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, MOST ORGASMIC SEX EVER
SEX POSITIONS YOUNEVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE
EDITORS OF LIBERATOR AND JAIYA, BEST-SELLING AUTHOR OF RED HOT TOUCH
How to Use This Book
CHAPTER 1OH! THAT’S THE SPOTNew Angles for Her Pleasure
Hot Spots You Need to Know (and What They Like Best!)
Angles: The Keys to Her Kingdom
Igniting Her Erotic E-Zones
Position of Ease
Her Voluptuous, Scrumptious Vulva / OF-Spots (Outer Folds), IF-Spots (Inner Folds), C-Spot (Clitoris), U-Spot (Urethral Opening), I-Spot (Introitus)
What’s Inside? Let’s Take a Look / V-Spot (Vagina), G-Spot (Gräfenberg Spot), A-Spot (Anterior Fornix Erogenous Zone), PS-Spot (Perineal Sponge), CV-Spot (Cervix)
Her Erections / C-Spot (Clitoris), CBs (Clitoral or Vestibular Bulbs), US (Urethral Sponge), PS-Spot (Perineal Sponge)
Timing Is Everything: What You Need to Know about Female Cycles
Emotions / Biochemical Changes
Angled Positions for Her Pleasure
Clitoral Missionary Trainer
Driving Your Lady GA GA
Mmmmmm...PS So Deep
Together and Apart
Gee! I C-Spots!
Connect the Spots
Angles and Wings
360 Degrees Around the World
Rocking and Rolling
Esse = Eating Ease
CHAPTER 2HAPPY ORGASMIC MANNew Angles for His Pleasure
Finding and Igniting His Hot Spots
Angles: The Magic Codes to Unlocking His Pleasure Vault
His Powerful Penis / FS (Foreskin), H-Spot (Head/Glans), F-Spot (Frenulum), S-Spot (Shaft), R-Spot (Root)
Don’t Forget ME / T-Spots (Testicles), P-Spot (Prostate)
Men Have Cycles, Too
Lifetime Cycles (Sexual, Sensual, Energetic) / Sexual Stage, Sensual Stage, Energetic or Resting Stage
Angled Positions for His Pleasure
A Lovely View
Scooping for Him
The Root Route
Going for a Whirl
Deep Throat Pivot
CHAPTER 3ANCIENT SECRETS, MODERN PLEASURETreasures of the Kama Sutra, Ananga Ranga, and The Perfumed Garden
The Twining of the Creeper
The Perfumed Garden
What’s Up with All the Acrobatics?
But I’m Just Not Flexible!
A New Angle on Ancient Positions
The Wife of Indra with a Wedge
The Goat and the Tree
The Lotus-Like Position
Congress of the Cow and Late-Spring Donkey
The Mare’s Position
The Snake Trap and the Fitter In
The Seventh Posture
The Tail of the Ostrich
The Rainbow Arch
The Half-Pressed Position and Churning
Reciprocal Sight of the Posteriors
CHAPTER 4NEW ANGLES FOR ANAL PLAYExploring the Back Door
Benefits of Anal Sex
The Anal Hot Spots
AC (Anal Canal)
Things You Need to Know Before You Go There
The Doody Factor / Rule #1: I Clean, Rule #2: I Use Condoms, Dental Dams, and Gloves, Rule #3: I Go Within
You Are Not Gay
Warming Up the A-Spot
What If It Hurts?
Finding the Right Angles for YOU!
Angled Anal for Her
Anal PS and G
Flip Her Over
Coitus from the Back
Butt Plug Friends
Angled Anal for Him
Milking His Prostate
Prostate Pleasure, Please
Hooked Leg Anal
CHAPTER 5ECSTASY IN CUFFSPositions for Playful Restraint
What Is Playful Restraint?
Benefits of Getting Kinky
Rule #1: Have Safe Words
Rule #2: Know the Boundaries
Rule #3: Safety Gear
Rule #4: Avoid Vulnerable Areas
Angles for Playful Restraint
Sensory Play: Arms and Ankles
Bound from Behind
Bad Boy on Stage
Ramped Leg Bind
CHAPTER 6THE POWER OF PILLOW PLAYSeven Red-Hot Sessions
The Benefits of Using Multiple Angled Positions
How to Play
Keep in Mind
Seven Angled Sessions Explored
CHAPTER 7SETTING THE SCENEYour Positioning Tools
Why Sex Tools?
Positional Aids / Pillows, Towels, Bolsters, Blankets, Furniture
Liberator Bedroom Adventure Gear / Wedge, Ramp, Hipster, Scoop, Flip Ramp, Whirl, Wing/Pulse/Axis, Esse, Equus, Escape, Black Label Stage System, Fascinator Throe
Sensory Items / Blindfolds
Cuffs/Nonthreatening Bondage Gear / Liquid Nymph, Aslan Leather, Liberator
About the Author
Unforgettable, peak-pleasure sex awaits you...
Want a new angle on sex? Having trouble hitting the right spot? Do you or your lover have trouble reaching orgasm? Have things fizzled over the years? Are you curious about ways you can improve your pleasure?
I wrote this book to help you.
I was well into my career when I discovered the magic of angles during sex. At the time I considered myself an expert. I considered my sex life to be great. It was about to get better. When Liberator approached me to make some videos for them I remember saying to myself, “Foam shapes? Can foam really improve your sex life?” I was about to be impressed and surprised.
After a few weeks of rolling around with my lover on these shapes and discovering new ways we could use pillows, I told him, “Why would anyone want to have flat sex?” That was the beginning of a new world for me; I call it the biomechanics of sex. A light was turned on, and I suddenly understood something fundamental to pleasure: We are not meant to have sex on a flat bed.
Over the years, I have worked with many couples who experience challenges in their sex lives. They come to me seeking ways to spice it up, get the spark back, connect on a deeper, more meaningful level. There are many factors, from emotional to chemical, to really helping them get back on track, but understanding the mechanics of it all is the most simplest, quickest, and most effective way to begin turning it around.
HOW TO USE THIS BOOK
This isn’t a book that you read from cover to cover. This is a book of hidden treasures for you to discover on any given day. Want to try something for her G-spot? Have fun connecting the dots in chapter 1. Are you in the mood for longer-lasting orgasms that come easier? Flip to the Kama Sutra chapter, read the introduction, and pick your passion position.
This book is designed to be easy for you to use. I recommend reading the beginning of each chapter so that you can mine the riches contained within the positions.
I have put positions together to create seven different sessions, each with different outcomes. Chapter 6 guides you through these sessions, but becoming familiar with the positions in chapters 1 through 5 is helpful to do before you try rolling around your bed in multiple angled positions.
Mostly, this book is designed to help you discover the importance of play, creativity, and fun in your love sport. It’s about connection and intimacy with a spirit of joy and lighthearted lust.
Join me on a mission to save the world from flat-bed sex. Grab a pillow or two, and let’s go!
CHAPTER 1OH! THAT’S THE SPOT
NEW ANGLES FOR HER PLEASURE
Want to have her so filled with pleasure that she exclaims “Wow!—where did you learn how to do that?” Great! You’re in the right place.
Female pleasure: It’s mysterious, wild, silent, unearthed, passionate... and it continues to elude most of us. Being a sexologist and of the female persuasion, I have to say that when it comes to understanding female arousal and anatomy, most men are in the dark. It’s not your fault. None of us was given a proper education about our bodies, especially with regard to sexuality. Even the majority of women out there don’t have this knowledge, so how can we tell you about what pleasures us most? (Ladies, you, too, are going to benefit from reading this chapter because you are going to find some of your lost hot spots.)
This chapter is going to shed light on some very mysterious places, and by the end of it you won’t believe how a little knowledge can change your sex life in ways you (and she) never imagined.
One of the biggest culprits for women not reaching their highest pleasure potential is flat sex. You know: You are on your bed or the floor, and you are on top thrusting in and out of her. Or maybe the two of you got creative and she’s on top of you lying flat on the bed. Maybe you tried a moment of doggy position. It might last ten to twenty minutes total, and, most likely, she is just starting to warm up as you are finishing. In my opinion—and after working with thousands of people curious about making sex better—flat sex has six major issues.
Positions like The Goat and The Tree (page 74) will help ease you out of your flat-sex habits.
#1: BAD BIOMECHANICS. It doesn’t angle your pelvis properly, possibly causing or exacerbating low back pain and knee issues. This improper angling doesn’t allow for clitoral stimulation in most cases and if your penis isn’t curved in the right way, then you won’t be hitting her G-spot either. It’s strictly very poor biomechanics.
#2: FRICTION. It causes most men to need to thrust in and out, which in turn causes a lot of friction. Friction can lead to soreness, dryness, and even small vaginal tears, especially in menopausal women.
#3: FAST EJACULATION. All the thrusting leads to quicker ejaculation for many men and thus makes the rift in arousal time between men and women even larger.
#4: BORING. She might not admit it, but it makes sex in a long-term relationship really boring for her, really fast.
#5: PAINFUL. Flat sex is usually very uncomfortable and not friendly to people with injuries, disabilities, and other impairments.
#6: HANDS OFF. When you are on top of her in flat sex you usually need your hands to hold yourself up, which means that she misses out on the pleasure of your touch during sexual intercourse.
With all of these issues you would think we would get creative and invent a new way to enjoy our coitus. Why are we having flat sex? I believe it’s because we still don’t fully understand the importance of comfort during sex, and how arousal, our bodies, orgasm, and extended pleasure work—especially when it comes to women. I do what I do because I’m on a mission to change that. By teaching how arousal and orgasm work and having people around the world learning and implementing this knowledge, I believe that we will all live in a happier world. Join me, first by learning about her hot spots, and then, STOP having sex on a flat surface!
HOT SPOTS YOU NEED TO KNOW (AND WHAT THEY LIKE BEST!)
“When she is on top, put some pillows under your knees and press into them. That will help you be able rock your pelvis, thus hitting the roof of her vagina and her hot spots,” I said.
I was teaching a new student. Thanks to Skpe, I could see him and he could see my demonstration, even though he was halfway around the world. He came to see me to earn more confidence as a lover. He was having trouble getting his pelvis to rock correctly during sex due to an old injury. When I heard him describe the position he was using most, I knew he needed some new angles.
“You know, I never thought about positions this way,” he told me during one of our lessons. “I just thought, you know, do like what you see in porn, get on top, maybe do doggy position, something like that. I never thought about using pillows to bring my pelvis against hers to stimulate her G-spot in certain ways.”
The biggest mistake that I see guys making is this: They take what they see in adult films and replicate it. Okay guys, first lesson from Jaiya: Porn sex is not great sex. It’s a performance (albeit one that has probably been working to turn you on for years). I’m not anti-porn, especially erotica like Erika Lust’s film, Life Love Lust. I know many couples who enjoy viewing pornography together, and it has enhanced the spice in their relationship. People like different kinds of pornography. It’s personal taste! However, most adult erotica is not great sex education; its great entertainment. It’s important to recognize the difference. That recognition may be the key to rocking her wondrous world.
In some cases, porn might make you feel like a failure in the bedroom because you can’t perform what you see. I mean, who can live up to all those huge, hard, ever-thrusting penises, right? You learn a lot in mainstream heterosexual pornography that can be a damper on your sexual mastery.
With all this bad education in their heads, most men forget that there is a whole body of erogenous, steamy, hot turn-on for them to play with. They head straight down below, forgetting that there is an entire human being attached to those gorgeous genitals. Guys, I don’t blame you: Female genitals are amazing, with their unlimited variety and folds of delicious delights. It’s no wonder you want to head straight for them. But what if I told you that both your and her pleasure would be greater if you worked your way down there? What if I told you that she could experience pleasure beyond anything she has ever experienced if you just ignite her in the right ways (like making direct contact with her most orgasmic hot spots)? What if I told you that new angles during lovemaking are one huge key? It’s possible. I’ve seen it and have experienced it over and over again.
Behind the Scenes of Porn: What You Don’t See
Breaks: You don’t see how many times the actors have to take breaks, adjust, and start over. It’s hard work having to twist your body in a way so the camera can see everything that is going on. Positions that feel good, especially to women, don’t give you a visual of the act because your pelvises are glued to each other or your face is buried in her folds. If it feels good to her, you most likely can’t see it.
Soft Penises: You don’t see the ebb and flow of arousal. Soft penises are usually edited out of the scene. Models on a set all day experience erections that go up and down (unless they’ve popped some little blue pills). Erections can even mysteriously go flat during the act on set, because well, it’s a performance. Ever wonder where the term performance anxiety comes from? Arousal is supposed to ebb and flow in both men and women. Some positions get you really aroused and some bring you down, and that is just perfect. It’s natural and it happens to most men, so please, relax.
Full Arousal: You don’t see much foreplay. The woman is always ready to go, and getting banged is always the most pleasurable part. From many adult films, you learn that her hottest spot is her vaginal canal—hence all the thrusting (which might feel great to you, but let me tell you it isn’t doing the trick for most of us girls). On set there is sometimes foreplay, and there is a lot of lube on hand so that she’s ready no matter what. You rarely see female genitals in their fully aroused state. The actors aren’t usually educated, either, so they don’t really understand how arousal works and how to move in and out of pleasure and performance. You are learning from uneducated performers. That says a lot.
ANGLES: THE KEYS TO HER KINGDOM
KEY #1: CONTACT. Angles help your bodies come together in ways that allow your penis to make contact with very specific hot spots. This contact ignites these pleasure zones so that she can reach full arousal and quite possibly multiple orgasms.
KEY #2: COMMUNICATION. I’m talking about body language. When you use certain angles, your bodies start to communicate with each other on a whole new level. At angles, pelvises rock differently, thus nerves are stimulated in a unique way and your whole nervous system shifts. Something this subtle and simple can make a profound change in her whole body.
KEY #3: CONNECTION. Using angled positions that allow your hands to be free gives you the opportunity to use your five-fingered assets to connect with her whole body during lovemaking. When you have use of your hands you can play with her breasts, thighs, butt, etc., making sex all that more delicious. Certain angles also help you make eye contact as you touch her. This builds the intimacy and bond between you.
I’ve given you some keys, but now I’m giving you a map. This is no ordinary map; it’s been buried for many decades along with the buried pleasure you’ll find if you follow its guidance. The treasure is pleasure that leaves you both amazed, exclaiming, “What was that?” Believe me, I’ve given this map to many men (and women), and the pleasure they’ve discovered blows their minds.
IGNITING HER EROTIC E-ZONES
Ready to ignite her hottest spots and get her writhing beneath you in sweet orgasmic agony?
My dear friend and colleague Sheri Winston, author of Women’s Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure, uses this analogy when she speaks of arousing women: “You have to play in the yard, before you go on the porch, before you get invited into the house!” I agree with her 100 percent. So let’s begin by playing in the yard.
Play in “yard” areas first, and then again at any time during intercourse. You can change the angles and help her relax by placing pillows under her head and rolled-up pillows or towels under her knees. Always remember that comfort and relaxation are keys to great sex.
One of the problems with most of the sexual positions, especially missionary, is that the guy has to hold himself up during sex and therefore loses the use of his hands. Positional aids such as pillows or Liberator gear can help you free up your hands for caressing her arousal zones.
Remember that fast does not always mean best. Slow is delicious and sensual to her, both in your touch and in your lovemaking. I recommend slow, light caresses and blowing and licking in the following areas:
• Crooks of her elbows
• Sea of tranquility (located just above her public bone)
• Soles of her feet
• Backs of her knees
• Inner thighs
...then go back to her lips (the one’s on her face!)
I’m going to say it again: When playing with her e-zones, comfort is very important. Deep arousal requires relaxation. Position her in a way that optimizes her relaxation and then invite her to notice your touch and to breathe deeply. These simple steps can take her pleasure from okay to “Oh, my God!”
Here is an e-zone playing position my students rave about!
POSITION OF EASE
BENEFITS/The biggest benefit to this pleasure position is total comfort, and it can help lower the adrenaline in her body. In this position, her spine is lengthened and relaxed, so if she has back pain, this can help relieve it. It’s great as a prelude to unleashing the high-pleasure techniques you’re going to learn later in this chapter.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/Lying flat on her back on the bed for an extended period of time isn’t always comfortable, especially if she has low back or neck issues.
BEST TIME/Great for anytime you want to connect. Awesome for extended foreplay!
1 Have your lover lie on her back on your bed. Place a pillow beneath her pelvis and pillows, a bolster, or rolled-up towels underneath her knees. Stack three or four pillows under her calves and ankles, so they’re at a 90-degree angle. Her head should be lower than her legs and feet. This is known as the Position of Ease. (And it might make her easy!) If you happen to have an exercise ball at home, you can also use this under her calves, but still place a pillow beneath her pelvis.
2 Once you have her comfortably positioned take ten to thirty minutes to just play with her e-zones. All of them should be easy for you to access, except for behind her knees. Simply lift her legs when you get there or rest each of her calves on your shoulders. Problem solved!
Her Voluptuous, Scrumptious Vulva
So you’ve been playing in the yard a little. Now it’s time to explore the porch. A woman’s vulva (outer female genital area) is alive with many erogenous spots and is the key to opening the door to her full arousal. Here are some of her hottest spots and how to play with them.
OF-Spots (Outer Folds)
You may have heard these referred to as her outer labia or outer lips. During arousal, these become engorged with blood, causing them to plump up and change color. They love to be stroked, stretched, squeezed, rolled, and nibbled.
Positions: When it comes to intercourse, flat sex doesn’t always give the OF-spots the deep pressure and side-to-side stimulation they like. You want to use positions where your pelvis comes into contact with her entire pelvic floor and where you have the ability to move in rocking, circular, and side-to-side motions. Try positions like Easy Lift, Connect the Spots, Together and Apart, and any of the cunnilingus positions.
IF-Spots (Inner Folds)
Her inner folds or lips are usually slippery and wet. They are a different kind of erogenous area because they are made up of mucous membranes, which makes them more sensitive. They like a light, wet touch, and they especially love oral stimulation, which can be made more comfortable by using positional aids that provide new angles.
Positions: Use lube and change your angle during intercourse to shift from just giving these folds friction to stimulating them in more pleasurable ways. Any of the positions used for the outer folds will almost always stimulate the inner folds, especially ones where she is on top and can rock her pelvis into yours. Remember that the difference is lubrication. The IF-spots like it wet and slippery. Use the wet head of your penis to tease the IF-spots, especially before entering her in positions like Easy Lift.
The clitoris is packed full of nerve endings. I am sure that you have heard that this is the most sensitive spot in her genital area. But did you know that the clitoris has internal structures, as well? Yep, the full clitoris is shaped like a wishbone. It has a head, a shaft, and two legs or roots that extend into the body. This pleasure-packed playmate likes to be rolled, stroked, flicked, and sucked. Her clitoral legs love pressure and rolling.
Positions: The clitoris loves angles. Much of flat sex does not give her clitoral stimulation, especially full clitoral stimulation. Change the angle, and suddenly your pelvis has contact with her entire C-spot. Get your hands free and you can use them to stimulate the head and shaft of her clitoris. Positions such as the Clitoral Missionary Trainer, Gee! I C-Spots, Connect the Spots, and Angles and Wings are all great.
U-Spot (Urethral Opening)
This is probably the most overlooked pleasure spot on her vulva. Most people don’t even know it exists or that it has anything to do with arousal. The U-spot is the urethral opening. It is a little hole between her vaginal opening and her clitoris. It is hard to find on most women, especially when they are not aroused and when they aren’t positioned in a way that helps you see what you are touching. This tiny hole has a ring of erectile tissue surrounding it, which, when aroused, puffs out like a little doughnut. The U-spot likes gentle tapping, either with a finger or the head of your penis, and light stroking. Take note that too much pressure here can bruise the urethra, which can lead to uncomfortable, bladder infection–like symptoms.
Positions: The U-spot can get indirect stimulation from some sexual positions due to the pull on her pelvic floor. To get direct stimulation, when she is faceup, angle her body by putting pillows underneath her pelvis. With her in this position, you will be able to see better and can use a fingertip or the tip of your penis to lightly tap the U-spot before penetrating her. Try positions that allow your hands to be free so that you can stimulate her U-spot with your fingers. I recommend any of the cunnilingus positions in this chapter because the U-spot loves being stimulated with the tip of your tongue, and the angle provides you easier access to this tiny hot spot.
Another spot that doesn’t get much attention is the opening of her vagina, which is also called the introitus, or I-spot for short. The I-spot is rich with sensation and, when teased and played with, can be a psychological turn-on for women, as well. This spot loves the head of your penis, toys, or fingers teasing it. Wetness makes the sensation better, so be sure to use lubricant when stimulating her I-spot.
Positions: The introitus really responds to pressure. To achieve the pressure she desires, you need to be able to move your pelvis. I recommend Rocking and Rolling and Together and Apart because they both create changes in the sensations in her pelvic floor. This will help vary the amount of pressure on the I-spot.
What’s Inside? Let’s Take a Look
Come on inside! I know you are curious. The inside of a woman is a huge mystery, so let me unveil some secrets for you.
A woman’s vagina is not an open hole. It is more like a collapsible tunnel that has the ability to receive your penis, fingers, or sex toys. The vaginal canal likes it wet. It’s not a huge fan of tons of friction due to the fact that it mostly responds to pressure. Another reason why angles are great: They allow your bodies to come together in a way that she receives a variety of pressure.
Positions: The V-spot responds to pressure. Rule of thumb: What is good for the G-spot is good for the V-spot! The simplest way to get the biggest results here is just by putting a folded pillow under her pelvis—specifically, beneath her sacrum (the triangular bone at the base of the spine)—and when you are penetrating her, make sure you rock as opposed to thrust. This puts pressure on the V-spot.
G-Spot (Gräfenberg Spot)
We’ve all heard about the G-spot. Yet many people still ask, “Where is it?” I think that it is so hard to find because people aren’t educated about arousal and how to touch these hot spots. To really be able to feel the G-spot, a woman should be almost fully aroused, which is rare during most sexual encounters. Putting an angle on sex allows you to hit her G-spot in the ways that it likes to be touched best. The G-spot prefers an “anchor and pull” type of touch. Pressure and speed depend on her sensitivity.
Try this: Hold your hand out in front of you. Rub the forefinger of your other hand over the skin on the back of your hand. Notice that this creates a lot of friction. This is what happens during normal sex—and when most people try to find the G-spot. Now, instead of rubbing your finger over the back of your hand, press your finger into the skin of your hand and move the skin. This is an anchor-and-pull motion, which is what most of the internal hot spots love.
Positions: Angling her body so that her pelvis is higher than yours and then rocking really is the best sexual position and move for hitting her G-spot. If she is facedown, such as in a doggy-style position, then you want your penis to angle down. She can be on her belly with a pillow under her stomach and you can be on your knees. The depth should be shallow to really hit her G-spot. Try Connecting the Spots, Driving Your Lady Ga Ga, Gee! I C-Spots, and Rocking and Rolling.
A-Spot (Anterior Fornix Erogenous Zone)
This patch of sensitive tissue lies between her G-spot and cervix, and for some women, it can give more pleasure than the G-spot. To find this spot, slip one or two fingers about 3–4 inches (7.6–10.2 centimeters) deep inside her to stimulate the roof of her vagina. This zone is another spot that likes the anchor-and-pull type of touch, and it is not usually stimulated by sex in the flat-bed position.
Positions: For the most part, you can stimulate the A-spot in any of the positions for the G-spot, but use deeper penetration. Rocking and Rolling is a great position for hitting both the A- and the G-spots. All you need to do is position her pelvis in a way so that your penis can angle up toward the roof of her vagina.
PS-Spot (Perineal Sponge)
At the bottom of the floor of her vaginal canal, you’ll discover a lovely and little-known spot called the perineal sponge. This pad of erectile tissue likes pressure and stroking, especially when she is fully aroused. The PS-spot rarely gets any stimulation during flat-bed sex and usually can only be stimulated with fingers, but a few positions in this chapter will help you hit this spot during intercourse. To find it, have your partner lie on her back. With your palm facing down, insert a finger or two into her vagina. You do not want to go too deep; this spot is closer to her vaginal opening—less than two knuckles in (depending on your hand size) in most women. Stroke this spot in an anchor-and-pull motion. Like the G- and A-spots, the PS-spot is hard to find unless your lady is fully aroused, so if you or she doesn’t feel anything, it doesn’t mean you are in the wrong spot.
Positions: You want to think of stimulating the PS-spot in the opposite direction than you use for the G-spot: You want your penis to angle toward the floor of her vagina as opposed to the roof. If she is lying on her back, you want her to arch her back. Put some pillows under the small of her back or use the Liberator Scoop to achieve this. Stay shallow on this move to stimulate the right spot. Anal positions are also great for stimulating the PS-spot through the anus. Try Mmmmmm...PS So Deep! and any anal positions that angle you toward her G-spot. That way you hit both the PS-spot and the G-spot: Just one of the reasons why anal sex can feel so great.
During high arousal and certain times of the month, touches on her cervix can be quite pleasurable. The cervix is the nose of her uterus that extends down into her vaginal canal. During high arousal, the uterus moves (which I like to call “uterine flight”), causing the cervix to move out of the way of deep penetration. The cervix does not like sharp sudden thrusts, but it does like pressure and massage.
Positions: Changing your angles allows you to avoid pounding the cervix at an inopportune time and helps give it the kind of touch it desires. Avoid angles that take you deep and inspire actions that cause you to thrust quickly. Positions such as Mmmmmm...PS So Deep! can be great, but your timing needs to be right (see “Timing Is Everything: What You Need to Know about Female Cycles” later in this chapter). If you stay deep and move your hips just slightly (e.g., rocking, moving in circles, and swaying side to side), then you will be able to give her cervix a gentle massage. This massage will feel good to most women and can be a welcome change to the normal in-and-out sex.
Yes, I said it: Women get erections, too! We have just as much erectile tissue as men do, and 360 degrees of it. Female arousal is pretty incredible; most of us just take a little longer to fill up than men do.
Imagine the possibilities. There is so much to play with! And most women don’t even know these spots exist. You’ll be her god once you introduce them to her!
