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Tangled Between The Sheets By Amanda Bathory
Chapter One April Showers Bring May Flowers I jumped up in bed drenched in sweat. My bangs were stuck to my forehead and my heart was racing. Waking up from nightmares is never fun; it's as if your body's running a check to make sure that, when your life really is in danger, you have the reflexes and physical prowess to save yourself. In my nightmare Hunter, my old college love, was fighting in Iraq and I was flying to be with him. My plane was crashing I was all alone and scared. My plane crashed before I woke up - wonder if it's a sign. I hadn't spoken to Hunter or even thought of Hunter in such a long time. Why was I dreaming about him? Frustrated I tossed and turned trying to fall back asleep. John, my husband moaned and rolled over. Completely unfazed by my
movement. This is ridiculous, I thought to myself. There is no way I am going to be able to fall back asleep. I quietly tip toed out of bed and into the home office. I turned on my husband’s computer and sat down in his overpowering leather chair that I have never cared for. The leather was cold against my bare legs and sent a shiver up my spine. Should I email Hunter? Would he even email me back? The last time we had spoken to each other it had not ended very well. Hunter and I had seriously dated while in college. By seriously dating I mean we were engaged. I was on the one who had called of the wedding and since that day three years ago we have not spoken. Screw it I am emailing him. I began typing.
Hi Hunter, Not sure if this is your email anymore but I had a horrible dream that you were in Iraq fighting. Are you okay? I understand if you don't want to write back. Amy
I hit the send button and sunk into the chair. My heart was beginning to slow down but I still couldn’t move. I sat there staring at the computer screen replaying the dream in my head. The longer I sat there the more I started to miss Hunter. I had seen Hunter so clearly in my dream. His amazing green eyes and his small soft lips.
What the hell was I doing? I walked back to bed still wide-awake with Hunter on my mind. maybe that isn’t even his email account anymore. I was dying to see if Hunter had replied to my email. I got to work earlier than usual so I would be able to check my email before school started. I scrunched my eyes and scanned one more time praying I had missed it some how. # The next morning I woke up tired and anxious. Where is it? I thought to myself. I tossed and turned until I slowly drifted into a light sleep. I furiously scanned the many new emails in my Inbox while looking for the only one I wanted. I took a deep breath. I quietly slipped back into bed with John and gazed up at the ceiling. I quickly got ready for work and rushed out the door. I had a full day of work tomorrow and sleep was not coming easily since my decision to email Hunter.I shook my head and landed back on planet earth. I actually missed him! Calm down. I told myself. My heart was racing like a giddy high school girl. My palms were beginning to sweat and I was becoming frantic. John was already gone as usual and all I could think about was checking my email to see if Hunter had written me back. pushed my long dark brown hair off my shoulders and logged into my email account. I popped into the computer lab and sat down. This time a military email address .
Just kidding. I didn't have your email address or I would of told you. Guess I didn’t have to since you have now become psychic. How are you Amy? I read his email again elated that he had written back. I will be here for a few months with the General. Hi Amy.popped out at me! I smiled and regained my composure. Hunter had emailed me back. I wonder what it meant that I dreamt he was in Iraq the day he had left for Iraq? Maybe I am psychic? Am I going to die on a plane? I have always been afraid of flying. I cleared my mind and began emailing him. Maybe Hunter and I are meant to be together? Stop reading into the damn dream. That is crazy! Are you okay over there? Your parents must be freaking out! I am good but sad to say not physic. Not sure if you heard . I had emailed everyone yesterday letting them know I was leaving for Iraq. I told myself. Hunter. Wow that is crazy that you dreamt that since I left this morning for Iraq.
I switched off the computer and hurried back to my classroom. I wrote the Monday Morning Journal Question on the chalk bored and began placing the students journal on their desks. I dove head first into my Monday routine while trying to keep Hunter out of my mind. I wiped my sweaty palms on my black fitted striped pencil skirt. Wow what an uplifting email this is. If I ever have a daughter Bella .about my parents. teaching the little kids. I have been hanging in. Green. Just when I thought I had suffered enough my mother was diagnosed with cancer and recently passed away. being clumsy as always and hoping for no more loss in my life. You look very happy this morning. # "Good morning Mrs." Bella said while hanging up her backup. My father was killed in the September 11th Terrorist Attack. My mom was a complete mess as you can imagine. Bella is one of my all time favorite students. Crap it was almost 8am and my students would be arriving soon. sorry! What is new with you? Besides being a big time marine over in Iraq? My hands were shaking as I hit the send button. I looked up at the clock on the wall. You know how close those two were. She is adorable.
I just couldn’t stop thinking about Hunter. I was so distracted that during Language Arts I forgot which poem we had been reading. # I was beyond anxious to get back to the computer lab. "Why thank you Bella. I ended up having them do free writing in their journals until it was time for lunch. I know what you are thinking right now teachers should not have favorite students but cut us some slack. how can we not have favorites? "Good morning Bella. As soon as the bell rang for lunch I lined up the kids and walked . Green but you look even happier today. The kids could tell that I was distracted today. We are human. Now go get started on your Monday Morning Journal." I said while squatting to her eye level. I am happy today but I am always happy Bella." I said walking away basking in my new glow. Your cheeks are glowing. Kids are so perceptive. I hadn’t even noticed how happy I was but Bella is right I am glowing. Pull yourself together Amy." Bella said with a huge smile on her face. I was having a hard time focusing on the lessons plans that I had created only a few days ago. I told myself.would be the one I want. "I know Mrs.
I pulled up my email account in lighting speed. Thank god there was no class. I didn't want him to think that I was just sitting anxiously awaiting his emails.them much faster than usual to the cafeteria. I went inside and sat down on the too small plastic chair. It is also kind of crazy to be in contact with you again! I began typing back but then thought otherwise. I am so sorry to hear about your parents. you were also so graceful. What grade are you teaching? The kids must love you! You are still clumsy? Really. We were almost running. you don't have to pretend you are okay! Yes I am currently being a big time marine over in Iraq. I quietly opened the door and peeked inside. Amy its me. I know how close you were with your mom. It is crazy over here. very different than I had pictured it to be honest. Could I . Yes he had emailed me back! Amy. They both were amazing people. Once I got them into the cafeteria I booked it straight to the computer room. you can tell me how you are really feeling. you know me. Ha-ha! Something's never change.
Granted I am very clumsy which makes it hard to not notice me. I can’t have my student’s free write until dismissal time at 2pm. I was the one who had received the “cock tease” award in my sorority all four years I reminded myself as I signed out of my email account. I walked into the room and saw Kathy staring out our window . # Flash Back – Senior Year of College – Meeting the Parents "Amy your man is here." Kathy casually said to me in her taunting manner. I used to be an expert at making guys wait and wonder. Luckily Hunter believed that my clumsiness was cute even after my horrible visit to his parents. Determined to keep my cool I walked outside to collect my class. When Hunter and I had been dating in college my heart would start to race every time I saw him.come across any more desperate? I thought to myself. I will make him wait until tonight. no matter how crowded the room was. He always had a way of making me feel as if I was the only one in the room.” my body reacted as if it was opposite day. Plus I do need to focus on getting through the day. My clumsiness had a way of overtaking my body a lot! Whenever people would say “Play it cool.
I pushed the heavy wooden sorority door open to my stunning college campus and boyfriend. I had never met his parents before and I was very nervous. "What's up Kathy? Is Amy almost ready or should I come up stairs?" Hunter yelled back. I flew down the two flights of stairs with my rather large Vera Bradley weekend bag over one shoulder and my too large handbag over the other." I said with a huge smile. They only lived about two hours away from our college. "You ready to meet my family?" he began putting my bags into his Jeep. "Do I look okay?" I asked Kathy doing a quick model spin for her. See you Sunday night!! Wish me luck. "Hey Hunter. "Amy you look great. "Well hello there!" he squeezed me tighter before putting me back on my feet. "I think I packed enough for the weekend! I wish you were coming! I hate going on trips without you!" Hunter was taking me to his parent house for the weekend. I ran over to the window and told Hunter I would be right down. analyze etc. We can discuss. "I'm excited! Do you think they will like me?" I opened the car . Now calm down and make sure to remember every detail of the weekend." she yelled outside. I dropped my bags and jumped into Hunter's arms. "Thanks Kathy. laugh.onto the street. when you get back" Kathy gave me a hug good bye.
Let’s just forget I even mentioned it" Hunter said as he turned up Incubus on the radio. I was already feeling very insecure before my new bruised shin! I had called my parents way too many times bugging them about outfits. He has a fake hand now but whatever you do try not to stare at it. conversation topics. He gets really uncomfortable about it. Not a good start but at least my shin wasn’t bleeding." "What?" I said while looking over at Hunter driving. . I bit my tongue to keep from screaming and got inside the car. I had even made my dad catch me up on events happening around the world in case I needed to sound very smart. "Great Hunter now I am going to be staring at his hand because I know I am not supposed to be looking! You couldn't of told me this a while ago or not at all!" "Amy it is not an issue as long as you don't stare at it.door and just as I was about to step in the door came flying back and slammed into my shins. I wasn't going to tell you but my mom and dad said I should since you will be meeting him. etc. "Of course they will dummy! I have to tell you something though. "My brother had an accident awhile back on the Police Force and the attack dog ripped off one of his hands. None of us mention it! " Hunter said casually as if it is normal and every one has a family member missing limbs.
nice. He rested his hand on my thigh and would give it a squeeze every once in awhile.The car ride was surprisingly relaxing considering how nervous I was to meet his family especially after the news about the missing hand I was just given. It is as if they don’t know how horrible they sound. which would make me laugh. In front of me was an all glass window looking out to a beautiful patio. dark brown hair like myself. fun. Usually I get so embarrassed when people sing along to the radio. Once inside my mouth dropped. I feel embarrassed for them. Little weird I thought but oh well. I guess when you are this rich it doesn’t matter if you don’t use all the rooms. Hunter was very handsome. business major. funny. "Mom? Dad?" he yelled leading me towards the back bedroom. He sang along to most of the songs and surprisingly it didn't bother me. There was a small living room which I was informed was not the living room they used. good style. sparkling blue pool and the bright blue ocean. smart. "Should I sleep in that bedroom?" I questioned while pointing to . There were large bright flowers along the side of the driveway leading to the massive house at the end. amazing green eyes. around 6ft tall. "Here we are!" he began pulling into the never ending driveway. everything I had ever wanted or so I thought. He grabbed my bags and I followed him into the house. basically he was an all around great guy. I looked over at Hunter and couldn't believe he was my boyfriend.
I didn’t want his mother to think I was a tramp or something. don't be scared they won't bother us. I pushed him off me and tried to un-wrinkle my sundress. him and myself but what do I do? I glanced around the kitchen trying to . She looked just as I had pictured her. I followed Hunter into the massive kitchen. Hunters mom had dirty blonde hair and was wearing a Lily Pulitzer bathing suit cover up. I opened my eyes and remembered where I was." Hunter said as he threw me down on the bed. Could it be more awkward? I watched Hunter and his mom hugging feeling more and more out of place and the seconds went by. I closed my eyes in a state of bliss. "We can share a bed silly! My parents know how I feel about you! I plan for us to get married someday. He kissed my neck as I wrapped my legs around his hips. "Hunter!" she gushed. I have always hated the first time you meet parents. "Ha-ha. perfect in everyway. Lets go say hi!" he chuckled. I was beginning to feel like a stray puppy following Hunter around his Kingdom. He walked over and gave her a bear hug while I stood there alone like an outcast. He planned on us getting married? Did he just say that or did I imagine it? I can't wait to tell Kathy! I began to fall under his spell when I heard his mother calling his name. She was sitting on one of their dark wood bar stools at the kitchen island.the bedroom directly across from the one he was heading into. Obviously I don't want to join the hug and make it a very weird three-way hug with his mom.
"Hello Amy." she said while pulling out one of the very tall kitchen stools. what do they want me do? Stop staring at me. Who were these stools made for? ." Hunters father walked into the kitchen holding a bottle of wine that he had just taken from the outside fridge.look relaxed and confident. Hunter speaks very highly of you. They kept staring at me as if they want me to do something. the complete opposite of how I was feeling." I said keeping the ackward smile on my face. Green. I felt this strange urge to curtsey or bow to Hunters mom but I controlled myself." Hunter gestured towards me. Why did I just repeat what his father said? That was such a dumb response! If my parents were here right now they wouldn’t be able to stop laughing. Please someone anyone say something. I took a deep breathe in and began to figure out how I was going to gracefully get up onto the stool without my dress ripping or showing to much leg. This is going to be a disaster I can feel it. I now could tell where Hunter got his looks. I thought smiling to myself. Hunter might want to rethink what he had just said about marriage. He was a spitting image of his father. "Here Amy take a seat. If this is how Hunter is going to look when he is older then he really is an all around great guy. "Hi Mr. Hunter speaks very highly of you both as well. I had no clue what to do but stand there and smile. it is very nice to meet both of you. Thank you for inviting me. "Mom this is Amy. and Mrs.
Green. Washington and was awaiting my medal. Green and I are very happy here" she glanced over at Mr." I said while trying to cover up my sweating problem. Sunshine. And Mrs. Steve could care less about what he .. "Oh it is okay. "Good point! I still can't believe he is getting married. I looked as if I had just climbed Mt. you have a lovely house Mr. Mr. "So. "Well you know how Steve is.. wanted to wear no shoes and have the guys wear khakis and flower printed shirts. Hunter with a smile. He said he would be here around 1pm and it is already 1:30pm!" his mom sighed trying to mask her frustration. Hunter had already informed me of his brothers wedding fiasco so for the first time of the day I actually knew what they were talking about.Giants? Sweat began dripping down my back and I just knew something bad was going to happen. How are the wedding plans coming along?" Hunter asked while winking at his mom. "Thank you Amy." I pushed down on the stool lifting myself up onto the seat. "Here let me help you Amy. By the time I got myself situated in the ridicoulous stool I was dripping with sweat and everyone was staring at me. "Mom when is Steve getting here?" Hunter asked. that is her name. Green said as he pulled the stool out. Their wedding was going to be on a beach and very casual. I got it." Mr.
and Mrs. The problem was Sunshine is not an easy person to persuade. I took my eyes away from his hand and looked up. He wanted them to at least wear ties if the wedding was on the beach. I shouldn't do that I remembered. Shit. "What is so funny?" Steve asked while turning towards Hunter. "Amy this is my big brother Steve. but he was willing to compromise. Green to stay out of it but Hunter had told me that nothing had been solved yet and his father was not staying out of it. I could see Hunter beginning to laugh as I hesitated bringing my hand to his. I resorted to staying in the stool and looking at Mr. I wanted to follow Hunter like the stray puppy I was but I couldn’t get off the stool. the weekend after we graduated from college.wore but his father on the other hand did care. Hunter please comes back to the kitchen now." Hunter said as they walked into the kitchen together. My eyes immediately went to his hand. Hunter went to greet his brother while leaving me alone with his parents on the way too high bar stool. Hunter's mom kept telling Mr. Mr. "I told Amy you had a fake hand. "It is nice to finally meet you Amy" Steve said as he reached his hand out for a handshake. I prayed to myself. Green is very traditional and was not pleased about the wedding being on a beach and not a church. I think that is why she has that . The wedding was in one month. I heard the front door open. Green as if I was mentally challenged or something.
that is hysterical. "Ha-ha. Once I felt the ground I slowly slipped myself off the front of the stool. Hunter has been playing tricks on all of us since he was a little kid. Amy please excuses my brothers sick sense of humor. How did she do that? Are these trick bar stools? Man up Amy. The truth is I had been petrified by having to touch a fake hand. you are acting like an idiot just get off the stool! I pushed my body forward a little and pointed my toes down trying to touch the floor.painful expression on her face" Hunter was laughing so hard tears were rolling down his cheeks. I was just trying not to look because you told me that he doesn't like it when people stare at his hand. "Amy it is okay. One foot landed perfectly while the other foot landed behind the lower bar of the stool." Steve chuckled while wiggiling his fingers to prove that both of his hand were real. "Oh I don't care either way. Green gracefully got off the tall bar stool. All right everyone lets take this little party out on the patio. No need to worry though both of my hands are real. Okay no biggie at least I am . Once again beads of sweat her forming on my forehead and dripping now my back. Steve is Sunshine coming?" Mrs." "Is that why you looked petrified when Steve went to shake your hand?" Hunter replied gasping for air. "I wasn't petrified Hunter." I was becoming flustered and I didn't know what to say.
Green looked at her husband who shrugged in response. I keep telling Mr. Green was right. "Amy your knee is bleeding. As soon as I tried to move my foot from behind the lower bar my heel hit the bar and sent the chair flying on top of me. I told myself. Could my knee really be bleeding? Could this get any worse? I looked down at my knee and Mrs." I laughed holding back tears and pulling my dress down." Mrs. Hunter why don't you take Amy to the bathroom and get her knee cleaned up. I was beyond humiliated. "Come on Amy." Mrs. "You know me." "Amy I am so sorry. Hunter told me to take a seat on the edge of the bathtub while he looked for some alcohol and band-aids. I just want to go back to my sorority . I always do that when I get off extra tall stools. Green said. Really don’t worry about me.down. are you okay?" Hunter rushed over and rescued me from the awful too tall stool. Green that we need to get practical stools. "I am fine. It just got worse now that I have stained her floor. it was squirting blood all over her white stone tiled floor. "Amy. We will meet you all out on the patio in a few! Make sure to bring a beer out for me and some wine for Amy" Hunter said while guiding me to the bathroom that connected his bedroom to the guest bedroom. I couldn't speak. if something bad is going to happen it will happen to me.
The side of my dress had ripped from straddling him. that stings!" I screamed. are you okay?" I began crying." Hunter opened the band-aid and placed it gently across my knee. I couldn't get onto the stool and then the stool fell on top of me. . stop being so worried about what they think. do you think I haven't noticed that you are accident prone before this? I love that about you! Just be yourself. I told them I do that all the time while insulting their stools at the same time and to top it off I stained your parent's white tile floor. "Ow. Hunter lowered himself onto his knees and dabbed alcohol onto my cut.and laugh about it with Kathy and not care. I suck!" "Amy. "Hey you. I looked down at my dress and saw the cause of the noise. I felt a sudden pull and then heard a ripping sound. “Don't be a baby Amy! It will only sting for a minute. "All done!" he said kissing me on the forehead." Hunter pulled me back and into one of his bear hugs. "Come here. "Amy. "Your family thinks I am crazy! I thought your brother had a fake hand. I stood up and began to walk out of the bathroom with my head down feeling the stray dog that I was." Hunter whispered into my ear while sitting on the toilet." he said as I opened my legs to sit facing him. get over here for a second.
don't take to long! I will be on the patio." Hunter pulled the dress off me in one swift move. I could feel Hunter becoming aroused inside his pants." he said catching his breath. "Wait for me please! I don't want to have to walk out by myself." I said through the bathroom door. Lift your arms up. "I love you more Hunter. "Excuse me.. "Okay baby. fine but if you seduce me like that again I can't guarantee what will happen" he replied." I chuckled while pulling my Vera Bradley bag into the bathroom and pushing Hunter out. I began to take off his belt as he moaned into my ear. Please. "Hey you were the one who seduced me!" I yelled back while throwing on jeans and a tank top.. "Alright I am ready for Round 2 with . "I love you Amy. It was amazing. "Well someone has to help you get out of this dress." Hunter said. He undid his pants and next thing I knew we were having sex on top of the toilet seat in his parents house. Guess this dress isn't as stretchy as I had thought!" Hunter began to unzip my ripped dress. what are you doing?" I looked at him with a smirk on my face. "Okay."Glad that didn't happen in front of your parents. now let me put some clothes on before your parents come back here and see me naked straddling you.
" Hunter grabbed my hand as we walked to the patio. You?" I opened the bathroom door and pulled Hunter off the bed. .your parents. "Yes I am sexy lady.
My new routine was leaving right after school. I would correct homework. Not sure I even want to know the answer to this but I am going to ask anyway. I know its weird to think that so much has happened in each other's lives without us even knowing. Before Hunter came back into my life my routine was pretty stagnant.Chapter Two Hunter. Just thinking about it made me smile. coming home quickly. emailing Hunter. Since Hunter and I had begun emailing I couldn’t wait to get home. talk to a few of the other teachers (who are all much older than me by the way) and then come home bored and tired. I . No need to tell Hunter any of that! I wonder what Hunter is doing right now at this very moment. throwing on my shorts and tank. enjoying my wine and relaxing. I had waited all day to be here. pouring a glass of wine for myself and chatting with Hunter. are you seeing anyone? I was sitting in the home office enjoying a cold glass of wine.
