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StudentsauditioningforTheImportanceofBeingEarnestshouldchooseoneofthefollowingmonologuestoperform atauditions.Considerwhichmonologueyoufeeltrulyshowsyourstrengthsasaperformerthismaynotbetheone youlikethebest.Lookspecificallyforemotionalandmentaltransitionsandplaythemtothebestofyourability. *PleasenotethatIhavecategorizedmanyasforeitherMaleORFemaleIfeelthesearetrulyunisexmonologues,so donotworryifthecharacterintheoriginalplayistheoppositesex.Ifitspeakstoyouandyoufeelitbestshowsyour strengths,thenthatstheoneforyou!!Ilookforwardtoseeingeachofyouatauditions. MsLynn MONOLOGUESforeitherMALEORFEMALE DrinksBeforeDinnerbyE.L.Doctorow [Claudetteobjectswhen2ofherdinnerguestslaunchintoadiatribeaboutthemeaninglessnessoftheirlivesandthat evendeadpeopleinolddramaticmovieshavemorelifethantheydo] (Claudette):Iwanttolivemylifeasundramaticallyaspossible.Lifeissototallycarelessofwhatwefeelorwhatwe know,orthinkwefeelorthinkweknow,thatallouremotionsandthoughtsarecontinuouslysupersededbyother emotionsandotherthoughtsbecauselifepushesonandforcesustocontinuelivingit.

.Sothatevenifweareblissfully happy,itpushesonuntilwearenot;evenifweareinlove,itpushesonuntilwearenot;andevenifwediscover somethingmarvelousordosomethingthatmakesusfamous,itpusheson.Itjustgoesthroughawholelifetimeofour feelings,carelessofallofthem,notgivingadamnforanyofthem,exceptIsupposeourlastfeelingbeforewedie. LongAgoandFarAwaybyDavidIves IthinkIvejustrealizedthatIexist.Latelysooftenitsliketherearethesemomentsofillumination,whenjustfora secondortwoIrealize,ImeanIreallyrealize,thatthisallthisisreallyhere.Thatitexists.AndthatImapartofit.I dontknow.Somehowitjustrecentlyhitmethatwhenphilosopherstalkaboutthenatureorreality,theyrenottalking aboutwords,orideas,theyretalkingaboutthingslikethisbox,andthisnewspaper,andthispeninmyhand.Whichare allreal.Weare.Everybodyis.Rightnow.Atthisinstant.Iexist. FindingaChordbyCatherineKeyser (Samantha:)WhenitlookslikeImmad,Em,Imreallyjustwell,Imfrustrated.(Emilytriestointerrupt)No,Ishould explain.BecausehereIam,tellingyoutobeallperkyorwhatever..IknowImnotreallysmartoranything.AndIcant fixanythingforyou.Idonthaveanswers.Ijustknowyourereallyspecial.Imean,God,yourelikebrilliant,andyouve alwaysdoneeverythingright.MomandDadhavealwaysbeenprouderofyouthantheyareofme.Becausetheyknow, youknow?Thatyoulikecanthelpdoingsomethingreallyspecialwithallthetalentsthatyouhave,andyoureso patient!Icouldneverbethatpatient.Imalwaysfighting,youknow?Imgoingthisway,thenthat,andIdontever reallyknowwhereImgoing.Likethesecigarettes.WhythehellamIsmokingacigaretteinmyparentsbasement?Its notmakingarealstatementoranything.Evenifshenotices,whatimportantthingamIsayingbythat?Nothing! HaikubyKatherineSnodgrass [Nell,themotherofaspecialneedschildnamedLulu(Louise),explainsanexperienceshehadthismorningthathas promptedhertotakeherdaughteroffhermedications]

