Ultimate Envy: Envying Oneself!

Envying oneselfor rather eras of ones lifemay be ultimate envy. Published on September 29, 2 !" by #ran$ %. &inivaggi, '.(., #.).P.). in Envy *his+ inShare

)s has been the thrust of Envy Theory in both my boo$s, Envy Theory and Biomental Child Development, envy is a fundamental part of all mental pro,essing, not merely an isolated, atypi,al, or pathologi,al ,ondition. -t is a dimensional personality ,hara,teristi,. .hen lo/ and 0uies,ent, it serves to prompt ,omparison and ,ontrast, and thus stimulate motivation and ambition. 1o/ever, envy is typi,ally not lo/, but ordinarily provo$ed to high levels. *hus, li$e other su,h basi, human emotional and ,ognitive basi,s, it /eaves intri,ate patterns of ,omple2ity in human behavior. -n this brief arti,le, - /ould li$e to address, a broad developmental phenomenon, namely, the life,y,le, /ith a focus on the individual. -t has al/ays been fundamental to my perspe,tive that the individual is the fo,al point for all psy,hologi,al pro,esses both normal3typi,al or distressing3pathologi,al, and the sour,e to begin e2ploration, revision, and repair. - /ill address ho/ envy unfolds to influen,e ones o/n sense of self and ,ourse of life, often vi,ariously by pro4e,ting value 4udgments out/ard and attributing them onto othersor eras in ones own lifesu,h as the adoration of, for e2ample, babies 5inno,en,e6, ,hildren 5almost unlimited potential6, youth 5vitality, unbridled enthusiasm6, the elderly 5/ealth, a,,omplishments6, and so forth. )ll of these romanti,i7ations, /hen e2,essive 5a hallmar$ of envy6, may e2pand into adulations that be,ome ideali7ations that ,an ta$e on unrealisti, proportions that overshado/ the life eras that ,ame before or after, and so diminish their signifi,an,e and ,ause a lopsided vie/ of the life,y,le in its entirety, espe,ially as it pertains to a balan,ed vie/ of oneself in perspe,tive. *he opposite pole, vilifi,ation, attributes e2treme negative 0ualities to ,hildren, for e2ample, /ho may be un4ustifiably ,hara,teri7ed by some /ith harsh terms8 in,orrigible, terrible, manipulative, 9bad apple, and so forth.

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:*he *ruest 'ar$ of ;eing ;orn /ith <reat =ualities -s...: >> .hat? @ompare and (espair ) #un Aoo$ at Envy *he Seven Effe,ts of 1ighly 1abitual People *he po/er of 5benign6 envy

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)gain, this vilifi,ation may be attributed to periods in ones o/n life su,h as feeling una,hieved or not 0uite as su,,essful as desired, and so a,t as a developmental $not or thorny irritation preventing moving for/ard. *he often intra,table roots of su,h a fi2ation are rather un,ons,ious and may re0uire psy,hotherapeuti, e2ploration, /hi,h in itself presumes a profound personal 0uest for ,hange and great motivation. *urning no/ to a ,onsideration of the entire life,y,le as a /hole, and ,onsidering it from its developmental roots but using more poeti,>li$e imagery, one ,ould envision the life,y,le divided into three phases /ith ages t/o years and about si2ty>five years being biomental mar$ers. -mages using e,ologi,ally familiar ,y,les 5the 2B hour day6 are ,hosen here sin,e they ,onvey the ebb and flo/ of lifes biomorphi, transitions in a more tangible fashion. Phase I might be termed the morning of ones life, birth to t/enty>four months, during /hi,h time almost total dependen,y on ones ,aregiver is the rule. -t might also e2tend to late adoles,en,e before emerging adulthood /hen dependen,y on ,aregivers virtually re,edes. *his is an era of the da/n of light, hope, e2pe,tation, and e2ploration. )dventure, ne/ ,hallenges, first failures, and repeated enthusiasti, attempts to/ard anti,ipated su,,ess mar$ this era. Enthusiasm and ne/ hori7ons are hallmar$s here. Phase II ,ould be termed the afternoon, initially from age t/o and ,ertainly by age t/enty> one through older age, /hen gradually emerging and fuller independen,e and generativity o,,ur to varying e2tents over the ,ourse of many years. <reater stability and settling do/n is o,,urring and greater degrees of pleasure both 0uantitatively and 0ualitatively are e2perien,ed in the de,ade5s6 mar$ing this typi,ally produ,tive and a,,umulative era. Phase III then ,ould be ,alled the evening of ones life. *his is a time in older age /hen independen,e ironi,ally be,omes lessened and dependen,e again emerges. ),tivities be,ome ,urtailed to some e2tent, and refle,tion on years of previous living arises for many. Pain and its emotional per,eption as suffering often be,omes more prevalent and distressing, as /ell as impairing. Envy at this era often displays itself as bitterness, ma$ing it diffi,ult for others to get ,lose and use this as an opportunity to re>engage to help. &evertheless, hearts do seem to soften and be,ome open to the previously unnoti,ed gleams in ,hildrens eyes and the vibran,y of ,olors abounding in nature. *his entire perspe,tivelife,y,le as morning, afternoon, and evening>>>/hile not formally s,ientifi, has merit in that it adds an overar,hing orientation to the ,y,li,al feel or poetry of the human ,ondition. *he aforementioned revie/ has been a very brief dis,ussion of ,omple2 material, but its aim has been to fo,us attention on the theme of this small pie,e8 the most po/erful and debilitating envy one might e2perien,e is ones o/n envy of a segment of his or her o/n life. .hen this happens, one in essen,e has ob4e,tified the life,y,le and loo$ed in as an outside

observer, an outsidera stranger. *his is, de fa,to, a splitting phenomenon that lessens personal authenti,ity and in,reases ,ognitive, emotional, and e2periential pro,esses best ,hara,teri7ed by /ords li$e fa$e, and rationali7ed. -t turns the /hole person into individual parts or possessions unintegrated and :lumped togetherC: and envy thrives on the per,eived desire to attain possessions on,e believed one had and no/ has lost 5or never fully attained6. *his pro,ess is /hat is meant by :the ego: as the obsta,le to self>understanding in .estern systems. #or the last D, years, the East has used the Sans$rit term :'aya: to denote this ,ognitive default3misapprehension. -t is signifi,ant to pause here to reiterate that an appre,iation of ea,h partor threshold of the entire life,y,le is valuable sin,e ea,h flow era does have its o/n uni0ue merits and singular beauty. *his is a$in to the aestheti, e2perien,e of loo$ing at a flo/ing stream and admiring the dynami, beauty per,eived$no/ing that it is ever>,hanging at ea,h moment of our per,eption and /ill be different day to day, month to month, and so forth. *he ,entrality of ea,h, ho/ever, must not be overvalued at the e2pense of underestimating the /hole. Su,h e2,essive ideali7ation ris$s lo,$ing into parts at the detriment of missing the ,onte2t and be,oming disillusioned and stu,$ in a transient developmental era that is in the pro,ess of be,oming something elseperhaps, something greater or different, or differently beautiful and interesting+ *his notion 5part as aspe,t of /holeC :one: as superordinate of :many:6 is related to a ,entral theme of the biomental perspe,tive, that is, letting go. -t denotes a series of critical intermittent releases, all of /hi,h ,onstitute developmental a,hievements, seen ,hronologi,ally in infan,y and e2perien,ed biomentally throughout the entire life,y,le. Envy matured be,omes inspirational and supports motivation for self>improvement and for/ard gro/th and development.