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To Inspire Conscious Parenting and Empowered Kids Kids
Un-Happy Halloween Follow The North Star Games & Brain Teasers
Keeping On Track
Who We Are
We are three people with a passion for empowering kids; a single mother who decided to do something different than her parents did, her daughter who knows what it is to be an empowered kid and grow into an empowered adult, and a man who found and cared for an abandoned baby on the streets of India when he was a teenager, and still dreams of helping kids. That’s why we’re here every month, to share our passion and offer inspiration. We know that parenting is more than just feeding and protecting. Conscious parenting is about commitment, inspiration, and empowerment. We are here to support you in the parenting process and to support your kids in realizing their full potential.
• • • •
Every child is born with an innate curiosity and love of learning. Every child is unique and his/her individuality is valuable to the family and to the world. Every child is born with unbounded potential. Every child can have high self-esteem, be self-motivated, and respectful of themselves and others if given the appropriate tools and experiences. • How we treat our toddlers and children today has a direct influence on their self-opinion and the choices they will make as teenagers and young adults of the future. • Parents have the single most important influence on children’s lives. • The future is unlimited when our thoughts, feelings, and actions are in alignment with our intentions.
Accordingly, As Parents, It Is Our Responsibility To:
• • • • • Support our children’s unique talents and abilities. Foster our children’s innate curiosity and love of learning. Empower our children to make meaningful decisions every day. Remind our children that their futures are full of possibilities. Acknowledge that parenting is as much a learning process for us as for our children.
At a Glance: “ P ” for Parents “ K ” for Kids
Table of Contents
ConsCious Parenting PrinCiPles: enCourage Curiosity
By Wendy Garrido
on t raCK By Sue Woodward,Wendy Garrido, & Prem Carnot
By Dee Tadlock, Ph.D. By Kurt Hines
12 reading right 14 letting go 16 un-haPPy halloween
By Sue Woodward
and h ugs By Syandra Ingram
By Susan Usha Dermond By Tanessa Dillard Noll
22 sChool snaPshots 24 guided By nsFM 30 ClassiFieds Kids 16 un-haPPy halloween
By Sue Woodward
22 sChool snaPshots:
By Susan Usha Dermond
liFe - living
eduCation wisdoM sChools
26 gaMes 28 Coloring Page 30 answers to
North Star Family Matters | October
K P K
From Us to You
From Us to You
Dear Parents & Kids,
You may not know it, but this magazine is a cross-country production. While Prem and Wendy live in the Puget Sound area, Sue lives in Michigan. Typically, we are e-mailing and calling back and forth all day (and sometimes all night!) to produce this magazine. It’s amazing what we can do across the country with the assistance of technology and computers. This issue is actually the first issue we closed in person and we were surprised at the difference it made! We noticed that working face-to-face tends to ensure that we don’t put off dealing with our frustrations or concerns. As family members and business partners, we find that when we dedicate our time to making sure we are connected, we learn so much, feel so much better, and still manage to get everything done. Living together, growing together, loving together means making the time and space to acknowledge the things in life that create resistance in us. All of us have areas in which to grow and, while it’s not always easy, we’re always there to support one another. We have trust that wherever we are is where we need to be.
This month keep an open mind and believe that you will succeed. All the energy that exists is already here in this universe and you are a part of it. Try to incorporate a sense of yourself as a part of the world instead of a separate person. Focus on being more compassionate this month and grateful for what you do have in your life. Keep track of your emotions as you go through your daily routine and make a decision to acknowledge and address any negative or resistant reactions. You are connected to your kids, your parents, your family, your friends, your loved ones, everyone. You can become the change in the world by taking responsibility for how you want to live every moment of your day. We offer you support and we need your support, however you can offer it. Let us know how your life is going. We love hearing from our readers. Tell us how your family benefits from our magazine or write to us and tell us what topics you’d like us to address in the future. For every ten magazine subscriptions you send our way we will give you one free hour of phone consultation on your life goals, family issues, and/or child problems. Thank you. Warmest Regards,
The Team at North Star Family Matters
month’s issue. They look like this:
P.S.-- Don’t forget to find our four “Follow the North Star” stars hidden in this
. (But that one doesn’t count!)