Still no email from Hunter! I got up and walked into the large overly neat living room. Yes. Lifetime Movie Network and sat on the plush leather sofa. I kicked my feet up and settled in. How pathetic is that? I looked back up at the screen. When will he email me back? Anxiously I flipped through a magazine while praying an email from him would pop up soon. I hadn’t really realized how dead inside I was until these emails with Hunter began. I leaned back in the chair and pictured him in his army fatigues horsing around with some fellow marines. Usually when John was out at these dinners I would hang out with my mom. Hunter could always make people laugh and he loved coming up with strange names for people. This rush of excitement I get when I see his emails hasn’t happened to me in a long time. John was out as usual with business associates so I didn't have much else to do. Luckily Johns firm hadn’t merged yet so I didn’t have to drug myself to many nights! If my mom .thought to myself. Those are my favorite ones. I thought to myself they are playing a Lifetime Moment of Truth movie. I put on my moms and mine favorite station. After my mom passed I would take a Nyquil and pray that I would hang out with my mom in my dream. He was probably calling someone a stupid name that he had made up.
I don't know how many games I played until suddenly I heard the beep I had been waiting for. I was enjoying our email affair too much to risk ending it. Amy. I dashed back into the office.had passed away after the merger I would be a walking dead person. . I looked at the screen and there it was. I decided to play a game of solitaire on the computer. Hunter's email. Finally someone was paying attention to me in a positive way. I really didn't want to tell him I was married. You crack me up! Am I seeing anyone? Well it depends what seeing means? Are you? Hunter. My eyes looked at the computer screen desperately wanting a new email from Hunter to be there." mean to you? I replied hoping to have dodged the marriage question. A commercial came on so I decided I might as well just quickly check my email. A lot of people paid attention to me when my mom passed but that was pity attention. Damn it. no email. Okay what does "seeing.
Amy you really screwed me up after you broke up with me. I pulled up Microsoft Word and pretended to be working on a new lesson plan for my kids. I am scared to fully give my heart to a person ever again. . "Hey sugar. I thought to myself. You are up late! What are you working on?" John asked while putting his brief case down next to the solid oak desk. I like to think that was lie. "Seeing" to me means casually dating someone. Shit! I heard the front door close and quickly signed off.Amy. Another one bites the dust. Even the girl I am seeing now always asks who was the girl that screwed me up so badly. so was/is it? Great. I heard you were engaged. guess I have to tell him I married. I had everything planned for us and when you told me you were going to stay in Boston I felt like you shot me in the heart. Girls can tell after a few dates that I am not fully there. Funny to think of me having commitment issues but it is now the sad truth. Yes I am seeing someone but it is not very serious.
Yes he makes a lot more money than I do. Hunter thinks my job is honorable I told myself. "Yes. "I just wanted to give you a hug. Does that really matter? He picked his career and picked mine. I can’t stand when John undervalues my job. I thought as I began madly typing back. I turned the computer back on. Who cares if John comes in. All done!" I quickly turned off the computer and walked towards him. Hunter had always loved that I wanted to be a teacher. he could care less. “What was that for?” John asked looking at me as if I had just slapped him instead of hugging him. I jumped into Johns arm and embraced him. Yes he is a lawyer and I am a teacher. Sometimes I wish I had an easy job like yours!" He began walking towards our bedroom. ."Just finishing a lesson plan. "Hey sugar are you coming to bed?" he yelled from the hallway. Just have to finish a few things in my lesson plan. I was scared John might ask to see my non-existent new lesson plan but whom was I kidding. How was work sweetie?" The real answer was that I was feeling terribly guilty. I am just as busy as him and please without teachers he wouldn’t be where he was today thank you very much. I will be right there. "Long as usual and tomorrow is going to be an even longer one." Hunter doesn't think my job is easy.
Speaking of change. I could hear him lightly . With John. We went from dating to engaged. It really is amazing how much has changed. I am sorry Hunter.Hunter. I could see it clear as daylight. married then my father died and then my mother got sick and now John’s company has merged with a bigger firm and he is never home! I am starting to think that maybe I shouldn't of married John. I am at a loss for words. When you just said you had everything planned for us and I basically ruined it makes me really sad. I could see what you had planned for us and I loved it but I was just too young. It was so natural and exciting when I pictured you and me growing old together. I am now married to the guy I was engaged to. I never planned or pictured my future with him. I am sure you don't want to hear any of this. I could see our future together clearly. John was already in a deep sleep as I lifted the covers and crawled in. my husband. I am so sorry about the way I ended things. do you still look the same? Will you send me a picture of you? I turned off the computer and crept into bed. It all just happened.
When I closed my eyes for a quick second I felt guilty for my emails with Hunter. which I was very grateful for. John was to busy with work. I had more energy now and Hunter was my fuel. cold and solid.snoring. I must fall asleep before that change takes place. I didn't care as long as he kept emailing me. I rolled over and hugged my pillow. I thought to myself. It was as if he never received my last email considering he also hadn't sent me a picture. I had started running before work like I had before my mother passed. That was the first night of many countless dream of Hunter. My skin was healthy-looking and I was present in my body again. Then our emails started to become a tad riskay. My coworkers kept asking what I had done to myself and telling me I looked younger all of a sudden. He never mentioned the fact I was married. # Hunter and I continued emailing for a few months. I heard a petty little voice in the back of my head telling me to end this weird email fling . John didn't notice that I was lighter in my step and always smiling. I leaned closer to John craving affection. In a few hours the light snoring would turn into a loud raspy snoring. He was like a rock. We were now emailing more and more! I felt like a women again.
“John sweetie is that you?” . I heard keys unlocking the front door. That is why I never responded to that email. Did he write he wanted to see me? I had to read it one more time to believe it. There was a side of me that liked the risky emails better than the day-to-day ones. So he had received that email about me being married. What would I tell John? What was the point of going to see him? It would be exciting and full of passion but also painful and mean. It was very hard for me to hear about you being married and un. My heart started racing with the thought of seeing him. I turned off the computer and walked towards the living room. I couldn’t be bothered by this voice. Thoughts? Ps. I still think about you a lot and I can't help but wonder if maybe we should see each other again.with Hunter. I told myself.I attached a few pictures for you (I know you asked awhile ago but better late than never) I read his email again. I wonder why he had never responded till now? I read the email again. Who the hell was that? It was only 4pm so it couldn’t be John.happy. I was in way to deep to stop now. Amy. I shouldn’t see him.
He looks like my grandfather. He felt pretty warm. I told myself. I put the back of my hand to his forehead. Did he have to wear the stupid matching shirt? I made John soup all the while thinking of Hunter.” he put his briefcase down and slung his suit jacket over the barstool chair. “You are home early. I got into bed with him and turned the television on low. I looked down at his moist pale skin. My potential new client is meeting with our firm in New York so I thought I would just work from home. . He did look pretty sick. This is wrong and needs to stop. poor guy! The thought to email Hunter back popped into my head for a second. God I hate when he puts that outfit on. I am not sure if I am going to be able to do any work with this headache. Everything okay?” “I am not feeling well baby.” Hunter walked into the bedroom and kicked of his suit pants. I leaned over and kissed John on his warm forehead. He put on his plaid Ralph Lauren pajama bottoms and the matching pajama top. I do love John. When I brought it to him in bed he was already fast asleep. I will not email Hunter back. not my husband. Amy can you make me some soup? I have to go lie down. I glanced down at John’s stark white face and thought otherwise. I can’t believe I had been emailing with Hunter while my poor husband was sick at work. My stomach is killing and my throat hurts.“Hi honey.
. He had left early to find out what he had missed yesterday. do you see me?” I showered and got ready for school. “I am here John. I will just see if Hunter has emailed me. I blocked it out as long as I could. god forbid he takes any time off. I will not let myself sit down. This damn prospective client was all Hunter thought about lately. He said it must have just been a 24-hour flu. Amy. Did I scare you off with my picture? Now send me a picture of you! Hi Hunter. I felt like screaming. I could hear the computer calling my name the whole time I got dressed. What would you tell the girl you are seeing? .. No your picture was very cute. just the way I remember you I was thinking about what you said in your last email about seeing each other. Right as I was about to leave I caved and turned on the computer.# The next morning John woke up feeling just like his old self..
I would like to be the judge of that. if you give me an opportunity. I am so going to be late to work and I so don’t care right now... Any guilt I might have felt last night vanished into thin air.S.I would send you a picture but I am not feeling so hot right now I couldn’t fight the feeling that came over me as soon as we began our flirty email banter. I was the guy in the middle. You know that right? You never know it has been a while. I leaned back in the chair with a smirk on my face. . I sat down and started typing away. Hunter always did know how to charm the ladies. WHY??? So are you seriously worried about what I would tell the girl I am seeing? What would you tell your husband! I am curious. P. I would love to give you the opportunity I thought to myself.Ps. Amy.
Why the hell did I just write that? I should not visit him. I am married. REALLY? My mind was telling me no but my body was telling me yes. Yes if I am still invited I was beginning to sweat through my button down as I leaned closer to the computer. Hello Hunter. . Hunter. I went with my body not my mind. answer me! I was biting the inside of my cheek dying to read what Hunter was going to write back.Hunter I knew you were the guy in the middle I miss your open mouth picture pose!! You can be the judge because I have decided to come visit you. Amy.
Amy. I am not sure how to say this but I need to protect my heart. Yes I understand 100%. . What weekend should I come? I will tell my husband that I am going to visit college girlfriends. I know he will be excited that I am going to see friends and not alone in the Cape. I mean you are married and I am seeing someone. There is one thing though. Hell yeah you are invited. Do you understand? My fingers urgently typed back. He will never question it. I will have a lot of free time. Hunter. I mentioned the idea to John but he didn't seem to like it. I had to see Hunter no matter what the circumstances were. I hit the send button and felt a wave of nausea come over me. I have been thinking about spending the summer at my parent's cape house. He doesn’t like the thought of me being on the Cape alone every week while he is at work. Can you come a weekend that the girl I am seeing is away? I know that might sound shady but before I change anything with her and me I need to figure out what there is if anything between you and me.
I have an extra bedroom where you can stay so don't worry about that. I haven't seen you in a while but I can't imagine that the endless hours you spend running have done you wrong. I need to see you also Amy. My hair is highlighted red again just to give you a hint!! I am about to head into work. Amy. We will have to wait and see. On the other hand I would never ignore John and give him reason to stray. What are your plans today? Amy. I never lied when I told you that I thought you were the most attractive woman I knew. though I am pretty sure that you will pass. Great! This is so exciting but also scary. so I have done nearly nothing all day. . I will email you what weekend would be best! Cant wait to see you and now will you send me a picture of you? Hunter. I justified to myself. I just received my new Men's Fitness Magazine.Could I really lie to John I wondered? What if John ever found out? If the roles were reversed I would kill John.
Amy # Hunter and I continued emailing every day. I told myself. writing.Speaking of which. Shit I was going to be really late if I keep emailing him! Should I call out of work? I could spend all day chatting with Hunter and dreaming about what he will do to me in bed. Don’t do it Amy. I will email you later. I am excited to get to the gym today. Hunter. I was beginning to feel closer to him than I ever had. As each day went by we . Slowly our emails turned very enticing and playful. It was crazy to me that we went from not speaking. Now I can’t imagine my life with out him. pull yourself together. I got some new ideas from my newly arrived magazine!!! What are your plans? I looked at my watch. We would flirt with each other but not in an obvious way. thinking about each other for years. There was not one day that went by without at least four emails. Got to run since I am now going to be late to work. I reminded myself. You are a married woman with a job.
I should of known this was too good to be true. Friday. It was official. Wow. . I needed him so badly it was hard to contain myself. May 14th the email I had been anticipating arrived. June 19th 2009 Hunter wants me to visit him. I thought to myself. I am really doing this.both grew hungry for each other. I read the email again making sure I was right. On Tuesday.
How are you getting to the airport tomorrow?" he asked. Don’t worry ." I reminded him for the twentieth time. Is it really that hard to remember how long your wife was going away for? "Promise you will be careful my little Amy?” he asked without even glancing up from The New Yorker. I am going to finish packing and then hit the sac. Will you be done soon?" I said irritated.Chapter Subtitle "When will you be back?" John asked sitting on the couch reading The New Yorker. "Yes I shouldn't be too much longer. You would think he would want to spend as much time with me as he could before I left. "Yes John. Just want to finish this article about Madoff. "Finally you asked John. "I will only be gone just for the weekend John. I was wondering if you would.
how many outfits do I need. They would at least take me to the airport. Why is John only making me stray easier? I wish I had my girlfriends here or at least someone I could turn to.I can take a cab. Let me think." I said with a little sarcasm. With John being so distant my guilty feelings were slowly diminishing. you are the best!" he replied without even looking up. "Thanks Amy. I know how hard you are working on that big client right now and I would hate for you to have to go into work late. I always do the “right” thing and I am bored of it. I stood up and began looking through my closet. John knows how much I hate taking cabs. I was hopeful that maybe he would offer to drive me. My mind began drifting to the time Hunter and I first met. Why am I having such a hard time? Hello Amy maybe because you haven't seen Hunter since college. lying to your husband and this whole plan is dangerous. Guess he didn’t pick up on the sarcasm or remember how much I hate taking cabs. you are married. I fell onto my bed and closed my eyes. I am in no mood for a lecture. I told myself. Not that I have told anyone where I am going. I turned and walked into our bedroom. .
Sam and the disgusting girl he cheated on me with were still together and I was single therefore I looked like a bitter loser. I looked over at my best friend and she rolled her eyes probably thinking the same thing as me. ." my roommate Kathy said. Who should be a kappa and who shouldn't? Not that in one week you can really know someone but a first impression can tell a lot. I am so bored of this. We needed to get the best pledges and keep our reputation on campus. You game?" "Another theme party? How many theme parties can one fraternity have? I don't know if I'm up for it? Is Sam going?" Sam was my ex boyfriend who had cheated on me last semester. It was our senior year and we just wanted to be out partying not singing Kappa songs to little freshman girls. I walked around and chatted to the freshman girls. We opened our house door and began singing our sorority name as the girls walked in. "What's up? When is this over?" I whispered. Trying to see whom I liked and whom I didn't. "I'm hoping soon because I heard the Phi-Deltas are throwing a Hawaiian keg party tonight. I thought to myself. I despised running into him at parties.Flash Back – College – Amy Meets Hunter "Let's go sisters! Get in line" It was the middle of Rush week and everyone was freaking out. "Hey Amy.
Who cares anyways we graduate in a few months. Kathy looked at my outfit in disgust. The music was loud and everyone was wearing Hawaiian shirts. "Shut up.Crew tank and my favorite Lily Pulitzer sandals."Shut up Amy. Is you know who here?" I asked while I looked around the patio. Jake and I have been best friends since freshman year and surprisingly we never hooked up.I passed out. look who is here?" Jake said teasing me. I don't know if he is going. J. "So you will come?" Kathy looked up at me with her big brown puppy eyes. I was wearing jeans. "I will go with you. Kathy as always had dressed per the theme. I walked straight to the keg where Jake was standing. Now go talk to girls and lets hurry this rush event up!" A few hours later we were dressed and ready to go. I do have someone for you to meet though" . Maybe you will meet someone new" "Now I know you will say anything to get me to go to this party! We both know there are no new boys except freshman and I won't date them!" I laughed. "Well. "Not yet don't worry. "Don't say anything Kathy! At least I am going with you!" I said before Kathy could speak. She was wearing a Hawaiian print Lilly Pulitzer dress. We came close one night but luckily.
"Oh hi sorry must have spaced out there for a second" Good one Amy. but once they realized we weren’t paying attention to them they went away. I love that name.eyes and looked very delicious. He had broad shoulders. Couple of my sorority sisters came by to chat. I spent the rest of the night with Hunter talking and laughing.he winked at me and handed me a cup full of keg beer. It was refreshing and cold even though it was keg beer. Hunter. . and green. You always say that and next thing I know you have left me with a large group of freshman or have done something more annoying to me. I tried to quickly ask Jake if I looked pretty but he was to busy doing some stupid Phi-Delta handshake with the delicious green-eyed stranger. "Hunter this is my best friend Amy" "It is nice to meet you Amy. I hit Jake on the arm and said. dark brown hair. "Come on Jake that is just mean. Jake has told me a lot about you" Hunter said with a strong confident voice. I am not in mood tonight to be messed with" I took a long sip of my beer. could you sound any stupider if you tried. Who is Hunter? Why have I never met Hunter? Jake told him about me? What? "Amy? Are you here? Come in Amy?" Jake taunted while looking up at the sky as if I had floated away. I looked up and saw someone I had never seen before walking towards us.
"Amy. I love a guy who can give and appreciate sarcasm. I followed her down the four little stairs to the sidewalk and then she stopped and pointed. "Thank you Victoria. I could see it now. He will be such a great soccer dad.He had such interesting stories and was very witty. Our children would have brown hair. There was my roommate throwing up and crying on the side of the Phi-Delta house. "Do you want another beer?" Hunter asked me. "Thank you that would great" I watched Hunter walk away and started picturing our future together. Victoria pulled me towards the edge of the patio." Victoria yelled as she ran over and grabbed my arm. I put one of her arms around my shoulder and began to drag her as best I could back . Amy you got to come quick. greenish eyes and be very athletic. This is the time I wish we already had pledges. "What is the matter Victoria?" I said while removing my arm from her tight grip. I didn't want to make him uncomfortable so I never said anything. Come to find out the reason I didn't know Hunter was because he transferred here for his last semester. Very weird time to transfer I thought. "Just please come trust me!" I tried to get Hunter's attention but he was next to the keg talking with tons of people. I got her from here" Victoria walked back to the party as I tried to get Kathy off the ground.
" he smirked. "I am glad I could help you both." I am blushing I know it. "Thank you so much. "Looks like you might need a little help. I was now sweating and swearing and Kathy was becoming heavier and heavier as I dragged her closer to our Sorority House. Next thing I knew we were kissing. Kathy let out a scream when she realized I was not . He stayed over that night but we just kissed and snuggled.to the sorority house. I couldn't even think about how gross I must have looked all I could say was "Yes. "I must admit that was not going so well!" I had my hands in my back pocket and was rocking back and forth on my Tory Burch flats. I was looking down when Hunter reached over and slowly pushed my chin up so he could see my eyes. I really appreciate it. It was as if I had known him my whole life. You just met me and now you are carrying my wasted roommate for me. Hunter and I both started laughing." I turned around and there was Hunter. I fit perfectly into his body. You didn't seem to be having too much fun dragging her. In the morning Kathy woke up and had no clue why she was in her clothes and why there was bucket next to her bed. We walked back to the sorority house together and he helped me get her upstairs and in bed with a bucket by her side. please!" Hunter picked her up like a baby and began walking.
I didn't mean to scream.alone "Who is in your bed Amy?" That did it. # . I should be going and give you time to fill Kathy in on her night" He threw his Rainbow flip-flops on and grabbed his sweater off the back of my chair and left. it's just not usual for Amy to bring a guy home" I looked at her wishing my eyes could tell her to shut up! "Well. "Thank you so much. That is the man I am going to marry. Tears were coming out of my eyes and I couldn't breathe. Finally I composed myself enough to explain to her that he was the man who had to carry her home after she was found on the side of Phi-Delta house puking and crying. That is so embarrassing." I told Kathy. Hunter and I lost it. "I am in love.
My stomach was in knots knowing what I was about to embark on. “Hi. Instead she stood up and walked to a different seat. Okay. We haven’t seen each other since college. I felt as if I was in a dream. I started the same conversation again and this time I received the . Here we go I thought. An older woman sat down next to me. “Hello. I so wanted to call Kathy and tell her but it was too risky. I sat down and flipped through my People Style magazine. I still couldn't believe I was really going threw with this plan. “I am actually going to see my ex fiancé from college.” I said. I had never done anything like this before.” “Me too. I opened my magazine again when I noticed a younger looking girl coming to sit next to me. I couldn't have John find out. I had a dream about him being in Iraq and I emailed his old account which luckily he still had and it wound up that he was in Iraq” I paused waiting for her to gasp with shock.” I replied.I said goodbye to John and managed to get myself to the airport with enough time to grab some food. “Are you going to Florida?” “Yes. The problem was I couldn't even think of eating. I was so nervous I just wanted to talk to someone. It is actually kind of crazy how we got back in touch.” she said without looking at me. never mind I thought to myself.
” she said as tears began to fill her eyes. .” she said. Oh crap this is not what I had expected at all. “Don’t worry. I mean what if he doesn’t think I am pretty anymore” I paused waiting for her to tell me I am pretty.gasp I had been waiting for.” she said. I fucking hate them. “There is also one minor detail I left out.” “What is it?” “I am married.” I put my head down playing the guilt ridden wife. Cheaters are the worst.” “What?” she asked while hanging onto my every word.” I finished and leaned back in my seat. I walked in on my boyfriend sleeping with my best friend last night. Well good luck with that. You must be so nervous” she replied. “He asked me to visit him and here I am. I leaned forward and started blabbing again. Okay not the answer I wanted but at least she was still listening to me. “Wow. “I am beyond nervous. “That is crazy. “Oh. “I know right! Well we started emailing everyday after that.” she put her head in her hands and started balling. Then you will never believe this. “I am going to North Carolina to move back in with my parents because of cheaters like you.
