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and this book a collection of the best jokes from all over is it. Phones : 2309 0621 / 2301 0452 . Manipal. Youll become their favourite physician. nor displayed in any bookshop. It cannot be sold by any party. Mumbai 400 011. Preface L aughter the best medicine is a term coined by Readers Digest and we deliver small doses in every issue of the magazine. This booklet is offered free of cost to select readers of Reader’s Digest. This book is guaranteed to keep you in good humour for a long time to come. Laser Typesetting by Aqeel Associates. But we sometimes need an extra-large booster to get into really great shape. Mumbai 400 001 and printed by him at Manipal Press Limited. stall or retail outlet. Adi Marzban Path. But dont keep its benefits to yourself tell them to your family. nor used for any commercial purpose whatsoever.Published in India by Ashok Mahadevan for RDI Print and Publishing Ltd from (Regd Office) Orient House. friends and colleagues.
ef Maid: What do you want. Only ten years. but now hes a consultant. Maid: Ah! He left yesterday for his village. replied the guide. but the thre e engineers crammed into a toilet and closed the door behind them.. You Indians are a lazy lot. A foreign tourist hired a guide to take him around Delhi and Agra. when they reached the Qutab Minar. this could have been built in five.. the guide replied: I dont know. Finally. He knocked on the toilet door and asked. Twenty years. answered one of the engineers. In this fashion the tourist claimed that every building he admired could have been built in his country in quarter the time. Wait and watch. the lawyers decided to the same thing on the return trip. Seeing this. the ticket collector arrived. please. please? Visitor: There is a bill. answered an engineer. The tourist retorted: You Indians are slow! We can construct such buildings in two-and-a-half. the lawyers took their seats. the tourist said. the engineers didnt buy any.. said the guide. The ticket collector took it and moved on. Maid: Whats your business. the three engineers crammed into a toilet and the three lawyers into another nearby. J J J 5 eee 6 . At the station. In my country.Three lawyers and three engineers were travelling by train to a conference. The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. he admired the architecture and asked how many years it took to build. Overheard at the veterinarians: I had my cat neutered. So when they got to the station. Visitor: Which I have to pay him. Ticket please. At Agra he admired the Tajs beauty and asked how many years it took to build. At the Red Fort at Delhi. Men who treat women as helpless and charming playthings deserve women who treat men as delightful and generous bank accounts.. How are you going to travel on a single ticket? asked a lawyer. Ticket.. How are you going to travel without a ticket? asked one of the perplexed lawyers. and the tourist asked what it was. In the train. Hes still out all night with the other cats. each lawyer bought a ticket whereas the engineers bought only one ticket between them. When they boarded the train. they bought only one ticket. He knocked on the door and said. sir? Visitor: I want to see your master. Maid: And he returned this morning.. It wasnt there yesterday evening. Soon after the train started. one of the engineers got out of the toilet and walked to one where the lawyers were hiding. Wait and watch. To their astonishment. Shortly after the train started.
I just love it! she gushed. Whos afraid of a mouse? Overheard: I can say one good thing about airline food: at least theyre considerate enough to give you only small portions. To everyones astonishment. the efficient woman replied. the bomb may go off any minute. I thought we got paid for what we produce herenot for what we produce at home in our own time. we have got a spare one in the boot. a man bought his young wife a cell phone. The next day she was out shopping when the phone rang. How come? asked the mother. A patient complains to a famous psychologist: Professor. Whats that? How did you know I was at the sari shop? F ef ef Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent quarrel. he turned her down. But theres just one thing I dont understand. Werent you afraid? one of the workers asked the boy. the bull stopped a few inches from the boy. he husband said. So what? his wife shot back. Dont worry. Hes an idiot. and hubby was losing his temper. Not at all. said the man carrying the explosive. To come and see you. Be careful. J J J 7 8 . the boy replied . or their first anniversary. Youll bring out the beast in me. I see. I heard that that someone was shot dead. As horrified workers nearby watched. the driver assured him. Im curious to know what he advised you to do. Ive been having terrible obsessions for years. A small farm boy was milking his cow when all of a sudden a bull came charging towards him. turned around and walked away . saying: Your salary is already higher than that of the secretary at the next desk. and no one has ever been able to help me. I knew this cow was his mother-in-law. Hey. ooo B oy to mother: Ive decided to stop studying. darling. he said to his wife. She was thrilled and listened eagerly as he explained all its features. because he knew too much. How do you like your new phone? Oh. Its so cute and smalland your voice sounds so clear. the boy calmly continued his milking. Drive a little faster. Whos been treating you until now? Dr Lal Rathor. Two terrorists were driving to the location where they intended to plant a bomb. which one of them had in his lap. Excuse me.W hen an efficient secretary asked her boss for a raise in her salary. And she has five children.
