eyes off her. Her body was still painfully perfect, despite the fact that she was far from being a teen-ager anymore and had given birth to Megan only a year ago. She turned around and caught him staring at her. He blushed as he got up from the sun bed to stand right in front of her. He fixed his eyes on the thin white lines on the skin right

401

above her cleavage. I still cant believe your scars are gone, he said hoarsely. So much has happened during these past two years. She nodded, a serious look on her face. You are right, Michael. A lot has happened. But getting rid of the scars isnt one of many regrets. She put on a smile. Now come on. Lets hit the water. I told Jenny and the kids to come join us. He turned his head as the kids came running out of the garden, wearing their bathing suits and trunks. Jenny was holding Megan on her arm, the little girl looking adorable in a pink and purple floral bathing suit with ruffles across the chest. Michael reached out for her and kissed her on the cheek as she almost jumped into his embrace. You look lovely, pumpkin, he said cheerfully while seating himself on the edge of the low end of pool, his legs into the water. He slid himself into the pool, holding her tight. She giggled loudly as she felt the water surround her, and instantly reached out for his hair. He made a wry face as she pulled his hair hard, then burst out in a similar giggle, twirling her around in the water. Paris jumped onto his back cheerfully and wrapped her arms around his neck. Soon Blanket and Prince were climbing all over him too, and happy laughter filled the air, Michael laughing louder than anybody else. A lump built in Karens throat as she watched the glow in his eyes and his happy smile. Here he was, playing with his kids. ALL of his kids. All four of them and he didnt even know. But she would have to tell him sooner or later, and then She swallowed hard as she climbed out of the pool and headed for the sun bed, wiped her face and hands with her towel and grabbed her camera, breathing in deep.

402

Standing on the edge of the pool, she shot a series of photos of the five of them, her heart still pounding hard, each burst of laughter only adding to her own sadness and guilt. Michael turned around smiling, pointing at Jenny. Hey Karen, why dont you show Jenny how to operate that fancy camera of yours? I would love to have a picture of both of us, with the kids. He made a funny gesture with his hand. Come back here, please. She hesitated and looked at Jenny undecidedly. Misinterpreting the look on her face, Jenny got up from the sun bed and reached out for the camera. Dont worry, Karen. I think I know how to do this, she said in a cheerful voice. A friend of mine has one almost like it. Karen nodded and jumped back into the water. Suddenly, she felt foolishly shy. She felt a blush creep into her cheeks, and her heartbeat refused to slow down. Why did he have to look like that? Smile like that? Michael took a closer look at her and burst into a giggle again. Hee hee, so the photographer doesnt like to have her picture taken! Now come here, girl, dont be shy. Join the party. He reached out for her and put his right arm around her shoulder, still holding Megan on his left arm. He signalled Paris, Blanket and Prince to get closer again. Paris put her arms around Karen while the boys both climbed onto Michaels back, Prince holding his fingers in a peace sign above his fathers head while smiling mischievously. Jenny laughed and took several photographs while stepping close to the edge. Hey, take care, Michael grinned, handing Megan to Paris. Karen will definitely kill you if you drop her camera into the water. I would hate to see that happen.

403

His infectious grin washed away her sudden sadness. It was impossible not to be swept away by the twinkle in his eyes and his childlike playfulness. Karen poked him in the back teasingly. Yeah, right! You would just love to see me freaking out, wouldnt you! He reciprocated her gesture by quickly putting his hand on her head, forcing her head below water. He reached out his hand to pull her up and grabbed her by the arm as she emerged again, gasping for air. Michael, Ill kill you instead, she burst out and pushed back her long wet ponytail. She wrapped her arms around his neck from behind and tried to pull him down into the water. He giggled loudly. Nice try, but you definitely need to put on some weight to be able to do that. Taking her by surprise completely, he leaned backwards into the water quickly, once again forcing her below water, his body weighing her down. He pulled her up and into a hug immediately. I am sorry, he laughed, his body shaking with laughter against hers. I guess that wasnt a very gentlemanlike thing to do, but it was just too tempting. He pulled away and looked at her as she gasped for air once again, still holding her hand on his shoulder for balance. Michael, I hate you, she moaned, faking an angry look while trying to catch her breath. He laughed even louder than before. Sure you do. But usually never for long, right? Her right bikini strap had fallen off her shoulder and was now resting on her upper arm. She didnt seem to notice. Without thinking, he reached out and pulled it back up while gently sliding his hand over her soft, creamy shoulder and back down her arm. He instantly realized his mistake and gulped lightly. I am sorry, Karen. I didnt mean to do that.

404

She struggled to conceal her surprise while correcting the strap once again herself with a slow motion of her hand. No big deal, she mumbled, looking away at the children. Now lets play some ball, she added casually, turning away from him quickly. They stayed in the pool for almost an hour before Michael ordered the kids to get out of the water and get dressed for dinner. Megan let out a very loud dissatisfied cry as Karen carried her out of the pool. As the little girl started kicking her legs up and down, Michael burst into soft laughter and looked at Paris teasingly. This girl may have her fathers black hair, but she has definitely inherited the temper to go with her mothers red curls, dont you think? Paris nodded, smiling. Then, without warning, her smile faded away. Within seconds, tears threatened to well up in her eyes. Instantly picking up on her change of mood, her father kneeled down in front of her and grabbed her hand. His eyes locked on hers soothingly. Hey, sweetey, whats wrong? She shrugged her shoulders, looking at Karen shyly. He put his finger under her chin and forced her to look at him again. Now tell me, Paris. Whats wrong? Why are you so sad all of a sudden? You can tell me anything, you know. She looked down at her hands. I just wish that you were Megans daddy too, she said in a low voice. I wish she never had to leave again. He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tight, his eyes meeting Karens above his daughters head. He bit his lower lip. You know what? he said in a soft voice while holding her out at arms length. Its perfectly okay to feel that way. I know how much you love this little girl, and I know that youll

405

miss her when she goes back to London I will too, but I am sure shell come visit a lot, okay? And well visit her in London too. The guilt was overwhelming. Suffocating. Heart wrenching. Karen looked at Paris unhappy face and felt like giving up. Like breaking down completely and let it all out. But this was neither the time nor the place. And the children were certainly not supposed to be there when their father She put Megan down on the ground and gathered her things from the sun bed quickly. Then she breathed in deep and turned to Paris again, softly sliding her hand through the girls long brown hair. Dont worry, Paris. Your daddy is right. You are gonna be seeing a lot of her in the future, too. And maybe She paused, then shook her head as if to erase the beginning of the final sentence. She felt Michaels eyes on her back as she turned around and headed for the house, Megan in her arms. She drew the girl closer and kissed her cheek while letting out a low, painful sob. Soon, Michael. Soon, I promise. Somehow Ill have to find the courage to tell you. Despite the emotional outburst at the pool, the dinner was really cosy, and Paris was in a much better mood again. Michael allowed the kids to eat as much ice cream as they wanted for dessert and even indulged himself in a huge serving of chocolate and vanilla ice cream with whip cream, wafers and lots of chocolate sauce. Karen looked at his plate teasingly. Oh my God, Michael. How can you eat this much and still be lean as a bean? He looked up from his dessert and licked a bit of chocolate sauce from his lip. Am I sensing a hint of envy in the air? He dug his spoon into the ice cream once again, a smug glint in his eyes.

406

She shook her head resignedly and rolled her eyes while looking at Paris. Paris burst out in a very girly giggle and instantly rolled her eyes in the exact same manner. He stopped eating and faked a stern look. Oh, thats nice, Karen. Go ahead and teach my kids to roll their eyes behind my back. That will certainly improve their manners. He tried to wipe the smile off his face while grabbing the last of his wafers. She grinned. Thats what you get for giving Megan all those cookies behind my back. You think I havent noticed? He faked a look of surprise and offence. Cookies? I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about He grabbed another wafer from the bowl and chewed cheerfully. After dinner, Michael and the kids gathered around the coffee table for a game of monopoly while Karen put Megan to bed in Paris room. As soon as Megan had fallen asleep, she joined them in the living room again, watching them play. Her eyes were drawn to Michael repeatedly. He sat on a cushion on the floor, his legs pulled up beneath him. He had an almost childlike look on his face and burst into a boyish giggle every time the game was in his favour. Paris landed on one of his properties again. He giggled loudly again while collecting a large amount of paper money from her, throwing a teasing look in her direction. Are you almost broke, sweetey? Aww, thats too bad! She rolled her eyes at him. Daddy, you are such a baby, and you are cheating! He turned his head to look at Karen. See? You taught her that! He winked at his daughter, cheerfully gathering the paper money in front of him.

407

At ten oclock he looked around the table, once again a much more decisive look in his eyes. Sorry guys, time for bed. They got up reluctantly, nevertheless not trying to argue with him in any way. They kissed him goodnight and made their way into their rooms. Ill come tuck you in in a minute, he shouted through the living room while clearing away the board game. He raised his head and looked at Karen. Theres a Laurel and Hardy cavalcade on the telly tonight. Itll go on until three. Wanna watch some of it? She yawned. Actually, Michael, I am pretty tired. I dont know how long Ill manage to stay awake. But if you throw in some popcorn, Ill at least try to stay awake to watch the first movie. He smiled. Thats a deal. Ill go tuck in the kids first. He returned fifteen minutes later, carrying two tall glasses of ice tea in his hands and a large bowl of hot popcorn in his arms. He turned on the TV and seated himself beside her on the sofa. She watched the first movie with him, enjoying the shimmer in his eyes and his constant giggle just as much as the movie itself. As the movie ended, she shook her head at him teasingly. Gosh, Michael, you are such a kid. I have never seen anybody giggle this much, watching an old black and white movie. Dont get me wrong, I love them, but you you are in a league of your own. He laughed shyly. Guilty as charged. I love these movies to death. But I think you do too, based on the girlish tee-hee coming from your end of the sofa quite often. He elbowed her in the side. Now watch the second movie. You are not going to bed yet, are you? She faked a look of resignation and pulled her legs up beneath her. She grabbed a pillow and tucked it

408

behind her head, determined to watch the movie but soon feeling her eyes getting heavier by the minute. She woke up about an hour later and opened her eyes confused. The light in the room was now dim and cosy, the TV turned down considerably. Michael was sitting in the corner of the sofa, his long legs resting on the coffee table in front of him, the bowl of popcorn sitting on the armrest to his right. She, on the other hand, was laying on the sofa, resting her head in his lap, the pillow beneath her head. His left hand was entangled in a lock of her hair while he watched the movie, letting out low giggles now and then, cheerfully chewing the rest of the popcorn at the same time. She swallowed hard and sat up while looking at him, embarrassed. Oh my God, Michael, how long have I been sleeping? And like this? He gave her a soft smile. For about an hour. No need to be embarrassed. Its nice watching you sleep. She ran her fingers through her hair and got up on her feet. I better go to bed now. I wont be able to stay awake. He grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her down on the sofa again, looking at her pleadingly. Dont, Karen, he said in a very soft toned voice. Dont go, please. Just lie down again. He tapped his fingers on the pillow in his lap. Just like before. She glanced at him, surprised. As he returned her glance, her heart started beating faster. There was something unusual in his eyes. A look of complete and utter happiness relaxation contentedness. She hadnt seen him look like that in a long time. He shook his head slowly. Dont argue with me this time. Dont think too much just go back to sleep, please. She hesitated an instant, then lay down again, her head in his lap. She swallowed hard once again as

409

she closed her eyes, hoping that he wouldnt notice the awkward way she tried to breathe without making a sound. Apparently he didnt. A few minutes later he burst out in a tiny giggle again, leaning forward to put the now empty bowl on the table while brushing away a little bit of salt from his lips with his index finger. He leaned back against the sofa again and entangled his left hand in her hair like before while softly stroking her hair away from her forehead repeatedly with his right hand. She fought a sudden urge to sit up and wrap her arms around him, but soon her heartbeat returned to normal, and she felt drowsy and safe again, feeling his big soft hand against her face. Within minutes, sleep caught up with her once more. She woke up at the crack of dawn and looked around the room, confused. She was lying on top of her bed, a pillow under her head and a soft cream blanket tucked carefully around her. The lamp on her bedside table was on, and the curtains were drawn. Too tired to get up to get undressed, she reached out and turned off the lamp before putting her head back on the pillow, soon sound asleep for the third time.

410

Chapter 56 Her bedroom was bathed in daylight as she woke up. She stretched lazily and let a girly yawn fly free into the air, then suddenly recognized the sound of the children playing in the garden, the girls laughing loudly now and then. Still not totally awake, the sound surprised her somewhat. She sat up and looked at her watch. Damn, she had slept far too long; it was almost ten oclock. Her toes sank into the thick carpet as she jumped out of bed and headed for the bathroom, for some odd reason feeling completely happy. She turned on the water in the shower and undressed quickly, leaving her clothes in a messy pile at her feet. Everything that happened last night came back to her as she stepped towards the mirror to remove yesterdays make-up, now slightly smudged around her eyes. She gazed at her reflection in the mirror, then rolled her eyes at the silly, happy smile which seemed to glue to her face. She looked away from the mirror and brushed her teeth, trying hard to ignore the question that kept popping into her mind how DID she get to bed last night? Did he ? She jumped into the shower and let out a gasp as the cold water hit her skin and instantly washed away the last traces of sleep from her body. An image of the look on his face as he pleaded her to go back to sleep in his lap the night before danced behind her eyelids as she let the water cascade down her face. The image was still there as she washed her hair, and still there as she turned off the water and dried herself with a soft cream towel,

411

another towel wrapped carefully around her long hair. Thinking about it rationally, she was in no hurry. She had overslept as it was; no doubt breakfast would still be waiting for her when she turned up. Nevertheless a strange feeling of urgency crept over her as she stepped into her walk-in closet and picked out a random dress. She put it on quickly and left her hair to air dry, not taking the time to put on any make-up either before heading for the dining room. Michael was all alone in the room, reading his newspaper while drinking a cup of tea. The remains of the childrens breakfast were still on the table. Good morning, sleepy head, he smiled as she seated herself. Did you have a good nights sleep? One of the maids entered the room with freshly squeezed juice and hot toast. She smiled thankfully before answering his question. Oh my gosh, yes, I did. I have been sound asleep until ten oclock. Why didnt you wake me up? He gave her a teasing look over the edge of the newspaper. You are always such an early bird. I thought you needed the sleep when you didnt show up for breakfast as usual. He watched her as she buttered her toast slowly, then carefully arranged a string of banana slices on the bread. He raised an ebony eyebrow in a perfect arch. Seriously, Karen, how can you eat that, every single morning? I dont know. I just love banana on buttered toast. Its disgusting No its not! Yes it is, and now Paris is eating the same thing, too. He rolled his eyes cheerfully. You have such a bad influence on my daughter. Monkey see, monkey do, you know.

412

She cleared her throat. By the way, how did I get to bed last night? I dont remember waking up in the living room at all after the first time. He smiled nonchalantly while pouring himself another cup of tea. Actually, you didnt. I didnt have the heart to wake you up, so I carried you into your bedroom. You carried me? She looked down at her plate shyly. And did I say anything? Say anything? What do you mean? She hesitated. I um have developed this nasty habit of mumbling in my sleep now and then. He tried not to smile. Oh that yes, I know. No, you didnt say anything. Dont worry. If I didnt, then how do you know about this little habit of mine? Did I do it back then at Pinehaven? He laughed softly. Not that I recall, but well, you kind of did mumble something that night we both fell asleep in Paris bed while I was on tour. Her eyes widened. Oh no, I did? What did I say? He took a sip of his tea. Actually, I dont remember. His voice was very casual, but his eyes clearly revealed the lie. Her cell phone interrupted the conversation. She checked the caller ID and got up, smiling apologetically. Hey Tony, she said as she walked out of the French door to the terrace. She came back five minutes later. Michael looked up at her, his face expressionless. So how is good old Tony? Does he miss you terribly? She seated herself again, not looking at him. Yes, as a matter of fact he does, Michael. And Megan. But he is fine, thanks. He sends his regards. He finished his tea and brushed away a few imaginary crumbs from his red shirt. Oh, I almost forgot. I wont be home for dinner tonight. Lisa Marie called me this morning and invited me to her show

413

on the Strip. I promised to take her out for a late dinner afterwards. She stared at him in utter astonishment. Lisa Marie as in your ex-wife? He returned her glance calmly. Yes why do you sound so surprised? She shook her head slowly, her cheeks going pink. Sorry, its just that I didnt think the two of you were still friends. I mean she did make some rather nasty comments about you and your marriage on several occasions after your divorce, didnt she? He smiled softly. Yes, she did. And I was furious and extremely hurt, no doubt about it, but you have to know Lisa Marie to understand what made her do that. She is a very passionate person. Our divorce was really hard on her, I hurt her big time. He looked down at his tea cup. We got married at a strange time in my life. I had been addicted to painkillers for some time, and Elizabeth and Lisa Marie persuaded me to do something about it. Thank God they did. My life was a total mess at the time, and I shouldnt have gotten married. I I was never able to love her the way she needed me to, and she ended up feeling hurt and humiliated. But we are way past that now. We are friends again and get together now and then. He looked up. She is a really nice, funny and caring person. I am sure you would like her. He hesitated. You are welcome to join us if you like. She felt her heart beating fast as she chewed the last of her toast. That certainly sounded sincere. You are welcome to join us if you have to . She swallowed hard. No way was she gonna spend time with him AND his ex-wife being the third wheel. She shook her head. No thanks, Michael. This is Jennys night off, remember? I better stay at home with the kids, but I dont mind at all. Honestly, I dont feel like going out tonight.

414

He nodded agreeingly, obviously not too sad that she decided not to join him and his beautiful ex-wife on their date. She played with her knife for a while, suddenly not feeling nearly as happy and content as she did five minutes earlier. So she is doing a show on the Strip? Do you admire her as an artist? He slid his fingers over his newly shaven chin, clearly thinking about his reply. Well, I do think she is very talented, but more than anything I feel really bad for her because she has to work so much harder at her career, being Elvis daughter. She has to prove all the time that she can manage on her own, that she didnt get it all from him. Karen smiled sarcastically. I get your point, but seriously I dont think anybody would ever accuse her of getting anything from Elvis apart from his mesmerizing smile and his fortune. Certainly not his talent. Michael looked at her strangely for a while, not saying anything. Then he shook his head slowly, an unfamiliar tone to his voice as he finally spoke. You know what, Karen? Thats actually the first time I have ever heard you say something nasty about anybody whatsoever. I cant help but wishing that you hadnt picked a friend of mine, who happens to be my ex-wife too, for that first attempt of yours. He got up quickly and turned his back to her, heading for the door. She wanted to kick herself, but it was too late to take it back. Michael ... she pleaded to his back, her cheeks burning unpleasantly. He shook his head and held his hand into the air disarmingly, not turning around to face her. Its okay, Karen. You are entitled to your opinion. Ill

415

meet you in my office when you have finished your breakfast. His voice was a little louder than usual. Not enough to sound harsh, simply determined. It hurt more than she cared to admit, even to herself. His tone of voice and the way the door had closed behind him. He was already in his office when she entered the room ten minutes later. She gave him an uncertain look as she seated herself in front of her laptop. She breathed in deep. I am sorry, Michael. I was totally out of line. I apologize. He shrugged his shoulders. Its okay. Your unkind remark just kind of took me by surprise, thats all. Lets forget about it. Nevertheless, she still felt an unpleasant knot inside her stomach as she printed the chapter they had been working on the day before. His hand touched hers briefly as she handed it to him, but he didnt seem to notice. He grabbed a pen and seated himself more comfortably to go through the chapter carefully, page by page, making his remarks in the margin. She looked at him across the desk. He kept sliding his right index finger over his lips repeatedly, following the shape of the upper lip, then the lower lip, then upwards and along the upper lip again. She kept her eyes on his hand, unable to look away. His long, strong fingers she used to feel their strength whenever they touched her skin, although his touch was always soft and gentle too. She felt a shiver run down her spine and quickly looked down at her laptop, however, soon finding herself staring at him again. He kept touching his lips absent-mindedly. His soft, way too tempting lips. Those lips that would make her quiver every time they touched her, no

416

matter how briefly. Did Lisa Marie feel the same way too? She felt her throat contract painfully hard. Of course Lisa Marie felt exactly the same way, at least back when they were married. Why wouldnt she? Beautiful, talented Lisa Marie with the small, slightly cold but still incredibly beautiful eyes. A somewhat arrogant look on her face but still a breathtaking, mesmerizing smile on her sensual red lips. Lisa Marie with the perfect hair and the perfect body. Lisa Marie who had shared so much with him. Much more than she ever had and ever would. She felt the tears sting behind her eyes and blinked quickly. She returned her eyes to her laptop and started typing again, now and then running her eyes through her notes. Suddenly, the lines were blurry, and her fingers wouldnt hit the keys correctly. She kept pressing Delete, a look of annoyance growing on her face. She stopped typing. Can I ask you something, Michael? He nodded, still looking at the papers, the pen in his mouth. Sure, shoot. Why did you do it? I mean why did you make that video for You are not alone? You and Lisa Marie almost butt naked. I mean that was so unmichaelish. He smiled, looking slightly embarrassed as he took the pen out of his mouth, his eyes not leaving the draft manuscript in his hand. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time. It wasnt my idea, but it seemed like the right thing to do. And besides, we werent actually butt naked. We were wearing underwear beneath those towels. He looked up, a teasing look on his face. Why are you asking me this all of a sudden? She shrugged her shoulders, hoping that he would not be able to read her mind this time. No special reason. I am just curious.

417

She returned her hands to the keyboard and started typing again. Her hands were trembling unpleasantly, and the lump in her throat was growing by the minute. She breathed in deeply, trying not to make a sound, but this time her body did not obey her the way it used to. A small gasping sound escaped her mouth instead. He looked up from his papers again. Are you okay? You seem a little He smiled a small smile and made an eloquent gesture with his hand. Sure, I am fine. She hesitated, taking another deep breath. To her relief, this time without the embarrassing, gasping sound. No, honestly, Michael. I have a terrible headache. I really dont think Ill be able to get any decent work done right now. Do you mind if I take a break? He ran his eyes over her face. You know what, Karen? Lets take the day off. Its Saturday, and we dont need to work during the weekend. And you do look kind of pale. Besides, I can do with a nap after lunch myself. He grinned shyly. After all, I did go to bed rather late and got up quite early. She forced a smile, but it didnt turn out quite as innocent and sweet as she planned. Sure, Michael. Lets take the day off. I would love to spend some time with the kids and of course you wanna be completely rested before your big night out. He got up while shooting her a strange look. He put the papers on the desk, the pen on top. Okay, so lets get out of here. Wanna take a swim? She shook her head. No thanks, I think Ill go find the kids. I havent seen much of Megan this morning. He nodded. In that case, I think Ill spend an hour or two in my dance studio instead. See you later. He turned around to leave the room. Michael He turned around in the doorway. Yes?

418

She hesitated. Do you still His dark eyes rested on her face, waiting. She shook her head, biting her lip hard. Forget it. Its not important. Sure? Sure. Okay. He turned around again and left the room. As she walked through the house and into the garden to find the kids, she cursed herself for almost asking him the most ridiculous question of them all. She spent most of the day with the kids, trying hard to push aside all thoughts of his plans for the evening but not succeeding very well. He joined them for lunch on the terrace and then retired to his bedroom soon after, looking rather tired but definitely in high spirits. She looked at him as he left the terrace. I wonder if Lisa Marie is equally excited right now maybe resting too or getting ready to meet you? She closed her eyes for a second, for the first time ever wondering if she would be better off being back in London, far away from him.

419

Chapter 57 He came in to say goodbye while she was having dinner with the kids. A wave of despair washed over her at the sight of him. He looked absolutely stunning, dressed in a sassy black suit, a crisp white shirt and a black tie. His hair was straightened and gathered in a ponytail, his make-up discrete and absolutely flawless. You would have to spend a lot of time in front of the mirror to look like that . The thought twisted her stomach again. He kissed the kids goodnight, one by one. Bedtime at ten, remember? he said in a stern voice, looking at Prince. But dad its Saturday, Prince moaned, looking slightly annoyed. Michael shook his head. Dont argue with me, okay buddy? Ten oclock. Sharp. He bent down to kiss Megan on the cheek, like he had done with the other kids. He rested his hand on Karen shoulder lightly while bending down towards the little girl. She could sense his cologne clearly as he stood beside her, the smell almost causing the tears to flow. She looked at him again. He looked way too cheerful, way too happy. She grabbed her water and took a large sip, hoping that the lump in her throat would vanish. Unfortunately, the water by far had the effect she was hoping for. One of the maids came into the room, carrying a large bouquet of long stemmed red roses, beautifully wrapped in see-through cellophane. Dont forget the flowers, Mr. Jackson, she said nicely. He nodded. I wont. Thank you, Mary.

420

Paris looked at the flowers, then at her father. Why are you bringing her flowers, daddy? Michael smiled shyly. Because its very polite to bring somebody flowers if you meet them in their dressing room before the show to wish them good luck. She nodded understandingly. But why red roses? Arent red roses a sign of love? He burst out laughing, his cheeks getting slightly hot. Not necessarily, sweetey. I am bringing Lisa Marie red roses because red roses are her favourite flowers. Thats why. He waved goodbye to the kids and turned around, heading for the door. Karen felt almost nauseous, watching him leave. Dont go, please, Michael. Stay at home stay at home with me. Have dinner with us, lets play with the kids, watch a movie do WHATEVER you wanna do. Just dont go. She looked at her plate, screaming the words inside her head, not a single word escaping her lips. Not even a polite have fun or a similar unmeaning phrase as he walked out the door. And suddenly he was gone and it was too late to say anything. She caught Paris staring at her across the table and faked a cheerful face. Okay, kids, guess its only you and me tonight, huh? Wanna watch a movie? A little later she found herself gazing at the kids, now cosily seated in front of the TV, thoroughly enjoying their Saturday candy. There was so much of Michael in each and every one of them, and she would miss them terribly when she had to go back to London again. Ill come back soon, she said to herself, trying to shake off the sad feeling. Then it hit her. Unless unless another woman was on her way into his life now. Then she wouldnt be able to come back. That would be too awkward too painful. She

421

swallowed hard, the despair washing over her again. How could she be this jealous? She was married herself and she was NEVER this jealous before. With Alec, she might have felt a small sting of dislike if he flirted too much with one of the models but never anything like this. With Tony, she never felt jealous at all, despite the fact that women of all ages were dying to throw themselves at him and sometimes did. With Michael, she had felt these all too consuming jealousy attacks only too often during the past two years. Because of Linda. Angie. The girl kissing him in his dressing room. And now, more than ever, because of Lisa Marie. The woman he once loved enough to marry. She got up quickly. Guys, just continue without me for a while, okay? I need to put Megan to bed now. She lay down on Paris bed beside her daughter, looking at her as sleep caught up with her. She looked adorable, her long black hair spread out on the pillow, her skin soft and dark, her tiny perfect hand holding on to the pacifier in her mouth. She felt an invisible hand squeeze her heart. Well, at least this was something neither Lisa Marie nor any other woman could ever take away from her. This was her little part of him. His daughter. His beautiful, charming daughter who would grow up to look just like him, hopefully to be just like him, too. She brushed away a few tears and left the room, silently closing the door behind her. She took a deep breath before entering the living room again, forcing a cheerful smile. Megan is asleep now. Any candy left? She put the kids to bed at exactly ten oclock, just as Michael had ordered. Having read a bedtime story to Paris and Blanket, she returned to the living room, feeling restless and frustrated. She zapped through the channels and picked a random movie which had

422

been on for more than an hour already. She didnt care. She watched the next movie, and the next At two oclock she got up and went into the garden. She slumped into one of the cosy chairs on the terrace and bent her head backwards, looking at the stars above while trying not to burst out in tears. The lump in her throat hurt more than ever and seemed to grow by the minute. The show had been over for hours. Even with dinner after the show, he ought to have been back by now. You are pathetic! Go to bed NOW. Dont wait up for him. She ignored the voice inside her head and went into the living room again, feeling more restless than ever. Having flung herself on the sofa, she curled her legs up beneath her and zapped through the channels again, only to turn off the TV with an angry motion of her hand a few minutes later, completely unable to concentrate on any of the programmes. She leaned back against the pillows, staring into the white ceiling while finally allowing the tears to flow freely. It felt good to finally let go. Somehow, the initial soft and silent tears seemed to wash away the lump in her throat, allowing her to breathe freely again. Sadly the feeling didnt last. With each passing minute the hands on the antique clock in the corner of the living room seemed to move slower, and her sobs seemed to increase in intensity, leaving her with a raw pain in her throat and a burning sensation in her chest. Maybe he would not be coming home at all that night? Maybe he had decided to spend the night elsewhere? She woke up at the soft touch of a hand on her shoulder. She looked up, startled. Michael was sitting on the coffee table, his jacket in his hand, his tie hanging loose around his neck. Several locks of hair had pulled loose from his ponytail, but it only made him look even younger and even more gorgeous. She

423

looked at him carefully, trying to read the expression on his face. Waiting up for me, are you? he asked teasingly, smiling. He looked happy. Way too happy and content. She shook her head. Of course not. I was watching a movie and must have dozed off. He nodded, a mischievous glint in his eyes. Sure, Karen. Thats why the TV is still on. She blushed, immediately feeling guilty about the lie, however white and innocent. I must have turned it off half asleep, she mumbled, not looking at him. She sat up, once again pulling her legs up beneath her. So did you have a good time? He nodded again. Thanks, I sure did. The show was excellent, and we had dinner at a great sushi restaurant on the Strip afterwards. She looked at her watch. It was almost four oclock. Now thats what I call a late dinner, she said, trying not to sound too sarcastic. Sushi, huh? So she shares your passion for raw fish? Personally, I hate sushi. He cracked a smile. Okay, so Ill remember never to invite you out for sushi. Ill go to bed now. Dont you think you ought to hit the sack too? He put up an innocent face. Or are you planning on watching any more movies tonight? She felt her cheeks getting annoyingly hot again. No, Ill go to bed now too. Any reason why you ignored my remark on your very late dinner? She bit her lip as soon as the words slipped her mouth, hating the sound of them. He cracked another smile. No, no reason. So you wanna know what we did afterwards? Well, actually we went back to her suite for a night cap. I had whisky, he added teasingly. Just in case you wanna know. Oh, and more than one. If you wanna know.

424

She shot him an angry look. Stop it, Michael. Dont patronize me. She put her hand on her chest to stop her heart from racing unpleasantly and breathed in deep. She just had to ask him. So okay, Michael, now that you are having so much fun anyway, why dont you just tell me. Did did you well, was she a good kisser? A small smile lurked on his lips. You know damn well that I dont kiss and tell, Karen. She nodded, suddenly feeling dizzy and nauseous. She swung her legs onto the floor, getting ready to get up. He grabbed her by the wrist. Why are you asking me all these questions? She shot him another angry look. No reason. I am just curious. He looked her straight into the eyes. Yes, Karen, as a matter of fact she was a great kisser. Is that what you wanted to know? Time seemed to stand still as she struggled not to take in the true meaning of his words. She pulled loose but didnt attempt to get up from the sofa, not trusting her legs enough to stand up just yet. She nodded, biting her lip hard. Yes, thats exactly what I wanted to know. I feel so much better now. Guess I should be thanking you for satisfying my curiosity, right? His eyes pierced into hers. Are you jealous? You have been acting weird all day. If you didnt want me to go out with her, why didnt you just ask me not to? She fixed her glance on the floor and rolled her eyes sarcastically. Yeah, why didnt I do just that! She looked up at him. Come on as if I am in any position to ask you something like that. I am married, Michael but not to you, remember? She wrapped her arms around herself in a vain attempt to stop

425

shivering then looked at him stubbornly. But I am not jealous. Why would I be? His eyes did not leave her face. Because you have admitted to being jealous before. When that fan kissed me in my dressing room Maybe you still have some sort of feelings for me and still feel jealous now and then. She looked at him angrily again, the ugly feelings she had tried so hard to suppress all evening now washing over her all at once. Okay, so I admitted to being jealous that one time. Are you gonna hold that against me forever? He shook his head. No, I just wanna know. You are sooo good at hiding your feelings, arent you? Always pretending that you are totally over and done with everything that has to do with me. That the magic is gone ... right, Karen? Everything is past tense. Oh, you dont mind me knowing that you still think I am kind of cute and maybe even sexy, as long as I dont forget that the attraction is purely physical. Other than that, we are just good friends, right? He looked almost angry now, too. Now come on, level with me. How do you feel right now? What on earth are you talking about? she burst out. You go on a date with your ex-wife and return in the middle of the night, your . clothes and hair all messy. You admit to having kissed her and then have the audacity to ask me how I feel? If I am jealous? That night on tour, when I did admit to being jealous, you said you werent planning on moving in that direction any time soon guess you werent planning on having a date with your gorgeous exwife back then, huh? But you know what this means, dont you? I have to leave. I cannot sit and watch. She breathed in hard. Yeah, Michael, I am jealous. I dont have any right to be, its totally insane, me being married to someone else. But I just cannot help it. I am jealous although I definitely hate to

426

admit it and definitely wish to God I wasnt. And its killing me. Satisfied? She got up on her feet, angry tears pouring down her face. He grabbed her wrist like before and pulled her down on the sofa. He reached out and wiped away a few tears, then put his hand in his lap again resignedly. He let out a sigh. Nothing happened, okay? We werent alone at any time. Her boyfriend was there, too she told me on the phone that she wanted me to meet him. They are getting married soon, and I am truly happy for her. I dont have any feelings for her we are friends, nothing else. I you just dont get it, do you? He looked tired all of a sudden. She got up again, looking at him furiously. Her boyfriend? Then why the hell did you make me think that the two of you why did you say that she was a great kisser if you didnt even kiss her? He shrugged his shoulders. She WAS a great kisser. Back when we were married. You didnt ask me if she was a great kisser today. She ran her fingers through her hair in a nervous manner. You did this deliberately. You made me think that but why? His eyes pierced into hers again. Maybe I wanted you to show me how you really feel, just for once. A feeling of utter humiliation and embarrassment washed over her as her eyes returned his glance, dark with hurt and anger. Go to hell, Michael, she burst out through gritted teeth. Just go to hell. She turned around quickly and headed for the door. No problem, Karen, he replied to himself in a sad voice, slowly sliding the tie off his neck while looking at her back as she left the room. I am already there most of the time anyway .

