YOUR NAME YOUR ADDRESS Nr BRISTOL Date as postcode

Charlie Bolton "The Green Spoilsport" The Council House College Green BRISTOL

Dear Charlie, This letter has been written for us by his Chief Executiveness Colin Sextone esq. under the auspices of the greatest munificence, the glory of all glorious Chairman Lansdown, hoarder of vast wealth and bringer of a pure future joy to all Bristol when setbacks like Scunthorpe scoring in the 94th minute will be banished forever when the total re-creation of the best of all possible worlds is completed with a new stadium complex featuring a posh hotel and high-end, low spec apartments is erected in Ashton Vale alongside a magnificent local shoppingstyle Tesco Extra experience conveniently located with free car parking off the Winterstoke Road. Mr Bolton, we put it to you that it an indisputable fact beyond dispute that's been published beyond reasonable doubt in the Bristol Evening Post that nothing but total good can come from Bristol City Football Club's plan to build a stadium on greenbelt land at Ashton Vale. It is a further true fact that the club's plan to sell their existing stadium to the beneficent Tesco corporation of the people delivering cheap, quality food to hardworking families - is supported by 99% of all good Bristiolians and all people of every race, creed and colour anywhere across the globe without exception.

Indeed so popular is the munificent Chairman's flawless proposal to deliver a people's superstore to feed the poor children of the world, it is a known fact that were a flying saucer to land in Greville Smyth Park tomorrow, the little green men that emerge would undoubtedly support the Chairman's beauteous plans without question. Also be aware his Chief Executiveness Colin Sextone esq. visited Madame Scroté Clairvoyant of the Stars last week and we can confirm that the Chairman's vision is entirely supported by Winston Churchill, Oliver Cromwell, Edward Colston, Henry V and Ronnie Barker. Yes Mr Bolton, nothing less than the future of the galaxy is at stake while even history is pitched against you. Chairman Lansdown's dream is nothing but your hero Karl Marx's materialistic conception of history made concrete with 24 hour opening, ample car parking and a competitively priced petrol filling station. We have seen you Mr Bolton in your Che Guevara T-shirt brandishing gnarly turnips grown on your state-funded council allotment talking to hippies and hanging about at the Tobacco Factory Market with artisan cheese mongers. You sir are nothing but a communist, a vegetarian, an enemy of the people and most likely a jewish quaker who has spent time at one of Osama Bin Laden's Afghani anti-Tesco terrorist training camps. It is only the likes of you - an ideologically driven crazed political minority who hate not only all humanity but even non-existent little green men who might one day land on Greville Smyth Park that wish to stand in the way of real progress and cruelly deny decent, upstanding, hardworking people's dream of a Tesco Extra superstore with free parking. It is a further scientific fact, Mr Bolton, that the completion of the great Chairman's stadium dream will bring Mr Sepp Blatter and his FIFA World Cup to Bristol creating £100m in pure profit for the people of Bristol.

Nothing but a figure plucked out of thin air by that fine bureaucrat Mr Stephen Wray, you and your communo-vegetarian cadre try to claim. But this is proven socialistic anti-economistic nonsense. To use an example you eco-botherers might understand, if I pluck an apple from a tree do I pluck it from thin air? Of course not. It comes from a tree just like Mr Wray's money will. Only communovegetarian Marxisant negativists would dispute that money does not grow on trees (Colin, are we sure about this bit? Stevie.) during World Cups. As residents of Bristol or very nearby in South Gloucestershire we therefore instruct you, as our local councillor, to drop your irrationally insane communist objections to Tesco and immediately offer up your undying, unconditional support to the munificent Chairman's grand undertaking for the whole and complete benefit of all the people and all of humanity Please note that any further failure to support the great Chairman's great vision can only only result in your exposure in the Bristol Evening Post as a vegetarian, an al Quaida trained terrorist, a member of the Cambridge spy ring, a sex pest and regular cyclist. You have been warned. Yours sincerely,