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http://relevantlifesolutions.org/index.php?option=com_content&task= view&id=446&Itemid=26 The wedding is over and so is the excitement of planning the wedding. Soon you will be settling in to married life. Having the perfect marriage is a mix of compromise and honesty, not subservient behavior.
1. Be yourself from the start of any relationship. If you begin the relationship by putting on the front of a perfect hybrid version of you and some sort of Stepford wife, what happens when the cracks begin to show? Be yourself from day one, and your spouse will have proven that you are accepted and loved for who you really are, not who you are pretending to be. 2. Exercise your sense of humor. A good, stout sense of humor is indispensable for a great marriage. Try to see the humor in difficult situations, it'll help you both roll with tough times much better. 3. Forgive, forgive, forgive. The three most important words for a good marriage. 4. Give each other the benefit of any doubts. You have built a relationship based on trust. Don't assume that your spouse is doing things for the purpose of irritating you - maybe s/he just doesn't realize something s/he does is bothering you. Let your spouse know about things that bother you without assuming the worst of him or her, and once it's out in the open give your mate time to make adjustments and corrections. 5. Try to let the little annoyances go. Ask yourself if something irritating you is really worth fighting over. Is something wrong, or is it just different from the way you would do it? Allow differences to go by without comment. If something is really bothering you, talk about it in a non-accusatory way, and see if you can work it out without arguing. 6. Find ways to share responsibility. If you're both working 80 hours a week, why should the wife still have to do all the cooking and cleaning? Try to find a mix of jobs you both do better, e.g. dishes and lawn mowing, and share responsibility. Find ways of creating a routine that involves everyone, i.e.: “If you take the bins out, I’ll bring them in", “You wash, I’ll dry", etc. This will
avoid the nagging housewife syndrome. Remember, you will be living together forever( till death do you part) - save some for tomorrow. The world won't come to an end if you don't finish all the laundry today. 7. Make time to sit down together once a day and share time together. Even if it's only 10 minutes before bed, talk, cuddle, and share each other’s company. 8. Don’t expect perfection. Remember, your spouse is human, and so are you. Make allowances for the human condition: tired, overworked, over-stressed, family illnesses, personal illnesses, and simple frailty. 9. Do something nice for your partner during a rough patch. Cold shouldering or constant arguing about a contentious issue will likely just drive you apart. A thoughtful gesture can go a long way in helping you feel closer to each other, making it that much more likely that you will work through your problems. This works especially well if you feel like your partner does not compliment or do nice things for you often any more. Start complimenting them and make it a point to be nice -- they'll WANT to do something nice for you! 10. Try to find something nice about your partner every day, and say it to them! Whether it's a compliment on his/her outfit or a thank you for just taking out the trash, it always feels good to get a little boost from the person you love. And you'll feel good doing the boosting. 11. Learn from your mistakes. When you say "I'm Sorry", mean it! That means you won't repeat the action. Apologizing and then repeating the behavior shows your mate that you weren't that sorry after all, and it erodes trust over time. 12. Keep no secrets, and avoid even the appearance of any hanky panky. Being transparent with your partner is important, because it shows you each trust one another with every detail of your lives. If you're harboring secrets, they will eventually be found out and that will spell trouble for your marriage. Keeping things clear and open prevents suspicion and jealousy. Don't do things to get a rise out of your spouse, and if someone at the office is hitting on you and won't stop, tell your boss about it and ask that one of you be transferred. If you maintain a clean appearance and an honest, open communication with your partner, you will be trusted when it's truly imperative. 13. Remember that marriage is a nuts and bolts arrangement. While you're planning your wedding, you may entertain fairy-tale notions of a life lived happily ever after. The reality of marriage is
that sometimes, it's just a day to day grind - one or both of you may be tense, on edge, bored, not happy with the other one, not feel so warm and fuzzy. It's not all about your feelings. Repeat: it is not all about your feelings. It's about your commitment to one another. Whether or not you "feel" like you're in love, "feel" you're getting your needs met, or whatever, the reality is, you have sworn a vow to one another. A lot of the time, marriage isn't romantic at all - it's about teamwork and getting the job done every single day. 14. Plan for down times. You will have much less stress to deal with if you work together to plan a budget, accumulate at least a small savings account ($500 emergency fund can work wonders), and prepare for the times when things go wrong, life will be much smoother. 15. Act like everything's okay. If you're having a rough patch, feeling like you just can't remember what attracted you to him in the first place, wondering what possessed you to marry her... just smile and behave yourself in a kind, genteel way. Act like everything is normal. In fact, go out of your way to be kind, thoughtful, and caring toward your mate. It may sound weird, but if you just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and act like nothing's wrong, eventually, everything really will be normal, okay, and even better. 16. Don't be afraid to go to bed angry. A lot of well-meaning people say that you shouldn't let the sun set on a fight. But it's far better to simply come to a point in the argument where you can stop fighting actively and sleep on it. Instead of continuing an argument that is escalating out of control and going in circles, stopping, resting, and waking refreshed can give you new perspective, and help you come to a better and more satisfying resolution than just fighting it out until you're both battered, bloody, and after you've said things you can never take back. Sleeping on it will also help you allow residual negative feelings to dissipate - you don't always just say, "Okay, that's it, argument over," and return to those warm, loving feelings sometimes resentment lingers awhile. Let it go - get some rest. You'll both feel better in the morning. 17. Ask yourself what you can do today to make your spouse's life happier. By finding one way each day to make your partner's life just a little bit nicer, you will never forget that you truly do care for him or her. Doing nice things for your mate makes you think nice thoughts about him or her. It's a good habit.
Try a "Sunday night roundup". Go to bed earlier on a Sunday, and sit up and talk about the weekend, and what you both have coming up next week. It’s a great way to really catch up. • Also try making Monday evenings a standard to spend time together as a family. Round up the kids and share an uplifting message, and end with some treats. • Go on a date once a week! Take your wife on a date every Friday or Saturday. This gives you time away from the kids, and some quality one on one time together. • Read "The Good Marriage Guide" by a chap John Farrelly in Ireland, it is excellent!
Make sure you have a really clear, open plan involving the finances. Many people have difficulty in their marriage due to money issues. • Avoid being overly critical or defensive. If you are arguing and your spouse makes a gesture to end the argument through humor or apology, try to take it. You can always talk through the issue when you are calmer. For more articles on this subject go to: http://relevantlifesolutions.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=75 &Itemid=85 For more helpful articles, links and resources go to: http://relevantlifesolutions.org
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