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Copyright © 2006 by Austin Barnes All Rights Reserved This is not a free e-book and may not be given away nor copies sold. Please visit http://www.Conversation-Miracle.com Unauthorized duplication or distribution of this material in any form is strictly prohibited. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any from or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise without prior written permission from the author. Some of the concepts including F.O.R.T.H and P.R.E.S.S. were used by license agreement from Conversation Miracle. The author and distributor of this product assume no responsibly for the use or misuse of this product, or for any injury, damage, and/or financial loss sustained to persons or property as a result of using this book. While every effort has been made to ensure reliability of the information within, the liability, negligence or otherwise, or from any use, misuse or abuse of the operation of any methods, stagiest, instructions or ideas contained in the material herein is the sole responsibly of the reader. This is not met to be a substitute for professional advice and counsel.
Good conversation skills are essential to being successful and enjoying life. A person who can confidently carry on enjoyable conversations with people will be able to: • Make friends easily. • Improve their chance of success in business and school. • Leave a great impression with people. • Feel confident. • Conquer shyness. • Be a social success. • Enjoy being around people. In the next hour, I want to work with you step by step and show you how to: • Instantly appear calm and confident with people • Confidently start conversations • Feel calm and confident in conversation • Leave a great impression. • Have a likeable personality. • Successfully carry on conversations. • Become a person who people enjoy talking with. Think of a scale of 1 to 10. With 10 being excellent at conversations and 1 being not very good at conversation. Where you are at? 7? 3? 5? 1? 8? It does not matter where you are, the next one hour will dramatically improve your skills. The less your current ability, the more improvement can take place. You will learn five principles and be shown how to apply them to conversation. Each principle will have some practical exercises to help implement them. The exercises and reading should take about an hour. Don’t rush. If it takes longer, don’t worry about it. The good news is that each of the 5 principles are very powerful. Just applying one, can transform people’s social abilities. However, with all five you will be on your path to being a social success.
The first step towards making friends and being great at conversation is to be a friendly person. Doing this will cause you to have a likeable personality. This is good news. you would probably: • • • • • • • Listen intently and not be distracted Show warmth and friendliness Be glad to see this person Portray that you are happy to be with and talking with this person Smile Ignore distractions Treat them with respect Your goal in conversation is treat your conversation partner just like you would this important person. family member. If we consider ourselves more important than the other person we may treat them in the following way: . Making a person feel important usually causes them to like us and enjoy our company. We enjoy the conversation and we can easily make friends. One speaker mentioned that friendliness and likeability are essential for success in life. how would you respond to them in conversation? Because they are important. or a special friend. Principle #1: Treat the Other Person as if they are the most important person in the world. Why this Works The basic fact of human life is that we like people who like us. People will enjoy talking with you. Who is the most important person in the world to you? It could be a movie star. A great impression is made. they feel important. We enjoy being around people who consider us important and are friendly to us. When we treat others as important. You will automatically become friendly and leave a great impression. You want to treat them as if they are the most important person in the world to you right now. What does not work Take the opposite attitude. If you talked with this important person.Chapter 1 How to Become a Friendly Person Friendly people generally leave a great impression.
1. When you talk you want to radiate that you enjoy talking with the other person. Turn towards the mirror and greet your image in the mirror just as if you were greeting the most important person. How we think about the person and treat them will impact the relationship. Radiate warm. Focus on the person in the mirror. Action Time Take a break from reading and use 4 minutes to practice these abilities. Say. “Hi”. Let your face just radiate you are glad to see the person. There you have it. but many people do not apply it. you want to greet people in a similar matter. the first principle: Principle #1: Treat the Other Person as if they are the most important person in the world. Do you appear warm and friendly? Tweak your expression and body language until you appear this way. and enjoyment. Frowning and not smiling. Usually. Keep practicing this for a few minutes. This is simple. Moving on to a friend would be great. Consider them important and you will become a friendly person. Using your mirror. Have an attitude that shouts “Stay away”.• • • • • • Not listening. gladness. share a story about the day. Talk like you would to the very important person. 2. . Congratulations you are on the path to experiencing a Instant Conversation Skills in less than an hour. Start with practicing with a mirror. Interrupting and excessively talking about ourselves. You will find that a slow smile is good. Be scanning the room for someone better to talk with. Not showing friendliness. Use this action time to help you apply it.
