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ootball F special!
t s e t a e gr comics e m i t l l a of
o o o a a A
& the movement to legalise ‘mary J’
A Puff piece on the porsche 911 Around the f1 track in the new audi r8 Pressure cooker - the new molotov cocktail? how to make a million dollar app…
on being coy
#FHMLiveApp• #FHMAPPBABES• Sunil Chettri•Things you only do when IPL is on
INDIa edition Vol 6 issue 06
Football’s underdog story
2 May 2013
Whatever Shraddha Kapoor has, she doesn’t have her dad’s genes...not in the looks department anyway.
Still cheering for Manchester United? Your football reality check and just why Borussia Dortmund, PSG, Malaga and Galatasaray are the clubs to watch out for in 2014. Plus, why Robert Lewandowski is the new Messi...
Snoop Dogg for Your food menu 2020 president?
Let them eat insects! Marie Antoinette’s free advice on why insects will be the key to curing the World’s hunger and why the hell the bloody hell farmers are calling locusts ‘Flying Prawns’.
Not India’s of course. The man who shared weed with Cameron Diaz speaks to FHM on his ambitions to paint the white house black.
Got a million $ app idea?
Who’d be a referee?
Food Myths busted
Do protein shakes make your penis shrink? Can oysters turn you into a sex machine? Does cheese give you nightmares? FHM investigates.
The men who were nuts enough to referee some of the wildest, most highaction football matches in the world and lived to tell the tale. And the world’s worst referees.
FHM’s Ultimate comics
The skinny on what to do with it, the mistakes you are most likely to make and more importantly, just what the App Poverty Line is.
The sexiest car ever?
We celebrate the Porsche 911’s 50th birthday by taking it out for a burn-out.
fhmindia • fhmindia
21 Why Vatican city can’t afford its own airport...
A developed-worldlaughing-at-smaller nations full-of-ourselves map.
Jawaani Deewani, Hangover 3, Reluctant Fundamentalist... the movies you will end up watching this month. Shame on you if you haven’t seen Iron Man 3 yet though.
40 Go, Goa Gone
104 The gadgets we got sent this month
hot t righ ! now
22 The movement
On the happy occasion of World Marijuana Day, the Americans are fighting for their right to smoke up without getting jailed. A sober report. Almost.
to legalise weed
63 Life after Swedish House mafia
Three EDM bands who could make the pain go away.
The skinny on the HTC One, Lenovo P770, the Nokia Lumia 620 and the one Microsoft gadget we are queing up for – an iPad keyboard.
44 THE happiest indian
114 Are you overdressed for an interview?
These tips might help you get your dream job.
Wasted two hours at the theatre watching Nautanki Saala? We did too. But then again, we also spent the day at the beach with her... drinking non alcoholic beer.
4 May 2013
24 World Sports’
The Boston Bombings isn’t the first time terrorists have hit out at sport, but will it be the last? FHM makes a timeline.
cooker bomb the new Molotov cocktail? terror problem
You have to be, to be a footballer in India. Sunil Chettri – India’s second most recognised footballer on sitting on the bench and why Indian football isn’t going anywhere in a hurry.
103 Make the perfect steak 116 Style Selector
Fashion designer Raghavendra Rathore on dressing like a real man. No neon suites in his wardrobe.
Metal Gear and the biggest game of the century - DESTINY.
46 GEARS OF WAR 52 FHM Cars
26 Is a pressure
Newbie Wardah Khan on sleeping off during sex.
Boston Bombings 2013, Mumbai Blasts 2006, Delhi Blasts 2008...The humble cooker’s new, lethal avataar.
We take the new Audi R8 V10 for a spin on the Formula 1 track and sneak into a Honda showroom to test drive an Amaze.
56 LA LA Land
A really trippy, insanely pointless video tribute to Malana creme.
10 things you only do when the IPL is on
fhmindia • fhmindia
D F O OH S
fhmindia • fhmindia 1 May 2013
While the Brit masse quit andteams decided to en and the only grow sweet potatoes football team us Indians know — inhaled a sock, Manchester United these underd went the distanc right ogs “It just goes e... Sans Messi, chewing gum. system Ronaldo. sans through your way. The theory to digested in any
at our brother’s Words by someone Swallow Arup Das school, honest! cousin’s gum and it’ll some chewing gut until 2020. remain in your This actually happened mate’s and is not comes if The danger 20 or 30 pieces you swallow and the a day. Do that a drill to doctor will need get it out.”
The facts bogus,” says “This is completelyCosgrove, a Professor Terence who invented chemistry lecturer to remove” Revolymer “easy
are to ine writers h excitable headl your mout salesmen and you put in If fad-diet everything of beans pretty much innocent tin be believed, cheese to an life, bite you le slice of or come to the – from a simp you cancer Add this to you fat, give the shins. in you – will make ck and kick mation flying on the nutsa ntific” infor become a “scie has of h es wealt hy food choic FHM has pulled making healt h is why around and field. Whic fact from foody hurning mine that to sort foody stomach-c and set out ary questions er the culin on its lab coat in as we answ r. fiction. Settle really matte
the UNDERDOG STORY
B EA N S
EXC ESS IVE
Team Name Estd. April 3, Malaga FC 1904
The facts foods such “When certain cabbage are as beans and by bacteria broken down bowel, they in your large Dr Sneh form gas,” explains beans are a Khemka. “Also, soluble fibre, of great source down until it which isn’t broken intestine, large reaches your gas cause further and this can ? to form.” Conclusion fart, the better The more you them beans you feel, so eat at every meal! H! FO O D T RUT
The theory the musical fruit, you Beans, beans, eat, the more the more you is it rhymes, but toot. Sure, it true?
Owner Abdullah Al-Thani Rank 59 Stars Isco, Demichelis and JérémyMartin Toulalan
After offloading Cazorla, 20-year old Isco has marshalled the mid-field and created and scored goals. In eight matches, Isco has assisted 4 goals and has scored mention must go to the duo three times. Special of Martin and Jérémy Toulalan, who provided Demichelis defence and kept a check on the rock solid opponent’s strikers.
is brought to you by…
FHM is called into meetings by Publisher & COO Vikas Johari CEO & Managing Director Prakash Johari CFO Kuldip Singh Editor Kabeer Sharma FHM is taken on its travels by… International Director of Men’s Magazines Simon Greves (+44 20 7182 8074) International Head of Content Anouska Christy (+44 20 7182 8941) International Commercial Manager Graham Kirk (+44 20 7182 8941) International Content Manager Jennifer Batchelor (+44 20 7182 8056) International Content Coordinator Charlotte Smith (+44 20 7182 8069) International Content Executive Ellie Bond (+44 207 520 6561)
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YT H ! FO O D M
fhmindia • fhmindia
54 May 2013 fhmindia.com
fhmindia • fhmindia fhmindia.com fhmindia.com
he fairy tale story when Abdullah began in June 2010 bin Nasser bin Al Ahmed Al Thani, member Abdullah Qatari royal family, of the bought the pumped in so much money club. He that Malaga FC recruited players But after a year with the lure of high salaries. with out, the club had investors wanting to pull sell top players. no other choice other than to All they made their was not gloom and doom Pitted against debut in Champions League.as AC and Anderlecht, Milan, Zenit St. Petersburg, their first leg of Malga managed to win the and top the table. Group Stage matches showcased their In the round of 16, they Unfortunately, class and defeated FC Porto. they lost to Borussia with a narrow Dortmund margin in the second leg, but one can take the success away no from them.
fhmindia • fhmindia
Upsets AC Petersburg Milan, Zenit St.
Manuel Pellegrini the team has the ability get inside the to minds and instill confidenceof his players in them. now the only taken two different manager to have He’s stage after taking debutants to the quarterfinal Villareal to the semi-finals in 2006.
It’s the big MAY Issue. I really don’t know why it is the big MAY issue. But it is. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I personally have no respect for the month. April is active and angry because you’ve just done your taxes and June is when summer makes its presence felt with a vengeance, but sandwiched in the middle is the passive May. Unexciting. It’s too hot to go to the beach and the hills are overrun by parents looking for some peace and quiet with their kids who might just as well be on ecstasy. Which just leaves you with one option – go into work hyperdrive because of the lack of other things to do. We at FHM do the same. So in that spirit, the #FHMLiveApp was launched exclusively for the Windows 8 phones by Kalki Koechlin and Emraan Hashmi. What this means is that you don’t even have to wait for the new FHM issue to hit the stands to get your dose of tips, tricks, polls and general insanity. But since it was May, we decided to go a step forward and shoot demos of the App with six #FHMAppBabes. The demos are online on the website right now, so log on, vote and the hottest App Babe will be featured in our June Issue in all her glory. Oh, and to get a sneak peek of the ladies, turn to page 28. If you did however read about the app and shrugged it away (you’ve got yourself the idea of the million dollar app have you?), then turn to page 98 because it will change your life. Do you think gum stays in your system for 7 years and fallen food is good to eat as long as you pick it up in five seconds? We’ve got you the Ultimate Food Myth Buster
6 May 2013
(page 86). In keeping with the general ADD afflicting us this issue, we’ve thrown in a round-up of the food you will be eating by 2020 – hint – it’s called a flying prawn, goes around in swarms and has a thing for destroying crops (page 92). As Champion’s League draws closer to an end and you were left wondering why the big ticket teams put as big a sock in it as they did this season, we went out looking for an answer and found you some dope on the four underdog teams that reached the quarter finals. And they did that without Messi (page 80). Were you also wondering whom the men nuts enough to referee these high paced contests were? We did too and so we got you three of the world’s best referees and a couple of the worst referees including men who scored ghost goals (page 76) and made some of the stupidest refereeing decisions ever. In between other things, we have also managed to drive the wheels off a brand new Audi R8 V10 Plus on the Formula 1 track, posed as a serious customer to get past the sly people at Honda to test-drive the new Honda Amaze and done a drool piece on the Porsche 911 that completes its 50 years (page 110). Plus, we’ve reviewed the Nokia Lumia 620, the HTC One and a phone from Lenovo; dug up the dope on the Pressure Cooker Bomb and given you tips on how to make the ultimate man food – a steak; all while hunting down Snoop Dogg for an interview (page 60) and looking for EDM guys to replace Swedish House Mafia (page 63). Now that’s not bad for a couple of weeks, is it? – Kabeer Sharma
What we did this month…
Drove the wheels off an Audi R8 V10 and scared the co-occupant enough with our Formula1 worthy driving skills to force him to call in sick after the fourth lap.
Shot an insane number of women for this issue. Swapped a cover girl at the last minute, launched a nationwide hunt for a ouija board and used it in the cover shoot! Launched the #FHMLiveApp for Windows 8 Phones. Got drunk and made jokes at Kalki Koechlin and Emraan Hashmi. Got hopelessly addicted to sushi, ate it for three days on a trot for all meals except breakfast and wondered if we were Japanese in over past life. Missed the launch of the BMW 7 Series so we could come to work and write this. Looked down every time Sachin Tendulkar came out to bat. Time to go God. Time’s up.
fhmindia • fhmindia
She might want to go in hiding for a while after reading this headline... Read on to know why.
Words by Kumar Saurav
good news for men
8 May 2013 fhmindia • fhmindia fhmindia.com
From: Mumbai Her ticket to Bollywood: She played the role of Ayushmannn Khurrana’s girlfriend, Chitra in the recently released film Nautanki Saala. Her Twitter Handle: @Ga3lyn
fhmindia • fhmindia
FHM: This is you first time in
FHM, so how does it feel? Gaelyn: Oh, it feels fabulous. This is the magazine that I keep reading because my friends keep appearing in it and since I come from a modelling background, one really can’t do without reading FHM. FHM: Really? Tell us one story published in FHM? Gaelyn: Hmm. You guys cover a lot of fashion, right? FHM: No, we don’t cover fashion… Gaelyn: OMG! This is embarrassing! Maybe I have some other magazine in mind then. I’m really sorry. FHM: Don’t be sorry... We were just checking if you meant what you said. Let’s move on, so why don’t you tell us about the weirdest thing you’ve ever been told about yourself? Gaelyn: It’s kind of weird how people pronounce my name. Some call me Galon, some Galvin and some people have even called me Gajinder. Now where does that come from!?
FHM: Do you like gossiping? Gaelyn: Absolutely. Is there
have heard? Gaelyn: Obviously about link-ups between actors and actresses. Stories about Ayushmannn dating a co-star are doing the rounds, but it’s hard for me to digest that because he’s married... That too happily. FHM: So are married men not allowed to date? Gaelyn: No. They are at a different level of relationship. FHM: What about men who are in live-in’s? Gaelyn: The fact that they have shifted into a house with someone means that they want to be together, so even they shouldn’t be dating other women. FHM: And what about people who are in the courtship stage? Gaelyn: Anyone, married or unmarried, can date but they don’t need to get intimate.
FHM: What’s the latest gossip you
anyone who doesn’t?
FHM: You’ve confused us totally, so let’s talk about Bollywood. Was your Bollywood move planned? Gaelyn: No, I’m a victim of non-planning. Be it my VJing career or films, I have never planned anything in my life. It just happens. FHM: How did Nautanki Saala happen? Gaelyn: I was sitting at home when a casting director called up to ask if I would be eager to audition for a role that he is currently looking to fill. He asked me to come to the audition venue within an hour, but considering the lazy bum I am, I asked him if I could come a day after. FHM: What did he say then? Gaelyn: He said, “If you want to audition for this role, you will have to be here in an hour.” Left with no choice, I dragged myself to the venue, enacted the script that was given to me, and landed myself a role in the film. Later, I was told that Ayushmann is doing the film. I was really happy about it because we have been friends from a long time. And that’s the sequence of events that landed me this role. FHM: Are you a nautanki in real life? Gaelyn: Pakka dramebaaz! FHM: Have you ever been involved in a catfight? Gaelyn: No. I am not someone who would indulge in such fights. FHM: Would you ever pick a fight then? Gaelyn: I have done that all my life. When I used to travel in locals, I would fight with fellow passengers if they took more space than they needed. FHM: Changing tracks – let’s say you were in love with an emperor, who would that be? Gaelyn: Akbar. But not the real-life Akbar. FHM: Then who? Gaelyn: Hrithik of Jodha Akbar. I was drooling over him by the time the film ended. If I have to date an emperor, he should look like Hrithik. FHM: And if you had to date one Indian politician, who would it be? Gaelyn: Since I don’t have many options, I would settle for Rahul Gandhi. If a man can carry white and that too in a kurta-pajama like he does, he has got to have something about him. FHM: What makes you impossible in a relationship/friendship?
Gaelyn Mendonca Gaelyn: Surprises. Even if they are
meant to make me happy.
“ I am a banker’s daughter, so I have been taught not to waste money. ”
Films she recommends people shouldn’t watch
maan gaye mughal-e-azam “It’s terrible. I generally don’t walk out of films, but this was so bad that i had to make an exception. ”
kya super kool hain hum “ I just couldn’t take the overdose of the double meaning content. Oh My God, it was so bad.”
“I am a huge fan of scary films in the same genre as snakes on a plane , but somehow this one didn’t impress.”
Snakes on a plane
that we pay a visit to the birthday guy or girl at midnight. Though we would like to treat it as a surprise, it’s actually not. At one of my birthdays, I was expecting everyone at my place. I was all decked-up and ready to welcome them, but they didn’t turn-up. Obviously I lost it, but everyone turned up at five in the morning, blindfolded me and took me to a beach to celebrate my birthday. Though it was a good idea, I wasn’t really happy initially. FHM: What kind of gadgets do you like to keep? Gaelyn: All that I have in the name of a gadget is a phone. FHM: The FHM team feels that the air conditioner is the best invention ever, what according to you is the best invention of mankind? Gaelyn: It’s got to be television, because I get to see myself on it. FHM: Have you ever felt like you are going to die? Gaelyn: I feel that every moment in my life. I told you na, I am a drama queen. Oh my god, My make-up is not right, I am gonna die, Oh my god, why is this guy behaving like this? I am gonna die. That’s how I am. FHM: What is that one fear that you have never shared with any one? Gaelyn: That I am a hydrophobic. FHM: What makes you popular with guys? Gaelyn: It’s my no-nonsense nature. I don’t care whether I am wearing lip-gloss or not, whether my heels should have been an inch longer or shorter, so that’s why guys like me. My friends often refer to me as ‘bro’, and they say it’s tough to relate to me as a girl. FHM: What’s your way of spotting a letch? Gaelyn: His x-ray eyes. FHM: And how do you tackle them? Gaelyn: Letch right back at them. Top to bottom. At least in Mumbai I can afford to do so. I can’t say the same about Delhi and other places though. FHM: So even you like the big Delhi-Mumbai divide? Gaelyn: Not really, but I am a Mumbai girl and I know that if a guy is making me feel uncomfortable, I can snap back at him. In Delhi, that doesn’t happen. A girl needs to keep mum. I travel to Delhi a lot because of work, and once when I was travelling in a car along with a couple of friends, guys in the neighbouring car were letching at me. I thought of retaliating but my friends insisted otherwise, so I had to keep quiet. FHM: Okay, let’s talk about happy
FHM: Explain… Gaelyn: In my friend circle, it’s a ritual
fhmindia • fhmindia
things. What’s the best thing in you life right now? Gaelyn: The fact that people are recognising me. Obviously, they have done so on television before, but films are in a different league. Even the so-called critics have praised my work, so that’s satisfying. FHM: Are you happy with the way Nautanki Saala is being received? Gaelyn: Absolutely. Just a few days back I had organised a showing for my relatives and friends, and they all liked the film and my work. These people have seen me growing up and are my best critics. They wouldn’t have patted me on my back I wouldn’t have deserved it.
FHM: If one day you wake up with all the money in the world, what will you buy? Gaelyn: How many things can I buy? FHM: Say five... The biggest mansions, cars, shoes, cosmetics… Don’t you think you are being unfair by giving me just five options? I am a girl after all, so you need to give me more options. FHM: LOL! You can think about it and tell us later. As of now, tell us how do you waste your money? Gaelyn: I am a banker’s daughter, so I have been taught not to waste money. FHM: Fair enough. So what is the grossest thing you’ve ever indulged in?
Gaelyn: I once went for a trek deep into the jungles, and every night we had to ask the villagers for food. I had to eat the organs of chicken that we would otherwise discard. And I think I also ate chicken poop. FHM: Do you think passion is an overestimated word? Gaelyn: No. Nothing works without passion. Whenever I talk, I talk as if this is the last time I’m talking. I am passionate about talking and that’s what made me popular as a VJ. FHM: Now that we are done with the interview, do you think we talked well? Gaelyn: Yes, it was fun. Just that those relationship questions were like bouncers.
Gaelyn was the winner of the MTV VJ Hunt in 2010. The show that also discovered Sophie Chaudhary, Nikhil Chinapa, Ramona Arena, Maria Goretti, Anusha Dandekar, Amrita Arora, Cyrus Sahukar and Mini Mathur in previous years. 1 The ex-MTV VJ anchored MTV Grind, House Of Style and Gone In 60 Seconds. 2 She also anchored Change The Game during the 2011 Cricket World Cup. 3 She has walked the ramp at Lakme Fashion Week. 4 She was also part of the NDTV Anchor Hunt contest and went on to host Cool Quotient
what has she been upto till now
Thongs or pants? Thongs MTV or films? Films Kiss or sex? Kiss Tea or coffee Chai Love or relationships Relationships Lesbian or gay? Gay SRK or Salman? SRK Boyfriend or dog? Boyfriend ofcourse!
Photographer: Nimish Jain Hair & Make-up: Kumar Iyer Stylist Aishwariya Sridharan
fhmindia • fhmindia
Drooled over miss kotak I must say that your April cover was amongst the best covers ever. You hit the bull’s eye by featuring the latest IPL hottie Karishma Kotak with an astronaut. I was expecting yet another hot model or Bollywood actress to be featured on the cover (that too alone) but you amazed us by doing something different. Getting clicked with an astronaut added that x-factor to Karishma’s persona who was last seen in Bigg Boss 6 and is now the star of IPL chatshows. It’s just with FHM that when people are expecting something run-ofthe-mill, you always deliver hatke stuff. I can go on and on praising your work and why it’s worth the cover price, but you might get dizzy with all the praise. You stopped at the right time Arijit, we were indeed floored by your praises. As far as our choice of cover girls is concerned, FHM would occasionally like to look beyond Bollywood for suitable alternatives. Karishma Kotak has just started out, and considering the pace at which she is rising and shining, she will soon be amongst the best talents to look out for...Obviously with a little conditioning. Armstrong on my mind After going through the cover picture and inside story featuring Karishma Kotak and the faceless astronaut, not
Arijit Ghosh, West BengaL
one but two thoughts crossed my mind – Recently the moral police and the people in Parliament were up in arms against the deodorant advertisements that project fragrance as a means to attract the opposite sex. I was wondering how come Karishma Kotak is standing next to an ‘Axe’ man and not getting frisky. Does she suffer from some nasal disorder that’s not letting her inhale the arousing fragrance? Or is it that the deodorants lose its arousing capabilities in space? The second thought was about Armstrong. I pity the poor guy for holding and sustaining so much of tension beneath the heavier than hell suit inspite of having such an exotic arm candy, who can give an entire army of arm candies a run for their money. Now I know why he was named Arm-strong though more appropriate would have been calm-n-strong. Nice issue in totality indeed. We like your perspective Rajneesh. However, even after going through your letter numerous time, we are still so clueless about what’s going in your head that the FHM team is planning to sit over coffee for a day to just answer your queries. We will get back to you. via facebook Your Girlfriend for the month is Real Indian Beauty. Love You. Sandeepa is cute. Lingerie, stockings and girls between sheets are just some of the reasons why I love FHM .
Anant dadheech Rajneesh, New Delhi
letter of the month
Smoking hot, Feisty, Fabulous and fun-filled april issue. It was a firecracker
Hi Team FHM. The interview with Minnie Gupta was really interesting. Like you guys, even I had a tough time believing that she is an Indian because the pics were way too bold for an Indian hottie. Also, the frankness with which she spoke about her choice of men is hardly seen in Indian women. Good selection. Nilabh Jha, Ghaziabad
This issue was the b(r)east, oops sorry, best so far...and had great ass appeal, sorry again, mass appeal. Forgive me for my stuttering, but that’s exactly how I reacted when I read the interview of Minnie Gupta. Whooppee! Where did you guys discover her? She’s the find of the century...so much talent. The barely there bikini was an asset too. She touched all the right spots and bingo! I was in a trance by the end of her interview. Even Kotak did her bit to look sensual. Serene Saxena and Sandeepa Dhar added to the oomph factor of the magazine. FHM , you are complete paisa vasool. Now roll up your sleeves and get cracking on finding some more mas(s) terpieces.
