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THE EIGHT HABITS OF HIGHLY SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE: How to Realize Your Dreams in Life, Career and Relationships By Jean Marie Stine A Renaissance E Books publication ISBN 1-58873-044-1 All rights reserved Copyright © 2001 by Jean Marie Stine This book may not be reproduced in whole or in part without written permission. For information contact: email@example.com [Back to Table of Contents]
DEDICATION To David O. Dyer, Sr. A Truly Visionary Publisher [Back to Table of Contents]
CONTENTS HABIT #1—CLARIFYING YOUR GOALS HABIT #2—BECOMING A DOER HABIT #3—DEVELOPING FEARLESSNESS HABIT #4—BELIEVING IN YOUR SUCCESS HABIT #5—TAKING RESPONSIBILITY HABIT #6—GENERATING ENTHUSIASM HABIT #7—BOUNCING BACK FROM SETBACK HABIT #8—CROSSING THE FINISH LINE SUCCESSFULLY HABIT #4—Believing in Your Success HABIT #8—Crossing the Finish Line
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INTRODUCTION Everyone wants to know the secret of success. Some think it's luck. Others heredity. Still others say it's education. Each of these plays a role, of course, but research into achievement has revealed there is something far more important than any of these; and it is what spells the difference between those who achieve their dreams, thrive during adversity, and otherwise achieve success—and those who never do. This “something” that separates winners from runners-up is eight characteristic ways of behaving, the eight habits of highly successful people. The person who acquires them truly becomes the absolute master of his or her own destiny. Studies into the life of successful women and men show you don't have to be a genius, go to a prestigious college, possess unusual charm, or come from the “right” background to succeed in realizing your ambitions. Think about the people you know who have made it on their own terms. Most are probably ordinary people with average IQs. In short, no different than you. What has allowed these ordinary people to rise to the top—what allows people to rise to the top in every field, from business to athletics politics to the arts—are eight habitual ways of responding to the challenges and difficulties inherent in any undertaking. These eight are: 1. Clarifying Your Goals 2. Becoming a Doer 3. Developing Fearlessness 4. Believing in Your Success 5. Taking Responsibility 6. Generating Enthusiasm 7. Bouncing Back from Setbacks 8. Crossing the Finish Line It doesn't matter whether you are dreaming of a retirement cabin in the mountains, winning the next marathon, getting a raise, getting a job, becoming a writer, earning a promotion, or saving a shaky business venture, without these practices you won't get far. Develop all eight, and nothing can hold you back from your goals. There is no substitute for cultivating these eight habits. Not charisma. Not education. Not talent. Not connections. In the final analysis, it is these eight alone that will pay off for you. This book blueprints an easy, step-by-step program for developing these eight habits. It is the first time that all eight have been linked and developed as a single system. The book begins with becoming a doer who takes the first step and it culminates with making a habit of taking the final step and crossing the finish line. In between it covers the six other characteristics shared by highly successful people. There is a minimum of theory here. The book is intended as a practical guide to the subject of success, goal-achievement and the realization of your personal and professional dreams—whatever they may be. It
focuses on proven techniques for learning the eight habits that you can put to immediate use. It eschews academic and psychological jargon, but it is based on scholarship as well as firsthand experience. This book will show you what you need to do to succeed in life. The rest is up to you. Jean Marie Stine [Back to Table of Contents]
HABIT #1—CLARIFYING YOUR GOALS Success authorities like supersalesman Zig Ziglar and supercoach Rick Pitino say you'll never achieve your goal if it's fuzzy or ill-defined. For example, when someone's concept of their goal is unclear, experts warn that they can: + Fail to get what they “really” wanted. + Lose their inspiration along the way. + Fail to get started. To modernize an example Napoleon Hill, author of the classic Think and Grow Rich, often used, what if, in 1970 your goal had been to accumulate a bank balance of one million dollars. Let's say it took you thirty years. But by 2000 AD, inflation had reduced the purchasing power that million dollars—by one half. You achieved the goal you set yourself, of course, to have one million dollars in terms of 1980s dollars. But, you weren't clear in your aims—you should have said the “purchasing power of one million dollars today"—and so you missed hitting your goal dead center. Or consider an example actress and fitness authority Susanne Sommers uses: Almost everyone wants to reduce weight. But, most of us make many false starts, while others never get started at all. And, of those who do reduce their weight, most will gain it back again. Clearly, all these people have a goal, Sommers points out, the same goal, in fact. They can't all be motivationally impaired, since many of them started, and some even achieved their target weights—they just gained it back later. But, only a rare minority ever seem to lose weight and keep it off. If their problem isn't lack of motivation, what is it? The answer, according to breakthrough performance authority Art Turock, author of Getting Physical, is a “laser-focused” goal. **** "Setting an exciting goal is like setting a needle in your compass. From then on, the compass knows only one point—its ideal. And it will faithfully guide you there." Bernice Johnson Reagon "Setting a goal is not the main thing. It is deciding how you will go about achieving it and staying with that plan." Tom Landry **** HITTING YOUR BULL'S EYE: THE VALUE OF A LASER-FOCUSED GOAL Art Turock isn't the only success guru to stress the importance of carefully, and sharply, defining your goal before you set out—or wherever you might be along the way. “Define the goal. Be specific!” counsels Niki Scott, in her “Working Woman” column. “Not: ‘I want a promotion,’ but ‘I want this promotion.’ Not: ‘I want more responsibility,’ but ‘I want this responsibility.’ Not: ‘I want a better support system,’ but ‘I'm going to call five new contacts each week.’”
Although, “losing weight,” at first blush, would seem a pretty definite, clear-cut target, weight-loss and fitness experts like Wayne Dwyer point out that it actually falls short of being a sharply focused goal. For instance, “losing weight” fails to address any of the following critical issues: + What is your new target weight? + What is the date you will begin reducing? + What is the target date for reaching your new weight? + What weight-reduction method or program will you use? + How long do you want to retain your target weight? Notice how much more clearer and more focused answering these questions makes your goal? When you stop to think about it, “reducing weight” is rather vague, isn't it? Just telling yourself that you want to “fit into that size five again” or “lose seventeen pounds by May fifteenth” makes your goal sound concrete, tantalizing, achievable. It adds more “oomph!” to your motivation and makes you a lot more likely to get going—and hit the bull's eye at the end. **** "Are you vague about your goals and values? And do you also find it difficult to stay committed to any one person or project?" Neil Fiore **** The 5 Qualities of a Laser-Focused Goal According to goal-setting experts like Turock, Scott, and Napoleon Hill the key qualities, of a precisely focused goal are: + A precisely-defined target. (Example: Weighing one-hundred thirty pounds.) + A precise date when you plan to start. (Example: The first of next month.) + A precise date you are committed to having achieved your goal. (Example: Six months from now, in time for that high school reunion.) + A precise method for getting there. (Example: One-half hour of jogging every day.) + A precise outcome. (Example: Maintain that weight permanently, once reached.) When we take elements like these into consideration, our goals snap into sharp definition like a blurry image seen through a telescope when the lens is suddenly twisted into focus. **** "Many people have things they have planned to do for a long time, but have never done. Just having the goals is not good enough, we must have a time frame to complete them." David Schloss
**** EXERCISE: FOCUSING IN ON YOUR GOAL You won't ever again need to worry about failing to reach your dream or reap its rewards due to a fuzzy, out-of-focus goal. The classic exercise is similar to those used by those who know what success means. It is guaranteed to produce a picture of what you want to accomplish that is so laser-sharp you can't possibly miss striking it dead center. In fact, this exercise is so powerful, that even if you believe your goal is crystal clear, authorities in the field of goal-achievement recommend you take the time to work through it. Often, they say, students who are certain they already have clear picture of their goal in mind, are amazed to discover just how much critical detail they have actually left out. (Use a piece of paper or computer file.) 1. My Target Goal is . (Don't try to be precise yet, just answer in the most general terms.) 2. My Target Starting Date for taking the first step toward my goal is . 3. My Target Completion Date, when I intend to have reached my goal, is . 4. My Target Method for achieving my goal is . 5. My Target Outcome is . 6. Combine your answers from 1-5 into a sentence or two stating your goal as completely and clearly as you can. My focused Target Goal is . THE DANGERS OF UNREALISTIC GOALS: THE RALPH KRAMDEN SYNDROME In an early chapter of Success is a Choice, Rick Pitino mentions briefly something he calls the “Ralph Kramden Syndrome,” named after the television character Jackie Gleason made famous in The Honeymooners. Kramden always had some cock-eyed, get-rich-quick plan inevitably doomed-to-fail. In his eyes, the scheme seemed flawless, but it always proved unrealistic due to his vaulting over-ambition, or his lack of preparation, or because he didn't have the financial resources to capitalize on an idea if it did succeed. The usual outcome was Kramden angry and humiliated as his dream crashed down around his ears publicly. Hardly an outcome conducive to anyone's success. We've all known someone like Ralph Kramden. Someone who's a perpetual failure because their reach always far exceeds their grasp. For that matter, we've all got a bit of Ralph Kramden in us. You've doubtless had times when you set out with high good intentions toward a clearly focused goal, only to come a cropper because the whole endeavor was unrealistic in the first place. To continue the reducing theme. It doesn't do much good to focus in on an objective like losing fifteen pounds in a week. It's not only impossible—it would be downright dangerous to your health to try. Or, you might decide to exercise at home, along with an aerobics program, without considering whether you have the self-discipline to stick with the regime alone. In both cases, your goal is so unrealistic that your motivation is bound to wane quickly—if you manage to motivate yourself to start at all. The damage done to motivation and self-esteem, the great success authorities say, may be an even more important consequence of setting unrealistic goals than the failure to reach the goal itself. As marketing whiz Joe Girard writes, “Many people fail to reach their goals because the goals are unrealistic. They don't fit the pattern of the person defining the goal. For example, suppose a worker in a city's wastewater treatment plant decides he wants to become an account executive in an advertising agency. It's not absolutely impossible, of course, but a more realistic goal-a more achievable one-would be to secure a position on the city's or county's water board."
KEEP IT REAL Rick Pitino, who led the Kentucky Wildcats to their spectacular 1996 NCAA basketball championship, says that to be realistic, your goals should be in line with: + Your background, work-related or personal. + Your level of experience, now and in the past. + Your current and past responsibilities at work. + Your monetary worth and cash flow (although that is not always a factor). + Your education. + Your physical condition or health. The “Get Real” Principle Before starting for your goal, however sharp the image, most success experts caution you to take a few moments to double-check your goal for realism. Trying to inspire yourself when your aims are impossible is a waste of time and energy. It's like motivation with one hand tied behind your back. The solution for the Ralph Kramdens of the world, and the Ralph Kramden in us, says supersalesman Joe Girard, is a healthy portion of what he terms the “Get Real” principle. “Many people,” Girard writes, “fail to reach their goals because the goals are unrealistic. They don't fit the pattern of the person defining the goal. The ‘Get Real’ principle should be part of your goal-setting procedures. The more realistic your objectives and main goal, the more likely you are to achieve them." What is the Get Real principle and how do you apply it? According to Girard it's simply the time-honored principle of scrutinizing your aims closely for the three signs of unrealistic goals. These are: + Insufficient time for accomplishing the goal. + Impractical approaches to achieving it. + Lack of critical resources the task requires. If we had applied the “get real” principle to the weight reduction example that began this chapter, we might have realized its deficiencies and gotten ourselves on the right track successwise. We could have made midcourse corrections early, and already been off to a successful start. With the “Get Real” principle in your reservoir of success techniques, you always will. **** "Be single-minded and stay focused on your primary goal. If you try to accomplish too many things at once, you're likely to find it difficult to see any of your plans to fruition." Tina Tessina **** HOW AOL FELL VICTIM TO THE RALPH KRAMDEN SYNDROME Companies can experience Ralph Kramden-like moments, too. The internet giant America on Line found
themselves on the wrong end of a big one in 1997. They came up with a great goal: add 100s of thousand of new subscribers. AOL had a time frame, a start date and end date. They had a means: going from hourly charges to a small, flat monthly fee. AOL turned loose their advertising campaign. And the subscriptions flooded in! AOL's marketing team had estimated they might garner 100 thousand new members in the first three months. Instead, they generated nearly 300 thousand in the very first month. It was a disaster! AOL alienated more customers than they gained. Why? Because they didn't have the resources, the number of modems, to handle 300 thousand additional logons per day. The company quickly recovered and within three months had connected an ample supply of modems to the AOL system. It is a lesson Steve Case, AOL CEO, has vowed publicly he and his company will never forget. EXERCISE: TROUBLESHOOTING YOUR GOAL Is yours an achievable goal? Or just wishful thinking? This classic two-part exercise will help you troubleshoot your aims for unrealistic elements—and then to eliminate them. Part A. Whatever goal you set for yourself, you must consider it from a number of angles. Review the statement of your Target Goal produced in the preceding exercise. Then circle whichever answer to the questions below you feel most accurately reflects the truth about your Target Goal. Is it realistic in terms of your present: 1. Yes No Work experience? 2. Yes No Educational background? 3. Yes No Available time? 4. Yes No Current resources? 5. Yes No Financial position? (This is not always a deciding factor.) 6. Yes No Physical condition and health? 7. Yes No Willingness to make the sacrifices? If you answered “no” to two or more of the above questions, your goal may not be as realistic as you thought and you may wish to take the time to review it. If “yes", go on to the second part of this exercise. Part B. Review all the key elements of your Target Goal from Step 6 of the “Focusing in on Your Target Goal” exercise again—Target Starting Date, Target Ending Date, Target Method, Target Outcome. Then fill-in the blanks below to arrive at summation of your Target Goal that is as realistic as it is focused. 1. Based on my answers to Part A. of this exercise, I believe the following elements in my Target Goal may be unrealistic . 2. To make my Target Goal workable I would change each unrealistic element by . 3. Taking the above changes into consideration, my final, reformulated Target Goal can be stated as . 4. Post a copy of this statement where you will see, and be inspired, by it every day.
