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Emotional Intelligence Coaching Improving Performance for Leaders

Emotional Intelligence Coaching Improving Performance for Leaders

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ISBN 978-0-7494-5458-6

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Training /
Human resource development

ISBN: 978-0-7494-5458-6

Kogan Page
120 Pentonville Road
London N1 9JN
United Kingdom
www.koganpage.com

Kogan Page US
525 South 4th Street, #241
Philadelphia PA 19147
USA

Stephen Nealeis Managing Director of EICT, a
leading emotional intelligence and coach training
organization. A qualified coach, psychodynamic
counsellor and psychologist, Stephen is
passionate about helping people develop EI to
improve performance. He has taught courses in
leadership and team development for more than
3,000 senior business people worldwide.

Lisa Spencer-Arnellis a Director of EICT and is
committed to supporting individuals and teams
to be the best they can be. She’s a qualified
coach, mentor, trainer and EI practitioner with an
MBA, and a member of ICF. To date Lisa has
trained more than 1,000 leaders in coaching
skills in the United Kingdom, United States and
Middle East.

Liz Wilsonis a Director of EICT and is a qualified
coach, mentor, coach-supervisor, EI practitioner
and member of EMCC. She coaches extensively
with clients ranging from teenagers to
executives, and delivers courses and workshops
on EI, coaching, mentoring and supervision skills.
Liz is passionate about how emotional
intelligence and coaching can work together to
inspire people to make positive changes.

A large amount of energy goes into hiding
emotion, especially in the workplace, and yet
this provides the real, powerful essence of who
we are and what we achieve in life. Emotional
intelligence is about recognizing how negative
attitudes and the emotions they trigger can
prevent us from reaching our potential. These
attitudes can be challenged and changed with a
significant positive impact on feelings, thoughts
and behaviour.

Developing emotional intelligence leads to
sustainable behaviour changes that improve the
way you manage yourself and the way you work
with others. Just some of the advantages of
developing emotional intelligence include:

•more productive communication with others;
•better empathy skills;
•acting with integrity;
•improved career prospects;
•managing change more confidently;
•feeling confident and positive;
•reduced stress levels.

Whether you are an HR manager or director, a
company leader or manager, a coach, trainer or
consultant, or interested in people development
and people being the best they can be, then this
book is for you.

“This book is a fascinating and essential read for entrepreneurs and business leaders all
over the world.”

Jaunius Pusvaskis, Director General, Baltic Management Institute

“Stephen Neale, Lisa Spencer-Arnell and Liz Wilson have compiled in this volume the missing link
between the promise of emotional intelligence and the practical application of the learning.
That missing link is the coach approach.”

Dr Patrick Williams, Institute for Life Coach Training

“As well as being a handbook for coaching professionals, it is an insightful guide to developing
emotionally intelligent skills and attitudes that can be accessed by anyone.”
Amanda Knight, co-author, Applied EI

“The authors illustrate the points they are making very clearly with numerous examples, short
stories and illustrative questions to help aspiring coaches to develop their understanding or existing
coaches to refine their approaches.”

Sir John Whitmore, Executive Chairman, Performance Consultants International

Emotional Intelligence Coachingexamines the vital role emotions and habits play in performance.
Emotional intelligence can help leaders and coaches recognize how attitudes – both their own and
those of the people they coach – prevent individuals from reaching their potential. Replacing these
with more useful attitudes, feelings and thoughts can provide a powerful means of improving
performance. This book explains the principles of emotional intelligence and how these relate to
coaching for performance. It includes practical activities for those seeking to identify and adapt their
behaviour in order to achieve more.

Never before have emotional intelligence and coaching been brought together in this way to help
you develop your own and other people’s performance.

With forewords from Sir John Whitmore and Dr Patrick Williams.

EMOTIONAL
INTELLIGENCE
COACHING

Improving performance
for leaders, coaches and
the individual

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Stephen Neale, Lisa Spencer-Arnell and Liz Wilson

emotional intelligence_aw:Layout 1 4/3/09 10:23 Page 1

London and Philadelphia

Stephen Neale
Lisa Spencer-Arnell
Liz Wilson

EMOTIONAL
INTELLIGENCE
COACHING

Improving performance for leaders,
coaches and the individual

emot_intel_TP:Layout 1 16/9/08 10:36 Page 1

Publisher’s note

Every possible effort has been made to ensure that the information contained in this
book is accurate at the time of going to press, and the publishers and authors cannot
accept responsibility for any errors or omissions, however caused. No responsibility
for loss or damage occasioned to any person acting, or refraining from action, as a
result of the material in this publication can be accepted by the editor, the publisher
or any of the authors.