Cajetan Francis Menino , Mumbai
Hope this issue is hot enough too Cajetan. Mail your howlers to email@example.com
Esprit is an attitude and not an age; Esprit is for the young of heart who live and dress in a style that leaves others fuming.
We are all ears for women who talk openly.
This letter has won an Esprit Alameda Rosegold Watch
fhmindia • fhmindia
Have a confession to make? A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her nine year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the closet to watch. Suddenly, the woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realising that the little boy is in there already. The little boy says, “Dark in here.” The man says, “Yes, it is.” Boy: “I have a baseball.” Man: “That’s nice.” Boy: “Want to buy it?” Man: “No, thanks.” Boy: “My dad’s outside.” Man: “OK, how much?” Boy: “$250” In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together. Boy - “Dark in here.” Man - “Yes, it is.” Boy - “I have a baseball glove.” The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy,”How much?” Boy - “$750” Man - “Fine.” A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove, let’s go outside and have a game of catch. ”The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my baseball and my glove.” The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?” Boy - “$1,000” The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that...that is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.” They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The boy says, “Dark in here.” The priest says, “Don’t start that shit again.” Impossible is nothing Ye Hitler ke zamane ki baat hai. Hitler stage per chadh ke
16 May 2013
(At the copy machine) Reproducing, eh? Can I help?
but learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn’t intend to come back. He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did
bad pickup lines
speech de raha tha . Hitler: “Meri dictionary mein impossible naam ka word nahi hai.” Peeche se bheed mein Pappu ka dada nikla aur bola, “ To saale dekh ke leni chahiye thi na.”
introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it. “Well,” she said, “this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip,
a ferarri for $15 A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, “Where did you get that car?” He calmly told them, “I bought it today.” “With what money?” demanded his parents. We know what a Porsche costs.” “Well,” said the boy, “this one cost me fifteen dollars.” So the parents began to yell even louder. “Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?” they asked. “It was the lady up the street,” said the boy. Don’t know her name, they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars.” “Oh my goodness!,” moaned the mother, “she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what’s going on.” So the boy’s father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias. He
machines don’t lie
A man ordered for a voice automated robot car that would do anything he tells it to do correctly without any error. He got the car and started sending it on errands. Soon, he became very proud of what the car could do without making mistakes. One day, he was home and his wife told him to tell the car to go and pick the children from school as she was very tired. The man agreed and said to the car; Car, go and bring my children from school. The car went and didn’t return in time as expected, so they knew something must be wrong. Several hours later and no car, the man became apprehensive. He dressed up and got ready to lodge a report at the police station. As he and his wife stepped outside they saw the car coming with an overload of children. The car parked right in front of them and said; “These are your children sir”. In the car there were their landlady’s two daughters, their choir mistress’s two sons, his wife’s best friend’s daughter, their pastor’s son and their neighbours two sons. The wife said,” Don’t tell me all these are your children?”The man asked her calmly,” Can you first tell me why our children are not in the car?”
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Happiness is to make out more than your neighbours do A study carried out by sociologists at the University of Colorado suggests that couples who have more sex than their neighbours and friends are happier than those who don’t. 15,386 people participated in the survey between 1993 and 2006. Metal body parts being recycled into road signs… …And into car parts and aircraft engines. The Dutch company behind this recycling has roped in Britain’s 130 crematoriums to generate 75 tonnes of metal a year. The project has raised almost £1million for charity since it began in Britain in 2004. Steel hips, plates and screws from legs and skulls are collected after a person is cremated and sent off for recycling. Even metal plates from false teeth and tiny fragments from fillings can be recovered and re-used, together with metal fittings on coffins. High value metals that survive the 1000-degree has been charged with burglary. The 39-year-old Chinese take away driver will appear in the court some time soon. Now you can smell the food shown on TV A group of Japanese scientists have developed a screen that will let viewers smell any food that’s being displayed on the screen. Invented by Haruka Matsukura and his colleagues at the Tokyo University of Agriculture and Technology in Japan, the smell screen was showcased at the IEEE Virtual Reality conference in Orlando, Florida last month. Marital satisfaction makes you fat In her survey, Psychologist Andrea L Meltzer from the Southern Methodist
Dubai cops to now drive Ferrari’s
The cops in Dubai are not new to sports car as they were earlier driving Lamborghini’s. The Dubai police, which is considered to be quite cashrich, said that the inclusion of these sports cars would enhance their patrolling abilities.
cremations are then sold for use in the automobile and aeronautical industries. They include cobalt and titanium, found in some implants and dental work. Cobalt is used in aircraft engines. Batman charged with robbery in UK Stay Worby, who garnered headlines when he handed his robber friend dressed as Batman over to the police
University in Dallas has reported that newlywed couples who are satisfied with each other tend to put on weight during the initial years of marriage. Meltzer also said that this weight gain puts them at risk for several health problems. Woman calls police because she was lonely A drunk woman was arrested after she called 911 because she was feeling lonely. The authorities said that the 64-year-old was charged for misuse of the 911 facilities because she had made similar calls four times earlier on the same day. She was later released. Buddha’s Tooth still growing A tooth that a Buddhist temple in Southern California claims to be that of Buddha himself is still growing. The two-inch long tooth, which is said to have healing powers, is already four times the size of an average human tooth. According to the monks in the Lu Mountain Temple, the tooth is 2500-year-old. It’s on display alongside a strand of Buddha’s hair that reportedly moves on its own as well as 10000 colour crystals that were extracted from the cremated remains of Buddha.
The 6-year-old millionaire At six, pageant and reality TV star, Isabella Barrett has a fortune that you might not have at sixty. The selfproclaimed millionaire has gathered the money winning multiple beauty pageants and by starring on the hit reality TV show, Toddlers and Tiaras. She runs her own business, has a jewellery line and owns over 60 pairs of shoes.
18 May 2013 fhmindia • fhmindia
the ones without airports, an army to protect themselves, clean water to drink and free medical services…
The small country is guarded by France from three sides, and for its transportation needs, it depends on the rail network. The Cote d’Azur Airport in Nice, France, is the closest one around and it takes 40 minutes to reach there. However, Monaco does have a helipad.
No airport or army
The world’s smallest country, popularly known as the Pope’s Home, doesn’t have an airport because the country just stretches over a kilometer, which is not enough to construct even a runway. Even the helipad here is just for official use. Though Italy takes care of the country, the Pontifical Swiss Guard is responsible for all safety and security measures.
Sandwiched between Switzerland and Austria, Liechtenstein is home to 35,000 people, but the closest thing it has in terms of aviation is a helicopter. The nearest airport is in Zurich, Switzerland. The country, the safety of which is in the hands of its police, disbanded its military in 1868 after the Austro-Prussian war.
No free health care
The world’s most developed country doesn’t have government hospitals or any other form of national health care services because the healthcare sector is completely privatised.
The largest country without an airport does have three airports within driving distance – Toulouse, Barcelona and Girona.
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Tokelau and Tuvala
You can blame it on the changing weather pattern, but these countries have run out of fresh water, and they are now dependent on New Zealand and USA to donate water to them. Red Cross has also installed two water distilleries there.
The nearest airport to San Marino is at Miramare, which is about 30 kilometers from there. However, there is a heliport at Borgo Maggiore, the second largest town of San Marino.
The safety of the smallest island country of the world, spread just over 21 square kms, is informally ensured by its police and Australia.
Words: Kumar Saurav
The law and order of this island country is maintained by its police force, and America, which in return uses its land for testing missiles.
fhmindia • fhmindia May 2013
A newly conducted poll in the US indicates that more Americans are pro having the recreational drug legalised. Now that could be good news for India where cannabis is grown traditionally and even if the drug is legalised only for medical usage, ganja farmers could be the next billionaires. FHM looks at the corresponding data…
ARE YOU ALL SET FOR A BALL?
65% of adults
respondents who were born before 1946, popularly known as the silent generation, called for a green signal to the legalisation of marijuana
32% of the
between the ages of 18 and 32 support marijuana legalisation against 36% in 2008
respondents said the enforcement of anti-pot laws “cost more than they are worth”
72% of the
Heroin: It is processed from poppy and was originally used as a medicine to cure morphine addiction. Cocaine: The most glorified drug obtained from a coco plant suppresses hunger and takes the user to a different level of happiness and sexual excitement. However, in the long run it makes the user impotent and depressed. Meth or ice: Its consumption leads to extreme happiness, hunger, weight loss, activeness, and the desire to do the same thing repeatedly like washing your hands 10 times in an hour. LSD: The acid leads to repeated blows of hallucination, and while reading about it over the internet, we read about a LSD consumer who confessed that she started imagining that humans around her had octopus and squid heads. Ecstasy: The popular club drug leads to extreme happiness, enhanced sexual pleasure, and feelings of contentment and love. Opium: Again one of the happy drugs that’s derived from poppy. Marijuana: The recreational herb is intense and is quite popular in India for its farming. Psilocybin Mushrooms: It can lead to hyper hallucinations, visions and revelations.
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want pot to be legalised. The corresponding figure for 2010 was 41%
said the drug should not be made legal
who were born between 194664 support legalisation
50% of the people
when research company Gallup first conducted a similar survey but in it only 12% Americans wanted cannabis to be legalised, while 84% participants thought otherwise
1969 The year
of drug in india
2,000-800 BCE Atharvaveda mentions bhaang as sacred grass. 1856 British Raj introduces tax on ganja and charas trade in India. 1893-1894 First official figures of hashish trade in India estimated hashish import from Central Asia at 70,000 to 80,000 kilos per year. 1930 91,471 kg of hashish was imported from The Yarkand region of Chinese Turkestan into the Northwest Frontier and Punjab regions of India. 1941 Indian government considers cultivation of hashish in Kashmir to make up for the reduced imports from Chinese Turkestan. At the same time, hand-rubbed charas from Nepal becomes popular. 1945 Legal hashish consumption continues in India.
Americans in the survey admitted to have tried marijuana. In 2010, the figure was 40% and in 2003, 38%
48% of adult
1950’s Hashish smuggled into India from Chinese Central Asia.
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Words: Kumar Saurav
expected size of the marijuana market
$1.7 billion is the
respondents in a survey in 1977 had said that the use of marijuana leads to the use of more complex drugs, while only 38% voiced similar opinions this time
66% of the
WHEN SPORTS is
The recent twin blasts at the iconic Boston Marathon that left three dead and 176 injured brought back memories of all those sporting events that were marred by acts of terrorism. FHM presses the rewind button.
Munich Olympics Atlanta Olympics
September, 5-6, 1972
Killed: 17 Just when the games entered their second week, eight members of the Palestinian militant group, Black September, took the Israeli national team captive and demanded the release of some 234 prisoners held in Israeli jails and that of the founders of the German Red Army Faction Andreas Baader and Ulrike Meinhof from German jails in return for the hostages. The demands were not paid heed to, and what came next was a 16-hour long failed rescue mission that left six Israeli coaches, five Israeli athletes and a German policeman dead. Even five members of the perpetrators gang were killed. The games also had to be suspended.
July 27, 1996
Pakistan v New Zealand
The three attackers who were captured had to be released when Black September hijacked a Lufthansa airliner. However, Israel tracked down and killed everyone who was involved in the massacre.
24 May 2013
Killed: 2, injured 100 The attack could have killed more people had the security guard Richard Jewell not spotted the pipe bomb and asked the spectators to evacuate the area before the bomb exploded. However, Jewell was also looked upon as a suspect in the bombing that killed spectator Alice Hawthorne and caused the death of Melih Uzunyol by a heart attack. Jewell was later found innocent in October 1996. Seven years later. a former explosives expert of the US Army, Eric Robert Rudolph was arrested for the bombings and he confessed on all charges.
May 1, 2002
Injured: 17 A few hours ahead of the much-awaited semi final between Real Madrid and Barcelona, a bomb exploded in a car close to the Bernabeu Stadium in Madrid. The match was still played though, after making sure that all security measures inside the stadium were in place. Later, 11 people, from Batasuna, a globally recognised terror outfit, were arrested in connection with the bombings.
May 8, 2002
Killed: 14 The New Zealand cricket team got the shock of their life when a suicide bomber executed an attack outside the hotel where the team was staying in Karachi, Pakistan. The siege resulted in the death of 11 French Navy experts, two Pakistanis and the host team’s physiotherapist. The team returned home immediately after that.
Eric, who is now serving four life sentences, said he masterminded the incident because Olympics promoted global socialism.
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It could never be established if the blasts were targeted at the match or were randomly motivated.
The Aussies haven’t played in Pakistan since 1998 due to safety concerns. They also refused to play the 1996 World Cup preliminaries in Sri Lanka after a bomb blast killed 80 people and injured 1,200 in Colombo.
Former NBA player, Jayson Williams He accidentally fired his gun and killed a limo driver while he was showing off his gun to some visitors at his home.
Footballer OJ Simpson Not only was he arrested for the murder of his wife and her friend, but was also charged for leading a group of armed robbers in 2007 and for kidnapping in 2008.
Sri Lanka vs Pakistan cricket match Sports conference, Baghdad Sinhala and Tamil New Year Marathon, Srilanka
July 15, 2006 March 3, 2009
Killed: 8, injured 9 While the Sri Lankan team was on its way to play against Pakistan in Lahore, 12-armed men attacked the team bus outside the stadium. Multiple rounds were fired and rockets and grenades were thrown at the bus, which resulted in the death of six policemen and two civilians and the injury of six players, two staff members and an umpire. Militant group Lashkar-eJhangvi, which has close ties with Al-Qaeda, was held responsible for the attacks.
Wrestler Chris Benoit In 2007, he hanged himself after murdering his wife and 7-year-old son. The 40-year-old suffered from roid rage, which was a result of steroid abuse.
This year was the darkest chapter in the history of sports in Iraq as three deadly attacks marred the troubled country’s sportsman spirit. On the day, 50-armed men kidnapped Iraq’s Olympic Committee head, Ahmed al-Hadjiya along with 30 athletes and other officials after a sports conference in Baghdad.
April 6, 2008
15 athletes and staff members of the Iraqi taekwondo team were also kidnapped en route to a match in Jordon. They never returned. A week later, the Iraqi tennis coach and two of his trainees were shot down as well.
Tamil Tigers were blamed for the attack.
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Words: Kumar Saurav
Killed: 15, injured 90 The then Highways Minister Jeyaraj Fernandopulle, army officer Lt. Colonel Udayadeera, former Olympic marathon runner KA Karunaratne, and the national athletics coach Lakshman de Alwis were all killed in a suicide attack at this marathon in Sri Lanka organised to celebrate their New Year.
Cricketer Vipin Giri A former member of the Maharashtra Under-19 cricket squad, 22-year-old Giri abducted and shot down a youth in Mumbai last year.
The Sri Lankan team had agreed to play in Pakistan after it was assured of Presidential-level security. Even India had canceled its test series in Pakistan after the Mumbai attacked in 2011.
Is the Cooker BOMB the new molotov cocktail?
The discovery of explosive devices fashioned from pressure cookers is worrying security agencies all over the world because it’s not for the first time that the cooking device has been used to spread terror. FHM goes into the history of pressure cooker bombs. 1976 This year, a New York City police officer, Brian Murray was killed when a pressure cooker bomb that he was trying to deactivate exploded.
2010 The Stockholm suicide bomber’s body was found alongside several failed pipe bombs and a pressure-cooker bomb that failed to detonate too.
how to spot a
The DHS shows these warning signs
2010 The attack on a Christian aid agency in Pakistan that killed six people was executed with the help of a pressure cooker bomb.
2010 A bid to detonate a pressure cooker bomb was foiled by Delhi Police ahead of the Commonwealth Games.
1. Protruding wires and fuses from the cooker. 2. Chemical odour or any other unusual smell. 3. The cooker will be stained, not of food, but of something else. 4. It will also be wet.
2013 In February, a pressure cooker bomb explosion killed five people inside a restaurant in Afghanistan.
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2002-04 The period when a lot of cooker bombs were detonated in France, India and Nepal.
2010 Investigations into the failed mission to detonate a SUV bomb at New York’s Times Square revealed use of a pressurecooker explosive device.
2004 This year, the American Department of Homeland Security (DHS) issued warnings to its security agencies saying, “A technique commonly taught in Afghan terrorist training camps is the use/ conversion of pressure cookers into improvised explosive devices.”
1990s The decade when pressure cooker bombs first became popular during Nepal’s civil war.
2. Uses household items It’s made using easily available stuff like nails, fire crackers and glass chips etc. It can be detonated using digital watches, door openers, mobile phones and pagers. 3. No training needed It’s easy to make a pressure cooker bomb, and the instructions are easily available over the Internet. In fact, DHS in its 2004 alert had stated that these bombs are made by placing explosives inside the cooker and then fitting a blasting cap at the tip of the cooker.
1. Doesn’t cost a bomb After all, how much does a cooker really cost?
2006 Pressure cooker bombs were used in the serial blasts in Mumbai this year, killing 209 commuters in local trains and injuring 714 people. 2000 Ten Islamic militants who were planning to execute a bomb blast on New Year’s Eve in Strasbourg were arrested by French police. The use of cooker bombs in the execution of their plan was established.
2009 Fort Hood shooter and US army major, Nidal Hasan who was reportedly taking bombmaking lessons from Al-Qaeda’s online magazine Inspire (that asked its readers to use pressure cookers to make bombs) was found with various arms and explosives in his possession along with a pressure cooker.
4. easy to make The size of the blast depends on the size of the pressure cooker and the amount of explosives placed inside. 5. Hard to notice How many times have you really looked at an abandoned pressure cooker in the park or in the parking lot with suspicion.
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Words: Kumar Saurav
2012 After the grenade attack in a Paris suburb market on September 19, police discovered bomb-making materials and a pressure cooker at an underground garage.
Photography Supriyo Nath Stylist Sahil Gulati Location The Metropolitan
Like one of them more than the other? Don’t sit on your opinions. Cast your votes on www. fhmindia.com
Hotel & Spa, New Delhi
Concept Kabeer Sharma and Nishant Nayyar Hair & Make-up Leeview
Who are they?
6 girls, 2 days and higher purpose — to make an app demo for the #FHMLiveApp. A video the likes of which hadn’t been attempted before. Actually, not quite — but it does have a nice ring to it — doesn’t it? Do you like one of them more than the other? They are waiting for your votes on www.fhmindia.com.
FHM APP BABE Marina likes lounging around a pool in a bikini, just don’t push her inside — learning how to swim is on her ‘TO DO List’ . When she is not hiking, or bumming beside a beach she likes to read books like any selfrespecting hot girl would — in her underwear and a white shirt.
This long legged lass is from the land of spas and thermal bathslots, Hungary. Loves to read books, loves to watch movies, is a hoarder (its still not clear what it is that she hoards) and has the yummiest accent we’ve heard in a long long time. And there is something about that haircut that screams ‘Sexy Pixie’ from the rooftops.
Marina: White Shirt with Grey Stripes-Rohit Gandhi & Rahul Khanna; Polka Dot Bra & Brief - Bwitch
Kata: Black Bikini - Rohit Gandhi & Rahul Khanna; Bracelet - Bling By Namrita; Heels - Stylist’s own
Alisa: Bikini - Shivan & Narresh; Sunglasses & Earrings - Stylist’s Own.
She’s so sexy you could just as well spread her on toast and she also loves to curse. The lass from Ukrain flirts with us in her halting English, rues that we don’t buy her an LIIT at 10 in the morning and then later gets into
the pool for a dip. The Kievskaya (That’s how Vladimir Putin would pronounce Kiev, the capital of Urkaine) lass is a compulsive high street shopper and loves collecting street collectibles from around the world and taking pictures of herself — we’re hoping in the loo.
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Agrima: Grey Bikini - Rohit Gandhi & Rahul Khanna; Yellow Bra - Bwitch; Ring and Glasses - Stylist’s Own.
#FHMAppBabe Agrima, 21
There is a time, a place and a girl for everyone. Agrima has special skills like seducing meat, tossing apples and generally holding down conversations. She is hot, she is sexy and she just may be the one to take home to the mother. Just don’t let the mother see Agrima’s demo video, or her pillow fight clip, or this copy of FHM... you get the drift.
May 2013 33
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#FHMAPPBabe Smita, 24
When she is not reading Murakami in the bathtub wearing a swimsuit, or posing for FHM under the shower, Smita dabbles in the scrouge of journalism — Blog writing. She also frequently disappears from the hikes that she invited you to.
Smita: Bikini - Shivan & Narresh; Bracelet - Bling By Namrita, Black Loop Earring - Stylist’s own.
#FHMAppBabe Yoana, 22
Clearly, Cuba has a lot more to offer than Communism and Ciaro cigars. This stunner loves adventure sports and taking selfies in the loo. Also for a bit of shameless self plugging — she digs the FHM Car reviews.
Yoana: Lace Bra & Brief - Bwitch
ACTORS WHO WORE BUTT AND BUST PADS
1 Shahid kapoor It was widely reported in the media that Shahid used butt pads to enhance his posterior, and the varying size of his jackets vouched for the rumours.
Underwear – the last line of defence and play?
in the last few months, Every coffee conversation has either started on an ‘under’ground note or ended on it.
A month or so ago at the Lakmé Fashion Week in Mumbai, as a male model walked to the front of the ramp, a white cotton sock slipped down the side of his leg. Apparently, the man had never heard of Push Up Underwear, Teasing Tighty Whities, Marks and Spencer’s Booty Boosting Briefs or even Bulge Enhancing Underwear. In short, either he wasn’t watching late night teleshopping, was simply ignorant or his choice of support was dictated by the fact that male models pretty much work for food and a Red Bull in India. At a lot of levels it spoke about equality – women stuff their bras to accentuate their assets and men do too (the word on the street is that Butt-Pads have acquired unisex status now). The last couple of months have seen a peculiarly large amount of time being spent on underwearrelated discussions. Anne Hathway had already made a trend out of going bra-less under evening gowns even if there was a nip in the air, which led to her inspiring a bra-shunning trend that had been unseen since the 60s. Hathway did more than shun the bra though. She single-handedly unclasped the hook that had made Wonderbra and push-up bras a worldwide successes. Closer home, a bunch of engineers down south developed what they called ‘Society Harnessing Equipment’ aka anti-rape underwear. The SHE is essentially a camisole capable of discharging a 3800 KVA electric shock to an attacker and is activated through a remote held in the hand of the wearer. The gadget also comes with a GPS, which sends out its coordinates to the police, but the panties however, remain shock-free. Just so the wearer doesn’t manage to accidentally electrocute themselves, there is a layer of insulation between the wearer and the electric circuit. This invention is not to be confused with the panties with an electric barbed wire, which was made infamous by Scary Movie. Meanwhile, close to the bottom of the world, Durex was taking foreplay laziness to another level by launching Fundawear in the land of Kangaroos and Indian beaters. Fundawear is essentially a combination of microchips placed strategically inside the underwear that worked, like everything else worth inventing these days, along with an app. To explain it simply – you send your girl a message through an app, the app transmits a message to her phone, which in turn transmits a message to the microchips in her underwear to touch, tease or tantalise. You can do it if you want to be mischievous when you know she is hanging with her parents or more importantly, to get her started if you get late for sex. Despite several scientific advances and inventions that have been made in modern underwear, the focus has clearly remained on boob enhancing, bulge
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2 priyanka chopra A Mumbai based tabloid recently reported that even Chopra might be wearing buttpads because her derriere has suddenly started looking big.
