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The Best Daddy

By Shel Silverstein Notes on this selection: This is a purely RT piece because there really isn’t much room for movement, but that said, it’s a great piece for a guy and a girl with some truly funny lines scattered throughout Note: This script can be either for either se! to play either role "ou can even change the script’s title to #The Best $ommy% &NTR'D()T&'N *&S+: D+D: *&S+: D+D: *&S+: ',ay+ little further .ere- )an & open my eyes.old my arm &’m going to bump into it

D+D: "ou won’t bump into anything /eep your eyes closed Now hold my arm, a couple more steps here *&S+: D+D: )an & loo, now+ll right0open your eyes right0now

+ctor 1: Sarcasm is an interesting verbal techni2ue, often lost on the young &n this scene by Shel Silverstein, we meet *isa and her father on one of the most e!citing days of the year for any child her birthday +ctor 3: (nfortunately, this birthday surprise is a little more than little *isa has bargained for Together: The Best Daddy by Shel Silverstein B45&N *&S+: D+D: &s that him, thereThat’s right

e a pony 6ell he is. li.e &S sic. he0 .D+D: *&S+: .. he’s *&S+: Dead.e certainly is *&S+: 6hy is he laying down.ure strain /entuc..e’s dead *&S+: D+D: dead . yes. a thoroughbred gelding 789:dollar Shetland pony &s he laying down(m yes . isn’t he- D+D: +ctually no. he’s not < at least not now *&S+: Then what is he D+D: . &’m going to be honest with you0 ?growing hysterical@ 6hat happened to my pony-> .e doesn’t loo.&s he sic.e0he’s dead&t’s a terrible thing to have to tell your daughter on her birthday.et6ell. but.*&S+: D+D: *&S+: D+D: *&S+: D+D: 6hy is he covered with a blan.y:bred Shetland Best that money can buy 6hy is he laying down- D+D: *isa0& didn’t want to tell you this0 *&S+: 6hy is he laying down.+ dead ponyD+D: *&S+: D+D: *&S+: D+D: *&S+: Sometimes you =ust have to face the facts "ou0you got me a dead pony for my birthday presentNo> & didn’t get you a dead pony for your birth0 ?cutting him off@ Then what happened to him*isa.

D+D: *&S+: D+D: "ou’re thirteen years old now and &’m going to tal. what did he do wrong- D+D: .e was =ust + pony *&S+: "ou shot a random pony.e wasn’t your pony when & shot him "ou didn’t even ..+nswer me.Did he cac. did & or didn’t & not say.e bit me *&S+: So you S. but hear me out0 ":you shot my this &’m thirteen years old today and you gave me a dead pony for my birthday .'T him-> D+D: &t hurt> *&S+: But you didn’t have to shoot him )ouldn’t you =ust have lectured him sternly < wagged a finger in his face. to you li. didn’t &.6hat was it < a drive:byD+D: Don’t be ridiculous < & .now the situation *&S+: & .now he e!isted . #Don’t get too e!cited0% *&S+: "ou put a cap in my pony and &’m N'T supposed to get e!cited-> D+D: & did not #put a cap% in your pony .e an adult 6hat happened to my pony->> & shot him *&S+: ?pause@ ":you shot himD+D: *&S+: +bout an hour ago.e didn’t .e’s only a little pony> . you don’t .now what he was doing D+D: &’m fairly sure he did *&S+: 6hat did he do that he deserved to be shot for.le evilly after he bit you-> D+D: "ou weren’t e!actly who & was shooting *&S+: 6ell."ou0you shot my birthday pony- D+D: & told you not to get e!cited.

new & loved him 6hen & saw him & li. my hand when & gave him sugar +nd late at night when &’d ride him barebac. you always hated him D+D: & didn’t always hate him.6hat that & used to he loved me and he could show his feelings and you couldn’t stand that 'h no Acause you could never love anyone "ou’re all bottled up "ou . me out here to show me a dead pony> D+D: 6ell. he was cute *&S+: ?she will act all of this out@ "ou .&N5 she’ll thin. he bit me *&S+: But you gave him to me anyway "ou too. & forgot her birthday *&S+: D+D: 6hat could be worse than getting a dead pony for your birthdayTwo dead ponies- *&S+: Daddy> D+D: *isten now.asture. but if & don’t give her +N"T. someday you’ll have children of your own & never shot a pony before & want you to believe that. never in my life before today *&S+: "ou hated my pony. & thought about that & thought.D+D: & told you. and lic.illed my pony "ou .now him *&S+: D+D: "ou did "ou hated him because you .e her out here and show her a dead pony that will upset her. and we’d go galloping over the moonlit moor0 D+D: $oonlit moor- *&S+: 0with the wind in my hair +nd now he’s dead "ou . through the gray mountains0 D+D: "ou never rode him < & =ust bought him0 *&S+: "ou didn’t .ed him.e could swish his tail and toss his head. and &’d leap onto his bac.6e live in the suburbs *&S+: +nd he’d smell my scent and come galloping toward me.illed Blac. Thunder .eep all your feelings all bottled up +nd he could show his love . if & ta. out late at night when you thought & was sleeping &’d climb out of my bedroom window and &’d run to the pasture0 D+D: . well. & didn’t even .