First published in Great Britain and the United States in 2009 by Kogan Page
Limited

Apart from any fair dealing for the purposes of research or private study, or criticism
or review, as permi�ed under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988, this
publication may only be reproduced, stored or transmi�ed, in any form or by any
means, with the prior permission in writing of the publishers, or in the case of
reprographic reproduction in accordance with the terms and licences issued by the
CLA. Enquiries concerning reproduction outside these terms should be sent to the
publishers at the undermentioned addresses:

120 Pentonville Road

525 South 4th Street, #241

London N1 9JN

Philadelphia PA 19147

United Kingdom

USA

www.koganpage.com

© Stephen Neale, Lisa Spencer-Arnell and Liz Wilson, 2009

The rights of Stephen Neale, Lisa Spencer-Arnell and Liz Wilson to be identified as the
authors of this work have been asserted by them in accordance with the Copyright,
Designs and Patents Act 1988.

ISBN 978 0 7494 5458 6

British Library Cataloguing-in-Publication Data

A CIP record for this book is available from the British Library.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Neale, Stephen.

Emotional intelligence coaching : improving performance for leaders, coaches, and
the individual / Stephen Neale, Lisa Spencer-Arnell, and Liz Wilson.
p. cm.
Includes index.
ISBN 978-0-7494-5458-6
1. Employees—Coaching of. 2. Emotional intelligence. 3. Performance—
Psychological aspects. I. Spencer-Arnell, Lisa. II. Wilson, Liz. III. Title.
HF5549.5.C53N43 2008
658.3'124—dc22

2008031244

Typeset by JS Typese�ing Ltd, Porthcawl, Mid Glamorgan
Printed and bound in India by Replika Press Pvt Ltd

Contents

Foreword, Sir John Whitmore, Performance Consultants International

v

Foreword, Dr Patrick Williams, Institute for Life Coach Training

vii

Acknowledgements

ix

Introduction

1

1

What is emotional intelligence?

7

It’s all about performance 7; What is emotional intelligence? 9;
How many brains have you got? 9; Emotional intelligence –
two aspects 15; Can you improve your emotional intelligence? 18;
Measuring EI 20; Sustainable change takes time 25; Different
approaches to EI 27

2

What is coaching?

30

What is coaching? 32; Why coaching? 38; What does great
coaching look like? 44; What next? What does the future of
coaching look like? 46

3

The importance of emotional intelligence in coaching

48

What’s wrong with coaching? 48; The emotionally intelligent
coach 52; Life positions: the foundations to successful coaching 52

4

The fast track to performance and profitability

70

Paying the price of negativity 71; The potential and performance
equation 73; Individual performance 75; Team performance 76;
Organizational performance 80; The evidence 80; Measuring the
impact: what’s your ROI? 85

5 Developing your emotional intelligence

90

Self-regard 95; Regard for others 102; Self-awareness 106;
Awareness of others 110

6 Understanding and working with values, beliefs and a�itudes 117

Inside-out performance 117; Values 120; The impact of values 122;
Why values ma�er 125; The role of values within coaching 126;
Values at work in organizations 130; A�itudes and beliefs 131;
The values, a�itudes and behaviour link 135; Defining
organizational values, a�itudes and behaviours 137

7 Core coaching skills

139

Do you hear what I hear? 140; EI listening 144; Emotionally
intelligent questioning 146; Questioning and the EI coach 147;
EI empathy 148; Rapport 149; Coaching models 151

8 How goals flow from values to action

155

Everything starts as an idea 156; Connect emotionally with
your goals 158; It’s all about mind over ma�er 161; Is working
SMARTER the only way? 163; Goals are vehicles for living
our values 167; How goals flow from values to action 167

9 The coaching toolkit

175

Agreement and contract 176; Coaching models 185;
Coaching questions 189

10 Coaching ethics and best practice

192

What a�racts us to become coaches? 193; So, what does best
practice mean to you? 194; Cracking the code 196; What
constitutes best practice for the emotionally intelligent
coach? 200; How was it for you? 203; Supervision – the
helicopter view 205

Appendix 1. Interview with Sir John Whitmore

212

Appendix 2. Interview with Dr Patrick Williams

216

Appendix 3. Interview with Tim Gallwey

219

Appendix 4. Interview with Kirsten M Poulsen, EMCC

222

Index

225

iv CONTENTS

Foreword

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