I would tell you if they were. In my mind I pictured my mom being with me. There was a man sitting next to me and I decided to keep my thoughts to myself this time. I would always drop my pants when I saw my mom and ask. That was true.“I am so sorry. Good luck with everything and once again I am very sorry. “Do my thighs look big?” We would call it dropping trough as a joke. I was beyond anxious and started to wish I had brought a sleeping pill with me. Florida” the announcer said. I was trying on outfits for her and asking which she liked better. “Now boarding Flight 2727 to Miami. I had no clue. We were in my bedroom and my mom was lying on her side on my bed. “Okay so what do you think about this silk flowered camisole from . “Sweetie your thighs are not big. She was helping me pack to go even though she didn't approve of what I was doing. The window was open and a warm breeze was blowing in.” I quickly grabbed my stuff and ran to my gate. she would tell me. I didn’t want to even hear what she had to say.” she laughed. “Well that’s my flight. You know that. Thank god she is not on my flight. “Do my thighs look big?” I asked standing in my underwear with a large t-shirt on. Once I was in my seat and settled I closed my eyes.” I said while rubbing her back.
Since that is not possible I am stuck holding up a massive padded strapless bra to my mom. my dads body type. That small movement of my mother cupping my face had always been . I would be much happier.” she said as I held them up to myself. I always complained about it. I woke with a start as I felt the wheels of the plane hit the landing strip.” she came over and cupped my face with her warm hands. my mom’s chest.” I turned around and grabbed the skinny dark jeans that I intended to wear with the top. “Wow Amy that is some serious padding.” she started laughing. etc.” she leaned forward and kissed my forward. I always wished you could pick what you wanted from each parent. You will look beautiful as always my love. What about a bra?” my mom asked. I would take my dad’s height. “Well mom considering I wasn’t blessed with boobs your size this is what I have to do. My mother had rather large boobs where myself had barely any. Please be careful. I touched my face trying to recapture the feeling in my dream. my mom’s eyes.J.” I said holding up the silk camisole. Crew? I was thinking for the first night with my dark skinny jeans and maybe heels. “I love you Amy. “Okay so do you think is a good outfit for the first night?” “Yes I do. “Love those jeans on you sweetie. “I like it.
I have been so busy she might of told me and I don't even remember. I know once we have a baby she will be so happy. “Welcome to Miami Florida” the over head speaker said. John’s View As I was walking to work I realized I had never even asked Amy what friends she was visiting in Florida. I can’t ask her again or she will kill me. Now that I think about it I am pretty sure she has never mentioned having friends in Florida. I thought to myself. I thought to myself as I embarked on my journey. I began to smile and my pace quickened as I walked. I told myself. When my firm received this case . I should try to listen and spend more time with Amy. I do feel kind of bad for switching her birth control pills this morning before she left but I had to. hadn't we? She has no direction right now and a baby will give her one.able to take away any bad feelings I had. When she becomes pregnant I want her to already feel that I am there for her. Ever since my company’s merger work has been crazy but the money has been amazing! I know it will all slow down soon and then I will be able to be home more with Amy. Love you mom. We had always discussed having children young. She wants a baby but is just nervous. I wont be as distracted so when Amy is pregnant I will be able to help.
She would never sue. I had been waiting to switch them for a while now. restored. # I walked off the airplane with the feeling that I could throw up. What if I am wrong? I stood in front of the elevator and thought about calling Amy and telling her what I did. and happy from seeing her friends then she will fall into bed with me." the president of my company said as he came up next to me. maybe she would give me a medal for doing something brave.where a women was suing her boyfriend for switching her birth control pills I became obsessed. He had found a website that sold fake birth control pills. She will return rested. I know she will be happy when she is pregnant. They look just like birth control but really they are water pills. We will make love and by that time there will be no birth control pills floating inside of her. I told myself. She will just think that the pill didn't work. Am I being crazy right now I thought as I pushed the elevator button. Did I just go to far? If I hadn't switched the pills I don’t know when she would of decided to have the baby. I . Guess I will have to call Amy later. The case was still in process but I went ahead ordered some for Amy. She just needs a push that’s all. "Well good morning John.
What if he is not here? What if I end up standing outside waiting for him and he never shows? Horrible thoughts were crossing my mind as I stepped outside into the warm Florida air. I walked up to the car in a dream state. thank god. "Amy I can't believe you are actually here! You look amazing and yeah I am so happy you are here. not told any of my friends and was staying with Hunter all weekend. I couldn't help but notice how amazing he looked. Both of us were in shock. He got out and put my bags in the back. "Amy. and started talking. Once we were both inside the car we looked at each other in amazement. He began driving. My eyes scanned the cars while trying to not look desperate. Actually I still can’t believe you are here. His body was definitely benefiting from the Marine Corps that were for sure. His hair was short and he was wearing his black Maui Jim sunglasses from college. Do I hug him? Pat him on the back? Shake his hand? Shit one of us has to do something this is getting extremely uncomfortable. over here" I looked up and there was Hunter leaning out the window. He looked just as I had remembered him.couldn't believe I had lied to John. Who am I? I thought with a smirk on a face. My heart skipped a beat." .
” I hung up and turned on the news. Call me when you get this. My phone is probably dead as usual. Just wanted to make sure you got there okay and say hi. I picked up the phone and dialed Amy’s cell number.I could tell he was fumbling for words and I began to chuckle. “Hi you have reached Amy. Love you. By the time I had a second to call it was already 8pm. Thanks” “Hi Amy its me. One knee of his was up as always with his tan arm leaning on it. Johns View All day I kept thinking I should call Amy and tell her what I did. I was exhausted. Trying to justify why I hadn’t called her earlier and told her. I suddenly woke up to the phone ringing. Plug your phone in. "Hunter I am so happy to be here with you!" "I totally thought you were going to cancel on me" He looked over at me smirking. My stomach dropped and I knew I was in trouble. Leave a message and I will call you back. I told myself. What time was it? I must . I mean why should I tell her what I did? She will only get mad but I know in the long run she will be happy. "So what did you have plan for the weekend?" He looked over at me and smiled.
I am sure its Amy calling. I am going to bed now but you should go out and celebrate. I thought you might be Amy.have fallen asleep. If there was one person I never wanted to give the wrong idea to it was Alice. . “Amy is visiting some girlfriends in Florida for the weekend.” “That’s okay John. I actually kind of liked the sound of you calling me baby. “John you don’t have to be so snippy.” she laughed.” “Wow that is great Alice. Can I help you with something Alice?” “Are you all alone this weekend?” “Alice why are you calling me at home on Friday night?” I wanted to call Amy again and go to bed. Where is Amy” Alice giggled. She worked in the New York office and was very flirtatious with me. Everyone in the New York and Boston office teased me about her.” I said firmly and hung up the phone. “Sorry about that Alice. That is huge for us! Thank you for telling me. I thought you would like to know that I got the Hill clients to sign with us. “Hi baby. Shit it is not Amy it’s my partner Alice.” “Well hello John.
“Would you like a glass of wine?” Hunter yelled from the kitchen. “Here you go. “Let’s sit outside. I could feel my cheeks getting flushed and my body relaxing into my chair. “Yes that would be great. drinking and laughing made me feel as if we were back in college. It was on the water with a small deck out back. I could feel the wine beginning to effect me considering I was drinking on an empty stomach. We ended up sitting . The longer we sat there talking.” “Two years since we have since each other Amy is just crazy. I think we have a few things to catch up on.” I walked around taking mental pictures of the house. I could feel my insides tingling as I looked at him. He put had put David Gray on the stereo while opening the glass door that let out to the porch.” he said chuckling once we had both sat down. I couldn’t believe I was in the house that was almost mine. His eyes were sparkling in the sunshine as he looked out at the ocean.# I was rather surprised how charming Hunters place was.” Hunter came up behind me holding a glass of wine and a beer. The sound of his voice and laughter made me miss him even more.
“Take your time getting ready. He opened the door to his bedroom.” I giggled. “Yes. Did you want to shower?” “Hunter really?” He should remember how much I hated showering. “In case you do want to shower or need the bathroom its right . I thought.outside until the sun went down. Are you?” “A guy has to eat! If you want to get ready upstairs in my room go ahead.” He grabbed my bag and started walking up the stairs as I followed. I am up for it. How many times did we have sex in that bed? I thought to myself. Here I will show you where it is.” “Shut up. “Or once a day sometimes. How could I forget? You like to be dirty” “I do not like to be dirty! I just don’t like showering twice a day. He stared at me for a second and then began laughing. At the top of the stairs there was a desk and some plants then to the right was his door. “Oh yes. In the middle of the room was the same four-poster bed from college.” I leaned over and punched him lightly on the arm. “I made reservations for us at a local restaurant if you are up to?” Hunter asked while closing the screen door behind us. Once we realized we were sitting in the dark and it was now dinner time Hunter suggested we head inside.
As soon as my head hit the pillow I was asleep.” he lightly closed the door behind him. Johns View After I had washed my face. I said to myself.” he pointed to the back of the room where there was a huge closet and across from that a very large bathroom. I could hear him walking down the stairs and singing along to David Gray. brushed and flossed my teeth I picked up the phone to call Amy. and really enjoying each other company. Actually it had been a medical . I sat down on the once familiar bed and looked into the mirror on the dresser in front of the bed. We were drinking.over here. # After having several drinks at his house we both were feeling much more relaxed. no need to worry. It had been a disaster. See you in a little bit. I said to myself. I can’t believe I am here. She can be so irresponsible sometimes! I quickly checked my blackberry and put my favorite polo pajamas on. Damn it. “I will be downstairs. I know Amy is okay. laughing. We were also reminiscing about the time he tried to teach me surf. Her phone was still dead. I told myself.
“Thank you Hunter. We sat there staring into each other eyes and I knew we were going to kiss. He was staring at me with his emerald colored eyes and five o’clock shadow. I got caught in a huge wave. The wave crushed me.” I said while getting into the front seat with a smile on my face.” he said casually while getting out of . and I couldn’t breath. literally. “I thought maybe we could go to the local bar. Maybe this was a bad idea.emergency and disaster. By the time I got to land my knees were bleeding. I thought to myself. “Here is your check sir.” she placed it on the table breaking the spell between Hunter and me. We pulled up to the bar that looked like an old wooden cabin. just like that and no kiss. Are you up for it?” Hunter asked while he held the door open for me as we left the restaurant. “Here we are. my face had tons of scratches from the sand. The moment was gone. you could meet some of my friends. This is the bar. “Sure. “Amy. I didn’t get a chance to tell you earlier how gorgeous you look tonight” I slowly lifted my eyes to his.” I didn’t want this moment to end. There was a wooden deck that stretched the length of the bar that was packed with people talking and laughing. I looked over at Hunter with a timid look in my eyes.
“Not much sir. I instantly began to feel very insecure. There was country music blaring and people were dancing.” she said with a smirk. “Amy you look great!” Hunter chuckled as he grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the bar. She definitely was not wearing a padded bra like myself. I followed Hunter up to the bar and quickly took a seat. I thought enjoying the feeling of his hand holding mine. I felt a little out of place and I was praying Hunter would not make me dance. “What can I get you tonight?” She was leaning over the bar and her boobs were basically in . which only emphasized her big blue eyes and pale skin. Her long blonde hair was thrown up in a messy bun. “Well hello Lieutenant Hunter. Any buzz I had was wearing off quickly. The tall blond bartender sauntered over to us.” a man said to Hunter from the deck.the car. What do people wear out here. I looked down at my outfit making sure I looked okay. I wondered to myself. God damn it how did he know what I was thinking.” he said as he opened the door to the bar for us. “Hey what’s up Corporal?” Hunter replied. “Good evening Lieutenant Stone. She was extremely pretty.
“Now come over and meet some of my friends” He grabbed my hand and led me to his friends. I thought in my head. Hello he’s with me I wanted to yell but I controlled myself. I couldn’t help but look. She was not wearing a bra and I instantly looked down at my chest. She walked away to get our drinks. “How did you guess?” he laughed. She slowly leaned over the bar shoving her boobs once again into Hunters face and placed our drinks down. “Hi Stacey. Not fair.Hunters face. “What does that mean?” The bartender. Stacey. One minute I had been in the dark corner laughing with Hunter . I thought to myself.” she said while slowly taking her boobs out of our faces and strutting away. “You could say that I guess. The night went by very quickly. I wonder if her boobs are real or fake. “I will have a beer and she will have a glass of wine.” Hunter smirked. swayed her hips as she walked back over holding our drinks. This is my friend Amy who’s in from out of town” “Nice to meet you Amy.” she said quickly glancing over at me. “Didn’t end well with you two?” I asked while taking a rather large sip of wine. “Here you go Hunter.” Hunter said before I could respond. “Let me guess you two have hooked up?” I smiled at Hunter.
He began unbuttoning my jeans while kissing and sucking my neck. I started walking backwards up the stairs towards Hunters bedroom. Pieces of clothing were left on the stairs as we headed up to his . My body was hungry with desire. Hunter leaned down and began slowly kissing me. He held the door open for me as I stepped inside his house. Slowly I started unbuttoning his pants.and his buddies and the next thing I knew all the lights had come on in the bar. Once he had closed the door I knew I was in trouble. His skin was warm against my cold body. There was no denying the passion between us. Hunter and I stumbled out of the bar hand in hand. The bra did weigh a lot with all of its padding. We couldn’t stop touching each other. “Amy?” he stepped closer. rediscovering each other. Thank god it didn’t make a loud noise when it hit the ground. “Hunter?” I said. I turned around slowly and we both stood there looking at each other. He pulled my silk camisole off as I ripped off his t-shirt. closing the gap between us. Luckily Hunter did not live far and he got us home safely. My insides were burning to touch him and have him touch me. He reached behind my back and unhooked my bra. Hunters green eyes were staring down at me as if he was reading my mind.
By the time he had finished I had already had four orgasms. He kissed me the whole way till his body was on top of mine. “Are you sure. He threw me onto the bed and began pleasuring me till I couldn’t take it anymore. teasing me making me even water. He slowly leaned over and kissed me on the lips. I was aching to have him inside. “Do you know how many nights I dreamt of you being here in my bed?” he said while gazing into my eyes. Johns View . “I’ve missed you Hunter.” he whispered in my ear. We were both sweaty and breathing hard.bedroom. “Please Hunter. He kept putting a little in and pulling out. I urgently nodded my head and began to pull him up. Once we were in the bedroom our kisses became more urgent and rough.” I whispered.” I whispered. Finally he pushed all the way in and we both let out a load moan. I needed him inside me. We had finished at the exact same time and collapsed next to each other. Amy?” he replied while looking up at me between my legs. I couldn’t wait any longer. He pulled me closer and we both fell asleep. “I’ve missed you Amy.
What I have no messages? Amy never called me last night? I picked up the phone and called Amy’s cell phone. I thought to myself. I have no time for this. I grabbed my wallet. I never sleep past 8am. I needed to get to my clients at noon all the way on the South Shore.I rolled over and looked at the clock. I stepped outside into the warm sunshine. call Alice back and find my wife. Damn it! What if Amy calls? . The city was alive with people bike riding. Just as I was pulling up to my client’s house I realized I left my cell phone at home. I needed to be on point today. having coffee. It was a beautiful day in Boston.” the machine said. I thought to myself. I jumped out of bed and took an extremely cold shower trying to wake myself up. keys and closed the door behind myself. It was already 10am. This is getting ridiculous. I put the slammed the phone down and walked to the bathroom. I began putting on my new tailor made suit and hit the answering machine “You have no new messages. I grabbed my suit jacket and began thinking of my day. It rang only once and went straight to voicemail just like it had yesterday. I put on my favorite Dave Matthews CD and began my drive to the South Shore. How the hell did that happen? I thought to myself. put on deodorant and then blow-dried and styled my hair. etc. I love Boston I thought to myself while walking to my car. I shaved. I began my morning process.
I had left him a voicemail saying I was okay and I would see him tomorrow at 5pm. I thought as I walked to the exit.Chapter Subtitle Sunday. Saturday we had spent the whole day in bed making love. At night we went skinny dipping after I had consumed way too much wine. He didn’t answer which I was grateful for. laughing. I already missed Hunter. sleeping and watching moves. I had called John back on Saturday while Hunter was in the shower. The weekend had been amazing. I . June 21st 2009 I stepped off the airplane feeling heavy with guilt and sadness. more amazing then I had ever expected it to be.
It was a rainy summer day. I glanced at the cars waiting for people. I made it home safely and I must admit that I miss you already. I went straight home expecting John would be waiting for me. Is that normal? Xoxo Amy . When I got home I discovered John was not there waiting for me. I threw all my clothing from the weekend into the wash and decided to quickly email Hunter. Of course John wasn’t there to pick me up. One man had jumped out of his car and was gushing over his wife. I sighed and hailed myself a cab. I had the apartment to myself.had also left my flight information hoping that maybe he would pick me up. I felt warm tears forming in my eyes. what had I been thinking. This is reality Amy. Hi Hunter. I told myself. I am assuming she had just returned from a trip. that weekend was not reality. When I stepped outside a cool breeze hit me and sent shivers up my spine. which went perfectly with my mood.
Where was John’s secretary? Was she screening my calls? Did she know? Frustrated and paranoid I hung up the phone. checked my email a million times and rearranged our living room furniture. After a few pages I realized that there was no way I could concentrate. I decided to call John at the office. I decided to try and read my book. No answer. surprise he hadn’t. I tried Hunters cell phone again. cleaned the bathroom. Where the hell was he? I would have thought we would want to see me since I had been away since Friday. # By the time John got home I had organized my closet. Did John find out what I had done this weekend? Did Hunter just want to sleep with me and now he’s done with me? I was pacing around the house like a crazy person. I thought as I grabbed my book. I was now starting to wonder if I had been caught. “Amy?” John called out as he opened the front door. . I decided to do the only thing I could in this state of mind. I checked the computer to see if Hunter had emailed and surprise. It wasn’t a rare occasion for him to be at the office on a Sunday since the merger.I called John’s cell phone but he didn’t answer. Maybe he had a lot of work to do. The phone kept ringing and ringing. organize my closet.
I came running out of the bedroom sweaty and dusty. I am the worst liar.” he said while walking towards the bedroom. I sprawled across the bed and put the wine glasses on the bedside table. “Let me change and then I want to hear all about your weekend with the girls. I thought while taking off my clothes. where were you?” I jumped up and kissed him.” I said coming up behind him. I grabbed a cold bottle of wine out of the fridge and two wine glasses. “John I am wet in more ways then one. I opened the wine and decided to have a little fun by pouring some down the front of my body. “Wow Amy you sure did a lot today.” he said glancing around at the new setup of our living room. “Are you sure Amy?” he asked while turning around. Shit. “John. John finished getting undressed and even took the time to hang up his suit before he came over and sucked some of the wine off my nipple. I thought to myself. There is only one way to avoid us talking about the trip. I don’t want to talk about my fake trip with the girls. I stood there with a huge smile on my face. I stood there naked giving John the best bedroom eyes I could. “John instead of talking about my silly girl weekend lets have some fun. He continued by licking the trail of wine down to my belly . proud of all I had accomplished. I carried the bottle and glasses naked towards the bedroom.” I said winking.
Hunter would have teased me. He was hard and ready to go. I should of known that he wasn’t going to go down on me and that missionary style was all I would receive. I leaned over and opened my bedside table and grabbed my little vibrator. I put the vibrator back and waited for John.button. twisted my nipples. Might as well finish what John started by myself. I arched my back and let out a little moan. John stood up and took his pants off. “I am going to take a fast shower. Doesn’t John want to make me climax? I was deep thought when I realized that John had been talking to me. He came quickly and then jumped up. teases.” he said as he got on top of me. Why does John only do missionary style? Also John never touches. . plays with me before sex. I let him do is thing and faked a few moans. You relax my little naughty girl. poured more wine on me and licked me everywhere. “Oh Amy. Luckily my trusty vibrator got me off just as I heard the shower stop. Hunter and I would not have even finished foreplay in the time it took John and I to have sex. I began to open my legs waiting for him to start licking and touching me inside.” John said as he walked into the bathroom. As I sat in bed I couldn’t help but compare sex with John and Hunter. I was surprisingly wet and the thought of his warm mouth licking and breathing in me was only making me more excited.
