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When sparks fly between two people, we're quick to say they have "chemistry." Not everyone realizes that such couples literally have do have chemistry--it's what's behind those sweaty palms, the jumpy stomach, thumping heart, and nervous jitters. Chemistry also contributes to that warm, comfortable feeling you get from being with a longtime partner. The most well-known love-related chemical is phenylethylamine -- or "PEA" -- a naturally occurring trace ammine in the brain. PEA is a natural amphetamine, like the drug, and can cause similar stimulation. This natural upper contributes to that kick-up-your-heels, on-top-of-the-world feeling that attraction can bring, and gives you the energy to stay up all night talking to a new love. Sometimes this energy translates into the tripleespresso jitters; other times it simply keeps you wide-eyed and alert long past the time when you'd usually be yawning. "I always get excited about somebody who can keep me up late at night," says Basanth Of Chennai. "I really value my sleep." Feeling Dopey You can also get a non-romantic dose of PEA from high-intensity activities like skydiving, or by eating chocolate. According to Chocolate.org, chocolate contains small amounts of our love drug, PEA. That might be why some people use chocolate as "comfort food," getting the same warm, relaxed feeling from chocolate as others do from Mom's chicken soup. One of the substances released by PEA is the neurochemical dopamine. A recent study done at Emory University shows that female voles (small rodents) choose their mates in response to dopamine being released in their brains. When injected with dopamine in a male vole's presence, the female will pick him out of a crowd later. Our love food, chocolate, also elevates levels of dopamine in the brain. Another euphoria-inducing chemical in your brain, norepinephrine, stimulates the production of adrenaline and makes your blood pressure soar when near the person you're attracted to. That's why you might experience a pounding heart or sweaty palms when you see someone you've got the hots for.
sort of sick feeling in your stomach. and of course. circumstances. yet it feels great and I want to have that feeling more often. In the end.S. lighting the loins on fire." When The Honeymoon's Over The idea that the "honeymoon period" of a relationship is fueled by different brain chemistry than what is present during the mellower years that come later might explain why some people can't seem to hold longterm relationships: they prefer the revving-up affects of brain amphetamines to the pain-killing effects of endorphins. "setting the heart pounding. News and World Report article explains the importance of the vagus. So don't try to reproduce that lovin' feeling in a basement chemistry lab--but do try your best to enjoy the natural highs that life gives you . and scores of other variables help decide who turns your head and who leaves you cold. It feels like tension building. even hard-core scientists agree that chemistry isn't everything. It transports signals from your brain to your organs. while we call it this way: "That weird feeling falls somewhere between my belly button and my heart. Some people call it a "hollow" feeling. a nerve that threads through your whole body. making the stomach do flip-flops. Culture." Everyone knows that jumpy.What The Brain Tells the Body How do our emotions get translated into physical sensations? A U. personality.
Your list should be as long as possible. Brace yourself for change As couples learn to cultivate shared activities. Here's some advice that has helped countless couples get to know each other better and feel for each other more strongly. Your next task is to schedule these activities into your recreational time together Make time All the good intentions you can muster will never replace actually doing the activity together. Relationship happiness is highly correlated with the amount of time a couple spends together. And the first step toward making that happen is setting aside the time. circle those activities you might find somewhat pleasurable. it can be a bit jolting. So. You're going to long for time together. Make a careful list of recreational interests your partner enjoys. These are good skills to bring into a marriage. get your calendars out and find a slot of time the two of you can call your own. Too many relationships fizzle because couples don't use their creative energies to build enjoyable moments of fun and relaxation together. change is never easy. and you're not even sure how you'll squeeze in any more activities. But your schedule is already jam-packed. You probably can find a good half-dozen activities you could enjoy together.How to do something you both enjoy Sometime soon you're going to meet someone special. Next. After all. Broaden your sphere of interest Don't allow yourselves to lose out on a great relationship because you can't find something enjoyable to do together. for ways to create a lasting bond. .
Change is hard. It's especially difficult when it hits you at an emotional level. and in your relationship. but a little change can do you good. with the one you love. . Finding a shared activity can be a challenge for some couples. But don't allow that to stand in the way of trying to do something new in your life.
Rather than having to imagine how you looked when you laughed or smiled. even for a short time Return all e-mails at the earliest opportunity If you are going out of town or are otherwise going to be unable to respond. Keep all online dates. Talk regularly through voice chat or via the telephone • Your voice adds that touch of reality to the relationship and makes you more than just text on a screen Video Chat if possible or at least send pictures regularly • • Can you imagine how differently you would feel if you could actually see your partner when you talk to them? You can bet that they would feel the same. With this in mind. Listed below are some ideas and resources to help you achieve this Communication • • • • Don't fall out of touch. your job etc. they could actually see it. Get to know as much as you can about each other • Tell your partner about your day to day life. Make them feel like they are an integral part of your life. it is very important to create a presence for yourself in your partner's life to provide a stable reality that you are a couple and that you are a part of one another.Handling The Absence One of the most difficult parts of a long distance or online relationship is handling the fact that you are not physically there with your partner. your relatives. find out as much as you can about them too Be there when needed . your friends. let your partner know as soon as possible so they don't think something is wrong or start to have doubts. At the same time. This lack of physical presence can make the whole relationship seem like an illusion. It nullify's any of those doubts you have about whether they will like the way you look.