Recap: + Without a sharp focus, you can't hit your target no matter how strong your motivation. + A clearly envisioned goal enhances motivation and draws us forward. + Laser-sharp goals have a precisely defined beginning, end, and result. + Goals beyond your resources and abilities are unrealistic. + Setting unrealistic goals is self-defeating. + How to formulate a focused, realistic goal in a sentence or two. [Back to Table of Contents]
HABIT #2—BECOMING A DOER Experts on success like to point out that you don't get something for nothing. There is a price to be paid for everything. And when it comes to reaching your goals or achieving success, that price is taking action. "The secret of success is simple,” turn-of-the-century positive thinking authority James Allen was fond of telling audiences. “As long as you don't quit and give up, you'll succeed. Once you realize this, you realize you might as well ‘do it.’ Many people will try to ‘do it,’ of course. Many will want to ‘do it.’ Many will almost ‘do it.’ ... But, those who succeed will ‘do it!’” "Do it now!” counsels optimum performance coach Josh Hinds. “If you're not happy with the size of your network, the amount on your check (or lack of checks), or the number of retail customers you have, then change it. Move into action. Do it now!" In the course of achieving your goals, the time for pumping yourself up and applying motivational techniques comes to an end—and the time for taking action and actually doing something begins. As P. Samuel Bain writes in Mastering Yourself, “I have always held the view that today is the beginning of the rest of my life. With this philosophy, it is pertinent that I spring into action now, not tomorrow because tomorrow might be too late ... If we are to be masters of any given situation, we should not procrastinate ... failure to act now results in lost opportunities." There are dozens of ancient folk sayings to the same effect, like “If wishes were horses, then beggars could ride,” or “A thousand wishes won't fill a bucket with fishes.” Each makes the point that it takes more than wanting to enroll in Alcoholics Anonymous, or to straighten out that golf slice, or to get you that promotion. It requires getting yourself into gear and taking that all-important first—or next—step. In a nutshell, all the principles, techniques, tips, exercises and strategies in all the success-oriented books in the world won't do you a bit of good if you don't rise up off your duff and act on them. As football great Vince Lombardi used to tell the teams he led to victory. “If you want something in life, you have to plan for it, prepare for it and, most important, you have to go for it. Everybody talks a good game. Talk is cheap. But a winner goes out and does something." Multimillionaire entrepreneur John McCormack, author of Self-made in America, says that, “The key misconception about ‘taking action’ is that thinking, feeling, or talking about something long enough will lead to the ‘impulse’ that will lead to action or forward motion. In other words, if I think about something long enough, eventually I'll get inspired enough to do it. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. In fact, it's exactly the opposite. Thinking and feeling do not produce action. Action produces thinking and feeling. Once action has begun, it takes over and becomes unconscious, and this leads to an almost higher state of consciousness." Yes, being a doer is a special state of consciousness all its own. Nor is McCormack alone in thinking so. Some call it the “do it now” attitude, others being “proactive,” others “being a doer,” others the “flow state,” Michael Jordan dubs it “being in fourth gear.” Whatever success authorities term it, all agree that there is a special mental state produced by taking action, one that involves feelings of pleasure in action, the sense of actively accomplishing something, and heightened awareness of one's competency and worthiness. **** "We should be taught not to wait for inspiration to start a thing. Action always generates inspiration. Inspiration seldom generates action." Frank Tibolt
**** EXERCISE: IS PROCRASTINATION A PROBLEM FOR YOU? Procrastination is one of the most common, and easily overcome, motivation killers. It has been identified as the number one hindrance to becoming a doer. How big a problem is putting things off for you? Is procrastination a significant obstacle for you? Is it holding you back from what you want in life? You can't get a handle on procrastination until you evaluate its extent. Here, drawn from the key characteristics research shows distinguish doers from procrastinators, is a quick review that will help you assess the role that delay and indecision play in your life. Simply answer each question “true” or “false." + T-F Life feels like an unending series of obligations. + T-F You have an impossibly long “to do” list. + T-F You talk to yourself in “shoulds” and “have to's." + T-F You feel powerless, with little sense of choice. + T-F You have insomnia and can't unwind easily. + T-F You talk about starting things in vague terms like “sometime next week” or “in the fall." + T-F You lose track of how you spend your time. + T-F You are unrealistic about time, never finishing projects on time and arriving chronically arrive late to meetings and events. + T-F You are vague about your goals and values. + T-F You find it hard to stay committed to one goal or project very long, often switch goals for a new one that seems free from problems and obstacles. + T-F You can't tell whether something is the most important use of your time or not. + T-F You have life goals that you've never completed or attempted. + T-F You are afraid you will always be a procrastinator. + T-F You're never satisfied with what you accomplish. + T-F You feel deprived—always working or feeling guilty about not working. + T-F You are indecisive and afraid of making a mistake. + T-F You delay completing projects due to perfectionism. + T-F You avoid making decisions, worrying endlessly about “what if,” fearing you'll be wrong. + T-F You blame outside events for your failures, afraid to admit to mistakes and limitations. + T-F You feel unable to control your life.
+ T-F You fear being judged and found wanting. Add up the number of questions you answered as “true." If your score was 0, congratulations! You are already a doer, a highly motivated person who gets things done with dispatch. If your score was 1-7, you get a lot accomplished, and can take credit for being a doer. But you are occasionally troubled by unwanted moments of procrastination. If your score was 8-14, your efforts are hindered by a significant degree of procrastination, and you are constantly aware that you accomplish far less than you want—or need—to. The good news is that you've still some motivational momentum going for you, and the tips and exercises in this chapter will help you free it from any remaining impediments. If your score was 15-21, it is probably no news to you that you suffer from an advanced case of procrastination. You probably have difficulty starting, sticking with and completing almost everything your undertake. But don't despair, say procrastination experts. Work through the sampler of classic exercises provided in this chapter, and the next time you take this test, you'll find yourself rated a “doer,” too. **** "Doing is a quantum leap from imagining. Thinking about swimming isn't much like actually getting in the water. Actually getting in the water can take your breath away. The defense force inside of us wants us to be cautious, to stay away from anything as intense as a new kind of action. Its job is to protect us, and it categorically avoids anything resembling danger. But it's often wrong." Barbara Sher "You are what you do when it counts." Robert A. Heinlein **** THE GREATEST GIFT OF ALL Those with insight into accomplishment like to stir audiences to action by pointing out that there are 1,440 minutes in every day. That's 1,440 opportunities to start on the things that are important to us or complete those we have already begun. The question then, success authorities say, is not how much time we have for doing thing but how we spend that time. Once we've spent today's 1,440 minutes, they're gone forever. Ranking those 1,440 minutes by priority—and making the most of them—is essential to success, according to Brian Tracy. Hint: Authorities say don't make the mistake of assigning two tasks equal rank, or you will lose the one-step-at-a-time focus that is essential to getting things done. Some call these 1,440 golden opportunities this “the greatest gift of all." EXERCISE: COACHING YOURSELF INTO ACTION According to success coaches like Neil Fiore, author of The Now Habit, the internal mental monologues of people who constantly put off starting toward their goals are filled with negative phrases that create feelings of victimhood, burden, and resistance to authority. Naturally, this leads to resistance, rebellion and procrastination. Procrastination researchers have identified five characteristic negative self-statements that distinguish procrastinators from doers—and five positive counterstatements you can use to coach yourself
into action. Procrastinator: “I have to." Repeated throughout your day, the phrase, “I have to” (meaning “I am forced to—but I don't want to") will give you a sense of being victimized by life that encourages and justifies putting things off. In essence, you are saying this is a no-win situation. If you don't do it, you'll get in trouble, and if you do the job, you will be going against your own inclinations. Doer: “I choose to." Replacing “must” with “choose” liberates you. Just try it and see the physical difference this makes, the pressure it takes off your chest. For example, if you're at your desk looking at a pile of unanswered mail and a list of unreturned telephone calls, say “I choose to return these calls." Procrastinator: “I must finish." This is the catch phrase of the underachievers and the “never-starteds.” It automatically generates internal images of all the steps involved in completing the task, and an agitated sense of being overwhelmed. Doer: “When can I start?" This phrase conjures up internal images of a racer at the starting line, eager to spring into motion. It puts the emphasis on the first step, starting, which you can take—and not the dozens or more of steps between you and finishing. Procrastinator: “This is too big (or too hard)." The feeling of being overwhelmed is made worse by focusing on the length or difficulty of the task. Doer: “I will take this in small, easy steps." No matter how daunting a task may be, it's easy if you break it down into small, doable steps. This leaves you time to learn, to relax, and appreciate your accomplishments between steps. Procrastinator: “I must be perfect." When you generate fear of making mistakes, your mind naturally responds by putting off projects in order to protect you from failure. As Fiore writes, “If you demand of yourself a perfect presentation, a project that is beyond criticism, perfect adherence to a diet, or a spotless home, you are setting yourself up for defeat and inevitable self-criticism." Doer: “I can be human and make mistakes." Replace the requirement for flawless performance with the knowledge of your human limits. Those who achieve their goals expect there will be mistakes and setbacks along the way. This prepares doers to be tolerant of mistakes when they make them, and to quickly move on beyond their errors. Procrastinator: “I won't have time for fun." Telling yourself this guarantees you'll see yourself as the resentful victim of unwelcome demands and obligations that prevent you from participating in the same enjoyments and pleasures as other people. You won't feel much like working then, and what you do will be done reluctantly, if at all. Doer: “I will schedule ample time to play." Assuring yourself from the start that you will have plenty of time for jogging, reading, movies, dinners with friends, frequent breaks, even frequent vacations—and knowing you have something to look forward to—frees you to get started with a light heart. **** "Doing is significantly different than not doing. Doing not only ‘gets things done,’ it teaches lessons you cannot possibly learn theoretically and can loosen even the most stubbornly entrenched feelings." Carol Lloyd "Ideas without action are worthless."
Harvey Mckay **** GETTING INTO GEAR ... IN FOUR EASY STEPS Becoming a “doer,” actually getting yourself going, can sound so difficult as to be a virtual impossibility if you're coming into this book fresh from a long series of abandoned goals. But, going from “don'ter” to “doer” is easy, says sports psychologist, J. Mitchell Perry, author of In the Zone. Below, adapted from Perry's work, as well as coaches like Bill Walsh and Tim Gallwey, are four simple steps that to carry you, even despite your own inertia, from inaction to action. Together they provide anyone powerful impetus to get moving and get doing. 1. Begin with a “kickoff” ritual. No, we're not talking about black magic here, or white magic for that matter. There's magic here all right, but it's mental magic, Perry says, not the supernatural variety. Many sports psychologists emphasize the importance of conscious rituals, which can work on our unconscious to kick us into motion with an additional psychological impetus. Such a ritual “sharpens your focus and creates momentum,” according to Bill Walsh, the San Francisco 49er coach who helped make Jerry Rice the greatest receiver in NFL history. That's why most athletes and teams have some kind of ritual, from group hugs to a rally, before each game. But they're not the only ones. Today, most success seminars, women's groups, male consciousness-raising groups, and recovery groups, begin each session with a ritual. 2. Run a “mental movie” of you performing the activities necessary to reach your goal. When the immortal Jack Nicklaus, with one of the longest series of championship victories in golfing history, was asked for the secret of his success, he always credited the “mental movies” he ran in his head during every game. Prior to each shot, Nicklaus said, he always pictured what he wanted to accomplish with each stroke: the swing, the precise amount of force it would need, the course the ball would follow through the air and where it would roll after landing. 3. Flip your “on-switch” and do it. Get your rear in gear and take the next steps toward your goal. After finishing this exercise, do the very first thing you can that will help you make some concrete progress in the direction of your dreams. You can rely on the momentum you have developed with steps 1 and 2 to carry you into action. 4. Celebrate each successful step with a ritual. Each time you complete an important step—losing one pound, spending a half-hour familiarizing yourself with the materials you will be drawing on for your financial analysis, an hour's practice at the driving range, each twenty-four hours without a drink for the first month, distributing flyers for your proposed home business—celebrate it with a ritual. The sense that our successes are important enough to be acknowledged with a special event or celebration in itself adds additional fuel to our motivation. Incorporate these four strategies in your life, and you will find yourself developing into that sparkplug of accomplishment, a self-starter for whom doing things, rather than being a difficulty, is simply second nature. **** "He who hesitates is lost." Folk saying **** THE 7 BIGGEST TIME-WASTERS AND TIME-SAVERS It's difficult to become a doer if you are losing a significant portion of each day to time-wasting activities.
You may be eager to get out of the starting gate, but if you are spending most of your time spinning your mental wheels, you won't progress very far toward your dreams. Performance and productivity experts have pinpointed what they say are seven of the biggest time-wasting activities today. If becoming a doer is your ambition, replace these time-wasters with their timesaving counterparts: Time-waster: People phoning during your exercise time, working hours, or other key activities to talk. Time-saver: Don't answer the phone, screen your calls; that's what answering machines are for. You have a right to time you need to achieve your goals. Time-waster: Meetings that run on too long. Time-saver: Try to set time limits, and see to it that they begin and end on time. Time-waster: Telling detailed anecdotes and offering long-winded explanations. Time-saver: Be brief and to the point, it saves time. Time-waster: Writing lengthy letters or e-mails when a brief memo will do. Time-saver: Be succinct. Howard Putnam, former president of Southwest Airlines, found most business correspondence could be covered in ten sentences or less. Time-waster: Television and the internet. Said to be the two biggest time-wasters in the world today. Time-saver: Apply the time spent on them to your goals, instead, and you'll see them achieved in short order. (Of course, everyone deserves to relax, so experts say pick one show per night, or log on for a set-limit, like half an hour or forty-five minutes.) Time-waster: Obsessively preparing or researching. Some people always feel that they need one more book, one more seminar, one more video, before starting. Time-saver: Get started. You can, and will, learn as you go. Time-waster: Taking breaks too often or too long—lingering over lunch, socializing too frequently with colleagues, hanging around too often at the water cooler—won't help you make much progress toward your goals. Time-saver: A little breather every couple of hours is beneficial. So, take your break, after all, you earned it. But, then get back in focus on your goal. Time-waster: Too few breaks. Time-saver: Do take that breather. If you work at anything too long without giving your mind and body a break, performance takes a slide. A few minutes off can switch you back on. "DOING IT NOW"—SOME FINAL TIPS If you are still having trouble getting started on things, performance experts offer these final tips for getting yourself up out of your chair, and into action taking those all vital first steps toward your goals. 1. List three actions you can take now—in the next ten to thirty minutes—that will start you on your way toward making your dreams realities. They could include logging on the internet to enroll in those night courses you've been thinking about, or making a phone call to your local health club, or logging on the
internet to find out more about that new franchising opportunity, or staying one hour later at work tonight and every night until you get that promotion, or even phoning that job search service, even using visualization to help reduce your craving for nicotine. 2. List three more steps you will take toward your goals before you go to bed tomorrow night. 3. List ten additional steps you will take before the next week is out. 4. Put this book down, and get into action. Take the first three steps listed in # 1. above—make that call, begin that jogging regime. Whatever it is, do it now! **** "Decide what you want, decide what you are willing to exchange for it. Establish your priorities and go to work." H. L. Hunt "If it is to be, it is up to me." Anonymous **** Recap: + Eventually, you just have to “do it." + Fear of failure is a major cause of procrastination. +You can coach yourself into becoming a “doer” by using the right words. + A “kickoff” ritual can help launch you into action. +To become a “doer” it's critical to eliminate time-wasting activities. [Back to Table of Contents]
HABIT #3—DEVELOPING FEARLESSNESS Here is the way pioneer in the study of success Ralph Waldo Trine helped readers and lecture audiences vividly picture the fears and doubts kill motivation. Imagine yourself sauntering down a pleasant country lane on a warm sunshiny afternoon. Ahead of you rises a hill, and on the other side lies a picnic ground where all your friends have gathered for a big bash. You feel excited, happy, eager to climb the hill and eager to reach the far side. Now, imagine that you turn a bend in the path and there, rearing above you, all insensate fangs, claw and slavering death, is the most ferocious grizzly bear you have ever seen. How do you feel now? Flooded with fear? Wishing you were anywhere but here, turning to escape? What happened to your motivation to mount the hill and reach the other side? That, according to Trine is the power fear has over our intention to achieve our goals. When our worries and concerns come in—motivation goes out. Fear has the power to stop us in our tracks, successwise—every time. It doesn't matter whether you are trying to stop smoking or attempting to fight off a corporate takeover, the great successes of the world say this principle holds true for every aspect of motivation. The fear they won't finish or that the results won't last often keeps people from starting on fitness programs. The fear of losing, of pain, of being beaten by a superior opponent, often keeps athletes from unleashing their full potential or emerging victorious. The fear of losing a current job and not being able to find one as good often keeps people from actively seeking better employment opportunities. And sometimes, ironically, we are held back, not from fear of failure, but as performance authority Dennis Waitley says, from “fear of success.” Many people are unconsciously, Waitley writes in The New Dynamics of Winning, “afraid of the success that they know will result if they move ahead now. Because success is heavy, carries a responsibility with it, it is much easier to procrastinate and live on the ‘someday I'll’ philosophy." **** "You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, “I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” You must do the thing you think you cannot do. ‘ Eleanor Roosevelt "Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live." Dorothy Thompson **** FEARLESSNESS: THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SUCCESS AND FAILURE Freeing yourself from fear, doubt and worry is said to be essential if you want to retain the motivation necessary to reach your goals. As Zig Ziglar says, “No salesman ever became great until he mastered his fear of that unseen prospect behind the door.” Or, as Maxwell Maltz, author of the bestselling self-help book Psycho-cybernetics puts it, “Often the difference between success and failure is not one's better abilities or ideas, but the courage that one has to bet on one's ideas, to take a calculated risk—and to act." Harvard psychologist, Abraham Zaleznik, found mastery of fear constituted a key element of the
“entrepreneurial spirit.” “Successful entrepreneurs,” he says, “seek out risk on purpose. It has become clear that they do not perceive danger where others fear to tread. They have no fear of failure. It's not part of their makeup." Developing this brand of fearlessness yourself might seem an impossibility. Courage might seem a quality you have to be born with to possess. But, experts say this just isn't so. Instead, they bring the inspiring news that anyone can learn to banish their doubts and fears. As record-setting pro footballer Roger Craig tell audiences, “Fear can be conquered. I became a better person and a better football player when I learned that lesson." **** "Do not fear to step into the unknown. For where there is risk, there is also reward." Lori Hard "Most of our obstacles would melt away if, instead of cowering before them, we should make up our minds to walk boldly through them." Orison Swett Marden "When you face your fear, most of the time you will discover that it was not really such a big threat after all. We all need some form of deeply rooted, powerful motivation—it empowers us to overcome obstacles so we can live our dreams." Les Brown **** FEAR AND FORTUNE: THE STORY OF R. U. DARBY It's a story shared often among success pundits. Sometime around the turn of the century, while prospecting in Colorado, the legendary gold-hunter, R. U. Darby, discovered one of the richest veins of gold in history. Darby began operations immediately, and his miners carted out thousands of dollars worth of ore every hour. Overnight, Darby became a millionaire, living among riches. Then suddenly, only months later, without any prior indication—Darby's vein of gold gave out, ended. His miners were bringing up nothing but plain ordinary rock. Darby panicked. The mine owner had millions in the bank, but continuing to operate the mine was an enormous drain on his resources. Darby sent in teams of geologists and expert drillers who tried to pick up the vein or some branch again. All this added a further drain on Darby's exchequer. He was plagued by fear of going broke, of bankruptcy, of losing his newly acquired fortune and comfortable way of life—if he prolonged the fruitless search much longer. Finally, Darby lost confidence and surrendered to his fears. He closed down the mine for good, paid off the miners, geologists and expert drillers, and sold the property, along with all equipment and fittings, to a junkyard dealer. After a while, the Junkyard owner, himself, became bitten by the gold bug, and asked an acquaintance who was a geologist and mining engineer specializing in gold and other mineral deposits for help. This man understood how veins of minerals became broken and separated when rock formations shifted, and he had the resources to measure how great that shift might be. After examining the mine and the surrounding rock formations, the engineer announced that in his professional opinion the gold vein ought to begin again about three feet from where Darby had stopped digging.
