JEFF CONTOMPASIS!

(to the tune of “That‟s Entertainment!”) By Nan Reiner - 2011

For the tune, start at 0:30 of this clip http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ud1zKcAgD0 [Intro] Who‟s the one who parses the ‟Vite every single week? He can make us laugh; he can make us groan. Loserdom‟s fav‟rite Uber-geek… The nerd – who‟ll dissect every word With intent – scatological bent, Spouting math – like a true psychopath: Jeff Contompasis! The pest – tweaking every contest With the tools – to exploit all the rules Names a horse – with a spreadsheet, of course: Jeff Contompasis! We knew there‟d be few as devoted as he, Who‟d write for the „Vite quite so passionately. Or is it just OCD? You could say he‟s obsessive, emotionally regressive. A squire – penning biting satire Or buffoon – spewing stuff that‟s jejune, He‟s a hit – with his rapier wit: The Loser who‟ll pass – some sweet laughing gas is Contompa----sis! The swain – with the off-color brain Won his town – the obscenity crown. He‟s not weird – he‟s just been engineered: Jeff Contompasis!

Work or play – does the „Vite every day. Posts to us – while he‟s riding the bus. It‟s been said – vets his entries in bed: Jeff Contompasis! To fat-ten a stat he‟ll be quick to devise A plot for a blot by submitting a prize: Pictures of ulcerous eyes. Makes us gag in revulsion, to satisfy his compulsion. And so – one more time ere we go, Give a cheer – for the Geek of the Year: Here‟s to Jeff – you scored bigger than Hef! The best in the class – at quips cute and crass is Contompa---sis!

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