North Star Family Matters | October
Editor-In-Chief Creative Director Wendy Garrido Managing Editor Sue Woodward Operations Manager Prem Carnot Proofreading Rhonda Stone Don Garrido Layout Assistant Laurie Mayer Contributing Writers Dee Tadlock, Ph.D. Michelle Rogers-Moore Tanessa Dillard Noll Syandra Ingram Kurt Hines Sophie Frank, age 11 Susan Usha Dermond Sue Busen Advertising Sales Delena Neves Camille Brent Jamie Bailey Empowered Kid Consultants Sasha, age 14 Quinn, age 5 Mary Margaret, age 7 Kevin, age 8 Josh, age 11 Isabelle, age 10 Fisher, age 13 Brianna, age 9 Beverly, age 6 Alyssa, age 8 Alison, age 13 Conscious Parenting Consultants Wendy Y. Pamela Laurie Laura Jon JoAnn Don Diana Cindy
From You to Us
What readers are saying...
“I just discovered your magazine a few days ago and just finished reading your fifth article on your eight-part series on Conscious Parenting Principles. I would like to get a copy of the previous four, if it is at all possible. Thank you and great job!” Nadzh S., WA “It was great to connect with you today regarding the excellent work you and your partners are doing raising conscious parents and children through your magazine North Star Family Matters.” Monica, Seattle, WA “Some fabulous articles and I really liked the ones about EFT.” Buck, Steamboat, WA “As I glanced at the table in the waiting room of UW Physicians Clinic, Factoria, I noticed a stack of magazines. I looked past them to other magazines that did not “peak” my interest that day. I decided to take a look at the glossy, cheery, and inviting publication. I am so glad I did. I enjoyed all of the “empowering” articles. Loved the interview!!” I am a sixty-nine year old grandmother who could have used some of the information I read in this month’s magazine when I was raising my children. The Puget Sound is fortunate to have a publication like Family Matters. I intend to pick up a stack of Family Matters to give to young parents I know. Keep up the good work!” Edythe G., Renton, WA “Your magazine is as good as, if not better than, Mothering magazine has ever been.” Debbie, Enumclaw, WA “I applaud your important undertaking with the magazine. You are helping to address a huge need—overstressed parents and children! As a high school teacher for three decades, working with students who were failing at school and making bad choices, I got to see every day the fallout from dysfunctional families.” C.C., Glen Arbor, MI
K P K
From You to US
North Star Family Matters 698 E. Promontory Rd. Shelton, WA 98584 (888) 360-0303 www.NorthStarFamilyMatters.com
North Star Family Matters | October
Conscious Parenting Principles
Conscious Parenting Principles: Encourage Curiosity
By Wendy Garrido
This is the seventh article in our eight-part series on Conscious Parenting Principles. Attention ° Emotional Support ° Responsible Choices ° Boundaries ° Independence & Community ° Good Communication ° Encourage Curiosity ° Role Models
hildren enter this world with wonder, awe, and curiosity. Newly discovering the effects of gravity, inertia, and all the forces of life, they drop things on the floor, amazed at their power. “What’s this world about?” they wonder. “How does it work?” “What’s my place in it?” Once they learn to talk, they ask “Why?” over and over and over again. Their natural tendency is to explore, question, seek answers, and create more questions as they try to make sense out of their world. As parents, we tend to lose our excitement about gravity after cleaning up all the food under the high chair. Instead, we focus on things like getting to school, work, and bed on time, cooking dinner, or finding lost toys. It’s easy to brush our children’s questions aside, or to say “Because that’s the way it is, now stop asking ‘Why’!” We do our children a disservice when we shut down their curiosity, because they receive the underly-
ing message that their thoughts and questions don’t matter, or are not as important as a schedule. This leads them to think that what’s important to them isn’t important to others or, for that matter, that their thoughts aren’t important to the world. They stop thinking about what delights their hearts and instead think about what they’re “supposed” to think about, and do what they’re “supposed” to do. With infants and toddlers, you can encourage their innate curiosity by exposing them to a variety of situations to help them discover how things in this world work. For a baby, it might just be running their toes under cool water on a hot day and then under luke-warm water to let her experience the difference. Toddlers are amazed at watching toy cars slide through cardboard wrapping paper tubes. Help your child discover these small wonders and give her the time to explore. You might not think it’s that thrilling that the toy car comes out the bottom every time you
North Star Family Matters | October 2007
To Inspire Conscious Parenting and Empowered Kids Kids
Un-Happy Halloween Follow The North Star Games & Brain Teasers
Keeping On Track
that their thoughts aren’t important to the world. we tend to lose our excitement about gravity after cleaning up all the food under the high chair. we focus on things like getting to school. Toddlers are amazed at watching toy cars slide through cardboard wrapping paper tubes. awe. “How does it work?” “What’s my place in it?” Once they learn to talk. they drop things on the floor. inertia. or are not as important as a schedule. and curiosity. As parents. they ask “Why?” over and over and over again. because they receive the underly- ing message that their thoughts and questions don’t matter. Newly discovering the effects of gravity. They stop thinking about what delights their hearts and instead think about what they’re “supposed” to think about. With infants and toddlers. and all the forces of life. or to say “Because that’s the way it is. amazed at their power.P Conscious Parenting Principles Conscious Parenting Principles: Encourage Curiosity By Wendy Garrido This is the seventh article in our eight-part series on Conscious Parenting Principles. Help your