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The Best Daddy

By Shel Silverstein Notes on this selection: This is a purely RT piece because there really isnt much room for movement, but that said, its a great piece for a guy and a girl with some truly funny lines scattered throughout Note: This script can be either for either se! to play either role "ou can even change the scripts title to #The Best $ommy% &NTR'D()T&'N *&S+: D+D: *&S+: D+D: *&S+: ',ay+ little further .ere- )an & open my eyes.old my arm &m going to bump into it

D+D: "ou wont bump into anything /eep your eyes closed Now hold my arm, a couple more steps here *&S+: D+D: )an & loo, now+ll right0open your eyes right0now

+ctor 1: Sarcasm is an interesting verbal techni2ue, often lost on the young &n this scene by Shel Silverstein, we meet *isa and her father on one of the most e!citing days of the year for any child her birthday +ctor 3: (nfortunately, this birthday surprise is a little more than little *isa has bargained for Together: The Best Daddy by Shel Silverstein B45&N *&S+: D+D: &s that him, thereThats right

*&S+: D+D: *&S+: D+D: *&S+: D+D:

6hy is he covered with a blan,et6ell, he0 .e doesnt loo, li,e a pony 6ell he is, a thoroughbred gelding 789:dollar Shetland pony &s he laying down(m yes .e certainly is

*&S+: 6hy is he laying down- &s he sic,D+D: *&S+: ;ure strain /entuc,y:bred Shetland Best that money can buy 6hy is he laying down-

D+D: *isa0& didnt want to tell you this0 *&S+: 6hy is he laying down- .e &S sic,, isnt he-

D+D: +ctually no, hes not < at least not now *&S+: Then what is he D+D: .es dead *&S+: D+D: dead .e0hes dead&ts a terrible thing to have to tell your daughter on her birthday, but, yes, hes

*&S+: Dead- + dead ponyD+D: *&S+: D+D: *&S+: D+D: *&S+: Sometimes you =ust have to face the facts "ou0you got me a dead pony for my birthday presentNo> & didnt get you a dead pony for your birth0 ?cutting him off@ Then what happened to him*isa, &m going to be honest with you0 ?growing hysterical@ 6hat happened to my pony->

D+D: *&S+: D+D:

"oure thirteen years old now and &m going to tal, to you li,e an adult 6hat happened to my pony->> & shot him

*&S+: ?pause@ ":you shot himD+D: *&S+: +bout an hour ago, but hear me out0 ":you shot my pony- "ou0you shot my birthday pony-

D+D: & told you not to get e!cited, didnt &- +nswer me, did & or didnt & not say, #Dont get too e!cited0% *&S+: "ou put a cap in my pony and &m N'T supposed to get e!cited->

D+D: & did not #put a cap% in your pony .e wasnt your pony when & shot him "ou didnt even ,now he e!isted .e was =ust + pony *&S+: "ou shot a random pony- 6hat was it < a drive:byD+D: Dont be ridiculous < & ,new e!actly who & was shooting *&S+: 6ell, what did he do wrong-

D+D: .e bit me *&S+: So you S.'T him-> D+D: &t hurt> *&S+: But you didnt have to shoot him )ouldnt you =ust have lectured him sternly < wagged a finger in his face- .es only a little pony> .e didnt ,now what he was doing D+D: &m fairly sure he did *&S+: 6hat did he do that he deserved to be shot for- Did he cac,le evilly after he bit you-> D+D: "ou werent there, you dont ,now the situation *&S+: & ,now this &m thirteen years old today and you gave me a dead pony for my birthday

D+D: & told you, he bit me *&S+: But you gave him to me anyway "ou too, me out here to show me a dead pony>

D+D: 6ell, & thought about that & thought, well, if & ta,e her out here and show her a dead pony that will upset her, but if & dont give her +N"T.&N5 shell thin, & forgot her birthday *&S+: D+D: 6hat could be worse than getting a dead pony for your birthdayTwo dead ponies-

*&S+: Daddy> D+D: *isten now, someday youll have children of your own & never shot a pony before & want you to believe that, never in my life before today *&S+: "ou hated my pony, you always hated him

D+D: & didnt always hate him, & didnt even ,now him *&S+: D+D: "ou did "ou hated him because you ,new & loved him 6hen & saw him & li,ed him, he was cute

*&S+: ?she will act all of this out@ "ou ,new he loved me and he could show his feelings and you couldnt stand that 'h no Acause you could never love anyone "oure all bottled up "ou ,eep all your feelings all bottled up +nd he could show his love .e could swish his tail and toss his head, and lic, my hand when & gave him sugar +nd late at night when &d ride him barebac, through the gray mountains0 D+D: "ou never rode him < & =ust bought him0

