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Secrets of Asian Women
Copyright © 2009, 2012 By: Crystal Tai All Rights reserved. Except as permitted under the US Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in database or retrieval system without the prior written permission of the publisher or the author.
The Seashell Books
To my mother, Joanne Lu, and my husband, Andy Tai Both of whom have encouraged me To be better than The best I thought I could be
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Chapter 1 What Is It about Asian Women? Chapter 2 Are East Asian Women Genetically Slimmer? Chapter 3 Beware of Fattening Asian Dishes Chapter 4 Asian Recipes for Weight Watchers Chapter 5 Do East Asian Women All Look Younger? Chapter 6 Preserve Your Fountain of Youth with Oriental Methods Chapter 7 Treasure Hunt at East Asian Markets Chapter 8 Are East Asian Women More Frugal? Chapter 9 Tao of Saving Chapter 10 Are East Asian Women Submissive? Chapter 11 Let Oriental Wisdom Help You Win the Heart of Mr./Ms. Right Chapter 12 Healthier and Happier You
Secrets Of Asian Women Crystal Tai .
“Is it your demure demeanor?” Do you give a better back rub? What is it that makes our White boys so drawn to you?” Some people might have read too much into her question. I didn’t. but I have often thought about it since. Grandma was purely curious. and her other grandson was dating a Hawaiian girl of Japanese descent. I’ve only had two relationships.Chapter 1 What Is It About Asian Women? ggggggggggggggggggggg “What is it about you Asian women?” asked my college boyfriend’s grandmother. . lunch. even now. when I’m married to someone else. But during the six and a half years in between. or movies. and they came from all ethnic groups of the multi-racial Silicon Valley. right before me. many guys asked me out for coffee. wondering why her grandson’s prior girlfriend. the second one with my husband. She always says she loves me. because she had me call her grandma and treated me like her own granddaughter. ➢ I didn’t know how to answer. was also Asian-American (Korean versus Chinese).
which doesn’t take anything away from her popular self. Almost all of the male subjects said they were learning the official language of China because they had or attempted to have a Chinese girlfriend.” one of them said. He’s not alone. I sometimes overhear other Caucasian women complain about −yellow fever− which doesn’t really sound offensive to me. Not everyone is so secure. it may spark some non-Asian men’s interest in Asian languages. being Caucasian. 7 . The word and the phrase are often interchangeable in American speech mostly because East Asians have a longer history of immigration to the United States than those from the rest of Asia. who works for a highend dating service. Language barrier doesn’t stop men of other ethnicities from liking them. just a little funny. doesn’t mind the popularity of East Asian women. You can probably tell the Asian he referred to was East Asian. “I only date Asian women. Kate. My friend Kate.Crystal Tai Most of my Asian girlfriends share similar experiences. I once interviewed several groups of Mandarin learners for a feature story. On the contrary. I find it almost amusing. As a news reporter. Even those who recently immigrated and don’t speak fluent English get to date out of their race. has told me that a large number of her Caucasian male clients state a preference for East Asian women while almost all the East Asian male clients pursue dates within their race.
000 married Asian-American men have Asian-American wives. not only in Silicon Valley but across the country.000 out of 2. given my own background. if more precisely phrased. The 2006 census indicated 530.000 wives of all other ethnicities combined. It looks that exogamy is rare for Asian men. I’m more and more interested in finding an answer to Grandma’s question. I’ll focus on East Asian women because I’m more familiar with East Asian culture. It’s also because I know for sure grandma’s question. not only more than 117. The ratio is higher than 90 percent and looks consistent with what my friend Kate said about her Asian-American male clients ➢ Since national statistics match my knowledge of local dating scenarios. In the meantime about 85 percent of the Asian-and-Black marriages nationwide consist of an African American husband and an Asian American wife.000 African-American wives but also more than 489. it is somehow widely spread.Secrets of Asian Women A fever or not.686. With all due respect to women from South and West Asia.000 Asian-American wives in Caucasian men’s interracial marriages.493. Caucasian husband/Asian-American wife unions take approximately 75 percent of all the Asian-and-White marriages in the United States. should have been: What is it about East Asian women? Numerous men of various ethnicities have told me what they like about East Asian women. Their remarks 8 . as 2.
She saves more money than she spends. QUESTIONS 1. There seems to be a stereotypical East Asian woman: ➢ ➢ ➢ ➢ ➢ She is naturally slim with no need of dieting. Why is the stereotype so many men’s type? 3. She listens more than she talks. She puts her man before herself. She looks 25 while approaching 35. Is this stereotype close to the truth or merely a myth? 2. Do 21st-century American men still want the same things their Grandfathers wanted in a woman after their fathers’ acceptance of feminism? 4. What lessons can everyone learn from the stereotypical East Asian Woman? Let’s find out… 9 .Crystal Tai all sound similar.
By American standards I am absolutely slender. But then I thought about it and found it untrue.Chapter 2 Are East Asian Women Genetically Slimmer? ggggggggggggggggggggg I am size 2 or 4. depending on how big the sizes run and how much I eat at the time. I only smiled when I heard this. But among my East Asian girlfriends I am just average-sized. No wonder I have to buy medium from those little boutiques that sell curve-hugging outfits imported from East Asia. My East Asian body doesn’t resemble Lucy Liu’s but has a similar shape to those of Scarlett Johannsen and Jennifer Love Hewitt. enviably curvaceous . I’m definitely capable of gaining weight. what makes it so? Some Caucasians and African-Americans have said to me that they think East Asians are just blessed with skinny genes. At least untrue about myself. A few of them are size 0. ➢ Does this mean East Asian women in general are skinnier than women of other ethnicities in the multi-racial United States? If so.
I looked very thin even by Asian standards. though not enough for all the calorie gain from a chunky slice of New York cheesecake.Crystal Tai when in control but prone to expansion if not. The loss of blood can carry away some calories. I would be more than happy to share my ways of weight control. I went on a diet and took an aerobics class. Since it’s too painful to pull this sweet tooth out. which was the culprit for making fat cells largely increase in my body during its formative years. But I love eating too much to keep that for life. Within three months I lost 15 pounds to weigh only 105. thanks to my Asian upbringing. There is still no better time than menstruation for a woman to enjoy sweets. which Chinese medicine practitioners say is the time a woman’s body needs more sugar to facilitate blood flow and ease cramps. but I stay away from high-calorie food. especially deep fried items except for fried sardines or anchovies for their edible bones that will give me extra calcium to make the oil intake worthwhile. I give myself a treat of dark chocolate (for its higher amount of antioxidants than that of milk chocolate) or cheesecake during menstruation. When I was 16. Fortunately I never get a craving for French fries. In recent years I have been content with consistently weighing around 110 pounds. which I have no problem giving up. I eat as much as I want. To this day I don’t like looking at photos taken in my early to mid teens. 11 . I don’t count calories. I also naturally don’t like red meat. My weakness is just a sweet tooth. I pacify it every four weeks. I was somewhat chubby in my last year of middle school and first two years of high school.
Secrets of Asian Women
As American-educated and Americanized as I am, I believe Chinese medicine, with its longer than 5,000 years of history, must have valuable lessons for us to learn. My strong faith in Chinese medicine also comes from my very existence, because I wouldn’t be here without a Chinese medicine practitioner’s help. When my mother was pregnant with me, she had to catch a bus every morning for her teaching job and sometimes she ran. One morning she started bleeding nonstop after running. Doctors told her it was the beginning of an irreversible miscarriage, and for her own health an abortion would be the option to get it over with fast. But my parents wanted to keep me. Instead of listening to the doctors, they went to a Chinese medicine practitioner, who prescribed herbal medicine. Then within days, my mother’s bleeding gradually stopped. While Western medicine with its superiority in surgery has been dominant in East Asia for almost a century, there’s a common belief among East Asians that Chinese medicine works better in treating gynecological problems. It is interesting that modernized Chinese medicine is even being used for women’s weight watching. In Taiwan, from where my family emigrated when I was a teenager, Chinese medicine practitioners are writing books to teach women how to make a diet plan correspond with their menstrual cycles so they will lose weight in a healthy way. I came across some of their books at a Chinese bookstore in Silicon Valley. These Chinese medicine practitioners are telling women the days between the end of menstruation and the beginning of ovulation are the best time to diet and exercise. You can lose the most weight during these days.
Taiwan used to be part of China. You may be surprised that women in Taiwan are about as weight conscious as American women. are ethnically Chinese. You still can’t overeat but can have a moderate amount of sweets and should eat more iron-rich food during your period. when you menstruate.Crystal Tai But after you ovulate. Taiwan has always been well off with plenty of food for everyone just like the United States. There are Asian women who need to lose weight? Oh yes! When I rapidly gained weight in my early teens. increasing progesterone in your body will trigger water retention and make it harder to shed pounds. you should stop dieting because your body needs to replenish itself for the loss of blood. ➢ Asian women don’t have −skinny genes− not exclusively at least. Then. returned to China after World War II in 1945. You should still keep up with your diet but can’t expect to lose as much weight at this time. While the ethnic genes are the same. The majority of residents in Taiwan. It was lost to Japan in 1895. Ethnicity may have something to do with one’s bone structure but definitely doesn’t determine one’s shape. except for aboriginals. It shouldn’t be too surprising that people over there also have weight concerns. and then separated from China again as a result of a civil war in 1949. You’ll be convinced after comparing women from Taiwan and Mainland China. As far as I can remember. She wasn’t Asian. it was before my family immigrated to the United States. you’ll find a much higher percentage of size-0 women in China than in Taiwan because China was falling behind Taiwan 13 . Think Audrey Hepburn. I was living in Taiwan then.
Actually you may look skinny at this weight if you are taller or just have a bigger bone structure. Hidden Dragon. The 5’3”. They are all across the multi-racial board. This again proves that Asians are not genetically exempt from excessive weight gain. Given her birth year of 1979. Now many teenage girls I see look bigger than I did. her childhood must have been in the 1980s and early 1990s. when China was developing its economy but hadn’t accomplished much yet. But remember Jennifer Love Hewitt was called “fat” by tabloid magazines in 2007 when she was 118 pounds? Given my similar frame to hers. Now China is catching up. By contrast those were booming and blooming years of Taiwan. look fleshy. it should be no surprise that 120 pounds made the small-boned me. a Mainland Chinese actress who became world famous for the Oscar-winning Crouched Tiger. Zhang Zi-Yi. said in an interview with Vogue Magazine that: A doll was rare to have in her impoverished childhood. No wonder I became plumpish during puberty while she grew up lithe. however. Interestingly. My size-0 friends were all born in East Asia and came here after their early teens. new comers are generally thinner than those American born. Women in China are getting bigger. 14 . and those who emigrated from China may have gained considerable weight since coming to the West. I notice among Asian girls. including a great number of Asian girls. It’s the same among adults. But overall most Mainland Chinese women are still slimmer than Taiwanese women at this point.Secrets of Asian Women economically and didn’t have as much food widely available. 120-pound teenage girl I was may not sound big to you.
