By Patricia Carrington PhD, EFT Master Part 1: The Starting Point You may have heard of, or seen “The
Secret”, the popular movie that is being sold as a DVD, and its companion book of the same name. Based on a concept known as the Law of Attraction, the DVD is a runaway best seller that has already been featured twice on the Oprah Winfrey show and many other major television shows. Many of those who learned about the Law of Attraction from the pioneering work of Abraham Hicks in this area, consider the impressive success of The Secret as a sign of a change in consciousness occurring in our world today, one which they hope will bring us to a more enlightened stage of evolution. There are some grounds for concern about The Secret’s startling success, however. This is because the movie neglects to mention certain pieces of information that must be known for the method to be fully successful. If The Secret is not used correctly it cannot fulfill the promises made in its name, and if this happens the public could easily conclude that they “have tried that idea and it doesn't work,” an attitude which could have very undesirable consequences for a concept that is, at the very least, worthy of serious consideration. Actually, EFT may turn out to be a powerful aid to The Secret, because what is omitted from the movie is a viable method for changing a person's vibrational frequency. Yet it is clear that a means of changing one’s energy frequency must be used with The Secret or it cannot work. An energy intervention is therefore necessary if one is to apply the concepts of “The Secret” successfully. To explain why, I will refer to the book, “The Secret”. This book is described by its authors as giving details of the concepts expressed in the movie that were discarded on the cutting room floor when the movie was edited. Of necessity the director had to select only certain portions of the original footage so that the film would fit within a certain time frame, and the book claims to have reinstated much of this information. For this reason, I will consider the book to be the authoritative source of information about this concept. Here, in essence, are the main principles of The Secret as described in the book: The Law of Attraction is based on a premise that “like attracts like, "so that when you think a thought, you will also be attracting like thoughts to you. Thoughts are said to be magnetic, to have a frequency of their own. As you think, your thoughts are sent out into the universe where they magnetically attract all like things which are on the same frequency. In short, everything sent out returns to the sender –– oneself. The authors liken each human being to a human transmission tower transmitting a frequency by means of their thoughts. Therefore, if you
want to change anything in your life, you are advised to change the frequency of your energetic signals by changing your thoughts. Inherent in this idea is the concept that your current thoughts are creating your future. What you think about the most and focus on the most will, according to the theory, appear in your life. As the book puts it, "your thoughts become things"; they become your reality. It is clear that the authors are not just talking here just about the words you use to speak to yourself, although these are considered very important, but also to the feelings that accompany your words. The latter are seen as strongly influencing your basic energy vibration. This idea reminds me of the EFT Discovery Statement, which states that “the cause of all negative emotions is a disruption in the body’s energy system”. The additional suggestion in The Secret, however, is that your energy vibrations radiate outwards, acting much as a tuning fork might, to bring about similar vibrations in the universe. When we strike a tuning fork, objects at a distance from that fork will start to resonate at the same sound frequency as the fork itself (provided they contain certain similar ingredients). These new objects will have been "entrained” by the vibratory rate of the original tuning fork. The book describes your thoughts as magnetic forces that attract back to you the same frequencies that you are sending out. I won’t take time here to discuss the value of the Law of Attraction, although this would make an interesting discussion, but consider the implications of viewing reality this way. It is clear that, seen from this perspective, thoughts take on a tremendous importance that we have not previously granted them. The Law of Attraction implies that the vibrational frequency we radiate is of the greatest importance to our life. Not only do we feel deep distress when this frequency is discordant, but it is said that we will attract into our lives an outer manifestation of this same type of distress, as the same negative frequencies that we radiated out to the Universe are now reflected back to us. If this is so, obviously we would want to do everything within our power to change our negative frequencies to positive ones, and do so continuously. Only in this way could we avoid attracting negative consequences and bring about desirable ones. Changing our negative frequencies to positive ones is certainly a good idea, even if we were not to accept the basic premises of The Secret, but there is a missing ingredient in The Secret that raises a question. This ingredient is the all-important "how to". The question we need to ask is: How do we go about changing a negative frequency to a positive one? Obviously simply deciding that you are not going to emit a negative frequency or that you want to send out a positive one, won’t achieve the
results you desire. I am reminded of the relevance of Gary Craig's concept of "tail enders", those nagging inner contradictions that we so often have in the back of our minds when we express a positive thought –– the doubts and nay- saying that can easily negate our conscious positive intentions. Tail-enders can defeat any effort of ours to switch frequencies. In neurolinguistic programming (NLP) terms, we are all too often not “congruent". That is, we don't agree 100% with what we ourselves are thinking or feeling, we don't fully believe it. The fact is that if we don't reach for something with one hundred percent of ourselves, we are not likely to get it. Consider this… If you were to send a positive signal into the Universe and at the same time unwittingly send out a negative signal at the same time, an interference pattern would be created with one signal tending to negate the other. At best, the positive signal would be ineffective and no particular identifiable effects would be seen. At worst, the negative signal might be stronger or more frequently emitted, in which case it would exert an overriding influence. In such a case, no matter how much you thought you were sending out a positive signal because that is what you had consciously tried to create through positive thinking, the negative signal would attract negative consequences. In order to be an effective “attractor” therefore (bring to yourself what you believe you are asking for) you would need to be free of inner contradictions about the issue at hand. But of course this is easier said than done. There may be deep negative patterns influencing your life which involve core issues that must be handled before your vibrational frequency, the energy that you radiate outwards, can change. Only when these core issues have been cleared will you be able to send unambiguous positive signals to the Universe. Fortunately, however, those who know EFT can use it to change their vibrational frequencies with respect to many spheres of their lives. Sometimes negative energy will be immediately replaced by a rush of positive energy, resulting in what Gary Craig calls a One Minute Wonder. At other times, patience and persistence will be required to bring about a major energy shift, but the payoff can be tremendous. EFT is by definition a means of accomplishing a major shift in energy by eliminating our negative emotional reactions. However, it can also be used to create positive vibrations directly. This is an EFT application that interests me greatly, and I have recently been writing about it on this website. It is interesting to note that the EFT self-acceptance phrase, "Even though I have (this problem), I deeply and completely accept myself." actually targets the level at which we vibrate. What more powerful means could we use to change our essential energy level than to deeply and completely
accept ourselves? This is a positive suggestion which, over time, could create fundamental changes in our self image that might well alter the type of energy that we radiate outwards. When at the same time we tap on the Meridian endpoints, our energy systems can now vibrate at a different rate and emit a very different signal than before. If, on a practical level, we want to find a way to combine EFT with the principles expressed in The Secret, what then might that be? Aside from its all-important use to eliminate troublesome issues mentioned above, there are several ways to use EFT directly to switch our energy toward the positive, and do this very quickly. I will be talking about these in my future articles in this series. Pat Carrington Part 2: Appreciating Yourself with Loving Kindness The "secret" of using EFT to implement “The Secret” (the Law of Attraction) is to create a positive vibrational level within yourself that is radically different from the one that you are accustomed to. It is the frequency of the signal that you send out to the Universe that is said to attract to you events and people of like frequency. This signal is not superficial, not words alone, nor is it just conscious intentions. Ask yourself -- what is the primary type of signal I am sending to myself all day long? This is what you will be radiating outwards. The answer to this question may surprise you because you will discover, if you observe carefully, that most signals you give to yourself are of a corrective in nature: "Don't lean too far to the left or you will fall down." Or, "Don't move too fast or you’ll spill the coffee." Our survival depends on this type of negative feedback. Objective realitybased correction like this doesn’t adversely affect our vibrational level because we usually correct our errant behavior almost instantaneously. We might compare the process to the way a jet plane manages to stay on course when in flight. The planes are actually off course approximately 95% of the time, but their radar system corrects them constantly through its calculated negative feedback. This feedback is essential for the correct operation of the flight system as well as all living systems. However, there is another kind of negative feedback that is not natural but learned, and which is almost exclusively human as far as we know, although animals closely identified with human beings may learn to display somewhat similar behavior. This involves the use of negative judgments about our own behavior. All day long we are telling ourselves that we have not done this correctly, not done something we should have done, not properly planned for something that’s going to happen, aren’t executing a
present task properly, and so on and on. Our past, present and future actions are under our constant scrutiny and the resulting negative judgments are so automatic that we don’t even notice them. This continuous stream of negative self-observations is at work on us in a manner that puts a damper on all that we do. It often effectively holds back our natural exuberance at being alive, in the name of "improvement", “efficiency”, “excellence”, or some other misapplied value. This doesn’t mean we should do away with self evaluation. Not at all. It is important in our value oriented world, but what fails to occur here is a balancing of our own negative observations with our positive ones. We tend to have a lack of positive feedback in our daily lives, because we are actually not noticing most of the things that we do correctly. You can, however, effectively alter this situation by using a simple EFT exercise that I call simply Giving Loving Appreciation To Yourself. It involves a kind of self-awareness that results in a new form of self acknowledgment. If you’d like to try it, here’s how to go about it: Set aside 20 minutes, preferably each day, but at least occasionally, to notice everything that you do for yourself – EVERYTHING –– during this short time period, then thank yourself for it.. Every little effort that you make to meet your needs or the needs of others around you, is to be noticed and appreciated. You are to thank yourself by doing EFT for everything that you do to serve yourself or others physically, mentally, or emotionally during this time. Here’s how a session of self appreciation of this sort would go if, for example, you were doing it first thing in the morning. Suppose that, after arising in the morning, you engaged in a ritual of brushing your teeth –– not unlikely I would think. You will probably have performed this simple ritual tens of thousands of times before in your life and I’m sure that you don’t ordinarily identify it as an “accomplishment”, unless of course you have suffered from a handicap and have noticed how extremely complex this and most of the other simple acts that we take for granted, actually are. The fact is that brushing your teeth takes both skill and effort. It takes directed intention, and requires making decisions on a small but constant scale. You need to decide, for example, how much toothpaste to feed onto the brush at one time, how often to replenish the supply of toothpaste, which spots on your teeth to target with your brush ––many acts make up the process of tooth-brushing and you actually expend considerable effort daily, both mental and physical, on this task. When you finish your tooth-brushing operation then do one round of EFT in the following manner: Tap first on the karate chop spot, or the sore spot (whichever you use as your psychological reversal point for EFT) while repeating out loud, three