child discover these small wonders and give her the time to explore. and bed on time. and do what they’re “supposed” to do. you can encourage their innate curiosity by exposing them to a variety of situations to help them discover how things in this world work. it might just be running their toes under cool water on a hot day and then under luke-warm water to let her experience the difference. This leads them to think that what’s important to them isn’t important to others or. cooking dinner. Instead. and create more questions as they try to make sense out of their world. question. It’s easy to brush our children’s questions aside. You might not think it’s that thrilling that the toy car comes out the bottom every time you North Star Family Matters | October 2007 . for that matter. Attention ° Emotional Support ° Responsible Choices ° Boundaries ° Independence & Community ° Good Communication ° Encourage Curiosity ° Role Models C 6 hildren enter this world with wonder. work. For a baby. now stop asking ‘Why’!” We do our children a disservice when we shut down their curiosity. seek answers. Their natural tendency is to explore. “What’s this world about?” they wonder. or finding lost toys.
You are the base of their expanding world. They believe that what they know. How did our own parents encourage or shut down our curiosity? What subjects in school did we think we weren’t any good at? What subjects still cause us to shudder? Is it possible that the only reason we think we’re not good at them is because our teachers didn’t find a way to explain them to us that inspired our passion? It’s not “possible”--it happens! All children are born loving to learn. building skyscrapers. it’s also important as conscious parents to evaluate our own innate curiosity and love of learning. Suddenly he’ll be spouting off math facts faster than you thought possible. drugs.burkemuseum. Children who are curious care about themselves and how they fit into the world around them. encourage them to draw a picture list of the questions to explore. You’ll soon discover. For younger kids. and who they are matters. and our hope. You might sit around the computer and take turns searching websites.put it in the top. remind her that it doesn’t mean that she’s not smart. As we support our children in their natural love of learning. their future. but your toddler might watch it twenty-five times before gaining an understanding or losing interest with it.” when they are asked to disconnect from their passions and interests. if you haven’t already. There’s a lot you can do at home BU RK E M U S E U M P Conscious Parenting Principles In Search of Giant Squid SEPT 22 – DEC 31. your children’s questions may exceed your own answers…that’s because they’re your “offspring. if not the whole idea of “learning. They feel important when they can tell you something they’ve learned. Children who value themselves and know that they have something significant to contribute to the world have less of a need for external peer validation because they have their own strong sense of internal validation. make a practice of keeping a list of questions you and your kids come up with throughout the week. When your child is struggling with a class. They feel smart when they discover on their own how the world works. 2007 What’s as long as a bus? Giant squid! www. or drugs to give them a sense of worthiness because they have already experienced their own worth. It can be exasperating to answer all those questions! Encouraging curiosity is about telling your child that you think it’s wonderful that she wants to know so much about bugs and supporting her as she finds the resources (websites. but it’s at least as important to make sure that their curiosity is also being supported at school. you convey the message that the topics your son daydreams about— riding rollercoasters. and learning will have a whole new meaning. or if needed.” springing off from where you have come. It’s easy for kids to lose their natural curiosity about a subject. or caring for animals— are worthwhile. and alcohol. Seattle to support your children’s natural curiosity and love of learning. While many of us strive to do our best to keep that “free spirit” alive in our children. or to tell your daughter that you really don’t think too much about why bugs have six legs while spiders have eight. books. it’s just that her teacher hasn’t found a way to explain it to her so that it makes sense. They have self-esteem from the inside because their positive experiences have created their sense of self. being a chef. at the same time. When you encourage curiosity. let them be the scribes. They don’t need peers. what they do. or people) that can help her delve more deeply into the subject. the things they’re curious about might be outside your scope of knowledge or interest—that’s okay! It’s okay to say you don’t know the answer to your son’s question.org · 206-543-7907 · On UW campus. Follow her lead and revel in her discoveries— this is the beginning of a lifetime of learning. Have each child pick a question to research. “Mom. It is their right. As your children get older. I North Star Family Matters | October 2007 7 . One of the most important things we can give our children is the right to keep their love of learning alive. I could ride 20 times in one hour?! Or…480 times in a whole day?! Wow! Awesome!” Encouraging curiosity builds your child’s self-esteem. Then set aside time to discuss what they found. If your kids are old enough to write. we need to keep our own spirits up as we go through our daily routine. This self-esteem is essential as children face decisions about peer pressure. did you know that since a rollercoaster ride lasts three minutes. they can ask the librarian for help. or make a weekly trip to the library. alcohol. As a family. Help him discover that those skills he learns at school are relevant to his daydreams. Then make time once a week to research those questions you wanted to find the answers to. just as worthwhile as the knowledge and skills he learns at school.
