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P. 1

jokes etc|Views: 0|Likes: 0

Published by Sambit Roy

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many jokes

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https://www.scribd.com/doc/173849167/jokes-etc

10/06/2013

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” The boy answered, “I’m too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third grad e and I’m smarter than she is. I think I should be in the third-grade too!” The teacher had enough. She took the boy to the principal’s office. While the boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of the questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed. The boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: “What is 3 x 3 ?” Boy: “9?. Principal: “What is 6 x 6 ?” Boy: “36? And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should kn ow. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, “I think he can go to the thirdgrade. ” Teacher says to the principal, ” I have some of my own questions. Can I ask him?” The principal and the boy both agreed. Teacher asks, “What does a cow have four of and that I have only two of? Boy: After a moment, ” Legs.” Teacher: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?” Boy: ” Pockets ” Teacher: ” What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and c ontains thin whitish liquid? Boy: Coconut Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky? The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Isko wa s taking charge. Boy: Bubblegum

you have to us e your hand. and is responsible for making love ? Boy: HEART The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Teacher: “Send this Boy to Harvard University !! Even I got the last ten questions wrong my self!” .Teacher: What does a man do standing up. When I’m not well. t he pope doesn’t use his and a man gives it to his wife after they’re married? Boy: SURNAME Teacher: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles. The best man a lways has me first. Boy: Tent Teacher: A finger goes in me. Boy: Fork Teacher: What is it that all men have one. Boy: Wedding Ring Teacher: I come in many sizes. you fe el good.. I drip. You tie me down to get me up. My tip penetrates. Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. li ke pumping. Boy: Nose Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. a bit tense and took one large Jack Daniel p eg. Boy: Arrow Teacher: What word starts with a ‘ F ‘ and ends in ‘ K ‘ that means lot of heat and exci tement? Boy: Firetruck Teacher: What starts with a ‘ F ‘ and ends in ‘K ‘ and if you don’t get it. has lots of veins. than others. a woman does sitting down and a dog doe s on three legs? The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer… Boy: Shake hands Teacher: Now I will ask some” Who am I ” sort of questions. Okay? Boy: Yep. I come with a quiver. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The principal was looking restless. I get wet before you do. When you blow me. It’s longer on some men.

.Mahaprabhu Das Luminous Moon............Durjoy Pahari Dark Cave.......... In Lok Sabha.... a congress MP during his speech told a story.............. Ghanashyam Guha Faithful Husband........." The MP added "Our Prime Minister is like the third son...... "There was a father who gave 100 rupees each to his 3 sons and asked them to buy things and fill up a room completely.... 100 but couldn t fill the room entirely.......Manab Biswas ........................ Since the day he has taken charge of his office. Third son bought a candle for Rs....Bangshi Karmakar Human Faith...Nirmal Pathak Sales Tax.........Asim Talapatra Lord Servant...Mahabir Singha Universal Opinion............................... 1 and lit it up and the room was filled with l ight completely..Chakradhar Gargari Bottomless Abyss.Hironmoy Pal Mighty Lion....... Sourin Mondal Mountaineer.................. 99?" ................ Second son bought cotton for Rs.......Sushil Nath Pure Reader.............. Where are the remaining Rs.......Santana Dey Bamboo Craftsman............ our country is filled with the bright light of prosperity" A voice from the backbench asked: "Woh sab toh theek hai...... 100 but couldn t fill the room entirely.............Jagat Roy Console....Becharam Kar Moving Wheels...... First son bought hay for Rs.... Solar System.......................................Jyotirmoy Chandra Group of Deer.

......................... ..............Sitting for Exam..........Aakash Samanta State of Life.... WORLD S EASIEST QUIZ! (Passing requires only 3 correct answers out of 10!) 1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 2) Which country makes Panama hats? 3) From which animal do we get cat gut? 4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? 5) What is a camel s hair brush made of? 6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? 7) What was King George VI s first name? 8) What color is a purple finch? 9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? .........Antara Roy And the best one…… Unsteady Government.Sajal Ganguly Clean Container.....................Sunirmal Patra Clay Statue of God..... Haradhan Pakrashi Air Force......Sagar Majhi Finding Lost Wealth.................Mrinmoy Debnath Sea Sailor...Jibon Haldar Interim Order..........Chanchal Sarkar ..................Parikshit Basak Flooded Rivers....................................

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? Remember. ANSWERS 1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years 2) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador 3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and Horses 4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November 5) What is a camel s hair brush made of? Squirrel fur 6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? Dogs 7) What was King George VI s first name? Albert 8) What color is a purple finch? Crimson 9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand 10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? Orange (of course!) What do you mean. nidenpokhkhe koshthokathinye bhoga masi mar nojore pore tarakhaowa gheyo kukurer duhswopner rate bemokka jonme jaowa deb otar bhabsishyo! noile ei boyoshe ato byatha keu day? :( . Check your answers below. :p -------------------------------------------------------- bishudhdho hijre kingba intkholar matal. so that they may feel useless too. you failed?!! Pass this on to some "brilliant" people. you need only 3 correct answers to pass.

