OM

G
Iamhavingababy!
Not your average
pregnancy, not your
 average journal

By J.A.D.E

Found out!!!!
02/06/2008
After weeks of being totally constipated, over emotional (almost psycho), having my
boobs swell and ache and feeling completely sick and not finding a cure for it, everyone
suggested that I took a pregnancy test, but I didn’t want to listen. So I spoke to my cousin
(who also happens to be a doctor) and explained my symptoms expecting him to tell me I
just have to flu, but he also told me I was probably pregnant and to get a test done. So
reluctantly I went to Superdrug and brought the cheapest pregnancy testing kit they had
(because I still was not convinced and there was no way I was shelling out tonnes of
money on one of them Clear Blue jobs) and lucky for me there was a two for one special,
woohoo!

So I came home and went straight to the bathroom to get it out the way, so I had a little
wee on the stick and waited before I could even breath, the result was there and it was
positive. Obviously I thought it was wrong, after all it was a cheap test, maybe I
should’ve invested in a Clear Blue one, that wouldn’t have lied to me. So I thought I’d
wait a few hours, but ended up waiting maybe 5minutes and took the test again this time
the hubby came in the bathroom with me and we both waited and there it was as clear as
day, I was actually pregnant, how did that happen lol

Doctors
4/06/2008
I went to the doctors today to obviously get further confirmation that I was actually
pregnant, because I was still heavily in denial, but also because I was bleeding over the
weekend, which is quite scary. So the doctor called up the hospital and got me and
emergency appointment for the next morning. Oh, and they confirmed I was actually
pregnant, but what do doctors know anyway, I won’t believe it until a professional doctor
at the hospital tells me.

1st Scan
5/06/2008
At 9am (why so early?) I went with my mum (and my doctors notes) to the Sonning Ward
in the Maternity Unit, it’s really weird because that’s the first time I’ve actually been to
the Maternity Unit I didn’t even know where it was.
Firstly I had to give a urine sample, then a nurse took my blood pressure and stuck
something in my ear she didn’t even explain what she was doing, I had to keep asking her
what was going on and why she was doing it which seemed to piss her off…Oh well, I
still carried on asking questions haha

I then had to sit and wait (for years) for my scan. It felt so surreal I guess everyone in the
small waiting room were in the same position as me (waiting to see if they were pregnant
and if the babies OK) so it was really quiet and intense.

Once in the scanning room the sonographer put gel all over my belly then she had to
press down really hard on my belly with the scanner thingy because the baby was only
tiny. I got to see his heart beating which was really overwhelming. She measured him and
told me I was actually 8 weeks pregnant. She even gave me my first picture of my baby it
was so exciting.

I heart my mummy
7/06/2008
I stayed at my mums again this weekend there’s nothing better than getting completely
spoilt by mummy when you’re feeling like crap.

My new boobs
9/06/2008
Still felt a bit sick this morning and kept getting a pulling feeling near my bikini line,
kinda like period pains. After work I went to find a bra and a dress that would actually fit
my newer bigger boobs. I’m now a 34G, check me out lol I could be a page 3girl…if I
wasn’t pregnant…or didn’t want lots of men perving over my boobs.
I found a cute dress for a fiver in Prada (Primark) and a pretty bra in Debs..Result!

Not a good day

10/06/2008
Not feeling any better. I had to wake up early just to wee. I was so tired I fell asleep on
the toilet, then I got really hot and restless. Once I dragged myself to work I just wanted
to go home to my bed. My stupid period pains came back on top of that I kept needing to
poo so now my bums all sore, not fun.

11 weeks…well nearly
25/06/2008
Officially it's actually tomorrow. It feels like it was only yesterday when I found out I
was pregnant, wow those 3 weeks have flown by. Now that I’m over the initial shock I
thought I'd keep a more regular journal seeing as I'm addicted to blogging. This will be
mine and my husbands 1st baby and we're both really excited, especially seeing as I was
under the impression that I'd never have children (imagine having to deal with that in
your early 20's).
I'm actually a high risk pregnancy due to the fact that my rubbish doctors failed to realize
I had a tumour (which had probably been growing for over 10 years)
To cut a long story short it was a prolactinoma. When I finally got referred to a specialist
endocrine doctor (who has been brilliant) I had an MRI scan and got some tablets for it
and the swelling has now gone down and it's no longer bleeding internally.
Now because these tablets were to stop me from producing milk I'm now worried that I
won't be able to breastfeed when the baby comes.
My other worry is that because those tablets worked so well I was reluctant to come off
them. But the doctor made me switch to a different kind due to my pregnancy. But I guess
we'll see how things go.
I have about 4 different kinds of doctors looking after me which makes me feel kinda
special (but scared too) and I've been told I'll be having more scans and attending hospital
more than the average pregnant woman but I'm just trying to take it all in my stride and
not stress about it too much.

Morning sickness go away!

25/06/2008
Even before I found out I was pregnant I was suffering from really bad morning sickness
and it hasn't eased up or anything. Everyday (literally for the whole day) I feel sick.
When I'm at work I don't know what to do with myself so I kinda flop on my desk most
of the time.
I've tried eating ginger biscuits, drinking ginger tea and even wearing travel sickness
wrist bands and nothing seems to help. When I feel this crappy I can't even eat, although
I'm starving I can't physically bring myself to eat anything proper.
I'm hoping this will all change after I've got past the 1st trimester, but what do I do if it
doesn't. I'm not a good ill person and I don't like throwing up, I kinda panic then stop
breathing then I get scared that I'm having an asthma attack

Why is my stomach so dry?

26/06/2008
I've realized over the past few days that my stomach is becoming increasingly dry. Now I
slap on loads of Cocoa butter every morning after my shower but by the time it reaches
lunchtime my stomach is really dry then I cream it again at lunch time and by the time I
get home it's really dry. It looks like sunburn (you know when your skin kinda starts to
peel off) it's that kind of look. But it can't be sunburn because my belly hasn't been in the
sun.
I'm wondering if it's because maybe my belly is starting to grow/stretch and that’s making
it look dry, I dunno has anyone else experienced this or am I just a mutant?

Officially 11 weeks today!!!

26/06/2008
Yey only one more week until I can actually tell everyone properly. I never used to
believe in the whole waiting 3 months 1st I used to think 'what rubbish' you should tell
people when you want. But because of the whole me being a high risk thing I thought it's
safer to wait till I get my scan next Friday and get the all clear before telling everyone.
Because the last thing I want to do is tell family before hand and then I have a miscarry
then they'll all feel sorry for me and wanna comfort me etc. Now there nothing wrong
with that but I don't think I want lots of people telling me 'sorry for your loss'
My mum is bursting to tell someone, anyone lol because this will be her 1st grandchild. I
do have 2 older sisters but even before I got married we all knew I'd be the 1st one

the hubby is bursting (literally) to tell all his friends and family and I've only told my best
friend it's sooo like hush hush. I'm not really a secretive person so this is the hardest
secret I've ever had to keep. But next week the secret will be out, yey! I'm sure my mum
will tell literally everyone, I think she’s more excited than me (if that’s possible), I'll
probably have family from the Caribbean calling me to say congrats

Strange reactions
30/06/2008
I told my older sister about me being pregnant and the strangest thing happened. 1st she
didn’t seem all that amused, then she was like 'oh I'll call you later so we can chat
properly' she never called and I haven't heard from her since. Then she called my mum
and had a go at her so now she's not talking to me or my mum or strangely enough my
dad (even thought he doesn’t even know I'm pregnant)
I really don't know what the problem is it's like me telling her that offended her or
something I dunno. I mean she’s like 10 years older than me has a good job, good money,
good friends, nice apartment in the city why would me getting pregnant seem to ruin her
life so much so that she stops talking to everyone. Cuz she has literally cut herself off.
Like she’s not answering calls, or responding to texts or emails.
Personally I think it's a bizarre form of attention seeking cuz I'm the youngest and people
assume the youngest is spoilt (which I'm not I've been working since I was 14/15) but I
guess she may feel that cuz I'm the 1st 1 to have a baby both me and the child are gonna
get fussed over and spoilt. I mean the child probably will get spoilt, (cuz between me and
they hubby, we have a lot of family and friends who probably will buy the baby lots of
stuff) But that’s no reason to react in that way....
I would never act like that if someone was telling me that kind of news, even if I felt they
were making the wrong decision I'm not gonna say something evil to upset them and
make them depressed and miscarry
Has anyone else had a close relative or friend react in such a random way to your news.

Can they get any bigger...no seriously can

they??
30/06/2008
So my boobs have like super sized like overnight, it's sooo crazy. I mean they're not
normally small I'd say I'm above average but still even this is big for me I'm now finding
it hard to sit up straight because they feel like they're dragging me down. I'm only 11
weeks so I'm guessing they haven't actually finished growing, but how much bigger can
they possibly get. Everyday I get home from work my husbands eyes basically pop out
his head because he can't believe how much they seem to grow every day. They also ache
especially in the mornings, because I usually sleep on my stomach when I wake up I'm
always in pain it feels like someone has grabbed hold of them and tried to rip them off
my chest in the middle of the night.
They can't seem to fit in anything. I'm normally like a size 12 dress now I have to buy
size 16 just so my boobs fit in and don't get squashed. If I wear just standard T-shirts it
makes me look like I either have really saggy boobs or a never ending belly. I used to
love baby doll kinda tops but now anytime I wear them (even if it's a size 16) it looks like
my boobs are fighting to break free.
I always wanted big boobs but now I've got them I kinda can't wait to go back to having
my normal sized ones. If they continue growing at this rate they'll be bigger than my
baby!
Oh and the annoying thing is that once your boobs are past a certain size you are then
paying double or triple the amount for a good bra. I nearly spent £30 on a bra the other
day, but I needed 2 bras and I couldn’t bring myself to spend £60 on two bras, but now I
know I have to there’s no way around it.

12 weeks 2day
3/07/2008
Yey I'm finally 12 weeks, it feels like it took so long to get to this stage. I've got my NT
scan tomorrow so I'm really looking forward to that then I can tell the whole world about
my little munchkin that’s growing inside me.
I'm actually starting to 'feel' pregnant and I'm eating a lot more, so I'm actually gaining
weight (well I feel bigger) as opposed to loosing heaps of it. I dunno if it's a proper
craving but I find that them all day breakfasts you can get, with fried egg, bacon, sausage
etc really make me happy. I love them I could eat them everyday.
I still don't like the smell of onions, (although I will eat them in food) I can't stand the
smell of them raw or being fried up. I also hate the smell of them powder seasonings, but
strangely enough I love the smell of my mums homemade seasoning.
I just feel like I could eat and eat and eat all the time and in the early stages I didn’t feel
like that at all, I really love eating now.
I also really hate fish (this week) I loved it last week, my husband made fish the other day
and I felt really faint just from looking at it then the smell made me feel sick.
But other than certain foods making me feel sick I've found that the actual morning
sickness is not as severe as it was which is great as I did not enjoy that 1 bit and I thought
I was gonna be one of them unlucky women who has to endure morning sickness all the
way through the pregnancy.

Scan in less than an hour

4/07/2008
My NT scan is at 12 today I dunno why but I'm sooo nervous I've been in and out of the
toilet and now I have the worst stomach ache ever and I feel really hungry but I'm scared
to eat anything just in case it makes my stomach worse or (even worse) makes me run to
the toilet again.
The last time I had my dating scan I basically lived in the maternity toilets I hope that
don't happen again today

Just had my NT scan (a nice long story

for you :-)
4/07/2008
So after all that worrying and being in and out of the toilet I finally managed to leave in
time to get to the scan. The hubby came to get me and we drove up to the hospital
together.

By the time I got there I was sooo hungry I could eat my own arm, but at the same time I
didn’t want anything too heavy so I had some hula hoops, yummy.
We walked all the way to level 5 to be told that the scan was actually on level 2 (that was
a mission and a half!) then we finally found the place and had to wait forever. Our
appointment was at 12 but we didn’t go in until around 1ish.
The nurse taking the measurements was quite rude and abrupt to begin with I was so glad
the student nurse was there as she was really happy and helpful.

Anyway as I lay down I was thinking oh no what if they can't find a heartbeat. Then as
soon as the lady put the scan thing on my belly all we could see was the baby looking like
he/she was having a party inside my belly. The little munchkin was everywhere looking
like they were having fun and throwing his arms up like it was the best thing in the world.
He then refused to turn around and for a while had his back to us then he turned around
again and started moving everywhere so it was hard for the nurse to get a proper picture
or measurement.

But my little munchkin seemed so happy in there now I feel happy because I can stop
worrying so much. My husband was so excited he was just beaming and he brought 3
pics (they gave us 1 for free and the rest cost £2) but we were both thrilled with
everything I feel like I'm floating cuz I'm so happy.
I thought I'd have to drink water beforehand, lucky I didn’t because the lady at reception
was like no don't do that. glad I didn’t start because the last time I had to do that I drank
too much water and while they were scanning me I actually cried cuz I was bursting to
pee that much lol

But in conclusion to my essay, everything is fine I'm just waiting for the NT scan results.
Although I did have a nose while the nurse was writing up the notes and saw that she said
it seemed like a normal reading. But I'm not believing anything until I get the results. I
mean I've been high risk everything else so I wouldn't be surprised if that came back high
risk 2 but for the moment I'm really happy.
While I'm writing this my husband just called to say that because he was so over excited
when he went back to work he's actually come back home again because he wasn't
actually getting any work done. Typical men!

It feels like ages!!!!

7/07/2008
We went for our NT scan the other day and while we were there we booked our 20 week
scan but it's not until September which feels like years away. I'm really impatient
anywayz I just want the scan and the waiting is already killing me. I've tried to not think
about it but that doesn't work because it always finds a way of popping into my head.

Yey I told everyone (well my mum kinda

got there before me)
7/07/2008
So on Friday I officially told all my family about the baby. I told my dad, who was
surprisingly really happy for me (you know normally dads don't like to think of any men
actually being with their daughters no matter how old they are) so him giving me that
reaction then made me cry for ages (happy crying not random crying this time lol) and
the rest of my family are just really happy for me.

Everyone’s convinced I'm having twins, even though I told them I'm not and my mum
and auntie reckon the baby will be born xmas day, which is what I really don't want. As
selfish as it sounds I'm looking forward to my normal big xmas dinner at my aunties I
don't wanna be stuck in hospital eating hospital food for xmas and even if my family
bring me food in it won't be the same So the baby can come any day after 25th Dec and it
will be fine.

I'm still finding that I'm really tired although I'm 3 months, on Friday I went to bed at
7pm and missed everything. I was supposed to go out as well and that wasn't about to
happen. Even now I feel really tired like I could just sleep and sleep until tomorrow.
Feeling a bit better
10/07/2008
I can't believe I'm actually not getting bad morning sickness anymore I feel a lot better
than I did at the beginning of the pregnancy. Although I started to get backaches, if I
stand for longer than say about 30mins my back kills. I went to my friends BBQ the other
weekend and I was standing and the next day my back was aching and my legs too.
My husbands now got into the habit or massaging my back when he comes to bed it's soo
nice it's not the whole of my back it's near the bottom just above my bum. The hubbys
actually really starting to just take over certain stuff like it's now sunk in he's gonna be a
daddy and he's happy to run to the shops for me when I craving random things at random
hours and crying.
We also got a new bed the other day so that’s doing wonders for my back as well, it's
sooo comfy I have to drag myself out in the mornings. You can't beat the comfort of a
brand new bed.

Strange obsession with water

11/07/2008
I normally try to drink a decent amount of water a day, but recently I feel like I can't live
without water. I drink countless amounts of water at work, then I come home and as soon
as i step through the door I have to have a massive glass. Even when I go to bed I'm
thinking about water. This morning after the usual 3am trip to the loo i climbed back into
bed and literally couldn't sleep cuz all that was running through my mind was glasses of
water, so much so that i had to get back out of bed (what a pain) and actually get some
water. After the water I managed to go straight back to sleep.
If I'm not thinking about drinking water I thinking (or talking) about something water
related, like I'll daydream about beaches and swimming in the ocean or having a bath,
taking a shower or washing my hair, it's really bizarre it's like I've suddenly developed a
strange obsession with water.
The other night I dreamt me and the hubby were driving through the hills in Jamaica and
i made him pull over so I could put my feet in the sea and have an ice lolly and i must've
been really happy cuz the hubby said I was giggling to myself in my sleep. (which is
another thing I've now started to do) normally when I'm asleep that’s me I don't make no
noise, but apparently recently I've been talking and laughing in my sleep and all sorts. I
was thinking maybe it's cuz I'm just really tired nowadays so I can't control my body, but
that must be amusing to watch

Why am I sooo clingy?