times, the phrase, "I thank myself for brushing my teeth… I thank myself for brushing my teeth… I thank myself for brushing my teeth…”. Or, you can use your own name instead of thanking yourself formally. When I do this exercise (I love it) I will often say, “Thank you, Pat, for brushing your (or “my”) teeth…” instead of “I thank myself…”. It always feels comforting to hear my own name used in such a kindly, aware fashion. And by doing this I am thanking myself for something that is usually a totally thankless task. You will repeat this thanks at each of the EFT tapping points, and do one full round of EFT, "I thank myself for brushing my teeth", “Thank you, Pat, for brushing my teeth”, "I thank myself for brushing my teeth” etc.,at each point. For the rest of the exercise you repeat this procedure after every single task that you perform for yourself or others during your allotted 20 minutes “Thank you, Pat, for cooking this egg.” "I thank myself for putting breakfast on the table.” “Thank you, Pat, for making that phone call…” etc. You will discover that every single thing you do in preparation for the day takes effort and thought, and this will probably be the first time ever that you have been thanked for doing it. During this 20 minutes, the more that each act you perform is classified by you as insignificant, the more important it is to appreciate the fact that you've accomplished it. In other words, the smaller the act the better! Those very small things that you continually do for yourself are the unsung heroes of your life. They are finally being appreciated, and because you tap on them, these statements are “going in” on a very deep level. The impression you take away from this exercise is that “someone” (yourself) is at last recognizing how faithful you are in fulfilling your needs. I can’t emphasize strongly enough how immensely comforting this can be and how “understood” you can feel when you do this exercise. It’s as though you had the most attentive, caring and aware parent at your side, watching with loving eyes each thing you do, and smiling with genuine appreciation at all that you do to simply manage to live. Please realize, however, that I am not suggesting that you praise yourself only for your successes. You will not be saying, in effect, “Good Girl!” or “Good Boy!” to yourself ─ just giving simple thanks. That’s all. Rewarding yourself with praise is a different exercise which can be valuable in f itself, but it is not the one that I'm talking about here. I am suggesting something far more fundamental –– that you recognize, at last, everything you actually do for yourself just in order to remain alive. This recognition is a major gift. To sum up these instructions –– the total EFT exercise consists of doing (at least) one round of EFT for every act of service you perform for yourself or
another during a stated 20 minute period. Even if you make a mistake while preparing your breakfast, for example –– suppose you dropped a glass so that it shattered on the kitchen floor –– then thank yourself for the simple act of picking up the broken pieces, placing them in the trash can, cleaning up the floor, and making certain that all splinters of glass have been eliminated from the area so that they endanger no one. The same procedure applies to your acts of service to others. If for example you were caring for a small child during this 20 minute period, you would thank yourself for every act that you performed for that child, each tiny act that would ordinarily go entirely unrecognized and unappreciated. How many care-takers ever experience this kind of appreciation? This in itself could transform your day. There is actually no limit to the type of acts that you can recognize and express this kind of gratitude for: "Thank you,(your name) for checking the e-mail. (This phrase would be repeated at each tapping spot) “Thank you, (your name) for deleting that email.” “Thank you, (your name) for answering the phone and talking to that person.” And so on, and on, and on… If you tap repeatedly in recognition of the humblest services that you perform for yourself and others, you may well find that you feel an entirely new kind of love from yourself. It is totally without strings attached, deeply appreciative, and can change your entire vibrational frequency. You will be radiating this loving appreciation out into the Universe. Can you imagine what the repercussions of this powerful act could be, in addition to its immediate benefit? In the next article in this series, I will be writing about how you can “tap in” the positive when you fail to perform certain acts that you would like to do, that is, when you experience unfulfilled intentions. The method works equally well for this purpose. Pat Carrington Part 3: Tapping In Gratitude for Positive Intentions Today I will be talking about another way in which we can change our essential vibrational level, not just in words, but with deep conviction. It is an EFT exercise I call "Tapping in Positive Intentions". Everyone realizes a number of times each day that something they definitely intended to do, they haven't gotten around to doing. You may find that some new habit that you hoped to establish is not being put into place. Or that you have failed to respond to a phone call that you needed to answer, and so on and on.
No matter how much you appreciate the small acts of service that you perform for yourself each day (the subject of last week’s article in this series) there will always be things you fail to do which you would have liked to do. The fact is, however, that you will never be able to fulfill all your intentions on any given day. It is simply not possible, given human imperfections and the fact that we do not (to put it mildly!) have unlimited time to get done what we feel we should have gotten done. It's fine to have intentions, it helps to structure our lives, but it is unproductive to allow our energy level to be affected when we do not fulfill them. Here is what I suggest you do when you are down on yourself because you have not done all those things which you intended to do today. Every time that you fail to realize your good intentions, you will create an EFT statement such as the following, and then “tap it in”. Do this by repeating this statement three times while tapping on the karate chop spot (or rubbing the sore spot, whichever point you use in your variation of EFT), and then repeat the statement again at each tapping point, for one round of EFT. Sometimes you may want to do more than one round, that’s fine too. There is no "even though" part to this statement for you will be using EFT just for the purpose of tapping in the positive. The exercise will consist of thanking yourself for every unfilled intention of yours by tapping in your gratitude for that intention with using EFT. This may seem strange at first because ordinarily we don’t even notice our own positive intentions, just our actions, and we certainly don’t express appreciation for them. In order to do this exercise, you will create an EFT statement that goes something like this: "I thank myself (or “thank you (insert your name) for having had the intention to start that exercise program today.” Or, "Thank you (your name) for having had the intention to work on that project today.” Or, "Thank you (your name) for having had the intention to get back to (person) with an e-mail explaining the situation." Or give thanks to yourself for having thought of whatever you genuinely wanted to do that you have not done. These expressions of gratitude refer to things that you had sincerely intended to but did not do for one reason or another, and therefore the list can be very large. There are many intentions that each of us have every day which are not fulfilled, and for which we can thank ourselves using this method. You may be surprised at how this lifts a burden from you. For once you will feel acknowledged for actually having had the idea of making that call, or
the intention of performing that act, The fact that you didn't actually do it is not relevant in this context, and it is immensely relieving to have someone (yourself in this case) notice that you did genuinely want to do such and such. How often have you heard someone say to another person (in self-defense), "But I did intend to do that! I thought about it." This person was trying to indicate that there is a positive value in intending to do something, even if you don’t do it. In fact, thoughts being the powerful things that they are there is real value in intentions, for correctly used they can pave the way for our most positive future acts. However, you must not tell another person your good intentions and expect that, except in unusual cases, they will give you much credit for them, because we are not trained to do this in our society You can however learn to give yourself that credit, and when you do, you won't have to ask for recognition of your good intentions from anyone else. Once again you are changing your own relationship to yourself by giving yourself loving recognition. One of the interesting effects of doing this is that when you genuinely recognize and thank yourself for your own good intentions, you are less likely to resist doing the act in question the later on or the following day. Focusing on your intention often fixes the idea of doing a certain act in your mind in an easy, supportive way. You know that you are loved and appreciated by yourself for actually having taken the trouble to formulate the thought of doing it, the intention to do it. You have recognized that it is a genuine accomplishment to have considered that thing worthy of doing –– even if you didn’t put your idea into action yet. Like all other acts of appreciation, this is very apt to result in changed behavior. But please make sure of one thing. You should not be doing this exercise in order to manipulate your own behavior, or trying to sneak in self-control. You are simply appreciating something that has hitherto gone unnoticed – the fact that you really do have good ideas which you would like to put into practice, and that ideas and intentions count. The old saying that “The road to hell is paved with good intentions" is actually much misunderstood. What this saying obviously refers to are insincere intentions, the kind that are mouthed glibly but not felt. Instead, in this EFT exercise you will not be acknowledging yourself for empty promises to yourself that you might have made, perhaps in order to gain somebody else's approval, but will be thanking yourself for things that you thought were worth doing and that you wanted to do, but just somehow didn’t. It goes without saying that if you find yourself strongly resisting doing the thing that you think you intend to do, you will need to ask yourself some important questions, such as “Is this really my own intention or is it someone else’s for me?” or, “Do I really want to do this?” Such questions
as these can unearth what Gary Craig refers to as “tail enders”, your inner objections and conflicts about the situation. If this happens, you will want to tap on these tail enders first. Since unfulfilled intentions form a large part of our lives, they give you a wonderful opportunity to do EFT many times a day in loving appreciation of the fact that you actually thought of these good things and would genuinely like to do them. In my experience, it is much more likely that I will do these neglected things within the next day or so after having acknowledged the validity of my own positive intentions. This is an important way to create a new and different vibrational level within yourself and thereby send out very different signals to the Universe. In my next article in this series I will discuss how we can use EFT when we have made an actual mistake, or have done something we would much rather not have done. The tapping in” method is equally effective for this purpose. Pat Carrington Part 4: Handling Your Mistakes with Compassion In this series I have been describing ways in which you can change your vibrational level to provide a new kind of self acceptance and self-love, one that radiates out into the universe as positive. Today I will suggest a way that you can use EFT to deal with any mistakes you may have made during the day, or anything you have done which you regret, and do so with compassion and self understanding. Most people, and I am no exception, are not comfortable with having done something during the day which they consider stupid or impulsive or unkind or undesirable in some other respect. This sort of behavior on our parts can lead to much self recrimination. I will tell you about a way you can use EFT to reverse how you handle your mistakes of the day, and be much more likely to prevent them in the future. It is more effective than any verbal self blame. It is a kind technique that involves what I call “Redoing The Incident”. Here is how it works. First stop as soon as you realize that you have made a mistake, or as soon after that as is convenient, and observe exactly what you did. Then ask yourself, "How would I like to handle this if I had it to do over again? How do I want to handle this kind of situation in the future?" Your answer to these questions must be detailed, generalizations won't work here. What you will do is create a "movie" in your mind of exactly how you would like to behave if you find yourself in this situation in the future. This takes a little imagination but is well worth it. Once you have your movie clearly in mind, then "tap it in” in the way I will illustrate in the following true story.