➢ Let’s take a close look at a variety of common dishes served in Asian restaurants. But she didn’t. unlike human beings. It doesn’t have to be Korean food. next time you step into an Asian restaurant. That’s rarely seen in a girl. She never liked sweets. ➢ Is sticking to East Asian food keeping her svelte? Many Americans. One of my size-0 friends is from South Korea. Chinese. where she was raised in a growing economy. others may be as bad as a Big Mac.Crystal Tai ➢ Is there something about the environment of East Asia that creates skinny women then? Even if so. She moved here at age 14 and has actually lived here longer than she did in Korea. Thai and Vietnamese dishes will all do. She could have eaten the way I did as a kid. Japanese. or anything with cheese. Just don’t give her burgers. So. ➢ Is it 100% true though? In fact. fried chicken. While many of them are awesome and wholesome choices for your diet. including Asian Americans. you’ll know what’s really good for you to order… 15 . Asian dishes are not all created equal. seem to believe Asian food has lower calories and higher nutrition than American food. the environmental factor isn’t necessarily the scarcity of food because some East Asian countries are almost as affluent as the United States. She says she just prefers East Asian food. Another amazing thing about her is: she avoids American food.
Beware of fattening Asian Dishes ggggggggggggggggggggg
y the fact that there are diet books for Asian women, you realize not all Asian dishes are light. Even so, it may still be hard for you to believe a Chinese lunch special can be worse for you and your diet plan than a McDonald’s meal. But some Asian dishes are indeed fattening, and more fattening to you if you indulge without knowing how many calories they contain. Let’s start with two appetizers commonly served in Chinese and Vietnamese restaurants: fried won-tons and spring rolls (also known as egg rolls, which is a misnomer because sometimes they don’t have eggs in them). They usually come in three or four per order. The won-tons look so small that it’s easy to down all the three or four if you don’t know each of them contains 110 calories. Three of them will give you 100 more calories than an order of McDonald’s small fries. ➢ Two fried spring rolls, with 115 calories each, equal the small fries. If you really like won-tons and spring rolls, order them only when you have company and share them so you can stop after having one. Or if you don’t necessarily need them crispy, try won-ton soup and raw spring rolls,
Just say you have a plate of lemon chicken and a serving of fried rice for lunch. Chinese restaurants normally don’t serve raw spring rolls. (Even better. Better go Vietnamese when you crave spring rolls. com − one serving of PF Chang’s lemon chicken is loaded with 810 calories! Another website reveals 412 calories in per cup of lemon chicken on average. The 810 plus approximately 406 calories from the fried rice and 35 calories of the fortune cookie will amount to 1. You can share the plate 17 .Crystal Tai which come with much less oil and therefore far fewer calories. The name came from the filling being as colorful as spring. and most Chinese restaurants won’t use fresh lemon juice to make the lemon sauce. the two findings are roughly the same. which instead consists of mostly artificially flavored syrup. You’ll see why they are called spring rolls. As a full plate is about the size of two cups. That’s 21 more calories than a Big Mac with super-sized fries. The name has such a healthy connotation: the lean protein of chicken plus the Vitamin C of lemon. According to the Calorie Count Service of −About. But you don’t have to forgo lemon chicken if you love its taste. but Vietnamese restaurants do. Not all the names of Asian dishes match what they are though. meaning heavy sugar.251. not only raw but also vegetarian for the lowest-calorie version) Those raw spring rolls look quite pretty with the translucent wrap hinting colors of shredded carrots and chopped green veggies inside. Now you see lemon chicken is no better and could be worse than Kentucky fried chicken (depending on what kind of KFC meal you get). Lemon chicken doesn’t. What it doesn’t say is it’s deep fried. if you get them.
It also fills you up so you won’t overeat. Chinese restaurant chefs are notorious for using excessive oil to stir fry in order to enrich the taste. Chinese immigrants often categorize Chinese restaurants in the United States into two types: authentic and Americanized. bok choy or cabbage. Those stir fried chicken dishes thus have also been soaked in oil. If you are looking for a low-fat chicken dish in a Chinese restaurant.Secrets of Asian Women with a group of friends and take a bite or two of it. But unfortunately it’s not available at the majority of Chinese restaurants in the United States because their owners think it tastes too Chinese to please the American palate. clear chicken broth. While other common chicken dishes served in Chinese restaurants tend to be stir fried and have lower calories than the deep fried lemon chicken. You can only savor it at some Chinese restaurants that mainly cater to Chinese customers if you live in an area with a large Asian population. it’s a wonderful diet-friendly dish with lean white meat and fresh vegetables. and of course noodles. and for its taking almost half space of the plate so you only get half an order of the greasy chicken. your best bet is probably broccoli chicken for the antioxidants and fiber in the broccoli. If you are a weight watcher. You can tell by checking whether there is steamed fish on the menu. it’s certainly in your best interest to go to an authentic one. That’s another item nonexistent in 18 . it may be difficult to find. green onions. A tiny little bit of any fattening food can’t do much harm. Among them. The only low-fat chicken dish I’ve had in Chinese restaurants is chicken noodle soup. which is made of shredded skinless chicken. Except for the noodles being refined carbohydrate (Chinese restaurants generally don’t serve whole wheat).
Speaking of fish. Among Asian restaurants in the United States. Japanese cuisine is on the lighter side. However. sprouts. give you all the good stuff you need. It’s not too bad having a Chinese brunch of dim sum. especially not for dinner. carrots. anchovies. leafy veggies. making them a great source of calcium. Here’s a different rule from what you’re used to hearing about pastry: choose white items. If you like having an array of small plates in front of you. brown means fried and white equals steamed on the cart’s display. Don’t miss this favorite of Asian dieters and non-dieters alike if you’re not allergic to fish. Those appetizers. It’s a delicious dish that happens to have low calories. you can order steamed fish fillets. If you’re concerned about fish bones or just not comfortable with seeing an entire fish on the plate. which will come boneless. including tofu. etc. it’s a good idea to go to a Korean restaurant. Teriyaki sauce is most likely fat free because it is soy sauce based and 19 . But pick carefully from the dim sum cart a waiter or waitress has just wheeled to you. to make a meal out of the little appetizers that come with your order of BBQ and save the BBQ (after taking a piece if it looks too tempting) for an athlete friend or a growing boy next door. images of sushi may pop up in your head. given the small portions of dim sum items. Chinese food may not be a wise choice for you. which seems more and more popular with mainstream Americans. Since there’s no whole wheat in dim sum. if there are no authentic Chinese restaurants in your neighborhood.Crystal Tai Americanized Chinese restaurants but fabulous for dieters. The baby anchovies are deep fried but OK because they’re mostly bones and the frying renders the bones edible.
➢ Don’t you hate feeling bloated? That’s appearing larger than you really are! While diuretic medicine is commonly used in the United States. I would be more than happy to introduce them to you. I’ll share them with you as well. ➢ There are also for-weight-loss recipes I’ve created using ingredients suggested by Chinese medicine practitioners. it’s worth considering dietary modifications to achieve the same effect. 20 . which leads to water retention. Chinese medicine practitioners recommend certain foods and drinks for relieving body fluid retention. However. you need to be wary of Japanese teriyaki because the sauce contains too much sodium.Secrets of Asian Women doesn’t require oil to be mixed in.
The size-0 lady is probably not lying. ➢ What’s going on here? ➢ Is she lying? ➢ If not. either. I don’t diet. . I bet she looked like a kid being suddenly pulled up to about an adult’s height but maintaining the same childlike width. Someone with an overactive thyroid may lose weight after pigging out.Chapter 4 Asian Recipes for Weight Watchers ggggggggggggggggggggg I f you ask a model thin Asian woman what she eats. “Everything. But how often does she go to KFC or Pizza Hut? ➢ How often do you? One’s shape results from long-term eating and exercise habits that go way back. She does like fried chicken and pizza. most likely she’ll say. why doesn’t what makes you gain weight do the same to her? Don’t think − skinny genes − PLEASE! Let me assure you again that nobody has skinny genes. But that’s an illness − not a genetic make-up. If you get to see a past photo of that Asian friend in her early teens.” She may even say she likes fried chicken and pizza.
A lot of it is up to the cook’s interpretation. I know size 2 is the smallest the curvaceous me can get and won’t starve myself for dreaming to be a size 0. If you’re a big-boned woman. Most models have had a boob job done because it’s physically impossible to have lots of fat cells in the chest but almost none in other parts of the body. or braces that hurt and ruined her appetite. the low-calorie diet of her family. I’ve promised to share Asian recipes for losing weight and relieving water retention. That gave her a more advantageous starting point than ours. size 0 may not be achievable. You must be smiling if you’re a man reading this right now. which could have been the lack of highcalorie food in her home country. I’m sure men will agree with me that the most beautiful size differs from woman to woman. Oriental cooking is more artistic than scientific.Secrets of Asian Women For some reason. It’s easy for her to keep the narrow frame she grew into. however. For us. we should take our frames/bone structures into consideration to determine our goal weight/sizes. let’s now see how we’re going to get there. Before you read the recipes. Only through artificial means can they be simultaneously busty and skinny. it’s necessary to watch what we eat. Actually size-0 women tend to feel insecure about their small breasts. size 8 may be your best look. 22 . as long as she doesn’t overeat frequently. please let me explain why some of them don’t specify the exact amounts of certain ingredients. she didn’t develop as many fat cells through puberty as you and I did. Don’t get discouraged though. intensive exercise she did on a school team. Enough said about setting a realistic target. Size 0 doesn’t equal ideal beauty. and even so. For all of us who are after natural beauty.
causing cramps. including watermelon. Scoop watermelon into a blender until half full. have a cooling effect on the human body. Only note that Chinese medicine practitioners advise women not to have watermelon during menstruation.Crystal Tai Recipes for Relief of Body Fluid Retention Watermelon Smoothie This is an easy drink to make. There is a Chinese medical theory that certain foods. 23 . add about 1/3 cup of nonfat milk and turn on the blender. Drinking the smoothie will increase your intake of it. It’ll be done within minutes. and that can impede the flow of a woman’s menstrual blood. Watermelon has long been viewed as a diuretic in Chinese medicine.
dump 1/3 bags of each into a pot. Then turn the stove to low heat and let the soup continue to simmer until the ingredients soften and the soup thickens. this recipe should work for you.Secrets of Asian Women Azuki Bean & Barley Oatmeal If you like oatmeal for breakfast. Add about two tablespoons of brown sugar and stir to sweeten it. But you need to cook the azuki beans and barley the night before. then add water to the point there’s a water layer on top of the beans and grains at least as thick as the ingredients at the bottom. After getting azuki beans and barley grains. But if not. you may want to make a trip to the nearest Asian grocery store. Keep it refrigerated overnight and mix 24 . Azuki beans are grain-sized dark red beans that can be found in your neighborhood supermarket if it has an Asian section. Cook on high heat until it’s boiling.