We can’t sleep on them like this! That’s gross Amy. What were you saying John?” “I was saying how we should wash the sheets before bed. “Actually no I am not John. We can watch a movie and have wine while they are washing. He is so infuriating sometimes. God damn it John. I walked out into the living room putting behind me the whole washing the sheets incident. Can you pour me a glass of wine please?” I said while parking myself on the couch. “Sorry I must of spaced out. “Amy you aren’t going to shower?” he looked over at me with disgust in his eyes. John threw them in the wash while I put on boy shorts and a tank.“Amy?” he asked while wearing his horrible two-piece pajama set.” I stood up and watched him strip the bed. I was excited to have a glass of wine and relax. “Are you sure John?” I asked while basically being thrown out of bed. I thought to myself. .” he said while yanking the top sheet off me. “Amy there is wine and other stuff on the sheets.
. He is not usually around so much plus he initiated sex last night. which never happens. I never will understand why he believes rubbing my belly. I can’t help but count the days that we have no emailed. I am so dumb to have ever thought he actually still cared about me. John has been overly nice which makes me wonder if something is up with him.Chapter Subtitle Dear Diary. I mean it was of course standard missionary position without much foreplay but at least he started it. It has been one week and two days since I last emailed Hunter and still nothing from him.
Well I guess I should throw a few more things in my bag and pray John gets here soon. I am his wife. I tried talking to him about it once but he froze up. Considering it is Tuesday. If only he could be like Hunter in bed. Oh well. I really wanted to get on the road earlier but no John decides last night that I must wait for him to say bye before I leave.grabbing my boob and maybe a few touches below will get me wet and excited. I am leaving for the cape in a few hours and I can tell John is anxious about it. Me . Why must he treat me like a child sometimes? Yes I know I am younger but I am not his daughter. a work day. I never thought John would have wanted to see me off. Since Hunter is not emailing me I better get used to the missionary style and put hot steamy sex out of my head. Guess because the stupid new clients signed on with his firm knows he has no excuse not to come say bye to me.
thank god considering I have now slept with him and Hunter without protection.” I yelled back as if was the year 2009 since it was.” he said while playing with his suit jacket. John strolled into the bedroom wearing his brooks brothers suit carrying a bottle of vitamins. so why would I need prenatal . When you fidget with your clothing I know that means you are lying. “Why would these be good for both of us?” John knew I was on the pill. “John I can see you playing with your suit. I read the label and started laughing. You can always tell when John is lying because he starts to fiddle with his clothing. “Hi John I’m in the bedroom.“Hi honey I’m home. He didn’t respond. “Thought it might be good for us. “They are prenatal vitamins John. “John did you read what kind of vitamins these are?” “Well. maybe I did. right?” I asked. “What are the vitamins for?” I questioned while zipping up my bag.” I said clearly. He looked sheepishly towards the ground and put his hands in his pockets.” he passed me bottle. He would never be a good poker player.” John yelled as if he was on the show The Honeymooners in the 1950’s.
You must have gotten the wrong vitamins. Are you John? If so then these vitamins must be yours. I thought to myself. Sorry. I will return them. “I did hear if you are trying to get pregnant then these vitamins are good for you. He is so unattractive when he acts like this. I just thought they were women vitamins.” I turned around to see John mopping staring at the ground. I am not mad since you said it was a mistake. I ignored him and kept packing. I thought I had married a man. “Amy I am sorry.vitamins. I understand.” he said coming up behind me. “I am certainly not trying to get pregnant. Amy I don’t want you to leave mad at me. I just wanted to get on the road to my favorite place in the world. “Okay John.” I threw the bottle at him and made sure that I had packed my birth control pills. “I didn’t know they were prenatal vitamins. my cape house. his eyes still looking at the ground. The nerve of him I thought to myself as I stuffed more clothing into my already too full bag.” he whispered. Right John?” He stumbled over his words until he finally said. I didn’t think I had married a girl. “Yes” .
“Well this time I decided to also bring my laptop. etc. “Why are you bringing your laptop? I thought you usually painted. Cape Cod here I come! By the time I got to the cape I was exhausted. I love you.“Well I don’t want to get stuck in traffic so I should get going. when you went to the Cape?” John asked. wrote. Damn him! He leaned in and gave me a kiss. “John of course I want you to come. I picked up my bags and put my laptop bag over my shoulder. Is that a problem John?” “Of course not Amy. so why the hell would I not want him to come to the Cape. I didn’t say that though I just replied saying.” he kissed me on the forehead and out the door I was. Do you want to come still?” Now he has me questioning our relationship. “Of course I want to come Friday sugar!” He held me tightly until I finally broke free. Are you coming Friday to the Cape?” “Yes. if you still want me to?” Could you be any more annoying if you tried John? We are married still! We just had a tiny fight like every couple. I had no desire to .
Of course there wasn’t one. The house felt a little damp from not being open since last summer.unpack my car. I already felt better just from being here for less than a few seconds. Once I get into bed I will call him. Two. I grabbed the bag with my toiletries and pajamas. I decided. what had I been thinking? I thought about my current options. I stood up and walked away from the dangerous laptop. I opened the fridge hoping to find a bottle of wine. he should be begging to back with me. I thought to myself. He should be the one emailing not me. I glanced towards the old rotary phone hanging on the wall debating if I should call John. I walked up the wide wooden steps that led to the front door. Hunter hadn't even emailed me back therefore I should just forget him. Screw it. I walked around and opened the windows letting the cool ocean breeze blow through the house. I could hear the waves crashing and could smell the salt water. I took a deep breath in and sighed. Once the dampness was gone I closed a few of the windows and took out my laptop. What am I doing. I sat at the kitchen table just staring at my laptop. in the basement was the wine . I mean I am the one who is married and I did break up with him. One. I could drive to the store but I really didn’t feel like it. I thought to myself. I knew I should call John and I tell him that I got here safely but all I really want to do was email Hunter. I unlocked the large wooden front door and stepped into my personal heaven.
I could say screw it and head to bed. I grabbed my bag and walked towards my bedroom in defeat. . I threw myself onto my soft queen size bed just like I used to do when I was a child. I kept repeating to myself until I drifted into a deep dreamless sleep. I looked out the glass door onto the porch and smiled with pure contempt. I am going to be okay. I went with option three. Three.cellar but there was only red wine there. As I stepped into my bedroom I was instantly exhausted.
young. Maybe I never should have gotten married? Maybe if John would show me more affection and take me out more I wouldn’t feel like this? For some very annoying reason I just can’t get Hunter out of my mind. John got here last night and is heading back to Boston on Sunday. I don't know why I still surround myself with guy drama now that I am married. I thought that once I got married I would be happy and not need other men's attention. Do other people besides me need the stupid drama to be able to feel alive again? Without it I don’t feel sexy. Maybe I can’t because he hasn’t been emailing me? The sex had . What is wrong with me? Why am I thinking about Hunter so much? Why did I sleep with Hunter? I have been down this road to many times while I was in relationships and here I am going down the same screwed up road but this time around I am married.Chapter Subtitle Friday. July 3rd – Sunday. or wanted. July 5th Dear Diary.
been amazing when I visited him so that could also be the reason. John must back from his morning run so I better get moving. Write more soon. I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open. Xoxo I threw on my old navy terry cloth robe and walked into the sunny living room. "Good morning baby. The sweat was glistening of his thin toned body and I could here Dave Matthews coming from his headphones. What am I five years old now. I am not saying I want a divorce or that I want to marry Hunter but why am I not emotionally satisfied from one person ever! Is there something wrong with me? I can hear the front door opening. "5 miles but then I walked around the neighborhood for a little. "Good morning my little sleepy head. Want to make sure my one and only is safe . I have been so tired lately. how far did you run? It felt like you were gone for a long time?" John switched legs and continued stretching. His usual cool down song. I wanted to say but I controlled myself. I was just seeing if there were any new developments going up or new people who have moved in. John was in the long hallway wearing his iPod and stretching." John took out his earphones and looked up at me. I took a seat on the couch facing him waiting to see if he even noticed me.
Outside the sun was shining and the birds were chirping. I heard the shower start and dragged myself to the kitchen to make coffee. "What does that mean? Take it from there. Go rinse off and then we can take it from there!" I said while backing away. This had originally been my grandparent house. right here on the floor. John finished stretching and began walking towards me with sweat dripping down him. Also New York is a big city not Boston. I thought to myself. It's not Hunter it is John and he would never do something that spontaneous. Wake up Amy. I told myself. We would be having sex right now. I like the sound of it! I am off to the shower!” John turned around and ran towards the guest bathroom as if he was Superman. I am too tired to fight. How come he is allowed to be dirty and I am not? Oh well. Gag me with a spoon I thought to myself. My grandmother had designed the house and my grandfather had it built. I looked out the little window at the circular seashell driveway in bliss. I wanted to say but didn’t. It was then passed onto my parent when they passed away and now my parents have left it to me.. thank god for vibrators. . If this had been Hunter all sweaty walking towards me both of us wouldn't have been able to control ourselves. I love this house.while I am in the big city!" he looked up and winked at me. This is the one place that I have always truly felt at home and in peace. "No you don't mister..
What do you want to do?" I said trying to put on a happy face. I know what a shower would of been like. How romantic I tell you. I looked out at the deck where the hot tub was remembering how much I loved the hot tub when I was a child. Quick sex and then Mr. go out for an . I beg to differ with that one. Clean aka John would hog all the water and keep rewashing as if what we just did was a gross act. We walked into the entryway and sat down on the couch. read. "I don't care. relax. "Want to go fishing. take the boat out. I looked over at John sipping his coffee. The lawn was a bright green and the old wooden steps that lead down to our private beach white paint was starting to chip. It truly was an amazing view. Back then it seemed like a large very warm pool. I could tell that he had already started planning our day in his head."What are you thinking about sugar?" John asked walking into the kitchen wearing just a towel around his waist. "Amazing! Would have been better if you had joined me but there is always later" he winked at me and took a sip of his coffee. "How was your shower?" I poured us both steaming cups of coffee praying it would wake me up. "What do you want to do today?" John put his coffee down and picked up the business section of the newspaper.
It felt nice to be held so tightly by John. I took a deep breathe in smelling his Pert Plus shampoo and Old Spice shaving cream. There were no clouds in the sky. and it was 75 degrees. Flash Back – Wedding . I relaxed and gave into his embrace. "John. no humidity. I slowly walked towards him and sat down on his lap.September It was the first weekend in September and the weather was perfect.. When I first decided to have my wedding on the ocean my five bride maids (four best friends from high school and ." John said putting down his paper. "Lets just lay around and then go out for an early dinner and cocktails" "Then that is what we shall do! Now come over and give me a hug. I closed my eyes and thought back to our wedding day.early dinner? Do you want to. My girlfriends kept saying thank you for no humidity as if I had anything to do with it.?" he rambled off ideas while reading the newspaper.." I said cutting him off.
It was long. My chestnut color hair was the longest it had ever been. We both kept looking at each other and would start crying until the tears would turn into laughter and our make up would begin running every where. My bridesmaids had on navy blue dresses in all different styles. never mind five. and lilac colored flowers. white. My dress had been my mother's dress.Kathy) were worried about their hair looking crazy in the photos. Considering two of them straightened their hair religiously I could understand their concern. My mom helped me get ready. I wore it down and natural. They got to pick the style that was flattering on them. which I had given them and were holding pink. None of us could have asked for a better day. My bride maids wore pearl necklaces. I had my grandmothers three strand pearl necklace on and pearl and diamond earrings my parents had given me on my college graduation. My family had a Swan sail boat that we kept in Newport during the summer. The wedding was in Newport on Goat Island. white and simple. My family . I don't think the make up artist found it that funny. don't look good in the same style dress. I always hated when brides would make all bridesmaids where the exact same dress when everyone knows that no two people.
ceremony and the honeymoon. The first day I got such bad sunburn. John had fairer skin then myself but for some reason I was the one who ended up red. Now that I think about it no one ever mentioned Hunter that morning. In all our pictures we look like the two happiest people in the . navy blue blazers.and I would sail every summer when I was little. parties. Words were not necessary I knew what his eyes were asking me. It all went so fast. We were all laughing and reminiscing of my past dating disasters. The sand was soft it felt as if you were lying in bed. The ocean was crystal clear. I wish we could have enjoyed it more but we were exhausted. The second day I had to sit under an umbrella with a long sleeve shirt on and a hat! It was so embarrassing. I remember John laughing at me because I kept saying he was the one who was going to get sunburned. On the morning of the wedding my mom. showers. I leaned forward and gave him a kiss on the cheek. the planning. white button downs and pink ties. His best men were wearing khakis. We drove through old volcano land that leads to a secret beach. John looked so handsome. which was my way of saying yes dad I am sure. My father walked me down the aisle. my bridesmaids and myself had mimosas and breakfast on the boat. As I got older I didn't sail as much with them. My father looked me and paused before handing me to John. My parents had surprised us with a trip to Hawaii for our honeymoon. The honeymoon was amazing.
I opened my eyes and moved my head off his shoulder. 2009 – John Heads Back to Boston "John. Even though I really hadn’t wanted John here on Friday now I wished he wasn't leaving. right? Plus when we are at the Cape he seems to notices me. # July 5. don't worry sweetie" "Want me to make something you can eat on the road?" . you sure you don't want any help packing?" I asked. John being away from the office this weekend reminded me why I had fallen in love with him.whole world. Sure he annoyed the hell out of me sometimes but that’s normal. For the first time in a very long time he was truly listening to me. He began to take my robe and his towel off. I winked and stood up. and even asked questions during our conversations. He was like his old self. John was folding random t-shirts and anything else that was lying around and placing them into his bag. He looked at me his eyes smiling and right then. laughed. "I got it. Were we still those two happy people? John began rubbing my back and brought me back to reality. The weekend was already over. right there I felt like I was back on our honeymoon. He drank. It had gone much faster than I had thought it would.
Love you! See you Friday!" I watched John walk down the wide wooden steps and throw his . You don't have to stay on the Cape" John said as he put his arms around me embracing me in a bear hug. "Me too baby. I know you will have no problem finding a job as soon as you are ready. "Are you mad that I am not working right now John" I said pushing him away. why?" "You seem worried or anxious. Considering I am the only working one right now I think I should get back though. "I love you baby but I have to get on the road before the traffic gets horrible. I just wish you didn't have to go back to work already" I said kissing John's neck. I was the one who suggested that you take this summer off and however much longer you need off. Why am I picking a fight with him. are you okay?" "Yeah." "I love you and please call me when you get back. I thought to myself."Amy. Your mom passed away only a few months ago and you need to relax and take care of yourself for a little while. You know you can home to Boston with me. "Amy stop being silly. "I am okay John. plus next weekend we will be together for our anniversary" John said while zipping up his bag." "I will." he said smiling and kissing me on the nose.
Please be from Hunter. Dear Amy. of course I would care if he didn’t email me back. John had always been into labels. He waved as he slowly backed out of the circular seashell drive way. Now that I was feeling confident about my marriage I didn’t even really care if he emailed me back. I pulled up my email account. I hadn’t checked it all weekend and I was dying to see if Hunter had emailed me back. Who was I kidding. I chanted to myself. Myself on the other hand could care less about brand names. Which is why he had to have his BMW and now he wants to get a Range Rover. I waved back and once I couldn't see him any longer I closed the door and ran to check my email. Please feel free to visit all of us over at Fair View Middle School. please be from Hunter. Just wanted to let you know that we will miss you so much at school next year. Love. Suzanne . I said to myself.bag into his navy blue BMW. brand names. I had one new message.
to email me but that was not the email I had been looking for! I played around on the Internet for a while as I drank my wine. After awhile I got pretty bored. I stared at the position. a picture of Hunter. I clicked on the link curious to see if I had read the pop up correctly. I knew what I was looking for. Even though I am not an art teacher I am a teacher who has a strong passion for art. I did take many painting and drawing classes. Please call Jane at 508-277-3879 to set up an interview. I wrote down the number and told myself I would call Jane later and at least find out the whole deal.Ugh! I slammed shut my laptop and grabbed a glass of wine. the other fourth grade teacher. but I pretended that I was just looking for fun. Cape Cod New Seabury Adult Summer Classes needs an art teacher as soon as possible. Different jobs kept flashing up but there was one that popped up which I thought read “Wanted Summer Art Teacher”. I was reading the Cape Cod Times when I noticed something flashing on the job section. I went to my college alumni website and looked through photos of recent alumni events. Yes it was very sweet for Suzanne. I mean how long can you really play on the Internet? My eyes were starting to cross and I was all of a sudden beyond hungry! .
I convinced myself it must be because I am hungry. Sorry if I worried you. I have been calling you for the past half an hour. Wow that was weird. I put my hand on the wall to steady myself. # I heard a phone ringing but wasn't sure if I was dreaming the annoying ringing sound. I opened my eyes and looked around. I closed my eyes and waited for the dizzy spell to pass. I jumped up and ran towards the phone. "Amy I left four hours ago! Of course I am back. Where have you been?" John asked. "Are you back in Boston already?" I asked while slowly trying to wake up. As I walked to my room I suddenly got very dizzy. "Hey sweetie. I thought to myself as I started walking again to my bedroom. Where have you been?" "I must have fallen asleep. I put it into the microwave and went to throw on comfy clothes. I must have fallen asleep and the phone was definitely ringing. ." I wanted to go back to my dream I liked it there but I could tell John was not happy." I said out of breath. "Hello. I ate the whole bowl of pasta and passed out.I walked into the kitchen and took out the leftover pasta from the night before. I was sweating a little and felt weak.
Good night my love. Love you" "Remember if you want to come home at any time I will come pick you up!" "I know John. I love you and worry that's all. Why don't you get into bed and I will call you in the morning on my way to the office. I needed space from life." I moaned. If anything this is the one place I feel safe. Okay?" John asked in a calmer voice." I did not want to fight with John about this topic. "Amy. I needed time to find the person I was before my mother got sick and passed. It all of a sudden became all about him. "Okay. Did I want to live on the Cape to get away from him? Did I need space is that why? What could HE do to help me? I wanted to scream at him and say it wasn't about him it was about me! It was about me putting myself first for once. . When I had first told him that I wanted to live in the cape house this summer instead of renting it out to people he became worried. This is the home I spent every summer in as a child. I waited until I heard the dial tone. sleep tight and I will talk to you in the morning."Amy are you sure you are okay at the Cape house by yourself? You haven't seemed like yourself lately." John said before he hung up the phone. "That sounds great! Thank you sweetie." "John I am fine here by myself.
I hung up the phone feeling very proud of myself. I thought to myself. I was beginning to feel a little lonely but was unsure how to fix it. I sat down at my computer and was about to check email when I noticed the little piece of paper with Jane’s phone number on it. Are you on the Cape yet? Finally Hunter had decided to write me back.Chapter Subtitle I woke up clear-headed and for the first time without Hunter on my mind! It was about time. Dear Amy. Considering my email affair with Hunter seems to be over. John is working. Might as well check my email considering for once I could care less about Hunter. all of my friends are in New York or California I am going to have to think very hard. Next thing I knew I had set up an interview for later that afternoon with Jane. Without even thinking I picked up and dialed the number. I am very sorry that it has taken me so long to write you back. I miss you as well. He took long . Things have been pretty hectic over here and I did not have access to a computer until now.
How do guys always know when a girl has started moving on? That is when they always reappear! Even though I was annoyed I couldn’t control myself from not emailing him back. Once inside the building my confidence started to fade. Of course he writes me on the day I don’t need him. I pulled into the New Seabury Conference Center wearing my favorite summer dress and sandals.enough. Don’t worry about it. I just wanted to say thank you for the weekend. Yes I am now on the Cape enjoying the peace and quite. No reply was necessary. I was about to turn around and leave when I heard someone call my name. How are you holding up over there? I hit send and got up to shower for my interview. Actually heading to a job interview later this afternoon. What was I doing here. Dear Hunter. I thought to myself. . I was feeling good about myself and determined to get this job.
” she said as she walked towards her office.” Jane asked breaking my gaze on the pictures. “My grandparents built their house on Popponesset Island before there really was a New Seabury Community. Jane stood there staring at me waiting for a reply. “No I am fine. “Hi it is nice to meet you. It is truly amazing how much it has expanded. “Have you lived in New Seabury long.” “Did you forget something in your car? It looked as if you were about to leave. I sat down taking in the office.I turned around and saw who I was assuming to be Jane. I began sweating and was at a loss for words. Where is your office?” I asked changing the conversation. Why do you . I couldn’t stop staring at the pictures. “Jane?” I asked. I have been coming here since I was born and now I am living in the house for the summer. She had pictures of the old marketplace on her wall as well as the new developments throughout all of the New Seabury Community. “Yes. She was very petite and very pregnant. “Please follow me.” she asked. When my grandparents built their house there was no big New Seabury Community. and you must be Amy” she said while walking over to me.