3 Beyonce She has often stepped out wearing ill-fitted butt pads and even got clicked in them.
increasing, flaw smoothening delicates, supermodels in diamond-studded negligible, men in beef underwear and well, women in chocolate bras. What this has meant is that actual useful inventions like fart diffusing underwear made with activated carbon, Freedom Flask that lets you store (and pour) beer in a pouch near your crotch, a bra that lets women store and sip wine in their bra (Wine Rack Bra), a RAD emergency bra which also turns into a face mask in case of a biological strike and comes complete with a radiation detecting strip as well as several others have gone undiscussed and unnoticed. But unhindered, unperturbed and uninhibited entrepreneurs have ensured that there are several patents filed for underwear innovations ranging from the nutter to the downright ridiculous. While there is underwear which comes with clasped hands (made of powdered metal) on the front that protect you from those full-body scanners the Americans are setting up like McDonald’s; there are also G-strings that can be programmed to run messages through LEDs, panties capable of reading out messages, underwear woven with a copper wire to shield you from 99 percent infections,
4 vidya balan The actress for her role in The Dirty Picture used prosthetics to increase her bust line. What’s with Shahid and his ex-girlfriends?
bras that play Mozart, pro-fitness undies that make your muscles work extra hard when walking and climbing stairs to cut fat, or even Fundies – chaddies built for two. What does it mean though? Will regular underwear be relegated to the bottom of the fashion pile alongside banana pants, socks suspenders and money clips? Thankfully, the modern underwear isn’t going anywhere in a hurry – at least not until the time there are strict sexual harassment laws for the workplace. But how long before one of these innovations actually changes our lives? The Wonderbra and the push-up bra already have and will continue to do their bit to help humanity, despite the best efforts of Miss Hathway (who seemed to be a big fan of bras when she played Catwoman), but it’s here that the sexist card comes into play – while its common for women to wear padded lingerie, men still haven’t become that vain. I know it’s politically incorrect to say such things in the times we live in, but hey, someone has to resume normal jibe-enforced dialogue between the two sexes.
CELEBS Who the best
1 Cillian Murphy in Breakfast on Pluto
BOYS DON’T CRY
The movie that turned Hillary Swank into an awards darling and also inspired the title of this column is not the best thing to show to a teen growing up in repressive, regressive India. Unfortunately, our lax piracy laws made it easy to get hold of an unedited bootleg copy for the then 15-year old me. Needless to say, it was not a pleasurable viewing experience. For those of you who didn’t know, the film was based on a real life cross-dressing woman called Brandon Teena who was a non-operative transgender man and had an active relationship with another woman. It was confusing as hell, more so for an awkward young teen. Cut to 14 years later and two different news reports talking about cases filed against girls who pretended to be boys and had sex with unsuspecting teenagers reminded me of our weird and eschewed gender lessons. It’s tough coming into your own without the basics of Sex Ed 1o1 and even trickier choosing bedroom partners when you are hetrosexual, so I can’t even begin to imagine what it would be like for those with less-than conventional orientations. Regardless of the fact that these cases are from the UK where kids are taught about the birds and the bees from an early age, the fact that the women didn’t know their “boyfriend” was a girl was a shocking revelation. In one of the cases, a 21-year old pretended to be a 17-year old boy to sleep with not one, but two 15-year old girls and in the other, a 17-year old chatted online with a 16-year old girl for almost four years before taking her virginity. I know the two questions that come to your mind – how could the girls be so gullible and how was this pulled off? To explain the former, the reason in both instances was cited as – they had sex in a darkened room and it was their first time, so they didn’t suspect anything wrong. While for the latter, both women used sex toys and/or strap-ons. I don’t know what would be more damaging to the self-esteem and mental health of the girls at the receiving end – that they couldn’t tell the difference or that they were taken advantage of in their most vulnerable state. And I’m not saying it’s the fault of the two perpetrators, as they genuinely believed that they were in fact, meant to be boys, but it’s disturbing nonetheless. Enough to get one of them jailed, while the other put on probation. At many levels, our support system has let us down – parents, schools, teachers and education institutions in general – building a taboo around anything to do with our genitalia and the act of matching them up consensually with whoever we choose. Rather than talking, we choose to hush curious kids who then gather half-baked information from everywhere else. That gap is glaringly visible, not just in such reports, but in the general state of affairs in our country these days. But enough serious talk, I’ve done by good deed for the month by making you aware and maybe,
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mistress of vices
With reports of girls posing as boys, curvy figures giving way to boyish frames and androgyny making a return – we can’t blame men for being confused…
even a little frightened, of what’s going on out there. So moving to a lighter note, to another crime a majority of straight women are committing these days… A crime my male friends believe deserves to be highlighted – that of our newly developed penchant for adopting all things masculine. The death of the great Indian ass has already been mourned over enough by men with columns of their own. But what about the vanishing curves, the boyfriend jackets and the cropped hair then; an opinionated colleague asked me the other day over a drink. For a change, I had to agree. You would too if you go back and observe Kareena Kapoor’s larger than life head on her nearly invisible body à la her Tashan days. Yes, she wore a barely there bikini and all that jazz, but let’s not forget that the camera probably had to zoom out and turn at weird angles just to make sure it didn’t seem like she had an inflated head on a shrunken Barbie’s body. Alas, it still looked exactly like that and also heralded a tide of slender frames emulating slim boyish physiques. Children in Somalia had found a new poster girl, but thankfully, better sense prevailed and Ms Kapoor quickly changed paths to advocate the healthy and not the size-zero lifestyle.
2 Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie
3 Julie Andrews in Victor-Victoria
4 Felicity Huffman in Transamerica
5 Gwyneth Paltrow in Shakespeare in Love
The damage had already been done though. Women racing to achieve negative sizes meant curvy became a bad word. All this while poor men lamented the loss of their beloved hourglass figure encapsulated perfectly by a certain Miss Hendricks in Mad Men. But while dress sizes and body images change constantly, the new phenomenon of pixie hair and Brazilian waxes also doesn’t sit well with a lot of the lads, or as one ardent spokesperson would say, “We don’t want our women looking like completely plucked pre-puberty boys”. Uh, erm, yeah! The androgynous pantsuit like trends are not helping either. I’m a strong advocate of the fact that women should retain a feminine touch. Old school as that may sound, I don’t own anything from these passing fads and am more than happy with my summer dresses, love handles and long hair. Now let’s hope other women feel the same cos it’s not easy being a girl.
This month brings up the best in comedy, romance and action.
Go Goa Gone
Three friends go to Goa to break from their routine and end up being chased by zombies!
Two friends, who have completely messed up their professional and personal lives, take a break in Goa. There they come across a free-spirited girl who casually invites them to an exclusive underground rave party on a remote island. The party is the brainchild of the macho Russian Mafia who are launching the ultimate party drug, but something is not right on the island and then all of a sudden, the revellers are accosted by zombies! Get zombied on May 10th
Yeh Jawani Hai Deewani
The story of two estranged gangsters
Words: Nishant Nayyar
How can two polar opposites fall for each other?
The story revolves around two characters – Naina (Deepika Padukone) and Bunny (Ranbir Kapoor). Bunny is a carefree, young travel show host intent on breaking out of the pattern of life. So he embarks on a journey to Kashmir, where he meets Naina and they eventually fall in love. As the two mature from nascent age, they realise the difference in their priorities and goals. The movie is set to release on May 31st
This movie is the prequel to 2007’s blockbuster Shootout at Lokhandwala. The film dramatises the first ever registered encounter by the Mumbai Police, which took place at
Vidyalankar Institute of Technology, Sangam Nagar, Wadala in Mumbai on 1 November 1982 and where gangster Manya Surve was shot dead. This film also throws light on
the bitterness of two undisputed underworld gangsters of Mumbai at the time – Dawood Ibrahim and Manya Surve. Get ready for an encounter on May 10th
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This time there is no wedding and no bachelor party, so what could go wrong, right??
This movie marks the end of the trilogy with the wolfpack coming out for one last time. Alan (Zach Galifianakis) is deeply shattered after his father’s death, which results in him being admitted into a mental asylum to help get him out of the shock. But he escapes from there and heads to the Sin City. On learning about his escape, the other Wolfpack members set out on a mission to get him back. Enrol in the Wolfpack again on May 24th
If you play with fire, you will get burned.
Carrie White is a lonely and awkward teen who is constantly bullied at school by her peers, and beaten at home at the hands of her religious mother. But Carrie has a secret – she’s been blessed with the terrifying power of telekinesis and when her peers decide to pull a prank on her at the prom, they’ll soon get a deadly lesson. The movie hits theatres on May 10th
A story of an idealist torn between Islamic radicalism and American capitalism
Mira Nair’s adaptation of Mohsin Hamid’s bestseller by the same name looks like a stellar movie. The plot revolves around a conversation between two men who meet in a coffee shop in Lahore. One of them is an American (Liev Schreiber), the other a Pakistani (Riz Ahmed). The Pakistani is telling the American, who’s supposed to be a journalist, about his life in America, how much he loved it, his time studying at Princeton, how he worked in Wall Street, had a wonderful job and just how much things changed after 9/11. The movie hits theatres on May 3rd.
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The Reluctant Fundamentalist
g le and an lo You c loud profike TBH, li dc Soun to tracks nd Rabbit n swoo n South agst other Dow le amon s. Ho mixe
Meet Sanaya Ardeshir aka Sandunes, whose music is a broad spectrum of sounds that slip into your system like gooey cheesecake!
picks Our on her
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sandune’s top 5 tracks of the month
01 Get Some — Fion &
02 Champion Sound —
03 Cirrus — Bonobo 04 LSD Gang — New York
05 Was It More — Lifafa
e at FHM obviously love girls and if the girl is good with her music, woot woot, it’s a double whammy for us! So we decided to meet Sanaya, popularly known as Sandunes in the EDM circuit. For those of you who don’t know her, she was a part of a popular post-rock(ish) band from where she learned the tricks of the trade. And that is where she got her name from as well. The guitarist of the band, who is a dear friend of Sanaya, nicknamed her Sandunes and the ardent music producer stuck with the moniker. She could sense the instant connect with the word and she immediately bought the domain name ‘sandunesmusic’ for her website, which later became her pseudonym for releasing her own music. Back in the days, you could spot her playing black and white keys sitting on a stool and then a year in London, concentrated courses in music production and a complete evolution of sound later — that is pretty much still her story, but she reiterates that this transformation was a logical progression from where she was as a musician. In the midst of backing bands like STR with jazz-heavy, key playing tunes, she began to dabble in production and it seemed like moving into a production space was the next step towards a career in music for her. When we ask her about her switch to electronica, she replies with a smile, “While I was learning how to produce, my musical sensibility was influenced by a lot of electronica and dance music, hence the movement toward this sound”. Studying in the UK, especially London has its certain advantages, especially if you are pursuing music. Europe is the Mecca for new age electronic music and evolving EDM genres, which definitely helps you garner a better sense of sound. That is the brainwave behind Sanaya’s sound, as her music does not reflect one genre of EDM. She adds to this point by elaborating, ”I find it difficult compartmentalising the music I make into genres. I’m influenced by a very wide range of sounds and styles, and I suppose that
would be the main reason.” On being asked about how the two countries differ in terms of music environment, she adds, “The gap between the east and the west on this small scale of alternative electronic is definitely narrowing in one sense, but it’s very difficult to categorise the movement that’s taking place here. It’s incredibly unique and I don’t think it’s comparable to the UK or any other country. There is, however, a distinct increase in the appreciation for otherwise unheard music genres, which is always representative of growth and a great thing.” Our next question is the standard clichéd one — so where does Sandunes get her inspiration? To which we, most of the times, get the most clichéd answers, as well. Sanaya, on the other hand, seems a tad bit genuine and found this question to be the most difficult of the lot. “That’s a really tough one! Everything and anything, but to get the wheels spinning initially, the ambience has to be just right as it’s a difficult process to pen down music”, she responds. Sanaya, who has unleashed a new breed of sound to the Indian audiences, remains fairly modest with her outlook and appreciation towards the growing EDM cult in India. Talking about the kind of response she has received from her music, she shares, “So far (touchwood) the response has been great. I’ve been keeping things fairly divided between live and DJ/ dance sets, and the response has been pretty positive towards both, so I can’t complain.” This girl has pretty impressive taste in music and has a complementing one in the humour department too. We came to this conclusion after asking her to define underground music for us, to which her response was — “Underground music is mainstream’s cooler twin sister with few friends”. Sanaya prefers music production to DJing as she feels production has a very intimate and personal space for her. Before bidding adieu, we asked her what would she be if not a musician and she replied in the most amusing way — “A full time dog walker”.
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Words: Nishant Nayyar
FHM: How does your average day start? Sunil Chhetri: Getting up early, drinking a bottle of water, followed by pre-training breakfast and then in an hour and a half, it’s training time. FHM: You represent a country of billion plus people at the international level... How does it feel? Sunil Chhetri: It’s one of the best feelings I’ve experienced in my life... I feel very proud, responsible and privileged. Even after 8 years, I still get goosebumps whenever I put on that blue jersey. FHM: How do you zero down on the one club you want to play with? Sunil Chhetri: The manager, the players that I will play with, the clubs aspirations, my contractual period and last but not least, my salary. FHM: You had a brief stint at one of the biggest Portuguese clubs in the past year... Do you think you were underestimated or was it just a matter of luck not being on your side? Sunil Chhetri: I was in Sporting Clube de Portugal for 6 months where I only played 5 matches and that too not a full game and that was definitely not enough for my confidence. I will not say that they underestimated me, as the whole coaching staff as well as the players were very supportive and encouraging, but just the fact that I was in a team that was specifically established to promote homegrown young talent. FHM: You are the third Indian player to have played for an international club. Is it due to lack of talent appreciation by the management in our country? Sunil Chhetri: In a country of more than a billion people, it’s not possible to not to have talent. We, as a football adoring nation, are in a developing and learning stage. It will not be right to blame the management. In fact, for football to be able to grow, the blame game has to stop! FHM: Why have Indian clubs not gained as much momentum as their foreign
counterparts who enjoy much more fame and popularity? Sunil Chhetri: The guidelines to be a proper and professionally run football club are common for everyone around the world i.e. training facilities, youth setup, playing stadia etc. Our pool of I-league clubs and other professional clubs should try and achieve that first with the aid and guidance of the AIFF and then of course, build on the marketing side, which shall bring in more appreciation. FHM: Why haven’t the Indian leagues gained takers on international levels, especially with talented players like Subrata Pal, Jeje Lalpekhlua, Mehtab Hussain and Gouramangi Singh in our kitty? Sunil Chhetri: These young and talented players will only get noticed when they regularly play and compete well in international level tournaments like AFC Champions League/ Cup or Asia Cup, which we are currently unable to do. FHM: Any advice for your fans who want to make it big in the world of football? Sunil Chhetri: Catch as much football as possible (smiles), understand the techincal side of things i.e., tactics, how individual players compliment a team and vice versa, the thought process of the managers, player performances etc., and put your football knowledge to good use through blogs, social media or writing. FHM: How do you think brands like Heineken, which have been associated with the UEFA Cup, can help get international accreditation to our players? Sunil Chhetri: Heineken has long been associated with football on a global scale. Through interactions and good work with brands such as Heineken and by using their reach in football the right way, our players can get their message across. I would welcome as many football related events in India as there can be since that will only help raise the profile of the game here.
“I will not say that they underestimated me, as the whole coaching staff and the players were very supportive and encouraging”
We are in conversation with the Indian Football Captain on his tenure abroad and what needs to be done back home to create more appreciation for the game.
May 2013 44
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Words: Nishant Nayyar
Gears of War: Judgment
This is not for the faint of heart as blowing up Locusts is a messy affair, we just love the blood and gore...
46 April 2013 fhmindia • fhmindia fhmindia.com
This prequel to the previous editions is set around 14 years before the first game. Our favourite bad-mouthing killing machine, Marcius Fenix is replaced by Damon Baird, who leads a team of trigger-happy soldiers called the Kilo Squad. The team comprises of Gears champions Augustus Cole and Baird and two rookies, Garron Paduk and Sofia Hendrick. The game starts with the Kilo Squad standing on trial for an act of treason as the squad went against direct orders not to set off a lightmass missile. Each team member gives their testimony and with each flashback you take control of each solider. This is the first time in the Gears of War series where a narrative style is used and gamers get to replay what happened leading up to the present. Slight tweaks The graphics make you feel at home if you have played the previous Gears of War titles. Even if you are a first timer, third person shooting will get you hooked to the gruesome violence in no time. There is no doubt that the developers have worked hard to ensure GoW: Judgment is a treat for the eyes with sharper and crisper visuals. The biggest change, and a sure shot delight for gamers, is a host of new weapons to play with. Previously, one would be stuck with only a pistol, but now the Gears are equipped with a Lancer, Gnasher, or any other weapon while using a Boomshield. Also, now you can only have two main weapons, which allows you to swap and choose the ideal gun for the upcoming Locust
onslaught. Activating grenades has become a lot simpler too, by using the left bumper. New features The “declassified” testimony adds objectives or challenges by making your campaign tougher. There are situations that will force you to use a certain weapon, equip the enemies with better guns and not to forget, the fact that they have put a time limit on areas, which can be quiet annoying if you don’t get it right quickly. The game will also put you in tight spots where you will be in a dust or smoke filled room and your objective is to get out of there without getting shot. The multiplayer option too receives some changes like the removal of Locust, which leads to Coalition of Ordered Governments (COG) army vs COG matches. This is a free-for-all mode, which is a first in this series. The second new mode is OverRun where one team chooses a soldier, medic, engineer, or scout and makes them defend E-holes and generators from Locust attack. Similar to Beast Mode, the other team chooses from a variety of Locust characters that have to try and get past COG’s defenses.
ting Ra4 /5
Pros: Retains the
hardcore action packed gameplay Improved sound effects and graphics.
Negative: The levels have become easier. The level ending fight scenes with the big boss finishes too quickly
Whether you are a GoW fan or not, as long as you like blood, gore and drilling chainsaws through Locusts, this one is a must have. It might not have the essence of its previous titles, but in no way does it fall short of expectations. It is a perfect mix of fabulous gunplay and graphics.
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Words: Arup Das
Metal Gear Rising:
Raiden had to go deep to eventually steal the hearts of gamers…
Though the Metal Gear series was launched in 1987, their first commercially successful edition was Metal Gear Solid. Reminiscing about that edition, I can only say one thing – Metal Gear is one of the hardest games I have ever played. And that is exactly the kind of preconceived notion one has before he gets his hands on the newest edition of the Metal Gear series. Despite a rather short game on the surface, Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance was a gift that kept on giving. New costumes, very challenging VR Missions, truckloads of collectibles, and the extreme difficulties faced when arranging enemies — awaited fans who made the effort to get the most out of the game. Revengeance is a word that is not currently included in the Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary, but could literally be summed up as the confluence of bionic ninja warriors, near-future war abuse and giant war machines. One Hell Of A Game Raiden, the protagonist, manifests itself as a worthy anti-hero in an entertaining
story, his fighting style provides both absurd and stylish gameplay. Four years after Metal Gear Solid 4, Raiden is fighting for a private military company, to carry out a variety of assignments. The story begins in Africa, where Raiden gives personal protection to the Prime Minister of an unknown country, until terrorists throw a spanner in the works. What follows is a plot that is initiated by revenge, but ultimately leads to a political battle for cyborgs. In this battle, Raiden is obviously in touch with his own experience as a child soldier.
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The game is heavily influenced by the use of the sword. Raiden’s main weapon is a future ready — a sword that cuts through just about everything. What I really liked is the mixing up of light and heavy attacks in the unleash combos — something that is not new, but comes quite handy in combating men and even cyborgs. You have other weapons and tools too — more bladed implements, missile launchers, decoy lures and electromagnetic pulse grenades that are embedded in quaint corners of the gameplay. But the main element here remains Raiden’s ability to angle sword attacks and tear objects to bits. In addition to Raiden’s health bar, players will have to manage his fuel cell energy. This resource powers the Blade Mode mechanic, which slows down time and lets you dismember enemies with surgical precision. While in the mode, you can rotate the high-frequency blade at a specific angle using the right stick. This comes in handy when you need to slash more explicitly. For example, if you chop off a bad guy’s left arm, you’ll get data chips that are among the game’s rarer collectibles. Amidst the awesomeness of the game, there are some unfortunate flaws too. The game does a poor job in teaching how to ace its features, especially the health management and defence. While a few levels dazzle with their use of colour and layout, most of the gameplay takes place in warehouse/energy plant environments — but haven’t we had a lot of that already? What comes as a bummer is that the game encourages you to slash — unlike the other editions, which demanded you to sneak and progress with precision. Developer Platinum Games with a mashup of old and new elements has proved that the Metal Gear series is adaptable beyond the average gamer’s thought process. So is Revengeance a word you should make part of your vocabulary? Yes, it certainly is..
ting Ra4 /5
Pros: Retains the
novel action packed gameplay with moving into new territories. Updated weaponry.
Negative: The camera gets unwieldly at times and it becomes a task to to gather your whereabouts
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Words: Nishant Nayyar
when halo and cod join forces, you get… this?
work those thumbs
Your two favourite shoot-’em-ups have combined and produced something gigantic…
Take a look at the stack of video games next to your telly. Now pick out the two you’ve spent more time playing than any others, the ones your other half is most likely to throw on to the roof when your back is turned. Call Of Duty and Halo, right? Right. It’s a good thing that the teams behind both haven’t hooked up to birth, say, a violent, alien-form baby from another planet, because your social life would be over…
50 May 2013
If we guessed your answer to that last question correctly, then read the rest of this with closed eyes to save yourself. Because Destiny is just that: the coming together of Bungie, the creators of Halo, and Activision, who published Call Of Duty, to create a first-shooter set on the war-ravaged last city in the solar system. We’re talking Halo meets COD, basically. The concept art you’re looking at
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right now is about all there is when it comes to released info, but what we can tell you is that Destiny isn’t just going to take over your gaming life. Nope, aside from incredible landscapes, ace aliens and massive guns, the latest clip released online shows players creating characters and being notified about major events on their iPhones. No matter how hard you try, you won’t escape this game.