--------------------------------------------------------------0 is the additive identity. 6 is the smallest perfect number. 16 is the only number of the form xy = yx with x and y being different integers. 18 is the only positive number that is twice the sum of its digits. 25 is the smallest square that can be written as a sum of 2 squares. 5 is the number of Platonic solids. 17 is the number of wallpaper groups. 9 is the maximum number of cubes that are needed to sum to any positive integer. 13 is the number of Archimedian solids. 1 is the multiplicative identity. 4 is the smallest number of colors sufficient to color all planar maps. 14 is the smallest even number n with no solutions to f(m) = n. 20 is the number of rooted trees with 6 vertices. 2 is the only even prime. 22 is the number of partitions of 8. 11 is the largest known multiplicative persistence. 19 is the maximum number of 4th powers needed to sum to any number. 7 is the smallest number of sides of a regular polygon that is not constructible b y straightedge and compass. 3 is the number of spatial dimensions we live in. 21 is the smallest number of distinct squares needed to tile a square. 23 is the smallest number of integer-sided boxes that tile a box so that no two box es share a common length. 24 is the largest number divisible by all numbers less than its square root. 12 is the smallest abundant number. . 26 is the only positive number to be directly between a square and a cube. 8 is the largest cube in the Fibonacci sequence. 10 is the base of our number system. 15 is the smallest composite number n with the property that there is only one grou p of order n.

51 is the 6th Motzkin number. 45 is a Kaprekar number. 47 is the largest number of cubes that cannot tile a cube. 29 is the 7th Lucas number.. .. 30 is the largest number with the property that all smaller numbers relatively prim e to it are prime. 38 is the last Roman numeral when written lexicographically. 31 is a Mersenne prime. 36 is the smallest non-trivial number which is both square and triangular. 42 is the 5th Catalan number. 34 is the smallest number with the property that it and its neighbors have the same number of divisors. 49 is the smallest number with the property that it and its neighbors are squareful .27 is the largest number that is the sum of the digits of its cube. 28 is the 2nd perfect number. 52 is the 5th Bell number. 40 is the only number whose letters are in alphabetical order. 44 is the number of derangements of 5 items. 1. 53 is the only two digit number that is reversed in hexadecimal. 39 is the smallest number which has 3 different partitions into 3 parts with the sa me product. 32 is the smallest non-trivial 5th power. 43 is the number of sided 7-iamonds. n2. 50 is the smallest number that can be written as the sum of of 2 squares in 2 ways. 35 is the number of hexominoes. 41 is a value of n so that x2 + x + n takes on prime values for x = 0. 46 is the number of different arrangements (up to rotation and reflection) of 9 non -attacking queens on a 9×9 chessboard. 2. 33 is the largest number that is not a sum of distinct triangular numbers. 48 is the smallest number with 10 divisors. . 37 is the maximum number of 5th powers needed to sum to any number.

78 is the smallest number that can be written as the sum of of 4 distinct squares i n 3 ways. 62 is the smallest number that can be written as the sum of of 3 distinct squares i n 2 ways. 55 is the largest triangular number in the Fibonacci sequence. 72 is the maximum number of spheres that can touch another sphere in a lattice pack ing in 6 dimensions. 75 is the number of orderings of 4 objects with ties allowed. 77 is the largest number that cannot be written as a sum of distinct numbers whose reciprocals sum to 1. 59 is the number of stellations of an icosahedron. . 79 is a permutable prime.54 is the smallest number that can be written as the sum of 3 squares in 3 ways. 58 is the number of commutative semigroups of order 4. 74 is the number of different non-Hamiltonian polyhedra with a minimum number of ve rtices. 67 is the smallest number which is palindromic in bases 5 and 6. 63 is the number of partially ordered sets of 5 elements. 73 is the smallest multi-digit number which is one less than twice its reverse. 56 is the number of reduced 5×5 Latin squares. 60 is the smallest number divisible by 1 through 6. 70 is the smallest weird number. 76 is an automorphic number. 68 is the 2-digit string that appears latest in the decimal expansion of p. 65 is the smallest number that becomes square if its reverse is either added to or subtracted from it. 57 = 111 in base 7. 71 divides the sum of the primes less than it. 64 is the smallest number with 7 divisors. 61 is the 3rd secant number. 80 is the smallest number n where n and n+1 are both products of 4 or more primes. 69 is a value of n where n2 and n3 together contain each digit once. 66 is the number of 8-iamonds.