The junkyard owner knew how many hundreds of thousands of dollars Darby had already spent attempting to locate that vein. To finance a search of his own, he would be forced to mortgage the mine as well as his junkyard. If the geologist proved wrong, the junkyard owner would lose everything. But, he decided to face down his fears and take the risk. He hired a crew of drillers and set them to work. The junkyard owner's courage was rewarded. His workmen struck the end of the broken vein within inches of where the geologist had predicted. The junkyard owner was now the owner of one of the richest veins of gold ever found, and would eventually make millions from it. IS FEAR UNDERMINING YOUR MOTIVATION? Everyone has times when they compromised their dreams and settled for second-best—or even nothing at all—because of fear. How often have doubts and worries undercut your attempts at success? How many of your own dreams and plans never came to fruition because of fear? To find out what role it plays in your own motivational difficulties, answer the questions below. + Of the times you never even started toward an important goal, were any due to fear? + Of the times you delayed beginning, were any due to fear? + Of the times you gave up along the way, were any due to fear? + Of the times you quit, only to learn that you could have succeeded if you had persevered, were any due to fear? + Of the times you reached your goal, but were unable to make the rewards permanent, were any due to fear? If you answered “yes” to two or more of the above questions, then fear is, indeed, sapping a significant portion of your motivational energies. 9 CRITICAL FEARS THAT KILL MOTIVATION DEAD Studies show that nine fears block success more often than any others. How many sound typical of you: + I'm afraid I'll fail. + I'm afraid I'm not good enough to succeed at this. + I'm afraid I might not be doing the right thing. + I'm afraid it's too difficult for someone like me. + I'm afraid of what others will think. + I'm afraid it will take too long. + I'm afraid that if anything goes wrong, I'll be worse off. + I'm afraid of making a fool of myself. + I'm afraid something will go wrong. EXERCISE: TRANSFORMING FEAR TO COURAGE WITH "POSITIVE-OPPOSITES"
Here is an exercise that will show you how to literally turn your fears around and transform them into courage. Called “creating positive-opposites” by learning systems consultant Ronald Gross, author of Peak Learning, “swishing” by others like Anthony Robbins, in Unlimited Power, and “triggering” by others, this transformative exercise has roots in both neurolinguistic programming and cognitive therapy. Creating positive opposites is recommended as an ideal way of changing replacing bad habits, acquiring desirable new behaviors, and building confidence. It has other advantages: You can use it any time, any place, without special preparation, even in the midst of meetings and crowds. Creating positive-opposites basically strengthens motivation by replacing mental pictures of yourself responding fearfully with images of yourself responding fearlessly. Like so many success techniques, at first blush it sounds too simple to be really effective. But, psychologist S.D. Gordon, describes it as “a powerful way of transforming personal behavior." The technique is based on a well-established psychological finding. Namely that in any situation, long before we react consciously, the mind produces an image of how we should react—and we respond in accordance with that image. When it comes to things we are afraid of, the mind automatically produces pictures of us failing or fleeing; and when it comes to long ingrained responses (like eating sweets when we see them), it automatically produces an image of us responding that way. By altering that image (a slim you, turning away), we can alter how we react. Part I. Focusing in on Your Fears 1. Pick a fear you have related to realizing an important goal (a better golf game, switching jobs, proposing marriage, starting a new business), a concern so strong that it seriously undermines your motivation—one you want to replace with courage. Write it down here. (Your goal might be asking for a raise, what's holding you back might be fear of “failing and looking ridiculous.") Then, answer the following question. What is the fear I most want to transform into courage? 2. Picture the situation that typically arouses this fear. (It might be walking toward your boss's office with the intent of requesting a raise.) 3. Picture the situation as it was just before the fear entered your mind. Try to remember the way you stood, the expression on your face, your emotions and thoughts, where you were, what was happening around you. (You were probably standing or sitting normally, with a neutral or positive expression, feeling good, thinking about why you deserve an increase in salary, in your office, with the typical din of fellow workers around you.) 4. Now, try to fully recall the precise moment when your fear was triggered. What happened then? How did you change? Try to remember how you stood then, the expression that came on your face, what your emotions and thoughts were, what was happening around you and where you were. Now answer the following two questions. What fear thoughts do I hear myself thinking? . What outcome do I fear resulting? . 5. Relax for a minute. Close your eyes and take a couple of deep, slow breaths. **** "If you have not been scared for a while you are playing it too safe. Fear is always present when you are
risking. Today's risk is tomorrow's cakewalk. Risking is a skill necessary to succeed in business." Roberta Caterian **** Part II. Creating a Positive-Opposite 1. Write down the opposite of the fear you decided to transform to courage in Step 1 above. Remember, since your fear is a negative belief, its opposite will be a positive belief, the exact antithesis of that fear. (In the example above, fear of failing to get a raise and looking ridiculous as a result, its “positive-opposite” might be “a rock-solid belief that I will get the raise and emerge looking and feeling a success.") Answer the following question. What is the positive-opposite of my fear?. 2. Visualize the same situation, again in detail as it was just before the fear assailed you. Posture, expression, feelings, thoughts, surroundings. 3. Now, picture that when you begin thinking about asking for a raise, your mind instantly begins “broadcasting” your positive-opposite until it takes hold of your brain and body. What would happen then? How would you change? Try to visualize how you would stand, the expression on your face, what your emotions and thoughts would be, how you would perceive things around you. Now answer the following two questions. What confident thoughts do I hear myself thinking? . What positive outcome do I believe will result? . 4. Again, relax for a minute, close your eyes and take a couple of deep, slow breaths. Part III. Replacing Fear with Courage 1. Focus your will power on your fervent desire to transform that fear into courage and confidence. Then say out-loud to yourself, “I want to experience courage instead of fear—and I will!” This help's set the mind's switches for making a change. 2. Take a moment to re-experience the fear you want to transform. Again, picture vividly how it affects your body and mind. Let yourself experience the negative thoughts and feelings your mind is broadcasting. 3. Remain in the fear state—but begin to envision a small, distant image of yourself as you were when you experienced your positive-opposite. Imagine the positive opposite gaining energy as it gets ready to replace the limiting state. 4. This is the key step. Picture your positive-opposite instantaneously flashing toward you and replacing your fear. 5. To reinforce this state, immediately change your posture, expression and manner to reflect those you saw when you first pictured your positive-opposite. Sit straighter, breath more deeply, feel your confident and courage. 6. Repeat steps 1-4 three times, blinking your eyes rapidly several times. Success experts say that you will notice almost immediately that that positive-opposite becomes your new belief, and that it becomes harder
and harder to put yourself back in your original fear state, each time you repeat these steps. Once you have completed this exercise, immediately take action. Make a physical move toward putting your new belief into action. With this mental preparation, in the future when you find yourself in a situation that would have previously elicited your old response, your mind should instantly produce a picture of the new, positive behavior, instead. According to Robbins, if this fails to trigger the image, or if the image isn't strong enough to alter your behavior initially, try repeating the image switching process rapidly on the spot another half-dozen times, as the occasion arises. Eventually, this should have the desired effect. **** "It all changed when I realized I'm not the only one on the planet who's scared. Everyone else is, too. I started asking people, ‘Are you scared, too?’ ‘You bet your sweet life I am.’ ‘Aha, so that's the way it is for you, too.’ We were all in the same boat. That's probably what is so effective at our workshops. When I ask, ‘Who else feels like this?’ the whole room of hands goes up. People realize they are not the only one who feels that way." Stan Dale **** TAKING A BREATHER FROM FEAR Everyone, no matter how well-trained or prepared, experiences moments of fear, uncertainty and doubt. They are a natural response when faced with challenges, threat and crisis. At other times, when there is no immediate problem, a propensity for imagining the worst can begin to plague us with uncertainty and worry. There are manifold strategies for sitting down at leisure and inoculating ourselves against our misgivings. But what about when fear assaults us in the middle of a critical situation: while we're in the midst of an important game, or when you are called on during a meeting, or facing that new client, or that first crisis without a drink to brace you? You can't stop for a fifteen-minute visualization break then. In the Inner Game of Tennis, Tim Gallwey joins the list of those who endorse breath focusing techniques. “Whether on or off the court, I know of no better way to begin to deal with anxiety than to place the mind on one's breathing process,” Gallwey writes. People in all walks of life—from CEOs to athletes—use classic breathing techniques as a powerful way of controlling and abating fear, worry and other negative emotions when they occur. And since no one but you is aware of your breathing pattern, you can draw on its calming power in any situation, without disrupting that meeting or game. Fear and anxiety, Gallwey says, “occur only when the mind is imagining what the future may bring.” But by using the breath as a focusing device, you can bring your mind back to the here and now. Try the following strategy next time you become prey to doom and gloom scenarios at work, play, home or in any other circumstance where you have to find peace of mind in the midst of others. Whether it's on the bus, in mid-game, or doing a contentious conference, breath focus techniques like this will help you two ways: They will stop your mind from cluttering up your consciousness with fear. They will help induce the state of focused awareness that success gurus say is essential for both enhanced performance and optimum responsiveness to challenge and threat.
Here is the classic breathing technique, used by this world-famous tennis coach, and so many others. 1. Don't alter your breathing in any way, but simply focus your attention on your breath. 2. Continue to focus more and more of your awareness into the experience of breathing. 3 Let your hands open slightly when you inhale and close slightly when you exhale. Avoid forcing it and you will find that your fingers do this naturally of their own accord. 4. Any time your attention begins to wander back to the subject of your fears, shift it back gently once again to your breathing. Let yourself be aware of every breath, every second while you are breathing. 5. By now, your mind should be settling into a state of calm and mental quiet, attention focused only on your breath, and your former terrors and concerns should seem far away, in some other world. **** "The irony is that the person not taking risks feels the same amount of fear as the person who regularly takes risks." Peter McWilliams **** Recap: + A key to success is conquering your fears. + The difference between success and failure is fearlessness. + Which of the 9 most common fears is undermining your success efforts. + How to turn your fears into courage with “positive-opposites." [Back to Table of Contents]
HABIT #4—BELIEVING IN YOUR SUCCESS You can't succeed if you don't believe. That's the message success authorities have been giving us for centuries. World renowned successes, philosophers, religious figures, and wise men and women of all nations have cited the crucial role beliefs play in our happiness and success. "As a man thinketh in his heart, so he becomes,” the Bible tells us. “To succeed in today's business environment ... you must imagine yourself a success, and believe that you can be,” writes career consultant Marcille Gray Williams in The New Executive Woman. “What the mind of man can conceive and believe, he can achieve,” Napoleon Hill says. Hill's statement is considered by success gurus as “one of the most powerful truths ever spoken.” Here's an inspiring example of the transformative power of belief to create success, an anecdote that many lecturers on success to recount: Until 1954, athletes, trainers, even physicians believed that the human body did not have the physical capacity to run a mile in less than four minutes. The four-minute mile was seen as an absolute physical limit that could never be transcended. Then along came a medical student named Roger Banister. Banister believed he could break the four minute record—and did. Since Banister accomplished this feat, and runners everywhere have come to believe the four-minute mile is possible, over twenty thousand people have duplicated his success. **** "In order to succeed, we must first believe that we can." Michael Korda "We won't even attempt to achieve what we do not believe at a deep level we can have or deserve." Ruth Ross **** YOU CAN ... IF YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN! In every area of life, from work to love to relationships to health, experts say, what we believe about ourselves and our abilities largely determines how we feel, how we think, and how well—or poorly—we perform. “One of the more frequently complaints I hear from athletes,” writes sports and business consultant Joe Kolezynski, “is frustration that they possess identical, if not superior, physical attributes to their competition, yet they're consistently being outperformed. In many of these cases the factor that separates their performance from the competitions has been found to be rooted in their belief as to their ability to outperform the competition. In other words they are operating with a limiting belief as to their athletic ability and the level of performance they are capable of achieving." Many success authorities have likened the mind to an elephant. Elephants never forget—and that can be an insurmountable obstacle to the elephant sometimes. Once an elephant has been captured and learns it can't escape from its iron shackles, it comes to believe it can't run away, even when the shackles are taken off. The same is true of people. We, too, cannot seem to break away from the mental shackles that limit us in life. Those shackles are our beliefs—and those shackles can be broken. All authorities on success and achievement endorse the idea that what limits us in life is not our abilities—but our beliefs about those abilities and what we can and can't accomplish with them. As Nathaniel
Brandon notes, “The greatest barrier to achievement and success is not lack of talent or ability but, rather, the fact that achievement and success, above a certain level, are outside our self-concept, our image of who we are and what is appropriate to us. The greatest barrier to love is the secret fear that we are unlovable. The greatest barrier to happiness is the wordless sense that happiness is not our proper destiny." When we start with a belief that we are not good enough, or worthy enough, or lucky enough to succeed, we tend to approach all our actions half-heartedly and reluctantly, already flinching from expected failure. It's no wonder we fail. And, its no wonder sales wizard Art Williams identifies lack of belief in themselves as the “number-one problem” that keeps people from succeeding in the United States today. The opposite side of the coin, according to Anthony Robbins, is the power of belief to carry us to success. Imagine you begin believing with every fiber of your being that you will succeed, Robbins exhorts audiences. How much of your potential would you use then? How would you feel then? Would your efforts be reluctant and halfhearted? Or, would you be excited? Energized? Buoyed by high expectations of success? You'd probably be using a good deal of your potential then. When we put out that kind of effort, the results are bound to be positive more often than not, and the payoff success. And, that in turn does wonders for your self-confidence, and your ability to succeed in your future endeavors. Robbins hails this as “the opposite of the vicious cycle. In this case, success feeds on success and generates more success, and each success creates more belief and momentum to succeed on an even higher scale." As Orison Swett Marden put it more than one hundred years ago, “You can't, if you think you can't. You can, if you think you can." **** "If you really believe in yourself, then all things become possible." Dick Kazan "Beliefs are self-fulfilling. If you believe you can manifest something then your manifestation will happen easily. The more you believe you can't, the harder it gets." Fred Fengler and Todd Varnum **** ARE THESE THREE KEY LIMITING BELIEFS HOLDING YOU BACK? If you can't stick with a recovery program, make your business profitable, find lasting love, or bust your sales quota—it's because you don't believe you can. “Any time you're not getting what you want out of life, you must have a belief that is clouding your window. Any situation that isn't working for you is driven by a false belief,” writes pioneer success author Hyrum Smith. "Our minds hold us captive,” agrees therapist Edward Longo. “Because of conditioning, our beliefs can become set, depriving us of all hope, of even attempting to change our ways." How can beliefs hold us back from our goals like this? “Thinking that occurs on the surface of your mind is influenced by a vast network of underlying, unconscious beliefs,” explains psychologist Maria Arapakis in Soft Power. “While you are usually aware of a good deal of your top-level thoughts, you may be oblivious to the under-the-surface beliefs that give rise to your thinking. When these unconscious beliefs are false or unreasonable, they get you in trouble by leading to faulty, misleading assumptions and conclusions."