Continually reinforce the fact that you are there. postcards and gifts Create a personalized love craft and send it to them Presence • Make sure you have a presence in your partner's life.• • One of the worst mistakes you can make in any relationship is to not be there for your partner when they need you. This is especially true of a long distance relationship as there are already inherent doubts and this will just reinforce those doubts. Love Love is the backbone of any relationship. that this relationship is real and there is no way that you are going to let a little thing like distance get in your way. Some ideas include: • • • Reinforce your affection with poems. stories and love letters Send them care packages. As long as the other partner feels that you completely and unconditionally love them. you will create a good presence in your relationship . listen to what they say and make them feel special and important to you. those doubts will not have a chance to creep in. Seek your partner's advice. If you do the things listed above. It is up to you to make sure they know exactly how you feel about them.
that they're not Shakespeare. and you can pick up the cookies and icing next time you're shopping... you can spell out the words I Love You on the eggs. this is the fun part! If you have time. "Without you.. get some wire and thread and you can make a mobile to hang from the ceiling with. she'll remember it! You know those old Christmas cards that have been piling up the past few years? Put them to use! Cut out the relevant pictures. go to the supermarket and buy some cake icing.Creative Ways To Say "ILU" Many people think they can't write love letters. Write a short love note on a nice piece of paper. Use them to say stuff like. they're great! And you can draw stick figures and smiles on them.. and you can make your own balloon notes with them! Blow up some balloons and write words like Love. Here are some romantic tips: Use those Post-It notes from 3M. Something like. you don't have to write a whole sonnet! Food. you can put small candy bars in some of the balloons and then scatter the balloons all over her house. Hugs. I would be a . Buy some large cookies. put the cookies in a nice Tupperware and you can both share these "love" cookies together! Use some whiteboard markers.. and draw little hearts on them. easy. Total time will be less than half an hour. Now. that they suck at poetry.and fun! All it takes is to see this.but writing love notes is actually really easy."I miss you so much... so every morning. the type that comes in a tube with the spout so you can write words with. hurry back". or "I feel so sad when you're not around. To make it more fun. Of course. Or to expand on that idea. Honey. get then in a variety of colors. and I thought it was a great idea! Draw little faces on eggs in the fridge with a marker. I saw this in a movie the other day. isn't it? Just one or two lines. : ( " See.. behind every picture you would scribble something romantic so she'll keep it! Get an old beer bottle or soft drink bottle.. and whatever else you want to write on them.
lonely island. so she can pull the paper out. insert the paper into the bottle with the string hanging out. Get a needle and poke some thread through the paper. the sky is the limit when it comes to expressing your love! If you have any ideas that have worked in the past. I Love you" Then use a lighter and burn the edges of the paper so it looks like an old parchment. your letter in a bottle is ready! Just for fun. or at least a rubber band. Roll it up and tie it with a ribbon. try putting it into the fridge and see when she notices it! I've given you a head start on getting your imagination going. so let us know by writing in to us! . Viola.
More so. If you practice different religions. One may be associated with the “Madras School Of Social Work” and one may prefer “Krishnamuti Foundation”. when? How many? (eg. feelings and ethics that you stand for and can compromise on. but an idea .or the lack of a religious upbringing. Like for eg. Absolutely no adoption? Definitely adoption? Consider adoption? Artificial means to become pregnant .eg.) If neither of you practices any specific religion nor has had a religious upbringing. the other wants one.and if so to what extent? If yes to kids. It may really help avoid a situation called the FLASHPOINT ! Views on Religion Talk about the traditions of those religions . you'll have to do some compromising somewhere. far beyond sun-signs.Just Check Up before marriage… Compatibility is far. Children Do you want them? If so. talk / think about your value and belief systems (non-religious). at least heart-of-heart if not with each other. One wants 10. and it was shocking since one didn't understand why someone would think their partner would automatically 'switch' his practices just because he was married. do you expect the other to join you at services once you're married? (Someone said this once.) Same goes if you both don't want them? How certain are you of that? What would you consider doing if you couldn't have them without 'help'? Having a settled decision may not be necessary. you're probably already close to a compromise. It about emotions. In this article are some points that you must clarify. then ideas about child rearing? Family (non-kids) What are your relationships to each of your families and how would you expect that to change / stay the same upon marriage? Your potential kids' relationships to your extended families (if you want kids)? . If one wants 2 and the other 3. his / her feelings about godliness.
however. It's important to discuss such things to make sure you're on the same page! Travel? Does one of you love it and the other hates it? How will you compromise? Jobs / careers Will you be a dual career couple? If so. General lifestyle issues Do you envision married life in a big rambling home in the country and your partner envisions a flat in the city? Such things probably would have already come up. but they assume things will become a certain way..Money management How do each of you manage your money? What do you see doing differently when married? Joint finances? Separate? . how is each of you willing to compromise to support the other in their career? ..or any of the ranges in between? Pre-conceived notions What it means to be a 'wife / husband'. it's amazing how people have a preconceived notion of 'married life' which may be different from the life they're living now. Many people have certain ideas of 'wife / husband' while the expectations and relationship of 'girlfriend / boyfriend' may be much different.