We will explore landscape using the beautiful Cape Cod environment. I looked back at Jane to see her eyes burning a hole in my head.” Jane reached over and grabbed a Cape Cod Adult Education packet and opened it to the course I would be teaching. Before you give me your resume let me tell you more about the position. “I apologize for staring. Lots of individual attention provided. . I picked it up and began reading.” she slide the packet across the table to me.ask?” “I see you mesmerized you are by all the pictures on my wall which is the true sign of a New Seabury native. “Here is the description of the course. Get Creative: This beginning painting course will give you a ‘virtual toolbox’ of basic techniques and familiarity with the materials for painting with oils and acrylics. Step-bystep projects will lead to surprising results in an atmosphere of fun and discovery. All materials are included. Just bring yourself and a positive attitude.” she chuckled. don’t apologize.” “Please.
I had filled out my paper work. “Oh thank god! The class starts next week and the original teacher told us just yesterday that she couldn’t hold the class this summer. Once inside I turned on the computer and pulled up my email. Hunter had emailed me back. It sounds very basic and more of a group learning experience then a teacher student experience. At least the Amy I used to know would have .“What do you think?” she asked desperately. got all the information I need on the class. Needless to say the class is full and I hadn’t the idea of canceling it. Dear Amy. By the time I left Jane’s office I was exhausted. Don’t try and act cool! I know you way to well. and was told way too much information about a few of the students. Finally Jane relaxed and smiled. “I believe I could teach this.” I replied. remember? You were probably thinking that I used you and was never going to talk to you again.” Jane continued while grabbing more information for myself. I thought to myself as I drove home. This class will be interesting to say the very least.
I apologize for not emailing faster. All of the ladies were married except Georgia. The class consisted of seven adult women. Her ex husband had cheated on her and in their pre- . John was never around when I would call. oh that’s great. I was the youngest by far so they felt as if they should teach me about life and love in exchange for me teaching them how to paint. on the other hand. He was always working. was always around. I had talked to Hunter about my class and how it all began. Hunter. Unlike John he asked questions. Sounds like the Cape is treating you well. It was as if we were dating.been thinking that. Georgia was divorced and enjoying her ex husbands money. After that conversation I stopped telling John things unless he asked. remembered the ladies names and was or at least acted that he was interested. Florida is beyond hot and so are you by the way! Tell me a story I am bored! This is how Hunter and I picked up right where we had left off. I don’t think he was even listening. I had told John how I was teaching a class on Thursday nights and his response was.
surprise John just cancelled on me.nup there was a clause about cheating. Tonight I am getting together with Sam and a couple other guys for the UF – UCF football game and some beers… what you are going to do tonight? . He was supposed to come this weekend and as usual something at work came up. Dear Hunter. Xoxo Dear Amy. I think that I should be able to. Not bad at all I have been working on a bunch of nonsense today… Had lunch with my buddy Andrew and am hopefully getting out of work early today. Since she caught him and had pictures to prove it she was now extremely wealthy. If I didn’t know how asexual he was I would think he was having an affair. Surprise. Besides my emails with Hunter these ladies were the only other constant people in my life right now. I know you don’t like to hear about him but I had to vent! How is your day going? Hopefully better than mine.
Dear Hunter. Me Dear Amy. the women from my class and then a few of us are going to get dinner. I am pretty tired though. Hey I am tired as well! Get a glass of wine and man up! Let the old ladies live it up a little. That sounds good. take them out on the town! Just kidding! . I have no clue. Yes I hang out with old women but what is a young girl on Cape Cod to do? After that. I am getting a manicure and pedicure at 5:30 with Georgia.
I always thought it was the other way around. The less you see someone the more you miss him or her.John Visits weekend of July 17th 2009 Finally John was coming to visit me and I wasn’t sure how I felt about seeing him. I had started to adjust living in the Cape. It had been a while and the distance on the phone was killing me. email Hunter and then go to bed. email Hunter. The “old ladies” and me actually were more similar than I would have thought. come up email Hunter. Two of the women were very . Every Thursday at noon I had my painting class and even though it was only supposed to be an hour I usually stayed much longer with the ladies. It was odd how the less time I spent with him the less I seemed to miss him. I had a nice routine established and felt relaxed for the first time in a long time. make some lunch. paint for a while. not me. Every morning I would go down to the beach read for a few hours.
nothing you had to dress up for but it was their day out. They all dressed up for class by wearing their big pearl earrings and Ralph Lauren cotton dresses. It was great listening to them talk about their husbands and horrible dinner parties they had attended.happily married and loved to tell me how romantic young men used to be. It was an awful story and it also made me rethink what I was doing with Hunter and John. It was a painting class outside on the beach in front of the cabana. It was funny but also very cute in a way. All the women were hysterical in their own ways. After class they would all go to the bar at the country club and have cocktail after cocktail laughing the afternoon away. . I had gone with them only a few times but I must admit it was fun. which had been great. She had told the ladies from my class that I would have an end of summer dinner for us at my house the last weekend of August. if he actually came home. I also thought this way they could meet John. Even though she had all the money a person could ever want she was still unhappy. Dear Hunter. Georgia had come over for dinner a couple of nights. She acted as if I she was happy and hated her ex husband in front of the ladies but she was actually very sad and missed her ex husband. After a few too many glasses of wine at my house she broke down and told me the whole story.
John will be here this weekend so I might not be able to chat as much as usual. Although recently I have been craving weird things such as a steak. John has always lectured me on what I eat and it drives me nuts. Little does he know that when he is gone I am eating my standard fare of chocolate. Have a great weekend and don’t forget about me. By the time John arrived the sun was setting and the house . its not like I could be pregnant since I am on the pill. Coffee used to be my best friend. I have figured out how to avoid these lectures though. The smell makes me want to vomit. Your fingers better be ready to type come Monday or maybe even Sunday night! Xoxo Me I turned off my laptop and drove to the grocery store to pick up what John considers healthy food. Now that I think about it I also can’t stand the smell coffee anymore. If I stock the fridge with healthy foods when John is coming then he assumes that I am eating healthy. I never have been one to like steak but recently I have been yearning for a juicy steak. Must just be a weird phase. ice cream and other “bad food”.
I was rather excited to see John. I had cleaned. I was smiling and trying to look sexy for him. made a plate of cheese and crackers for us to share while we would wait for dinner to cook and made an extra trip to the wine store in Falmouth that carried his favorite bottle of white wine. John’s favorite hairstyle. I opened the door and saw John grabbing his bag while yelling into his cell phone. I was wearing his favorite long black dress with my three gold necklaces around my neck and my hair was in a braid. He didn’t even look at me. It had been so long and hanging out with the old ladies talking about romance last night has made me all warm inside. “How could you not have gotten that letter out? I told you there was a time window of when it had to be at the front desk. .was immaculate.” he paused. I was so frustrated I could have screamed but I stayed calm and watched him hoping he would hang up. Plus seeing Georgia break down about her ex husband cheating made me want to cry and hold John close. “Yes I know you brought the letter down for UPS at 6:45pm but do you understand that the time WINDOW was from 6:30pm to 7:00pm?” he walked into the kitchen and grabbed a beer. I opened the screen door for him as he brushed passed me and continued to yell on his phone. dropped his bag on the ground and gave me a quick hug. He walked up the steps taking long strides and barely acknowledging my presence.
Did . I rolled over and heard the sounds of crinkling paper. I took my hair out of the braid and rested my head on the pillow. It must be from all the food I had been consuming lately or maybe I shrunk it. I thought to myself. I will just rest my eyes for a second. I told myself while resting the book on my chest. The t-shirt seemed much tighter. I decided to stay in my room and read.So much for the nice evening I planned. The yelling was only getting louder and his shoes were marching back and forth on the wood floor. I sat on the bed and grabbed my book off the nightstand. I looked at John trying to figure out what had happened last night. # I felt the warm sun on my body. I walked towards the bedroom to trade my cute outfit that I had worn for him for my ugly tshirt and shorts. The minute I began to read my eyes started getting extremely heavy. “I would have just sent it from the Boston office if I had known you would not have gotten it out!” John continued to yell while pacing back and forth. I opened my eyes to find myself smashing my book in the morning sun. I had such a nice evening planned for us.
it even happen? “Good morning sleepy head. Sorry I fell asleep last night. I am going to make coffee.” John whispered slowly opening his eyes. What time were you on the phone till?” “Close to 2am trying to fix the mistake the guy in New York made. John walked out of the room to make his morning coffee. Sometimes I swear if I don’t do things myself then they are never done correctly!” No wonder I fell asleep. This is going to be a great weekend. I thought to myself as I got up. “No thanks. want some?” he asked.” he stood up and put his slippers on. “You looked so comfortable and I didn’t want to wake you. “What happened last night?” “I was on the phone for a while arguing with one of my associates in New York and then when I went looking for you I found you fast asleep in bed. I had such a nice dinner planned for us. . How could I have looked so comfortable with a book on my chest and no covers? So glad I wasted all that time and effort getting myself plus the house ready for John’s arrival.
Chapter July 24th 2009 & July 31st .
I would have liked to have more friends my age but it was my idea to live on the Cape for the summer. He kept calling and apologizing but that didn’t help make me feel better. I just wish John and I were in the same places in our lives. I guess I could have offered to come to Boston. I could call and invite some friends for a weekend but it just seems like a lot of effort. I said as looking down at my new chest! John had once again cancelled for next weekend and if you can even believe it the weekend after that as well. I was beginning to wonder if John was not happy being with me? I am the one basically having an affair yet I still can make time for John. Why can’t he? Does he think he can just leave me alone and ignore me while he works and that I will just sit and wait? He could at least try to acknowledge me and let me know he still cared about me. MA for a weekend but I was surprisingly enjoying my summer on the Cape so far.The weeks were flying by since I was now consumed by my email chats with Hunter and my “old lady” friends. I want my old John to come to the Cape. not the uptight work consumed John. . I knew the Cape was not somewhere I would meet people my age. I must be getting my period or whatever I have been eating recently is really helping me out in that department. I was having dizzy spells and my boobs were defiantly bigger unless I was shrinking every top I owned in the wash. I was feeling a little lonely but Hunter and my new friends had been keeping me busy.
It wasn’t as if I would see anyone I knew or cared about but I looked scary. I had just finished cleaning up the living room when I got a serious craving for Black Raspberry ice cream from the Seashell Marketplace. Lost in my thoughts about the Raw Bar I began to walk towards the Ice Cream store. a ribbon belt and a . I could already taste the cold ice cream melting in my mouth. As I pulled into the Marketplaces seashell driveway I could hear people laughing and talking loudly at the good old Raw Bar.Considering neither Johns were coming there was no need for me to stock the fridge with healthy food. Plus now that I am working for New Seabury I don’t want to look like a bum. It must be packed already with people. I heard something crash and when I looked up I saw him. I threw on my old Kappa t-shirt and white shorts. He was wearing Nantucket red shorts. The Raw Bar was a favorite drinking place of my parents and my grandparents. I looked at myself and decided I had to at least change before I went. I was on autopilot walking towards the ice cream store remembering the good old days when I felt myself hit something or someone. I jumped into my car and headed to the Marketplace. I smiled to myself thinking back to how excited I was when I was finally old enough to have a drink there.
Chris and I used to play in the sandbox when we were kids. He looked so different that I couldn’t believe it. “I am sorry. Are you living on the Cape?” He began laughing and threw his hand up in the air. “Amy?” he asked looking me up and down. Remember?” I took a step back and looked at him again. He didn’t look the least familiar to me and he was making me feel very uncomfortable. Do I know you?” I stared at him as if he was crazy. I didn’t see you. “Chris. Remember our parents were friends? We were both always trapped here for the summers! We used to have dinners at my house all the time. “Yes.” as I fumbled for words. It was Chris. My parents are Andy and Nancy.polo shirt with the collar popped. I had knocked whatever he had been holding out of his hands. Now he was thin and seemed very comfortable with himself. I didn’t even recognize you. I can’t remember the last time we had seen each other. Our parents developed most of the Seashell community together. . He was very handsome but also very feminine. “Amy its Chris White. He had been chunky and a little awkward when we were younger.
Chris’s family was very into image and how the family was perceived where as my family could have cared less. all the cute ones are always gay I thought to myself.” I laughed. “You always were so modest Amy! So what are you doing this evening at the Marketplace?” “I was actually going to grab some ice cream and head home. “Amy are you back on the Cape? I thought you were married to some big hot shot lawyer in Boston or something. . “I live in Manhattan but I am here only for a short time helping my father with the new club house design” There was something about Chris that made me begin to think he might be gay.” “Well I did get married to a lawyer in Boston but I don’t thing he is a hot shot. At least I hadn’t told him that my sixty year old friend had come over dinner a few night ago and my nightly entertainment is emailing my ex fiancé from college.” I replied thinking about what a loser I must of just sounded like. Chris’s mother Nancy was a pretty intense lady who loved to drink. If he is gay I am sure his parents are not happy.“Oh god no! I could never live on the Cape again. His father on the other hand was easy to talk to and could handle his alcohol unlike Nancy. Do you mean to say I am not fat anymore?” he laughed. Damn shame.
I want you to know that I am so very sorry about your parents.” I said pulling back. “Chris may I ask you something. you know.“Why are you going home? Is your husband on the Cape with you?” “No he is in Boston working. It is just me myself and I this summer. “Amy! We are in the Cape for Christ sake! Trust me if we were anywhere else I would make you go home and change before I would be seen with you! Now lets go!” After a few cocktails I could feel all by inhibitions slipping away.” “Amy.” he grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the Raw Bar. “Are you. He has been beyond busy this summer with some new client or something.”? . Except the occasional weekend that he can visit.” “You must be lonely Amy! I wish I had known you were here. ask away!” he flagged the bartender over for another round. My mom told me after the funeral or I would have come. We must catch up! Forget the ice cream and lets go to the raw bar. “Chris look at me.
“Gay?” he whispered leaning towards me. “Well yes,” I said all of a sudden regretting I had ever asked. “Amy you look like a deer in head lights. Of course I am gay. Does my outfit alone not tell you!” he exclaimed loudly. “I came out in college. My parents weren’t too happy as you can imagine. Well my mother was the one not happy. They are over it now and my amazing designing skills can really only help the family business if you think about it,” “Why are all the hot guys gay?” I said out loud. “Amy, do you think I am hot?” I began laughing. “Guess I do, well I used to” “If only I had known when we were little. Maybe I would have tried to grab your boobs in the sandbox. I don’t mean to be crass but Amy when did you get huge boobs?” he asked while drinking his fresh beer. “Hey don’t check me out! I am girl Chris do you remember? Girls have boobs. Maybe you would know that if you weren’t gay,” I said while slouching forward feeling very insecure all of a sudden. “Touchy!” he said. We were having a great time and I could have stayed there forever until my stomach dropped. A wave of nausea came over me. Shit, I
really did not want to throw up here. What is wrong with me? “Chris I have to go. I forgot that I told John I would call him later and it’s already pretty late” I got up and grabbed some cash out of my wallet. “Amy your money is no good here, you know that! We should hang out more since we are both stuck here like old times. Does your parents house have the same phone number from when we were younger?” “You know it,” I replied. I put the money back in my wallet and took out my car keys. “Thank you so much Chris. It was great catching up! Are you sure you are gay?” I giggled. “Sorry babe but I am positive. You sound like my folks now! Call you this week and we can go out or something,” “Sounds good. Bye Chris,” I walked back to the car. Thank god it was not a long drive back to my house because I was drunk. I only had three glasses of wine. I used to have that much all the time without feeling tipsy at all. I got in the car and took a few deep breaths. I turned the car and began to drive out of the parking lot. “Shit! I am going to throw up,” I said. I pulled over and
opened my car door. I began throwing up and coughing. “Ah man look at that girl over there?” some young guy was saying. “Ha-ha another Raw Bar victim,” his friend replied. Please don’t let them come over here, I thought to myself. Once I felt okay to drive I closed my door and hurried home.
The next morning Chris called and invited me to dinner Friday night at his parent’s house. Since John wasn’t coming once again for the weekend I decided to go. I was actually excited and nervous to see his parents again. It had been a long time since we had been together. The last time we were together it had been all of us including my parents.
Dear Hunter, Hi sexy! I ran into my friend Chris last night. He is also on the Cape so now I have a friend my age instead of just my old lady friends. Having dinner with his family on Friday. How are you? Do you have anything new and exciting to tell me?
Xoxo Me Dinner With Chris and His Family Friday was already here and I had no clue what to wear to dinner. I swear something weird must be going on with my body. I .
have all the signs of being pregnant but I know I can’t be. I grabbed my clutch and went outside to meet him. Chris would be here any second and I was still standing naked in my closet. “Why thank you.” I said while getting into Chris’s very large Explorer. It was times like these when I really missed my parents. “You clean up nicely Amy. We crossed over the little creaky bridge and turned onto Sound Breeze Rd.” Chris yelled from the car. Chris’s family only lived about ten minutes from my house. We slowly pulled up to the familiar house where I had spent many childhood afternoons. I threw off the third dress that wouldn’t zip over my chest onto the floor.” Chris laughed as he peeled out of the driveway sending shells flying. I thought to myself. I give up! I could hear Chris’s car pulling into the driveway. where Chris’s family lived. If I am not better by the end of the summer I must go see a doctor. I need a moo moo dress. “I would go out with you dressed like this in Manhattan not the grubby white shorts and grey tank you had on at the Raw Bar. flats and a white button down. It was so weird being here . Screw it I will just squeeze myself into my very stretchy skinny jeans.
All I had wanted was my mother back. I told myself as I got out of the car. Just thinking about them brought tears to my eyes.without them. I really hate when people try to look sad. “Yes I did. I could have cared less what was sent to me at the time. Not now Amy.” Chris replied as we walked into the house. I gave Chris’s father a hug and followed the guys into the living room. a bottle of Veuve Cliquot and looking as beautiful as ever. I must say I am so sorry for all you have been through! I apologize that we couldn’t make it to your mother’s funeral. “Amy I am so glad you could make it to dinner. Did you receive the flowers we sent?” he asked while attempting to make a sad face. “Amy look at you! You are all grown up” “Dad what were you expecting? Of course she is all grown up. trust me I know. Chris’s mother walked into the living room holding four champagne glasses. You don’t have to look sad to feel sad. “Amy. Thank you very much.” she leaned over kissing me on the cheek. Chris’s father opened the door and yelled.” I replied as if I remembered who sent what flowers when my mother had passed away. She smoothed her fitted black skirt down and took a seat on the .
antique chair. Chris’s father Andy opened the bottle of Veuve and began filling our glasses. Veuve Cliquote had always been what my parents and the Singers used to drink together. After every big deal they closed together Veuve Cliquote followed. As I took a sip of the bubbly champagne I felt myself being flooded with happy memories. I am not sure how long we all talked in the living room but I did know that we had now finished our second bottle of Veuve and Nancy; Chris’s mom was starting to get drunk.
“Mom I am getting hungry,” Chris said. Thank god I thought to myself! “Is anyone else hungry or would you all like to wait a little longer?” she asked. “Nancy I am pretty hungry now that Chris has mentioned it,” Andy replied. “Amy?” she said. “I can eat now or wait. It is up to you Mrs. Singer?” Mrs. Singer stood up which I assumed meant we would be eating now. We all sat in the very formal dining room talking and laughing. I was surprised to see how much work they had done to their house. It used to be a quaint house and now it was a very showy house. The dining room was big enough for a family of ten and they had all their china on
display. My parent’s never would have liked what they had done to the house. I knew that they had money but was it necessary to show it off? Dinner went by quickly and by the time dessert was served I was starting to feel drunk. “We had such a great time at your wedding Amy and we were hoping your husband would have come with you tonight,” Nancy said rocking a little in her chair. “I wish he could have been here as well. He is always working which makes it hard for him to get to the Cape every weekend. It is not the best situation but it is what it is,” I said downing the last of my wine. “Amy, I don’t mean to pry but do you trust your husband being all alone in Boston? He is rich, handsome and quit a catch if I do say so myself” I let out a quick laugh. “Mrs. Singer you have no need to worry. I trust my husband just as he trust me,” I replied as I started to wonder if that was the truth. “Of course he trust you Amy! All men trust women, it is the men you need to watch” she slurred. “I just don’t understand you kids. Why would you want to risk having your husband leaving you? Considering my son turned gay out of nowhere makes me wonder how that can happen? What if tomorrow John wakes up gay?” she said while raising
her voice. “Mom, gay is not a disease you catch over night. Do we really need to talk about this right now,” Chris replied looking extremely uncomfortable. “Nancy, we should let the kids catch up a little bit. Come on,” Andy stood up and reached towards Nancy. She pushed her chair back and began swaying side to side. Andy put his arm around her back to sturdy her while leading her into the other room. “Sorry Amy. As you can tell my mother is still a horrible drunk and very mad that I am gay,” Chris sadly whispered to me. “Hey you know me Chris. I have seen your mom drunk and you have seen mine. Who cares if she doesn’t like you being gay! All that matters is you being happy. Don’t worry about it,” I smiled at Chris trying to get a smile back. “Who needs a refill,” Mrs. Singer announced as she stumbled back into the room. Chris looked over at me with a look that could kill. “It’s okay,” I whispered to Chris while Mrs. Singer filled our glasses once again. After a few more drinks Mrs. Singer was inebriated and all the while Chris was getting more annoyed. Mr. Singer was doing his best at
” he kissed my cheek and gave me a hug. Go call your gay people and see what they are doing.” Chris began walking towards his car and I could feel the anger brewing inside of him. She has been drinking more than usual lately and as you can see she doesn’t exactly hold her alcohol well.trying to conceal just how bad Mrs. “Yes I am fine dad. Just ignore your mother. Singer said to Chris.” I ran to catch up to Chris who was already in the car.” she slurred. Are you okay to drive Amy home?” Mr. “Thank you again Mr. None of us responded or acknowledge what she had just said to Chris. “I am sorry Chris. I followed his lead and stood up as well. My husband is expecting my call. You know she loves you and she has a hard time with you being gay but she is working on it son. Don’t all gay guys like to dance? Go dance and let Amy and I catch up. “I apologize Amy. “Mom. I love you. Singer for a wonderful dinner. “Chris just because you are tired doesn’t mean Amy is. Singer for dinner but Chris is right I really should be getting home. He had tears in .” I leaned down to give her a hug good-bye and followed Chris to the door. I should take Amy home. It is getting late. “Thank you Mrs. I shut my door and looked at Chris in the drivers seat. I will be home soon.” Chris stood up and looked over at me. Singer really was. It was great to see you guys.
