You are on page 1of 34

My Dog: The Paradox

.

This lovable. Beatrix. but the vacuum scares the crap out of him. But mostly. I couldn’t stand the idea that my dog had an expiration date that was roughly the equivalent of three and a half presidential terms. He trembles in fear if he sees me holding a bottle of dog shampoo. this towering apelike mammal who showers him with snacks. but it ended up becoming a meditation on their reckless. He won’t eat broccoli. Rosie. “It just occurred to me that my dog has no idea what my name is. it’s dedicated to Rambo. Bubba. and completely lovable mortality. impulsive. I thought about this for weeks. but he’ll happily feast on dried cat turds. Lori. including Rambo.” a friend once told me. impulsive animal soon became quite precious to me. This book is dedicated to all the dogs I’ve owned (or lived with). A dog is man’s best friend. and I got to work right away on convincing myself that he was immortal and would live for many thousands of years. and Coconut. Arnold. These thoughts all culminated into “My Dog: The Paradox.” and they lived in my notebook for several years as a jumbled collection of ideas and scribbles about man’s best friend. My dog is not afraid of grizzly bears. Barbara Walters.” –George Carlin Several years ago. Nanuk. and love? Are our feelings mutual? Does he like me as much as I like him? I tried asking him once and he responded by licking his balls. but he’d fearlessly sprint across the freeway if there was a squirrel on the other side.Introduction “Every pet is a tiny tragedy waiting to happen. Donald. . but what is man to a dog? What does he think of me. Teddy. I originally wrote this comic as a funny look at the illogical fears of dogs. Chip. I adopted a small bearlike creature and named him Rambo. massages.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

com . No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of reprints in the context of reviews. LLC. For information. All rights reserved. Missouri 64106 www. or sales promotional use.My Dog: The Paradox copyright © 2013 by Oatmeal. business.andrewsmcmeel.com ISBN: 978-1-4494-3771-8 ATTENTION: SCHOOLS AND BUSINESSES Andrews McMeel books are available at quantity discounts with bulk purchase for educational. LLC an Andrews McMeel Universal company 1130 Walnut Street. Kansas City. Andrews McMeel Publishing. please e-mail the Andrews McMeel Publishing Special Sales Department: specialsales@amuniversal.

Washington. and drawing overweight mammals. snowboarding. He enjoys sushi. with his dogs. . Matthew lives in Seattle. Rambo and Beatrix.MATTHEW INMAN is the author and artist behind the one-man comedy operation known as The Oatmeal.