427

Chapter 58 She didnt sleep much that night, but at the crack of dawn she finally managed to fall asleep, her pillow soaked with angry tears. Michael woke her up a few hours later as he entered her room, carrying a large breakfast tray in his hands. He closed the door with his foot and approached her, a look of embarrassment on his face. Seating himself on the edge of the bed, he put the tray on the bedside table. His eyes were sad and tired as he looked down at her. I brought you breakfast, he said, stating the obvious. I though we could have breakfast together, in privacy. I think we need to talk. She sat up in bed, surprised and exhausted but still angry, too. She rested her eyes on him for less than a second, her face expressionless. Okay, just give me a minute. She swung her legs onto the floor and disappeared into the bathroom. She looked at her reflection in the mirror not a happy sight. Her paleness enhanced the dark rings around her green eyes, still red and swollen. Luckily she hadnt been wearing any make-up at all the day before, or her face would have been a total mess. She definitely would not have taken the time to remove it, being in no state of mind to focus on such trifles once she had left him in the living room. She had put on her pjs and gone to bed immediately, crying her eyes out, hating him for hurting her the way he did. She splashed her face with cold water and brushed her teeth, then returned to the bedroom

428

slowly, definitely not wanting to have the conversation she knew he would force her to have. She slipped under the sheets again, finally looking at him. Part of her anger against him vanished into thin air as she watched the look on his face. He handed her a glass of orange juice and a plate with two pieces of toast perfect slices of banana spread evenly on the bread. He grabbed another glass of juice and seated himself more comfortably on her bed. I am sorry about yesterday, he said in a soft tone of voice, looking into his glass. I hurt you a lot, and I apologize. She shrugged her shoulders sadly. I just still dont get it, Michael. Everything that happened yesterday. Karen, I She shook her head slowly. No, please listen, Michael if you want to go out on a date with somebody, you dont owe me any explanation whatsoever. In fact, you dont owe me anything. I have absolutely no right to interfere with your personal life, and my ridiculous, pointless jealousy yesterday is MY problem and not yours, but that is not the point here, is it? The point here is that for some odd reason you deliberately tried to make me feel bad jealous. You knew all day long that Lisa Marie had called you because she wanted to introduce her boyfriend to you, and still you made me think that the two of you were going out on a date. I dont think it took you very long to figure out how I felt about that. I mean you know me better than anybody else, Michael. You knew why I kept asking you all those stupid, stupid, humiliating questions. Why I made all those stupid, stupid, humiliating remarks. Why I was unable to get any work done. Still you did nothing to explain the situation to me. And when you came home from your

429

date and found out that you had indeed managed to make me even more jealous than you probably bargained for and way too easily I might add you made fun of me and made me feel even worse. You deliberately made me think that the two of you had She took a deep breath. You humiliated me, and I HATE the fact that I so foolishly gave you every reason to do just that. I was so stupid, so childish. A devastated look formed in his eyes. Please dont say that. And I didnt mean to hurt you like that, honestly, I didnt. I know I made a mistake, but I was trying to provoke you, I guess. She looked back at him coldly over the rim of her glass. Provoke me? So did you get the result you wanted? Was my reaction strong enough for you? The fact that I spent the entire day feeling horrible, almost choking on my jealousy, that I had the worst night of my life was that good enough for you? He watched the anger flare up in her eyes again and swallowed. Karen, please what I did was stupid and inconsiderate, I know. But do you honestly think that you are the only one to be jealous? How do you think the idea of you being married makes me feel? To know that you and Tony When you went back to London after the tour, back to him, how do you think that made me feel? When he called you yesterday, while we were having breakfast, how do you think THAT made me feel? She gazed at him, surprised. You are jealous, Michael? You never She paused, looking away from him again. He let out a joyless laughter and put his glass back on the tray. Well, if it any consolation to you, you are not the only one to have felt the way you felt yesterday. The night that you found me sleeping beside you in Paris bed, on Megans birthday He breathed in deep, twisting his hands together hard enough to turn his knuckles white. That night I had

430

been wandering around the suite, thinking about you and Tony being alone together in your bedroom, and it was driving me insane. I cried my eyes out and almost rushed into your bedroom to ask him to please not touch you. And when I finally found you in Paris bed instead He smiled self-ironically. I almost fell apart. I just had to hold you for a minute. And then I fell asleep, totally exhausted. His eyes locked on hers. I may have treated you awfully last night, but believe me, I dont hold your jealousy against you. I dont think your feelings are humiliating in any way. I dont laugh at you, I dont honestly, it means the world to me that you felt that way. That you still care enough for me to feel so strongly about the thought of me and well, someone else. She played with her sleeve for a while. I never knew that you She ran her fingers through her hair resignedly, letting out a deep sigh. You know its really hard for me to stop being angry with you, just like that, but lets try to forget about yesterday, okay? What happened doesnt change the fact that I am still married. I think it just proves to both of us that we still have some unresolved issues between us that we need to deal with. Maybe being friends isnt that easy I am still willing to give it a try if you are, but if you think that we would both be better off if I go back to London today, then I wont argue with you. He looked at her quickly. No, please, dont say that. I couldnt bear it if you left today. Of course I wanna make this work. We ARE friends we just need a little more time. Well learn from our mistakes, okay? He smiled a small uncertain smile. So truce? She nodded, not quite able to return his smile. Sure, Michael truce.

431

To her surprise, he pulled her into a hug and planted a soft kiss on her cheek. Thank you, Karen. I just hate it when you are mad at me. His scent was intoxicating, his embrace warm and soothing. She pulled loose, just as her bedroom door opened wide. Paris and Megan rushed into the room, holding each others hands. Michael bent down to lift Megan into the bed, Paris already sliding under the sheets, smiling cheerfully. Fortunately, she didnt seem to find it odd in any way that her father was sitting on Karens bed, having breakfast. Megan almost jumped into Michaels arms, cupping her tiny hands around his cheeks while pinching hard. He grimaced as he leaned back on the bed and lifted her into the air, holding his big hands safely around her tiny waist. Up, up and away! he laughed and soon lowered her face to his mouth again, kissing her loudly on the cheek, the little girl beaming with joy. He repeated this several times before landing her in his arms with a loud noise. Paris burst out laughing. My daddy is so silly, dont you think? She looked at Karen with a happy glow in her eyes. But he loves Megan just as much as he loves you. Michael got up, shaking his head cheerfully while looking slightly embarrassed. Well, too bad Janet isnt here. She would have just looooved that remark. He reached out his hand to Paris. Come here, sweetey. We better leave Karen alone to take a shower or something. He lifted Megan into his arms and left the room, giving Karen a warm smile before closing the door behind the three of them. She looked at the door for some time, his perfect smile still lingering behind her eyes. No doubt he was quite relieved that they had talked their problems through and made some kind of peace with each other but she wasnt able to stop feeling hurt and humiliated, not just yet.

432

Having taken a long, cold shower she felt a little better. She put on a dress and walked to his office, like so many times before seating herself behind the laptop. She swallowed hard, looking at the pile of papers in front of his chair, the pen still on top, just the way he left it yesterday. The feelings she felt the day before washed over her again. How could she allow him to have this kind of power over her? The power to make her feel THAT miserable and unhappy? She let out a deep sigh, twirling a lock of her curly hair around her fingers absent-mindedly. Well, it wasnt a deliberate choice, was it? Being around Michael it was just so easy to loose control. She needed him more than she cared to admit to herself, and the thought of him needing her less was devastating. If ... when he ever fell madly in love with someone else, her life would be unbearable. She breathed in deep, trying not to let the feeling of panic overwhelm her again. Friends . They were friends again. She would just have to learn to deal with the fact that he had a much greater impact on her life than she wanted him to that he would still be able to break her heart again, no matter how hard she tried to protect herself. She straightened herself up and turned on her laptop. But no way was she ever gonna let him trick her into revealing her feelings again the way he did yesterday. No way was she ever going to humiliate herself again the way she did, asking questions that she would usually never ask, almost begging him to reveal details about his personal life that would have ripped her heart to pieces had he not only been teasing her. She felt a sting of anger and embarrassment again, thinking about it. She worked on the book for almost an hour, too tired to start working on the next chapter but clearheaded enough to go through some of the chapters

433

already written, making small adjustments and additions here and there. She didnt hear Michael enter the room. Suddenly he was there, standing in front of her, his hands in his pockets. She looked up at him, startled. Michael, for Gods sake. Dont sneak in on me like that! He gave her a strange look. Working on the book yourself? Why didnt you let me know that you wanted to work today? I thought you would be way too tired He paused. Are you still angry with me, Karen? Is that it? She shrugged her shoulders. I just needed some time on my own. No big deal. He flung himself in his chair. I know it is gonna take some time for me to make you trust me again completely, but dont shut me out. If you need some time alone, just tell me. Ill understand. But dont pretend that we are okay if we are not. She looked up at him. All right. So I am still slightly angry with you. But I am working on it, okay? His eyes pierced into hers. You dont like the fact that I was able to make you feel the way I did yesterday it scares you. Thats one of the reasons why you are still angry with me. She jumped, once again surprised at how easily he read her mind completely. She gave him a stare. Dont push it, handsome. Dont make up some lame excuse to cover up your own mistakes. She forced a smile. You owe me big time, Michael. I still havent figured out exactly how to make you pay me back, but you owe me. He smiled back mischievously. I know, I know. And youll let me know in due time, wont you? He took at closer look at her. Karen, I am sorry to break this to you, but you look like shit. Come on, take the day off. AND you are going to take a nap after lunch. You need some sleep.

434

Really, daddy? she replied sarcastically. Well, thank you for the compliment. She cracked another smile. But I am not gonna argue with you on this one. I am totally beat, and I would love to take a nap after lunch. He reached out and closed her laptop. And about taking the day off are you gonna argue with me on that? He got up and pulled her out of the chair. Come play a ball game with me and the kids. The exercise will do us good. They spent the next two hours in the garden. Despite the fact that they were having a great time, she found herself trying to avoid him if he got too close. He felt it too, and she could see the hurt in his eyes whenever she turned away from him to avoid a hand on her shoulder or a friendly hug. They had lunch on the terrace, and shortly afterwards Michael returned to his bedroom. Karen decided to stay in the garden to take a much needed nap on one of the sun beds beneath Michaels huge parasol. She woke up several hours later as Michael touched her arm lightly. She looked up at him, still half asleep. His black bathing trunks and black t-shirt were dripping wet, and his long hair left a wet trail on her face as he bent over her. He smiled teasingly. Hey girl, dont you think its time to wake up? Come take a swim with me. The kids are playing a board game with Jenny, and I am bored. She dried her face impatiently with the back of her hand and turned on her other side, away from him. Leave me alone, she mumbled sleepily. He laughed. Now come on, grumpy. Go and get changed and join me in the pool. I miss your company. She shook her head annoyed. I dont wanna go change. Just let me go back to sleep.

435

He tickled her lightly. Come on, sleepy head. Last chance. Ill carry you to the pool and throw you into the water myself if you dont agree to go change and take a swim with me. So whats it gonna be? She refused to offer any reply and turned away from him again. He hesitated but a split second then scooped her into his arms and stepped towards the pool. She kicked her legs up and down, suddenly wide awake. Let me down, she yelled in a high pitched voice. Michael, Ill kill you if you dont put me down immediately. He burst out in a giggle. Sure you will. But too late, my dear. You had your chance to go change and you blew it. Michael, please, she pleaded, her voice much softer than before. Please let me down. I promise to go change. Just put me down, okay? He shook his head, smiling mischievously. No way. If I do that, youll run back to your cosy little sun bed and go back to sleep. I know you. Listen, she said in a stern voice. I am wearing one of my favourite dresses which can only be dry cleaned. Youll ruin it if you drop me into the water. He laughed. Okay, so Ill buy you a new one. No big deal. He approached the diving board, climbed the ladder slowly, holding on to the banister with the hand he was holding under her legs, the other hand still wrapped around her back. He made his way out to the edge of the board very slowly. She wrapped her arms around his neck tightly. Michael, for Gods sake. Dont do this to me. I am sooo afraid of heights, you know. She clung to him like a child, holding her head to his chest. He laughed boyishly. So now you dont mind touching me, Karen? Actually, this feels kind of nice. Come on, kiss me on my cheek and tell me that you

436

totally and utterly forgive me for being such a jerk yesterday. She didnt say anything. He bounced on the diving board, just a little bit, very careful not to drop her. She clung to him even tighter. Dont do that! she pleaded, slightly out of breath. He laughed again. Then come on, tell me you forgive me, and kiss me like I asked you to. I forgive you, she said quickly, then turned her head and planted a soft kiss on his cheek. Thats so much better, he smirked. You can be SO persuasive, Karen. Do you realize that you just used no less than three different parts of your personality to get me to put you down again? I love the way you tried to reason with me. He imitated her voice: Youll ruin my dress, Michael. He giggled. And the way you tried to threaten me to put you down. Once again he imitated her voice: Ill kill you if you dont, Michael. He looked her into her eyes. Last not least the way you pleaded with me; Pleeeease, Michael, please so which part of your lovely personality do you think persuaded me not to do this? She shook her head, not looking at the water. I dont know None of them, he giggled loudly as he jumped into the water with her, his arms still wrapped around her tightly. Their feet crashed into the water at the exact same time. She gasped for air as she surfaced the water again, holding on to his shoulder for balance while treading water in front of him. She poked him in the chest. Michael, I swear, one of these days I AM gonna kill you. She tried to hide the smile that crept onto her lips and looked down at her blue dress, clinging to her wet body awkwardly. Now look at my dress my hair. I am a total mess.

437

He put on an innocent face and pushed back his wet hair. So I guess this is not the time to tell you that Randy will pick us up in an hour? She gazed at him, astonished. Randy? Why? Where are we going? A slow smile slid over his face. I owe you, remember? So I have decided to take you out on a date tonight, to make up for the unpleasant night you went through yesterday. He bit his lower lip, faking a pleading look. You are not turning me down, are you? I have made the reservations already. She kept staring at him. A date? Are you serious? He looked shy all of a sudden. Yeah ... a date. I mean friends CAN date, cant they? The look on his face made her laugh. Sure, Michael. Friends can go on a friendly date. But in an hour? You are kidding, right? He swam towards the edge of the pool, dragging her with him. No, I am definitely not kidding. Ill go change now myself. They walked together to the house. Outside his bedroom, he turned around and gave her a very michaelish smile. See you in an hour! Oh and dont forget. No talk about work tonight okay? He winked as he closed the door behind him, a cheerful look on his face.

438

Chapter 59 She looked out of the car window at the huge sea of light passing them by. Las Vegas sure is something quite special, she said dreamily, more to herself than to Michael. Do you mean that in a positive way or ? His voice sounded soft and cheerful. She turned her face to look at him, once again feeling a sudden chill down her spine. He looked stunning, all dressed in black, his hair soft and shiny, his make-up discrete and flawless, just the way it looked the night before before his meeting with Lisa Marie. Somehow, the thought of Lisa Marie did not hurt anymore. She shrugged her shoulders casually, a smile on her face. I dont know, Michael. I havent figured that out yet, I guess. Las Vegas is so well, its really hard to explain. But its fascinating, no doubt about that. He leaned back in his seat, a mischievous glint in his eyes. Well, hopefully youll change your opinion about Vegas after tonight. I hope to show you just a few of my favourite spots. By the way, did I tell you how beautiful you look tonight? I love that dress. She burst out laughing. Well, you ought to. After all you did buy it yourself and the shoes. She felt the usual flock of butterflies in her stomach, thinking about the expression on his face as she joined him in the living room, just before they left the mansion. He had had a very special soft, almost slightly watery look in his eyes, looking at her. She was wearing the short black dress he bought for her while she was on tour with him. She had applied just enough make-up to cover up the last traces of her lack of sleep the night before and had

439

put up her hair, being fairly satisfied with the result herself as she looked into the mirror in her bathroom. He interrupted her thoughts as the silver coloured BMW drove up in front of the back entrance of the Bellagio Hotel on the Strip. Michael had cracked a smile as he opened the car door for her back at the mansion, making a sweeping gesture with his hand. After you, Milady. Well leave the black SUV at home I hope this car will attract less attention. I am sorry that I need to have my bodyguards with me; I know how much you hate that. But I promise that you wont get to see much of them. Theyll follow us around at a safe distance. She had smiled reassuringly. Dont worry about that, Michael. Of course I dont expect you to go anywhere without them. The hotel manager was waiting for them at the back entrance, giving Michael a very servile smile. Your usual table is waiting for you, Mr. Jackson, he said, leading the way into the restaurant, The Picasso. Karen let out a gasp. The five star restaurant was unlike anything she had ever seen before. It overlooked the fountain area of the Bellagio where more than a 1,000 fountains almost danced to light and music. The interior of the restaurant was breathtaking. A lovely carpet, designed by Picassos son Claude Picasso, a vaulted ceiling, beautiful terrazzo tiles and a central table covered with all manner of vases with extravagant flowers, not to mention the famous collection of Picasso ceramics and Picasso paintings - $11 million worth, Michael later told her. The hotel manager led them to a table in the corner with an excellent view of the fountains, discretely shielded from curious eyes by several large green plants. As soon as the hotel manager

440

had handed them the menu and left the table, Michael looked at her, a very content look on his face. So do you approve of my choice of restaurant? The paintings are amazing, dont you think? She nodded, still too blown away to offer any clever or witty reply. He let his eyes run over the menu. What would you like to eat, Karen? She shook her head. Actually, Michael, Ill leave that up to you completely. Youll probably have fish, right? That would be fine with me, too. He let his fingertip slide over his lips absentmindedly. Yes, their Lobster Salad with Black Truffle Dressing is amazing. And maybe salmon? As soon as he closed the menu, the waiter was by their side, ready to take their order. Michael ordered a bottle of champagne which was delivered to their table within minutes. He laughed shyly, clearly reading her thoughts. Yeah, I guess being a wellknown face does have its advantages. He lifted his glass. Cheers, Karen. To a fantastic date. I am sure youll love the food here. He was right. The food was absolutely flawless, and just being there alone with him, without having the kids around for a change, brought a special glow to her eyes. As his eyes locked on hers during the meal, she recognized the exact same glow in his dark eyes, too. Just as she had anticipated, he was the perfect date. Charming, witty, extremely attentive extremely beautiful. During the main course, he was telling her a very interesting anecdote about Picasso, relating to the painting to her right, his head cocked slightly to one side as he spoke, his big hands moving around in the air to emphasize his words. Life just doesnt get any more perfect than this . The thought flittered through her head like a trapped moth and brought a sudden bright smile to her face.

441

She tried to strangle the smile as she met his gaze across the table, but it was too late. He raised his glass to her and parted his lips in yet another boyishly charming, intoxicating smile. What? he asked mischievously, his eyes resting on her face. What did I say? Or do? She raised her glass too and smiled again. Nothing, Michael. Come on. I know you better than that. I just remembered something the kids said to me earlier today You are lying Yes I am. Shamelessly. So you are not letting me in on your thoughts? She shook her head. No chance, handsome. Thoughts are toll-free, remember? A wry smile lurked in the corners of his mouth. Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Quoting Martin Luther King, are you? Well In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. He rolled his eyes self-mockingly. Now why did I ever think that quoting Martin Luther King would be in my favour? She made a funny pout. Come on, Michael. Dont give me those puppy eyes. Never succumb to the temptation of bitterness He burst into a giggle. Okay, you win for now. He grabbed his knife and fork from his plate to continue eating, then looked up at her again. But the night is still young, right? Maybe next time I ask you something, youll let me in on what goes on inside that pretty head of yours. While they were waiting for their desserts, he dug his hand into his pocket and pulled out a small red leather box. He blushed slightly.

442

Karen this is something I bought for you two years ago while staying at Pinehaven. Actually I intended to give it to you just before I left for Milan you know, to talk to Linda. But as you know, I never got the chance to give it to you, and I have kept it in my safe ever since. Now lets just say I want to give it to you as a token of my appreciation that you decided to do the book with me. That you decided to allow me back into your life. I hope that Tony wont mind I really, really want you to have it. She looked at the box, the butterflies returning to her stomach livelier than ever. She opened it slowly, her hands revealing a slight tremble. The box contained a beautiful bracelet with five large emeralds surrounded by diamonds. She looked up at him. Michael, please I cannot accept such an extravagant gift. Its beautiful, but She felt the tears sting behind her eyelids as the emotions overwhelmed her. He laughed softly. Dont be silly, girl. Of course you can. He reached out and pulled the bracelet out of the box, then locked it around her wrist. His long fingers caressed one of the emeralds. Do you like it? he asked, suddenly as serious tone to his voice as his eyes locked on hers again. The emeralds are the exact same colour as your eyes. Of course I love it. As always, you have impeccable taste. She looked away for a second, the intensity of his glance and the touch of his hand causing her heart to beat way too fast. She returned her eyes to his face. But what I love the most is the fact that you held on to it for so long. Thank you so much. This is the most amazing gift anybody has ever given me. Ill treasure it always. Just now the waiter returned to their table with their desserts. She pulled her hand away and was quite relieved when he chose to change the subject.

443

So do you wanna know where we are going later? He cracked a smile. I though I would introduce you to another dear friend of mine. She is performing at the Colosseum at Caesars Palace tonight. The look on her face did not escape his attention. He laughed. No, dont worry. I am not talking about Lisa Marie. Quite co-incidentally, Diana is performing in Vegas, too. Diana Ross, I mean, he added. I havent seen her in ages, but as you probably know I have known her for years and years and would really love to watch her show. If you are up to it, of course. She nodded, taking a small bite of her delicious strawberry mousse with white chocolate sauce. Of course, I am. You are the boss tonight, Michael. Whatever you suggest is okay with me. He shook his head teasingly. Now thats a new. Dont wanna argue with me tonight? She faked an angry stare. I never argue with you. Sometimes you are just so so ... She let out a deep sigh. I think annoying is the word you are looking for, he smirked as he signalled the waiter to bring him the bill. Once again, Randy drove them to the back entrance, and once again the hotel manager was waiting to greet them and show them to their seats. Gosh, this must require a enormous amount of planning, Karen thought to herself, like so many times before wondering how on earth Michael was able to deal with the fact that he wasnt able to just walk in through the front door like everybody else. Diana Ross was amazing. Like Celine Dion and Bette Midler before her, this was an almost biggerthan-life production show with a giant LED screen serving as the backdrop. Her amazing voice, combined with the beautiful costumes, the dancers

444

and the special effects, almost made Karens jaw drop. Michael looked at her cheerfully several times during the show. Obviously, he had seen quite a lot of Vegas shows already and was less easily impressed. As the intermission drew closer, he got up. Come on, he said, reaching out his hand to her. Lets go backstage now before He didnt finish the sentence, but she knew exactly what he meant. Diana was definitely happy to see him when she turned up backstage herself. She pushed back her long black hair gracefully and hugged him tight, planting a huge kiss on his lips. Michael, she beamed. I was so happy when you called me today. Why havent I seen you in such a long time? Dont be such a stranger! She turned around to face Karen, flashing her a perfect smile. You must be Karen, she said sweetly before Michael had had the time to make any kind of introduction. Its so nice to meet you. Before long, Dianas dressing room filled up with guests, most of them celebrities and her personal friends. Michael wrapped his arm around Karen's waist and led the way to the far end of the dressing room. She felt her cheeks flush as the palm of his hand placed itself strategically in the narrow part of the side of her waist and stayed there, his thumb caressing the delicate fabric of her Gucci dress for just a second. She looked up at him. He was looking away, smilingly greeting a mutual friend. He probably doesnt even realize she thought to herself, trying to breathe in deep as discretely as possible. He turned towards her again. Do you want to watch the second half of the show, or do you wanna check out this little club that Chris and I always go

445

to? They have great live music and its really, really cosy. Its only a few minutes away from here. Its your choice of course, but we have to leave before the show finishes anyway. You know what its like He smiled apologetically. Suddenly she couldnt wait to get out of the dressing room, far away from all the people, to be alone with him again. Even if alone was in a crowded club. She nodded. Sure, Michael. Lets get out of here

446

Chapter 60 Michael made a few phone calls, and miraculously a table was waiting for them as they entered the club through the back door, the table once again discretely situated in the far end corner. He looked at her as the waiter approached them. G&T or a glass of Chardonnay maybe champagne? Chardonnay, please. She looked around the room while trying to wipe the silly smile off her face. Of course he remembered exactly what she usually preferred to drink. Although the night was still young, the club was almost packed already. He took a closer look at the band, tapping his fingers approvingly on his chest, instantly following the rhythm of the song perfectly although he had probably never heard the song before. Great band! The owner of this club is very gifted when it comes to finding new talents. He gave the male singer a second look. Amazing voice! He turned his eyes to Karen. Dont you think? She nodded and took another look around as their drinks were served. Nobody seemed to have noticed Michael. Or maybe the fact that he was not wearing an outfit which people would usually expect from him - and maybe even more importantly, no dark shades and only very little make-up - had actually convinced people that there was no way this could actually be Michael Jackson himself entering a Las Vegas club without the usual swarm of security people. She turned her head to look for his four bodyguards. Two of them were seated at a table to

447

their right, two were leaning against the bar, each one of them holding a drink or a beer in his hand which he would sip only once or twice. They blended into the surroundings perfectly. Michael took another sip of his white wine and cast a smile in her direction. Wanna dance? She gulped lightly and looked at the dance floor. Why, here? He laughed. Dont look so nervous. You always look nervous when I ask you to dance. She grimaced. I do? How ridiculous of me. I mean its definitely not like you are a much better dancer than me or anything. He got up and reached out his hand. Stop being so silly. Its only a dance and in fact, you are a great dancer. Usually, you dont even step on my toes more than once or twice. He grinned teasingly. Actually, you dance a hell of a lot better than you sing, and that never stops you, does it? I have heard you sing on numerous occasions, and it never bothers you! I sing to the kids, Michael. Get the difference? She tried to ignore the grin on his face as she grabbed his hand and let him lead the way onto the dance floor. He wrapped his arms around her lightly and tossed another breathtaking smile in her direction, this time without the mischievous look in his eyes. Dont be nervous, Karen. I really, really do love to dance with you. He drew her just a little bit closer as he started moving his body to the music gracefully. Like a thousand times before, watching him dance instantly made her heart race. How was it humanly possible to turn each and every tiny little movement into something so perfect almost frighteningly perfect? Even a slight movement of his hand, the

448

way he moved his head, the way he closed his eyes The song ended and he stopped dancing, still holding his arms around her lightly, waiting for the band to start playing again. Obviously, the band had spotted him by now, as had most of the other guests. His appearance and apparent lack of bodyguards might have fooled most people, but his dancing definitely didnt. The singer turned around and addressed the musicians for a second before the music started. Michael smiled shyly as he recognized the song. Guess they know I am here He sounded embarrassed but seemed to deliberately shake off the unpleasant feeling as he looked down at her again. But dont worry, Karen I dont think anybody will give us a hard time. The owner is known for his non-tolerance when it comes to guests not respecting other guests privacy. This club is often frequented by celebrities for the exact same reason. He hesitated. I dont care if people have recognized me. I just wanna dance with you. She could almost feel his heart beat fast as he drew her closer, his body moving close to hers, his hips following hers in every movement she made as she closed her eyes and let herself drown in the beautiful song and the warm feeling of his closeness, no longer feeling neither nervous nor embarrassed. As the song reached the first chorus, he started singing softly, his head close to hers. I just wanna touch and kiss And I wish that I could be with you tonight You give me butterflies inside All I gotta say is that I must be dreaming, can't be real You're not here with me, still I can feel you near me

449

listen

I caress you, let you taste us, just so blissful

I would give you anything baby, just make my dreams come true Oh baby you give me butterflies She opened her eyes and raised her head. She just had to look at him, to watch him sing. He gazed into her eyes as he sang the last line. Then he lowered his head again, his mouth close to her ear. Do I ever do that, Karen? Do I ever give you butterflies inside? I did once ... right? Back then? She felt herself flush, but despite her better judgement she suddenly found herself moving her lips to his ear, making a confession that she would probably regret later on. Of course you do, Michael. You know you do. How does it feel? he asked, his hand touching her hair briefly. Please tell me. She hesitated and closed her eyes before she replied, almost visioning her reply. Like a flock of beautiful tiny little butterflies of amazing, vibrant colours invading my stomach all at once, always most unexpectedly, the feeling surprisingly strong despite their size and airyness. Its like loosing control completely for just a second. The description made him smile, but soon he lowered his mouth to her ear again, his lips accidentally touching her skin for just a brief second. Like now? She nodded, unable to think straight. The world just stopped, and they were all alone on the dance floor. She lost herself in his gaze as his dark eyes sought hers again, eager to capture every unspoken word on her lips and in her eyes. She felt almost dizzy as he drew her even closer, his cheek resting against hers, every movement he made still in perfect sync with the music.

450

She let out a small sigh as the music stopped and he let go of her, reluctantly. People are staring at us, Michael I mean, REALLY staring! she said shyly, once again realizing that the dance floor was packed and most people watching every move Michael made. You are right, he said, his eyes returning to her face. Lets get out of here! He wrapped his arm around her waist and led the way out of the club, blindly trusting his bodyguards to follow them without further warning. Seated in the car once again, he looked at his watch. Theres one more place I want to take you to, but we are a bit early. Randy, please drive around for a little while. Lets show Karen some of the places worth seeing. You know where we are going afterwards, right? As Randy nodded cheerfully, he leaned back in the seat and loosened his tie, a small smile on his face. He turned his head in Karens direction. Okay, so lets show you a little bit of Vegas by night. Like you said the day you arrived here, Vegas sure is colourful. Although his voice was warm and casual, the tension between them, following the emotions they shared on the dance floor as well as her unintended confession, was thick and almost touchable. She was almost relieved to get out of the car when Randy stopped outside a huge Haagen Dazs ice cream parlour half an hour later. A few people were waiting outside to get in. She turned around on her way out of the car and looked at Michael, surprised. Oh my God, you are right, Michael. Las Vegas never sleeps are people waiting in line now to get a table here? I mean its almost one oclock! A look of embarrassment crossed his face. Um not exactly, Karen. They are waiting to get in but

451

its not like the place is packed right now. He climbed out of the car and was instantly surrounded by all four bodyguards. They led the way into the ice cream parlour, gently forcing the people waiting in line to step aside. As soon as Michael and Karen were inside, the door was locked again. She looked around the room confused. It was empty, apart from three young guys and a young girl in the Haagen Dazs uniforms, almost fainting from excitement when greeting Michael politely. There is no one here? Why are people waiting outside when there is no one INSIDE? Then it hit her, and she looked at him teasingly. Oh my gosh you have asked them to close down the place so that you can have your ice cream in peace? Wow, Michael. I must admit that I kind of forget from time to time what people are willing to do for you. His cheeks got hot. Stop teasing me, he begged, cracking a smile. I make it worth their while, and its not just for me its for us, okay? I am sure you wouldnt appreciate eating your ice cream while a large crowd of people were trying to get close enough to almost put their fingers into it and take your photograph at the same time. Now come on, he added casually, grabbing her by the arm. I think this is our table. He led her to a table, more than 15 various ice creams, sundaes and shakes already waiting for them. I didnt know which one you prefer, so I took the liberty of ordering a small selection beforehand. One of each, so lets share, okay? He burst out in a giggle. Now dont look so surprised. They knew exactly when I would arrive. Timing is crucial in my life, Karen. I thought you knew that by now. He made a sweeping gesture. This is one of my favourite places in Las Vegas, too. The kids and I come here all the time. He made a wry face. And YES, they do close the place for us every time. I may

452

as well admit it before you start teasing me about it. He dug the spoon into the first ice cream and put it in front of her mouth. Here my favourite. Vanilla Fudge Brownie. Wanna taste? She emptied the spoon and automatically closed her eyes. Mmm, this is heaven, Michael. Just what I needed right now. She opened her eyes and looked at him teasingly. First time ever that I have gone to an ice cream parlour after midnight. But its a great way to end a perfect date, I must admit. He dug the spoon into the ice cream again, playing with the ice for a while. Actually, Karen, there is something I would really love to do afterwards if you are not too tired. She looked at him mischievously. What is it? Based on your facial expression its something quite embarrassing, isnt it? He smiled sarcastically. Maybe maybe not. Depends on how you look at it. Well, actually I just love to go to the movies, and this movie theatre that I go to a lot happens to show some old movies all the way through the night. And at 2 oclock thats in an hour they are showing one of my favourite movies. I dont know if you like it, but . She rolled her eyes at him. Come on for Christs sake, spit it out, Michael. How embarrassing can it be? Okay, he said, taking a deep breath. They are showing ET, and I would really love to watch it with you. She burst out laughing. ET? Wow, Michael, a more than 25 years old CHILDRENs movie that both of us have watched a thousand times AND a movie that you have on DVD at home, I might add. Why didnt I guess that immediately? She squeezed his arm lightly, wiping the teasing smile off her face. But actually, I would love to watch it with you. I

453

gotta warn you though. I am gonna cry at the end. I always do. He let out a warm, bubbly laughter. Thats okay, Karen. I think I have a pack of Kleenex in my pocket. If not, Ill lend you my sleeve. So you dont mind? I KNOW I have it on DVD, but its just not the same. This is the kind of movie that you have to watch on a big screen. He paused, then let out a deep sigh. Gosh, I miss my movie theatre at Neverland. She gave him a soft look. Youll go back there some day, Michael. I am sure you will. He shook his head slowly. I dont think so. Too many painful memories. But youll make new memories. Happy ones. Maybe some day youll feel like redecorating the house, make some alterations here and there and make the place as good as new. And then you and your family will make new memories. He looked at her, an unfamiliar look in his eyes. You really think so, Karen? I hope you are right. If some day the miracle happens and I marry again, then perhaps She grabbed one of the ice creams, quickly digging her spoon into the chocolate sauce on top. Yeah, maybe you will get married again some day, and then youll go back. She felt a hard unpleasant knot in her stomach, even considering the possibility. He leaned over the table. Come on, let me taste that. He ate the ice cream off her spoon and licked a little bit of chocolate sauce off his lips. There was something incredibly touching about his facial expression, and the unpleasant feeling inside her vanished again as quickly as it had emerged. Half an hour later they looked at each other, bursting out in a giggle. Ill be really, really sick if I eat another bite, she said, placing her hand on her stomach. My stomach hurts.