Honda gets the much needed diesel engine that might turn the tables for the declining image of the Japanese car manufacturer.
Plush dual tone interiors and height adjustable steering make this car a sheer joy ride.
The powerful 1.5 litre iDTEC diesel engin power and torque.
Abundant 400 litre of boot space can accomodate most of your travel gear.
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ne churns out good
onda’s case is quite similar to the speculative bubbles that we got acquainted with in the recent past — the dot-com bubble and the real estate bubble. For those of you who aren’t familiar with what a bubble is, we will happily explain it to you — a bubble is a combination of rapidly increasing stock prices and the market’s confidence that the company will turn future profits, which eventually collapses and causes a big depression (read economic crises). The only difference in the comparison we are drawing here with Honda is that we think they might be saved from the great downfall of their stellar image with the newly launched Amaze, which sports the much anticipated and handsome I-DTEC diesel engine. The Amaze is Honda’s first ever oil burning submission in the subcontinent. On first glance, the car’s appearance might not look very impressive, but once you settle yourself in, you might just start loving it. If you choose to ignore the Brio’s existence, this sedan looks like the pretty face for the Indian market. The boot, unlike that of its closest competitor — Maruti Swift Dzire — goes really well with a bit of the fabricated Brio front. Though the boot also reminds you of the fourth generation Honda City, it actually syncs well with the overall design and ground clearance. The car also sports dual tone interiors that give it a plush and elite feeling. From the outside, it might appear to be a little too cramped, but inside, it is a sweet treat for four average sized human beings. We stress on the average sized bit. There is ample room for head space and the back benchers would not feel trapped either. Although the sedan has been launched keeping in mind price sensitive consumers, it’s loaded with features that will make this car a hit with urban families. Features like EPS, power windows, keyless entry, 2DIN integrated music system, rear defogger, fuel
consumption display and exterior styling elements like body colored ORVMs, and front and rear bumpers add to the overall premium touch on the Amaze and fill in the black and white gap between entry level sedans and premium sedans. And when it comes to safety, we know Honda never compromises. This sedan has been equipped with driver seat belt reminders, WAVE key and a high mount stop lamp that is being offered as standard across all variants. The Amaze sedan is also available with automatic transmission albeit only in the petrol variant, which if you ignore the convenience bit would also make a deeper impact on your pocket. Coming to engine specifications, the sedan is available in 1.2 petrol and 1.5 diesel variants, and we managed to take the latter for a quick spin around the city. The new diesel engine seemed to be extremely refined and the noise levels were remarkably low outside, even at high revs. Though the noise bit wasn’t as impressive inside the cabin, but that is something we have come to expect from a car in this segment. The engine though, seemed to live up to our expectations when it came to delivering power and torque, both of which it did in a very linear fashion. The powertain has clearly been tuned to deliver the most in terms of fuel-efficiency. Honda cars are known for their superb handling efficacy and this one doesn’t let the company’s name down on that front either. Keeping in mind the target customers, the car is perfectly capable of handling city roads. The suspension is tuned to leave a mark above the rest of the similar entry-level sedans in the country. Thanks to the wellweighted steering, it handles well in heavy traffic and on steep turns. With the right price and attractive upgrades coupled with Honda’s trustworthy brand image, the Amaze is here to stay and well, give a tough time to its competitors in the segment.
The ample legroom in the rear section makes the car a comfortable family car.
Price ` 5.99 lakh Type Petrol and Diesel Torque 200 @ 1750 (nm @ rpm) Fuel Tank Capacity 35 l Engine 1498 CC
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Words: Nishant Nayyar
you still would… nah, not really
BUDDY UP TO
SURVIVE THE EVIL DEAD
Who says horror remakes are rubbish? Well, us, and anyone who’s seen The Wicker Man with Nic Cage. But that was before we heard that one of the world’s most loved, most gory, most bonkers classics – The Evil Dead – was coming back to life this month. What’s more, from
his producer’s chair, monster-slaying cult hero and star of the original Bruce Campbell has gone out of his way to make sure it’s extra blood-drenched. We grabbed the king of the gut-splattered screen to discuss his ultimate horror-survival dream team…
“He’s definitely the pretty boy that goes first, but he’s athletic and he’s a useful tool. He’s nice on the eyes for the ladies, but I’d kill him off in the first 10 minutes. A good first victim.”
“Harry’s got some great chopper-pilot skills. He seems like a good guy, too. He likes to party, so he can raise our spirits. And the chicks like him, so he’d be very popular.”
“You need at least one hot babe. She came out of nowhere, but she seems pretty interesting. She’s tough, as well.”
“He’s the New England Patriots football coach, so he’d help work out a strategy if we were stuck in a cabin. He’s not ripped, he can’t fight, but I’d need his mind to help us survive until the end.”
“I’d need a Fight Club-era Pitt – he was hot shit then. I’d kill him off after Beckham. Your audience will think he’ll be around till the end, then – BAM! – he’s dead, it’s just Campbell and the chick left.”
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FHM gets talking to the man who is helping the world sing the ganja beat...
La La Land THE MALANA PROJECT
Malana, the heart of weed production in the world, to smoke up regularly. “That’s exactly the reason why we are not expecting a good response from India. Every Indian knows that cannabis is deep-rooted in our culture. Mythology show it too, but we would still not associate ourselves with it because we feel ashamed of the fact that we smoke pot, and so do our school going kids and college-going youngsters,” says the well-travelled artist who is inspired by Hip-hop, Soul and Funk. Realising that the smart-ass has successfully put us on the receiving end, we thought of escaping the conversation once again and talking about the censor board clearance of the song because considering the pain in the ass that they can be and the kind of content this song has, FHM was sure that it wouldn’t have been easy for the makers of this amazingly-good video to get a pass certificate. “Surprisingly, we didn’t face any problem. There was just a sequence at the start of the video where a baba is smoking pot, which we were asked to remove, and we happily modified it by placing an emoticon over the face of the baba. Also, the statutory warning needed to be flashed. We knew that if we followed their recommendations too closely, then the video would never see the light of day, so we compromised a bit and now we are on all music channels.” Kunal had even got an offer from music labels Universal and Sony to buy the music rights of the song, but he instead wanted to associate with a label known for marketing compositions that are in a different space all together. That’s why he associated with the US based label, Rebel Rickshaw. The video has been directed by Sol and Sam, and has been shot in areas around Malana. “We couldn’t really afford shooting the video in Malana because these people charge a lot for letting people shoot there. Had it been for a film, we could have, but for a private video it would have been tough, so we improvised”, concludes Kunal.
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y our own admittance, we as a team are kind of weird since we purposely keep stumbling upon random things from random sources. In that quest, while discussing another thing that made no sense, someone made us watch La La Land (The Malana Project), a song that remotely or maybe directly, supports the legalisation of ganja. Frankly, the first time...the next time...and the time after that when we re-watched the video, we couldn’t make out jackshit of the rap in it (the side effect of listening to Honey Singh way more than we should). The only thing we could make out was that it’s about weed, there are two superheroes in it, and that the composition and the video is sooooo fucking good that nothing else matters. Kunal Avanti, the man behind the video, helped us get over our ignorance by telling us, “It’s a fun video about a man’s quest for happiness. Ganja is used as a metaphor for this quest. There are two superheroes, Captain Boom (Boom Shiva) and his sidekick Tola (10 grams), who go on a hunt to get the best weed in the world, which is found in Malana”. Though the song is so catchy that it would be played in every discotheque for the next few months, the man behind it isn’t keen on The Malana Project being the next Gangnam Style. “We are really not in that space,” he clarifies. “10 glasses of whiskey are much more harmful than 10 puffs of cannabis and it’s not just me or a few other people who smoke pot who think that, but there are credible medical reports and research works that proves this. Also, the world over people are advocating its legalisation, so why not just legalise it?,” questions funk vocalist and producer, Kunal. Since this issue of FHM is already very high on marijuana (you have just read a story on growing support for marijuana in the US), we thought it would be better to talk about something else before everyone around thinks that we have started our own legalisemarijuana movement and suspects that the man who has filed both these stories goes to
The only scene that the censor board objected to
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Words: Kumar Nayyar Saurav Words: Nishant
Just in case you are not a big fan of auto tranmission, these large paddle shift will excite you.
With that kind of speed, you hardly get to notice the speedometer
This machine could only have been perfected with this kind of tranmission. S Tronic works well.
The impr price tag
Audi R8 V10 Plus
58 May 2013 fhmindia • fhmindia fhmindia.com
With this kind of machine, Audi could have thought of a different and better name.
roved engine completely justifies the g, which is 50 lakh more than R8
Congratulations, you will be driving the Audi R8 at the Buddh International Circuit,” – at eight in the morning, you don’t really take such texts seriously because while mankind sleeps, telmarketers are busy feeding our inboxes with promotional texts for properties that we would never buy and holiday destinations that we would never go to, but this text was supposed to be taken seriously because the sender’s name corresponded with the name of the FHM India editor. My first reaction to this sms was – why on Earth am I getting to drive an Audi R8 when there are other people at FHM who would happily sleep with a beast to test ride Audi’s newest answer to Lamborghini? But then I convinced myself that maybe it was finally my day to get lucky. The Audi R8 zooms past a 100 in 3.5 seconds. Now that’s quite a lot for someone who has been driving a car that takes much, much, much more than 3.5 seconds not just to cross the 100 mark, but also to come to a halt, so you can understand the nervousness I was experiencing. Plus, it was my first time at the F1 circuit and my debut on auto-transmission. I’m not scared of speeding up till the time I’m driving, so I was really not bothered about getting over 100 or even 200, but the autotransmission was certainly scaring me because I was completely ignorant of it, so I called up a friend (who will now be laughing, reading this article) who has dated more cars than women in his life for advice. He said, “Chill, there is nothing to get scared of. You can ask the Audi instructors about everything you don’t know.” I was relieved to know that there will be someone to bail me out if I turn into a complete idiot at the steering. With that in mind,
I reached BIC fully prepared to handle my ignorance, but once I saw the other auto-journalists at the circuit, everything I should not have been scared of came rushing back to haunt me. Fuck, these guys know everything. Half of them can’t even afford a car of half the price of the R8, but they were acting as if they have a cheque of `2.05 crore just ready at their home to buy this car. During the training session before the R8 driving experience, all the other auto journalists knew the answer to every question that the instructor asked, so I realised that I didn’t deserve to be there and am better off interviewing luscious women in the first few minutes itself. Nevertheless, I manned up and went ahead for the drive. My co-driver guided me through the autotransmission and I was pretty good and pretty reckless on the circuit, but the R8 is prepared to take care of even reckless, ignorant and super-nervous drivers like me. While its powerful V10 engine with 550 HP gives it wings and the ABS keeps you on track if you go overboard with the speed, however, you really need to know how to activate the ABS because I noticed that half the people, even those who had driven such cars earlier, were finding it hard to activate it. And if you really don’t experience the might of the ABS in the Audi R8, you are kind of missing on the action-reaction. What more does this spruced-up R8 offer? The new S-tronic 7-speed dual clutch automatic gearbox that gives you great leverage at the start, reduced weight of 50 kgs, a studier body, LED headlights, single frame grille and new dynamic turn signals. The result is a powerful automotive beast that even an amateur like me loves!
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Words: Kumar Saurav
How does a Maruti Swift driver feel when he gets to drive an Audi R8 V10 Plus? Read on to find out.
Price ` 2.05 crores Engine: 5200cc V10 engine Torque 540Nm@6500rpm Fuel Eficiency 12.9 kms/ltr Top Speed 317 km
WORDS BY Chris Sayer
The American Dream can take you from a nobody to a Cadillac- driving, Champagne-splashing hyperstar in just a few years, as Snoop Dogg will tell you. FHM speaks to the man himself to discover how different the States would be if he made it all the way to the White House…
wenty years ago, Calvin Broadus Jr was spending more time inside a prison cell than out of one. On the rare occasion that he was the right side of the bars, he’d go right back to a world of gangs, drugs and guns on the smog-engulfed streets of Long Beach, California. Just a few years later, this twentysomething had transformed himself into Snoop Dogg, the world’s best-loved and most famous rapper, laying claim to the first-ever debut album to top the American charts and bossing his own record label. Skip forward to 2012 and you’d have found him undergoing another transformation – into Snoop Lion, his new peaceand-love-toting Rastafarian persona – and recording his first reggae album, Reincarnated, in Jamaica. Not that he needed to; this is a man with album sales already in excess of 30 million, a net worth of over $110 million and the ability to send pictures of him smoking weed with Rihanna to more than 10 million palms in a split second via Twitter. That’s right, not only has Snoop Dogg ridden the rags-toriches American Dream rocket right to the very top of the entertainment ladder once, but he’s going to do it all over again with his second coming. Would you even hazard a guess as to where you’ll find him or what you’ll call him next? President Snoop, perhaps? A long shot it may be, but would you really bet your life on it? If an Austrian by the name of Arnold Schwarzenegger can go from bodybuilder to action hero to governor of California, why can’t a gangster-turned-rap-superstar? We found Snoop in LA to see what the U-S-of-A would look like under D-Odouble-G…
…Paint the white house black
One of the perks of being President Snoop is moving into the most famous residence in the country. The White House has been home to every American premier since 1800 and is filled with luxury furnishings reflecting the history of “the greatest nation on Earth” . “The first thing I’d do is give the White House a paint job,” he says. “I would have to paint the White House black. I’d change the floor, and it would be a marble floor with a mink-and-silk interior with butter-soft leather seats and a bathroom made in crystal. You’d be peeing on diamonds. Yeah, black with white diamonds.” It’s not just 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue that would get the Snoop treatment, though. Kiss your national anthem goodbye too, America… “I wouldn’t stick with that ‘Oh say can you see’ bullshit. Fuck all that. It’s time for some new shit. I mean, I would have to write it with a couple of writers I know who would come over and do it. It’d be real big, real creative and make America feel right at home. Now, it’s so outdated. We need something that speaks to the people right now.”
…Sort out gun crime
President snoop would… Give kids dollar skills
“Man, I was the class clown at school,” Snoop tells us from his studio in the laid-back Californian murmur that’s come to embody gangster rap in even the most remote corners of the planet. He sounds relaxed, really relaxed – something that definitely doesn’t surprise us given his 81-a-day habit (yes, really) of we-don’t-need-to-tell-you-what. “I had good enough grades to pass, and I never failed, but I did a lot of clowning around. I was always rapping, dancing, singing… all kinds of bullshit like that. That created the character I am today, being able to speak and perform in front of people.” People like Cameron Diaz, who was in the year below him. “She was my little homegirl, getting weed from me.” So, as a man who didn’t need to listen to a teacher to make his fortune but still appreciates how instrumental schooling is for success, how would he change the educational system if he were in charge of the most powerful nation on Earth? “I’d make sure there were lessons in finance for kids. The biggest lesson I’ve learned with my money is basically not to be so friendly with it. When we get it, we love to take care of our family and our friends. But we have to learn to take care of ourselves and teach friends and family how to work for it like you did. That way, you’re not giving it away, but it’ll be earned.”
“If I had to outlaw one thing, it’d be guns. I’d outlaw them to an extent where you have to be qualified to own one. You’d have to pass a demeanour test to see how you are under pressure, and what you’re gonna do when the pressure cracks you. There shouldn’t be no need for automatic weapons to be in the hands of regular citizens,” says Snoop as a man who’s no stranger to them. In the early days, before world fame put him on a straighter path, he’d been arrested for possession of a handgun and came close to a long stretch in prison after being charged and later acquitted of murder in 1993. Ten years later, he would be on the other side of the bullet as three shooters opened fire on his convoy travelling through LA. “It’s just too easy to get a gun. I’m not just talking about walking into Walmart and picking one off the shelf, I’m talking about walking into the hood and buying one on the street. It’s a hot topic here, but they’re not putting any control on it, they’re still just talking about it.”
“I WOULD HAVE TO PAINT THE WHITE HOUSE BLACK” HOUSE BLACK
“I love soccer, man,” Snoop tells us, excitement in his voice. “I love it so much. I wanna learn how to play. I play the video games and I love watching it, but I’ve not found my team to follow yet.” This enthusiasm is backed up by a new documentary, also called Reincarnated, which tells the story of his journey to become Snoop Lion in Jamaica. On more than one occasion you’ll spot him trekking through the jungle to huge ganja plantations while wearing the new Liverpool shirt, or mixing his new reggae tracks in a Chelsea top. He also has a well-documented friendship with David Beckham, was recently in talks about an investment in Celtic FC and has landed a role as official spokesman for the FIFA video games franchise. Snoop’s love for the game clearly runs deep. “I’ve never been to a match, but the best game I’ve seen on TV was between Real Madrid and Barcalona a few years back. Barcalona won that 2-1, and they had Pretty Hair on their
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…Turn football into the national sport
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team. Y’know, Ronaldinho. If I had my way, I would make sure it was on TV a lot more and all over the major networks. I’d put it on right after an [American] football or basketball game. I just love the sport.” corners of the planet, Snoop’s pretty well qualified to know what overseas gems the American people are missing out on: “The red-light district. I like that. We don’t got no red-light district and we need one. The last time I was in Amsterdam it was just by accident,” he says, before we inform him that this is the excuse offered by everyone who has ever walked through the city’s shadier corners. “It was an accident! I didn’t know what street I was on and all of a sudden the windows started to light up and there were bitches in them, so I had to stop. But then I regrouped and kept it moving through.” And when it comes to making an individual an honorary citizen, who would he pick? Perhaps someone who’s worked all their life for world peace? Someone who’s fought for equality, who is loved without question universally, a true global hero? “Russell Crowe,” he says without even a slight hesitation, as if he’s had the idea of the Aussie pledging his allegiance since forever. “He loves to hang out. He’s just real cool, a real cool cat.”
…Make everything free
National holidays are way up there with peanut-butter-and-jam sandwiches, muscle cars and throwing pig skins as great American traditions. They can find any excuse to crack open a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon and celebrate, from Columbus Day on 14 October to Labour Day at the start of September. Snoop’s day? “My new national holiday would be Free Day. Everything is free.
“CAMERON DIAZ WAS MY LITTLE HOMEGIRL, GETTING WEED FROM ME”
Any shop, pick out what you like: Free Day. Where would I go? I’d go straight into the dispensary [an American pharmacy]. Clear them out. U-Haul [removals] truck and just back it up. I think the people would vote for that, most definitely. I stand high on that statement.” He wouldn’t stop at just the one, though. As the president of the United States, Snoop gets as many holidays as he likes. On top of stripping the shelves of medication, he’s all for spending time with his wife and three kids: “Maybe one called Family Day, too. You gotta have a day where the whole family gets together, goes for food, goes to a movie and just enjoys each other’s company. I’m a busy man, but we always try to get to have that day as much as possible, even if it’s just driving together, talking. We may go to a basketball game or a football game, but it’s gotta be something that involves everyone.”
Snoop Lion’s album, Reincarnated, is out now
SNOOP’S PARTY TOWNS
Want to party in the USA like the world’s biggest rapper? Here are the places Snoop instructs you to hit…
LOS ANGELES “There’s hundreds of spots you can hit in LA. Head downtown by the MIAMI “Miami and LA are like kissing cousins. They got the beach life, the
Staples Centre, or go to Hollywood. You can go to Orange County – y’know what I’m saying? LA is the place to be.”
nightlife, the strip clubs, the beautiful women, the Latinas. It’s double the pleasure.”
ATLANTA “There’s some great strip clubs here. They have Southern Belles, you
understand me? One hundred percent black women who know how to work a pole.”
NEW ORLEANS “The food here is great. You got some great chefs, and the women know
how to cook. They also know their voodoo, so they’ll put that spirit on your ass to woo you.”
…Build a red light district in America
62 May 2013
As a man who’s spent the last 20 years taking his music right around the world, to the far
CHICAGO “That’s the gangster city, you know. You maybe looking for some
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gangster shit, so go on over the Chicago and get your gangster on. They do it real big.”
Fill that SHM gap in your life
They’ve ruled the electro roost for five years, but now that Seb Ingrosso, Axwell and Steve Angello have called it a day with SHM and gone in their separate directions, there’s a whole load of stadiums left partyless. Who’ll step up to the mark? Radio 1’s Dance Anthems king Danny Howard predicts which housey hitmakers will be filling their Swedish shoes…
THE YOUNG PROTÉGÉ Alesso “Seb Ingrosso’s new label Refune is bringing through young Swedish artists like 21-yearold Alesso. He’s just nailing it. His synths and drops are like rock-dance in a way – it’s got a guitar element that, together with electro, would fill a stadium amazingly. All it’s gonna take is one big hit and he’ll be there.” Essential listening: Clash (2012) THE HOT PROPERTY Avicii “The guy is already huge, thanks to creating his own unique style, which is different to anything else I’ve heard. It’s addictive, and only Avicii can do it. There are lots of epic breakdowns,
but the secret ingredient is the melodies. That’s where the money’s at, and it would sound incredible in a stadium. It hooks you right in.” Essential listening: Silhouettes (2012) THE VETERAN you need to rethink Eric Prydz “Don’t rule him out because of his hit, Call On Me. That was actually a side project that blew up and went out of control. His sound away from that is so different – aggressive and melodic. It absolutely has the energy you need to lift thousands of people in a stadium. He’s a pioneer, and you won’t be making a mistake if you go see him.” Essential listening: Every Day (2012)
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Last seen driving stadiums crazy
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is ready to rob hearts
Words by Kabeer Sharma Photography by rohan shreshtha Styling by nitasha gaurav Makeup by tanya traVers Production madmoth
64 May 2013 fhmindia • fhmindia fhmindia.com
crime m aster gogo’s Daughter
Little Miss Kapoor is exa c t ly girl you’d walk over to an the sort of would you still ask her o d ask out. But ut if you knew who her daddy is?