14/07/2008
I'm not normally a clingy person (well maybe I am for the 1st couple days of a really bad
period) but since I've been pregnant I've been really clingy with my husband to the point
where I'm almost suffocating him. I always have to have a hug or just be round him or be
touching him on some way.
Even if he gets up to go toilet I'm like 'where are you going, don't leave me on my own'
it's really weird or I'll tell him to go out so we get a break from each other then when he's
gone I'll call him every 10 seconds then get really upset if I can't get through to him but
then at the same time it's his fault I'm pregnant so he'll just have to deal with all the
random things that I do LOL

Temper Temper
15/07/2008
Now I’m impatient at the best of times, and I can even admit it, but since I've been
pregnant I've found myself seeing red very easily over the smallest thing.
Especially at work I already hate when people tell me obvious stuff I already know, or
common sense stuff (I aint thick!) but yeah my new manager does just that and hovers
over my desk and generally pisses me off to the point of whenever he talks to me I turn
my back on him and pretend I’m doing something really important, (like peeling an
orange lol) and when I do have to answer him I do it through gritted teeth. I can't help it
and there’s nothing I can do about it. I can't wait till he goes on his hols for 2 whole
weeks yey! I'm always really short with him and give him 1 word answers like I just want
him 2 not talk to me!
Then at home if the hubby says something evil to me (cuz he’s one of those sarcastic
people who love to tease) normally I can come back with something witty but recently
I've just been getting angry and I don't talk I'll scream at him, he's like 'OK OK calm
down' then that makes me scream even more. Then I always say the famous line 'me and
MY baby don't need you' (which obviously i don't mean) which used to upset him, now
he's just like, 'whatever', then I tell him I hate him then straight after I want a hug and i go
and cry on him lol which I think scares him a bit cuz he doesn't know what I'll do next
hehehe

Thinking back
15/07/2008
I keep thinking to myself, before I knew I was pregnant I remember the 1st bank holiday
at the beginning of May me and my friends did a photo shoot for my magazine. We
thought we'd make a proper weekend out of it so naturally we stocked up on junk food
and alcohol. Now I'm normally a rum drinker so I had plenty of that and just spirits in
general for the whole weekend. Then we went out raving and drank even more, now I
must've been maybe 1 month or so pregnant then and now thinking back i'm like I
could've hurt the baby.
I was chatting to my cousin about it (she was one of my drinking partners that weekend
lol) and she keeps telling me not to worry as i didn’t purposely do it as i didn’t know i
was preggers. I know it's dumb worrying about the past but I keep thinking about it, I
mean the babies healthy and very active, so why am I worrying...
Bra fitting - wow these bras are pricey
16/07/2008
I went for my 1st bra fitting since finding out i was preggers the other day as the
underwired bras were killing me. I went to John Lewis and those ladies who work there
know everything about bras (and I also prefer the older ladies to do my bra fitting, cuz I
went La Senza once and they were rubbish and not helpful at all) they showed me all the
bras I should be wearing and explained why it's best not to wear an underwired bra etc
and they were just nice it was like talking to a concerned auntie or something.
I haven't really grown that much from the 1st time i got measured when I was 1st
preggers I've just got fatter really. I've just gone from a 34 to a 36 so although they
haven't got bigger they feel like they have they feel so heavy like they're dragging on the
floor!
Anywayz I brought a bra which cost £26 which for me is expensive and I've found that
once your boobs are past a D they are classed as fuller figure then the price just triples!
Obviously I need to get another bra but I couldn’t be spending near £60 in one day on 2
bras that’s crazy!! AND them dumb bras never seem to be in the sale! How annoying!

Strange reactions... part 2

16/07/2008
So as you know my sister mysteriously stopped talking to me after I told her I was
expecting (and I still dunno why as she's still not talking to me, although she's now
talking to my mum) she even said she's looking forward to being an auntie but still aint
bothered to call/txt/email/msn me and even say hi.
So now my dads not talking to me, when I told him he said he was happy for me etc then
I didn't hear from him again. So i thought ' I aint going through this again' so I text him
this morning to sarcastically say 'thanks for not bothering to check if me and YOUR
GRANDCHILD are ok' then I kinda went off on a little pregnant woman rant. Then,
about 5 mins later who calls... my dad to say he wants us to meet up on Friday 'for a chat'
as long as the chat is over some sort of food, i'm up for that.
OK here’s where it gets long and this is what i think his problem was, before i knew I was
preggers I was having really bad morning sickness and was constipated and generally
feeling like shit, so whenever he called my hubby would tell him i'm ill and in bed or ill
and at my mums etc. So my dad seems to think we knew that I was preggers and was just
trying to keep it from him by saying I was ill. But I didn’t find out I was preggers till I
was over 2months gone I honestly just thought I was sick and needed rest.
But at the same time even if i did know from the beginning it's up to me if i wanna tell
people/when I wanna tell them. I chose not to tell my dad till I was 3 months cuz he can
piss me off at the best of times and I didn’t want him annoying me to the point where i
overstress get ill and miscarry!
Wow my immediate family seem so dysfunctional actually the only person who hasn't
acted weird is my mum but she can get a bit over the top at times telling me what to eat
what to wear when to sleep etc soooo glad I don't live with my parents otherwise i
would’ve ripped my hair out already!
I feel fine, so why am I sooooo worried
21/07/2008
Normally I wake up at least 3 times in the night 1am, 3am and 6am to have a wee but last
night I only woke up once at 1am and then I slept all the way through to when my alarm
went off at 7am. Even when I woke up and wasn't bursting to go to the toilet like I
normally am. So now I'm worried, like what’s happened to the baby? shouldn't it be
leaning against my bladder like it normally does? Should I go doctors for a check. I
probably sound like I'm being a drama queen but, now that I've got used to the waking up
it feels strange to not wake up.
Then when I got out of bed I felt very 'normal' I mean my morning sickness has been
getting better and sometimes I don't feel sick, but I would've expected to feel something
and I just felt like....'normal' now I'm wondering if the babies still there. I'm 14+5 so I've
got past the 'danger zone' but I'm still scared. The hubby reckons the baby is just settling
down and lying properly (whereas before the baby seemed to be all over the place) but
it's our 1st so we really don't have a clue
Has anyone else gone through this, or am I just worrying unnecessarily??

I love the thought of eating but.....

21/07/2008
Somehow when it actually comes to eating I'd rather drink water (or sprite) on Friday my
dad took me out for dinner I was looking forward to it all day then when the food was
actually in front of me I couldn't eat it and I chose the most unhealthy thing there,
Monterrey chicken with BBQ sauce and melted cheese and chips yummy. But it wasn't
yummy on Friday I was more interested in my glass of sprite and the cheesy garlic bread.
The waitress had to end up taking my food off the bill cuz I couldn't eat it.
Then on Saturday my auntie had a family gathering and she had lots of little foods. I had
a small plate and straight after I drank like 2 big glasses of water then I was full to the
point where I couldn't move and the annoying thing is I actually wanted more food but
couldn't eat. I had to end up going for a walk then even when i got back it still took a
couple hours before I was ready to eat again.
I keep missing out on food because I drink 2 much water in between
My auntie did make a lovely salad and salad dressing though that I copied the next day
now the hubby is concerned that I'm not eating enough...

M&S Maternity Bras are the best bras

ever made
22/07/2008
I finally got round to going to Marks & Spencer yesterday to search for a maternity bra
(as I only had 1) I managed to get a 2 pack for £20 one black 1 white they are sooooo
comfy it feels like you're not even wearing a bra. I'm not really a white bra person but it's
quite cute. They're both very plain but no underwiring and they fit very well. Only thing
is it looks like they only go up to a G cup in the shop anything over that you have to order
from their website

My family are convinced the baby will be

born xmas day
23/07/2008
Even though Happy Feet isn't due until 14th January. I keep telling them it won't be that
early but they reckon he won't be able to wait and will come out early as he/she won't
want to miss out on christmas.
I really don't want the baby to be born xmas day as I'm really looking forward to stuffing
my face with my aunties yummy xmas dinner. Happy feet can come boxing day that
would be ok then at least I can put some left over xmas in a container and bring it to the
hospital with me. I wonder if they'd heat it up...maybe i should take my own microwave
Oh and everyone thinks it will be a boy, my uncle is adamant it will be a boy cuz he said
there’s too much girls in the family, I don't mind either way but now even I'm starting to
think it will be a boy which isn't good as I haven't come up with any good boy names yet.

Thanks Nats
23/07/2008
My cousin has been sooo lovely since I told her about the pregnancy. I mean we've
always been close kinda like sisters (we're 3 weeks apart ourselves) I'm closer to her than
i am with both my sisters actually, but i wasn't expecting her to be as helpful as she's
been. She's been really involved and has been reading up on all these pregnancy things
and giving me advice and she always calls to check on me and happy feet.
She’s actually gonna be my birthing partner as they hubby will be completely useless
(and openly admits it) the only thing he wants to do is hold my hand but doesn't want me
to squeeze or verbally abuse him. He'll probably pass out before the babies born so it will
be nice to have her in the room with me as she's quite calming and she's quite a chilled
person anywayz.
I dunno what I'd do if she wasn't around...and i'm gonna stop there as I can feel myself
welling up and I don't wanna look crazy and start crying like a big weirdo at work in the
middle of the office as I won't be able to stop.
But anywayz thanks Nats luv ya x

I need more calcium but I hate Milk!!

25/07/2008
I'm not normally a milk drinker and have cereal once in a blue moon, mostly because
milk gives me the worst cramps ever. Since i found out I was expecting I thought I'd give
milk a go again and have been eating Weetabix for my breakfast with no stomach upsets.
But today the milk just killed my stomach I felt like how I normally feel (well when I
wasn't preggers) I honestly felt like I was dying it hurt so bad I was like 30mins late for
work cuz i couldn't leave my yard (or the toilet lol) now I'm completely off milk again I
aint even gonna give it another go. I'm not good with any kind of milk. I've tried the rice
milk and all that and Soya milk just smells like food yuk!
I don't eat a whole heap of cheese or dairy products in general so I'm not really getting all
the calcium i need. I really hate taking tablets, as I already have to take tablets everyday
for my dumb prolactinoma tumour thingy and I still take folic acid I'm already forgetful
and I don't wanna add calcium supplements to my list of tablets that I’ll forget to take
then flap when I remember that I forgot them. I already forgot to take both sets of tablets
lastnight and I've been fretting about it all day.
I dunno what to do, but I know I def aint looking to have any kinda dairy thing anytime
soon, is there anything else I can eat/drink that has calcium in it but aint diary?

How did I miss an appointment that I

didn’t even know about?!?!?!
25/07/2008
Now I've been really good with my appointments I have most of them memorized and
have reminders all over the place, but today I got some letter saying I missed an
appointment on 22nd July. I didn’t even have an appointment for anything on that date, I
don't even know what it's for it says it's from the department of obstetrics and
gynaecology now they've made me another appointment on 26th Aug just after the bank
hols at 8.55 when I won't even be here they're so dumb.
How has someone booked me in for something and not bothered to inform me!?!?! I'm
baffled as to what this apt is for, I'm gonna have to wait till Monday to call them. But
whatever it's for I'm not waiting a month, I'm gonna find out what it's for then I'm gonna
whinge and moan and make a general nuisance of myself until I get an earlier date.

My first kick, yey

28/07/2008
So on Saturday afternoon, I was sitting down pondering what to wear (as I was in shock
that outside was actually sunny AND warm) and I felt like a little funny thing on the right
side of my stomach, it was like a little feather tapping me lots of times it was really soft
and fluttery.
So because I was in a daydream I didn't really think too much of it and it carried on, and I
was like 'Arrrrrggh happy feet is kicking' I didn't know what to do with myself I was
soooo excited. So I went running to the hubby who was still in bed (lazy bum) and was
like 'the babies kicking' so he's there trying to feel my stomach and it stopped. So I went
back inside the front room and sat down again (to still ponder as I still hadn’t decided
what to wear) and it happened again. So I called my mum and Nats to tell them, it was a
really nice start to my weekend.
I didn't think I'd feel anything cuz I'm 15+5 but I asked my doctor cousin (poor him I
always bombard him with questions anytime he comes to stay) and he said you can
sometimes feel it quite early but normally it's when you're on your 2nd child.
anywayz, I finally managed to pick out some clothes in the end, can you believe it was so
warm I even put on my flip flops woohooo, this is my kinda weather. Oooh and I went
Wagamama's (2 for 1 deal yey) and managed to fill myself up on water and miso soup I
left most of my Cha Han but I took it home and the hubby ate it before I could even say
anything, he's always hungry and tired and napping like he's the one whose carrying a
baby.
OOOh have you ever had their ice lollies they're 100% natural fruit ice lollies oooh
yummy, you have to try them!

Anytime I'm feeling happy something

always ruins it
28/07/2008
I've been on a high, from the nice weather, 2 trips to Wagamama and feeling Happy Feet
kick. But now I feel down again. I felt really weird this morning before I left the house
like really out of breath and just funny. Then when I got to work I actually felt sick like ill
sick I had a stomach ache and everything. Not like a cramping pregnancy stomach ache,
but like a normal annoying stomach ache the type I would get when I wasn't preggers that
kinda just come about for no reason.
So I went toilet this morning and noticed a tiny bit of blood on my panty liner (sorry if
TMI) so I thought nothing really of it as it was just a tiny speck, so I thought I’ll change
and see if it happens again. So this afternoon I had my lunch and all of a sudden I just felt
this empty feeling it was really strange like normally I'd feel something but I just felt like
nothing, it's quite hard to explain.
Then I started to get like period pain like cramps and feel sick. So I went toilet again to
check what was going on and wiped myself and there’s quite a bit of fresh blood which
really freaked me out. Cuz I remember the last time I went hospital the doctor said pink
and brown blood is normally fine but if it's fresh blood you need to worry. So now I'm
worried.
I called the doctors and got an appointment for 5.15 today the hubbys coming to collect
me from work I seriously feel like I'm on my period and I'm just fretting. I was trying so
hard not to cry earlier my eyes were all glazed over I was thinking if one person says to
me 'are you ok?' I’ll burst into floods of tears!
I'm just sat here at my desk fearing the worst, because I have shit luck with everything
that’s why we were so surprised I even managed to get pregnant to begin with. I feel
really sick and scared, I know I'm gonna sound like a baby but I just want my mum.
Mums have a way of making everything seem OK.

Wow I heard Happy Feet’s heartbeat

29/07/2008
That was the one good thing that came out of my emergency trip to the doctors last night.
The doctor told me to lay down on that table thing and he listened to my babies heartbeat
(to check it was still alive) and me and the hubby heard it, beating really fast. Now I
know why people buy that piece of equipment for themselves, but I'd still rather the
doctors do it.
16 weeks 2day
30/07/2008
And I feel good good good ( remember that's an old garage song, for all of you who used
to be into garage :-) Oooh I really liked that song.
Anyways I do feel good, no morning sickness or anything today. Last night I ate my salad
(which is my new favourite thing for this week) I had pickled beetroot (normally yuk, but
in pregnancy yummy) rocket, cucumber, baby tomato, avocado pear, pickled green
peppers and some other leafy things ooh and I had some croutons with it, I felt so posh!
My mum also brought me some blueberries as she read somewhere that they're supposed
to be good for me, normally I'd hate the taste of blueberries (I’ve tried them before, not a
good experience) but these ones (from Aldi, best place to buy fruit) were lovely, I've even
brought some into work with me. I'm kinda having a fruit day today, with my blueberries,
plums (a new fav for me as well) and my apple.
I've had a small packet of sweets in my drawer that have lasted like 3 weeks, normally I
could eat them little packets in like a few handfuls but at the moment I'm not really
interested in sweets.
Anywayz back to my 16 weeks, I finally have a noticeable bump and it's not just visible
at night I see it every morning and because of the nice weather I've been wearing my
summer dresses to work and the front of the dresses are kinda up in the air because of my
bump yey I've got a bump!
I'm also going to the doctors today, well to see the midwife with my cousin. People have
told me what to expect so I'm guessing I'll come back home with no blood left as they
would've taken it all from me
Also a lot of prostitutes do their business on the long road that my doctors on so I wonder
if they'll be any entertainment today with the police trying to chase them etc.
I've also made up my mind that I'm going to buy a dummy today for Happy Feet as I can't
really buy anything else until I know the sex.
OK I think that’s it, I could probably go on forever cuz as you can probably tell I
loooooove writing. I'm hoping Happy Feet will be creative as well.

Stupid Consultant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
30/07/2008
I previously posted, that after waiting almost 2 months to get any kind of correspondence
from my consultant, I received a letter saying that I'd missed my appointment and would
have to wait a month for another one. Obviously wasn't happy so I called and left a
message complaining someone called me back today to tell me the consultant said she
doesn't need to see me any earlier and early September is fine.
Now this is coming from a lady who knows I'm high risk, knows I have prolactinoma and
knows that pregnancy alone will cause the tumour to swell so why she would wanna wait
till then to have a look at me and be like 'oh by the way your tumours got worse and it's
bleeding internally again' is beyond me. I really don't get it, it's quite dangerous. Lucky
for me I have to do fields (eye) tests with a really nice doctor so I have them every 8
weeks and if anything they’ll pick up if my tumour is worse. But how can this stupid
woman be so casual about it, like nothing can happen between now and September and
annoyingly enough it's on the same week as my 20 week scan. SO this backwards woman
has waited 20 weeks to see me when I was told she would be seeing me in my early
stages of pregnancy.
Also when I booked the 20 week scan the lady behind the desk did actually say to me that
the consultants normally take ages and then book to see you on the same week as your 20
week scan, she was like everyone complains about it but they still do it.
If anything’s shows up as abnormal on my 20 week scan I'm gonna hold her responsible.
Cuz now I already don't like her which means I'll probably be really bitchy and purposely
awkward when I meet her. Maybe I'll be a cow and not even talk I might just sit and look
vex and get the hubby to do all the talking.
I'm really annoyed now (if you couldn't already tell lol) I'm going to see my midwife in a
bit so I'm gonna complain to her as well. Arrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhh!!!