454

Michael got up and pulled her out of the chair, still a huge smile on his face. Then lets get out of here. I bet the crowd outside are dying for us to leave anyway. She poked him in the chest. They are not waiting to get in, Michael. They are waiting for you to get out so that they can catch a glimpse of you, maybe even pull out a few hairs while they are at it. He made a wry face. I certainly hope not! Well, lets get it over and done with Soon they were seated in the car again, on their way to the movie theatre. You have to go in first, he said regretfully. Tom will go with you. Ill join you as soon as they turn off the light I have booked the entire back row. Ill bring popcorn and your beloved diet coke, he added, grinning. She looked almost unwell for a second. Popcorn? Ill get sick if I eat anything at all. Dont be ridiculous! He faked a slightly offended look. You cannot go to the movies and NOT have popcorn. Its like eating ice cream without chocolate sauce. Its just not possible! The happy look on his face made her heart jump. She shook her head at him resignedly and almost reached out to remove a stray lock of hair from his face. Instead, she got out of the car quickly and stepped into the movie theatre, Tom close behind her. He collected the tickets from the ticket office and escorted her to her seat, then sat down further down the row. As soon as the lights were turned off, Michael joined her, a smug smile on his face. Hey there did you miss me? He handed her a huge carton of popcorn and an equally huge coca-cola, holding a mineral water in his hand for himself. She grinned girlishly. Actually, Michael, this is the first time ever that I have had to walk in on my own,

455

waiting for my date to follow me in the dark. It has a certain charm though, she added cheerfully. Half way through the movie she forgot about her stomach pain and grabbed a handful of popcorn. Coincidentally, Michael decided to do the same at the exact same time. He giggled in a low voice as his hand collided with hers, then grabbed her hand and turned it around, eating the popcorn out of her palm. He gave her a teasing look, chewing cheerfully. Sorry, he whispered as he let go of her hand, but it was just too tempting. She poked him on the shoulder. Stop it, Michael, or Ill yell Michael Jackson is here louder and more convincing than you could ever imagine. He smiled very contently and slid back in the seat, stretching his long legs out in front of him. I love it when you threaten me. Sounds very girlish. She rolled her eyes at him again. Dont tempt me or I will do it, you know. Now stop whispering and watch the damn movie. Next time she dug her hand into the popcorn he did the exact same thing, this time not looking at her. And this time he did not let go of her hand but held it in his while eating the popcorn slowly, still not looking at her. She swallowed hard as he finally let go of her, realizing only too clearly how deeply she wished that it would have been okay for her to just reach out and grab his big warm hand again. She did cry at the end of the movie, just as she had expected. He laughed at her and handed her a Kleenex, his eyes not leaving her face as she wiped the tears away from her eyes. During the final scene he bent over to whisper into her ear. Gotto go, see you in the car. And suddenly he was gone. He looked embarrassed as she climbed into the car. Sorry Karen, but thats just how it is. Romantic, huh? I would rather have walked out of there with

456

you, helping you dry your tears while escorting you to the car. I hope this does not scare you off from going on another date with me. His voice was very casual, but the look in his eyes did not match his casual tone of voice. Obviously, this was a major issue to him. She shook her head lightly. Actually, I dont mind one bit. Its what happens in the middle that counts. And you can be a rather charming date, once you set your mind to it. Even though you did eat all my popcorn. He laughed softly. Yeah, I guess I did. I am sorry about that. She leaned back and closed her eyes, smiling. Are you tired? he asked in a low voice. She nodded. Yes, I am pretty tired now, but I have had such a great time. She opened her eyes and looked at him. Thank you so much for a wonderful evening. You are welcome. I have had a wonderful time, too. He hesitated. So was the date everything you expected? She shook her head. Almost ... only one thing is still missing to make it completely perfect. He looked almost astonished. What? What do you mean? She let out a small sigh. Having watched ET with you, I really, really wish you would offer to read the storybook to me when we get home. You know as a bedtime story. Or just retell the story in your own words. I know you know it by heart. You told it to Blanket the other day. That would be the perfect ending to a perfect night. A small smile lurked on his lips. You want me to read a bedtime story to you? She elbowed him in the side. Drop the cute little smile, Michael. I absolutely have no hidden motives. I just miss those happy times when my dad would

457

read me a bedtime story, although I can hardly remember what it was like, falling asleep while somebody was reading to me. I was only seven when my parents were killed in a car accident, you know. My uncle and aunt didnt care much for bedtime stories, she added sarcastically, yet a sad look in her eyes. He trailed his fingers down her arm comfortingly. It must have been really hard on you. Well, there is nothing I would love more than to read to you. You got yourself a deal. As she closed her eyes again, he turned his head to look out of the window, once again a warm smile on his lips.

458

Chapter 61 As soon as they got back to the mansion, they walked side by side towards the bedrooms. He stopped outside her door, tucked his hands into the pockets of his expensive Italian suit and smiled. Ten minutes, okay? Ill go look for the book, and, if you dont mind, slip into something a little more comfortable too. She smiled back. Okay ten minutes. Somehow, his smile seemed to still float in the air as she put on her nightie, brushed her teeth, removed her make-up and brushed her hair until it was soft and silky, with no trace of the hairstyle she had been wearing all night. Closing the door to the bathroom, she took a closer look at her bedroom. It was fairly tidy, no embarrassing, personal object lying around anywhere. She grabbed the pile of wet clothes she had taken off in a hurry earlier that day and quickly dropped it on the floor of her walk-in closet. That would have to do until tomorrow. She turned off the light except for the lamps on her bedside tables and slid under the sheets quickly, trying hard to ignore the way her heartbeat refused to slow down as she waited for him to enter her room. He turned up in the doorway five minutes later, the ET storybook under his right arm. Are you asleep? he asked teasingly as he approached her. He stopped beside the bed and looked down at her while removing the black rubber band from his ponytail, shaking his long black hair loose and tucking it casually behind his ears with a graceful

459

movement of his hand. He slid the rubber band into the pocket of his black silk pj top. She shook her head, silently cursing herself for staring at him too much. Are you kidding? Asleep when Michael Jackson himself has agreed to read a bedtime story to me? Any female fan would kill for this opportunity. She fluttered her eyelashes teasingly and flashed him a huge girly smile, hoping that he would not be able to see right through her cheerful mask this time. She had already made one too many confessions as it was. He grinned as he flung himself on her bed, his back against the bed head. So you are a fan now? Just promise me not to ask for my autograph once I have finished reading to you. He opened the book and slid his hand down the first page. Okay, here we go, he said, suddenly and almost shy tone to his voice. Then he started reading, the way he would read to one of the kids. His voice was soft and low, but after reading the first page his voice soon rose and fell with each and every emotion portrayed in the story. He wasnt just reading out loud. As always, he was feeling the story inside himself and simply passing on the emotions the characters were feeling. She turned on her side and fixed her eyes on his face. His facial expression was changing rapidly, but the shimmer in his eyes was there all the time, and his perfectly shaped lips curled into a boyish smile again and again. The fact that he had removed his make-up made the butterflies return to her stomach. Knowing Michael, this was his way of showing his unconditional trust in her. He never felt more vulnerable than without his make-up, and only very few people ever got to see him without it. She closed her eyes and concentrated on his voice; beautiful, captivating, soothing almost caressing her with every word that left his mouth.

460

She felt how her body relaxed as sleep came creeping upon her, slowly and softly. During the tiny point between sleep and awake, she felt him close the book while turning off the lamp on the bedside table on his side of the bed. He stepped to the other side of the bed and turned off her lamp as well. For a minute he just stood there, watching her then he leaned over her, brushed away her hair and planted a soft kiss on her cheekbone. Sleep tight, he whispered into her cheek, his breath leaving a pleasant, warm spot on her skin. Then he tiptoed out of the room, silently closing the door behind him. She woke up a few hours later, sunlight bathing her room in a soft yellow glow. Her head was pounding, and every part of her body rebelled against the lack of sleep as she turned onto her back and sat up. Nevertheless, a smile flew across her face as she stretched her arms above her head and yawned, vivid images from yesterdays events suddenly flashing behind her eyelids. Yesterday was a perfect day, and, sleep or no sleep, hopefully the new day would be equally perfect. Ten minutes and a cold shower later her head felt better. She got dressed quickly and headed for the dining room. Michael and the kids were already there. The smile on his face as he looked up at her made her heart race. How could he look this gorgeous and refreshed after only a few hours of sleep? He was wearing her favourite yellow t-shirt with the black armband around the right sleeve and a pair of blue jeans, his hair falling damp down his back. Obviously, he had just stepped out of the shower a few minutes ago. She sensed his spicy scent in the air, mixing with the sweet smell of the fruit salad, the Earl Grey tea and the porridge the kids were eating. She breathed in, realizing that this moment and this

461

heavenly smell would stay in her invincible little box of memories for a long time, to be taken out to comfort her whenever she would need a happy memory on a less happy day. He interrupted her thoughts. Did you sleep well? he asked, casting a teasing glance across the table. She nodded. You bet! Nothing like a bedtime story to make you relax and sleep like a baby. Anytime, he smirked. My pleasure. Be careful, she said casually as she seated herself, kissing Megan on the hair. I might take you up on that. I certainly hope so, he replied smoothly while taking a sip of his tea. She tried to ignore her physical reaction to his reply and reached out for the tea pot, not looking at him. They retired to his office to work on the book straight after breakfast and worked almost in silence for the next two hours. Looking up from her notes, Karen caught him staring at her, a small teasing smile on his lips. She waited for him to say something or withdraw his eyes, but he didnt. What?she finally asked, confused. His smile broadened. Dont you wanna take a break, Karen? You are typing as if your life depended on it. She shook her head and instantly returned her eyes to her notes. You take a break if you need one, Michael. I need to finish at least this chapter which I ought to have been working on for the past two days I cant believe I am so behind my schedule. He let out a tiny giggle but didnt say anything. Soon, he lowered his eyes to the papers in his hand and continued reading. They had lunch with the kids on the terrace, but as soon as she had swallowed the last bite of food on

462

her plate, Karen got up. Ill get back to work, Michael, but you just take your time. Ill print out the next chapter for you. He wiped his mouth with his napkin and tried to strangle a smile. Its okay, boss. I am done anyway. He got up and looked around the table, rolling his eyes mischievously. See you later, kids! Enjoy your swim. I wish I had time to join you, but sadly no. He gave her a teasing look as she seated herself in front of the laptop again, a look of sheer determination on her face. I know I have said this before, but you are such a workaholic. I know you feel guilty about not working during the weekend, but come on, whats the rush? You look as if you are going to fall asleep any minute, and yet you refuse to take even a short break now and then OR to take the time to eat your lunch in peace and quiet. She leaned back in her chair and looked at him. Whats the rush? Are you kidding? You are going on tour in a few weeks, Michael. We need to finish at least part of the book before then, or I wont be able to add the final touch to the first draft on my own while you are away. We do have a deadline, remember? He looked down at the piece of paper in his hand with a sudden interest, his voice way too casual as he spoke. Okay, so youll just have to come with me to Europe. To do the tour with me. She shook her head slowly, suddenly a big lump in her throat. I cannot do that, Michael. You know thats not possible. He nodded, faking a cheerful smile. I know but you cant blame a guy for trying. He took a deep breath. Seriously, Karen, deadline or no deadline, you need to relax a bit. You are white as a sheet, and you keep running you hand over your eyes I bet you are having a hard time staying awake. Why dont

463

you go take a nap? We can work after dinner instead. She leaned further back in the chair and let out a yawn. I appreciate your concern, I really do. And you are right. I do feel how the lack of sleep is starting to affect me, but I dont wanna sleep now. What I really need is eight hours at a stretch, not a nap in the middle of the day. I would rather work a little longer now and take the evening off. So lets just concentrate for a few hours, if thats okay with you? He shook his head at her cheerfully. You are not gonna make this easy for me, are you? Okay, so lets make a deal. Lets work for ONE hour and then call it a day. Lets play with the kids, have dinner and go to bed early all of us. I think we all need that; the kids stayed up way to late yesterday, too. She laughed softly. Okay. ONE hour. Its a deal and now shut up and let me continue with this chapter or Ill write something nasty about you, Jacko. He giggled and looked at his watch demonstratively. Exactly one hour later he dragged her out of the office and into the garden. Having played with the kids for a while, they had a cosy dinner on the terrace, but as soon as Megan started yawning, Karen got up. Ill put Megan to bed now. What do you say, Paris, wanna join us? Ill read a bed time story to you before I go to sleep myself. Michael nodded agreeingly. Thanks, Karen. Ill read a story to Blanket and then go to bed too. He yawned loudly. Like you, I am totally and utterly beat. As soon as Karen had read a story to the girls, she disappeared into her bedroom and closed the door behind her, anxious to go to sleep as soon as possible.

464

Michael put Blanket to bed and went into Princes room to tuck him in. To his surprise, the boy wasnt there. He found him in his own bedroom, lying flat on his stomach on the blue carpet, looking under the bed. He leaned against the frame and gave him a fatherly stare. What on earth are you doing in here? No more fooling around . come on, back to bed. Prince looked up at him, embarrassed. Ill be there in a minute, dad I just need to check something out. Michael gave him a stern look. Prince, please you always try to stall time, but not tonight, okay? I am exhausted. So back to bed. Prince got up on his feet, twisting his hands. I just need to he said once again. Michael looked slightly annoyed by now. Prince no more excuses. I want you to go to bed now! Its Sir Hiss! Prince burst out. I cannot find him! PRINCE! Michael stared at him angrily. I told you not to take him out of the terrarium while Karen is here. How could you be this foolish? The boy looked down at his hands. I just took him out for a second. Then I had to go to the bathroom, and when I got back, Paris had been inside my room looking for me and hadnt closed the door behind her. And now hes gone. Michael let out a sigh. Okay, back to bed. Ill find him for you. And not a word to Karen if she turns up outside her room, do you understand? I am sorry, daddy, Prince said again, his eyes slightly moist. Michael hugged him. Its okay, buddy. I know you didnt mean for this to happen. Now for the last time - go back to bed. Ill bring him to you as soon as I find him.

465

Karen stepped out of the shower and wrapped a large towel around her. She grabbed her brush and started brushing her long hair while stepping into her bedroom. She jumped, finding Michael on the floor, looking under her bed. She wrapped the towel around her closer, the absurdity of the situation bringing a teasing smile to her face. What on earth are you doing? You are not gonna find him under the bed, handsome. But look in the closet and you might get lucky. He looked at her strangely. You have seen him? And you are okay? She shook her head, confused. It was a joke, Michael. What are you talking about? He looked at her again, suddenly realizing that he had entered her bedroom without her knowledge, finding her wearing nothing but a towel. He felt his cheeks getting warm. Now dont be upset, Karen I just need to check something out. He looked around the room carefully, walking around from one end to another, even checking behind the curtains while trying to ignore the look of confusion on her face. He stepped towards her bed and pulled away the sheets slowly. Finally! he burst out and fumbled with something, then walked towards the door quickly, his back to her. Michael! What on earth are you doing? Are you going totally nuts on me? He did not turn around to look at her. Noooo I just um need to return something to my kid. MICHAEL! Her voice was sharper and more insistent now. What on earth is going on? Come on, just tell me for crying out loud! He turned around, embarrassed, holding the snake in his hands. A low, frightened sound escaped her throat. Oh my God NO it was in MY bed? it was here while I was taking a shower? While I was alone? The

466

sight of the snake caused a wave of nausea to wash over her. She held her hand over her mouth while stepping back as far as she could, accidentally slamming her head against the corner of one of the two antique book shelves on the wall. She gasped in pain but did not take her eyes off the snake for a second. He ran his eyes over her face concerned, still standing in the middle of the room with the snake in his hands. Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself? Almost as if it could sense her fear, the snake now moved its head forward, seemingly steadying its black, lifeless eyes on hers while flicking out its narrow, forked tongue repeatedly. Her entire body seemed to shiver as she stared at the snake, unable to take her eyes away from its head. Oh God. Dont let go, Michael. Please dont drop it please. Her voice was low, hoarse and almost unrecognizable. She finally removed her eyes from the snake and looked at him pleadingly. Dont do this to me dont just stand there. Please get the snake out of here. Please, Michael! The raw fear in her eyes finally snapped him out of his small momentary trance. He turned around quickly and disappeared with the snake in his hands, carefully closing the door behind him. As he came back a few minutes later, she was still standing in the same position up against the wall, her hands gathered in front of her and her body shaking violently. He pulled her into a comforting embrace and rubbed her shoulders soothingly. I am so sorry. This was not supposed to happen, I know I promised you it was a horrible mistake. It wont happen again, I swear.

467

She pulled away from him, her teeth chattering in her mouth. I am okay you can go to bed now. This is embarrassing. Just ... leave me alone, okay? He shook his head slowly. It is not embarrassing at all, Karen. You have a serious snake phobia, and its perfectly natural to react the way you do. Do you want me to make some hot chocolate for you? You look as if you are gonna faint any minute. No, I am okay, honestly. But Michael She looked at him pleadingly again. Can I have a clean set of sheets, please? I I wont be able to sleep in the bed unless He nodded and walked out of the room, returning a few minutes later with the sheets in his hands. He ripped off the old sheets and put on the news ones, then made a sweeping gesture towards the bed. Now go to bed, girl. You look really, really pale. She nodded. I will. I just need to get dressed into my nightie first as soon as you get out of here. He smiled shyly as he looked at the towel, still wrapped around her body tightly. Sorry. I forgot about that. Well, sleep tight. See you tomorrow. He stepped towards the door, then hesitated and turned around to look at her again. Are you sure you are all right, Karen? She nodded again, hugging her arms tightly around herself. Ill be fine. I just really, really need some sleep now. Goodnight, Michael. As soon as the door closed behind him, she put on her nightie and slipped into bed. She turned off the light and closed her eyes, clearly feeling how her entire body was screaming for sleep. The sheets were cold against her skin. Cold and smooth. Like she always imagined a snake to feel, although Michael had later told her that it was actually soft and warm. Her heart started pounding. It was only too easy to imagine how the snaked had been moving around in her bed before curling into a spiral,

468

thoroughly enjoying the darkness and comfort of her sheets. She tried to fight the tremble that took over her body while she gasped for air. She felt something move around her legs and quickly turned on the light, frantically pulling the sheets aside. Nothing. She lay down again and turned off the light once more while trying to control her racing heartbeat. The snake wiggled under her pillow and soon slid its head against her neck. It is not there, Karen. Stop it! The snake moved further down her body. It is not there. Dont be ridiculous. Michael put it back into the terrarium. The snake now slid across her belly slowly, leaving a cold trail on her skin. She gasped for air once more as she jumped out of bed and turned on the light again. She pulled the sheets aside. Nothing. Cursing her vivid imagination, she flung herself in the chair by the window and bit her lip hard to prevent the tears from flowing. As ridiculous as her phobia might seem even to herself, she had to realize that she would not be able to sleep in that bed right now. She wrapped a soft cream blanket around her body and moved around in the chair for a while, trying to find a way to make herself comfortable enough to find at least some kind of rest. Suddenly imagining how the snake had moved around in her room before sneaking into her bed, she pulled her legs up beneath her quickly, her heart racing out of control once again. She stared into the night for a long time, trying hard to calm down and delete the vision of the snake from her mind, to think of something else. The lack of sleep was beginning to break down the last of her self control, and soon the tears started to flow. She just HAD to sleep NOW. She left the room quickly, heading for Michaels room.

469

She stopped just inside his bedroom, looking at him in the dim light seeping in from the hall. He was sleeping in the middle of his bed, his long black hair falling softly down his neck, his right arm folded and tucked under his right ear, his left arm crossed limply on his chest. He looked peaceful and completely relaxed, an almost childlike innocent look on his face. She stepped a few steps closer, her bare feet sinking into the thick deep blue carpet. Michael, are you awake? she asked, her voice barely a whisper. No reply. Michael? she repeated, her voice increasing to a soft whisper. Are you awake? Hmmmmm, he mumbled, a hint of a smile on his lips. I am now. He opened his eyes and looked at her, slowly pushing back his slightly messy hair as he got up on his elbow. He turned on the lamp on his bedside table. Whats up? Having trouble sleeping? Thinking about the snake? He took a closer look at her face. Not having a nightmare, are you? She shook her head, a look of embarrassment on her face. No, no nightmare. Actually, I havent been to sleep yet. I know I am being totally ridiculous, but yeah, I keep imagining that damn snake in my bed. She wrapped her arms around her chest as an unpleasant tremble ran through her body. Every time I close my eyes, I feel as if it is still there. He looked at her softly. And now you want to sleep in my bed? She made a helpless gesture. NO! I mean I dont know Maybe I can have one of the guestrooms? I just I am just too scared to sleep in my own room right now. She swallowed hard. I am sooo tired, Michael. Seriously, if I dont get some sleep soon, Ill break down and cry like a baby. He cracked a small smile, a warm glow in his eyes. Its okay, Karen. Dont be embarrassed. I should have known that you were too exhausted and

470

too frightened at the same time to fall sleep in your own room after the snake incidence. And no doubt, you wont be able to sleep in one of the guestrooms either. Come here I promise to be the perfect gentleman. He moved to the left side of the bed, pulling back the sheets invitingly. She shifted her feet nervously. Are you serious about that, Michael? He looked at her mischievously. Of course I am. I am offering you half of my snake free bed as a friendly gesture, no hidden motives whatsoever. Ill even try not to snore too much. She hesitated but a split second, then closed the door behind her and climbed into his bed quickly. His grey silk sheets felt good against her skin. She adjusted the pillow behind her head and instantly noticed the faint scent of his cologne, warm and soothing. With a clear feeling of comfort, she lay down on her right side and wrapped the sheets tightly around her body. Too late, he said in a teasing tone of voice, closing his eyes. I did notice. What? she asked confused. You noticed what? Your nightie, he smiled, not opening his eyes. She felt herself blush absurdly. Oh that. How could she have forgotten about that? She was wearing the oversize t-shirt with the picture of him and Janet. Of course he would notice. Its okay, he continued, letting out a tiny giggle. I look good on you. Now try to get some sleep. Oh, and please remind me to have a serious talk with Prince in the morning. She got on her elbow and put her hand on his arm pleadingly. No, Michael, promise me you wont give him a hard time. He didnt mean any harm. Promise me you wont do that.

471

He smiled broadly, his eyes still closed. Dont worry. I definitely dont intend to give him a hard time. She looked at him questioningly. Then what do you intend to say to him? His smile increased. Nothing much. How about thank you son, Ill double your allowance? Michael! I hate you! she burst out laughing, pinching his arm girlishly. And now be quiet and let me have my beauty sleep. Ouch! He let out another tiny giggle while reaching out for her hand on his arm. He held it tight and casually tucked both their hands under his cheek. As he reached out and turned off the lamp on his bedside table, the remnants of his smile still playing at the corners of his mouth, she leaned back and closed her eyes, now feeling completely safe and ridiculously happy, her hand still in his, tucked under his cheek.

472

Chapter 62 She knew that something was different from the previous mornings, even before she opened her eyes. The faint sounds were different. The sunlight dancing on her eyelids. The scent. Masculine and very michaelish. She opened her eyes slowly and looked at him. He was resting on his elbow, his head in his hand, watching her with that very special glint in his chocolate brown eyes she knew only too well. He was fully dressed, newly showered, his wet hair pulled back casually into the ponytail she loved so much. Morning, sleepy head, he said cheerfully in his soft toned voice. What are you doing? she asked shyly, pulling the sheets tighter around her body. Watching you sleep ... AND listening to you mumbling in your sleep. Her eyes widened. Oh no, Michael not again? He burst out in a giggle. Oh yeah, Karen again. What what did I say to make a complete fool of myself this time? Her eyes almost begged him to make her feel better. He rolled over on his back, resting his hands on his chest. Well, lets see He turned his head to look at her again. Do you want the bit from last night or the one from this morning? She blushed. Both of them. Just spit it out. He tried to wipe the grin off his face. Okay last night, shortly after you fell asleep, you mumbled

473

something like please, Michael, please dont leave me. And this morning, ten minutes ago when I jumped back into bed, you smiled in your sleep and said Mmm I just love the way you smell , letting out a very girly sigh, I might add. Her blush crept down her neck. I am NEVER letting you watch me sleep again. EVER. She cracked a smile and looked up at him. But honestly, Michael? I do love the way you smell. I always have. Guess I am just being honest in my sleep, huh? He locked his eyes on hers. And about the dont leave me part? The colour on her cheeks changed into a deeper shade of pink. I dont know maybe I was still thinking about the snake? A sly smile slid across his face. Sure thats probably it. Now get up, girl. Breakfast is almost ready. He jumped out of bed, still smiling his annoyingly self-confident smile. She tossed a pillow at him as he headed for the door. Wipe that grin off your face, handsome. It doesnt suit you at all. He burst out in a giggle as he closed the door behind him, winking mischievously at her. She snuggled into the sheets once again and looked around his cosy bedroom, reluctant to get up out of his bed. It was as if his bed his room enveloped her in a feeling of utter peace and harmony that she hadnt felt in a very long time. She let out a deep happy sigh and pulled his pillow closer. It was still warm from his body heat as she wrapped her arms around it, breathing in his familiar scent again. His bedroom door opened. She turned her face towards the door, expecting to see Michael emerge in the doorway. But it wasnt Michael. It was Blanket.

474

She sat up in bed quickly and, without thinking, pulled the sheets up to her neck. He approached the bed, a curious look on his face. Why are you sleeping in daddys bed? he asked straightforwardly while twirling a lock of his long dark hair around his finger. She swallowed and tried to make her voice sound as casual as possible. "Because there was a snake in my bed last night. Okay, he said, his eyes filled with childish innocence. He looked around his fathers bedroom and soon realized that his dad wasnt there, then turned around resolutely to go look for him elsewhere. As the door closed behind him, she put her hand over her eyes, amused and embarrassed at the same time. The boy was right. What was she still doing in his fathers bed? She put the pillow back in place, jumped out of bed and, with one last look around the room, quickly retired to her own bedroom to take a shower and get dressed. Cosily seated at the breakfast table, Blanket looked around at his siblings and his nanny. Karen was sleeping in daddys bed last night, he proclaimed in a serious tone of voice while reaching out for another piece of fruit. There was a snake in her bed. A bubbly giggle escaped Jennys throat but was instantly strangled and replaced by a casual face as she quickly raised her glass to her lips to take a few sips of her orange juice, very careful not to look at anybody in particular. Michael, almost choking on his coffee, held his hand over his mouth to keep the liquid inside while fixing his eyes on his son. You seem to be very wellinformed, young man! he said as soon as he was able to swallow the coffee, his voice shaking from

475

suppressed laughter. He messed up the boys hair mischievously, still resting his eyes on his face. Blanket nodded. Yeah, I saw her there. Michael swallowed a grin and gravely nodded. Really? Well, then it must be true. He turned his eyes to Karen, once again trying to put up a serious face and still failing miserably. So, what are your plans for today? She fought not to laugh at the look on his face and the clumsy way he tried to change the subject. Well, I though that I might shoot some of the portraits of you and the children. What do you think? Are you up for it? He nodded and finished his coffee. Yes, definitely. I just need to make a few phone calls first. Ill meet you in say an hour? Karen looked at her watch. An hour is perfect. Maybe Jenny will help me pick out some outfits for the kids? Jenny nodded. Sure, Karen. Lets take a look at their wardrobes straight away. About an hour later Karen had set up a provisional studio in his dance studio where the light was perfect at this time of the day due to the huge skylight windows. She started shooting some pictures of Prince, then Paris and finally Blanket. All the kids turned out to be rather photogenic ... not that it surprised her much. After all, their father was one of the most photographed men in the world and had always been a natural in front of the camera, and like in so many other aspect of their lives, they seemed to take after him. Michael seemed perfectly at ease at he sat down in front of the cream coloured backdrop, a teasing look on his face. Her reaction took her by surprise completely. She had taken photographs of some of the most famous,

476

beautiful models in the world, including Michael himself on numerous occasions, but suddenly taking his photograph right there, in his dance studio, him looking straight at her through her camera lens with a shimmer in his big brown eyes, almost made her hand tremble. She worked in silence for a while. Are you okay, Karen? You are awfully quiet all of a sudden He smiled the most gorgeous smile he could possibly muster and looked straight at her through the camera, his voice annoyingly cheerful. Sh*it! He knows exactly what you are thinking right now Why on earth are you acting so unprofessionally this is what you do for a living what you are good at! So dont let him get to you. She gulped lightly. Shut up, Michael, and concentrate on that cute little smile of yours. You dont want one hundred pics of you with your mouth open, do you? Even though your fans will probably still think that you look adorable, I dont want to put my name on them. He let out a low laugh. Wow, somebody is being sarcastic right now, huh? He ran his tongue over his lips quickly. Okay, so Ill shut up and try to look good. Satisfied? She nodded cheerfully and moved to his right, bending down slightly, her camera still clicking repeatedly. Very, handsome. Now give me that very special michaelish look that will make each and every female fan go crazy. He turned his head sideward, brought his hand to his chin and rested his eyes on hers directly, only a hint of a soft smile on his lips and the intensity of his glance taking her breath away completely. Like this? She lowered her camera and looked at him, shaking her head lightly. Michael, seriously. You

477

truly are a natural. You are almost scaring me right now you are such a tease, arent you? You know exactly how to look to make every poor girls heart burst, and you love it! He turned his profile slightly to the right, lowered his hand just a little bit and locked his eyes on hers deeply, trying to strangle a smile while biting his lower lip in a very sensual way. A tease? I have absolutely no idea what you mean. And every poor girls heart? Even yours? She rolled her eyes and raised the camera to her eyes again, instantly shooting away. No, not mine obviously. I am just the photographer. He laughed softly. Of course you are, Karen. Ill try not to forget that. She straightened herself up and lowered her camera to her hip. All done, Michael. Just in time for lunch. He ran his eyes over her face and smiled. Okay, lets get out of here. I am starving. After lunch, while Megan was taking her nap, she continued with the photographs of Michael and the kids as a group. Out of the blue, a lump seemed to form in her throat, watching them together. They looked so happy. One big, excessively happy family. Only one kid was missing, sleeping innocently in Paris room. She shot the last pictures, quickly pushing the unwanted feeling aside, then gave the kids a huge smile as she put down her camera. Thanks guys, you have done great. I am very, very pleased with the result. Paris ran to Michaels HI-FI tower in the corner and turned up the music, Smooth Criminal soon blaring out of the loudspeakers. Dance with us, dad, she shouted through the music. Michael grinned boyishly and approached her in his usual graceful manner, half dancing, half walking.

478

He grabbed her by the waist and spun her around, her long brown hair twirling from side to side. Prince and Blanket soon joined them in front of the mirror and started to dance, a huge grin on their faces. Dance the way you do in the video, dad, Blanket shouted through the music. Michael threw at smile in his direction as he let go of Paris and started to dance between the boys. Seeing Prince dance beside his father made Karens heart beat faster. He knew the entire routine by heart and followed his fathers steps almost synchronically, each and every movements equally graceful and precise. She grabbed her camera and started shooting, soon realizing that those pictures would probably by far exceed the ones she had taken already. The look on their faces was priceless, their happiness, joy of life and their love for their father almost tangible in the air. Jenny entered the room ten minutes later, holding Megan on her arm, the little girl instantly reaching out for Michael. Jenny handed the girl to him. I am sorry, but she refused to sleep any longer, and I have a dentists appointment in half an hour. She smiled. I think she felt she was missing out on all the fun, and I guess she was right. She waved cheerfully as she left the dance studio. Michael planted a kiss on his daughters cheek. Of course you wanted to dance too, didnt you? He stepped in front of the mirror with the girl on his arm and started dancing again, laughing heartily as Megan beamed with joy, watching her own reflection in the mirror as he twirled her around. After a while he put her down on the floor again. He tried to catch his breath while brushing away a damp lock of hair from his forehead. Oh my God, I

479

am in such a bad shape today, he laughed, a happy shimmer in his eyes. Paris instantly grabbed the girl by the hand. Look at her, daddy, she laughed as Megan started to dance, her entire little body moving to the rhythm of the music. Michael turned around and watched her for a while, an incredulous look spreading on his face. He turned to Karen. Oh my God, Karen, this is amazing. Have you ever seen her dance like that before? She has an excellent sense of rhythm its almost like like watching Janet dance when she was her age. This is incredible Karen swallowed hard as he kept staring at the girl, shaking his head slowly. Then he grabbed both Megan and Paris by the hand and started dancing again, all three of them soon laughing out loud again. Karen turned her eyes to Prince and Blanket, now practising some of Michaels dance moves in front of the mirror. A strange feeling of happiness mixed with grief washed over her. This was what life was all about watching Michael with the kids. Only she and Megan would never really be a part of it. Soon they would be going back to London, back to their own life. Even when she would finally build up the courage to tell Michael about his daughter, Megan would never completely be a part of the family. She would be visiting but never living with him, sharing his life like his three other kids. And herself she might loose his friendship forever. She felt the tears sting behind her eyes and turned around for a second. She felt Michaels hands on her shoulders from behind. Hey girl, put down that camera and come dance with me. She turned around and looked into his dark eyes. The look in them changed as he caught a glimpse of the sad expression on her face. He squeezed her shoulders lightly before he pulled

480

her with him onto the dance floor, soon dancing around her teasingly, a smirk on his face. Remember the last time we danced, Karen? During our date? Are you still embarrassed to dance with me? Before she could say anything, he twirled her around quickly, grabbed her by the waist and pulled her closer, then quickly danced away from her again, his hips moving around in circles teasingly. It was impossible to feel sad, dancing with him. She grinned as she turned around, instantly dancing away from him towards the girls, only to feel him grab her by the waist to pull her closer again, now dancing behind her, his chest against her back. He turned her around again. Going anywhere, Karen? he said into her ear, a smile to his voice. He turned her around in a graceful movement and looked at her mischievously. At least stay until the dance is over. The music stopped a few seconds later. I need something cold to drink, he moaned and ran his hand over his forehead. Why dont you take the kids with you into the garden and Ill bring you all something to drink. Cosily seated on a blue blanket on the lawn, beneath Michaels large parasol, they watched him approach with a large tray with 6 tall glasses of fresh lemonade, a jar of mineral water with lots of ice cubes, and a huge bowl of fresh strawberries. The kids ate their strawberries, drank their lemonade and soon rushed into the other end of the garden to play. Karen finished her lemonade and poured herself a glass of mineral water. Want some? He nodded agreeingly and watched her pour, countless large ice cubes plopping into the glass cheerfully. He let out a deep sigh as the silence wrapped itself around them.