*&S+: "ou didnt ,now that & used to snea, out late at night when you thought & was sleeping &d climb out of my bedroom window and &d run to the pasture0 D+D: ;asture- 6hat pasture- 6e live in the suburbs

*&S+: +nd hed smell my scent and come galloping toward me, and &d leap onto his bac,, and wed go galloping over the moonlit moor0 D+D: $oonlit moor-

*&S+: 0with the wind in my hair +nd now hes dead "ou ,illed my pony "ou ,illed Blac, Thunder

D+D: *&S+: D+D: *&S+: D+D: *&S+: D+D: *&S+: D+D: *&S+: D+D: *&S+: D+D: *&S+: D+D: *&S+:

Blac, Thunder"ou ,illed the only thing & ever loved & didnt "ou did & didnt "ou did "ou said you did +;R&* B''*> +pril Bool- But, but its not +pril, its my birthday B&RT.D+" B''*> "ou mean Blac, Thunders not dead- Then what is under that blan,etNot #what% but #who % 6h:who- 6h:whos under thereThree guesses &0& dont ,now "oure cruel "oure the cruelest daddy in the whole world Three guesses +0a candy bar-

D+D: 5et serious < a candy bar the siCe of a pony- (h:uh *&S+: D+D: *&S+: D+D: *&S+: D+D: +0a turtle, a bit gigantic turtleNope, two down, one to go +0a0a rubber raft?buCCer sound@ aaaaaaaaaa Nope Than,s for playing 6hat then, what is it&ts your sister>

*&S+: D+D: *&S+: D+D: *&S+: D+D: *&S+:

6hat&ts your big, fat sister> )athy- &ts )athyBig, fat )athy> +re you insane-> "ou shot my little sister> Not e!actly Not e!actly- 6hat- The pony shot her->

D+D: 'f course the pony didnt shoot her There &S no pony Really, you need to ,eep up &ts a0what0its )athys body *&S+: D+D: *&S+: D+D: )athys bodyS.4S the one that bit me +nd you shot her for it/id had teeth li,e a wild, savage griCCly

*&S+: 6hatever happened to span,ing- 6hatever happened to being grounded6hatever happened to endless boring lectures- Did you .+D4 to give her a permanent time out-> D+D: &t seemed the thing to do at the time < beside, you have another one *&S+: *et me get this straight "ou gave me my dead sisters body for a birthday present- Birst you tell me my pony is dead, and now you tell me you shot my favorite sisterD+D: 6as she R4+**" your favorite- ;ersonally, & thought she was =ust #o,ay% *&S+: "ou are the cruelest, meanest most vicious0 D+D: & thought this would ma,e you feel better about the pony *&S+: ;sycho:Dad> 6hy would & possibly want a dead body < sister or not < for a birthday presentD+D: &t ma,es a nifty paper weight

*&S+: ?grabbing her head@ +aaaaahhhh>> D+D: *&S+: D'(B*4 +;R&* B''*>> Double +pril Bool-

D+D: D'(B*4 +pril fool> *&S+: ?Balling to the floor whimpering@ & thought you loved me D+D: 'f course & love you 4ven better : its not your sister & wouldnt shoot your fat little sister "ou get three more guesses> *&S+: cruel ?)rying@ &m not guessing anymore "ou ruined my birthday "oure a mean,

D+D: "ou sure you dont want to guess*&S+: & want my sister to come riding through here on my pony and trample you into oatmeal> ?collapses again@ D+D: Thats not very nice < especially for someone who bought you a motorcycle

*&S+: ?slowly loo,ing up@ a whatD+D: + motorcycle *&S+: The one &ve wanted foreverD+D: That would be it *&S+: The one & would have sold fat, sister )athy forD+D: The same *&S+: D+D: *&S+: D+D: *&S+: ?hopefully@ The .onda(h:huh The red one(h:huh Really and truly-

D+D: $mm:hmmm

*&S+: ?gets up < a hug would be a nice touch@ 'h Daddy Daddy, youre the bestest daddy in the whole wide world> & thin, youre criminally insane, but youre still the best D+D: & ,now : and you ,now what the big bonus is*&S+: ?horrified@ "ou didnt throw in the dead pony and the dead sister did youD+D: Nope Now the ne!t time you lie to your $om and & about snea,ing out of the house at night, youll thin, twice *&S+: ?B&5 ;+(S4@ 'h "ou ,now about that D+D: .appy birthday sweetheart *&S+: ?Sheepish@ Than, you, Daddy The end