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com) Have you ever wanted a summer home in a tropical paradise, only to find out you couldn’t afford it? Well now there’s a solution, in the most unexpected of places. The United States Department of Homeland Security (DHS) has announced plans to construct villas on the land surrounding the now-infamous Guantanamo Bay military base, located in Cuba. The base, also known as Gitmo, is the most public of the USA’s military prisons, home to many enemy combatants from the war on terror. After construction is completed, the DHS will lease the villas to American citizens for what they describe as “a fraction of the market value,” in an effort to make Gitmo an attractive summer vacation destination. Officials plan to use the revenue generated by this project to help cover the increasing costs of housing, supervising, and interrogating the growing number of prisoners at Gitmo, as they explained during a press conference yesterday. “It is our hope that one day, Guantanamo Bay will be able to pay for its own guards, building maintenance, and interrogation-ready genital clamps,” Dan McGeevey, a spokesperson for the DHS, explained to reporters. Many real estate investors are already lined up, waiting to acquire the new hot vacation properties, but some experts, such as Patrick Fitch, the wisecracking editor of Real Estate Monthly, are skeptical about the situation. “Due to economic sanctions, Americans can’t own land in Cuba. Homeland Security is getting around this through a sort of timeshare set-up, and that could mean less vacation homeland security for the buyer,” Fitch warned, chuckling at his own pun. “But,” Fitch added, “I’ve heard some early pricing estimates, and they were amazingly low. Perhaps people really can ‘Git mo’ for their money with this.” McGeevey responded to questions about economic feasibility by stating that the DHS was employing many cost-cutting measures, such as using enemy combatants to build the villas. “This helps us keep costs low without sacrificing build quality,” McGeevey illustrated. “You’d be amazed how hard someone will work when they’re soaked in gasoline with a lit match dangling above their head.”