P. 1
How Do You Give Feedback

How Do You Give Feedback

Views: 313|Likes:
Published by Jonathan Lewis
I have trouble having courageous conversations with people. I hate giving people bad news or feedback of any kind that isn’t pleasant. I’ve always been worried about how they might view that feedback and the effect it might have on our relationship. Worried that so many people are fragile and delicate. And even more so, worried about how they might not want to hear what I have to say in the future or might not like me anymore. But in our world of leadership, more often than not we NEED to give others constructive feedback or downright corrections. Without that critical feedback, the people that depend on us for guidance are most likely not going to learn from those areas of opportunity if it’s never fully given to them.
I have trouble having courageous conversations with people. I hate giving people bad news or feedback of any kind that isn’t pleasant. I’ve always been worried about how they might view that feedback and the effect it might have on our relationship. Worried that so many people are fragile and delicate. And even more so, worried about how they might not want to hear what I have to say in the future or might not like me anymore. But in our world of leadership, more often than not we NEED to give others constructive feedback or downright corrections. Without that critical feedback, the people that depend on us for guidance are most likely not going to learn from those areas of opportunity if it’s never fully given to them.

More info:

Published by: Jonathan Lewis on Sep 10, 2009
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial

Availability:

Read on Scribd mobile: iPhone, iPad and Android.
download as PDF, TXT or read online from Scribd
See more
See less

05/11/2014

pdf

text

original

How do you give feedback?

By: Jonathan Lewis www.YourBusinessByDesignCoach.com/sq

How do you give feedback? I have trouble having courageous conversations with people. I hate giving people bad news or feedback of any kind that isn’t pleasant. I’ve always been worried about how they might view that feedback and the effect it might have on our relationship. Worried that so many people are fragile and delicate. And even more so, worried about how they might not want to hear what I have to say in the future or might not like me anymore. But in our world of leadership, more often than not we NEED to give others constructive feedback or downright corrections. Without that critical feedback, the people that depend on us for guidance are most likely not going to learn from those areas of opportunity if it’s never fully given to them. By sugar-coating everything, it also creates the illusion that they are fragile and can’t handle feedback similar to rushing to a toddler when they fall, only to coddle, stroke, and comfort them. If we were all so fragile that an occasional fall would damage us for life, we would all be so scared to move. And yet, we are not scared to walk. Receiving feedback should not be a scary interaction but rather an opportunity to learn and grow. And by treating people as though they are resilient, and giving them the full benefit of your feedback, you will BOTH be much better off. MUCH BETTER! Think for a moment about the most harsh feedback you have ever received throughout your entire life. At the time you may have felt angry, upset, devastated, powerless, defeated, alone. Hopefully you will recover from that blow, if you haven’t already. But what if that news wasn’t given to us in its entirety? What if the person on the giving side of that feedback danced around the actual issue just to keep you from feeling bad? Who would that really benefit? If you’re thinking the giver of the feedback. You are absolutely correct!

No doubt about it, the only person that really benefits from that strategy is the person implementing it…at least at the time it happens. (we’ll come back to this point in a minute) That person probably feels like they have helped you out by avoiding any hard feelings, But in reality, you now are charged with the task of figuring out what REALLY needs to be fixed, mended, or changed. And without all the information regarding the issue, I can only imagine that you may miss the target of what that person was suggesting. That being said, you will most likely find yourself back in that situation again at some point in time. One of my greatest mentors once shared with me the idea of treating people as though they are resilient and not fragile. Most of us, when asked how honest we would like someone to be with us, would consider it an insult is that person was not 100% honest with us. And yet, for some reason when we are on the giving end of feedback, most people tend to reserve that full disclosure waiting for just the right moment to reveal it. Now don’t get the wrong idea here either. This does not mean that feedback needs to be given in a harsh, disrespectful, poke to your chest kind of way. NOT AT ALL!!!! The easiest way to give someone this upfront, open, and honest feedback would be to remove as much of the personal feelings behind it as possible and stay on a very matter of fact path. There is no real benefit to making abrasive claims that sound like “you always…” or “you never…” Those types of extreme claims only tend to be seen as attacks and often end up escalating frustrations and get in the way of providing valuable feedback. And if by chance your feelings need to be known in a particular situation, It is always best to stay within the realm of factual feelings by starting with phrases such as “when you do _____, it makes me feel _____” or “it would be better for me if you would ____” Again, staying on your own side of the feedback where there really is no room for anyone to argue with what it is you are feeling or what actions might be better for you. I mentioned earlier that skirting the real issue to avoid hard feelings benefited the giver of the feedback at the time of the conversation, but another harsh reality is that it really has no benefit to ANY PARTY.

By withholding information from someone that really needs it in order to make a positive change, you are only displaying your own insecurities and lack of confidence. If you are confident enough to share a piece of feedback with someone, share it in its entirety. By doing so, you will not only give the full benefit of the feedback and show your honesty, but you will also have the opportunity to show that person that you really care. Sharing feedback in an open, honest, no-“BS” way can truly be one of the best ways to show someone that you care enough to want to see them make progress and achieve success. Really one of the ultimate forms of caring. Almost like telling someone that they have something in their teeth, but on a deeper level. Perhaps they might be embarrassed, ashamed, or defensive, and that is obviously not your intent. But when they realize how much you care to actually tell them the information they need in order to succeed, they will thank you for it and most likely respect you even more for it. Isn’t that what it’s all about? People truly helping other people. I certainly hope so… Enjoy!

YourBusinessByDesignCoach.com provides Personal & Business Empowerment Coaching for individuals and businesses looking to BREAK THROUGH LIMITING THOUGHTS and TURN POTENTIAL into ACHIEVEMENT. We encourage you to sign up for our Free “By Design” Newsletter to receive weekly empowerment tips just like the one you have just finished reading delivered right to your e-mail. Simply visit: http://yourbusinessbydesigncoach.com/sq

You're Reading a Free Preview

Download
scribd
/*********** DO NOT ALTER ANYTHING BELOW THIS LINE ! ************/ var s_code=s.t();if(s_code)document.write(s_code)//-->