Recently I had occasion to use this EFT technique when I was driving on a deserted and icy road, and suddenly found that I had run out of gas, so that I had a hard time pulling the car to the side of the road. This was clearly not a desirable situation, but I knew that there was a gas station no more than about a half mile away, and I also knew how difficult it can be in that area to persuade a service station attendant by telephone to come to a stranded car with gasoline. So I decided that the best plan was to get out of the car, walk to the gas station, and attempt to persuade the attendants in person. So this is what I did. It turned out to be an icy and unpleasant walk in very high wind but I did arrive at the service station, only to find that the attendants were engaged in other matters so I had to wait well over half an hour before I could finally persuade one of them to drive me back to my car and put enough gasoline in it to get me back to the garage. When we did arrive back, their fuel pump was not working and I eventually had to go to another service station to fill the tank. As my gas tank was finally being filled, my first inclination, which I am pleased to say I managed to stifle quickly, was to tell myself how stupid it was of me to have allowed the tank to get that low. I immediately stopped myself from doing this however and decided to do EFT instead. To do so, I created a mental movie in my mind of how I would like to handle this kind of situation in the future. It was interesting what happened at that point. As I constructed the movie, I realized that the reason that I had not gone into a service station earlier to refuel was because when I had realized that the tank was getting low, I didn’t have enough cash on hand for a full tank, and I refuse to use my credit card at service stations. I imagine a service station attendant whom I don’t know disappearing with my card into the interior of the shop and only emerging many minutes later. What would stop them, I tell myself, from copying my credit card numbers during that interval and making identity theft? I realize, of course, that I allow people waiting on me at restaurants to take my credit card out of the room, but somehow this seems safer to me than when on the road, irrational as this may be. Given that I feel this way, however, I realized that I need not let this concern of mine prevent me from having at least a half a tank of gas in my car at all times. What I decided to do, and consequently the way I constructed my movie of the future, was that, if for some reason I didn’t have enough cash in my purse to buy the needed gas, then I would get out of the car and accompany the station attendant into the garage where I would stand nearby and watch as they ran my credit card through the machine. In my imagined movie, therefore, I first saw myself getting gas when my tank was low by paying cash for it, and then if I had no cash, I saw myself following the attendant and watching as they used my card. I then tapped on the following EFT phrase, using the positive statement only.
“Always half a tank of gas no matter what.”…“Always half a tank of gas no matter what.”…“Always half a tank of gas no matter what.” I repeated this phrase at each EFT spot. When I was finished, the impression of exactly what I would do in the future was so clear and deep in me that it felt like present reality. It was interesting to see what happened in the week following this incident. I did travel some distance in the car that week and of course the gas gauge showed a sharp lowering of fuel level as a result. As the needle moved down toward the halfway point, I was unusually aware of this, and the words ““Always half a tank of gas no matter what.” came strongly into my mind. Then I checked whether I had enough cash to get a decent amount of gasoline, knowing that if I didn’t have the cash on hand, I wouldn’t this time use this as an excuse not to stop and attend to the matter. As it happened, I did have enough cash in my purse and so I did get the gasoline at the next service station, following the steps of the first part of the movie –– the film strip of me getting the gasoline ahead of time. Had I not done this for any reason, however, I would have followed the steps of the final part of the movie which showed me following the attendant into the service station and watching my credit card be processed. Ever since the time I did that tapping my awareness of this problem and my way of handling it has been different. I have made good resolutions about future behavior before, but it was quite different this time when I had tapped on my positive movie of the future. My desired future was made remarkably real by this tapping. To recap, here are the steps to follow if you want to use this technique: 1. Identify what it is you did that you would not like to do again. If possible, figure out what your reasoning was behind doing it. 2. Construct a mental “movie” in your mind showing exactly how you would like to behave in a similar situation in the future. 3. Run this movie in your mind as you “tap in” your positive statements that describe the behavior you want to have. Use short positive statements, they might be considered the “title” of your movie. 4. Observe what happens during the next few days and weeks with regard to the issue you tapped on. You are likely to see a permanent change in your behavior when you confront similar situations, and this change will be instituted without any self recrimination. Once again, you are changing your energy system so that your vibrational level becomes positive and life enhancing. Pat Carrington Part 5: Using the "Future Thanks" Method to Create What You Want
"The Secret", and other ways of using the Law of Attraction, emphasize the fact that you must clearly visualize (or at least conceptualize) your desired goals as though they were occurring in the present moment, in order to achieve them. The phrase "in the present moment" is the key factor here. These goals must not be seen separate from you, as something you “want”, but be experienced as something that already “is”. However, creating the future as though it were the present is not something that comes easily or naturally to many people. Using EFT for this purpose can therefore be an excellent move. One way of doing this, which I will describe in today’s article, was suggested to me by the experience of an EFT user who was a former client of mine. "Pete" was one of the most successful manifestors (if there is such a word) that I have ever come across. I reported his experiences several years ago in this newsletter, but I’ll summarize his story here to emphasize a possible reason for his success that I just recently realized. Pete was an experienced EFT'er who was accustomed to using the EFT Choices Method. However, he employed it in a very special way which I now think was an important factor in the success of his tapping to create what he wanted. Instead of saying the phrase "I choose" to introduce the positive portion of his EFT statements, as is customarily done in the Choices Method, he would say, "I thank the Universe for...” and follow this with a detailed description of his desired outcome. By using what I call his "Future Thanks" method, he was suggesting to both his conscious and unconscious minds that he was already in the future. Because it is not possible to say ‘thank you’ for something that has not yet occurred without shaking up one's perception of time, in a sense this moved him into a state which was quite outside ordinary experience. Moving outside of our present concept of time obviously places us in a different position relative to creating what we want in our lives. We are, in a sense, accessing a different Reality when we do that. Obviously, the act of expressing gratitude is also powerful in its effects and we should include this in the equation. I have written the use of gratitude in previous articles, but I want to call your attention to the fact that when you indicate gratitude for something that has not yet occurred, you are asking yourself to bypass the ordinary laws of time . You are therefore jarring yourself out of your usual ways of thinking. This is similar to the tactics used by a Zen monk who poses a Koan (paradoxical question) to a pupil, such as "What is the sound of one hand clapping?" Because the question cannot be answered by ordinary logic, it requires the pupil to shift gears mentally, and that is its value. Here is what Pete did. His automobile had seen better days and was about to break down and become unrepairable. He badly wanted a new car but did not see how he
could possibly afford the model that he wanted. He had searched the Internet for several months, visiting such sites as autotrader.com every day, but had not found even a trace of the car that he desired. Pete's taste was very definite and you will notice the specific manner in which he referred to what he desired in the Choices portion of the EFT statement which he created for this problem. Gary Craig has repeatedly emphasized the importance of specificity in the negative portion of the EFT statement. I believe that specificity in the positive portion can be equally important. Pete's EFT statement went as follows: "Even though I don't know how this will happen, I thank the Universe for giving me a light blue model 240 Volvo station wagon built between the years of ‘91 and ‘93." You can't be much more specific than that! Pete diligently tapped on this EFT statement for over two weeks, at the end of which time an interesting thing happened. The car he wanted suddenly appeared in the online listings. The ad he saw offered a light blue Model 240 Volvo station wagon manufactured in 1992. It had all the amenities Pete wanted, and the seller was only a two hour drive from Pete's home. The car would be feasible to buy –– if he only had the money. How to pay for the car was the question Pete faced because he knew that no financial institution would agree to finance such an old car. However, he had been managing a property for a bank manager who had been very pleased with his work, and when Pete asked him about a car loan this man arranged for his bank to finance the car at the lowest possible interest rate, for two years. Pete took advantage of this welcome opportunity, purchased the car, and he was enjoying it greatly when he last contacted me several years ago. Interestingly, this was not the only external manifestation that Pete brought about through using EFT and the "Future Thanks” method, however. When his old lawnmower broke down and he could not afford a new one, based on his success in finding the right car using EFT, he decided to use EFT to manifest a new lawnmower for himself and created the following statement for this purpose: "Even though I don't have a useable lawnmower, I thank the Universe for giving me one that just fits my purpose and works excellently." Within a week of starting to tap daily for this new lawnmower, he was driving past a neighbor's house when he saw a lawnmower sitting with their trash by the curb. It looked in surprisingly good shape. He picked it up, brought it home, inserted a part that was apparently needed to generate sparks, and found that this did the trick. He now had a new lawnmower, at no cost. He hoped that this lawnmower would continue to work in the future but in the back of his mind he thought it would not be a bad idea to have another
lawnmower just as a backup. So, he continued to use his EFT "Future Thanks" statement for a lawnmower, and a few weeks later, when his newest lawnmower showed some carburetor troubles, he was once again driving around in his neighborhood when he saw a man cleaning out his shop, apparently in preparation for moving, and not one but three lawnmowers had been discarded at the curb. Pete managed to get all three back to his house and one of them started up right away, excellently (the others he discarded after removing some of the parts). He adopted the working one and was still using it when I last spoke with him. Pete's story did not end here however, and the other portion of it is equally important to note if you are planning to use EFT to help bring about those things which you desire. About a year later, Pete became concerned about a pending career change which would have involved a life style change about which he had much hesitancy. He wanted to tap to create an excellent job offer in a particular field but had conflicting feelings about getting it since it would involve moving to another town which might cause problems for his present important relationship. This is what Gary Craig has so aptly termed a “tail ender”, an inner conflict that creates an opposing voice in our minds which contradicts our avowed intentions (for a detailed description of Gary Craig’s important concept of tail enders, see his The Palace of Possibilities DVD). Because of his internal conflict about his goal, this time Pete had difficulty formulating his EFT statement, and not surprisingly no positive results were forthcoming from it no matter how many times he used it with his Future Thanks method. His tail enders needed to be worked on first, something which he did not pursue as far as I know. Pete’s experience suggests that EFT can help a person create exactly what they want provided they have a clear and unequivocal desire for that thing, with no conflicts about it or reservations. I would guess, however, that in the majority of cases when someone sets out to use EFT to bring a good thing into their lives, that they may have some reservations or conflicts around the receiving of that good, and they should address these first by using EFT. Once having cleared the blocks to receiving, these same people may then be able to use EFT for successful manifestation. If you want to use EFT for this purpose, using the Future Thanks method should help you project your consciousness into the future in a highly effective way, thereby increasing the possibility that you will achieve your desired goal. In the next article in this series I will tell you about another way of projecting yourself into a future consciousness when doing EFT which involves an even more radical departure from our usual ways of thinking –– it is a method of posing certain carefully constructed questions to yourself in EFT. You will discover how it works. Pat Carrington