I wanted to loose weight before not now!

31/07/2008
I went to see my midwife yesterday for my 16week check up and at the end I decided to
weigh myself and to my surprise I've actually lost weight like 3lbs which is quite weird. I
was a bit concerned and the midwife said it's fine and that a lot of women loose weight.
My cousin Nats reckons it's cuz I've just been eating salads, but they're the only things I
like at the moment.
My mum was like 'see I told you' according to her this is the smallest she's seen me (since
I went through my fat phase a couple years ago) I mean I have been eating, but since I
started seeing the endocrine doctors about my weight I change my way of eating and can't
eat as much as I used to. SO I think that’s still the case, as I get full quickly. I like the
thought of pigging out and stuffing my face but I physically can't do it. So I'm not really
eating for two

I've never been so tired in my life

1/08/2008
I think it may be because of the weather but yesterday I felt so tired and ill. It felt like the
weather was heavy or something, I felt really pressured like something was sucking all
my oxygen I dunno how many hits I had to take of my inhaler I just felt like crap all
morning.
Then when it got to the afternoon I was just too weak to move I felt like I could collapse
everytime I got up to go toilet. So one of the ladies in the office picked up my lunch for
me.
After I'd eaten it I just wanted to sleep so I actually put my head on my desk and closed
my eyes for a few minutes, then realized a few of the directors were in so had to wake
myself up.
My mum came to collect me and as soon as I got to hers I made a space on the sofa and
went to sleep, my mum was all worried cuz I was completely knocked out. Then she
woke me up for food, but I was sooo tired i could hardly eat anything, I felt like I was
forcing it down. Now my mums worried me and the baby aint eating enough. Anywayz
after the food I went back to sleep I felt like I couldn't keep my eyes open or my body
upright any longer. So after another little nap my mum dropped me home.
Then the hubby was worried that I wasn't eating enough, as he'd cooked a variety of stuff
and normally I'd take a tiny bite or at least smell it (as I normally smell everything) then I
literally stripped and went to bed, I don't even think I said goodnight or by the way I’m
going to bed I was so tired I couldn't even manage to turn the light off (and i hate
sleeping with the lights on) or find my nightclothes or pull the sheets on me.
That’s the most tired I've ever been, I feel a lot better today so I'm hoping that was a 1 off
because I really wanted to go visit my best friend in London 2mrw cuz i aint seen her for
ages and before I was preggers/ill I was always up there like i lived there or something.

I'm still sooo tired

4/08/2008
I dunno why, even this morning it was such an effort to get out of bed and by the time I'd
had my shower and got dressed I actually had to have a rest on the sofa.
While I was on the sofa I was thinking to myself I wish I was rich and we had a maid to
cook me breakfast, maybe she could come over 3/4 times a week then I would go out
shopping.
I've never actually wanted a maid or any kind of help like that before but for this morning
a maid would've been perfect, actually maybe not just a maid just someone to cook me
breakfast because I really couldn't be assed this morning.
So I made my own breakfast and that made me tired so I had to have another rest, then I
was late for work because I decided to lay down and relax and obviously relaxed for too
long looked at the clock and it was 8.50 and nowadays it takes me like 20-30mins to walk
into work when normally it would take 15. So I was late, lucky the managers on hols.
Now I'm just tired all over again I really can't be assed to be here today

So fed up with work

5/08/2008
I really wish I wasn't here, this place is really draining me. I've been temping since I
finished uni 3 years ago. I have a degree in journalism and aint really using it. OK I do
have my own magazine but I only started that in March and I don't have the money for it
to be in print, so it will be online for a good while, not that that’s a bad thing. I mean I
enjoy writing either way but I'm just annoyed that I'm kinda stuck in a rut.
I've never aspired to work in an office, I hate the thought of a 9-5 I've always wanted a
job where I could travel and plans could change at any given moment, like excitement
that’s why I enjoy writing I always thought I'd just get my books published and make
loads of money like JK Rowling but obviously it's not that easy and no one tells you that
at uni. The whole office environment just bugs me especially when people expect me to
stress over a job I really couldn't care less about. Like most temps i'm just here for the
money I don't wanna learn i don't wanna progress and take on extra responsibilities
(unless that = more money) I hate people trying to cram my head with useless info that
I'm never gonna use again and emailing me wit stupid questions they know the answers
to.
Maybe it's the weather but I'm so pissed off today I really just need some excitement in
my life I've been doing these mundane jobs for ages and I don't wanna carry on doing
them after Happy Feet arrives, it's like I got myself into debt and went uni for no reason
and the annoying thing is none of my friends are using their degrees either and are all in
exactly the same situation as me, we're all quite colourful creative people and we're all
stuck in dull boring jobs.
I really wanna do something fun during my pregnancy so I can look back and be like 'oh
when I was pregnant with Happy feet, I had so much fun doing this' I need a job that I
can do that won't make me tired and pissed off but at the same time I get a bit of money
from. Because trust me this job drains me, the manager wanted me to work extra hours
but there’s no way i'm working longer than 9-5 seriously by the time I get home I'm ready
for my bed and sometimes I can't even make it home and someone has to collect me and
I'm only 17 weeks so it's only gonna get worse.
If only we were wealthy and I didn’t have to work, I'd love that right now instead of
being in this grey building looking out onto grey skies.

Why am I getting so full so quickly

6/08/2008
Yesterday I was really craving Pizza (from Pizza Hut) and garlic bread with the cheese on
it. So I ordered it before I left work and went to pick it up all happy.
Got home now still happy that I'm about to have my pizza, I managed one and a half
slices and I was completely full, nothing else would go down (oh and I had some garlic
bread) but I swear I’ve never been that full in my life, i didn’t even know what to do with
myself, so I started crying LOL the hubby thought I was nuts, but I was so confused and
restless I kept flopping around the sofa I chucked myself on the floor (bad idea, cuz then I
couldn't get up) then I couldn't breath properly and the had to take a hit of my inhaler, I
was seriously that full!
I was telling my cousin how full I was and she’s like '2 slices of pizza?!" like how can
anyone be full on that lol but I was full till around 10pm (and I ate at 6pm) I've never felt
that way before, now I'm scared of Pizza.
Also I'm finding that I can't really eat that much, I'll try but normally I can only manage
like maybe a little plate of food (you know the kinds of plates that you'd probably serve
toast on) yeah that size plate, now people keep worrying i'm not eating enough. But I
can't force myself to eat more, I've tried and it just don't go down.
Does your actual stomach shrink when you're pregnant or something, cuz I don't
understand how people talk about eating for two when I can barely eat for one. I was
hoping this would be the time when I had an excuse to pig out and eat everything but it's
just not working out that way

Yey I'm 17 weeks today, I'm so happy (apart from not being able to eat pizza anymore)
Obviously I'm tired, but it's all worth it. I'm gonna try get my doctor to write a letter
stating I need to cut down my hours

Who kicked me in my bum?!?!

6/08/2008
Since around 11ish today I've been having the strangest aches and pains. Firstly my bum
really hurts it feels like someone gave my bum cheek a good kick and then they
proceeded to punch my thighs, I've been limping like someone has actually done me
something.
Even this chair is hurting my bum and when I get up i have to get up slowly otherwise it
feels like i'm damaging my legs. On top of all this my back really hurts and I've had a
dodgy belly all day. I'm basically walking round my workplace like some old woman
who needs a walking stick.

I'm still aching

7/08/2008
Yesterday I felt like I'd been kicked in my bum and thighs, so I got the hubby to do a
massage and the very bottom of my back actually felt bruised, I dunno where it's from,
the hubby said there was no visible bruise but there was a certain part that really hurt
when he touched it.
Now today I feel exactly the same way like really battered and bruised and I don't sleep
that bad (anymore) so I couldn't have done something random in my sleep. I've been
limping around like there’s something seriously wrong with me.
My mum reckons it's cuz I walk really fast, to and from work and I climb the stairs all the
time at work and when I get home I have more stairs to climb to my floor, but I don't
think I walk half as fast as i used to before I was preggers.

Feeling a bit down - Rant Alert!!

8/08/2008
I felt a bit drained from lastnight (the hubby pissed me off so I used all my energy
purposely not talking to him and bursting into floods of tears in between) but today
nothings changed. I would’ve thought that after seeing how upset I got about something
that he'd think oh ok and do something about it.
Basically I hate a few of his friends one in particular and that one that i can't stand seems
to just pop up everywhere or call wanting the hubby to hang out etc and it seems like
anytime his friends call he kinda drops everything and goes running. Like lastnight we
were in Morissons taking our time deciding what we should cook etc then that dumb
friend calls and he's like I'll be home in 5 mins and hurries me up. So I purposely took my
time and wondered off round the store then when he found me I was just like 'Don't talk
to me, lets just hurry up and get home cuz obviously you have something important there'
Anywayz today he was acting like nothing had happened (like men do) and we had some
long argument via emails (the only way to argue nowadays lol) and he won't get rid of his
dumb friends. Now these friends are really dumb I do actually have real reasons why i
don't like them, serious ones but the hubby seems to think I'm 'over reacting' and I don't
want him to have any friends.
Now these aint childhood friends, I like his friends that he grew up with in Jamaica
they're lovely guys, but these friends are stupid, disrespectful, aint got no manners and
just piss me off and the hubby was even considering one of them as our babies godfather,
I was like there is NO WAY!
So we basically had an argument about his friends who he’s not prepared to give up, so I
told him he can move out!
Now I've just been dwelling on that argument all day and I feel really sick and faint I've
had to force my lunch down and everything I aint even left the building cuz I feel a bit
unsteady on my feet and every 10 seconds I feel like crying. I don't wanna ask him for a
lift home cuz it defeats the whole object of not talking to him or needing him for anything
(yep i know I'm stubborn, I really hope my baby don't inherit it) and if I ask my mum
she’s gonna wanna know why the hubby can't pick me up, (and I don't really like getting
my mum involved in my business) so I'm kinda stuck. The bus stops like a 10/15 min
walk so either way I'm screwed.
I know it might sound petty but if you knew the reasons i have for hating this one
particular friend you’d know why I'm so upset that he's basically choosing his friends
over me.

Why is sneezing such a pain??

11/08/2008
Basically my stupid neighbours seem to have acquired to dogs and anytime they've
passed through the passageway I can always smell them which is annoying as I'm
asthmatic and really allergic to fur so I'm finding anytime I come home and the dogs have
been in the passageway I get all wheezy and sneezy etc.
So lastnight I was having a bit of a sneezing fit and I was lying on the sofa and sneezed
quite hard and it felt like something in my back popped, then I got a shooting pain
through both my legs and I couldn't move the hubby had to lift me up off the sofa but I
couldn't stand up cuz i was in that much pain.
When we finally managed to make it to the bedroom I was in so much pain he had to roll
me onto the bed and massaged my back. It was so uncomfortable trying to turn round in
my sleep, I don't understand how sneezing can cause so much pain. Also i find that if i
don't hold my belly when I sneeze i feel like the baby could just come shooting out lol i
get like really bad cramps in my pelvic area.
So I blame my stupid neighbours for my pain, they shouldn’t have dogs anyway we live
in a small 2 bedroom council flat, they have 3 of them (all adults) mother, daughter, son
all living there do they really have space for 2 big dogs anywayz???? It's like these dogs
appeared from nowhere. I guess it's protection for all the dealers the daughter and son
owe money to. (oh yes my next door neighbours are hardcore junkies) fun fun fun

Wow what an eventful day!! And the day

aint even done...
12/08/2008
This morning when I woke up I felt fine, then by the time I got into work I just felt soooo
drained I've been coughing my guts up and sneezing, so obviously I've been drinking a
lot. So around 10ish I went to the toilet, and guess what...blood!! So I sat for a bit longer
and when the little trickily bit of wee (sorry if tmi) came out and I wiped myself again
there was a whole heap of fresh blood soaking through the tissue. It then continued to
happen everytime i went to the toilet.
So because it's happened before I called the hospital and was told to come into the
delivery suite where I saw 2 doctors and 2 midwifes who took my blood pressure, took
blood and urine samples and listened to the babies heart (which was all fine)they also did
like an internal and checked my belly etc as I was having pains along my right side.
Then the doctor said I looked very pale and ill (so I must've looked bad, cuz it's quite
hard to tell when a black person is 'pale' ) so she ordered a blood count. I think I was
actually just tired cuz the hubby snored like a wild pig last night so in between that and
getting up to wee I didn’t get much sleep, plus the crack head upstairs died and I'm not
good with dead people so that was playing on my mind too.
Anywayz I was then told that I'm Rhesus negative and because the babies likely to be
Rhesus positive I have to have anti-D injections all the time to make sure that my blood
don't create anti bodies to harm the baby. I then had to have an injection in my bum
which is the most painful injection I've ever had in my life (and I have 8 tattoos) So
basically when I have my 2nd child that one will be more at risk. I'd never heard of
Rhesus until today and I've had billions of blood tests!
Then another doctor came in and told me I'm too weak to go back to work and I need to
go home and sleep (not that i was complaining lol) they were actually contemplating
keeping me in for the night! I was there for hours!!
Obviously I was never gonna have a straight forward pregnancy everything with me is
always complicated and now I have all these extra appointments.
The Anti-D jabs, Fields tests, consultants etc the senior midwife also told me that I'm
supposed to be seeing someone every month, which was a surprise to me, so she booked
me all these appointments so I'm basically gonna be living at the hospital.

This baby is already naughty!!

13/08/2008
So after having to go thru like a million tests at the hospital and being scared about
whether or not the baby was still there, me and the hubby went home so that I could rest.
I was laying down on the sofa starting to dose off then what happens, the baby decides to
kick, happy feet was there kicking/moving for a while so I shouted the hubby who came
racing in to have a feel.
But why couldn't happy feet have done that earlier then we wouldn't have panicked so
much when I was bleeding, it's like he/she waited for us to go thru all that to get home
and be like 'hahaha I tricked you I'm here really' Now I'm thinking this baby is gonna be
such a handful when it's here (mostly because I was 'apparently' a bit of a handful when I
was little)
But I'm glad he/she moved though now i'm really looking forward to the 20 week scan
cuz now I'm sure this has to be a boy there no way a little girl can give this much
trouble... but then I did....

WOW this child is all over the place!

15/08/2008
I woke up for my usual toilet trip at 3am, did the normal routine of struggling back into
bed while the hubby kinda rolls me on with one hand. Anywayz I was laying down on my
back when I felt a little kick, followed by loads of kicks, or something it literally felt like
the baby was going nuts and bumping into things in my belly! I'm sure I felt something
bigger than a foot so I dunno if Happy Feet was head butting me. It was so strange like
loads of bumps all around my stomach. Normally they’re just in one place and feel like a
little flutter but these ones felt like the baby was trying to get out (or get some attention)
It's like the baby was up at 3am having a little party and decided I should stay up with it,
it's such a strange feeling, could I have felt it's head cuz I'm only 18 weeks?
Maybe it was the fizzy haribos I ate maybe they sent happy feet a bit hyper lol

The weekend
18/08/2008
I actually had a nice weekend, the baby started kicking again on Friday night and hasn't
stopped since then, even as I'm typing Happy Feet is kicking me.
I've been debating going to carnival for ages but after Saturday night I def won't be going.
My mum had a little party for her birthday and I think I stood up for too long so my back
started to hurt then I sat down and my legs started to ache so I stood up again and my
bum started to ache. So I had to get the hubby the massage my bum, he was so
embarrassed bless him he kept saying don't you think its a bit inappropriate I just look
like I'm rubbing up your ass' I was like 'I don't care I'm pregnant, just rub my bum!' lol
There was so much yummy food I guarded my mums fried chicken and aunties famous
coleslaw and I got to eat 1st jus cuz I'm preggers it was great. But when I tried to walk
around too much I kept getting a cramp in my toe, it was really annoying. I went in the
garden and my auntie had to call the hubby to carry me inside.
Then by the end of the night (or day I guess seeing as it finished around 2/3am) I couldn't
walk and had to lay down on the sofa. So if I can't handle a little house party I definitely
can't handle carnival.
Also as soon as I got to bed the baby started kicking like it was still ready to party, then it
woke me up at 9am and I actually had to get up although I was still tired, cuz it wouldn't
stop kicking!
Now Happy Feet just kicks all the time, it's nice to know that he/she is still there though
cuz if the kicking stopped I'm sure I'd panic.