All the parts of her clitoris engorge with blood as she gets more and more aroused. Blood rushes to the nerve-packed head of the glans, then to the shaft, giving her a “clit boner,” and finally into the legs. When her clitoris is fully engorged with blood, it swells and changes color.
Positions: See the previous references in this chapter for positions.
CBs (Clitoral or Vestibular Bulbs)
These yummy bulbs hang like juicy fruit from the clitoral legs. Some anatomy books claim that they are part of the legs; others say that they are their own separate structure. My experience tells me that they are their own part of the erectile network. The clitoral bulbs fill with blood upon arousal. They love pressure, like when you slow dance with a girl and press the top of your knee into her vulva—that’s exactly what turns them on. When they fill up with blood, they can bulge into the vaginal canal, giving you a snugger fit.
Positions: Because the CBs respond to deep pressure, you want to make sure that your pelvis gets full contact with her pelvic floor. Rocking motions that stay in contact with her are wonderful for this. When she is on top, she can control her own motions, but angle yourself so that your torso is lifted and your abs engaged and she’ll feel even more pressure on her pelvic floor. The CBs also respond well to vibration, so incorporating a vibrator can be great, too. Try Connect the Spots and Angles and Wings.
US (Urethral Sponge)
Earlier, I talked about the U-spot, or urethral opening, and how it puffs up like a doughnut. Here’s why: The urethra (the tube that pee and ejaculate come out of) is surrounded by a tube of erectile tissue called the urethral sponge. This sponge is actually the famed G-spot that everyone is looking for. It actually isn’t a spot at all but a whole tube. I think of it this way: The tube has a head (U-spot), a body (G-spot), and a tail (A-spot). This tube is stimulated through the roof of the vagina, and it fills up with female ejaculate. So unlike the other spots in the erectile network, this area fills with a much different fluid, mostly made up of glucose. When the roof of the vagina is stimulated in the right way, your partner may ejaculate. Ejaculation for women is more rare during flat-bed sex because it doesn’t stimulate the roof of the vagina as much as fingers can. That’s why sex toys designed for helping women ejaculate are curved in shape.
Positions: To stimulate all of the US, you need to angle yourself so that the head of your penis strokes the roof of her vagina. It’s actually really nice to do a lot of rocking and then a little thrusting, which is why I recommend the position Rocking and Rolling to stimulate all of her US.
PS-Spot (Perineal Sponge)
I briefly touched on the PS-spot earlier and wanted to include it as part of this network because it is the bottom of the 360 degrees of erectile tissue. It fills with blood upon high arousal. Located between the anus and the vaginal canal, this area has been reported to be highly pleasurable for women, especially when it comes to anal sex (more on that later).
Positions: See the earlier references to this area for positions.
Combine the clitoris (top and sides), clitoral bulbs (sides), urethral sponge (top), and perineal sponge (bottom), and you have a circle of tissue that swells with fluid. Just think about that for a second: 360 degrees of erectile tissue that, when swollen, hugs any object that enters the vaginal canal. That means the more aroused she is, the better it feels to your penis, too—the better it feels for both of you. As her sensitivity to your penis also increases, she feels more of you inside of her. Full arousal is the best thing ever!
Sadly, though, most women never get there. Intercourse on a flat bed, especially in the missionary position, definitely doesn’t stimulate the majority of our hot spots. Good thing I have remedies for you! As you will see, various angles and the benefits they provide can help you directly hit her hot spots.
TIMING IS EVERYTHING: WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT FEMALE CYCLES
Have you ever wondered why a certain position or technique feels great to her one day, but another day it doesn’t? Ever wonder why the technique you did on a past lover drove her wild, but it doesn’t work on your current lover? Women! We can be complicated!
Timing is everything.
Consider the grand scheme of things. Where is she on her sexual journey through life? Is she childless? A mom? Breastfeeding? Going through menopause? Is she healing? How is her health? How is she emotionally? Physically? No matter how many great techniques you learn, if you don’t take into account timing, you may lose out on really discovering what turns her on and when. Keep in mind that she’s not broken!
A colleague of mine, Ellen Heed, an internationally recognized anatomy teacher, gave me a wonderful framework for understanding timing based on where a woman is emotionally, physically, and chemically. All of these affect how she will respond to sexual techniques.
I call these the BEBs—biomechanical, emotional, and biochemical-change factors. You want to look out for and know how to navigate the BEBs so you can turn them into things that enhance, rather than take away from, her pleasure.
Note: Keep in mind that one BEB can affect the other. So, for example, if her emotions are off, it might cause her biochemistry to be off and so starts a vicious cycle in which each BEB affects the other. That, you want to avoid.
This has to do with her flexibility and strength. When it comes to sexual positions, most of us are not yogis who can bend ourselves into next-to-impossible positions to hit the right spots. We need some help. Biomechanics also involves stiffness, joint pain, and inflammation in the body. If your lover is stiff and in pain, sex does not necessarily feel good. Flat-bed sex is a poor biomechanical choice; playing with angles and getting creative helps overcome these challenges.
Okay, guys. This might be the most important thing you learn from this book: Bad emotional timing is your worst enemy.
I’ll never forget the most inappropriate sexual advance I ever received. I was crying. I had just been hit by a bus and felt absolutely devastated. I hugged a friend and was sobbing on his shoulder, and then he looked at me and asked me if I’d like to go across the street and get a room. I had had a crush on him for some time, but this blew it! Really bad timing! I felt weird around him after that, and we fell out of touch.
When a woman is emotional, it can be hard for some men. They want to stop the waterworks. They get awkward. If a woman starts crying during sex, which often happens after a great orgasm, men pull away as if something is wrong. Don’t do that! Check in and stay with her. Sometimes making love after a great fight is perfect: It reunites you with your lover and makes you feel deeply connected to each other. In that case, go for it. But when it comes to something emotionally devastating, we most likely just want to be held and stroked, not given a good pounding.
Another thing to take into account with a woman is her sexual past. Does she have shame about her sexuality? How does she feel about her genitals? Trying new and crazy positions might not work with someone who is dealing with issues from her past. Propping her up to look at her genitals might bring up all kinds of stuff. But placing a pillow or two under her in the missionary position might be a great way to introduce a new angle and increase her pleasure without bringing up emotions that can stamp out your fun.
Is your lover super-stressed? Stress affects her hormones, her breathing, her ability to be present for your amazing techniques. Under stress, a woman is less likely to be able to have an orgasm. Comfort is one of the biggest keys to helping her relax. Pillows angled in the right way, even simply placed beneath her pelvis, can help calm her entire nervous system—especially when that’s combined with your touch.
That technique that blew her mind last week isn’t working? Blame it on her biochemistry!
Women go through hormonal cycles each month; we also go through some major ones throughout our lives. The big ones include puberty, pregnancy and postpartum, and menopause. As for the monthly ones, ask your lover to chart her cycles. It will make your life so much easier. Most men do not pay attention to this information, but it is so important if you want to really understand female pleasure. So pay attention.
Here’s a breakdown of her hormonal changes during the month. Okay, I know, I know. You might now want to hear about this “girl” stuff, but let me just say, her cycles affect you and, regardless of your knowledge of them, they have an effect on her pleasure, too. Bear with me. It will be so worth it!
Days 1–5: Her Period. These are the days when she is bleeding, or menstruating. Some women feel a boost in their libido during this time due to the drop in a hormone called progesterone. Days 1 and 2 are her heaviest bleeding days, so you usually want to avoid making advances on these days. Instead, offer her low-back rubs. Days 3–5, though, are great for making love. I would just advise avoiding deep penetration on these days because her cervix sits lower in her vaginal canal and can be very sensitive.
Days 5–16. Depending on the number of days in her cycle (a cycle is usually 28–32 days), these are some of the best days for making love. As she approaches ovulation (usually the fourteenth day of her cycle), she starts to feel more social, more amorous (and horny for you), and her hormones are beckoning you. She may smell better and seem more attractive to you, and you’ll want to be deep inside of her. This is nature trying to get you to impregnate her. The good news is that this is usually when her genitals are most sensitive, her cervix will sit higher in her vaginal canal (which means she’ll crave you deep inside of her), and she will be most likely to turn on and get aroused faster than usual.
Days 16–28. This is when things can start to go downhill. As progesterone, a hormone produced in the ovaries and the adrenal glands, comes in, it starts a big mess in your sex life. According to Theresa L. Crenshaw, author of The Alchemy of Love and Lust, progesterone can reduce her sex drive, cause irritability and weight gain, aggravate PMS, and even reduce her sexual attractiveness because it affects her pheromones. But there is more bad news: Progesterone also decreases her genital sensation and her perception of touch in general. On a good note, women going through menopause have decreased progesterone, which can account for the increase in sex drive that some menopausal women experience.
ANGLED POSITIONS FOR HER PLEASURE
Now you know her hot spots, how they like to be touched, and the best times for the best pleasure. Time to bring out the angles!
CLITORAL MISSIONARY TRAINER
BENEFITS/Clitoral climaxes and pleasurable training make this position one you definitely want to try! This position has two great benefits: One, it stimulates her clitoris, which for most women is most pleasurable; two, it trains her body to associate more vaginal pleasure with the missionary position.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/For many women, the missionary position falls flat in the pleasure department. It mostly stimulates the vaginal canal, which, unless she is fully aroused, is not as sensitive as other hot spots.
BEST TIME/Clitoral Missionary Trainer is great at just about any time, but especially wonderful when she just wants to lie back and receive pleasure. Add the clitoral stimulation both when you need to build arousal and when she is reaching an orgasmic peak.
1 She lies on her back on your bed with a folded pillow under her pelvis and another under her head. Her feet should be flat on the bed with her knees pointing toward the ceiling. He places a pillow between her feet for him to kneel on.
2 Enter missionary position. He makes slow rocking motions with his penis inside of her while using his dominant hand to rub her clitoris.
Guys, do this by pointing your fingers back toward you, placing your pointer finger on her clit, and then moving your hand in a motion as if you are waving hello. Ladies, communicate with your man about his speed and pressure to make sure that he has it right. Allow yourself to focus on the pleasure, both clitorally and vaginally.
NOTE: Guys, you might want to put a pillow between her body and your forearm if you want to rest it on her to get to her clit and still hold yourself up without putting a bunch of pressure on her.
BENEFITS/Easy pleasure—who wouldn’t want more of that? This position is all about ease. It’s fantastic for both his and her comfort and pleasure.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/Sometimes great sex just isn’t comfortable, but that doesn’t have to be the case in this position.
BEST TIME/Try this position when she wants to be relaxed—say, after she’s had a tension-filled day, and both of you want to connect deeply.
1 Use pillows to build a slope. Place the pillows so that two are at the edge of the bed, then stack two behind that row. If her torso is long, you may need another stack, but two stacks should do it for most women. You want the stacks to increase in elevation. Fold the pillows on top in half if you need more height. Position your lady on her back so that her head almost hangs off the top of the slope and her legs can either hang off the bed, or she can put her feet on the bed with her knees pointing up toward the ceiling.
2 Stand at the end of the bed facing your woman lying on the slope. When you penetrate her, move your hips in a rocking motion. She can rock along with you, adjusting the speed how you like it best. The rocking motion allows your pelvises to make more contact with one another, giving her entire C-spot lots of stimulation.
3 Guys, if your hips are frozen and you have difficulty rocking, you can move her up and down on the pillows. Simply hold her at the waist and move her to her liking. This way, you can make eye contact, and breathe together. Both of you have your hands free, so you can massage and caress each other as you make love. The clitoral stimulation technique—waving hello with your pointer finger—described in the previous position goes great here.
DRIVING YOUR LADY GA GA
BENEFITS/Come together in a new angel to make her sing! The angles of this position help your pelvises fit together in a way that allows for optimal internal pleasure for her. This position also aids female ejaculation and gives her alternating deep and shallow stimulation.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/Flat sex does not allow the penis to hit her C-spot, G-spot, or A-spot. In flat sex, she gets an in-and-out motion, but not the most pleasurable anchor-and-pull motion.
BEST TIME/The best time for this position is during days 10–15 of her cycle, when she is really craving stimulation from penetration.
1 Get two pillows. Lay one flat on your bed and set the other folded in half on top of it to create a higher end. Your lady will lie with her back on the low end and her butt on the high end. She is facing upward.
2 Guys, sit on your heels; you will need to wrap your legs around the pillows to get the shallow depth of penetration. Ladies, squeeze your legs together and lift them in the air. You will have a different sensation than having your legs spread.
3 To give her G-spot the anchor-and-pull sensation, guys, you need to stay shallow and use a rocking motion. It sometimes helps to put a pillow between your butt and legs. When you want to hit her A-spot, lift up off your heels and position your penis deeper inside of her. Now, guys, stay deep and make rocking motions. Every now and then give her a couple of thrusts in and out to change up the sensations. Alternate between G- and A-spots and you’ll drive her GA GA!
NOTE: Sometimes sex is something you do with your lover, but there are also times when sex is about being ravished or taken, and this involves doing and being done to. Timing has a lot to do with it. Check in with your lover about what sex style he or she prefers on any given day: with, doing, or being done to.
MMMMMM...PS SO DEEP
BENEFITS/This position is wonderful for really deep penetration and a great way to be able to kiss and make love at the same time. It can also be an excellent way to stimulate her PS-Spot, which might drive her wild with new sensations.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/She wants it deep and you have a shorter penis than her vaginal canal. The head of your penis can’t hit her PS-spot during normal flat-bed sex.
BEST TIME/Just be sure that she is either super-aroused or near day 14 of her cycle before really pounding her in this deep position. Remember that the cervix sits higher in the vaginal canal during this time and states of really high arousal. At other times during the month, this position may not be pleasurable.
1 Set up pillows like in the Easy Lift or use the Liberator Ramp. Position the pillows or Ramp at the edge of the bed so that the lowest end is at the edge. Your lady should be on her back, with her torso elevated. Stand at the end of the bed.
2 Ladies, bring your knees up toward your armpits. Guys, lean forward so she can wrap her ankles around your neck. If she is not very flexible, you can put a pillow or two between her thighs and your belly. You can also hold her under her arms, with your hands on her shoulders; the back of your forearms can rest on the Ramp or pillows.
3 Guys, angle your thrust so that the head of your penis hits the floor of her vagina. Ladies, you can help him by pressing yourself up into him. This will stimulate her PS-spot. To get this angle right, guys, you may need to get up onto the bed. Make sure that the head of your penis is pointing downward to the right spot. After a few slow shallow, downward-angling thrusts, go deep with a more upward thrust.
NOTE: Guys, be careful not to thrust deep and downward, as this could hit her tailbone, which might elicit pain.
TOGETHER AND APART
BENEFITS/Discover uncharted pleasure zones with this position! It’s great for providing your lady with different sensations throughout her genital area. Guys, this position provides you with an opportunity to discover more about her and what really pleases her. So pay attention to her reactions, and if you are unsure, it never hurts to ask.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/We all get bored with the same sensations; they can be numbing as opposed to sensitizing. As lovers, people often overlook the importance of movement within sexual positions. By moving her legs you change the muscles, ligaments, and angles of her pelvic floor, and thus the sensations are changed.
BEST TIME/I highly recommend sex labs. These are times where you set the stage for learning more about one another’s sexual preferences and for practicing techniques. Together and Apart is a great position for times when you want to learn more about her pleasure. The pressure of the pillows under her sacrum (the triangular bone at the base of her spine) can also help calm her down if she is feeling stressed and unfocused.
1 Place two pillows at the end of the bed; the top one should be folded in half and placed closest to the edge of the bed. Ladies, lie on your back with the highest part of the pillows underneath your sacrum. Guys, stand at the end of the bed and penetrate her vaginally. Really make sure that her butt is at the edge of the bed and her genitals are easy for you to access; otherwise, you won’t get all the benefits of this position.
2 Hold her legs at the ankles and raise them up into the air. Ladies, open your legs wide so that they are far apart. Guys, close her legs inch by inch until they are completely together. At each step of the way, watch her reactions to gauge her pleasure. Ladies, use your sighs, moans, and body language to let him know that it feels great. Guys, begin to open her legs again and return to any sweet spots that you found along the way!
NOTE: If you are unsure about gauging her pleasure nonverbally, it never hurts to ask. You can ask your lover to rate her pleasure on a scale of 1–5 (5 being the most pleasurable) so you can be sure where the sweet spots are.
GEE! I C-SPOTS!
BENEFITS/What’s on the menu? High-pleasure G-spot orgasm, please! This position helps you hit one of the most pleasurable spots in her vagina: the G-spot. Since many women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm and build to higher arousal, this position helps put your hands to work on her C-spot. All combined, you have the recipe for some high arousal—both hers and his.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/It’s hard to hit her G-spot with the head of your penis (unless your penis is curved in a certain way). Most women need some kind of clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm during intercourse, but intercourse doesn’t provide it and your hands are usually busy.
BEST TIME/This position is incredible when she wants to have an orgasm and receive high pleasure. I personally love this technique, which my partner knows can send me over the edge and into the land of orgasm.
1 Have your lady lie on her back at the edge of your bed. Prop her hips up right at the edge; you can use pillows or the Liberator Wedge, which makes this easiest because it is so firm. Depending on the height of the bed and your own height, you may want to use more pillows to position her higher. Stand at the edge of the bed. Be sure that you can get into the right angle: You should be able to comfortably thrust your pelvis up so that the head of your penis angles toward the roof of her vagina. These are more shallow thrusts. If you go too deep, you will hit either her A-spot or her cervix, both of which can be pleasurable—but if you are focusing on her G-spot, you want to stay shallower. Ladies, hang your legs over the Wedge and the bed. This will press your G-spot into his penis even more. Once you get a great rhythm together, add the next step.
2 Guys, roll the shaft of her clitoris between the thumb and forefinger of your dominant hand. It may take a little practice to keep your thrusting motion going while the rolling is happening, but with practice and patience you’ll lose yourself in the pleasure zone. If rolling isn’t her thing or your hand gets tired, try flicking your thumb over the head of her clitoris. Angling her pelvis with the Wedge gives you more contact with her clitoris during intercourse, especially in terms of putting pressure on her clitoral legs and bulbs. Check in with her to see what speed and pressure work best.
NOTE: Ladies, if you want more of a with him experience, use your own hands to stimulate your clitoris to your liking. Otherwise, surrender to the pleasure by focusing on the sensations and breathing deeply.
CONNECT THE SPOTS
BENEFITS/Definitely do this one: Clitoral orgasms are pretty much guaranteed in this position! If there were one position that I would recommend for her pleasure, this would be it. I have to say: I had to stop doing this position because I was addicted to it. I knew that, for me, it was a fast route to a clitoral orgasm. My partner, Jon, said that this technique was his old faithful, as it worked on most women. Not wanting to be stuck in a pattern that could become a rut, I had to change things up from time to time. Of course all bodies are different and, as I stated, all women are different, so don’t get discouraged if this position doesn’t produce out-of-this-world results. Regardless, it’s fun to practice, and on any given day it might just be the thing that sends her over the edge.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/She has difficulty having an orgasm during intercourse. He gets tense, or has sore or weak abdominals or low back pain.
BEST TIME/This position is great just about anytime, but if you are going for highest pleasure possible, try this when she is near ovulation or day 14 of her cycle. Her sensitivity will be highest due to hormones.
1 Guys, lie on your back on the bed. You can prop up your back with pillows or a Liberator Ramp if your abs get tired of holding yourself up for a long time. If you’re uncomfortable and your abs are screaming at you just as your woman is about to have her orgasm, you don’t want to have to move. That’s why pillows and props are such a great idea. The Liberator Wedge is perfect to put under your head in this position so you have easy access to her breasts, thanks to the angle at which your head is resting. You can also use a folded pillow under your head if you don’t have a Wedge. Ladies, sit on top of him, your feet over his calves or ankles. Lean forward toward him. If he has any low-back pain, be sure to also put pillows, rolled-up towels, or bolsters under his knees.
2 Ladies, move your pelvis so that your pubic bone tilts up and down in a rocking motion. Your clitoris will hit his pubic bone. Rocking is so much more pleasurable for everyone and, in this case, it’s what gives her stimulation to both her internal pleasure spots and her external spots, mostly to her clit.
3 Now, guys, lift your head and shoulders—or, if you are supported by pillows, then just engage your abdominal muscles—so that your abdominals and muscles on your public bone are contracted slightly. Her breasts should be right there for you to suck, nibble, and lick. Let her control the speed and depth of the rocking; your job is to use your mouth to stimulate her nipples and breasts. Your hands are also free, so you may want to lightly stroke her back and butt to add some tantalizing touch.
ANGLES AND WINGS
BENEFITS/In this position, she gets to have her cake and eat it, too! There’s lots of vibration and penetration for her at an angle that gives her the most pleasure.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/She has difficulty having an orgasm without a vibrator. It can be hard to use a vibrator and get the right angles for sex at the same time.
BEST TIME/Use this position at those times that you want to incorporate the use of vibrators into your play.
1 You can use pillows and towels or the Liberator Wing. Guys, arrange your pillows so that she is kneeling around them and you have room to kneel around them, too. You may want to place a pillow underneath yourself so you can get higher than her, which makes it easier for you to penetrate her at a slightly downward position, thus hitting her G-spot.
2 Ladies, position your vibe so that when you lie on your stomach it hits the right spot. If you aren’t using the Wing, you want to make sure that the vibe isn’t going to move out of position. You can do this with a large rubber band or bungee cable placed around the vibe and the pillow. Hey, this is homemade sex toys 101!
3 Ladies, move your torso forward and grind your hips into the vibe in the way that feels best. Meanwhile, guys, you will be giving her internal stimulation with your penis by penetrating her from behind. Be sure to use a variety of motions, including rocking, in and out, and even circles. Remember that the vibrator is your friend. This isn’t competition: This is cooperation!
360 DEGREES AROUND THE WORLD
BENEFITS/This move goes 360 degrees around her world, and X marks the spectacular spot! She gets 360 degrees of internal stimulation, making all her hot spots purr with pleasure. This position also provides her with a completely unique experience of intercourse.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/Most flat, in-and-out sex doesn’t directly stimulate the US, or urethral sponge, which includes the U-spot, G-spot, and A-spot, the CBs, or the PS-spot.
BEST TIME/I recommend this position when you want to hit all of her internal hot spots and when you are bored with “normal” sex.
1 Guys, lie on your back with a rolled towel or pillow beneath your knees. Place another pillow under your head for comfort. Ladies, climb on top of your man with your knees on the bed. Guys, press your knees into the pillows to rock your pelvis, hitting her clitoris with your pubic bone, and her G- and A-spots with the head of your penis. Your lady can control your depth and speed by rocking her own pelvis to guide you.
2 Ladies, place your right foot on the bed; guys, press your right hip up into her or place a pillow underneath your right hip so that it angles. Girls, you will move in a way so that the head of your guy’s penis hits the left side of your vaginal canal. When you’re ready, switch sides so that your left foot is on the bed and your guy is pressing his left hip, with a pillow underneath it, into you. Ladies, you’re now stimulating the right side of your vaginal canal with his penis.
3 Guys, take control (women love to be taken, especially when they trust you) by flipping your lady over onto her stomach (see inset). It helps if you can get the pillows from underneath your knees underneath her. Kneel between her legs. Put her legs over yours so that you are in a good position to angle your penis up, thus hitting her PS-spot. Now you’ve stimulated her all around her inner world. It’s really fun to try not coming out of her when you flip her over! Move her to her side and then move her leg across you. Get creative and be playful. You’ll develop a world of new angles and positions just from playing with the transitions!
NOTE: If you want to try and do all the spots at once, you might need a little help from a vibe. I recommend the We Vibe, which can be worn internally during intercourse. Most people use it for G-spot and clitoral stimulation while being penetrated, but in this position, I would recommend using it for PS-spot stimulation. Instead of inserting it up, insert it down, with the external part stimulating the area between her anus and her vaginal opening. Now alternate between steps 1 and 2, and you’ve got all 360 degrees ignited.
ROCKING AND ROLLING
BENEFITS/It’s time to rock and roll into sweet pussy pleasure! This position allows for movement during sex that has never before been possible: It can help you hit her G-spot, lets you play with the area from her vaginal opening to her clitoris, and gives her totally new sensations not possible on a flat bed. And guys, it keeps your pelvis in contact with hers when you need it.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/On a flat bed, you can’t really rock and roll. Beds don’t allow for a lot of moving, unless you have a swing over them!
BEST TIME/Rocking and Rolling can get a little bit deep, so the best time to do this would be from days 5 through 18 of her cycle.
1 You will need a Liberator Scoop to do this technique—otherwise it’s pretty impossible, as the Scoop allows for the rocking motion. Place the Scoop so that the curved edge is on the end of your bed. Ladies, lie on the flat edge; guys, stand at the edge of the bed. Guys, depending on your height and the height of the bed, you may need to stand on a stack of pillows or a little stepstool to get the best angle. (Guys, this isn’t a statement on your manhood! She will be propped up really high on the bed, and most men need some added height to pull this off. There is no shame in using a stepstool.) Ladies, you can place your feet on his shoulders or chest depending on the depth of penetration that you want and your flexibility.
2 Guys, you can enter her now and begin to rock her. Do this by placing your hands on the Scoop and gently moving it up and down. Play with depth and speed. Don’t be afraid to get creative. Ladies, you will virtually be floating and can move to your delight. Let him know what speed and depth feel best.
3 Now for the roll! Guys, stop the rocking for a moment and simply roll your hips, changing the sensation from in and out to deep and rolling. Keep your pelvis in contact with hers. If you can pull it off, experiment with rocking and rolling at the same time!
VARIATION: This position is also nice for cunnilingus because you can move her on your tongue. Instead of standing at the edge of the bed, kneel at the edge of the bed with a pillow underneath your knees. Move the Scoop so that you are rocking her on your tongue.
BENEFITS/Try this one to gift her with easy pleasure she’ll want again and again. Guys, this lifted position allows you to get a better view of her juicy bits, and it provides her with different sensations because you can get to angles never possible on a flat surface.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/Have you ever gone down on your lover but you couldn’t really see the juicy bits you were trying to pleasure? Or are you always feeling tense because you just can’t get the right angles and comfortable positions?