I should have warned you about how much worse my mothers little drinking problem has gotten. They are very different than our parents. I was at a loss for words. especially when I home.” “Thank you for coming tonight Amy. Ever since I told her I was gay she has been drinking all the time. They would come grab pick us up and make us dance and sing with them.” I laughed and Chris joined me. Just another lovely dinner with mom. I miss those days. Remember when our family would come over for dinner and we would eat in the living room while they ate in the dinning room and after a few hours we could hear them singing with the stereo blaring. Now that is a normal dinner to me. you okay?” I asked leaning towards him.” “Please I have missed having dysfunctional dinners. “Chris. . “I am sorry Chris.” we drove away from the once familiar house that held happy memories. They even call each other mom and dad instead of their names.his eyes. “Yes I am fine. I had a great time tonight with you and your father if that matters. John’s family is as straight as an arrow.
I actually felt bad for Chris because I could tell how embarrassed he was. Went to dinner at Chris’s family house and lets just say his mother still drinks way too much. Plus his mother made .Chapter Subtitle Dear Hunter. How was your night? Mine was pretty interesting.
Feeling kind of down today and hung over. She can be so frustrating. How are you doing over there? Dear Amy. Sounds like a very interesting evening. Now he looks amazing but he is gay and she doesn’t want a gay son. . Sorry I am such a downer today! I am going to read and hopefully get rid of this hangover. I am sorry you are feeling down. I forgot what a total bitch she can be. It also made me really miss my parents. Chris is amazing and she used to put him on diets when we were younger because she didn’t want to have a fat child. Talk to you tomorrow. I just wish I could call my mom and dad right now and fill them in on my night.little remarks throughout dinner about Chris being gay. Thank you for offering but unless you can bring my parents back there is not much anyone can do to help me. I missed the dinners we all had together when I was younger. I wish I could help you in some way. Is there anything I can do? Me Dear Hunter.
Good morning! I hope you are feeling better today! Are you? Dear Hunter. It scares me as well but the thought of us not emailing scares me more. As you know we have been emailing non-stop and I can't stop thinking about you.Xoxo Me Dear Amy. The sun is shining and Georgia is stopping by later. I am nervous about how close we have become again. Wow. How are you? Dear Amy. Yes I am feeling much better this morning. I passed back out after we emailed and slept through the whole night. I was not expecting that. Are you trying to tell me something Hunter? . am not going to lie. There is something I need to tell you. I Dear Hunter.
could do it again.. may I visit you in the Cape? Your man in waiting. it contributes to those insecurities. I believe that if we see each other again we will know what to do next. again. I love thinking that you and I could be a possibility but with that come a certain level of insecurity. and before you came along. Hunter . After we email I can't stop thinking about what you are doing or if your husband knows about me. I had absolutely nothing in my life that would put me in that frame of mind. Also as much as I want to say that it doesn't bother me when you go to bed with your husband that you left me for.I don't want to lose you again. new feelings of insecurity.. I hate feeling insecure about anything. Amy it is up to you now. or who has been in your life the past two years and I wasn't. I am not a jealous person. and I hate it. So I guess that is what I am dealing with. Sorry to say that it is just how I feel. who makes me think you. You hurt me once Amy. Did I mention that you live in another state and you are married? I am not enjoying this feeling.
Chapter Subtitle I woke up to the sound of a car crunching on the seashell .
"Nothing. I grabbed my sketchbook off the bedside table and fell back onto the bed as if I had been sketching the ocean. "John wait!" . Not that it would be a passionate kiss knowing John but still I couldn't do it. "Hey there. I put on my button down and jeans that were lying on the ground. Oh no he is home early. "Nice voice John" I said trying to smile. "Yes well my last meeting was cancelled for the day so I decided to beat all the Cape traffic and head on down" he said in a funny country voice that I found really annoying. I hadn't even brushed my teeth from kissing Hunter. I couldn't kiss John yet. "What's wrong?" he asked as he started to loosen his tie. "Oh darling you like when I talk like this?" he said once again in that horrible country accent. you know how I get. "Come here and give your man a little lovin sugar" he pulled me up from the bed and started to unbutton my shirt." I said. He put his briefcase down and bent over to give me a kiss. "Where are you Amy?" John yelled as he shut the front door. Just sketching. I jumped up threw the sheets in the dryer. You got here early this weekend. I looked down and pretended I was deep into my sketch. I am in the bedroom just sketching a little" He walked into the bedroom with his suit on and looking quite handsome.driveway.
"What?" I pushed him away, "Was that the phone?" "No. Are you waiting for an important call or something?" "Um actually yes I am," I lied. "Really Amy are you alright? You are acting kind of weird," "Oh yes sorry I am fine. Just been really jumpy today for some reason. I am sorry honey. Why don't you change and I will start to get dinner ready," I said as I walked out of the bedroom. I actually wasn't feeling well though. I sat down in the kitchen and thought back to my senior week of college. Flash Back – College – The Proposal Beep, beep, and beep. What the hell? I rolled over and turned off the alarm. Why is it going off so early? I rolled back into Hunters arms when I began to feel the beginning of a horrible hangover. We had gone out with both of our families last night to celebrate Hunter and I graduating. They got along great and our father's were even going to play golf together! My parent's left first saying they were tired. Not so long after Hunters parents left as well. What happened next? I had so much to drink last night everything was still hazy. I was about to wake up Hunter to ask for a refresher when I noticed a huge diamond ring on my engagement finger. Then the whole night came back to me in a flash. The haze had been lifted.
After our parents had left Hunter took me back to his apartment. He wanted to change before we went to the local bar to see all of our friends. I remember that I thought that him wanting to change was very weird since he wasn't a pretty boy. It wasn't as if he had a suit on. I wanted to wait in the car because I was tired but he was persistent that I come up stairs with him. I was being such a brat. I thought he was trying to get me upstairs to have sex. When we got upstairs Hunter opened the door and the whole apartment was filled with candles and roses. "Wow Hunter, Jake must have really wanted to get laid to go through all of this," I chuckled as I threw myself down on the couch. "Hunter?" I called. Where did he go? I closed my eyes and rested for a little. "Amy," Hunter whispered in my ear. "Just five more minutes and then we can go to the bar," I whispered as I rolled onto my side. "Amy," he whispered again. I rolled back to face him and gave him my death stare. I opened my mouth and was about to tell him to relax when I noticed he was on one knee holding a ring. I was speechless. My death stare quickly became more of a surprised stare. Did my parents know? Did my roommate know? Did he ask my fathers permission? Hunter and I had discussed living together after
college but that was as far as we ever got. I sat straight up trying to breathe. "Amy, you captivated me from the moment our eyes locked at PhiDelta. I can't remember my life before you and I don't want to ever go back there. I love you with all my heart and always will. Even if you are being a brat on the night I am proposing. Amy Green will you marry me?" Tears were streaming down my face and I felt a lump in my throat. I reached out and put my arms around his neck and started saying yes over and over again. When we got to the bar, which wasn't till later, all our friends were still there. Everyone kept coming over and saying congratulations. That was the happiest night of my life. I was glowing inside and out. I was engaged to the most amazing man, about to graduate college, all my friends were there and my family. I wish I had known more of what his plans were for after graduation because then I might not of said yes.
I took my tie off and sat on the bed. What is going with Amy? Maybe she is pregnant? Maybe she has been lonely all week with me working in Boston and her being here alone. It was her idea not to rent out the Cape house this summer. Wouldn't she know if she was
pregnant? She wanted to paint and get out of the city for a little she had told me. let me help you" I bent down and started picking up her clothes and other misc. Wow she was beautiful. "This might come across a little bold but would you like to get a drink sometime with me?" . She had splatters of yellow paint in her chestnut color bangs and carrying a ton of stuff. I remember when I first met Amy. items." she said laughing while putting her stuff back into her bag. Trust me this stuff happens to me all the time. As soon as I opened the door all of her stuff fell out of her hands onto the street. Her cheeks were flushed and her bag kept slipping off her shoulder. in her diary and through her painting. She was walking into the dry cleaners just as I was coming out. She had dark almost black eyes and creamy white skin. "That is not a very positive outlook! What is your name?" "Amy" "That is not a very positive outlook Amy" "I know but it is the sad truth" she finally finished putting all her stuff back in her bag and looked up at me. She looked so cute and so distraught. She talks to herself in her head. I stood there staring at her until finally I could speak. "You really don't have to help. but Amy never talks about her feelings. I could try and talk to her. "Here. It is the luck I live with.
" she laughed.She slowly repositioned the clothes she was holding and pulled her bag up again on her shoulder. "Yes you caught me. By the way my name is John" I turned around and walked back to my car. I am totally kidding." she replied while looking down. Amy that is great. I remember getting in my car and opening the sunroof. Are you busy tomorrow night?" "No plans that I can't break. I will see you tomorrow night at 8 p. "Yes. sorry! I tend to be overly sarcastic when I am embarrassed. That is how I pick my ladies" "That is what I thought. The sun was beaming down on warming my golden brown hair and I felt like the luckiest man alive. Why?" "Why don't we meet at that Chinese restaurant across the street tomorrow night at 8 p. "I have never done this before I swear! Do you want to give me your number or do you want mine?" "Yeah right you probably do this all the time. "Well. all right Amy. I had never done anything that spontaneous in .? Does that work for you? Wow was that just way to forward?" she said while looking back down at the street.m.m. that would be nice. "No. I like that we already have a date and we don't have to go through the whole calling game" She quietly let out a laugh and looked back at up at me. I open the dry cleaners door trying to knock beautiful women stuff onto the street.
I slowly moved my hand up the back of her shirt when Amy suddenly stopped kissing me. Oh man that first date was amazing. We went back at her place and sat on her Nantucket red couch. disastrous woman. We began making out. I was so confused about what I had done to put her off. "Everything all right?" I asked. She backed away and pulled her shirt down. There is never a dull moment with Amy. The conversation was great! She loved talking about her writing. My friends were shocked when I told them and even more shocked when we got married. It was so adorable and she was so embarrassed. She was pretty talented. It all crashed onto the ground and once again Amy cheeks turned a pink color. I kept telling her not to worry. her art and her job. She kept apologizing over and over as her cheeks turned pinker and pinker. carefree. Where did that Amy go? The Amy I met had been a fun. . When we finished eating Amy slid out of the booth and accidently took the whole tablecloth and setting with her. Her apartment was clean and very eclectic.my life. She was an elementary school teacher at the same public school she had attended. She spilled her glass of wine all over me as she got up to go to the bathroom. I fell in love with her right then. She had pictures all over her house and some paintings she had done.
I know she wouldn't. Fast forward two years and here we are now in the Cape and already we seem like an old married couple. "Amy what are you talking about? I don't want to have sex right now. What is she talking about? I had no response since I was in shock. I took my shoes off and changed out of my suit."You are totally going to think I am crazy but I am not ready to have sex with you. So far there was no heat. "See now you think I am totally crazy" she got up and went to get a glass of wine. We never had crazy sex but that isn't how Amy would like it. As soon as we started kissing again I knew I was a dead man. I started laughing so hard I thought I was going to have an accident on her couch." she said. I just wish I knew how to bring my Amy back. "Great now you are never going to ask me out again" she said quietly while pouring her wine. I thought after her trip to Florida things would heat more between us. There was so much passion in the beginning. We would have sex every morning and sometimes even twice. Now calm down and get back over here?" She started laughing and sat back down next to me. Now I am lucky if we have sex once a week. You are crazy but trust me we will have more dates. Amy was the girl I had been waiting for. Something changed in her a few months .
What harm can wine do then but maybe get us to have sex tonight. I am sure if she was pregnant she would of told me. can’t we spend one lazy Saturday morning in bed? I got up and started to walk towards the kitchen. to life. I was feeling rather queasy and needed crackers. Where the hell was he? It was Saturday morning. She has crawled inside of herself and I don't know how to bring her back to me. I stopped and decided to go down to our mini wine cellar and get a nice bottle of red wine for us to share. to happiness.ago. Maybe that will help Amy unwind. I started to walk towards the kitchen where I could hear Amy signing along to the little radio in the kitchen. . # I rolled over expecting John next to me but instead I rolled over to no one.
His discipline has always amazed me.” “Sorry work stuff.” John said as he walked back into the house. He kept pushing his hair back and then putting his hand on his hip while talking into his cell phone. John did have an amazing body. It was only 8am who could he be talking too? I sat there eating and watching him. Doesn’t mean I have to like it though. Once I got my box of crackers I sat down on the couch. Every morning he would chug his protein shake and for lunch he would bring a salad and chicken breast to work. I looked down at my watch. John took great pride in his body. “You are up early. You know how it is. eat whatever you want to eat. I know how it is. I noticed John on the deck on his cell phone. When we first started dated it used to annoy me. . When we would go out for breakfast he would order egg whites and dry toast. As if he was really enjoying his no taste egg whites and hard dry toast. Maybe that’s why he is so successful at work? “Good morning baby.The closer I got to the kitchen the more nauseas I felt. “Amy. Some might think he was too thin but I didn’t.” he said while walking over to hug me. John would always say.” John had a weird hierarchy of important things to him. while myself on the other hand would order French toast with extra syrup and butter. He claims I am number one but I find that hard to believe. Actions speak louder than words. Enjoy your food”. “Yes.
It was overwhelming and very tiring. with friends. I just wanted my husband to be able to spend a weekend at our summerhouse with me.” Surprise. “What is it John? You okay?” “I am fine don’t worry but I have to leave today and head back to the office. I stood up and walked away. my friends are in New York and partying it up.His actions show that number one is work. surprise I wanted to say but instead I just shrugged and looked down at the faded blue rug. two is family (guess you could include me in there). I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. and wanted to go out but then after awhile it just made me feel lonely. What the hell would I do there? You would be working. John always needs to be doing. and number three is his guy friend.” John said sitting down next to me. your married friends are boring and I don’t know. “Don’t cry Amy! I told you this could happen. I liked how he always had friends around. I have some bad news. I am bored and alone. I guess it is not Johns fault.” I couldn’t explain to him how alone I felt. The lonely feeling was now overtaking my body. played on sports teams. God forbid he might miss something. At first I liked it. etc. Why don’t you come back to Boston with me?” John said while kneeling down in front of me. “John I don’t want to be back in Boston. It is my fault for thinking this was the life I wanted. going. . “Amy.
So here I am staring at Hunters email. Hunter is coming here this Monday. Sometimes I wonder if I like being miserable since nothing good can come from this.John left later in the afternoon. Instead I told Hunter that yes I wanted to see him. I am so stupid to have said yes to him. We grilled out for lunch and then he had to take off. John is arriving today for the weekend. We sat out on the deck together and read our books. He apologized over and over again and I put on my happy fake smile as if all was okay. I am excited to see . He wants to come here. This is so crazy. I should have said no to Hunter and called a therapist! Of course that would have been to smart. Chapter Subtitle Dear Diary.
” “Hey baby. It was only noon.” John said. That would be amazing if he had already left. I will be back soon. Xoxo Me I leaned over the side of the bed and picked up the phone.John if you can believe it. are you on the road already.” I glanced at the clock. The phone is ringing. “Got some bad news baby. “Hello. I miss him. “Let me guess you aren’t coming this weekend?” “Amy I am sorry! You know how crazy work has been and I just can’t get away for the weekend. “Hey honey. I will probably be in the office all day and . Maybe we will have an amazing weekend and then when Hunter gets here I won’t be tempted to do anything dumb! I went to the market last night and got two pieces of salmon that John and I can make on the grille tonight and a great bottle of white wine from New Zealand.” he said. My heart fell and I lay back on the bed.
God damn it John.” I said while fighting back tears.” he said with a chuckle. thank god. I had no desire to talk to John. “I am not going to lie John. you are making this thing with Hunter way to easy! I hate you right now! # It was now Saturday night and I hadn’t left my bed since Friday when John called to tell me he wasn’t coming.” he said and then hung up. Just as I was about to . I was disgusting! The phone was ringing and I debated picking it up.night this weekend. I understand. I love you! Next weekend is Labor Day weekend and I will come and make it up to you.” “Amy what would you like me to do? Not work? Get fired?” “John stop being so dramatic. Love you. Call me later. I am really disappointed but I understand. I could feel the first warm tear slip out of my eyes and down my cheeks. It finally stopped ringing. Plus I will help you close up the house. I had been watching Lifetime Movie Network and eating saltines. we know how much of a pain that can be. I let it drop onto the floor as I curled into fetal position. I held the phone hearing the dial tone ringing in my ear. “That’s my girl! Thank you for being the best wife ever! Call you when I get home tonight. I didn’t even bother to hang up the phone. I love you.
go to the bathroom the damn phone started ringing again. I thought to myself.” I told him while I sank deeper into my self-pity. There is no way I can go out. Maybe something had happened. I dragged myself into the shower and tried to wake myself up. # Exactly thirty minutes since Chris had hung up on me he was . “Hello.” “Get your dancing shoes on!” “Who is this?” “Amy its Chris! Tonight is my last night here! I had to cut my summer stay short due to some work in New York. I am going to pick you up in thirty minutes. I haven’t showered in two days and since all I have doing this summer is eating nothing I own fits me! I am sorry Chris but I can’t go out. I thought to myself. Get in the shower now! I am not taking no for an answer. See you in thirty.” Chris informed me. I looked at myself and thought about crying. “Chris I am gross. I decided to answer it. Great.” Chris said. “Chris?” All I heard was a dial tone. “Amy you are coming out! I will be there in 30 minutes and will help you get dressed.
How was I even going to compete with that? “Take me to your closet. Good luck! I am telling you I have nothing to wear. I watched as Chris worked his magic.” I said while picking up outfit number one. I stood up and told Chris I would be right back. “Ta da.” he said standing proud and tall. . Recently crackers have been a major staple in my diet! I would of thought that some of my weight would have left by know considering I was only eating crackers. This is amazing! You totally didn’t have to do all this.standing at my door. “Wow Chris. but no such luck there! When I walked back into my bedroom I was amazed. boat shoes. Chris had two outfits lying on my bed with matching jewelry. “Here you go Chris. Crew shorts. I headed to the kitchen and grabbed some crackers. I was wearing one of John’s tee shirts and sweat pants.” I sat down on the wood chest in front of the bed facing the closet.” Chris announced as he walked in to my house. He had his sleeves rolled up just enough to show off his massive Rolex. He was wearing plaid J. I was beginning to feel nauseas again. a tan leather belt and a white button down. How could I have not known he was gay when we were younger? Watching him now has brought back memories of us playing dolls when we were younger and how Chris was way more into it then I was.