Iwasreadingabook.Veryabsorbed.Luluwassitting,asshealwaysdoes,nexttothewindow.Suddenly,IrealizedthatI hadforgottentogiveherherafternoonpill.Iglancedup,andshewassittingforwardinherchair,leaningonthesill.It wasodd.IknewshewouldntnoticemebutIsaidhername,Lulu?Andsheturnedandlookedatme,reallylookedatme, forthefirsttime.Sheaskedmetoforgiveher.Hah!Asiftherewasanythingtoforgive.Shewassofrightened,so frightened.Bebe,itsasifshestrapped,trappedinamazeandeverythingsallwhite,likecotton,orclouds,andand shecantgetout.Everythingmovessoslowly.Andwhenshetries,soundscomeintodistracther.Theypullheraway, andshecantconcentrate.Shecantbeherself.Butshewasthere.Sheis.Louiseisthere. WhoseLifeIsItAnyway?ByBrianClark [Thepatientisaquadrapalegicwhowantstobeinchargeofher/hisowndestiny.S/heisinfuriatedbythepitys/heis receivingandtheinattentiontoher/hisownwishes] (Patient)Allofyoupeoplehavethesametechnique.WhenIsaysomethingreallyawkward,youpretendIhaventsaid anythingatall.Youareallthesamewell,comeon,theresanotheroutburst,thatshouldbeyourcuetocommenton thelampshadeorthecolorofthewalls.Listentoyourself.Isaysomethingoffensiveaboutyouandyouturnyour professionalcheek.Ifyouwerehuman,ifyouweretreatingmeasahumanbeing,youdtellmetoscrewoff.Cantyou seethatthisiswhyIdontwanttogoonliving?IamnotahumanandImevenmoreconvincedofthatbyyourvisit thanIwasbeforesohowdoyoulikethat? DivisionStreetbyStephenTeisch Wearenotwe.Wewerewefortoolong.Andwhilewewerewe,youwereyou,butIwasntme.AndIwanttobeme. Imsickandtiredofit.IhaveODdonallthosecausesandissues.Idontcareaboutnuclearwaste.Idontcareabout oilspills,thirdworlddictators,wildernesspreservesorbilingualeducation.Sugarinkidscereals.Dontcare.Idont giveadamnabouttheozonelayer,thewhales,theporpoisesthecutelittlebabysealsAnythingthatIevercared about.Anythingthatyouhaveevercaredabout,anythingthatanyonehasevercaredabout,IdontcareaboutandI dontcarethatIdontcare.Imtiredofdrinkingblackcoffeeoutofearthenmugsthatyoumadeyourself.Iwantacup andsaucerandIwantsugarinit.Me.ThatsallIcareabout.Me.Me.Me.Wonderful,yummy,deliciousme. ScubaLessonsbyJosephZeccola (Kelly):Didyoueverwakeupandknowitwasgonnabeyourday?Idid.Today.Firsttime.Iwokeupfiveminutes beforemyalarmwentoff.Thesunwasshining,thebirdschirping,IfeltwarmalloverandthenIreadmyhoroscope. Todayisyourday!!!Whatyoudreamedaboutbecomesreal.Romancefiguresprominently.Musicalnotesinvolved. OkayIdontgetthemusicalnotesthingeitherbutthatsnotthepoint.Thepointisthattodayismyday.Andithas beenallday!!!IgotonthescaleIwasfivepoundsthinner,andthatwasaftergettingoutoftheshower.Onmyway outthedoor,mymanagertellsmehesgoingtofixthebrokenclosetinmyapartmentIreportedsixmonthsago. NormallyIwouldntbelieveit,becauseIhaverottenluck.ButIvehadthisfeelingallday.Andthatsleavingoutthe bestpartofmyhoroscope:Romancefiguresprominently.[Shelooksaroundthecaf.]Hesnothereyet.Welllets notgothere.Imbeinganoptimist.Ihavefaith.