and ninety. Make up your mind. the man thought.A man was driving well above the speed limit when a police car suddenly emerged from behind. Nine? In this case. said the American. you Honour. then seventy. The police officer got out. said the friend to the old man. You cant do thisIm a politician! In that case. I want to marry a smart woman. Oh. The lift will be down presently. Thinking hed outpace the cop. Whats next best? ef An old man gives good advice in order to console himself for no longer being able to set a bad example. eighty. the receptionist told him. The man thought for a moment and said: Three weeks ago my wife ran off with a police officer. Give me your money. ef J J J An American visiting England walked into a hotel lobby. I will give you the maximum sentence. I dont deserve the best. But we invented the language. Doctor. No. leaned over the man and said: Listen. Oh. Finally. When I saw your car in my mirror. Dont you give your regular clients a discount eee Late one night. I can drive. get to bed early and stay away from women. Maximum sentence? said the defendant. Elevators were invented in the States. the man pushed his accelerator to the floor. I thought you were that officer and were trying to give her back to me. the affluent man replied. Im very sorry to learn that your wife ran away with your driver. The doctor had just finished giving the young man a thorough physical examination. a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. His cars speed rose to sixty. the doctor said. Mister. is give up drinking and smoking. replied the robber. dont worry. said the patient. I have had a really lousy day.Le Rochefoucauld 9 10 . . I think I should know what it is called. The lift? said the American. sirens blaring. ready to receive a speeding ticket. what the heck. replied the Englishman. a woman wholl make me happy. eee A judge looked severely at the defendant and asked. a good woman. No ticket. The best thing for you to do. you mean the elevator. Perhaps. and I just want to go home. and pulled over. he demanded. How many times have you been imprisoned? Nine. retorted the Englishman. give me my money! eee O ne man to another. Indignant. Give me a good excuse and Ill let you go. I mean the lift.
A young soldier who was on a twenty four-hour pass went to a dance in town and there met an attractive young woman. What took you so long to get here? asked a surprised St. Excuse me. I really go for you in a big way. Asked how accidents could be reduced. arrived at heavens gate. But. I have to be back in the morning. Look sweetheart. Ah. dont stir it then. But I am dancing as fast as I can. Tom replied. Finally. the computer answered: Remove the top and bottom steps. I meant the next baby! ooo A man who had just died. Peter asked him if hed ever loved a woman. well. would you mind explaining why youre doing this? It scares away the elephants. isnt it? crowed the drunk.A rather inebriated fellow on a bus was tearing up a newspaper into tiny pieces and throwing them out the window. the man replied. he said. Effective. But I dont have much time. He finally succumbed to the pressure and ran an apology with the headline: HALF OF OUR LEGISLATORS ARE NOT CROOKS. As they danced. Tom ordered tea. S taying at a small-town hotel. thank you. ran a scathing editorial under the headline: HALF OF OUR LEGISLATORS ARE CROOKS. My mother helps me. Many prominent local politicians were outraged. How do you spell it? he replied. Ill do the next one. speaking at a luncheon in London: A home accidents survey which showed that ninety percent of accidents on staircases involved either the top or the bottom step. Did you have a friend you cared for? No. St. I didnt mean the next diaper. No. The next time the baby was wet. was fed into a computer. But I dont see any elephants around here. Oh. he kept making passes at her but without much result. Im busy. Youve been dead for ages. he said. Shortly afterwards. and tremendous pressure was exerted on him to retract the statement. he replied finally. said the woman. Perhaps you loved a pet? Did you not feel a love for nature? No. A small Indian boy appeared in the class of a London schoolteacher for the first time and she asked him his name. Before allowing him entry. No. she protested wide-eyed. a young wife suggested to her husband that he try his hand at changing diapers. ooo The editor of a small weekly newspaper. she asked if he was now ready to learn how to change diapers. annoyed at legislation that had eee recently been passed. Peter. Sugar in your tea? she shouted. he said. Not a single one. replied the drunk. The Duke of Gloucester. J J J After they had brought their first baby home from hospital. 11 12 . He looked puzzled. a girl threw open the door. said the woman sitting next to him. When she asked. Id sure like to speed like to speed things up between us. Venkataratnam Narasimha Rattaiah.