Fields test today

20/08/2008
Because I'm high risk and because of my prolactinoma I have to go for fields tests every
8 weeks, basically to check that the tumour aint growing and impairing my eyesight. It's
such a random test, and now that I'm thinking about it I can't remember where to go in the
hospital, great.....
They basically do a standard test 1st when you have to read letters on that board through
a mirror covering one eye, then I have to do this next test. You put your head in some
machine (one of your eyes is covered) and you have to click a button anytime you see a
white light appear, now you have to look straight forward (although they may appear to
the side of you) and the lights are tiny specs it's such a strange test. Then you repeat it
with the other eye and the doctor gets your results says weather you've passed or not. Last
time I was OK so I'm hoping all will be well this time. Cuz if they find a problem I'll
have to go for another MRI scan (and I hate them, I'm extremely claustrophobic and
normally cry like a baby when I have them)
I mean I have had a few headaches recently (and apparently that’s one of the signs that
the tumour is growing back) but I've tried not to worry about it too much or think the
worst. I guess if anything they'll change my medication or make it stronger which will
make it hard for me to go to work cuz I'll be sleeping every 10 seconds, but we'll see....
Also with those tests because you're so focused on seeing these tiny lights even after the
test has finished you see the lights everywhere it's so bizarre it feels like you're in a dream
world and these little white lights are just floating round you and everyone you pass.

Sudden addiction to Capri Suns and

Potatoes
21/08/2008
Not at the same time though, I'm not that bad...yet.... I haven't really been craving any off
the wall things like lumps of coal or soil, just random things every week.
Yesterday me and the hubby were in Savacentre and I saw some Capri Suns on offer and
I just had to have them, I've drunk most of them already, they make me happy. I think
they take me back to my youth
With the potatoes now, it's like I have to eat them every day any kind of potato, mashed,
boiled, jacket I especially love roast and yesterday we even had potato skins yummy. I'm
sure next week it will be something else it always is

Ouch my belly hurts :-(

22/08/2008
From yesterday I've started to get really crazy pains in my stomach, it's mostly below my
bump. I was talking to a lady at work who said it may be Braxton hicks, because other
than the pain under my bump, which I assumed is my belly etc stretching and making
room for the growing baby (as I'm now 19 weeks), I've been getting like a really weird
pain, it's like a tightening pain. I would normally feel that kinda pain before I start my
period. It feels like my belly tightens up for like maybe 10-20 seconds then it releases.
But in them 10-20 secs I feel like winded I have to kinda bend over and breath really
deeply and it's really strange, but the 1st time it happened, yesterday morning I actually
felt the urge to push.
Then after that happens the baby starts to kick like a crazy person, it's like Happy Feet is
enjoying himself while I'm doubled over in pain. The hubby reckons the baby just wants
to come out, but it's obviously too early. But if this is Braxton Hicks I can times the pain
by about 100 then I guess I'll have an idea of what a real contraction will feel
like...great...now I'm really looking forward to child birth
Overly claustrophobic, how will I get this
baby around?
22/08/2008
I'm extremely claustrophobic and it seems to get worse as I get older. First it started with
tubes, I refuse to ride them now and haven't been on one for years, which is fine as I don't
live in London anymore and when I go up I'm happy to take the bus. It's just the thought
of getting stuck in a tunnel coupled with the fact that you're in a dark tunnel to begin
with, deep underground and there’s no way out.
I even had to walk out of a job once (which was annoying as it was at one of them celeb
restaurants down west end, and the manager went out on a limb to give me a chance
although I had absolutely no experience in that field) but I had to walk down loads of
stairs and the more stairs I walked down the more I realized I'm actually underground,
and the restaurant didn't have any windows (ob because we're underground) and that
made me feel so panicked. I arrived on my 1st day for a meeting with the rest of the staff
and the longer i sat the more I felt like I was being interrogated (although I wasn't) I
started sweating and my throat closed up and I had to interrupt the manager and say that I
had to leave before i died lol
I completely hate lifts too, I have to be forced into them and i won't go in one alone. Once
the doors close I can feel myself starting to sweat then I kinda start hyperventilating and
I'll squeeze whoever is in the lift with me. I've never been stuck in a lift before but the
thought alone scares me. I actually feel like I could die when I'm in a lift but sometimes
there’s no way round it. The only lifts I can honestly say i don’t mind are the lifts at
Gatwick Airport and that’s only cuz they're huge and you're only going up 1 floor.
But the point to all my rambling is how am I gonna get my child about, cuz when I've got
the buggy and shopping I'm not gonna be carrying it all up the stairs I'll have to take a
lift, but what happens if i get in the lift and have like a panic attack and pass out or
something when it's just me and the baby which makes me scared to take the baby
anywhere cuz most shops etc have more than 1 level, so there’s no escaping the lift unless
I just stay on one floor.
I've tried to get over my fear but it just seems to get worse and has now extended to
planes. I used to love flying until I got to about 20 then I would get really sick before I
had to fly I'd be in and out of the airport toilets with a dodgy belly and all sorts, even now
I wait till the last minute to board the plane and I won't wait in the departure lounge for it,
I'll stay in duty free then literally at the last minute I’ll run for the plane and I'm normally
the last person to board and I only run because it means when I sit down I'll be out of
breath so I'll be too busy worrying about that and looking for my water/inhaler to worry
about the fact that I'm on a plane and it's about to take off. I like the fact that there’s
windows and you can see out but the windows are tiny and I just feel too closed in, so I
dunno how I'd be able to travel on a plane with the baby on my own. Because I can't
sprint with a buggy or a toddler who has just started to walk.
My mum hates travelling with me because she likes to get on the plane early like when
the gates open and sit for like an hour or however long u sit there for. If I was to sit there
for that long I'd get a stomach ache and would start sweating and looking around (like
how a suspicious looking person would) anyone who travels with me always complains
about having to sprint for the plane lol
But seriously I need to get over this before the baby comes cuz I don't wanna be acting
like some nervous crazy lady around my child, he/she might start to feel uncomfortable
around me

Hungry all the time

27/08/2008
I never really used to eat that much in the beginning stages, cuz everything made me feel
sick, but since I reached 20 weeks I'm hungry all the time like starving, but I still can't eat
loads at a time, so I have to eat a little plate of food then go back for another plate, which
is really annoying!
I've also gotten over my obsession with Capri Suns and Potatoes, I've now moved onto
Rubicon Tropical fruit juice I drank 2 big cartons of it lastnight yummy, but now I dunno
what i wanna eat.
I've been feeling sick all day at work, I couldn't go home cuz I felt faint and any kinda
walking will make me pass out, the hubbys been given 'the talk' at work cuz they reckon
he's taking too much time off driving me to my appointments, (hellooo this is our 1st
child, what do they expect me to go alone?!) so he can't collect me. I've been trying to
wait for the faint feeling to pass so I can just go home before the feeling returns.
Plus I'm pissed off with my stupid housing assassination who can't fix a simple door
downstairs, but can build a whole new front door upstairs, (so now the crack heads come
freely come in and out cuz there’s no lock on the main communal door) t-mobile are
overcharging me on my phone bill and my dumb agency are saying there’s a chance i
may not be paid on Friday! AAarrghhh not impressed.
On top of all of this, i took yesterday off to relax etc, workmen came at 8am on the dot
and began drilling and banging all the way thru till 5pm I wanted to strangle someone!!!
So today I'm extra tired and extra grumpy.
Also anytime I get up from the sofa it feels like I've pulled a muscle in my belly so that
hurts too!
I just wanna go home, I'm not a happy bunny today

My midwife and GP are useless!!!

28/08/2008
This morning I woke up with a really bad pain at the bottom of my back all the way down
to my thighs so I basically couldn't move. I guessed that the baby must've been leaning on
my spine, so I called my midwife just to ask her advice on stuff and see if there was any
positions she could recommend, or if I should just stay on my back or try do yoga and
move about. So anywayz I called the doctors surgery just before 8.30am and she decided
to call me back after 12 (after the pain had eased off) what was the point of that?!?!
Plus I couldn't get hold of the doctors and my GP was on holiday (again), in the end I had
to call the physio people (who I haven't even met yet) who said to just take it easy and lie
on my back, I don't understand the point of my midwife she’s actually quite useless, the
midwives in the hospital are a lot more helpful. I'm 5 months and she's been absolutely no
help! If I hadn't had any scares and had to go hospital I'd be so confused as to what to
expect.
I'm actually getting to meet my consultant on Tuesday (which I reckon is dumb as well,
as a high risk shouldn't she be seeing me from the early stages of my pregnancy?) so
maybe she'll be able to provide me with the answers my midwife should’ve provided me
with.
It's like I don't have no one to go to with my questions, which is making me really
frustrated

Feeling a bit sad 2day

1/09/2008
After a lovely weekend, which ended in my bum hurting and me not being able to walk, I
woke up this morning and felt really sad, like I wanted to cry. My mum was so concerned
that she actually drove over and drove me to work.
I think I'm now realizing that there’s only 4 months left till the baby comes and I feel like
I haven't really done anything with my life. I mean yeah I've been uni etc but I went thru
my bank statements and realized how overdrawn I am and how I'm in sooo much debt
over a degree I don't actually use.
I've just been thinking about what I'm gonna do after the baby comes, I mean my dream
would be to have one of my books published by then and make a living from my writing.
But in reality I'm not that lucky, this baby is the kinda the best luck me and the hubby
have ever had!
And everyday i come into work i'm reminded of how little i'm actually doing and how
much of my brain I aint using. I was also thinking how would I encourage my child to go
uni when I'm now thinking it was waste of 3 years (ok i know that’s way in the future)
but I'm just really anti further education at the moment it makes you deluded into
thinking you’ll get a great job when you come out because of this piece of paper that says
'i have a degree' in actual fact I'm no better or more knowledgeable than someone who
don't have a degree.
I'm gonna go library after work and get a couple books, maybe emersing myself in some
decent fiction may help me. (plus I aint read a good book for ages)

Can't breastfeed
2/09/2008
I just got back from my consultants appointment at the hospital and was told I definitely
can't breastfeed. Because of these stupid tablets i'm on for my prolactinoma I def can't do
it. I kinda guessed that would be the case but I was still a bit sad when they told me. It
just feels like that’s 1 big decision that’s been taken away from me and a bonding
experience I'll miss out on.
I actually saw 1 consultant 1 endocrine doctor and 1 junior doctor at the same time who
were all baffled as to whether or not i should be taking this particular tablet
(Bromocriptine) during my pregnancy, so they wanted to take me off it, then they didn’t,
then they phoned another doctor who then called another doctor who said I should stay
on the tablet just in case my tumour grows out of control again and harms both of us.
They were like we have to think of your health as well as the babies and breastfeeding is
the least of your worries but i know it sounds petty but I was looking forward to being
able to breastfeed and now I can't. I guess at least I would've saved money on a breast
pump but now I need to buy more bottles and milk.
Also as well as the consultant i saw some other lady and a midwife who were totally
clueless about prolactinoma which makes me realize how rare it actually is, it's like I'm
an experiment that the doctors are 'trying things out' on. I mean so far this has paid off but
i think most of the things they do with me are trial and error.
I would assume the baby will be premature cuz if the tumour decides to grow they'll pull
the baby out early, but they can't actually tell me that for sure. Oh well I just have to
come to terms with the fact that I'm a rare breed lol

These little things are making me soooo

happy
4/09/2008
Yesterday I decided to go to Boots and take advantage of the 2 for 1 offer on the Huggies
Starter Kit, I felt so proud going and picking it up, like 'Look at me I'm buying nappies
cuz I'm pregnant' lol
Then I got home and I was so excited to open it (although I already knew what was
inside) I took everything out while smiling happily to myself, I even told Happy Feet that
we got some nappies for him/her and my dad as well (who tried his hardest to sound as
excited as me, bless him)
So now I'm happy again, the hubbys going to get some more over the weekend or maybe
we'll get them after our scan 2mrw yey!
Also my bum was aching again yesterday my manager even told me to go home cuz i
couldn't get comfortable, i think it mostly hurts when i'm sitting on laying down, it seems
to go away when i'm standing which is highly annoying, I can't wait till i go see the
physio people next week!

They said it's a girl, but I'm not

convinced
8/09/2008
Me and hubby went for the anormally scan on Friday had a really nice sonographer who
asked us if we were having a surprise, we were both like 'no no we wanna know' so she
had a look and was like 'hmmm that looks like a girl to me, but don't go painting the
room pink yet, I'll have another look once I’ve done the measurements' just cuz the baby
was in a funny position (surprise surprise)
So hearing that the baby put itself in the most random position so it couldn't be measured
for anything. firstly the baby put it's head right down near my pelvis so she couldn't
measure the head then she wouldn't close her mouth (maybe the baby was telling us to go
away and stop trying to look at her bits lol)
Then just as the lady managed to measure the babies leg and go in for a 2nd look at her
bits the baby decided enough was enough and crossed her legs...tightly so we didn’t get a
2nd look cuz she refused to uncross them she just stayed there in that 1 position and
wouldn't budge even after shaking my belly about she didn’t move. But coincidently as
soon as we left the room she decided to move all round my belly...
So because the sonographer didn’t get that 2nd look I'm not completely convinced that
we're having a girl, the hubbys like yey it's a girl but I'm not too sure. I'd be very happy if
it was a girl but I just have a gut feeling it's a boy (I'd still be happy if it was a boy)
Even when we went to matalan after we (not intentially) got loads of neutral coloured
stuff and even though I had girl in my head I still brought a little baby blue winter coat
(but that was only cuz I really didn’t like the pink one)
But I dunno has anyone else had that feeling and you turned out to be right?

Pain, Pain and more pain

8/09/2008
All weekend I've been in pain and hobbling around I can't wait to go physio on
Wednesday. I had to bring my wheat sack thing into work today and sit on it cuz my bum
and the top of my right leg are killing me. Everyone’s been asking me if i'm ok cuz I'm
limping that badly.
It feels like my leg needs to click it's soooo uncomfortable and annoying. I'm gonna go
reheat my sack thing it feels like it's starting to get a little cool

I'm not huge yet so why am I having

problems bending down
9/09/2008
I was really aching yesterday and now I've realized that I'm really struggling to do
anything that involves bending down. This morning it took me a good while to put on my
knickers when I got out the shower my back was killing me I was like 'Ouch ouch ouch'
oh and don't get me started on my trousers that’s a mission and a half then my
socks...what a pain, then after that ordeal I always need a rest. Then I had to psyche (wow
I can't spell) myself up to put on my shoes arrrgh more bending down. Luckily my mum
was nice enough to pass by and collect me on her way to work otherwise I'd still be on
my way to work.
Also cuz I've been hobbling around everyones been feeling sorry for me which is making
me feel worse. But one good thing did come out of it 2day, a lady who was visiting to run
a training course saw me hobbling and told me how she’s a qualified antenatal something,
maybe physician or something and she runs antenatal classes, she was quite concerned
and thought I could have a trapped nerve which is why it's sooo painful. She also
suggested I get one of them balls (i was actually gonna get one for when I'm giving birth)
and she said when I go physio 2mrw ask them to recommend some exercises that would
be safe for me on the ball and if not come to her and she'll help me out. I was like yey!!
So hopefully after 2mrw i won't be in as much pain, which is great
One more thing for me to look forward to
yey
9/09/2008
So we went to a few sofa shops and got a beautiful sofa (on credit of corse, cuz we don't
have that kinda money) and cuz my mum knew most of the young guys who worked
there (from her youth club) they sorted us out and we got the sofa half price (woohoooo)
this sofa will be like the nicest. poshest thing I've ever owned in my life and I'm really
looking forward to it's arrival.
It's a nice corner group kinda 1 (well i mini version) and what i like best about it is that
me, the hubby and happy feet can all curl up on it together (which was the hubbys only
request, bless him). Our current sofa aint that inviting and is contributing to my
backaches so it will be nice to have a comfy sofa. Also even better it breaks in 2 so
there’s no reason why it won't fit through our door. I'm soooo excited as it's just one more
good thing for me to look forward to and good things don't normally happen to me.