BEST TIME/Just about any time is good for this position, especially when she is in the mood to lie back and receive your mouth on her vulva.
1 Place a stack of pillows 1–2 feet (30–60 centimeters) away from the edge of your bed. Ladies, lie on your back with the pillows underneath your butt. Fold the top pillow in half and place it under you, closest to the edge of the bed, which will slightly slope her pelvis. A pillow underneath your head is also really nice but if she needs to relax I advise skipping the pillow, thus making a deeper orgasm more likely because it gets her relaxed.
2 Guys, from the edge of the bed, lean forward and put one knee on the bed. Have your lady put her feet on your shoulders. If she isn’t flexible enough to do this, she can also place her feet flat on the bed. You should be in a perfect position to go down on her.
NOTE: If being in this position is a strain on your arms, you can remove one of the pillows and go down onto your forearms.
ESSE = EATING EASE
BENEFITS/Guys, this position gives you ultimate comfort so that you don’t have to move a neck muscle! You can lie back and relax while your tongue and her pelvis do all the moving. The angles of this position allow for most of her hot spots to be easily accessed, providing you with the opportunity to use mouth and hand combinations. She also has access to your genitals, so if you decide to do a little oral 69, then you can go for it!
CHALLENGE SOLVED/Guys, have you ever been in the position where you are going down on her and she’s about to have a mind-blowing orgasm, but you’ve got a cramp in your neck, your shoulders are screaming at you, and all you can think about is the pain in your body? You have no choice but to move, and ultimately she’s a little bit disappointed even if she doesn’t say so.
BEST TIME/This move is wonderful for extended foreplay or afterplay, or even when you want to take a break from intercourse to cool things off a bit before ejaculating.
1 This position calls for a Liberator Esse, which makes it super-easy, but you can also prop up your torso and head with a large stack of pillows. Guys, you will lie on the Esse and depending on her height will have your head on the lower or higher end. Ladies, you will position yourself over him with your feet flat on the floor—essentially sitting on his face.
2 Guys, all you have to do here is move your tongue, or just stick out your tongue and have her move her hips in a way that pleasures her the most.
3 Ladies, when you want to shift positions a little bit, you can put your knees on either side of his head and then lean forward so that your hands rest on the low end of the Esse. With you in that position, he has the ability to use his hands to stimulate your G-spot (in this case, he should do the come-hither motion, with his finger curling downward), U-spot, or labia. Depending on both of your heights, ladies, you now should also have access to his genitals for some mutual oral fun!
CHAPTER 2HAPPY ORGASMIC MAN
NEW ANGLES FOR HIS PLEASURE
Men are easy. He’s always ready for sex. His penis is simple and easy to please. There’s not much to male sexuality.
At least that’s what we’ve been taught. I want to put a new angle on his pleasure.
Are you ready to rock his world by giving him exquisite pleasure he’s never experienced before?
When I first started my private practice, 95 percent of my clients were men. They came to me for a range of issues and desires. Instead of the societal projection of what men should be, I found that men are not so different from us women. They love their wives, they seek connection, and, essentially, they want to please.
Similar to flat sex for women, flat sex for men has its challenges, too, and, in my experience, is linked to many of the issues that men face when it comes to sexual health and pleasure. What do I mean by flat sex for men? Well, ladies, either you or he is flat on your back. You may also try doggy positions, flat on your stomach or on hands and knees. Flat sex is missing its sexiness; it has no angles, no curves, and no creative shape.
I want to bust some myths here and enlighten you about some secrets of male sexuality. One of those secrets is the art of angles. Why angles? Let me start with the six main issues of flat sex with regard to men, and you’ll quickly see that angles can provide a solution.
#1: QUICK EJACULATION. During flat sex, men need to do a lot of thrusting in an in-and-out fashion. This encourages quick ejaculation, which is the number-one sexual health issue that men face.
#2: MISSING PLEASURE. Most men (and women for that matter) have no idea how much pleasure there is to be gained during sex. Flat sex leaves him missing out on a wide variety of pleasures and sensations, especially when it comes to his P-spot (prostate).
#3: DIFFICULTY GIVING. Flat sex is difficult for him when giving you oral. It decreases his comfort, which decreases his strength and his stamina when going down. And as I discussed in chapter 1, for the most part, he can’t hit your pleasure spots with flat sex.
#4: YOU CAN’T REACH. The mechanics of flat sex do not always allow you enough reach to be able to comfortably stimulate some of his major hot spots, like the R-spot (root of his penis).
#5: KNEE PAIN. Many men find that their knees cannot take prolonged periods of bearing weight without proper support. Flat sex puts extra strain on the knees, especially if he is doing the traditional in-and-out motion. Even when he’s on his back, his knees can get hyperextended, especially if he tenses his body at the moment of orgasm.
#6: MUSCLE TENSION. Men tend to be tighter in their hamstrings and hip flexors. Flat sex can stress these tensions, causing body injury. Believe me, I’ve seen my share of sex-related injuries.
The great news is that, although men may not be as easy as you think, putting an angle on sex is. Angles help wash away many of the issues related to flat-bed sex, and all you need to know are his hot spots and how to use props and pillows to give sex its curve again. Curvy is in.
FINDING AND IGNITING HIS HOT SPOTS
“All my wife does is pump up and down on my penis. Can you please teach her how to slow down and be more—well, I never thought I’d say this, but—sensual?” This was not the first time that I heard this complaint from a man. Women often think that the penis is a pogo stick. Similar to how men learn about sex from seeing porn, we do, too, even if it is just seeing a scene once. One scene of a woman bouncing up and down on a guy or rapidly and repeatedly hammering his penis in her hand, and we (both men and women) think that that is what feels best. We repeat this over and over in our lifetime, never realizing that there is a whole world of male sexuality to discover.
The biggest mistake that I see women make is this: They think that men are easy. A inserted into slot B will achieve C. Men are not always easy. Just like us, they have a large variety of hot spots that are not frequently stimulated by pumping with your hand or into your vaginal canal. They like variety in love play just as much as we do. And as men get older, they especially appreciate a more sensual approach to sex.
Why don’t we know this about men?
Well, we lived in a “boys don’t cry” culture for a long time, and men weren’t encouraged to express their softer, more sensual side.
What have we been taught about male sexuality by our culture?
Erections Are King. A man is not a man if he doesn’t have a raging-hard erection. Men and women are taught that something is fundamentally wrong if he goes soft. Yes, there can be major health issues linked to erectile dysfunction, but arousal is meant to ebb and flow. Another myth is that if a man isn’t erect, then sex isn’t pleasurable for him. This quite simply is erroneous thinking.
Men Should Perform. Performance anxiety plagues so many men. It is no wonder, because they have so much pressure on them to perform like porn stars in the bedroom. Performing well in the bedroom links back to the erection issue, which links back to the quick-ejaculation issue, which links back to FLAT SEX. Men have lost before they even begin.
Men are More Sexual Than Women. It seems to always be the case that men are chasing women for sex, men have raging libidos, men want sex all the time. In my private practice I see men who would rather cuddle, kiss, and connect for hours before having intercourse. I see men who love sensuality. I see men who complain that their female partner wants sex all the time. And I see women who want sex 24/7.
It’s so sad to me when a couple walks into my office and I find that their sex lives have been run by these three myths. She’s upset because he’s not getting hard after she vigorously pumps his penis. She takes it as an insult to her attractiveness and thinks he must not want her anymore. He’s got intense performance anxiety because of this, which has resulted in premature ejaculation combined with difficulty achieving an erection. He’s losing his interest in sex like it was when he was sixteen; he’d much prefer that they slow down a bit and connect. She doesn’t understand; men aren’t supposed to be like this. Since all they have ever known is the sex they have stumbled into—which might be a few flat-sex positions, very little foreplay, and a lot of thrusting—they are now lost.
Whether or not you are in the above position, when it comes to your sex life, most likely you have not explored all that is erotically possible. This needs to change. It’s time to start exploring all the possibilities and letting go of the myths that rule our pleasure potential. Luckily, the fixes are easy. Learn about his hot spots. Learn how to turn each other on in a relaxed way. Learn how to use angles to unlock the vault to pleasure that he has never known before. You just have to know the right code numbers to get the door to open, and angles give you those magic codes.
ANGLES: THE MAGIC CODES TO UNLOCKING HIS PLEASURE VAULT
CODE #1: SENSUALITY. Angles aid you in achieving a different level of sensuality. He notices the care you take to place soft pillows under his head and beneath his knees. The fabric feels marvelous. You take time to touch him in a new way as you position him or yourself for lovemaking angled in such a way that your juicy parts are in full contact with each other, providing him with sensations he may not be familiar with. Slow sex is a new movement; angles can slow you down so you can enjoy every sensation.
CODE #2: STRENGTH AND STAMINA. Angles provide both of you with added strength and stamina for prolonged lovemaking. When you are comfortable and pain free, you are able to play for a long time. Extended play takes pressure off of him and can lower his performance anxiety significantly.
CODE #3: STIMULATION. Changing angles allows you to stimulate more of his hot spots. Great sex for him isn’t just about his penis inside of you; it’s about stimulating his B-spot (brain), his entire penis, and internal hot spots missed during most sexual encounters.
His Powerful Penis
The male penis is amazing. There is so much more to it than meets the eye. Think of your clitoris, for example: It has an external part (head and shaft) and an internal part (two roots or legs that extend into the body). His penis is very, very similar, only bigger. Let’s take a deeper look at his penis and how it likes to be stroked the best.
He may or may not have a FS. Regardless, there is a lot to be learned from this amazing sheath of skin. His foreskin allows for slide and glide. It covers the head of the penis, protecting it from friction and providing added lubrication. The foreskin likes pressure, stretching, and sliding motions.
Positions: It may actually be due to lack of foreskin that we require new angles: Circumcised men need more friction due to decreased sensitivity. Stimulation to the foreskin happens during most sexual activity; however, it can be enhanced by angles, especially with positions that allow for shallower penetration or that allow you to use your vaginal muscles to squeeze around his penis. Try Penis Sandwich as a position for playing with his FS.
The H-spot, or head of his penis, is that Darth Vader helmet at the end of his shaft. There are a wide variety of heads out there. Some men have large heads that are wide and more like a mushroom cap, and others have thin skinny heads. The H-spot loves a light touch, moving in and out of your vagina, slow pressure, and luscious licks.
Positions: Playing with the H-spot is like playing a bass instrument. You want a full experience of its richness, therefore you want to position yourself in a way that allows you to do subtle, shallow movements at first, and then move to subtle, deeper movements. Positions where his pelvis is angled with a pillow under his butt and you are on top are excellent for playing with his H-spot. Try Assisted Plunger, Going for a Whirl, and Royal Oral.
The F-spot is said to be the most sensitive area of his penis. It is rich with nerve endings. Only men who are uncircumcised have a true frenulum, but you can look for remnants of this sensitive spot in a circumcised man on the underside of his penis. Men who are not cut tightly will have small rough or folded patches of skin that love being tickled, rubbed, licked, and lightly stroked.
Positions: Since the F-spot is on the underside of his penis, it rarely gets attention all to itself. But with some proper angling of pelvises and micromovements, this sensitive spot can get the petting it so deserves. Try Fantastic Frenulum and Penis Sandwich.
During most sexual play, his shaft seems to be the star that gets all of the attention. Yes, it feels great, but remember that the shaft of his penis isn’t all there is to it. It’s also important to note that all shafts are not created equal. Some are curved left, some curve up (those are the ones that can hit your G-spot), but most are fairly straight. Some are thick and some thin. The size and shape of his shaft will affect both his and your pleasure, so take a look at his member and note its size and shape. Shafts love stroking, firm pressure, light pressure, long luscious licks, tickling, and so much more.
Positions: I’m going to break this down in terms of the curve of his shaft, because that will affect which positions feel best to him:
• Curving upward: This shaft will send you soaring: It will hit the roof of your vagina, which will in turn stimulate the head of his penis. However, his head may get all of the action. In this case, the more rocking motion, the more stimulation you can give his shaft. Seated positions with you on top and pillows under your butt are great for this.
• Curving downward: This type is similar to the shaft that curves upward, only it will stimulate your PS-spot (perineal sponge) and the floor of your vaginal canal. To get more stimulation to his shaft, ladies, you will need to lie on your back and arch your back with the help of pillows or a Liberator Scoop. Then rock your pelvises. I recommend that you try Scooping for Him. The results may be profound!
• Curving to the left or right: Left- or right-curving penises will hit the sides of your vagina. (Aren’t you starting to wish that penises could just curve in the right direction on demand?) If his penis curves to the right, try propping your right hip up with pillows and then rocking toward and away from him for added sensation. Try the side positions from 360 Degrees Around the World in chapter 1.
• Straight: If the shaft of his penis is fairly straight, you can add new sensation by using pillows to angle your pelvis so that you can get your strong Kegel muscles going around him. If being on top is your position of strength, be sure to put some pillows under his butt and knees to protect his low back. During intercourse, squeeze your pelvic floor muscles around him in pulses. This is actually good for all the types of shafts listed above!
I believe that the root of a penis is the most overlooked male pleasure zone. In Taoist sexuality there is actually a point on the root called the Million Dollar Point. Pressure on this point at the right moment is said to aid in ejaculation control and allow for multiple orgasms for men. It is easiest to feel the root of the penis when a man is erect. The root is located between his scrotum and his anus, and it is an extension of the penis inside of his body. His R-spot loves pressure. Pressure to his R-spot can also stimulate his P-spot (more on that later in this chapter). The R-spot also loves being squeezed and stroked.
Positions: Reaching the R-spot and giving it the pressure that it so desires can be difficult during ordinary sexual encounters. Most women’s arms are not long enough to reach it, especially in flat missionary position. The solution is simple. All you have to do is prop yourself up with a bunch of pillows—like in The Root Route—or position him in a way so that his pelvic floor is wide open to you—like in the Turbo Dog. (See chapter 4.)
Don’t Forget ME
“I love to have my testicles stimulated during sex, but it seems like all women avoid them!” This is another frequent complaint I get from men. You may be avoiding them for fear of hurting him. One of my teachers, Christine Fawley, creator of the Pleasure Mechanics, says, “Genitals are sensitive, but they are not delicate!” I have always loved this statement, as it perfectly applies to how many women and men approach each other. Ladies, do not be afraid to play with these treasures.
His testicles are surrounded by a sac called the scrotum. These lovely enclosed jewels enjoy being massaged, stroked, sucked, and licked. Of course, each guy is different, so it’s always great to ask him to show you what he likes best when it comes to his balls.
Positions: Lots of guys have told me that they like to feel their testicles hitting against a woman during intercourse. To make this happen, it helps to get your pelvis high by placing some pillows underneath you. You also want positions where you can either reach back and play with his T-spots or reach around him to stroke and delight. This means hands-free positions and help from positional aids. Try adding T-spot stimulation to A Lovely View, The Root Route, and Mouth Sex.
Ah, the P-spot. Some guys refuse to go there, and some guys can’t understand how they ever lived before discovering it. Even if your guy is afraid to go inside for P-spot stimulation, you can still indirectly stimulate this spot through his R-spot, as mentioned earlier. The P-spot, or prostate gland, is analogous to the female G-spot. It is highly pleasurable for many men. They report having a different kind of orgasm, sometimes more intense, when this area is stimulated during intercourse or masturbation.
The P-spot is located past the second anal sphincter and feels similar to your G-spot, only a little more round and sometimes less ridged. I’ll go into more detail about the P-spot later, but for now just know that you can stimulate it through his root and it loves the right kind of pressure.
Positions: Anything that allows you to reach his R-spot (see above).
MEN HAVE CYCLES, TOO
In chapter 1, I talked about female cycles and how they affect us physically and emotionally. What is less understood (and talked about) are the cycles that men go through. Have you ever noticed that there are certain times of the month when he seems moodier than usual? Have you noticed that as he has matured over the years his sexual health has shifted? Are there times when he needs a nurturing touch as opposed to a sexual touch? My point is that men do not always want sex twenty-four hours a day throughout their entire lifetime. We have to stop thinking about male sexuality in this way and understand how to work with his natural cycles.
Lifetime Cycles (Sexual, Sensual, Energetic)
In working with men of many ages and in many different stages of their sexuality, I came to realize that there were many factors at stake that were not being taken into account. I have seen three major stages that men fall into as they journey throughout their lives. It isn’t always about age, as I have seen young men who are in the energetic stage and some men who fluctuate between these stages by choice. Some men just come into life wired as sensual or energetic. That’s not to say that men are stuck in these stages or that one is better than the other. I have seen men over seventy return to feeling like they are in the sexual prime of their lives. For men in today’s world and without knowledge of hormones and practices for sexual vitality, there will be changes, and sometimes those are very welcome changes. Ultimately, it’s about being aware of where he is, and about him being able to choose where he wants to be.
When a man is younger, he may experience firmer, more frequent erections; his drive may be at its peak and his testosterone levels are through the roof. He is focused on sex. He is driven by his need to procreate.
Positions: During this stage he wants to be on top! But really, just about anything will do.
As a man ages, his hormones change. He has less testosterone and more estrogen. He becomes less and less focused on chasing sex and becomes more receptive and more interested in pleasing women. Sex becomes more about the senses.
Positions: In the sensual stage, men crave more connection and nurturing. They need comfort to keep the stamina and strength they once had when they were sixteen.
Energetic or Resting Stage
Finally, when his physical body no longer functions as it used to and companionship moves to the forefront, a man enters into the energetic stage of his sexuality. In this stage he may be interested in developing himself, in taking long walks holding hands, and in spending time just sitting and being together. I call this the energetic stage because men in this category aren’t always resting or allowing their sexuality to wither. Many of them simply chance upon or learn how to move their sexual energy in directions other than intercourse.
Positions: Side-lying positions, gentle Kama Sutra positions, and seated positions are effective during this stage of his sexuality.
ANGLED POSITIONS FOR HIS PLEASURE
A LOVELY VIEW
BENEFITS/Do him like the Corrs and leave him breathless with this technique, where you become his seductress! Most men out there are visual. They are turned on by seeing female bodies—usually all shapes and sizes of bodies. They love nude bodies. If they didn’t, I don’t think the adult magazine, movie, and strip-club industries would be doing so well. This position gives him a lovely view, which turns on his B-spot (brain) big time!
CHALLENGE SOLVED/He doesn’t get to see her backside and his penis moving in and out of her.
BEST TIME/Bring out this position when he’s distracted by work and stress, or when his libido is feeling sluggish.
1 Guys, lie on your backs. Ladies, prop his head and shoulders up with four or five pillows and put towels or a bolster under his knees. Rub massage oil or lubricant on his genitals and chest. Make him feel like a king.
2 She will position herself so that she is facing away from him. She will be on her knees between his legs with her feet up by his armpits. Ladies, bend over so that he has a nice view of your behind. Rub yourself on his stomach and over his penis.
3 Ladies, when you’ve teased him enough, point his penis down toward his feet. Go only as far as is comfortable for him, and then gently slide him inside of you. You may want to use a little extra lubricant to get great slide and glide. Keep moving on him so that he has a great view of his penis sliding in and almost out of you. Don’t worry if you aren’t moving a whole lot; the visual turn-on will be enough to stimulate him alone! Guys, your job is to enjoy the view.
SCOOPING FOR HIM
BENEFITS/Knock his socks off with this position that can help him feel strong and gives his shaft some fantastic stimulation. It gets him off his knees and gives sex an entirely different feel and angle.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/He’s always the one thrusting, and it takes a lot of thigh strength for her to bounce up and down on him. He’s got bad knees, so being on top on his hands and knees is painful.
BEST TIME/Use this if he is sore or tired, or when he wants a lot of friction on his penis. This move is also great when the two of you are bored with the same old stuff, because this position offers new sensations.
1 You will need a Liberator Scoop to pull this one off. Place the Scoop on your bed or on the floor with the flat side down. He will sit on one end of the Scoop with her on top of him. He may want a pillow underneath his butt for extra anchoring.
2 Guys, hold on to her hips as she arches back over the Scoop. This takes some flexibility, so if it’s too much place some pillows behind her on the Scoop. You can help out by holding her lower and mid-back, and this is actually how you will move her. So ladies, instead of him moving his pelvis, he will move you back and forth or up and down (depending on the angle at which you are lying back).
BENEFITS/If a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, this sandwich will feed his hunger and leave you both in love. Guys, you get stimulation to the head and shaft of your penis in two different ways. Ladies, you get an intimate connection in comfort.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/He likes a lot of friction, but too much aggravates her sensitive vaginal opening. Lying on your sides can be uncomfortable or awkward.
BEST TIME/This is really great anytime, and especially great when you want to reconnect, or when he wants friction but she wants external stimulation. I suggest doing this right before her period when shallow penetration is going feel the best.
1 Place a pillow beneath your heads. It needs to be a large enough pillow that both of you can lie your heads on it. Lie so that you are facing each other with your legs straight. This is important; make sure that her legs are really straight. Depending on your height, guys, you may need to put your head between her breasts. You’ll love that!
OPTION: Put a thin pillow between her calves and ankles so it spreads her legs slightly and gives her more comfort. Some men find it more pleasurable to have your legs together; others love the pillow. I prefer the pillow.
2 Lubricate the shaft and head of the penis and vulva. Guys, place your penis between her legs so that her labia wrap around it and it can glide easily over her clitoris. You can thrust your penis to get the friction that you desire. Ladies, you should thrust, too, matching his pace.
3 Ladies, lift your leg and wrap it around his top leg so that he can penetrate you vaginally. Guys, do ten to fifteen thrusts and then take your penis out of her. Ladies, lower your leg so that you can move back to the previous step. Move back and forth from external to internal.
BENEFITS/Let him know just how fantastic attention to his frenulum can be with this position. It angles you in a way so that he gets stimulation to this hot spot. It also provides something new while keeping him relaxed. Ladies, a benefit for you is loads of clitoral stimulation, which often leads to orgasm.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/His frenulum doesn’t get direct pressure because flat sex is mostly about his shaft. Lying flat on his back is uncomfortable, especially to his low back. She doesn’t get the clitoral stimulation that she needs to have an orgasm.
BEST TIME/This is great when he needs something different. If you have been doing a lot of sex that stimulates his shaft, add this technique to mix things up a bit and focus the pleasure on one of his hot spots.
1 Ladies, position him on the bed so that he has two pillows beneath his neck and shoulders, a pillow under his butt, and a bolster, pillows, or rolled-up towels beneath his legs.
2 This step is best done when he is erect, but it’s not necessary. Ladies, position his penis so that it is lying against his belly with his frenulum exposed to you. Place a rolled-up washcloth underneath his shaft so that his penis is lifted.
3 Ladies, squat over him so that your labia are on either side of his penis and your clit is touching his frenulum area. Now glide with tiny movements up and down his frenulum. Every now and then sneak his penis inside of you for a few strokes and then go back to teasing his frenulum with your clitoris.
NOTE: Use a warm, wet washcloth under his penis to decrease the friction. If the washcloth doesn’t work for him, remove it. Sometimes guys like to feel their penis against their belly. If that’s the case, ladies, you just have to squat a little deeper and tip your pelvis back to get good contact with his frenulum.
BENEFITS/Try this for tantalizing, toe-curling pleasure that satisfies you both. This position allows her to be lifted but doesn’t require her to have a lot of strength to hold herself there. It takes the pressure off her shoulders. Having her feet higher than her head helps decrease adrenaline, thus assisting her in orgasmic capacity while he gets the pleasure of being in control and watching himself penetrate her. Great for guys who like to angle their penis downward.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/She isn’t flexible enough to do the Plow (a yoga position where you rock your legs back over your head) or a shoulder stand. She has pain in her shoulders. Her body type doesn’t allow for acrobatics!
BEST TIME/This position can get very deep, so be sure to do it when she is highly aroused or when she is ovulating and her cervix is higher. This is great when he wants a good thigh workout and when he wants to be dominant and in control of penetration.
1 Use the Liberator Ramp and Wedge for this. Stack the Wedge on top of the Ramp on the low end to make a unique V shape, with the high end of the Ramp on one end and the high end of the Wedge at the other. Ladies, put your head on the Wedge and your butt on the Ramp.
2 Ladies, bring your hips up so that your knees are toward your armpits in a deep squat. You may want a pillow between your belly and thighs if your hips aren’t flexible. Guys, you may want to place your hands on her feet for balance. If your lady has shoulder issues, just be sure that you aren’t placing too much weight on her. Point your penis down and into her, then move up and down to provide stimulation to the head and shaft of your penis.
THE ROOT ROUTE
BENEFITS/A sensational route to overwhelming pleasure, ladies, this position allows you easy access to his root and testicles so that he gets more pleasure than just the usual shaft and glans sensation.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/The root of his penis and prostate are not stimulated during flat sex, and those areas are hard to reach if she wants to incorporate her hands.
BEST TIME/This position is great when he wants some variety and would like indirect prostate stimulation.
1 Build a slope with pillows. There should be one pillow at the bottom of the slope and five to six pillows at the top. Ladies, lie down so that your head is at the top of the slope. This way your torso is lifted, which gives you greater reach.
2 Guys, penetrate her by moving your pelvis in a way that feels best to you. I advise trying circles and rocking to get a variety of stimulation to your penis root. Ladies, reach back and place your fingers flat on his root. You can press into it, which indirectly stimulates his prostate, or you can just hold your fingers there and allow his movements to provide him with the pressure he desires.
3 Ladies, if you get yourself propped up enough, you should also be able to reach his testicles. Have fun playing with and touching his jewels!
GOING FOR A WHIRL
BENEFITS/Ladies, this position gives you the opportunity to do him justice when he’s singing, “Here I am, rock me like a hurricane.” In this position, he gets to rock without having to engage the muscles in his back too much. In return, ladies, you’ll receive some great stimulation on top, and he’ll have a fantastic view of your pleasure.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/He has low back pain, which prevents you from being on top because he can’t lie flat on his back. His pelvis is frozen, so rocking is difficult.