Shoes: Steve Madden Wristbands: Accessorize
he Kapoors are a peculiar bunch. For one, there’s just too many of them around, they all spell their names differently and one out of ten have parents who have worked in Indian cinema. They come in all shapes and sizes – unapologetic hotties, hot as hell mothers, newbie male actors, dyslexic actors with tantrums, those who specialise in villainy and those who get bit roles in Hollywood movies. In other words, they are everywhere. So you’d imagine things would be difficult for Shraddha Kapoor. Only they aren’t. “We are taking over the industry. You must have met a lot more of them than me though, so tell me what all are the shapes and sizes they come in?” Shraddha Kapoor is really excited and for good measure. After two movies she would rather not talk, her latest – Aashiqui 2 is already a hit, its songs have become a rage, one specifically soppy number has already received 3.5 million Youtube views, and that she hasn’t slept for 36 hours. But she isn’t hopping off the walls excited, “It’s more like sit back with a cup of coffee excited.” During the movie’s shooting she was high on energy, but it wasn’t the kind where they had to hide the Red Bull. Miss Kapoor made a comeback in Aashiqui 2 last month, romancing a hero addicted to hooch played by an actor who spells his last name with a ‘U’ instead of the two ‘OOs’ for some inexplicable reason. While the comparison to the erstwhile actress might have been a concern, thanks to Anu Aggarwal’s naked bosom getting ingrained into public consciousness from a movie called The Cloud Door, that isn’t much of a bother either. So when we meet Miss Kapoor on a hot, muggy day in Mumbai, she’s arrived wearing flip-flops and a lime green ganji she loves, holding a mug of tea – things are pretty much falling in place for the girl who wants to buy a black Vespa as opposed to a red or
“there isn’t much more Conservatively that i can dress than I currently do”
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a yellow one, which you would’ve pegged her down for. “It has nothing to do with a gothic phase, although I did go through one – all black nail paint, dark eyes etc.” No tattoos though. Piercings? There was a belly button piercing she got rid of because it made no sense to have one “if you aren’t going to expose it.” Miss Kapoor doesn’t expose. And it’s not because her father, the quintessential villain of Indian Cinema – Shakti Kapoor handed her a list of Dos and Don’ts when she decided to jump onto the cinema bandwagon; but because Miss Kapoor is a little bit of a good girl. She aced psychology and biology (dissections were her favourite part with a frog, cockroaches and once even a bird bearing the brunt of it). She didn’t get into much trouble in school or even in college in Boston, she doesn’t have wild party nights, has always had more boys who are friends than girls and she isn’t one of those “Ohhh look at my pink nails” kind of girl. “My father doesn’t give me hell about what I wear. Maybe because there isn’t much more conservatively that I can dress than I currently do. I mean you saw how conservative I was at the shoot,” she winks. Like all hot girls who’ve had more boys as friends than women, Miss Kapoor also suffers from the ‘I-am-chilledout-but-I-can-imagine-girls-being-anal’ syndrome and somewhere between the movie promotions and the FHM shoot, the one thing she is pining for is to go ‘diving’. You see, has an ‘Advanced Scuba Diver’ certificate and is a little bit of an adrenalin junkie. “I really want to go sky diving, soon!” But even more than that, its binge eating that she has taken on as a hobby. She can eat anything and everything and in significant quantities – except airline food. And she doesn’t just know how to eat, she makes a mean Maharashtrian Mutton Curry, Maharashtra-style prawns and a killer Death-By-Chocolate. “It’s not a menu that fills pages but it gets the work done.” ‘What? No breakfast?’ Well, she can wing eggs. She also loves taking pictures, but if you are imagining selfies, you’ll be in for a little bit of a shock, as she’s obsessed with her digital SLR camera carries it everywhere. A commander seated next to her on a flight told her they use too much soda in it or some such. Was he just trying to chat her up?
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Shoes: Steve Madden
Actually, she was the one who started the chat – she was curious about the book he was reading (something on Hitler). “I am shy that way. I don’t like the flicking of the hair and the whole laughing at every joke kind of flirting… Disappointed?” she teases. Before we can ask what sort of flirting she does resort to, she turns the tables: “I also don’t react well to ‘OHHH Dahhhling, you look so hot in that dress,” (adopts mocking boyish accent). She doesn’t get hit on too much though apart from the odd “Babee you are bootiful” since she almost never goes out with friends, so the whole conversation with the random people thing has sort of been nipped in the bud. We realise Miss Kapoor enjoys doing the interview rather than being the one interviewed. “FHM is casual, not phenomenally serious as a lot of the other ones.” “Are you a Delhi Boy? All you Delhi people talk the same.” We tell her to stop ribbing on us. She continues, “You guys don’t have swag, like the ones in Mumbai.” We ask her what good swag is when stuck in the back of a car in a traffic jam for three hours and she laughs, “But I do want to travel to North India.” She says ‘North India’ with a little bit of an
air of mysticism, the sort of aura people conjure when talking about ‘Latin America’ and bike trips. She laughs when we tell her that. “No ya, I just want to go to Himachal and Kashmir,” she explains. Ask her if the binge-eater in her wants any food recommendations for the North and she says, “You want to give me food recommendations or do you want to send me home cooked food?” We pimp the mother’s home-cooked Butter Chicken and invite her over. She is, after all, very much the sort of a girl you can walk up to in a bar and ask out. If you can manage to get beyond the mortal fear of her father (she has a brother too to boot) – she’s very much a normal, regular girl. She just isn’t looking at dating just yet though. There are plans of making a boyfriend somewhere before she turns 30 sandwiched between other diary entries like getting a superhit film and climbing a mountain of respectable height. We suggest adding a beach holiday and a mojito to the list. “Ah well, okay. Let’s add that too. There’s still a long time to go.” Unlike other actresses who’ve de-aged in the media, Miss Kapoor doesn’t need to – she is 24. But with the way her career is shaping up, she might not have time for any one of these things.
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“I don’t like the Flicking of the hair and the whole Laughing at every joke kind of flirting...”
Shorts: Zara Neckpiece: Accessorize
here are few things in life quite like the joy of getting a copy of FHM in your mailbox. True, the smell of a new car and five shots of Jägermeister come close but that’s besides the point. To make sure you don’t drive yourself too crazy waiting for FHM to arrive, we’ve taken out the best parts of FHM and put them in a kick-ass app, available exclusively on the Windows 8 phone. To celebrate the launch of the App, Kalki Koechlin and Emraan Hashmi joined some mad, insane people from Windows, the FHM APP BABES and some of Delhi’s most photographer-friendly faces. The booze flowed, and models pirouetted in designer Jaya Misra’s clothes, but the real action was outside as a Windows challenger pitched the Windows 8 phones against all others even as the FHM App Babes demo-ed the FHM App for the party-gang.
May 2013 fhmindia • fhmindia fhmindia.com
FHM now even closer home
what we did this month
Thank you to all our partners:
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what we did this month
Wild, Wet, Holi
es, it is a bit late. But what sort of the a world are we living in if pictures of women getting wet, wild and drunk get dated? That’s not the world we at FHM live in. Which is why we bring you some exclusive pictures of a party which ended in severe hangovers, lots of hook-ups and more than a couple of nip slips. But then you already know what happens when hot girls get wild — this isn’t your first FHM party, now is it? While the DJ mixed up and dished out bits of electronic, trance and bollywood, our good friends from Budweiser and Sobieski ensured there was not one glass empty. The crowd did take a break every once in a while though, to dunk each other in a make-shift pool specially created at Cafe Ludus.
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Thank you to all our partners:
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Interviews Andy Brassell Portraits Andy Parsons and David Emery
Ac tu all y, t hes e th t ve i ree o l y guys would. And they blood
ootball referees have never been subject to more criticism than they are today. One wrong move and you find yourself ripped apart by armchair viewers and studio pundits. So who on Earth would want to be one? FHM tracked down a Premier League veteran, a Brazilian who has called his country’s hottest derbies and a young up-and-comer to find out why dealing with law and order on the pitch is the greatest job a footie fan could ever do. and was off work for 13 months. Afterwards I was so weak, a linesman suggested I try refereeing to get my strength back. I was on my own, tiny and really shy, so having to referee Sunday mornings with these really tough guys, I was intimidated. But right from the start I told myself: “You can rise to this challenge.” I’ve walked on to 1,205 professional pitches with a ball under my arm and it felt unbelievable every time. I’ve been reffing under-18 boys recently, and when I go out I still feel like I’m walking out at Anfield. All referees have their tricks. If I’m officiating a match and the horror tackles and red cards start flying, my immediate reaction is to slow the game down by awarding free kicks. You’re pressing pause so everyone can calm down. It’s more intimidating in the local parks. Never in a million years could I imagine a professional footballer assaulting me. But referees are attacked in parks every week. Last year a guy drove his car at a ref because he’d sent him off. People always say “things were better in the old days”. Nonsense. Now is the best time there has ever been to be involved in football. The best players, the best grounds, it all seems brilliant to me! My toughest match? Dagenham against Scarborough, who were managed by Neil Warnock. One team was fighting relegation; the other was fighting for promotion. It was so aggressive – I was shattered. I also refereed in Egypt – a match between Syria and the Ivory Coast in front of 40,000 people. It was the most brutal match I’ve ever seen. Three players got sent off in 24 minutes and one guy’s tackle split a player’s thigh wide open. I red carded him and he just shrugged his shoulders. When I started, I was paid 80 pence a game. Now referees can get £80K a year. Refereeing made me the man I am: happy and healthy. I’ve been on the field with Brazilian Ronaldo and shaken hands with Nelson Mandela. When my contract was up, there was this hole in my life. But now I work for Sky. Last Sunday I got to watch eight games live. People ask me, “How can you do that?” I just say “Because I bloody love it!”
THE V ET E R A N
Dermot Gallagher 55, started refereeing in 1978 Over the course of a 29-year career, Dermot officiated at every level of the game, from the Sunday leagues to ferocious Liverpool derbies in the Premier League. If you’ve had a favourite player in the last three decades, chances are he’s blown his whistle at them. Four days before my 21st birthday, I was taken seriously ill. I lost twoand-a-half stone in less than a fortnight
76 May 2013
leonardo gaciba laying down the law at rio’s engenhão stadium in 2006 and (centre) brazil’s fluminense coming to blows with paraguay’s cerro porteño in 2009
THE B R A Z IL I A N DE RBY S PE CIALIST
Leonardo Gaciba 41, started refereeing in 1993 After reffing his way to the pinnacle of Brazil’s Série A and the Copa Libertadores, Leonardo now plies his trade as a pundit for TV Globo. Spicy derbies are his middle name (not really – it’ll be something Portuguese). I actually started out as a handball referee when I was 16. I loved sport so much, it seemed the best way of staying in it. Later I started doing football in the local league in Pelotas, where I was born. It turned out I was pretty good at it. Being a football referee means giving up a lot of things in life – getting together with your family, parties and all sorts of social events. We love football so much, it feels like something’s missing when we’re not taking part. So it’s worth it. I’ve done all the big derbies in Brazil. Flamengo versus Fluminense, Vasco da Gama against Flamengo, Corinthians playing Palmeiras in São Paulo, Corinthians and Santos… and the big one in my home town of Porto Alegre, Grêmio and Internacional. I did that last one 15 times. My best memory? The 2006 Brazilian Cup final between Flamengo and Vasco da Gama, in front of 90,000 screaming fans. The Maracanã stadium is a temple. It was divided down the middle that day – half red and black and the other half black and white. The singing was just constant for the whole 90 minutes. They call that derby the “clássico dos milhões” (“classic of the millions”) because of its size. Being in the middle of a show like that was like a prize that a referee gets only a few times in his career. The Brazilian player is literally an artist. The biggest difficulty is the fact that when the players are touched, they prefer to fall over as opposed to getting on with the game. This has made Brazil the country with the highest average number of fouls of all the world’s major
national championships. With international games, the only problem we Brazilian refs have is the technical part of the game – giving corners, throw-ins, etc. Discipline-wise, everything’s much easier than in Brazil! I got used to the big games. When I stepped into a packed stadium, I felt totally at home. Pressure? I loved the sensation of refereeing in front of a full house. Being an international referee is incomparable. Standing up for the national anthems with the Argentina and Uruguay teams in 2005, for the South American Under-17 Championship, the penny dropped that I’d made it to a higher level than I ever imagined.
R e f e r e e i n g Riddles
How well do you know the rules of the game? Test yourself against the professionals: QUESTIONS
1. The referee stops play for a player from each team to receive treatment after a clash of heads in the away team’s half of the pitch. To restart the game, he requests that the opposing players don’t contest the dropped ball and that the away player returns it to the home team. He overhits it and it flies into the home team’s goal. What happens next? 2. The home team are on the attack. While the ball is on the wing, the away team’s centre-back and goalkeeper change shirts, with the centre-back going in goal and the goalkeeper coming out – and subsequently heading the ball out for a corner when it comes into the penalty area. What action do you take? 3. A tiger, commandeered by the home club for a half-time show, wanders from its open cage and saunters on to the pitch. The away team’s fearless hard-man midfielder wrestles the beast with a headlock and snaps its neck, ending the danger. How does the referee react?
1: The referee gives a goal kick. If the player had inadvertently kicked the ball into his own net from a dropped ball, the referee would have given a corner. 2: The change is allowed, but as it happened without the ref’s permission, both players receive a yellow card. Play restarts with the corner. 3: The midfielder must be sent off for violent conduct if the referee considers he has used excessive force against any player, match official or spectator.
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TH E N EW KID
Tom Bowkett 22, qualified as an FA referee in 2008 A newcomer to the reffing fraternity, Tom officiates on county football in and around Birmingham. He tells FHM what pulling on the black shirt means to him.
I always wanted to be involved in football. I played at school, but never even at a decent enough standard to be in a school team, to be honest. So I contacted my local refereeing association and got on a course. Being a referee you learn things that you can apply in everyday life. I work in events, which can be stressful, but the fact is, I know I can man-manage 22 players on a pitch. I refereed an under-18s, which was particularly tough. It was very feisty and there were no assistant referees. I wouldn’t call it abuse but there was a high level of language from both teams. Bear in mind I was only just older than the players. Once you qualify as a referee you can’t ever watch a football match in the same way again. Even if it’s a team you support, you’ll watch it as a ref. Analysing. Refereeing a match with 20 people watching can be harder than a crowd of thousands, mainly because you can hear clearly what everyone is saying. In a massive stadium you can’t hear anything. Always expect the unexpected. When referees are trained we get asked the most ridiculous questions about things that will never happen on a football pitch. For example, what to do if the ball is heading into the goal when a defender takes his boot off and chucks it, diverting the ball so it goes behind the ball line. That would be handball, by the way. The boot would count as an extension of the player’s arm, so it’s a red card and a penalty. If I do get abuse, I don’t dwell on it. That’s because, to the crowd and those 22 players on the pitch, I am not “Tom” .I am the referee. You put on that black kit and away you go. I love being a referee. If you have a passion for football, it’s a dream job.
stuart attwell: how he made the biggest mistake of his life
Weird est Moments In Reffing History
Ghost goal In 2008, fresh-faced, 25-year-old referee Stuart Attwell had recently been promoted to the Premier League and was officiating a game between Watford and Reading. A Reading player sent in a corner that bounced off someone else and rolled out of play. For reasons best known to himself, Attwell decided to award it as a goal, to the incredulity of all 22 players and the 18,000 inside Vicarage Road. The “scorer” even admitted it was “the worst decision I’ve ever witnessed in football”. The spirit of fair play Going for a drink after a hard day’s work is all well and good. Going on a vodka bender before a hard day’s work? Not so much. Forty- three-year-old
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Sergei Shmolik had been on the FIFA list for 15 years when he staggered on to the field to referee a match in his native Belarus in 2008, refusing to move outside the centre circle during the game. Eventually he was escorted off the pitch by security, waving to the crowd like a game-show winner as he went. Hospital blood tests later showed he’d consumed a “significant” quantity of alcohol. Rucking refs Pre-season friendlies: good-natured and devoid of drama. Except, that is, in August 2012, when Turkish fourth-tier clubs Altinorduspor and Pazarspor met for a warm-up. Ten minutes into the second half, Pazarspor were preparing to take a free kick when, out of the blue, an
assistant ref ran on to deliver a flying kick at an Altinorduspor defender. A brawl kicked off and a number of players went after the ref, forcing him to hide behind a dugout. “¡Rafa, no me jodas!” Few match officials have been given nicknames, but Rafa “Rafa, no me jodas” (“Rafa, don’t fuck with me”) Guerrero is an exception. Real Zaragoza led Barcelona 3-2 in September 1996 when linesman Guerrero flagged for an offence at a Barça corner. Having been called over, referee Mejuto González loudly uttered the immortal words: “Rafa, don’t fuck with me! Send off who? Which number?” At which point Guerrero panicked and had a random player dismissed. Strange bloke.
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While the Brit teams decided to en masse quit and grow sweet potatoes and the only football team us Indians know — Manchester United inhaled a sock, these underdogs went the distance... Sans Messi, sans Ronaldo.
Words by Arup Das
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the UNDERDOG STORY
Team Name Malaga FC Estd. April 3, 1904 Owner Abdullah Al-Thani Rank 59 Stars Isco, Martin Demichelis and Jérémy Toulalan Upsets AC Milan, Zenit St. Petersburg
After offloading Cazorla, 20-year old Isco has marshalled the mid-field and created and scored goals. In eight matches, Isco has assisted 4 goals and has scored three times. Special mention must go to the duo of Martin Demichelis and Jérémy Toulalan, who provided rock solid defence and kept a check on the opponent’s strikers.
he fairy tale story began in June 2010 when Abdullah bin Nasser bin Abdullah Al Ahmed Al Thani, member of the Qatari royal family, bought the club. He pumped in so much money that Malaga FC recruited players with the lure of high salaries. But after a year with investors wanting to pull out, the club had no other choice other than to sell top players. All was not gloom and doom as they made their debut in Champions League. Pitted against AC Milan, Zenit St. Petersburg, and Anderlecht, Malga managed to win their first leg of the Group Stage matches and top the table. In the round of 16, they showcased their class and defeated FC Porto. Unfortunately, they lost to Borussia Dortmund with a narrow margin in the second leg, but no one can take the success away from them.
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Manuel Pellegrini has the ability to get inside the minds of his players and instill confidence in them. He’s now the only manager to have taken two different debutants to the quarterfinal stage after taking Villareal to the semi-finals in 2006.
Manager of the team
the UNDERDOG STORY
Team Name Borussia Dortmund Estd. December 19, 1909 Owner Club board members Rank 36 Stars Mario Gotze, Robert Lewandowski, Marco Reus Upsets Real Madrid, Manchester City, Ajax
his team showed promise by winning the Bundesliga for the last two years, but this season they tasted success in the continental league by topping the group of death and defeating Real Madrid, Dutch champions Ajax, and England’s richest team — Manchester City. The club believes in grooming young talent, mainly local players, rather than buying superstars since their limited budget doesn’t give them much of an option. After upsetting European powerhouses in the group stage, Shakhtar Donetsk was an easy opponent for Dortmund in the round of 16 while they made heavy weather in their quarter-final tie against Malaga. Dortmund continued their undefeated run as they beat Real Madrid 4-1 in the first leg of the semi-finals.
Jurgen Klopp has been the mastermind behind the team’s success. Since joining Borussia Dortmund in 2008, he has managed to win two consecutive Bundesliga titles and one German FA Cup. Klopp’s way of success is built on belief, passion, determination and great scouting.
“Jur” the man
The mid fielder Mario Gotze is the toast of Borussia’s young talent. His passes pierce through the opponent’s defence and create goal-scoring opportunities for their striker, Robert Lewandowski. The Pole is the only player to score four goals in a Champions League semi-final. Marco Reus has not only scored four goals but has also created scoring opportunities for his team.
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the UNDERDOG STORY
Team Name Galatasaray Estd. October 1, 1905 Owner Club board members Rank 41 Stars Dider Drogba, Wesley Sneijder, Felipe Melo Upsets Manchester United, Schalke
Fatih Terim may not have been able to fulfill his team’s dream by reaching the semi-finals but he has made everybody proud of team. Terim’s plan was simple — get the best local talent and add some of the best players who’ve played this beautiful game.
his Turkish club is a sporting institute that fields teams in many other sports like basketball, swimming, polo etc., and has been consistently taking part in this elite league. Strictly speaking, the only hurdle they had to face was Manchester United but their group stage matches started disastrously as they lost to the Red Devils and then to lowly Braga. But after that they remained undefeated till the quarterfinals. They also managed to defeat Man United at home. After finishing second in the group stage, Galatasaray faced a daunting task as they faced off against Schalke. The Istanbul club drew at home but they made heavy weather of defeating the strong German outfit. The hard fought match ended with the score at 3-2 in favour of Galatasaray and they showed immense grit.
The January transfer period benefitted the team as they roped in the former Chelsea hitman Dider Drogba and the skilfull Dutch captain, Wesley Sneijder. The striker has created two goals for his club. Sneijder, on the other hand, showed his passing during the quarterfinals second leg against Real Madrid. The defence is marshalled by Felipe Melo.
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the UNDERDOG STORY
Team Name Paris Saint Germain Estd. August 12, 1970 Owner Qatar Investment Authority Rank 19 Stars Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Javier Pastore, Ezequiel Lavezzi Upsets Porto, Valencia
Spearheaded by Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Ezequiel Lavezzi, PSG were a force to reckon with. With the playmaker, Javier Pastore bamboozling the opponents with his dribbling skills, Ibrahimovic and company took care of finding the net. Lavezzi was the surprise leading goal scorer this time, but a lot of credit goes to team man, Zlat as he created goal-scoring opportunities.
he tale of PSG is quite simple. Qatar Investment Authority took over ownership of France’s most well-known football club and has successfully made it one of the wealthiest teams on the planet. But they have managed to justify their cash splashing policy with results like leading the domestic league and took top honours in the group stage in the Champions League. PSG lost only one game to Porto, but rest of the round robin matches were won clinically by them. After beating Valencia in the round of 16, many actually believed that this team could expose the great Barcelona’s weak defence and they almost did so, but two draws against the Catalans spelled doom for the team as they lost to the away goals rule. But technically speaking, the French outfit never lost to them.
Carlo Ancelotti is a seasoned coach who brought AC Milan out from the doldrums in 2001 and won many titles. He has a knack for understanding the limitations of his teams like PSG, and work on them to win titles. Carlo has managed to build a united team with superstar egos.
Man in charge
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m y t hs
If fad-diet salesmen and excitable headline writers are to be believed, pretty much everything you put in your mouth – from a simple slice of cheese to an innocent tin of beans – will make you fat, give you cancer or come to life, bite you on the nutsack and kick you in the shins. Add this to the wealth of “scientific” information flying around and making healthy food choices has become a stomach-churning minefield. Which is why FHM has pulled on its lab coat and set out to sort foody fact from foody fiction. Settle in as we answer the culinary questions that really matter.