My strange dream
9/09/2008
I had a really weird dream (which actually made me question how good I would be as a
new mother) basically I was flying somewhere far with the baby and I didn’t bring any
milk with me. Some people next to me were like 'shouldn't you be feeding you baby
now?' I was like 'should i be?' so someone gave me some of their milk and i gave the
baby some and she went to sleep.
Then when we were like 6 hours into the flight (i dunno where i was flying to but it was a
long flight) the baby was still sleeping, then another set of people were like, 'You're
babies been sleeping for a while, you should probably wake her up and feed her' I was
like 'I haven't got any milk, so someone else gave me some milk and I fed the baby, who
was quite floppy by this time.
Then we got off the plane and I was walking along the road pushing the baby and random
people kept stopping or pulling over and saying 'your baby looks hungry have you fed it
yet?' I was like I haven't got any milk and I dunno where to get milk from. So i spent the
rest of the day wondering around asking random people if they thought it was time for the
babies feed and where I could get milk and if my baby had slept for long enough.
Coincidently I had this dream after I was told I wasn't allowed to breastfeed (cuz of my
dumb tablets that i'm currently taking) but that really played on my mind. I even had to
call my mum and ask her how will i know when to feed the baby, what if the babies
hungry and i don't realize, what if i leave the baby to sleep too long will it die from
starvation?
My mums like it's normal to worry about them things i doesn’t mean you'll be a rubbish
mum, but i think that dream really had an impact on me so when I do finally go on hols
with the baby the last thing I will forget is the milk lol
I took my belly ring out now it looks like I
have 3 belly buttons SCAREY!
10/09/2008
After examining my belly for ages in the mirror lastnight (as you do) I decided that it was
time to take out my belly bar thinking that would be a sensible idea as it was pulling a bit.
So once I'd taken it out and cleaned the area I realized that the hole has obviously
stretched soo much that now it looks like i have 3 belly buttons. It's kinda freaky cuz now
my belly looks like an alien. Also cuz my belly button aint popped out yet it you seriously
can't tell the difference.
I'm gonna have to hide it from my mum cuz she told me to take it out as soon as i got
pregnant and i was like 'no leave me alone I’ll wear it if i want' lol (brat) so she'll moan at
me if she sees it, the hubby already had a moan at me lastnight cuz he told me to take it
out as well...hehehehe...
I guess a positive way to view it is that now I have a very unique belly....I'm really hoping
the scars go away. Oh yeah I’ve got a lot of scar tissue where the bar was it's really hard
and raised so it's even more weird looking.
I guess that was self inflicted, next time I’ll listen to my mum and the hubby...

I'm on crutches now...yey...fun...NOT!

11/09/2008
I went to see the physio woman yesterday who told me that the reason I've had sooo
much pain in my legs, bum and back is because my ligaments are loose and my right hip
(or something) has kinda gone a lot higher than my left side, which is why i've been
limping so much.
So she made me lie on the bed thing and lift my right hip up while she presses down on it
to make it go back into place (which actually didn’t hurt as much as I was expecting) then
she showed me some other exercises to do including ones on the gym ball (which i found
quite comfortable and soothing) so i got a gym ball from Argos afterwards.
But after seeing me struggle to get up and lift my leg the physio lady decided that i
should use crutches to stop me from limping and putting extra pressure on 1 leg. So that
was quite unexpected, but I have to go back in 2 weeks to work on some more stuff.
When I had finished I called my mum (expecting some sympathy over the fact that i'm
now on crutches) and what did she do...ask if I had 1 or 2 when I told her 2 she laughed
(evil woman) and wouldn't stop laughing then the hubby laughed his ass off too and came
to collect me cuz it would be 'too embarrassing' for me to be seen hobbling around on my
crutches. Evil evil evil
Now my mums taken to calling me 'Speedy' just because I'm hobbling along slowly (and
you would think she'd be the last person to take the piss out of me) but she finds it sooo
hilarious.
Poor me
More little things to make me happy
11/09/2008
I went to Asda lastnight (after my physio) my mum insisted that I lean on the trolley for
support. Anywayz there’s a few bargains in there at the moment on baby stuff so I got a
small pack of number 2 nappies a box of 107 number 3 nappies, a Tommee Tippee
microwave sterilizer (only £10 woohoo) and some glow in the dark dummies (i think me
and the hubby will be more fascinated with them than the baby will)
But all the nappies i got were on offer it was great, but I'm still pondering should I have
brought the pack of number 2 cuz i have 3 boxes of number 1 at home already. I was
trying to go by the weights but number 1 and 2 overlap. Someone on BC did actually
explain this to me but now I'm confused again, oh well I'm still happy i've brought baby
stuff yey

I feel like I'm suffocating when i sleep on

my right side
12/09/2008
It's sooo weird, lastnight normally i lie on my back or half on my stomach and half on my
left side. So I thought I'd be different and lie on my right side. I felt like I was suffocating
myself, like my lungs and everything felt crushed! I couldn't breath (probably cuz i
panicked) one side of my body felt like it was dying (OK i do sound like a drama queen
but that’s how it felt)
So i struggled to roll back over on the other side, it's just strange how just my right side
feels like that

Staying at my mums and getting spoilt :-)

12/09/2008
It's great, I'm now 22+2 (or 3 can't remember) and my belly is getting quite big now, so
everyone wants to do everything for me.
I'm staying at my mums at the moment and she’s really looking after me and my bump,
she has even been making me breakfast before work and making me sandwiches to take
for lunch, bless her.
She’s also been making me lovely dinner early (and making me eat the whole plate) cuz
normally I pick then I'm full. We eat like at 6.30/7 whereas at home the hubby won't
finish cooking till after 8 most of the time.
It's just nice to be there with my mummy (yes I'm a big baby lol) and she's just happy to
spoil me, so I aint complaining. I'll be sad to go back home next week

Is my leg ever gonna get better????

15/09/2008
SO I have PSG (or something that sounds like that) Pelvis something something lol so
I've been doing my exercises that the physio lady told me to do. The problem is it makes
my leg better during the day then when I go to bed and wake up the next morning I'm in
pain again because I've been laying down too long.
I was in soo much pain on Saturday me and my mum had looked in a few shops at Cots
etc we hadn’t been out that long and all of a sudden my leg starting hurting my mum
practically had to lift me back to the car then she was annoyed with herself cuz she
couldn't do anything to make my leg better. She felt bad all weekend I tried to tell her it's
nothing that she’s done it's just something that will get better after a while but she was so
frustrated with herself I started to worry about her then she was worrying about me
worrying about her......crazy!
Then on top of that I hadn’t felt the baby kick all day so I started to panic about that (as
she normally kicks all day everyday) so that may have contributed to my leg hurting as
well.
Also as I've been staying at my mums she's been observing me (as mums do) and she
now thinks I don't eat enough and i drink 2 much water, now maybe the 2nd part could be
right but I love water at the moment I'm actually looking for aqua natal classes so i can be
in water. Maybe the 1st half is right too but I do feel hungry all the time but i get full
quick so i can't eat a whole plate but my mums been seeing this and now she’s worried
and reckons i should go doctors.

I hate work!!!!!! Well just my manager

....major rant alert!
18/09/2008
and what’s worse is that there’s just 2 people in my team where I'm based (me and
manager) stupid man, see's me on crutches and still expects me to layout a room, get
lunch and lug in some heavy hot water thingy and things for teas and coffees. This
morning I got in and he was angry cuz he had to layout 4 teas and coffees for an early
training course, he was like well next time can you get in earlier, I DON'T THINK SO! I
just about manage to get out of my bed at 7.30 I aint aint waking up any earlier when I've
been waking up every 2/3 hours in the night to wee.
Aaaaaaaaaarrrgh he's such an annoyingly anal man. He does sweet FA and expects me to
run around like a slave. I would've left already but cuz I'm doing agency work I need to
be there for a certain amount of time (I think 5/6months) to get maternity pay. I'm gonna
find out for sure, cuz if it's 5 months I'm leaving next month!
I'm really not good with flappy anal people and everyday he seems to get worse, I'll have
work piled on my desk, he aint doing anything apart from scrolling thru his emails and
then forwarding them onto me for me to action, like why does he even exist and he used
to be quite high up in the army so he's very regimented aaaaaaaaarrghhh annoying. I
spent most of yesterday hiding from me so he couldn't talk to me. He actually gives me
headaches I just wanna shout SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! but then I'd get the sack
lol
1st night out in 4 months - PANIC
ATTACK!!!!
21/09/2008
I did actually write something here lastnight but it's disappeared. But anywayz:
I haven't been out since May, but as it was my cousins birthday I thought I'd have a rare
night out. I was excited about it all week, mainly cuz we were gonna get something to eat
then go to the bar next door. I knew I'd be leaving early but I was still looking forward to
it.
So Saturday night I jumped in the shower got dressed etc then all of a sudden I felt like
my chest was closing in my heart started pounding madly even the hubby was like Oh
Shit why is your heart beating that fast?! So I sat down and had some water and that
didn’t help I was shaking and gasping for air, just the thought of me leaving the flat to go
out made me feel worse.
I had to keep taking deep breaths and drinking water I thought I was gonna pass out or
something! After a while it passed so the hubby drove me into town and I was fine.
It was a nice atmosphere there was like 6 girls (including me) all having a good chat
around the table, the food was lovely, although as always I was more concerned with
drinking jugs of water then I just picked at my food and got full really quickly (how
annoying)
We then went to the restaurants wine bar/club and had a little dance ooh and I had the
nicest non alcoholic cocktail, yummy... Around midnight my body started to feel weak
and my eyes just got heavy so I called the hubby to collect me.
By the time I got home (which is only a 10 min ride) I was completely knackered the
hubby basically had to carry me up the stairs undress me and put me to bed. I didn’t even
ask for any water (which is strange for me) and I only woke up once in the night to wee
yey
But now I'm scared of what I'm gonna do for my birthday as it's only in a couple weeks I
did wanna get all dressed up and go to a posh restaurant in London but I'd have to tell
people to meet at lunchtime or something which is no fun really

This baby keeps kicking me in my

bladder!!!
23/09/2008
It's quite a recent thing really but Happy Feet has now taken to kicking me directly in my
bladder it's soooo painful and it's not the kick that’s painful it's the fact that she normally
kicks as soon as I've had a drink so my bladders near full already. She did it just now, I
went from being comfortable to absolutely bursting for a wee, I actually felt like I was
gonna wet myself and my office aint even right by the toilets I have to walk down the
corridor. I couldn't even run cuz it felt like I could leak so I'm there waddling off to the
toilet as quickly as I could and in the meantime she’s still there kicking me in my bladder
like its the best thing in the world!
Even when I went to wee cuz I was bursting so much I kinda felt like a grinding feeling
as the wee came out, and the baby was still there kicking everywhere I blame her
dad....well I have to blame him for something lol

6 months today!!!!!!!!!!!!
24/09/2008
I'm soooo happy, I finally made it to 6 months! Only 3(ish) more months to go. Just
realized in the whole of 6 months I've only seen my midwife once and only seen my
consultant once surely I should have seen them more times than that.
Also I have my 2nd physio appointment today, hopefully I won't have to be on crutches
anymore and she'll make my leg etc better. I still need to get one of them pregnancy belts
I saw some in mothercare actually I might pick one up today.

I might get to do Hydrotherapy! Yey

Water!!!!!
25/09/2008
I went to the physio yesterday and although she said my pelvis thing has improved a little
since the last time I saw her she said I'm still walking funny so I have to keep on my
crutches until I give birth.
She also said I may benefit from the hydrotherapy classes, now, I'm totally obsessed with
water at the moment (well I have been throughout the pregnancy) if you was to see how
much my eyes lit up when I heard that, I was like "I get to go in water?!?!" she was like
yes it should help you be more mobile.
Then I had to fill in some form while she read my notes. There was a question on the tick
list that said 'Are you prone to fainting?' now I faint quite a bit, normally I don't get a
chance to hit the floor cuz the hubby can tell when I'm about to go and he'll catch me. But
I was gonna tick no I don't faint and she saw on my notes that I've fainted quite a bit, so
she said she'd have to speak to the midwife and a doctor before she can confirm me onto
the class. That’s not fair I really wanted to go and be in the water and learn some new
exercises. Now I have to wait, I hope they say yes
I did look into aqua natal classes but the only one I could find in Reading is at Rivermead
which is not the easiest place to get to if you don't have a car and it's at an awkward time
so I can't even get a lift down there (yes I know I should learn to drive) so the only
solution is to go on holiday so I can have a choice of having a splash in the sea or the
pool I've been trying to tell the hubby that but we're too broke to go anywhere at the
moment.

I really don't know anything and it's

honestly pissing me off!!
28/09/2008
I've been whinging about this to the hubby and my mum all weekend, I’m just annoyed
cuz I really don't know anything about what’s going on in my pregnancy.
They told me I was high risk and even though I asked them what that meant they still
couldn't tell me I had to come on BC for someone to explain what may happen or how
my treatment may be a bit different.
Then I received a letter saying I had Strep B but no doctors actually followed up on that,
how do they know I even go the letter?? Normally when you have a positive result the
doctors will call u in 'for a chat'
I don't even know how many scans I'm supposed to have I just don't know anything and
I've called doctors etc but no one seems to be able to answer my questions just cuz I'm
high risk and have prolactinoma. All I wanna do is enjoy my pregnancy but I can't if I'm
stressing about every little thing all the time.

Had a bit of a (crazy) pregnant moment

yesterday
29/09/2008
I woke up as normal and had my usual red grapefruit then went to have some cheese and
crackers and realized, there’s no crackers then saw the empty packet of crackers in the
bin, so obviously the hubby must have eaten them all without even thinking if I'd want
some the next day, so that made me annoyed.
About 1pm I decided I was starving and the hubby was to wake up right now and go
shops and buy me some food. So I went and nicely (at 1st) said I'll run the shower for you
so we can go shops, he just grunted and rolled over, (don't do that to hungry pregnant
women) so I said a few evil things and came out the room and went into the front room to
lay down.
An hour or so later I decided I was now past starving and if he didn’t wake up I'd kill him
so I went back in the bedroom and dragged off the covers and just shouted abuse at him
which seemed to do the trick as he got up mumbled some Jamaican under his breath then
went to the bathroom.
He was only in the bathroom for like 15/20mins and I decided that was long enough and
now the shops would be closed so now me and the baby would starve and it was all his
fault, so I took back off my clothes wrapped up in a blanket and just lay there on the sofa.
Obviously by now the hubbys confused like I thought you were just hungry come we go
get some food, I just stayed on the sofa like a brat saying no I'm not hungry anymore, I
was hungry at 1pm!
So we're arguing back and forth he's now getting frantic that me (and the baby) aint eaten
and don't know what to do, so he tried to pull the blanket off me...wrong move I went
nuts, like a lunatic with my arms and legs flailing everywhere and screaming at him like a
woman possessed LOL I was like DON'T YOU TOUCH ME I'M PREGNANT, I HATE
YOU! So now he's scared to actually touch me so he didn’t know what to do, he just kept
saying put some clothes on so I can take you to get something to eat, you're gonna faint if
you don’t eat! I was like I don't need you for anything plus I was hungry at 1pm we
should've got food then (all this time we're arguing I'm starving and feeling like I could
pass out, but stubbornness wouldn't let me give in)
So then the hubby called my mum HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA to try and get some
answers from her as to why I was being so stubborn and what he could do to get me to
get dressed and eat. I dunno what my mum said to him but after he finished talking to her
he kinda backed off. So I went in the bedroom and put on my joggers and tried to go back
into the front room to lay down again but he blocked the door hehehehehe and he kept
saying (really calmly) come on just put a jacket on then we can get you some food etc, so
I just wrapped up in the covers in the bed and was like 'No!' you didn’t care about me
eating at 1pm LOL
Anywayz after a lot of pleading I finally decided I couldn't take anymore (I was literally
ready to drop I was so hungry) so I put on my jacket, but in the meantime my hubby had
gone outside and called my mum again panicking that me and the baby might get ill if we
don't eat, so now my mum was on her way down...Drama Drama Drama.
But eventually we drove to the shops and got some food and I was so hungry I actually
couldn’t walk up the stairs and fainted when we got in. I know I shouldn't have let it get
to that point but I was trying to prove a point.
I'm now the hubbys friend again, but now he realizes when I'm having a pregnant
moment it's best to just jump when I say jump. Oh yeah and there was a full packet of
crackers in the other side of the cupboard all along ( I just didn't look) so I could’ve had
cheese and crackers that morning...

Midwife appointment 2day, who told me

to take my mum with me?!?!
1/10/2008
So I spent most of the day with my mum so she offered to take me to my midwife
appointment today, I was like yes please thinking she would wait for me outside in the
waiting room, so we sat down and she was like "I'm gonna come in with you ok" I was
like OK fine, that didn’t really bother me.
So we went in there and the midwife explained some things to me the student midwife
took my blood pressure and checked my urine which were both fine. I asked the midwife
about Strep B so she explained that to me as well, I thought my mum was being a bit
quiet, now I'd already told my mum Strep B aint an STD but she obviously didn't believe
that so as soon as I went on that bed thing for the student midwife to feel my belly and
listen to the babies heartbeat my mum jumped straight in there with the midwife, she was
like soooo this strep B what exactly is it, how do you catch it? The midwife was like it's
not an STD my mum was like Oh OK, like does she really think I'd bring her somewhere
if I had an STD and knew someone was gonna discuss it????
Anywayz the babies heartbeat was fine, it was like the baby heard what we were hearing
cuz she started kicking like a lunatic! Then I was saying to the midwife how I wake up
dehydrated and have to drink a lot of water. Then my mums like that’s all she drinks, she
doesn't eat anything (what a lie) she just drinks too much water. I was like I do eat I just
don't eat a lot, my mum was like 'no she doesn't eat' we (mum and hubby) have to force
her to eat (like I have an eating disorder) so now the MW has set up all these doctors
appointments and I have to have like a billion different tests to check I'm 'OK' my mums
still convinced I have an eating disorder, just cuz I aint put on no weight and she thinks
I'm getting thinner.
When we came out the room my mum was like 'See I told u don't eat enough and drink 2
much' then she moaned at me for limping...Hello!!! I have something wrong with my
pelvis and I'm using crutches (although I left them in the car) she was like walk properly
thru the waiting room, I was like no my leg hurts I'm not gonna hurt myself even more
just cuz your feeling embarassed over how I'm walking. (honestly she don't think
sometimes)
Also her and my hubby wanna complain about me drinking too much water (OK I admit I
can drink up to 5 litres just during the night) but I aint the one getting the bottles/jugs and
refills of water, it’s them 2, so it's like they're enablers and big hypocrites. Poor me water
is like my only real craving and they're trying to take it away from me!