If you have a slow cooker. 25 . it will be more convenient----you can cook the azuki bean and barley porridge on low heat overnight and have it warm in the morning.Crystal Tai some of it with instant oatmeal or microwave it to have it in lieu of oatmeal in the morning.
both of which you can find at an East Asian market.Secrets of Asian Women Clam Soup Most mainstream Americans don’t seem to like Asianstyle watery soup. along with clams in water. But if you wish to benefit from the diuretic nature of clams but worry about the fattening cream and potatoes in clam chowder. which is considered to have a warming effect on your body. give this clam soup a try. or turnip. turnip and waxgourd are all cooling. a white root vegetable. Chinese medicine practitioners would also recommend adding sliced or ground ginger. Season with just a teaspoon of salt to minimize the intake of sodium. because clams. Cook chunks of the waxgourd or turnip. both diuretics according to Chinese medicine practitioners. It’ll be tastier if you marinate the shelled clams with rice wine or white wine before cooking and sprinkle some crushed basil into the soup when it’s boiling. a squash-like Chinese vegetable. The soup is more effective if you add waxgourd. 26 .
Right before serving. I would suggest making your salad with a ton of it. To avoid a too acidic taste. which are instead made with soy sauce.Crystal Tai Recipes for Weight Loss Sweet & Sour Salad Did you know the sweet-and-sour sauce you’ve tasted in Chinese restaurants was invented in America? That oily red sauce is absent from original Chinese sweet and sour dishes. Do that to not only carrots but also cucumbers as well as other vegetables (mushrooms and cooked black beans could be good choices) you plan to use in your salad so the powerful elements of vinegar will penetrate through your salad ingredients. There is a Chinese salad making way that soaks shredded or chopped carrots in vinegar overnight before using them. sugar and vinegar. choose Balsamic vinegar. season your vinegarmarinated vegetables with sparing amounts of brown sugar and salt. Since Chinese medicine practitioners claim vinegar to have the power of facilitating fat burning. 27 .
let’s put the word −light− in its name. Then you can let the chicken sit in the lemon sauce for 15 minutes before putting 28 . It’s OK. Chinese medicine practitioners say lemons. if it’s not thoroughly cooked inside because we’ll cook it again later. so it’s crucial for you to use fresh lemons and real lemon juice. When it’s boiling. Pour in some white wine and mix. It’s truly light because you’re not cooking it with any oil. Drain the pot and the chicken should look cooked by having turned white. can stimulate the body to burn fat. Turn off the stove within three minutes. which you will then soak in a large bowl of lemon juice with grated fresh lemon peel as well as an addition of three teaspoons of salt and one full tablespoon of brown sugar (skip the sugar if the lemon juice is already sweetened). slowly and carefully slide chunks of skinless chicken thigh meat into it. To start. especially their peel. Now let the chicken cool off for a few minutes before dicing it to bite-sized bits. boil a pot of water.Secrets of Asian Women Light Lemon Chicken To distinguish this lemon chicken dish from the deep fried one you get in Chinese restaurants.
The lemon sauce left in the bowl or pot can be added to water to cook rice. which will turn out incredibly fragrant. After that. Garnish your plate with fresh lemon slices. Or you can skip the marinating time.Crystal Tai the bowl in the microwave to cook about a minute and half. 29 . scoop the chicken dices with the tiny bits of lemon peel on them from the bowl or pot and place them on a plate. dump all the ingredients as well as the lemon sauce into a pot and do stove-top cooking on low heat for 15 minutes.
Secrets of Asian Women Light Pad Thai This recipe tries to keep the great taste of Pad Thai while significantly cutting its calories by not using oil. also by replacing white noodles with whole wheat. mung bean sprouts (available at East Asian markets and some mainstream markets). You just mix the noodles with cocktail shrimp. don’t start a stir fry as a Pad Thai chef normally does. scrambled eggs. Stir but don’t fry. Sparingly pour some low-sodium soy sauce on top of it as a dressing. After you cook the noodles in boiling water and drain them. shredded carrots and crushed peanuts. 30 .
Then move the shrimp from the bowl onto a plate. which you’ve made with canned pineapple juice and two teaspoons of salt.Crystal Tai Light Pineapple Shrimp This is a low-calorie version of a popular Taiwanese dish. we’ll just microwave a bowl of raw shrimp that are soaked in salted pineapple juice. Instead of deep frying breaded shrimp before stir frying them with pineapple slices. for between one and two minutes (depending on the size and number of your shrimp). 31 . Mix them with bite-sized dices of fresh or canned pineapple.
Then take the fish fillet out and place it on a plate.Secrets of Asian Women Microwaved Alternative for Steamed Fish Fillet If you share many Asians’ enjoyment of steamed fish but don’t have a steamer or rice cooker for the steaming. dump minced green onions and shredded ginger onto the fillet. Cover it with a clear plastic wrap but leave the wrap a crack open before putting it into the microwave. Add 45 seconds if not. you can use your microwave as an alternative. Don’t add much time at a time or the fish may get overcooked and taste dry. 32 . The cooking time depends on the size of the fish fillet. Just spread salt on both sides of your chosen fish fillet and then marinate it in rice wine or white wine for about 15 minutes. Add another 30 seconds if it’s still not well done the second time you check. You can try three minutes and see whether it’s completely cooked by forking it. The preparation work is simple. After you bring the cooked fish out of the microwave. Also mix the wine sauce you used to marinate the fish with a tablespoon of black vinegar and pour it into the dish before serving.
Then mix in gelatin powder until the mixture gets sticky. Let it cool for a few minutes before refrigerating it. Put three teaspoons of brown sugar into a bowl of boiling hot green tea made from either tea powder or a tea bag. Containing green tea or not. You can put a slice of lemon and a cherry or raspberry on top of it to make it look more appetizing. here’s something for you after dinner. like this one. Soon it will congeal like Jello. Its only calories come from brown sugar. but you may not know it can also initiate body fat burning according Chinese medicine practitioners. per teaspoon of which equals 15 calories. You may have already heard about some health benefits of green tea from the mainstream media. a diet dessert itself has to be low-calorie.Crystal Tai Green Tea Jello If there’s no way for you to give up dessert. Don’t get too excited and eat a pint of green tea ice cream though. 33 . The little amount of green tea in that ice cream doesn’t work while you may get too much fat and sugar from it.
Chinese medicine practitioners recommend constant consumption of green tea for its potential of taking not only pounds off your body but also years off your face.Secrets of Asian Women It’s much better for you than a market-bought Jello in an artificial color with an artificial fruit flavor. 34 .
One lady said she should always add 10 when guessing an East Asian woman’s age for the number to be correct. an American-born Chinese woman told me the next day was her 30th birthday. . men and women. I was surprised. I had assumed her age to be over 40 because of her saggy cheeks and the many brown spots on them. ➢ Do all East Asian women look about a decade younger though? (While I probably do. marvel at the youthful looks of East Asians. This happens to fit a stereotype.) Once at a cocktail party. I’ve met some of those who don’t. But I was often mistaken for an undergraduate student on campus.Chapter 5 Do East Asian Women All Look Younger? ggggggggggggggggggggg I had worked for quite some time before entering graduate school at Stanford University in September 2006. Of course I didn’t ask her what caused her skin to age prematurely. I’ve heard numerous Caucasians and African-Americans. even for a freshman a few times. but from our conversation I learned that she did a lot of outdoor sports.
I had a job at which I conducted interviews with many new 36 .” She knows how harmful too much sun exposure can be. I personally wouldn’t be caught dead in it. If you travel to East Asia. A super-sized visor mostly made of translucent dark plastic has been invented to meet this need. “No. You may have seen some older East Asian women wearing it. but it’s unpopular with younger women because the dowdy-looking mask can’t match any chic outfits.Secrets of Asian Women “Do you wear a sunscreen?” I asked. As immigrants naturally bring old habits into the new country. I notice new comers from East Asia generally look younger than those of the same descent but American-born. so East Asian women tend to avoid exposing their faces to the sun. It must look somewhat funny to you because you’ve only seen parasols in Jane Austin movies before. light-skinned women are preferred in East Asia. On the contrary. From January 2004 through August 2006. But this outdated-in-the-West behavior is protecting women from sun damage in the East. I suspect it’s the degrees of sun exposure making the difference. I put on SPF 50 every day instead. “I probably should. It’s now common knowledge in America. However. this is just a generalization. East Asian women in the United States also seek protection from the sun while giving up parasols to fit in the American environment. but it hasn’t changed the tan worshipping culture. you will see women holding umbrellas in a hot sunny day. With such an awareness in mind. East Asian immigrants are definitely not exempt from cases of premature aging.” she said.
I know a few women who look as radiant as ever after babies. for its heating effect that can raise the low body temperature due to continuous bleeding. never getting enough beauty sleep. In the meantime. Then I found what they had in common. Most of the dishes specifically designed for post-labor women are soup-based to replenish their body fluids. but those who had a Caesarean section can’t have 37 . It’s a one-month routine. However. they were all married with children and responsible for taking care of the little ones at night. It can help the post-labor uterus get back to its original shape sooner. During those encounters. A Chinese medical theory states that a woman must stay indoors and eat certain nourishing dishes for an entire month after childbirth to make up for her loss of energy and nutrition. causing discomfort and delaying recovery. but they couldn’t afford anything better than the lowest-priced cosmetics. I was shocked to see deep lines around the eyes of some Vietnamese women only in their mid 20s. They were all working for nail salons. They happen to all have followed a traditional Chinese routine for women who have just given birth. a must-have ingredient is ginger. In the one-month routine. It’s crucial to keep the post-labor body warm even in brutally hot summer because anything cooling would interfere with the blood flow. which required them to wear make-up.Crystal Tai immigrants. there is a very popular Taiwanese dish called sesame oil chicken. Sesame oil is another ingredient that is said to enhance circulation. To make those kinds of soup. so they had to let those cheap chemicals harm their skin. With all the consuming tasks child raising entails. it seems more difficult for a mother of small children to maintain her looks.
But don’t do it if you’re the one who just gave birth. Turn the stove to the lowest heat and let the soup simmer for 15 minutes before serving. Then throw in slices of ginger and chunks of chicken to stir fry. Here’s the recipe: Sesame Oil Chicken Pour two tablespoons of sesame oil in a pot and heat it up first. Season with two teaspoons of salt. You can make this sesame oil chicken for a post-labor friend who had a natural childbirth.Secrets of Asian Women it because the uterine contraction it induces may aggravate the wound. When the chicken turns white and looks cooked. 38 . add half a bottle of rice wine (or white wine if you can’t find rice wine) as well as half a bottle of water.