The theory This actually happened to someone at our brother’s mate’s cousin’s school, honest! Swallow some chewing gum and it’ll remain in your gut until 2020. The facts “This is completely bogus,” says Professor Terence Cosgrove, a chemistry lecturer who invented Revolymer “easy to remove”
chewing gum. “It just goes right through your system and is not digested in any way. The danger comes if you swallow 20 or 30 pieces a day. Do that and the doctor will need a drill to get it out.”
The theory Beans, beans, the musical fruit, the more you eat, the more you toot. Sure, it rhymes, but is it true? The facts “When certain foods such as beans and cabbage are broken down by bacteria in your large bowel, they form gas,” explains Dr Sneh
Khemka. “Also, beans are a great source of soluble fibre, which isn’t broken down until it reaches your large intestine, and this can cause further gas to form.” Conclusion? The more you fart, the better you feel, so eat them beans at every meal! FO O D T RUT H !
FO O D M YT H !
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m y t hs
in China and Korea
find it at all in Hong Kong, for example. It is, however, pretty popular in Guangxi [south-west China] and parts of Guangdong. Dog meat appears in all forms: fried, boiled, in hot pots, in dumplings, in soup, spicy, hot and sour – you name it, they cook it. The only rule is that it has to be a dog they are not acquainted with.” FO O D T RUT H !
The theory In the Far East, the phrase “This dish is the dog’s bollocks” has an altogether different meaning. The facts According to the animal-rights group In Defense of Animals, more than two-and-a-half million South Korean dogs are killed each year as part of the $2 billion dog-and cat-meat industry. And according to Lonely Planet ’s China editor Damian Harper, “You see dog meat quite a bit in China, but it's not everywhere. You don't
SEMEN TASTE LOVELY
The theory Treat the one you love to a totally tropical taste sensation, because chowing down on juicy fruit gives you a fruity shoot. The facts “I’ve never tasted my own jizz(semen),” says legendary
88 May 2013
IF YOU PICK IT UP WITHIN
The theory Drunkenly dropped your takeaway on the kebab shop floor? Don’t panic – as long as you blow off the dust, pick off the hairs and give it a quick wipe within five seconds, you’re good to go. The facts “The moment your food falls, bacteria, hair and other muck will stick straight on it,” says environmental health officer Sarah Daniels. “If you drop a steak at home you could chance it, but if your dog brought muck into your kitchen, that could be on your steak. The pavement is even worse. It’s covered in fecal bacteria and nastiness.” FO O D M YT H !
porn star Ben Dover. “But I’ve enjoyed several thousand secondhand accounts, and they all say that the more sweet the food, such as pineapple, the sweeter the semen.” FO O D T RUT H !
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m y t hs
The theory That recurring nightmare where you’re drowning in a giant bowl of molten marshmallows? Must’ve been that trip-inducing Double Gloucester you snacked on. The facts The Dairy Council claims Stilton causes the most vivid dreams and Red Leicester prompts nighttime nostalgia. But Dr Chris Idzikowski of the Edinburgh Sleep Centre says this is tosh. “There have been no worthwhile experiments into this and neuropharmacological explanations are too far-fetched for this to be true,” he argues. Cheese toasties before bedtime, anyone? FO O D M YT H !
BEFORE BED GIVES YOU
OYSTERS MAKE YOU
The theory Something this slimy and cripplingly expensive must have at least one redeeming quality. Who needs Viagra when you’ve got a plateful of these shell-based treats? The facts “There’s no scientific proof of this,” says Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of igniteyourpleasure.com. “But oysters are high in zinc, which is said to boost sexual desire, and Casanova
supposedly consumed them before trysts. My view is that they have a placebo effect – believe and it will do its magic, so to speak.” Basically, if you think you’re going to stay up all night with a beautiful woman, then you will. (That’s how it works, right?) FO O D M YT H !
YOU CAN IGNORE THE
The theory Fat-laden food turns you into Chubblethorpe McManboobs. They call it “fat” for a reason. The facts “There are two main types of fat – saturated, which is bad, and unsaturated, which isn’t,” says Dr Sneh Khemka. “Eat too much saturated fat and you’re more likely to be overweight and suffer
The theory Food labels are more just guidelines, really. Proper men use the sniff test. The facts “Smelling out-of-date food works for spoilage bacteria, but you cannot smell salmonella, so it could be all over your food and your nose would have no idea,” says environmental health officer Sarah Daniels. “I’d also recommend not eating food after the ‘consume within’ window. Most supermarket food is packaged in nitrogen-rich air, because this modified air doesn’t have any oxygen and bacteria needs oxygen to grow. As soon as we open a packet or carton, however, oxygen pours in and bacteria multiplies at will, making ‘consume within’ dates crucial.”
IF YOUR FOOD
from high cholesterol, which increases your chance of developing heart disease. Because of this, the average man should have no more than 30g of saturated fat a day.” But unsaturated fat is actually healthy. “Good unsaturated options include oily fish, avocados, nuts and seeds.” FO O D M YT H !
FO O D M YT H !
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m y t hs
FORTUNE COOKIES COME FROM
FO O D T RUT H !
The theory Scoff a stick of good old Britishgrown asparagus and your trips to the toilet will produce a funky aroma. OK, a funkier aroma. The facts “It’s a very pungent, acrid smell,” says Dr Malcolm VandenBurg, a consultant pharmaceutical physician
(malcolmvandenburg. co.uk). “It is nothing to worry about, though. The body simply extracts chemicals from the asparagus, changes them slightly, and then excretes them via the urine in a form that smells pungently.”
S M A LL E R
The theory A long, long time ago, in a Chinese kitchen far, far away – well, in China – someone came up with the idea of encasing a sooth-saying scrap of paper inside a crispy post-dinner snack. The facts “Fortune cookies were originally Japanese senbei [rice crackers] sold in confectionery shops in San
90 May 2013
Francisco’s Japan Town from the 1920s,” explains food writer and historian Rachel Laudon. “But when the Japanese living in the States were interned during the second world war, they had to leave their senbeimaking machines behind. Ta-dah! By the end of the war, fortune cookies were Chinese.” FO O D M YT H !
The theory What’s going on? Either our hands are getting bigger or we’re being royally screwed by the confectionery conglomerates. The facts We’re being screwed. Last October, the Office of National Statistics revealed that Dairy Milks had shrunk from 49g to 45g. “Shrinking products
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is an underhand way of inflating prices because pack sizes shrink but the prices don’t,” explains a Which? spokesperson. FO O D T RUT H !
m y t hs
The theory Big guns = small cock, so put the shaker down and step away from the creatine. The facts “There’s no correlation between protein intake and the shrinking of the penis,” says dietician and personal trainer Matthew Stark. It’s not all good news, however. “Two things that will directly shrink penis size would be excessive weight gain – as this would increase the fat on the mons pubis, making the penis seem smaller – and the use of exogenous testosterone or other anabolic steroids,” reveals Stark. So protein shakes won’t give you a teeny weeny – just don’t do a Lance Armstrong or there will be shrinkage. The theory Munch on those lab-produced noms and it’ll be a matter of weeks before you turn into that three-eyed fish off of The Simpsons. The facts “We have seen an increasing number of studies that indicate signs of ill health from the consumption of GM food,” says Dr Michael Antoniou, a molecular geneticist and GM expert. “The most recent was completed by Professor Gilles-Eric Séralini, who completed a two-year feeding study in rats. He found signs of serious liver and kidney damage and a number of tumours. The next step should be to complete a similar study with more animals. Until this happens, consumers should be wary of GM foods.” J U RY ’ S O UT !
PR OTEIN MUTANT S H A K ES
WILL TURN YOU INTO A
FO O D M YT H !
The theory The jaw action required to chomp down celery expends more calories than are contained within the rabbit food, so the more you eat, the thinner you get! The facts “No evidence backs this up,” says nutritionist Drew Price.
“However, the number of calories we’re talking about – either gained or lost – is so tiny, it’s just not an issue.” FO O D M YT H !
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world hunger conqu
Crickets – IPL SpecIAL Official snack of IPL#13
Delhi DELI SPECIAL Crispy Ants – the ultimate breakfast for the active man
Sir Jadeja SW For those days when you want some good old comfort food.
SHREEDUNG Tangy flavoured, soaked overnight in our secret recipe
THE GROUNDSMAN Gooey, melt-in-your mouth. Recommended only for real men.
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Hit wicket Centipede, brandy pate served with a side of fresh melba toast
THE ROHIT A light crunchy bite – the perfect on the go snack. THE ROACH Specially bred, hygienic roaches perfect for after-work hunger.
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Any Wrap+ Coffee `260 Sandwich+tea Toastie+ coffee Sandwich+Cola `260 `260 `300 Chips
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Ultimate Solution of World Hunger
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By 2020, youR mom will ask you, “ Beta, aaj dinner mein kya banau? Macchar ya cheenti? ” be prepared bros because that’s what the world is heading to – eating bugs. FHM readies you with all that you need to know about these edible bugs.
n a FAO study published a decade back, 85% participants from Central African Republic, 70% from Congo and 91% from Botswana admitted to having consumed caterpillars. Caterpillars are so high in proteins that they are considered instrumental in providing food security in Central African countries. They have more fat proportion and energy levels than even beef and fish. The insects are rich in potassium, calcium, magnesium, zinc, phosphorus and iron, and studies indicate that if you eat 100 grams of caterpillars everyday, your daily need of minerals and vitamins will be well taken care of.
Every year, France and Belgium import 500 and 300 kilos respectively of the dried caterpillar species from the Democratic Republic of Congo.
15 gms and 17 gms 430 kilocalories per 100 grams
he cholesterol content in grasshoppers is as high as 286 milligrams per 100 grams, which is even more than meat and poultry. Also, mall grasshoppers offer 20 percent protein and just six percent fat compared to lean ground beef’s 24 percent protein and 18 percent fat. Infamous for destroying crops, grasshoppers are considered a delicacy in a lot of countries. They are an excellent source of minerals, fatty acids and protein, and are consumed in dried, smoked or fried form. However, these insects must be cooked properly because they carry a
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Ultimate Solution of World Hunger
lot of parasites like tapeworm, which can only be killed after properly cooking them. They are known to be low on fat, and people who have eaten them say that grasshoppers, also known as locusts, taste similar to shrimp, crab and lobster.
High on protein 370 calories per 100 gms
ust like sautéed caterpillars, stir-fried crickets are extremely popular in Taiwan. Scientists have been reiterating the need to include crickets in our daily diet for a long time because of their nutritional content. In Cambodia and southern parts of Vietnam, cricket is well known as a delicacy. It is prepared by deep-frying the soaked and cleaned insect in oil.
African, Middle Eastern and Asian countries
here are almost 10,000 varieties of wasp in the world. Wasps are eaten in both adult and larval stages. Boiled, sautéed, roasted and fried, they taste somewhat buttery and earthy. Emperor Hirohito of Japan favoured boiled wasps with rice.
Reason to eat bugs
Even John The Baptist ate locusts with honey. How are Grasshoppers eaten Southern Mexico: Chapulines – a grasshopper variety that’s high on protein, mineral and vitamins are consumed here. Residents trap these insects during the evening using lamps or other forms of light and nets, and then dip them in water for a day. Then they are either eaten raw, boiled or sundried. Some people also flavour it with lime, spices, garlic and onions or make a soup out of it. China: In Beijing’s popular Donghuamen Night Market, grasshoppers are served on skewers.
Vitamin B2, Linolenic acid, Lauric Acid, Carbs
High on nutrition: Most of the edible insects are nutritious. Too much to eat: Insects are available in abundance and eating them won’t disturb the environment’s sustainability. 3. Affordable farming: Bug farming doesn’t need a lot of water, nor do they cost a bomb to transport. Studies prove that bug farming is way cheaper than cattle farming because to produce a kilo of beef, you will have to feed the animal 10 kilos of food, but with the same investment you can produce 40 kilos of crickets.
How to spot an edible insect
Avoid red, orange and yellow coloured insects, and eat the black, green or brown ones. Stay away from brightly coloured bugs. Avoid bugs that have a strong odour.
Is the act of eating insects. Though the term was coined for any living form that consumes insects, it primarily refers to humans.
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Middle East: Grasshoppers are boiled in hot water, sundried and then eaten as snacks. Australians who have been ravaged by locusts numerous times have been encouraged to eat the bug that destroys their farms. Two government workers have even published a book of 20 locust recipes called Cooking with Sky Prawns.
28 grams of protein per 100 grams, high on iron, zinc and calcium
121 per 100 gms
Calories Eaten in
Mexico, Cambodia, Taiwan and Southern Vietnam
FHM APP exclusively on windows 8
May 2013 95
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Ultimate Solution of World Hunger
The numberS game
was recently invested by the Dutch government to study insect farming and prepare a legislation about it. species of bugs are eaten in 113 countries.
Species of insects are fit to be consumed by humans
People in rural areas of Laos and Thailand are known to stock piles of dung so that they can get hold of these smelly, but tasty insects and make their most popular snack. How to eat a dung beetle? Clean them with water.
herbs of your choice till they turn crispy.
• • Soak overnight in water • Trim their wings and legs. • Toss the rest with a little oil and
ome rare and seasonal ant varieties are sold for as high as ` 1000 per kilo. Though ants and their larvae are consumed all over the world, in India, Burma and Thailand, a paste of the green weaver ant is consumed in abundance. In a Thai dish called Yam Khai Mot Daeng, ants larvae and eggs are the main ingredients. Because ants are low on fat, they are considered a good option for people who are particular about their waist size.
is the year when Food and Agriculture Organisation held a conference to discuss how eating insects can help in sustainable development. has been invested by European Union to study the nutritional value of insects. is the year when insects will be available in the retail markets. household farmers already raise locusts in Thailand according to The Guardian kilos of edible insects are available for every human on this planet.
£2.65m 2020 15,000 4000
High in protein, low on fat
1/10 of an ant Zero fat
2 calories per ant
Calories Eaten in
15 gms and 17 gms 430 kilocalories per 100 grams
India, Burma, Thailand, Mexico and Columbia
Large-bottomed ants are toasted alive and eaten in some parts of Mexico.
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WIN AT LIFE
how to make a
You need a good idea, good execution, and some luck to make it big with your App. We talk to experts across platforms and bring you their tips.
Words Nishant Nayyar
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1. Plan your App a. Research markets b. Identify your target audiences
categories to go after
Games a. Puzzle and Board Games b. Adventure (3D) Games c. Engaging Games with Social / Freemium purchase model d. Adult content apps Social Media apps General News apps
The hungama experience on bb10
“The Hungama App has a uniform user interface across all platforms, be it an Android or iOS. The BB Z10 is more native to the OS; your Hungama video/ music experience, however remains unchanged. A mix of intuition and great creative design, building this user interface was one of the easiest things
TO REMEMBER WHILE MAKING
2. Develop and build your App a. Work on user experience (UX) and usability design b. Use helper SDKs (for quick and efficient development) c. Build your App on specific platform d. Test/QA your App 3. Reach out to your audiences a. Promote and Advertise (using Social Media, App Stores, Recommendation sites) b. Study download patterns and rework on distribution 4. Monetize from your App a. Identify your revenue model (advertising, in-app purchase, pay-per-download etc.) b. Keep users engaged with features 5. Support your users a. Update app with new features and offerings b. Optimise your app and keep it bug-free c. Actively support your users and respond to their queries and woes “The app ecosystem also has something called the App Poverty line, which is hoisted at $500 per app per month. Only 26% of App Developers are above the app poverty line today (as of Jan 2013). One of the main reasons for this is half-baked ideation.”
in our case. The attempt was to ensure every unique feature offering in our app blended in right with the creative prerequisites.” Raj Sheth, AVP, New Product Development, Hungama.com The app is available for across mobile platforms.
Fun & Entertainment Multimedia a. Movie based apps For e.g. camera b. Music apps effects apps, apps c. News apps like Talking Tom
5 COMMON MISTAKES DEVELOPERS MAKE
1. Pack it with Features Features are good but if you pack in too many of them, it becomes difficult for end users to grasp the real deal. The need of the hour is to have a business goal defined for your app and push features that only supplement that vision. Keep it simple. Keep it real. 2. Poor Design This can be detrimental to your app’s success. Bad reviews dramatically pull down your app rankings and users are very sensitive to usability design. Also, adding too many ads kills the user experience, as filling your app with ads takes the engagement factor down for the user. Keep the app clean and usable at all times. 3. My Way or the Highway A lot of developers build apps that make sense to them as users. However, their point-of-view and focus-area may not come from the same place their potential users come from. Instead of this, focus on making something for an identified void in the market and mold the app to suit the needs of that market. 4. Focus on App Downloads A flip side to point number 4 is when you promote heavily and push for downloads. A lot of distribution networks today focus on getting you downloads via incentives. This model although successful to yield downloads, doesn’t do much to keep the users engaged. Make your app engaging enough for repeat value.
5. Lack of Promotion Your app may be the next Temple Run, but if you don’t plan to market and distribute it (even push it towards a basic form of viral marketing), you’ll be left with nothing in your pocket. Let your audience know that you exist.
Abhijeet Kunder is Head Products for Seventy Nine
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U P G R A D E A P P L I C AT I O N S
Be c a u s e all k ille r app s a r e o n apple .
- Listen to your users (App Store comments) and fix any reported issues quickly. What’s the best category to focus on? - Games, as this is the most engaging category for iOS users. - Photo & Video, as iOS operating software is fast and robust for this category of apps. What are the top mistakes app developers make? - Not focusing enough on the User Interface and User Experience: Show your app to your family and friends and observe how they use it. Participate in relevant forums (like toucharcade.com) and enlist external beta testers. - Presuming that building an app and uploading it on the App Store would mean revenues rolling: Discoverability is a major issue and getting the word out about your app is very important. Try to reach out to influencers (like bloggers, journalists, etc.) and tell
xpert tips: - Focus on the core functionality of the app and design the app around that. - Do not bring the desktop/web browser thinking to mobile apps.
- Focus on a demographic, and a geographic when you build an app. - Build metrics into the app, so that you can measure them constantly and tweak the app based on usage.
them your story. - Not testing enough: App users are pretty unforgiving lot. If your app crashes the first time they launch it, 60% of them would not try to launch it again. So test your app well, under various conditions, and on various variants of OSs, hardware units etc. What works for iOS? - It’s still the best platform for monetisation. - Fewer number of OS and device variations to test on. - The development tools available with OS (Mac OS) are available for free. - Great forums with very helpful developers. How can iOS evolve as an operating system? - I would give this advice to every OS developer - Move with the times as UE are changing by the day. Rohith Bhatt works Robosoftin and has created apps for Big Flix, IBN and Fish Fun
Top Free apps on ios
Vine Dev: Vine Labs, Inc. Category: Social Networking
Top paid apps on ios
Cut the Rope: Time Travel Dev: ZeptoLab UK Limited Category: Games. WhatsApp Messenger Dev: WhatsApp Inc. Category: Social Networking Fish Out Of Water! Dev: Halfbrick Studios Category: Games. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Rooftop Run Dev: Nickelodeon Category: Games Minecraft — Pocket Edition Dev: Mojang Category: Games
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Candy Crush Saga ® Dev: King.com Limited Category: Games Draw Rider Dev: Anton Vazhinsky Category: Games
Take It Easy Dev: Ravensburger Digital GmbH Category: Games Snapchat Dev: Snapchat, Inc. Category: Photo & Video
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like WhatsApp, Instagram, Pulse, The Guardian and Angry Birds are from different domains and these are the best ever known applications whose success is immense. So we can say there is no specific domain/ category which has the most lucrative apps. In each category there exists and application that has topped on charts. Top mistakes that an app developer makes and how to avoid them Developer and UX Engineer are the ones who play important role, as they are the ones who develop the concept and present it to the real world. The UX Engineer needs to be aware of user expectations more closely and the developer need to understand the platform constraints and how best a feature can be presented to end user. The UX Engineer needs to take care of user experience along with updated features coming in new versions. Deciding target platform and their respective OS version is also an important factor to be
considered as there might be some features which are deprecated or added in new versions. Your opinion on whether the BB10 OS is great for amateur app developers Well ,up till now, we have not seen much traffic on the BB OS. Neither we have yet seen any application requirement raised by any of our clients irrespective of BB OS version 10. Any suggestions on how BB10 OS can evolve as an operating system Currently there is no project signed off for our team to deliver but we have the built in house capability to develop any application on BB OS 10. We have few apps which have been developed and delivered in the past on BB OS 7. Few links to check trends and top paid and free apps on respective platforms are: - www.appannie.com - www.148apps.com/ top-apps/ Jayant Saxena works at L Square Technologies and has worked on apps for India Today, Woodland etc
Top Paid apps on google play
Swiftkey Keyboard Dev: Swiftkey Category: Productive Tools Temple Run Brave Dev: Disney Category: Gaming Titanium Backup Pro Dev: Titanium Track Category: Productivity Tools Where’s My Water Dev: Disney Category: Gaming Smart Tools Dev: Titanium Track Category: Productivity Tools
Top Free apps on google play
WhatsApp Messenger Dev: WhatsApp Inc. Category: Social Networking Facebook Dev: Facebook Inc. Category: Social Networking MX Player Dev: J2 Interactive Category: Music UC Browser Dev: UCWEB Inc. Category: Internet Browsing Truecaller Dev: Truecaller Category: Productivity Tools
Open s o u r c e b u t s u s c epti b le t o in c r ea s in g malwa r e
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xpert Tips on how to make an app: Memory Optimisation: Instruments XCode, Android Debug Bridge are the few of the tools that are commonly used. Coding Tips: Modular, Object Oriented Programming, Proper
and Timely Code Review Tools Embedded: XCode, Eclipse, Microsoft Studio 2012, SQLite, Which category of apps stands as the most lucrative ? The innovation and objective of application drives the success of application. The applications
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U P G R A D E A P P L I C AT I O N S
fa s te s t g r o win g OS , al s o h a s temple r u n
xpert Tips: 1. Planning and Definition Define a goal for your app. Write it down. Then expand on the idea till you’re satisfied with what you want to achieve. Now get down to the wire-framing. You don’t need any special wireframing or design tools — even a simple drawing on paper will do to begin with. The objective is to try and visually construct the flow of the user’s actions through your app. 2. Design& Interaction - Navigation: There are many different methods of navigation that can be employed — persistent, hierarchical, drill-down etc. Choose the method in a way that your user doesn’t get lost. - Buttons: Most Smartphones are touch enabled so be careful when designing action items
or menu buttons. - Forms/Text: If an input box needs to be filled with numeric (e.g. credit card), make sure that the number keypad is shown instead of the full QWERTY keyboard. - Colours: Colours are a great way to visually connect with similar items or even to convey the importance and lead the user’s eye to the specific features you want to highlight. - Load / Download Image: It is a good practice to display a visual representation of the activity when the user is led from one function to another. - Screen Resolutions: Be sure to take into account different screen resolutions to which the app will be targeted. - Different Platforms: Don’t copy a design created for one platform and try and use it on another. 3. Development
Top Free apps on Windows 8
WhatsApp Messenger Dev: WhatsApp Inc. Category: Social Networking Talking Tom Dev: 85001 Category: Game Facebook Dev: Microsoft Inc. Category: Social Networking UC Browser Dev: UCWEB Inc. Category: Internet Browsing Here Maps Dev: Nokia Corp Category: Maps and Navigations
Top Paid apps on Windows 8
Pro Shot Dev: Rise Up Games Category: Photography Apps Youtube Downloader Pro Dev: AnKo Software Category: Social Networking Chronos Calendar Dev: AR-1 Category: Productivity Tools Nextgen Reader Dev: NextMatters Category: News +Weather Truecaller Dev: Truecaller Software Category: Productivity Tools
While developing an app, the following few points should be addressed. - Tracking codes: Make sure you include a way to track your application usage. - Power consumption and battery life: Be aware of what activities are required for your app and limit the use to only those items that are absolutely essential. 4. Check before uploading - Icon & Screenshots: An attractive icon and descriptive screenshots are worth more at least a thousand downloads. - User feedback: Ensure you provide a feedback email address - Social media for marketing and promotion: Use the power of social media to promote it. - Title: Choose a concise, catchy name for your app. The more it reflects what your app does, the better your chances at attracting the right audience. Satyen Gajwani works at Indiatimes and has worked on an app like Gaana.com
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U P G R A D E A P P L I C AT I O N S
a de v el o pe r f r iendl y OS , if b la c k b e r r y mana g e s t o weat h e r t h e s t o r m
xpert tips on how to make an app: While a native app is always preferred, apps can also be ported from other platforms on to BB10. There’s always a time/cost factor that needs to be taken care of. Also, the time of the launch should be important. For e.g., when launching an app around music events in the city, they should ideally be launched just before a big concert. Also, from a coding perspective, developers should keep the following things in mind: -Start building with a solid framework - Make sure objects are properly assigned and realised - As much as possible, create and use re-usable components. Which category of apps stands as the most lucrative? I think Games and Productivity would be the two categories that have the
capacity to make the most money. I could be wrong, because you never know when a super app springs up (heard of Evernote?) from nowhere and make more money than games. I would say these are the points to consider when making a BB10 App: - Try to make the app in Native code that will enable you to scale, optimise and generally create a better running app. - Always look at sticking to the BlackBerry 10 design practices. - Look for “Built for BlackBerry” certification, which can happen when you ensure that your app connects to BBM and a couple of other BB specific features. - Always try to code in Objective C / C++ code. Try and avoid porting of apps, which may not be optimised for BB10.