“I am ready. Ten minutes later I was dressed with makeup on. Why did we ever lose touch.“Yes I did Amy. get dressed.” he exclaimed as he walked towards the kitchen. “Chris I looked like one massive boob in that high waist skirt and tank top. Chris stopped what he was doing and looked me up and down. I sure as hell was not going to go out with you wearing that! Now pick an outfit. I have no clue where these boobs have sprouted from lately but it is reeking havoc on my wardrobe. I was really tan and my long dark brown hair flowed down my back as my bangs lay flat across my forehead. I was wearing my long simple black dress with my tan gladiator sandals. I had a feeling you would not go with outfit number two but I just had to see. put a little makeup on and I will make us cocktails. Without Chris I never would have been able to get ready so fast. I forgot how nice Chris was.” I took a sip of my very strong mojito and walked into the sitting room. my pink stone and tan leather . “You clean up well Amy. which consisted of my gold charm bracelet.” I said stepping into the kitchen. I looked down at the outfits and smiled. I must admit I did feel pretty hot.” he giggled as he passed me an ice cold mojito. Now go. I wondered as I began getting dressed. As I walked towards the kitchen I could hear the radio playing and Chris mixing up drinks. Chris had also picked out my jewelry for the night.
I went outside and grabbed Chris and I a table while he got the drinks. Chris and I had a few drinks while reminiscing many summers we spent together when we were young. My parents had given me my watch for graduation and I loved it but sometimes it did seem rather large.” I said through a fake smile. and of course my large Cartier Tank watch. laughing and having fun.wrap bracelet. I looked around at all the young people drinking. I was completely transfixed on the young crowd I hadn’t even noticed Chris had come back. I took a few deep breaths and grabbed my grandmother’s vintage Chloe bag. Let’s go. . I am fine. He looked over at the table I was affixed on. The bar was packed and the new outside patio was open. He handed me my cocktail and sat down. I hadn’t realized I was tipsy until I stood up to leave. “You okay?” Chris asked. Most of them had probably rented a bunch of the small houses behind the raw bar for the summer. Since there are not many bars on the Cape we ended up at the good old Raw Bar. “Oh yeah. “What are you thinking about Amy?” he asked.
“Amy you know that I am very sorry for all your loss the past few years and in no way am I trying to make light of the situation but you need to keep living! You are married to a successful handsome man. Last but not least I told him all about Hunter. “Yes.” I sighed. “Wow. I told him how I have been feeling lost and like I don’t fit in with anyone. As soon as the drinks came I let out everything I had been holding in for months. Amy you are scandalous!” . of course but let me get us another round before you go on. I took the rest of my drink down and decided I would tell Chris everything. Are you happy?” I couldn’t answer.“Sorry. Tears were welling up in my eyes. I was just watching the young summer crowd. I wish I was that age again and life was simple. “Chris can you keep a secret?” He leaned forward and looked me dead in the eyes. I told him how my friends are partying and all of John’s friends have children.” he waved the waitress over and ordered us both double vodka and soda waters. “Amy shut up! You are young! What is going on with you?” “What do you mean?” I took back half of my cocktail dreading his answer.
Chapter Subtitle Hunter arrives .August 17th 2009 .
get a hold of yourself! I looked straight ahead and began driving towards the Cape. I am speechless! Of course I recognized him. whatever normal is. I recognized every part of him. My mind was starting to remember the feeling of every part of his body pressing against my body just weeks ago in Florida. How was your flight?" I asked while trying to act normal. He started to tap on the window again. My stomach is in knots. . I can't believe he is here! I smile and both of our eyes light up.Here I am sitting in my car at Logan Airport waiting for Hunter wondering why I said yes to him. Amy my flight was spectacular. I want to kiss him so badly. you a married lady. "Didn't recognize me pumpkin?" he says while throwing his bags in the back. Part of me wants to drive back to the Cape and forget this whole plan but I can't move. "Hi Hunter. OK control yourself Amy. I slowly lifted my head to see Hunter standing at my window. I hit unlock and Hunter opens my car door. Where is he? I began to look around for my cell phone when I heard a knock on my window. Oops I didn't unlock the doors. "Well Ms." Hunter responded in a fake formal way. I must look like such a moron sitting here staring at him. oh well I guess some things never change. My stomach is once again tightening but in a way I haven't felt since Florida. I feel so guilty inside I am nauseous.
"No but I did want to make sure you had an okay flight" I said trying to stop myself from blushing. . Now lets have a real conversation. "You don't look to shabby yourself. We listened to music and talked on and off about our current lives and reminisced about old times. Neither one of us mentioned our current relationship situations. he caught me. He must be wondering why I am here with him again if I am married." Hunter said. I never could pull anything off around Hunter. We pulled up to the house and a guilty feeling washed over me again.. it was as if we had never been apart." I replied with a smirk on my face. "Well then yes I did. Thank god he hasn't asked because I honestly have no clue how to answer that. "Amy. The rest of the ride was perfect. "You look amazing Amy."Are you making fun of me?" He began laughing." now it was Hunters turn to stumble on his words.. I wanted to tell Hunter this is a bad idea and I think he should go back to the airport. I felt so comfortable. I mean. I began to laugh and so did Hunter. you serious? How was your flight? Is that really what you want to talk about now? No I miss you or this is crazy or anything other than how was your flight?" Damn it. I felt his strong hand touch my shoulder. Can you believe we are actually together again? Well I mean seeing each other again? Not dating.
I hope these pants don't make my ass look big. shut up! Grab your bags lets go. "Hunter you were heading in a direction that I did not want to go in. why did you leave me?" His eyes were closed and he was reclining on the sun chair." "What direction was that? Married? You are married now Amy. so why him and not me?" Flash Back – Break Up I thought back to when I found out that Hunter was going into the . We were sitting on the deck listening to the tide coming in while drinking Oyster Bay sauvignon Blanc wine. # It wasn't until Wednesday night that Hunter expressed his true feelings about the break up."Amy if you are having second thoughts I can always get a hotel room" He said quietly while his sparkling green eyes stared into my soul. "Amy. I thought while walking towards the house. "No Hunter." I said as I jumped out of the car and begin to walk up the steps as if everything was normal.
He could get possessive sometimes. etc. Granted we had never discussed our future plans but we were engaged. I broke it off with Hunter over the phone and he told me he wasn't going to let me go. We had graduated in May and in July Hunter told me "our" plans and showed me a picture of the house he had bought us on the Marine Corps base. I assumed we had the same kind of plans. but for some reason I never thought Hunter wanted to go down that path. It is a very honorable path and I was proud of him wanting to be apart of our country I just didn't want to be married to a marine. There were pictures hanging of his father and grandfather who had been in the Marine Corps. I know it is not really like that but that was how I always pictured it. I felt so betrayed by him when he told me. I must admit that every . He wanted me to keep the ring as a reminder of what I was giving up on. we both had college degrees. Never once did I think to go live on a Marine Corps base while Hunter is out doing god knows what and I am baking cakes with the other Marine Corps wives.Marine Corps right after college I could have killed him. I was in shock. At first I tried to tell myself it would be okay and at least we would be together but in the end I knew it wasn't what I wanted. family money. How could he have never thought to discuss that with me? Did he think I would do whatever he wanted? I don't know why I never realized all the American flags around the Green's house.
The second week of September I met John. I always hoped it would get better. I didn't even think about Hunter. Come September I would be teaching 3rd grade so I let loose in August. We never communicated again except for one letter saying bye for good when he found out I was engaged to John. but after last Friday with Hunter I know sex with John will never change. The sex wasn't like it had been with Hunter. I could feel it but it was small enough at the time to ignore it. sailed with my father. We hit it off instantly. John ended up proposing to me on New Years Eve. We had only been dating for four months. not as passionate and needy. which always surprised me! We didn't speak after the break up. John took me to fancy work events. This was how I always pictured my life being. He was everything that Hunter wasn't. He never took charge and he loved standard basic sex. older. August became my month of partying. I hung up on him and began sobbing in my mom's arms while Rebecca held my hand after we broke up. The ring was beautiful and my parent's loved him. had money and was very generous. He was conservative. I was so excited.time I was feeling down I would take out the ring and wonder if I had done the right thing by not marrying him. John was actually kind of boring in the bedroom. I was beyond crushed. . There was still something missing. but John said he knew from day one that he wanted to marry me. kind of like my dad in a way.
Ever since then Hunter seemed to sporadically drift back into my mind. 2001 and 10 days later was when my father died. which he also owned. John was such a great support to my mom and I after my father passed. I picked up the phone once to call his parents to see how Hunter was. Even though John and I were now married it still felt like we were dating. That was the day Hunter came back into my mind for the first time since we broke up. 2001 since we were now going to war. I was going through my jewelry box that first night at John's apartment and there it was. John and I were married September 1. From the time my mom moved in downstairs (January 2002) to the time she got sick (January 2003) my heart belonged to my mom first and then John. After work I would . but I hung up as soon as it started ringing. it was too painful and what was the point. I couldn't do it. John was out for a jog.My parents helped me move my stuff into his huge loft apartment in Beacon Hill. I tucked the ring back into the little hiding spot that I had created last July for it and got into bed with my fiancé John. My engagement ring from Hunter tucked into the far back of the box. I am forever grateful that we all had been together on my wedding day. My mom was a mess and John had her move into the downstairs apartment. I had never told John about Hunter or the fact that I had been engaged before. I thought a lot about Hunter after September 11. I had everything I had ever thought I wanted so why did Hunter have to pop up into my head.
I turned around and walked to the screen door. I sat there for a while wanting to explain why John and not Hunter but all my past reasons didn't seem right anymore. John would visit us both considering I basically lived there with her. # "I will be right back and then we can continue this conversation. May 14." I said while getting up. When the cancer took over and we had to move her into a hospice I took a leave of absence from my teaching job and spent all my time there with her. My mom and Hunter had always gotten along and I wanted to tell him. That is not going to work this time Amy.go to my moms apartment first. "There you go doing what you do best. Remember how you used to always say. "Let me grab some more wine for us and then I promise we will . avoiding. 2003. "I don't want to talk about it" and that would be the end of that. John worked very long hours so most nights I ate dinner with my mom and even passed out on her couch sometimes for the night. She passed away only one month ago on mother's day. I need to know why him and not me" Hunter said seriously. My father and him were another story but my mom and him had a connection. not mine and John's. The next day was when I first reached out to Hunter.
I blinked and the floodgates opened up. Where is . After a few deep breaths I thought about what Hunter had just asked me. What the hell is going on with me? Am I allergic to guilt? Finally I composed myself and took a seat in the kitchen with a glass of water. If that was truly the only reason then I must be the shallowest person ever! I know it couldn't have been the only reason. There will be plenty of time to do that when he leaves. tears for my dad dying. Tears were filling in my eyes. Back outside I stood there holding the bottle of wine. what I did and what I'm doing now to Hunter. Tears for what I was doing to John. I am the worst person.talk. Tears were streaming out of my eyes. tears for my mom suffering through cancer. Why did I leave Hunter? There must have been a reason other than the Marine Corp. I am so screwed up that I should probably just be alone for the rest of my life. Why did I marry John? If I could have my ex fiancé here now and be lying to John then should I be married to John? I shook my head and decided I shouldn't be wasting the time I have with Hunter analyzing my crazy self. which was becoming a new bedroom to me considering how often I found myself here. I began feeling nauseous again and ran to the bathroom." I closed the screen door behind so fast he couldn't respond. I wiped the mascara off below my eyes and moved forward. As soon as I began walking towards the kitchen everything was getting blurry. I lied down on the cold bathroom tiles.
I was not going to think about the future yet and I was finally feeling happy. It was that wonder inside of me that could and would end up changing my whole life. "Yes please. He poured the wine and I took a long slow sip. That would be a real turn on. He looked so perfect on my deck.Hunter? Hunter is gone. I glanced over at Hunter reclining in his chair staring out at the ocean and holding his glass of wine. The sun was glistening of his dark brown hair. Why are you so far away?" he said while pulling . Just like I had always pictured my husband would look. I smiled and walked back towards him. I looked around and decided that maybe he went down to the beach. "More wine?" he asked while taking the bottle from me. He will always have a place in my heart. I thought to myself. I could feel myself relaxing again and letting myself enjoy this moment. "Where are you going? Did you hate my question so much you are running away from me?" he said with a laugh." I just pray I don't throw up I kept thinking. I wonder what would of happened if I had married him. Hunter must of have felt my eyes looking at him because he turned his head and looked at me. His legs had a nice color from our week in the sun together. "Get over here. I was about to walk down the stairs to the beach when I heard my name. He was carrying two sweaters and walking back to our chairs on the deck.
I was right back in my old spot snug in his arms. Hunter. He was fast asleep. He put his glass of wine down and leaned back into his chair. I closed my eyes and snuggled up against his soft baby yellow cashmere sweater. If only life was this simple I thought. Few hours later I opened my eyes and realized the sky was pitch black. . Hunter woke up right away.my chair closer to his. What time is it? I lifted my head and looked up towards Hunter. "Hunter." "Well I want you closer! Come sit on my lap like old times. Don't be scared Amy" he winked at me. He grumbled and rolled is head the other way. I walked over to his chair and he pulled me on top of him. "Hunter I am right next to you." I said while rubbing his chest. Since I couldn't see anything and have no coordination I kicked over one of the wine glasses and it shattered everywhere. I could hear the seagulls flying above. the waves crashing over the sand and I thought to myself this is what heaven must be like as I drifted to sleep. His mouth was open a little bit and his arms were holding me tightly. Hunter had always been impossible to wake up I quickly remembered. My head was on his chest and I could feel his heart beating. I crawled out of his arms and walked towards the screen door to turn the deck lights on. We fit so well together like a jigsaw puzzle.
I wrapped my legs around him and he began kissing me."Amy. When we got inside he placed me down on the kitchen counter top. "What are you thinking about over there?" I said in a whisper. Guess that is one way to wake him up I thought while laughing over how disoriented he looked. I kicked over the wine glass while trying to turn the deck lights on. "Before you pick up anymore get over here and give me a kiss" I paused and our eyes met. A look I had been hoping to see. We must have passed out. Its almost midnight." he said." I said while turning the lights on. All of a sudden he picked me up and started walking back inside to the house. Kissing me just the way I remembered. Hunter was still sitting there with a look in his eyes that I hadn't seen since college. "Wow. We haven't even kissed since then. right? I slowly walked towards him leaving the broken glass on the deck. We could never keep our hands of each other when we were together but now things are different. "Hunter I am fine. He hadn't said that since we had been together. Slowly he started kissing my neck while . The moonlight was sparkling off the pieces of glass. I was really out. I bent down and began to pick up the pieces of the wine glass. you okay? What happened? What time is it?" Hunter rambled while looking around. but also hoping not to see. He stood up and walked towards me closing the gap.
“We just walked through the whole house in silence creeping around corners and turning every light on and it was just your easel. What am I doing? What if John is whom we heard. I must not of closed the door all the way earlier. I let out a huge sigh and Hunter began laughing. We had gone through the whole front of the house and the guest bedroom and so far nothing. he would never forgive me. I will go check it out. John packing his things and not saying a word not even looking at me. "What was that?" I asked Hunter while unwrapping my legs and buttoning my shirt. . Why did I get myself into this mess? Hunter slowly opens the door. Neither one of us was saying a word. Out of nowhere there was a loud crash and instantly stopped what we were doing. We began to walk down the long hallway to my bedroom. My easel had crashed to the ground from the wind." Hunter was laughing so hard he was crying. I could picture it now. I closed my eyes and tilted my head back. "I have no clue. Hunter started putting on all the lights while walking slowly and very quietly room to room. We both instantly recognized the culprit of the noise. I stayed closely behind Hunter afraid of what or whom we might see.unbuttoning my shirt and then kissing my chest." Hunter said while pulling himself together. I jumped down off the counter instantly fell back onto planet earth.
but Hunter reminded me of whom I was and is. # The week went by to quickly. The sex is great. I know this is not reality and if we were married we might not be having such a great time together. I know we both said that cant happen again so before you say or do anything you might regret I am going to bed. just incase Hunter does change his mind at least I won't be in a ratty T-shirt. You were like a backpack you were so close to me!" We both sat on the bed trying to catch our breath. I know you are married. It was already my last night with Hunter. Good night Amy. "Sorry about what happened earlier. "Oh okay. That weekend at my house was amazing. he makes me feel safe but that was how I felt before also. but it is so hard sometimes not to touch you." I began laughing with Hunter."I could tell you were scared. After a while it got boring but now that I am older would I get bored? I . How did he know me so well? What is my problem? I changed out of my clothes and hoped into bed naked. Once we had dried our eyes Hunter stood up and looked down at me. see you in the morning" Hunter said as he walked back down the hall to the guest bedroom. I wanted to yell wait but I controlled myself. The week we had shared together had been amazing! Of course I have missed John. we make each other laugh.
" what if I am not ready? I mean is it even possible for me to be close to ready if I am sneaking around with my ex? "Hey pumpkin. I feel like the furthest thing from grown up! Everyone now expects me to start pumping out babies because that is the next step after you "grow up. "Hunter have you ever seen Cape Cod in the winter? Wintertime is hell. I wish I were still in college where my biggest worry was waking up for class on time. what you thinking about?" Hunter asked while stepping out onto the deck. "Just thinking about life. I don't feel grown up but that is how I am labeled now." "This is an amazing house Amy. If I owned it I would live here year around.just wish I knew who or what would make me happy and vice versa. He looked extremely handsome in a rugged way. He had just showered and you could see little beads of water in his hair." Hunter came and sat next to me. Why do we have to grow up? What does it even mean to be a grown up? How the hell do you know when you are now a grown up? When you hit a certain age are you now grown up even if you are not married or don't have the job you dreamt of having when you were grown up? I am the only one out of my friends who they consider to be a "grown up" because I got married. I mean the absolute worst! No is around and there is nothing to . Staring out at the ocean.
but drink. Did I even put sun block on this week? Hunter and I went boating. what's wrong with becoming an alcoholic if you can have this view every day for the rest of your life?" I turned and looked at Hunter. # The sun was beaming in through the window warming up my . On my dresser was a fresh glass of wine and a note from Hunter. I looked at myself in the mirror one last time and then went to finish my last night with Hunter. I picked up the note read it. he winked and began to laugh." I said while walking inside." I felt as if I was living in a dream. This time together has been amazing. My tan lines were out of control. I miss you already." "Hey I like to drink. I pulled my hair back in a loose pony tale. As I took my clothes off it looked as if I was still wearing my bathing suit. swimming. and more. Which ever you would like? You are the guest. in the hot tub. "Hurry. "I forgot how sarcastic you are sometimes! I am going to go take a shower and then we can either make something for dinner or head out. I think to myself while I shampoo my hair. Hunter's favorite hairstyle and finished applying my mascara. I wonder if anyone feels like this all the time? Is that possible? I finished showering and walked into my room.do.
I can't remember the last time I had felt passion like that. Hunter pulled me closer and whispered "Good morning pumpkin. Hunter flipped me around and began to do things to me that I can't even describe. We began kissing and then he slowly began kissing me everywhere not ignoring any part of my body. After two orgasms later we came together one more final time on the floor.whole body. After a while I needed some air and . I opened my eyes and Hunter turned me over to face him. Nope not dreaming I thought. I jumped back into the warm bed with Hunter following me. So it wasn't a dream last night. I was on fire. I wanted him inside of him now but he kept kissing and touching and making me want him more and more. He was kissing my back and my neck and there was not a part of my body that wasn't awake now. Slowly moving inside me while I whimpered with pleasure. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the warmth of our bodies together. There was Hunter naked lying next to me. He wrapped me up in his strong arms and held me against his smooth chest. Finally he was inside of me. Neither one of us could speak. It felt amazing to be with him. I felt so happy and comfortable to be naked snuggling in bed with him. I rolled over still sleepy and slightly hung over. or was it? I put my naked body closer to his to see if I was dreaming. I am not sure how long we stayed like that until I felt Hunter becoming fully awake next to me." I looked at him and smiled. Hunter moaned and put his arm around me and pulled me in tightly.
that is how this happened! He slowly leaned down and gave me a kiss on my forehead just like he used to do in college. I could hear the waves crashing across the sand and I knew there was no going back now. I was naked. I am an awful. That was when I saw the picture of John and I on the bedside table." He closed the door behind him. Xo Me I stripped the bed and threw the sheets in the wash. Oh my god what did I just do? # I lay in bed watching him get dressed. I am going to miss you. What is it with him and me? Tonight John and I will be in this bed that Hunter and I just had sex in. I have to at least wash the sheets. 2009 Dear Diary. He is so hot. He put his t-shirt on and began walking towards the door. awful person." "I will try my best pumpkin. email me when you can. I had sex AGAIN with Hunter.rolled over onto my side. What had just happened? How could this have happened? He put his jeans on and turned around. alone and a horrible wife. August 21. "Hunter. I was still . Poor John. Friday.