What kind of beliefs could be holding you back from success in life? Here are what success authorities like Nathaniel Branden, Anthony Robbins, Wayne Dyer and others say are the three key misconceptions that limit our achievements. (Following each is a description of how the belief shackles your success, along with what experts say are the real truths that counter these beliefs.) I can't succeed because... This excuses everything. Anytime the going gets tough on the road to achieving your ambitions, you have a built-in reason for taking the easy way out and giving up. After all, if you can't succeed, what's the point in prolonging the agony? In truth, the world is filled with famous people have succeeded with handicaps far worse than yours—whether it's poverty, race, education, sexual-preference, physical disability, or anything else. I'm not worthy to succeed because... Psychologist Nathaniel Branden says in Taking Responsibility that millions of people are blocked from the success they deserve because of this self-denigrating belief. Parents, religion, society, even the media, can all conspire to make us feel inadequate, wicked, undeserving. What we don't deserve, we don't expect to get, which seriously reduces the motivation to try. And, what we don't feel we deserve, we often sabotage ourselves, albeit subconsciously, from having. In truth, we are all valuable, wonderful human beings, bursting with unique talents and virtues, who deserve the successes that can be ours in life. I don't know how to succeed because... Whether it's that unfulfilled dream to start your own business, or muster the self-discipline to stay with a fitness program, or win out over a serious competitor ... no one can hold you responsible for not doing something if you “don't know how.” Thus, it is lack of a detailed blueprint for becoming a millionaire that holds you back, not lack of motivation. In truth, people who have the will to succeed, go out and acquire the knowledge they need. They don't sit around doing nothing waiting for it come along. **** "If anything haunts me it's probably a point where I limited what I could accomplish through my own mind set." Alice Dear **** THE POWER OF BELIEVING James Allen said that as children, we believed in our abilities and success. If we want to win, he remarked, then we have to reconnect with that childhood faith. + We have get back that childlike ability to dream—again. + We have to get back that childlike belief in ourselves—again. + We have get back that childlike belief that we deserve to win—again. + We have get back that childlike ability to see ourselves winning—again. + We have get back that childlike ability to see ourselves doing something special with our life, being somebody, being successful—again. HOW TO REWRITE YOUR MENTAL “BELIEF” PROGRAMMING
But how do you get to the point where you can believe in your own success? Especially if that's the exact opposite of what you have been believing? Quite simply, start choosing positive, uplifting beliefs and you will feel and act positively. Reject negative, damaging beliefs and that cause you to feel and act like a predestined failure. This may seem overly simplistic. But, what you think can actually change your brain, erasing self-defeating beliefs and replacing them with positive new beliefs, according to neuroscientist Jeffrey Schwartz, who writes that altering the way you think, can alter the biology of the brain. Neuroscientists like Schwartz now believe that learning—including the formation of negative beliefs about yourself—involves the creation of new neuronal patterns within the brain. However, neuroscientists point out, these patterns are not indelible like the grooves on an old-fashioned phonograph record. Instead, they are more like the electromagnetic patterns on a computer disk that can be repeatedly and endlessly modified. When you begin focusing on a positive belief different from but related to an earlier negative belief, your brain automatically rewrites your old belief program to take the new input into account. As Robbins writes, “Whatever you are today, whatever you believe or don't believe about yourself, is modifiable. Your skills and knowledge, your beliefs about your capabilities—none of this is etched in stone. It is completely open to transformation." Since your older beliefs are much larger “mental files,” it can take some time before new beliefs become automatic and replace those that may be holding you back. “Repetition,” Longo says “will engrave your beliefs—conscious thoughts—onto your subconscious mind. Once your subconscious mind has been programmed with positive beliefs about yourself it will convert those positive belief into the realty that you desire." "It can also be that way with your goals,” success coach Joe Kolezynski writes, “if you talk your mind into believing. Tell yourself over and over again that you are achieving the goal that you have set. Tell yourself again and again until you believe and then with a little work thrown in it will be so." **** "The minute you start talking about what you're going to do if you lose, you have lost." George Shultz **** EXERCISE: ERASING YOUR NEGATIVE BELIEFS Our beliefs—positive or negative, Joe Kolezynski points out, “are literally etched into our brains in comfortable grooves or neural pathways. Therefore, if you desire to change an unresourceful/limiting belief into an empowering belief, you must rewire the negative neural track created in the brain." It's not enough to merely create an empowering new belief, some success researchers note. If we do that, the undesirable old belief will remain deep in the unconscious. Instead, we should pause a few moments and consciously tell our minds to “erase” the unwanted belief. The following classic exercise will help you become familiar with all the steps involved. 1. Begin by consciously banishing your old beliefs. By now you probably know which of the three key limiting beliefs typically hold you back from success. Pick one you want to work on eliminating. Let's say you're self-esteem is low and you just don't have the feeling you can ever succeed at the big things in life. Say out loud, “My old negative beliefs, feelings, attitudes and responses about my ability to succeed are now erased from my subconscious, and will be replaced by calm, confident beliefs, feelings, attitudes, and
responses. As far as my beliefs about my ability to succeed in my endeavors goes, I have but one desire—and that is, that I have the confidence that I am as good as many people who have already succeeded—and better than some." 2. Refocus by engaging in positive, constructive activity for fifteen minutes. The late motivational speaker Richard Berne referred to this as “sorting your sock drawer.” Find something beneficial, but not mentally taxing, like organizing your sock-drawer. This gives your unconscious time to absorb the new belief. **** "If you've got belief in yourself, you're richer than the Rockefellers" A. L. Williams **** AND OF THESE, THE GREATEST IS “BELIEF" Here is a timeless anecdote concerning the transformative power of belief. A young boy went up to a world-famous celebrity, and said, “I understand you're the smartest man in the world, and I'd like to know the secret of becoming a big success like you." The famous man looked down at the boy and answered, “I don't think I'm the smartest man in the world, but I think I have thought a lot about success, and I think the secret can be wrapped up in four words: "The first is believe. Believe in yourself and your ability to do the things you want to accomplish. "The second word is think. Think about how you are going to accomplish them. "The third word is dream. Dream about the things that you can accomplish, based on your belief in yourself, and the thinking you've done about how to accomplish your goals. "The fourth word is dare. Dare to make your dreams become reality, based on the belief in yourself, and the thinking you've done about how to make them come true." With those words, Walt Disney, creator of Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, visionary founder of Disney Studios and Disneyland, shook the little boy's hand and repeated, “Believe. Think. Dream. Dare. And of these, ‘Belief’ is the greatest." EXERCISE: THE ABCs OF PLANTING LIBERATING BELIEFS Success experts from Ralph Waldo Trine through Larry Wilson and Ken Blanchard have stumbled on the same powerful three-step process for planting positive, liberating beliefs that enhance your chances for success. Called variously “ABCs of personal expansion,” or the “ABCs of self-transformation,” or the “ABC's of transforming your belief systems,” it is almost universally endorsed by those knowledgeable in success. These three steps are: A—focus on the activating event. B—identify the underlying belief. C—change the belief.
To prepare, sit upright in a comfortable chair, close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths to relax yourself and bring your unconscious closer to the surface, where beliefs you implant will sink in deeper and take more immediate hold. 1. Think back to the activating event, a time when you failed or had difficulty. (For example, you started to take courses in law at night, dreaming of changing from insurance to the legal profession. Your grades were excellent, but you eventually dropped out.) 2. Focus in on your thinking as it occurred in the situation to uncover which of the four key limiting beliefs is responsible for undermining your motivation. “Sometimes,” Arapakis writes, “thinking happens so fast you have little or no awareness of what has transpired until after the fact. But, when you suspect irrational thinking is at work, review your thought process retroactively.” (For example, a quick review, might show you that you dropped out of your legal classes because felt you would be too old by the time you passed your bar exams. This is a variant of “I can't succeed because ... I will be too old.") 3. Change the belief. Review what experts say about this belief, then tell yourself, “Many people have changed professions successfully late in life. I believe I can do it, too!” Say this from five to twenty times. It is important to trust this process and give it time to reprogram your beliefs completely. Worry or self-doubt as to whether your belief system is changing only raises blocks to the subconscious accepting it fully. Be patient, things will change for the better. "Remember, when all is said and done,” Ken Blanchard reminds us, “you are responsible for the condition you are in. What can you do to make life work? Look at what is happening to you. If it's not working, look at your belief system and see how it affects your life." **** "As long as you can envision the fact that you can do something, as long as you really believe it 100 percent, you can do it. “ Michael McCarthy "Believe it can be done. When you believe something can be done, really believe, your mind will find the ways to do it. Believing a solution paves the way to solution." David Schwartz **** Recap: + If we believe we can do something, we can. + What we believe we can't do limits and holds us back. + Believing they aren't worthy to succeed holds many people back. + You can “rewrite” beliefs like you do a PC file. + Consciously direct your mind to erase unwanted beliefs. [Back to Table of Contents]
HABIT #5—TAKING RESPONSIBILITY Stop blaming fate, others, your less than perfect partners, circumstances—or anything else—for your setbacks and never-starteds. Failure to take responsibility for our own difficulties is success enemy number one to many success coaches. As stress reduction authority Lucinda Bassett, says, if you have yet to realize your own dreams, you probably spend a significant portion of your life “blaming someone else for why you're not happy, why you don't have peace of mind, why you're not successful, why you're not healthy or thin or why you can't quit smoking or have a good relationship or get the job you want, or why you can't overcome your anxiety." In addition, when we blame our problems on others, circumstances, fate, we undermine our own motivation by sending our unconscious a “What's the point in trying?” signal. The unconscious naturally switches off all the internal signals necessary to achieving our goal: enthusiasm, motivation, excitement, interest—and we give up in defeat, often before we truly begin. However, far too many people, according Dr. Wayne Dyer, “want to say, ‘I couldn't help it,’ or ‘It was someone else's fault,’ or ‘I was in the wrong place at the wrong time,’ or ‘I was dealt a dirty deal,’ or ‘Family circumstances created my misery,’ or whatever other excuse you have developed to absolve yourself of responsibility." Accepting responsibility for our own situation, our own mistakes, and our own failures is essential if we are to maintain the motivation needed to achieve our dreams. “We tend to blame whatever happens to us on those external things,” Jim Rohn has written, “but we need to take personal responsibility. I used to say, ‘I sure hope things will change.’ Then I learned from my mentor, Earl Shoaff, that the only way things would change for me is when I changed. We cannot change the circumstances, but we can change what we do. The ability to design our future is in our hands, if we wish it to be." Steven Covey agrees, “Highly proactive people take responsibility. They do not blame circumstances, conditions, or conditioning for their behavior. Their behavior is a product of their own conscious choice, based on values, rather than a product of their conditions, based on feeling." How does someone do this? Especially of they have a habit of putting the responsibility elsewhere? Recentering the responsibility from exterior factors and on to ourselves isn't difficult. The first step is to stop blaming your parents, your first husband (or wife), that bitchy coworker. Lucinda Bassett writes that, when you can say, “I'm the reason for my ‘have-nots'—I accept responsibility for your own discontent and unhappiness—It's nobody's fault that I'm the way that I am. I want to change my life and I have the courage, the power, and the energy to do it,’ then you're on the way to controlling the only thing you really have control over—yourself. You're on the path to releasing yourself from guilt, anger, and blame, and taking responsibility for your own fulfillment and peace of mind. Recovery is just around the next curve" "You must be ‘completely honest with yourself’ if you are ever to rid yourself entirely of blaming others,” Dyer tells us. “The way to begin is to take total responsibility for everything that you are in your life right now. Say to yourself, ‘I am the sum total of my choices up until this moment.’” **** "Champions take responsibility." Billie Jean King
"Take responsibility for where you're going. And how you're going to get there!" Keith Lowry **** HOW TAKING RESPONSIBILITY MAKES YOUR SUCCESS “ALMOST CERTAIN" When you take responsibility for yourself, your situation, and achieving your goals, success is virtually assured, says Bassett, speaking from experience. “Once you are on the road, fully committed to being responsible for yourself and stopping the blame, success is almost certain. I know because I was as anxiety-ridden as anyone could be and I recovered. If I could do it, so can you." Success authorities in other fields agree: Business and career. Taking “responsibility” is a sine qua non of success in business, says Marcille Gray Williams. “Accept responsibility for your actions,” she advises and recounts the famous anecdote about Harry Truman keeping a sign on his desk, when he was president, that read, “The buck stops here.” Gray notes there is an important point here for anyone on a serious career track. "If your career is sputtering, you might be tempted to blame your lack of progress on [others]. Nevertheless, you must assume responsibility for yourself. In business, you must make things happen for no one is going to do it for you. If you make a mistake, excuses are unacceptable. Management ... will be watching you to see if you display the strength of character to accept full responsibility for your actions and those of subordinates as well." As Etheline Desir, an executive search consultant, tells audiences, “I find that people tend to not want to take full control of their career. I think the most critical thing in your career is to understand that it is your responsibility to know what you want and to write down your goals and what you want to accomplish—be it marketing, sales, high-tech field, or whatever it is you want to do." Personal change and recovery. Assuming responsibility for who you are—and where you are—is also said to be key to success in these fields as well, whether it's performing better on the soccer field, developing a more assertive personality, or surmounting destructive habits. As Bassett, founder of the Midwest Center for Stress and Anxiety, points out, research on those who suffer from serious anxiety shows most had alcoholic parents, were victims of abuse, or otherwise had troubled childhoods. But, she notes, there comes a time when, as an adult, in order to heal and recover, you have to take responsibly for your present and future—and for the past as well. For, “the past is the past and affects you only if you let it. ‘Okay, I've been through some difficult stuff,’ you may say, ‘but if I'm not healthy, happy, or successful as an adult, I'm doing it to myself.’ We must each claim our own power and recognize our own part in the creation of and recovery from anxiety disorder. In the final analysis, recovery is completely up to each individual." Bassett came by her knowledge the hard way. She, too, once suffered from anxiety disorder, but tells audiences that when she admitted to causing her own anxiety problems, she begin facing the very things she had been running from her whole life. “Denial was ending. So was blame. Up until that night, it was so easy to point a finger and say, ‘This is why I'm anxious. You're the reason I'm so unhappy.’ Barrett wasted so much time wondering when she would ... “find peace of mind, when I would like myself or be good enough for myself or for anybody else. Little did I know that I could be free and happy as soon as I gave myself permission to be." Relationships and romance. Relationship gurus from John Gray to Barbara DeAngelis tell us there is no hope
for a satisfying relationship until we stop blaming our partner for its deficiencies and assume responsibility for making it better ourselves. As Steven Covey, who places as much emphasis on personal as professional success in his books, writes, “If I have a problem in my marriage, what do I really gain by continually confessing my wife's sins? By saying I'm not responsible, I make myself a powerless victim; I immobilize myself in a negative situation. I also diminish my ability to influence her—my nagging, accusing, critical attitude only makes her feel validated in her own weakness. "If I really want to improve my situation, I can work on the one thing over which I have control—myself. I can focus on being a great marriage partner, a source of unconditional love and support. I can take responsibility to be a better listener, to be a more loving marriage partner, to be a better student, to be a more cooperative and dedicated employee. Hopefully, my wife will feel the power of proactive example and respond in kind. But whether she does or doesn't, the most positive way I can influence my situation is to work on myself, on my being. Happiness, like unhappiness, is a proactive choice." **** "A winner makes commitments; a loser makes promises" Fanuel Tjingaete "If you are the kind of coach who wants to be the ‘best’ then you will make a total commitment to excellence." Vince Lombardi **** HOW BEING RESPONSIBLE PAID OFF FOR SAMUEL CYPERT Samuel Cypert, who worked for the Napoleon Hill Foundation and helped co-author Believe and Achieve with Clement Stone, likes to point out that taking responsibility, although important for its own sake, can pay off big in terms of material rewards, as well. Many years ago Cypert was writing a brochure for a client against a tight deadline, while simultaneously moving out of the apartment he and his wife shared and into their first home. When the day the Cyperts were supposed to move into their new house arrived, they loaded everything they owned into a truck and drove over—only to discover the previous owners still very much present due to a mix up. Cypert found himself in a cheap motel room, with most of the family possessions in storage, sitting at folding table with a typewriter and a stack of paper, working furiously on the brochure, which was due the following day. His wife thought he'd taken leave of his senses. “Why not you call your client and explain the situation?” she asked. “No one in their right mind would expect you to finish that job under the circumstances." "I can't stand the idea of my client having to face his client empty-handed on Monday morning,” Cypert explained. “Besides, I committed myself to the responsibility of meeting his deadline when I took the job. He's counting on the brochure for an important meeting, and my copy must be in his hands tomorrow to make the printing deadline." However, Cypert's client was thrilled with receiving the brochure on time, especially when he later learned through friends, what Cypert had gone through to meet his commitment. Soon after, the client learned of a lucrative assignment he thought would be ideal for someone with Cypert's talents, and recommended Cypert, saying, “He's the most reliable, most responsible person I know." Cypert got the job at a thirty percent increase over his normal fees.