481

She rolled onto her back and looked up at him. He looked happy and content, sitting on the blanket with his long legs pulled up to his chest, his arms wrapped around them, cheerfully chewing on a straw of grass. A thick lock of curly hair had pulled loose from his ponytail and was hanging down in front of his face, playfully tickling his cheek. Feeling a sudden urge to reach out and tuck it behind his ear, she closed her eyes and tried to focus on something else while thoroughly enjoying the feeling of the warm summer breeze upon her face. He took the straw out of his mouth and slid it over her nose mischievously. Hey, dont go to sleep. I want some company! She brushed the straw away, a teasing look of disgust on her face. Eww, Michael, this was just inside your mouth. Its still pretty wet. He laughed boyishly. So you dont want anything that has been inside my mouth to touch that perfect, delicate skin of yours? Well, pardon me! He grabbed his glass of mineral water and swished the ice cubes around a few times, took a sip and tipped one of ice cubes into his mouth. He held it between his teeth for a while, then let it slide back into the water. He finished his water, the only too familiar glint in his eyes. Soon letting out a giggle, he poured all of the ice cubes into his hand and quickly leaned forward against her. Oh NO, you DONT, she burst out, trying to get up, but too late. He was already leaning over her while pouring the ice cubes into the v-cut of her tshirt. She screamed as the ice cubes touched her warm skin, instantly leaving a wet trail down her belly. He rolled back on his back, now giggling loudly while holding his hands to his stomach. Hee hee,

482

Karen. Now dont feel sorry for yourself. You asked for it. Without hesitation, she grabbed the jar on the tray, still more than half full, and poured the water and the ice cubes onto his neck and chest. Really, Michael? Well, so did you! He gasped loudly as the ice cold water hit his skin. He brushed away the ice cubes while faking an offended look. Ill get you for this, Karen. You just wait and see. Ill get you for this. She laughed heartily and reached out for her glass. Instantly guessing her intentions, he grabbed her wrist and sat up quickly, bursting out laughing. No way, girl, no more water for me He snatched the glass out of her hand and put it down on the grass beside her. Hesitating but a split second he pinned her down to the ground with his right arm, grabbed the glass again and held it up high above her head in his left hand. Say you are sorry or I WILL do it, you know. She looked at him with unwavering eyes. No chance. I am not apologizing. You started it. You apologize. Dont forget that I am the one with the water, he grinned. Now say you are sorry. She shook her head once again, a twinkle in her green eyes. No way. I am not apologizing. Okay, so you ask for it, he said and veeeeery slowly emptied the glass of water onto her face, carefully holding his fingers across the rim of the glass to keep the ice cubes inside. She wriggled to get loose, laughing, but he was holding her down too tightly. He shook the glass to let out the very last drops, a broad smirk on his face. Michael wins again, he grinned. Dont mess with me girl, I am dangerous.

483

He rolled away from her, onto his back again, resting his hands behind his neck, still grinning to himself. Yeah, dont I know it! she said sarcastically, trying not to laugh while drying her face with the back of her hand. Dangerously clumsy. Now look what you have done; I guess my mascara is half way down my cheeks by now. He turned his head to take a closer look at her face, then reached out his thumb and carefully removed a few stains of make-up from her cheek. His hand rested on her face for a second. Your make-up looks just fine, he said, his eyes not leaving her face. He hesitated. So what about tonight? Do you want to have a new room, or do you think that youll be able to sleep in your bed tonight? He paused, his voice very casual as he went on. Not that I wouldnt love to share my bed with you again, but I guess that was a one time request on your part. She smiled shyly. As much as I enjoyed your hospitality last night, I think I better sleep in my own bed. Thanks for offering me a new room, but I am fairly convinced that Ill be okay tonight. She looked up at him teasingly. And besides, as regards sleeping in your bed, Michael, I am running out of excuses to offer to your children. Too bad you need one, he commented casually and closed his eyes, once again putting a straw of grass in his mouth. She glanced at him, watching the straw of grass move up and down. Oh my God, Michael, if only if only

484

Chapter 63 The heat was oppressive. Suffocating. It felt as if the air was not moving at all as the relentless sun beat down from a clear blue sky. And the stupid, pointless, humiliating tears had been building up in her throat all day, constantly threatening to flow completely out of control if she allowed herself to let go of her emotions for even a second. She caught herself staring at Michael repeatedly, sitting opposite him at the desk in his cosy office. He seemed to be all cheerful and content, a warm smile never far from his lips. Did he remember? She asked herself that question over and over again, the hard knot in her stomach growing tighter and even more painful as the hours went by. Two years? Two years had passed already? Yes, two years. Today, exactly two years ago, they met for the first time at Pinehaven. The mere thought of their first meeting twisted her heart painfully. She fell in love with him instantly, and no matter how hard she had tried, she hadnt been able to fall out of love with him again, despite the fact that he broke her heart and turned her life upside down when she needed love and stability more than anything else. She was frightened and disillusioned when she arrived at Pinehaven, and she was less frightened but completely heartbroken once she left. Nevertheless, her heartache would turn out to be nothing compared to what she would be feeling a few months later, when she was forced to acknowledge the fact that he had not loved her back the way she thought he did. He had proven that beyond any doubt when he chose Linda over her and

485

decided to stay in his marriage, although there was no longer a baby to consider and consequences to bear. She had trusted him completely, when he told her that he loved her and wanted to spend his life with her, Karen, but then he changed his mind and fell out of love with her as swiftly as he had fallen in love. The tears left a burning sensation in her throat as she once again silently cursed herself for having such thoughts. Why now? What did it matter if this could have been their two years anniversary? It wasnt so why even think about it? Here they were, working together as friends and she was married to someone else. Why even waste time thinking about what might have been? She swallowed hard and returned her eyes to the notes, only to find herself staring at him again a few minutes later. What she wouldnt give to be able to get up from her chair, walk to the other side of the desk and throw herself in his arms, asking him to hold her and make her feel better. Nestle up to him and feel what she felt then no guilt, no reservations. She got up quickly, forcing a smile. I need to take a break, Michael. I cannot seem to concentrate today. The heat is killing me. He returned her smile and ran his eyes over her face intently. You are right, Karen. You do seem a bit on edge today, dont you? He looked at his watch. Its almost tea time. Why dont we call it a day for now and continue tonight, when the kids have been put to bed? You wanted to take the pictures of me in my music room tonight, right? She nodded and turned for the door instantly, throwing her reply over her shoulder. Good idea, Michael. Ill see you later then. He caught up with her just outside the door and looked down at her while touching her arm lightly.

486

Are you sure you are okay? Wanna talk about it? His voice was soft and warm, and the look in his eye genuinely caring. The tears were fighting to get out. She shook her head cheerfully. No, no, I am okay. I just need a break, thats all. They had tea on the terrace with the kids, Michaels bubbly laughter filling the air again and again. Somehow, his cheerful mood only added to her own sadness. After tea, he flung himself in one of the cosy chairs on the terrace, stretching his long legs out in front of him while letting out a deep sigh. He leaned his head backwards and closed his eyes, a small smile on his lips. She looked at him. He hadnt changed much since the first time she laid eyes on him. Although he had passed the 50 year milestone, he was still the most beautiful man she had ever met. The aura that surrounded him was magical, and the look in his eyes as mesmerizing as ever, his smile as captivating as in his early youth. No matter his age, he would always be beautiful. A sudden feeling of frustration overwhelmed her, watching him so relaxed and happy. She felt like rushing to his side to shake him violently, asking him no, demanding him to give her some of the answers she kept looking for in her head. But what for? It was all too late anyway. Paris and Megan returned to the terrace, Paris holding her new fairy book under her right arm. She flung herself on his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. Her blue eyes smiled at him girlishly. Daddy, will you read to us? she pleaded in the soft toned voice that always worked wonders with her father. He straightened himself up and smiled back at her while reaching out for the book. Sure sweetey, chapter 6, right? He turned to Megan and repeated

487

the smile while pulling her up onto his other knee. He put his arms around both girls and held the book up in front of him with his right hand. Karens eyes rested on the three of them. He read the story with the usual devotion, his voice soft yet filled with the emotions portrayed in the story. Both girls were totally consumed in the story, leaning against his chest, Paris twirling a lock of her hair around her index finger repeatedly, Megan holding her little hand on top of his, caressing it affectionately. As he finished the chapter, he pulled both girls into a mutual hug and kissed them on the hair, Paris first, then Megan. The love in his eyes was evident pure and unconditional. Karen choked down yet another sob and blinked rapidly. Her thoughts were interrupted as she felt a soft little hand gently caress her knee. She bent down and lifted Megan onto her lap, pulling her into a tight embrace. For a second she thought she recognized the scent of Michaels cologne when kissing the little girls hair. She breathed in deep and closed her eyes, pulling the girl even closer. Megan nestled up to her, sucking her tiny thumb, a drowsy look on her face. Five minutes later, she was sound asleep. Karen leaned her head back on the chair, still closing her eyes, clearly feeling how the sleeping child in her arms soothed away her sadness. She almost dozed off herself, but eventually the awkward way she held her head forced her to straighten herself up. She opened her eyes, only to find Michael leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees while staring at the two of them, an undefinable look on his face. What? she mumbled shyly, feeling her cheeks getting hot.

488

He shook his head. Nothing. You just look very beautiful together, you and your daughter. He cleared his voice. Do you want me to carry her to bed for you? Karen got up quickly, still holding the sleeping child in her arms. No thanks, Michael. I think Ill take a nap with her myself. The heat makes me awfully drowsy. He nodded. Okay, Ill wake you up in time for dinner then. She felt much better as she showered after her nap and slipped into a casual white dress. The tears in her throat were gone. The hard knot in her stomach too. She was not gonna waste another minute thinking about the past. Not a single minute They had a cosy dinner on the terrace with Jenny and the kids and spent some time playing with the kids in the garden afterwards, thoroughly enjoying that the temperature had now dropped to a much more pleasant level. As soon as the kids had been put to bed, Karen walked to her room to fetch her equipment. Michael soon emerged in the doorway, a shy look on his face. Karen what do you want me to wear? She burst out laughing. Oh no, Michael, not AGAIN? Whatever you want is okay with me. You decide. He shuffled his feet a little, biting his lower lip, the expression on his face causing her to burst out laughing again. For Gods sake, boy, how hard can it be? Okay, show me your wardrobe then. He grinned shyly and walked towards his bedroom, quickly opening the door to his walk-in closet. Karen gasped, looking around the closet. Holy cow, Michael. I have never seen this many clothes in my life! You have more clothes than any girl I have

489

ever known, and believe me, models like Helen have HEAPS of clothes. She turned around and looked at him, a teasing smile on her face. You are even vainer than I though! He put his hands on his hips demonstratively, yet his cheeks slightly pink. Vain? You think I am vain? That is not a very nice thing to say He poked her on the shoulder cheerfully. Okay, maybe you are right. Maybe I do have heaps of clothes. Now pick something and lets get out of here. She giggled. Thats easier said than done. She looked around the closet again. Tell me, handsome, where do you keep your suits? My suits ? She stared at him, an incredulous look spreading on her face. Michael your suits are not in here. Dont tell me you have another closet hidden somewhere? His cheeks got even darker. Actually, Karen I keep my suits in here. He opened a door behind him to a second walk-in closet which used to be connected to the bedroom beside his own. I um had to make some alterations to have enough room for my suits, too. She shook her head resignedly, her eyes still sparkling with mischief. I give up. Help me find a black suit, a white shirt, a black tie and a black tshirt. If you agree, I would like to shoot some photos of you in your suit first, then with the t-shirt and an open shirt on top. That always looks amazing on you. He looked almost lost for a second. Okay, but what about my hair? Ponytail or ? She tried to contain her giggle. You leave that up to me too? Well, if you give me free hands, I definitely vote for something thatll keep your hair out of your face when you sit in front of the piano. What about a French braid? You are probably the

490

only man on successfully.

earth

who

can

pull

that

off

He stepped out of the walk-in closet and sat down on the bed. Okay, Karen, so make one. You have done it before, I know you can do it. She sat down behind him on the bed, taking a deep breath. Why did she not foresee that this would happen? She pulled out the rubber band quickly, combed his hair with her fingers and started to make the braid, trying hard not to think about the lovely feeling of his soft hair against her fingers. Are you enjoying yourself? he grinned. Maybe I ought to employ you as my personal stylist. I know I have said this before, but you do have very gentle hands. She made a wry face which, obviously, he could not see. Sure, she replied sarcastically. I was always very sad that I did not have one of these cute little MJ dolls with lots of outfits when I was a girl. Now I get to dress and style MJ himself, even comb and braid his hair who can ask for more? She pulled one of the smaller hairs on his neck gently. Now sit still and stop teasing me or Ill do something really painful to you. He giggled and stopped talking for a while. She finished the braid and quickly tied it off with the rubber band. All done. Now get dressed while I put up my equipment. Ill see you in the music room.

491

Chapter 64 Michaels music room was one of the most breathtaking rooms of the mansion and clearly revealed the romantic side of its owner. The Steinway grand piano stood proud in the middle of the room, and apart from two antique chairs placed against the wall, no furniture had been added. A Swarowski crystal chandelier hang from the ceiling, the light reflected beautifully in the huge antique mirror covering most of the wall to the right. A few carefully selected pieces of art were hanging on the walls. Cream coloured walls, long, heavy cream drapes and a beautiful wooden floor, as well as a few large green plants, added to the softness and tranquillity of the room. Once the candles in candelabrum on top of the black grand piano were lit, the atmosphere of this room would instantly take you back to another century, to a time long forgotten. She was putting the final touch on the lighting as he entered the room, wearing a black Cavalli suit, a white shirt and a black tie. His make-up was flawless, and the French braid hung over his shoulder, bouncing lightly with each step he took. She let out a teasing girly sigh in a quick attempt to cover up the way her heart was pounding at the sight of him. Oh my gosh, Michael. Not bad. Not bad at all. Guess I should have had one of those dolls after all, huh? You think? He laughed shyly and seated himself in front of his grand piano. He breathed in deep, hesitated, then let his fingers dance over the keys gracefully, producing a beautiful intro to Smile. He

492

closed his eyes and started singing, his magical voice filling the music room completely. The candles on the piano created a special glow on his face and made the entire scenery almost surreal. She swallowed hard, the hard knot that she had felt in her stomach up until tea time instantly returning to her stomach as her love for him overwhelmed her completely, the intensity of her feelings scarier than ever. She grabbed her camera and started working, impatiently waiting for her professionalism to kick in and replace the unwanted feelings the entire situation was causing inside her. Unfortunately, it didnt happen this time. Once the song was over, he turned to look at her. Is this okay? he smiled, looking slightly embarrassed. Anything special you want me to sing to you? She shook her head. No, its okay, Michael. You choose. I am sure Ill love whatever you choose to sing. She shot more than two hundred pictures while he worked his way though Shes out of my life, You are not alone and several other beautiful songs. As he finished the last notes of Ill be there, he got up and removed his jacket, tie and white shirt. He grabbed the white shirt with the black armband around the right sleeve he had brought along, put it on top of his black t-shirt and sat down again. He looked at her teasingly. Still no requests, Karen? She shook her head, shooting a picture of his teasing smile while feeling the sadness return with undiminished strength. More than anything, she wanted to rush out of the room, away from him, away from the smile that kept reminding her of everything that might have been. As in a trance, she recognized the intro to the next song.

493

She stepped behind him, out of his sight, and let the camera drop to her side. This could not be. He wouldnt do that to her. He just couldnt be this insensitive. But she was not mistaken. He was singing Speechless, his voice somewhat hoarser than usual but equally mesmerizing. The tears came fast and hard, but somehow keeping them inside was not important anymore. The only thing that mattered was to get as far away from him as she possibly could, but something in his voice glued her to the floor and forced her to stay put to listen to the one song that she hated and loved more than any other song in the world. The one song that had the power to rip her heart to pieces because it once symbolized everything he felt for her. Half way through the song he somehow realized that something was wrong. He stopped playing and turned around Hey, whats the matter? He reached her in a few large steps and wrapped his arms around her in a comforting embrace. Whats the matter? You dont know? You have absolutely no idea? She pulled loose, shooting him an angry stare. He pulled her closer again, an even softer tone to his voice as he spoke. Are you sad because I was singing Speechless to you? Too many memories? Too many memories!! she burst out angrily and pulled loose from his embrace once again. No, why would there be? I mean, just because you made love to me down by the lake at Pinehaven, declared your love for me and promised me to spend the rest of your life on making me happy, sang this song to me in the car on our way back to the house, and held another girl in your arms five minutes later ... the girl that you ended up marrying the following month. Why would that bring back unhappy memories? Why arh, go to hell, Michael.

494

Again? he asked sarcastically as his eyes locked on hers. She returned his glance with unwavering eyes, her chest heaving up and down. You know sometimes I really do hate you. Her voice was low and frustrated, her pain evident in every word she spoke. He swallowed hard. Dont say that, please. Even though I know you dont mean it. I He put his finger across her lips. Listen I guess you and I have different memories about this song. I only remember singing it to you twice, I dont associate it with Linda in any way but I do strongly associate it with you. I truly am sorry - I never meant to make you unhappy. He cupped her cheek in his palm. You have been unhappy all day long, havent you? Although nothing will ever make you admit it. His hand was soft and warm against her cheek, just the way she remembered it. She brushed it away quickly and smiled sarcastically. You think so, Michael? Well, maybe I have. Think back two years check you calendar, and maybe youll know why. She turned around quickly and headed for the door. Karen, please ... He reached out for her once more, his hand on her arm pleading her to stay. Let go of me - and leave me alone. I cannot bear to look at you right now. She stormed out of the music room, leaving him standing in the middle of the room with his arms down his sides, a strange look on his face. A few minutes later she found herself sitting on the lawn in the far end of the garden, her knees pulled up to her chest, her arms wrapped around them. She ran her fingers through her hair repeatedly, crying like a baby and cursing herself for being so emotional, for loosing her temper in front of him, for bringing up the past nevertheless. It was

495

ridiculous. Why bring that up now? What good would it do any of them? It was all too late. Too late the most hurtful words in the world. She sobbed silently until there were no tears left to cry. Eventually she just sat there, watching the darkness grow thicker as time went by, too emotionally drained to even consider getting up to go to bed. She felt her clothes getting cold and slightly damp from the dew and shivered, her entire body aching from sitting in the same position for so long. Suddenly she felt him behind her, gently wrapping his leather jacket around her shoulders. He sat down beside her on the grass and handed her a cup of hot chocolate. Drink this, he said softly. You must be cold by now. He took a sip of his own cup and looked up to the sky. Its a beautiful night. Very starry. She turned her head and looked at him apologetically. I am sorry about the sob scene, about the harsh words, about asking you to go to hell. You are right, I have been feeling awful all day, and I let it out on you. I apologize. He shook his head. Dont apologize, Karen. You were right about that song. I should have known better. And I should have remembered which day it is today. I just I try not to think about it too much. Nevertheless, Michael. The sob scene was awfully embarrassing. She took another sip of her hot chocolate and pulled his jacket tighter around her body. He cracked a wry smile. Actually, I kind of like the fact that you have a temper. And I definitely dont mind that you show your feelings in front of me. Tony told me Tony told me that you dont like to show your feelings in front of him, but I dont feel that you have a problem doing that with me ... at least some of the time. I like that.

496

Tony said that? When did the two of you discuss me in such detail? He hesitated, unwilling to bring up the subject of their discussion. At the hotel, while I was on tour the day you found out about that article on your . accident. I kind of blamed Tony for not doing anything to comfort you, and he told me that he knew you like the inside of his pocket, and that you definitely would hate to show your feelings to him, to cry in front of him. Her eyes sought his. You blamed him for not comforting me? Yeah, I guess I did you were devastated, and I just didnt understand why he didnt go out of his way to comfort you. Well, Tony was right but so were you. She smiled a sad smile. I hate to show my feelings in front of Tony. Its not that I dont trust him, I do trust him completely. But Tony is not a very emotional person himself. Well, maybe thats not entirely true, but he is always very, very positive. Not sad, not devastated, never breaking down emotionally. So its hard to She made a helpless gesture with her hands and locked her eyes on his again. Actually, Michael, you have seen me cry more than anybody else in the entire world, Helen included. I have definitely never shown my feelings to anybody the way I do to you. Never. His eyes melted into hers. You havent? No, I havent. You are such an emotional person yourself, maybe thats why Still, its not easy for me, you know. They sat in silence for a while, sipping their hot drink. She let go of her knees and leaned back resting on her elbows, glancing at the moon with a smile on her face. Okay, Michael, so sing another song to me. To make up for Speechless, I mean. I

497

love to hear you sing, you know, and this is definitely the perfect setting. He laughed shyly. You want me to sing to you here? He finished his hot chocolate and gulped lightly. Well, why not. What do you want me to sing? Her smile turned into a teasing smirk. What about Love of my life? It has always been one of my favourite songs, I love when Freddie Mercury sings it, and I am sure that youll sing it beautifully too. Did you ever sing it with him? He shook his head slowly. No, I never did. So you recognized it from my book marker? I was kind of hoping that you hadnt. Anyway, I cannot sing it to you. Why? Because its one of Freddies songs? Because he is dead? She ran her eyes over his face, surprised. He shook his head again, clearing his throat. No, thats not the reason why. Her eyes were still on his face, waiting for him to continue. He gave her a firm look. Just forget it, okay? Okay if thats how you feel. He let out a deep sigh. Sorry I didnt mean to sound rude. He tapped his fingers on his thigh for a second. I just cannot sing this song to you because it reminds me of a night in my life that I would rather forget. A night in London when I was feeling so down and heartbroken that I almost wanted to kill myself. The night I wrote the lyrics on the back of the book marker after staring at our picture for hours and hours, wondering how you ended up marrying someone else than me. His eyes pierced into hers. The night of the exhibition of course. She swallowed hard. I am so, so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. She sat up again, resuming her old position, her arms around her knees.

498

He laughed a joyless laughter. Its okay. And besides, it was nothing compared to how I felt the day I found out that you and Tony even have a daughter together. You marrying him was bad enough, but the two of you sharing a child who will link you together forever thats probably when I had to finally realize that what we shared was over for good. That someone else had taken my place in your heart, and that there was no turning back. Marriage is one thing a child is something quite different. He gave her a sad look. Dont you ever think about what our lives would have been like if Megan was my daughter? A shy smile crossed his face briefly. I mean, we did make love well, definitely more than once, and we never used you know. We never expected you to be able to get pregnant. And then you and Tony ... and instantly surprise, Karen is pregnant. I guess its destiny, right? Obviously, you and Tony were meant to be. It almost tore me apart to know that you were able to sleep with someone so soon after leaving me, but the fact that you and Tony share this beautiful girl that is even worse. I envy you so much it hurts you have no idea. A soft look formed on his face as he looked up into the sky. I love her, you know. It has taken me by surprise completely just how much I love her, but I do. As if she was my own child. I see so much of you in her, and she touches my heart just by looking at me. What I wouldnt give to A loud sob escaped Karens mouth, and he turned around to look at her. Tears were pouring down her cheeks again, and her entire body was shivering. He pulled her into a tight hug. Hey baby, dont cry. I am sorry, I am babbling here ... forgive me. You are cold. Dont you think you better go to bed soon? No, Michael. You are not babbling. She pulled loose and let out another sob. I have something to

499

say to you. I just need a little time to calm down first. He nodded understandingly and pointed into the sky. Look, the Big Dipper. She looked at the sky, her vision blurred from the tears. Where? I dont see it. He drew seven dots in the air, holding his hand up high. Still dont see it? She shook her head, her heart still racing out of control. He got up and sat down close behind her, his long legs stretched out in front of him, one leg on each side of her. He put his left hand on her shoulder while pointing into the sky again with his right index finger, making it easier for her to follow the stars he was pointing at. I see it now, she said, waiting for him to move away again, but he didnt. He rubbed her shoulders soothingly to keep her warm. So what did you want to talk to me about? Thank God he wasnt able to see her face. She closed her eyes for a second and felt his body close to hers, and the weight of his big, warm hands on her shoulders. She breathed in his spicy scent and felt his braid tickle her cheek as he moved his head to look up at the sky again. His touch was magical. His voice was magical. The entire scenery was magical. The moonlight, the intoxicating sweet fragrance of the garden flowers in the air, the melodic sound of the crickets And as soon as she had told him about her lies and deceit, the magic would be over. Everything would be over. She took another deep breath, feeling the courage she had felt a few minutes ago slowly vanish into thin air. I think I am just being silly. She tried to make her voice as casual as possible. I just wanted to ask you - how would you feel if I ever lied to you? If I ever deceived you, did something to violate your

500

trust in me? Would you ever forgive me? Trust me again? He hesitated. You would never deceive me I know you. If you did it would break my heart completely. Hurt me more than anything else I could ever imagine. Yes, I do trust you unconditionally. I dont think I could ever do that again if you ever broke my trust. I dont know ... its hard to say. In time, I would probably forgive you, but you would definitely break my heart and nothing would ever be the same. Nothing. But why are you asking me this? She brushed her tears away, knowing that there was no way on earth that she would be able to tell him about Megan right now. No reason. I was just thinking about what you said how much I have hurt you. Thats all. He squeezed her shoulders lightly. Dont worry about it. I hurt you too. Now did you want me to sing to you or not? She smiled, only too relieved to change the subject. Sure, Michael. You pick the song. Just not Speechless, okay? Okay, not Speechless, he laughed softly. He started to sing, his hands still resting on her shoulders, his voice soft and crystal clear: Feels like a fire that burns in my heart Every single moment that we spend apart I need you around for every day to start I havent left you alone Something about you, I stare in your eyes And everything Im looking for I seem to find All this time away is killing me inside I need your love in my life I wanna spend time till it ends I wanna fall with you again

501

Like we did when we first met I wanna fall with you again We fought in a battle, but nobody won Left ourselves a mountain to be overcome You cant run away, the past is said and done I need us to carry on I wanna spend time till it ends I wanna fall with you again Like we did when we first met I wanna fall with you again Youll try everything You never thought it before When you live, when you love, and you give them your all You can always give up some more Baby nothing means anything Unless youre here to share with me I can breathe, I can bleed, I can die in my sleep Cause youre always there in my dreams I wanna spend time till it ends I wanna fall with you again Like we did when we first met I wanna fall with you again He rested his forehead against the back of her head for a second as he stopped singing. So do you like this song, Fall again? I love the lyrics. She nodded, the butterflies in her stomach livelier than ever. Yes, I love it, and you sing it beautifully. Why did you choose this particular song? She turned her head to look at him, her suddenly overanalytical brain going through the lyrics once again.

502

He simply smiled in return. Well, actually, thats for me to know and you to find out. He let out a giggle. I have always wanted to say that line to you. Ill never forget the way you played with me that day. He got up and reached out his hand to her. As much as I love sitting here in the moonlight with you, we have to go inside now. Your clothes are damp and youll catch a cold if we dont. He pulled her up and walked across the lawn beside her, heading for the house, unconsciously humming the first verse of the song.

503

Chapter 65 She leaned back in her chair and let out a yawn. Oh my gosh, Michael. Its almost 2 oclock. I am totally beat ... lets call it a day, shall we? He looked at his watch and nodded. Yeah, you are right. Funny how time flies when you are having a great time, huh? The look on his face was as mischievous as ever as he looked up to run his eyes over her face briefly yet there was something else in his expression which she could not quite interpret. After putting the kids to bed, they had been working on one of the last chapters of the book. They still needed to write a few pages and choose between hundreds of photographs to finish the chapter, but they had come a long way already. The evening had been equally productive and genuinely cosy. He stretched his long legs out in front of him and crossed his arms over his chest. I dont know about you, but I am starving. Wanna taste one of my famous omelettes? I can make you one in a few minutes. I make the best omelettes in the world. She looked back at him teasingly. Bragging, are we? And, actually, you dont! NOTHING beats my tomato and cheese omelette. Nothing? She shook her head. Nothing. Letting out a boyish giggle, he reached out his hand to pull her out of the chair. Now thats a dare! Come on, lets settle this once and for all. Lets each

504

make an omelette and find out which one is better. I bet yours wont come anywhere close to mine. He grinned ear to ear while dragging her with him to the kitchen. He opened the fridge and quickly pulled out the ingredients. Eggs, milk, cheese, butter, mushrooms, lettuce . Hesitating for a few seconds, he stepped across the kitchen to fetch flour, onions and tomatoes. He made a sweeping gesture. See? I have everything we need to make a perfect omelette. Now lets get to work. Youll find a bowl and whatever you need in these cupboards. He pointed at the cupboards behind her. His enthusiasm was infectious. Smiling to herself, she opened the cupboards and looked inside, trying to decide what to use. She jumped as she felt him standing close behind her, his arms around her waist. He laughed softly. Hey, dont worry, I am only trying to prevent you from ruining that white dress of yours. He wrapped a large kitchen towel around her waist, carefully tying the tips into a small knot behind her back. She let out a small, silent sigh as he moved away from her again. It was nice, feeling his arms around her like that. No, more than nice. Nice definitely wasnt the right word. She reached out for a suitable bowl and gulped lightly. He hummed cheerfully as they worked on their omelettes, side by side. She gave him a sideway glance as he cracked the eggs into his bowl, having prepared all the other ingredients first. He worked fast and with confident movements, his big hands constantly in motion. He looked back at her while throwing the egg shells into the trash, and in the same movement flipped on the hot water to rinse his hands. What? he smiled. Are you afraid you are

505

gonna loose the bet? You look kind of worried right now! She threw a kitchen towel at him. Now dont be cocky; you have the advantage of knowing your way around this kitchen, thats all. He grinned. Yeah, in your dreams. Im just the better cook, THATS all. They poured their mixtures into two large frying pans at the exact same time. She looked at him challengingly and was instantly rewarded with another huge grin. As their omelettes were nicely cooked, they each chucked their filling on one side and folded the other side over the filling. Mmm, nothing beats mushrooms and onions, he commented as a delicious smell spread through the kitchen. He stepped to the kitchen sink with the dirty bowl in his hands, a self-confident look on his face. Nope, nothing does, Michael. Except cheese and tomatoes of course. Well see about that. Well see. He shook his head cheerfully. A few minutes later she arranged her omelette on a large plate, beautifully garnished with green lettuce and a few tomato roses. She looked at him, setting her arms akimbo. Well, I am all done. What about you? He put his plate in front of her, faking a look of childish pride, his omelette equally garnished with green lettuce and paper thin slices of spring onion. Yes, all done! He pulled out a single fork from the drawer beside him, took a bite of his own omelette, and closed his eyes while letting out a long, deep sigh. Now this is GOOD, he smirked. He dug the fork into his omelette once again. Open up, he commanded, putting the fork in front of her mouth with a teasing smile.

506

Eating his omelette, an image of a similar situation crossed her mind. The two of them sitting on a blanket, down by the lake at Pinehaven, him feeding her his chocolate cake. The most perfect day of her life. Like so many times before, she instantly pushed the beautiful, but way too painful memory aside. Now admit it, he grinned. You have never had a better omelette in your life! She shrugged her shoulders mischievously. Its okay, Michael. But I am afraid that you have just lost your bet. Its definitely not as delicious and creamy as mine. Now come on, try it. He dug the fork into her omelette and took a large bite into his mouth. He closed his eyes once again, nodding approvingly. Yeah, its okay too, Karen, but here, try some yourself. Are you SURE you think its better than mine? And remember, you have to be totally honest. No cheating. He put the fork in front of her mouth again, trying to contain his giggle. She ate the omelette off his fork and chewed it thoughtfully. Okay, okay she sighed, surrenderingly. So you win! Your omelette IS better than mine. Give it to me, I am starving now. She grabbed his plate and started to eat, a very content look on her face. Letting out his giggle, he opened the drawer to pull out another fork. Then he grabbed her plate and started eating, holding one of her tomato roses up in front of him. He put it back on the plate while chewing cheerfully. You know, in all fairness, your omelette LOOKS better than mine, he grinned, pointing with his fork at the food on his plate. She rolled her eyes and just continued eating. As she finished the last bite, she let out a small, satisfied sigh. You like it, huh? I told you. I am an excellent cook!

507

There was a very charming, teasing spark in his gorgeous brown eyes. She looked away quickly. Yes you are. Or I am just really, really hungry! He arched an eyebrow at her. Sore loser, are you? I never thought that about you. He smiled as he stepped to the fridge to fetch a bottle of white wine. Having opened the bottle, he leaned over her to grab two glasses from the cupboard above her head and poured both of them a glass. Cheers, he said, raising his glass. I have had such a great time today. So have I, Michael. She looked at his mouth as he sipped his wine, his lips touching the glass lightly, looking even softer and more tempting than usual. She lifted her glass to her lips, trying to concentrate on something else than how much she missed the well-known feeling of his lips against hers. She just couldnt deny it he had always been an amazing kisser. The dedication he brought into each kiss was exceptional, and no two kisses were the same. His soft, light kisses were wonderful like a butterfly touching her skin. Those other kisses whenever he kissed her deeply, he would close his eyes slowly and give in to the kiss completely, each kiss being a silent declaration of his love for her. She closed her eyes for a second and imagined his lips against her, not even realizing how a small audible sigh escaped her mouth. Karen? She opened her eyes and looked at him, hating the fact that she knew she was blushing heavily. His eyes pierced into hers as he put his glass back on the counter. I enjoyed that kiss very much too he said, a tiny smile lurking on his lips.

508

What? she mumbled, utterly embarrassed, praying that he hadnt been able to read her mind completely. That kiss you just imagined I could almost taste it too. She looked at him again, searching for the mischievous glint in his eyes, but it wasnt there. She sat her glass down on the edge of the kitchen counter with a thud. How can you even begin to imagine that you can read my mind like that? she asked quickly, her voice not quite as firm and cheerful as she wanted it to be. He reached out and slid his thumb across her lips softly. Because I know that look on your face so well. Whenever I drew you close back then, ready to kiss you, you would get this very special look in your eyes, and you would kind of prepare your lips in a certain way, and if I if I kissed you deeply, you would close your eyes in a certain way too. He cracked a shy smile. And if I did really good, you would end the kiss by letting out an amazing little sigh the way you did just now. And when you opened your eyes again, the look in your eyes would almost take my breath away. It was as if you were enveloping me in your love for me, promising me that I would never ever be lonely again, just by looking at me. That look was magical, every time and it was right there in your eyes again, a few seconds ago. Dont do this to me, Michael. Please ... She gave him a small, insecure smile, still completely lost for words. How could he read her mind like that? Suddenly, he pulled her close, gently brushing his lips against hers. Please let me kiss you again, he mumbled, soon pulling her even closer. His gesture took her by surprise completely. His scent, his arms around her, his lips against hers made her forget everything around her for just a few

509

seconds. Then she broke the kiss and pulled away. No, Michael, please, I cannot do this, she moaned and struggled to catch her breath while giving him a look of sheer confusion. She grabbed her glass to take another large sip, silently cursing the way her knees were going weak beneath her. His eyes sought her face again as he reached out for her glass and quickly put it back on the kitchen counter. With no trace of hesitation, he circled his arms around her once more, this time kissing her harder, totally ignoring her hands on his chest, trying to push him away. She could feel his heart race, the way hers did too. She squirmed in his arms, trying to pull loose, but he just wrapped his arms around her tighter, his lips still locked on hers. His kiss erased everything but the present moment. The world had stopped turning, and the past two years never happened. The memory of all the lonely days and nights vanished as she gave up fighting the inevitable and allowed her body to relax in his arms, her hands on his chest no longer trying to push him away, her lips once again returning his kiss just as intensely. As she slid her arms around his waist to pull him closer, he scooped her into his arms and carried her into his bedroom, never breaking the kiss.