Top Free Apps on BB10
Facebook Dev: Blackberry Category: Social Networking
Top Paid Apps on BB10
Guess The Word Dev: Solver Labs Category: Games Finger Scanning Lock Dev: Pace MobitTech Category: Productivity Tools The Dark Knight Risese Dev: Gameloft Inc. Category: Games Guess The Icon Dev: Solver Labs Category: Games Photo Studio PRP Dev: KVAD Group Category: Photo and Imaging
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Fancy Smiley Dev: AppsForBB Category: Productivity Tools WhatsApp Messenger Dev: WhatsApp Inc. Category: Social Networking Cute BBM Viewer Dev: AKDAS InfoTech Category: Productivity Tools Battery Booster Dev:Dev: AppsForBB Category: Productivity Tools
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Is BB10 OS is great for amateur app developers? Since BB10 is a new platform, it is really intuitive and brings the element of freshness in the way the user interacts. None of the competing OS has the features that BB10 brings with it like the UI layout handling that is easier and the developing menu/action items etc. that can happen real quickly as against other platforms. Any suggestions on how BB10 OS can evolve as an OS?
My suggestion to the BB10 OS, since it is a pretty fresh and new OS, is that the debugging for e.g. could me made much more robust alongwith certain other aspects, but overall it fulfills its promise of being a game changer for RIM – which is a welcome trend for the once most-loved business phone. Sumit Mathur works at Vectorform and has developed apps like Surface DJ
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make the perfect steak
Here is an absolutely foolproof, easy, and quick way to make a steak indoors, in the oven.
chef HArman Singh, head Chef, Fork You, new delhi
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Beef Mushroom Steak Trim the fat from the meat and cut into cubes. Brown the meat in a frying pan with 2 tbs of olive oil till its brown on the outsides. Take the meat out of the pan and add 2 packets gravy mix, some water, 1/2 cup red wine, a pinch of brown sugar and ginger. Bring to a boil stirring constantly. Preheat the oven to 350° F. Place the meat in a dish and add herbs. Add the sauce of choice on top and stir to mix. Bake for one half hour till the meat turns tender. Cola Sirlion Steak Marinate a 500 grams beef steak, 2tbs soya sauce, 1 cup coca cola, 1 tbs mustard, 1 tbs horseradish, garlic and black pepper for 6 hours in a zip-lock bag. Prepare the sauce from beef stock, 3 tbs cognac, 3/4 cup of heavy cream and green peppercorns. Preheat the grill at 400° F. Transfer the steak to a plate and coat with the prepared sauce. Serve with blanched seasonal veggies.
Herb Crusted Beef Steak Marinate 1 kg beef fillet, 2 tbs Dijon mustard, 2 tbs grated lemon rind and some chopped herbs together for 6 hours. Beat 3 eggs properly, dip the marinated beef in the egg and then sprinkle breadcrumbs on either side of the beef. Once evenly coated, keep them in the fridge for 30 minutes to let the breadcrumbs stick to beef. Next, shallow fry in a pan on medium heat for 3 minutes on each side.
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Beef is rich in phosphorous and iron. Phosphorous is necessary for strong teeth and bones and Iron helps carry oxygen to the blood. Coat beef steaks with crushed peppercorns before cooking them to create the classic dish. The size or thickness matters when purchasing steaks. A thin cut is likely to get dried out. The thickness of the steak is more important than the weight. Using dry heat from a grill is another great way to cook quality steaks. Remove steaks from refrigeration 1 hour before cooking and wipe any excess marinade (if used) off the steaks.
Words: Nishant Nayyar
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Beef Marinated Peppered Steak Marinate 500 grams beef tenderloin, a pinch of salt, 1 tbs minced garlic, 1 pint beer and 1/2 tbs crushed black pepper together in a bowl for 4 hours. In a frying pan, add 1 cup chopped onions and 1 tbs mustard seeds and cook till tender. Once the onions turn brown, add the marinated mix and cook for 10 minutes. Serve the beef with onion mustard sauce and your choice of salad.
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U P G R A D E gadge t s
6 gadgets we were
NOKIA LUMIA 620
Our first impression of the 620 is quite endearing as the phone is packed with uber cool design that make it look good from every angle. The phone also comes with replaceable outer shells, so if you get bored of the existing tint, you can simply buy a new shell and give it a new look. The covers are available in youthful green, yellow, cyan, and black and white. The 620 features a 3.8” IPS screen with 800x480 pixels, protected by a hardened glass. The screen is also impressively bright and has wide viewing angles. This allows the 620 to flaunt a colour reproduction matched by no other device in its category. Other hardware specs include a 1 GHz dual-core CPU, a 5-megapixel auto-focus camera with an LED flash, 512 MB of RAM, 8GB internal storage, and a microSD card slot. Through its latest iteration, Windows 8 lets you customise Live Tiles with three sizes and you can even share Internet with up to eight devices using the Wi-Fi hotspot feature. Another tweak includes an improved lock screen that can display updates from apps. Packed with a snapdragon chipset, this phone is ready to fight off Android phones. Price: ` 14,600
sent this month
Stylish and e productiv
lenovo p770 HTC ONE
An HTC phone doesn’t need an introduction, but what it needs is a little more love and appreciation from us. This is what the HTC One, the first ultra pixel camera phone, made us think. But you might ask what is an ultra pixel? Well, it’s nothing more than a marketing gimmick and something HTC is vouching for to put an end to the mega-pixel war. Though the phone sports only a 4MP camera, it outperforms any other competing smartphone’s camera capabilities by far with its bigger image sensors. The build seems quite identical to that of the Butterfly, yet the One outshines its predecessor by leaps and bounds. The One boasts of 32 GB internal space vs the 16 GB that Butterfly has; and also sports a faster processor of 1.7 GHz vs 1.5 GHz. When it comes to aesthetics, build and touch interface, HTC doesn’t leave any room for complaints. Their newest addition is the HTC Blinkfeed, which aggregates the live feeds, events and news on a tiled interface. Other neat features include a wide-angle front camera (to accommodate more people in the frame), great sound and actual stereo speakers with phenomenal design that make this phone a stellar piece. Price: ` 42,990
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Many of us judge the sturdiness (some even judge the quality) of a handset with the weight that it carries, and if you too fall in this category then you will surely like the P770 that weighs 161 gms. People who don’t use this parameter insisted that it can be used as dumbells. The dual sim phone with 1 GB RAM is quite a delight for gamers because it’s fast. Adding to it is the display quality (540 x 960 pixels) that’s not very good, but looks fine if you haven’t used an iPhone or Samsung Galaxy. Camera quality is average, however, if you click pictures in motion, the quality is gripping. We clicked a few pics in-motion on a bike, and we were impressed with the result. The music audio quality and call quality was also well above average, however, the battery, which claims to deliver 34 hours of talktime, didn’t live upto the claim. Another factor that goes against this otherwise decent phone is its look. It surely could have been designed better, but this is not the only problem with this phone. In fact, barring iPhone and Nokia, you don’t really see any phone maker investing much on the looks of their handset. Price: ` 17,459
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Words: FHM Team
The ME TAB U2 unit comes in a polycarbonate casing that is both lightweight and durable. Plus, the metallic hue makes it look really classy. Though the build looks a little compromised, the case definitely looks durable. The front features a full glass surface that adds durability while making the tablet appear scratchproof in the front. The 7-inch LCD display with 800 x 480 pixel resolution is inferior to the other veterans out there, but in a price sensitive game, you gain some and you lose some. In terms of performance, the tab does not disappoint at all. The single core Cortex A9 processor clocked at 1GHz along with 1 GB RAM lets you multitask with ease. The device is packed with 4 GB of internal storage along with the option of extending it by another 32 GB with the help of micro SD cards. The downside is that it only works via Wi-Fi, though you can make use of your Internet dongle if you are looking for better speed. Price: ` 5,999
HCL ME TAB U2
super e affordabl
Light and compact
Audio Technica has been known for making the best headphones with world class audio quality and this pair is at par with any high-end headphone that is available in the market. The pair is so incredibly light and flexible that it almost feels cheap. However, once you have used them you realise their worth. These headphones are made of very thin plastic bands and their flexibility is what gives them strength. Had the plastic been rigid, it would’ve probably cracked very easily. They also fold flat and fold up and with their tiny size they can easily fit into the front pocket of your pants — talk about being extra convenience. Coming to the sound, these headphones have something for everyone. The audio is clear with more emphasis on mids and highs than bass. The bass is present but it’s not overpowered and sounds just right. The sound stands out so clear that one can easily distinguish between different instruments playing in the background of a song. Price: ` 1,799
Audio Technica ATH-SJ11
You know that the world is steadily moving towards compact devices when companies like Microsoft unveil portable mobile keyboards. Though they state that the keyboard is targeted towards its own Windows Platform gadgets, the device works perfectly with current operating systems — tablet, computer, or otherwise. The keyboard itself is sturdy and responsive, but just as useful is the rubber cover that doubles as a tablet stand. At roughly 10.25 inches long and 4 inches deep, the Wedge Mobile Keyboard is one of the smallest tablet keyboards available and is well under the Logitech and Apple wireless keyboards too. With a sturdy aluminum base, plastic keys and a rubber cover that doubles up as a stand, the keyboard weighs less than half a kilogram making it an easy travel companion. With the rubber cover on, the device automatically turns off, ensuring convenient user experience. A simple, versatile design for the stand, a strong keyboard and an assortment of thoughtful touches make this keyboard one of the best tablet accessories to date and wins it our recommendation. Price: ` 4,935
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MICROSOFT WEDGE MOBILE KEYBOARD
UPGRADE comic books
From Iron Man films to Superman pants, the influence of comics is everywhere. Embrace them in their purest form with our pick of the best
1 the classic The Killing Joke, DC Comics Every comic collection needs a piece from occult-loving Alan Moore, regarded in the industry as the most important British writer of the last half-decade. This is so dark that even goth Batman director Tim Burton calls it his favourite. 2 Best Manga Biomega, Viz Signature The addition of big violence, mutated monsters and a talking bear on a motorbike to manga’s usual post-apocalyptic setting means you’ll love this even if you’re not a fan of Japanese comics. 3 top detectives Powers, Icon Comics Brian Bendis has lent a pencil to some of Marvel’s biggest names, from Ultimate Spider-Man to The Avengers, but this brilliant cop noir is his baby. Michael Oeming’s classically simple artwork is ace, too. 4 Best Indie The Goon, Dark Horse Books Before it won writer and illustrator Eric Powell five Eisner Awards, the “comic Oscars” , this dark, funny story of muscle for hire in a world of monsters was self-published. Pretty damn impressive, that. 5 one to nerd Out to Adventure Time, Titan Comics This has gone so big that comic conventions around the globe have girls dressed up as the main character and last-man-on-Earth, Finn. Even guys are dressing as girls dressed as him. Try working that one out. 6 Best Artwork Tank Girl, Titan Books You may recognise Jamie Hewlett as the illustrator who made electo-pop cartoons Gorillaz come to life. Back in the early ’90s before it really took off for him, he spent his time inking this boozin’ , smokin’ , kangaroo-sexin’ girl’s adventures in Australia. 7 Greatest AntiHero The Authority, Wildstorm A gay couple, an exjunkie, a lady who’s a machine, a guy who’s part alien and a fagsmoking, swearing British lady who’s in charge of this worldsaving squad? There’s none more outcast, and brilliant, than this lot. 8 Laugh riot The Pro, Image Comics Amanda Conner is a prostitute who develops superpowers. Check out the bit where she’s giving a superhero a blowjob that results in an ejaculation so powerful, it destroys a plane in mid-flight. 9 Best Romance Scott Pilgrim, Fourth Estate We’ve seen him in a should’ve-been-acebut-sorta-wasn’t film, but reading about nerd Scott spurning romance for video game-style battles with his beau’s exes in comic form is where it’s truly at. 10 Ultimate Super-Villain The Joker, DC Comics If you love The Joker, this is a real gotta-get. Not only is this solely about the face-painted madman (no Batman at all here) but also he looks insanely good thanks to Lee Bermejo’s artwork. 11 Best Newbie Saga, Image Comics Star Wars meets Romeo & Juliet meets Game Of Thrones in this sci-fi story of a couple of loved-up aliens from warring races. Saga’s first print run in March sold out in a flash.
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12 one to look Out For Happy, Image Comics There aren’t many comics about ex-copsturned-assassins who befriend futurepredicting, talking blue unicorns named Happy, but we’ve found one. And look out for an anthology of Scottish master Grant Morrison’s comic, due soon. 13 Best Sci-fi WE3, Vertigo Ever wondered what child-friendly animal adventure Homeward Bound would be like if it was directed by Michael Bay? Then have a slice of this.
Cute talking pets get weaponised like Transformers and combat their way home. 14 Weirdest Black Hole, Random House Prepare for a couple of “why am I reading this?” moments with this one. An STD plague ploughs through teenagers and causes mad mutations. It may seem moralistic, but really it’s just a bunch of mutant students shagging. 15 All-Round Brilliance Preacher, Vertigo There’s stacks of stuff
going on here: a vampire, an inbred descendant of Jesus, a girl with a bajillion guns, rejected-angel sex parties, a powerobsessed fat pope… and even more. 16 best loo Read Darth Vader & Son, Chronicle Books Strictly a strip book, this story of how Darth Vader would have raised little son Luke is a perfect read during even the quickest toilet trip, as there’s a stand-alone Star Wars gag on each page. 17 Meaty Read The Walking Dead, Vertigo Comics
If you thought the telly adaptation of this zombie series was gory, you’ll want to double up on undies while reading the comic. 18 mad Weapons Crossed, Avatar In the near future, a virus turns everyone into raping, murdering maniac bastards. There’s even a guy who uses a severed horse dick to knock people off, screaming “horse cock!” as he does so. 19 For Loads Of Violence Punisher MAX, Max Comics The company, Max
Comics, was made for a series from big dogs Marvel that basically allowed them to get away with using the really bad swear word and putting guts all over everything. This super-gory release was the runaway title in that series. 20 Best Trad SuperHero Green Arrow, DC Comics As a modern take on the traditional superhero, Green Arrow is shipwrecked on an island of pain and doom, kicking arse to survive. Then he brings his arse kicking to America, too.
21 Best Horror Locke & Key, IDW Publishing Writer Joe Hill follows in his horror-royalty father Stephen King’s creepy footsteps with this suspense-riddled series about a mansion in New England that houses a proper bastard monster. 22 Reality bites Green River Killer, Dark Horse Most true-story graphic novels have a crude black-and-white style, and this bonechilling non-fiction about one of America’s worst serial killers is no exception.
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U P G R A D E c ar s
PORSCHE 911: THE SEXIEST VEHICLE EVER MADE
This year the 911, Porsche’s most famous – and most polarising – model turns 50. Now more than ever, it’s a car that you need in your life
Celebs in 911s
A history of 911 owners – the good, the bad and the crashy
STEVE McQUEEN Actor McQueen drove a 1969 911S, which is a combination so cool that the universe may fold in on itself. The beautiful slate-grey machine sold at auction in California in 2011 for £823,800, a record for a 911.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER The Governator is devoted to his 911 Turbo Cabriolet. He’s almost welded his behind to his silver machine with burgundy leather interior. Maybe that’s why his hair is now the same odd colour as the leather.
DAVID BECKHAM Comedian Becks drove a 2008 911 Turbo for three years. He had it fitted with “23” stitching on the seats, bespoke “23” logos on the wheels and bonnet, and matte-black paint and phat speakers. Nice.
JASON STATHAM What 911 could any action hero drive other than a 911 GT2? The stripped-back road-legal race car 911 is utterly hardcore. Just like Jason. He may have a machine gun in there, so be nice to him.
No vehicle on Earth elicits an instinctive, emotional response quite like the Porsche 911. Mention the car to a roomful of guys and the reactions will vary from awe to hatred. No apathy, no “meh ”s; this is a motor that was designed to induce a strong feeling, one way or the other. If you love the 911, you don’t need to give a reason why. It’s a no-brainer. If you hate the 911, you hate it because, deep down, you want it. You might sneer at it and brand it a car for chubby bank managers, but really you know it’s a car behind whose wheel you’d like to sit. For 50 years now, it has locked its eyes on the horizon and dropped the pedal; it has sought the perfect racing line round the perfect corner and done it all while looking like a frog who’s had its arse stepped on. Yes, it looks weird, but the 911 carries itself with poise and purpose. It is a car in pursuit of perfection. It may be impossible to achieve, but by God, it’ll rack up some speeding fines trying. Those seeking the very best in life – the perfect balance, the perfect package – have always gravitated to the 911. While plenty of sports cars radiate excess and drama, the 911 is not about overstatement. Legendary actor and racing driver Steve McQueen drove a 911. This should tell you all you need to know. The fact is, no man’s life is complete without some time in this automotive legend.
King gave his “I have a dream…” speech and the first James Bond film hit the screens in the US. Meanwhile, in Germany, a virtually unknown car company called Porsche unveiled a new sports car that would change the world. At the ’63 Frankfurt Motor Show, the new car immediately snapped heads, promising 128bhp and 131mph. Today a Renault Clio 1.6 will do those numbers, but at the time it was a proper jaw-drop. Since 1963, around 820,000 911s have found homes with grateful owners. That’s an amazing stat in a sports-car world where a new Ferrari will do a couple of hundred if it’s a really big seller and Lamborghini’s latest ridiculous model will see just three made.
What marks the 911 out from pretty much every other sports car is this: the engine is in completely the wrong place
The 911 has been everywhere and done everything. It’s raced at Le Mans, been rallying in the ’80s, set speed records and padded around Hollywood ferrying movie stars to the dry-cleaners. It’s spawned turbo models, drop-top models, 4x4 models and hardcore racing versions. It’s evolved at every stage to go from the super-fast VW Beetle of its birth to the muscled tarmac god it is today.
The 911’s unique destiny came from being born in a time of revolution. In 1963 The Beatles recorded their debut album, JFK was assassinated, Martin Luther
The 911 deserves your respect because it is, apart from anything else, a triumph of sheer bloody-mindedness. The key thing that marks the 911 out from pretty much every other sports car is this: the engine is in completely the wrong place. For most cars, the engine goes at the front. Doing this puts the engine’s weight in front of the driver and over the wheels that are steering, so it helps the car’s handling. If you’re designing a sports car from scratch, you’d generally look to put the engine in the middle of the car. What you absolutely do not do, under any circumstances, is hang the engine out the back of the car. Yes, it means the weight is generally over the driven wheels so get more oomph, but you’ve just given yourself a massive problem – try going round a corner in your sports car now you have a lump of metal hanging out the arse of it. You’re in a permanent wrestling match with the laws of physics. And yet on the 911, the engine hangs out the back. It’s insane. And sure enough, early 911s had a reputation for spending more time flying through hedges than they did on the road. But it’s a testament to the brutal will of German engineers that they quickly made it work, unveiling cars stabilised to the point where they drove beautifully, embarrassing other motors. 911s may have started from the wrong place but they’ve made it incredibly right. Over the past half a century, Porsche planned to kill off the 911 many times but somehow it’s always survived, as if guided by the hand of God. So FHM says hats off to the German legend. The Porsche 911 represents the very essence of man. We’ll take ours in black, thanks.
AGAINST ALL ODDS
901 The original name of the car at launch. However, Peugeot claimed the rights to the name in France, so Porsche changed it to 911 everywhere to avoid a court case.