BEST TIME/This position is good just about anytime, but it’s especially great if he is sore after a workout, has pain in his back or legs, or wants to lie back and enjoy.
1 This is best when using the Liberator Whirl, which has the right firmness and rolls easily, but you can also do it with a roll of towels placed underneath his knees. Place the Whirl under his knees and a pillow under his head.
2 Ladies, climb on. Rock your pelvises together. Get a good rhythm going and let him lead. All he has to do is push into the Whirl, and he will get great motion in his pelvis. Once you get a solid rhythm, add the next step.
3 Give him a show of your pleasure and reach down to stimulate your clitoris while you rock. Show him how you like it best and don’t be afraid to express how good it feels.
NOTE: You can also incorporate a vibrator if you wish to use that instead of your fingers. Use it on him every now and then by placing it on his pubic bone or his nipples.
BENEFITS/This position inspires him to feel like a king in a pleasure palace. It makes his jewels and root more accessible to you and puts him in a position of extreme comfort. It allows him to just sit back and watch.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/It’s difficult to reach the root of his penis during sex. He has a lot of low back tension, which makes lying flat not so comfortable.
BEST TIME/This is great for when she wants to take control during sex. Say you want to take a break from intercourse to keep him from ejaculating, or he really enjoys receiving oral as a form of foreplay, or she wants to pleasure him orally for a long time—then this is the position for you.
1 Place two pillows against a wall or the headboard of your bed. You may need an extra pillow for his head. Place two or three pillows underneath his pelvis so that he is lifted off of the bed; his feet will be flat on the bed so that his knees are facing the ceiling. He should feel like royalty.
2 Ladies, you can place a pillow between his legs to kneel on. Another option is to lie on your stomach. He should be positioned in a way so that you have access to his testicles, the root of his penis, and his external anus.
3 Ladies, use the flat of your tongue to lick from the root of his penis, over his testicles, and all the way up his penis. After a few more of those, use one of your hands to put pressure on the root of his penis, or even wrap your thumb and forefinger around it and stroke it; meanwhile, do his favorite oral technique, such as sucking his head and shaft or flicking your tongue over his frenulum.
BENEFITS/Try this for phenomenal fun and fantastic fellatio! He gets the impression that he is in control of thrusting, but ladies, you’re essentially resisting his thrusts. Your hands are free to stimulate the root of his penis, his testicles, and even his external anal sphincter. This really increases his pleasure and gives him a fuller orgasm.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/He wants to hold the back of her head and thrust inside her mouth, but she gags and doesn’t really like this. (I personally hate when guys grab the back of my head during oral.) She can’t reach his other hot spots and give them the pressure they love.
BEST TIME/When you don’t feel like having intercourse or when she wants to give him a quick blow job—this usually makes guys ejaculate quickly.
1 Put two stacked pillows on top of each other, with one folded in half so that one end is higher. Guys, lie on your stomach so that your head is on the lower end of the pillows and your belly on the higher end. You’ll be on your hands and knees but supported by the pillows so that you’re comfortable.
2 Ladies, position yourself so that you are lying underneath him. The top of your head may touch the pillows. You can put pillows under your own knees if you have low back issues and a folded towel under your neck and head if you need extra reach so that you aren’t straining.
3 Tell him before you put his penis in your mouth (it’s really hard to talk with a penis in your mouth) that you want him to gently rock his pelvis like he is making love to you. Wrap one hand around the shaft of his penis; this adds resistance, which feels really good to him, and allows you to control his depth. Put the head of his penis in your mouth. Guys, I encourage you to rock.
4 With your free hand, ladies, reach under him to stimulate his testicles first. Then place a finger on his anus (if he is comfortable with it) and the heel of your hand on the root of his penis. You are essentially stimulating his penis root and indirectly stimulating his prostate. This results in really powerful orgasms for him!
NOTE: Ladies, having semen on your face is really good for you skin, and according to Taoist women of ancient China, absorbing semen through your skin is a beauty and rejuvenation tonic. If you don’t want to swallow, this is a good position in which to have him ejaculate on your face if you so desire. Just make sure that you don’t get it in your eyes, because it will burn.
DEEP THROAT PIVOT
BENEFITS/Surprise him and go deep! This position gets her head and throat into the right angle to allow for deeper pleasure for you both.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/She can’t deep throat, but he loves it. The angle of her throat and head just don’t seem to work during oral.
BEST TIME/Ladies, when you’re ovulating, there is a link between your hormones and the openness of your throat. This is also great when you are super, super aroused and he really wants some deep oral.
1 Ladies, get yourself into position with pillows under your knees for comfort, another pillow under your shoulders, and your head hanging off the edge of the bed. Make sure it is just your head, not your neck, too. You want your mouth and throat to be in as straight of a line as possible.
2 Guys, depending on the height of your bed, you may be able to stand, but most likely you will need to kneel to get the position right; put a pillow on the floor to kneel on.
CHAPTER 3ANCIENT SECRETS, MODERN PLEASURE
TREASURES OF THE KAMA SUTRA, ANANGA RANGA, AND THE PERFUMED GARDEN
“Though a woman is reserved, and keeps her feelings concealed; when she gets on the top of a man, she shows all her love and desire. A man should gather from the actions of the woman of what disposition she is, and in what way she likes to be enjoyed.” (Kama Sutra, 1883)
Imagine a love den where you and your lover indulge and luxuriate in exotic positions, culminating in an explosion of orgasmic ecstasy. Breathe in the ancient world of the Eastern arts of love.
The Kama Sutra, a book written for the wealthy Indian nobility somewhere between 100 BCE and 400 BCE, wasn’t only about sexual positions. It was a book about love and the arts of love. Some scholars say that the Kama Sutra was a dating and marital aid. Deepak Chropra reveals in his book Kama Sutra: Including the Seven Spiritual Laws of Love that this ancient text can also be a key to spiritual enlightenment and an anecdote to sexual shame. There are many secrets of the Kama Sutra yet to be found.
The Kama Sutra reminds us to indulge in our senses. It speaks of love, romance, and connection between lovers.
“And, further, let men know that passion resides in different parts and members of the woman’s person, and that by applying to these the necessary Chandrakala, or preparatory attouchements, great comfort and pleasure are experienced by both husband and wife.” (Ananga Ranga, 1885)
The Ananga Ranga (stage of love) was a text written for married men. I believe that its original intention was to help men love and pleasure their wives more deeply. It included a variety of lessons. It even touched on women’s cycles and what types of sexual conduct were most appropriate for her particular passion. This text was very advanced for its time because it took so many different situations into account.
Besides sexual positions, the Ananga Ranga had very specific teachings on kissing, scratching, biting, and other varieties of foreplay, or what the author called “external enjoyments.” It gave men herbal prescriptions for sexual health and longevity. The final chapter of the Ananga Ranga touched on astrological compatibility. Could it be true that stars have a hand in our affections and passion for one another?
THE PERFUMED GARDEN
“The kiss on the mouth, on the two cheeks, upon the neck, as well as the sucking up of flesh lips, are gifts of God, destined to provoke erection at the favorable moment....
“PRAISE BE GIVEN TO God, who has placed man’s greatest pleasure in the natural parts of woman, and has destined the natural parts of man to afford the greatest enjoyment to woman.”
(The Perfumed Garden, 1886)
The Perfumed Garden offered much in addition to sexual positioning. It quite certainly was a comprehensive text on sexual health and pleasure. It provided medicinal advice as well as sexual techniques. It covered the many topics related to female sexuality, from infertility to sex during pregnancy. For men it provided remedies for impotency (eating of various spices) and techniques to improve penis size (rubbing honey and ginger into the penis) and hardness (rubbing the penis with fat from a camel hump). The Perfumed Garden touched on proper behavior for both men and women. The author was obviously a very religious man, because he often thanked God for the pleasures of healthy sexuality.
The Perfumed Garden, Kama Sutra, and Ananga Ranga were all texts that celebrate our sexual nature. They did not deny the pleasures of sex, but instead taught us how to enjoy them to the fullest.
THE TWINING OF THE CREEPER
Did you know that the Kama Sutra offered men advice on reading a woman’s mind? In this section of the Kama Sutra, men were told what to do when women acted in certain ways. For example, if a woman called out to a man without him calling to her first, if she spoke to him with a trembling voice, if her face flushed with delight, or if she met him in a secret place, then she was showing signs of manifesting her love to him.
BENEFITS/This position is one of my favorites, and while it is not about penetration, it is about a woman’s love, her gaze—or as the text says, her “signs of manifesting her love to him.” This particular position is featured in my favorite movie, Kama Sutra by director Mira Nair. In one scene, the women are all practicing positions because they are learning to become courtesans. I love the beauty of this position and the connection that you feel as you breathe together. It helps to connect and get present in lovemaking.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/You are feeling disconnected, not in the mood, or in need of nurturing.
BEST TIME/Before and after lovemaking, especially when you haven’t been together in a while, or when you need to reconnect.
1 Stand facing each other. The woman will lift her right her leg and wrap it around her partner’s leg. He can hold her leg up underneath her knee or thigh. She rests her head on his shoulder and gazes up at him lovingly.
2 The woman places her right hand at the back of the man’s neck, while he places his at the center of her back. Holding each other’s gaze, guys and ladies, take seven to ten deep breaths. The sut sut that the author is talking about is a sound made in an attempt to express something that cannot be articulated. I am sure you have had those moments when the love or ecstasy between you cannot be expressed. This position inspires such a moment.
NOTE: Remember that this position is not about penetration. It is about embracing, being close, and feeling each other’s bodies. It is excellent for saying hello or before you say good-bye after a lovemaking session.
“...a woman, clings to a man as a creeper twines round a tree... with the desire of kissing him, and slightly makes the sound of sut sut, embraces him, and looks lovingly toward him, it is called an embrace like the twining of a creeper.”
WHAT’S UP WITH ALL THE ACROBATICS?
Over the years, the positions of the Kama Sutra (and similar texts such as the Ananga Ranga and The Perfumed Garden) became unaccomplishable feats of acrobatics. The majority of modern depictions of the Kama Sutra show couples bent into impossible positions where I question whether there is any pleasure happening at all. This leaves out people of various body sizes and people who have pain or are not very flexible. You may have thought for most of your life, the Kama Sutra isn’t for me.
But did you know that these ancient texts depicted these positions with a variety of cushions? The positional aids of the day included long bolsters; thick, rounded pillows; oval cushions; and cotton mats. If you look at art relating to the Kama Sutra, you will see these aids surrounding lovers. My theory is that the majority of positions from these ancient texts were not meant to be performed without their accompanying aids.
Here are a few examples from translations of the actual text. Notice the mentions of positional aids:
“Jrimbhita-Asana. In order to bend the wife’s body in the form of a bow, the husband places little pillows or pads beneath her hips and head; he then raises the seat of pleasure and rises to it by kneeling upon a cushion. This is an admirable form of congress, and is greatly enjoyed by both.”
(Ananga Ranga, 1885)
“MANNER THE ELEVENTH—Let her lie upon her back on the ground with a cushion under her posterior; then, getting between her legs and letting her place the sole of her right foot against the sole of her left foot, introduce your member.”
(The Perfumed Garden, 1886)
It’s time to put the cushion back into our pushin’! These ancient positions are for YOU, and you’ll find a lot of benefit in discovering how to do them.
But I’m Just Not Flexible!
Maybe right now you aren’t that flexible. Maybe you lost the ability to touch your toes a long time ago. Don’t let this stop you. I’m sure there are many things in your life that you couldn’t do at some point, but you worked at them and you got better. You can get more flexible.
#1: PILLOWS ARE YOUR FRIENDS. If you have trouble sitting cross-legged, just stack your pillows high. The higher it is, the easier on you. Using pillows for support can solve many flexibility issues.
#2: PRACTICE STRETCHING. Sign up for a local yoga class or one of the many classes now being offered online. If you belong to a gym, have a trainer teach you stretches that you can also practice at home. You and your love can go together to a partnered yoga or stretch class and then go home and make love afterward. Note the differences in your lovemaking.
#3: CONSIDER HEALTH AND DIET SHIFTS. While there isn’t a lot of solid science out there on the subject, it has been said that a water-dense, plant-based diet can increase flexibility. Yogis swear by superfoods like spirulina, barely grass, and chlorella. Celery is a food reported to help with flexibility. I used to juice it every day for that very reason.
#4: TAKE STRETCH BREAKS. If you sit at a desk all day or have a job that doesn’t inspire any stretching for long amounts of time, it is important to take breaks. Stretch breaks help improve your flexibility and have been shown to improve circulation, relieve tension, and boost energy.
#5: GET WARM. Hot yoga classes are excellent for many people because the warmth allows their muscles to relax and stretch. If your bedroom is cold, it could be causing you to tense, which could in turn decrease your flexibility. Crank up the heat next time you are having an angled sexcapade; your muscles will be happy you did.
Having relaxed hips is essential for great lovemaking. Why? Loose hip muscles allow your pelvises to rock, circle, and thrust in a way that is optimal for pleasure, especially female pleasure. This exercise helps you release stiff hips and stretch important muscles for lovemaking. This increases your pleasure potential and orgasmic capacity. Men, this is especially important for you because it helps you move in a way that hits her hot spots, especially her G-spot.
Hip relaxation is wonderful as a prelude to and enhances the following positions: Gee! I C-Spots, Connecting the Spots, 360 Degrees Around the World, Rocking and Rolling, Fantastic Frenulum, Going for a Whirl, The Goat and the Tree, The Lotus-Like Position, Ascending Position, Accomplishing Position, Anal PS and G, Coitus from the Back, Role Reversal, The Threesome, and Bad Girl.
STEP 1: Sit facing each other in a cross-legged position with pillows under your butts. Remember that if your hips are really stiff you can put more pillows under you to help your hips open and decrease pain while stretching. Hold each other’s forearms. Gaze into each other’s eyes while taking time to just breathe together.
STEP 2: Keep holding on to each other’s forearms while you raise one arm on the same side while also lifting your upper body into a twist. Your arms will be over your heads and you will look up at the ceiling. Hold for five to seven breaths.
STEP 3: Move back to your starting position and then twist to the opposite side. Take five to seven breaths. Repeat from side to side for four or five times. Remember to also switch your legs if you are sitting cross-legged with one leg in front.
STEP 4: To close this stretch (and this is my favorite part), ladies, bend forward from your hips and place your head on your man’s right knee, wrapping your arm around his bent leg. He will then lie over your back. You should enfold each other completely and then breathe together for five to seven breaths.
A NEW ANGLE ON ANCIENT POSITIONS
THE WIFE OF INDRA WITH A WEDGE
BENEFITS/In this position, your man won’t believe you’re his wife, and ladies, you won’t believe the pleasure. Shallower depth of penetration and angle allows for G-spot stimulation. The woman can control depth of penetration by moving the man with her feet. Use of the Wedge makes this an easy position to hold for a longer time.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/To do this, traditionally the woman would need to hold herself up and press into her male partner. This makes it hard to hold for long periods of time and impossible for some body types.
BEST TIME/This is great when she is nearing her period because her cervix sits lower in her vaginal canal, and is also great when you want to make eye contact and deepen intimacy.
1 Position the Liberator Wedge in the center of your bed. The woman will lie over the wedge so that it is under her back with the higher end at her mid-back and the lower end under her shoulders. This puts an arch in her back and naturally lifts the pelvis.
2 The man positions himself so that he is kneeling with his knees touching or almost touching the Wedge. The woman will then place her feet on his stomach. For penetration, the man will need to come up, which will rock the woman’s pelvis at an angle. He should not lean forward, because this will change the depth of penetration from shallow to deep.
THE GOAT and THE TREE
BENEFITS/Turn a chair into an erotic playground with this spontaneous position. You can use a chair for this, anywhere in your home; your woman just plops down in your lap and voilà! Instant playfulness—especially if she is wearing a skirt and just happens to forget her underwear! Both of your hands are free for clitoral and breast stimulation.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/Getting the right angles for this Taoist position can be difficult, or spontaneous love play has left your relationship.
BEST TIME/When isn’t a good time to be playful? Try this position as your first penetration position or just to tease each other into higher arousal. Do it spontaneously. Maybe after a few passionate kisses, she can push him down into a chair and then hop on his lap. It’s perfect to take him by surprise. It’s also great for when you want to feel relaxed and connected.
1 Use a chair anywhere in the room for this position, preferably one that has a backrest that angles back instead of straight up. A lounge chair is perfect for this. It’s even better if you make a chair in your bed by propping pillows against the headboard or wall. If creating the chair of pillows on your bed, use an additional pillow at his low back and rolled-up towels or pillows underneath his knees; he should have his feet flat on the bed.
2 Ladies, sit in his lap with your legs over his and your feet on the floor or bed. His feet should be on the inside. If you want penetration, you can sink down onto his penis, then lie back onto his chest. You can press your feet into the floor or bed to get some rocking motion in your pelvis.
3 Although movement here is limited, guys, your hands are free to stroke or flick her clitoris and massage her breasts.
THE LOTUS-LIKE POSITION
BENEFITS/This position provides entirely new sensations and plays a little bit with being restrained by his body, which can be a turn-on for both of you. Practicing this position will help ladies open both their and their man’s hips if they are tight. It’s a great alternative to missionary, especially if he is prone to quick ejaculation. Essentially, it’s one of my favorites!
CHALLENGE SOLVED/This Kama Sutra position requires a lot of flexibility in the hips and can be difficult for many men and women to hold for very long amounts of time. Unless he has a large penis, penetration can be difficult.
BEST TIME/This position is good for when one or both of you feels tight and you need to open up the bottom half of your body, or when you want to have eye contact or do a lot of kissing during lovemaking. It’s really great when a woman wants to receive a man and open her feminine self to him.
1 You can do this position on the bed with a pillow under her head and another under her sacrum (triangular bone at the base of the spine), but I recommend using the Liberator Equus because it will help him if he does not have the flexibility in his hips to penetrate her. I am going to offer a few variations for women when doing this position. Ladies, try using a pillow under your head and pelvis to see if it helps with your comfort and flexibility. When moving into the Lotus position (also known as sitting Indian style), you can try Full Lotus, which is where you put both of your feet on top of your thighs; Half Lotus, one foot on top of your thigh; and Modified Lotus, where you rest one foot on top of your calf, creating more of a diamond shape with your legs. If none of these works for you, try putting one leg in front of him and tucking the other around him. If you can, instead of placing your foot on top of your leg or your calf, place one of your heels on your clitoris so that when he rocks, your heel will stimulate your clit!
2 She will lie on her back and position her feet according to her flexibility. He will move in to penetrate her with one knee at her side and the other leg stretched out behind him. Her legs will come up toward her chest. If her hips are very tight, she can also put a few pillows between her stomach and her legs. He is in control of the depth of penetration and angle. He can play with putting both feet on the floor to get more motion, rocking back and forth and up and down, even spiraling his hips, which will move her legs and thus her entire pelvic floor, offering new sensations.
CONGRESS OF THE COW AND LATE-SPRING DONKEY
BENEFITS/Support, support, support! Using positional aids helps ladies get support, which takes the pressure off of her low back and abdominals. If your woman doesn’t quite have the flexibility to reach her toes, positional aids help her to be relaxed instead of straining. Angles allow for her to get clitoral stimulation. Guys, you can push and pull her hips in time with your thrusts. This position also provides indirect stimulation to her anus, without having to go to anal sex.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/In these two positions, one inspired by the Kama Sutra and the other a Taoist position, the woman has to bend over and support herself. It can be very challenging, especially if she is not flexible enough to touch her toes.
BEST TIME/This is a deep-penetration technique, which means that the best times are going to be days 10–16 of her cycle. A great position for role-playing or fantasy, this position allows you to be together and yet has the powerful symbolism of animals in coitus. This position is also great when she wants to get a new view and change her perception, as it affects her breath and blood flow to her head.
1 Set up the Liberator Scoop and Wedge so that the Wedge is on the floor and the rounded side of the Scoop is on top of the Wedge. The woman can now comfortably lean over the Scoop and be supported. She can rest her hands on the Scoop instead of all the way on the floor.
2 Now the man can penetrate her from behind. She can play with the position of her legs. In the Congress of the Cow position, the woman should keep her feet far apart and her hands wide on the floor. The Late-Spring Donkey positioning suggests that the woman keep her legs as straight as possible and closer together and place her hands flat on the floor. The latter position gives more stimulation to her vulva. Regardless of which leg position you choose, guys, you can hold her hips to push and pull her when thrusting. The feeling of his pelvis pounding against her buttocks can give a great whirl of sensation to her anus and butt!
3 Ladies, you should get some clitoral stimulation from the movement on the Scoop. Guys, you can also reach around her and stimulate her clitoris.
NOTE: You can adjust where the Scoop sits on the Wedge depending on your heights and how your bodies come together. (See photos on pages 79 and 80).
THE MARE’S POSITION
BENEFITS/A squeeze of pleasure from her and a touch of love from him make this position designed to satisfy! The woman can provide the man with a new sensation by squeezing her thighs so that she is engaging her pelvic-floor muscles. This builds strength in her pelvic floor, which improves her sexual health and is pleasurable for both him and her. His hands are free and his back is supported so that he can relax while stimulating her.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/In the classic Kama Sutra version of this position, the man must hold himself up on his hands, which makes this position difficult for men with back strain or pain. He’s also not at the best angle to penetrate her and his hands aren’t free to stimulate her clitoris.
BEST TIME/This position is great when his back and hips are sore and he doesn’t want to do a lot of thrusting. It is also fantastic when focusing on her pleasure and when she wants to expose her clitoris to phenomenal touch.
1 Build a slope with pillows against your headboard or a wall. Ladies, your man will sit on the lowest end of the pillows and rest his upper back against the highest end. He may want an additional pillow behind his head. Place rolled-up towels or pillows underneath his knees. Now he can just relax and his hands are free.
2 Ladies, sit on him, facing away from him with your knees bent and your feet pointing back. His legs should be inside of yours. Lean back slightly against him to expose your clitoris, which you can stimulate yourself, or your man can use one of his free hands to flick or roll your clit.
3 Guys, you can further enhance your lady’s arousal by kissing her, licking her neck, or massaging her neck and shoulders. Make sure that you are both breathing. The more you breathe, the more you feel.
THE SNAKE TRAP AND THE FITTER IN
BENEFITS/These two unique positions will expand your erotic universe! They use rocking, which is a wonderful way to deepen her pleasure and provide new sensations because it gets your bodies activated and your blood flowing. This makes these positions a great prelude to more vigorous intercourse. They’re perfect abdominal workouts! You can make eye contact for more intimacy. All the rocking allows you to hit many hot spots on both of your bodies. I put these positions together because it feels good to alternate between the two of them. These also challenge the balance between you; you have to work together to get it right.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/In their traditional versions, these two positions can cause tension in your back, spine, neck, and shoulders. It is really hard to rock and get much motion on a flat bed.
BEST TIME/This position is great when you want more connection and to deepen the intimacy between you. Most likely, it is something you haven’t tried before, so it can help you break out of bedroom boredom. It’s excellent when you want to explore and become love artists.
1 You will need a Scoop if you really want to get the rocking motion. You can also try two slopes of pillows—his and hers. Place the Scoop so that the curved side is on the floor. The two of you will sit in the middle of the Scoop with your feet stretched out in front of you. You can use your feet to get more rocking motion. It is really important that you get the proper balance to make this work.
2 Start with the Snake Trap position by leaning back and holding on to your partner’s feet. Ladies, your legs go over his. Now rock by pressing your hands into each other’s ankles. Guys, you may need to push down on your side of the Scoop to get the rocking started. (See inset) Once you get going, reach back to hold her calves or ankles. When you need to change, move to the Fitter In position by holding on to each other’s upper arms and moving the man’s leg over the woman’s right leg. Now gently rock back and forth. You can alternate between the Snake Trap and the Fitter In.
NOTE: Penetration may be difficult in this position; if this is the case, ladies can put their legs straight out on top of their guy, hooking their feet under his shoulders.
THE SEVENTH POSTURE
BENEFITS/Seven just might be your lucky number! This position angles the hips to the side and allows for stimulation of the sides of her vaginal canal. It puts a different kind of pressure on her vagina and his penis, making it fun and interesting. Ladies can use their own hands to stimulate their clitoris. Ladies and guys, you are facing each other in the position so you are able to make eye contact and enjoy each other’s expressions of pleasure.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/Some teachers of this position claim that it is for acrobats and not to be taken seriously. (If it’s not to be taken seriously, why would it be included as one of the postures for lovemaking?)
BEST TIME/The Seventh Posture, from The Perfumed Garden, is best when you want to deviate from traditional lovemaking. It’s fun and best practiced when you are feeling like trying something new.
1 In the original version of this posture, the woman would be lying on her side; however, here you should use pillows to angle the woman onto her side. Create a body pillow that fits under her shoulders, back, and hip on her right side. You will want to either fold the pillows in half or stack pillows on top of each other in a line. These pillows will tilt her so that she is angled to the left.
2 The man will kneel, sitting on his heels, with one of her legs between his thighs. He will lift her right leg and place it on his left shoulder, crossing it over his chest.
3 As he penetrates her, he will thrust gently and passionately, angling his penis in ways that stimulate her vaginal canal. If kneeling like this is uncomfortable or he needs to adjust his angle, he can place a pillow between his calves and his butt. She has her hands free so she can provide clitoral stimulation to herself.
THE TAIL OF THE OSTRICH
BENEFITS/Your yoga classes are going to pay off for this posture, which is a shoulder-stand for her. Shoulder-stands help decrease stress hormones, which makes this a great position for times when she is tense or filled with anxiety. Shoulder-stands have also been reported to help with deeper sleep. Some yogis even sleep with their feet above their heads for this reason. Guys, you can raise or lower your lady to vary both of your sexual sensations.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/The original version of this posture had little to do with female pleasure. It’s also really hard to hold yourself up in the air. This position can also be very hard on your neck and shoulders.
BEST TIME/Don’t do this position if she recently had a spine or neck injury. A great time to do it is when she is in need of calming down and he wants to be in control. It’s also great when he wants to be dominant and she wants to surrender.
