In Pennsylvania, U.S.A, we like to come up with SOME REALLY ODD names for some of our towns. All of these are genuine Pennsylvania towns, although you might need a really good map to find some of them. Here are a just a few of my favorites. We've got many, many more! 1. Okay, let's get the rube jokes out of the way and dispense with the story which has the traveler seeking "Intercourse, PA" and getting lost and ending up in "Blueball, PA" and finally getting some relief in "Bird-in-Hand, PA." That one's old--and there's just way too many T-shirts already. 2. ANALOMINK. I don't know why this one gives me the shivers but it does. I bet ferret owners were responsible for this in some devious fashion. 3. BALLS MILLS. Rocky mountain oysters, anyone? 4. BATH ADDITION. Sad when your state starts naming towns after home improvements. 4. BRAINTRIM. Freddy Krueger's favorite town, no doubt. 5. BREAKNECK. The first settlers must have learned a hard lesson here. What that lesson was, we would probably do well not to ask. 6. BROKENSTRAW. It must have been a very exciting piece of straw. 7. BULGER. Heh heh. 8. BUMPVILLE. Maybe this was founded in the roaring seventies and needs renamed. 9. CHOCONUT. The town that sounds like an unwholesome breakfast cereal. 10. CLIMAX. If we could only move this town to Lancaster County (home of Intercourse, Blueball and Bird-in-Hand) our Pennsylvanian lives would be complete. 11. CLYDE NO. 3. Just weird. Supposedly these number ones are named after mines. Oddly enough, there is no CLYDE NO. 1 nor 2. 12. CONGO. Imagine the excitement that must have reigned when the bad, bad Michael Crichton film came out. 13. COON HUNTER. Is surely embracing the 21st century. 14. COPLAY. Might I suggest a honeymoon location for Chris and Gwyneth? They can

bring their own LD. 15. FALCONCREST. Something tells me Jane Wyman never slept here. 16. FITZ HENRY. There is half a good gay joke here, which I refuse to articulate. 17. FOOT OF TEN. This sounds like a Grimm's fairy tale. Maybe someone was screwing up the rulers he was manufacturing? 18. GUM STUMP. Oh yes. 19. GRINGO. The only Pennsylvanian town populated exclusively by Mexicans who want you to know how welcome you are here. 20. HOSENSUCK. Is it a town, or an invitation? 21. HOSPITAL. Of course you will sound silly asking the taxi to rush you to HOSPITAL HOSPITAL. It's probably just a tent anyway. 22. JAPAN. Other towns with the names of countries in PA include SCOTLAND and GERMANY. Imagine the poor Japanese immigrant who sought out this town for its cultural enlightenment. Macaroni is probably considered an "ethnic food" there. 23. LABORATORY. Not sure I want to know what the locals are up to there. 24. LAKE IN THE CLOUDS. They probably have some good drugs in this town. 25. LEISURE LAND. I imagine a lot of green leisure suits in soft pastel colors and a lot of recliners facing t.v.s playing NICK AT NITE. 26. LIBRARY. Everyone wears cat-eye glasses and speaks very quietly. But is wild in the bedroom. 27. LIVE EASY. Sure. I bet the average wage there is 5.55/hr. 28. LOG PILE. Sit and watch it settle. 29. LOLETA. They can't spell there, but they can chase the young'uns. 30. MARY D. Oh, Ms. Blige..almost. Mary D. must have been a hell of a lady, or maybe just a lady from hell who knew how to get her way. 31. NED. Our first Southpark tribute. Appropriately enough, it's close to the West Virginia border. 32. GUMP. Nuff said.

33. LITTLE CHICAGO. Sure. About 100,000 times littler. And Chicago has indoor plumbing. 34. NANTY GLO. Sounds like someplace in Middle Earth to me. Pronounced "Natty Glow" by the way. 35. OF. Pennsylvania's nod to minimalism and Steinian placelessness. 36. ONO. Hear the shrieks from miles away. Of course the few businesses located there make cute plays on the name, like the O YES Diner, etc. 37. OGLE. Oh sure, try it. You might get shot. 38. ROSEANN. Naming one's town after a sitcom isn't always a good idea. Is there a WHO'S THE BOSS in Kentucky? 39. SCALP LEVEL. Finally a town Native Americans can be proud of. 40. STALKER. Naming your town after a felony seems a little iffy to me. Is there a DATE RAPE, PA too? 41. TANGUY. If you're highbrow, you might like this nod to the French surrealist. If you're a surfer you might think "Dude, that's a tubular name for a town!" 42. THROOP. Make up your own story. To me, it sounds like something sexual that birds do. 43. TWO LICK. And what's the story there?? 44. VIENNESE WOODS. Okay, now that's just weird. 45. VIRGINVILLE. The POPULATION sign is updated hourly. They have to keep subtracting as they run uncooperative females out of town. 46. VROOMAN HILL. No doubt some idiot went way too fast over that hill and his redneck friends decided to give him the tribute of this name.