If you are willing to put forth the effort to keep your relationship alive. We are guilty of basing our romantic beliefs on fairytales. become consciously aware of everything you do.. by asking yourself the question. Over time.. for just a single day. "Is what I'm about to do or say going to cause my partner pain or pleasure?" To help you. and a little something called love. . The problem with happily ever after is there's more to ever after than meets the eye. Simple. Snow White has to be willing to do more than sing with the bluebirds. not to cause pain. long conversations.GIVE EACH OTHER PLEASURE Your goal in the relationship is to give each other pleasure. riding bicycles or going for walks.Seven Habits of Highly Successful Couples Keeping intimate relationship alive requires strength. with anything else becoming secondary. then developing the following seven habits will help you become one of those highly successful couples HABIT #1 . To hold on to Prince Charming.. this process reverses. When we fall in love our relationship becomes the center point of our life. talking every night on the telephone. Swap lists. each of you should make two lists: one for all the things your partner does that hurt you. and now you know exactly what to do and what not to do. when the relationship becomes more settled (particularly after we have children). No more guessing HABIT #2 . isn't it? However..CREATE LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP RITUALS We fall in love through rituals of connection and intimacy such as romantic dinners. and another for all that you'd like your partner to do to give you pleasure. motivation. exchanging gifts.
HABIT #3 .WORK TOGETHER TO RESOLVE CONFLICT AND CRISIS . One of our connection rituals is a process called "Clearing" that creates this atmosphere of safety and acceptance. EVERY NIGHT before you go to sleep. ask each other "what DID NOT work for you today?" Give each other a chance to share about all the things that went "wrong" during the day (whether connected to the relationship or not).CREATE A SAFE SPACE FOR OPEN AND HONEST SHARING Create a sense of safety and acceptance that allows each of you to express your feelings. our friends .The children. initiate a second round. as well as acknowledge each other (and others) for the support and love you have received. problems. expectations and disappointments. Do what you will with the time. no e-mails.. If there are any solutions that you can mutually agree upon to assist with improvements for the future. you raise the issue. For example. The remedy to routine (the main cause of dull relationships) is connection and intimacy rituals.. HABIT #4 . our work. take two hours together when you put a "do not disturb" sign on your busy life.take the center stage and the relationship being relegated to the background tending only to receive our attention in times of crisis. no answered doors. Just the two of you and your relationship. When both of you are complete. every Saturday evening. as a changeover from the working week into the weekend. our hobbies. nothing. however it must be an investment in your relationship. no TV. No phones. in which you ask each other "what DID work for you today?" This is the opportunity to share about all the goodness that you've experienced during the day.
you are encouraged to listen from your heart (i. you should focus on speaking from your heart (emotional.e. such as doing things together that you both enjoy. listen to music together. When listening. RATHER THAN AWAY When you pass your lover during the course of a day. The "Council" process ensures that before you engage in solution talk. HABIT #6 . Here's how it can be made to work in the practice: One person holds an object in their hand.The problem with the way most couples argue is that they attempt to find solutions before allowing each other the chance to say what they need to say. the other person is allowed only to listen without interruption. spontaneous. HABIT #5 . do you stop and rub their shoulder.. each one of you feels you have been fully heard.SCHEDULE TIME FOR LOVE Want to improve your sex life? Here's one of the most profound pieces of advice: SCHEDULE IT! . drink coffee together after dinner. from acceptance and compassion). While one person has the floor. give them a kiss on the cheek. Take walks together. Only after each person has been fully "heard." Turning toward each other means making each other your number one priority. When speaking. and whisper something nice in their ear . instinctive as opposed to mental)." (in case it is still necessary) continue through to the process of problem solving.or do you just walk on by? This is the meaning of "turning toward" as opposed to "turning away. Make sure to find ways to be physically and emotionally close to each other.TURN TOWARD EACH OTHER.. which symbolizes that he or she has the floor. called the "Talking Piece".
. Call each other all day long with reminders. By the time evening rolls around you'll both feel like you've engaged in foreplay all day long . waiting. ideas and seductive suggestions. When you practice these seven habits intentionally and consistently. You will enrich your relationship by sharing meaningful experiences with each other.. have great source of meaning in their lives.. We all have had times when we were waiting and waiting and. fulfilling and long-lasting relationship..Doesn't sound very romantic. but it works.give it a try. but it's not always practical. This is why couples who choose a path of personal-growth or spirituality together. Waiting for that "magic moment" when you're both "in the mood" may be romantic.and you'll be ready for an exciting night! HABIT #7 .. you'll re-create every day a loving. besides having fun.CREATE MEANING IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP Think about it. It's easy . The ultimate in meaning is to share a common philosophy of life and life purpose. Plan in the morning to make love that night. what else would you like to do together in the coming 40 years? We all need meaning in our lives.