TheDaysandNightsofBeebeeFenstermakerbyWilliamSnyder [Beebeeisayoungwomanjustoutofcollegeandlivingonherowninherfirstapartment.Heraspirationsaretolivea creativeandindependentlife.Shesharessomeofheropinionsbylecturingherfriend,NettieJo,whoislessambitious] Whatbeatsme,NettieJo,isthatyouresatisfied.Idontknow.Theressomethingwrongaboutbeingsosatisfiedwith everythingthewayitisandgoinalongwiththecrowd.Youhavetogainspecialrecognitioninsomeway.InSOMEway, NettieJo.Ifyoudontyouendupnothinganonentity.Anotherfaceinthecrowd.Andthatslikebeindead.Doyou wanttowindupdeadwithoutonepersontorememberyourname?Itsdeathinlife,thatswhat.Itswalkingthrough theworldwithouttouchinathing.Itsblendinin,insteadofstickinout.AndGodknowsfoldstrytopushyouintothe wallpaperfromtheminuteyouareborn.Startingwithyourfamily.Shegetsthatfromsoandso.Thatfromsomebody else.Justwhenyouthinkyoufinallygotsomethingonyourown,assureasChristmassomebodycomesalongand saysIsntthatexactlylikeuncleWhatchamacallit.ThereyouarelockedintighterthanaChinesepuzzlewithoutknowin whereonepersonendsandtheotheronesbegin. MONOLOGUESFORFEMALES GreensborobyEmilyMann [OnNov.3,1979,fiveprotestersinvolvedinaDeathtotheKlanrallyinGreensboro,N.C.,wereshotandkilledbya groupofNazisandKluKluxKlanmembers.SigneWallershusband,Jim,adoctorwhohadquitfulltimepracticeto devotemoretimetocivilrightsactivismwasmurderedthatday.Thisplayexplorestheeventthroughdocumentary testimonyofbothsides.] (Signe):Theysaidwewidowswerenthuman.Wehadnofeelingsofgrief.Thepresssaidlookatthatwoman.Shecan standoverherdeadhusbandsbodyandscreamabouttheparty.WhattheydidnthearmescreamwasIcantgoon livingwithoutJim.IreallyfeltlikeIcouldntgoonliving.Foratleastayearitwasamatteroftotalindifferencetorme whetherIlivedordied.Howeverpeopletreatyou,theygiveyouanidentity.Ihadtodealwiththismonsterimage.The upfrontcommunist. Imean,oncetherearecategoriesofpeoplewhodonotqualifyashavingfullhumanstaturewhethertheyaregaysor communistsorblackpeopleorwhoevertheyareImean,onceyoucanseparatehumanitythatway,thenyouhave alreadycreatedanentireframeworkinwhichyoucanpracticeallkindsofoppressiononpeople.Andyoucangetaway withit.Assoonasyouhavethatlessthanhumanthingoperating,boy,youcandoanythingtopeople. TheLomanFamilyPicnicbyDonaldMargulies [DorisismakingherHalloweencostumeBrideofFrankensteinbyshreddingherweddingdresswithapairofscizzors. **Youmayperformthiswithouttheprops] (Doris):OnthedayIwasmarriedtheworldshowedeverysignofcomingtoanend.Itrainedno,poured.Thunder. Cracksoflightning.BigPearlS.Bucktidalwaves.Yougetthepicture.DidIturnback?DidIcancel?DidIsaynevermind, nothankyou?Agoodomen,mymothertoldme.Therehadneverbeenamoreterrifyingconvergenceofweatherpost Noah;agoodomen.Hail,didImentionhail?LikemymothersmatzoballsfallingfromtheskyshoutingDont!Dont! eachtimeaknaidelsmackedtheroofoftherentedlimo.Abetteromenstill,mymothersaid,hail.Whatabout sunshine?,Momma?,Iasked,whataboutasunnyweddingday?Alsoagoodomen,mymothersaid.(beat)Ibeganto