Gerkins....Mmmmmmm yummy (for

now)
3/10/2008
I discovered a new random thing to eat this week, pickled gherkins, OMG they taste
soooo nice. I remember when I was little I would pick the little piece of gherkin out a
hamburger (I still don't get why they put them in there) I've always thought they were the
most disgusting things they kinda look mouldy and dimply. But the ones I brought from
Tescos are yummy. They're really small cocktail ones just thinking about them is making
me hungry. I actually went looking for some in Sainsburys at Lunchtime but they only
had medium sized ones and only the small ones will do.
I'm sure I'll hate them next week (as I do everything else) I'm just wondering what other
random thing that I normally hate, will I crave next week, this whole pregnancy thing is
crazy!

Yey it's my birthday (well it was

yesterday lol)
7/10/2008
SO I'm the big 26 now wooohoooo.... It's so strange to be pregnant and celebrating my
birthday. 1st of all I didn't really know what to do then I didn't want to do anything, then I
thought I'd just go with the flow.
I got woken up with a few big kicks from Happy Feet (I'm guessing that was her way of
saying happy birthday) then I realized I was starving so me and the hubby (who called in
sick especially for me lol) went and got an all day breakfast, OMG it was so nice and
they gave me extra food cuz they noticed my big belly. The plate was HUGE!
After that I was so full but not too full to want some Krispy Creme doughnuts (why? I
normally hate them) and a strawberry milkshake.
Oh yeah I had to go doctors about me 'drinking too much water and not eating enough'
then (and this is the weird thing) he said although my previous blood tests were fine I can
take some next blood test, but I have to fast for 12 hours before. So how does that make
sense, your worried cuz I aint eating, so you tell me not to eat and only drink water for 12
hours before...
Anywayz, after that bizarre encounter I got over it by getting my original glazed ring
Krispy Creme doughnut and my strawberry milkshake.
Oh yeah in between all of that I managed to have a go at T-mobile cuz they wanted to
take my discount away, (I have to have my daily pregnancy rant at someone) I was
moaning at some Scottish guy forever who wouldn't budge, I was like Fine I'm going to
O2! You guys are shit!
Also for some reason I was really hungry when I got home (even after eating all that) and
still had enough room to fit a shepherds pie and like a gallon of water yummy.
Oh and my stupid phone died on Saturday night, left my charger at work Friday night so
didn't have a phone for my birthday, finally charged it today and it sounds like it's gonna
explode cuz obviously all the birthday messages are coming through and the phone (it's
quite old though) just can't seem to handle it

Don't mess with me, I'm pregnant &

dangerous LOL
7/10/2008
I'm guessing it's all pregnancy related but the bigger I get the more I have to whinge
about stuff, even my mums started calling me a grumpy old woman.
I read my works email and because it had a tiny paragraph about black history month and
they said they were gonna have Bollywoood dancers at their celebrations I got really
annoyed and wrote them an email complaining about everything, but saying that what
does Bollywood have to do with the Caribbean?. Now why do i care if they have
Bollywood dancers when I'm not even based in that office??? I don't even normally read
that boring magazine.
Also I'm not the most patient person in the world but now it's out of hand it's like I have
some nasty temper and feel like I have to shout at or fight everyone.
Like the other day some girl bumped into me (cuz she was too busy looking at my hair
funny) then she dint even say sorry and looked at me like it was my fault (there is an 'it's
ur fault look' lol) anywayz normally i would've brushed that off and just gave her some
evil look but this time I turned around and hobbled after her (with my crutches) shouting
abuse, my mum had to pull me back.
Then yesterday I was on the escalator, now I hate people standing too close to me when
it's unnecessary, especially when they're right up my ass, so anywayz I got on the
escalator and some guy stepped on directly behind me on the very next step and I could
feel myself burning up with rage I was like why are u up my ass u f*king idiot, do I know
you?! then I stomped off down a few steps and stood in front of the hubby (who knew
better than to get involved lol)
Also when people look at me (I mean people normally do, cuz I normally have big green
hair) I'm like 'Yeah, what the f*ck u looking at?!' I dunno why I'm getting so defensive all
of a sudden
Now I'm not normally one of them people who goes around looking for fights and acting
ignorant but now I'm really bitchy, sarcastic and defensive I'm seriously always ready for
an argument and whereas before I might've got annoyed and thought stuff to myself, now
I just say them happily.
Also on top of that I can still cry over nothing it's like proper erratic behaviour like I'll
have a go at the hubby, then cry, then hate him, then want a hug
Hopefully I'll go back to normal after the babies born (otherwise I'll have to go anger
management classes or something) it's like my hormones are going nuts!!

whinge whinge whinge

9/10/2008
As you may now I kinda have an obsession with water at the moment so I was sooooo
happy when I was told I could do hydrotherapy, as I'd get to be in the water and it would
help ease my pain. Now I'd been looking forward to this for like 2 weeks, I was supposed
to go yesterday. So I made sure I got an early night and woke up early made sure I had a
decent breakfast etc, paid £3 for a bus pass got halfway there then received a phone call
to say it had been cancelled. I was soooooo pissed, I had a big moan at the woman on the
phone, apparently 1 of the maternity physio people was ill so they couldn't go ahead with
the class. OK, fine ur ill but don't wait till like 10mins b4 hand to tell people, I could've
saved myself £3!!!
Anywayz seeing as I'd already spend money on a bus pass I thought I'd get good use out
of it, so I caught the bus back home to be greeted by workmen drilling holes in the wall,
so like great now I can't get a nap.
Next I thought to get over the stress of not going to my class I'd have a soak, the guy was
supposed to be coming to fix my washing machine between 11 and 3 so I thought I had
time but literally as soon as I'd walked thru the door he was there too (at 10.30 I might
add) now what would've happened if I wasn’t home yet cuz he wasn't supposed to reach
till after 11.
Anywayz he fixed it and left so I sorted myself out and jumped on the bus again to the
hospital to go get my blood test done. Got there now and the lady started asking me what
I'd had to eat and when I last ate, I was like what does that have to do with anything? She
was like you're supposed to eat breakfast then get this done 2 hours after, so I couldn't get
the blood test done, another bloody waste of my time!
Then got to town and thought OK I'll buy one of them support belts from mothercare, had
a look around guess what....sold out! Why do i have such crap luck?
Then I didn’t even reach Primark cuz my leg started to hurt, so I struggled to the bus stop
(where some woman big fat ass nearly sat on me and squashed me to death) you know
them seats at the bus stop the long red one well there was four ppl already on it maybe an
anorexic person could've fit in right, some big fat woman came saw she couldn't fit but
still decided she wanted to sit there anywayz. I looked at her like are u serious I aint
moving, then she literally plonked herself down, luckily the guy on the other side of me
scooted over quickly to make space, she sat down so hard the chair thing moved.
Anywayz by the time I got home i literally couldn't walk and the hubby had to take my
bag and practically lift me up the stairs. Then my leg decided to get worse throughout the
night so I had to wake the hubby up everytime I needed to wee, cuz I literally couldn't get
out of bed and everytime I got back in he had to massage my bum. Poor me
I'm getting less sleep now than I will
when the baby comes
16/10/2008
Although I've cut back on the amount of water I drink during the night (I'm no longer
drinking 5 litres most nights I just drink a 2 litre bottle or maybe 3 litres) but I’m finding
that I'm waking up more frequent.
Tuesday night I was finding that i was waking up every 30mins to wee then lastnight it
was every hour on the dot so now the hubby has started back carrying me to and from the
toilet cuz after the 1st few times I'm honestly too weak to walk a couple footsteps to the
bathroom. Then when it's time to wake up for work I feel like shit like I aint slept for
years then I feel faint throughout the day.
Since the increase in me going to toilet and not really sleeping I’ve found that I’m
fainting a lot more often than i did before I can't even get to my floor without help if I'm
coming up the stairs on my own the hubby has to help me the rest of the way up the stairs
then once i get in the flat i collapse.
I feel like I’m getting weaker and weaker and more short of breath so I’m taking my
inhaler more often too.
I'm gonna be too tired to even push the baby out if it carries on this way.

I love Fanta (this week)

16/10/2008
So I’ve completely gone off pickled gherkins I can't even stand the sight of them but I've
discovered a new thing Fanta... The hubby said i woke him up at 4am to explain to him
that there’s fanta in Nandos and he needed to get me some LOL so now i can't get enough
of it and what’s great is that is used to make me hyper when i was younger so I’m hoping
it will have a similar effect on me now and give me some much needed energy

Maternity wear, Wow I'm such a

cheapskate LOL
17/10/2008
SO for a while now I've not been able to do up my jeans but I still refuse to spend £35 on
some maternity jeans that I'll probably wear for like a month and a half (I'm nearly
7months). So I've just started wearing dresses at least with them they don't have to be
maternity ones and i got a whole heap for £2 from Primark the other day...result!!! lol
If I have to wear trousers I wear what I’ve got and just don't do up the button and kinda
fold them down a bit, yep I’m being resourceful (or cheap hehehehe) then I wear a baby
doll kinda top over it, it works though.
Has anyone else not brought maternity wear or am I the only cheapskate here
why do i keep asking for things in my
sleep???
17/10/2008
Lastnight the hubby said once again i woke him up at some random hours to tell him that
I’d like some Clemintine juice cuz I might like the taste of it if it's cold....
Now.. does clemintine juice even exist and why do i keep asking for drinks in my
sleep??? Do I even like clemintines, that’s a bit particular
So now the hubbys gone off to Morrisons to try find some, bless him

Happy Feet, My extra alarm clock

21/10/2008
I've realized in the last couple months that I honestly do have an extra alarm clock. Every
morning my alarm goes off at 7.30 and press snooze and roll over and think to myself
'maybe I’ll call in sick 2day cuz I honestly can't be assed to get out of bed and go to work'
But now my alarm clock goes off at the same time and I attempt to roll over but can't cuz
a certain little person in my belly has taken it upon herself to make sure I wake up on
time so she'll do like a continuous kick and make my belly go in some crazy shapes then
if I try to ignore that she'll move around my belly so I really can't get comfortable to the
only way to combat it is to get out of bed.
Then once I'm up she seems to go back to sleep like 'now my work is done' I've noticed
that it happens all the time now I dunno if she's being helpful or being a pain LOL

If you're pregnant don't go and see The

Lion King
21/10/2008
I went on Friday night to see the Lion King at the Lyceum Theatre with my mum and my
sister. I've been wanting to see it for years so I was sooo happy that my sister sorted it as
a late birthday pressie for me.
I cried from the very beginning before anyone even got onto the stage there’s this African
woman who sings at the very beginning and her voice is sooo powerful that brought me
to tears then when all the animals came down the aisles I was so overwhelmed I could
feel the tears again.
I've never been so mesmerized by a play in my life it seemed like anytime any of the
females sang I cried especially the ones who sang in African. I was like an emotional
wreck by the end but the musical is amazing.
Even Happy Feet enjoyed it she woke up in the 2nd half and had a little dance in my
belly
So a word of warning if you do have the pleasure of going to see The lion King take a
box of tissues cuz you will need them oh and sit on an aisle otherwise that can get quite
annoying. Oooh they also opened the disabled toilets for me (cuz I'm on crutches 2) so I
didn’t have to wait in some long queue during the interval so I was happy about that. Oh
and someone gave up their seat on the bus for me too

My 1st stretch mark

aaaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhh!!!!!
21/10/2008
So after slapping on the Palmers Cocoa butter AND Pure coconut oil I was shocked to see
a stretch mark on my belly lastnight it's near my belly button and it's not fair cuz I know
stretch marks, they don't like to be alone they bring the whole of their family and once
you've got them you can't get rid of them!
I was sooo happy (and kinda smug) thinking wooo I'm 7months and don't have no stretch
marks and aint really put on any weight, well now I can shut my mouth cuz I've actually
put on a stone and that’s not from the beginning to now. When I was 3 months I was
actually loosing weight so I've obviously gained weight within the space of a couple
months. It probably don't help that I've been a lazy bum and aint really done any exercise
but I was shocked.
My mum was like those stretch marks are your reward for carrying a baby.....reward...I'd
hardly call them that
I'm not really that fussed about the weight issue cuz it's to be expected when you’re
having a baby and I know it will take 6months to loose it all so that don't bother me, it's
the stretch mark I thought I wouldn't get any now I have 1, I bet by the end of 2day I'll
have more.
But I guess I've had stretch marks on my boobs, bum and thighs for ever so what’s a few
stretch marks on my belly....
And there’s me thinking I'm gonna have a neat little bump and small baby but the rate she
seems to be growing at all of a sudden I wouldn't be surprised if she was a 10 pounder!!
(although I hope she isn't)

Hydrotherapy cancelled again, but I got

to swim for free!!!
23/10/2008
I was bursting to be in some kind of water so my mum agreed to go swimming with me.
Got there expecting to pay £3 but my mum had other ideas before I could say anything
my mum was like 'She's pregnant, go on show them your pregnant card certificate thing'
so then the lady gave me some new passport to leisure so now I can swim etc for free I
was soooo happy.
I aint been swimming for ages so I mostly splashed about in the pool till I kinda got the
hang of it.
Some stupid man kept throwing his kids in the pool and they kept narrowly missing
peoples head he was so annoying plus it was mostly women in the pool who had a go at
him to the point where the lifeguard guy had to tell him to stop as there’s no diving down
that end (the 5ft end) and he had to go further down. But he wasn't having it and argued
and moaned, what an ass!
Anywayz my mum was scared of me going into the deeper end cuz she thought i might
float into the middle and get tired and drown (what a nice mummy) so cuz I like floating
on my back, anytime I floated towards the 6ft end she had a heart attack which was quite
funny. She knows I can swim, I'm better at swimming on my back though for some
bizarre reason so I don't know why she was so worried.
Then when we got out of the pool she was scared I was gonna slip and drop on my belly
so she held my hand all the way to the showers lol
She said she’s too scared to go swimming with me again and next time I should bring the
hubby hehehehe but he'd be worse than her he'd want me to stay in the baby 2ft pool
where I cant even swim. Why is everyone so scared to be around me?????
I actually really like that swimming pool smell and I wanna go back swimming 2day but I
may have to wait till Sunday now. Oooh talking about all this water is making me thirsty
I'm off to get a jug of lovely yummy water

Bored of the hospital now

23/10/2008
It felt like I spent half my life in there yesterday.
1st of all I had to get my anti D injection which was at 0850 obviously that wasn't on time
as I heard the nurses getting angry that the actual anti D liquid thing had not arrived yet.
So I sat and waited it wasn't too bad as it was lovely and warm in there.
The injection killed I squealed like a little pig again why does it feel like the injection is
never gonna end?
Oh then I found out that the person who did my blood test last week didn’t take the blood
for the right thing so now I have to get another test done.
Anywayz after that the hubby came to collect me and we went home.
Then at 1pm I had to go back to the eye clinic for a fields test, the girl on the front desk
didn’t have clue then some old lady came behind me and was 30mins early for her fields
test and somehow got seen before me. Obviously this really pissed me off and I'm not one
to mumble under my breath and complain to myself I went over and had a whinge at the
people on the front desk. All I basically wanted to know was how long I had to wait and
how many people were in front of me. Obviously the main lady behind the desk was
feeling a bit threatened so she called over some big black lady to deal with me, which
annoyed me even further I was like why is she calling you to deal with me why can't she
answer a simple question??? The black lady they called over didn’t even work in the
section I was asking about I was sooooo annoyed.
I had to wait over 40mins to be seen just cuz apparently the doctor didn’t know which
fields test I needed so she decided 'instead of causing a delay' she'd see the old woman 1st
who was 30mins early instead of dealing with the person (me) who was on time

My crazy baby!!!!
24/10/2008
Lastnight I was sooooo tired all I wanted to do was go str8 to bed but Happy feet was
having none of it. As soon as I laid down (purposely not on my back cuz I know she goes
nuts when I’m on my back) she decided to come alive like it was playtime. It was like she
went to every single part of my belly and gave it a good hard kick my belly was jumping
all over the place, I couldn't even sleep.
So I put my hand on my belly and told her it's time to go sleep and she just kicked my
hand off my own belly then wherever I put my hand she kicked it off like it was a game
she was seriously going nuts!
After a while she calmed down (she probably wore herself out) then the hubby came
poked his head round the door to check on me and she must’ve heard his voice then
started going nuts again like she was so excitable about something.
She was kicking so hard I actually felt physically sick afterwards and really drained.
I had that KA Karribbean Kola before I went to bed so that probably sent her loopy so I
guess it's my fault by bloody hell it's like she's already a handful if she’s as lively as this
when she comes out at least I won't have to go gym I'll be a bag of bones from running up
and down after that live wire LOL

Spent the weekend in hospital...