Several Chinese women have complained to me about their backaches and weaker immune systems after childbirth. What it meant to do was to prevent wet hair that could make the already frail woman even more prone to catching a cold. The rule was set in an ancient time when there were no hair dryers. ➢ Does the one-month routine really make such a difference in post-labor women? I can’t speak from my own experience because I have never given birth and therefore never tried it. This much rest can be a luxury to busy women of our fast-paced modern society. You’re not supposed to do any housework for the whole month. Yes! The point is not to burden your yet-to-recover body. as the Chinese believe a woman’s muscles and bones are the most vulnerable during her recovery from childbirth. It’s even harder to go by another rule of the one-month routine: no hair washing. if you can possibly get enough help for that month. Many Chinese women nowadays say they were unable to completely abide by this rule in their post-labor month. Can you imagine not washing your hair for an entire month? Don’t laugh though. you should dry your hair especially thoroughly during your post-labor month. and I do personally find 39 . too. The nohousework rule may be worth keeping in mind.Crystal Tai Ask someone to do it for you instead. You’re not supposed to cook during the month after. they all blame these on breaking some rules of the onemonth routine. But in addition to telling you what other women have told me about the one-month routine. I can say there are similar rules for menstruating women. While hair dryers void the purpose behind the noshampoo rule.
Something menstruating women have in common with post-labor women is the bleeding.Secrets of Asian Women them helpful. Chinese medicine practitioners view menstruation as a monthly opportunity for a woman to bleed out waste material and to renew her body with proper nutrition. What better chance than this to restore your youth? Want to know how? 40 . though in a less amount for much shorter time.
you can Google: Causes of aging skin You’ll see… ➢ Dead skin cells do not shed as quickly and turn over of new skin cells decrease …in the description of aging skin. If you are a man whose girlfriend or wife has such a thought: Talk her out of it! ➢ Do you know women on those pills are losing eight rejuvenating opportunities a year? While spending hundreds of dollars on anti-wrinkle products. think again. To make sure. you may be surprised to hear the fountain of youth is actually in your own body.Chapter 6 Preserve Your Fountain of Youth with Oriental Methods ggggggggggggggggggggg I f you are one of those women thinking about taking seasonal birth control pills to reduce the numbers of menstrual cramps. That means youthful .
Use a particularly hydrating lotion before putting on your night cream. making it smoother and suppler. Your skin is the most sensitive on your period and can’t handle the strong effect of a peeling mask. the shedding of uterus lining during menstruation is believed to be cleansing for the entire body and stimulating to skin cell regeneration. Wait 42 . in which the level of estrogen will rise after the menstrual period. Here’s a modernized list of Do’s and Don’ts Chinese medicine practitioners recommend for menstruating women: Do apply more moisturizers. As traditional Chinese medicine treats the body as a whole rather than separate organs. and maintaining the cell regeneration is key to preserving youth. your skin in these few days is dryer than usual and needs more moisturizing. Menstruation does come right before the skin takes on a fresh look. Due to the low levels of female hormones during menstruation. Don’t use a peeling mask.Secrets of Asian Women skin comes from new cells the body makes. That’s why today’s Chinese medicine practitioners are using Western medicine’s explanation of the menstrual cycle to enhance and update their inherited teaching that a woman can improve her skin by giving herself extra care on her period. This old theory happens to match what modern medicine has revealed about the cycle of female hormones. and that will increase collagen in the skin.
Isn’t it interesting that this old wife’s tale in the West also prevails in the East? Let’s call it a universal golden rule then. Then it’s the best time to clear all the dead skin cells and welcome your refreshed new look. A sick woman is never pretty. you must dry every strand of your hair when you are menstruating because the loss of blood lowers your body temperature and weakens your immune system.Crystal Tai until your bleeding ends. There’s nothing wrong with getting more beauty sleep. Illness prevention is inseparable from skin care. A bath is soothing. Do sleep longer. Don’t take a bath or swim. Don’t go out with wet hair. Do dry your hair thoroughly. You may feel tired while losing blood. so I thought it was OK not to take time drying my thick long hair just this once. I was in a hurry and it was a warm spring day. which will be especially beneficial during this renewal time of your body. Now with a hair dryer. It wasn’t. Don’t feel guilty about going to bed early. Your cervix is open wider on your period 43 . but don’t soothe your menstrual cramps with it. Before hair dryers were invented. To back it up. Chinese women were advised against washing their hair not only right after childbirth but also during menstruation. I’ll tell you that I did catch a cold once after going out with wet hair.
which also contain caffeine and are usually refrigerated or served with ice. Red meat is not the only source of protein and iron. Do go for high-protein and iron-rich food. To make up for your lost blood and bring a rosy glow to your cheeks. but only for the day of the most heavy bleeding in a summer period.Secrets of Asian Women and more susceptible to germs. Or try naturally caffeine-free herbal tea. which you can’t be sure to eliminate from your bathtub. so you don’t need to quit tea. Caffeine will rob your body of calcium and other minerals you’re already losing with your lost blood. Cold fluids will impede blood flow and cause cramps. In the meantime keep yourself away from soft drinks. but drink less of it. Do sip ginger tea. You can have fish. I know it’s hard. It works even better with brown sugar. 44 . ginger can facilitate blood flow. which contains lots of minerals and can therefore help generate new red blood cells. Tea has a lower amount of caffeine than coffee. Mix ground ginger with brown sugar in a cup of hot water. pile up high-protein and iron-rich food on your plate. but you can do it. Swimming pools pose an even higher risk. Try not to drink coffee on your period. beans and spinach instead. Replace your morning coffee with this ginger tea and have more cups of it through the day for all the days of your period in cold weather. Don’t drink anything with ice or high amount of caffeine. As explained in Chapter 5.
such as watermelon. on the kitchen counter. beef. Also make only as much salad as you can finish so you won’t have to put the 45 . Don’t refrigerate your fruit or salad. honey dew. both great sources of iron by the way. Do increase vitamin C. While I don’t eat any red meat most of the time. calcium and magnesium for healthy skin and strong bones. Other types of fruit will become cooling if you refrigerate them. and pork liver for a traditional belief in its blood-regenerating function and the modern knowledge of its high iron content.Crystal Tai But if you like red meat. or pork liver on my period. So keep apples and grapes. Cook the red meat in the lightest way possible. have cooling qualities even in room temperature. During the body-renewing time of menstruation you need them even more. Some types of fruit. You know you need Vitamin C. better have it at this time than any other time. calcium and magnesium. Chinese medicine practitioners would recommend lamb for its warming effect. Chinese medicine practitioners tell us not to let anything cooling enter our bodies when we are bleeding. It may sound strange to forbid certain kinds of fruit while encouraging intake of Vitamin C. oranges and pears. Don’t let saturated fat sneak in. If you prefer red meat for your source of protein and iron during menstruation. Take supplements if you can’t make sure getting enough of them from your diet. I may have a little lamb. But again. be aware of the saturated fat already in it and don’t add any more.
No curry and chili pepper just for a few days. You may not feel like cooking while bleeding heavily.Secrets of Asian Women leftovers in the refrigerator. But don’t open canned food or frozen dinner at this time. Don’t eat spicy dishes. You’re not supposed to eat below-room-temperature food during menstruation. Do staple on whole grains. a small slice of cake or two cookies but not all of them at a time. You should replace white flour and white rice with whole grains for good. snack on a chocolate bar. Do enjoy a moderate amount of sweets. They contain too much sodium. They are also high-fiber and therefore helpful in solving the constipation problem that often accompanies menstruation. Don’t forget to watch your sodium intake. But if you can’t. Sugar can be good for menstruation by boosting your mood and energy when you are prone to depression and fatigue. Better not touch them when you are bleeding. But too much sugar will consume Vitamin Bs and minerals. at least do it a few days per month on your period. Don’t forget the water retention that started in the PMS stage won’t end until 46 . Chinese medicine practitioners say these spices tend to trigger or aggravate inflammation in the body. Whole grains with their low glycemic index can stabilize your blood sugar during your blood losing time. To do the right thing for your sweet tooth and your health.
” she said. It’s also amazing that her skin appears naturally smooth. and she told the reporter about her healthy lifestyle. you must agree with me that Kristin Davis looks the youngest among the four main characters. I don’t smoke. I would bet her youthfulness comes from within.Crystal Tai your period ends. If you’ve watched Sex and the City. “I don’t drink. you don’t have to be East Asian to look a decade younger. No smoking will not only help you live longer but also make you look better and younger in your lifetime. 47 . It is hard to believe she’s the same age as Sarah Jessica Parker and a year older than Cynthia Nixon. and I love my Ahava sunscreen. wouldn’t you? ➢ Kristin Davis is Caucasian. There’s one more don’t--- DON’T SMOKE! ______________ But that shouldn’t just be on the list for menstruating women. It should be on everybody’s everyday list. Look at Kristin Davis! The actress who played Charlotte in the popular TV series Sex and the City was asked how she got to look 30 at age 43 during a 2008 interview with Health Magazine. without that artificial-looking tautness often seen on the post-plastic-surgery faces of celebrities. See.
I’ll show you more wonders it can do. This is not too good to be true.Secrets of Asian Women Despite racial distinctions. If you’re interested. You can have painless periods as well. I never get cramps on my period since following the menstruation rules. the same species. which frequently incorporates food into health maintenance. we are all human beings. So don’t take pain as a given for that time of month. 48 .. as I did. Don’t underestimate the accumulated wisdom of the 5. for youth to keep blossoming on your skin.000-year-old Chinese medicine. this list will at least bring you more comfortable periods. Since prevention is better than cure. it’ll be more effective if you start practicing the menstruation dos and don’ts in your 20s. But late is still better than never. Even if you already have wrinkles too deep for a refurbishing lifestyle to erase.. What bio-chemically works for East Asian women should work for you. illness prevention and symptom relief. In biology we’re all homo-sapiens.
This picture of my maternal grandparents was taken in the year 2000. . when he was in his mid 80s and she was in her late 70s.