but really action and feeling go together. • They will feel more calm and confident. By acting confident and great at conversation. A person can give a speech and do OK. and by regulating the action. we can indirectly regulate the feeling. Act confident and you will feel confident. • Nervousness will be reduced. Many times people allow their feelings to take control. William James said this: Action seems to follow feeling. Sound hypocritical? The majority of public speakers are battling fear and nervousness. but they refuse to let it show. which is under the more direct control of the will. Fear. Principle #2: Act and think like a confident. • They will come across as a great speaker. take this same person and tell them to act. which is not. feel. It does not matter how you feel. The father of modern Psychology. . shyness. It is life changing. Don’t skip this principle. and lack of confidence direct their conversations which can sabotage dates and other activities. you will appear that way. • They will be making eye contact and speaking with enthusiasm. you control your actions. This principle works. You act like a confident person.. If you are acting confident. and think like a confident.Chapter 2 How to Quickly Feel Confident and Be Great at Conversation Feelings are powerful. As they redo the speech the second time. dynamic speaker. Fact #2: Acting confident and great at conversation will make you feel confident and relaxed. I have seen this principle at work in classes on public speaking. This next principle is very powerful and gives instant results. friendly person who is great at conversation. though you may not feel like it. However. Instead of allowing feelings to control you. • Their confidence draws the audience into the speech. This principle rests on three facts: Fact #1: When you are acting like a confident and friendly person you will appear like a confident and friendly person. you will appear confident and great conversation. Act shy and you will feel shy. it will look like a miracle has taken place.
When I teach a public speaking class. . No frown or negative expression • Open body language. actor. The arms are uncrossed. Just start acting like you are great at conversation and you will appear. If you want a trait. body is turned towards people. feel. and they appeared much more relaxed than what they felt. act as if you already have the trait. Don’t worry about your feelings. “You look like a 2 or a 3”. This means their body language communicates warmth. or celebrity. friendly. movie star. Fact #3: The quickest way to being great at conversation is to act confident. not hesitant • Good posture and head up • Smile on face. Not too fast. Just focus on acting confident. friendly. and great at conversation. Friendly Person Act in this Situation?” Think for a moment of someone who is confident. but incredibly powerful. It may be a character from a movie. and be great at conversation. This was true. It could be a friend. On their evaluation sheets I would usually say. and an openness for people to talk. likable. and like you are great at conversation. Routinely these high schoolers would give figures of 7. Again William James said: If you want a quality. Here’s a description: • Makes eye contact • Voice is clear and does not have a hint of shyness • Interacts with people • Walks up to people and starts conversation • Relaxed • Moves with a purpose. Three Keys will help you act and be great at conversation. act as if you already had it. Can’t think of anyone? Just imagine how a confident. How to Act and Think like a Confident. On a scale of 1 to 10. likeability. and there is a welcoming expression on the face. Friendly person who is great at conversation. I asked students who are speaking to rate themselfs on how nervous they felt. This is incredibly simple. one stood for being relaxed in front of a TV and ten was losing lunch in the bathroom. friendly and great at conversation. They chose act confident when they spoke. 8 or even 9. likable person would act and think. Key #1: Ask yourself “How would a Confident.
Key #2: P. Eye contact Smiling Speak Clearly By applying PRESS you will instantly act confident. Have a relaxed look. It is a little hard to explain. Whenever you are around people or are tempted to revert back to old behavior. Let your arms swing at your sides. Let go of the book. is an acronym that stands for. Friendly Person act in this situation”. As you move and sit with the right posture. have your movements purposeful and confident. You are to put off any shy.R. Posture straight Relaxed body. Do this and act this way. Posture Straighten your posture and you will feel more energetic and confident. A couple deep breathes can help you relax before you meet someone.E. you put on your set of confident.Don’t get me wrong.S. Adjust your posture and head until the book is balanced on top of your head. You should use PRESS all the time. • Relax The letter “R” stands for relax. your posture is straight. unconfident mannerism like lack of eye contact. You will feel confident. Breath. act and feel confident. It is the same exercise that beauty queens or actors will often use to straighten their posture and walk gracefully. ask this question: “How would a Confident. • Walk with a purpose and don’t rush. This automatically gives you more energy.S.S yourself to look. Now practice walking around the room with the book on your head. Good posture produces confidence. You can have great posture by remembering or applying the following: Stand up and place a book on your head.S. P. look confident. etc. . When entering a room.R. and feel confident. You are not to shed your unique personality and mimic them. When the book is balanced. More secrets to confident posture: • When standing shift your weight to the front of your feet. practice being relaxed. likable actions. You will look and feel confident.E. It automatically makes a person sound more confident. Next. but practice it and you will master this ability.