Part 6: Accessing Your Goals With the "Why" Question The basis of The Secret, or any other application of the Law of Attraction for that matter, rests on the premise that you will be able to project yourself into the future state that you desire so completely that what you wish for seems to you to be a present reality. This is easily said of course, but unfortunately it is not so easily done. That is why I am writing this article today. In a sense I am continuing with the article I wrote last week where I proposed a method called “Future Thanks” which we can use in an EFT statement to help trick our minds into stepping beyond the confines of our habitual time-bound consciousness. To step beyond these bounds is of course essential for any manifestation of a desired outcome. It is one of the cornerstones of The Secret, as of all other descriptions of the Law of Attraction. It has been repeatedly pointed out by serious thinkers on this subject that in order to bring about something you desire in the future, you must step into the future in an emotional sense, you must in a sense transcend time. To pay lip service to the concept of imagining something to be present which is not present right now is of course easy, but anyone conversant with the concept of “like attracts like” as expressed by the Law of Attraction, knows that you must be resonating with the very essence of that which you want in order to attract it into your life –– and this is not something that comes naturally to most people. Although the movie and book The Secret do not emphasize the fact that one must not just "believe in" the future that you desire but you must actually "be" in it (in a profound emotional sense), those who created The Secret clearly know this principle. I recently heard a recording of an interview with Rhonda Byrne, the author of The Secret, in which she described her own experiences when creating the movie and subsequent book. She emphasized repeatedly throughout the interview that, as the movie was being made, there was not a shadow of a doubt in her mind about the outcome of it. She actually experienced in advance the effect it would have on people’s lives worldwide, this was as “real” to her as anything tangible in her surroundings could possibly be. I don’t remember her exact words ( I didn’t record the interview) but they were to the effect that the outcome of the movie and book were realities to her, not “desired outcomes. They were for all intents and purposes “done deeds” as they say, and she emphasized how important it is to adopt this stance when applying the Law of Attraction. Today I am going to suggest a way of propelling ourselves into the future in our minds so that we can bypass the time restrictions which our logical mind traps us in as it constantly points out that we are “here now”, and the future is “way off there”. This method is based on a fascinating technique which I like to call the “Why Question”. The man who created this idea, Noah St. John, refers to it as “Afformations” (notice that the “i “ in this word
is replaced with an “o”), but I personally call it the “Why Question” because the word “Why” is such an essential component of the concept. However, call it what you want, using the “Why Question” with EFT is a strikingly effective way to reach a sense of being in the future that is not easily attainable any other way. Noah has based his technique on the premise that questioning is the most profoundly productive thing the human mind can conceive of, and that our alertness to questions exceeds our alertness to any other concept (my words not his). I am not repeating here what you can read in his book, which I will tell you about in a moment, but am paraphrasing his concept and in so doing I am expressing my own thoughts on this subject. I apologize if I don't completely represent his way of thinking, but it is not necessary to take his exact formulation because what he does for us is to spark off a type of thinking which can help us break the bondage of time-bound thinking. Once we have done that, the way is open for some surprising things to happen. My point of view is that we humans are inquisitive by nature otherwise we would not have survived as a species or been able to develop civilization as we have. In order to do this we had to ask incredibly profound questions and ask them continuously throughout the ages. In other words, people are basically questioners. We need only watch a young child first learning to talk and first exploring this world, to verify this fact. “Why? Why? Why?” is the constant refrain of the child. Only rarely do they ask the question “How?” and then only when they want to be shown specifically how to do something (most of the time they’d prefer to find it out for themselves though!). ”How” questions are of course useful ways of conveying information from one person to another. “How do I operate this new software?” is a very good question if you want to learn a transmittable technique, something someone else knows a lot more about than you do. By contrast a “Why” question is an open ended one, it is tremendously broad in its scope and can access large vistas. The minute you say the word “why” you tap a profound area of the human psyche. You contact that part of yourself that asks unanswerable questions as well as answerable ones. The deepest philosophical, religious, or intuitive questions that have been asked down through the ages have all been “Why” questions rather than “How” questions –– the latter have been asked of course but they are much more practical in nature. I am going to suggest here that we use the “Why Question” in combination with EFT, so let’s look at the type of Why Question that Noah St. John proposes and how I have been using it to great effect with EFT. The method which he calls Afformations ( “o” in the middle) has the person make a statement about what they want to bring into their life in the form
of a Why Question, and place that Why Question in the future so that, in effect, the questioner is asking why something has, and I emphasize the word “has”, happened. I realize that you probably don’t know what I'm talking about so here’s an example. Suppose you found a relationship with someone important to you becoming extremely difficult because you reacted with annoyance to certain phrases that they used, or to certain mannerisms that they had (or whatever). As we all know, using EFT to change our level of irritation and change our attitude towards that other person, and hopefully improve our relationship with them because of this, can be enormously effective. However, we can often run into roadblocks to anything that we want to change, including our attitudes and ourselves. In this method, if you encounter such a roadblock you formulate a question that is stated as though you have already reached the state that you desire, and you are merely asking why this had happened. It’s as simple as that. Such a future-oriented question might go “ Why have I been able to achieve such a quiet, balanced and effective way of dealing with (this person)?”. Notice that you will be asking the question as though you had already achieved your desired state, and it is already effective. If you try this, you will discover that it is difficult to ask this kind of question without being startled out of your present time frame. It is much more effective than a traditional affirmation which would go, “I am able to achieve a quiet, balanced and effective way of dealing with (this person). As Gary Craig has so aptly pointed out, the latter could easily trigger an enormous number of “tail enders” (inner contradictions) because it is so obviously contrary to fact. However, if you pose this same desired outcome as a question for which you are seeking an answer, you are likely to become unaware of whether it is contrary to fact or not –– a question always opens our minds, expands our horizons. Therefore the Why Question is a great help in bypassing tail enders that might otherwise block us. Let’s consider another type of desired goal and see how the Why Question would apply there. Suppose you wanted to have a wonderfully satisfying new career. In order to manifest that you would need to emotionally experience the happening of it, and here is where the Why Question comes in. Instead of saying, “I have a wonderfully satisfying and exciting new career” (contrary to fact) you would ask yourself, “Why did I create this wonderfully satisfying career for myself?” You would stir your own curiosity the minute you did this. The desired outcome would now be far more real to you. It will have come right into your being. When you combine this questioning with the use of EFT you have what is called a “double whammy” ––its effect on you is multiplied impressively. Here is how to use it with EFT: After formulating your Why Question, you then “tap it in” at every EFT tapping spot, beginning with the karate chop spot or sore spot (whichever reversal spot you use). Then, at each one of the EFT points, you ask the
Why Question again. That is all you do. You may want to do more than one round of this, and of course if you have a great deal of distress about the issue, you will want to do a round or two of tapping on the negative before you tap on the Why Question, e.g. “Even though I feel despair about ever finding a career that’s right for me”, etc. –– doing several rounds of this helps clear away the negative. After that go back to tapping just the Why Question at every EFT point. If you work with this method I think you will discover, as I have, that any possible wish of yours can be turned into a Why Question, and that repeating this question as you tap creates an underlying assumption that the goal has already been reached. Underlying assumptions are powerful. If we have a negative assumption it can work against us, but if we have a positive one it can work for us, and it can do so even more powerfully if we use EFT to tap it in. If you want to try this technique, I suggest you first write out a list of desired outcomes in your own life, things you would love to see happen in each main area of your life, and then turn each of these desired goals into a Why Question. When you tap in a Why Question you may be amazed at how this breaks the grip of the word “impossible”, often making what you want to achieve seem genuinely possible to you for the first time. If you want to read the Afformations that Noah St. John describes, he has hundreds of Why Questions for all areas of life, in his book, “The Little Book of Afformations” (obtainable through major book stores). While some of these may not suit you personally, others may really “hit the nail on the head” as they say. When you add the power of EFT to Why Questions, you will have a major tool for implementing The Secret. Pat Carrington Part 7: How to Handle Multiple Aspects of a Major Goal I am going to write today about a way you can realize an unusually complex and major goal using EFT. I emphasize here the word "complex". Many truly desirable goals contain a number of different aspects which makes them into conglomerates, collections of things that you want, all grouped under one heading. You cannot possibly crowd all these attributes into one EFT statement. There is, however, a distinct advantage in being able to list all the desired aspects of any important goal. In one of the articles in this series ("Future Thanks”) I described how a former client of mine was able to find exactly the car he wanted through the use of incredible specificity in the way he described that car in his EFT statement. It is of course not difficult to describe a car in a single EFT statement as he did, but it is certainly not an easy matter for example to describe the mate of your dreams in a single statement or the career of your choice in a short number of words.