Son. A few paise in the name of Bhagwan. As customers came out of the shop in high spirits. began to howl.I. Is Melvin there? There is no one called Melvin here! the voice replied. His father picked up the phone and dialled a number. What is the difference between anger and exasperation? Well. Hello. I told you there is no Melvin here! You have got a lot of nerve calling again! Did you hear that? Ernies father asked. I will show you what exasperation is! He dialled once again.again. There you go again. there is a loophole. Hello. But the devotees gave him very little.Little Ernie was having a problem with his homework. shoppers would hold the fruit upto their ears and knock on it. the man replied. there is law. while his father was trying to read. he noticed that this hungry man some money to fill his belly. there is a lawyer. Hello. snapped his wife.. But watch this! He then dialled the number again. Now. on hearing the screeching sounds. For Gods sake. there is a rule. Johnnys father listened to the dog and the violin for as long as he could. All I know is that if you just pick up a melon and put it your bag. That man was not at all happy with our call. A poor man sat begging outside a temple. where there is a way. In disgust the beggar left the temple and sat outside a country liquor shop. Ill give you a practical demonstration. where there is a rule. Thanking God. he whined. and. Then he jumped up. the beggar said: Hey Bhagwan. J J there is a way. where there is law. In the name of Bhagwan give before choosing a melon. I love you.. He never knew what they expected to hear. said a voice at the other end.. That was anger.. he cried. Ive been doing this for forty years. Ernies father said: Hello! This is Melvin. said his father. And on hearing the voice at the other end.. Why dont you look up numbers before you dial them? You see? said Ernies father. son. The family dog was at there too.. said Ernies father. Annoyed wife to husband: Cant you say weve been married twenty-four years instead of almost a quarter of a century? ef The sign on the door of a lawyers chamber reads: Where there is a will. he asked. everybody looks at you as if youre crazy. where there is a loophole. truly inscrutable are thy ways! You give one address but live in another. One day he asked a shopper. and says. Bhagwan will bless you. Have there been any calls for me? Husband to wife as they emerge from a long session with a marriage guidance counsellor: Darling. When Paul was working as a salesman at a supermarket. is Melvin there? Now look here! the voice said angrily. ooo 13 ittle Johnny was practising the violin in the living room. cant you play something the dog doesnt know? 14 L . Dad. slammed his newspaper on the floor and yelled. and so here I am. I. many dropped rupee notes in his bowl.I.
A traveller walking along a road asked an old man working in a field to how long it would take to get to the next village. As the van driver put down the last box in her second-floor flat. I can afford something imported. sir. Well. itll take you about 20 minutes. a tragedy to those who feel. friendship. Yes. . he grumbled. I hope you wiped your shoes on the doormat while coming in? Back came the rejoinder. That.Horace Walpole W hat made you marry Daddy. And Sonu replied: Because. Make Naples the capital of Italy..An eager young man entered his prospective bosss cabin for an interview..Anton Chekov The world is a comedy to those who think. He is the only chap I know who can make a diagnosis without asking questions. mister. Why do you want God to make Naples the capital of Italy? Sonus mother asked. Well.. But the old man didnt answer. business has boomed. make Naples the capital of Italy. Said the boss One thing our company is very particular about is cleanliness. Mummy? So youre beginning to wonder.. that is what I put in my Geography exam! Customer: Why are the signs in your window so full of spelling and grammatical mistakes? Storekeeper: So that people will think Im a fool and come in expecting to get the best of me. why didnt you read them before you came? J ooo S onu was saying her bedtime prayers: Please God. if youll excuse me for an hour or so Ill go along and fetch a friend of mine . How did I know how fast you were going to walk? replied the old man. too! 16 15 . sir. . Why didnt you tell me that when I asked you? asked the traveller. the young man replied promptly. so the traveller kept walking. I see. Since I put up those signs. growled the patient... sir. is for you to find out. He hadnt gone far when he heard a call: Hi. One more thing were very particular about is honesty. ooo Adoctor was called in to see a rather testy aristocrat.. eee D octor: Shall I gave your wife a local anaesthetic? Businessman: Certainly not. whats the matter? he asked cheerily. There is no doormat outside! A teacher had just moved house with all her possessions including box after box of books.a veterinarian. and respect do not unite a people as much as a common hatred of something. Love. For Heavens sake. lady. said the doctor thought-fully.