Always note the eye color when first meeting someone. In some cultures and even places in the US. This glance needs to be slow and sideways (unless a person is eating or has good reason to look down). Smile . Listening: Eye Contact 80% of the time. Lack of eye contact tends to show distrust and a lack of interest. Too much eye contact makes others nervous and comes across as staring. How to have dynamic eye contact Look each person in the eye when saying. “Hello”. move your eyes slightly around the face to keep from having a dead stare. Both Listening and Speaking: Hold eye contact for four seconds and then slowly glance away for a second or two before coming back. How to have successful eye contact The Rule of 68 will allow you to have effective eye contact. Move eyes slightly around the eye area to avoid a dead stare or glazed look. increased eye contact is normal. When making eye contact. If what I told you is making others nervous. a lot of eye contact is considered confrontational. You need to be aware of the culture and situation you are in. yet will still display confidence. Rule of 68 Speaking: Eye contact 60% of the time. change your style to make others more comfortable. In the business world.. Have a slight smile on the face to avoid scowling and staring.Eye Contact Proper eye contact conveys confidence and acceptance of other person. Throw out everything I have said if. You will avoid the extreme of staring.. Hold eye contact for an extra moment when saying “thank-you” or greeting someone.
You should feel your stomach moving. Just simplying smiling will make a person appear warm and friendly. Step 1: Breath with Good posture A great voice starts with good posture. Not only this. Keep it between your teeth. Sometimes our natural voice is squelched because we only open our mouth partway. Repeat. Mastering this simple ability will do wonders. you will empower your voice with energy. “Stay away”. The difference can be quite plain. Taking a couple of deeps breaths will calm a person down. People with a smile are easy to approach and talk with. look in the mirror and practice smiling. we breath from the chest. Often people sound weak or nervous because they are talking on little air. The next time you are in a nervous situation. 2.A smile is powerful. The same applies to sitting. It must be warm and friendly. In fact the following three steps will give your natural energy filled voice. If you have a chance. . Practice smiling to greet someone. You want your voice filled with energy and vitality. energy will radiate from your voice. Take a pencil and place it in the mouth with the ends sticking out your mouth sideways. It is training you to keep your mouth open and to project your voice. Studies show that smiling can put you in a good mood. This makes the voice sound higher. However. An actor once told me about a great exercises for learning to speak through an open mouth. I Know the people and they would like to talk with others. Push it as far back as possible. Often when we get nervous. Speak Clearly You must be understood. If you lean forward slightly. their scowl on their face is shouting. Put your hand on your stomach and breathe. make sure you are breathing from your abdomen. You should breathe from the abdomen. Read a couple sentences and then pull the pencil out and continue reading. but it also radiates to others and puts them in a good mood. So many times I have been at events and see people in the corner by themselves. By transferring your weight to the front of your feet when standing. weaker and more choppy. Focus on opening the mouth and letting your voice spring forth. Open your Mouth The voice escapes through the mouth and then heads for the ears of others. A short sip of breath before starting to talk will allow your first words to come out clearly. The good news is that you can have an energy filled voice in minutes. A shy or weak voice can hinder your impression.
Pause and pace When people get nervous. Displays confidence and seems to attract people. Get into the habit of always making eye contact. Your expectation is important. You will feel confident and look confident. having the right posture. When talking with people. If you struggle in this area. Act and Feel confident.” Gets involved in conversations. PRESS enables you to feel comfortable and confident. apply a simple exercise. Friendly Person Act in this Situation?” Key #2: P. What you expect will often happen. Read a few pages from a book every day. They also effect how you behave. Claude M. Pat thinks: “No one is going to want to talk with me. Key #1: Ask yourself “How would a Confident.R. Bristol said.E. However.” Avoids conversations and talking with people because he is expecting them to not want to talk with him Lacks confidence and he will actually repel people. let them leave. they tend to talk really fast and mumble. This will help you make aware and give you a chance to practice. be expecting them want to talk with you. Jerry and Fred are both at a party. . Both are acting and thinking differently: Chris thinks: “I am expecting People to want to talk with me and enjoy being around me.S. A warm personality will make the other person feel comfortable in your presence. Key #3: Expect other people to want to talk with you and enjoy being in your presence. if they don’t want to talk. Why? Your expectations are subtle communicated to people in your behavior. and being relaxed. Quick Review Principle #2: Act and think like a confident.S yourself to Look.3. There you have it! Use PRESS as much of the time as possible. “We usually get what we anticipate”. Pace yourself and pronounce your words clearly. Pause after key points and make sure your partner has caught up with you. friendly person who is great at conversation.