My laptop was sitting on the kitchen table. I went onto the deck and got my wine glass and decided to have a little more. Why did my father have to be flying . Life is not fair sometimes. It was as if we were never apart. I wish my mom and dad were still alive and they could be here with me. I hope you got to Florida safely. So many amazing memories flooded my mind as I peaked into every room. This is not how I pictured my summer on the Cape at age 25. Hi Hunter.tired and feeling rather unmotivated. Now what? I slowly walked back to my bedroom while taking in the whole house. I decided to send Hunter a quick email. just the way I remembered us! Think we will be able to see each other again? Email when you can Xoxo Me I hit the send button and felt the excitement drain out of me. It was great spending time with you last week.
"Mom. I would give anything to have her back today sitting here talking and laughing with me. I feel as if I am not whole anymore without her. and real. . When she passed a part of me passed with her. unexpected. I wasn't as close to my father as I was to my mom but they were one. There were so many tubes and needles and I could tell she was trying so hard to be brave in front of me. If there ever was one person who would never judge me it was my mom. never judge and would always give me the best advice.on September 11. shocking really. I can still smell the sickly sweet scent of the hospital. My mom's on the other hand was slower. That coming January she was diagnosed with lung cancer. 2001? To make matters worse why did my dad have to be on the plane that crashed into the World Trade Center that day? Mom was never the same after that. if you can hear me please help me! You always know what to say to me. She would be honest with me about how she didn't approve what I was doing but she would listen. My father's death was so fast. I need you. painful. I could talk to her about having sex with Hunter last Friday and my feelings about John if she was here now." I whispered to myself as I sat down on my bed. You know me better than I know myself! What is wrong with me? Mom.
For once in my life I was happy it was . It was 7am and I could hear the rain hitting the wooden deck.Chapter Subtitle Monday. read and think. August 24th 2009 I slowly rolled over and looked at the clock. When it rains in Cape Cod there is not much to do but sleep. the ocean crashing on the rocks and my heart aching.
I possible could turn into Jack Nicholson from the movie The Shining if I don’t get out of this funk I am in. I lead a totally different life from then now. "Hi you have reached Kathy." . Why can’t I remember if I got my period last month. bars. either I am not home or I am avoiding you! Leave a message. What is my problem? Is it that time of month for something or me? Thinking of that where is my period? Did I get it last month? I reach for my birth control pills and take one. I sighed to myself. hooking up and acting our age.. With John being 5 years older than myself his group of friends have a different idea of fun then mine. They all say they are jealous of me but in reality it is myself that is jealous of them. I pick up the phone to call Kathy and surprise it just keeps ringing. nothing! Tears began to fill my eyes. John and I now attend dinner parties. etc and my friends are going to clubs.raining.. Oh the good old times. I have no inspiration to paint. She is probably hung over and naked with some guy she brought home last night. no vision. no desire. Where is the damn voicemail? I feel as if I have drifted away from all my friends since marrying John. work events. All I wanted to do was sleep all day and night. They are trying to remember whom they kissed last night while John keeps reminding me he wants a baby pronto. I can't tell if I want to scream or just give into the pain. I am a waste of space! I think I am seriously starting to lose it.
I can feel the excitement in the pit of my stomach. my first year out of college. "Mom I am going out with Rebecca! I will be home later. Rebecca and I have been best friends since we were little. I can't remember the last time I called Kathy with gossip of my own. Not again I thought as I ran to the bathroom."Hey Kathy. besides Chris but he doesn’t count since he doesn’t know anyone. The feeling in the pit of my stomach is more of a nauseous feeling. I closed my eyes and as usual fell asleep instantly. Love you. It is my secret that I plan to hold very tight to. I was instantly pale and sweaty. love you" I hung up the phone and felt a rush of excitement. When I felt like I had the strength to get up I dragged myself onto the couch. I was living at home and engaged to Hunter. Wait I don't think I am feeling excited right now. but I need and love that in my life. I threw up and collapsed on the cold tiled bathroom floor. "What's up?" I said while getting into the car. Flash Back – Bar With Rebecca It was summer. As usual it was a . Rebecca was sitting in her beat up Honda with music blaring. just calling to say hi and see how you are! You will never believe whom I have been seeing again! Call me. She can be a little crazy. I haven't told anyone about Hunter." I shouted up to my mom as I closed the house door behind myself. Wow that was a serious wave of sickness.
I swear Amy. you just looked me up and down and then asked if I would be wearing this tonight as if you were saying please don't wear that tonight. "Let's see. "Well now I am not!" I looked down to reassess my outfit. Rebecca said she liked it because then she . "Why not? I was just asking. Her mom was always with her boyfriend of the hour. She is by far the scariest driver! "Shut up Amy! Until you start driving me around I don't want to hear it! Are you wearing that tonight?" she said while glancing over at my outfit.complete disaster! There were cigarette boxes on the floor. "I like it. She lived a couple streets over and I would of walked there. When she finally told me what was so funny I could of killed her." she laughed. but Rebecca just loves driving. CD's all over her back seat and tons of clothing. Since then she has been honest about my outfits before we leave the house. now I am really not wearing this! What can I borrow?" Rebecca laughed as we pulled into her driveway. Half way to the party I could tell she was holding back laughter. Her mom wasn't home which wasn't anything new. She thought I looked like a college BOY in my outfit." "Wow. Maybe that is why!" One time when we were younger she had told me my outfit looked fine. I am just saying I have seen you look better. "Looks like you cleaned your car." I laughed while putting my seat belt on.
which was actually more like a closet she began throwing different tops at me to try on. She had short brown hair that she styled different everyday! She loved to push the envelope and she always looked amazing. She was on the ground covered in beer laughing so hard she might have peed her pants. "Sorry was just remembering the leopard pant night. She had decided to wear tight leopard pants because Kate Moss had recently worn them in some magazine. We both finished getting ready and headed over to Bar 27 to meet our old high school guy friends. It was hysterical! Rebecca didn't care at the time. As we walked into the bar I saw my high school crush .could do whatever she wanted but I don't think she really did. Needless to say we both got pretty drunk and the last thing I remember seeing is a large leopard ass flipping over a table while trying to sit on it. I looked at the shirts in my hand and decided the only one I would feel comfortable in was the black swingy halter-top." Rebecca went into her mom's room to put her make up on. On New Years Eve my sophomore year and her freshman year of high school we went to a seniors party. Rebecca had certain flair to her. Embarrassing things were nothing new to Rebecca." "Shut up college boy look alike! Now start trying those tops on so we can leave. "What are you smirking at?" Rebecca asked. As soon as we stepped into her room.
you are flirting with an engaged women. We were all drinking and laughing. Why do you care what Weston thinks anymore? You should flash your engagement ring in his face and make him jealous. I kept thinking about how much I would miss my high school friends when I moved with Hunter onto some Marine Corps base. Both of us were really flirting with each other after our third vodka soda water." she laughed while looking down at where my engagement ring should have been. "Rebecca do I look okay? Weston is at the bar. "Amy you are engaged." Rob started laughing. Weston quickly took his hand off my thigh and looked at me. Thanks to Rob. . It was just old times in the cafeteria but with alcohol. The more I drank the more I found myself attracted to him. I couldn't look at him. our mutual best friend from High School. Her eyes darted back up to mine.sitting at the bar." I mumbled and walked away. I thought to myself. Weston was sitting next to me and kept nudging me a little every time we all laughed. "Really?" Weston asked. "Amy do you want to tell me why you are not wearing it?" "I must have forgotten to put it back on. He is really cute." I whispered while grabbing her arm. The flirting was now over. Rob. I picked up my drink and took a sip. decided to stick in a fork in me and ruin it all. "Careful there Weston.
" she said in her flirting manner while pulling me into the bathroom." I said leaning against the sinks. "Hunter is going into the Marine Corps you know and I just don't know if I want that life" "Amy. What did you just mean when you said 'I seem so happy'?" "Believe me I am not telling you to break off your engagement with Hunter. You know I love him. "Amy what is going on?" "I don't know. If he really knew you why . Rebecca came over and grabbed my arm. You never have until now. but letting you breathe just enough that you never have to gasp for air but you are close to. "We will be right back boys. Hunter is a great guy and you seem so happy with him. I am just saying that when you are with him a part of you disappears. easy going. clean or live for a guy. You don't cook. free spirited girl Amy. Tears were forming in my eyes and I felt as if I was coming undone. Don't get mad at me just listen" Rebecca said while putting her hand on my shoulder." I said into my drink. "You are a fun."Kind of. It's as if he is smothering you. When you are with Hunter he has a way of dominating you without you even noticing. Your life will be what you and Hunter make it be" "I know that but now I am wondering if Hunter and I want the same things in life.
Rebecca and I got completely wasted and in the morning we went to my house. At the same time they are nice gestures so you cant get mad. He didn't take it well and he also didn't really believe me. I must admit a part of me saw that happening as well. That night was the beginning of the end for Hunter and I. Once Hunter heard that I had a fiancé he sent me his last letter saying goodbye and good luck to whoever ends up being the one to make me happy since he couldn't. My mom sat next to me and Rebecca held my hand when I called Hunter to tell him my feelings." I said. He thought that in the end of August when Rebecca returned to college for her senior year I would miss him and move there.would he ever think in a million years you would want to live on a Marine Corps base so far from your friends and family? Why would he give you a credit card. . Are you sure you are ready to get married?" I slowly looked up at Rebecca and the answer I had been pushing down inside me suddenly came out. but question every purchase you make? It is so he is in control of you Amy. Little did either of us know that come September John and I would meet and Hunter and I would not see each other again. "No.
Was I really that naïve to think that I have just been sick. The whole car ride I kept thinking what the hell I would do if I really were pregnant. I stood there looking at all of the million different pregnancy tests. I just couldn’t be pregnant! Can a person really have that much bad luck? It’s the first time I have ever done anything wrong! I was just . The quicker the better I thought to myself. I can’t be sure who the father is considering I am now a slut and slept with two men back to back basically. I pulled into the parking lot whishing Chris hadn’t left the Cape already. I grabbed my car keys and decided it was time to face the music and buy a pregnancy test. dizzy and gaining weight only in boobs for no reason? I guess I was. By the time I got home I had convinced myself I was not pregnant. I am pregnant. I quickly found the aisle with the pregnancy tests. I kept my head down as I entered the General Store. Why are there so many different kinds? Don't I just pee on a stick and it tells me? Why so many choices? I grabbed the package that said results in one minute. God forbid anyone sees me buying a pregnancy test.# When I woke I felt a light bulb go off inside my head. I banged my head on the steering wheel in pure frustration.
If this had been one of my girlfriends I would have told her not to even think about emailing him. I put the test under the sink in the bathroom and laughed at the thought of me actually being pregnant. I told myself. I had just assumed he would have mentioned it if he had become serious with that girl when he had come to the Cape. When John arrives tomorrow it will be as if it all never happened I thought to myself. The sun would be setting soon and then maybe I will try to paint. I had been so controlled the past two weeks and had made no effort to communicate with Hunter. This is pointless I have way to many thoughts going through my mind. Why can’t I listen to my own advice sometimes? Why am I even stressing over him? I wonder if Hunter is serious with that girl he had been seeing? I never thought to ask him how that “relationship” I guess you could call it that was going. that’s why I have been so tired and throwing up. I picked up my book and tried to read. I am so stupid some times! Not that I care but why has Hunter not emailed me back? I shouldn’t have to be the one to email first. if at all and I can go back to being a devoted wife. I walked back inside to surprisingly pour a glass of water instead of wine. I know Hunter will not email me back right away. Now of course the day before John gets here I emailed him. I have been eating more than usual so that must be the weight gain plus my mother did have large boobs so maybe I am getting mine later in life.having guilt sickness and depression. .
It all started a couple months ago when Hunter and I began emailing. Dear Kathy. I am just going to email Kathy like a good girl. I hadn't turned on the computer again since this morning. How are you? I left you a voice message but haven't heard back from you. John gets here Friday afternoon and I feel so awful. I couldn’t win against the voice of the laptop. really this is so stupid of me. Why do I even care.I could feel the laptop calling my name. Maybe Hunter had emailed me. You are probably living it up in New York City. yes we had sex and it was amazing. To make a long story short I went to Florida and spent the weekend with Hunter. It was so hard when I got back from . We haven't spoken since he left last week. Then two weeks after Hunter came to the Cape for a week and yes we had sex again and it was only better. Amazing is the only way I can describe it. I am not even going to look to see if he emailed me. I surprisingly have new news for you! No I am not pregnant but I now that I think of it I have been feeling sick but whatever I am sure I am not now onto the real news! You cannot repeat what I am about to tell you! Now please don’t get mad at me for not telling you earlier. I wonder if he did? Should I check? I thought to myself. Next thing I knew I was sitting there in front of my laptop with my email account up on the screen.
Florida to act normal around him but then we had sex, yes I know I am whore, and we fell back into our routine. Then Hunter emails me and what do I do I invite him to the Cape and sleep with him. I am so dumb! I do love John, but do you think I should be married to him? I am so confused Kathy and in a strange way so alive again after being with Hunter, except for this dumb stomach bug I cant seem to shake. I don't know what I would do if John found out and I can see you now shaking your head at me but I am not a bad person. He looks the exact same Kathy! He hasn't aged at all! John comes back tomorrow and I just feel like he is so boring. He always asks what I want to do and he knows that there is not much to do on the Cape. I wish he would man up in a way. The last weekend John was here, (two weekends ago because he had to work last weekend...annoying!) it was nice being together. I was also still feeling very guilty so the usual things didn't bother me. Kathy I need your advice? Plus I know you want all the juicy sex details and if you don't call me back then you will never know... ha-ha Miss you and love you Me
I hit send and turned off the computer. The sun was now going down which meant it was time to paint my masterpiece.
Thursday, August 27th Johns View I called Amy a million times yesterday and nothing! What is going on with her? She has been so distant and I know she is going through a rough time, but I have no idea what she needs or wants from me. I am so frustrated! I knew she was going to be mad I couldn't go to the Cape a few weekends this summer. I had warned her this could happen but she told me she didn’t mind. Now this summer has made her crawl back into her shell. I opened the door to my office and took a seat. My message light was blinking on my phone and there were already 30 emails flashing on my computer screen. My mind is not going to be able to focus until I get to the Cape and took Amy home on Monday, Labor Day. Okay John calm down. Just breathe. Tomorrow is Friday and you will be there. "Good morning Mr. Byron. Mr. Goodman called and said he will be here at 10am to meet with you today and your wife called to tell you
she will be out most of the day so she will call you later," my secretary informed me. "Thank you Samantha," I said as she closed the door behind her. Now take Samantha for example. She is 25 years old just like Amy and eager to find a man to settle down with. I am sure if Samantha were married to someone like myself she would be pregnant by now. I always thought Amy wanted to have children young like myself. I am already 30 years old and I don't want to be 40 when Amy decides to have to children. I put my head in my hands and tried to focus on work. Mr. Goodman at 10am, what do I need to prepare?
Friday August 28th 2009
I woke up feeling more like myself then I have for a while. Who cares about Hunter or John? I am a great person and I am going to work on my relationship with John. I got up, put my bathing suit on and decided to go for a long kayak ride like I used to do with my Uncle when I was little. Why the hell was my bathing suit tight? Everything I have eaten I have thrown up because of this stupid bug. My boobs are bigger and tender. What the hell is going on? Could I be pregnant? I can't be pregnant. I can't think about this right now. Let me see if there are any new emails. Not that I care, but there could be something
but recently she has been acting so young. I even took today off so I could surprise her and get her out of the house today." the mean person who lives in my computer said. Where could she be? . New day. I hate that voice. I laughed to myself because I knew nothing could be important and I should be taking care of this "stomach bug". I picked it up and whoever it was had already hung up. I thought to myself. Why didn't she call me when she woke up? She also knows I am coming to the Cape today I would think she would like to know what time I am getting there. new life I told myself. She usually acts so much older than 25. She used to like to know that information.important. I just tried calling Amy and of course she did not pick up. They should just shorten that whole sentence up to "Loser!" and I would know what they were getting at. Oh well. Johns View Friday morning and I am off to the Cape. I walked outside to the shed and grabbed the kayak. She knows I worry about her. answering machines. etc. I want to know the actually person who took the job being the mean voice for computers. I hear the phone ringing and I attempt to run into the kitchen to grab it. Sometimes I think maybe I should of married someone a little older than her. "You have no new messages.
Every time we made love was amazing. Dear Pumpkin. I pulled into the driveway and saw Amy's car. I thought to myself. I thought. I had an amazing time with you last week. Amy. Weird no answer.mil? Amy doesn't know anyone in the military so who's email address is this? This email must be spam. I grabbed my bag and the flowers I had brought for her and walked up the stairs. I sit down and see her email is up on the screen. Good she is home. I might as well quickly send an email to my secretary that I am here now and to forward any important emails to me. I should not look. I am safe in Florida. I opened the front door and yelled her name. I told myself but my body wasn't listening. You are just as beautiful as I remembered you! The weekend in Florida was amazing and so was the week in the Cape. The reason I . I click on it and there is an email to Amy from some one named Hunter. Whose email hunterg@marcent. that is why I need to tell you something.I hit no traffic on my way and got there in record time. I put the flowers in a vase and made myself a cup of coffee. While I was waiting for the coffee to brew I saw that she had left her computer on. It was so nice to have you back in my arms again.usmc. Just thinking about it gets me excited.
I noticed right above his email was one from her best . All those emails between us for the past few months. I am not saying I don't love you Amy because I always will. but we both are still heading in different directions. That is why this time I need to tell you! I am getting married in a few months and we are moving to Europe.slept in the guest room the other nights and tried my best to not touch you (even though that was not possible for either of us) I am getting married. After that weekend we spent together in Florida I got engaged. I took a job as a Marine Corp officer over there. the visits. I am sorry Amy and let's not forget you are married! I would love to stay friends though and keep in touch. I should have told you my plan when I proposed to you in college and I do apologize for that. Much Love Hunter I think I am going to throw up. I closed it and just stared at the computer screen. I was pressured into it you could say. the sex made me question if I should be getting married. I had to see you one more time before I got married. I know I should have told you but I was scared that you wouldn't want me to visit you.
WOW is all I can say.friend Kathy. I opened the email. you've also have been cheated on so you know how horrible it feels. its really unfair to him and he definitely does not deserve it. I have already done enough damage I thought to myself. When did you and Hunter start talking again? This is not like you Amy! I am shocked. I know Hunter and you have many old memories and that is great. Dear Amy. but now what? Does John know? What were you saying about a stomach bug? Amy did you use protection with Hunter? Amy be careful with the Hunter thing. . but not when the price is hurting someone you love and who loves you immensely! Amy you have already been down this road. but once again my body wasn't listening. It sounds like you had two amazing visits. I shouldn't open this one. I had met Kathy a few times and she stayed with us for a little while after Amy's moms passed away. you sound like you are beginning to have very strong feelings for him and if that's the case then you need to divorce John.
I felt kind of dizzy so I sat down on the beach for a second.I don't want it to seem like I am lecturing you! You are my best friend and always will be. Love You Kathy I then followed the email to the bottom and read the original message from Amy. Even if the email is saying how he can't live without me and wants me to move to . I wonder what time John is home? Maybe I will cook him his favorite dinner and we can sit outside and look at the stars while we eat. I am going to throw up. Honestly I am over Hunter. My arms are sore and I can tell I need to do this more often. It is not fair John and even if Hunter emails me back I will not respond. # I jump out of the kayak and pull it up onto the sand. My mind was racing and my stomach was turning. I just worry about you sometimes. I had sex with her right after Florida. You know I still want the details though! Now that I have said what I had to say give me all the juicy details and we must discuss your "stomach bug". I switched her birth control pills.
I read Kathy's email and then I see behind it another open email but I can't read it. A wave of nausea comes over me but I try and ignore it. I took my belongings from here and I will send your things here. Good bye Amy" My heart is racing and I feel sick. email me. You are not the Amy I married. or dare to show up at the apartment. I walk into the house and I see my computer is on and there is a note on it. I walk over to my computer and see an email response from Kathy pulled up. Shit why . Well maybe I will. My stomach is now turning for more reasons then one. I will have John help me later I decide. Do not call me. I get back up and I pull the kayak as far as I can. I am having the locks changed today. I am dying of thirst once I make it back up to the house. As I lay on the cold tiles with tears streaming down my face I notice the pink pregnancy test staring at me. There is no way I can bring it up the stairs and put it back in the shed. I don't know who you are anymore. "Amy it is over. I know about Hunter and I can't believe you could do this to me. but whatever he is not going to respond anyways.Florida I won't respond. I run to the bathroom and throw up. What is going on? I pick up the note and read it.
Hunter is getting married. can't get any worse than this. I read the directions and pee on the stick. Two pink lines I am pregnant! What have I done? . I click on it and see it is from Hunter. I have to wait now so I walk back to the computer to read the other email. John has left me.not. and shit! I looked down at the pregnancy stick. I think to myself. I finish reading it and walk to the bathroom in shock.
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