83 is the number of strongly connected digraphs with 4 vertices.. 95 is the number of planar partitions of 10. 99 is a Kaprekar number. 88 is one of only 2 numbers known whose square has no isolated digits.. it s a l ot more than that. 89 = 81 + 92 90 is the number of degrees in a right angle.. 85 is the largest n for which 12+22+32+ . 87 is the sum of the squares of the first 4 primes.. 96 is the smallest number that can be written as the difference of 2 squares in 4 w ays. 100 is the smallest square which is also the sum of 4 consecutive cubes. 82 is the number of 6-hexes. +n2 = 1+2+3+ .I assure you. 91 is the smallest pseudoprime in base 3. 98 is the smallest number with the property that its first 5 multiples contain the digit 9. 97 is the smallest number with the property that its first 3 multiples contain the digit 9... 94 is a Smith number. -------------------------------------------------------------You are in the middle of the ocean on a boat and all you have is two cigarettes.. ----------------------------------------------------------------Some peopel say football is a matter of life and death... 93 = 333 in base 5. 86 = 222 in base 6. 92 is the number of different arrangements of 8 non-attacking queens on an 8×8 chessb oard.. 84 is the largest order of a permutation of 14 elements. +m has a solution.81 is the square of the sum of its digits. How will you light at least one of them ? Possible Answers: .

Because I switched off the TV!!! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession. Throw one of the cigarettes in the air and catch it.. 2. and on t he same channel. :P ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------1) There was an elephant..1.. why?? Ans.. Because the bananas where inside a TV! 4) There was a real elephant.. Catches win matches. the other one will automati cally burn with jealousy! 4.. and some "real" bananas. Using this lighter you can light the other cigarette. Be hind the second coffin was a solitary man walking with a black dog.. Usi ng these matches you can light the cigarettes. Throw one of the cigarettes in the ocean.. but he still couldn t eat them.. "I am so sorry for y our . why?? Ans.. A funeral coffin was followed by a second one about 50 feet behind the first. Or you can give one of the cigarettes something.. but he still couldn t eat them. So "TIP TIP BARSA PANNI. Because the bananas where made of plastic! 2) There was an elephant.. why?? Ans. why?? Ans.. and some real bananas. but he couldn t eat them. Or you can juss Take some water in your hand and pour it drop by drop in ocea n. but he still couldn t eat th em. and some real bananas. 3. and some real bananas. Because they where on different channels!! 5) There was a real elephant. The boat will become lighter. both where on TV. and both of them were in th e TV. why?? Ans. and some bananas. Because the elephant was made of plastic! 3) There was a real elephant.. Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single line. He approached the man walking with the dog.. PANNI NE AAG LAGAI" The water will burn by itself and you can light both your cigarettes without losing any.. The man couldn t stand his curiosity. but he still couldn t eat them..

who is in the second coffin?" The man answered.. pak rahe hai. . She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her also.. "My mother-in-law. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Two girlzz were playing chess (joke doesn t end here). "The inquisitive man asked. and I know now is a bad time to disturb you." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------During sex. His gf: wat da hell r u doing? Santa: its a new technique i ve learnt from pornsite. . Then the first one asks in excitement "Can I borrow the dog?" The man replied "Please join the queue.loss. ..santa suddenly stops and remains motionless..Chal yaar bas karte hain. .. Whose funeral is it?" The man replied." He inquired further. girl 2: Haan yaar. girl 1. that first coffin is for my wife. "What happened to her?" The man replied." A thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men. "My dog att acked and killed her. but I ve never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single line.starts again and after a while.again stops. . "Well.. waise bhi tera sirf haathi bacha hai aur mera sirf ghoda. .its called Buffering !!. "Well. :p ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Students eyes in the class (-_-) (-_-) (-_-) (-_-) (-_-) (-_-) (-_-) (-_-) When teacher say tomorrow will be exam (O_O) (O_O) (O_O) (O_O) (O_O) (O_O) During the exam (→_→) (←_←) (→_→) (←_←) (→_→) (←_←) When invigilator comes in (↓_↓) (↓_↓) (↓_↓) (↓_↓) (↓_↓).

.(Copied) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------account friend list fake friend Exam like poke Relationship status Single !!!!!! friend chatting dating log-out Emotion . mai left hand se khelunga. . both girl: Phir bhi hum haar jayenge .. .. .. . . girl 1: Badi sharmanaak baat hai. yupee Phir thik hai.. The joke still doesn t end. yaar. .. . tum to hume aasanise hara doge.. girll 2 (thoda sochne k baad ): Abe bewkoof bana gaya woh hume. girl1: Kaise? girl 2: Saala lefty hi hoga. --. both girlzz: Haan.. Dono obviously haar jate hai aur ladka whan se chala jata hai. Left hand se bhi hara diya usne. chess khelate hai. . .. Tum dono aur mai akela. both girlzz: Nahi.. . Boy: Chalo yaar. The joke doesn t end here either :O .. Boy :Okay. :O ... Boy: Chalo girlzz. Phir waha ek ladka aata hai.

Apnake dekhei amar prothom theke kemon jeno bal bal mone hoy. apni ekai na a pnar dadar yeh maranor jonno jothesto 2. Apni amar jai koren na keno. Pher jodi berecho baar. mere fatiye debo gaar ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- . Apni hoito police lagiye ajker odhibeson ta koriye neben. public khepe gele gaar fete dorja hoye jabe kintu 3.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Saswata Chatterjee s smashing dialogues from Proloy (Written by Abhimanyu mukher jee) 1. kintu samnei pancha yat election. tate amar bal chera gelo 4..

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