c. likeable and great at conversation. go back to the mirror and use the following script as you apply the three keys. ______. Repeat the phrase “Unique New York” 10 times in a row. Take out the pencil and read for a sentence or two and then put it back in. • You will feel confident. Yesterday I. What will happen when you have this mindset? • You will appear confident. d. If there is no one. Read a couple sentences using a pencil in the mouth as talked about earlier. practice for a few minutes. Talk about your day out loud with the pencil and repeat. 2. but it works.Posture straight Relaxed body Eye contact Smiling Speak Clearly Key #3: Expect other people to want to talk with you and enjoy being in your presence. Action Time 1. How has your week been? . You want to be a confident as you pretend to carry on this conversation. a. a. carry on a conversation with someone for a couple minutes. I know this sounds dumb. likeable and great at conversation. b. How are you doing today? c. • You will be confident. Using the three keys. I am doing fine. If you voice is not clear. likeable and great at conversation. Hello b.
I showed interest in them. People are craving and interest. they will enjoy being around you and you will have power in conversation. The results are often the same. many don’t. People enjoy the conversation and the conversation flows smoothly. and appreciation on the other person. When I met people I asked question. by shining the spotlight on the other person. Boring people talk only about what interest them. attention. and appreciation. and appreciation. At one time I was very active in face to face sales. but a spotlight that is made up interest. it will create a dynamic conversation. attention. Some of have it some don’t. attention. Ignore the other person. because shyness is often the result of focusing too much on yourself. don’t pay attention. As a bonus shyness will leave. Principle #3 Shine your spotlight of interest. I attribute part of my success to the fact I showed interest in people. shine the spotlight on yourself. If you are giving this to them. Talk only about what they want to talk about and do not show interest. Charismatic people have this quality. and do not give appreciation. It comes down to a person’s focus and who they think about in conversation. Increase their shyness because they are focusing on themselves. However. I listened. All can have it. If you want to leave a terrible impression. Not a literal spotlight that lights up a dark stage. Boring people do not.Chapter 3 The Quality that Makes People Likeable and Great at Conversation There is a secret to being great with people and dynamic at conversation. I have used genuine interest to talk with everyone from young kids to CEO’s. Shining Your Spotlight Spotlight of Interest. As they shine the spotlight on themselves they will • • • • Avoid eye contact if it feels uncomfortable. I was genuinely interested in knowing more about the person. . Every person has a spotlight. Interest led to quick friendships and a great impression.
• • Acknowledge them. Spotlight of Attention When we were babies we craved attention. Later you will learn how to use good questions. Pay attention to key words. Show you are listening. people naturally try and get attention through wrong ways. that rhymed!). “OK. They will usually bask in the glow and the conversation will flow (Hey. We have all met bad listeners. If you are a good listener. This will help keep your attention and give you more ammo for conversations. Wait for a count of three after they finish. You focus your spotlight of interest on others two key ways: 1. Nod your head.” Also respond to what they are saying with questions. Make eye contact much of the time. Their mind leaves the planet. For the most part this has never changed. interrupting. People know when a question is asked with sincere interest. acknowledge them. and putting others down are just a few ways to get attention. a. The moment we start talking the eyes glaze over. However. Listen for keywords. Asking sincere questions 2. Actively listening. These methods may get attention but it sure does not make a person great a conversation or making friends! There is a better way. Don’t be like that! Apply these practical ideas. or it can be loaded with interest. Unfortunately. Active Listening: There is a lack of good listeners. . Responded with short statements like. Over talking. d. c. Wow! That’s too bad. Give attention and people will give it back. it can be just said as a matter of fact statement.Your spotlight of interest will enable to talk with people for hours and they will greatly enjoy the conversation. Eye contact. being loud and boisterous. This will show respect to them. When someone enters a circle of people. b. Possible nod to people as you pass them. Say “Hello”. “How are you doing?” is a simple question. you will be likable and great at conversation. Asking Questions with sincere interest.
