Ho}
Withaviic ret taton nw nmn's tinh terial stat copa ere
nian eter happens foe mne tania wit apuns forms of expres etna
Wie meant ean interesting rend and an infrmatv Is a sand don
cralaten or mbunerstndngs Dut pase Ble tha anyone cased ned
inadvertent.
Courti It doesn’t take mu
‘ourting
The courting proces in Japan is peppered with ust ws much socially expected chavior as that in West Japanese culture
crm couses bu unless you understand it or expect i, courting ia Japan often bas the look at fel of & _
School dance where womes hope to appear innocent and unsuspecting and men Keep their ol withthe phrase is quite st
obligatory look of ambivalence or disinterest, but everyone is sectely nervous.
Japanese _partne
about
‘The Internet is filled with accounts of foreigner’ trying to attract Japanese boy/iends or girlfriends only
tobecome confused, frustrated or bitter, ultimately chalking the whole experience up to some invented or
perceived cultural deficiency, Though not casy to understand, most ofthe research suggests that courting
{in Japan tends to be less overt (read: drunken) professions of “Anata wa cho kawaii
(You are really cute) or “Onamae wa nan desu ka?” (What's your name?)
and more subtle or implied acceptances or declinations of ation
Everyone has heard atleast one story about the foreigner who becomes
encouraged by his prospects with the Japanese woman because she is
always very polite and she plays bashful eye-ping-pong and giggles at his
broken Japanese, but continually cites prior engagements when he asks
her out. There are two lessons to be learned here: 1) generally speaking,
in Japan it goes against cultural and verbal rapport to tell someone *No™
cor “I'm not interested in you" or “I don’t want to” in esponse to invitation
{ora date. Its perceived that tis direct type of response would undoubtedly
se feclings of shame or embarrassment in the recipient and thus, is una
ceplable in Japan. The implication being that if she were interested, she would
break her plans or eagerly accept atthe second offering. Also, be careful not to
confuse common courtesy and curiasty about your culture with romantic interest,
as it will usually end badly; 2) unlike some other counties, strolling up to a woman
‘one barely knows or with whom one is only slight acquainted and asking her on a date
is an offer that few, if any, Japanese women will accep, It soften said to be too brusque,
{oo invasive or too arrogant for Japanese tastes. Instead, one might have a bit mare success
by taking things slowly, purchasing a small, inexpensive but thoughtful, White Day gift for her,
inviting her fo lunch or simply asking her to join you in a cup of coffe. However, even if you are
lucky enouglaashave a new lunch oF coffee companion, don’t expect her fo initiates second date even
if enjoys hetglE Again, that is dhe man’s territory
ating
Sayeed Radag esis enough o make it rough hse fs few awhvard ales and
Sb fami hr. A th couring stage is somewhat sim that in
By Wescecount6 GDP Sacgatag where mos fries nd he mont eonfsiono usta.
tng Wheto our 2 PugD am Doman, te soil por seems to bee same. Alough
Tueecoming more seein phe Dg its, tsi the rae Japanese pane that il be tll
case with PDA Ga MRIRE Teton. Geto aout of one ofthe ig ies in Jpan and
Gor ns vyend gpg MBB seemed so comfeble with he public peck or the Spontaneous
ih A See, MBs ii asst ight gohan
Pare Japan Sito We Wo be fair, in Western countries most couples generally don't spend their time together engaged in
ourlong snogs or bepinuncontolably ditobingooe another upon leaving the house, bt the oe
casional affectionate geste ina public sting soften invited or appreciated by bah partners. Not so
{in Jpan. It seems that tis quite rare to finda Japanese partner willing to kiss - even the smallest peck
in public, In Japan, kissing is often considered an inappropriate invasion of the spectators sensibil
ties and an act that is better left for private, hidden moments between lovers.
Thy Markus Képponen
Among Japanese people, there seem tobe varying degrees of comfort with even covert forms of PDA
like holding hands or hugging in public, but this occurs almost invariably between younger tweaty:
‘somethings and is considered inappropriate among older couples. Having sad that, because the preva
ence of hand holding and hugging among young Japanese couples i quite vast iis fart say that the
times are changing and this will become generally accepted PDA within the next generation,
ch understanding of Itis dificult research the subject of affection in Japan or cross-cultural relationships in Japan with
to realize that this Shes pune pen uuiing os simply tetas to nace thr thet tayo wale ot
Sen ouUmunes:y) asthri separtin between penal ad professional, tere eens o bea si dvson tween
uttering familial and personal life and yet a third division between friendships and courtships. Pethaps i is
further illustration ofthe Japanese penchant for privacy and intemalizing emotions, but if you find
‘yourself ina ross-cultual relationship, you should traditionally expect to mect your partner's friends
in small doses and thir family only before engagement
In many Western countries, there is a negative stigma about sneaking off with your
lover to an out of the way pay-by-the-hour hotel for holiday love and romance. Hayy
ever, in Japan, the action is not only considered a heathy expression of fin bukit
js also encouraged by an industry that features hotel staff clad in seasonally apap
lingerie uniforms, leading couples to their room of choice. This i « veMBbmaron hole
day experience whose necessity is twofold 1) the love hotel concept offers thease
privacy for Japanese couples to feel comfortable around each other, 2MBapaces
people, whether married or single, live with their parents and thus any suggestion of
romance within the home setting is met with timidity. If your Japand¥e significanggther
suggest the idea (or expects you to), i will usually fell around ChristnasiValentis®s
Day or White Day
Marriage
Although this could have been mentioned somewhere inthe dating section, the idea SPS
ing “love you" is just as well saved forthe marrige section. In Japanese, there is no exact
translation of the phrase “I love you,” at least not inthe same context in wiich itis used in the
West. The phrase most often pointed to asthe linguistic equivalent of “I love you” and which is
in fact being used by many younger people is Aishte ira which is most closely translated as “I ove
yu in the most devoted way one person can feel about another.” It doesn’t take much understanding
of Japanese culture to realize that this phrase is quite stong and one many Japanese partners would
uneasy about uttering ~ especially in light of the fact that many Japanese children seldom, if ew
say histo thie par
another, A few oth
3s and its not uncommon for a married couple to never have said it 10 one
phrases that seem tobe gaining ground among the younger generations
asthe Japanese equivalent of" love you" are suki (like you) daisuki (I really lke you) and
taisetsu (you're precious), none of which really cary the same meaning as the Western
“Love you."
‘Though confusing sometimes frustrating, remember that Japan isa highly contend
‘ualeulr@lfhd as sishyso.is its language. For a Japanese person to tell their pafer
“you're precious” within the romantic context ofa private love hotel room or offer
4 quick smooch during « quiet lakeside toll is quite a meaningful gesture despite
the Westem focus on the words themselves,
, oo Seope Ws ary a cd