A not-too-bright candidate for the police force failed in the written Who shot Abraham Lincoln?. eee Hows your husband. You poor thing.From your references I see youve had four jobs in the last month. replied his dad. said Mrs. Have you weighed your little boy? A son. sir. The mother of many children lined up her family. I think so. Here the customer is always wrong. Bhatnagar. madam. ask a woman. 17 ooo When I eventually met Mr Right. ask a man. if you want anything said. Applicant . Pretty well. his wife asked. Its all right.? Mrs. examination. the hour soon passes. A month later the sales manager spotted him walking about in a police uniform. Since he was the Chiefs nephew.Yes. Mother: I sent my little boy for one kilo of plums and you only sent 800 grams. Daddyll win easily. What didnt he have? All As on his report card. I had no idea his first name was Always. bursting into tears. Its not fair. Mathur. the examiner decided to go easy on him with the oral test. said the sales manager.he works so hard I see him for only about an hour each day.M y father wants me to have everything he did not have when he was a boy.Rita Rudner In politics. They have already got me working on a case. anager . . Oh. Grocer: My scales are all right. Mathur asked her friend. The one who obeys me immediately and does exactly as hes told without arguing will get a rupee at the end of the week. Yes. I see youve joined the force. how did it go? Did you get the job?. Well. asked the examiner. I think . When the would-be recruit went home. Sir. he replied. said the youngest kid. if you want anything done. This is the job Ive been looking for all my life. The candidate pondered for a moment and then asked if he could have sometime to come up with the answer.Margaret Thatcher 18 . The examiner told him to come back the next morning. but doesnt that shows how much in demand I am? M eee salesman was dismissed because he was rude to a customer. . W hy do they call the language we speak our mother-tongue? asked the ef Because fathers so seldom gets a chance to use it.
Last week we paid you a dollar more.Oscar Wilde ef Thats the trouble with being greeted Have a nice day! it puts all the pressure on you. . The employee stormed angrily into the cashiers office.J udge: The last time I saw you. . Accused: That is what I tried to tell these policemen.Samuel Butler . asked the psychoanalyst. You didnt complain then. I told you that I didnt want to see you here again. Your son just threw a rock at me as I passed by. Im judging by disappearances! Hey. Did it hit you? No. Do you ever cheat on your wife? Who else? ooo B oss : You should have been here at 8 Oclock. Tell me. Whats the meaning of this? I just counted my pay and its a dollar short! The cashier examined the envelope. you shouldnt judge by appearances. did you? Look said the employee. Said one: I fear that young man I employed last week as a cashier is dishonest.George Carlin You can always tell when a man is well informed. The love that lasts longest is the love which is never returned. and ends by blocking his retreat. eee The famous film actor was being analyzed. then checked his records. Twenty-one years and some months.Somerset Maugham 19 20 . Remember you are under oath.Louis Morris Life is one long process of getting tired. Steno : Why. Then it wasnt my son. . the woman answered. your Honour. the tourist said to the mountaineer. His views are pretty much like your own. Oh. what happened? Woman begins by resisting a mans advances. but they would not believe me. How many months? the Judge persisted. replied the other. . J J Two employers were talking. An occasional mistake I can overlook .but two in a row is too much! W hat is your age? asked the Judge. One hundred and eight. Im not.
with sweeping reductions. . She: How do you know? He: Ive asked them. ef The reasonable man adapts himself to the world. The little man walked to one side of the queue and said: If thats your attitude. I wont open the shop at all today! Teacher: Who were the first human beings? Pupil: Adam and Eve. Angry women elbowed and pushed him until he was right at the back of the line. We dont want fools in our family.A large notice in a shop window announced a big sale. Chemistry Teacher: Can you give me the formula for water? Student: H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-. They had no roof over their heads. starting at 9 a. ooo Teacher : You missed school yesterday. all progress depends on the unreasonable man.m. he is seldom blind. Chemistry Teacher: Where did you get an idea like that? Student: You told us the other day it was H to O. an inconspicuous little man walked to the head of the queue. they never forgive the loss of their prerogative. J He: I wonder why women pay more attention to beauty than to brains.and they called it Paradise. . ef He: There are an awful lot of girls who dont want to get married. of course. the little man went to the head of the queue again. this time with a few smacks on the face and a couple of thumps from umbrellas wielded by angry women. Teacher: And what nationality were they? Pupil: Indian. Just before the shop was due to open. Father: Would you still love my daughter even if she were poor? Suitor: Of course. no clothes to wear and only one apple between them . he was shoved unceremoniously to the back. She: Because no matter how stupid a man is. Teacher: And how ho you know they were Indian? Pupil: Easy. didnt you? Pupil: Not a bit. An enormous queue had started to form by 7-30 a. Therefore. the unreasonable persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.m.H L Mencken 21 22 . Father: Youre no good.George Bernard Shaw ooo When a man laughs at his troubles he loses a great many friends. Once more. Undaunted.
