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Shadows of Yesterday

Shadows of Yesterday

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Published by amandann
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self written

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Published by: amandann on Jul 20, 2013
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12/16/2013

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SHADOWS OF YESTERDAY

“Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!” the shrill sound of the alarm clock woke Emma with a start. Groggily, she wiped her hand over her face, as the remnant of her dream began to dissipate from her mind. But today it wouldn’t be so easy to dispel the unwanted images of the past. Today after a long time, she had been visited by the fears of her past. They reminded her of all she had once held so dear and all that was lost. Throwing back her bed covers, Emma, grudgingly got up and made her way to the toilet, where she splashed her face with extremely cold water in order to clear her mind, for another day she knew she had to live through. After what seemed like ages, she gathered up her courage and controlled her emotions, wanting to be strong enough to go through what this weekend would entail .however, the past had such a strong hold on her that even seemed like a laborious task to accomplish. Dreading, what was to come Emma prepared for her journey, a yearly sojourn to the place where she had once found love and where so tragically she had lost all that she had. Even though many people had told her that with time her pain would ease and her scars would heal, but everyone had failed to mention that she would have to live through a lifetime of misery and regret. Since it was early Friday there was scarce traffic as Emma rounded her car on the motorway. Her four year old son Jeff was sleeping strapped in the back seat. It may have been the lulling music or her own complex thoughts but she found herself reiterating to the past where everything had seemed normal. Two years ago, Emma had been on a similar journey; however, the joy of her journey had been her son and her husband. Jeff had been playing with his toys in the backseat whilst his parents were having a fun loving argument on the music being played. “No James, not this one again, If I have to listen to this song one more time I’m going to run out the car.” James replied, “ Honey this is a true classical, the lyrics take u to a new dimension and anyways, I’ve always considered this to be our song.” Exasperatingly Emma answered, “Oh! Come on James, I thought ‘Promises’ was our song but I think you’d rather have the company of this song than me.” Laughter rang out in the confined walls of the car as the happy bantering continued. Stopping at the services, Emma took Jeff to the toilet whilst James got a refill on petrol.Just as she made her way back to the car; suddenly out of nowhere an uncontrolled trailer appeared in front of the car. As Emma ran towards the burning car, a large piece of debris flew and hit her on her head, as she sank into oblivion the fames of the ignited car burned in her eyes and the

We all love James however I believe that this should be the last time we resurrect his memories my dear. Sitting with Meg by the fire. Before she could phrase the question that spooked her very thoughts her will power left her. The next thing she remembered was waking up to a strong smell of antiseptics and medicines. Each time she looked at her son. the very reason the melancholy mood was more relevant. would journey from London to Huddersfield. Emma reached her destination and was warmly greeted by Meg and Brian Parker. “Beep. how can I forget him and our life together?” . Emma loved the moments when their only topic would be James and where for a few moments she could picture him as his lively and robust self. “ Emma. Meg took the conversation to a new level. Beep” the honking of a car’s horn. Emma and Jeff. bought her back to the present with a start. After a few more hours of restless driving.painful scream rang in her ears. such as the shattering of her precious family and the responsibility of her young son left upon her shoulders. what I am trying to say is . Jeff fell into a deep slumber. where a yearly wake was held in James’ memory. and she felt herself sinking to the depths of dark and dreamless sleep. Emma replied. her last thread to sanity. In the months to come.” Meg continued with a solemn look on her face.” but Meg. she realized that she could not lose hold on reality and that for his sake and future. The doctors. With semblance of a smile. she could relive James’ life. merciless existence which she would be forced to bear alone. “being your mother Emma I want to tell you that I think that it is finally time to move on with your life. she had to swallow all her miseries.” Dismayed Emma said. Emma always bought Jeff for a whole weekend so that he could spend time with his grandparents and after a day filled with attention and frivolity. I think it’s time we finally put him to rest. Pleased with the moments. However on this particular day. dearest! I have always considered you more my daughter than James’ wife so what I am about to say is not only necessary for us but more importantly for you and your son. constantly telling her that her husband had died on impact without having to be a slave of endless misery. her only consolation in all of this was Jeff. Little did she know this would be the beginning of a shallow. therapists and counsellors tried to make her acknowledge her loss. Tomorrow would be the anniversary of James’ death. “Meg you have always been a mother to me. Emma had to face many harsh realities.

If I move on I will lose him forever. not dreading the past but rather looking at an uncertain future not knowing what it may entail. then for the sake of your son.“Emma honey. “We have lost him Emma and no matter how hard we try we cannot bring him back…. Fears are words that need to be shed. How healthy can it be for him to grow up in such an environment? You know James would never have wanted this for you. I think it’s time you find your revolution if not for you. I have finally decided to go on because that is what you would want me to do.. With that Emma shut the leather-bound cover of her journal and went to sleep. But this in no way means that I have forgotten you or that I will leave you behind. A few months later.” Every time I think of moving on I feel as if I am betraying his memory and I’m being unfaithful to our love. I remember you used to say that words are tears that have been written down. moving on does not mean forgetting the person you love.” Choking on her words Emma said. Yours forever in time EM .” With equally tearful eyes Meg replied.” The ensuing silence seemed to stretch for an eternity. What if Jeff forgets him? I will never be able to forgive myself. Without them joy loses all of its brilliance and sadness has no end so thank you my love sharing your tears and making my life more beautiful than it ever could’ve been. because you live in my heart and soul and you will forever be a part of me. just before going to bed Emma picked up her journal for the last time and penned in a final letter to James. . James. death ends a life but not a relationship that struggles on in the survivors mind towards a resolution it may not find.

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