Nevertheless, specificity can pay off dramatically when you want to manifest your goals. There is a way to handle this problem that is often extremely effective. To illustrate it let me tell you about a former client of mine whom I shall call "Kelly", who used this tactic with remarkable success. With the help of EFT, Kelly had just emerged from an extremely destructive, verbally abusive relationship of several years duration. When she first consulted me she could see no way out of the trap it posed and felt totally hopeless about it. After almost a year of therapy, however, she had finally been able to extricate herself gracefully from this relationship in a satisfactory manner. Kelly was finally dating again, although she was experiencing little satisfaction or success doing this. Eventually, however, she realized that she wanted to have a very different type of relationship than she had ever known, and that in fact that she now felt ready to be married (something she had been very afraid of before). None of the men that she had been dating even remotely approached what she felt she would need or want in a husband, however; they were not people with whom she wanted to spend the rest of her life. She then asked me if it was possible for her to use EFT to help her find the man she really wanted. I told her that it might help, but that she needed to be extremely clear first as to exactly what kind of man she was really looking for. In order to help her do this, I handed her a large pad of paper and asked her to write down, on separate lines one under the other, every attribute of her "ideal man" that she could possibly think of –– the man she would like to have for a husband. Kelly did this with her usual diligence, and came up with about 23 characteristics of such a man. They came to her mind easily and quickly. She had listed everything from what he looked like, to what kind of foods and restaurants he preferred, to how he liked to spend his free time, to the way he handled disagreements, how he felt about independent time away from each other, etc.. When she had finished the list, I asked her to go home, take the list with her, add more attributes to it any time during the week if she felt like doing this, and bring the list back to her next appointment with me. Kelly did as I had suggested, and when she came back, 42 attributes were now on her list of “Ideal Man”. New characteristics which she wanted had occurred to her during the week, and every time that one did she had jotted it down . She found that it was enjoyable for her to write down anything that she felt that she wanted, and this was a new experience for her. Now that she had clearly delineated her goal, I asked Kelly to give this list a title, such as she would give to her Mental Movie when doing EFT in the manner that Gary Craig suggests. She chose the title “My Ideal Man” for
the list. It could have been “The husband I will have”, or another similar title, the only requirement was that this would serve as a quick, accurate way to sum up the entire list in her own mind. I then asked her to create an EFT Choices Statement using this title. She obviously could not list the whole 42 desirable characteristics shown there in her EFT statement so she was to hold the list in front of her or place it on her lap as she tapped, and just glance at it briefly before starting EFT, to refresh it in her mind, and use just its title in the statement.. She tapped on the following phrase: "Even though he's not apparent in my life as yet, and even though I'm dissatisfied with my dating at present, I choose to find ”My Ideal Man” (this was the title of her list) and have him feel the same way about me as I do about him." She did several rounds of EFT using this statement and commented that although this felt like a wonderful goal but she couldn’t imagine that it would really work. However she said that she would keep[ on tapping at home. I knew that Kelly was the type of person who would follow through on a plan like this, and she was willing to make a commitment to doing this daily. For the next several weeks she tapped systematically on this statement, holding the list in front of her as she did so. I had also instructed her to read the list over again several times a week to keep its contents fresh in her mind, and reminded her that if she wanted to add any more attributes to it that she could. In fact, Kelly did add three of four new ones to the list during that time. What is fascinating about this story is that Kelly began feeling better and better about herself as she tapped on her goal. She soon tapered off her unsatisfactory dating which left her free to pursue some interesting hobbies, and allowed her to rest from the search. In fact, she stopped coming to see me for a while because she was feeling so much better about her life and herself just by doing this daily tapping on her ultimate goal for a husband. Several months later, I got a telephone call from Kelly asking for a "brush up" session. When she came in to see me she told me, with excitement in her voice, that she had started dating a man from another section of the organization where she worked. Although she had met him casually once or twice before, she had paid little attention to him at that time. She said she found him quite “different” to go out with, and as she began to know him better, it had suddenly dawned on her that he possessed many of the characteristics that she had written down on her list of the Ideal Man. This impressed her, and she had pulled out the list and systematically began to check off every characteristic on it which he possessed. When she did this she was stunned to discover that out of the now 48 attributes on her list, he
seemed to have at least 35 of these characteristics! There were still some of them which she was unsure of because she really didn't know him well enough to be able to say whether he met these criteria. These involved issues of compatibility in their interests which she had had no way to test so far, such as the types of vacation they might like to take together and a few of his characteristics were dissimilar to what she had put down – for example, his religion was different from that which her family of origin would have desired. She had come back at this time to work out some obstacles she found herself encountering in the way of allowing herself to trust this new relationship. She accomplished this short term goal in several sessions and then I didn't hear from he again for the next six months. Finally she called me once again to ask for a single appointment. When she arrived at my office she told me that her relationship with Ed was so different from any that she had ever had before that she could “scarcely believe it”. Then she told me that there were only three characteristics, and these weren’t major ones either, that he didn’t have. She worked a bit more on allowing herself to have such a good relationship and then left again, phoning me some months later to tell me that they were now engaged.. The upshot of this story is that within a year Kelly had married this man. That was six years ago, and today they are an unusually happily married couple, strikingly so in fact if one compares them to many other marriages. Please realize, however, an important fact. Kelly was ready for this relationship when she began tapping on her Ideal Man. She had done much inner work on herself to bring her to this point, and she was no longer ambivalent about what she wanted. This was undoubtedly the reason that she was able to realize her goal. When, about a year and half after she got married, she consulted me for help in another area of her life, that of her career, the outcome was not so favorable. This was an area where she had much uncertainty about whether she could handle the type of job that she thought she wanted, and although she wrote down a long list of attributes that she desired for her Ideal Job, and tapped on them daily as she had on the Ideal Man list, this time the effort was not successful. This fact actually did not actually surprise Kelly. With many doubts about whether she could measure up to such a job, it was clear that she needed more work to help her deal with her conflicts about finding such a job, and her fear of failing at it if she did. It was not until much time had passed that Kelly’s work life substantially improved and it still does not match her ideal, although it is approaching it in certain important respects (she is no longer in therapy except sporadically). The lessons in this story are twofold. On the one hand, it tells us that very long lists of attributes of a desired outcome, as complex as is necessary in
fact, can easily be handled by EFT and when they are can have powerful results. On the other hand, it is apparent that you must be entirely congruent (i.e. not in conflict) about the goal that you think you desire. If your goal is crystal clear and you are unconflicted about it and emotionally ready to receive it, then you can feel confident making a long list of specific attributes that you want and holding this list in front of you when you tap. Your subconscious will this way remember all of the attributes as you tap. You have only to review this list occasionally to keep it fresh in your mind. You may well want to try this for some of the major issues in your life. Pat Carrington
A New Way to Express Gratitude with EFT Hi Everyone, EFT Master Pat Carrington gives us yet another useful approach for EFT. Hugs, Gary By Patricia Carrington, Ph.D., EFT Master Some of you will remember how I recently wrote about ways in which you can use EFT to express appreciation to yourself for the little things you do for yourselves, and many people seem to have found this technique very useful. Also, in another article I wrote about a way in which you can thank the universe, in advance, for bringing you what you want to create in your own life. Today I am going to tell you about another way of experiencing appreciation for your own self that I find unusually effective ... even profound. I have been using this method more and more with my clients and myself. It is deceptively simple. The method can be used in two ways. It can be used in the traditional EFT fashion -- by starting the EFT statement with the words “Even though” followed by a description of your problem, and then by giving of thanks (in the positive portion of your statement) for the “gift” of your own self. The traditional approach is particularly useful when you are experiencing a strong negative emotion that must “processed out” before the positive statement can take effect. However, you can also use this phrase all by itself, without preceding it with any negative statement. To do this you simply "tap in" a sense of gratitude. The positive phrase you use is a very simple one. It goes like this: “I thank the Universe for giving me, ME." When I first started using this phrase I was astonished at the effect it had on me. I didn’t realize beforehand what is now obvious to me, which is that
most of us don’t look at ourselves as the gift that we really are – we almost never do this in fact. Even if we do appreciate certain things about ourselves, and even if others tell us many good things about ourselves, and even if we know we have certain fine traits, the amazingness of our own selves escapes us most of the time. I am tempted to say it escapes us all of the time, but I never speak in absolutes because there are always exceptions to them. In order to understand what I’m talking about here, I would like you to do a simple experiment. Right this very moment, please stop whatever you are doing, which right now is reading this article. Instead, commencing with the inner eyebrow spot, do one full round of EFT repeating to yourself at each tapping spot “I thank the Universe for giving me, ME." What did you experience when you did this? Did you see your own self in a different perspective than before as you made this statement? Or was it difficult or confusing for you? If you found, as some people do, that reasons came to your mind about why you do not consider yourself a gift, then that is rich territory to mine. You can now create EFT statements that target those tail enders, and then move on later to the positive statement itself. For example, one woman to whom I made this suggestion found herself saying in her mind, "I wish I hadn't been given this “self”. I wish I hadn't. " This woman happened to be suffering from a considerable amount of depression accompanied by self deprecation. She could not, at first, accept the concept of her own self being in any way a “gift” to her. I therefore suggested that she use the following phrase for her EFT statement, "Even though I wish I hadn't been given this self, I thank the Universe for giving me the real me underneath it all.” I added the qualifying words, “the real me underneath it all” because this exercise is not designed to give thanks for what you are on the surface, or how you act, or how you seem to the world, or what you think you are. It asks you to give thanks for what, way down deep, in the depths of your being, you really are. This woman found that the modified phrase helped her a great deal when she tapped on it because it differentiated between what she didn't like about herself and what she really knew to be of value in herself. And the negative did not win out. Finally, interestingly, she was able to use the phrase all by itself. When she did, thanking the universe for having given her her own real self, was an eye opener for her. Many people, when they “tap in” this phrase, discover that the negative thoughts they have about themselves seem to fade into unimportance Recently I used this phrase with a client who was feeling deeply hurt by a friend’s seeming betrayal. This was deeply saddening to her, but when she began to thank the Universe for giving her “herself” she suddenly sensed