510

Chapter 66 Even before he opened his eyes, the memories of the previous night came flooding back. His lips curled into a smile as he reached out for her, the images still dancing behind his eyelids. Her side of the bed was empty. He opened his eyes and put his hand on her pillow. It was cold. Obviously, she had left his bedroom some time ago, although it was still rather early in the morning. He jumped out of bed and slipped into his pj bottoms and a t-shirt, then walked to her room across the hall. She was pulling back the covers of the neatly made bed, fully dressed, her hair still moist from her shower. He gave her a teasing smile, leaning against the door frame, his legs crossed and arms folded. Covering up the traces, are you? Dont want my kids to know that you didnt sleep in here last night? Or the staff maybe? His smile faded at the look on her face. There was nothing in her face except embarrassment and sadness. No smile, no happy shimmer in her eyes. Suddenly catching a glimpse of her suitcase on the floor on the other side of the bed, his heart started racing. Why are you packing your suitcase, Karen? You are not leaving until Wednesday, and thats three days from now. Whats the rush? She made an apologetic gesture with her hand. I am sorry, Michael, but I have to leave today. I have called a cab, and itll be here in half an hour. I have

511

changed our flight reservations, and I need to go wake up Megan now. He looked at her confused. But why are you leaving already? Because of last night? Tell me thats not the reason why, please. Dont say that you are sorry. I just couldnt bear it. The sad look on his face almost broke down her defences. He looked more vulnerable than ever, his dark eyes clearly revealing his feelings. She took a deep breath. I am sorry, but last night WAS a mistake. It never should have happened, and I apologize for leading you on in any way, if thats what I did. He walked across the room towards her quickly, but the look on her face stopped him in his tracks. You really are serious? he said, a look of huge disappointment creeping onto his face. But how can you feel this way now? Last night If I am not mistaken, you even shed a few happy tears afterwards, as did I. Why this sudden change of mood? She fought to control the tears threatening to well up in her eyes. I am married, Michael. I just cheated on my husband, and I feel terrible about it. He reached out for her but let his hands drop to his sides as she backed away from him, clearly determined not to let him touch her. He gave her a devastated look. You may be married, but you still love me. You just cannot deny it. She shook her head. Whether I love you or not is not the point. I love my husband, and I am never gonna leave him. Never. Karen, please we have to figure out how She interrupted him swiftly. No! Like I said I cannot leave him. I owe him too much I couldnt do that to him. He has been there for me all the way through, like no other man in my life. He saved my life. If he hadnt cared for me the way he did if he

512

hadnt come looking for me, I would have been dead by now, dying all alone on that kitchen floor with nobody to hold my hand. Yes, I owe my life to him. As if this wasnt enough, he was the one to take care of me when I came out of the hospital too, never expecting anything in return. When I needed a friend and called him from the States, he was there for me and helped me out immediately. When I came back to London, totally heartbroken, he was there for me, no questions asked. And when I got pregnant I mean hes the perfect father, and he loves her to death. If I left him, he would be devastated. I could never hurt him that way. I married him, and I am not gonna leave him. He is the only person in the world who truly loves me. Never once did he lie to me. Never once did he think of himself first. Always me and Megan above himself. Always. This kind of love is not an illusion. This kind of love will not hurt you. Her words hit him hard. What do you mean? he asked hoarsely. That he is the only man who truly loves you and never lied to you. I didnt either. I never lied to you. And I truly do love you. Thats not an illusion. She shook her head, still fighting the tears. Never mind, Michael. Its not important now. I have told you before; theres too much water under the bridge No, he said, his voice suddenly firm and angry. I want to know what you mean. I never lied to you, not once. I didnt tell you about Linda or the engagement to begin with, and I am so sorry about that but I didnt lie to you. But you did, Michael, she insisted, her voice softer than before. Dont you remember? You told me that nothing Linda could ever say or do would make you change your mind about breaking up with her. You told me that you loved me and wanted to spend the rest of your life with me. Then Linda turned up and told you about the baby, and

513

everything changed. I understood why the baby had to change everything. I never held that against you in any way. But when there was no baby after all, you still stayed with her. You wanted to have a second baby with her. You didnt choose to be with me. I would have understood if you needed some time I would have waited for you if you had asked me to. But you you wanted to stay with her. You had forgotten about me. Out of sight and out of mind, right? Now Linda is out of your life, and suddenly you want to pick up where we left off two years ago. But its just not possible. Forgotten about you! he burst out, his voice cracking. He laughed a joyless laughter. Is that what you think? Well, let me tell you something. I have spent every day of the last two years thinking about you from the minute I open my eyes till I fall asleep. I have wondered time after time what you would be doing right now if you would be happy ... if you would still be thinking of me now and then. I have been staring at your pictures on the computer so many times that I know every little detail of each and every picture by heart. I have cried myself to sleep night after night, missing you so badly that it literally hurt inside. Do you want to know why I stayed with Linda? Do you, Karen, or dont you care anymore? Well, I am gonna tell you anyway. I stayed with her because I caught her wanting to kill herself the day she lost the baby because I was unable to conceal the fact that I wasnt even sorry that she lost it. That I wanted her out of my life again. I had left her to herself once we got back from Pinehaven and never even considered how she felt about the whole situation. I was just too caught up in my own sad little world, thinking about you. I never touched her unless I had to, I never paid her any attention as a woman, only as somebody who happened to carry my child. She knew about us, you know she even

514

knew that we slept together right before she turned up at Pinehaven, dying to tell me about the baby. And because of my insensitivity, she wanted to kill herself. I just had to make it up to her, dont you understand? If she had died, I would have been to blame. I could never live with that. He sat down on the bed, sliding his hands through his hair resignedly. Staring at him confused, a few stubborn tears trailed down her cheeks. I wish I had known that back then, Michael. Things would have been so different if I had known. Deep down inside, I was so angry with you, so disappointed. Why didnt you ever explain this to me? Surely, you must have known how your new baby plans made me feel He played with one of the pillows on her bed, squeezing it tightly in his hands, over and over again. We werent exactly speaking at the time, were we? When I called you exactly 12 days after you left me at Pinehaven, you didnt want to talk to me. You were determined to forget about me, and I thought that you had moved on by the time she lost the baby. And no matter what, I wouldnt have been able to tell you why. I promised her not to tell anybody about what happened. She felt humiliated and embarrassed about her failed suicide attempt, and I had to respect that. I would definitely have felt the same way myself. And besides, how could I explain to anybody, even you, that I stayed with her out of guilt? It would have been a horrible thing to admit, like humiliating her all over again. Now well, I guess that me finding her in bed with another man - and the divorce - kind of releases me from any promises I made. At least I think I am entitled to tell you. After all, this does affect our future. She brushed the tears away and gave him a strange look, then shook her head. What? What were you going to say?

515

She shrugged her shoulders. Nothing. Theres no point in discussing this now. He flung the pillow on the floor in frustration. Now come on, tell me. Lets get it all out in the open, once and for all. You are still angry with me about something, I can tell. At least let me know what it is I think you owe me that much. She looked him straight into his eyes, swallowing hard. Okay. I am just wondering how you can blame me for not wanting to talk to you when you called me. When I text messaged you several months later, literally begging you to call me, you coldly replied that you would prefer not to, that you needed to focus on your marriage and then you told me to take care. I desperately needed to talk to you that day how do you think that message made me feel? Her voice trembled as she tried to hold back a new wave of tears. He furrowed his brows. What do you mean, you text messaged me? I never received any text message from you. And I certainly never would have replied that way. Stop it, Michael. Theres no use in denying it. I still have my message as well as your reply on my phone. She pulled out her cell phone with an angry motion of her hand and handed it to him, her fingers shaking lightly. Reading the messages, he shook his head slowly. I dont understand any of it, but I am pretty sure that Linda must have had something to do with it. I have never seen these messages in my life, I swear. His eyes were unwavering, insisting. She slid the cell phone back into her pocket, once again gulping back the tears. Its okay, I believe you. But anyway, its too late now. I am so sorry for basing some of the hardest decisions in my life on misunderstandings, on me not trusting you anymore. Oh my God, Michael. I have done you so wrong.

516

What do you mean? He looked at her in confusion, once again running his hand through his slightly messy hair. She shook her head again. Never mind. This is definitely not the right time to go into that. I have to wake up Megan now, the cab will be here in twenty minutes, and I havent finished packing yet. Dont worry, he said in a flat voice. Ill get her dressed for you. So when will you be back? We still need to finish the book. I I wont be back. I am sorry, but well have to finish the last chapters over the phone and through email. Its no big deal, we can easily do that. She looked down at her hands. Please try to understand, Michael last night proved to me once and for all that we cannot go back to just being friends. I knew that all along, but I didnt want it to be true. I refused to admit it to myself. I wanted to be your friend so badly, to have you in my life, one way or the other but its just not possible. Well finish the rest of the book, and then well go our separate ways again, not keeping in touch. He stared at her, his mouth slightly open, an incredulous look on his face. You dont mean that! Tell me that you dont intend to disappear out of my life again for good. Tell Michael No! Ill settle for friendship if I have to. I promise that I wont touch you ever again if you dont want me to, just dont say that Ill never see you again. Promise me thats not gonna happen! Fighting an irresistible urge to throw herself in his arms, she gave him a sad smile. I really, really need to finish packing. Please wake up Megan for me. His voice was desperate now.

517

NO!!! I am not leaving this room until you PROMISE to meet me again. He swallowed hard and made a funny gesture with his hands. Maybe when the book is finished, before I go on tour with Janet in Europe. Yes, lets meet for dinner or something. Ill invite Tony too, I have no hidden motives. Just promise me that youll meet me again, that this is not the last time Ill ever see you. You have to promise me, Karen. She looked at her watch, her heart racing. Okay, she promised, not looking at him as she quickly lifted her suitcase onto the bed. But now I really do need to finish packing. He hesitated as if to say something, then turned around to leave the room, biting his lower lip hard. He stopped in the doorway. So are you gonna tell him what happened? Last night, I mean? No, I am not. He would be devastated and besides, he wouldnt wanna know. He nodded and quickly left the room. She threw her clothes into the suitcase randomly, trying not to think, not to feel. It only took her a few minutes to finish packing. She slumped down on the bed and looked around the room, unconsciously wrapping her arms around herself to stop shivering. Apart from that one night when her jealousy got the better of her, she had felt completely happy here these past two and a half weeks. Here, in his beautiful, warm and cosy home, with him and the kids. His kids his four kids. Now for the second time, he had to disappear out of her life, once again leaving her empty, heartbroken and devastated and this time even worse than the first time. The huge lump in her throat was choking her. She tried to breathe in deep a few times, then jumped off the bed, determined not to let the panic overwhelm her. Not just yet. She had to leave now.

518

She grabbed her suitcase and left the room quickly, not looking back. She walked to Paris room and stopped just inside the door. Paris was still sleeping, but Michael was sitting on the floor, holding Megan in his lap, gently brushing her hair. As he put the brush down on the floor, the girl turned around and grabbed his long hair to pull herself up, laughing cheerfully while planting a sloppy, very wet kiss on his mouth. He hugged her tight with a sad smile on his face, totally ignoring the pain caused by her firm grip on his hair. Silent tears were spilling down his cheeks, leaving a faint trail of yesterdays make-up on his skin. He kept brushing the tears away impatiently with the back of his hand as if determined not to cry in front of the child. She could almost feel her heart breaking into a thousand pieces once more, and the pain was suffocating her his pain as well as her own. She blinked rapidly to keep the tears from falling again, knowing that there was no way on earth she would be able to stop them once she allowed them to flow freely. She looked at him and forced a tiny smile. Time to leave, Michael. The cab will be here any minute. Her voice was almost unrecognizable to her own ears, and she was shivering all over by now. Five minutes you have to pull yourself together for five more minutes He motioned to get up from the floor, but she shook her head quickly. Please stay here, Michael. I I dont wanna say goodbye to you. I beg you please just stay where you are for a few minutes. She reached out for Megan, her shoulders shaking in silent sobs. Then she left the room quickly, not turning around to look at him.

519

520

Chapter 67 He called her the morning after her return. She had just gotten out of bed, following a night of plenty of tears, tossing and turning, but hardly any sleep at all. Hey Karen, its Michael. Did you have a safe trip home? Hearing his voice almost broke her down. She breathed in deep. Hi, Michael. Yes, thank you, we did. About the book He hesitated, searching for the right words. She ran her hand through her hair, tired to the point of exhaustion, physically and emotionally. Listen umm I am rather tired and jetlagged today. Can we wait until tomorrow to start working on the book again? I know we dont have much time before you leave for Europe, but we should be okay. We only have a few pages left that we need to work on together, then I can finish the rest on my own. For the first draft, I mean. No no, its not that. He tried to sound as casual as possible, but the slight tremble in his voice gave him away. Karen, I have been thinking about everything since you left. I really think that we ought to handle this situation in a mature and sensible manner. I am so sorry that I made you do something that you regretted later on I take full responsibility for what happened. But please lets not let it destroy everything. Lets meet and finish the book. Maybe it wont be as awkward as you think after all, and Michael, listen to me ...

521

No, please let me finish. I totally understand that you do not want to come to Vegas again, but Ill Michael Ill come to London if youll let me. We can work at your place, Ill meet Tony, and Ill behave myself I promise. Itll only be for a couple of days anyway. But Michael Karen, please please think about it. This project is very important to me. Its OUR project, and I would hate for it to end this way. I have poured my heart and soul into this project. She hesitated. You want to do this because of the book? Yes because of the book. And thats your only reason? Yes Your ONLY reason? Yes Are you lying to me, Michael? Yes He laughed shyly. Of course I wanna see you again ... but frankly, the book is my main concern right now. Please lets finish the book together. I dont want it to end this way. I promise that I will not embarrass you in any way. Michael she hesitated. Please? His voice was as soft as a whisper, and his extraordinary dark eyes were begging her to reconsider as she closed her eyes, picturing him in front of her only too vividly while hearing his voice. She felt her resistance melt away and sighed deeply. What is it with you? How can you make me change my mind every time you look at me or talk to me even on the phone? I just HATE that. He giggled softly. I dont know, Karen. Guess I can be rather persuasive if I try hard enough. So what do you say? I can be in London the day after tomorrow, if its okay with you. Ill book a room at

522

the Dorchester and meet you at your house the following day, say 10 oclock? She faked a deep sigh once again. Okay, its a deal. But you can stay in our guest room if you like. I mean since we dont have much time on our hands, well probably be working until rather late at night, right? AND itll save you from the fans and the paparazzis if you are able to get here unnoticed, that is. Maybe NOT renting a black SUV with tinted windows might help, she added sarcastically. Sounds great! I would love to not stay at a hotel. He laughed cheerfully. And you are probably right about the car! I guess you want to have your bodyguards with you, wont you? Unfortunately we only have one guest room, but theres a four star hotel only a few minutes away from here, the Kensington Hilton. Will that work? If you wanna leave the house, they can be here in no time. Sure, that will work perfectly. I certainly dont wanna have them in your home anyway. Well, Ill meet you the day after tomorrow then. Give Megan a kiss for me. I sure miss having her around. Her heart skipped a beat as he mentioned his daughter. I will. See you in two days then. Have a great trip. She looked at the phone for some time after she hung up, not quite sure whether to panic or give in to the overwhelming feeling of relief that rushed through her body. He wasnt out of her life for good. He didnt have to be at least not yet. They would give it one more try the friendship. They would meet to work on the book, and they would avoid ANYTHING that would complicate things. Friends, working on a mutual project. Again. She sighed and rolled her eyes self-mockingly. Panic, my dear. Its definitely time to panic

523

He arrived with two of his bodyguards in the early afternoon two days later. He shrugged his shoulders apologetically as the two men entered the house with him, both of them greeting her politely. Sorry, Karen, but my head of security insisted that they familiarize themselves with the surroundings, before they leave for the hotel. You know, just in case any emergency should arise. I hope its okay with you? The sight of him, standing in her doorway, took her breath away. She nodded, smiling shyly. Of course it is. Now come on in, the living room is this way The bodyguards soon left the living room to go through the house on their own, one of them making notes in his tiny black book. Standing right in front of her, he finally returned her smile. Like hers, his smile was shy almost embarrassed. He hesitated shortly, then decided not to hug her and reached out his hand to shake hands with her instead. She grabbed his hand, feeling equally relieved and disappointed while giving him a firm handshake, her heart still racing out of control. She forced a casual tone of voice. Its good to see you, Michael. Did you have a nice trip? He nodded and handed her a bag from the duty free shop in Vegas. Yeah, I did. This is for you. I hope youll like it. I went through a lot of fragrances to find one that would suit you perfectly. He made a wry face. I think the lady in the store decided that I purchased it for myself, judging by the look on her face as she ran her eyes over my make-up ever so discretely. Well, its a brand new fragrance by Hermes, and it is very light and lemonish, like the fragrances you usually prefer. She pulled out a perfume, a body lotion and a body shower from the bag. Smiling shyly once again,

524

she dabbed some of the perfume on her wrist and inhaled deeply. Thank you! I cant believe you went through so much trouble to pick it out for me. So you like it? I love it but really, you shouldnt have! You dont need to bring me anything, you know. He gave her a teasing look, watching a blush creep into her cheeks. I know how you feel about presents, but I wanted to. Theres a bottle of whisky in there for Tony, too. I hope he likes whisky? Another shy smile. Yes, he does. Thank you. The awkwardness of the situation made her gulp a few times. Why dont you make yourself comfortable while I make some tea. Are you hungry? Do you want a sandwich or something? He shook his head. No thanks, I am not hungry at all. He breathed in through his nose slowly. But you have been baking, right? A bantering smile curled one corner of his mouth. You are quite the perfect housewife, arent you, Karen? A worldrenowned photographer AND a perfect housewife? What a perfect combination! There was nothing left of the shy, embarrassed smile. She shook her head at him, relieved that his new-found cheerful mood seemed to ease the situation a little bit. Stop teasing me, Michael! Baking a cake hardly makes me the perfect housewife, but you are right about the smell; I just made an apple pie. The bodyguards came back into the living room to say goodbye, and within five minutes they were out the door. He let out a sigh of relief as soon as the door closed behind them. Finally. Thank God Ill be on my own for a few days now. AND we did manage to get here unnoticed, I think in a very small, anonymous car! She smiled as she went into the kitchen to make the tea. As she came back into the living room a few

525

minutes later, he was taking a closer look at the CD collection. Are these yours or Tonys? he asked curiously. Quite an impressive collection. Those are mine. Tonys are the ones in the CD rack over there. Hes mostly into jazz which personally I cannot stand. He pulled out a few CDs with a mischievous glint in his eyes. You seem to like Michael Jacksons music a lot. You have each and every one of his CDs, and the entire Visionary box, too? She nodded, quickly setting the table. Of course I like his music. The man is a genius didnt you know that? She gestured towards the sofa. Come take a seat, Michael. He seated himself beside her and poured the tea for both of them. This is a lovely house, and this living room is really cosy very warm and homey. Did you decorate it or did Tony? He lived here long before you moved in, didnt he? His face was as expressionless as his voice as he looked at her, waiting for her to reply. She nodded. Yes, he has lived here for almost eight years, but I redecorated the house after we got married. Tony gave me free hands, so I got rid of most of the furniture and purchased these. She smiled. I am crazy about the Scandinavian designers, as you can see although I must admit that lately I have developed a taste for a different style in furniture, too. Kind of a mixture of new and less streamlined furniture combined with antiques. She smiled teasingly, clearly referring to his house in Vegas. He returned her smile. Well, I am glad to hear that you dont find my taste in furniture totally obnoxious. His face turned expressionless again. You used to have the upper floor, didnt you?

526

Yes, I did, and I still have my office upstairs. She hesitated. And Megans room, the bedroom and a bathroom. Downstairs we have this living room, the kitchen, the guest room where youll be staying, another bathroom, and Tonys office. We He felt his stomach twist at the word. So Ill be staying in Tonys old bedroom? he asked casually, trying hard not to think about Tonys remark the last time he met him, Tony talking about the fond memories he had about Karen. The very first night she came to my bed, waking me up in the middle of the night, asking me to hold her. He swallowed while reaching out for his tea. Holding the cup tightly in both hands, he looked around the room again. You have excellent taste, Karen. Its really strange to actually see your home for the first time. I have tried to picture it in my head several times, but this is so much cosier. Very you. But why did you not redecorate it until you got married? She gulped lightly. Of course he would wonder about that. After all, he was convinced that she and Tony had been living together as a couple since she got back from Pinehaven. I erh just never got around to doing it until then. The lie made her feel slightly uncomfortable for a moment. Now help yourself to some apple pie, she offered, eager to change the subject. She handed him the whip cream. He closed his eyes as he took the first bite into his mouth. A look of delight crossed his face. Mmm, this is delicious, he said slowly. He opened his eyes and cracked a teasing smile. I told you, you are such a perfect lil British housewife. Serving tea and home made apple pie. So are you gonna make dinner for me tonight as well? She rolled her eyes. What do you think, Michael? Of course I am unless you brought your chef with you. And you are gonna help me make it. Now finish

527

your tea and lets take the obligatory tour of the house. The rest of the rooms downstairs were just as cosy and tastefully decorated as the living room. All rooms were done in white and a few soft colours, quite a few paintings covered the walls, and fresh flowers had been added to each and every room. The guest room was quite large with an adjacent bathroom, both rooms facing the park on the other side of the street. Tonys office was slightly smaller but very masculine and functional. The kitchen was large with a separate dining area, the white cupboards clearly revealing Karens love for Scandinavian design. A large painting covered most of the wall opposite the dining area. Michael pointed at the painting. One of Jennifers? Karen nodded. Yes, it is, and I love it. She gave it to me after the exhibition, but actually youll find several of her paintings around the house. I love her style. She showed the way upstairs and opened the door to a room on the left. This is Megans room, she said, smiling. Nothing like Paris room in Vegas of course, but she loves it. The room was decorated in white and shades of sunny yellow. Soft toys lined a shelf upon which also stood bedtime story books. The bed was white with tiny yellow and pink roses painted on it. The entire wall around the window was painted as a scenery from the Hundred Acre Wood with all the characters from Winnie the Pooh. Jennifer did that, Karen smiled. She just couldnt resist the temptation, and Megan is crazy about it. She loves to sit and look at it before going to sleep. Michael looked around the room, smiling softly. This is a beautiful room. Very, very warm and cosy.

528

This is perfect for Megan. He turned to look at Karen. Where is Megan by the way? I though she was sleeping. Karen shook her head, not meeting his eyes. No, she is with Alice in the park. Theyll be back any minute now. Karens office was next door to Megans room; a large, cosy room dominated by a very large desk, a cream sofa and a huge book shelf, covering the entire end wall. He ran his eyes over the books quickly. Wow, Karen, you certainly know your way around the classics, huh? Shakespeare, Poe, Dickinson, Cummings, Whitman, Yeats, Wilde, Austen. He whistled approvingly. Very impressive! Digging his hands into his pockets, he walked to the opposite side of the room. Several very large black and white portraits in beautiful black frames covered most of the wall. He looked at them for some time, then turned around to face her. They are beautiful, he said softly, all yours of course? She nodded shyly. Yes, they are. In his usual curious manner, he stepped toward a smaller book shelf and looked at the photographs in silver frames sitting on top of it. He picked up one of the photographs and held it in his hand for a long time. She looked at the photograph over his shoulder. It was a picture of Helen and her, standing with their arms around each others waist, smiling hugely. The picture was taken only a few weeks before she gave birth to Megan, and her huge stomach was hard to miss. She felt her heart race, watching him with that particular photograph in his hand. He slid his thumb across the glass gently and swallowed as he turned around to face her again, suddenly realizing that she was standing close behind him, watching him. You

529

look absolutely beautiful, he said, his voice slightly hoarse. Being pregnant totally agreed with you. Before she could say anything, he continued to the last photograph of the lot. The look on his face changed, and the teasing smile returned to his lips. You even have a picture of me in here? Its not a picture of you, Michael. Its a picture of your kids AND you. And why not? Your kids are beautiful I love that photograph! To her annoyance, she felt her cheeks getting hot. Now lets get out of here. She exited the room quickly, clearly feeling him continue the smile behind her back. She headed for the stairs but stopped in her tracks as he grabbed her arm firmly. He looked at her, not batting an eyelid. Arent you gonna show me the last room? Or, like you asked me in Vegas, is your bedroom off limits? She looked into his eyes, searching for a glimpse of something behind that calm facade of his. He returned her glance willingly, his eyes completely expressionless once again. She shrugged her shoulders and opened the door to the bedroom. He stepped inside and let out a gasp, looking around the room. Obviously, the decoration took him by surprise completely. The room was decorated in traditional Japanese style with a wooden floor and white brick walls. Each piece of furniture in the room was deep black, and clearly carefully picked for both aestheticism and function. A black and red Japanese duvet cover in pure silk covered the bed, and a large number of black pillows made the large, very low flatform style bed with the beautiful bed head even more inviting. Several large green Bonsai plants added tranquillity to the room, and in traditional Japanese style no lighting fixtures were visible at all. A large bouquet of red flowers was put on a low black table to the right

530

of the bed, and a huge painting covered the wall behind the bed. He recognized Jennifers signature in the right corner, although the painting had clearly been painted to match the bedroom perfectly. Karen looked around the room too. You like it? This used to be my bedroom, and we havent changed a single thing in here. I purchased the furniture and the accessories in connection with one of my photo shoots in Japan and honestly, I like this room very much myself. He nodded, suddenly a strange look on his face. Yes, this is an amazing room. Very sensual. He swallowed hard. I understand if you love to spend time in here ... you and Tony. The pain in his voice was evident. She took one step forward. Michael she said soothingly. He held his hand up in front of his face and quickly left the room. Outside the door, he breathed in deep while forcing a smile. Wanna offer me another cup of tea, Karen? He turned around and walked down the stairs, not waiting for her reply. He almost bumped into Megan and Alice at the end of the stairs, and the look on his face soon changed to one of joy. Hey, pumpkin, there you are! He reached out for the girl and hugged her cheerfully, the little girl beaming with delight as she cupped his cheeks with her tiny hands. She pulled his head closer and kissed him sloppily on his chin while letting out a happy giggle. Alice burst out in laughter. She sure is glad to see you, Mr. Jackson. I bet that she couldnt possibly have given you a warmer welcome than this one had she been your own daughter. Karen swallowed hard, watching her daughter wrap her arms around her daddy's neck while burying her face in his chest affectionately. You are

531

so right, Alice. So right more than youll ever know

532

Chapter 68 They spent the next few hours playing with Megan in the living room. For a while it seemed as if every little trace of tension between them was erased by the little girls laughter and happy face. Michael, too, seemed perfectly happy, and Karen was even able to push away the almost constant, all consuming feeling of guilt inside, for once just enjoying watching Michael and his daughter together without thinking too much about the future or the past. Eventually Karen got up, looking down at Michael and Megan, playing with Megans toy bricks on the floor. I think Ill start making dinner, she smiled. You two just continue doing whatever you are doing! She laughed as Megan once again destroyed one of Michaels impressive toy brick towers, letting out a loud giggle which was soon surpassed by her fathers as he grabbed her and tickled her playfully. Michael and Megans cheerful voices reached the kitchen loud and clear while she prepared the dinner, feeling completely relaxed for the first time since leaving Vegas. She burst out laughing again as another one of Michaels brick towers hit the floor noisily. He came into the kitchen a few minutes later, holding Megan on his arm. He sat the girl down on the wooden kitchen floor and handed her two white plastic ladles from the porcelain jar beside the stove before turning to Karen, leaning against the kitchen counter. Mmm, this looks and smells delicious. What are you cooking? She looked at him with teary eyes. Salmon Paella. Its an oven roasted salmon served over

533

saffron rice with tomatoes, peppers, onions, mussels and shrimps. I hope youll like it. He stepped closer. Why are you crying, girl? he asked softly, his hand under her chin, gently forcing his eyes into hers while rubbing her shoulder soothingly with his other hand. His touch his soft voice Her heart instantly raced in the all too familiar manner. She let a grin slip onto her face as she looked back into his eyes. I am not crying, Michael. I am chopping the onions! He lowered his eyes to the trencher in front of her and cracked a shy smile. Right you are. Guess that was quite obvious, huh? So what do you want me to do? With one last soft squeeze of her shoulder, he moved away from her and looked at the colourful vegetables on the counter, thoroughly rinsed and left to dry on a cotton kitchen towel. Make the salad perhaps? She took a small deep breath and nodded. Sure, Michael. Unless you wanna sit down and relax instead. You can open a bottle of wine, if you like. I have white wine in the fridge and red wine over there. Your choice. She handed him a corkscrew and pointed at the well-stocked wine rack in the corner of the kitchen. You prefer white wine, dont you? It was more of a statement than a question, and without waiting for her reply, he fetched the white wine from the fridge and quickly opened the bottle. Glasses? he asked cheerfully and followed her glance as she nodded towards the cupboard above his head. He pulled out two vintage crystal glasses with silver rims and poured the wine. Handing her one of the glasses, he lifted his own glass into the air and took a closer look at it, watching the evening light falling through the window in front of him reflect in the golden liquid. Beautiful glasses. You really do

534

have impeccable taste, Karen. Cheers, and thank you for inviting me to stay here. She sipped her wine, suddenly feeling almost foolishly happy. Any time, Michael. Its nice to have you here. Without further instructions, he started working on the salad, standing close beside her at the kitchen counter. He looked at her teasingly. Now this is cosy, isnt it? Cooking dinner together while the child is playing on the floor. Almost like playing house. He hesitated, suddenly a small sad smile on his lips. Only problem is that this is neither my house, my wife, nor my child. His eyes melted into hers, his dark brows slightly raised. Guess lifes never THAT perfect, huh? The look in his eyes made her swallowed hard. Guess not, Michael. This is cosy nevertheless. She turned away from him quickly to put her homemade salad dressing on the kitchen table, already set for two. He turned his head and looked at the table while slicing the tomatoes. The table was beautifully set with a cream table cloth, cream napkins, white square plates, wine glasses, silver ware, candles and white roses. He looked back at her surprised. Only two plates? Isnt Tony joining us for dinner? No, he isnt. Didnt I tell you? Hes in Berlin and wont be back until tomorrow afternoon. To her annoyance, she felt a warm blush creep into her cheeks. The instant look of relief on his face was hard to miss. He returned his eyes to the vegetables in front of him quickly, not saying anything as he tossed the tomatoes and the long strips of cucumber into the salad bowl. Although his face was now fairly expressionless, a small stubborn smile soon grew in the corners of his mouth. She knew that smile only too well.

535

Suddenly, the smile changed into a huge grin. He put down the kitchen knife and turned around gracefully. Megan was standing close behind him, holding on to his trouser leg while spanking his rear end vigorously with one of the ladles. In her usual manner, she let out a loud giggle and tilted her head backwards to look up at him. Hee hee, you little rascal! Who taught you to do that? Did mommy do that? Still grinning, he lifted her onto the kitchen counter and handed her a piece of cucumber. Guess the floor got too boring for you, huh, pumpkin? What do you say? Wanna help Michael mix the salad? Shaking her head at the two of them, Karen grabbed the child away from him. No way! I am the one who has to clean up after her. Besides, her dinner is ready. Ill feed her and put her to bed afterwards, before we have our dinner. He winked at her teasingly. Oh, wanna enjoy my company in peace and quiet, do you? Well, I certainly wont object to that. If you feed her, Ill put her to bed while you finish the dinner. Karen looked at his back as he left the kitchen twenty minutes later, holding his daughter on his arm. He turned around in the doorway unexpectedly and caught her staring at him. He tried not to smile as she withdrew her eyes quickly. So where will I find her night gown? And her tooth brush? The top drawer beneath the changing table. Diapers, too. And her tooth brush is in my bathroom through the bedroom. She hesitated. Wait, Michael Ill find it for you. He shook his head slowly. Dont worry, Karen. Ill find it myself not flipping out while entering your bedroom this time I promise.

536

She finished the dinner, loaded the dish washer and cleaned up the kitchen, dimmed the light just a little bit, lit the candles on the table, and finished her white wine. Still no trace of Michael. She walked up the stairs silently, clearly hearing his beautiful voice as she approached Megans room. For some odd reason, she had to gulp back a few tears as she leaned against the frame, watching him and listening to him, partly singing, partly humming a lullaby to his daughter. When you wish upon a star Makes no difference who you are Anything your heart desires Will come to you The room was wrapped in a cosy, dim light created by the colourful Winnie the Poo lamp hanging on the wall beside the changing table. Michael was sitting in the rocking chair in the opposite corner of the room, the little girl fast asleep on his lap, her head against his chest. He was resting one hand on the back of her head, his fingers gently entangled in her soft curly hair, his other hand stroking her back soothingly. He kept his eyes closed and leaned his head against the bright yellow cushion tied to the back of the chair, gently rocking the chair back and forth with his feet. Karen smiled softly as he sang the last note. I guess shes sleeping, Michael. Dinner is ready. He jumped as he heard her voice but instantly returned her smile, a shy look on his face. Sorry guess I lost track of time. I just love sitting with a sleeping child on my lap. It is beyond comparison the most relaxing and soothing thing in the world. The lump in her throat grew bigger. I know what you mean. I often sit with her, just like that, looking at her while shes sleeping.