distrusther(beat).Twosecondsinmyweddingdress,splatteredwithmud.Ishouldveknown.Lookatthis:ruined. Fromdayone.Mud,rain,hail,locusts,boredom,moraine.ButIlovethewaymylifehasturnedout. LetUsGoOutintotheStarryNightbyJohnPatrickShanley DontenvymebecauseImskinny.Iknowyoudontreally,butyoudosayyoudo,whichbothersme.IfyouknewwhyI wasskinny.ImgoingtotellyouwhyImskinny.Icantfindnourishment.Imnottalkingaboutfoodnow,whichIthink youguessed.Imtalkingabouttheworld.Theworlddoesnotnourishme.Atleastatthemoment.Doyouknowwhat Imtalkingabout?Youdontknow.Youdonthaveanyidea.Andthereasonyoureignorantbecausethatswhatyou are,reallyisthatyoudontcare.Ifyoucared,youwouldknowwhatImtalkingabout.Or,atleast,Iwouldfindyour stupiditymoreendearing. MadwomanofChaillot (Irma):ItmaynotseemsograndtobeawaitressinParis.Iloveit.Awaitressmeetsallsortsofpeople.Sheobserveslife. Ihatetobealone.Ilovepeople.ButIhaveneversaidIloveyoutoaman.Mentrytomakemesayit.Theyputtheir armsaroundmeIpretendIdontseeit.TheypinchmeIpretendIdontfeelit.TheykissmeIpretendIdont knowit.Theytakemeoutintheevening,andmakemedrinkbutImcareful,Ineversayit.Iftheydontlikeittheycan leavemealone.BecausewhenIsayIloveyoutoHim,Hewillknowjustbylookinginmyeyesthatmanyhaveheldme andpinchedmeandkissedme,butIhaveneversaidIloveyoutoanyoneintheworldbefore.Never.No.(Lookingoff indirectioninwhichPierrehasgone,shewhisperssoftly)..Iloveyou. AntigonebySophocles [Thisplaycentersaroundthestruggleofanindividualsfeelingsofjusticeanmoralityagainstlawsthathavebeen proclaimedjustbyanotherindividual(thenewKing).Antigoneistherebeloftheplayanderuptswhenhersisterasksher totrytounderstandthenewlaws.] (Antigone:)Understand!ThefirstwordIeverheardoutofanyofyouwasthatwordunderstand!WhydidntI understandthatImustnotplaywithwatercold,black,beautifulflowingwaterbecauseIdspillitonthepalacetiles. Orwithearth,becauseearthdirtiesalittlegirlsfrock.WhydidntIunderstandthatnicechildrendonteatoutof everydishatonce,orgiveeverythingintheirpocketstobeggars;orruninthewindsofastthattheyfalldown;orask foradrinkwhentheyareperspiring;orwanttogoswimmingwhenitseithertooearlyortoolate,merelybecausethey happentofeellikeswimming.Understand!Idontwanttounderstand.TherellbetimeenoughtounderstandwhenIm oldIfIeveramold.Butnotnow.Iwanttogoonliving. BrightonBeachMemoirsbyNeilSimon [Noraisangrywithhermother,Blanche,whowillnotletherquithighschoolandpursueaBroadwayaudition.Shehas saidsomeverycruelthingstohermother,andBlanche,exhaustedandtiredofbeingthepushover,fightsbackfor perhapsthefirsttimeinherlife.]