the enormity of that gift, the incredible value of it. She saw that it was, in fact, the most compelling part of her life. No one else's opinion of her, no one else's support, no one else's vote of confidence, could compare to what in her heart she suddenly realized about herself. The fact is that we have all been living with our own selves for many years, and that person who has been "us" is an amazing experience, even in its down moments. It is immense. I suggest that you try tapping on this phrase when another person's behavior has disturbed you, or a situation is impinging upon your peace of mind. Simply stop and tap in your gratefulness for having been given this amazing self that you are. When you do this, other considerations may just fall by the wayside. I would appreciate it if some of you could let me know your experiences with this technique. I am extremely impressed by its depth and power and would welcome feedback about it. Pat Carrington, PhD Not Enough Time For Success... For those of you who did not receive Issues #17--21, please visit http://www.CarolLook.com/newsletterdirectory for a copy of these past issues. (Please add me to your "safe friends" list or "white list" so the newsletters are not bounced.) I know when I receive numerous emails on the same subject, it's time to write about it! Many of you have emailed me this month saying you are convinced that when you become "successful" in the way you want to be, you won't have enough time for family, fun, and relaxation, so you are sabotaging opportunities for advancement and success. First of all, ask yourself the following questions: (1) Who are your models that give you this impression? (2) When did you first "learn" this could happen? (3) Why are you convinced this is true? (4) Have you considered delegating responsibilities and hiring help so you have more time? This problem of having no time because you are successful is only a belief that comes from fear. While some people who are successful organize their lives so they have no time to relax, this problem doesn't need to be true for you. If you have this fear, you will indeed sabotage yourself to avoid this conflict. Below you will find EFT Setup Phrases followed by two rounds (one negative and one positive) for this newsletter's topic, Not Enough Time For Success.... 1. EFT SETUP PHRASES
The EFT SETUP Phrases for this topic are as follows: While tapping the karate chop spot on either hand, repeat these phrases out loud, (or change the words to fit your exact situation). "Even though I'm afraid I won't have any time if I am successful, I deeply and completely love and accept myself anyway." "Even though I assume being successful will be too time-consuming and I'll have to give up what I love, I accept who I am and how I feel about it." "Even though I sabotage my success because I'm afraid of the consequences, I accept my talents, and choose to find new ways to feel satisfied." I have indicated where to tap while saying each of the phrases below. You may repeat this round more than once if you wish. (Those of you who are new to EFT may view a chart of the spots on my web site under the EFT pages.) ***Now, for the phrases that focus on the problem*** Eyebrow: "What if I don't have enough time?" Side of Eye: "I feel so anxious about this problem." Under Eye: "I already don't have enough time for myself." Nose: "No wonder I keep sabotaging my success." Chin: "I don't think there will be enough time for my family." Collarbone: "I think I'll be too stressed out." Under Arm: "That's why I keep sabotaging myself." Head: "I am not ready to give up more time." ***Now for the positive focus on the solution*** Eyebrow: "I choose to find new ways of enjoying my time." Side of Eye: "I have decided to enjoy how much time I do have." Under Eye: "I look forward to finding new ways to be productive." Nose: "I appreciate how much time I have now." Chin: "I appreciate how free I feel." Collarbone: "I appreciate the creative guidance I am receiving about this problem." Under Arm: "I am ready to find ways to meet my needs even if I am wildly successful." Head: "I love appreciating how successful I am and how much time I have." Then tap on the following phrases as you complete one more round:
I love knowing we all deserve abundance... I choose to believe in the guidance I am receiving... I appreciate the prosperity in my life... I love appreciating my body, my friends, my opportunities... I'm grateful for all the new opportunities for abundance... I appreciate exactly who I am... I appreciate all the lessons I have learned... I am so grateful for all the prosperity in my life. 2. RECOMMENDATIONS AND TIPS: My WHAT IF series I wrote for the Masters' section of Gary Craig's newsletter made a big impression on a number of readers, so I am suggesting the technique for this newsletter. Using the topic of not having enough time, use the WHAT IF technique to trigger more feelings and take you to a new level. While tapping each of the EFT points (starting with the eyebrow point and ending on the top of the head) ask yourself questions that might provoke some emotional responses. Eyebrow: What if there IS enough time for me? Side of Eye: What if I asked for more help? Under Eye: What if I could figure out this challenge? Under Nose: What if I put myself first? Chin: What if I could prioritize my life? Collarbone: What if I slowed down and noticed what's going well? Under Arm: What if I felt relaxed about this "time" issue? Top of Head: What if I choose to feel free about my success? Keep tapping in this way until you feel new clarity about this challenge of time. If you don't clear this fear, you will continue to sabotage yourself as far as abundance is concerned. This next exercise is a modified version of the one I included in last month's newsletter. Please use it this month as well. Try some deep, clear, positive affirmations of who you are. Close your eyes, and place your left hand over your heart chakra (in the middle of your chest). Take a deep breath and imagine you are breathing in relaxation through your hand into your heart area. Then imagine you are breathing out stress or tension through the same hand. Now say some positive affirmations about yourself out loud. "I appreciate who I am...Divine love fills my heart...I deserve abundance..." Keep your hand on your heart chakra area and repeat positive affirmations about yourself out loud again. Declare that you appreciate who you are and how you feel. Connecting to your heart area is very powerful, and the more you disengage from the static of your left brain, the clearer you will be about your path.
(For more on heart-centered meditations and clearings, please visit http://www.heartmath.com). I highly recommend their work and the scientific research that supports it. Feeling Good Instead of Guilty I will be brief this month...the point of this newsletter is to encourage you to release the guilt you are holding onto about something you said or didn't say, or about what you did or failed to do. The unnecessary guilt we carry around slows down the process of attracting abundance. And it never helps the people we think we wronged. Haven't you been punishing yourself long enough? Aren't you tired of the constant sabotage behavior? When we feel deeply guilty, we tend to find new ways to sabotage our success all the time. Make a decision today to release all that old guilt. It's not helping anyone. For those of you who did not receive Issues #17--21, please visit http://www.CarolLook.com/newsletterdirectory for a copy of these past issues. (Please add me to your "safe friends" list or "white list" so the newsletters are not bounced.) Below you will find EFT Setup Phrases followed by two rounds (one negative and one positive) for this newsletter's topic, Feeling Good Instead of Guilty. 1. EFT SETUP PHRASES The EFT SETUP Phrases for this topic are as follows: While tapping the karate chop spot on either hand, repeat these phrases out loud, (or change the words to fit your exact situation). "Even though I still feel guilty about what I did, it is time to forgive myself now." "Even though I'm afraid to forgive myself for what I did, I accept who I am and that I am worthy of forgiveness." "Even though I feel compelled to continue punishing myself for what I did and said, I accept myself as I learn to feel at peace about what happened and what I did." I have indicated where to tap while saying each of the phrases below. You may repeat this round more than once if you wish. (Those of you who are new to EFT may view a chart of the spots on my web site under the EFT pages.) ***Now, for the phrases that focus on the problem*** Eyebrow: ""I still feel guilty about what I did." Side of Eye: "I feel so guilty about what I said." Under Eye: "I don't know if I should forgive myself." Nose: "No wonder I keep punishing myself."
Chin: "I don't think I should be forgiven." Collarbone: "I deserve to be punished." Under Arm: "That's why I keep sabotaging myself." Head: "I am not ready to forgive myself." ***Now for the positive focus on the solution*** Eyebrow: "I choose to do the best I can do right now." Side of Eye: "I have decided to forgive myself...I made a mistake." Under Eye: "I have been using this issue as a way to punish myself." Nose: "I have no excuses now...I can accept abundance into my life." Chin: "I appreciate that it is time to release the guilt." Collarbone: "I forgive myself for those mistakes I made." Under Arm: "I am ready to appreciate myself even though I made mistakes." Head: "I love appreciating who I am right now and I release the guilt." Then tap on the following phrases as you complete one more round: I love knowing we all deserve abundance... I choose to believe in the guidance I am receiving... I appreciate the prosperity in my life... I love appreciating my body, my friends, my opportunities... I'm grateful for all the new opportunities for abundance... I appreciate exactly who I am... I appreciate all the lessons I have learned... I am so grateful for all the prosperity in my life. 2. RECOMMENDATIONS AND TIPS: Releasing More Guilt: Try some deep, clear, loud, positive affirmations of who you are. Close your eyes, and place your left hand over your heart chakra (in the middle of your chest). Take a deep breath and imagine you are breathing in relaxation through your hand into your heart area, and breathing out stress or tension through the same hand. Now say your positive affirmations about yourself out loud. "I appreciate who I am...Divine love fills my heart...I deserve abundance..." Now think of something you regret or feel guilty about, and declare "I forgive myself...I was doing my best back then..." Then think of something you said that you feel guilty about...take a deep breath and say out loud, "I forgive myself once and for all..." until you feel cleared of this guilt. Then while keeping your hand on your heart chakra area, repeat your positive affirmations about yourself out loud again. Declare that you appreciate who you are and how you feel.
Hi Everyone, In this 3 part series, EFT Master Patricia Carrington superbly presents new uses of EFT to bring an extra level of richness to our lives. This is well worth your attention. Hugs, Gary Part 1 of 3: Using EFT to Create a Storehouse of Positive Memories Part 2 of 3: EFT for Gratitude Part 3 of 3: Using EFT for Forgiveness: The “1% Solution” By Patricia Carrington PhD, EFT Master Part 1 of 3: Using EFT to Create a Storehouse of Positive Memories Gary Craig has suggested that with EFT we are on the ground floor of a healing high rise, and I am certain that the positive uses we have found for EFT so far are but the tip of the iceberg. In this series of articles I will be sharing with you some new uses of EFT that I have been using with my clients and myself, and about which I am very excited. Today I will tell you about a method by means of which you can consolidate memories of fleeting positive experiences that may occur during the day and otherwise be ignored, and then reproduce these same experiences later on so that you can resonate with a feeling of well being, goodness, optimism and appreciation any time that you want to. I think you would agree that this is a desirable outcome. If you happen to be familiar with the work of Abraham-Hicks (The Law of Attraction), or the popular version of their viewpoint presented in the recent movie “The Secret” (see references at end of article) you will understand why changing our “vibrational level” (the emotional tone of our lives which includes the tone of our entire physical being) is fundamental to creating the life we want. What is intriguing about this is that I have found that we can use EFT to help achieve this goal! Even if you don’t accept the concept of vibrational levels (some people don’t), you will probably agree that being able to change your responses to life events so that you experience them differently, with relish and delight and a new sense of meaning, is something to be desired. I have recently been using EFT to create a virtual storehouse of positive memories which we can draw upon at any given moment to change our emotional state whenever we want. This storehouse of “captured” positive experiences can be created through the use of EFT, then later be made available to us again, by using EFT at another time. The positive memories that are stored by this process do not consist of words, sentences or mental images alone, but are made up of deeply-felt and compelling experiences that EFT can bring back to us whenever we need them.