Thank people and show appreciation. include someone through eye contact and by bringing them in with a question. This next principle will make it easy. 2. Lean forward. Practice listening. attention. However.Include people in conversation. and appreciation on them. Listen and act glad to be with them. When people feel that we are adding value to them or making them feeling valued. Chapter 4: Starting Conversations Starting conversations can be tough. As a bonus we will feel good because we are helping others out. • Spotlight of Appreciation William James said “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated. Talk with a friend over the phone or in person. I saw it had tremendous power in sales. Focus on keywords. if you are applying the first three principles. People will bask in the glow. Focusing on others is one the best ways to combat fears of shyness. Call positive attention to what they have done or said. • Listen • Give time. In a sense we will be more likable. turn on the radio and listen and watch the mirror. conversations will almost automatically start. they enjoy being around us. • Make friends.” Dale Carnige 4 Minute Action Plan 1. If you do not have a person close by.” Appreciation means to give value or increase the value of something. . Here are three practical ways to shine your spotlight of appreciation on a person: • • • Show appreciation in your body language. • Shyness will be conquered. good things will happen. Pause afterwards. When they make a good point say so. Benefits When you shine your spotlight of interest. “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. Show admiration for their accomplishments. • Friendships can be quickly made. Shine your three spotlights of interest. Focus on doing it and it will happen. If you are in a group. There are many ways to give attention.
T. Starting conversations is quite simple. so it is hard to give blanket conversation starters.. some are better than others. Some would be more appropriate with stranger How is your day going? What is new with you? How are you enjoying this ___ (party. CQ Stands for Comment Question Simply you make a comment and then you ask a question. follow-up with a question. Nice car! Which dealership did you get it from? I noticed your English book. or other interesting information.H is an acronym.R. Did you hear about the ____ on the news? How was the party this weekend? Things. Any question spoken with interest will do. Here are a few. is to ask about things around you or make comments about the event that you are both at. What work are you involved in? How’s work going? Recent events.O. . however. The most recent event is what was just said by that person. etc. F. A comment can be: • A greeting. How are your parents? Occupation. In the Appendix I do list over 30 conversation starters. How are you enjoying the class? Hobbies Every situation is different. It also includes news.Principle #4: Easily start Conversations with the CQ method as you Go Forth into Conversation. “The Weather is nice. The comment breaks the ice. trip. etc)? What have you been staying busy with lately? How are things going in your life? What big events are going to be happening in your life. shopping. Family.” • A story about yourself. recent activities by both of you. “Hi” • An observation. Sometimes you may follow up with a second comment After the comment. What works well with strangers. Look around you and ask or make a comment about something.” • An expression of gratitude “That is a nice car. a news story. Remembering the term FORTH will help you as you go FORTH into conversation.
Speak to a stranger. Call a friend. Before hand choose a follow-up question. and considering the other person important. . will make conversation almost nearly happen automatically.Don’t get hung-up with asking the exact question. Action Plan Use this principle to start a conversation with someone. acting friendly. You shining your spotlights.
Using Free Nuggets During conversation be listening for information or keywords that you can use.) 3. Give information (Yesterday. gave.) Sarah: It is pretty decent and a good atmosphere! Janelle: Tell me about it. Principle #5: When not listening Give. This is powerful for continuing conversation. Use. Use information (Comment on what they just said or ask about it. There are three ways to use free nuggets: 1. you have three options: 1. used. When properly used.) 2. You share and then ask a question about what you just shared. Ask for information (How did you spend your day yesterday?) Often you will use a combination. Let’s illustrate. Free nuggets of information is what keeps the fire of conversation going. and asked for free information. Repeat the nugget back Notice how Janelle repeated the word “Bowling” with interest. and Ask for Free Nuggets of Information.Chapter 5 How to Keep a Conversation Flowing Smoothly Conversation is like a quick burning fire. Janelle: Bowling! (Said with interest) Sarah: Yeah. or any information. statements. a conversation will flow smoothly. Free nuggets are keywords. it will die. You will find that repeating a word or phrase back to a person will cause them to continue to talk about that subject. (Her voice and manner show sincere interest. What is it like? This is the start of an interesting conversation. I…. This caused Sarah to give out some more free information. about 5 of us were over at the Bowling center. When a pause shows up in a conversation. Unless fuel is added. Last night I went bowling with some friends. Generally every sentence contains at least one free nugget of information. In this conversation Sarah. Observe the following conversation: Janelle: How are you doing? Sarah: Fine. . Janelle: Bowling Center? I have never been there. facts.
