How Men Fall In Love And For How Long

This presentation is taken from The Origin of Emotions which can be downloaded at: ww.theoriginofemotions.com

Men In Love 19-Aug-09

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

This presentation will make the following assertions:

• men can only fall in love with a stranger • men fall in love after 4 months of daily interaction • men fall out of love 46 months after meeting a stranger

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

Men in love simultaneously feel three positive emotions when they see or hear the woman they love.

positive emotion monogynistic love visual/audible pleasure affection

trigger " The woman I love is happy." the sight or sound of women the sight or sound of familiar people

purpose encourage men to support women encourage men to seek women encourage everyone to interact with kin

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

Men fall in love 4 months after meeting a woman and fall out of love 42 months later or 46 months after meeting her.

very strong

monogynistic love

strong

moderate 42 months

weak

0

4

8

12

16

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32

36

40

44

46 48

52

56

60

months since first meeting a woman

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

After 46 months, men continue to feel the weaker emotions of visual/audible pleasure and affection.

very strong

monogynistic love

visual/audible pleasure
strong

affection
moderate

weak

0

4

8

12

16

20

24

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36

40

44

46 48

52

56

60

months since first meeting a woman

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

Men fall in love when one woman repeatedly triggers their visual/audible pleasure and affection for 4 months.

very strong

monogynistic love

visual/audible pleasure
strong

affection
moderate

weak

0

4

8

12

16

20

24

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32

36

40

44

46 48

52

56

60

months since first meeting a woman

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

Visual/audible pleasure is triggered by the sight or sound of women.

positive emotion monogynistic love visual/audible pleasure affection

trigger " The woman I love is happy." the sight or sound of women the sight or sound of familiar people

purpose encourage men to support women encourage men to seek women encourage everyone to interact with kin

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

Visual/audible pleasure is specifically triggered by features that fertile, non-pregnant women have and other humans do not.

children

men

postmenopausal women

fertile pregnant women

fertile non-pregnant women

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

The following are features that fertile, non-pregnant women have and other humans do not.

hourglass figure protruding breasts plump lips wide hips slender appendages 8% shorter height feminine voice beardless face pubic hair non-grey hair narrow waist

- combination of protruding breasts, wide hips, narrow waist

- ideal hip-to-waist ratio is 0.7 - face, neck, arms, hands, fingers, legs, feet, toes - 8% is ideal (about 5½" shorter than a 5'10" man) - pitch and resonance midway between men and children - beards evolved so men do not court men

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

The more exclusive a feature is to fertile, non-pregnant women the stronger the visual/audible pleasure it triggers in men.
postmenopausal women fertile pregnant women fertile non-pregnant women

strength of effect strong moderate hourglass figure protruding breasts plump lips wide hips weak slender appendages 8% shorter height feminine voice beardless face very weak pubic hair non-grey hair narrow waist

children

men

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

To fall in love, a man must feel strong visual/audible pleasure for 4 months.

very strong

monogynistic love

visual/audible pleasure
strong

affection
moderate

weak

0

4

8

12

16

20

24

28

32

36

40

44

46 48

52

56

60

months since first meeting a woman

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

Strong visual/audible pleasure can only be triggered by an hourglass figure, which confirms that a woman is fertile and non-pregnant.
postmenopausal women fertile pregnant women fertile non-pregnant women

strength of effect strong moderate hourglass figure protruding breasts plump lips wide hips weak slender appendages 8% shorter height feminine voice beardless face very weak pubic hair non-grey hair narrow waist

children

men

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

4 months of strong visual pleasure confirms that a woman was not impregnated by another man just before meeting.

very strong

visual/audible pleasure triggered by non-pregnant woman
strong

moderate

visual/audible pleasure triggered by woman impregnated just before meeting a man as she loses her hourglass figure

weak

0

4

8

12

16

20

24

28

32

36

40

44

46 48

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60

months since first meeting a woman

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

this is a tangent

The visual/audible pleasure that a woman triggers in a man declines over time which encourages men to maximize the genetic diversity of their offspring.

very strong

visual/audible pleasure
strong

moderate

weak

0

4

8

12

16

20

24

28

32

36

40

44

46 48

52

56

60

months since first meeting a woman

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

this is a tangent

Over 8 years, the visual audible pleasure that Elizabeth Hurley triggered in Hugh Grant declined enough that . . .

very strong

strong

visual/audible pleasure

moderate

weak

1987

1988

1989

1990

1991

1992

1993

1994

1995

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

this is a tangent

. . . that Divine Brown, a street prostitute, became relatively more attractive to Hugh.

very strong

strong

visual/audible pleasure

moderate

weak

1987

1988

1989

1990

1991

1992

1993

1994

1995

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

this is a tangent

Women frequently change their appearance to try to slow the decline of visual/audible pleasure.

very strong

visual/audible pleasure
strong

change appearance frequently

moderate

change appearance rarely

weak

0

4

8

12

16

20

24

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40

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months since first meeting a woman

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

Affection is triggered by the sight or sound of familiar people.