1 Make a slope out of pillows. You will need to have five to seven pillows to make the slope steep enough. You can also use the Liberator Ramp to make this easier, but it may need a few pillows on the high end to help you pull this off.
2 The woman will lie with her butt on the high end of the slope. Guys, you may want to add some extra cushion for her neck by placing a rolled towel or pillow beneath her. Her butt should be up in the air and her head sloped down toward the bed.
3 The man will kneel at the high end of the slope and lift her legs so that they are on either side of his neck. Now he can penetrate her. If he wants to change the depth and angle, he can put his hands under her low back or hips and move her up and down as opposed to thrusting in and out.
THE RAINBOW ARCH
BENEFITS/Enjoy the rainbow of sensation! This posture from The Perfumed Garden creates a unique angle of penetration, and thus new sensations arise. All of your hands are free so both of you can massage, caress, and stimulate each other’s erogenous areas.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/The woman is bored with “in and out” sex. You both like side-lying positions, but need something new. This posture is hard to hold for long periods of time.
BEST TIME/This position is great for just about anytime you are making love, but is especially great for giving each other massages while having intercourse.
1 You will each need one or two pillows to rest underneath your heads; guys, you will need an additional pillow to put between your knees. Guys, before you penetrate her, you will want to place a folded pillow between your knees and then put your hips or legs between hers. You will make a backward “L” shape with your body so that your feet are toward her head and she will be able to reach them and massage them. Ladies, you can pull his feet toward you to get different sensations. Guys, you may want an additional pillow under your feet for extra comfort.
2 Make sure that both of your heads are supported with pillows, especially his. Having to hold your head up is what makes this posture so uncomfortable. Guys, your hands are free so you can massage her back and shoulders or even pull her shoulders back slightly to create an arch in her back. This changes the sensations again. Ladies, you can squeeze your legs and the muscles of your pelvic floor to give him some thrilling sensations.
NOTE: Ladies, if you feel like your bottom leg is being crushed you can put a pillow between his hips and your bottom leg. This will help with more cushion and support. The rule of thumb on this one: Have lots of pillows around to cushion your bodies and make this posture more relaxed.
BENEFITS/Ladies, are you ready to ascend to new heights of pleasure? This position from the Ananga Ranga is excellent for female pleasure. The woman is in control of the angle of penetration, and both the man and the woman have their hands free. It’s perfect for stimulating the head and shaft of her clitoris.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/I was teaching this position on the set of a famous reality TV show when I realized how much I liked it and how much better it would be with a few pillows. Lying flat on his back isn’t comfortable and doesn’t give men much thrusting ability. Men need to lift their head to get a visual of what’s going on. And when the guy’s pelvis is flat, the woman has less of an angle to work with.
BEST TIME/Ascending Position is excellent when she wants to take charge of her pleasure, and when he’s burnt out and tired, or even after he’s already had his orgasm and she wants more.
1 Ladies, position your man so that he’s lying on his back with two pillows under his head, neck, and shoulders; a folded pillow under his sacrum; and rolled towels or small pillows under his knees.
2 Next, ladies, position yourself on top of him in a cross-legged position. Then take his penis and insert it inside of you and then move in any way that pleasures you most. Since all of your hands are free, be sure to use them to aid in enhancing pleasure.
THE HALF-PRESSED POSITION AND CHURNING
BENEFITS/Churn up some exquisite ecstasy with this position from the Kama Sutra. It’s an excellent way to stretch out tension and give her clitoral stimulation, thanks to her outstretched leg. It also stimulates the bottom of her foot, which is rich with nerve endings. Connecting her foot with his heart is an excellent intimacy builder. Churning gives you both circular stimulation, and gives the woman a break when she needs to rest her legs.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/The woman’s hips are tight, making this position difficult and painful. She wants clitoral stimulation without having to do it herself. She doesn’t get much circular stimulation or pressure on the sides of her vagina because his penis is longer rather than fatter. Essentially, she needs more pressure on her I-spot (introitus).
BEST TIME/This position is great when you both want hands free, deeper connection, and varied sensations.
1 Guys, place one flat pillow and one folded pillow under her pelvis. The high end should be toward her feet if she is lying on her back facing upward. She may also want a pillow under her head, neck, and shoulders for added comfort. She will straighten one leg up at an angle and bend the other so that she can rest her foot on your heart center. She can support her legs with pillows if needed. For her bent knee, she can place a pillow between her thigh and calf; for the leg in the air, she will need a large stack of pillows. It will be pillow madness, but at least you will be completely comfortable!
2 The man is kneeling and can place a pillow between his thighs and calves for extra comfort and support. He can now thrust, varying the depth and speed of his strokes. (It’s about time, right?!) His hands are free, ladies, so be sure to use them to enhance your pleasure.
3 Ladies, do your legs need a break? Perfect! Have your man try Churning. (See insert.) Ladies, you will rest your legs but have him stay inside of you. He will pull out of you enough to grasp his penis in his dominant hand and move it in circles inside of your vagina. When you’ve had enough of a break, return to the Half-Pressed position. Alternate as much as you need to.
NOTE: If you are using a lot of pillows, you may not need to rest your legs. Churning can be done in many positions as long as he has a hand free to move his penis in circular motions. Try it at anytime to change your sensations.
BENEFITS/Intimacy ignites with this sitting posture from the Ananga Ranga. It’s great for intimacy because you are face to face. Ladies, your raised leg creates a new form of sensation between his penis and your vagina. This is a perfect position for kissing and shallow penetration.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/Holding a leg up in the air is challenging. You can’t figure out how to get more tension between your genitals. He has trouble sitting cross-legged.
BEST TIME/This position is great when you are just entering into intercourse. It is also wonderful when she is on days 3–10 or 17–28 of her cycle.
1 Both of you need to sit on a firm pillow. Ladies, you may want two under you to lift you a little bit more. If your man has trouble sitting cross-legged, place two or three pillows under the sides of his knees to give him extra support. If he can’t bend his knees, try both pillows under the sides of his legs and have him stretch his legs out in front of him a little bit. Have a stack of four or five pillows behind and to the side of him.
2 Ladies, now sit in his lap. If he has his legs crossed, in most cases you will fit well in his lap and he can penetrate you in this sitting position. Now, ladies, raise one of your legs and place it on the stack of pillows that you prepared. The foot of your other leg will be on the bed. If you need to, you can place your thighs on his legs to help balance.
3 Here, guys, you may want to play with some of the love strokes from the Kama Sutra. You can contract your pelvic-floor muscles quickly to shudder inside of her, a move called the Jewel Case. You can also thrust gently, a stroke known as the Natural. Or you may want to pull out of her completely and then reenter her fast and hard. In the Kama Sutra, this is called Buffeting.
RECIPROCAL SIGHT OF THE POSTERIORS
BENEFITS/Evoke the art of love as you explore this posture from The Perfumed Garden, which is a great variation on all of the thrusting positions. The woman gets to vary the sensations while both of you relax into lovemaking.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/He has low back tension or pain when lying flat on his back. He is prone to ejaculating too quickly.
BEST TIME/Connection is always great, but sometimes, you just want to be in your own pleasure or fantasy, and that can be hot. Facing away from each other in this position can allow you both that anonymity, especially if you are in a long-term relationship and need to create some mystery. But don’t do this position if you need emotional connection.
1 The man should place a folded pillow beneath his sacrum, with the high end toward his head and two pillows stacked on top of each other under his head, neck, and upper shoulders. This will lift him, give him a better view, and angle his pelvis for better physical connection.
2 The woman will sit on top of him, facing away from him with her legs inside of his and her feet flat on the bed. She will penetrate herself with his penis. If she leans forward and places her hands on the bed or a stack of pillows, she can control the angle and depth of penetration to her liking.
CHAPTER 4NEW ANGLES FOR ANAL PLAY
EXPLORING THE BACK DOOR
The anus: a place where men and women are equals, filled with pleasurable nerve endings; a doorway for untold internal adventures of delight. Inside of this doorway we find an inner world of hot spots waiting patiently to be discovered.
Whether you are male or female (or somewhere in between), anal sex can be a practice for exquisite pleasure. Positioning for anal sex is one of the things that takes it from okay, to awkward and sometimes painful, to really awesome. You want to get the right angles for penetration and sexual satisfaction for you both.
BENEFITS OF ANAL SEX
#1: DEEP RELAXATION. Anyone who has ever had an anal massage from a skilled practitioner knows that touch to the anus is a fast track to some of the deepest relaxation a person can ever experience. Joseph Kramer, founder of Sexological Bodywork, states, “If you only have five minutes to deeply relax someone, massage their anus. It will have the biggest affect on the whole body.” I agree with him 100 percent. There is a reason why touch to this part of the body is so relaxing; it’s linked to the part of the nervous system that calms us down in a very profound way.
To aid in this relaxation you want to make sure that your lover is properly positioned to allow this deep relaxation to take hold. Pillows and other aids help immensely. You must also be comfortable because great anal play and the deep relaxation that ensues takes some time.
#2: DEEP PLEASURE. I know many women and men who experience a deeper type of pleasure from anal sex. The anus is their road to deeper, longer-lasting orgasms. For the deepest pleasure possible you want angles that prevent pain and allow relaxation as opposed to tension in the anal canal and rectum. You also want to get the right angles to stimulate her G- and PS-spots and his R- and P-spots. Using a few pillows and paying attention to your bodies are two tracks for allowing deep pleasure to become easier and more comfortable to access.
#3: DEEP INTIMACY. It takes a lot of trust and vulnerability to allow someone to penetrate us anally. Many people hold shame in this area of their body. Receiving can be scary, especially for men. If there is fear, there is usually tension, which doesn’t feel good. Helping your partner relax emotionally can be a very intimate act. I once had an anal massage session where all my partner could do was hold a hand over my anus. I shook for forty-five minutes. It was one of the most intimate moments of my life.
To enhance intimacy during anal sex, it helps to use hands-free positions where you are facing your lover. That way you have a greater sense of connection and communication.
THE ANAL HOT SPOTS
If you haven’t discovered it, a whole new world of pleasure awaits you! Let me give you a pleasure map of the anal hot spots.
The external anus is the outside part, otherwise known as the B-hole. The external anal sphincter surrounds the anus and holds it closed. This sphincter muscle is under our conscious control. In other words, we can consciously contract and relax it. The anus is packed full of pleasurable nerve endings. In fact, it’s second only to the clitoris in that respect, so there is a lot of sensation, that can be felt in your rosebud. The anus loves a large variety of sensations, from light touch to nonpenetrating pressure.
Positions: During lovemaking, it helps to position yourself so that you can use your hands to touch the anus.
AC (Anal Canal)
The anal canal in most people is less than an inch (2.5 centimeters) long. It is separated into upper and lower parts. This is important because different nerves innervate these two sections of the anal canal. The internal anal sphincter lies inside of the anal canal. It is involuntary, meaning that we do not have conscious control over it. While the canal itself may not be all that pleasurable, the internal anal sphincter does have many nerve endings that respond to pressure.
Positions: Because the anal canal is angled slightly backward, it is good to have positions that follow that angle as opposed to going against it. Be sure to use pillows to get the proper angles. Shallow penetration is best, and resting at the external anal sphincter (with a finger or the head of your penis) is always advised.
Your lover’s rectum is located deep in the anal canal. The rectum is more of a pleasure zone due to the fact that the G-spot for women and the P-spot for men can be stimulated through it. They also share the same nerve innervations, which is why many people get sexually aroused when the rectum is touched.
The rectum has two angles; this is one of the reasons why anal sex can be painful, especially when the rectal wall is hit with force. Positioning and going slow can help you avoid pain or damage to the rectal wall. Think of the rectum with two curves. If your partner is lying on his or her back, the lower curve (closest to the anal canal) tilts up toward the ceiling. The upper curve begins a few inches later and moves in the opposite direction toward the tailbone. According to Jack Morin, PhD, author of Anal Pleasure and Health, there is a muscle called the pubo-rectal sling that tenses up in a response to pain or force. When this muscle tenses, it makes the curve more pronounced and less flexible, making penetration more painful. So getting the right angle from the beginning is very important.
Positions: All bodies are different and they fit together differently. Ultimately, you want to make sure that you aren’t bashing into your partner’s rectal wall or tailbone. Make sure that you are angled in a way that has you going slightly upward if your partner is on his or her back, and slightly downward if your partner is on his or her belly. Positions where your lover’s legs are at a right angle to his or her upper body will help straighten the rectum a little, but a general rule of thumb is to go slow and communicate with each other.
I touched on the G-spot in chapter 1; however, I want to mention that certain angles can help you stimulate her G-spot through her anal canal, thus making anal sex all the more pleasurable.
Positions: Try Anal PS and G and see if you hit the spot!
You will have more likelihood of stimulating her PS-spot if you stay fairly shallow and in the AC. Use the head of your penis or a finger in her AC in the proper angle (up when up, down when down) to hit the spot.
The root of his penis is very close to his anus, and some anatomy books show it attaching into the external anal sphincter. This is what causes stimulation to the R-spot during anal play. You can also stimulate it from the inside.
Try this: Position your partner faceup on the bed with a stack of pillows under his bum. His feet will be flat on the bed. This position should give you easy access to his pelvic floor. Warm up his anus first and use plenty of lubrication. When he’s ready, insert your index finger into his AC, up to about the first knuckle. Place your thumb on the external part of his R-spot. You are essentially forming a circle with your fingers, but the root of his penis will be sandwiched between your thumb and your forefinger. Gently rock his root and pay attention. Check in with him to see how this is for him and what speed and pressure he likes best.
The male prostate or P-spot can be an amazing hot spot for him. It is part of his erectile network and it will swell and firm up when he is aroused. I touched on it briefly in chapter 2, but I want to go into more detail about finding it. Now that you know his A-spot, AC, and RM-spot, you mostly know how to get there. I highly recommend using your fingers before trying to find it with a toy.
Try this: After some warm-up, using lube, begin to explore. First you will feel for his external anal sphincter. Once it relaxes enough to let you through, you will be in the AC. You will quickly feel the second anal sphincter, which may simply feel like resistance to you. Press a little and wait. It will eventually open to you. When the second door opens, you now have the opportunity to stimulate his P-spot. If he is lying faceup, simply use a finger to massage along the roof of his rectum. You are searching for tissue that feels a little denser and rounded; some sex experts say it is approximately the size of walnut, but the size can vary depending on his level of arousal and the health of his prostate.
The prostate likes to be touched in a similar way to the G-spot. Anchor your finger into the tissue and then use the come-hither motion. I call this the anchor-and-pull technique. You can also massage in circles and in side-to-side motions. Communicate with him to see what feels best to him.
Positions: Positions that stimulate the RM-spot are great for the P-spot. Any positions that leave your hands free for doing a little penetration are wonderful. One of my favorites is Milking His Prostate.
THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW BEFORE YOU GO THERE
Playing at and behind the back door requires some preparation. You don’t want to just go heading on in quickly and unannounced, which can lead to pain and possibly tearing. Not to worry, though: I’ve provided a few guidelines for you to consider before your play.
The Doody Factor
All my life I have been comfortable with other people’s shit. Literally. But when it came to my own, I was so filled with shame about it that I put my anus off limits to any sexual pleasure. I’m sorry I missed out on so much fun for so many years of my life. Don’t let poo get in your way of great pleasure. So what do I do to avoid “doo doo”? I have three rules.
RULE #1: I CLEAN. I am a huge fan of doing an enema before I engage in any anal sex. That way I know that my anal canal and rectum are clear and free of any doody, and I can relax. If you are worried about your partner not being clean, it’s great to communicate with him or her about this and offer enemas as a great solution. You can also clean your anal canal in the shower with a finger. Do not use soap inside of the anus; water is just fine.
RULE #2: I USE CONDOMS, DENTAL DAMS, AND GLOVES. Using barriers such as condoms can help keep things clean. I’m a bit of a germaphobe, so I am always conscious of keeping things that go in the anus out of my vagina or mouth. Barriers help make it quick and easy: No need to go wash off your penis or sex toy in order to use it elsewhere.
RULE #3: I GO WITHIN. While I may be physically clean, in my head I’m often freaking out: What if I missed something? What if I can’t hold something in and I poop? What if it feels like I’m going to poop!?! BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. All this thinking takes me out of my pleasure and I miss the sensations that are happening. I tense up, and therefore I may feel pain instead of pleasure. I have to tell myself that the sensation to poop is coming because he is hitting my pubo-rectal sling, which triggers this sensation. I have to clear my mind. I have to quiet my self-talk by instead focusing on the sensation. I go within my body and put all of my energy into feeling and breathing. If you have negative self-talk during anal play or any fears, it can help you just to ask your partner to slow down so that you can deeply breathe and simply focus on what sensations are occurring in your body.
You Are Not Gay
Okay, guys, just because you like anal stimulation and being bent over by your girlfriend does not mean that you are gay. Women like anal penetration too, and that doesn’t make them gay. We all have anuses, anal canals, and rectums, and they can all feel great. Enjoying or fantasizing about anal pleasure does not threaten your heterosexual manliness.
In fact, anal sex for men can be very good for their prostate health. If it’s hard to admit that this is for pleasure, do it for your health.
Warming Up the A-Spot
I never advise going into penetration of the anus without warming it up first. I highly, highly suggest that you learn how to give and receive anal massage. There are a number of videos on the subject that are very good and will show you how to properly prepare for anal penetration.
Spend at least ten to fifteen minutes teasing the A-spot with your fingers, toys, or the head of your penis. Try massaging slow circles, adding pressure, or using long strokes. If you don’t want to take time to have your partner warm you up, you can always warm yourself up with an anal self-massage or even self-pleasure with an anal toy.
Another great way to prepare yourself is by wearing butt plugs. These come in a variety of sizes and shapes. Start with a small butt plug a few hours before you know that you are going to have anal sex. Increase the size an hour before, then again a half hour before. The butt plugs will help the sphincters relax and expand, preparing them for future penetration.
What If It Hurts?
For some people, anal sex just hurts. It seems that they have tried everything. There are a number of factors as to why it may hurt.
#1: NOT ENOUGH LUBE. Make sure that you use plenty of lubricant, but not enough lubricant that you can’t feel what is going on. I recommend using a silicone lube for anal play, as it has the most lasting power.
#2: SHAME OR EMOTIONAL TRAUMA. Sometimes pain during anal play has a lot to do with shame about feeling pleasure in this part of the body. It can also have a lot to do with past traumas or psychological distress. In this case, it may be wise to see a sex therapist.
#3: ANGLES ARE ALL WRONG. Anal sex can be very painful if it is not angled properly. You can damage your partner’s tailbone, tear tissue, and even hurt yourself during giving. Make sure that you are properly angled to avoid pain.
#4: NOT WARMED UP. I think that this may be the #1 reason why anal sex hurts. There isn’t enough arousal and warm-up getting there. Simply applying some of my previous suggestions can help.
Finding the Right Angles for YOU!
The positions in this chapter are here to inspire you and your lover. As you have learned, angles are so important for sex, especially when it comes to anal sex. I want you to use these positions to find what works for you. Every person is different, and the way that your bodies come together is different; therefore, the most important thing that I want you to do in all of these positions is to go slow and to notice. Notice how it feels. Do you need to pause for a moment to get used to the sensation? Do you need more preparation? A new angle? Then shift things if you need to. Use what you have learned in this book to create the positions that work for you. Would another pillow allow for more of a right angle for RM stimulation? Great! Then use one. Would using some rolled-up towels under your lover’s knees provide more comfort and make the penetration shallower? Great! Then set her up with that. If a position doesn’t work for you, what do you need to shift? What would make it better? Do that. Your body is your greatest teacher—listen to it and follow its advice, and anal sex will be a hundred times more enjoyable.
ANGLED ANAL FOR HER
Did you know that women are more likely than men to have an orgasm from anal sex? Yep, it’s true! During anal sex, women have the opportunity to receive more stimulation to their hot spots due to the way that their muscles and nerves come together in the pelvic floor. Try these positions and invite her to focus on the sensations as you come together.
BENEFITS/This one helps take out the “ouch” factor. Right angles help to straighten out the rectum and, thus, may prevent pain. This position of ease helps your bodies relax.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/You and your partner can’t seem to get the right angle that works for you. Anal is sometimes painful, and it is hard for you to relax.
BEST TIME/Use this position when you want to face each other during anal sex.
1 She will lie at the end of the bed with pillows placed underneath her entire torso to lift her to the right height so that your bodies come together perfectly. He will stand at the end of the bed. Your heights and the height of the bed will determine how many pillows you need underneath her.
2 She will lift her legs at a 90-degree angle and place her calves around his waist or hips. The important thing here is the 90-degree angle. This is very similar to the Position of Ease described in chapter 1.
3 Here he has access to her bottom. He can do anal penetration with his penis and use a toy on her vaginally or clitorally. His hands are free to explore and play all over her body.
BENEFITS/This position is awesome for lots of reasons. One, it feels good, as it stimulates her G-spot. Two, it relieves low back tension and is especially good for her back and spine if you have been having vigorous sex in missionary position. Three, it can help women build upper body strength. Four, guys, you have two awesome handles to hold on to: her hipbones. This allows you to steer!
CHALLENGE SOLVED/You have low back tension and are uncomfortable in the traditional hands-and-knees doggy-style position. She doesn’t get the clitoral stimulation that she needs to have an orgasm.
BEST TIME/This position is great during the third day of her period or right before she starts her period. It can actually help her feel better if she has cramps.
1 Have her get into the Downward-Facing Dog position on a yoga mat on the floor. Guys, stand behind her.
2 Guys, hold on to her hips and slowly pull her slightly back. Depending on her flexibility, you can give her an awesome stretch. Penetrate her (after lots of anal foreplay) from behind. The penetration here should be shallow at first with micro movements. Ladies, bend your knees a little to get a deeper upper body stretch or if your hamstrings are really tight.
3 Guys, use your hands on her hips to move her. Rock her hips, move her deeper into the stretch and back out, try small circles, and have fun. Depending on her arm strength, she may not be able to hold this long. She can also lie over the back of a couch to get a similar effect; it just won’t be as easy to move her around.
BENEFITS/Roll into booty bliss! In this position, she is supported very nicely and can rest in comfort. You can also play with rolling side to side, which is usually not possible. Side-to-side rolls enable him to put solid pressure on many of her anal hot spots, which is what she will like best.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/You have difficulty holding yourself up for so long, have low back pain, or feel scrunched in your low back. Doing the same old doggy position can be boring.
BEST TIME/Use this position when she is craving new sensations during anal play.
1 Take two pillows and roll them together, wrap them up in a towel, and stuff a towel in between them to get some solidity to the pillows. You can also try the Liberator Whirl, which works best for this position because of its firmness and ability to roll easily.
2 Guys, have your woman lie over the Whirl or your pillows and towels on her stomach with the positional aids longways against her body. It helps to get a right angle if she pulls her knees up toward her chest. A pillow under her neck and head will help prevent injury and add to the comfort. You will be on your knees on the bed and will enter her from behind.
3 Of course, moving in and out feels good, but moving from side to side can add an entirely new sensation, stimulating different nerves and different hot spots. She can do this by rolling from side to side on the Whirl or pillows while you are inside of her. Try doing both (moving in and out, and moving side to side) at the same time for whirl of pleasure!
ANAL PS AND G
BENEFITS/Happy anus + happy vagina = happy woman! This position lifts her in a way that makes it easier for him to angle his pelvis so that he can stimulate some of her vaginal hot spots through anal sex.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/Straight anal only indirectly hits two of her pleasure zones: the PS- and G-spots, but too much angle and you’re hitting her rectal wall in a not-so-great way. She wants to have a vaginal orgasm, but vaginal penetration isn’t possible.
BEST TIME/Does she desire vaginal pleasure or orgasm, but her vagina is off limits for some reason (e.g., pain, infection, menstrual cycle)? Now is the perfect time to do a little indirect stimulation.
1 In the center of your bed, place one pillow flat and another folded in half on top of it. She will now lie facedown over the pillows with the higher end toward her feet. Her butt should be higher in the air.
2 Guys, penetrate her gently and slowly, with your pelvis angled so the head of your penis is stimulating the wall between her rectum and her vagina. You will want to aim for her PS-spot, so stay shallow. You can throw in deeper penetration every now and then to keep your arousal high, but remember to go slowly or she may tense muscles that need to stay relaxed.
3 She can change the angle and provide herself with more PS- and G-spot stimulation by lifting her feet toward his butt and then squeezing her thighs together. (See inset.) He can up her arousal by leaning down and kissing her back and neck every now and then.
FLIP HER OVER
BENEFITS/This position is my new favorite! It’s a great way to do doggy position. It takes the pain out of anal while providing a better angle for both of your pleasure. The Liberator Flip Ramp makes it easy to change the angle of the position with barely any transition time.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/She has trouble holding herself up on her hands and knees. She has low back pain, and sex from behind makes it more painful.
BEST TIME/Flip Her Over is great when she wants to be taken and he wants to take her from behind. It is the perfect position to fulfill his fantasies and his pleasure. Just make sure that she does some preparation before vigorous and deep thrusting.
1 Place the Flip Ramp in the shape of a cube at the center of your bed. Position it so that you can open it easily and the high end will still be under her hips. She will lean over the Flip Ramp and he will enter her from behind. (see inset) He has his hands free so he can hold on to her hips or caress her back while he is making love to her.
2 She will lean up so that she can open the Flip Ramp. Once it is open she can now lie down on it. Suddenly the angle changes and now she is getting more pleasure as his penis angles toward her PS- and G-spots. Her rectal wall has been warmed up from the previous positions, so she will hopefully be more relaxed and can take more of a thrusting motion in this second position.
COITUS FROM THE BACK
BENEFITS/Body-to-body contact makes this position an erotic sport. She will have his weight on her, which can feel really great when she wants to be held close. Her pelvis is angled in a way that takes the pressure off her low back while he is deeply thrusting. This is a wonderful position when the two of you want to melt into each other.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/Most positions do not offer full-body contact. Her low back hurts when penetrated from behind.
BEST TIME/This position is best when you want to feel really close to each other.