A fire cannot start without fuel and a conversation cannot get going without the fuel of nuggets of information. it is often good not to say too much! Giving Free Nuggets Tennis requires two people hitting the ball back and forth. A conversation which builds rapport and develops friendships must have both people contributing. You should still listen more than you talk and focus on showing interest. Let me explain when and out how to give out free nuggets. . Just listen and use free information. It adds fuel to the conversation and keeps it going. 3. They may feel guilty talking. Just listen for free nuggets and use them by showing interest. Others will feel compelled to give more nuggets of information. Give out Nuggets When Asked. and thus never open up. I have never been there!” This sparked more conversation. meaningless conversation into something exciting! Try it and see the results. This is what will happen as you give free nuggets: It will give the other person something to ask about. However. To build friendships and keep conversations flowing. Janelle asked an open ended question about the Bowling Center. Spike the one word answers to questions! Many people starve a conversation by not giving good answers to questions.2. Actually. a person must throw out free nuggets. Ask a question. Often when people discover the importance of listening and showing interest they will focus too much on asking questions. throw out some free nuggets about yourself. Comment on the nugget Janelle said. Both parties will get know one another. “Bowling Center. “Tell me about it. This person may quickly answer a question and then ask another. Just using a few nuggets will transform a dull. You don’t have to say lot to be great at conversation. Commenting shows interest and shows you are listening. It will help build friendships and evaporate pauses. What is it like?” The free nuggets resulting from this question will give her more fuel for conversation. Doing this hinders conversation and is an obstacle in building good friendships.
.. Personal fact: I am planning to buy a new. You: Hello ____ Fred: Hey! Good to see you. I spent the afternoon looking for a new car. you can learn some interesting info. Volunteer Free Nuggets to Break Pauses Eventually subjects will run out and there is a pause in a conversation. (Notice how Fred is obligated to answer more. Again a free nugget will do that.) Now you both have free nuggets of information to ask about. Remember the acronym FORTH? This works great for thinking up free nuggets.. How are you doing? You: Fine. Fun fact: I heard that 70% of all statistics are made up. When you learn the 55 Principle.. Where did you get it from? Hobbies: I just picked up this new computer game.. I spent the afternoon studying for a test and talking with friends. To be safe you could throw in a question after you share the nugget: .. Anything will work: Story: Last week I saw this advertisement on. Family: My brother's wife just had a baby. Recent events: I read in the paper about… Things: That's a nice shirt. You need a spark to ignite the conversation..Look at this conversation: You: Hello ____ Fred: Hey! Good to see you. Later the 55 Principle will help you out... Thanks for asking. How are you doing? You: Pretty good. News item: I heard that taxes. How about yourself? Fred: Good.. Occupation: Yesterday at work. Fred: Could not be better. This technique of giving and using free nuggets is powerful and will dynamically enhance your conversations.. How about yourself. Look at this conversation with free nuggets. something really interesting happened.
Open ended questions fuel a conversation and are a quick way to jump-start a conversation. Open ended questions result in several sentence answers. I will ask a closed ended question and then follow it up with an open ended question. These questions also give you keywords that you can follow up on with more information. Think about some personal facts which would be of interested to those you meet.I just bought this computer game which is really cool. They are useful for gaining specific information and setting up an open ended question. For an example: Where are you going to college? Oklahoma University. (If no one says anything. How did you get started in this career? Back in… What are you enjoying about the party? The food is pretty good. Look at the above. but don’t throw away close ended questions. A couple facts will be of big help. However. conversations will not last long. Open ended questions are good. Closed ended questions result in just one or two word answers Some examples: Do your enjoy your career? Yes Did you have a good day? Yes Are you enjoying the party? Yes Here the speaker is showing interest.) What computer games do you enjoy? Hint: Prepare yourself before you go to social functions or meet people. Read the newspaper or listen to the news. ask a question. Often the follow up method is good to us. I did meet this interesting guy. How did you decide on this college? .. unless the person is real talker. It is called ___ and the object is to _____. Asking Questions: Asking questions is a great way to show interest and keep a conversation flowing. There are basically two types of questions: open-ended questions and closed ended questions..