Chapter 7 Treasure Hunt at East Asian Markets ggggggggggggggggggggg M y maternal grandmother had a smooth face until her last day on March 10. aging didn’t mark the surface of her skin. She didn’t know what made her look so well-preserved. Based on this knowledge. 2004. Remember Chapter 6 has explained estrogen enhances the production of collagen. Phytoestrogens are plant compounds that can act like the female hormone estrogen. until reading about the health benefits of soy two or three years after her passing. I didn’t know either. if those should even count. a protein that works with other proteins such as elastin and keratin to give the skin firmness and flexibility. She always said she didn’t do anything special. Everyone asked her for skin care advice. Except for two barely noticeable lines on her forehead. it dawned on me that my dear grandma’s marvelous skin was likely to have something to do with her cooking and eating soy products every day. at age 82. she didn’t have wrinkles. As I learned about the *phytoestrogens (See disclaimer at the end of this Chapter) in soy beans. While long-term gravity somewhat loosened the contour of her chin. we can infer phytoestrogens .
Nai-nai was doing even better than those East Asian menopausal women interviewed by medical researchers for the studies of soy. Nainai was a fabulous cook who did wonders on everything. In 2001.Crystal Tai help maintain our skin. Nai-nai said she didn’t understand why menopause would be such a big deal since she had never felt any symptoms at all throughout her own menopausal time. One day at a family gathering. except for taking one of her popular meatballs once in a while. chicken soup for 51 . I overheard auntie asking Nai-nai whether she should take hormone therapy. Nai-nai preferred vegetables and relied on soy for protein. Though I haven’t been able to find any research on the relationship between phytoestrogens and the skin. After all. one of my aunts was in her early 50s and going through menopause. I can’t tell you how much I miss Nai-nai’s cuisine. Though not entirely a vegetarian. This information is consistent with some remarks made by my maternal grandma. whom I called “Nai-nai” despite the Chinese word’s general usage for a paternal grandmother. She would make two kinds of soup for a family dinner. Obviously. I did come across medical reports that gave credit to East Asian women’s high consumption of soy for their experiencing less discomfort during menopause than their Western counterparts. Most East Asians don’t necessarily have them every single day as Nai-nai did. soy products are just part of East Asian diet. but she usually didn’t eat the variety of seafood and meat dishes that she made and everyone loved. It could be because she ate more soy products than they did.
you don’t even need to add salt. I would call this dish −double soy− in English. I would suggest you do the same. I actually prefer buying my soy milk from one of those stores because it’s thicker and less sweet than what’s sold at East Asian markets.Secrets of Asian Women all her family members and tofu soup for herself. Double Soy If you stir-fry this soy dish with olive oil and anise seeds. If there’s an East Asian market near your residence 52 . Another favorite of Nai-nai’s and mine was a stir fry of shelled edamames and bite-sized dices of dried soybean curd. However. I purchase all other soy products from East Asian markets for their higher quality and lower prices. salted mustard or taro as the other main ingredient. most loaded with refined sugar and the rest (the so-called sugar-free version) diluted with too much water. Since edamames are actually young soybeans. It will taste so flavorful that you can’t have enough of it! These days most soy products are widely available at mainstream American supermarkets. which always tasted yummy no matter containing black mushrooms. I always asked to share her tofu soup.
but sometimes is labeled as black fungus (a less appealing English name of the ear-shape mushrooms that grow on trees). One of them you may have already tasted. two raw forms of which you can obtain from a Chinese market: fresh and dried. You soak them in cold 53 . you’ve probably noticed the little black shreds in the dish. check it out for more than soy products. Black Fungus (Wood Ears) I would recommend dried ones for the Vitamin D in them. Some pre-packed dried wood ears are already shredded and very easy to use.Crystal Tai or workplace. Some other rejuvenating items can only be found in East Asian markets. Mu-Shu If you’ve had mu-shu pork or mu-shu chicken at a Chinese restaurant. It’s called wood ears. Those crunchy shreds are wood ears.
The scientific discovery of wood ears’ nutritional value confirms a traditional Chinese medical theory that wood ears are nourishing to the lungs and the skin. I would also recommend wrapping your mu-shu with whole-wheat tortillas because Chinese flour wraps are all refined carbohydrate. shredded carrots. which somehow sounds floral. phosphorus and iron. There’s nothing wrong with Westernizing mu-shu for your health. It’s quite nice-sounding though: tremella. Another powerful kind of Oriental medicinal mushroom is in a similar shape to that of the wood ear. Then you drain them and start making your own mu-shu by stir-frying them with chopped cabbage. It owes its fame to Concubine Yang (719-756). so the Chinese call it −white wood ear − silver ear − or − snow ear. Put as much of shredded wood ears in your mu-shu as possible to maximize their beneficial effect. Wood ears are rich in protein.Secrets of Asian Women water until they soften. a fatlike substance that acts as a key building block of cell membranes and protects cells from oxidation. Tremella has long been renowned for its skinbeautifying capacity in East Asia. calcium. scrambled eggs and your choice of meat or you can leave it vegetarian. But its official English name is none of these poetic names’ literal translation. a Tang Dynasty emperor’s favorite woman in his harem and allegedly one of the 54 . Use a light Balsamic or Italian dressing instead. Don’t look in the Chinese market for that kind of rich brown sauce you’ve put on restaurant mu-shu dishes if you’re weight conscious. They also contain lecithin. but in white color.
Tremella 55 . some cosmetics companies are making skin care products with tremella extract. Concubine Yang looked so dazzling that a poet who had met her wrote: “Flowers would wish they had her facial skin.” Legend has it that Concubine Yang frequently ate sweetened tremella and applied its tonic to her face. However. Tremella is available not only in Chinese grocery stores but also in Japanese and Vietnamese markets. making skin cells fuller and healthier. pre-packed. This explains the once-deemed-mysterious connection between tremella and rejuvenation. You’ll see it in a dried form. Modern science has discovered something called polysaccharide in tremella.Crystal Tai four most gorgeous ladies in Chinese history. Since scientific experiments have proven topical use of tremella can greatly improve the skin within four weeks. The polysaccharide is strongly capable of hydrating skin tissues. it will cost you much less if you just buy tremella from an East Asian market and moisturize your skin from the inside out.
If not. It’s better if you have a slow cooker or rice cooker so you can leave it to do the long cooking job. both of which you can find in Chinese markets. available at East Asian markets. which is crystallized sugar looking like ice or transparent rocks. 56 . the Chinese will add rock sugar. you can get by with stovetop cooking on the lowest heat. also literally translated as ice sugar. Then it’s a wonderful Chinese dessert by itself. but even better if you cook it with lotus seeds and dried red dates.Secrets of Asian Women Sweetened Tremella Crush the dried tremella and throw every bit of it into a pot of water. When it’s about done. Let it simmer for 10 more minutes. but it’ll take hours for the tremella to become gruel-like and you’ll need to be home for the whole time.
can benefit the heart. peaches or pears as even more delicious options. Actually. But I personally enjoy cantaloupe. but they are also high in carbohydrate. you can replace them with dices of fresh fruit. tremella gruel is a traditional Chinese therapy for cough relief as well. your kitchen 57 . put rock sugar in and steam it. so don’t boil too many of them along with tremella.Crystal Tai Lotus Seeds Dried Red Dates Lotus seeds contain protein and minerals. Speaking of pears. I wonder why I haven’t seen a recipe combining pears and tremela to double the benefits. You cut out the core of a pear. also known as jujubis. Papaya is a good choice that has been listed in many tremella recipes. Red dates. the lungs. Eat the steamed pear and drink the sweet juice coming out of it. But if you are not used to their distinctive taste. the stomach and the spleen as well as nourish blood cells according to Chinese medicine practitioners. I tried putting them together and the combination tasted fantastic! According to Chinese medical theories. there is a simple home remedy using them to calm coughs.
Secrets of Asian Women can be your pharmacy at the same time. Goji Berries (Medlar or Fructus Lycii) You can now get goji berry tea at Whole Foods and perhaps other organic food markets. It’s interesting that mainstream Americans use the phonetic translation of the berries’ Chinese name while packs of them in dried form sold at Chinese markets are usually labeled as “medlar” or “fructus lycii” in English. Goji berries look like raisins in shape but are dark red in color. who didn’t drink 58 . He was able to read the smallest print in newspapers (though with the help of glasses. Let me introduce one more thing that’s both culinary and medicinal: goji berries. There has always been a common belief among the Chinese that these berries can enhance the eyesight. My maternal grandfather used to put goji berries in a mug of hot water and drank it as tea every day. You probably need to know those names in order to find them. my grandma.
Modern scientific analyses attribute goji berries’ vision-protecting function to some of their compounds that are rich in Vitamin A as well as zeaxanthin and lutein. goji berries are worth frequent consumption. This will do a lot of good to not only your health and skin but also your pocketbook. go treasurehunting in your nearest East Asian market. some doctors caution that they may have herb-drug interaction with certain kinds of medicine.Crystal Tai goji berry tea. two weeks after his 90th birthday. Talk to your doctor about goji berries before buying them if you are on any type of medication. ➢ Goji berries also contain lots of other antioxidants and two animo acids. You can make a mug of goji berry tea as my dear granddad did. There may also be a concern if you have pollen allergies For those of us who are not allergic to pollen or taking medicine. couldn’t do the same) until unexpected lung cancer (he had quit smoking long before) quickly took his life and broke my heart in October 2005. East Asian markets in the United States generally mark their prices considerably lower than their 59 . all of which are anti-aging. such as those for high blood pressure and diabetes (though goji berries naturally have anti-diabetic properties). Or you can try mixing dried goji berries into your breakfast cereal. If you believe you are what you eat. which can help the retina resist aging and free radicals. As goji berries are getting more and more recognized in the West.
If you are a single straight woman. men still prefer a thrifty wife. Nowadays it’s actually unnecessary for a man to care about his potential life partner’s spending habits because women work and make a living. Even if he’s an exception. or he’s East Asian so those markets are not exotic to him. telling a date you shop at East Asian markets will impress him. ➢ Do East Asian women truly deserve their praise though? ➢ Do East Asian women all know how to save money? Let’s see… *Disclaimer: There are disputes about the benefits and possible side effects of phyto-estrogen in the field of medicine.Secrets of Asian Women mainstream counterparts. however. the information about soy provided in this chapter is simply sharing of personal experience. The reader has to make her own judgment about the consumption of soy or consult a health professional about it. Exotic things tend to intrigue most men. All the men who have taken me out for coffee and all the men I once interviewed as a reporter for a feature story on interracial marriage (which unfortunately I didn’t finish) have expressed in one way or another their admiration for frugality as one of East Asian women’s shared merits. 60 . high-income professionals desire a frugal woman as much as mediumincome jobholders. he’ll like your saving on grocery budget. Among these men. too. Interestingly. Since the author of this book has no medical credentials. He can ask to keep separate bank accounts if he really worries about her wasting his money.