Well give you one hundred thousand pounds for a ten second commercial. Dont you recognize me? he asked. he continued. On his way back. I wonder how much the bread people are giving him. And thats our very last offer. replied the Pope. Im quite well known in the movies.I once knew the twenty-year-old daughter of a Hollywood film actress who kept getting depressed because she didnt look as young as her mother.Margaret Mead 23 24 . so the senior creative man at the advertising agency decided to go to Rome to see if he could persuade the Pope to make a TV commercial. replied the other. disappointed adman turned to his secretary and said: Its odd that the Pope refused to do a commercial for tea. But I shouldnt worry too much hell probably change for the better as he gets older. Two astrologers met each other in the street on a particularly cold and bitter day. Oh! she said. She shook her head. Doesnt he look just like his father? asked the mother. All right. solemnly. Im afraid not. but I cant do that. ooo Pretty young girl: If I go up to your room do you promise to be good? Young man: Why I promise to be FANTASTIC! The proud mother was showing off her new baby to her friend. her eyes lighting up. offered the adman. It reminds me of the winter of 2057. Terrible winter were having. Im sorry. muttered one. the ad man told the pontiff. and men are working hard to be as mediocre as possible. All you have say is: Give us this day our daily tea. The aging actor was trying to chat up the gorgeous young girl. Yes.George Bernard Shaw History teaches us that men and nations live wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives. ooo If an artist becomes angry does he lose his temperas? ef Let no one suppose the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact they are employer and employee. said the Pope. . One million pounds. Five hundred thousand. But still the Pope refused. Yes.Abba Eban J J J Women want mediocre men. . A tea manufacturer wanted a new advertising gimmick. replied the friend. Where do you usually sit? eee The main difference between men and boys is that mens toys cost more money. .
put it this way who has not been carrying on with my secretary? Again there was silence. please. Mother: Why are you crying? Sally: Because I fell and hurt myself. Earlier. said the Chairman. Simple! she replied. Now. Shed divided the car neatly in half and had already painted the other side bright yellow. Ive left the car just outside the shop. of the car blue. sir. At the company board meeting the chairman rose to make his speech. and then one man said. madam. you watch them fight it out trying to decide what colour car caused the accident! J J Office worker: Sir? Boss: Yes? What is it now? Office worker: Please can I have a day off next week to do some late Christmas shopping with my wife and our six kids? Boss: Certainly not! Office worker: I knew youd be understanding. said the chairman. sir. My wifes best friend has just celebrated the twentieth anniversary of her twenty-ninth birthday.The elderly aunt bent down and asked her three-year-old nephew: Can you tell me the name of your new baby sister? The little boy shook his head sadly and replied: I dont know what it is. Thanks for getting me out of that terrible chore. I thought youd gone out. What on earth are you doing? asked Claude. ef One day Claude came home from work to find his wife painting one side Customer: Id like to buy a novel. eee 25 eee 26 . Right. You know Ive had so many accidents and I always get caught due to the statements of the witnesses in court. self-consciously: Me. if I have an accident. Do you have the title or name of the author? Customer: Not really. Mother: When did that happen? Sally: About twenty minutes ago. You sack her. Do you like light or heavy reading? Customer: It doesnt matter. All right. Whos been carrying on with my secretary? he demanded. This was met with silence. Mother: But youve only just started crying. Sally: I know. I was hoping you could suggest something suitable. Bookshop assistant: No problem. then. I keep asking her but I cant understand a word she says. Bookshop assistant: Certainly.
doctor? Is it missing? eee 27 28 . or play around with women? Patient: Certainly not! Doctor: Then what do you want to live to a hundred for? Dogma: the mother of puppies. J B uoyant: male equivalent of gallant. your honour? I havent heard the evidence yet. every time I take this young mans pulse it gets faster. dear? Doctor: I think Ive at last cured that Smith fellow. B acteria: the back entrance to a cafeteria. ef Pretty young nurse: Doctor. Just give him a blindfold. gamble. Should I give him a sedative? Doctor: No. Doctor: Nurse! Did you take this patients temperature? Nurse: Why. Doctor: Do you drive fast cars. Vice versa: dirty poems. How can you expect to get a job when you leave school Pupil: Well. Teacher: Everything you do is wrong. do you think that I will live until Im a hundred? Doctor: Do you smoke or drink? Patient: No. Doctors wife: So why are you so worried? Doctor: Ive given him so many pills and potions I cant work out which one worked. Ultimate: the last person to marry.Thats a nice suit youre wearing who went for the fitting? J udge: How do you plead? Guilty or not guilty? Prisoner: How do I know. ef Patient: Doctor. ooo ooo Doctors wife: Why are you looking so worried. sir! Im going to be a TV weatherman.