537

He got up with Megan in his arms, put her into bed and tucked the sheets around her tightly. As he tiptoed out of the room and closed the door behind them, he turned his head to Karen, a teasing look crossing his face. Okay, girl, guess its just you and me now, huh? Gosh, I am starving! His words sent a shiver down her spine. Just you and me Just you and me Just She turned around quickly and walked down the stairs, trying to ignore the fact that he was following close behind her. He looked at the food on the table and whistled approvingly. Wow, this look delicious. I hope it tastes as good as it looks and smells. He seated himself in front of her and poured her another glass of wine, smiling contently. Apparently he did like the food. After two large servings he leaned back, holding his hand to his stomach while making a funny face. Oh my God, Karen. I ate way too much. You truly are an excellent cook. He cracked a smile. I told you so the perfect lil housewife. So does this mean that you didnt leave any room for dessert? Dessert? he asked, faking a horrified look. You made dessert too? She nodded, grinning. Of course I did. I know all about that sweet tooth of yours, dont I? Homemade ice cream chocolate cake with white chocolate sauce. I spent almost two hours in the kitchen yesterday, so dont tell me that you are not gonna eat any of it! He let out a funny sound. Of course I am can we just wait a minute, please? Karen laughed again and got up. Yeah, I guess I can live with that. Why dont you make yourself comfortable in the living room while I clear the table

538

and check up on Megan. Put on some music or something. She came into the living room with tea and dessert about fifteen minutes later. He had drawn the curtains, lit the candles on the table, and put on a James Brown CD. He was lying on his back on the sofa, his head turned to one side, his feet still on the floor. He was sound asleep. She sat down on the coffee table and looked at him. As always, he looked adorable in his sleep, but this time, something was different. Somehow, he did not look as relaxed and peaceful as he used to. There was something in this face that not even sleep could erase, and the tiny tired wrinkles around his eyes, combined with the faint dark shadows beneath them, revealed just how hard the past few days had been on him. She felt her love for him float through her even stronger than before. What she did to him the day she left Vegas to both of them ... She leaned over and removed a stray lock of hair from his face and held it between her fingers for a second before she tucked it behind his ear. She had called the night they had just spent together a mistake, although she knew it would break his heart. And it was anything but a mistake. Closing her eyes, she recalled only too vividly the way he had locked his lips on hers as he carried her into his bedroom. The way he held her close as he put her down on his bed, unwilling to allow her to leave his embrace for as much as a second. The way he kept kissing her as if he was afraid that it would all turn out to be nothing but a dream if he moved away from her, even to catch his breath. The way he kept gazing into her eyes as he made love to her, his love and affection for her evident in every look he gave her. The way he allowed the tears to flow freely afterwards, still

539

clinging to her like a child afraid of the dark. And the following day she called it a mistake and left him. She opened her eyes and looked at him again. He was exhausted. He needed to go to bed. She reached out and touched his cheek lightly. He grabbed her hand and put both their hands on his chest, turning his head away from her, still asleep. Michael, she whispered. You better go to bed now. He opened his eyes, confused. Squeezing her hand, he turned his head to look at her again, smiling shyly. Guess I fell asleep, huh? He sat up, still holding her hand in his. She pulled her hand away and gave him a teasing smile. Yes you did, handsome. Dont you think you better go to bed now? Its been a long day for you. He shook his head, the usual mischievous glint returning to his eyes. And miss out on your dessert? Are you kidding me? I am fine, not sleepy at all. He yawned discretely and burst out in a giggle. Okay, maybe I am, but I definitely do not want to go to sleep now. He poured the tea, helped himself to a large piece of her ice cream chocolate cake, and cuddled up in one end of the sofa, watching her do the same with a content look on his face. She waited for him to close his eyes as he put the first bite of the dessert into his mouth, and he did not disappoint her. He let out a deep sigh while closing his eyes in delight, softly running his thumb across his lips to remove a tiny stain of ice cream. Wow, Karen, this is the best dessert I have ever had in my life. I am not kidding. This beats everything I have ever tasted before. She broke out in laughter. Oh my God, Michael. Nobody eats like you. You eat with as much passion as you She paused, embarrassed.

540

He looked at her slowly, a sly smile on his face. As much passion as I ? She blushed heavily. No, not that. I was gonna say kiss, Michael. Sorry, that was a stupid thing to say. You think? he smirked. Well, Ill definitely take it as a compliment. He put the next bite into his mouth, trying to wipe the boyish grin off his face. About an hour later she got up. I am sorry, but I have to e-mail some photographs to my agent. Ill be back soon. She returned to the living room less than fifteen minutes later, only to find him sleeping again. She smiled to herself and quickly cleared the table, blew out the candles and wrapped a blanket around him. For a while she just stood there, watching him then gave in to temptation and quickly leaned over him, burying her face in his neck for a second to breathe in his familiar scent. He moaned in his sleep and moved his hand to his nose, toughing it lightly. She smiled as she took one more look at him, then she turned off the light and left the room, silently closing the door behind her. She let out a deep sigh as she walked up the stairs, thinking about him sleeping downstairs. Gosh, how she wished She shook her head lightly as she stepped into her bedroom. No this was definitely not the time for wishful thinking. She needed to stay calm. Focused. In control. It only took her a minute to change into her nightie. Somehow once again thinking about the look on his face in his sleep, she stepped into the bathroom, reached out for her tooth brush and applied the tooth paste thoroughly while turning on the cold water with the other hand. She brushed her teeth slowly, deeply consumed in her thoughts. Thank God the initial awkwardness between them didnt last very long. Actually, the

541

afternoon had turned out to be genuinely cosy, and the evening She looked into the mirror randomly and jumped, finding him standing in the doorway, leaning against the door frame. Michael! she burst out, a mixture of tooth paste and saliva almost leaving her mouth. You scared the hell out of me! Sorry, he smiled. I knocked on your bedroom door, but clearly you couldnt hear me with the water running. Thank you for tucking me in downstairs, but I must have woken up shortly after you left the room. Ill go to bed now, but can I just ask you one question before I do? She looked at him in the mirror, still brushing her teeth. She nodded and removed the tooth brush for a second, very careful to keep everything inside her mouth this time. Sure shoot. He looked embarrassed but did not take his eyes away from her in the mirror. A few days ago in Vegas what happened between us He bit his lip hard, trying to find the right words. The following morning you called it a mistake. Please tell me is that really how you feel about it? Did I misinterpret everything that happened? I mean I know it was not supposed to happen because of Tony, but didnt it mean anything to you at all? Didnt you feel anything for me? His voice turned softer than before as he continued. I am sorry if I am embarrassing you right now, I just really need to know. She bent down over the sink, cupped her hands with water and rinsed her mouth. Then she straightened up and caught his glance in the mirror again. She rested her hands on the sink and breathed in deep. Being married, that night was a mistake as far as my guilty conscience is concerned. She paused, a swarm of fluttering butterflies suddenly invading her stomach. If you

542

erase Tony from the equation, that night was beyond comparison the most magical night of my life, and something that I had waited to happen for two long years. As her eyes locked with his in the mirror, a warm smile curved his lips. Thank you, Karen. Thats all I needed to know. Well sweet dreams, Ill see you in the morning. Then he turned around and left, his steps sounding almost cheerful as he walked down the stairs to the guest room.

543

Chapter 69 She hummed cheerfully to herself while making breakfast the following morning, all alone in the kitchen. Alice had just picked up Megan to take her to the park, and Michael hadnt turned up yet. She set the table and looked at her watch. Almost ten oclock. She stepped towards the guest room, softly knocking on the door. Michael? Are you awake? No reply. She knocked a little harder. Michael? Still no reply. She opened the door and stepped into the room. It was still dark. She withdrew the heavy blue curtains a few inches, allowing just a little bit of sunlight to seep into the room, then stepped closer to the bed and looked down at him. He was resting on his back, sleeping very soundly with his lips slightly parted, his breathing deep, regular and peaceful. His naked arms were raised above his head in an almost childlike manner, and his hair was messed beyond recognition. She let out a tiny giggle and quickly left the room to fetch her camera. He didnt even wake up as she shot several pictures of him from various angles. She giggled to herself again. No doubt, his fans would love these pictures but he probably wouldnt. She put her camera on his bedside table and pulled his arm softly. Leave me alone, he grunted and turned around in his sleep, away from her. She pulled his arm again, harder this time. Michael! Time to get up, you sleepy head!

544

He jumped and sat up in bed quickly, a look of sheer confusion in his eyes. She looked at him teasingly. Dont you think its time to get up? You have been sleeping for almost ten hours. He ran his hand through his hair and yawned loudly. Of course I havent, he claimed stubbornly, his voice still hoarse from the sleep. I never do. Its ten oclock, Michael. If you havent been sleeping, I dont know how you spent your time. But at least you have been in bed for ten hours. A mischievous smile slid across his face. I spent a long time making a list of things I find very annoying about you, just to stop thinking about you laying in bed all alone upstairs. She hated the fact that a deep pinkish blush crept over her cheeks, just as he intended. Oh yeah? So show me the list. Not possible. I made it in my head. She put her hands in her sides. You did now, did you! So what annoys you about me? Whats first on that fancy list of yours? Surely, I would love to know. He faked a deep sigh. Nothing. I couldnt think of a single thing to include on my list. Thats why I couldnt sleep. He tried not to smile but failed miserably. She picked up a pillow from the floor and threw it in his face. Stop it, handsome, and just admit that the smoggy air in London did you good. You have slept like a baby ever since you put your head on the pillow. 10 hours straight. He let out another deep sigh. Well, in that case I better warn you. I get extremely restless and annoying if I sleep too much. She rolled her eyes. You are always restless and annoying, so what else is new? Now get out of bed

545

and come and have breakfast with me. I am starving. He nodded, agreeing. Okay, just give me a minute to shower. She shook her head vigorously. No way. Breakfast is ready already. I have spent HOURS in the kitchen, preparing a huge English breakfast for you. Scrambled eggs and bacon. Sausages. Devilled kidneys. Black pudding. The lot. You can shower afterwards. He looked almost unwell for a second and swallowed hard. Karen ... you know me way too well for that. I dont eat that stuff you didnt, did you? She grinned. No, I didnt. But I did make British scones for you and of course the fruit salad and freshly squeezed juice that you just cannot live without. Well, neither can I for that matter. Now get out of bed, brush your teeth, wash your hands and whatever you need to do. Just hurry up. He ran his hand through his messy black curls. My hair he moaned. She took a long embarrassing look at his hair demonstratively. Oh yeah your hair. It kind of looks like the afro you used to wear back in the days when you were still black, I mean. Before you bleached your skin. Ouch! he pouted, a twinkle in his eyes. That hurt! Anymore tabloid garbage where that came from? She giggled. Plenty. But if you dont get out of bed NOW, Ill save every little bit for the book. Ill get up but I absolutely refuse not to shower before breakfast. He made an irresistible, boyish pout. I wont be able to eat a single bite of your scones if I dont. She faked a heavy sigh. Okay okay, you win. But hurry up, Jacko. I am starving. Turning around to leave the room, she burst into another giggle as he threw both pillows after her.

546

He looked extremely refreshed as he turned up in the kitchen fifteen minutes later, clad in blue jeans and a plain red t-shirt. His wet hair was gathered in a ponytail, and he wore hardly any make-up at all. He sat down in front of her and flashed her a huge smile. Gosh, Karen, this does look delicious. If I stay here too long, Ill get fat and lazy. She poured him a glass of orange juice. Sure, Michael. I see what you mean you are definitely ALMOST too fat already. She rolled her eyes teasingly. Now be a good boy and eat your scones. We need to start working soon, or we wont get any work done before lunch. Sipping his orange juice slowly, he gave her a mischievous glance. Still such a workaholic, ay Karen? But you are right of course. But then again you always are, arent you? He grinned as he reached out for one of her scones, totally ignoring the way she was rolling her eyes at him again. Despite his warning, he seemed to be able to concentrate on work quite well after breakfast. They worked for three hours and managed to finalize several pages, then took a short break to have lunch with Megan and Alice before going back to her office to continue working. In the late afternoon, however, he did become increasingly restless and left the desk repeatedly to walk around her office. He studied her portraits on the wall with an overwhelming interest, pulled out several of her books from the book shelf randomly, and took the photographs in the silver frames into his hand one by one to give each of them a closer look. As he got up for the tenth time to pace the floor restlessly, his hands buried deep in his pockets, she looked up from the laptop and shook her head at him.

547

Michael, for heavens sake. Sit down and relax. I told you. I slept too long. I am so restless right now. Why dont you and Tony share an office by the way? This office is big enough for two, isnt it? Because I just hate it when people fiddle with my stuff. She got up and slid the books back into the book shelf, giving him a stern look. Really? he asked teasingly and sat down behind the laptop, quickly pulling out the big drawer of her desk. You dont like it when people go through your stuff? She reached him in a few steps, no smile on her face. I am not kidding, Michael. Get away from there. He burst out laughing. Too late, Karen. Why do you keep several photographs of me in your drawer? Even from my childhood? She felt her cheeks getting hot and slammed the drawer closed. Why? Because of the book of course. Isnt that obvious? To her annoyance, her voice wasnt quite as casual as she wanted it to be. He winked at her mischievously. Of course it is. Despite the fact that we do not use any photographs but yours . She gave him a slightly angry stare. You are the most annoying, obnoxious person I have ever met, you know that? Come on, lets take a walk in the park to burn off some of that excessive energy of yours. Want to call your shadows first? He shook his head, still trying to wipe the grin off his face. No, I want to take a walk alone with you like a normal person. No bodyguards this time. After all, the park is just across the street. He put a shirt on top of his t-shirt to protect his skin from the sun, grabbed his cap and sunglasses and almost ran out of the door, clearly impatient to get out of the house.

548

It only took them a few minutes to get to the park. He grinned as he opened the gate for her, bowing his head playfully. This is quite an unusual situation, isnt it? You and me, going to the park together. Usually, I come looking for you here instead, you never looking very happy to see me. He giggled. Guess you kind of hate me right now too, huh? I am sorry for going through your drawer. Will you forgive me? As he looked at her, faking a guilty, sad look, his dark eyes almost melted into hers. She produced a sigh and elbowed him in the side. I do hate you, but Ill forgive you, just because you give me that look. No girl on earth would be able to resist that look from Michael Jackson himself. He laughed and ran a few steps ahead of her, turned around and jogged backwards while looking at her challengingly. Now come on, Karen. Time to jog. She shook her head, smiling. You jog, Michael. I am too out of shape and too lazy. He jogged around her in circles for a little bit, then slowed down again and walked beside her. He put his arm around her waist lightly. Now this is really cosy, girl. I really love this park. I love London. Actually, I think Ill buy a house here and come visit a lot. What do you say? Good idea? Yes, she would love that. She shook her head. And destroy your chance to go to the park unnoticed? If your fans find out that you intend to purchase a house in London, theyll be looking out for you aaaaall the time. His hand felt warm and soothing against the delicate fabric of her white dress. It would be so easy to just grab it and She pulled away from him discretely. A long sigh escaped his lips. You are right, of course. Guess it wouldnt be quite the same.

549

He looked kind of sad all of a sudden, but not for long. He bent his head backwards and looked up at the gigantic tree tops above them. The leaves were shining in all shades of green, the sun making them look almost transparent while struggling to reach the ground beneath them. He smiled and pointed at one of the huge flower beds to his right, bursting with flowers in wonderful bright colours. I know that most people will probably notice the flowers the most, but I simply love trees. I wish I could climb one right now! Maybe I should? Just to burn off some of my excessive energy as you so elegantly put it. Dont you dare, Michael. If you do, Ill definitely walk right past you and pretend I dont know you. He pulled a lock of her hair. You wouldnt, would you? I bet you would stand beneath the tree, holding your breath, praying to God that I wouldnt fall down and break my neck. Trust me. I wouldnt. Seriously? Now what kind of friend are you!!? She laughed. The easily embarrassed kind, I guess. Ill let you be the judge of that. He made an offended face but soon broke out in a huge smile again, watching two small girls feed the tame squirrels. Both girls giggled in delight as the tiny animals ate nuts out of their hands. Hey, we should have brought some nuts too! he grinned. Lets do that tomorrow, shall we? She looked at him out of the corner of her eye. He was happy happy and relaxed. Seeing him like that She swallowed past the sudden emotional lump in her throat and looked away again. They returned to the house about an hour later. Want a cup of tea? she offered as they approached the front door. Sure, if you throw in a piece of that apple pie you made yesterday. He grinned. I am definitely gonna miss your cooking when I return to Vegas, youll

550

have to . He stepped into the house and stopped talking, catching a glimpse of Tonys suitcase in the hall. Tony soon emerged in the doorway from the kitchen, giving both of them a warm smile while stepping closer to his wife. He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tight. Hey, honey, he said softly. Did you have a nice walk? Alice told me you went to the park. There was absolutely no trace of jealousy in his voice; he was just really happy to see his wife again. Michael felt a sting of annoyance, watching him. Why the hell wasnt he the least jealous that his wife spent so much time with him? He would have been. Was Tony that sure of her? Well, dont be. I spent an incredible night with her less than a week ago in my bed! The tea was already waiting for them on the kitchen table. Megan was playing on the floor, and he instinctively bent down to kiss her on the hair. She reached out for him at once. He picked her up and sat down at the table, the little girl on his lap. Like so many times before, she bent her head backwards and reached out for his long hair, bursting out in a giggle as she got hold of a curly lock and pulled hard. Tony laughed heartily. She really likes you, Michael. She is not often that way around other men, you know. You really do have a very special way with kids. Yes, he most certainly did. Karen gulped lightly and looked around the kitchen quickly. Oh my God, Tony, you prepared dinner already? He nodded, smiling his perfect smile at her. Yeah, I came home an hour ago, so I have had plenty of time to do it. I found two chickens in the fridge and guessed that you were planning on

551

making fried chicken and the Chinese style vegetables you love so much. Am I right? She smiled, too. Yes, you are. Guess you know my habits way too well. As she turned her head away from him to hand the apple pie to Michael, she caught a quick glimpse of sheer annoyance on his face, although it was gone as quickly as it appeared. He felt her eyes on his face and stared back at her demonstratively, his face now completely expressionless. She returned his stare with unwavering eyes, a defiant look growing on her face as she waited for him to withdraw his eyes. He kept staring at her for a few seconds, then winked at her teasingly and returned his eyes to his tea, a slightly sarcastic smile now lurking in the corners of his mouth. They finished their tea ten minutes later and returned to her office. She turned to him angrily as soon as she closed the door behind them. What the hell was that all about, Michael? At the table, I mean. Am I amusing you in some way? He cracked a sardonic smile. You? Amusing me? Of course not, dear Karen. I just love the way you and Tony hug, cuddle and address each other so lovingly all the time. Makes me think of some perfect marriage portrayed in an old-fashioned feel-good movie. I definitely want to have a marriage like that some day. In that case, handsome, you better give up on that sarcastic smile of yours, or no girl in the world would wanna marry you. Being the famous Michael Jackson with the cute, sexy butt aint gonna help you one bit. She turned away from him. Right now, I really dont understand why I ever found you even remotely attractive.

552

He laughed heartily and drew her into a hug. Yes, you do. You still think I am terribly charming and adorable. He cupped his hands around her face, looking at her softly. Now lets get back to work before I do something thats gonna make you even more angry, shall we? Ill behave from now on. He let go of her and sat down in front of her desk, put on his glasses and quickly grabbed his pile of papers to continue reading. Seated behind her laptop, she found herself staring at him. That look in his eyes just before She turned on her laptop quickly and let out a deep sigh. Okay this was NOT a good idea. Thoughts like that were forbidden. Strictly forbidden Of course she wasnt able to stay mad at him she never were. However, as dinner time drew closer, she found herself dreading the meal. She neednt have worried though. To her relief, he was utterly charming and talkative throughout the entire meal and even seemed to be enjoying Tonys company and the excellent food. No sign of his previous annoyance or sarcasm. They retired to her office again straight after dinner, both of them determined to finish the chapter they were working on before they called it a day. Tony came into her office a few hours later. I think Ill go to bed now. Its been a tiring trip, and I have an early meeting at the office tomorrow. He smiled warmly. Can I get you anything before I go to bed, K.? A cup of tea maybe? Karen returned his smile. No thanks, Tony. Sleep tight. Tony turned to Michael. What about you, Michael, you need anything? Yeah, your wife. He smiled innocently and raised his glass of mineral water in the air. No thanks, Tony. I am good.

553

He felt a wave of relief washing over him as Tony closed the door behind him, leaving the two of them to continue working while going to bed alone.

Chapter 70 Karen looked at her watch. Holy cow, Michael. Its 3 oclock in the morning. No wonder I am totally beat. Lets call it a day, shall we? He didnt raise his head from his papers. Not yet, Karen. I wanna finish reading this. I am too tired, she moaned. And you look pretty tired yourself. Come on, lets go to bed now. He shook his head, a look of determination on his face. No, I really wanna finish this. He raised his

554

right hand and pointed at the cream sofa in front of the window, his eyes still fixed on the papers in his left hand. Make yourself comfortable. Ill finish soon. She let out a deep sigh and flung herself on her back on the sofa noisily, staring into the ceiling for a while. She turned her head and looked at him. He seemed to be totally consumed in his reading, now and then running his thumb across his lower lip, or making a remark in the margin with the red pen he held in his hand. He looked adorable with his glasses on. She let out a tiny girly giggle. He finally turned his eyes to her. What? Why are you giggling like that? Like some giddy teenager who just wrote I love Justin Timberlake all over her school books. She shook her head teasingly. No reason, Michael. You just look really cute with those glasses on. I mean REALLY cute! A look of embarrassment crossed his face. Dont tease me about that, please. Its an extremely soft spot of mine, and you know it. The smile returned to his face. Now shut up and let me finish. Close your eyes and relax go to sleep or whatever you need to do. She rolled her eyes. You shut up. And finish that chapter for Gods sake. She closed her eyes, turning her head away from him demonstratively. He looked at her out of the corner of his eye, smiling to himself. He just loved it when she was annoyed with him. She looked cute and irresistible, her amazing eyes sparkling with emotion. Even now, with her eyes closed, he knew exactly what they would look like sparkling like the surface of a deep, green lake on a summer day when the sun glows cheerfully on the water and creates the most magical, intense emerald green colours with just a

555

tiny touch of gold. When she looked like that, it was almost impossible not to kiss her. He lowered the papers into his lap and glanced at her as he heard her breathing become increasingly deep and regular, clearly revealing the fact that she had fallen asleep within five minutes. Cracking a smile, he put the papers down on her desk, took off his glasses, and turned off the lamp beside her laptop. He stepped closer to the sofa and squatted down beside her to look at her for a while. His hand rested on the sofa, so close to hers that his fingers could have touched her had he reached out for her without even moving his hand. A lock of her long curly hair fell teasingly across her neck. He looked at it for a while and recalled only too clearly the wonderful feeling of her soft hair against his fingers. He shouldnt he really shouldnt He gulped as he reached out and gently brushed away the lock of hair. He slid it through his fingers slowly and leaned over her to tuck it behind her ear. Her perfume enveloped him, teased him, challenged him. Letting out a deep sigh of resignation, he gave in to temptation and planted a soft kiss on her perfect, sensual lips. Suddenly smiling in her sleep, she turned her head in his direction. His heart skipped a few beats as he held his breath, praying that she would not wake up. He desperately needed her to stay asleep. Soon her breathing became deep and regular again, and the way she slightly parted her lips clearly proved to him that, once again, she was sound asleep. He got up and fetched the cream blanket neatly stored in a weave basket on the bottom shelf of her bookshelf, wrapped it around her and took one long last look at her. Having turned off the light, he tiptoed out of the room and closed the door behind him.

556

He smiled to himself as he stepped down the stairs. Sorry, Tony. Guess you wife wont be joining you tonight after all Tony was setting the table as Michael entered the kitchen the following morning. He was wearing a pair of black pj bottoms and was naked from his waist up. His short black hair was still moist from the shower, and a pleasant masculine scent surrounded him. He was newly shaven and looked extremely refreshed and cheerful. For some reason being rather annoyed by the sight of Tonys naked torso, Michael quickly assessed his appearance. Tony was taller than him, several pounds heavier, each and every muscle clearly defined beneath his skin. His dark skin was absolutely flawless, his body as painfully perfect as his face. He was extremely masculine. At the same time his movements were surprisingly graceful, and the look in his dark eyes instantly revealed his cheerful, gentle nature. His smile suggested humour and warmth, yet his strong jaw line signalled determination and will power, too. Michael felt his annoyance spread to every part of his body. His muscles clenched with tension, and his throat tightened in the most unpleasant manner. Clearly, the comparison wasnt exactly turning out to his own advantage. Completely unaware of the quick evaluation he had just been put through, Tony smiled warmly. Morning Michael, sit down and help yourself to some breakfast. Wow, you guys worked late last night, didnt you? Karen fell asleep on the sofa in her office after you left and was totally confused and perplexed when she came to bed. Michael put up an innocent face. Really? So she did wake up after all .

557

Tony laughed at the thought. Yes, she looked adorable. Well, Ill go change, Ill be back in a minute. Adorable? Yeah, you just had to mention that, didnt you? Michael seated himself at the table and watched Tony turn around to leave, just as Karen entered the kitchen, newly showered, her long wet hair hanging loose down her back. She was wearing a pair of tight white jeans and a tailored fit emerald green shirt which complemented her eyes perfectly and showed off her curves in an innocent kind of way. She wore only very little make-up and looked more sensual and beautiful than ever. His eyes were still fixed on her as Tony grabbed her by the waist and kissed her cheerfully on the cheek. There was nothing intimate about the kiss, still it was a clear display of his undivided love and affection for his wife. She didnt seem to mind one bit. On the contrary, she even returned his smile. He strangled a sigh and turned his eyes to hers as she seated herself in front of him. His face was way too expressionless, yet a sarcastic look lingered in his brown eyes. Morning, Karen. Did you sleep tight or ...? She felt her cheeks getting hot under his piercing eyes. She knew that expression only too well. The Idont-give- a-damn look, always used to cover up his inner emotions whenever he was too hurt, too annoyed or too angry to let anybody in on how he really felt. Right now, annoyed seemed to be the right answer. What is it? she asked resignedly. What did I do? He cracked a very sarcastic smile. Nothing, my dear. Nothing. Will you hand me the butter, please? Tony soon joined them, wearing a classic black Hugo Boss suit which clearly revealed his broad shoulders and exceptional physique. He ate his

558

breakfast quickly while conversing cheerfully with the two of them. He wiped his mouth with his napkin and kissed Karen on the cheek once more. I am sorry, K., but I have to rush - I am late for a meeting. Have a great day, and give Megan a kiss for me. He turned his eyes to Michael and gave him a friendly smile before he rushed out of the door. The silence is the kitchen was deafening. Karen sipped her orange juice while trying to figure out what had triggered Michaels foul mood. Usually, morning crankiness was not on his list of bad habits. His LONG list of bad habits, she silently corrected herself with a short sideway glance to the condescending look on his face. Michael finally turned his eyes away from his breakfast, another sarcastic smile lurking in the corners of his mouth. So do you like it? The way he calls you K. and not Karen? She shrugged her shoulders, trying hard not to let his tone of voice trick her into an argument. I guess. I dont think about it much. He has called me that ever since I met him twelve years ago. His eyes pierced into hers again. Do you want me to call you that too? She shook her head, astonished. No, why would I want you to do that all of a sudden? Karen Karen is okay with me. He nodded, taking a large bite of his toast. He licked a tiny bit of strawberry jam off his lips and chewed slowly, his body language clearly revealing not only his annoyance but something else too which she wasnt quite able to define. K., he repeated. It sounds very intimate, doesnt it? Is that what he calls you in bed too? Or what does he call you? Michael she pleaded, a look of embarrassment on her face. He gave her a challenging look. What? I cannot ask you this? I am just curious, you know. So is it? Is

559

that what he calls you in bed, or does he have any nicknames for you that I do not know of? MICHAEL! she repeated, shooting him a slightly angry stare. He raised an eyebrow, a challenge still sparking in his eyes. Whats the matter, Karen? Too embarrassed to discuss your husband with me? Dont think its any of my business? Well, I am allowed to be curious, aint I? After all, your husband and I do share a certain common interest. Share being the key word here. He let out a small laughter, his eyes running over her face impudently slowly while waiting for the effect his words would have on her facial expression. She sat her glass on the table with a thud and looked at him furiously. No, as a matter of fact I dont think its any of your damn business, but since you are obviously dying to know Sunshine. He calls me Sunshine, okay? Satisfied? He nodded slowly, looking at her challengingly again. So this is what he calls you in the heat of the moment? Thats so sweet. He sipped his tea, every movement he made still annoyingly slow. And what do you call him? Tiger? Superman? Hulk? He laughed joylessly. I had the pleasure of seeing him in nothing but his pj bottoms before you came down here. He certainly has a very impressive torso. I guess its too much to hope for that his lower body isnt as perfect as his upper body? She gritted her teeth. What do you think? Tony was the most highly paid male model in the world, Calvin Kleins most famous male underwear model ever. Take a guess. Why are you doing this? Why are you trying to pick a fight with me? She tried to catch his eyes across the table, only to find him looking away stubbornly, examining Jennifers painting on the opposite wall with a sudden overwhelming interest.

560

Following a few minutes of awkward silence, he returned his eyes to her face. So what DO you call him, Karen? he asked again, his voice as soft as velvet. She let out a deep sigh of resignation. For Gods sake, Michael. I call him Tony, okay? Tony, and nothing else. He shrugged his shoulders. Now thats not very imaginative, is it? Not at all what I expected from you. No lover boy, no handsome? Or dont those nicknames fit a very masculine, muscular, 36 year old ex-model as well as they fit a 50+ singer/dancer who is what did you call it? lean as a bean and, if I may say so myself, definitely less perfect in every aspect? She looked up at him quickly and caught him off guard before he could conceal the hurt in his eyes and replace it with sarcasm, condescension or even anger. Instantly feeling her annoyance vanish into thin air, she grabbed his hand on the table. She undid his clenched fist and gently wrapped her hand around his fingers, her eyes not leaving his face. No, Michael, those nicknames are only suitable for someone who is perfect in every respect that matter to me. She made a funny face. Although he can be so rudely sarcastic, and so damn annoying too that all I want is to kick his perfect butt. Someone who is the most beautiful and well, lets be honest outrageously sexy man I have ever laid eyes on, and who always made me weak to my knees when he called me baby in the most amazing, soft voice you can imagine. Someone who definitely needs not feel inferior to any other man in my life in ANY aspect, but is in fact that one who has set the standards that other people cannot possibly live up to. She let go of his hand, the look on her face softer than ever before. Okay, Michael? Now I have to go check up on Megan.

561

She got up and left the kitchen quickly, desperate to walk away from the burning desire to touch his face, run her fingers through his hair soothingly, and kiss away the hurt in his eyes. He came into Megans room ten minutes later. The girl was sitting on the changing table with a small doll in her hand while Karen was standing in front of her, buttoning her red dress. He stepped closer and stopped close behind Karens back, resting his hands on her shoulders. I am sorry, he said softly into her ear. I was totally out of line. Being here, in your house its harder than I thought it would be, but what you just said means the world to me. Ill try to behave now. His hands were strong and warm, and his breath tickled her skin as he spoke. She struggled not to turn around and nestle up to him. A split second before she gave in to temptation, he turned to Megan and pulled her ponytail teasingly, bending down to her level. Hey pumpkin, how are you today? Did you have a good sleep? The child let out a cheerful giggle and reached out for him. He waited until Karen had buttoned the last button of her dress before he lifted her up in his arms and twirled her around in the air. She let out another giggle and kicked her legs up and down while looking down at him, her big brown eyes following every movement he made. He laughed as he drew her into a hug and planted a loud kiss on her cheek. Karen looked at the two of them, once again struck by the clear resemblance in the way they smiled, the way they giggled, the twinkle in their eyes. She let out a small unhappy sigh. I have to tell him soon. One day hell look into her eyes and find out for himself. I cannot let that happen. I really, really need to tell him and Tony but how?

562

Chapter 71 Alice came to pick up Megan just a few minutes later, and Karen and Michael retired to her office to start working. She pointed at the sofa as they stepped into the room. WHY did you not wake me up last night, Michael? I slept in here for hours. You did? he asked innocently as he seated himself in front of her desk. Well, if the sofa is comfy enough, I dont see the problem. She rolled her eyes eloquently and bent over him, resting her hand on his shoulder while picking up the pile of papers in front of him. He breathed in deep. Your new perfume? He forced a casual voice. It smells really seductive on you. I just knew it would. She felt herself blush instantly. Well, I am glad you like it, handsome. After all, you paid for it. She looked down at the papers in her hand. Hey you didnt finish reading this last night! So what was all the fuss about? Why did you have me fall asleep on the sofa if you didnt even finish them after all? For a second, he looked like a little boy caught lying to his mother, but soon the usual mischievous glint returned to his eyes. Well, you snored so loudly that I had to give it up. Give them here, Ill finish them in a second. I do not snore! You are such a liar! She shook her head at him as she sat down in front of her laptop. The wry smile remained on his lips as he put on his glasses and started reading. They worked for several hours until her stomach started growling. Michael let out a giggle at the

563

sound, left the room and came back a little later, a sly smile on his face. She ran her eyes over his face. What? Why are you looking like that? He just shook his head, grinning. About half an hour later the door bell rang. Ill get it, he said quickly and got up before she could say or do anything. He almost jumped down the stairs and came back a few minutes later, carrying several boxes of Chinese take out, two mineral waters and two sets of chopsticks in his hand. He grinned as he seated himself on the sofa, putting the food on the small table in front of him. Guess having a bunch of bodyguards does have its advantages. Hungry? She let out a sigh. Oh my God, Michael. You CAN read my mind. I was craving Chinese food so badly. She sat down beside him and opened one of the boxes. Mmm, my favourites! She grabbed a set of chopsticks and started eating, a very satisfied look on her face. He frowned at her box teasingly. Hey, gimme some of those! I love sweet and sour prawns! She selected a prawn with the chopsticks and held it in front of his mouth. He closed his lips tightly around the chopsticks and removed the prawn slowly. He closed his eyes and let out a sigh. Wow, this is good! Definitely better than the Chinese take out we get in Vegas. He dug his chopsticks into the box in his hands. Here, taste this General Tso's chicken is not bad either. Her eyes caught his as she ate the chicken off his chopsticks. All of a sudden, the look in his eyes made her blush heavily. She knew exactly what he was thinking, and he was totally aware of the fact that she was having the exact same thought. The last time they did this, they ended up in his bed a few minutes later, the only difference being that last time they were eating omelette and not Chinese. She

564

swallowed the rest of the food in her mouth and grabbed her water quickly. Very careful not to look at him, she drank half her water in a few large gulps while moving away from him just a little bit. He ran his hand down her arm lightly. Dont worry, Karen. His voice was deep and soft, and his smile could melt a heart of stone. I dont intend to seduce you this time. That is not what I had in mind. I just love to spend time with you like this. She nodded, her cheeks getting hotter than before. Its okay, Michael. I trust you. She cracked a small sad smile. Maybe its me I dont trust. She caught a quick glimpse of the astonished look on his face as she reached out for another box. He looked at her again, a teasing twinkle in his eyes. Really? Well, Karen, I think I can live with that. But Ill help you behave. Dont worry. He played with his bottle of water for a while. Can I ask you a question? He took a large sip as he waited for her to reply. She nodded, eating the last of the prawns. How come that He paused a second. How come that Tony is not the slightest jealous of me? I mean, even if he doesnt have a clue about our mutual past, you have spent a lot of time with me lately, and surely he must notice that we have umm some kind of chemistry between us? And I guess that he paused again, looking slightly embarrassed, I guess that some guys would feel rather intimidated by the fact that I am Michael Jackson. If you know what I mean? She burst out laughing. Yeah, Michael, I know what you mean. Well, Tony is not like most guys. I think I have told you this before, but he never wastes time on negative emotions. Jealousy is just not in his book of emotions. In the twelve years I have known him, I have never seen him jealous before. Not once. Its just not who he is.