Are East Asian Women More Frugal? ggggggggggggggggggggg
efore I met my husband, I was once a Frenchman’s waltz partner. It was very generous of him to invite me to his private lessons, saying he would pay the instructor the same hourly rate with or without me so I wouldn’t feel guilty about freeloading. I found him attractive, too. However, I took a rain check when he asked me for a date because of his pending divorce. He was separated − but legally still married. The Frenchman (a greencard holder keeping his French nationality) often talked about his soon-to-be exwife when we took a break from practice in the dance studio that let us stay after class. His major complaint about her was her spending behavior. “I put her name on my account when we just got married,” he said. “But when the first statement of the joint account came, I was shocked! After a couple of shocks, I insisted on having separate accounts.” That should’ve solved the problem. She has her own account and spends her own income. What keeps bothering him?
but not enough for her to spend. I was surprised.” he let “Name-brand clothes. and have reasons to be so. “She only needed to pay for what she bought for herself. I’ll never go back!” “How does she spend so much?” I asked curiously. “What does she buy?” “Ce n’est pas pour moi (It’s not for me). not too bad. Let’s think about it. “I make $200.” he continued. who had taken two years of French in college. 62 . and even that was difficult for her! She makes almost $50. East Asians get stereotyped as frugal people because many of them (and actually myself. would understand these simple words. Then I felt a little ashamed because at that moment I caught myself keeping the parsimonious stereotype of East Asians in mind despite always opposing stereotypes.” he sounded irritated. too) indeed are.Secrets of Asian Women “I paid our mortgage and covered all our together expenses.000 a year but can’t save a cent if I go back to her. I began to feel empathetic. his French come out as he knew I. Later he told me she’s Korean-American. Name-brand Everything. Name-brand cosmetics. She always asked me for help when she couldn’t pay her credit card bills.000 a year. That drove me crazy!” Looking at his upset face. There must be a general phenomenon before overgeneralization can come into place.
including those American born. You can take East Asians out of East Asia but can’t take East Asia out of East Asians! After immigrating to the United States. My mother-in-law.Crystal Tai If you’ve ever been to East Asia. I’ve met several other East Asian women who are just as much into name brands as she is. Many East Asians who grew up in immigrant families. but that’s it. East Asian women live with their parents until they start a job in another town or get married. Some of these women have to support their parents. However. They may give their parents two or three hundred dollars a month as a symbol of filial piety. the Frenchman’s Korean-American wife (conceivably ex-wife by now) is not the only exception. whose age is closer to my grandma’s than my mom’s. No rent. my maternal grandmother (the nai-nai in Chapter 7) and mother kept their old habit of saving plastic bags from grocery shopping in order to reuse them as garbage bags. But those women don’t have complaining husbands because they are all single and living with their parents. but the majority of them get to keep their salaries all to themselves. Customarily. Given tight resources. I noticed it when my husband (then-boyfriend) first brought me to see her in May 2008. most East Asians are raised with the concept of never wasting anything. It’s quite a common practice of Chinese households to eliminate the need of buying garbage bags by reusing plastic shopping bags to hold trash. No utility bills. you know how densely populated the region is. does the same. which is deeply engrained for life. are keeping the tradition of saving everything possible. My husband and I now have a pile of plastic shopping bags in our kitchen waiting for their reuse as well. That’s why they can afford to spend more than half of their monthly paycheck 63 .
But in the currently slow economy. don’t exceed their limits. Would you like to start balancing your budget next month? That’s easier said than done. a Caucasian man sharing the same table with me jokingly said he cherished the freedom of his single life but would be less hesitant to marry an Asian (probably meaning East Asian) woman because most likely she wouldn’t have credit card debts. It may be because most of them. If you’ve accumulated thousands of dollars’ 64 .Secrets of Asian Women on a Louis Vuitton handbag. unlike that Korean-American lady. Even so. they’ve been instilled with the principle of spending within budget since childhood. This in the good old days might have disappointed credit card companies by defeating their purpose of collecting interests. this lucky group hasn’t altered the provident image of East Asian women in American society. which was originally meant to deal with the tough environment of East Asia. After all. credit card companies must favor such customers while worrying about the financial reliability of those who only pay the minimum every month. Yes. now looks applicable here in the United States. It’s a cultural habit of East Asians to pay off the monthly credit card bill in full amount. Once at a friend’s wedding reception. I understand. Most of them will quit buying Louis Vuitton bags and other luxuries as soon as they move out of their parents’ houses for job relocation or marriage. There’s some truth to that joke. The Oriental way of personal finance management. you may say.
I took an approximately $2. is techniques. You may even end up with a decent savings account in a few years. I did save that much while making not much. But you can manage to pay the total of this billing cycle’s expenses if you keep them below ¾ of your after-rent-or-mortgage monthly earnings. If you do it next month and every month from then on. paying rent on my own. Of course this takes discipline. You wonder how that could possibly be done? I’ll tell you how… 65 . I was the youngest person with the lowest income on the boat. Also. But I was saving around $700 a month. where the cost of living was (and still is) one of the highest in the country. though. I was single but away from home. As a matter of fact. All the other passengers were middle-aged professionals making over six digits a year or wealthy retirees. your credit card debt will stop snowballing. I’ve never felt deprived while saving money. What’s more important. I wasn’t one of those lucky East Asian women living with parents.500 Danube River cruise and paid an additional thousand for airfare in June 2005.000 that year and lived in Silicon Valley. so it just cost me five months of savings to cover that trip. Believe it or not. I only made about $45.Crystal Tai credit card debt. so you won’t feel deprived. well within my affordability. you can’t clear it right away.
a Chinese word that in fact sounds closer to dao and means the way everything works. The book teaches people how to act in harmony with tao for more gain and less pain.000 a year. The closest phonetic translation of the book title actually should be Dao De Jing.250 and after the $775 rent even less than $1. As described in Chapter 8. which after taxes merely rendered a monthly income around $2. except for allowing . That’s why I’m calling my strategies of personal finance management tao of saving. Tao Te Ching amazingly analyzes tao. I’m attempting to have my little book bring you a better life as well. an ancient Chinese philosopher named Lao Tze wrote a very thin but incredibly influential book entitled Tao Te Ching.Chapter 9 Tao of Saving O ggggggggggggggggggggg nce upon a time. I saved approximately $700 a month while making about $45. I just didn’t buy anything I didn’t absolutely need.500. but I’m giving you the earliest translation for its being best known to Westerners so it’ll be consistent with what you may have heard. How did I manage to save nearly half of that? It was simpler than you may think.
the harder it is for you to save money. I’m not telling you to disconnect your home phone or unsubscribe your cable if they are useful to you. not even for its capacity of Internet connection because I was able to surf on line using my work computer during lunch break on weekdays and accessing a library computer on weekends. given how little time I had for TV. working overtime.99-per-month gym membership. Bad weather. I was able to continue saving $700 a month after that. which could buy me a domestic plane ticket. Since I had a cell phone. you name it. But phone bills and cable subscription are recurring expenses. and that was it. just as my Danube cruise cost me five months of savings.Crystal Tai myself a luxury once in a long while. will be over with. I was thinking $240 a year. Think twice before starting a new recurring expense no matter how low the monthly charge is. car trouble. You know as well as I do that kind of commitment is something few can keep. to which you should pay more attention. The more recurring expenses you incur. I wasn’t talked into it. I’d rather plan on taking a trip once a year than commit to the gym twice a week. as long as it doesn’t exceed your affordability. I thought about the necessity of every household item before purchasing. recurring expenses go on and on taking amounts out of your bank account or credit line every month. Let’s look deep into the distinction between recurring and one-time expenses. Too many things can disrupt the gym routine 67 . either. Instead of roughly $20 a month. I didn’t get a home phone. I didn’t subscribe to cable channels. When a friend of mine excitedly told me about a $19. A large one-time expense. By contrast.
Secrets of Asian Women
you initially set for yourself. You may decide to go three times a week but end up going less than twice a month. Fortunately, the gym is not the only place you can exercise. I do Pilates regularly at home by following a DVD, which I can use for a few years until it breaks at a one-time expense of $19.99 plus tax. See how many 19.99s I’ve been saving? I’m not saying you must replace your gym membership with a workout DVD. People are different. You may be one of those who need the atmosphere of the gym to feel motivated. Or you may want to use a large piece of gym equipment that you can’t buy for your small apartment. If you do go to the gym frequently, that means the membership is worth your monthly payment, and you should look elsewhere to cut your recurring expenses. It varies from person to person what’s dispensable or indispensable. Don’t deprive yourself of what makes life worth living for you because you don’t know how much longer you’re going to live. While you’re saving for the future, you can’t disregard the present. There has to be an appropriate balance. Examine all your recurring expenses and then determine which ones are not absolutely necessary. Eliminate them. This is your first step onto the route of saving. The next step is to try lowering the recurring expenses on your essential needs. For instance, you may be able to find cheaper housing. But it depends on what you can give up for that. In my case, I chose a studio in 2002 for the $775 monthly rent instead of the more than $1,100 a
Crystal Tai one-bedroom apartment would have cost me in Silicon Valley. which I didn’t change after getting a special deal on a one-bedroom apartment for a studio’s rent in 2007. didn’t matter to me. Do women generally spend more than men? I haven’t been able to find any research done on this question. I just didn’t invite anybody into my place. it works even better if the woman is a little tighter than the man because he’s usually the one complaining about an extravagant spouse. But I didn’t go as far as paying even less for only renting a bedroom because I preferred no housemates. on the other hand. In my opinion. But no matter what the truth is. Neither do they shop for the latest fashion while already having a full closet of 69 . Right wouldn’t walk away so easily. I knew Mr. Most men don’t buy cosmetics. I disappointed numerous dates by always saying good-bye at my door. We met in late February of 2008 and were engaged three months later. Mr. men tend to perceive women as bigger spenders probably due to certain expenses that only come from women and perhaps gay men or transvestites. and almost as frugal as I am. Not having a living room. But I felt fine when they stopped calling. That became a habit. Right did come along. It’s a huge plus for a couple to behave similarly on spending because statistics have indicated financial disagreement as the number-one cause of divorce in the United States. He is as conservative about physical intimacy as I am (also equally non-judgmental about how fast others move in their relationships). We felt so sure so fast partially because of our common values.