Blanche:Imnotgoingtoletyouhurtme,Nora.ImnotgoingtoletyoutellmethatIdontloveyouorthatIhavent triedtogiveyouasmuchasIgaveLaurieGodknowsImnotperfectbecauseenoughangrypeopleinthishousetold mesotonightbutIamnotgoingtobeadoormatforallthefrustrationandunhappinessthatyouorAuntKateor anyoneelsewantstolayatmyfeetIdidnotcreatethisUniverse.Idonotdecidewholivesanddies,orwhosrichor poororwhofeelslovedandwhofeelsdeprived.IfyoufeelcheatedthatyoucannotgototheauditionthenIfeel cheatedthatIhadahusbandwhodiedatthirtysix.Andifyoukeeponfeelingthatway,youllenduplikemewith somethingmuchworsethanlonelinessorhelplessnessandthatsselfpity.Believeme,thereisnolegthatstwistedor bentthatismorecripplingthanahumanbeingwhothrivesonhisownmisfortunesifithastakenyourpainandAunt Katesangertogetmetostartlivingagain,thenGodwillgivemethestrengthtomakeituptoyou,butIwillnotgoback tobeingthatfrightened,helplesswomanthatIcreated!IvealreadyburiedsomeoneIlove,nowitstimetobury someoneIhate. BrightonBeachMemoirsbyNeilSimon [Noradiscusseshermemoriesofherfatherwithheryoungersister] WhenIwassixorsevenDadalwaysbroughtmehomealittlesurprise.LikeaHersheyoratop.Hedcomehomeand hedtellmetogoandlookinhiscoatpocket.SoIdruntotheclosetandputmyhandin,anditfeltasbigasatent. Andtherewerealltheseterrificthingsinthere.LikeJuicyFruitgumorSpearmintLifeSaversandbitsofcellophaneand crumbledpiecesoftobacco.ThenIfoundhiscoatinMomsclosetandIputmyhandinthepocket.Andeverythingwas gone.ItwasemptiedanddrycleanedanditfeltcoldandthatswhenIknewhewasreallydead. TheRainmaker [LizzieexplainstoStarbuckwhysheisnotaccompanyinghimashefollowshisbigdreams] Youthinkalldreamshavetobeyourkind!Goldenfleeceandthunderonthemountain!Butthereareotherdreams! Littlequietonesthatcometoawomanwhenshesshiningthesilverwareandputtingmothflakesinthecloset.Likea mansvoicesaying,Lizzie,ismybluesuitpressed?Andthesamemansaying,scratchbetweenmyshoulderblades. Andkidslaughingandteasingandsettinguparacket!AndhowitfeelstosaythewordHusband!Thereareallkinds ofdreams.Minearesmallones,buttheyrereal.SoyoucanhaveyoursandIllhavemine. MONOLOGUESFORMALES DeathofaSalesmanbyArthurMiller [Biffistheeldestof2boysinhisfamily.Heisinhis30s.Hehasalwaysbeenthesonwhohisfather,Willy,hashunghis hopeson.Biffwonafootballscholarshiptocollegebutflunkedoutofoneofhisclassesanddidntgraduate.Hehas neveramountedtomuch.Hehasworkedmanyjobs,butalwaysreturnshomewithoutajobormoney.] (Biff,talkingtohisfather:)Willy,thisisme.YouknowwhyIhadnoaddressforthreemonths?IstoleasuitinKansasCity andIwasinjail.Istolemyselfoutofeverygoodjobsincehighschool!AndInevergotanywherebecauseyoublewme sofullofhotairIcouldneverstandtakingordersfromanybody!Thatswhosefaultitis!Iamnotaleaderofmen,Willy, andneitherareyou.Youwereneveranythingbutahardworkingdrummerwholandedintheashcanlikealltherestof them!Imonedollaranhour!Itriedsevenstatesandcouldntraiseit.Abuckanhour!Doyougathermymeaning?Im