565

He cracked a wry smile. Hes exactly like me, you mean? Not a jealous bone in his body? She winked. Exactly. Just like you and me. They ate the rest of the meal in silence, until Michael leaned back in the sofa, holding his hand to his stomach. Oh my God, I just did it again. WHY do I always eat more than my body wants me to? She laughed. Guess you just never learn from your mistakes, do you? Well, handsome, back to work. You are leaving tomorrow, remember? And we have a lot to finish before then. Dont remind me! He got up and helped her clear the table, then sat down in front of her desk again, grabbing his papers reluctantly. He put on his glasses and seemed to be consumed in reading for a while. However, only half an hour later he got the well-known look of restlessness on his face again. He got up, pacing the room like the day before. She grimaced. Oh no, Michael, not AGAIN? Sit down and relax. You are stressing me out. He grinned and fiddled with the neat piles of magazines on her book shelf. Why do you keep all these old magazines? Vogue, Vanity Fair, Elle, Cosmopolitan Then it struck him. Oh, of course. You have shot these covers, havent you? She nodded and watched him leaf through the magazines. Michael, seriously, come and sit down He pulled out a copy of Vanity Fair. Oh my God, I remember this magazine sooo clearly. Linda was ecstatic about it. He turned the front page in her direction, cracking a sarcastic smile. Linda Jackson, the new style icon. He was too busy flipping the magazine open to notice the look on her face. Isnt this hilarious? He read out loud: A new Jackson baby on the way? According to sources close to the happy couple, Linda Jackson is expecting Michaels fourth child. Happy couple my ass! He lifted the magazine

566

into the air, showing her the pages. Did you ever see this? She swallowed hard, not taking her eyes off her laptop. Yes, I read it. The tone of her voice made him take a closer look at her. The colour had left her face, and her mouth narrowed into a thin line. Hey, whats the matter? he asked with surprise in his voice. Did this article upset you? I mean, come on you cannot be serious? Its all a bunch of crap! She got up so quickly that her chair almost tipped over, reached him in a few steps and tore the magazine out of his hand. I am glad you find this article so amusing, Michael. Pardon me for not feeling the same way about it. Wonderful photographs, by the way. You look extremely happy, the two of you. He grabbed her arm and pulled her closer, watching her chest heave up and down in frustration, astonished. Hey, baby, whats the matter? Its just a stupid article whats the big deal? She looked at him, tears welling up in her eyes. Just a stupid article? Sure, Michael. Do you have any idea how I felt when I read it? I had been waiting to some day find out that you and Linda were expecting a baby, and I though that I would be prepared. But I wasnt, all right? That article and the photographs of the two of you broke my heart again. She let out a joyless laughter. I even phoned Helen to ask her if she had heard anything about it. She said she had heard the rumours but wasnt sure. But I felt deep down inside that this time it was true. This time she really was pregnant. Not an unexpected pregnancy like me and Megan, but something the two of you had worked on, and hoped for in at long time. And those photographs of the two of you you had that

567

very special look on your face, Michael. You have no idea how much that hurt. He pulled her into his embrace, holding her head to his chest with a huge, warm hand. But honey, although the article was printed in Vanity Fair, it was just the usual tabloid garbage. You are a photographer. You should know never to trust a photograph. You can look completely happy for one second while the camera is in front of your face, and then be completely miserable the next one. Surely, you know that. She pulled loose, a strange look on her face. Nevertheless, Michael. This article was the reason why I accepted to marry Tony. He locked his eyes into hers and swallowed hard. You are kidding, right? She shook her head. No, I am definitely not kidding. He asked me to marry him that same afternoon, and I said I would think about it but was quite sure that I would decline. Then I started reading the magazine and that article made me give up on the last little piece of hope I may have had that some day you and I would That article made me wake him up in the middle of the night, desperately needing him to hold me, and then I told him that I would marry him. He closed his eyes in pain. Spare me the details, please. I really need not know. He buried his head in her neck. Oh my God, Karen. I wish you hadnt told me about this. That stupid article and you ended up marrying him a week after I asked Linda for a divorce. And my stupid idea to bring you the good news personally if I had called you He lifted his head and looked at her, cupping his hands around her face. I am so, so sorry. About everything He watched the tears trail down her cheeks and bent down to kiss them away, one by one. Both of

568

them instinctively knew what was going to happen as he moved his lips slowly down her face until they reached her mouth. She could taste the salt from her tears on his lips as she kissed him back, willingly allowing him to pull her even closer, both of them slowly but surely moving closer towards the sofa. Then suddenly and unexpectedly he let go of her and held her out at arms length while trying to catch his breath again. I am sorry, he said in a low, barely audible voice, fixing his eyes on a point just in front of her on the floor. I promised to behave, and I will. I am sure neither of us want another big mistake Her heart was still racing out of control. She nodded and breathed in deep. You are right, Michael. I am sorry too. She raised her eyes to his face and forced a smile. Lets talk a walk in the park, shall we? I think we both need to unwind. The weather was perfect. Not too hot, not too sunny, just a pleasant temperature and a soft summer breeze. The park was filled with children, playing and having fun, and with people of all ages strolling along the paths, thoroughly enjoying the beauty of the day and the green surroundings. Nevertheless, Michael suddenly seemed to be withdrawn and maybe even sad. Having strolled through the Japanese Garden and most of the park, Karen sat down on a bench, motioning with her hand for him to do the same. He seated himself and stretched his long legs out in front of him, looking at something in the distance, no smile on his face. She turned her head and looked at him. What is the matter, Michael? Are you sorry about what happened in my office She bit her lip, embarrassed. The kiss, I mean? He shook his head, a small smile crossing his face for just a second. Trust me, Karen. I am never sorry about kissing you. Dont worry. Nothings the matter.

569

She put her hand on his arm lightly. Michael, please. I know you better than that. Please talk to me. He let out a sigh of resignation. Honestly its just me being silly, okay? I just Well, as much as I love to spend time with you right now, being here with you just makes me worry about the future even more. I cannot stand the thought of going on tour again. Not alone. And when I return to Vegas, what then? Will I ever see you again? When the book is finished, what then? You have threatened to not stay in touch with me so many times, and I am so frightened that this is exactly whats gonna happen. Some day Tony is gonna find out about how I feel about you, and then he wont be this careless about letting me spend time alone with you. I have been lonely all my life, Karen. I am not saying that out of self pity, but I have. But the loneliness I have felt in my life will be nothing compared to what I am gonna be feeling from now on, knowing what my life COULD have been like. She turned her head to look at him, her entire being wanting to comfort him more than anything else. She slid her hand down his cheek and locked her eyes on his. I dont know what the future will bring, Michael. I cannot foresee how things will turn out, but I want you to know that NOT having you in my life is the worst scenario I could possibly imagine. The world stood still as he gazed back into her eyes. He grabbed her hand and kissed her palm softly before he let go of her. Thats good enough for me, Karen. Ill put my faith in that. She forced a cheerful laughter. Yeah, and before you know it, youll start dating some of those gorgeous women who are waiting to throw themselves at your feet, now that you are no longer married.

570

He let out a big sigh. Dating is a living nightmare He picked up a dry branch and played with it in his hands for a while. Actually, I did go on a date the other night. She returned her eyes to his face, astonished. Suddenly, her heart was pounding painfully hard. You did? With whom? He shook his head. Nobody you know. Just an old girlfriend from a while back. She called me that day you left me in Vegas. I had been feeling awful all day. I ... sobbed a lot. Then I got slightly angry with you, to tell you the truth. We had spent this wonderful night together, I had waited two long years to make love to you again, I had poured my heart out to you and then you called it a mistake and went back to your husband. He let out a joyless laughter. I was heartbroken, but apart from that it definitely didnt do anything for my self-esteem. Well, she called me to let me know that she had just moved back to Vegas, and I ended up inviting her out. I guess I was quite sure that going out with another woman perhaps spending the night with her would take my mind off you and our big mistake night. Her heart stopped beating or at least it felt that way. Another woman and Michael? She felt nausea wash over her in a violent wave and stood up. I I think Ill go back to the house. You can join me when you feel like it, but take your time. She turned around quickly and walked away from him. He reached her in a few steps and turned her around, grabbing her arm. Whats the matter, Karen? Are you angry with me? No, of course not. I mean I have no right to be, right? We have been through this before

571

He dragged her with him back to the bench and forced her to sit down. He lifted her head with his hand. Okay, so ask me what you wanna know. She shook her head, almost bursting out in tears. No, Michael, I dont wanna know. Honestly. I just didnt think that you She got up again. I really need to go. Just give me a few minutes on my own, okay? He shook his head slowly and dragged her down with him again. He cupped her head with his huge hands. You wanna know if I slept with her, dont you? She gasped. NO, I dont. Honestly. Please I DONT wanna know. He smiled softly. I didnt, honey. I didnt, okay? He grimaced. I wanted to, just to boost my selfconfidence, but it never got to that part. First of all, I took her to the exact same restaurant that I took you to on our date. Big mistake. Everything reminded me of you. Then I kept babbling on about you, the book, the tour everything that had to do with you. He grinned. I think your name came up more than once. She looked rather annoyed and told me that the author of my new book seemed to have made a pretty strong impact on me. And when I accidentally called her Karen for the second time, she asked me if I would please take her home now. I did and that was the end of it. Not even a goodnight kiss. So I went home and thought about you some more and decided to call you to beg you to let me come to London to see you. She looked at him teasingly, the feeling of relief almost overpowering her. To come to London to finish the book, you mean? He made a funny face. Of course. Thats what I said. To finish the book. She leaned her head against his chest. Michael, honestly. Dont do this to me again. Next time you

572

go on a date, dont tell me about it, okay? I KNOW we have been through this before, I KNOW I have no right to be jealous, but the thought of you and another woman in bed somewhere would kill me. Linda was bad enough, but a new one? Please just dont tell me. She made a wry face. And look out for the paparazzis. I would hate to read about it in the papers too. He slid his hand through her hair and bent his head down to kiss the top of her head. Deal, Karen. I promise I wont. But dont worry. There wont be a next time in a really, really long time. He grinned. You know what we need now, girl? Both of us? She nodded cheerfully. Yeah hot chocolate. Lets go home.

573

Chapter 72 He pointed to her chair as they entered the kitchen, a boyish smile on his face. Sit down, Ill make the hot chocolate. I think I can find my way around your cupboards by now. She did as he asked and felt almost completely happy, watching him rummage about in the kitchen, looking very content and relaxed. She tried not to smile too foolishly. Theres a certain sense of dj vu about this, isnt there? He nodded, not turning around. Are you staring at my butt, Karen? She giggled. Of course I am. Shamelessly. He returned her giggle, slowly approaching the kitchen table. Good. Then things ARE back to normal. Remember the kitchen at Pinehaven? That very first night when you had had the nightmare? I almost felt guilty, lying in my bed and kind of hoping that you would have one and ask me to join you in the kitchen. He put the cups on the table, his expression getting more serious again. That was before I knew what happened to you, of course. It was a horrible thing to wish for, wasnt it? She shook her head. Its okay, Michael. I am glad I did have that nightmare, and I am glad that I did send you that text message. His eyes pierced into hers. Are you, Karen? Despite everything that happened later? She nodded, almost forgetting time and place as she looked back deep into his eyes. Yes, I am. Ill never be sorry, you know. He sat down in front of her and took a sip of his cup, then made a wry face as the hot liquid burnt the

574

tip of his tongue. He tried to cool it off between his lips for a second. I hope to go back to Pinehaven some day. I love that place. She nodded. So do I He smiled mischievously. In a dream scenario, we would go back together. And this time I wouldnt have to sneak in and out of your room . although that did have a certain charm, of course. He giggled, but soon his face turned serious. What I wouldnt give to spend just one more day with you at the lake, the way we used to. He looked at her softly. Maybe in our next life? And this time I definitely wouldnt The sound of the front door opening interrupted him. A few seconds later, Tony emerged in the doorway, holding two large shopping bags in his hands. He smiled cheerfully. Hey guys, this looks really cosy! He breathed in. Hot chocolate? You are drinking hot chocolate again, K.? I thought you gave that up years ago! He put the bags on the kitchen counter and turned to face them again. What a crazy day at work! I could really do with a cup myself. Mind if I join you? He bent down and planted a kiss on her hair, softly sliding his hand down her shoulder. No, of course not. She returned his smile insecurely, looking at Michael out of the corner of her eye. He had turned rather quiet all of a sudden and was staring down at his hand on the table, slowly sipping his hot drink. Tony made his hot chocolate and sat down beside them. So how was your day? Did you get any writing done? He looked from one of them to the other. Michael smiled way too nicely. Sure, we have been very productive. Actually, its been quite a fruitful day. Lots of important discussions, I think.

575

Karen has definitely given me a lot to think about by sharing some of her thoughts on my past and my future with me. What do you say, Karen, dont you agree? She ignored the challenging look he threw in her direction across the table. Yes, I agree, Michael. Lots of great discussions. And some that we would have been better off without, but hey, thats life, right? She finished her hot chocolate in a few sips. Well, lets get back to work, shall we? Tony shook his head lightly, looking at his wife. I am so sorry that you have to work so hard, but I am sure the result will be worth every hour you have spent on the book. Well, Ill make you a nice dinner, and hopefully youll be able to take some time off tonight. You must be exhausted. Michael nodded innocently. You are right. I think we both are. Actually, I think Ill have to hit the sack early tonight. Unless we have further work to complete on the book, of course. They walked to her office and closed the door behind them. She sat down behind her desk and looked at him, shaking her head at him resignedly. What was that all about, Michael? Hinting about what happened today in front of my husband? And going to bed early? You dont seem very exhausted to me. He returned her stare. No, but I am quite sure I will be. Shortly after dinner actually if we are not working, I mean. Yes, I am quite sure Ill be pretty exhausted then. But if you wanna stay up late to work, I am totally okay with that. If you wanna stay in the living room to chit chat with your husband, I am quite sure Ill be pretty exhausted and will have to go to bed early. She sucked in her lower lip for a moment. You really dont like Tony, do you?

576

He smiled sarcastically. Of course I do. I mean, whats there not to like? The guy is perfect in every way, for Gods sake. So damn annoyingly perfect He put on his glasses and started reading the latest draft she had printed out for him. She rested her eyes on his face for a while. I think we do need to work tonight. We only have a few hours left together I guess youll be leaving straight after breakfast tomorrow, right? Her voice was neutral and casual, but the way she bit her lip hard made him want to lean over and kiss her. He smiled a sad smile. Yes, I have to leave straight after breakfast. Janet and I have a lot to do before we leave for Europe the day after tomorrow. He nodded approvingly. Okay, Karen, so well work tonight. We need to pick out the final photographs, dont we? She swallowed. And are we still on for dinner tomorrow evening with Tony? I mean maybe we ought to cancel He licked his lips, then touched the tips of his tongue lightly with his fingertip and wrinkled his nose in discomfort. What do you mean, cancel? Of course we are still on for dinner. I invited the two you out for dinner to celebrate the first draft of the book, and I look forward to it. He cracked a wry smile. And dont worry. I intend to make you proud of me. Ill behave perfectly I promise not to embarrass you in any way. He returned his eyes to the papers in his hand, letting out a big sigh unintentionally. A few hours later, they joined Tony in the kitchen. He had surpassed himself and prepared an impeccable dinner, yet Karen found herself too nervous and insecure about the whole situation to truly enjoy any of it. Michael, too, was merely playing with the food on his plate, trying hard to be polite and sociable but not exactly succeeding very well.

577

Karen felt overwhelmingly relieved as all three of them had eaten the last bite of the delicious crme brl, Tony had served for dessert. She put down her spoon and gave him a smile. Thanks for an amazing dinner, Tony. I am so sorry that we have to leave you on your own again tonight, but we still have a lot of work to do, and this is our last chance to work on it together. Tony grabbed her hand across the table and squeezed it tight. Dont worry about it, K., its totally okay with me. Ill clean this up and work for a while myself; I have some stuff I need to prepare for a meeting tomorrow. He smiled softly. I am sure youll make it up to me some other time. Karen caught a glimpse of Michaels face as they got up to leave the kitchen, and the nervous knot inside her grew bigger. Just as she expected, he addressed the subject as soon as the door to her office closed behind him. Poor Tony. I almost feel guilty about taking up so much of his wifes precious time. But you will make it up to him, wont you? Just as he expects you to. He turned his dark eyes to hers slowly. Doesnt take much imagination to figure out exactly what he had in mind, does it? She opened her mouth to say something, but he silenced her instantly with a single motion of his hand. Dont, please. Just lets get back to work. Like you said, we still have a lot of work to do and only so much time on our hands. They worked for hours non-stop, Michael being very polite and co-operative but completely impersonal. Not a single smile crossed his lips throughout the entire evening. It was as if he was determined to finish the work without showing any emotions whatsoever. A little after two oclock, she looked at him across the desk. He looked pale and kept removing his

578

glasses to run his hand over his eyes, rubbing them in an unfamiliar manner. He looked up and caught her staring at him. What? To her surprise, his voice sounded almost unfriendly. She looked at him pleadingly. Michael please dont be mad at me. This is our last night together in a really, really long time. Dont shut me out, please. He shook his head slowly. I am sorry, Karen. I didnt mean to be rude. I am just really, really exhausted. And this time, I am serious its not a joke. Lets stop working and go to bed, okay? I think we have finalized as much as we can right now. Once you have rewritten the first draft, we can meet up again. Maybe youll have time to do it while I am on tour, and then we can meet when I get back. He smiled a small smile, for the first time in hours. Either in Vegas or at a hotel here in London. She knew what he meant. Anywhere but here in Tonys home. She nodded. Sounds okay to me. So lets call it a night. Do you want anything before we go to bed? A drink, tea ? He shook his head. No thanks, I am fine. I just wanna go to sleep. Tony was sitting in the sitting room as they got downstairs, reading a book. He turned his book facedown in his lap as soon as they approached him. All done? he smiled. So the first draft is finished? Michael nodded. Yes, the first draft is finished, and I look forward to celebrating it with the two of you over dinner tomorrow. He forced a smile. Well, Ill go to bed now, Ill see you tomorrow. Goodnight. He turned around quickly, not waiting for any of them to reply. Tony gave her a warm smile as soon as he left the room. He is a very intriguing man, isnt he? I really like him. Whats it like, working with him?

579

She swallowed. He is very pleasant to work with. Very polite and agreeable. Ill Ill go to bed too, I am really tired. Tony got up. Ill join you. Its awfully late, and I have an early meeting tomorrow. He grabbed her hand as they mounted the stairs, and an ugly feeling of guilt washed over her as she felt an almost irresistible urge to pull away from him. She let out a small sigh and leaned her head against his shoulder while forcing a smile. As usual, Tony fell asleep almost as soon as his head touched his pillow, his arm wrapped around her shoulder. She listened to his regular breathing for a while, then gently removed his arm before turning her back to him, unconsciously moving closer to the edge of the bed, away from him. She closed her eyes again, impatiently waiting for sleep to catch up with her, but it seemed as if her body refused to relax as her brain insisted on replaying all the events from a less than perfect day, over and over again. She felt a burning headache build up from the top of her spine and eventually sat up in bed, massaging her neck. Tony woke up and looked at her groggily. Cant you sleep, honey? Are you okay? he asked softly, gently touching her hair. She gave him a small smile. Yeah, I am okay. I just have a terrible headache. Ill get you a pill, he offered, motioning to get up. Shaking her head softly, she put her hand on his chest to gently push him down again. Thanks Tony, but Ill get it myself. Just go back to sleep. You have an early start tomorrow, you need to sleep. She stepped into the bathroom and reached out for the bottle of aspirins in the cupboard. She let out a sigh of annoyance. Great, only one pill left. She would need two, definitely. Maybe even three. Back in the bedroom, she looked down at her husband. He

580

was sound asleep again already, breathing deeply, his leg wrapped around the duvet in an almost childlike manner. She tiptoed out of the room and closed the door behind her. She let out another deep sigh as she went downstairs and into the kitchen. Her head was pounding even worse than before, but fortunately she always kept an extra bottle of aspirins on the top shelf of the cupboard above the sink. She turned on the light and jumped. Michael! You almost gave me a heart attack. I thought you went straight to bed? And why are you sitting in the dark? He smiled, embarrassed. I couldnt sleep, so I took the liberty of making myself a nice cup of strong English tea. He faked a British accent as he mentioned the tea. And I love to sit in the dark. I though you knew that by now. Anyway, what are YOU doing here? I have a terrible headache, she moaned. I am looking for my aspirins. She grabbed the bottle from the cupboard and pulled out two pills, hesitated and pulled out one more, then poured herself a glass of water and swallowed the pills, looking at him inquiringly. Are you okay? You have that very special look on you face He ran his eyes over her face slowly. Yeah, I am okay. Why wouldnt I be? She sat down in front of him, hesitating. You know, Michael if you are thinking about you know She locked her eyes on his. I would never in a million years touch him, you being in the house. Her cheeks got hot. I just wanted to tell you that. He looked at her for some time, his eyes almost caressing her face. You DO read me like an open book, dont you? Yeah, the thought of the two of you, together in that perfect bedroom upstairs, is driving me crazy. I think I think its a good thing that I am

581

leaving this house tomorrow. My behaviour this morning well, several times today actually He got up and looked out of the window for some time, his hands in his pockets. Suddenly she felt his hands on her shoulders. Here, let me massage you, he offered in a soft voice. Your shoulders are almost up at your ears right now. You have spent too much time in front of the laptop today and yesterday, too. I shouldnt have let you do that. No wonder you have a headache. She closed her eyes as she felt his strong hands massage her shoulders gently. Her heart started racing as he moved on to her neck, his long fingers caressing her skin while gently releasing some of the tension in her muscles. She held her breath, afraid that her breathing would make too much noise in the silence. Suddenly, she just couldnt take it anymore. Practically jumping out of the chair, she stepped to the sink to pour herself another glass of water. She drank greedily and turned around to look at him again, hoping that her voice would sound fairly neutral. Thanks. You truly do have magical hands. My headache is almost gone now. He turned towards the sink too and poured out the rest of his tea, carefully rinsing the cup before leaving it in the sink. For a while he just stood there beside her, biting his lower lip painfully hard, the look on his face almost frighteningly intense as his dark eyes suddenly pierced into hers. He reached out and slid his thumb across her cheek. Oh my God, Karen. I miss you so much. Holding you being close to you kissing you touching you. You have no idea. He backed away from her a few steps and wrapped his hands around the edge of the kitchen counter, leaning slightly forward, a devastated look on his face as he turned his head sideward to look at her again. How could you do it? How could you go

582

back to him after that last night we spent together in Vegas? His voice was thick with emotions as he spoke. I just dont know how to move on without you I know I had my chance two years ago, and I blew it big time, but come back to me, Karen please please leave him She watched a few tears leave his eyes and trail slowly down his cheeks. She gave up fighting her own as she looked back into his eyes. Do you think this is easy for me? she asked in a broken voice. Do you think going back, pretending that nothing happened, is what I wanted? But I cannot leave him, Michael. Unless things change unless he falls in love with someone else, cheats on me, treats me badly I just cannot leave him. I owe him too much. He smiled sarcastically. Thats never gonna happen, and you know it. He loves you to death, and he would never ever do anything to hurt you. She nodded sadly. I know. And thats why I have to stay. He looked down at his hands. You owe him your life how can I ever compete with that? He gave you so much. All I ever did was take from you. She swallowed. Thats not true, Michael. You have given me more than youll ever know. His dark eyes rested on her face, waiting for her to continue. She had to look away. I cant explain it to you ... not now but you gave me a reason to live when I desperately needed one. Karen he said, his voice breaking. Then at least go on tour with me we can spend time together, like we did the last time. As friends She shook her head, backing away from him. You know I cant do that Michael, please I cannot have this conversation now. My husband is sleeping

583

upstairs I feel guilty enough as it is please try to understand. The pain in her voice wrung his heart. He straightened up, his hands leaving the kitchen counter. He nodded and brushed away his tears impatiently. I understand. I am so sorry, I shouldnt have put you in this position. A sad smile slid across his face. Go back to bed, okay? Ill go to bed in a minute, too. She glanced at him one last time and quickly left the kitchen, her heart aching for him, for both of them. She pulled the door close to a crack and stopped just outside the kitchen, suddenly overwhelmed by the pain in her head and a feeling of dizziness. She slid her back down against the wall until she reached the floor, then wrapped her arms around her knees while allowing the tears to flow again. A minute later she heard him cry through the small crack in the door. She had seen him cry several times, just like he did a few minutes ago; a heartbreaking, soundless cry, salty tears running silently down his cheeks. However, never once had she heard him cry like he did now, and the sound twisted her heart in pain. This was not the sound of someone whose heart was aching. This was the sound of someone whose heart had been torn into tiny pieces, someone whose entire world was falling apart completely. A long, deep, mournful sound which seemed to come from the core of his soul. He was trying to muffle the sound with his sleeve, but still it reached her only too clearly. If she ever doubted the depth of his feelings for her, this was the most ultimate proof he could ever offer her, although completely unintended. You did this to him! the guilty voice inside her head screamed out to her. If you cannot give him what he wants the most right now, at least tell him

584

the truth about your marriage. Tell him that you didnt run straight into Tonys arms after leaving him at Pinehaven. Tell him about Megan. He has the right to know. She is as much his as she is yours! She got up, resting her hand against the wall while fighting the dizziness once again. She nodded to herself. Yes, she had to do it. Now. She opened the door and approached him. He was sitting at the kitchen table, resting his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking violently and the devastating sound even louder now as she stood close to him. He jumped as she wrapped her arm around him and kneeled down beside him. While reaching out for a napkin to wipe his nose, he gave her a look that would haunt her for a long time. Michael, please dont cry. Her voice was thick and almost unrecognizable. I just hate to see you like this. He raised his palm in the air. Please dont, Karen. Just leave me alone, okay? She shook her head. No, I really need to talk to you. He shook his head vigorously. Unless you are here to tell me that youll be leaving Tony after all, I dont wanna hear it. But I guess thats not what you wanted to tell me, was it? He gave her a hurtful, sarcastic and challenging look, tears still streaming down his face. No, I thought as much. She shook her head. No, thats not it. But its really important nevertheless. She reached out to brush away his tears, but he turned away from her quickly. Then I dont wanna hear it, Karen. Just leave me alone, please. I mean it. She tried to catch his eyes again. Please, I need to .

585

He gave her a cold stare. NOT now, Karen. I do mean it. At least respect the fact that I need my privacy right now. Leave me alone and go to bed. He bent his head slightly backwards, rolling his eyes self-mockingly. I am going slightly mad here now go please before I say or do something that Ill regret later on. Please, Michael. Its impor. NO! His voice was as sharp as the crack of a whip, and his eyes equally cold. Whatever you have to say, I dont wanna hear it. I need to be left alone! She got on her feet and looked at him for a second, then reached out to hug him. He pulled back instantly. Not now. Just go. She nodded while trying to fight the tears. Okay, Ill go. I am so sorry, but He silenced her with an impatient movement of his hand and got up. Goodnight, Karen. Ill go to bed now. Talk to you tomorrow. She stared at the door as he closed it behind him without taking another look at her. For a second she considered following him into his room, forcing him to listen to her as soon as he calmed down, but deep down inside she knew that this was not the right time. He was in too much pain, too angry, too hurt. She let out a deep sigh. Okay, Michael, then Ill wait ... but not for long. Its high time that I stop lying to you. Ill tell Tony while you are away, and as soon as you get back from the tour, Ill come see you in Vegas, and Ill bring our daughter. And Ill tell you everything and beg you to forgive me. Oh God, I hope youll find it in your heart to forgive me.

586

587

Chapter 73 Karen and Tony arrived at Restaurant Gordon Ramsay at 68 Royal Hospital Road exactly on time and were met by a large crowd of fans outside the restaurant. Guess Michael is here already, Karen smiled as they fought their way through the crowd. He was waiting for them at the table and got up as soon as they approached him, giving them a very charming smile. He pulled out Karens chair for her. No loss of hair this time? he asked her teasingly while seating himself again. She laughed. No, fortunately none of your fans seemed to recognize me. Thank God for that, theres quite a huge crowd gathered outside. She looked around the restaurant. Wow, this place is really cosy. How on earth did you manage to book a table with such short notice? Usually, you have to book months in advance, which is one of the reasons why I have never been here before. He laughed shyly. I dont know, Karen. Ask Susie. She knows quite a few tricks. A waiter brought the menus, and Michael ordered a bottle of champagne. They went through the very impressive menu and unanimously decided to go for a ravioli of lobster, langoustine and salmon poached in a light bisque with a lemon grass and chervil velout, then fillet of wild sea bass with a paysanne of vegetables, pasta, borlotto beans, pak choi and cep velout, and for dessert a bitter chocolate cylinder with coffee granit and ginger mousse. The champagne was brought to their table almost immediately. Michael lifted his glass and looked at

588

Karen. To you, Karen, for writing this book with me, and for being such an inspiration all the way through. A teasing smile formed on his lips. And for putting up with my annoying bad habits, too. He turned his eyes to Tony. And to you, Tony, for letting Karen and Megan stay with me for almost six whole weeks all together. I appreciate it. He sipped his champagne, his face expressionless. There was no sign of his emotional outburst the night before, or the sadness on his face the same morning as he said goodbye. Obviously, he was determined to be the perfect host, and to be as charming and entertaining as possible. The food was impeccable, and the atmosphere at the restaurant genuinely cozy. Michael and Tony had a long discussion on the similarities between the music and the modeling industry, both of them bursting out in laughter repeatedly. Karen looked at them over the rim of her wine glass, only too happy that her bad feelings about the dinner had been put to shame completely. Having finished the main course Karen got up, giving both of them a smile. Sorry, but I have to find the ladies room. She held her cell phone into the air. AND make a call to the babysitter afterwards, so dont come looking for me, okay Tony? She winked at him mischievously. Tony looked at her back as she left the table, a soft smile on his face. Michael followed his glance, once again feeling the only too familiar hard knot in his stomach. She is quite a woman, isnt she? Tony said dreamily, once again turning his face to look at Michael. Michael nodded, quickly grabbing his glass of water to take a sip, his eyes fixed on an invisible spot on the white table cloth. Yes, she most certainly is. You are an extremely lucky man, being married to a

589

girl like Karen, and having her unconditional love and devotion. Tony looked down at his hands. Yeah, I wish ... But unfortunately our marriage is not like that. She does love me, but not the way I love her. She never has. Michael stared at him in surprise, his heart suddenly racing. What do you mean, Tony? I dont quite understand Tony laughed a tiny laughter. No, of course you dont, and maybe I shouldnt be telling you this, but somehow you have always inspired my confidence, and I know that Karen feels the same way about you. Otherwise, she never would have told you about her so-called accident. He let out a deep sigh. Our marriage is based on friendship, Michael. When I asked her to marry me, she told me that she didnt love me. I already knew that, but I just didnt care. I thought that maybe in time she would. She had fallen in love with a well, almost married man a year and a half earlier, and she was still heartbroken. I thought that sooner or later she would get over him, but the truth is, she never has, and she probably never will. We have a perfect marriage; please dont think that I am complaining in any way. Ill gladly settle for what we have as long as I get to be with her, you know. He played with his napkin for a while, absentmindedly bending all corners, one by one. He looked up at Michael again. Actually, I have loved her since the first time I saw her at a photo shoot. I was a model, she had just married Alec. He truly did not deserve her. Later on I married Maria, but I shouldnt have. It was such a mistake. I never loved her the way I loved Karen, and finally she left me. She knew how I felt about Karen.

590

Michael took a deep breath, praying that his voice would not reveal his strong emotions. This married man you are convinced that she never got over him? A sad look spread on Tonys face. Yes, I am, and sadly I dont think she ever will. She still has this sad air about her. As if she is never truly happy. Apparently, he was the love of her life. He cracked a wry smile. And your next question would be who he is, right? Truth is, I dont know who he is, I never asked her. She called me approximately two years ago while staying with Helen and her boyfriend on vacation in his parents house in the States. A place called Pinehaven. She was supposed to stay for three weeks, but one day she called me and begged me to make up some job for her to get her out of there immediately. I never asked her about it, but I knew that something was wrong. And when she returned to London, after working in Spain and New York, she was heartbroken. I heard her cry at night for months, spending ages in the bathroom in the morning to cover every trace of her tears. I hated that guy for doing that to her. She had just recovered from her stab wounds and was still feeling extremely vulnerable and frightened when she went to the States. I was totally convinced that her leaving London in that state of mind wasnt such a great idea, but of course I had no saying in the matter, and she thought that spending three weeks with Helen would do her good. He grimaced. It most certainly didnt! Michael took another deep breath, trying to build up the courage to ask the question that hurt the most. But despite her heartache, you got involved with her, right after she came back from the States? I mean, Megan must have been conceived shortly after her return?

591

Tony shook his head. No, Michael, you got that wrong. I am not Megans father, although I do love her as if she was my own child. And she does look like me, doesnt she? Well, of course her father is black, too. No, Megan was conceived in the States, and she was brought into this world nine months and three looooong weeks later. I asked Karen to marry me when Megan was 10 months old, and we were never romantically involved before that. We had just gotten home from a birthday party, and all of a sudden Karen was feeling down and guilty for not being able to give Megan both a father and a mother, dreading the day that Megan would start asking questions about her dad. I offered to give Megan my name and take care of the two of them you know, living together as a family. We already were, more or less, apart from the physical part. At first, I was quite sure that she would turn down my proposal, but later that day well, during the night actually - she accepted, as long as I would accept that fact that she had to be honest about her feelings. That she did not love me the way I wanted her to. Karen would never deceive me in any way. Not Megans father. Not Megans father. Not Megans A cold hand grabbed his throat and squeezed hard, and within seconds the room started spinning. As in a daze, he reached out for his glass again and emptied it in one large gulp. Tonys face in front of him blurred into a vague anonymous mass, and his voice seemed to fade away, only to build into a crescendo a few seconds later. Not Megans father He turned his face away from Tony. The room was spinning in violent circles by now, making everything around him melt into one single chaotic image.