1 Use the Liberator Wedge or a folded pillow under her pelvis. The high end should be toward her feet so that her butt is slightly up in the air. Now, guys, lie on top of her, penetrating her with your penis.
2 She can wrap her arms around you and pull you closer; you can kiss her neck and back to increase her arousal. You can also move your pelvises in unison, or the guy can do most of the movement. A rocking motion is best.
BENEFITS/An anal intimacy builder, this position allows for eye contact with her feet on his chest to create a heart connection. It also puts her legs together, creating profound sensations in her vulva. Both of your hands are free so you are able to touch each other or yourselves.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/Anal sex often involves facing away from each other, but what about times when you want to make eye contact or connect? Most other anal positions facing each other are difficult to hold for long amounts of time, and her vaginal hot spots aren’t easy to reach.
BEST TIME/The position is great when you are craving anal stimulation and connection at the same time.
1 Guys, kneel between her legs. She is lying faceup on your bed. Place a folded pillow beneath her sacrum with the thicker end closest to you. Lift her feet so that they are on your chest, creating a right angle. If she is not very flexible, you will also want to place a pillow between her chest and her thighs. A pillow under her head is a nice touch and can help her see you better.
2 Guys, you will need to adjust the angle of your pelvis in order to penetrate her. Kneeling usually works well. Your hands are free so you can reach down and stimulate her clitoris. If you thrust more shallowly, you should also be able to use your fingers to penetrate her vaginally.
Anal stimulation for both of you at the same time is hard to come by, but these positions do just that.
BUTT PLUG FRIENDS
BENEFITS/Everyone wins in the end! In this position, both of you get stimulation to your anus. This technique can be used during regular intercourse for double penetration for her. It can be a psychological turn-on as well, just knowing that you both have butt plugs inside of you.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/Neither one of you is ready for anal intercourse. Intercourse when wearing a butt plug usually hurts.
BEST TIME/This position is great when you both want to add a little spice, but you aren’t quite ready to go all the way to anal intercourse.
1 After some warm-up, insert a small- or medium-size butt plug inside of you, or have your lover do it for you. Ladies, you will lie on your belly on the bed with a folded pillow under your pubic bone so that when he penetrates you, his penis is angling downward toward your G-spot.
2 Guys, get on your knees. Here, you can penetrate her vaginally while getting a view of the butt plug inside of her. All the while, you are wearing your own plug. The plugs can be played with in this position. Guys, you can reach behind yourself to play with your own plug or play with hers by pressing on it, twisting it slightly, or pulling it in and out of her.
BENEFITS/Mutual anal pleasure! This position is fun and definitely unique.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/Bored in the bedroom? You want to try something new and unique, but acrobatics and your body don’t get along. And what about mutual anal play? How can you both receive pleasure at the same time?
BEST TIME/This position is great when you are feeling limber and adventurous, and it’s perfect for when you both want anal stimulation.
1 Place the Liberator Ramp and the Wedge on the high end, with both high ends under her butt. Her head will be toward the headboard of your bed. Place a pillow by the wall or headboard so she doesn’t bang her head. She will be on her back in a Plow-like position.
2 The man faces away and rests his weight on his hands or forearms, bending his knees and moving down with his hips to penetrate her anally. She has a great view of his butt and access to play with his anus with her fingers or a flanged toy. Fun for all!
NOTE: This may not be a position that you want to hold for a long time, but it’s great for switching things up and getting super-creative and playful. Oh, and it can be fun for vaginal stimulation, too!
ANGLED ANAL FOR HIM
During anal sex, men can experience intense sensations and new kinds of orgasm. With penetration from fingers, toys, or strap-ons, they get stimulation not only to their anus and rectum, but also to their P-spot (prostate) and R-spot (root of the penis), all of which can increase their anal orgasmic capacity. Try these positions for feel-good fun!
MILKING HIS PROSTATE
BENEFITS/This is my most requested technique for men! Milking has shown to improve prostate health, sexual vitality, and wellness. Some men even report that when using my techniques they have been able to do this without any stimulation to their penis.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/Positioning yourself for extended prostate massage and play is difficult. She only has two hands, and hitting all of his hot spots requires more!
BEST TIME/This is an excellent position when intercourse is off the table, he wants a special treat, or she really wants to be in a healer or erotic masseuse role.
1 Place towels or a Liberator Fascinator Throe, which is easiest to wash, down on your bed. Just like in the Mouth Sex position from chapter 2, you will need to put two stacked on top of each other, with one folded in half so that that end is higher. Guys, lie on your stomach so that your head is on the lower end of the pillows and your belly on the higher end. You should be on your hands and knees, but supported by the pillows so that you are comfortable.
2 Ladies, position yourself so that you are lying underneath him on your back. The top of your head may touch the pillows underneath him. It is nice for you to also have a pillow under your neck and head so that you aren’t straining.
3 Ladies, now you can put your mouth and hands to work. Now is time to really hit his spots and give him a brand-new experience of pleasure. Take his penis into your mouth and give him long, deep, slow strokes from the base to the head of his penis. Think of drawing fluid out of him. With one hand, use your thumb and forefinger to massage the root of his penis in a downward motion from his anus to his testicles. Place the index finger of your other hand on his anus and massage in small circles.
4 Use plenty of lubricant, of course, and when he is ready, begin penetration. Go slowly; there is no need to rush. Your palm should be facing down and you are going to stroke his prostate with the anchor-and-pull technique. You can also mix it up and go back and forth across the prostate if he likes that motion.
5 Get it all working in unison. You stroke down his root while you suck down his shaft toward the head of his penis; meanwhile, move the finger or fingers inside of him toward you. You are coaxing the fluid out of him. When he starts gushing, he may really gush. I have seen beds soaked from all the fluid that comes out.
NOTE: This does take a lot of coordination and it can take time to get him built up to this experience. You may want to incorporate a toy into the fun like an Aneros or Nobessense Romp and nix the oral part. Then you can use one hand to stimulate his penis shaft and head and the other to massage his penis root. Give the toy wiggles or move it in and out to aid in the stimulation. Play with the toy a lot and his penis less and less, unless he needs the penis stimulation to stay in a higher state of arousal.
PROSTATE PLEASURE, PLEASE
BENEFITS/Tickle his P-spot and surprise him with a deeper orgasm! With this position, he gets to receive stimulation to his prostate and has the opportunity for a different kind of orgasm—one that is more intense and more internal than his usual orgasm with ejaculation. Prostate stimulation and massage also help him improve his prostate health.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/Similar to penetrating a woman, penetrating a man anally doesn’t always hit the hot spot.
BEST TIME/This position is great when he is craving a new type of sensation and orgasm. It’s also great when he feels the desire to be receptive.
1 Place a stack of two or three pillows on your bed with the top one folded in half to give him a slight angle. The top pillow should be closest to his butt. He will lie faceup with the pillows under his sacrum. This will help lift him up and angle him slightly so that you can get the right positioning for his optimal pleasure.
2 Ladies, place a pillow between his legs for you to kneel on. Open your legs about 5–7 inches (12.7–17.7 centimeters) and place his thighs over your legs. Using a strap-on, ladies, you can play with him with the head of it externally a bit, before doing any penetration.
3 As you penetrate him, you will go 2–3 inches (5–7.6 centimeters) inside. (It helps if you feel the location of his prostate with your fingers before doing this with a strap-on.) Ladies, angle your pelvis so that the head of the dildo hits his prostate area. He can tip his tailbone down toward the bed to press into the dildo and get more pressure. Ladies, you can also shake your hips back and forth to give him side-to-side stimulation on his prostate.
4 Both of your hands are free, so it also helps if either you give him some sumptuous strokes or he loves himself with some tantalizing touch. I’ve heard from men that if a woman pulls out at the moment of ejaculation it intensifies the sensations. Try for yourself and see what feels best.
NOTE: Using a curved dildo in your strap on will also help with getting the right angle for direct prostate stimulation.
BENEFITS/Unleash his feminine side and let him surrender to you! This position provides him with the opportunity to let go of masculine control and sink into his feminine side, while letting you “rock out with your cock out,” as my friend Ariel White says.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/It’s hard for a man to feel soft, curvy, and feminine, especially when he has to be on top all of the time and everything is in straight angles.
BEST TIME/This is great when you want to get into a little role-playing and he wants the experience of what a woman might feel during sex.
1 One of the ways to feel soft and sexy is to introduce curves. Do you have a curved pillow, something round like a roll of towels, or a bolster around your house? Use these curves in your love play. For this particular position I am going to recommend the Liberator Esse; its curves inspire deliciousness and they lengthen the body, making you feel scintillatingly sexy whether you are a man or a woman. Play together on the Esse. She will take on the male role, kissing him playfully, being active with him, fingering him, and having a great time taking charge. He will allow himself to be taken by her.
2 Sometimes it is helpful to dress the part: She wears nothing but a tie, and he puts on a wig or women’s underwear; whatever it is that helps you to step into another world. When you feel that you have both sunk into your roles, he will bend over the large curve of the Esse, letting his hands slide down to explore the curve and the feel of the fabric. She will step in behind him, penetrating him from behind. Depending on her height, she may need to stand on a stack of pillows or a little stool to get the right angle. Do not use an upward-curving dildo here, because it may elicit pain.
3 She will bend forward to kiss his back or his neck, but she should be careful not to let her breasts touch him, unless they are bound, as this may break the spell. She can thrust in and out after he has been warmed up to the penetration, making love to him like a man would desire. This plays into the fantasy even more and can arouse his B-spot more than any other spot.
4 Use this step if you want to have him on his knees. Ladies, place a pillow at the low end of the Esse and position him on his knees. Put a pillow or two or three, depending on your heights, for you to kneel on. Have him bend forward, lying over the small curve as you penetrate him from behind. Make sure that you angle your pelvis down or straight; upward may cause him pain. No pain, no pain!
HOOKED LEG ANAL
BENEFITS/I challenge you to try this one! She gets to exhibit her feminine strength while supporting him. This position is fantastic for strap-on play and having your bodies close at the same time. It’s a great way to open your heart, physically and emotionally.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/Doggy position with a strap-on is the same old thing, and it can be hard to get the right angles when she’s penetrating him.
BEST TIME/When you desire connection with each other during strap-on play, this position will provide it. It is excellent when she really wants to be strong and in control of penetrating him.
1 Ladies, place a Liberator Ramp behind you with a pillow at the low end where you will sit. He will sit facing you with a pillow under his butt. Ladies, you will play the dominant role and therefore will be on the bottom. He will sit on your outstretched legs. You can start with penetration here if you so desire. Gaze into each other’s eyes or rest your foreheads together.
2 Have him lean back and place his hands on the bed or on the floor. (This position is best on the floor or a very firm bed.) Now he will lift his legs onto your shoulders. Play here for a little while.
3 Ladies, place your hands back on the Ramp for leverage and push your pelvis up and down. If he is so much larger than you that you can’t do this, you can rest back on the Ramp and simply move your pelvis up and down in a rocking motion. Depending on your strength and stamina, you may need to default to the Ramp anyway in order to really hold this position.
NOTE: Be careful of the angle of the dildo that you are using. You want to use something that is either straight or curved downward to avoid causing him pain. I also recommend only doing this position after he has warmed up to deeper penetration.
BENEFITS/Ever fantasized about a threesome? He gets the sensation of penetrating someone while being penetrated at the same time.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/He wants a threesome, but she’s not quite ready to dive in with another person. It can be hard to stimulate his penis and penetrate him at the same time.
BEST TIME/When he wants both penis sensation and anal penetration, use this position. It’s also great when she is feeling super-energetic and wanting to take charge.
1 Take a look at the Angles and Wings position from chapter 1. Modify the homemade version of the positional aid so instead of a vibrator strapped on to the roll of towels you have a Tenga Flip-Hole or Fleshlight masturbation sleeve in a position so that he can penetrate it as if he were making love to someone.
2 Ladies, you will position yourself behind him with pillows under your knees to get the right angle and height so that it is easy for you. Using a strap-on, you can have a lot of fun playing with rhythms, going in the same rhythm as he does, or trying to thrust against his motion for deeper penetration.
CHAPTER 5ECSTASY IN CUFFS
POSITIONS FOR PLAYFUL RESTRAINT
“I have fallen to my knees unable to rise, what kind of trap is this? What kind of chains have tied my hands and feet? It is so strange, so wonderful, this helplessness of mine.”—Rumi
WHAT IS PLAYFUL RESTRAINT?
Add a little kink and a whole lot of spice!
Dark dungeons, whips, gags, metal...This is what most people think of when they think of the world of kink. But you’ve probably used some of the elements of bondage/kink at some point in your life. Have you ever held your partner’s wrists up over his or her head? Or have you ever used your leg to trap him under you in a moment of passion? Ever grabbed her hair? Ever grabbed his butt and pulled him into you? As lovers, we are certain to play with who is in charge and we frequently use our bodies to bind.
One of my goals is to take bondage out of the dungeon and make it accessible to anyone wanting to play with the ideas of power, surrender, and intimacy (PSI). Let’s take it out of the darkness and into the light of your very own bedroom. Here you can play with things you already have available to you: pillows, pillowcases, ties, belts, hands, bodies...You don’t need all the gear (although good-quality gear can make it a whole lot of fun and more comfortable). You don’t need to make it dark and scary.
Playful restraint (PR) is just that. It’s being playful with your lover while at the same time restraining her or being restrained by her. It’s about using a little kink to deepen your relationship and sexual intimacy. PR allows you to play with roles of power and submission in a way that feels safe, fun, and pleasurable. Instead of leather and metal, think fur and lace. Of course, if you find metal and leather a turn-on, go for it. I’m speaking mostly to those of you who have judged the world of BDSM (bondage, dominance and submission, sadism, and masochism), like I once did. I couldn’t understand why someone wanted to be humiliated, bound, or even inflicted with pain. I couldn’t understand the desire for this type of sexual turn-on. Then I became a sexologist. Then I fell in love with a man who loved to be restrained and dominated. Then I started to really understand.
What I came to understand is that this type of play is really about a transfer of power and therefore requires deep trust. As the person being in a more submissive role, you trust your lover not to hurt you physically, but it goes deeper than that. We can also be set up to be hurt emotionally, as these types of activities leave us in a position where we can be judged if we’re asking for or are wanting to do things that aren’t usually seen as socially acceptable—such as wanting to experience pain or explore role switching or humiliation.
PR is a way to introduce elements of PSI and BDSM to your lover without having to go deep into the world of kink or to open yourself up to possible emotional hurt with a partner who does not understand your desires. You can restrain her arms behind her back or perhaps tie his ankles with a belt, but get out metal handcuffs and forget it! If this is your case, then light PR is the way to go.
I want to point out that PR is a form of bondage and that I am not saying that bondage is a bad thing or that it doesn’t include the other elements of lighter play. PR is quite simply just another way to frame it so that you or your lover might be able to release any shame around getting a little kinkier, thus opening the door to letting elements of BDSM into your love life. It’s like the difference between saying, “Honey, tonight I am going to use a massager on you” versus “Honey, tonight I am going to use a vibrator on you.” Most anyone will accept a massage, but say the V-word and you might get turned down.
Benefits of Getting Kinky
Oh, the benefits of introducing a little kink into your bedroom are many. I often think of the SEA when playing with my partner...
SPICE. Introducing something new and a little taboo can add a lot of spice to your sexual relationship. Not to mention it gives you something new to learn about and be excited about in your sex life.
EROTIC TRANCE. Prolonged PR scenes can take you or your lover into a deep erotic trance state. Think about sensory deprivation. People can go to some really trippy places when they are deprived of all sensations. With PR, you do the opposite: You overwhelm them with sensations, and because they are bound they can’t control the level of sensory overload. This has a similar effect to depriving them. Have your love slave do some breathing, such as slowly breathing in and out of the mouth without a break between the inhale and the exhale, and you may find him or her swimming in an alternate universe. You don’t want your lover to hyperventilate, so be sure your lover is really exhaling completely. Altered states are not uncommon during extended high arousal. These states have many benefits and take you and your lover to places never before explored.
AROUSAL. For those of you who are highly aroused by the idea of being bound or taking on a different role in the bedroom, PR can heighten your excitement and take you to new levels of pleasure.
I think that a big difference for me between PR and traditional bondage is comfort. Sure, I am down for a little sensory play, but I want to be comfortable when I am receiving it. Sure, I am down for handcuffs, but put some fur on the inside of them. Sure, I am down for sex in crazy bondage positions, but put some pillows underneath me. Here is where the angles come into play. Not only will they aid in comfort, but as you have learned in previous chapters, they will also aid in pleasure. So when binding, include a bend.
What Are the Main Differences between PR and Common Bondage Practices?
Usually shown in dark dungeons with lots of gear: ball gags, hoods, suspension, ropes, chains, and sensory items.
Accessible to anyone, could happen in anyone’s bedroom without the need for a lot of complicated gear.
Gear is usually leather and metal, which can look intimidating and a little scary.
Gear is soft, nonintimidating (pretty even), and easy to use.
Bondage may also include other elements of BDSM, which play with pain/sensation and psychological domination/humiliation. Your lover may not be ready for this type of scene.
PR is more about light play with a focus on sensation that is about comfort and pleasure while deepening the connection between lovers (not to say that this can’t happen during a more traditional bondage scene).
Bondage has an entire history and labeling that comes along with it. When you say the word bondage, your lover may instantly go to the above scenarios.
The name implies play and light restraint and doesn’t have a lot of baggage surrounding it. Your lover may be more open to the idea.
There are a number of great books on the subject of BDSM, and I encourage you to read a few if you are serious about becoming an aficionado in that world. However, I want to give you a few guidelines for playing with the positions in this chapter. This is very important. Do not engage in this type of play without a conversation first. You need to have communication guidelines set out before you begin.
RULE #1: HAVE SAFE WORDS. As a general rule, stop does not work as a safe word. You want to have three words: one that means keep going, one that means pause, and one that means stop the session completely. I like colors: green, yellow, and red. That makes it clear and my partner won’t be confused. If you are using a gag, a good rule is to have your partner hold on to a ball or other object, which he can drop if he needs you to stop.
RULE #2: KNOW THE BOUNDARIES. Boundaries are not bad things. They are perfectly healthy and actually give you more creativity in your play. When you know the limits, you can play to your partner’s edge. A boundary might be no pain, or no ice, or no anal penetration. Whatever your partner’s boundaries, always respect them. Another thing that I like to ask is if the person receiving (bottom/submissive) would like me to hold him to his boundaries. Say, for example, that your partner says that she does not want any penetration during the session. But then your lover gets all aroused and starts to change her mind as the pleasure peaks. At that moment, does your lover want you to hold her to the established boundary, or is your lover allowed to change her mind? This is a great one that not many people think about. Sometimes people go over their boundaries in the moment and then regret it later.
RULE #3: SAFETY GEAR. When playing with being bound, safety comes first. You establish safety with words, but you also need to keep physical safety in mind. Make sure that you don’t tie wrist and ankles too tightly; you don’t want to cut off blood circulation. If you notice fingers or toes going blue, you’ve tied your lover too tight. If your lover needs out of a bind in a hurry, you need to have special scissors on hand that can cut through clothing or rope in a snip. I highly recommend having a little PR safety kit.
RULE #4: AVOID VULNERABLE AREAS. There are certain areas of the body where you want to avoid using ropes for tying. These are areas where you may pinch nerves or disrupt blood flow and cause a lack of circulation:
• Inner biceps
• Inner thighs
• Back of knees
Your PR Safety Kit
EMT SHEARS OR BANDAGE SCISSORS. Ideal for getting out of a bind quickly; a must for any play in which you are using ropes to tie your lover.
ARNICA CREAM OR ARNICA MASSAGE OIL. Have this on hand to rub onto sore wrists, ankles, or butts; cuts down on bruising, and your lover will thank you later.
COCONUT WATER OR AN ENERGY DRINK. Many people forget to drink liquids because they are in an altered state of pleasure and wrapped up in the sensation. Having these on hand will help prevent dehydration and keep both of you going for extended play.
STRAWS. Because arms and hands are going to be bound, you may need these to make drinking easier. Plus, giving your partner a drink can be part of the scene.
SMALL SNACKS. Many bondage-related injuries are caused by fainting and falling. Blood sugar can get low, so have a little food on hand to prevent a drop in blood sugar and fainting. Plus, having food in your mouths adds to the sensory experience.
ANGLES FOR PLAYFUL RESTRAINT
SENSORY PLAY: ARMS AND ANKLES
BENEFITS/This is a great way to introduce something considered kinky. This position gives your partner the opportunity to go deep into an altered state due to sensory overload. It also sensitizes his or her entire body.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/Your partner is afraid of intense bondage or BDSM play but loves sensation. Your partner is not very sensitive. Lying flat increases low back discomfort.
BEST TIME/This is great for times when you really want to give and your partner really needs to receive. It’s also good when you want to introduce a little kink and play with dominance and surrender.
1 Gather a tray of different sensory items. Use things for touch (e.g., soft fur mitts, spoons, electric toothbrush, flowers, toothpicks), sound (e.g., keys, music, whistles, bells, your voice), smell (e.g., essential oils, garlic, flowers, food), and taste (e.g., nuts, chocolate, fruit, mint, lemon). Submissives, your job is simply to notice sensations, not try to guess what the objects are.
2 Prop your partner up on his or her back. Set lots of pillows behind him or her and put towels or a bolster under his or her knees. Cuff or tie your partner’s wrists together. Be slow and deliberate. Now cuff his ankles together. Gently place a blindfold over his eyes.
3 Play and tease your partner with the sensory items you have gathered. Start with touch and then move through each sensation. Spend at least five minutes per sense.
4 Your partner may be in a deep altered state so, when you’re ready, slowly remove his or her blindfold and instruct your lover to keep his or her eyes closed. This is a great time to stroke your lover slowly and cuddle with him or her. If you have decided to make love after the sensory session, then you can leave your lover’s blindfold on and slowly and gently begin to arouse him or her with genital play before moving into lovemaking.
BENEFITS/Not ready for the ropes? This position gives the psychological play of bondage without having to actually handcuff or tie your lover. It is more about the hint of being bound or being submissive. It actually relaxes the body due to contact of hands on large bony landmarks.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/You don’t have any bondage gear. Your lover is afraid of being bound or considers it heavily kinky and won’t go there, yet you notice that it is a turn-on for your lover or you to play with these types of fantasies.
BEST TIME/This position is excellent when you want to introduce a little bondage into your lovemaking without making a big deal out of it.
1 Position your lover on your bed with a pillow above his or her head, a pillow under his or her neck and shoulders, a folded pillow beneath his or her sacrum, and a pillow underneath each of his or her knees. All of these give great angles and comfort.
2 Take your partner’s forearms and hold them above his or her head on the pillows. Look into your lover’s eyes and tell your lover that he or she is not allowed to move his or her hands from those pillows. Next, move into penetration.
3 Place a hand on your lover’s shoulder bone and another on the opposite hipbone. Press your lover into the bed. Now try both shoulders. Then try both hips. See what seems to be the biggest turn-on for your lover.
4 Fold your lover’s legs up in an ankle position; you may want to place a pillow between your lover’s legs and belly. (See insert.) Play with holding on to his or her knees, moving forward to wad your lover up in a tight ball beneath you, or holding on to his or her hands on the pillow above.
“No woman truly knows what she is, until she has worn a collar.”
BENEFITS/This is a deep-penetration position “bound” to please! Use this at a moment when she wants deep penetration.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/You don’t have a bedpost to handcuff your partner to, or she has low back pain or knee pain in doggy position.
BEST TIME/Usually the best time for this position coincides with when she is ovulating and her cervix is high. This is also great for when he wants to take control and she wants to surrender into pleasure.
1 Position the Liberator Black-Label Hipster in the middle of your bed. The woman will lie on her back with her hips on the highest part of the Hipster and her head on the low end or on the bed depending on her height. You may want to place a pillow under her head for extra comfort.
2 Guys, cuff her hands to the Hipster. Cuff her legs together. Now kneel at the high end of the Hipster.
3 Move her legs with one hand by using the ankle binding so that her knees are touching her chest and her feet are up in the air. Rest your other hand on her hip. Don’t be afraid to use it to stroke, massage, and caress her. Slowly penetrate her so that she can feel you. When you are as deep as you can go, stay deep and make little thrusts, keeping your pelvis connected to her butt. Surprise her every now and then by doing a long thrust.
NOTE: Make sure that you use adequate lubricant for this, especially if you are going to be doing a lot of vigorous thrusting.
BOUND FROM BEHIND
BENEFITS/Ladies must surrender to G-spot pleasure in this position that is wonderful for binding her in a way that arches her low back so that she gets more G-spot stimulation.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/Flat sex from behind often doesn’t hit her G-spot. Rope tying can be time-consuming, especially when you just want some quick and playful restraint. I like the Hipster for this position because of the way that it supports the hips and you can bind her directly to it. If you do not have a Hipster you can use a stack of pillows beneath her hips and her chest.
BEST TIME/When you quickly and easily want to play with a little bondage while at the same time stimulate her G-spot, this position is great. It’s also perfect in the middle of lovemaking to amp up the erotic charge.
1 Ladies, lie on your stomach over the Hipster so that the high end is under your hips.
2 Guys, put cuffs around her wrists and attach them to the low end of the Hipster near her head. Place cuffs around her ankles and then attach them to the Hipster in a way so that her feet are pulled back toward her buttocks.
3 Guys, play with her. Stroke her skin, use your penis to tease and tantalize her. When she’s begging for penetration, then you will want to penetrate her in a way so that you are slightly angling down with a more shallow penetration. I recommend doing five to seven shallow thrusts with two to three deep thrusts in between.
BENEFITS/Has she been bad lately? Does she need a little punishment? This position can be a way to stimulate her G-spot, and it’s a great for anal play, too. Add some cuffs, and she has to submit to pleasure.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/Stimulating her G-spot while having her butt available for spanking or flogging is rare and not as pleasurable when lying flat.
BEST TIME/When she is feeling extra naughty and she wants to be punished, this position is great because it exposes her buttocks for spanking and has many variations.
