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Published by gardenoffaith
My ideas on living with self hatred or dislike of self, dissatisfaction - can we make it work? can it help us or can we rise above it?
My ideas on living with self hatred or dislike of self, dissatisfaction - can we make it work? can it help us or can we rise above it?

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Published by: gardenoffaith on Aug 15, 2013
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How to stop hating yourself? hating your life, what other people do?

i think the main thing is to make it work for you. take that energy, passion, for surely it is there, and use it to make changes. to do something. something good, or right, or creative. to hate yourself is never okay. i wrote often that loving yourself is the one sure way to love others, to care about your life. but if it is impossible, then try working with the self loathing, the depression, the indifference. acknowledge. embrace. say, yes, i am like that. i am. that is me. there may be a soul, a person, a true nature inside you, that is loveable. beautiful. worthy. you may not feel it, or see it. doesnt matter. it may be true just the same. if you believe in God, then you may also know that God is said to acknowledge this beauty and reality, total acceptance and forgiveness. why not take the gift and make it part of your life? if you do not believe in God, or you cannot see the truth, pretend. pretend that you are accepted, forgiven, loved just the same. what is inside you is really all the same. i have read so many books, and have read about so many religions, that claim one thing: reality is inside you. God is inside you. so if you can imagine, or pretend, a love and acceptance from a Creator, maybe that is all you need to ever do to make it real. that will become your reality. the gift from our Creator could reside in the imagination, in us, in what we choose or see. what a strange yet beautiful gift! to see that we have the power inside, we need only turn to it, picture it, see it, live it, activate it. maybe that is God’s best gift to us. and how we reach God. maybe that is how He reaches us. and in the meantime, do whatever you can to do good, to act like a caring person, a warm or kind or involved person, if you feel you have not been. you do not ever have to live up to what someone else is, or says, or wants you to be. if you have bad points, surround them with good ones. if you have bad circumstances crowd them out with some better ones. love can make up for so much that is wrong in and around you. so can charm. beauty, faith, intelligence. hard work, kindness.

any one of these can do the job. we do not die easily, some of us. we do not give up easily. is it strength? do we get credit for it? is it stubbornness? something we have to do? any way we see it, whatever reason, it deserves a thank you. use it well. your time, your life, your refusal to lay down and stop breathing. i know how it feels to want to give up, i know how it feels to have people tell you to give up and push you to die. i have known the love of God, the miracles, the breath inside, His power, his compassion. i have known the total darkness and rejection and separation as well. i am still here. i have to make the best of it, and so do all of you. my birds keep me going. my sweet sparrows, seagulls, blue jays, all kinds of birds, and my squirrels too. i learned love from them, getting up no matter what, feeding them no matter how i feel, taking my walk, even though i have felt like i was hit by a truck maybe you have something like this too in your life. children, a husband, family, friends. pets. a cause, a career. i hope so. even if you feel you have nothing, you have you. yourself. just you. i wanted to hold on so badly to images. to what i felt was pretty or nice sweet, loveable. i hate ugliness. i hate the feeling inside of chaos, of messiness, even though it is around me and i am not the neatest most together person! i hate the feeling of going too far, saying too much, too nasty too outspoken, too angry or hateful. you cannot come back from that. you cannot get love or forgiveness, just more stress, more anger, more hate i wanted and still want things to have some order, some neatness, something pretty or sweet, so i feel like we do not deserve the mess we are in. we do not deserve the bad luck, the bad times, the bad health, the ill treatment. more than images maybe. maybe deeper than that. i do not know for sure. when you let go of all the wishes things you wish you were, images, dreams, fantasies, what is left? can we ever find out? or is there just nothing? then maybe we can fill the nothing with something new. Footnote: i have been reading many holy books - scholars, saints, intellectuals, the classics - and i love them, i love the repetition as each book, each page of the same book, really, stating over and over many principles. we can apply this to what i wrote above - there are many ways to get to the same place. through loving yourself, through even

hating yourself. in these holy books, you are advised to forget yourself, to be humble, to see you are nothing, in a sense, God is everything. this does not make you negative, it makes you possess a strange, lovely quality, and a sweetness, where God and others are valued. i cannot quite let go of some of my qualities that are obstacles here! but yes, i can take what is in these pages, and i can learn. i can see what i have to learn - patience, humility, acceptance. some come very easily, the devotions, the prayers, the attitudes. others take more time and come slowly. i work with what i have and what i am first. faith and willingness. trust. if you can do that, you may be on your way

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