592

He sat his glass down too loudly and bit his lower lip painfully hard while trying to get control of his emotions without revealing his state of mind to Tony. Michael, you are bleeding! Tony pointed at his lip. What? Michael looked at him confused, his heart now racing completely out of control. Your lip, Tony repeated. Oh thanks, he mumbled, wiping the blood away with his napkin while picking up an ice cube from the champagne cooler. He felt his hand shake unpleasantly as he pressed the ice against his lip. Did she ever tell Megans father about her? he asked, struggling to control his voice. Tony shook his head hesitatingly. No, I dont think so. Michael swallowed hard. But why not? Didnt he didnt he have the right to know? Tony shrugged his shoulders. She had her reasons, she told me, thats all I know. Apparently he was married by the time she found out that she was pregnant, but like I said, I never asked her about it. You know Karen. She would have told me if she wanted me to know. Can you believe how any man could do this to her? Make her fall in love with him, seduce her, and then go back to his fianc as if nothing ever happened? Get married shortly after ...? Shaking his head, Michael tried to breathe in deep to get control of his heartbeat without making any embarrassing sounds. He looked down at the blood on his napkin. No, Tony, I dont understand how any man could do that to her. He must have had his reasons though. Maybe maybe this has left him heartbroken too. Tony shrugged his shoulders again. You are right, Michael. Maybe I do see this quite one-sidedly. I just

593

hate him for hurting her the way he did, whoever he is. Michael threw the blood-stained ice cube back into the champagne cooler, then realized his mistake and smiled apologetically. A new wave of dizziness washed over him as the waiter served their desserts. He locked his eyes on his plate while the two of them waited for Karen to return from the ladies room, the same thoughts rushing through his mind, over and over again. My daughter? Megan is MY daughter after all? And Karen lied to me all this timebut why? WHY? He looked at her across the room as she walked towards their table a few minutes later, her long read hair cascading over her shoulders, her black classic dress clearly revealing her slim waist and perfect curves. She broke into a sweet, apologetic smile as she seated herself. Sorry that it took me so long. I bumped into an old colleague of mine in the ladies room. Her eyes caught sight of the desserts on the table, and her smile widened. Mmm, this looks delicious! She took the first few bites of the ginger mousse, then clearly felt Michaels eyes on her face. She looked up at him, still smiling. Within a split second her smile vanished, washed away by the overwhelming fury in his eyes. She stared back at him, a look of sheer confusion on her face, then withdrew her eyes quickly. Not noticing the tension, Tony gave her a warm smile. Did you call Alice? How is Megan, did she manage to get her to go to sleep? She nodded, her heart beating fast and hard against her chest. Megan? Yes yes, she is sound asleep now. She has been dancing all evening and was pretty tired when Alice put her to bed.

594

Tony laughed. I can imagine that. She just loves to dance. He looked at Michael. Have you ever seen her dance? I think she has a pretty good sense of rhythm for a girl her age, but you would be a must better judge of that, I am sure. An image of the little girl dancing with Paris in his dance studio in Vegas suddenly lingered on his mind. He swallowed hard. You are quite right, Tony. She does dance surprisingly well for a girl her age; she definitely has an excellent sense of rhythm. So did my sister Janet when she was Megans age, and as you know, she is an amazing dancer now. He paused, his voice completely expressionless as he spoke again. Actually, Megan reminds me very much of my sister when she was little, in so many ways. You would almost think that Megan was her daughter. What do you say, Karen, dont you think theres a clear resemblance to the Jackson genes? His eyes sought hers across the table, unwavering, almost black from hurt and disappointment. He pressed his lips into a straight line, fighting not to show his inner emotions. The feeling in her gut turned to burning fire. He knows! Oh my God, he knows! She looked down at her dessert, desperately trying to come up with the right words. Janet? she repeated, her voice sounding strange and unreal to her own ears. Yes, I guess you are right, there is a certain resemblance. They have the same hair, the same eyes. The same smile too, I guess. Tony smiled warmly, still eating his dessert, too unaware of the tension between them to notice anything unusual. Well, Megan is the most beautiful girl on earth. I am sure your sister must have been a very special little girl too, and she certainly is very, very beautiful today. Michael nodded again, his hand on the table clenched into a tight fist. Yes, she was very special,

595

and she still is. Come to think of it, she is the most important woman in my life today. The only one that I can trust completely. The only one who would never lie to me, for any reason, no matter the misunderstandings in our lives. The only one who would never deceive me. For some odd reason, not a single woman, with whom I have been romantically involved, has ever proven worthy of my trust. His words hit her hard, just as he intended. He watched the motion of her throat as she swallowed repeatedly, and the slight tremble of her hand as she sipped her water, not looking at him but obviously feeling only too clearly the way his eyes didnt leave her face for a second. He knew her well enough to recognize the tiny quiver in the right corner of her mouth and knew that she was fighting the tears. Turning his eyes back to Tony, he felt another wave of hurt and anger hit him painfully. He forced a small laugh. Guess I have to learn from my mistakes and stop being so damn nave He gave Karen a small side-ways glance in enough time to see her face clench at his last words. The colour had left her face, and for the first time he noticed the dark rings beneath her green eyes, and the worn out look deep inside them. He hesitated, then forced a small smile. But truth be told, maybe some of the women in my life have had their reasons for acting the way they did. Tony smiled back. Well, who understands women completely, right Michael? Guess the world would be a rather dull place if we did. Nothing like women to spice up our lives. He turned his head to his wife, his smile suddenly fading as he noticed the look on her face as she kept eating her chocolate dessert in tiny, almost nonexistent bites, bowing her head, not looking at any of them. A single tear formed in the corner of her eye. As in a trance, he followed the tear with his eyes as it

596

slowly trailed down her cheek. She didnt even notice. He automatically turned his head to look at Michael. He was learning forward, staring at the tear too, clearly fighting an almost irresistible urge to reach out and brush it away, yet a strange, almost resentful, look on his face. His pulse began to race. His wife was crying and in public? Probably the worst thing she could ever imagine doing. And he had absolutely no idea why she did it. And Michael? Why did he stare at her that way, looking painfully torn between utterly conflicting feelings? Totally confused, he searched his mind for something appropriate to say to ease the situation, to stop her from crying. To his relief, the waiter now approached the table to remove their plates. Taking one last look at the tear before it disappeared on her jaw line, Michael forced his body to relax, once again leaning back in his chair. Would you like some coffee or tea? he asked politely. Karen shook her head while taking a deep, audible breath, finally raising her eyes from the table. No thanks, Michael, I think we ought to call it a night. I promised our sitter not to be home late, she has an early start tomorrow. Thank you so much for dinner, it was lovely. My pleasure. He hesitated, running his eyes over her face again. Actually Karen, you look a little pale. Dont you think you need a bit of fresh air? We better say goodbye in here. The fans are probably still waiting outside, and although, as you know, my bodyguards will try to smuggle me into the limo through the back door, it still might create a bit of drama. He grimaced. You are better off leaving before me, I think. Tonys cell phone rang, just as they were getting up. He checked the caller ID and smiled

597

apologetically. Sorry, I have to get this one. Itll only take a minute. He flipped the cell phone open in one swift movement while leaving the table. Michael reached out his hand. Goodbye, Karen. Ill see you when I get back from Europe. If you need to talk to me about the book, you know how to reach me. He made an almost unrecognizable emphasis on the words the book, still it did not escape her attention. Michael, I He held his hand into the air and swallowed hard. NOT now, please He gave her a firm handshake and pulled away his hand quickly. For a moment, he seemed to be struggling with himself, his body language clearly revealing his frustration. He gulped a few times, then suddenly and unexpectedly reached out for her. His black jacket tickled her face softly as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders. The tears were threatening again, even more insistently this time as she slid her arms around his waist, desperate for him to hold her. When I get back, we need to meet to talk about my daughter, he whispered into her ear. He pulled loose, and the hug was over as quickly as it started. There was a long pause between them as their eyes locked, his chocolate brown eyes still overflowing with hurt and disappointment, her green eyes vainly searching for any visible trace of forgiveness or his usual affection for her. She swallowed back the tears once again. Finally she just nodded, not trusting her voice. Returning to the table with the cell phone in his hand, Tony turned to Michael and smiled amicably while reaching out his hand for a handshake. Have a great tour, Michael. Let us know how you are doing. Thank you, Tony. I will.

598

Karen cleared her throat and took a long final look at him. Take care, Michael. And give Janet a hug for me, please. He simply nodded in reply, his eyes not meeting hers. Five minutes later Karen and Tony were out on the street, walking towards the car. The fans were still gathering outside the restaurant, chanting. The chanting changed to a steady hum of rising voices, then into screaming as words got out that Michael had left the restaurant through the back door.

599

Chapter 74 Tony turned his head to look at her in the pale sunlight seeping in through the small gap between the curtains. She looked peaceful and innocent in her sleep, her long red hair spread out on her pillow, her dark lashes curving against her cheeks, her lips slightly parted. He reached out and touched her cheek with his fingertips, very careful not to wake her up. He wanted to look at her for a while. This would be the last time that he would ever wake up beside her. He swallowed hard, impatiently brushing away a traitorous tear from his cheek. He had been building up his courage to face this day for the last week, trying to get used to the hard knot the thought of loosing her was creating inside him. This was it. It wasnt going to get any easier, no matter how long he waited, and he just couldnt take another night like the last seven nights. The nights that she would toss and turn and finally cry herself to sleep silently into her pillow when she thought that he was sound asleep beside her. When they came back from the dinner with Michael seven days ago, she immediately went straight to bed, complaining about a nasty headache. Its okay, honey, he said, giving her a soft kiss on the cheek, fully understanding that she wanted to be alone for a while. He did too. Ill finish some work, then Ill join you. He looked at her as she went up the stairs, looking vulnerable and unhappy. What just happened at the restaurant? The look on her face as Michael talked about the women in his life, the look on his face as he looked at the tear, trailing down her cheek?

600

He poured himself a large whisky and sat down in his favourite chair by the window, looking out at the park across the street in the pale moonlight. He drew out a deep sigh. Had she fallen in love with Michael? What he had waited for in years - did Michael manage to get her to do just that in such a short time? Had he made her forget about the man she had fallen in love with two years ago the man who had left her pregnant and heartbroken? Michael with the gentle look in his eyes, the softest tone of voice he had ever heard in a man before, the constant warm smile on his face. Michael with the long black hair, the almost bottomless dark eyes, and the perfect make-up, covering up the imperfections of his skin. He lifted his glass to take another sip, then froze with the glass halfway to his lips. Michael, a black man like himself. Michael who was married until recently. He rushed out of his chair, his heart racing. Think! he mumbled to himself, impatiently tapping his fingers on his forehead. Where did she say she met him? Through mutual friends? Mutual friends as in Helen and Mark? As in Pinehaven? He hesitated a few seconds, then quickly walked up the stairs and into her office, closing the door shut behind him. He tried to ignore the guilty feeling inside as he sat down at her desk and turned on her laptop for the first time ever. Please dont hate me for doing this, K., he said out loud, his voice sounding oddly flat and tired, his hands trembling. She was the most structured person he knew. Surely she would keep her photographs from Pinehaven in a file on her computer. And he was right. There is was; a folder called Pinehaven. He looked at it for a while, swallowing hard. Then he clicked the icon, instantly revealing several subfolders. He ran his eyes over them quickly.

601

Andrew and Kiki, Eric and Louise, Gordon and Deborah, Helen book, Helen and Mark, Henry, James and Monique, Jennifer, Joel, Johnny and Angie, Michael, Michael and me, Susie and Ryan He stared at two of the folders for what seemed like an eternity, nervously sipping his whisky. Then he grabbed the mouse again and slowly clicked on Michael. Several hundred photographs appeared, all of Michael. Michael Jackson. His heart started racing again as he went through the photographs, each of them perfect and unique, as he knew they would be. He recognized the ones she had used for the exhibition. He finished his whisky in one large gulp, trying to find the courage to click on the next folder. Michael and me. He breathed in deep and quickly doubleclicked. The photographs in the folder were the answers to any questions he might have had. The look on their faces said it all, the way he held her as he kissed her, the way she buried her face in his neck, the way she embraced him, her happy smile. Never once had she looked at HIM that way. Never once. He closed the folder and leaned back in her chair, no longer fighting the tears. He smiled sarcastically to himself while running his hand through his short black hair repeatedly. And you told him about his daughter tonight, you idiot. You told him that she never got over him, that she still loves him and not you. You handed him everything he needed to know on a plate. Everything she was probably still trying to conceal from him. He recalled the way Michael bit his lower lip until it started bleeding. No, Tony, I dont understand how any man could do that to her. He must have had his reasons though. Maybe this has left him heartbroken too. How could he have missed the

602

pain in his voice as he said this? Right now, he was sure he recalled just that. He looked down at the empty glass in his hand, then turned off the computer and went into the bedroom. She was sound asleep. Or at least she pretended to be. About half an hour later he heard her crying silently to herself for the first time since they got married, and the sound made his heart bleed for her. For her and himself. He wanted to reach out to her, to comfort her, but he didnt. She wouldnt want him to. He just lay there, waiting for her to stop. And she finally did, about an hour later. And this had repeated itself all week long. During the daytime, she tried to pretend that everything was fine, she did her best to act cheerful and happy towards him and Megan, but she was unable to conceal the unhappy look in her eyes. Her body was there with him, but her hopes and dreams were not. He just couldnt ignore it anymore. Today was the day. He let out a deep sigh as he slid his fingers through her hair one last time. Then he got out of bed and went downstairs. He put on the kettle and turned on the oven before taking a shower in the bathroom downstairs, afraid to wake her up if he used the bathroom upstairs. Having finished getting dressed, he made her favourite breakfast. Tea, scones, apricot jam, fruit salad, freshly squeezed orange juice. He arranged everything on a tray and added a red rose from the bouquet in the living room before entering the stairs, holding a large brown envelope under his right arm. He pulled away the curtains to let in the sunlight. She instantly opened her eyes. Morning, honey, he said cheerfully. I have made breakfast for you, lets have breakfast in bed for once.

603

She looked at the tray and gave him a smile. This looks delicious, Tony, but breakfast in bed whats the occasion? She leaned against the bed head and drank half of her orange juice before taking the first bite of her fruit salad, letting out a sigh of contentment. Mmm, strawberries, lots of fresh pineapple and two kinds of melon. Just the way I like it. She looked up at him, still smiling, waiting for him to answer. He sat down in front of her and swallowed hard. I need to talk to you, K. Please hear me out, okay? I I want a divorce. You WHAT? she burst out, nearly choking on her fruit. You want a divorce? But why? He gave her a soft smile. You know how much I love you, right? I have loved you from the moment I laid eyes on you. I have waited for you to MAYBE some day feel the same way about me, but its not gonna happen, K., and lately I have realized that I need more. I cannot settle for friendship anymore, I need the real thing. I have I have met someone else. She looked at him for a while, her eyes looking deep into his. Then she swallowed the last little piece of her food and put the bowl back on the tray. She took his hand and gave him a soft look. When did you find out, Tony? About Michael and me, I mean? At the restaurant? A now you want a divorce? He stared at her. What do mean? I just told you, I have met someone new. He looked at his hand in hers, her fingers gently caressing his skin. She shook her head, smiling softly. Now come on, Tony. This is me. Karen. You have never lied to me before, why start now? He looked up at her, embarrassed, his heart pounding. You are right, and I am sorry. I just thought that it would make it easier for both of us.

604

Yes, I did find out at the restaurant. At least some of it. I figured out the rest as we got home, and I did an inexcusable thing. I went through the photographs on your computer, looking for a photograph of the man you fell in love with at Pinehaven. I was quite sure that I would find a photograph of Michael. And I did. Or rather A LOT of photographs of Michael and of the two of you, he added in a sad tone of voice. She squeezed his hand. Ill never leave you, Tony. You know that. You mean more to me than Ill ever be able to explain to you, and I owe you so much. He nodded, swallowing hard. I know, K. Thats why I am leaving you. You deserve to be happy, more than anyone else. You have been through so much, but Michael will make you happy. You have my blessing if you need it. I like him a lot; I understand why you love him the way you do. And Megan loves him too. He handed her the envelope. These are our divorce papers. I have signed them already. She looked at the envelope, tears welling up her eyes. Are you sure about this, Tony? He nodded again. Yes, I am sure. This is all I have to give to you. Your freedom. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy, and you wont be completely happy with me. Not anymore. Too much has happened since Michael got back into your life, and we cant keep pretending that this marriage will work. It was such a lovely dream while it lasted, but its time to wake up. He hesitated. And I am so sorry, K., but I told him about Megan. I didnt know She hugged him. Its okay, Tony. Somehow, I think he already knew, and if not, he would have found out soon. I felt so guilty about concealing the truth to him to both of you that I had decided to tell you while he was on tour, and to go see him in

605

Vegas afterwards to put the cards on the table to him, too. She dried the tears on her cheeks with her fingers. Tony, will you still be my friend? I couldnt bear to loose your friendship. And Megan what about Megan? He gave her a small smile and felt his throat contract painfully. Of course Ill still be your friend. And Michaels. Well find a way to make it work without too much awkwardness. He swallowed hard. Megan I hope youll let her visit me from time to time. I really, really need to have her in my life. This doesnt change my love for her. She leaned her head against his shoulder and grabbed his hand again. Of course, Tony. Shell come visit, and you can visit us in Vegas whenever you want to. A sudden look of embarrassment crossed her face. If Michael wants us to move in with him, that is. I dont know if hell ever forgive me for lying to him the way I did. He hugged her tight. Believe me, he will. He would be a fool not to, and Michael is definitely no fool. Now go pack your things. What are you waiting for? Sign the damn papers, take a shower and pack your suitcase. Go see him. I have taken a week off, Ill look after Megan for you. She hesitated. Are you sure, Tony? How can you how can you deal with it so He shrugged his shoulders and gave her a comforting smile. Deep down inside, I always knew that this day would come. Maybe itll be a good thing for me too. Now I need to let go of you completely, and who knows, maybe another sweet, beautiful girl will come into my life in a not too distant future. Next time Ill try not to close my eyes they way I have always done. He tried to ignore the way his heart still pounded in pain. Yeah, I am sure, K. Dont worry about me, Ill be okay. Oh, and another thing. Helen tried to call you rather late last night, long

606

after you went to bed. She told me that it was quite urgent, but then again, with Helen it always is, right? She smiled. Yes it is. Ill call her later. She hesitated. Tony, do you hate me for not telling you about Michael? That he was this married man Megans father? I I fought very hard not to let him into my life again, but He shook his head softly. No, I dont blame you. You even asked me if I wanted to know, right? When you called me during the tour? I dont know why I didnt guess it myself long ago I was so surprised when you didnt want to do the book with him. He cracked a small smile. I was the one who persuaded you to do that, remember? I remember, Tony. The last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you. I know, K. Now get your lazy butt out of here He looked at her as she jumped out of bed, heading for the shower. A small, sad smile lurked in the corner of his mouth. At least she would be happy now. Letting her go was the right thing to do. He brushed away a few tears impatiently and breathed in deep a few times, then went into Megans room to wake her up.

607

Chapter 75 She called Janet on the way to the airport. Hey Janet, how are you? Karen! Its so good to hear from you! I am good. Working my butt off, but what else is new? So whats up, honey? She laughed shyly. Can you talk? I mean, is Michael around? No, hes back at the hotel, resting a bit before the show tonight. We just arrived a few hours ago. Im doing a sound check right now, but I forced him to stay at the hotel. He looked like shit. She hesitated. Is something wrong? Michael and I had a really long talk on the plane today. He has been rather withdrawn and sad the whole week, and I forced him to fill me in. He he told me about Megan. I cant believe I didnt guess that myself; she looks so much like him. She let out a tiny giggle. And so much like me too, Karen. Karen let out a nervous sigh. So he told you? I am so sorry about everything. She paused, biting her lip hard. Does he still hate me, Janet? Do you think hell ever forgive me for lying to him? The look in his eyes when we parted a week ago, at the restaurant I have never seen that look in his eyes before. And he hasnt called me at all Of course he doesnt hate you, Karen. Michael could never hate you, no matter what. Janets voice was soft and comforting. He was very, very hurt and disillusioned a week ago, but thats not how he feels anymore, but he should talk to you about this himself. Why dont you call him?

608

I dont want to call him, Janet. She took a deep breath. I need you to do me a favour. Sure, girl. Just say the words. She cleared her throat. I hope this doesnt sound totally insane, but actually, I am on my way to the airport. I umm I want to surprise Michael tonight. Talk to him in person. After the concert. Janet hesitated. Are you sure this is such a good idea, Karen? I mean the two of you definitely need to talk things through, to find out what to do about Megan, but he misses you terribly. He is so vulnerable right now, and you turning up here might make it harder for him. You know Michael; hes a very emotional person. Right now he is trying to adapt to the fact that you are married and want to stay married, and its not easy for him to accept and of course he hates the idea of Megan not living with him permanently either. Please dont get this the wrong way, I am not blaming you in any way. I love you too, you know. I just want the two of you to be happy. I understand what you are saying, but would you feel differently about me turning up to surprise him if I told you that I wanna see him to ask him to forgive me AND to tell him that I just signed my divorce papers today? Janet let out a cry of surprise. You did? No kidding? Oh my gosh, this is such great news. Michael will be ecstatic! Of course this changes everything! Now get your butt over here as soon as you can! She giggled. I cant wait to see his face. So youll help me with a ticket and a backstage pass? Yeah, yeah, of course. Ill leave a ticket for the VIP box and a backstage pass for you at the reception. And Ill call my assistant immediately and ask her to find a room for you at the hotel. We have booked the entire upper floor ... well, you know

609

Michael. She giggled again, sounding exactly like him. Not that I think youll be needing a room tonight, girl, I am sure that my brother will find a way to persuade you to spend the night in his suite. But youll need a place to stay until the show. Wow, I cant believe this is actually happening! Karen laughed shyly. Thanks you are the best. Ill see you tonight then. Call me before you go backstage, okay? Just to make sure that nothing spoils the surprise. Have a great trip! She checked into the hotel in Norway four hours later. Just as she had promised, Janet had left a VIP ticket and a backstage pass for her at the reception, and one of the smaller suites was waiting for her. A bell boy escorted her to the upper floor, carrying her suitcase. Which one is Mr. Jacksons suite? she asked him as they left the lift. He pointed to the far end of the corridor. Its the Presidential Suite. I think hes actually in his suite right now. He ran his eyes over her face and smiled hugely. I met him in the lift two hours ago. Hes a genuinely sweet and very down to earth person. Really? She returned his smile innocently. Oh, I would love to meet him myself! As soon as she had closed the door behind her, she flung herself on the bed. She was actually here now, only a few yards away from him. For a second an almost irresistible urge to see him right now crept over her, but she instantly dismissed the thought. No, he would be going to the concert hall soon, and she didnt want to spoil the surprise. And she desperately needed a shower. She jumped off the bed and went into the bathroom. The huge tub instantly caught her eyes. Okay, a long, relaxing foam bath would be even better.

610

She thought about him, lying in the bath tub. Her mind drifted to the very first time he came into her room at Pinehaven, finding her sleeping in the bath tub and soon joining her. Once again she desperately felt like calling him, telling him where to find her. She laughed at herself. Now come on, you stupid girl, get a grip! Youll meet him in a few hours. She felt a shiver of sweet anticipation as she got dressed and put on her make-up. She looked at her reflection in the mirror, her green eyes staring back at her nervously. How could she be so nervous and so utterly excited at the same time? She grabbed her bag and quickly left the suite. Seated in the VIP box, waiting for the lights to dim, she felt her hands tremble. She smiled sarcastically to herself. Now come on, girl. You have watched this show a hundred times before. How hard can it be, watching him on stage again tonight? Nevertheless she found herself closing her eyes as he appeared behind the big screen during So Excited, even afraid to look at him. She opened her eyes slowly as the screaming voices around her let her know that the screen had disappeared into the ceiling. He was now dancing with Janet in the centre of the stage, bathed in a yellow spotlight. The gorgeous smile on his face made her heart race. As usual, he was dressed all in black, wearing his hair in a straight ponytail. As he sang the first note, making a very michaelish movement with his hips, the audience went crazy. She smiled. Like every show before this one, he had the audience in the palm of his hand, and he knew it. He might have looked like shit a few hours earlier, as Janet so vividly described it, but right now nothing could be farther from the truth. She closed her eyes once again, almost feeling his embrace while listening to his voice. How many times had she cried herself to sleep during the past

611

two years, missing him to the point of insanity? How did she ever get over the devastating feeling of having to give birth to his daughter without having him beside her to share the magic with her? How did she ever cope with the despair him wanting to have a baby with Linda made her feel? How did she ever manage to go back to Tony after spending that beautiful night with him in Vegas? Was this really it? Would everything change after tonight? Or was she being too nave? Would it turn out to be too late for them? Would he ever forgive her completely? She felt a warm tear trail down her cheek as he left the stage, wanting to rush backstage immediately to ask him to hold her and never let her go. But no, that was not the way to do it. She had waited two long years for this; she had to be patient for just a little while. He had to go back on stage again before long. As the show was over, she waited until everybody had left the VIP box before calling Janet, once again overwhelmed by a nervous, insecure feeling inside. Janet replied instantly, a smile to her voice. Finally, girl! I have been waiting for you to call. Karen laughed shyly. Well, I just had to build up my courage before calling you. Janet, what if this does not turn out the way I want it to? What if he will not forgive me for causing him so much pain, for lying to him? Janets burst out in a pearly laughter. Are you kidding, Karen? Dont you worry. Hell be ecstatic. Actually, he is on his way to his dressing room right now, he is not really into having a lot of people around him these days. Why dont you surprise him? Okay, Ill will. Wish me luck, Janet. Ill talk to you later.

612

You dont need luck, you silly girl! You just need to smile that sexy smile of yours, and hell be totally lost. Now go ahead and surprise him. Janet hung up, still laughing to herself. She waited a few minutes, then took a deep breath and dialled his number. He picked up almost immediately. Hey Michael. How are you? Karen! Its so good to hear your voice. I am fine, thank you. Hearing his voice made her heart race out of control. She breathed in deep again. Are you, Michael? Are you fine? Or are you trying to fight the adrenaline in your body, sitting all alone on the floor in your dressing room, wrapping one arm around your knees, hiding your head in the other, now and then sliding your fingers through your hair? Feeling excited about the perfect show but kind of lonely at the same time? He let out a gasp. How did you know? I swear, Karen, you know me far too well. She laughed a soft laughter. We just wrote a book about you, remember? How are Janet and the kids? Janet is fine, she is mingling backstage. Theres a huge crowd out there tonight. The kids are still in Vegas, theyll join me next week. I dont want them to do the entire tour with me; they need a bit of stability in their lives. He paused. And how is Megan? She is fine, Michael. But she misses you. I wish you were here! he burst out in a strange voice. I know I am not supposed to say it, but I miss you, Karen. Having spent so much time with you lately hasnt made missing you any easier. He could almost hear her smile through the phone. Do you? Do you really miss me? So you are

613

not angry with me for calling you? I know you didnt want me to He ran his hand over his eyes slowly. Suddenly, he felt exhausted and burnt out. Of course I am not angry with you for calling me, and yeah, girl, I really do miss you. Ever since that dinner there is so much I want to say to you, but I know you dont want me to, and I understand that you being married He never finished the sentence. So what would you say to me right now if I werent married? If you could say whatever you like to me, no restrictions whatsoever? He sighed deeply. I would tell you how sorry I am for screwing up our lives the way I did. I am sorry for throwing away two years of my life doing nothing but missing you. For making you feel the way I did. If I had the chance to do it all over again, I never would have married Linda. I never would have left you for anything. Not even a baby. And knowing what I know now that I actually did have a baby, this perfect little girl, but with you instead of Linda I did everything wrong, and it just breaks my heart. I ended up loosing you AND my daughter. She swallowed hard. Will you ever forgive me for lying to you? Will you ever forgive me for not allowing you to be a part of your daughters life from the very beginning? Will you ever He interrupted her. Karen I talked to Helen yesterday, hasnt she told you? Oh no! I was supposed to call her this morning, but I totally forgot. No doubt, I am in deep trouble now. She paused. So you met her yesterday? Yes, I did. She was in Sweden to do a commercial and came to see us with some of her friends. I had a long talk with her after the show. I told her that I knew about Megan - I was so sad, angry and confused, and I forced her to tell me everything. She ended up yelling at me, and scolding me for treating

614

you the way I did back then. For marrying Linda. For staying with Linda when she lost the baby. For being such an arsehole, as she so elegantly put it. He laughed softly, but his voice immediately turned serious again. She told me about Africa, Karen. I knew you fainted and were hospitalized, one of Lindas friends told us about it, and it really upset me at the time, but I never knew that you fainted because of me, because Helen had to tell you that I had decided to stay with Linda. She told me how devastated you were, how hard it was for you to move on she told me why you didnt tell me about Megan. How you felt that you couldnt do it because of Linda and the fact that she had just lost the baby, how scared you were that I would fight you for custody. She told me that you text messaged me because you had changed your mind and wanted and needed me to be there during Megans birth and just got that awful message in return. Honey, I am so sorry for everything. I have caused you so much pain just as you did me. We have both made a lot of mistakes. A wave of relief washed over her, and a foolishly happy smile glued to her face. So you are not angry with me? Honestly? No, Karen. I am not angry with you anymore. Honestly. You totally forgive me? I totally forgive you. In that case, what would you do if I were right in front of you now? She was almost caressing him with her voice. He let out another deep sigh. I would hug you. Oh my God, how I wish that I could hug you right now. HUG me? Is that all you would do? Now thats not very imaginative, Michael!

615

He laughed shyly. Well, it depends on whether you were here as my friend or as whether you were married or not. And if I werent married? His tone of voice changed. Why do you suddenly want to know, Karen? To tell you the truth, you are confusing me right now. She giggled girlishly. I am a woman, I have the right to be confusing. Just answer the question, please. Use your famous imagination. He let out a big sigh for the third time. Well, if you werent married, I would take you in my arms and kiss you passionately for somewhere between five and ten minutes. Then I would take a VERY quick shower and drag you into the limo with me, taking you with me to my suite. She laughed again. Trying to make a groupie out of me, are you? Now that sounds tempting! He let out a giggle. A groupie? Yeah, why not! His voice turned serious again. No actually, a groupie is not quite what I had in mind. I would definitely do my utmost to persuade you to stay the night with me, but in the morning I would fall down on my knees and beg you and I really do mean beg you to marry me and never ever leave me. He hesitated. But why are you playing this game with me? That night in your kitchen, only a week ago, you told me that you would never leave Tony, and the way you looked at me when you said that you looked dead serious. I know youll never change your mind about that, so whats the point of having this conversation, as tempting as it may be? She took a deep breath. You are right, I could never leave him. But he just left me. We signed the divorce papers this morning. He left you? he burst out. But why?

616

Because he loves me, Michael. Because he realized what happened between us at the restaurant and somehow figured out that you are Megans father. I have told you before; Tony is the most unselfish person I have ever met. He left me because he knew that I would never leave him, and he didnt want to stand in our way. We have his blessing, and even if you dont need it, I do. So when can you be here? he asked hoarsely. Please come, Karen. She giggled as she opened the door to his dressing room, slipped inside and quickly closed the door behind her again. She leaned against the wall just inside the door and tossed a seductive smile in his direction. How about now, lover boy? Would that suit you, or do you have other plans? He was still holding the phone to his ear as he got up from the floor, almost tripping himself, a look of utter astonishment on his face. You are here? You are actually here? Oh my God I am speechless! He closed the phone with a loud click and slid it into the pocket of his black pants while locking his eyes on hers across the room. You are actually here? he repeated, softly shaking his head in disbelief while a huge, warm smile emerged on his face. He walked towards her very slowly and stopped right in front of her, still not touching her. He ran his eyes over her face as if to take in every little part of her, then finally reached out and slid his hand through her long red hair before playfully entangling his fingers in one of her curls. He stepped just a little bit closer and moved his hand from her hair to her face. A visible shiver ran down her spine as he ran his thumb over her mouth ever so slowly, carefully following the curves of her lips. You are so incredibly beautiful, he said hoarsely while lowering his mouth to her face. He closed his eyes as his lips brushed over hers softly.

617

She sighed deeply as he moved away again, once again locking his eyes on hers. A teasing smile lurked in the corners of his mouth. You signed the papers today, and you are here now? Guess you couldnt wait to see me either? he asked in a low voice, resting his hands on the wall on each side of her head. He giggled as she shook her head in reply, closed her eyes and moved her head slightly forward, impatiently waiting for him to kiss her again. He locked his lips on hers once more, very lightly at first, then slightly more insistently. He let out a small sigh and deepened his kiss willingly as she wrapped her arms around his waist to pull him even closer. I am still rather sweaty, he mumbled apologetically a little later, moving his lips away from hers just a few inches. I know, she mumbled back and tucked a damp lock of hair behind his ear. Sweaty and salty just the way I like it. Kiss me again, Michael. Your wish is my command, he said lowly into her ear, a smile to his voice. Guess I did promise you are very special kiss, didnt I? Your kisses are always special, she sighed as he pressed his lips against hers again, this time kissing her the way he had promised while pinning her against the wall teasingly. Several minutes later he moved his lips away for just a few seconds, softly rubbing his nose against her cheek. I love you, he whispered breathlessly. Promise me youll never ever leave me again. I promise, she mumbled into his mouth as he sealed his lips against hers once more, kissing her even more passionately than before. As he finally let go of her, she pressed her palms against the wall for support while gasping for air, his kiss leaving her weak to her knees and practically

618

glowing with love and happiness. She giggled girlishly as she caught her breath again. Wow, Michael, that was definitely so much better than a friendly hug. She put up an innocent face. And what was next on your agenda? He laughed happily and took her in his arms once again, a shimmer in his eyes. A VERY quick shower, then lets get out of here and go back to my hotel. We have A LOT of catching up to do, dont we, baby?

619

620

621