1 Stack four or five pillows on your bed. Ladies, lie on your stomach facing down toward the bed. The pillows should be positioned under your hips, and your hips should be higher than your man’s once he positions himself behind you. It is great to place another pillow under your chest and head for added support.
2 Guys, bind her hands behind her back. Cuff her ankles together. Position yourself so that you can penetrate her from behind. You want to angle your penetration downward toward her G-spot. It’s an added pleasure if her legs are closer together and your legs are on the outside. It squeezes everything together. Did you know that many women masturbate with their legs together? It often feels better. You can even squeeze her thighs with your thighs to heighten the experience.
3 Place your hands on her buttocks; they’re right there for you to play with. Rub small circles before you land a cupped palm on her cheeks. You could also use a whip or flogger to giver her different sensations. A few spankings and multiple thrusts, and you’ve thoroughly given the bad girl what she deserves.
BAD BOY ON STAGE
BENEFITS/Ladies, when he’s been bad, put him onstage and make his erotic body sing! Using the Liberator Black-Label Stage System will allow you quick access to playful restraint. Angling his pelvis and lifting his head gives you the clitoral stimulation you so desire.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/Your bed doesn’t have a headboard or anything to cuff him to. Ladies, you want to quickly restrain, tease, and tantalize him, but rope ties are complicated. Or you want to get a great angle for clitoral stimulation as you ride him, but having him flat doesn’t do it for you.
BEST TIME/This position is great when she wants to treat him like a bad boy and make him follow her every command! It’s also great for when she wants to take control and he wants to surrender.
1 Place the Liberator Black-Label Stage in the center of your bed. Guys, you will lie flat on your back on the Stage with a pillow or the half-bolster under your head. Place a folded pillow under your sacrum. Ladies, now cuff his wrists and his ankles to the Stage.
2 Ladies, your hands are free so you can tease and tantalize your man with a little sensory play. You might want to use a flogger or whip, or feathers and soft fabric if you’re going the more sensual route. Rock your hips to your satisfaction and watch him squirm beneath you.
BENEFITS/Plow your lover’s erotic garden! This is a great position for anal or vaginal penetration for him or her. Your lover will really be bound, creating an opportunity for deep surrender. Your lover’s butt is also exposed, making it a great target for flogging and spanking.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/Being in the Plow or pile-driver position can be excruciating on the neck and shoulders if held for a long time. There can also be strain on the low back if your abdominals are weak.
BEST TIME/This is a wonderful position for her during days 10–17 of her cycle. When he desires submission and strap-on play, this can be a great position for him as well. It is a position of vulnerability and therefore perfect when one of you wants to deeply surrender.
1 Take the time to make ties with good-quality rope or cuffs. You can use cuffs around your partner’s ankles and bind wrists behind his or her back.
2 Place a soft, cushy pillow under your lover’s upper back, neck, and head. Now have your lover flip his or her legs over so that they are in an Open-Legged Plow position. This is a position in yoga where you are essentially doing a shoulder-stand, but instead of holding your feet high in the air, they are folded over by your ears. Usually your legs would be together, but here you want them opened wide. Use rope to attach your lover’s feet to the headboard of your bed. This will actually help take the pressure off of your lover having to hold him- or herself in the Plow position.
3 Place a stack of pillows underneath your lover’s low back to give him or her extra support. Now that your lover has assumed the position, you can play. Penetration here is wonderful, especially when combined with stimulation to other hot spots, like her clitoris or the head and shaft of his penis.
RAMPED LEG BIND
BENEFITS/This position opens your lover’s pelvic floor to you, presenting a smorgasbord of delights to enjoy. It also provides comfort in a position that would otherwise be difficult to hold. This bondage position also allows for a lot of variety in love play.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/Many bondage ties are difficult and, once tied, not practical for penetration. Positions may also be limited and do not allow for much variety. You are required to tie your lover to something, but do not have a headboard or posts.
BEST TIME/Use this position when you want more binding than what handcuffs allow, but you don’t want to use challenging knots and ties. Also a great position when you want full access to your partner’s pleasure zones for a variety of play.
1 Position your partner on a Liberator Black-Label Ramp with his or her head on the lower end and butt on the high end. You may want to place a pillow under your lover’s neck and shoulders for added comfort, especially if you are going to be in this position for a long time. If you do not have a Ramp, you can build a slope with a few stacks of pillows. The idea is to get your lover’s butt higher than his or her head.
2 Cuff your lover’s hands to the high end of the Ramp so that his or her arms are outstretched. If you are not using the Ramp, you can handcuff his or her arms over your lover’s head. Now bind the legs. Fold a medium-size length of rope in half. Where the fold is you will have a loop to use. Wrap the rope around your lover’s bent leg and loop the loose end of the rope through the folded section. Now wrap the rope in the opposite direction. Wrap a few times before tying it off, simply by weaving the extra rope under your lover’s knee and through to the other side. Weave through the wrapped rope and back through to the beginning side. Check in with your lover to make sure that it isn’t too tight. Repeat all of this on the other leg.
3 Now your lover is vulnerable to your whims! This is an excellent position for oral play. I recommend licking her clitoris while stimulating her G-spot with your fingers, or stimulating the root of his penis while licking his frenulum. This position is also excellent for vaginal or anal penetration.
CHAPTER 6THE POWER OF PILLOW PLAY
SEVEN RED-HOT SESSIONS
Enjoying yourselves? Ready to put it all together into one sensationally sexy session?
Variety is the spice of life, and this is especially true when it comes to your sexual life. We are wired to seek variety. Lack of variety is why so many couples complain that things have fizzled out in their once very hot sex life. Angles create variety. Unlimited variety. When it comes to sexual positions, I find that couples who have gotten bored usually stick to one position per lovemaking session. This may seem obvious, but let me tell you that lack of creativity in the bedroom is killing people’s relationships. I encourage you to step out of thinking that you only need one good position or that you aren’t creative enough to come up with something new. What would happen if you tried a number of different positions from this book in one erotic experience?
THE BENEFITS OF USING MULTIPLE ANGLED POSITIONS
#1: IT PROLONGS LOVEMAKING. Guys, when you are in one position and pumping away, you are more likely to ejaculate quickly. When you change the angle, you change the sensations, and you are more likely to prolong and deepen the experience. This equals better sex for her, but also more satisfaction for you because her arousal will be very high!
#2: IT STIMULATES DIFFERENT HOT SPOTS. As you have learned from this book, changing the angle means changing the sensations because you hit different pleasurable spots. But when you use multiple angled positions, you ensure that all your hot spots are happy!
#3: IT MAKES FOR CREATIVE FUN AND PLAYFULNESS. When transitioning from one position to another, you may find new angles/positions altogether. In the new position, you may realize some of your greatest pleasure. Rolling from one position to the next and being creative on your way there actually stimulates your erotic energy. Sex doesn’t have to be so serious. Twisting your bodies, getting entwined in new ways, seeing each other from a new angle, laughing wildly in the midst of it all—these are powerful ways to create a sex life that is filled with a spark of liveliness.
HOW TO PLAY
The trick to successfully pulling off multiple positions is really transitions! What makes for great transitions? Planning!
It may seem counterintuitive. “But shouldn’t sex always be spontaneous? Shouldn’t we just make it up as we go?” I was working with a very successful couple who had lost their spark. She wanted more variety; he was taught to always be nice in the bedroom. “I always thought it best just to let it happen naturally,” he said to me during one of our sessions.
We have a misperception that hot sex should be this unplanned, unscheduled, unprepared thing. The myth is that if it’s spontaneous, it will be that swinging-from-the-rafters hot sex that we all desire. The truth is that in many people’s experience, especially in long-term relationships, it simply isn’t so. When I personally look back on all the peak sexual experiences that I have had over my lifetime, the ones that stand out are the ones where my lover planned. When the date, the food, the environment, and the positions or erotic theme were all thought out, then the sex was magnificent.
Just recently I had an experience with my lover that had a combination of both spontaneity and planning. We have a two-year-old, so unless we schedule sex, it simply doesn’t happen. Our scheduling had fallen to the wayside and I was becoming one grumpy sex goddess. I had to plan something fast. We got a babysitter on a Sunday afternoon. I e-mailed my lover with the plan.
I am preparing our love space...bondage ropes, cuffs, you name it!
I’ve been watching Kink.com! I’m wet with anticipation.
Thank you for taking time to dominate me.
I will be waiting in the Love Space...for you...
Here are some positions for you to try...or not... just put me in new ones...only rules:
No anal for me
Must incorporate pillows/angles
Must include bondage in some way
Your Love Slave,
I attached a document with ten different angled positions. He didn’t check his e-mail, so I called him from my office. He then read the e-mail and said, “I’ll be down in ten minutes.” I went into our love space (it’s all decked out with everything we need—Liberator gear, cuffs, lubricants, pillows, etc.), and waited with tons of anticipation. It was one of my peak erotic experiences. What made it so great?
1. Planned and spontaneous: Although we had hired a sitter and had planned on a sexual escapade, neither of us had initiated it and we were spending time in our offices working. I then spontaneously initiated with a plan. I gave him the rules, and he could be spontaneous inside of those rules. I prepared the space with everything that we needed to execute my desires.
2. Not focused on intercourse but on pleasure: Once my partner arrived, he played with my body for over an hour. I would say that only for about ten minutes of that hour his penis was inside of me. The rest of the time he was using his hands, his mouth, his hands and mouth together, and toys in combination with hands and mouth. It was phenomenal and left me wanting more, which is a great place to be.
3. Trying something new: I am not usually in a submissive role, and this was new territory for me. Incorporating the use of angles during bondage was something very new for him, and he loved it. We were both having so much fun trying something completely new.
Keep in Mind
It brought up the question: What makes for great sex? There are so many factors and lots of confusing information out there. I want you to keep a few things in mind as you practice multiple angled positions.
#1: PLANNING IS GREAT! It doesn’t have to be spontaneous. You have permission to plan your pleasure play. Just leave some room for spontaneity and creativity within your planning.
#2: BREAKS ARE GREAT! Once you begin intercourse, you don’t have to stay there. You can take a break, go to oral or hand stimulation, come back to intercourse, and use combinations at anytime during your lovemaking. You can even stop altogether and then spontaneously start up again! I challenge you to find new pathways to your orgasms.
#3: PLAYING IS GREAT! It’s okay if things aren’t entirely smooth. You may not be able to get the transition from one position to the next; you get all tangled up in body parts, and that is completely okay. You can laugh, you can move on to something else, you can throw an uncomfortably placed pillow across the room or teasingly pounce on your lover. You don’t have to stick to the plan. Playing together can result in some amazingly deep and profound pleasure.
I want you to remember these three things. I want you to prepare for the transitions but allow yourself the freedom to mess up, find new positions along the way, and have tons of fun while you are at it.
SEVEN ANGLED SESSIONS EXPLORED
The following sessions are inspiration for putting together multiple angled positions. I highly advise lots of foreplay before engaging in intercourse, especially since, on average, it takes women more time to get aroused.
BENEFITS/Feeling lusty? Try these positions that all focus on high pleasure for both of you. Need orgasms? These are ideal for when you want to go for multiple orgasms!
CHALLENGE SOLVED/Flat sex isn’t best for pleasure; one angled position may not be THE ONE! You need more variety.
BEST TIME/This sequence is best when pleasure is the focus. These positions are great when you need the release of an orgasm. It can be great for a fun quickie, too, but plan on at least twenty minutes to an hour depending on how deep you want to go.
THE SETUP/You will need six to eight pillows and two towel rolls. Set up two stations, similar to the setup in the Love session (see page 143), only you will need to set up for Driving Your Lady Ga Ga on one side of your bed and Fantastic Frenulum on the other side. If you don’t have a bed big enough for this (how can you sleep together in anything less than a queen?) then you can do one setup on the floor.
POSITIONS EXPLORED/Driving Your Lady Ga Ga, Fantastic Frenulum, Connect the Spots, Ascending Position, The Root Route, Mouth Sex (optional)
1 After lots of foreplay, guys, lay your lady down in the Driving Your Lady Ga Ga position.
2 She’ll then take charge, signaling that it is your turn to lie back down on your throne. Here she will play your Fantastic Frenulum.
3 Ladies, climb on board for Connect the Spots. You’ll need to add a few pillows under his torso, which can be done quickly and easily before he lies down. Stay here and have an orgasm or two if you wish before moving on to the next step.
4 To get into the Ascending Position, all you need to do is move your legs. Squat first, put your legs in front of you, then fold them so that you are sitting cross-legged.
5 Now switch! Guys, flip her onto her back on your stack of pillows or to the other side of the bed but move your pillows over to her side. You may need to add a few pillows to give her the right reach for The Root Route. Here you can have your orgasm(s) or you can do an optional Mouth Sex in the next step.
6 Ladies, take charge again: Flip him over onto his stomach, with the pillows that were behind his back now under his torso. Position yourself for Mouth Sex. Remember, ladies, that you can have orgasms in the back of your throat.
BENEFITS/Loving positions to bring you closer together! These positions allow for face-to-face contact, which in turn can deepen intimacy and connection. They also allow for more body-to-body contact, which just means more skin to bond with.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/You are feeling “lovey dovey” and in need of deeper connection, but the idea of getting all adventurous and rolling around the bed isn’t really appealing. Yet, staying in the same missionary-type position can be boring and not exactly the most pleasurable experience.
BEST TIME/These positions are great when you are feeling especially amorous. This session is also terrific for reuniting after a big fight (great makeup sex), or when you need to feel deeply connected. Set aside forty-five minutes to an hour for this session.
THE SETUP/You will need seven to eight pillows and two towels to roll up under his knees. Make two nests, one for him for the Royal Oral and one for her for Lifted Cunnilingus.
POSITIONS EXPLORED/Twining of the Creeper, Royal Oral, Lifted Cunnilingus, Clitoral Missionary Trainer, Accomplishing Position, Penis Sandwich
1 Begin with Twining of the Creeper from the Kama Sutra. Take time to sink into each other, breathe together, and feel each other’s bodies. She will take charge by moving him to Royal Oral, positioning him comfortably on his back. Ladies, make eye contact with him as you make love with him with your mouth and hands. Languish in loving him, indulge him like a king and worship his penis.
2 Guys, it’s her turn now, when you are ready (maybe you will never be ready, but I’d say give yourself at least ten to twenty minutes before moving on). Take charge by positioning her onto her setup of pillows for Lifted Cunnilingus. Look up from your moist meal to connect with her via your eyes. Stay here for ten to twenty minutes before moving on to step 3.
3 Climb all the way onto the bed and move into a position to penetrate her in the Clitoral Missionary Trainer. You may need to add a pillow under her head for better eye contact; otherwise, this is a fairly easy transition.
4 Lift her torso so that she is in more of a seated position for the Accomplishing Position. Use the pillows that were behind her head on the Royal Oral side of the bed to make a stack for her leg. This is a great place to make eye contact and hold each other, making slow movements. This is an excellent position if the pleasure gets too high and you want to bring it down to prolong the experience.
5 Now roll over so that you are on your sides. You will most likely be in the middle of your bed. Take one pillow and place it between her calves for the Penis Sandwich. In this position, hands are free, bodies are extraordinarily close, and pleasure can be very, very high. Stay here as long as you like!
BENEFITS/Adventurous anal, here we come! These positions provide an exciting opportunity for an extended anal play session. They can also be modified for vaginal penetration.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/You’ve been doing doggy position forever and need to change things up a bit. Anal sex is awkward and sometimes painful for her. You want to make eye contact, but doggy doesn’t help you make that happen.
BEST TIME/Use this sequence when you want to deeply explore anal sex or vaginal penetration from behind. Please plan at least an hour for this, preferably ninety minutes to two hours.
THE SETUP/Prepare two to three pillows on the edge of your bed for the Easy Anal position and another stack near your head-board or wall for Turbo Dog. Have a yoga mat on the floor at the end of your bed. You will also want some massage oil or lubricant on hand.
POSITIONS EXPLORED/Downward-Facing Doggy, Easy Anal, Facing Anal, Turbo Dog
1 Guys, position your lady on the yoga mat for Downward-Facing Doggy. Do not do anal penetration in this first step. This is about stretching and massaging her, teasing her with what is to come. Use your hands to do external anal massage and tease her anus with the head of your penis. You want her begging for penetration.
NOTE: She can drop to her knees if needed, but put a pillow underneath her knees for comfort.
2 Move her onto the bed. Lay her down on the pillows, which you will have prepared for Easy Anal. If she is warmed up enough, now is the time for penetration. Remember to go SLOW. Stay here as long as she likes and be sure to give her clitoris some attention.
3 You can easily turn this into Facing Anal by simply lifting her feet up onto your chest. This can make the penetration deeper, so make sure that you check in with her about how this feels. You can also adjust with shallower thrusts.
4 You can continue alternating between Easy Anal and Facing Anal, or you can transition into Turbo Dog. Guys, you will need to scoot her up to the headboard with the pillows placed underneath her so that she can angle up into the Turbo Dog position. Now you will face away from her for penetration and she can reciprocate with a little anal or penis root touch for you. This is great if you plan on switching gears and receiving anal later in your love play.
5 It’s often nice to end how you began. When you are both satisfied, move back to the yoga mat for a little Downward-Facing Doggy. Stretching feels wonderful after a good pounding!
BENEFITS/Try these for ties that bind and bring on sexual bliss! These positions provide you with ease and variety. There is no need to tie or untie, and you can get multiple positions in one session. They are great for both male and female in the submissive role.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/If you want a variety of positioning during bondage, you often have to untie and tie your lover again and again. While this can be part of the fun, it can also be time-consuming and can lower arousal.
BEST TIME/These are great when you want a quickie bondage session with a lot of variety. Please give yourselves twenty minutes to an hour for this session.
THE SETUP/You will need one pillow, the Liberator Black-Label Ramp, wrist and ankle cuffs, rope (optional), safety kit, and toys (optional).
POSITIONS EXPLORED/Sensory Play: Arms and Ankles, Ramped Leg Bind, Bound from Behind
1 Have your lover lie on his or her back with his or her butt on the high end of the Ramp. Cuff your lover’s hands to the high end of the Ramp. Make sure that his or her butt is at the edge of the high end. A pillow under his or her head at the bottom of the Ramp can help keep your love slave from sliding and give him or her extra comfort.
OPTIONAL: If you are doing a longer version of this session, begin with Sensory Play. Blindfold your lover and have fun giving him or her a sensational experience.
2 Tie your lover into the Ramped Leg Bind position. Now your love slave is in a perfect position for you to pleasure him or her. This is a great position for hand and mouth combinations. I recommend alternating between intercourse and hand and mouth stimulation. It’s wonderful for making your lover perform oral on you—just sit on his or her face!
NOTE: If you want to skip the tie for ease of shift in the position, you can simply place cuffs on your lover’s ankles in preparation for step 3.
3 When you’ve thoroughly used your love slave in a variety of delicious ways, untie his or her legs and simply release the cuffs from the Ramp. Have your partner kneel at the high end of the Ramp. Tease your lover for a bit before bending him or her over the Ramp. Cuff your lover’s hands to the low end of the Ramp nearest his or her head. Use extender straps to cuff your lover’s ankles to the Ramp in a similar fashion as in the Bound from Behind position. Or for a simple option, bind his or her ankles to their wrists (see the Liberator Pro Kit). This all should be fairly easy and quick if you have prepared properly.
4 Now you can explore vaginal and anal penetration and clitoral or penis stimulation (your lover can have his or her pelvis over the Ramp in a way so that the penis or clit is exposed). I highly recommend using toys in combination with hands and your mouth. Explore all varieties of sensation and play. And it’s great to leave your lover wanting more.
5 Bring your lover down just as much as you took him or her up. Go back to Sensory Play if you have the time, only this time on your lover’s back. And if you are switching, prepare yourself to be the bottom.
BENEFITS/For yummy, extended love play, try these positions that allow you the benefit of languishing in slow lovemaking. They are positions that you can be comfortable in for long times with no need to shift.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/You want to stay in a position for a long amount of time without needing to change, but many positions of variety are just too uncomfortable for you.
BEST TIME/I advise that you leave one to two hours for this session. You really want to be able to luxuriate in your time together and ride waves of pleasure.
THE SETUP/You will need two sets of pillows (five to six). One set should be stacked for the Position of Ease and the other for Clitoral Missionary Trainer.
POSITIONS EXPLORED/Position of Ease, Lifted Cunnilingus, Royal Oral, Clitoral Missionary Trainer, Fantastic Frenulum, Connect the Spots
1 I highly advise that this first step be all about arousal. You can take turns in the Position of Ease from chapter 1. Then move to one or both of the oral positions: Royal Oral and Lifted Cunnilingus. Make sure that you end with Lifted Cunnilingus for easy transition into Clitoral Missionary Trainer.
2 Guys, place pillows under her so that she is in the Clitoral Missionary Trainer position, or if you have prepared pillows on one side of the bed for this then just shift her over. Here is where you can spend a lot of time pleasuring her. Use your hand to massage her breasts and her clit. Bend forward to kiss her and touch her face. She can have an orgasm or two while here or you can move on to the next step when ready.
3 Guys, roll onto your back with pillows strategically placed. Ladies, climb on board for Fantastic Frenulum. Your hands are free, so be sure to use them to touch him all over or use one to stimulate your own clit. You control the speed, so if you want him riding on the edge, be sure to play with him by varying his pleasure levels.
4 All he needs to do is to raise his torso a bit with some pillows for Connect the Spots. Now you both should have some fantastic fireworks happening, especially if you have spent lots of time riding waves of pleasure. Stay here as long as you like!
BENEFITS/Excited about being overwhelmed with pleasure? These positions are all about new sensations, but without the sensation of discomfort.
CHALLENGE SOLVED/Sometimes getting the desired sensation requires positions that aren’t very comfortable, and this disrupts the pleasure.
BEST TIME/This sequence is perfect for when you are feeling a little more limber, when she’s close to ovulation, and when you have some time to warm up. I recommend setting aside at lease forty-five minutes to two hours for this session.
THE SETUP/You will need eight or nine pillows and two towels, plus a yoga strap or rope. On the end of one side of your bed, create her nest. Put pillows at the end of the bed for Together and Apart and have the roll of pillows with the vibrator all ready near the center of the bed. Create a second nest for him on the other side of the bed, setting it up for The Root Route.
POSITIONS EXPLORED/Sensory Play: Arms and Ankles, Together and Apart, Angles and Wings, The Root Route, Mouth Sex, Milking His Prostate
1 Take time to do some stretching together before beginning the lovemaking positions. You can do this on the floor of your bedroom or living room or even outdoors.
2 Guys, position her at the end of the bed for Sensory Play, but also in the same position as Together and Apart and without binding her to anything. You may still want to use a blindfold so that she can focus inward on the sensations. Begin providing her with a variety of sensations all over her body.
3 Give her loads of foreplay with hand-and-mouth combinations before moving into Together and Apart. Take time here with long slow strokes and movements of her legs. Give her time to feel the sensations as you go along.
4 When you’re ready, grab the towel roll and vibrator set up for Angles and Wings. Flip her over toward the middle of her side of the bed and place her strategically so that she is getting the right sensations on the vibe. Penetrate her from behind either vaginally or anally, depending on how warmed up she is and what you have agreed on before beginning the session.
5 Switch roles. Ladies, take charge by signaling to your lover that you would like to pleasure him. Move over to his nest, where pillows are previously positioned for you to lie down on. Have fun here massaging his low back, buttocks, and root.
6 It’s great to go from intercourse to oral; we don’t always need to stay in the same pattern of foreplay, oral, intercourse, orgasm. Changing when you do an activity changes the sensation because the arousal levels are different. Tease him, get him really close, and then bring him down by taking some time to lay him on his belly on the pillow stack that you were lying on. Grab an extra pillow for you, and now you are ready for Mouth Sex.
7 Add your hands or a toy to move into Milking His Prostate. Ladies, if he has an orgasm here and you haven’t had one yet, you can always flip over onto your vibrator and pillow setup and have him stimulate you with a dildo or fingers if you want more penetration. Don’t be afraid to take your orgasm into your own hands! Reassure him that it’s okay that you didn’t have an orgasm earlier with intercourse; more than likely he will be happy to oblige now.
BENEFITS/Something completely different! This is a formula for making your own improvisational sessions. This is great when you don’t want to have to remember any techniques but just want to let loose and be free to explore together. It inspires a lot of fun and laughter!
CHALLENGE SOLVED/You can’t remember all the techniques in this book and want to just be in the moment with your lover.
BEST TIME/When you are feeling creative and you aren’t afraid to get messy. I would leave twenty minutes to one hour for this session.
THE SETUP/You will need to have pillows on hand that you can grab for creating a quick angle. I recommend investing in a Liberator Wedge, which can be used quickly and for multiple angles. NOTE: I also highly recommend taking a contact-improvisation class together. It is fun foreplay, but also great for teaching you how you and your lover can use your body weight.
POSITIONS EXPLORED/Use any position in this book as a starting point, and the rest is up to you!
1 Begin with one of your favorite positions from this book. I’m going to give you a specific technique so that you can get a good idea of what this looks like. Let’s say that you start with Clitoral Missionary Trainer from chapter 1. While in this position ask yourself: What would happen if we add a pillow somewhere? Then you add a pillow to her right side, for example, and change the angle a bit to see what will happen. After a little while, ask yourself another question, like, What would happen if we changed the position of one of her legs? Try it. Move one of her legs—let’s say you bend it at the knee and move it toward her chest. Next ask, What would happen if I tried rolling over so that she is on top? Now try it. It’s easy; you are creating your own positions just by asking some questions.
NOTE: It helps to do something simple that you already know how to do and then ask yourself these questions (and do the action to find out the answer). What would happen if I went slower or faster? What would happen if I moved to the right? Or to the left? What would happen if I lifted her higher? Lower? Flipped him over right now? Asking questions to myself or to my lovers is where many of my best positions come from.
2 As you explore the answers to these questions, I dare you to stay connected in some way. You are creating a new position by answering a simple question or two, but the fun lies in maintaining as much contact as possible. Try rolling over while keeping his penis inside of you. Try keeping a hand or a mouth connected to her vulva while you turn her over for a doggy-style position. Try placing pillows underneath your lover to create new angles while you keep rocking your pelvises in union.