Things. As you listen being thinking of questions you could ask. It is time to get practical. Also I learned how to share information more effectively (covered later). Did you hear about the ____ on the news? How was the party this weekend? 5. What hobbies are you involved in? How did you decide to get into this hobby? How do you like to spend your time? Review Principle #5: When not listening Give. If you cannot do this at this time. recent activities by both of you. Remember the Acronym FORTH as you go FORTH into Conversation. Action Plan a. etc. Nice car! Which dealership did you get it from? I noticed your English book. 2. as long as you are showing interest. turn on the radio to a talk show. It would sound like I was interviewing a person! I solved this by asking open ended questions which promoted conversation. So far you know the mindset of acting. You know to have your spotlight of interest. Occupation. Think of free information you could have thrown in. Here is a technique that will revoltionize your conversations and give you confidence. c. How are your parents? How many kids? How is the health? Is your family going to be taking a vacation? 3. b. Do the same with free information. Look around you and ask or make a comment about something. appreciation. the question is not real important. As you listen be mentally thinking of what info you could have used if you were talking with this person. What to ask about? Again. Recent events. Hobbies. How are you enjoying the class? 6. Use. . and Ask for Free Nuggets of Information. It also includes news. One little question can spark 15 minutes of conversation. and attention focused on the other person. Often I would ask closed ended question. However.When I first learned about showing interest I did not understand about the two types of questions. and feeling like a confident person. great questions will make you awesome at conversation. thinking. Talk with a friend or make a phone call. How’s work going? What do you enjoy about your job? 4. Family. The most recent event is what was just said by that person.
3 years). http://www. “I took my car to the mechanic last week for an oil change. Unless you will be talking for a couple minutes. • News stories. The 55 principle means that before you talk to an individual or attend a social event. how would you live the final 24 hours (5 hours. they may ask some questions or make some comments. even boring facts can ignite a conversation.com/ • General news from the area. 6 months. • If you are a joke teller. This only takes a minute or two and can be the key to unlocking a successful evening. Conversation Topics / Nuggets Nuggets of information conversation topics can be from the following sources: • Recent experciences that happened to you. • Interesting facts and stories.O. You are walking in prepared. Principle #5: Always be Prepared for conversation with the 55 Principle. there are different daily joke lists. Check them out: http://www.H. do not tell jokes if they fall flat when you share. You could say. Think F. When a silent pause creeps up. Sprinkling in a couple of these every day will spice up conversations. “What Mechanic do you like to use?” Conversation Questions .newsoftheweird. some personal experiences to share.Chapter 5 Unlocking Your Conversation Skills with one Technique The 55 Principle is what I call the missing link.” Depending on who you are talking with. It builds on what we learned and will transform conversations. News of the Weird are true stories that are stranger than fiction. Usually I have a few news stories in mind. you have five conversation topics/free nuggets and five questions. what three things would you bring? o If you knew you only had 24 hours to live. and interesting facts and stories.R. TV News or an internet site. • Stimulating questions and topics: o Would you sell an eye for a Million Dollars? o If you were going to be on a deserted Island for a month with all your food and housing provided. However. You can use this info to ask questions about someone. Look at the news paper.com/ • Aiken’s One Liners will send you five one liners every day be email. you obliterate with the 55 Principle. You could just follow up with a question.aikenslaughs.T.
R. What do you do for an occupation? e. Every situation is different and you will have to tailor you questions. you will become better at this. What do you know about ______ (Recent news item. for conversation. Tell me about __________. What have you been busy with lately? 2. A good question will ignite conversations. mother. This will instantly make you great at conversation. etc)? 5. How do you like to spend your time? c. With these you are ready. Occultation. etc)? 7.R. What are your hobbies? d.R.O. etc) 3. Remembering F. you need to be ready with around five questions. As time passes.O. etc)? 6. What do you find challenging about…. . (Family.O. What do you think about _________? 9. working in Management. Just select a few you would like to use. It will automatically happen Action Plan Think of five conversation topics and five conversation questions.H. your job. a.H.T. Use the following questions to ask about F.T. What do you enjoy about ________(Raising kids. college. and Hobbies will help you think of questions.H. (raising kids. friend)? 8. Just pause to think of a few questions and topics before chatting with someone. How is your ______ (family. Recent Events.When you walk into conversation. How did you get involved in ________(career. 1. In the appendix there is a longer list. Any Questions about F. Do you have any family? How many siblings? How many kids? Ages? b.T. meet your spouse. What is new with _______? 4. Things. Below I have a few different categories of question.