too. And my landlord says I must leave the place exactly as I found it. to tell jokes. Insurance salesman: Surely your husband needs more life insurance? I mean. Tomorrow youll be able to get fifty to one. Im from the Income Tax Department. replied the middle-aged man. Mummy! Where are you? cried the little boy on the promenade. I dont know what you put in this soup. but Ive managed to get two free ice creams this morning. This is my incredible joke-telling parrot. But what did you want all the other creatures for? asked the pet shop manager. ef Is a drunken ghost a methylated spirit? J J J eee Mr Bloggs: Darling. except for a middle-aged gentleman who rushed into the ladys house. replied the young man. But try as he could. 30 eee The frantic-looking lady came rushing out of her house into the street and cried: Help! Help! My young son has swallowed a coin and is choking. He had trained his parrot. Mrs Bloggs: How do you know? The young man walked into the pet shop and asked if he could buy 387 beetles. and took the parrot down to his pub. 18 rats and five mice. 29 . Come with me and Ill get you an ice cream and then well go and look for your mummy. All right. said an elderly lady. if your husband suddenly dropped dead. but it tastes like dishwater. Are you a doctor? No madam. Im sorry. jeered the pub regulars.Estate agent to young house-hunting couple: First you tell me what you can afford. said a small girl. I accept your bet. turned him upside down and shook him until the coin fell out of his mouth. I know where she is. Shush! whispered the little boy. replied Fred. Then well have a good laugh about it and go on from there. but we can only supply the mice. found her young son. Fred was unable to make the parrot talk let alone tell jokes. Go on . I know where your mummy is. Well give you ten to one that your parrot cant tell us a joke. after month of hard work. On the way home Fred shook the bird and shouted: What do you mean by keeping quiet? You made me lose a ten to one bet! Dont worry! squawked the parrot. I was thrown out of my flat this morning. I dont know what to do! Everyone looked the other way. At last he felt ready to cash in on all his hard work. what would you do? Mrs Smith: Id probably get a pet dog instead. ooo M ummy. boasted Fred. You poor little boy. thank you! cried the lady. sir. and I want a third! ef Fred at last could see a way of making a fortune. Oh.
youre forty-three and the headmaster of the school. Youve been a staunch Socialist all your life. But why? asked his puzzled friends. replied the driver. The shortest month is February. can you tell me which month is the shortest? Mavis: Its May. it isnt. miss. and its all extremely boring. eee eee Teacher: Mavis. Teacher: No. . raced in front of a speeding car and forced it to stop. Youll be late for school.Schopenhauer ooo If a plug would not fit. the same is true of fame. but we are trying to hurry it up for you. the teachers are terrible. he replied. But I dont want to go. You name. ooo You can get a lot more done with a kind word and gun.Al Capone Wealth is like sea water. Mavis: But. taking out his notebook and pen. I want to stay home. A heavily built policeman got out and walked over. Certainly. Id rather it was a Tory that died than a Socialist. . sir. please? asked the policeman. But. miss. the thirstier we become. the more we drink. protested Albert. February has eight letters in it while May only has three! A lifelong Socialist was dying when he suddenly decided to join the Tory party. Customer: Then can you assure me that youre using the right bait? The police car. Well. then looked at his notebook. shouted Alberts mother. G et up. shook his head and said: Ill just give you a warning this time dont break the speed limit again. All the kids are horrible. Herbert: What were they selling? Customer: Waiter! How much longer do you expect me to have to wait for my poached salmon? Waiter: Im sorry.Hilary: Youre the first man Ive ever said yes to. In fact. than you can with a kind word alone. The policeman thought for a moment. its siren blaring. replied Alberts mother. Ive said no to lots and lots of men. officer. would you socket? 31 32 . Its Horatio Xerxes Laertes Idomeneus Aeneas Asclepius Iphicles Menoeceus Memnon Philoctetes Tyndareus Hylas.