3 Let it flow. Have fun and take turns taking charge. Before you know it, you will have created a whole new repertoire of positions or discovered a few that you really, really love. Speaking of positions that you really love, when you find one that is working, stay there for a while. There is no need to rush on, just for the sake of trying something new. In other words, if you land in a position that is curling her toes, stay there! Keep in mind that there will be positions that don’t work. That’s okay. You have permission to move on. The mess-up position might be a transition to something that really gets your arousal activated.
I know that coming up with your own stuff can be intimidating. I want to make this easy for you, so let me give you a sample script and action sets.
Imagine Mary and Sam. They are exploring Contact with each other. Sam is thinking most of these questions to himself, sometimes sharing with Mary something that he would like to explore.
STARTING POSITION: CLITORAL MISSIONARY TRAINER
Question: What would happen if we added another pillow?
Action: Sam grabs a pillow, lifts up Mary’s right hip, and adds the pillow to that side.
Question: What would happen if I came down onto my forearms so that we can kiss?
Action: Sam moves forward so that he can kiss Mary.
Question: What would happen if we rolled over so that she could be on top?
Action: Sam enlists Mary in helping him roll over, maintaining penetration. On their way there, they get stuck. They find a new position to play for a few seconds, and then they continue on their journey. Mary giggles as they wiggle around the bed trying to get Sam on top. Eventually, they get there.
Question: How can we add more angle to this position?
Action: Sam places a folded pillow underneath his butt; Mary leans forward and rocks her pelvis.
Question: What would happen if we went faster?
Action: Mary rocks faster. This feels really good to her and she doesn’t want to stop. She tells him how good it feels, which lets him know not to move. She has an orgasm, and this makes her clit too sensitive.
Question: What would happen if I laid Mary down on her belly and approached her from behind?
Action: Sam takes charge and places Mary on her stomach to penetrate her from behind.
Question: How can I add more angle to this position?
Action: Sam places a Wedge under Mary’s pubic bone and leans forward to kiss her back. This feels amazing to Sam. He wants to stay here. He tells Mary that this feels great. She loves it, too, and it’s giving her clit a rest. Sam cums.
Question: What would happen if we rolled to our sides so that we could spoon?
Action: Mary rolls onto the bed and places a pillow under her head. They cuddle and breathe together before sharing the highlights of the session.
Question: How would it feel if, before we rush off into life, we took a moment together first?
Action: Mary and Sam sit up facing each other. They look into each other’s eyes for a moment or two, take a breath, squeeze each other’s hands, kiss, and then move into their day.
CHAPTER 7SETTING THE SCENE
YOUR POSITIONING TOOLS
A great craftsman needs great tools. To be a craftsman of great sex, you must have the proper tools of the trade. For many of these tools you don’t have to spend a penny; you likely have them around the house. I bet you never thought a spoon could be a very erotic item (more on that to come).
That said, you may need to shop for some of these items. Let the shopping be part of your erotic experience. Go together to an adult store or, in the privacy of your own home, go to a website that sells sexual enhancement products and pick out some things together. It’s part of the foreplay, it’s part of the fun, and there is nothing wrong with having tools to play with.
WHY SEX TOOLS?
#1: A NEW ANGLE. They put a new angle on sex. I’m talking about spicing things up, putting the play back into your erotic recipe book, and seeing things a little differently. I’m also talking about mechanics. Many toys can go where no man has gone before in terms of vibration, stimulation to certain spots, size, texture, etc. And, as this book has shown you, certain aids can help you angle your body in new ways for new sensation and pleasure.
#2: A NEW SENSATION. It’s a challenge to produce the vibrations that can occur from a vibrator and hold them in a steady pattern. It’s a challenge to bend your boyfriend over without a harness. It’s a challenge to do sensation and temperature play if you don’t have the proper variety of tools. Toys add a whole new level of sensations.
#3: A NEW VIEW. You don’t actually have to purchase anything because anything in your home can become a sex toy. When you start thinking in this way, you start thinking erotically. Your view of the whole world changes; it becomes an erotic playground. A blade of grass, a stone, a book, a cucumber, your computer—there are sex toys all around you. When you do shop for toys, you enter a new world of variety, colors, vibrations. It can give you a new view on your sexual life altogether.
There are so many different products out on the market that it can be hard to find the ones that work for you. If you know your body and what you like best, that will help you in choosing what you will like. Overall, I recommend going for quality. Spend the money on a good product. Make sure everything is safe to put in your body. (If it smells awful, leaves a stain when you put in on newspaper, or is laden with chemicals and poor-grade sugars/preservatives, don’t put it in your body.)
You are already familiar with positional aids, because they are all throughout this book. These aids help you get into and maintain the angles that you need to get the sensations and comfort that you so desire.
• Stay away from feather pillows. Often, the feathers come out of the pillows and can be hard and spiky. This doesn’t feel good on your butt in the middle of sex.
• Use hypoallergenic pillows. They are usually better quality and work well with people who have skin irritations, especially near their juicy bits.
• You want to have on hand a variety of pillows in terms of firmness and size.
• My dream pillow? A standard-size hypoallergenic organic cotton pillow with a soft organic pillowcase.
• Towels are great for placing underneath the knees and your lover’s head. They can be used for cleanup after lovemaking or placed on your bed to protect your sheets.
• I recommend having a large body towel to use if you don’t have a bolster, and hand towels to roll up to put underneath each knee (one hand towel per knee).
• Towels can also be used as sensory items. If you do have some rougher towels, put a little massage oil on them and then rub them on your lover’s skin. Or wet a towel with warm water and add a few drops of aromatherapy oil, such as lavender, to it and place it over your lover’s face for a sensory experience.
• Bolsters are great for aiding in comfort and relieving low back strain.
• They can be used underneath the knees when your lover is lying on his or her back.
• Bolsters can be made easily with rolled-up towels, pillows, or blankets, or you can purchase bolsters online from any massage supply store.
• You can use blankets as a positional aid by folding them, using them in combination with pillows, and rolling small blankets to create larger bolsters.
• Use a blanket for extra padding for sex on the floor. Sex can be messy, so make sure that you are okay with your blanket getting dowsed in pleasure juices.
• If you are shopping for a particular blanket to use for sex, look for something that has a wonderful texture. Maybe it is a synthetic fur or lovely faux cashmere; soft and comfy is always a plus. Imagine being naked on it; if the thought feels great, it’s the right blanket for you!
• Furniture around your house can be great positional aids. How might you use a chair to get a new angle? What happens to missionary when you combine pillows and your couch? How can you play on that gaming chair he bought that doesn’t include video games but does include a sex game? Chairs and couches are especially good because they discourage flat-bed sex.
• Look at your bed and the furniture in your house for a moment. Does it inspire getting sexy together? Are these pieces of furniture inviting to your naked skin? Or are they strewn with clothing, paper, toys (not the ones for adults), books, and other messes? It’s time to clean up your furniture and make it more inviting for sexual play and new angles for lovemaking.
Liberator Bedroom Adventure Gear
Excited about gear for your bedroom adventures? I’ve shared a number of Liberator Shapes in this book. I’d like to share a little bit more about these items so that you can get an idea of what you can do with them and why I am inspired by them. Pretty much all of these can be turned into Black-Label versions, meaning that they are equipped for playful restraint and make it easy to combine angles with bondage. One of my favorite things about these Shapes is that, for the most part, they do not look like sex toys. You could have them sitting around for multiple purposes other than positional aids. We’ve built forts, car ramps, couches, movie seating, imaginary worlds, all kinds of things with the gear I have around my house. Most people who visit have no idea that the majority of furniture in my living room is actually sex furniture.
If you were to purchase one positional aid, I would recommend this one over everything. It is the angle most used in this book (in twenty-two positions, to be exact!) The Wedge might be small, but it is mighty. This simple angle creates a whole new world of sensations. It’s your magic carpet ride. It helps hit her G-spot and A-spot, and his P-spot. It’s also easy to store, and no one will even know that it’s your secret sexual pleasure weapon.
Ramp up your pleasure and your comfort! The Ramp creates a slope, an angle that I have used many times throughout this book. It can be used in place of the three or four pillows needed to build a slope. If your abs or core is weak, if you have neck and shoulder pain and positions that require shoulder-stands have been out of the question, then the Ramp is for you. It’s great for a large number of positions and perfect in combination with the Wedge for an endless number of amazing sensations.
For something that rises and falls with your natural curves and provides some amazing angles, try the Hipster. The Hipster is wonderful for conforming to her body, thus helping her feel held and safe. Feeling safe and trusting means more likelihood of deep, highly pleasurable orgasms. It is excellent for G-spot, A-spot, C-spot, and P-spot stimulation.
The Scoop is one of those pieces that you just can’t replace with pillows. It rocks, which provides new movement during sex. This movement definitely jazzes up your sex life by stimulating more of both of your hot spots. I also recommend the Scoop as an excellent way to build core strength. A strong core has many health benefits, but it also really benefits your sex life by helping you build strength and stamina. The Scoop is useful if you have a frozen pelvis and cannot rock in a way that really stimulates your lover’s hot spots.
This is one of my new Liberator favorites. It can be a comfy little stool by day, but at night, it can shapeshift into an angling machine. From right angles, to curves, to hitting her G-spot, the Flip Ramp provides you with a lot of sensational options. In its cube shape, the Flip Ramp is excellent for anal penetration, as it puts the body at a right angle, thus straightening out the rectum a bit.
The Whirl is excellent for guys who have a hard time thrusting their pelvises due to stiffness, injury, or low back pain. It’s also great if being on your hands and knees hurts you, but you want to get a similar motion lying on your back.
These positional aids all allow for use with a vibrator. They have hidden little holes for you to insert a vibe or dildo into and then go for a ride. I recommend these when you want to incorporate a vibrator into your love play while still having angled intercourse. This allows for intense clitoral stimulation that will have most women in a very happy state, if you know what I mean.
This piece of erotic furniture uses curves to create many angled possibilities. I love it for increasing your comfort during oral lovemaking and, if he is sitting with his back against the higher end of the Esse and she is on top, it can improve contact with her clitoris.
I recommend the Equus for doing sensual massage. It’s great for men who have knee problems or tight hamstrings. Combine the Equus with pillows or the Wedge to get the right angles to hit her G-spot without needing to be on your hands and knees.
Okay, I admit it: I have four Escapes at home. Why? Well, you can throw them down anywhere, and voilà! You have a soft mat for sexual play. Want to sneak off into the woods or the park? Want to play on the beach or your kitchen floor? Grab a Wedge and your Escape and you are set for angled sex anywhere you want to go. Sore knees, sore back? No problem, just throw this mat down anywhere and you have padding for aching joints. Now you can focus on pleasure instead of pain.
Black-Label Stage System
As I mentioned in the playful restraint chapter, the Stage System is great when you don’t have a headboard for binding your partner. It allows you to do bondage just about anywhere in your house, no bed required.
Yes, another Liberator product that I have to have more than one of. Fascinators can be used to protect furniture instead of blankets, and on the floor. They have a great soft feel and they inspire lovemaking without the worry of making a mess—specially great if she is a proficient female ejaculator!
Ah, one of my favorite topics: the senses. Engaging your lover’s senses is very important to overall arousal. The following are great ideas for sensation play with any of the positions in chapter 5.
• Spoons: They are cold, they are smooth, and you can use the rounded part to run sensuously across your lover’s skin.
• Flowers: Flower petals feel wonderful on the skin and also smell great. Try slowly running the petals from your lover’s forehead all the way to his or her genitals.
• Hair: Your hair, if long enough, is delicious when you run it over your lover’s skin. This can send amazing thrills of delight through your lover.
• Toothbrush: Electric ones are great, but so are the bristles of ones that don’t vibrate. Try using the bristles to lightly scratch, tap, stroke, and vibrate on your lover’s skin.
• Wooden lemon juicer: There are many kitchen appliances that are wonderful for sensory play. One of my favorites is a wooden lemon juicer, which can be found at most stores. I love rolling it on my lovers’ skin; they have no idea what it is. Try rolling the juicer over your lover’s back, thighs, and soles of the feet.
Blindfolds are great erotic tools that can take your lover into a completely different world.
Add a blindfold to any position and you’ve created a new world of exploration, especially for men, who are so visual they often miss out on all the sensation happening in their bodies.
You don’t have to go out and buy one. You probably have something around your house that you can use: a tie, a handkerchief, a pillowcase, a scarf, a shirt, a washcloth.
Get something that is comfortable. Purchase or use something of quality that is soft or silky.
If you are using a shirt or pillowcase, make sure you aren’t covering your lover’s entire face and thus increasing the risk of suffocation. Make sure your partner’s nose and mouth can get air.
Cuffs/Nonthreatening Bondage Gear
Chapter 5 of this book requires some gear and gadgets. If you are going to bind your lover with wrist or ankle cuffs, I highly recommend investing in quality products. The cheap metal handcuffs might be visually appealing, but they are not comfortable and can actually hurt. The following are some companies that I recommend for purchasing cuffs and nonthreatening bondage wear.
I met the owner of Liquid Nymph a few years ago. I shared my delight at having found someone who was making “pretty” bondage stuff. That day I purchased a lacey collar and wrist cuffs from her. They perfectly completed my outfit of a corset with a tutu. I was all dressed up and ready to hit the town. My lover couldn’t resist pulling me around by the collar.
While I love Liquid Nymph stuff for dressing up, light play, and suggestion, I wouldn’t recommend it for heavier play because the items are a bit delicate.
Liquid Nymph works well in combination with the Liberator Stage System.
For unique designs, comfort, and ease of use, I recommend using cuffs and strap-on harnesses from Aslan Leather. You don’t want just any cuffs, and you definitely do not want a cheap harness. Making the investment will make your experience so much better. Trust me. I’ve tried stuff that didn’t work. The harness slips, I can get out of the wrist cuff, the links break on the ankle cuffs—you don’t want this to happen to you during a particularly steamy session, so go with Aslan’s reliable products. And if you don’t like leather, they also make vegan versions of their products.
Check out these products by Aslan Leather. These products work well for positions in chapters 4 (the Angled Anal for Him section) and 5.
• Harnesses (perfect for Role Reversal, Hooked Leg Anal, and The Threesome)
• Pink Candy Jag, Blue Candy Jag, Cherry Minx (has a pretty little corset in the back)
• Wrist and Ankle Cuffs (perfect for Sensory Play: Arms and Ankles, Bad Girl, and Bad Boy on Stage)
• White Handy Cuff (love these), Pink Jag Cuff, Comfy Cuffs, Bondage Belt
Liberator also makes wrist and ankle cuffs, blindfolds, and accessories to go along with their Black-Label furniture. They truly are the inventors of playful restraint. Here are some items you can use in your playful restraint:
• Black-Label Starter Cuff Kit (great for Sensory Play: Arms and Ankles, Bad Girl, and Ramped Leg Bind)
• Black-Label Pro Cuff Kit (great for Sensory Play: Arms and Ankles, Deeply Bound, Bound from Behind, Bad Girl, and Ramped Leg Bind)
• The Amore Cuff Kit (great for Sensory Play: Arms and Ankles; Bad Girl, Bad Boy on Stage, and for use with the Stage System)
• Kits for specific Liberator Shapes/Furniture (for any positions on any Black-Label Liberator piece)
The type of rope that you purchase is really important. Nylon and polyester ropes are not good for tying and can give your lover burns. I would advise you to stay away from them. I’ve listed a number of good alternatives here. You will need ropes for Open-Leg Plow and Ramped Leg Bind. They can also be used to create wrist and ankle ties, making them versatile enough to be used with any position in chapter 5. Remember that you want to get varying lengths of rope. Have short ropes for binding hands and feet, and medium ropes for heartier ties or ties that require you to stretch across a bed to the headboard. Long ropes are good to have on hand, but can sometimes get bulky when you are trying to bind your lover.
• Hemp: Hemp is great because it is soft and very, very sturdy. With a good tie, it is next to impossible for your lover to escape. It is easy to wash and actually gets softer with each washing.
• Cotton: Cotton is soft and won’t burn your lover’s skin if used correctly. It can be washed, but make sure you get some that is preshrunk; otherwise, you may have shrinkage happening when you wash it. Cotton is less expensive than hemp, so if you are on a budget, it is the way to go.
• Silk: Silk is wonderful for playful restraint. It’s beautiful, and it feels great on your skin. The only problem with it is that your lover may be able to easily slip out of the binds that you create.
Low light actually causes your pupils to dilate. If you remember in the anal chapter, I talked about all the sphincters of the body being connected. When the pupils dilate, it helps your other sphincters get ready for love.
Want to know my favorite? Soy candles. These candles are a healthy alternative to traditional candles. Soy candles are better for your lungs than traditional petroleum-based candles. They melt at a lower temperature, thus decreasing the chance of burns if used in temperature play, and the wax is wonderful to massage into your skin. I loved them so much I started to make my own!
I want you to think about something for a moment. How much money and time do you spend on entertainment? How many hours of your life are you watching TV? How much do you spend on a babysitter, dinner, and a movie? Can you take that time and money for one or two months and invest it in your sex life? You will be so happy you did. And if you simply do not have a budget for your sexual life, get creative and spend the time that you have to create your own toys! You’ll be so happy that you did. You can make lube at home, you can use the pillows and blankets you have on hand, and you can find household objects that can become items of sensory play anytime.
The important thing here is putting the thought into it. Let your lover know that you care about your intimate life together. Put thought into your sex life, prepare your love den, and use what you have learned in this book to create an environment full of new sensations and angles on love.
Lubricants are an essential tool for your sex life. Certain positions will cause more friction (like Penis Sandwich or Fantastic Frenulum) than others, and lube will be essential to your pleasure.
Most people do not understand the importance and function of personal lubricants. And even more people do not understand the importance of knowing what is in lubricants. My two cents: If you wouldn’t eat it, don’t put it in your vagina or anus, and wetter is always better.
Lubricants are a must for anal sex: use them with every position in chapter 4. Lubricants help prevent tears. The right lubricants can even help repair a tear and protect the pH of the vagina and anus. Lubricants increase pleasure and decrease friction. I love LUBE!
Here are a few different types of lubricants that I recommend:
• Coconut oil: This was my standard lubricant for many, many years. Extra-virgin coconut oil is excellent because it is edible, antibacterial, and antifungal. It tastes and smells great, and it give sex a great glide. The only issue is that it is an oil, which is not compatible with latex. There are some women who are sensitive to coconut oil, so try a small amount first and see if it works for you.
• Aloe Cadabra: Aloe is another awesome lubricant. Aloe Cadabra is infused with essential oils and vitamin E. It is 95 percent organic, which I love because that means that no pesticides are going into my body. It can be used with condoms and toys. The only drawback is that it doesn’t last as long as some other lubricants and needs repeated application.
• Pjur: This silicone lubricant is a medical-grade, high-quality product with awesome lasting power. Some people say that silicone coats your mucous membranes, which isn’t great, and I don’t know if I’d actually eat it, but it does the trick for extended play. Don’t use a low-quality silicone lube with your silicone toys.
• Intimate Organics: If you love superfoods like goji berries, botanicals, and natural products, you will love the wide variety of powerful products and quality ingredients in Intimate Organics.
Now you have the power. You have the knowledge. You are equipped and evolved for exquisite, scrumptious, plentiful pleasure.
None of this knowledge is useful if you don’t put it into action. Speed of implementation is everything.
Before we end, I have homework for you.
I want you to pick one position in this book. Make it an easy one. Make it one that you feel almost certain you can succeed at. I want you to grab a lover, a husband, a friend with benefits, and I want you play in this position. What happens when you go faster? Slower? What happens if you use an extra pillow here, another there? What happens if you try to stay in union while rolling around your bed? Laugh. Have fun. Most importantly, DO IT!
After working with students in private sessions for many years, I have come to watch their mistakes, their victories, and their setbacks. I would like to leave you with a list of dos and don’ts so you can avoid some of the pitfalls that may occur along the way to discovering all that is erotically possible.
#1: Don’t let fear of failure or looking silly get in your way of trying something new. If you don’t turn the corner, you’ll never see the beautiful things awaiting you around the bend.
#2: Don’t pressure your lover to do something that he or she doesn’t want to do. Pressuring the person you love only creates resentment and puts a wedge (not the good type) between you.
#3: Don’t be afraid to share what isn’t working. Your body is your best teacher. Listen to it. If something hurts, stop and adjust—use another pillow here, take away a pillow there. Increase pleasure and decrease pain. Don’t make what isn’t working a criticism of your lover.
#1: Do communicate the highlights you experienced after your lovemaking session. You lover will appreciate it and will do more of what you liked. If you want more of it, express how much you liked it.
#2: Put thought into your lovemaking sessions. There is nothing I love more than when my partner shows how he loves me and thinks about my desires by setting up an extraordinary experience for me.
#3: Do give your lover this book or other books that inspire you sexually and schedule a sex lab. Tag positions or techniques that you would like to try. It’s great foreplay and gets both of your juices flowing. Your sex lab is an exploration time. There should be no pressure to have orgasms or be in high pleasure (although that can result); it’s simply a time to explore and learn together. I do them all the time!
Let’s start a movement! Its about helping people all over the world have more fulfilling lives. Yes, this book is about your sex life, but isn’t having a great sex life part of having a great life? Tell your friends, your neighbors, your lovers, your coworkers: Flat sex is out; angled sex is in! You could change someone’s life!
Jaiya’s site: Sex Is You, www.sexisyou.com
For erotic massage techniques: Red Hot Touch, www.redhottouch.com
For oral sex techniques: Oral Sex for Couples, www.oralsexforcouples.com
Liberator’s website: www.liberator.com
Aslan Leather: www.aslanleather.com
Liquid Nymph: www.liquid-nymph.com
Aloe Cadabra: www.aloecadabra.com
Intimate Organics: www.intimateorganics.com
Massage Warehouse: www.massagewarehouse.com
Chopra, Deepak. Kama Sutra. London: Virgin Books, 2006.
Hanauer, Jon, Jaiya, and Julie Jeffries. Red Hot Touch. New York: Broadway Books, 2008.
Hooper, Anne. Anne Hooper’s Kama Sutra: Classic Lovemaking Techniques Reinterpreted for Today’s Lovers. London: DK Publishing Book, 1994.
Kirby, Robert, Connie Dunne Kirby, and Geraldine Ross. The Art of Sensual Yoga. New York: Penguin, 1997.
Lalvani, Vimla. Yoga for Sex. London: Chancellor Press, 2002.
Morin, Jack. Anal Health and Pleasure. San Francisco: Down There Press, 2010.
Rose, Chanta. Bondage for Sex: Volume 1. San Francisco: BDSM Press, 2006.
Winston, Sheri. Women’s Anatomy of Arousal. New York: Mango Garden Press, 2010.
Humans need to create, like birds need to fly. Books are creations that fly best when a team of people comes together to make them great. This book would not be what it is without an army of people to help me. First and foremost, my loving family: Ian Ferguson and Jon Hanauer, without you two I wouldn’t get anything done! Their support—from washing dishes and changing diapers to making sure I eat and drink enough water while working on my creative projects—is enough to know that they love me deeply. Thank you to Diego Wallraff, a fellow Sexological Bodyworker, who spent six hours with me rolling in various positions, providing me with feedback on what worked and didn’t, and laughing hysterically as we fumbled, twisted, and bent ourselves up like pretzels while trying to stuff pillows here and there. A big thank-you to all of my teachers: Joseph Kramer, Kenneth Ray Stubbs, Wilbert Alix, Bodhi Avinasha, Ellen Heed, Sheri Winston, and all of you marvelous people who have influenced my work.
There is also a team so important to these creative processes that often does not get the acknowledgment that it deserves. To my agent Linda Lowenthal, thank you for your encouragement and belief in me that I could turn this book around and meet my deadlines. To Jill Alexander, thank you for knowing when I needed more, less, and better explanation. Thank for being so easy to work with. Thank you to everyone at Quiver, including William Kiester, for putting out educational materials that help people’s lives. Thank you to everyone at Liberator for always believing in me as a sexuality educator, and for making great products that just plain make sex better. Special thanks to Michael Kane and Louis Friedman for inviting me to be part of this project and to Britt Pitre and Danny Griffin for helping make it beautiful.
Thank you to all my readers. Ultimately, your support allows me to keep creating. To you I owe my biggest thanks.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Jaiya is an award-winning sexologist, author of Red Hot Touch, and the founder of New World Sex Education, a company dedicated to using “real” sex education to help men and women get the sex lives they desire. Jaiya understands that throughout life sexuality changes, and she strives to meet her students wherever they are on their personal path to greater pleasure. Jaiya is passionate about helping women and men overcome sexual issues, usually stemming from a lack of education, which may hold them back from exquisite sex as their birthright. She believes that sex isn’t just something you do, but something that is part of being human and being alive. Jaiya is on a mission to shift the cultural view of sex as something bad or wrong to something that is to be celebrated and cultivated. She has appeared on Good Morning America, Nightline, Anderson (Cooper), Tyra Banks Show, TLC, CNN, Oxygen Network, and Playboy TV. She’s also shared the stage with leading experts such as self-help guru Tony Robbins. Jaiya is a unique mix of Dr. Ruth, Lady Gaga, and a yogi; through her dynamic teachings she’s helping women and men unleash their full erotic potential.
& 2012 Quiver
Text & 2012 Jaiya
Photography & 2012 OneUp Innovations
First published in the USA in 2012 by
Quiver, a member of
Quayside Publishing Group
100 Cummings Center
Beverly, MA 01915-6101
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or utilized, in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, without prior permission in writing from the publisher.
The Publisher maintains the records relating to images in this book required by 18 USC 2257. Records are located at Rockport Publishers, Inc., 100 Cummings Center, Suite 406-L, Beverly, MA 01915-6101.
16 15 14 13 12 1 2 3 4 5
Digital edition published in 2012
Digital edition: 978-1-6105-8387-9Softcover edition: 978-1-5923-3511-4
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data available
Book design by Kathie Alexander
Photography by Danny Griffin
Printed and bound in Singapore
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