The

Young Man from Kinlough

By Jane Gilgun

Was I in a thin place hot sunny days ago when I sat alone in the middle of Cedar Lake a faded blue kayak between me and 200 feet of green water? Did I really wonder about sliding in the weight of my wounds pushing me under the psychic blows stirring up dark memories more than I wanted to handle at the moment? Did I finally understand how it happened that a young man who lost his job and his mother in one short week rowed to the middle of Glenade Lake and slid into 200 feet of clear water? The fish would have been surprised to see my body floating downward to the floor of the lake Were the fish surprised by his? I would rather my death be a cooperative effort between me and the source of life when the energy in my body fades slowly and I slide into the arms of a welcoming God Deliberate drowning thwarts the life force God is not calling but despair is Despair must be the absence of God Who can live without God?

Gods absence could become the equivalent of Satan who promises the relief of letting go You can do it You will find peace Young man from Kinlough, I think of you when I stand on the shore of Glenade Lake and lose myself in the water, the sky, the mountains, the horizon that ends in a fringe of pines Had I stood on the shore and waved at you in the boat in the middle of the lake would I have beckoned you back? Would you now be at home with people who love you? Are you home now?