positive emotion monogynistic love visual/audible pleasure affection

trigger " The woman I love is happy." the sight or sound of women the sight or sound of familiar people

purpose encourage men to support women encourage men to seek women encourage everyone to interact with kin

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

Affection is specifically triggered by features that modern humans have and other primates do not.

arboreal primates

terrestrial primates

small-brain humans

modern humans

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

The following are features that modern humans have and other primates do not.

singing, poetry, alliteration talking smiling eyebrows, white eyes, nose, philtra, lips, chin hands with long opposable thumbs walking bipedally feet without opposable toes bums without tails

- logically sequenced acoustics from human voice

- corners of mouth turned up, not showing teeth - everted lips

- or dancing

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

The more exclusive a feature is to modern humans the stronger the affection it triggers in others.

strength of effect strong singing, poetry, alliteration talking smiling moderate eyebrows, white eyes, nose, philtra, lips, chin hands with long opposable thumbs walking bipedally weak feet without opposable toes bums without tails

arboreal primates

terrestrial primates

small-brain humans

modern humans

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

this is a tangent

The affection a feature triggers is stronger if there is proof of interaction.

• singing to music • dancing to music • making eye contact

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

this is a tangent

While seeing white eyes triggers moderate affection . . .

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

this is a tangent

. . . making eye contact triggers stronger affection because it confirms interaction.

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

Affection starts weak and grows stronger the more time you spend with someone.

very strong

strong

affection
moderate (full-time interaction)

affection
weak (part-time interaction)

0

4

8

12

16

20

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months since first meeting someone

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

To fall in love, a man must feel affection that grows from weak-to-moderate strength in 4 months.

very strong

monogynistic love

visual/audible pleasure
strong

affection
moderate

weak

0

4

8

12

16

20

24

28

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40

44

46 48

52

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months since first meeting a woman

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

Only strangers can start at weak affection.

very strong

affection
(old flames, family, friends) strong

affection
moderate (new women)

weak

0

4

8

12

16

20

24

28

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36

40

44

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52

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months since first meeting a woman

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

Because men can only fall in love with strangers they maximize the genetic diversity of their offspring.

woman

child 1

child 2

child 3

child 4

child 5

child 6

Mike falls in love with one woman for life Anne MA MA MA MA MA MA

Mike only falls in love with strangers Anne Betty Carol Dawn Elaine Francis MA MB MC MD ME MF

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

Strangers can only trigger moderate affection by month 4 if they are interacting on a full-time basis.

very strong

strong

affection
moderate (full-time interaction)

affection
weak (part-time interaction)

0

4

8

12

16

20

24

28

32

36

40

44

48

52

56

60

months since first meeting a woman

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

Because men can only fall in love with women who interact on full-time basis they do not fall in love with women who could have been simultaneously courting another man.

very strong

strong

moderate

affection
(part-time with man 1)

weak

affection
(part-time with man 2) 0 4 8 12 16 20 24 28 32 36 40 44 48 52 56 60

months since first meeting a woman

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

Men fall out of love after 42 months or 46 months after meeting a woman.

very strong

monogynistic love

visual/audible pleasure
strong

affection
moderate 42 months

weak

0

4

8

12

16

20

24

28

32

36

40

44

46 48

52

56

60

months since first meeting a woman

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

Love encourages men to support women.

positive emotion monogynistic love visual/audible pleasure affection

trigger " The woman I love is happy." the sight or sound of women the sight or sound of familiar people

purpose encourage men to support women encourage men to seek women encourage everyone to interact with kin

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

By supporting women, men indirectly support their children.

monogynistic love women men

maternal love

children

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

Men maximize the number of two-parent children they have by starting the next child when the current child no longer needs full-time care.

child 1

child 2

child 3

child 4

child 5

child 6

child no longer needs full-time care

Anne Betty Carol Dawn Elaine Francis

MA MB MC MD ME MF

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

Children no longer need full-time care when their first set of teeth have fully erupted at 33 months.

• •

before their first set of teeth fully erupt, children need assistance to eat mothers must first breastfeed, then transfer of masticated food to their children

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

Adding 9 months of gestation to 33 months of post-natal care equals a total support time of 42 months.

very strong

monogynistic love

strong

9 months gestation

33 months post-natal support

moderate 42 months

weak

0

4

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12

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months since first meeting a woman

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

There is ample evidence that men do not love one woman forever.

• fireworks do not continue • 50% of marriages end in divorce • affection keeps the other 50% together

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

Based on 2002 US Census Data, the average length of first marriages is 44 months.

men average age at first divorce average age at first marriage average length of marriage average length of marriage average length of marriage 30.5 26.9 3.6

women 29.0 25.3 3.7 3.7 years 44 months

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

Assuming 16 months of courtship and 44 months of marriage, couples typically divorce 14 months after the man falls out of love.

very strong

monogynistic love

strong

16 months of courtship

44 months of marriage

moderate

14 months to divorce

weak

0

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46 48

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months since first meeting a woman

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copyright © Mark Devon 2009

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