you have learned five principles.Chapter 6 Releasing your Abilities In the last hour or so. Family Occupation Recent events Things Hobbies . friendly person who is great at conversation. Principle #2: Act and think like a Confident. As you approach and greet the other person you are applying Principle #1 and Principle #2: Principle #1: Treat the other Person as if they are the most important person in the world. However. attention. Step #2: Review the principles and understand how they operate in conversation.S yourself to look. Somewhere you apply the next Principle: Principle #4: Easily start Conversations with the CQ method and using FORTH. This section should help. Step #1: Understand that you will probably not be able to apply everything you learned right away. Posture straight Relaxed body Eye contact Smiling Speak Clearly Key #3: Expect other people to want to talk with you and enjoy being in your presence. You may feel a little overwhelmed with the info. Friendly Person Act in this Situation”? Key #2: P.S. Key #1: Ask yourself “How would a Confident.E. and appreciation on the other person.R. Now you continue to apply the first two principles and add the third. remember that just applying any of these principles will improve your abilities instantly. It will take some practice. Act and feel confident. Principle #3 Shine your spotlight of interest.
please drop me a note at: Austin@conversation-miracle. Use. However. Principle #5: When not listening Give. You will see a noticeable difference right away. If you have any ideas or feedback on this book. this is just the start. you should have had your 55 Principle ready. and Ask for Free Nuggets of Information.com Austin Barnes . From the Author: I want to help people improve their conversation skills.After the conversation is going. Principle #6: Use the 55 Principle with your 5 topics and questions. spend 10 minutes a day focused on talking with an individual or the mirror. Use them. As you continue to use these principles. you will become more proficient. You are now equipped. Before the conversation. This will unlock your abilities. apply the next principle to keep the conversation flowing. To continue to improve.
tapes. who would it be? If you knew then. where did you get ________? How was work? Have you seen any movies recently? How did you like it/them? What kind of music do you listen to? Ask if they saw an interesting TV program. where would it be and why? What place do you want to visit most? If you couldn't do what you are doing for a living. what would you have done different in your teen years? . What sports do you play or like? How long have you played for? What did you do this weekend (week)? Have you been to _________? What kind of foods do you like? Where are you from? Where did you go to school/college? Have you read any good books lately? What did you enjoy about them? What do you normally do for fun? Do you like (an interest of yours)? If you could live anywhere in the world. what else would you do? If you could interview anyone living or dead. what you know now. What have you done for fun lately? Did anything interesting happen this week? What are you doing to stay busy these days? How did you end getting into this career What are major challenges you face in parenting these two kids? (Working at this job. doing this project. movies.) What books.Appendix: Questions to Start Conversations and Keep them Interesting. etc. magazines do you like? Why? How do you spend most of your time? If you could live in anywhere which would you choose and why? Who is one person who has had a lot of influence on your life? Why? You look really nice.
how would you do it? If you wrote a book.If your house were on fire and you. and what would you do? What are some of your greatest fears? What has been the happiest day of your life? If you could change one thing in the world what would you change? If you could change one thing about yourself what would you change? What is the most important thing in your life? What is the one thing you couldn’t live without? What is your favorite movie of all time? Why? What is your favorite book of all time? Why? What is the hardest thing about being _____ years old? What is the best thing about being ______ years old? Describe your perfect day. what would you do with your time or where would you go? What childhood games do you remember playing? If you knew you had 24 hours to live what would you do? If you could be invisible for a day. where would you go. What job would you never want to have? Who is your best friend? Why are they your best friend? Would you rather mow the lawn for 8 hours or r give a book report in front of 500 kids? What’s your favorite car and why? Who would you most like to meet? In what other country would you most like to live? What things don’t boys understand about girls? . what would they be? What is your earliest childhood memory? If you were to describe the perfect marriage in a few simple sentences. what would it be about? I you knew you'd be financially taken care of for the next year. your family and pets were all out safely and you could only grab 3 things to take out.
what would they be? (You’re not allowed to wish for money or another wish!) How do you know the host here at the party. where would you go? If you had three wishes. .What things don’t girls understand about boys? What embarrasses you the most? If you could take a family vacation any place in the world.