27/10/2008
On Friday around 4ish I found that I was bleeding at work, it was only a tiny bit but as it
was fresh blood I thought it was best to call the midwives. I called the labour ward and
spoke to a midwife who said I'd have to come in as I'm Rhesus negative and I'd need to
get another anti D injection.
So I went home and something told me to pack a bag just in case, so I did that and my
mum took me to the hospital I had to go to the delivery suite where they asked me a
million questions and did a swab thing on me. I thought ok i can just get my injection and
go, but they had to strap a monitor to me to check the babies heart rate, now happy feets
wriggly at the best of times so she refused to stay still long enough for them to get an
accurate reading so the doctor told me i had to stay in the night. So they put a drip thing
in my hand (altho i knew i wudnt need a drip) that was the most painful thing ever and
there was soooo much blood and afterwards it was really uncomfortable.
I was then taken up to the high risk ward, I had my own private room and bathroom
which was ok (cuz the next day I heard women complaining about snoring etc in the
shared rooms) by the time i got up there it was like around 10ish (past visiting hours) but
they let my mum and hubby stay wiv me for a bit to get me settled.
Later on one the student midwives came and showed me around and i ordered my food
for the next day, thinking well I'll be out at9am 2mrw anywayz, how wrong was I.
I did my usual routine of waking up every hour to wee and get water, I felt so safe and
secure in that ward I kinda went for a wonder around 3am and there were other pregnant
women womdering around and a few little babies geting looked after by the midwives.
When I got back to my room the lady next door had gone into labour and was shouting
and screaming it wasn't that bad cuz i managed to get back to sleep and when I woke up
again afta 4 she'd been taken to the delivery suite.
Saturday morning came I sat up hoping the doctor would come and say ok you can go
home now, but it didnt happen. The midwife tried to get another fetal reading, once again
happy feet kicked it off, another midwife came to have a go by this time happyfeet had
moved to the other side of my belly and when we started to get a reading she kicked it off
again and moved so the doctorsaid i'd had to stay in another night.
Later in the afternoon another midwive came to try for another reading and was like 'Oh
I've heard about you, you're the one with the jumping baby' so she coldn't get a proper
reading. The hubby, my mum, myself and my cousin all tried to get her to stay still and
get a reading but she seemed to be loving the attention and just played up so once again
no reading. they even got a midwife to sit with my for 30mins to get a reading, but still
no joy
So i brought some tv time so I wouldn't miss the Xfactor. After 10pm another midwife
came in and found the heartbeat str8 away and somehow managed to make the baby stay
still, even I fell asleep and happy feet hadn't kicked the monitor off yey.
On Sunday I think Happyfeet had given up so she let them take another accurate reading
so I was finally allowed to go home woohooo.
I do think the hospital stay worked in my favour cuz I feel really well rested and fresh
now but hopefully she won't play up. Ooooh and another good thing came out of it, I get
to have another scan this week yey, cuz they wanna find out where my placenta is.I'll also
get to double check that hapy feet is actually a girl.

Sweetie ban
30/10/2008
I've decided to put myself on a sweetie ban, the other day I found this new retro sweetie
shop and went a bit nuts and i realized that Happy Feet seemed to be crazier than normal
(if thats possible) so i think i may lay off the sweets for a while. It shouldn't be that hard,
I mean I've coped without alcohol for 29 weeks (and i love my rum) Plus I haven't been
able to find a decent dentist for ages so I don't want anything happening to my teeth.
Saying that I will still be drinking orange Fanta cuz i love that at the moment but
absolutely no sweets for me, starting from 2day. I need to eat more healthy I did used to
snack on fruits at work but recently I've been snacking on crap.
I need to get back into a decent routine otherwise I'm just gonna get sluggish

My beer belly....well thats what it looks

like
31/10/2008
I was inspecting my belly lastnight and realized that my bump is so low it looks like I've
got a beer belly. Everyone elses belly seems to be nice and rounded and kinda standing
up but mine just looks flat and sad.
Also now because of that my long tops dont fit me anymore, my belly kinda hangs out
underneath them like it's trying to run away. Now i have to buy new tops.Cuz my belly
honestly looks like one of them fat fatties who insit on wearing belly tops and letting the
whole world see their belly sag over their jeans.It's like a bangle belly which is not cute
I've been doing excersises to tighten the muscles in my belly and i've not had the baby yet
so why does it look like it's sagging? When I look at my belly i kinda feel sorry for it cuz
it honestly does look sad like it's crying or something. I mean Happy feet does move
around quite a bit (to put it mildly) so maybe thats contributing to the odd shape of my
belly. I just don't understand why my belly is so squared looking and my bump is so low
OMG what an airhead!
31/10/2008
Or maybe it's just baby brain that’s making me so ditzy. The other day I went to my
lovely hydrotherapy class in the lovely warm water had like some long long shower after.
I was almost finished drying myself when like a bit of water kinda dripped from between
my legs now it wasn't gushing water but it was enough to notice, so that freaked me out
and I was like OMG my waters have broken my waters have broken!!! (I'm 29 weeks so
obviously they haven't) then I was like OMG shut up you airhead (don't worry I was
shouting at myself like I crazy woman, I was thinking it to myself lol) but now I'm
wondering what it was cuz it wasn't water from the shower cuz I'd dried myself.
I think cuz I’m the smallest one in my class I got a bit panicked cuz most women are due
to pop any day but that’s still no excuse for being so clueless after I freaked out I kinda
felt embarrassed hehehe

My 1st actual maternity clothes yey

6/11/2008
So after whinging about how I will never spend stupid money on maternity clothes that I
will only wear for like a month, I finally had to give in.
All my tops kinda started to roll up so I could feel a breeze in my belly.
I checked my wardrobe the other day and had to put most of my clothes in a suitcase cuz
nothing fits, even my baggy tops don't fit over my boobs. I used to just wear my trousers
and not do up the button but now the zip can't even do up so I was forced to buy some
maternity clothes.
Now I'd seen maternity trousers for like £35 and upwards which is what put me off but I
went searching and found a nice pair of black maternity skinny jeans in New Look which
were £22 (still not as cheap as I would like but hey it's not £35) also I saw some cute
jeans in Peacocks (£15) but they didn’t have my size so I have to check back there 2day.
They've got the stretchy elastic waist thing that goes over your bump woooooo sexy, the
hubby was like at least it's keeping the baby warm bless him.
Oooh I got a really nice maternity top too it's grey with little ruffle things from the chest
down £8 (hmmmm still not cheap) but now that I’m 30 weeks I'm gonna have to invest in
some stuff cuz I aint getting any smaller...
Also why was I thinking I'd only be wearing maternity clothes until the baby is born,
obviously I was thinking that the weight magically disappeared when you give birth
(wishful thinking) so now at least I'll get a good wear out of them. Also although I do
have a few like smock looking coats they don't do up so I may be forced to buy a
maternity coat (I’m wondering how much that’s gonna set me back) ooh actually they
have kinda empire line coats in Primark for like £20 maybe I’ll just get a big size
hmmmm that’s an idea

She is definitely a girl

6/11/2008
After my 20 week scan where Happy Feet decided she would not only cross her legs but
cross them tightly so no one could get a 2nd look I wasn't totally convinced she was a
girl.
But on Tuesday 4th November I had my 'nearly 30 week scan' and she actually behaved
herself which was a shock she kept still and let the woman measure her (she’s never done
that she's usually all over the place) and I was told she was a girl (which is a relief as I'd
already brought some pink boots)
Also to my relief she’s 'normal' size so I won't be having a whopper (unless she has a
sudden growth spurt later on) I've been telling her not to be a 10 pounder but she seems
to do what she wants anyways so who knows...
I have another scan in a month so I'm gonna ask them to check again (just cuz I can lol)

My 1st proper fall...hehehehehe quite

funny
11/11/2008
Lastnight me and the hubby were playing about (I was basically causing trouble) and we
were near the front door as he was about to go out. SO I said bye and as I turned to walk
straight back into the front room, somehow I lost my footing so I was stumbling all over
the place then somehow I managed to start spinning, which obviously made me really
dizzy. Now I don't know how it happened but I managed to spin into the bedroom (which
is round a corner) by then I was too out of control to stop myself.
All I heard was the hubby shuffling over to try and catch me but he was too late, before
he could reach I took the hardest drop ever on the floor. I kinda fell on my side (on my
bad side) and as soon as I hit the floor I literally burst into tears I was proper wailing like
an idiot LOL it didn't even really hurt but for some reason I got really upset and
hysterical.
So the hubby lifted me up and took me (still sobbing) into the front room to lie down
which somehow made me worse so my crying got louder which he found highly amusing
which made me even more upset. I could see him trying not to laugh and I knew I looked
like a mad woman even I wanted to laugh but I just kept on crying LOL
Then Americas next top model started and I realized if I carried on crying that hard I
wouldn’t be able to hear the TV so I just stopped all of a sudden and the whole flat
sounded soooo quiet hehehehe

How can doctors get it sooo wrong

13/11/2008
I was having a little clear out when I came across a questionnaire that the doctors had
given me back in May. Now back then I was obviously pregnant but I didn’t know. So
when I went to the doctors and told them I was feeling tired and sad/emotional etc they
assumed I was depressed and started asking me if I ever felt suicidal or if life was too
much for me. I was like NO, why would I wanna kill myself?
Anywayz maybe the following I called both my cousin (who is a doctor) and a specialist
doctor explained the same thing I had explained to the previous doctor and they both said
you sound pregnant go take a test.
Now I know it was a while ago but what worries me is if I had listened to the 1st doctor
who was telling me I was depressed and to go on medication, I could've taken something
that would've made me miscarry the baby. I don't know why doctors always get it wrong
when it comes to me. Also why didn’t they ask me if I was pregnant or ask when my last
period was or take blood??? That’s why I don't like going doctors unless I know what’s
wrong with me so I can tell them what to prescribe

I hate being ill!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

18/11/2008
On Friday night I woke up and felt like crap all coughing and snotty Yuk! then my head
started pounding I was like great I've got this stupid nasty cold that everyone in the office
has and the thing is during the day on Friday I was gloating about how I was the only
person not to get it and how I don't get ill that often (I should’ve shut my mouth lol), but
then by Saturday it felt like I was getting the flu I felt weak and faint and hot and I didn’t
wanna eat.
Even Sunday and yesterday I spent most of the day sleeping and being extra grumpy. I
tried to make some pancakes (I can never make pancakes I always end up frustrated and
chuck them in the bin) so attempted to make some didn’t work got even more angry and
surprise surprise they ended up in the bin.
Although I came in2 work today I still feel rubbish I've been drinking lots of honey and
lemon and ginger but I just wanna go home and sleep.
Normally I'm really ill on my birthday so I guess seeing as I was fine for my birthday I
had to get ill at some point this year. This is sooo not fun on top of the stupid morning
sickness which has come back again 2 haunt me having a cold/flu is just annoying!!
Also cuz I was ill I managed to miss my bloody appointment at the hospital I was
supposed to tour the delivery suite. Now I've been there a few times cuz of my bleeds but
I've not been shown around properly I've just been nosey now I can't fine the number to
rebook aaaaaaaaarrrrgh I hate being ill!!!!!

Can't stop eating

18/11/2008
Maybe it's cuz I'm ill I dunno but literally since I woke up I can't stop eating I had my
breakfast got to work had some fruits then I couldn't wait till lunchtime so left early to get
a sandwich some crisps, fruit juice, yoghurt, chocolate and chicken and rice. I'm sat at my
desk working my way through them while looking at this little Sainsburys brochure of
xmas food.
Although I'm stuffing my face I’m still starving it's like I really can't stop eating normally
I'd offer like my crisps or whatever around but people have dropped hints and I'm just
here munching everything there’s no way I'm sharing 2day.
Ooooooooooh I'm hungryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Still ill:-(
26/11/2008
SO I went to the doctors last week and was told I had a bladder infection (on top of the
thrush I already had, yey great) I'd been feeling like crap for a while I thought it was just
me getting a cold or the flu but when I felt worse the hubby actually made an
appointment and took me to the doctors.
So I had to take 10million antibiotics a day for 4 long days on top of the billion tablets I
already take woohoo fun...NOT! So hopefully that’s all cleared up now, but I still feel
really rough.
Yesterday I had like a sick lump in my throat all day, it felt like I'd thrown up and my
throat was burning and anytime I tried eating it wouldn't go down and made my throat
burn even more. So I felt full but my stomach felt really empty. My mum was saying it
could just be heartburn, and to cut back on the orange juice but I don’t think I've had
heartburn b4 so I don't even know
I was so ill today I couldn't even make it to my hydrotherapy class (and if you've been
reading any of my previous journals you'll know how much I love hydrotherapy) and I
can't go hydrotherapy next week either cuz I've got to see my midwife so I dunno when
I'll get a chance to go back..
It feels like everyday the whole morning sickness thing gets worse I just wake up feeling
like crap, I can't ever get comfortable then when I manage that I need to get up and go to
wee then I get all grumpy then can't get back to sleep again. I know it's just happy feet
moving around but I feel sooooo crappy at the minute

I want an early induction...not very likely

though :-(
2/12/2008
As the time gets closer I'm getting increasingly worried about my Prolactinoma because I
know it naturally grows when your preggers but with mine growing fast already I'm
scared that the doctors will let me go overdue then once I've had the baby I'll have an
MRI scan and it will show that the prolactinoma is swollen and bleeding again and then I
think what happens if the bleeding is worse than before I'm scared I could die.
Today I went to see the consultant and even she couldn't tell me what the worse case
scenario would be if it bleeds a lot cuz that’s near my brain
So I asked if I cold get an early induction cuz surely it can't be healthy for me or the baby
for me to be this stressed and upset, lastnight I literally cried myself to sleep cuz I was so
worried about it, now it's constantly on my mind, but the consultant didn’t see it as a
major problem. But I know (form past experience) that doctors can get things completely
wrong and I don't wanna just go on 1 persons word. Because if they're wrong and the
prolactinoma is out of hand then that’s gonna mess up my health (again) and I'm gonna
be fainting even more and have 10 times more problems in conceiving (again) and have
to be on loads of tablets (again) until they find one that agrees with me.
I'm worried about the baby but at the same time I need to worry about my health and this
will actually effect me more than the baby. The consultant said that if I did get induced
early that means I'd have a longer labour, but I'd rather that than wait till like 40 weeks
have a short labour then have complications.
I also had my anti D injection 2day and as much as the midwife tried to put me off it still
killed and yes I squealed like a piglet again lol
Then I had my scan and confirmed what I already noticed in the last scan...this baby has
some extra long legs (just like her daddy) but other than that she’s growing fine which is
good.
Also the consultant said if they did decide to induce me it won't be till after 37 weeks but
she said she needed to speak to the top consultant and my old specialist doctor and make
a decision. But then she made an appointment for me to come back in a month (which has
to now be 5 weeks cuz of xmas etc) so by that time it will be Jan near my due date then
they'll tell me to wait.

I had a baby shower woohoooo

8/12/2008
Yesterday my cousin Nats surprised me with a baby shower. I was sooooo shocked,
everyone was in on it even my mum (and I can normally get stuff out of her, she’s not
good with secrets) the hubby even helped and knew about it for over a month and never
said nothing.
Somehow Nats managed to get hold of my friends and they came down from London and
I aint seen them 4 ages.
I kinda guessed something was going on, cuz I stayed at my mums for the weekend and
on Saturday and Sunday she kinda disappeared then she said she was going to the clothes
show on Sunday, but when she said her train was at 1pm then she left after 2.30 I thought
hmmmm. Then the hubby dropped some hints so I thought there was a big pressie for me
at home then we were going out for dinner, so I made sure I dressed up nice.
Anywayz the hubby brought me back home and for some reason I was scared 2 walk thru
the door then when I finally opened it everyone was like SUPRISE!! and I ran off crying
lol
Once I finished crying I did come in and enjoy myself it was great we had non alcoholic
cocktails alcohol free wine and we played baby shower games like baby bingo etc (which
I didn’t win by the way) there was loads of baby pics of me up as well and Nats had
really decorated the front room with banners and balloons it was sooo overwhelming I
didn’t even know the pics were of me LOL
Everyone got me (or should I say Happy Feet) pressies so now I’ve basically got
everything I need. I can actually pack my hospital bag, my auntie even brought me some
SMA milk (awwwww) and my little cousin brought a really cuddly bear, which will be
like twice the size of Happy Feet.
But it was brilliant I wasn't expecting anything till next year, I now love baby showers
they're great
My 1am tidying frenzy, someone stop me
from bloody tidying everything!!
23/12/2008
So lastnight/this morning I was completely knackered but something told me that I
needed to tidy the kitchen and make sure everything was neat I even bleached the
surfaces. Then I went onto the front room and had a tidy (although it wasn't even messy)
OMG I even sorted out all the phone chargers and wrapped them and put them neatly in
the corner, If I was able to hoover I'd probably have done that too.
I then moved onto the bathroom and made space for Happy Feets powder and creams etc,
scrubbed the bath and the sink OMG I even scrubbed and bleached the toilet till it was
literally squeaky clean. Now I've been living in this flat for basically 2 years and have
never cleaned the toilet. The hubby normally cleans the bathroom, so I dunno what made
me say to myself, right, it's 1am I'm tired let me go clean. It was sooo bizarre I felt so
tired ~I actually felt drunk, but I still couldn't stop cleaning. I even wiped down the
skirting boards.
I then came back into the front room and decided now would be the perfect time to read
the instruction manual to my bottle sterilizer.....
By the time I made it to bed I was so f'*kt I couldn't even move I was just like a lump but
at least I managed to get 2 hours of sleep b4 I had to wake up to wee.
Then I decided I couldn't be bothered to actually sit up to drink my bottle of water so
attempted to drink it lying down and nearly drowned, the water went everywhere I didn’t
even know what to do, I will never make myself that tired ever again. If I feel the urge to
tidy at stupid o clock again I'll just ignore it!

