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Protection from Ninjas votive candle label

Protection from Ninjas votive candle label

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Published by Allen Varney
A reassuring secular prayer for protection from ninja assassins. Print out this .PDF, cut out the front and back labels, and fasten them to a devotional candle. When you are apprehensive of ninja assault, follow the directions on the back label. No doubt all will soon be well
A reassuring secular prayer for protection from ninja assassins. Print out this .PDF, cut out the front and back labels, and fasten them to a devotional candle. When you are apprehensive of ninja assault, follow the directions on the back label. No doubt all will soon be well

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Published by: Allen Varney on May 12, 2009
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial

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08/27/2010

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Prayer for Protection from

Print, cut apart, and affix to devotional candle. Copyright ©2009 Ninjalistics. Designed by Allen Varney. Photos by Terence T. S. Tam (ttstam) and Joakim Nordlander (/J), released on Flickr (flickr.com) under a Creative Commons license.

I

Ninja Kidnappers

fervently seek help, guidance, and state-of-the-art alarm systems to secure my person, residence, office, immediate family, friends, pets, and houseplants from ninja assailants. Help me notice disguised followers, recognize subtle deathtraps, and beware caltrop-strewn paths. Teach me ninja avoidance techniques—or, if it proves impossible to escape a ninja, teach me effective grovelling. Grant me the strength to resist smoke bombs, sleeping powders, and Thrice-Distilled Paralyzing Platypus Venom. And if I prove worthy, give me friends, co-workers, and next of kin who are willing to pay ransom when my ninja kidnappers get me anyway. Directions
for use

Protection from

Ninja Kidnappers

Repeat prayer in each room of your home and office while inspecting for surveillance devices, tripwires, and trained spiders. When finished, light candle, place in center of room, and hide in another room’s darkened closet. But don’t be surprised if a ninja is waiting there for you. Learn more about today’s modern ninja at www.ninjalistics.com

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