The experiences that are captured in this way are those precious fleeting moments in our lives that we may actually come into contact with far more often than we realize, but which, in the usual hassle of life, often pass by so rapidly that we barely notice them, if in fact we notice them at all. The demands made upon us in modern life can engulf us so fully that we find ourselves responding to our days negatively as we try to fight off the distress that not being able to meet all these demands creates in us –– and of course we can never come close to meeting all of them! As a result, we often forget that we have within us the possibility of an amazingly deep joy in living. The exciting news is that we can use EFT to shift our awareness so that the side of ourselves that revels in life for its own sake becomes far more available to us than it is at present. To show you how this process works out in action, let me give you an example from my own life. On a cloudy morning about a month ago I awoke to the sound of a soft pattering of rain on my window pane. It was a delicate sound, and I have always liked the sound of gentle rain. However, my tendency, like that of many other people, has been to listen to it for perhaps 15 seconds or so, and then get up and go about my day because there is ”so much to do”. On this particular morning, however, I decided to use EFT in the new way I had been experimenting with. I wanted to fix this experience in my memory using EFT. To do this, I created a short phrase that summed it all up for me: “The sound of rain on my window.” Without using any elaborate EFT statement, in fact without using any negative statement at all (there was no “even though…” phrase) and without the use of self acceptance affirmations or Choices statements, I repeated that one simple phrase at each tapping point, starting with the inner eyebrow and ending up on top of my head. This is, of course, is the Short Form of EFT, but you can do this using the long form or any other EFT variation. The process went like this: Inner eyebrow: “The sound of rain on my window…” Outer eye: “The sound of rain on my window…” Under eye: “The sound of rain on my window…” and so on for one complete round. One round of EFT was all I did, but at the end of it I felt an unusual sense of peace. The sound of the rain pattering on my window pane had now assumed much more importance because I was “tapping it in” with EFT.
A deeper awareness Tapping on this experience also seemed to have sharpened my senses because I was now aware of another sound, one I had not noticed before. It was that of a single raindrop repeatedly tapping on an iron chimney which extends from my bedroom through the roof, connecting an old stove in my room to the outdoors. The sound was hollow and seemed to reverberate like a distant bell. The drop (it was actually a series of consecutive rain drops) was tapping intermittently at its own pace and had its own rhythm. I decided to “capture it” for my repository of positive fleeting moments, so I tapped on the phrase: Inner Eye: Sound of the raindrop on the chimney… Outer Eye: Sound of the raindrop on the chimney… Under eye: Sound of the raindrop on the chimney… Under nose: Sound of the raindrop on the chimney, taking its own time… and so on. I was impressed by the fact that the raindrop so clearly took its own time. I could not force it into my rhythm but had to allow it its own pace. As I continued to tap, I was aware of an increasing acceptance on my part of the drop’s pace and its unpredictability, of allowing it to be outside of my control. The more I tapped on the sound of the single rain drop against the metal of the chimney, the more it seemed to have a beauty of its own. I didn’t want to leave the room, but to stay and listen to it. Even finer awareness Then I became aware of a faint sound in the distance of Canadian Geese honking in the early morning, a sound I frequently hear when awakening but usually pay little attention to. I now tapped on: “Sound of the geese in the morning…” for one whole round. EFT “Haiku” My experience on that morning was meditative, gentle, and brought me close to all around me. The EFT phrases that came to my mind reminded me of a Japanese Haiku poem. If you are familiar with Haiku, you know that the poet who constructs these poems works within a strict grammatical form most of which is lost to us in translation. However, the spirit of Haiku is translatable and consists of simple everyday experiences which have been isolated as precious moments, much like the ones I had been noticing. When we read a Haiku poem, however, it only speaks to us if we ourselves resonate to the experience that it describes. When it is effective it is
because we respond to it much as a tuning fork responds to vibrations from a nearby instrument. A Haiku poem comes to us from the outer environment, however. It has been created by another person, whereas when we capture a fleeting second of our own life using EFT for this purpose we preserve our own personally meaningful experience. Shifting our attention During the day that followed, when things around me became hectic and tasks of the day demanded my total attention so much that I was becoming tense and hurried, I would repeatedly stop and commence a round of EFT, saying to myself one of these simple phrases I had tapped into my memory in the morning, as in: “The sound of rain on my window.” This use of EFT reminded me that there is a totally different dimension of living that has nothing to do with the pressures of the day, one which is outside of schedules and in a sense outside of time. This is a dimension of life where my own experience is so deep and so full that it eclipses everything else, and EFT can bring it back to me when I need it! Later in the day I experimented with visual images as well as auditory ones, using EFT to embed them deeply in my memory. I was driving my car in a light fog when I decided to do this because traveling on a highway in a fog is not ordinarily a desirable circumstance and I wanted to change the impact of it upon me so I could function at my best. Accordingly, I pulled over to the side of the road to use EFT. I could see the cars ahead of me through the mist, a string of little red tail lights that wound along the highway in front of where I was parked. Tapping on the positive aspects I decided to tap mentally on the mist and the lights, I wanted to use EFT on the positive aspects of driving in a fog rather than on the inconvenience or potential dangers of it, so I tapped on: “The mist on the highway…the mist on the highway … the mist on the highway…” As I did this, I became keenly aware of the drifting nature of the mist and of the little jewel-like lights twinkling through it. I found myself becoming much less tense and I knew that I would be able to drive much better when I resumed the trip. The lights began to look extraordinarily beautiful to me. Something had happened when I had used EFT to preserve this experience –– it had sharpened my total awareness.
Next, I noticed that the mist seemed to extend almost infinitely into the distance. It was an amazing effect, one well worth preserving, so I mentally tapped on: “The mist reaches to infinity,,, The mist reaches to infinity...”, repeating this phrase at each imagined EFT point. When I resumed driving –– even though the fog was still present –– I now enjoyed the drive. Later when I was back home, I physically tapped on many of the positive experiences I had stored away during the day, repeating the same or almost the same phrases as I had used originally. Doing this called forth a vivid reliving of each experience rather than a formal memory. The feeling tone, the emotion, the thoughts that had grouped themselves around that experience, all were available to me once again. The tapping was actually recreating these experiences. They had become a powerful inner resource. ******* “Tap in” your own experiences I will be sharing more of my observations about tapping-in positive experiences with EFT in the next articles in this series. In the meantime you may want to try this method yourself. If so, here are the steps: First, notice what is actually happening around you. Next, select a fleeting experience that you want to capture, much as you would take a snapshot of a physical object in order to preserve it. The experiences you will use for this purpose will probably be simple ones, small details of life that you might ordinarily ignore. When a fleeting moment occurs that seems worthy of retaining for later use, put it into a few words that have meaning for you, such as: “The light coming through the petals of the orchid…” Or, “The quietness of my breath as I let it slowly out…” Or, “The way my reading chair cradles me…” Then “tap in” this experience using EFT. As you do so, the experience will become a valued personal resource that you can draw upon at any time. If you like, jot down the phrases you create in a notebook or write them on cards to keep with you and take out and use any time you feel you need to get back to the original positive state. I encourage you to experiment with this new method, as I am doing. References: Esther and Jerry Hicks ( 2006). The Law of Attraction. Hay House, Carlsbad, Ca. “The Secret”. Movie available on DVD (2006). Amazon.com.
Part 2 of 3: EFT for Gratitude I am always interested in new uses for EFT that may not yet been recognized. Many of us use this remarkable technique when things go wrong in our lives but fail to recognize that it can be used equally successfully to enhance what is already good in our lives. One such use of EFT is to increase the deeply affirming experience of being genuinely GRATEFUL. The importance of gratitude in changing the tenor of our lives has been pointed out by many who have thought carefully about what can bring deep meaning and happiness into our lives. Along these lines, Carol Look regularly advises her workshop participants to create a daily gratitude list on which they write down those things they are grateful for that day. This is an important recommendation. Today I am going to add to it by telling you about using this same concept to make this exercise even more powerful. Before I tell you how you might use EFT to increase the sense of gratitude in your life, I want to point out that contrary to popular belief, gratitude is not easily come by–genuine gratitude that is –– despite the fact that there is much lip-service paid to “gratitude” in our society. In fact, even for those people who are able to feel grateful from their hearts, there are many areas in even their lives where gratitude could be experienced but it is probably not. This difficulty arises because, as a species, we are hard-wired, by natural selection over time, to be more alert to difficulties and dangers than to anything else. Our well known “orienting response must have saved our lives many a time when saber tooth tigers lurked outside our cave-homes. Under such life-threatening conditions it was certainly the better part of wisdom to be hypervigilant. We needed to be alert to even the sound of a crackling twig on the forest floor which might signal the approach of an enemy. Given that the orienting response seems to be an important component of our inherited neurological makeup, how then can we allow ourselves to give equal attention to the positive things in our lives –– those things that bring us “good” each day? This is clearly not as easy as we might think. Many people agree that it is useful to be grateful, and many religious traditions emphasize gratitude as an important component of living, but today it is unfortunately most often expressed in a manner that results only lip service. If, for example, you ask a group of people to write down five things for which they are grateful you will soon discover that the lists that they generate will more often than not consist of what each person feels they should be grateful for. These people will indicate that they are grateful for their children, their homes, their partners and friends, their health, etc., but they will usually refer only to large concepts. They may very well feel
grateful in their minds that they have these things when they stop to think about them, but this isn’t what makes up an actual experience of gratitude. It is the little things in life that bring us the experience of gratitude, and it is therefore far more useful to break up your description of those things that are good in your life into small segments, into real scenes, and then “tap in” the genuine gratitude that you feel for them. We can use EFT to do this in the following ways: If you feel particularly good about something that has happened in your life, you can “tap in” the gratitude that you feel at the moment so that it becomes a permanent part of your life (see my first article in this series which describes the process of “tapping in” the positive). This is an excellent way to increase the energy of gratitude in your life. You are more likely, however, to use the tactic of tapping-in gratitude when you are feeling uncomfortable about. Perhaps something or someone has disappointed or angered or offended you and therefore you presently see only the negative that situation. This is the exact time when it is most useful to use EFT “to tap” in the positive aspects of that person or situation and thereby change what is called your “vibrational frequency”. Here is how you can do this: First, acknowledge to yourself your disappointment, anger, discouragement, self recrimination or whatever other negative emotion you may be feeling by incorporating that into the first part of your EFT Statement that you will repeat as you tap. Then follow this by an EFT phrase that expresses appreciation for some aspect of the experience or person in question by acknowledging some positive aspect of that experience or person, no matter how brief or fleeting it may be. Here’s an example of how you could make use of EFT to create a true sense of gratitude if, for instance, you were disappointed in a social gathering the day before. To handle this, you might formulate an EFT Choices statement that went something like this: “Even though I’m disappointed at how I felt at that party yesterday, I’m grateful for the way I handled myself by not overeating when I easily could have.” This statement would be appropriate, for example, if you had managed to eat sensibly and stick to a healthy diet despite the many food temptations that can present themselves at a party, and especially when that party had not been congenial to you. Genuine self appreciation and gratitude for your own behavior under pressure is certainly justified here –– you handled something ordinarily difficult for you (an uncomfortable social situation) constructively, and overcame an old habit. In using EFT for this issue you may be more comfortable using a more moderate and objective phrase such as “I appreciate” rather than saying,
“I’m grateful for”, but both will bring you to the same experience ─ that of genuine gratitude. Tapping on positive moments that have occurred during a negative experience (almost any negative experience has those moments) can bring to your attention these moments in a very special fashion. You may well find that if you tap for one or two rounds of EFT using a positive statement of appreciation (repeated at each EFT point) that you will spontaneously begin to remember other moments that occurred during that party (or whatever your negative situation happens to be) when something went right for you. It is instructive to watch how our minds, once turned in a positive direction, will tend to remember more and more positive aspects of an originally negative situation; those moments that caused us to feel a sense of relief, gratitude, and possibly even pleasure. One small moment of gratefulness that is “tapped in” using EFT, can begin to create a mood of appreciation, and by will then automatically call to mind other aspects of the same situation that will now bring forth even more appreciation in you, a vicious cycle has been reversed The trick is to identify the fleeting positive memories in the situation and then to tap on them. In the instance I have just described about a disappointing party, it would be natural to thin first of a flood of negative things about the party. You might have been disappointed by the people and their reactions to you, or by the general atmosphere, or by the fact that you didn’t say or do something you would have liked to have said or done. However, as you begin to tap on the remembered positive moments (however brief and fleeting they may be) you will be starting your positive cycle. One positive thought then leads to another so that before you have finished tapping on your appreciation for the way you handled your eating behavior at the party, you may well now remember a moment during it when you had a brief but enjoyable exchange with someone else. You might recall that someone smiled briefly but delightedly at you as the two of you passed in the hall, or maybe did so just as they were leaving the house, or you were. After that more brief positive moments may start to return to your mind, moments during which the party was momentarily satisfying. When this happens, return to doing EFT and do another round of all-positive tapping to consolidate your gains and solidify these positive memories. This is done by tapping on just the positive, not using any negative “Even though” statements at all For example, you might say at each tapping point something like: “Even though I was disappointed by the party, I remember that moment when (insert person’s name) and I exchanged those nice remarks that we really meant.”