EXERCISE: FROM “IT'S NOT MY FAULT” TO “I TAKE RESPONSIBILITY” IN TWO EASY STEPS Here's a proven approach to self-starting your responsibility factor. If you've been prone to go the “reasons beyond personal control” route when you couldn't get started on that exercise program, or you were the first fired in a layoff, or found your relationship suddenly falling apart, this simple, two-step exercise will help you master the baby steps of becoming a responsible person. In the main, psychologists say, the things we have difficulty accepting responsibility for are the things that go wrong—or we do wrong—in our lives. If we can learn to consciously take responsibility for the worst of these, experts add, then we won't find it difficult to shoulder responsibility for the rest. Typically, when we screw-up, or find ourselves in the midst of apparently unavoidable disaster, the refrain is: “It's not my fault!” Recite a few of these and observe the affect on your own commitment and motivation. Are any typical of you? "It's not my fault I didn't review the Collins file, like I promised the senior partner. I'll make up an alibi later." "It's not my fault I put off talking to my lover about my transfer to Dallas. It's going to be a major emotional scene when I do." "It's not my fault I didn't make that sale. That purchasing agent had a bad attitude right from the start." "It's not my fault I didn't keep to my diet today. They had a birthday party with cake at work, and it would have been impolite to refuse." "It's not my fault I didn't get out to look for work today. I was too depressed to function." "It's not my fault I screamed at my cousin. He always puts me down." "It's not my fault my business failed. The hours were eating me up alive." "It's not my fault I lost the championship. The way the crowd acted threw me off that day." "It's not my fault I didn't do as good a job of putting the siding on that house. The owner's wife was breathing down my neck every moment, and that's the week Joe asked for a divorce." If we take advantage of the power of words to predispose and program our minds, and instead of saying, “It's not my fault...” we spin those self-defeating phrases on their heads and begin them by stating, “I take full responsibility for...” Try it yourself, and see the difference and the sense of empowerment saying things this way gives you. "I take full responsibility for not reviewing the Collins and breaking my promise to the Senior partner." "I take full responsibility for putting off talking to my lover about my transfer to Dallas, and thus putting off the major emotional scene I don't want to face." "I take full responsibility for not making that sale. Plenty of prospects have a negative attitude, but I could have tried harder to turn it around." "I take full responsibility for blowing my diet and eating that cake. I could have refused politely, and explained I am on a diet."
"I take full responsibility for not looking for work today, and sitting around feeling sorry for myself, instead." "I take full responsibility for screaming at my cousin. I wanted to descend to his level and return the negativity I receive from him." "I take full responsibility for my business failing. I didn't want it bad enough to put in all those long hours." "I take full responsibility for losing the championship. I let something external affect my game." "I take full responsibility for doing a lousy job of putting the siding on that house. I was in a bad mood from the divorce, and projected my resentments on to the owner's wife." Now, it's time to put this newly found knowledge into practice, and transform yourself from a blame-maker to a responsibility-taker. Here's how. 1. List ten events, problems, or behaviors you don't feel you should be held accountable for. Make each one complete sentence. Begin each of your ten sentences with the phrase, “It's not my fault..." 2. Take responsibility for each of the above behaviors by rewriting each of the above sentences and replacing “It's not my fault...” with “I take full responsibility for..." 3. Pause a moment and read each one out loud in order to help fix it in your mind. Repeat each silently twice, to reinforce the affect. 4. When you find yourself in situations that begin to trigger your, “It's not my fault...” litany, quickly tell yourself, “I accept full responsibility for...” instead. Experts say you will be astonished at the sense of empowerment and renewed motivation this will give you. **** "Commitment is the igniter of momentum." Peg Wood "We cannot solve life's problems except by solving them. This statement may seem idiotically tautological or self-evident, yet it is seemingly beyond the comprehension of much of the human race. This is because we must accept responsibility for a problem before we can solve it. We cannot solve a problem by saying ‘It's not my problem.’ We cannot solve a problem by hoping that someone else will solve it for us. I can solve a problem only when I say ‘This is my problem and it's up to me to solve it.’” M. Scott Peck **** 8 STEPS TO ASSUMING RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR LIFE David Sandler, Oliver Connolly, Samuel Cypert, and others have suggested those in their audiences take the following steps, if they truly wanted to assume “control” of their destiny. 1. Have a cause. Are you just in business, just have your job, because it is a way to make a living? Or is something more driving you? Find something that makes you eager to rise from bed every morning and begin work. Then devote yourself to it. 2. Don't hedge your bets. Commit yourself fully. Don't say, “I'll try for a week and then see how I feel.” Say,
“I'm starting this program and I'm going to stick with it to the end." 3. Burn your bridges. Pay for a full year's membership in that diet program. Call up and begin that job search now. 4. Put together a roadmap for the next year. Focus on where you want to be a year from today. Hoping to reach your goals without knowing the route you plan to take to get there is foolish. You will only end up driving in circles. Blueprint significant avenues of endeavor, and important milestones along the way. 5. Master the discipline to manage your daily behavior. Don't let things throw you off. “I can't ask for that raise now, the boss just gave Francis one.” Once you have established your plan, stick to it. You must have unconditional commitment and do it, regardless of the obstacles or distractions. 6. Say in front of your “nut.” Your “nut” is the amount of money you need to survive as you pursue your goals. Undue financial pressure will greatly impair your motivation. What are your weekly expenses and how much money do you need to cover them? Create a budget—and set aside savings for emergencies. Then you are free to pursue your aims without worry. 7. Envision the future. Think about what it will feel like when you have taken the responsibility to accomplish the things that you want. Capture that feeling, internalize it, think about it every day. If you are serious, you will set goals, develop a plan and a system to track your progress. 8. Finally, regardless of how tough it seems, take action. **** "We need to recognize the responsibility we have for situations we find ourselves in." Alice Dear "The price of greatness is responsibility." Winston Churchill **** EXERCISE: ELECT YOURSELF PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF “ME" The following exercise goes under such variant titles as “elect yourself president of Y.O.U.,” “running for governor of you,” and “elect yourself CEO of ME, Inc.” It helps reinforce the fact that you, and only you, are responsible for your life. To show people how get the hang of being in charge of, and accountable for, their own life, many success experts suggest mentally going through the same steps a prospective candidate for president or CEO would go through to win their job. “Being CEO of ME, Inc.,” Tom Peters writes, “requires you to ... grow yourself, to promote yourself, to get the market to reward yourself." Just as a president is responsible for the welfare of a nation, so you are responsible for the welfare of you. Both positions require using available resources to best advantage, foreseeing problems, and preventing them if possible. To accomplish this, a prospective president devotes their energies as candidate to studying the nation's current situation, identifying problem areas, and designing an action play to correct them. 1. As a candidate for its president, intently study the United States of M.E.. Analyze your life as if it was a country and you were running for president. What is working well and should be left alone? What is going wrong and demands immediate attention? What longer-term challenges need to be addressed?
Draw up a platform—an action plan—outlining the steps you will take during your first year in office to improve the governing of your life in each of the following areas. Begin each step with the phrase, “As President of M.E., Inc. I will..." An economic platform. Detail the current state of your budget, cuts needed to bring spending in line with income, potential sources of additional revenue and concrete steps you will take to obtain it. A business platform. How would you rate your current employment situation? Do you feel “bullish” or “bearish” about it? Should the status quo be maintained, or is it time for a radical shakeup? A labor platform. How do you rate your own performance in the workplace? Would you recommend keeping yourself on? Would you recommend that you receive a raise? A bonus? An environmental platform. How would you would improve your physical surroundings, from painting the house to relocating in the country? And what do you personally recommend doing to help reduce pollution, to help protect the environment? A social welfare platform. What are your plans for improving your own welfare? What can you do to increase your circle of friends and supporters, or improve your social and romantic life? A health and human services platform. Plan ways to improve your physical condition, through diet and exercise, making those long put-off physician or dental appointments. An education platform. Whether it's becoming a Ph.D., taking a yoga class, or reading up on your profession, what are your plans for educating yourself to meet the demands of the future? A defense platform. What potential problems or threats do you see in your future? What steps can you take now to prevent or minimize them if they arise? 2. Congratulations, you have just been elected President of the United States of ME. Why? Because you are the only candidate qualified for the job. And yours is the winning plan—because it is your plan—and you are already the one in charge of your life. (With that in mind, you might want to go back and review it once more.) 3. To help this sink in, psychologists like Tina Tessina suggest creating some kind of simple swearing-in ceremony, in which you officially assume the responsibility of being President of M. E. and promise to do your best to fulfill all your campaign promises. “This ceremony,” Tessina writes, “will add power to your commitment by invoking your senses and using imagery to speak directly to your child mind. Make it a ceremony that is meaningful to you, and take your promise to govern seriously—giving up all dependence on anyone or anything else to do it for you. This is your official entry into autonomy.” (You might want to play “Hail to the Chief” in the background, print up a few “campaign posters” on your computer, pin a flag to the wall, and model your “oath of office after the U.S. oath of office for President, which begins, “I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States of M.E., and will, to the best of my ability, preserve, protect, and defend its general welfare as well as its right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” If it will not violate your religion, you might even reverently swear by a holy book or holy name.) “The more your ceremony engages your feelings and stirs you,” Tessina writes, “the more powerful it is to your subconscious mind." 4. Regularly review your performance, for a “State of M.E.” address.” Make written semiannual or annual progress reports to your constituency—you—to review the progress or difficulties you have encountered in carrying out your campaign platform. Even review the platform itself, in light of what you have learned since. What needs changing? What should be kept the same? What solutions and proposals are you making to continually improve the United States of ME?
Recap: + We must stop blaming others and take responsibility for our situation in life. + Taking responsibility makes success “almost certain." + Don't hedge your bets. Do burn your bridges and commit yourself. + Turn your “it's not my faults” into “I take responsibilities." + A ceremony, such as electing yourself “president” of your own life, can make assuming responsibility easier. [Back to Table of Contents]
HABIT #6—GENERATING ENTHUSIASM You can succeed at almost anything for which you have unlimited enthusiasm. All great successes loved what they were doing, tackling it—and any obstacles in their way—with enthusiasm. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm." "Want to increase your income and be more fulfilled in your career?” asks Vance Caesar president of the Professional Coaches and Mentors Association. Caesar spent two decades studying “winning-edge entrepreneurs” (those in the top three percent of their industry or profession) and uncovered what he feels is a key ingredient in their financial and career success. “Winning-edgers,” Caesar writes, “are some of the most passionate people with whom I have had the privilege of working. Living with passion is probably the cornerstone to building a successful career." "Enthusiasm should be in the heart, mind, and thought of every person who wants to be on the top,” says Winston Saga. “You just can't go out and buy it in the shop. It is a feeling that comes from within. Enthusiasm is the spice of life. Make yourself act enthusiastic. It is as simple as that." Yet, enthusiasm is another of those success keys that is consistently underutilized. “Enthusiasm is probably the most undervalued asset in any corporation,” says John McCormack, founder of the Visible Changes chain of hair salons. “Our customers tell us that, in addition to a great haircut, one of the things they enjoy most about the Visible Changes experience is what could be called the ‘Four E's': the excitement, the enthusiasm, the energy, and the electricity evident in every one of our locations. People want to be around people who are passionate about what they do. Our staff not only appears to be happy, they are happy. Their smiles are real, and their positive mind-set is genuine. And yet, most managers pay little, if any, attention to it." To get an idea for yourself of how important enthusiasm is to keeping success, try this test. First, read the sentence that follows out loud as if it were a boring, uninspiring task you are doing only because otherwise you would lose your job: “I have to read the McDonough report before our meeting tomorrow." Now, read the same sentence out loud as if it were a report you personally commissioned that will net you a 25% boost in income, and you were so enthusiastic about reading it, you could hardly wait to see it. “I have to read the Zelazny report before our meeting tomorrow." Notice the difference enthusiasm makes? **** "What I do best is share my enthusiasm." Bill Gates "I don't think I can play any other way but all out. I enjoy the game so much because I'm putting so much into it." George Brett "The worst bankruptcy in the world is the person who has lost his enthusiasm." H. W. Arnold **** HOW TO KEEP ENTHUSIASM UP WHEN LIFE HAS GOT YOU DOWN
Maintaining enthusiasm when the going is good is not difficult. When the going is good, the fact that everything is in our favor generates its own enthusiasm. The problem is when things aren't going well. Setbacks, reverses and difficulties can drain enthusiasm at the drop of a hat. That's the hump that makes it hard to keep our enthusiasm high. Yet, whether it's work, or the motivation to keep practicing a tennis stroke, retaining your enthusiasm amid the slings and arrows of outrageous, is critical to your success. As workplace success authority Jean Gatz, points out, “Today's workplace needs people who are positive, proactive, and enthusiastic. Your attitude has the power to make or break your company—and your career. Your customers and coworkers have a right to expect a ‘star performance’ from you because they serve as your audience. They expect you to play your part well, regardless of what is going on in your personal or professional life ... even when you're not feeling particularly enthusiastic, compassionate, or whatever your job requires you to be." Keeping your enthusiasm up when life's got you down seems to be impossible to most people. But, it's easier than you think. “Make yourself act enthusiastic. Enthusiasm you transmit through your eyes, the way you walk, the way you talk, and the way you smile. Act with enthusiasm, be enthusiastic in what you sell, the company you work for, and pretty soon you will have enthusiasm. It is as simple as that. Once you're fired with conviction your natural talents will take you to the top." Personal coach C. Mike Jousan concurs. The secret of generating enthusiasm, when your motivational fuel seems to have run out is to act enthusiastic—and it will start your enthusiasm flowing. “Keep your energy level up and show it. Don't droop or sag—with your posture or your voice. Pay attention to others with your eyes—look at people when you talk to them. Share your enthusiasm with everyone." Henry David Thoreau of Walden fame, developed an unbeatable method for supercharging himself with enthusiasm every morning before he started his day. Thoreau would lie in bed for a few minutes before rising, and tell himself all the good things in his life he could think about: that he was healthy, well liked, successful by his own standards, and his future looked bright. No wonder the canny old philosopher bounced out of bed, even at an advanced age, eager to greet the day. As Winston Saga says, “Why not follow the same principles and stand above the rest of the crowd." **** "Enthusiasm is a vital element toward the individual success of every man or woman." Conrad Hilton "Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion, you must set yourself on fire first." Reggie Leach "Chase your passion, not your pension." Denis Waitley **** WHAT ARE YOU BUILDING? There is a story (it may date back five hundred or five thousand years) that illustrates the importance, and purpose, of enthusiasm. It involves three masons (bricklayers) who were working on a building. A passerby became curious and paused to ask, “What are you three doing?” The first mason stopped work and replied dejectedly, “I'm earning my weekly paycheck. It's boring and backbreaking work, but my father taught it to me, and I have to pay the bills.” The second bricklayer paused in his labors and answered civilly, “I'm putting
in time till I get my pension. Five years more and I can do what I really want, and travel around the world. That's living!” The third mason kept working, while he looked up at the passerby and answered with enthusiasm, “I'm using my skill to help save lives. This will be a hospital. When it's finished, there will be a place in our suburb for sick and injured people to come when they need urgent medical care." "We all know examples of each bricklayer in our lives,” writes Vance Caesar. “Winning-edgers, are like the third bricklayer. They aren't just doing a job, they are building something they feel is important. Manage your career like the third bricklayer. Find the higher purpose in what you do, or do something else. Finding passion in everyday activities is one of the most valuable gifts you can give yourself." ENTHUSIASM-DRAINERS AND ENTHUSIASM-BUILDERS If you've lost the steam to reach your goal, don't give up. It's a common pitfall on the path to success. Experts have identified a number of factors that typically slay enthusiasm the way St. George slew dragons. They also have suggestions for how to counter these “enthusiasm-drainers." According to such authorities as Jousan, Gatz, and Bill Huitt, here are the three most common enthusiasm-drainers and the “enthusiasm-builders” you can use to reverse them. Enthusiasm-drainer: Pushing too hard to succeed. Whether you're struggling to overcome workaholism, slim down, win an archery competition, develop a more assertive personality, or just trying to get more done, putting too much pressure on yourself can drain all your enthusiasm for even the most longed for dreams. Enthusiasm-builder: Enjoying the journey. Wanting to reach your goal is commendable, but when it becomes such driving obsession that it kills all the joy and pleasure to be found on the journey, you are bound to fall out along the way. Instead of focusing all your enthusiasm on your goal, save some for enjoying each of the steps that takes you there. Each success will give you a boost, and the more attention you have concentrated on the step, the less you have left over to worry yourself over your goal. Enthusiasm-drainer: Too much work, not enough fun. Most of us want things, because we think they will make us feel better. But when we work so hard for that summer cabin in the Poconos or to win a tournament that we start feeling bad, our enthusiasm vanishes too. Enthusiasm-builder: Finesse time for fun. If your goal is important enough that you can work that hard, it's important enough to justify taking a break for. Stoke your enthusiasm with a real treat: go to a movie, take in a game, catch a snooze, go out to dinner with friends, read the newest Tom Clancy novel, go backpacking—whatever turns you on. Enthusiasm-drainer: Lack of outside support. Support from others plays a greater role in helping keep your enthusiasm level high than most people realize, says John F. Murray, Ph.D., a sports and performance psychologist and author of Smart Tennis: How to Play and Win the Mental Game. It is “difficult to remain upbeat and motivated,” Murray writes, when the only person pumping up our enthusiasm is ourselves. Otherwise, without outside encouragement, even our sincerest cheers for ourself seem to ring hollow, and our enthusiasm soon follows suit and begins to ebb. Enthusiasm-builder: Get a cheerleader. Find at least one other person (a “motivation buddy") to enlist as a cheerleader in your behalf. Your motivation buddy's role is to share your dream, applaud your successes and encourage you onward toward your goal whenever you suffer a setback. With others to help stoke your enthusiasm, keeping it high all the time isn't so much of a burden. **** "One man has enthusiasm for thirty minutes. Another has it for thirty days. But it is the man that has it for 30