Most straight men don’t know much about name brands and don’t care about them. a black pair of pants.Secrets of Asian Women clothes. Bargains won’t look cheap on you if you know how to match them. You may already own some almost-identicallooking items. you don’t need the same brands to achieve the same effect. Macy’s and Kohl’s are also where I find good deals when the department stores offer sales. a short-sleeved black sweater. I shop at East-Asian-owned boutiques that sell low-priced trendy clothes. which you don’t tug into your black pants. Imitate Meryl Streep if you’re middle-aged or older. I bet you also have a button-down white shirt. but not when they hear how much the clothes cost. for example. In case you are one of those women who don’t. I often receive compliments on my low-cost outfits. and black shoes. You can easily do what she has done by putting the short-sleeved black sweater over the longsleeved white shirt. The final sale price was $34. Take one of Anne Hathaway’s ensembles. While those two movie characters are wearing name brands. I would suggest you watch the movie “The Devil Wears Prada. Without the Chanel logo you’ll look just as chic to your date. As briefly brought up in the beginning of Chapter 2. There are certainly ways to dress for less. I usually get a top for under $20 and a skirt or a pair of jeans for below $40. My husband likes hearing the prices of my new clothes though. Once I even got 75% off on a royal blue satin evening gown at Macys. and you don’t necessarily have to go to Ross. Then you add a long strand of faux pearls that resembles the oversized Chanel necklace on her.” Observe the after-makeover Anne Hathaway if you are in your 20s or still look youthful. They enjoy seeing stylishly dressed women. 70 . Just follow how they put pieces of clothing together.99.
This may sound like a tall order.html For a clearer look of the dress. But when my husband and I had our wedding pictures taken on the campus of Stanford University. and perhaps on himself.000 a year like the Frenchman depicted in Chapter 8. you can view my virtual wedding album: ➢ http://www. You can find an online version of that picture at the bottom of the following web page: ➢ http://www. he would prefer a woman who doesn’t depend on name brands for glamor. My bridal gown only cost $214 because I got it at a prom dress shop for a prom dress price.stanfordalumni. But if he’s not famous. as a status symbol. It’s a white long dress with a little train that happens to look bridal. a group of students wearing funky hats for a dorm activity were drawn to us. “We love your dress!” exclaimed one of the girls in the group.org/news/ magazine/2009/janfeb/classnotes/dish.com/photo-books/ wedding/crystal-andy-s-wedding-5730052 71 . They asked to be photographed with us.Crystal Tai A male celebrity may regard name brands on his wife. which normally doesn’t run alumni wedding photos. The photo soon appeared in Stanford magazine. But it is indeed doable to look glamorous without name brands. even if he makes $200.mixbook. definitely not a designer’s gown.
we played a CD we had made with our selected tunes downloaded from Amazon. former San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom’s bride in July 2008. where my family and most of our friends live.000 on a bridal gown. But you can decrease the quantity of your spending without compromising the quality of your wedding if you know where to cut corners.com. you are able to get a better deal on the dress whereas I was unable to obtain a lower price quote on the trip.Secrets of Asian Women The strapless dress with vertical organza frills from the waist down coincidentally looks similar to the Vera Wang gown on Jennifer Siebel Newsom.000 on a designer’s gown. You can search on line for their publicized wedding photo (which I never saw until after purchasing my bridal gown) and compare her bridal apparel with mine. My husband and I had two wedding receptions because his terminally ill uncle couldn’t have traveled from southern California to Silicon Valley. you can also find a designergown-look-alike at an ordinary boutique. When it comes to one-time expenses. We also spent far less than the norm on centerpieces. even though our Silicon Valley wedding reception was held on Valentine’s 72 . The trick is: read all the current issues of bridal magazines. I bet something pretty close to that style is available somewhere for just a few hundred dollars. you can indulge yourself a little but should seek the best value if you seriously mean to become a saver. so we saved hundreds of dollars by not hiring musicians or DJs. Among one-time expenses. There’s really no need to spend over $1. For both occasions. the wedding cost is probably one of the highest. If you are a bride-to-be. not to mention over $10. Though it’s a one-time expense you can recover from as I did from my Danube cruise. figure out the latest trends on bridal wear and pick out a style that flatters your shape as well as suits your taste.
when all florists would double prices.Crystal Tai Day (which happened to be a Saturday in 2009). moving in works for those who just don’t want to ever get married. This is because the mindset of test-driving often causes people to split over the most trivial issues. When my husband paid our wedding bills. You must be nodding right now if you are a male reader. The two hearts in each of them actually conveyed the Valentine’s wedding theme more vividly than a full vase of flowers. To avoid the overcharge. if you are a mainstream American woman wondering why your boyfriend hasn’t popped the question. It’s a Chinese custom for the groom or his parents to cover wedding expenses. which they would be more willing to fix if bonded by contract. so he’ll suggest living together first to find out. However. Though in American culture it’s the bride’s family picking up the tap. a low-budget wedding will also please the groom because it shows him a provident wife. In my personal opinion. Of course it takes more than a woman’s frugality for a man to propose. Another common concern about marriage on a man’s mind is whether he can truly get along with her. Our centerpieces turned out costing minimal but looking magnificent. for those of you who care for a fairy-tale ending. I minimized the number of flowers by designing a centerpiece that just consisted of one long-stemmed pink rose and two big heart-shaped lollipops. You may see a change in his attitude. Also. but not necessarily for those thinking about marriage. try my saving techniques and then hint at how much you are capable of putting aside every month through casual conversations. he was appreciative of all the savings. it’s more exciting to keep marriage a new life you and your future 73 .
To fully explain how that works. as many East Asian women do. Excuse me for being such a hopeless romantic if you are not. I have to start with East Asian women’s cultural background. 74 .Secrets of Asian Women spouse will look forward to. don’t worry about losing the man of your dreams by refusing to move in with him. Without living together. rather than merely a legal knot on everything you two have already done. you can still make him feel you’re easy to live with. But in case you are a single woman sharing this idea.
one of which signifies women’s flexibility. and their sons after the husbands’ deaths. As a result. Despite sounding absurd to us living in the 21st century.” says Chia Pao-Yu. their husbands throughout marriage. The Chinese patriarchy used to expect such behavior of women. This first impression somehow dies hard. since Pao-Yu also says men are made of mud and stink. who were brainwashed to obey their fathers before marriage. To this day Westerners still commonly perceive East Asian women . What’s more flexible than water? It has no shape of its own but can fit into a container of any shape. the hero of a Chinese classic novel entitled Dreams of the Red Chamber. the line has taken on additional connotations. when Westerners began to explore the East. In its original context the metaphor means women are clean (implying body and soul). however. they encountered oppressive men and oppressed women. the dogma spread to other East Asian countries during the centuries China dominated East Asia. After being quoted frequently.Chapter 10 Are East Asian Women Submissive? ggggggggggggggggggggg “Women are made of water.
they are bound to clash. They pursue East Asian women. Feminism has revolutionized women’s roles in society but not men’s. You get the picture. so they won’t ask for that out loud. Ironically. Men nowadays actually have to assert themselves more because they are competing with not only other men but also women in the workplace. While girls are empowered to be stronger. boys are taught to be as assertive as their fathers and grandfathers. even-tempered. this somewhat negative stereotype positively contributes to East Asian women’s popularity with men. etc. easy-going. They know they’re not supposed to demand a mellifluous voice out of an equal. Most men are not very verbal anyway. That’s why men desire coming home to a mellow woman. That’s politically incorrect. As the male ego remains strong and the female ego becomes equally stalwart. ➢ Why do our contemporary men have such an old-fashioned preference? ➢ Hasn’t feminism been around longer than most of these single guys have been alive? Let’s think thoroughly about it.Secrets of Asian Women as meek creatures. ➢ Are East Asian women as compliant as these men presume though? 76 . Of course mainstream American men won’t say submissiveness is one of the best things they see in East Asian women. They want to unwind after battling all day at work. They just let their action speak for them. Instead they praise East Asian women for being − considerate.
Crystal Tai As an East Asian woman myself. At least there was a tradition of courtship and monogamy in the West. There’s nothing wrong with holding our tongues in order not to hurt someone’s feelings. “You don’t have a chip on your shoulder. We (yes. No wonder it was the less subdued women in the West who initiated women’s liberation. East Asian women tend to give the male ego a break. There were only arranged marriages in East Asia until the early 20th century. All the wives had no other purpose of life than reproduction. Too much enslaved. For thousands of years before that. I’ve met quite a number of tough East Asian women. and he was likely to have other wives if he was rich. those women weren’t allowed to voice an opinion. It’s interesting that we East Asian women don’t try as hard to prove our equal status to men as our mainstream American counterparts. ➢ Is this being submissive? I would say it’s just being sensitive. Theoretically we should fight harder for women’s rights because our predecessors were treated much worse than Western women of the past. I remember my college boyfriend once told me that he was deeply attracted to East Asian women’s relaxed attitude toward men. 77 . whom she probably had never met.” he said. It doesn’t make us inferior simply because that person happens to be a man. myself included) won’t tell a man what to do when he says he knows what he’s doing. But generally speaking. an East Asian woman had to marry a man of her father’s choice.
The Asian male chauvinists portrayed in Joy Luck Club and certain other Hollywood movies no longer reflect today’s East Asian men.Secrets of Asian Women Feminist movements have brought abundant opportunities in education and profession for women in the West as well as everywhere else Western culture has established influence. Through Westernization over the past century. we East Asian women. many of whom are actually more courteous to women than their Western counterparts. During those years East Asian men of my father’s generation didn’t hear Western feminists telling men to stop all the gentlemanly gestures in order for women to appear utterly equal. Westernized East Asian men of that era kept what their fathers had previously copied from the West. either. Later they passed such habits to their sons. however. including those who have immigrated to the West. work. These East Asian men. East Asia has also let women go to school. They continued to open doors and pull chairs for their girlfriends or wives. are not as obedient to men as our great grandmothers. Without absorbing the new trend. We in a way would remind a mainstream American man of how sweet his 78 . but not as unyielding as typical Western women. and keep their jobs after getting married. no matter living in the East or the West. are keeping some traditional Western etiquettes already discarded by most Westerners. It has been a gradual and incomplete process of imitation. vote. In the meantime. East Asia never directly experienced the radical social revolution that shook the West in the 1960s and 1970s.