but it’s not +pril. Thunder"ou . what is it&t’s your sister> .R&* B''*> +pril Bool.illed the only thing & ever loved & didn’t "ou did & didn’t "ou did "ou said you did +. Thunder’s not dead.Then what is under that blan.But. two down.6h:who’s under thereThree guesses &0& don’t .(h:uh *&S+: D+D: *&S+: D+D: *&S+: D+D: +0a turtle.D+" B''*> "ou mean Blac.etNot #what% but #who % 6h:who. it’s my birthday B&RT. one to go +0a0a rubber raft?buCCer sound@ aaaaaaaaaa Nope Than. a bit gigantic turtleNope.s for playing 6hat then.D+D: *&S+: D+D: *&S+: D+D: *&S+: D+D: *&S+: D+D: *&S+: D+D: *&S+: D+D: *&S+: D+D: *&S+: "ou’re cruel "ou’re the cruelest daddy in the whole world Three guesses +0a candy bar- D+D: 5et serious < a candy bar the siCe of a pony.

fat )athy> +re you insane-> "ou shot my little sister> Not e!actly Not e!actly.e a a nifty paper weight .6hat.sycho:Dad> 6hy would & possibly want a dead body < sister or not < for a birthday presentD+D: &t ma.Did you .+D4 to give her a permanent time out-> D+D: &t seemed the thing to do at the time < *&S+: "ou are the cruelest. you need to . fat sister> )athy. savage griCCly *&S+: 6hatever happened to span.eep up &t’s a0what0it’s )athy’s body *&S+: D+D: *&S+: D+D: )athy’s bodyS. meanest most vicious0 D+D: & thought this would ma.ersonally.4’S the one that bit me +nd you shot her for it/id had teeth li. and now you tell me you shot my favorite sisterD+D: 6as she R4+**" your favorite.&t’s )athyBig. you have another one *&S+: *et me get this straight "ou gave me my dead sister’s body for a birthday present.*&S+: D+D: *&S+: D+D: *&S+: D+D: *&S+: 6hat&t’s your big.e you feel better about the pony *&S+: .Birst you tell me my pony is dead..6hatever happened to being grounded6hatever happened to endless boring lectures. & thought she was =ust #o.The pony shot her-> D+D: 'f course the pony didn’t shoot her There &S no pony Really.

*&S+: ?grabbing her head@ +aaaaahhhh>> D+D: *&S+: D'(B*4 up@ a whatD+D: + motorcycle *&S+: The one &’ve wanted foreverD+D: That would be it *&S+: The one & would have sold fat.R&* B''*>> Double +pril Bool- D+D: D'(B*4 +pril fool> *&S+: ?Balling to the floor whimpering@ & thought you loved me D+D: 'f course & love you 4ven better : it’s not your sister & wouldn’t shoot your fat little sister "ou get three more guesses> *&S+: cruel ?)rying@ &’m not guessing anymore "ou ruined my birthday "ou’re a mean. D+D: "ou sure you don’t want to guess*&S+: & want my sister to come riding through here on my pony and trample you into oatmeal> ?collapses again@ D+D: That’s not very nice < especially for someone who bought you a motorcycle *&S+: ?slowly loo. sister )athy forD+D: The same *&S+: D+D: *&S+: D+D: *&S+: ?hopefully@ The .onda(h:huh The red one(h:huh Really and truly- D+D: $mm:hmmm .

you’re the bestest daddy in the whole wide world> & what the big bonus is*&S+: ?horrified@ "ou didn’t throw in the dead pony and the dead sister did youD+D: Nope Now the ne!t time you lie to your $om and & about snea. but you’re still the best D+D: & . twice *&S+: ?B&5 . you’re criminally insane.appy birthday sweetheart *&S+: ?Sheepish@ : and you .now about that D+D: .ing out of the house at night.*&S+: ?gets up < a hug would be a nice touch@ 'h Daddy Daddy.+(S4@ 'h "ou . Daddy The end . you’ll thin. you.