years, who makes a success of life." Edward B. Butler "Enthusiasm ... the sustaining power of all great action." Samuel Smiles **** WHAT MAKES YOU ENTHUSIASTIC? One very simple method for reconnecting with enthusiasm for your goal—when it seems to have vanished for good—is to “count your enthusiasms” instead of “sheep.” Consider each of the questions that follow carefully and write down your answer as honestly as you can. 1. What do I enjoy most about working toward my goal? 2. What will I enjoy most when I have achieved it? 3. What parts of working toward my goal do I do best? 4. What aspect of working toward it always sparks my enthusiasm? 5. Why do I most want to achieve it? 6. What do I like most about myself for attempting this goal? developing enthusiasm when you hate it The greatest challenges to enthusiasm are those disagreeable, unpleasant tasks you hate. Get yourself excited about reviewing a year's performance statistics or cleaning the lawn—and you'll be putting incalculable brain power to work in your behalf. This may sound like a tall order, but it's not. You can take advantage of a well-established success strategy to get yourself just charged up with enthusiasm for even the most dreaded of activities. It's called “attachment,” and operates on the principle that we have the most enthusiasm for things we feel strong positive emotions about. Whatever seems exciting, beneficial, funny, pleasurable, or adds to our sense of competency, stirs our excitement and enthusiasm. The following exercise will show you how to become as enthusiastic about memorizing next month's printing schedule or weeding the lawn, as rushing down to the record story to buy your favorite singer's newest CD. Simply select a task you find hateful or unpleasant. Then follow the steps below. 1. Clear your mind of any negative feelings or preconceptions about what the task or goal. ("Jogging is boring.” “I hate paper work. It gives me a headache.") 2. Focus on all the ways the task or goal will benefit you. ("I will be able to get in that size 8 in time for my wedding.” “If I truly master math, it will give me an edge when dealing with suppliers, as well as customers, when I open my interior decorating company.") 3. Ask yourself, what is the single most interesting thing about the task—however boring it might seem—and why it was interesting. ("Jogging produces some interesting physical and mental sensations” “I find the different ways you can manipulate numbers fascinating.") 4. Ask yourself, what you love—no matter how abstruse—about it. ("I love getting off my feet at the end of
the jog. And the healthy glow it leaves.” “I love it when I work a problem and get the right answer.") 5. Ask yourself, if you can find anything humorous in the experience. ("I laugh at all the weird people in the street.” “The face my math professor always makes when she's concentrating hard is very comical.") 6. Ask yourself, which part gives you the most satisfaction. ("Losing weight and knowing I'm healthy, with a longer life expectancy.” “Passing another class and getting closer to graduation.") Usually by the time they have reached this point, most people have began to recapture some of their waning excitement to realize their dreams. The point to remember is that you must not let a “down period” destroy your enthusiasm, but to reignite it by counting your enthusiasms, not blessings or sheep. **** "Every memorable act in the history of the world is a triumph of enthusiasm. Nothing great was ever achieved without it because it gives any challenge or any occupation, no matter how frightening or difficult, a new meaning. Without enthusiasm you are doomed to a life of mediocrity, but with it you can accomplish miracles." Og Mandino "If you are not fired up with enthusiasm, you'll be fired with enthusiasm!" Vince Lombardi **** Recap: + You can succeed at anything if you have enthusiasm. + Act enthusiastic and you will become enthusiastic. + Too much work and not enough fun drains enthusiasm. + When enthusiasm wanes, count your “enthusiasms." + When unpleasant chores turn you off, find what's funny or makes you feel good. [Back to Table of Contents]
HABIT #7—BOUNCING BACK FROM SETBACK One theme is echoed again and again in success literature. No matter how clearly envisioned our goal, no matter how carefully thought out our plans for achieving it—sometime, somewhere, somehow, something is bound to go seriously amiss. No plan, they tell us, can be perfect, no one person can foresee every possibility, and no strategy can wholly account for the unexpected. Supersalesman Jim Rohn counsels us that if we want to keep our enthusiasm and motivation to the end, we should begin with the certain knowledge of failure in mind. We should prepare ourselves for the fact that we will encounter setbacks many times along the way—and determine from the outset that we will not allow them to keep us from our goals. But, no matter how well prepared we are for reverses—whether it's plunging off our diet and pigging out on ice cream, or purchasing a pack of cigarettes when we've sworn off them forever, or losing a national championship cup, or failing to win the promotion we felt we justly deserved—setbacks still tend to sabotage our success, undercut our sense of competence and self-worth, and threaten our confidence that we have what it takes to achieve our goals. Failures “involve so much loss and/or such a radical adjustment to change, there's so much pain involved, we just attempt to avoid dealing with it,” says psychologist David Klimek, Ph.D. That may explain why studies show more than two-thirds of those set out toward a goal quit before reaching the end. This figure seems to hold true, whether it's starting a new business, beginning an exercise regime, or giving up cigarettes. No matter what it is we are trying to accomplish, when our best laid plans go wrong, only one-third of us ever recover—the rest of us simply abandon our dreams. What makes the difference between those who realize their goals, and those who quit along the way? It's the ability to bounce back from setbacks, sometimes called resilience. Datuk Maznah Hamid, one of Malaysia's most distinguished corporate leaders, says resiliency played an important role in her success. “I started from zero. The business world tests your resilience. It is suitable only if one is willing to leave one's comfort zone for at least three to five years." **** "What can go wrong, will go wrong." Murphy's Law "The best laid plans of mice and men, often go astray." Robert Burns "Mistakes are a fact of life, it is the response to error that counts." Nikki Giovanni **** SETBACK OR OPPORTUNITY? Whether we are defeated by our setbacks and failures or successfully surmount them to realize our dreams, it turns out, is determined by something as simple as what we call them. Studies cited in Robert Waterman's The Renewal Factor: How the Best Get and Keep the Competitive Edge reveal that successful people never
use words like “failure.” Instead, they see use words like “challenge,” “opportunity,” “learning experience.” They simply never view themselves as having experienced a failure or a setback. As performance trainer and consultant Fred Nickols, writes, “The word ‘problem’ carries with it connotations that some people prefer to avoid. They choose instead to use the word ‘opportunity.’ Problems tend to be seen as a bad situation, one that shouldn't have been allowed to happen in the first place." After all, an opportunity is something rich with potential promise that excites us and makes us want to hurry on toward it. A problem, or worse yet, a setback or failure, are things that make us want to slump down in defeat and slink off alone to lick our wounds. Just thinking of these words this way, makes it clear that which word we use can play a vital role in influencing whether we lose or retain our motivation in the face of what appears a daunting turn of events. **** "Since my house burned down, I have a better view of the rising moon." Traditional Zen Poem "An unexpected poor performance or loss need not have a negative impact. Athletes who apply proper strategies and draw positive things from such outcomes will gain insight, control and motivation from the experience." Wei Bian **** HE LOST HIS JOB AND BECAME A MILLIONAIRE Korean entrepreneur Lee Youn Jae, who Business Week termed “the Ross Perot of tents,” is another believer in the gospel of finding the opportunity in setback. Jae, who started with a few thousand dollars and currently does one-hundred-fifty million dollars in business annually, says, “The most important quality for a young entrepreneur is to look at changes not as a crisis but as an opportunity". Lee ought to know. On his way to achieving this dream, Lee faced his share of setbacks. The fact that he owns his own company is the result of the way Lee handled one reversal. Sixteen years ago, Lee had a cushy job as a manager for another Korean tentmaker, but was fired because he pushed too aggressively for growth. Another person might have seen this as a failure, looked for another job and felt needy. But Lee envisioned it as an opportunity to start his own business. Lee was faced with an even greater setback in 1984. He had just accepted a huge number of orders from the U.S. retail market, only to see a forty percent hike in nylon prices. Lee had two choices. “We could give up, abandon our commitments and not lose money. Or, we could fill the orders and lose three million dollars.” Again, Lee saw the situation not as a problem but as an opportunity—an opportunity to win customer loyalty. Lee met his commitment to the U.S. retailers, took the loss. When word made its way through the business community, Lee's perseverance paid off handsomely. The next year nylon prices fell and he was given a huge order to make Cabbage Patch Doll-themed play tents by one of the world's largest toy chains because they felt he could be relied on. FAILURE: YOUR KEY TO SUCCESS Some experts go even farther than seeing failures as a door to opportunity. They consider failure an essential
requirement for success. "There is no success without failure,” Zig Ziglar tells audiences. “The more often you fail, the closer you come to success,” says Ken Blanchard. “Failure is the halfway mark on the road to success,” is the maxim Bob Miller lives by. Napoleon Hill proclaims, “Failure is nature's plan to prepare you for success." Former Oregon University track coach and cofounder of Nike, William J. Bowerman, is one of many who believe that every time you fail, you put the odds of your succeeding even higher. Bowerman offers this well-known metaphor: Say the odds against you are one hundred to one. Then you fail. You now only have ninety-nine more failures to go. Each of these failures is a key building stone in the bridge that eventually lifts you to success. Thomas Watson, founder of IBM, puts it this way, “If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate.” An example he and others cite is invention king Thomas Edison, holder of thousands of patents. Yet, for all the fame and glory his achievements won him, Edison's failures far and away outweighed his successes. A full 98% of Edison's inventions proved worthless. But the two percent that succeeded included the microphone, light bulb, record player, motion picture camera, and the basic distribution system for lighting and electrical power that is still running the world today. In fact, the biggest failures in life may be those who fail to fail, according to Emmett Miller, MD, a psychiatrist who has made an extensive study of successful people. “My experience,” Miller writes, “is that those people who have achieved the most in life ... who live the lives with the most satisfaction and fulfillment are people who have faced some catastrophic threat in their lives. It's the people who are born with the silver spoon in their mouth and never had it taken out who are often some of the emptiest, most helpless people I have ever met." That may be why most success coaches urge that we take a few minutes to review and celebrate our most recent failures, the ones that are oppressing our minds and spirits most at the moment. They suggest making a list of at least ten situations you are wrestling with currently that you would consider “problems,” “disasters,” “failures,” “reverses,” or “setbacks." Draw a big star by each one. Now that you know failure is a perquisite of success, you can congratulate yourself on having already done so much of the groundwork. And you can look forward to your next failure as yet another important step on the way toward your goals. **** "Babe Ruth struck out 1,330 times in his baseball career. If he had concentrated on his outs instead of his hits, he would never have been able to set some fifty baseball records, many of which still stand today." Allen Klein "We often discover what will do, by finding out what will not do; and probably he who never made a mistake never made a discovery." Samuel Smiles **** HOW GERARD ALTIERI FAILED HIS WAY TO SUCCESS When it comes to putting across the importance of our setbacks to our ultimate success, many motivators tell the following story about entrepreneur Gerard Altieri. At the New York Athletic Club, Altieri bumped into an eager young corporate executive. Asked how he had managed to springboard himself from a debt-ridden
middle-class householder to the owner of a national health care company that he had just sold for the heady sum of twenty million dollars, Altieri described the three steps that had led to his success. 1) Risk everything you own, even mortgage your house, for a loan to get started; 2) kick in your share of the $500,000 in working capital needed to keep a fledgling business afloat each year; 3) spend four years working like a dog, without drawing even a dime in salary out of the company's operating funds. Knowing the young man had been expecting some platitudinous “get rich quick” formula, Altieri is said to have watched the young man's reactions as he enumerated each of the costly personal sacrifices he had been forced to make. With each, the young executive's face grew a shade paler. “Gosh, Mr. Altieri,” the young man is said to have gasped, “you did all that." Altieri brushed these accomplishments aside. “That was the easy part. To get to that stage you have to have failed completely and bounced back at least twice before." REFRAMING: TRANSFORMING NEGATIVES INTO POSITIVES When it comes to learning to see setbacks as opportunities, authorities on success recommend a technique called “reframing.” At its simplest, Robins defines reframing as changing a negative into a positive by changing the frame of reference (or point of view) through which we see the experience. (Learning to see what we formerly would have considered a negative as a positive.) After all, any time we assign any value to something that happens to us—such as good, bad or neutral—we are putting a frame on it. And often we change that frame as events change. Wei Bian, the authority in reframing athletic loss, likes to share a classic Chinese fable about how fluid frames of reference can be. One day, a sage who lived near the Great Wall returned home to discover his only horse had bolted the barn. The hearts of his friends filled with sorrow when they learned this and, as was the custom in those days, they came from far and wide to offer their condolences. But the sage explained their sympathies were premature. “Who knows,” he said, “whether this is bad or good". Later, his horse returned, followed by a wild mare. Now the sage had two horses—clearly an event calling for congratulations, rather than condolences. This story, Bian says, illustrates why, in the Chinese language, the word for crisis is composed of two characters. The first symbol means “dangerous” and “hurting,” while the other symbol means “possibility” or “opportunity." There are two kinds of reframing: 1. Context reframing. This is all about taking a situation that seems to be a setback or disaster and finding the way the same situation could be a strong plus in a different context. The classic example from children's literature is the story of the ugly duckling who turns out to be a swan. A bit closer to home, the person at your office who shreds every new idea anyone proposes is the ideal person to review all papers, reports, recommendations and memos for flaws, weaknesses, omissions. The shame you feel after blowing a tennis match can be used to fuel you determination to discover and overcome whatever weaknesses led to your defeat. 2. Content reframing. This form of reframing, on the other hand, challenges us to take anything we perceive as a negative situation and transform its inner meaning from a negative to a positive. Consider the old joke about the deaf woman who bought her first hearing aid. She begged the pharmacist to keep it a secret—so that when people began to pester her, she could deliberately tune them out without their knowing. Clearly she found pluses in deafness, which many people might consider a minus or handicap. Much television advertising is based on exactly this kind of reframing: Recently many citrus-based sodas have begun to emblazon “caffeine free!” on the bottle or can. Of course, they have always been caffeine free, though it was never considered worth mentioning before, because they are not made from the syrup of the cola nut. But now that many people have become concerned about the health effects of too much caffeine, what was a
neutral fact or even a negative one has been reframed a health benefit. Robbins cites the example of the general whose army was racing away from an overwhelming enemy force. “Retreating, hell!” the general is supposed to have said. “We're merely advancing in a different direction!” If discretion is the better part of valor, the general was undoubtedly in the right. Here are three situations many people would see as problems, and ways they might be reframed as positives. 1. A boss who's uncommunicative. 2. A child who talks all the time. 3. The habit of losing steam and giving up part way through any endeavor. Here are three possible ways of reframing the above. There are of course no one right way of reframing them. Any solution that produces the desired result is a good one. 1. Great! He isn't in your hair all the time and constantly attempting to micromanage your work. 2. Great! She or he is intelligent, articulate, can express his or herself better than most. 3. Great! Now that you are aware of this pattern, you can discover what causes it and how to overcome it. By now, you are probably beginning to get the hang of how reframing works. With this in mind, it's time to begin applying it to your own problems. Ask yourself: Is there any way you could reframe the context of your most recent setback? Is there any way you could reframe the content? **** "There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their Gifts." Richard Bach "The word ‘problem’ carries with it connotations that some people prefer to avoid. They choose instead to use the word ‘opportunity.’ For such people, a problem is seen as a bad situation, one that shouldn't have been allowed to happen in the first place, and for which someone is likely to be punished—if the guilty party (or a suitable scapegoat) can be identified." Warren Bennis **** EXERCISE: FINDING THE ADVANTAGE IN YOUR DISADVANTAGE Allen Klein, the nationally known authority on turning around difficult situations, has his own take on the philosophy of seeing opportunity in setback. He calls it, “finding the advantage in your disadvantage.” Klein believes every problem has a gift at its heart. You can begin to see “the advantage in your disadvantage when you focus on the lesson (the gift) rather than the loss." W. Clement Stone concurs. “There's almost always a lesson to be found in every reversal,” Stone says. “Something that if we can learn it, will forearm us against failure next time (or at least the same kind of failure). So, search for a lesson you could be learning. Is there something you could do differently next time?"