How to speak
Air-cooled vs water-cooled 911 engines were famously air-cooled by fans, which gave them a raspy engine note. The 996 model in 1998 changed to more modern water cooling. Turbo First introduced in 1974, the 911 Turbo featured fatter wheel arches and a massive spoiler. 911 Turbos remain special things and arguably one of the greatest achievements of the human race. Slant-nose Rare 911 Turbos from the ’80s that dispensed with the frog- eyed headlights for a more traditional supercar pointed nose. Very Miami Vice. Carrera A unique Porsche term for a more racing-focused car. Named after Porsche’s success in the Mexican Carrera Panamericana races in the 1950s. Ducktail A tiny flick up of a rear spoiler that sat on the arse of some early 911s. First introduced on the Carrera RS 911 in 1973, it reappeared on the 997 Sport Classic 911 in 2009. Whale tail A big flat spoiler introduced on the back of some 1980s 911s. Not to be confused with a… Tea-tray spoiler Like a whale tail but with raised edges around the sides as well as the back. If you were a yuppie in the ’80s, this is what you wanted.
TOM CRUISE Tom drove a black 911 993 for many years and in 1979’s Risky Business famously purred, “Porsche – there is no substitute.” If Porsche is good enough for a man who believes we’re descended from aliens, it’s good enough for us.
JERRY SEINFELD Comedian Seinfeld loves Porsches. Like, really loves them. He owns a string of 911s and more all garaged up in the mountains above Hollywood. Each has a personal security guard. And a swimming pool. Probably.
LINDSAY LOHAN Lohan has had a string of Porsches, recently losing her 911 Carrera S when the front of the car went under a truck on the Pacific Coast Highway. The car was rented – that’s not a great call to have to make.
JERMAINE PENNANT The Stoke City player is so rich, he forgot he owned a 911 Turbo. After returning from a period on loan to Spanish club Real Zaragoza, he had to be reminded months later that he’d left the £98,000 motor at a station. With the keys in the ignition.
NICKLAS BENDTNER The Arsenal player on loan to Sunderland last year was caught for speeding in his 911. He was doing 104mph on a 70mph road, fined £660 and banned for 59 days. Probably just as well as he’d written off his Aston Martin a couple of years previously. Ouch.
May 2013 111
U P G R A D E c ar s
Those Porsche chaps in Stuttgart know a thing or two about sports cars. From the late ‘50s right up to today, they’ve been making beautifully crafted and occasionally unhinged fast motors that push the boundaries of automotive engineering and – more importantly – look cool doing it. Most of them have actually become better looking over time. Although there
PORSCHE’S GREATEST HITS
Legendary supercool Hollywood star James Dean died in 1955 bombing in his new Porsche 550 Spyder. He called it “Little Bastard”.
have been are far too many variations of Porsche cars over the years to be able to list them all, but these are FHM’s favourites, based entirely on a carefully calculated streetcool factor that is patented in 57 countries and made up in all of them. When you finally land that One Crore win, this is your shopping list for the ultimate FHM Porsche garage. Just invite us round when you’re ready to take them for a spin.
ORIGIN OF THE SPECIES 356
1948 - 1965 The first Porsche arrived in 1948 and was a little revolution. Styled with art deco curves, the 356 was created by the man responsible for the VW Beetle, but Porsche swiftly made the car all its own. Replaced by the 911. NUMBER BUILT 77,776 PRICE AT LAUNCH `1,54,728 VALUE NOW `67,20,000 for a mint one ENGINE Rear-mounted, air-cooled 1.5 litre flat four, 60 bhp STATS 0-60: 15.3 sec / Top: 105 mph WHAT IT SAYS ABOUT YOU Who needs speed when you can arrive in timeless style?
1987 - 1988 Created as a rally car with a road-going spin-off, the 959 was considered the most advanced car of its day. Essentially a 911 on steroids, the subtle curves of the original were carved into brutal square haunches. It went like stink and a version even competed in the Paris-Dakar Rally. NUMBER BUILT 329 PRICE AT LAUNCH `1,30,42,344 VALUE NOW `4,03,20,000 ENGINE Rear-mounted, twinturbocharged 2.8 litre flat six, 450 bhp STATS 0-60: 3.7 sec / Top: 196 mph WHAT IT SAYS ABOUT YOU You have exquisite taste. Well done, sir.
THE MUTANT PORSCHE 914
1969 - 1976 When is a Porsche not a Porsche? When it’s a collaboration with VW. This fun little two-seater fella is a sports car of the old-school British style and a very odd-looking thing for a Porsche. This is fun of the weird 1960s variety. Far out. NUMBER BUILT 118,978 PRICE AT LAUNCH `2,91,900 VALUE NOW `8,40,000 ENGINE Mid-engined, air-cooled 1.7 litre flat four, 80 bhp STATS 0-60: 12.8 sec / Top: 110 mph WHAT IT SAYS ABOUT YOU You want crazy fun, with all the girls getting crazy, ya?
MR PERFECT 944
1989 - 1993 Built as a replacement for the rather “meh” 924, the 944 was powerful, modern, luxurious and is still staggeringly handsome to look at. It was revised many times but the S2 and Turbo S models are prized. There are loads listed on Pistonheads.com worth looking at. NUMBER BUILT 16,332 PRICE AT LAUNCH `26,29,536 VALUE NOW `3,36,000+ ENGINE Front-engined 3.0 litre in-line four, 211 bhp STATS 0-60: 6.9sec / Top: 149 mph WHAT IT SAYS ABOUT YOU You’re a practical man and comfortable with a bit of ’80s retro cool.
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WHO’S THE DADDY? Cayenne Turbo S
2012 - now Ah, the Cayenne. Loathed by the Porsche faithful when it arrived and ugly as sin to begin with, the Cayenne has finally established itself as one of the greatest 4X4s in the world. Selling more than the rest of the range combined, this was the car that saved Porsche. We’ll take the Turbo S, thanks. NUMBER BUILT Still in production PRICE NOW `90,26,640 ENGINE Front-engined 4.8 litre twin-turbo V8, 550 bhp STATS 0-60: 4.3 sec / Top: 175 mph WHAT IT SAYS ABOUT YOU Your shareholding in Russian gas fields is doing rather well.
SMALL IS BEAUTIFUL Boxster Spyder
2010 A nod to the stripped-back little Porsche sports cars of the ’60s, the Boxster was the Porsche that enthusiasts had been crying out for. An instant hit, the Boxster set a new benchmark. This limited lightweight Spyder variant reeks of cool. NUMBER BUILT 1,944 PRICE AT LAUNCH `38,96,508 VALUE NOW `33,60,000 ENGINE Mid-mounted flat six 3.4 litre, 320 bhp STATS 0-60: 4.9 sec / Top: 166 mph WHAT IT SAYS ABOUT YOU That you really, really want to be James Dean.
THE 911 KILLER THAT DIDN’T 928
1978 - 1995 This was the car that was supposed to replace the 911; in the mid-’80s, Porsche planned to bet their future on this more conventional front-engined car. While the 928 was brilliant (particularly in lightweight Club Sport guise pictured here) sanity prevailed and the 911 lived on. NUMBER BUILT 61,056 PRICE AT LAUNCH `47,61,960 VALUE NOW `13,44,000 ENGINE Front-engined 5.0 litre, 48-valve V8, 320 bhp STATS 0-60: 5.5 sec / Top: 168 mph WHAT IT SAYS ABOUT YOU That you are connoisseur. And justifiably smug with it.
2009 - now
WHO ATE ALL THE PIES? Panamera Turbo S
PRICE NOW `1,03,97,184 ENGINE Front-engined 4.8 litre twin-turbo V8, 550 bhp STATS 0-60: 3.6 sec / Top: 190 mph WHAT IT SAYS ABOUT YOU That you simply do not care what anyone thinks.
Hello, big boy. The Panamera might look like the 911’s fat dad but it can take four people, house them in total luxury and transport them like they’re on a bullet train. It eats Audis for lunch and shits out VW Polos (it’s how they make them). NUMBER BUILT Still in production
HYPERCARS MADNESS Carrera GT
2004 - 2006 Only ever intended to be a showpiece, the passion for this Le Mans-inspired motor (and a new chunk of cash from the popular Cayenne) saw this incredible car launched into the world. Brain-scramblingly fast. NUMBER BUILT 1,270 PRICE AT LAUNCH `3,34,32,000 VALUE NOW `2,35,20,000 + ENGINE Mid-mounted 5.7 litre V10, 612 bhp STATS 0-60: 3.7 sec / Top: 205 mph WHAT IT SAYS ABOUT YOU That you have enough money to collect hypercars. Wow.
THE SPORTS CAR PERFECTED Cayman S
2005 - now If you’re looking for the true successor to the original 911, this is it. The little Cayman (essentially a hardtop version of the Porsche Boxster) is considered by many to be the finest-handling car on sale in the world right now. NUMBER BUILT Still in production PRICE NOW `40,97,772 ENGINE Mid-mounted 3.4 litre flat six, 325bhp STATS 0-60: 4.8 sec / Top: 176 mph WHAT IT SAYS ABOUT YOU That you want to drive the best sports car in the world.
SCARE YOURSELF STUPID 911 996 GT3 RS
2011 A GT3 is a 911 with the bullshit taken out – sound insulation, rear seats, aircon, etc. The RS version goes further with racing gear, carbon fibre and more oomph. It’s ridiculously fast, utterly raw and sounds incredible. We’re a bit scared. NUMBER BUILT 200 PRICE AT LAUNCH `70,75,320 VALUE NOW `50,40,000+ ENGINE Rear-mounted 3.6 litre flat six, 380 bhp STATS 0-60: 3.7 sec / Top: 190 mph WHAT IT SAYS ABOUT YOU That you value speed above all things.
THE FUTURE 918 Spyder
Production starts 2013 When this beauty first revealed at the Geneva Motorshow in 2010, petrolhead jaws dropped around the world. Porsche’s first petrol electric hybrid, the 918 will be revealed soon and take Porsche to a whole new level. Want. NUMBER BUILT 918 planned PRICE AT LAUNCH `5,66,81,520 ENGINE Mid-mounted 4.6 litre V8, 580 bhp plus two electric motors with plug-in capability delivering a total of 795 bhp STATS 0-60: 2.8 sec / Top: 202 mph WHAT IT SAYS ABOUT YOU At the moment? That you work for Porsche.
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The as Dilemm o f Ma n
While most guys think black is a safe bet, in a suit it’s a colour that tends to look flat and a tad funereal. Navy is the ideal choice, conveying solidity, seriousness and class.
Let your personality make a statement, not the colour of your tie. So steer clear of stripes, bright colours and anything that makes you look like a schoolboy.
Pick a medium-weight white shirt with a simple collar and chances are you’ll be picked for the job.
Two buttons sends out the right message; it’s infinitely more modern than a threebutton suit and more professional than its singlebutton party-boy brother.
Find somewhere else for your car keys and soiled tissues, and keep your pockets empty to maintain the simple tailored lines that make you look great.
Can you overdress for an interview?
F H M p r e s e n t s t h e g e t - u p t h at w i l l l a n d y o u a t o p j o b
Whether it’s your watch, bag or that tattoo creeping out of your sleeve, everything you reveal will be key to ensuring you make the right sort of first impression.
The most important part of your outfit – not just for how they look, but how they make you a feel. A quality pair will make you walk tall and ooze confidence.
114 May 2013 fhmindia • fhmindia fhmindia.com
Notes on FIT
Too short Too long
Feel good, look good.
Hit the high street for on-the-money off-the-peg offerings at under £200.
If your suit doesn’t fit, you’ll feel uncomfortable, look uncomfortable and you might as well write your own “we regret to inform you” letter as soon as you get home from the interview. Rock a good fit and you’ll feel like a million quid, and hopefully be getting that much as your starting bonus, too.
Too short Too short Too long Just right
River Island The brand’s new Life of a Tailor collection is a standout. Look to spend £135 on a two-piece.
The seam should fit roughly along your bone and finish just before the edge of your shoulder.
The sleeve of a good suit should finish just a bit higher than that of most other jackets you wear.
The hem of your trouser leg should sit just on top of your shoe, with a slight crease or fold.
Topman A fashion-forward product at a great price for the younger guy. Look to spend £160. Next Solid, smart and mature. Look to spend £120.
Finally, waterproof denims are here
How about a pair of denim that fulfills every pointer on the checklist of a rider, including being waterproof?
This time, when you ride to Ladakh or to any other destination on your bike, try Wrangler’s new denims that have been made specifically for motorcycling enthusiasts. The outdoor denim brand recently rolled out its 7 Icon jeans, which though originally designed in 1947 for cowboys, has now been re-worked to cater to the needs of a biker. This is how they do it – Every pair in the line imbibes seven key functional elements that a biker looks out for in his denims – flat rivets; fully felled seam outside, yoke seam over panel, W stitch, seven belt loops, the patch and a watch pocket to take care of the basic needs of a biker and for his comfort. While the flat rivets near the
fhmindia.com fhmindia • fhmindia
pockets ensure that there are no saddle scratches, friction is reduced by the fully felled seam outside. Then the yoke seam over the panel makes sure that the wallet doesn’t fall out of the pocket, and the seven belt loops hold the belt firmly in place. Adding to its wonder are the reinforced pockets, the Wrangler patch that symbolises top quality denim, and the watch pockets where keys, coins and of course a watch can be stored. The jeans takes inspiration from the wanderlust appeal that stands out in the wardrobe of a rider getting ready to take on mean paths. The innovative jeans is being put to the test by the 10 True Wanderers 2.0 riders.
May 2013 115
He believes that mixing of traditional and fresh fashion trends is the true calling card of making a style statement.
the Coat Beretta
Pro or... Select
A custom outdoor Beretta jacket or coat suit most of my requirements. The luxury of having an outdoor life in Jodhpur mandates a good selection of weather combatant coats. The dual purpose Berettas can be used for outdoor adventures and expeditions by the day, while they can team up with a classic pair of jeans for evening affairs. A detachable hood doubles as a storage pouch and adjustable cuffs are a plus point. ` 28,000
The sunglasses Maui Jim
I must confess that my favourite is the Hawaiian wonder Maui Jim. Soothing to the eyes and extremely robust for SUV driving, the sunglasses define the masculine outdoor life through its lenses. The classic styled frames and polarised effectiveness add a bold statement to the extremely comfortable frame, which effectively reduces the glare without sacrificing on optical clarity. ` 17,000
The Pants Chevignon
Chevignon pants, a French classic and really difficult to find, makes these a treasure and a delight to wear. ` 8,000
T-shirt Ralph Lauran
The shoe Kenneth Cole
Kenneth Cole still rules and is on top of the pyramid for me as their durability and comfort beats all. Plus, the classic nature and unique colours in their offering make it one of my favourite accessory brands. Their Reaction series are the greatest offerings from the brand as they are stylish, sturdy, and durable. More so, these shoes are comfortable for long, all-day use as well. ` 18,000
Comfortable, I favour a cotton-centric wardrobe. I’m techno-savvy, respect our history and culture, have a keen desire to learn about everything in life, and I strongly believe that an individual's character is shaped by his/her unique experiences as well as the people we come in contact with. Lots of colour ahead of us, with a focus on the classics. Unstructured casual jackets paired with loose pants and airy footwear are ideal for the summer. Simplicity and localisation will be the trendy keywords, and also look out for tools for better time management.
The scarves Hermes
The comfort of this Ralph Lauran blue T-shirt, usually for Sunday dressing, makes it my favourite tee. They come in all colours, have minimal branding, are made of world-class cotton and since I like my T-shirts simple, it’s perfect. ` 4,500
I love my printed Hermes pocket scarves with small scale repeating patterns such as dots, geometric shapes and paisleys. Additionally, the colours in the square compliment a good number of my sport jackets. Men should note that there are very few accessories for us that have the ability to go from fashionable to functional in the blink of an eye, and a pocket scarve is one of them. ` 21,000
Watch Breitling chronometer
This Breitling chronometer has reserved its space on my wrist for some time now. It has the uncanny knack for being absolutely accurate and most importantly, if left alone, you may not need to set or adjust it for years. ` 2,50,000
The belt Paul Smith
A humourous and well-designed belt from Paul Smith is an important accessory that I have not moved away from inspite of the vast variety of good belts available in the marketplace nowadays. The colour combinations of these belts surely make a style stament. ` 15,000
116 May 2013
The bag Coach
My recently acquired Coach bag, which I got out of necessity in Monaco seems to be retaining a high place in my life. Initially for airline travel, now it accompanies me to the office too. Since it’s shapeless, it can accommodate a whole world of things in it. ` 78,000
This classic Bandhgala jacket with silver buttons from the custom tailoring house that I started over two decades ago is but of course, my favourite piece of fashion. The jacket emulates a stylish, modern look when paired with denims and when worn as a suit, it’s the most authentic piece of clothing from India. ` 8,000
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Words: Nishant Nayyar
5 4 9
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“Don’t stay in touch with your exes because if he wasn’t a good lover, he could never be a good friend.”
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w a r d a h z a h i d
Remember her? She was FHM’s Girl Next Door last year in April and now that she is all set to shine in Bollywood
Words by Kumar Saurav
Born: London Debut Film: Marksheet Hobbies: When she is not modelling or acting, she likes to write.
How does the transition from Girl Next Door to Upgrade Girlfriend feel? It makes me feel like a goddess. It’s more about what a man would desire in a girlfriend. The last time we met you, you were Khan, and now you are Zahid. How come? Relax FHM followers! I’m still searching for the one and haven’t tied the knot yet, but Zahid is my father’s name and hence, the transition. You have moved from London to Mumbai, so are things working out? Mumbai is great with so much love in the air and things are definitely working out. The men you met here, have they been nice to you? Each and every man I have met here has been extra nice to me. I could read their mind though, but a few of them were so nice that they promised their heart and their emotions to me along with the assurance of committing suicide if they couldn’t have me in their life. Hello, I’m not a prize to be won over. I choose my man very wisely. And how do you do that? Men who are strong and can calm my soul when I’m most distressed are right for me. Indian men are sweethearts, but they need to know nothing is easy, that words are not the only expression to win over A new study says that one partner immediately sleeps off after sex… What do you expect after you
have slogged your ass the entire day? Instead, you should make love in the morning so that you are all charged for the rest of the day. Have you ever slept during or just after sex? I have for a few seconds because I felt I was in heaven and a quick nap energises you for the next spiritual round. How would you react if your guy sleeps right after sex? I would feel satisfied because he is in peace with mind, body and soul. My foreplay will wake him up again though. If you had to point out things that make sex really boring at times, what would they be? Unnecessarily saying I love you, boring music, same positions, lack of passion and unnecessarily stretching things can all be boring. If you have to ruin a date, how would you do it? I will say I’m lesbian and just walk away with a smirk. What are the things in a relationship that you should never do? Don’t stay in touch with your exes because if he wasn’t a good lover, he could never be a good friend. What creates a rift in a relationship? Lack of love. What makes you insecure in a relationship? When my lover’s touch doesn’t make me feel like a goddess anymore, or when I am emotionally and physically unsatisfied.
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10 things... you only do when the IPL is on
muggy, there will be no commentary and a retinal exam would hurt less than finding parking outside the ground. That’s loser talk for those who hadn’t managed to score a ticket to at least one IPL match because they were either too lazy, too cheap to pay for their own tickets and too low down in the social order to procure a free pass. Nothing beats a live cricket match though — nothing. Unless of course, you are a Pune supporter and Chris Gayle is batting. Get a reality check about the Carribean Let’s make a list of things you knew about West Indies before the IPL – They make rum, a Johnny Depp movie has indelibly linked the area to pirates, Robin Singh comes from there, strangely large number of people there have Indian names like Rampaul, Chandrapaul etc., and their cricket board was going through a civil war. All this till you started watching Chris Gayle hit 100 runs only in sixes in a match.
do is to find a place near the TV and grab a beer.
Support Australian players Owing largely to their general fondness for bashing Indians on the cricket field, outside pubs and in college campuses or a larger hemispherical envy, for all practical reasons, Australians are some of the worst, sledging-loving India haters to ever walk the earth, for us. Except for the three blokes on MasterChef Australia and Kylie Minogue. But it’s quite something when Michael Hussey and the rest of the gang start belting sixes like you do on Stick Cricket, isn’t it? Admit someone else plays better cricket than Sachin He plays for Mumbai, you live in Delhi. How can you not support the Delhi Daredevils? Plus, with the sort of form he is in, it’s getting more and more difficult to defend calling him the god of all things cricket. Bond with your fathern The last time you both spoke to each other was that one time you called your mother and he answered the phone. But IPL means 56 days of non-stop cricket. It also means he will want to talk to someone about it. You on the other hand have spent most of your life with three friends, two of whom think cricket is for pansies and the third doesn’t drink a drop of alcohol. Your father and you will become the non-sexual, male version of a hero and heroine running towards each other in slow motion with cricket on in the background.
Pretend Hot anchors & cheerleaders are ruining cricket
Pretend a TV match is better than the real thing You can’t even see what’s happening more than half the time, it’ll be hot,
See you next month…
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Words: Kabeer Sharma
So what if you can’t make out a word of what Rochelle Rao says or the times Karishma Kotak runs out of cricket ideas? Everyone has at least one uncle who arrives at the house while cricket is on and delivers a monologue about the basterdisation of the game and the use of women to make a tamasha. You nod, pretend you are only watching it for the cricket and mumble something about how you change your channels when the girls start dancing. Then secretly write an email to FHM asking them to pass on your questions when they interview the cheerleaders next time.
Drink everyday A cup of tea doesn’t really go with cricket now, does it? Make a mojito, open up a beer, try a new drink everyday – even if you slur and forget your girlfriend’s name after two beers, the headache next morning gets you so late for work that you end up having half of your salary deducted because of late comings and there is more uric acid in your piss than water.
Play at least one cricket match So what if the total number of runs you have made playing cricket all your life don’t add up to 100, you can’t catch a ball if the planet’s existence depended on it and you bowl worse than Adam Gilchrist? IPL is the time when even the most outof-shape, can’t hold a bat properly kind of men get inspired to make a work cricket team for atleast one game of cricket. Plus, how hard can it really be? Your belly is only as fat as Sehwag’s. So what if the 20 over game of cricket ends in 6 overs with four batsmen scoring ducks, three faintings and 11 people in office walking like there is a rod inserted horizontally up their bums. Not fiddle with your phone at a bar/party Your most often quoted quote is the one from Seinfeld that talks about how you are 30 and you have enough friends around you. This of course, doesn’t work on times when you get stuck at a bar waiting for a girl or get arm-twisted into going to a house party where you don’t know too many people other than the host. You normally spend this time looking through your phone and then coming up with a lame excuse no one would buy to run off home. Cricket on TV is a social lube though, all you need to
Miss Mad Men Don Draper’s sharp suited narcissism, Joan’s tight pencil skirts and drinking in the day – the last time you missed an episode of this promised land was only when your ex called you for a midnight booty call. But that was till people started saying IPL 6 was Dravid’s last and with the way he’s been playing, you had to watch very very carefully lest you blink and miss everything.
DCP No. DELENG 17964
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