notbringinghomeanyprizesanymore,andyouregoingtostopwaitingformetobringthemhome!Pop,Imnothing! Imnothing,Pop.Cantyouunderstandthat?Theresnospiteinitanymore.ImjustwhatIam,thatsall.Willyoulet mego,forChristssake?Willyoutakethatphonydreamandburnitbeforesomethinghappens? DeathofaSalesmanbyArthurMiller (Biff,talkingtohisyoungerbrother:)IvehadtwentyorthirtydifferentkindsofjobssinceIlefthomebeforethewar, anditalwaysturnsoutthesame.Ijustrealizeditlately.ItswhyIcamehomenow,Iguess,becauseIrealizedit.The farmIworkon,itsspringtherenow,see?Andtheyvegotaboutfifteennewcolts.Theresnothingmoreinspiringor beautifulthanthesignhtofamareandanewcolt.AndwheneverspringcomestowhereIam,Isuddenlygetthefeeling, myGod,Imnotgettinanywhere!WhatthehellamIdoing,playingaroundwithhorses,twentyeightdollarsaweek! Imthirtyfouryearsold,Ioughttabemakinmyfuture.ThatswhenIcomerunninghome.Andnow,Igethere,andI dontknowwhattodowithmyself.Ivealwaysmadeapointofnotwastingmylife,andeverytimeIcomebackhereI knowthatallIvedoneistowastemylife. MasterHaroldAndtheBoysbyAtholFugard [Hallyisa17yearoldwhiteboyinSouthAfricain1950whoisclosetotwoblackmen.Hallyisrememberinganafternoon spentwithoneofthem,Sam] (Hally:)Itstartedofflookinglikeanotherofthoseuseless,nothingtodoafternoons.Ididntfeellikeclimbingtreesor pretendingIwasaprivateeyeso,asusual:SeewhatscookinginSamsroom.Youwereonthefloor.Youhadtwothin piecesofwoodandyouweresmoothingthemdownwithaknife.Itdidntlookparticularlyinteresting,butyoujustsaid, waitandsee,Hally.Wait..andsee.inthatsecretwayofyours,soIknewtherewasasurprisecoming.Youteasedme, youbugger,bybeingdeliberatelyslowandnotansweringmyquestions!Andwhistlingwhileyouworkedaway!God,it wasinfuriating!Icouldhavebrainedyou!Itwasonlywhenyoutiedthemtogetherinacrossandputthatdownonthe brownpaperthatIrealizedwhatyouweredoing.Samismakingakite!AndwhenIaskedyou,yousaid:Yes!Thesheer audacityofittookmybreathaway.Imeanseriously,whatthehelldoesablackmanknowaboutflyingakite!Illbe honestwithyou,Sam,Ihadnohopesforit.Whenwewentupontothehill,Iwasprayingquietlythattherewouldntbe anyotherkidsaroundtolaughatus. TheDarkattheTopoftheStairsbyWilliamInge [Sammy,ayoungcadet,speaksofhislonelyexistence.] IalwaysworrythatmaybepeoplearentgoingtolikemewhenIgotoaparty.Isntthatcrazy?Doyouevergetkindofa sickfeelinginthepitofyourstomachwhenyoudreadthings?Gee,Iwouldntwanttomissapartyforanything.But everytimeIgotone,Ihavetoreasonwithmyselftokeepfromfeelingthatthewholeworldsagainstme.See,Ive spentalmostmywholelifeinmilitaryacademies.Mymotherdoesnthaveaplaceforme,whereshelives.Sheshe justdoesntknowwhatelsetodowithme.Butyoumustntmisunderstandaboutmymother.Shesareallylovely person.Iguesseveryboythinksthismotherisverybeautiful,butmymotherreallyis.Shetellsmeineverylettershe writeshowsorrysheisthatwecantbetogethermore,butshehastothinkofherwork.Onetimeweweretogether, though.ShemetmeinSanFranciscoonce,andweweretogetherfortwowholedays.Justlikeweweresweethearts.It wasthemostwonderfultimeIeverhad.AndthenIhadtogobacktotheoldmilitaryacademy.EverytimeIwalkinto thebarracks,Igetkindofadepressedfeeling.Itsgothardstonewalls.Picturesofgeneralshangingalloveroh, theyreveryfinegentlemen,buttheyalllooksokindofhardboiledandsternyouknowwhatImean.Well,gee!I guessIveboredyouenough,tellingyouaboutmyself.

TeachMeHowtoCrybyPatriciaJoudry [Willtriestoassurehisfriend,Melinda,thateverythingwillbeokayeventhoughheismovingaway] Nothingissoveryterrible.Therewasahouseoncedownbyalakewhereweusedtolive.Thehousewasallboarded upanddeserted,andthekidsallsaiditwashauntedandwereafraidofit.Iwastoo.Moreafraidthananyofthem. Andthenmymotheranddaddecidedwedliveinthathouse,andInearlyranaway.Iwasgoingto,butIdidnt.I decidedtobebrave.ButIdidntknowIcoulddoit,Ifeltsosick.ButIwentinsidethathouseandIlookedatit,every bitofit,upclose.ItwasjustanordinaryoldhouseandthereIwasbeingafraidofnothingatall.