In his book, The Healing Power of Humor: Techniques for Getting through Loss, Setbacks, Upsets, Disappointments, Difficulties, Trials, Tribulations, and All that Not-So-Funny Stuff, Klein proffers a wrinkle on a classic exercise for finding the opportunity in any setback or failure. Review the major upsets and setbacks in your life. Ask yourself: + Have any of them opened new doors for you? + Have any made you stronger or wiser? + Have any held a lesson for you? + Have any resulted in new priorities? The odds are good that you were able to respond “yes” to all the above questions. Now, with these answers, and situations, in mind, review your current problem and ask yourself: + Are there any new doors it could open? + Could it or has it made you stronger or wiser in any way? + Does it hold a lesson you could be learning? + Could it or has it revealed any new priorities? The answers to these questions should set you on the track to locating the upside of your downside, the advantage in your disadvantage. **** "When one door closes, another opens." "Every cloud has an umbrella." "Out of everything bad, something good." Traditional folk sayings **** 6 STEPS TO BOUNCING BACK FROM SETBACK When all else fails, here are six guaranteed bounce-back strategies, drawn from such top experts in crisis rebound as organizational guru J. Mitchell Perry, trauma therapist David Klimek, and recovery specialist, Tina Tessina. They're just what the doctor ordered when it comes to propelling you up off your back and back into motion when setback or disaster has gotten (or even knocked) you down. 1. Tune-In on Your Feelings. The first step in recovering from adversity, Perry claims, is to become aware of what you are thinking and feeling. You can't begin to bounce back and regain control until you force yourself to notice and be aware of your reactions to setbacks, obstacles, challenges and failures. Ask yourself what you are thinking, feeling, what images you are seeing in your mind's eye. 2. Vent Your Emotions. Setbacks leave us feeling wounded, hopeless, drained, vulnerable. Swallowing these feelings, or otherwise holding them inside, is unhealthy; and also prevents us from seeing the situation
clearly. Strong emotions, especially negative ones, only cloud our ability to think, perceive, make decisions, choose the best course of action. So, it's critical for us to release those emotions before they begin to complicate or compound our situation. “Rant and rave. Cry or holler in the shower. Write your feelings down. Share them with a friend,” Tessina says. “Do something—and you may have to do it periodically—to express the emotions and gradually get them out of the way, so you can start to think clearly." 3. Generate Options. Get to work immediately and generate at least three possible solutions to your problem, three ways you can keep going despite your setback. This will help jog your mind out of the win/lose, binary two-option headspace that always follows a reversal, convincing us there is only success or failure and we have failed. Ask yourself what your options are now, in the face of what happened. Don't stop until you have come up with at least three alternatives. Hint: They should not be options you have tried before without success. 4. Pick Your Next Goal. Setbacks inevitably disrupt your progress toward your goal. You want to get back into the saddle as quickly as possible, so you don't lose your momentum altogether. Choose one of your three options and make it your next goal. “If your crisis is a business failure,” says Tessina, “figure out if your new goal will be to try and save your present company, look for a job, or even start a new venture." 5. Take Small Steps. Break each phase of your next goal into simple, doable steps, to make whatever effort is involved as easy as possible for you. “If education is your goal, it's easy to say to yourself, ‘I can't get a master's degree,'” Klimek suggests. “But you can tell yourself, ‘I can pick up the phone and request an application.’” 6. Celebrate. Reward yourself for every step you take back toward your goal. You'll find your spirits rising, your energy begin to surge, and your self-confidence growing. After a month of two of taking many little steps and celebrating each of them, Tessina says, “you'll feel like a much more capable person than when you started." **** "Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom." George Patton "Sometimes being pushed to the wall gives you the momentum necessary to get over it!" Peter de Jager **** Recap: + Successes learn to bounce back from setbacks. + Successes don't call it a “problem” but a “lesson." + Successes seek the opportunity in every reversal. + Successes reframe negatives into positives. + Successes vent their emotions, pick their next goal, and move on. [Back to Table of Contents]
HABIT #8—CROSSING THE FINISH LINE SUCCESSFULLY According to success experts, many people manage to come within sight of their goals, but ultimately fail to achieve them, because they don't know the secret of crossing the finish line successfully. Instead of maintaining their motivation and concentration, success seems so close that they let up on themselves with inevitable, tragic consequences. Like overeager football players approaching the goal line, they fumble at the last minute, drop the ball, and all their efforts go for nothing, only inches from the goal line. Other people achieve their goals, but don't know how to make their successes permanent. They soon blow all they have accomplished, often from slipping back into old, self-defeating habits. “Struggling with adversity might seem to be the toughest challenge in achieving your dreams,” writes Rick Pitino, “but the greatest hurdle you must face, in fact, is surviving success itself." How can this happen? Perhaps you have just moved into your dream home by the sea, or your fast-food franchise has become a success, or you completed that six month fitness course your physician prescribed, or married your ideal mate. It took an enormous investment of time and effort to get you here, and if you are like most people, you probably think you ought to be able to relax, take it easy and enjoy your success, right? Wrong. According to motivational coach Larry Wilson, struggling with adversity might seem to be the toughest challenge to achieving your dreams, but the greatest challenge may be surviving success itself. “You can achieve success,” he writes in Play to Win, “but if you can't deal successfully with your success,” sales whiz Larry Wilson has said, “then either the fruits of your success will not be lasting, or you will block yourself off from similar successful efforts down the road." Ron Zemke also shares this view that what we have to fear most about success is success itself. “Success is like a minefield,” Zemke observes in The Service Edge. “It's littered with hidden booby-traps and mines, just waiting to blow you right back where you started. Drop your guard for a few moments, or take a single misstep—and your long yearned-after success can turn into ashes overnight." We all know people who have gone to great lengths to do more with their lives and achieve their ambitions, only to lose it all somehow afterward. The classic example is the person who becomes dedicated to losing weight and makes all the necessary lifestyle changes, from the elimination of junk food to the embracing of daily exercise, and salads instead of steaks. They stick with this regime, until the desired pounds are gone. Then, they run right out and celebrate by pigging out on steak with baked potatoes smothered in butter, followed with a rich chocolatey dessert. You also see examples of this all the time among famous people in politics, business, sports, and entertainment. In politics there's Newt Gingrich, who rode to the political heights as a champion of morality, only to fall back to earth with a thump when his actions failed to conform to his own moral code. Or, take Charles Givens, who soared high as a financial guru in the late 1980s with seminars, programs, and the bestsellers Wealth Without Risk and Financial Self-Defense, only to crash in the mid-90s with a series of highly publicized lawsuits—and who appears to be, true to his motivational principles, on the comeback trail at the dawn of the new century. Why is this kind of backsliding so common? Because it is easy to become so caught up in enjoying the benefits of your success, that you let all the discipline and success skills that helped make you successful go to seed. Another reason is that even the most dedicated and hardworking people can be tempted into taking it easy and becoming complacent, once they believe their goal attained. Rick Pitino calls this the “killer sin” of embracing success itself and forgetting the work it took to get you there.
Fortunately, the great motivators and success gurus have practical advice for ensuring that success doesn't turn to sand and slip through our fingers—just as we have it within our grasp. **** "Success can be your greatest obstacle to real success." Jim Rohn **** EXERCISE: TAKE AN EXTRA STEP As with the tortoise and the hare, one of the most common ways people fumble the ball precisely when success seems nigh, is to let up on their efforts at the last moment. At the back of their minds, they are thinking that it is all clear sailing from here on and they can just coast over the goal line on their momentum. But what actually happens, Clement Stone told audiences, is that their old bad habits and lethargy quickly reassert themselves—and rather than coasting forward they come to a screeching halt and typically go into reverse. Before easing up on your success efforts or pausing to give yourself that well-deserved pat on the back be positive you have both feet firmly planted on the other side of your goal. Don't just stop at the finish line, take an additional step or two across. That's the counsel success wizards like Stone have for us. Below is a simple process for triple checking your progress so you don't wind up on the wrong side of the goal line when the final whistle blows: 1. If you haven't yet written down a very specific, focused statement of your goal—such as “reach 138 pounds by June 16” or “improve my performance enough to earn the maximum 10% raise at my next evaluation” or “beat Alice by 5 strokes at our next match"—do so now. If you already have such a statement, review it. 2. To ensure a successful completion, go a smidgen further than you planned. If your goal is losing weight, don't count your victory when you reach 138. Go for two pounds more, celebrate the success of your diet only after your scales register an even 136 pounds. If you are aiming for greater excellence, don't stop with the effort needed to garner that 10% raise, even if it is the ceiling. Pull off the kind of work you think would be worth a 20% raise. If beating a competitor by five golf strokes is your aim, don't let up once you have gotten that far ahead. Strive even harder and rededicate your efforts to gaining an additional two stroke lead. 3. When you have successfully taken this extra step or two, do take time to pat yourself on the back and otherwise celebrate and reinforce all that you have accomplished. **** "Those who do more work than they are paid for, will eventually be paid more for their work." Clement Stone **** CELEBRATE YOUR SUCCESSES "All too frequently individuals neglect to think over and honor their successes after reaching a particularly challenging goal, or a job especially well-done. Stopping to celebrate forces you to focus on the fact that you have accomplished something—instead of just focusing on your failures and inadequacies, as we all too often
do,” says psychologist Tina Tessina. “Otherwise, you will easily be overwhelmed by all the other things you still have to do." Be sure not to skip or short change—and especially not underestimate the value of—this step. Taking time off to honor and celebrate what you have accomplished is extremely important. Like visualization, although more powerfully, participating in some special treat or celebration sends a strong signal that you have done well to your unconscious—and this acts as a spur to maintaining the focus and discipline that have brought you here. Whether it's something unpleasant you have delayed doing for far too long, a major step forward in your career, remaining drug free for a year, six months of jogging every morning, or your first day in business for yourself—you have done something noteworthy and deserving of praise. Don't shrug it off. If you don't note, and take pride in your achievements, who will? Your celebration doesn't have to be anything complicated or ornate—though that's okay too! It can be something as simple as a dinner in a nice restaurant, or a small party, or the first night of that movie you have been waiting for all summer, or take a picnic in the park. Or, if you can afford it, and the achievement warrants, take that long delayed vacation, buy that new dress or set of golf clubs. But, don't just stop there. Make a ritual out of it. Offer a toast to yourself and what you have accomplished, if it's a party or dinner. Or write yourself a graduation diploma, citing your achievement whether it's losing 20 pounds or getting that promotion. Or give yourself a small graduation “present." The motivational boost given by this kind of ritual can not be underestimated say psychiatrist Carl Hammerschlag and physician Howard Silverman, a Stanford-trained family physician. Reviewing the scientific literature, they conclude that pausing for this type of ritual has proved an important motivational spur in recovery, performance, goal-achievement, even health. “Ceremonies can provide the structure to help us get in touch with hope, courage, and the inspiration,” they write in Healing Ceremonies: Creating Personal Rituals for Spiritual, Emotional, Physical and Mental Health. In fact, most success authorities, from psychotherapists to sales geniuses, from coaches to recovery groups, emphasize the crucial role ritual and ceremony play in success. In The Art of Ritual, therapist Renee Beck details the literature showing how personalized rituals can be powerful catalysts “for growth and change.” She recommends that people “create their own rituals for significant life events—births, special friendships, deaths, achievements, and so forth." However, here are a couple of guidelines, so you don't overdo your celebration and somehow undo your own success. 1. Keep the celebration in proportion to the achievement. Don't purchase a $50,000 dollar car because you have got a $100 per month raise. Financially, at least, you will end up farther behind than ahead, which may take some of the steam out of you. Conversely, you won't get much of a lift or feel your efforts have been sufficiently honored if you celebrate by purchasing a $10 tee-shirt after an arduous yearlong effort. 2. Your festivities shouldn't include anything that will undercut your achievements. In other words, don't celebrate taking off those bounds with a big, high-calorie meal, or six months in recovery with a binge. Don't take three days off your exercise regime, either—it'll be harder to start back than you think. **** "Morning yoga, music, a walk through the park on the way to the office ... these daily rituals ground me and help me to access the inspiration, peace, and creativity I need in order to focus and achieve my goals, both personally and professionally. [Rituals] can be a companion on your journey to attaining clarity, balance,