Measuring small but growing fine???

How does that make any sense?!?!
23/12/2008
SO lastnight I had quite a few pains so I went to the hospital, had to wait over 2 hours to
be seen in that 2 hours some little brat managed to piss me off to the point where I wanted
to slap her. She was about 11 or something and just being really loud obnoxious and
generally annoying the hell out of me. I was like this girl is bloody pissing me off and
even her dad told her shut up and the nurses had a go at her as well for being such a pain
in the ass.
Anywayz when the midwife finally saw me she measured my bump and said I was
measuring 33 weeks instead of 37 and that my baby had a 'sleepy' heartbeat. Now I've
heard the sleepy heartbeat thing b4 so I wasn't worried about that. Basically Happy Feet
hates them foetal heart machines and manages to kick them off the run away from them
so no one can get a proper reading of her heartbeat so it looks sleepy.
But no ones ever told me that she's smaller than she should be, cuz I had a scan a few
weeks ago and they said everything on her was average apart from her extra long legs.
So the doctors did another scan on me then went away for ages to discuss things, then
came back and said they wanted me to go for another scan 2day then went away again
and read my notes then decided Happy Feet was growing fine. So what I don't get is how
can a baby be measuring small but growing fine? Does it just mean that I'm gonna have a
small baby and that although she’s small she's in proportion?? I dunno...

Only a few weeks to go

29/12/2008
It's sooo strange that after all this waiting I only have like 3 weeks to go till Happy Feet
arrives. Although I keep changing my mind on when she'll pop out I've now settled on the
fact that she'll come on 24th Jan (10 days late) the hubby reckons she'll come a couple of
days either side of 14th and my cousin reckons 5th Jan. But I know she's in no hurry to
come out, it must be really comfy inside my belly.
My whole family reckons she's gonna be a screaming handful (just cuz I was) but I don't
think she will I reckon she'll be quite chilled out like her dad then she can prove my evil
family wrong HA!
I've completely run out of belly space so I know she needs to come soon, but as my mum
keeps telling me, she'll come when she's ready. I guess at least by the time she comes
there will be some proper sales for me to take advantage of, being preggers now has been
like a blessing in disguise cuz I've saved so much money from not going in town at xmas
time, but I will go in January.

Delivery suite tour & Photo shoot

5/01/2009
I can't believe I had to wake up at 8am 2day to go for a tour of the delivery suite. Now I
normally don't surface before 2pm so that was a big struggle for me.
I went with my cousin and hubby and there was quite a few couples on the tour including
one annoying woman who in her head was more pregnant and needed more attention than
the rest of us (although we're all ready to drop our little bundles) the most annoying times
being when we1st arrived everyone took the stairs and she made the biggest deal over the
fact that she 'needed' to take the lift. Then every room we went in she had to let the whole
world know that she 'needed' to sit down cuz she 'couldn't stand for long. I was thinking
for goodness sake just sit down shut up and stop being such a drama queen! Other people
sat down but didn’t feel the need to draw attention to themselves.
Anywayz there was little water dispensers everywhere and I made sure I had a glass
everytime I passed one, it was great I love water.
We saw a delivery room, and one of the wards, we couldn’t see the birthing pool cuz it
was booked. The last place we ended up was the nursery, where the midwife left us and
then disappeared then reappeared with a baby. I was like aww it's a baby....OMG it's a
real live baby lol (like it was gonna be a fake baby) she was soooooooo cute and didn’t
even scream her head off, she had like a tonne of hair and was really alert. The midwife
showed us her umbilical cord (wow cant spell that word) which looked sooo painful but
apparently doesn’t hurt. Aww that baby was soooo cute.
Then we went back to my cousins little studio and did some pics, she did some of my big
bump then some in my pretty dress, I can't wait to see how they come out. We were
meant to do more but I needed a nap (it must be annoying to photograph preggers
women) cuz I had to take like a million breaks either my back was hurting, my leg hurt, I
needed more water or I needed to go toilet. It was cool though cuz Nats is pretty patient, I
would've got annoyed.
Then I had a lovely nap downstairs on the huge comfy sofa and when I woke up my
auntie had made dinner, I really need to go there more often lol
Then I came home and the hubby was cooking so I had another nap and woke up to steak
oooh yummy I love food (this week)

I don't wanna wait

anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
13/01/2009
So I'm nearly 40 weeks now and Happy Feet has shown no signs of coming anytime
soon. I haven't even had Braxton Hicks or anything she's just made herself comfy in my
belly and refuses to vacate!
I've tried most things, like spicy food, pineapple, raspberry leaf tea the only thing I aint
tried is sex but the hubby is still too scared for that even though the midwife told us both
that was the best method.
I saw my consultant last week and she was like walk up some steps or up a hill and I
would but my SPD seems to get worse by the day so my bum lower back and thighs ache
and I can't even use my crutches anymore cuz I've got pains in my right arm too, at the
very top, near my armpit and then it moves round to my shoulder blade. I've been staying
at my mums for the past week while hubby does up the flat and she’s been massaging it
for me but nothing helps.
It's soooo uncomfortable to get to sleep, once I find a position I can maybe sleep in, I
need to go toilet, it's like I can't win. My mum normally moans when I sleep late ( I think
she just wants my company) but even she was like go back to sleep you have really dark
rings round your eyes.
Everyday the pain gets worse and I told the consultant the other day she's gonna be late
and if I could just be induced but they're still holding out. They don't wanna see me again
till next Wednesday to do a stretch and sweep (which aint an induction is it) I know
nothing will happen which means they want me to wait till I'm 2 weeks over to induce.
Now that takes the piss cuz I heard that after your due date the baby gains 1lb every
week, now they predicted my baby would be around 7.5lb so waiting 2 weeks that’s
nearly a 10lb baby!!! Now if the baby is huge I'm gonna struggle to give birth naturally
and they'll probably make me have a c-section.
So I think I'm gonna call my doctor tomorrow and see if he can talk to someone and
arrange an induction for this week cuz I can't take this pain anymore if I have to wait till
next week I'll have to be carried into the hospital cuz I honestly won't be able to walk.

Oh I’m just frustrated!

13/01/2009

SO after not being able to get comfortable enough to get a decent nights sleep I was woke
up by my stupid house phone ringing, now this phone is the loudest most annoying phone
you'll ever hear and it echoes through the whole flat. Annoyingly the hubby dint seem o
hear it and slept through it which meant I had to get up and get it. By the time I got to the
phone guess what happened, it bloody stopped ringing didn’t it aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrgh
then my phone starts vibrating, so I struggle to get back into the bedroom and as soon as I
get there it stops as well.
So I climb back into bed to try and get comfy and the bloody house phone goes again,
FUCK OFF!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!! (now I would normally unplug it but I know if I
don’t answer everyone will call everyone and then it will end up with my mum freaking
out thinking something’s wrong with me and the baby and speeding down and banging
off my door) so anyways I struggle back to the phone (it's not cordless and cant stretch all
the way into the bedroom) once again it stops as soon as I get there. Now I want to cry. I
press 1471 and it's my friend who is a proper worrier so I know she aint gonna stop
calling me cuz she probably thinks I'm dead or something.
Back to bed again I attempt to txt her quick to say I'm fine but I’m too tired to think str8,
then Nats calls I answer cuz the phones still in my hand but as I'm saying hello the
battery dies, so now she panics and calls that bloody house phone (OMG I could stab that
phone) My friend Shareen had called her scared that she couldn’t reach me and made her
scared so between them they were ringing off my phone (poor me all I wanted to do was
sleep)
Anywayz back to bed finally find a position I'm comfy in and I can hear banging about in
the block it sounds like someone stomping up and down the stairs and slamming the same
door over and over. Then I can hear someone downstairs ringing everyone’s bell
individually (that really bugs me cuz the bells here could wake the dead) but I think to
myself at least they cant ring my bell cuz it's switched off, OH FOR GOODNESS SAKE
IT'S BLOODY SWITCHED ON. The hubby must've switched it on while I was away, I
hate him now! So once again I drag myself out of bed to get the doorbell otherwise it
won't stop ringing. YES! WOT DO U WANT?! guess who it was, Jehovah’s Witness I
was sooooo pissed off she started trying to preach down the telecom so I put it down and
switched off the bell. Then I heard someone finally let her in the block I was thinking
anyhow you knock on my door you will really hear my mouth.
Anywayz cuz I was still in pain, both my bum cheeks the tops of my thighs my ankles
and my shoulder blades I couldn't take it anymore so I called the hospital and asked to be
induced, they were soooo unhelpful I wanted to spit on them. The stupid woman told me
to call my doctor and ask him to give me something for the pain, I was like what exactly
is he gonna give me, I have bloody SPD the only thing that will help is physio. I was
telling her if I can't walk or sleep I'm not gonna have any energy to push a baby out then
they'll make me have a c-section. Anywayz I explained all my other health problems and
she was like well you need to see your consultant cuz we can't induce you cuz your not
term...UM HELLO I'M 40 WEEKS DUMB BITCH HOW AM I NOT FULL
TERM?!?!?!?! So after she said that I just gave up cuz she obviously don’t have a clue
what the hell she’s chatting bout. Oh and my consultant has a clinic on a Tuesday but she
wouldn’t book me in for it she told me to wait till next Tuesday (when I already have an
appointment)
I dunno why but after I hung up I cried and cried I was sooo distraught I couldn't even
speak I couldn't even stop crying my nose was running and everything, the only way I
stopped was cuz I needed to take a hit of my inhaler. Wow I was in such a state my eyes
were all red and puffy and my face was swollen and stained. I really hate that hospital
now stupid people.
It's not even that I'm being impatient (well I guess I am a bit) but it's more of the fact that
I'm in sooo much pain and it just gets worse and I know the baby is not looking to come
out anytime soon. If I wasn't hurting so much I'd be more wiling to just waddle about the
place and stuff my face.
But yeah my day didn’t have the best start I'm still tired now it's all that stupid woman at
the hospitals fault!

2 days overdue
16/01/2009
So Happy Feet was due on 14th it's now the 16th and there’s still no signs of her arriving.
I haven't even had any stomach pains, contractions or anything. I just want her to hurry
up and come now I don't wanna wait any longer, the longer I wait the more anxious I get
about the pain I'll have to go through

Bored Bored Bored Somebody Induce me

please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
18/01/09
I think it's mostly due to laziness, I really can't be bothered to keep getting out of bed so
I've started drinking my bottle of water while lying down. It's such a nice feeling, I've
mastered the art of it now. The 1st time I tried it spilt all over my face and went up my
nose and made my nose burn. Now I've learned that you have to hold it at a particular
angle before you start to tilt it.
I've also found a new love of cornflake cakes, but I've been making them with mars bars,
I put some butter in a pan melt that then melt 2 mars bars then stir in the cornflakes, it
tastes soooo yummy and makes me happy (till it gives me a toothache)
I've also been on a mission to try and find some cheap fitted cot bed sheets, cuz I have
flat sheets but fitted will be a lot easier.
Although it sounds like I'm busy drinking water and eating cornflake cakes LOL I'm
actually not really doing anything and becoming increasingly bored (can u tell lol)
I might go to town on Monday and have a bit of a waddle about. I really wanna go back
to that retro sweetie shop.
Oooh I could do with a kebab right now as well with extra pepper oooh yummy

That stretch and sweep bloody hurts!!!

20/01/2009
SO I was really looking forward to seeing the Dr for my stretch and sweep (why) its the
most painful thing ever, it felt like the Dr was trying to rip out my soul.
I thought it would be a simple internal like the standard internals but it's 10 times worse
OMG how much pain and cuz I was only 1cm dilated and my cervix was posterior the Dr
tried to pull it 4ward OUCH OUCH OUCH it felt like she was literally pulling my guts
out.
Afterwards I was so traumatised I couldn't even think straight, I was stuttering and
everything I can still feel the pain (emotionally LOL) The Dr was like 'you're saying
Ouch now but this is nothing compared to childbirth, so if that’s true I'm now thinking a
definite Epidural I think I want all the drugs I can possibly get ,the higher I am the better
is what I say hehehe
I'm never getting a stretch and sweep again.

Getting Induced 2mrw yey

20/01/2009
So finally someone listened to me and I'm getting induced.
The doctor wasn't convinced that Happy Feet would come out on her own anytime soon
and was a bit annoyed that no one had booked me in for an induction already.
The midwife tried to give me next week sometime (cuz apparently they were full) but I
was like 'my birthing partner is going away on the weekend' so she then decided to check
if any of the women booked in had already given birth, luckily some had she was like 'is
2mrw any good' I was like YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have to stay in for a while so I know I'm gonna be bored out my brains but luckily my
cousins gonna bring in some good girly books for me.
Oh also I had a show just now so it looks like things are moving along....slowly....

My reoccurring dream...now I'm nervous

20/01/2009
I keep having this same dream every night for the past couple months. The 1st part is that
I go into labour etc and the baby comes out and the Drs are like 'congratulations it's a boy'
(when I'm supposed to be having a girl)
The 2nd part is: I push out a little girl 1st then my cousins like 'I can see more hair and
the Drs are like you need to push again you're having twins, then a little boy comes out.
Now I'm nervous that I might not even be having a girl after all

My Birth Story Finally

5/02/2009
After going a week over I went to the hospital on Wed 21st to get induced. As the
midwives told me there was no way I'd be having the baby for a couple days and to leave
all baby stuff at home, I just walked with my stuff and all my fruit juices. Yummy.
I arrived on time at 1010am and was taken into an assessment room on the delivery suite
and strapped to a machine to monitor the babies heartbeat, now I always have problems
with these as the baby doesn't like them and manages to kick the machine and run away
which results in a 'sleepy' heartbeat. So I was expecting it to happen again...and it did but
this time it was more serious 1st a doctor came to check me then she disappeared and
when she reappeared she had spoken to my consultant and they had concluded the baby
was in distress and had to come out straight away.
Now I was there thinking oh they'll probably do it later so I wanted to call the hubby and
my birthing partner but when the doctors said 'unless they can be here in 10mins don't
bother' that’s when it hit me, like OMG they're gonna do it now. I didn’t even know what
to do so I cried and cried...
All of a sudden the room was full of doctors and midwives, someone put a canula in,
someone else took off my nail varnish, someone helped me undress there was so much
people all doing something to me then before I could even think I was put in a gown,
lifted onto a wheelchair they wouldn't even let me go to the toilet.
I was literally whizzed through the delivery suite so quickly that I could feel the wind
blowing thru my hair I past the hubby and my cousin/birthing partner who were standing
at reception looking baffled I couldn’t even say anything to them cuz I was moving so
quickly.
We reached the operating theatre and there was like a room full of doctors and they all
had a purpose. I was soooo scared I was shaking uncontrollably I told the anaesthetist to
hold on cuz I was scared my shaking would make the needle snap in my spine.
Luckily my cousin came in and calmed me down enough to get my spinal done, and then
they put the catheter in and shaved me (although down there was tidy, bloody cheek lol)
Everything moved so quickly it's like a blur, but I remember lying down on a really thin
operating table and thinking wow I'm glad I’m not fat, then they put up a screen and I
could feel them rummaging around my stomach while my cousin held my hand and tried
to keep me calm, then all I remember hearing is 'your babies going to be here in a
second...wow she has lots of hair' then my little baby appeared and gave a tiny cry then
was whisked away cleaned etc then handed back to me.
She was sooo beautiful born at 1248 and weighed only 6lb3 I went thru about 10 different
emotions in such a short space of time and b4 I realized what was going on my cousin
had gone and the hubby was sitting by me kissing my forehead and telling me how proud
he was of me.
I was then lifted onto a bigger bed (thank goodness) and then taken to a room in the
delivery suite with my baby in my arms, I remember a midwife saying something about
me getting tea and toast so I seemed to ask for it every time a midwife came in to check
on me.
By the time I got in my room I could really feel the drugs and was completely off
somewhere in my own world where everything was funny to me. While my mum, cousin
and hubby snacked in front of me I kept bugging staff for my tea and toast until I finally
got it yummy.
Later on I was then transferred onto the ward I was a bit scared to hold my baby while we
were travelling cuz I was still ;high' but they said I had to hold her which I thought was
strange. But we got settled onto the ward and I asked for more tea and toast and was so
knackered I just waited for Amaya to fall asleep then I dropped off too.