Biologically we are just different from them. If you are a Caucasian woman feeling against East Asian women’s taking men of your race away. Men won’t get pregnant. Feminism wouldn’t have arisen without birth control. Only after the invention of reliable contraception was it feasible to demand equal career opportunities for women. or of a dulcet Southern belle. Even after industrialization lessened the physical requirements of most jobs. frequent pregnancies and childbirths still confined women to domestic duties. I have to confess that I see a problem with feminism in its definition of −equal. It can’t change certain male and female 79 . farm or fight in a war like men. Men don’t have menstrual cycles. Feminism can only go as far as technology does about men and women. Being equal shouldn’t mean being exactly the same. Try learning from your grandmother how to communicate with men. Here I will reiterate my appreciation of feminism for its enabling women to gain financial independence and professional success. think retro rather than exotic. You’ve read my acknowledgment of feminism earlier. and don’t let your mother know if she’s a feminist. it was biological differences that initially subjugated women to men in society. Women aren’t and can’t be exactly the same as men. I’m not anti-feminist. With fewer muscles and less strength. As pointed out by Simone de Beauvoir in her groundbreaking feminist masterpiece.Crystal Tai grandma was to his grandpa. women couldn’t hunt. The Second Sex. However.
but be feminine on a date. Numerous East Asian women do. Such male and female instincts complement and satisfy each other. water can erode the hardest rock. too. Remember Lao-Tze. We really don’t need to suppress them in relationships just because we are equals at work. there are still stone-age hunters’ genes that make men enjoy overpowering other beings. This is not difficult.Secrets of Asian Women instincts that current technology can’t and probably won’t attempt to alter. Instead it bends in front of them and goes around them. In modern men’s blood. Yet nothing is better than water for overcoming the hard and rigid. modern women are as happy to receive presents as cave women were to take game meat from their hunter partners. It’s not beneath you to always speak softly to your man even if you have a Ph. but it doesn’t flaunt its strength to them. You can cover your strong abilities with a soft demeanor as well.” Indeed. avoiding all head-on conflicts. ladies. unlike those repressed East Asian women of the past who only 80 . Likewise. Soft doesn’t equate weak. Be feministic to your colleagues (including those male). or run a high-tech company. Water is actually stronger than rocks. the ancient Chinese philosopher introduced in Chapter 9? Let’s read some of his immortal words regarding the meaning of softness in the following quote: “Water is the softest and the most yielding substance. or at home if you are married. We 21st-century women are capable of behaving truly like water with our inner power. You can.D.
you probably see more clearly now than ever why you are attracted to East Asian women. Oriental wisdom is acquirable to women of all races. Not every East Asian woman is made of water though. Whether you are a man or a woman. observe your date carefully. Make sure you’re pursuing a water-like East Asian woman. it’s worth learning a little Oriental philosophy for improving your relationship. So. They may hide their temper better than mainstream American women in the stage of dating because single young women are expected to be extra polite in East Asian culture. But they can turn into real shrews after becoming wives and mothers. I have to warn you that some East Asian women. If you are a mainstream American straight man. regardless of where they were born and raised. Or a water-like woman of any race. too. are very hot-tempered.Crystal Tai resembled water’s appearance. and of course to men of all races. 81 .
T Something is wrong with this picture. The institution of marriage was invented in patriarchal cultures around the world when countries had little or no contact with one another. so much so that books are written to help single women get the ring. men haven’t changed so drastically about marriage in East Asia.Chapter 11 Apply Oriental Wisdom to Modern Relationships ggggggggggggggggggggg here are many relationship books in America. Most East Asian male . Since when has marriage become so undesirable to mainstream American men? Be aware that women didn’t create marriage. too many because the majority of them address the same issue: what makes a man propose. Apparently. Why have they changed in America? By comparison. American women now generally long for marriage much more than men. Male leaders of those primeval countries didn’t know what others were doing but at some point in history all decided to institutionalize marriage. That means men once universally wanted marriage.
“The lowest strategy is to attack a citadel. He’ll be the one yearning and asking for a commitment. Yes. Just presume the guy you’re dating is already considering the possibility of marriage. according to my observation. Though this may be a false sense of security. She doesn’t ask him where the relationship is going.Crystal Tai immigrants in America don’t cling to bachelorhood as much as their mainstream counterparts. which he’s not sure whether you will accept. which is attractive and can make a man who initially didn’t have marriage in mind fall in love with her. Don’t pick on him though. It looks that East Asian culture is keeping marriage preferable to men. you will then see the table turning. You wait and see. She exudes an air of self-assurance. You haven’t made up your mind.” 83 . it somehow works to her advantage. Instead. either. evaluate in your head whether he’s good husband material for you. not because relationship experts say such a question would scare guys away. If you are a mainstream American woman hoping to settle down. Be very sensitive about his male ego. She therefore doesn’t have the kind of anxiety that haunts many mainstream American women after several dates. try getting into this East Asian mindset. Don’t wonder how he feels about you or how you can get him to commit. the highest strategy is to capture people’s psychology. but because she feels secure. He has to prove himself to you before he can win you over. But keep your attitude toward him reserved. American-born East Asian men are somewhere in between. an East Asian woman tends to assume a man who repeatedly asks her out must be serious about her. even if he is of another race. With East Asian men as the frame of reference.
ladies. even if she’s dating someone else.Secrets of Asian Women says Sun Tzu. Today a DNA test can determine the father of a baby more accurately than marriage. The Art of War. in his book. were theirs. I think some of Sun Tzu’s ideas can be applied to relationships as well. Big comes and goes as he pleases throughout the six seasons of Sex and the City. The book has been translated into Western languages and used for business action plans in the West. as soon as he reappears. That guy won’t marry you. or same sex if you’re gay. the most famous military strategist throughout Chinese history. and figure out how much of that motivation remains in contemporary men. He won’t have such longing if she has made herself his and his only without a ring. A man will propose to a woman if he craves making her his and his only. That’s why Mr. Don’t be a Carrie if you are a woman madly in love with an elusive man. He knows he has Carrie. He won’t finally reform like Mr. Men originally designed marriage to prevent other men from touching the women they provided for. she’ll drop everything to be in his arms again. We have to grasp the psychology of our opposite sex. For a truly happy ending in reality. get rid of 84 . whom they also supported. because in real life he’s not responsible for giving the audience a happy ending. and to ensure the women’s children. but men are still possessive. No matter how long he has been gone. Big in the movie version of Sex and the City. Marriage-minded women must find out what motivated male leaders of ancient times to formulate marriage.
Crystal Tai that Carrie in you. three months. what they enjoy most is to turn him into an animal. learning “the highest strategy” from Sun Tzu may save you from finishing last. Instead you observe how emotionally attached he is to you and how deeply involved you are with his life. a Miranda or even a Samantha. I’m not telling you not to sleep with a guy too soon. let me explain there’s no set timeline that works for everyone. I’m not saying men won’t get hurt. Female or male. It’s better to be a Charlotte. If they confuse you. you need to unleash that inner animal of yours on your own. But if you expect the guy to call afterwards. As modern men thrive at the thrill of chase like Paleolithic hunters. Don’t go by how long you’ve been dating this guy. and so on. In case you wonder why your dream girl often cries on your shoulder about that jerk but keeps getting back together with him and remaining just friends with you. wait to play it safe. If you are a nice guy. Otherwise we won’t feel a spark 85 . Then you won’t be hurt. Different relationship books are advising women to wait different lengths of time: three dates. Wait until you know for sure he adores you despite already seeing your flaws. modern women still get excited when being relentlessly chased. For those of us conservative girls who always let men take the initiative. desire is primitive despite millennia of civilization. Even for those women who will make the first move on a shy man. it’s necessary for you to analyze female psychology. five dates. You can do it on the first date if you purely enjoy the act itself like Samantha. Though I’ve been extremely conservative with men.
cut her off and declare: “I’m not going to hear anything about him any more! From now on it’s only you and me!” Then you kiss her. Muster all your courage. and your kiss will make that clearer to her. so you can start looking elsewhere for the heavenly bliss of love. His genes were optimal to produce offspring that would meet the Darwinian standards of natural selection. don’t even bother listening to her. But this is certainly not limited to the East Asian male 86 . That’s what causes the nice-guy problem. While it no longer takes that kind of aggressiveness for men to succeed in civilized society. An aggressive hunter was able to get more food for the woman waiting in the cave for him.Secrets of Asian Women and can only perceive a friendship with you. It’s probably what nature intended for the survival of the species. which is common among those quiet East Asian men who hate but can’t stop men of other races aggressively taking East Asian women away. But even if you just can’t arouse romantic feelings in her. Women tend to fall for aggressive men. though you are taking a chance. female desire hasn’t caught up with social changes. she’ll discover chemistry she never thought she could have with you. You may not be her type physically. Given this understanding. next time your adorable lady friend cries to you about her vicious boyfriend. More likely than not. Don’t be afraid of offending her. making this move at least does you a favor by getting you out of the friend limbo.
And the only solution for you. Such nice guys exist in every race. He has done it. Everyone says he’s introverted.” says Sun Tzu. 87 . without fear. Wrong. Then the quote of Oriental wisdom will work for you.Crystal Tai category. fighting hundreds of odds to win your lifelong love. So can you. without deliberation. In the meantime. so you will choose a warm nice guy who is sincere to you rather than a hot Mr. Knowing where the instinct comes from can help you put it under reasonable control. “You will fight 100 battles and win 100 battles.” Let’s replace the word – opponent − with opposite sex (again. if you are one of them. same sex if you’re homosexual). we women need to reflect upon our inclination toward being overwhelmed and taken by forceful passion. But he was incredibly forward and outspoken when pursuing me. is to act without consideration. “Know yourself and know your opponent. My husband is a nice guy.
To female readers. you will be thinner. The new understanding will equip you with “the highest strategy” taught by the most brilliant strategist in Chinese history (introduced in Chapter 11) to pursue an East Asian woman. It will be promising for you to win over a “water-like” (as described in Chapter 10) woman of your dreams. have it cure her cramps and make her much easier to deal with on her period. spend less and become more popular with .Chapter 12 A Healthier and Happier You ggggggggggggggggggggg By now you’ve learned a lot about East Asian women and East Asian culture. Follow Chapter 9 if you want to save money. you can take the diet tips provided in Chapters 3 and 4 if you need to lose weight. Even the menstruating women’s dos-and-don’ts list of Chapter 6 may benefit you if you pass the information to your girlfriend. this book can perform miracles. It’s time for you to use the knowledge. If you are a mainstream American man drawn to this book because you like East Asian women. Plus. look younger. you now know better than ever what’s true and what’s false about the stereotypical East Asian woman in your previous presumption. By putting all it says into practice. ladies.
please use it to vivify a healthier. happier you! 89 . but also to those utterly Westernized East Asians who are unfamiliar with Oriental traditions.Crystal Tai men no matter what ethnicity you are. Oriental herbal medicine and ancient Chinese philosophy are time-tested treasures of wisdom that can enrich all human beings. After Westernization has bestowed democracy and technology upon East Asia over the past century. it’s a gift not only to Westerners. After reading it. and to everyone else interested. why not let the East reciprocate to the West? This book is my effort to give the West what my East Asian heritage has to offer. However. Regardless of who you are. the book is for you.
Organization. she is a freelance writer working from home and lives in San Jose. She’s had numerous English and Chinese articles published in newspapers. and on-line media. She was a local news reporter in Silicon Valley. Currently. She is one of the lucky few equally fluent in two languages. . Crystal has a Master’s degree in Education Policy. magazines. California with her husband Andy Tai. plus coursework in Journalism from Stanford University. and Leadership Studies.About the Author Crystal was born in Taiwan and immigrated to California with her family as a teenager.
com .theseashellbooks.LOOK FOR OTHER BOOKS BY CRYSTAL TAI Real Savings on Your Dream Wedding Both books are also available for Instant download at: www.
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