and calmness amid the chaos of life." Donna Karan "Rituals are like containers, gently holding those profound moments and passages in life that we hope to honor, savor, or simply let go of." Gail Hudson "Rituals mark significant times, ease us through transitions, and—especially in times of rapid change—bring structure and stability to our lives." Barbara Bizlou **** THE 8 FATAL MISSTEPS THAT CAN COST YOU YOUR SUCCESS You've motivated your way to, and have taken a moment to celebrate and savor, your success. Now, you are ready to return to your self-improvement efforts. But you don't want to make a “misstep” and see your triumph “turn into ashes overnight." Instead, you want to take the steps necessary, not only to retain the benefits of what you have accomplished, but also to steer shy of the bad habits that seem to almost inevitably reassert themselves if you aren't careful. Here are eight fatal missteps people typically make, plus tips from the work of Tessina, Zemke, Pitino, and others for avoiding them. 1. Enjoy the moment. It's natural to want to pat yourself on the back, take a break and celebrate a bit after you have accomplished something difficult. You should celebrate your triumphs, and take pride in what you have accomplished. But, your celebration shouldn't last weeks, or even too many days. 2. Strive to keep the results permanent. It's not how much you accomplish, it's whether you retain the benefit of all your efforts that counts. If you start skipping your daily jog, or don't keep your income up high enough to cover emergencies in that mountainside dream home, or you let up at the office—then your success will only be transitory, and everything you have invested in it will have been in vain. 3. Rededicate and refocus your efforts. The day after you've achieved something important, if you make the mistake of thinking there is no need for further effort, you've already started to lose what you have accomplished. Every day people face temptations to ease up on the qualities that carried them to success. The classic example is the person who loses those thirty-five pounds, only to celebrate by bingeing, and having reverted to their former eating habits, can't get back to their healthy ones, gaining back all that they have lost and more. Or, the person whose exertions have built them a business empire, but slacks off with success, partying with the jet-set, only to see their corporation fail because their eye has been off the ball. Never tell yourself, “It won't hurt to slack off just this once.” It won't ever turn out to be just “once.” Instead, rededicate yourself to your original goal. If it was losing weight, get your focus there, so you don't start slacking off and fudging calories or fat here and there. Remind yourself that the only way you achieved what you did was through hard work, focus and dedication—and that's the only way you'll make the results permanent. 4. Stay focused on what you did right. It's critical to be aware of which steps worked on your path to success. Write them down to remind yourself it wasn't just luck or good fortune, but hard work that is responsible for what you have achieved. 5. Maintain the skills that got you here. The skills you have developed in the course of reaching your goal must now be made a permanent part of your life. Otherwise, you inevitably will start to drift toward the same
bad habits that held you back from success before and which you have spent so much time and effort trying to change. 6. Handle the resources that created your success wisely. Those might be money, time, energy, friends, family, or religion. It's important to be a good steward of whatever key resources you have. Don't drop out of that AA group, treat each member of the master-mind group that helped you save your foundering business, don't give up that half-hour of meditation that gave you the peace of mind to control your anger. If you aren't careful in this area, you'll blow it. 7. Don't be selfish. Sometimes when we are making sacrifices to achieve our goals, we can overlook the sacrifices our friends and mates are making to help us achieve them. Because you are on a strict diet, or want to work more hours, doesn't mean everyone is. Be considerate of others, even if that means it will take a little more effort on your part, and take time to share what you have learned and accomplished with others. As Norman Vincent Peale has observed, we need other people, and the more we give, the more we receive. The more you help others, the more support and love you give, the more you will get back and the greater your own success will be. 8. Have the right priorities. You can succeed, and consolidate the results of your success, and still fail. No matter what you accomplish, you are a failure in the important arenas of your life if you don't have your personal priorities straight. Whether it's recovery from substance abuse or cracking your sales quota, if you failed in your private life—with spouse, kids, or friendships—your score is still a big fat zero. To be a success, you must succeed in all areas of living. **** "Many people tell themselves, ‘Once I'm successful, my troubles are over.’ You may be successful, but you're not God. You'll still have the ups and downs that you did before. Enjoy what success you achieve and live each day as it comes." Jim Allen **** THE #1 SECRET FOR KEEPING YOUR EDGE THROUGH AND BEYOND SUCCESS If you only follow one of the suggestions in this chapter, success experts urge you make it this one. It is universally acclaimed as the most important technique for keeping what you've won, after you've achieved your dream. To avoid sliding back, they say, keep aiming higher. Strive for excellence. Don't be content with what you have accomplished. Keep raising the bar on yourself. Create new goals. Set higher standards. Be more efficient. Implement better methods. This will challenge you enough that you will always keep your edge. This is what successful people do. They always strive to do more, accomplish more, be more. If you have reached your optimum weight through dieting, maybe it's time to challenge yourself with a fitness program. If you have won that raise, maybe it's time to start working toward a promotion. If you beat your closest competitor in sports or business, perhaps it's time to challenge yourself by seeing if you can beat your own record. **** "Never stand still. If you are not getting better you are almost certainly getting worse. “ Yogi Berra
**** Recap: + Don't let success slip through your fingers + Celebrating your successes reinforces commitment + Go a step further to ensure crossing the finish line + Rededicate yourself and refocus on your goals to avoid backsliding + Keep aiming for greater excellence to keep motivation high [Back to Table of Contents]
RESOURCES A Chapter-by-Chapter Guide to Books, Audio Tapes, Websites HABIT #1—Clarifying Your Goals Books Keith Ellis. The Magic Lamp: Goal Setting for People Who Hate Setting Goals. Three Rivers 1998. Art Turock. Getting Physical: How to Stick With Your Exercise Program. Doubleday 1988. Terry Bacon. Achieving Individual and Team Goals. International Learningworks 1996. Napoleon Hill. Think and Grow Rich. Fawcett-Crest 1992. Susanne Sommers. Eat Great, Lose Weight. Three Rivers 1999. Joe Girard. Master Your Way to the Top. Warner 1996. Rick Pitino. Success is a Choice. Berkley 1994 Tapes Jim Cairo. Motivation and Goal-Setting. Random House 1999. Tag Powell. Goal Setting Top of the Mountain 1995. Bob Arnot. The Biology of Success : Set Your Mental Thermostat to High With Dr. Bob's Prescription for Achieving Your Goals! Time Warner 2000. James C. Campbell. Achieving Company Goals. Clamshell 1997. Websites PsychWeb's Mind Tools Page: www.mindtools.com/ Gene Donohue's Top Achievement Page: www.topachievement.com/ McKinley Health's Goal-setting Worksheet Page: www.uiuc.edu/departments/mckinley/health-info/stress/goalsetw.html/ Success Software's Free On Line Goal-setting Tutorial Page: www.topachievement.com/tutorial/motindex.html/ Southern Illinois University's Goal Setting Guidelines Page: www.siu.edu/departments/coe/ras1/474/goal-setting/ [Back to Table of Contents]
HABIT #2—Become a Doer Books Stephen Covey. Choice: Choosing the Proactive Life You Want to Live. Franklin Covey 1999. Neil Fiore. The Now Habit. Tarcher 1986. Joel Robertson. Peak Performance Living. Harper 1997. Jeff Calano. Real World 101: How to Get a Job, Make It Big, Do It Now, and Love It! New View 1983. Tim Gallwey. The Inner Game of Tennis. Random House 1997. John McCormack. Self-made in America. Perseus 1997. Bill Walsh. Finding the Winning Edge. Sports Publishing 1997. P. Samuel Bain. Mastering Yourself. Tapes Edwin Bliss. Stop Procrastinating : Do It Now! Jeffrey Norton 1987. J. Mitchell Perry. In the Zone. JM Perry 1992. Bob Andelman. The Corporate Athlete: How to Achieve Maximum Performance in Business and Life. Simon and Schuster 2000. Susan Forward. Overcoming Procrastination. Career Track 1995. Websites JM Perry Corporation Page: www.jmperry.com/ Neil Fiore's Page: www.neilfiore.com/ [Back to Table of Contents]
HABIT #3—Fearlessness Books Petruska Clarkson. The Achilles Syndrome : Overcoming the Secret Fear of Failure. Element 1998. Kenneth Copeland. Freedom from Fear. Copeland 1996. Pat Quigley. Facing Fear, Finding Courage : Your Path to Peace of Mind. Harper 1996. Mike Hernacki. The Secret to Conquering Fear. Pelican 1996. Wayne Dyer. You'll See It When You Believe It. Quill 2001. Maxwell Maltz. Psycho-cybernetics. Prentice Hall 1978. Ron Gross. Peak Learning. Tarcher 1995. Anthony Robbins. Unlimited Power. Fireside 1997. Tapes Bourne, Edmund J., Ph.D. Overcoming the Fear of Giving a Short Business Presentation, Committee Report, or Classroom Talk. New Harbinger 1994. Marianne Williamson. Fear of Abandonment and Fear of Intimacy. Hay House 1999. Robert Gerzon. Finding Serenity in the Age of Anxiety. Highbridge 1995. Neil T. Anderson. Freedom from Fear, Worry & Anxiety. Harvest 1999. Websites Starting Points’ Overcoming Fear Page: www.startingpoint.org/art0698/overcomi.html/ Lily Work's Overcoming Fear and Worry Page: www.bham.net/fn/1lily.html/ Peace 4 You Worry Page: www.peace4u.org/worry.htm/ [Back to Table of Contents]
HABIT #4—Believing in Your Success Books Maria Arapakis. Soft Power. Warner 1990. Daniel L., Ph.D. Degoede. Belief Therapy: A Guide to Enhancing Everyday Life. E.L.D. 1998. Robert Dilts. Changing Belief Systems With NLP. Meta 1990. Doreen Carrie. Health Beyond Belief. Life Zones 1997. Hyrum Smith. What Matters Most. Fireside 2001. Ken Blanchard. Who Moved My Cheese? Putnam 1998. Marcille Gray Williams. The New Executive Woman. Bantam 1987. Tapes Lester Brown. There is POWER in Belief. Lifestyle 1999. Clement Stone. Believe and Achieve. Renaissance. 1998. Tony Little. Conceive, Believe and Achieve for Personal Achievement and Financial Success. Renaissance 1996. Chapter 13: Principle #4—Believing in Your Success Websites Edward Longo's Trance Zone Page: www.affinityzone.com/ Steve Boyley's NLP and The Power of Belief Page: www.nlpmind.com/doc/nlpmind-1453.htm/ [Back to Table of Contents]
HABIT #5—Taking Responsibility Books Lucinda Bassett. From Panic to Power. HarperCollins 1995 Tina Tessina. The Ten Smartest Decisions a Woman can make Before Forty. Health Communications 1998. Samuel Cypert. Believe and Achieve. Warner 1994. Sandler, David. You Can't Teach a Kid to Ride a Bike at a Seminar. Bay Head 1999. Tom Peters. In Search of Excellence. Warner 1988. Jim Rohn. Leading an Inspired Life. Nightingale-Conant 1996. Tapes Ben Thomson Cowles. Free to Be Responsible. Hope 1991. Steve Chandler. The Ownership Spirit. Quma 1996. W. Mitchell. Taking Responsibility for Your Choices: How to Transform the Life You Have Into the Life You Want. Gold 1997. Websites Jobs Northwest Taking Responsibility for Your Work Page: www.jobsnorthwest.com/Stories/Story961015.htm/ Self-Improvement's Assertiveness Training Websites Page: www.selfgrowth.com/assert.html/ Tuffs University's Assertiveness Tip Sheet Page: www.tufts.edu/hr/tips/assert.html/ [Back to Table of Contents]
HABIT #6—Generating Enthusiasm Books Jean Gatz. How to Be the Person Successful Companies Fight to Keep. Simon & Schuster 1995. Norman Vincent Peale. Enthusiasm Makes the Difference. Ballentine 1996 Great Days (ed.). 50 Ways to Add Energy, Enthusiasm, & Enjoyment to Your Life . Great Days 1997. Leslie Kenton. Boost Energy. Ivy 1997. Murray, John F. Smart Tennis: How to Play and Win the Mental Game. Jossey-Bass 1998. Tapes Lazaris. High Energy/Enthusiasm. Concept Synergy 1984. Peter McLaughlin. Catchfire: A 7-Step Program to Ignite Energy, Defuse Stress. Renaissance 1998. Deepak Chopra. Boundless Energy. Random House 1995. Websites Mayo Genuie's Genuine Selling Page: www.mayogenuine.com/selling.htm/ Vance Caesar's Small Business Resources Page: www.smallbusinessresources.com/ Jack Carroll's Sales Links Page: www.saleslinks.com/ C. Mike Jousan's Clear Communication Page: www.clearcommunication.com/index.htm/ [Back to Table of Contents]
HABIT #7—Bouncing Back from Setbacks Books Robert Waterman. The Renewal Factor: How the Best Get and Keep the Competitive Edge. Bantam 1988. William J. Byron. Answers from Within: Spiritual Guidelines for Managing Setbacks in Work and Life. IDG 1998. Joe Torre. Ground Rules for Managing Team Players, Tough Bosses, Setbacks, and Success. Simon and Schuster 1997. Gael Lindenfield. Success From Setbacks. Thorson's 1999. Alan Klein. The Healing Power of Humor. Tarcher 1987. David Klimek. Wisdom, Jesus and Psychotherapy. Winsted 1991. Tapes Linda L. Lutz. Pick Me Ups For Down Days. Positive Impressions 1993. Emmett Miller. The 10-Minute Stress Manager. Hay House 1997. Roger Crawford. How High Can You Bounce?: Turn Your Setbacks Into Comebacks. Bantam 1998. Websites Fred Nickols’ Articles Page: home.att.net/~nickols/articles.htm/ Frederik Mann's How to Achieve and Increase Personal Power Page: www.buildfreedom.com/tl/tl10.shtml. Commitment Magazine's Fear of Rejection Page: www.committment.com/jaffe1.html/ [Back to Table of Contents]
HABIT #8—Crossing the Finish Line Books Nathaniel Branden. Succeeding Through Inner Strength. Nightingale-Conant 1992. Denis Waitley. The New Dynamics of Winning. Simon and Schuster 1995. Wolf J. Rinke. Make It A Wining Life. Achievement 1996. Rene Beck. The Art of Ritual. Bison 1996. Larry Wilson. Play to Win. Bard 1998. Tapes Ron Zemke. The Service Edge. Plume 1990. Carl A. Hammerschlag, Howard D. Silverman. Healing Ceremonies. Perigee 1997. Elliot Johnson. Focus on the Finish Line: How Women Can Overcome Life's Hurdles. Crosstraining 1999. Kathleen Wall. Rites of Passage: Celebrating Life's Changes. Beyond Words 1998. Jim Kerby. The Finish Line. Creation 2000. Websites Success Media Group's Success Talk Page: www.success-talk.com/ Performance Unlimited's Home Page: www.performance-unlimited.com/ Tina Tessina's Home Page: www.tinatessina.com/ [Back to Table of Contents]
ABOUT THE AUTHOR Bestselling, critically-acclaimed human potentials authority, Jean Marie Stine is the author of Double Your Brain Power (Prentice-Hall 1997) and co-author of The Best Guide to Meditation (Renaissance 1999)—both selections of the Quality Paperback and One Spirit book clubs. A former editor for Houghton-Mifflin, St. Martin's and Jeremy P. Tarcher, she is also the author of How to Write a Successful Self-Help Book (John Wiley 1996), and co-author of It's All in Your Head: Amazing Facts About the Human Mind and Psychology (Macmillan 1994), and Super Brain Power (Prentice Hall 2001). An acclaimed presenter, at the West Coast's Classes Unlimited and Career Tree, where she taught workshops in instant learning, career success and business writing, she was voted Most Popular Instructor four years in a row (a record brought to an end only when she relocated to the East Coast). In addition, she has appeared on television and radio interview programs from coast to coast and from south to north—in markets as various as Boston, Los Angeles, Minneapolis, Virginia, New Orleans, and Phoenix. Jean Marie comes by her knowledge of human potentials first-hand, having worked as editor or student with such leading motivational gurus as Jean Houston, Ken Wilber, Anthony Robbins, Charles Garfield, Betty Edwards, Timothy Leary, Marianne Williamson, Marilyn Ferguson, Richard Berne, Robin Norwood, and David Kreutzer. She can be reached via her e-mail address: firstname.lastname@example.org. THE END Non-Fiction Books by Jean Marie Stine Double Your Brain Power Super Brain Power Writing Successful Self-Help & How-To Books The Young Ed Wood+ The Holes in Your Head: And Other Humorous and Astounding Facts about Our Human Mind+ The Eight Habits of Highly Successful People+ Available exclusively from Renaissance E Books PageTurner imprint.
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