If you do this, other thoughts of a positive nature will probably emerge. You may suddenly remember how you found an easy parking place right in front of the house when you arrived at the party, or how your gift of a small food contribution to the dinner disappeared rapidly as guests gobbled it up delightedly, and other events of a positive nature may now come to your mind, ones that were initially obscured by your feelings of disappointment. Such small specific events, now appreciated, constitute the essence of true gratitude. They are not just lip service to the concept because now there is concrete evidence in your memory that there WAS good in this situation. Similarly, appreciation for another person can emerge when you identify your own positive response to something specific that they did, perhaps yesterday, perhaps last week, or maybe when you last saw them. This will be some moment when you were delighted with what they were saying or doing, a moment which added something to your life. You can “tap in” positive memories of fleeting moments with another person at a time when you are feeling annoyed at, disappointed in, or upset with that other person. In such a situation you might make use of an EFT statement such as: “Even though (name of person) infuriates me when they start criticizing everybody, I choose to remember the way they shared with me that important piece of information that they had come across last week that I would never have known about.” Or, to shorten that statement for the sake of tapping, you might use this variation: “Even though I’m annoyed at (name of person) for their criticism of everyone around them, I’m grateful for those gems of information they shared with me.” The point is that, by isolating the positive fleeting moments of GOOD you may have experienced in a particular situation or with a specific person, you will be able to create an entirely different energy within you by “tapping in” the genuine appreciation you now feel. This can lead to a gratefulness that is spontaneous and unforced. It is the gratefulness for life when it is truly good. In my next article in this series, I will discuss the difficulties that people so often have experiencing the emotion of forgiveness, and suggest how EFT can be very useful to deal with this. Patricia Carrington, PhD Part 3 of 3: Using EFT for Forgiveness: The “1% Solution” I cannot tell you how often people have told me that they simply cannot conceive of forgiving some other person for destructive acts that person has done –– even if they use EFT for this problem. They feel that to do this
would be paying mere lip service to the concept of “forgiveness,” it would not come from their heart. I agree that the act of “forgiveness” is all too often a pretense entered into by a person who feels they must “forgive” someone (or fate) perhaps for religious or ethical reasons. To truly forgive however, especially when one feels deep resentment, fear or anger about a “wrong” that has been done to self or others, is one of the most difficult and "unintuitive" things that we can be asked to do. The reason for this may be the fact that the act of forgiving is not an act at all in any real sense. When it happens it does so by default, as we let go of resentment against the other party and the desire to punish. Webster's New International Dictionary and the Oxford Dictionary of the English Language , both define the verb “to forgive” as: "to give up resentment against or the desire to punish; to stop being angry with; to pardon.” It is quite clear that their definitions of forgiveness refer to the result of letting go of anger or resentment or desire for revenge. Forgiveness, then, is basically an absence of these negative emotions. This makes for difficulty, however, when we attempt to use EFT to create forgiveness because it is much more difficult for people or animals to let go of something, than it is for them to hold on to it. Ask someone, for example, to place a book on a table, and more than likely (if they have no particular reason for not doing so) they will find it easy to comply with your request for they are being asked to do a direct and simple act. However, ask that same person to “let go” of a book they might already be holding and they may well resist that request, or at least hesitate to carry it out until they give considerable thought to the consequences. They will probably consider possible outcomes that come to their mind and will try to decide whether it is safe and advantageous for them to let go of the book (perhaps it will fall upon the floor and get damaged? Maybe they will be “pushed around” or otherwise manipulated by you if they comply with this request? etc.). The result is that this person may be reluctant to let go of the book. I am reminded of the way newborn infants show such a powerful grasp reflex; they can hold on with enormous strength to a finger or object within reach and not let go of it for a long time –– sometimes their fingers will have to be pried loose from the object. This grasp reflex may well be due to some inherited instinct that helped newborn humans to survive when we were tree dwelling primates. It is likely that the newborn had to be able to grasp onto their mother or onto a tree branch to protect against a disastrous fall. Whatever the reason, however, the fact is that it is usually easier for us to hold on to something that it is to let go of that same thing, and because of our use of language, we have a strong tendency to hold on to remembered wrongs and seemingly cannot pry ourselves loose from thoughts about
“justice” and “punishment” for such a wrong. We cling to such thoughts tenaciously for long periods of time, sometimes for a lifetime, and it is not surprising that we hear stories of vendettas that carry on from generation to generation in certain cultures, where a revenge motive actually controls the lives of the people caught in it. How then can we bring about “forgiveness”, which basically involves a letting go of resentment and giving up of the wish for revenge, even with the use of EFT? Because forgiveness is actually something that happens automatically when resentment, anger, revenge and a desire to punish have been relinquished, I am going to suggest a way in which EFT can be used to lessen or eliminate resentment and the punishment motive, thereby creating the natural state of forgiveness which is, in fact, an absence of the need for revenge. Since there is much reluctance in people to letting go of resentment and the need for retribution, I have found it is far more productive to approach this matter in an indirect manner, little by little. One way I have found extremely effective is to break up the revenge motive into tiny manageable pieces. I call this the "Divide And Conquer" tactic. Here’s how it works: Suppose that one person has been deeply hurt another person in the past. If you ask Person 1 to “forgive” that other person, it usually seems impossible at first. Even if you ask her or him to “let go” of any resentment they have toward the other person, it still tends to feel impossible. How, they reason, can a person just let go of resentment at being deeply hurt if they’ve been deeply hurt? A way to get around this trap, one which I find to be extraordinarily effective, is to BREAK UP the “letting go” process into tiny chunks, so that you prove to yourself that your conviction (i.e. that it’s impossible to let go of your resentment ) isn’t true, that resentment can be let go of in little pieces –– which of course paves the way for a much greater letting go to come. The way to do that is this: When you formulate your EFT statement, end the statement by a Choice to “let go of only 1%" of your resentment” (you can even add the phrase, "and keep all the rest of it" if you wish). Here is how this statement might look in practice. A person would formulate an EFT statement such as: “Even though I’m outraged at what "X" did, I choose to let go of 1% of my (anger, resentment, etc.) against (him/her)." If you use this “1%” solution”, you will probably find yourself able to let go of such a ridiculously small portion of your resentment –– after all it is not much to ask of yourself to give up 1% of it, and you are still allowed to retain most of your righteous anger! However –– and here is the secret in
this approach –– if you are able truly to let go of 1% of your resentment (anger and desire to punish etc.) then you will be in a very different state of mind than you were before. Something that seemed impossible before will suddenly have become possible, even if on a very small scale, and by letting it happen at all, you have actually opened a door to letting go of your resentments totally. A little release is always a big release. You will now have abandoned a deeply entrenched belief, a certainty that you cannot under any circumstances let go of your resentment! I have many times seen this simple strategy (letting go of 1% of resentment) result in a person's ability to now entertain the possibility of letting go of all of their resentment. Once relinquishing a desire for revenge is seen as being possible, the road has been cleared for you to release your entire resentment/punishment motive. When you let go of your tenacious hold on the conviction that “justice must be done at any cost”, and punishment must be meted out for you to be at rest, you finally will be at rest. You will have lifted a tremendous emotional burden from yourself and be able to move ahead constructively with your life. You may decide that you don’t want to see that person again or put yourself in that kind of situation again (or you may decide to do so, according to rational decision) but you are now free to choose what is really best for you. This is because the emotional charge has been removed from the situation. Now you will have “forgiven” that person, in the true sense of that word. The revenge motive will have evaporated, and because unforgiveness depends on that motive, it too will have melted away. You will have forgiven this person or circumstance or fate in the true sense of the word, and can go on from there to build a new relationship or other better relationships, or whatever you desire. I strongly recommend the “1 percent solution” when the need to forgive is resistant to any other approach. Pat Carrington