But it is Tomas who recalls this memory.” In front of the class Mrs. 1940 Sam endured. playing with the puzzle until Mrs. at a shared desk. with tears in his eyes. Tomas handed his in and the teacher nodded her head with approval and put it down. Sam looked down. Tomas finished his work and you didn’t. Cameron said. & Prem Carnot “Only if outward and inner freedom are constantly and consciously pursued is there a possibility of spiritual development and perfection and thus of improving man’s outward and inner life. nearly fifty years later. just as if it were happening today. Wendy Garrido. Tomas is a recovering alcoholic who hasn’t touched a drink for nineteen years. as he always did. This example reminds us that childhood trauma comes in all shapes and sizes because the impact is dependent on our own unique perceptions. but Tomas’ example shows us that trauma can result from any experience that disrupts our view of the world as a safe and stable place. prompted a conversation about any childhood experiences that might have caused him to subconsciously fear success. His inability to finish a recent business project. we might think of a traumatic event as a major or lifethreatening event. in spite of consciously wanting to do so. Typically. Sam. In the course of that exploration. he recalled the memory related above.” although he has never really been able to explain why. and took out his puzzle. full of sadness and guilt because he took responsibility for the shame T 8 -Albert Einstein. North Star Family Matters | October . working on their second-grade schoolwork.P Conscious Parenting Keeping On Track By Sue Woodward. “No.” rue Story: Tomas sat next to his best friend. The teacher told the class that as soon as they finished they could take out their puzzles and start playing. she asked Sam if he had finished his paper. Don’t play with the puzzle until you finish your work!” Now. and admits that he has an addictive personality. and reluctantly said. you might think that this could have been a traumatic experience for Sam. Then. Since his early school years. Tomas finished his work quickly. “Sam. and it may well have been. Cameron walked over and asked to look at their schoolwork. Tomas has had trouble finishing projects and being “successful. His friend Sam joined in.
How do these traumatic experiences affect their development? What makes an event traumatic for one person but not another? How do we address the effect that negative experiences have on our children. emotional. Dr. Throughout his life. experience is resolved and a sense of safety and stability restored. behaviors that usually produce pleasure become painful. Tomas’ brain continued to seek other sources of pleasure because it had learned that it would not find pleasure in the successful completion of projects. academic. a medical doctor and addiction specialist. These effects can impact any area of life. especially when they occur during the formative years. it made sense to Tomas’ subconscious mind to avoid finishing his work so that his friend wouldn’t get in trouble. it must be educated about what we now know regarding child development. From then on. and. “Providing enriching cognitive. In the course of a traumatic event. K P K Conscious Parenting The job of the brain is to perceive. says that through the process of brain imaging we see that traumatic childhood events impede the normal physiological processes that promote survival and happiness. Beware of any route that resembles this as it may lead to pain as well!” The changes a child makes as a means of protecting himself in response to trauma may serve him well within the context of an early environment. But before our society can choose to provide these experiences. What Do Brains Do? in essence saying “Detour! This route no longer leads to pleasure. But the adaptation had no long-term value. in that second grade classroom. it leads to pain.Scientific research shows that unresolved traumatic experiences have physiological effects. After all. for that matter. social. the brain uses the information it gathers to sub-consciously create a world-view that sets the foundation for how the child will perceive future events. on ourselves? How do we ensure that our children’s spirits stay vibrant and free of the need to resort to addictive or unhealthy substitutes for “happiness?” “Basic trust in the security and continuity of the emotional and physical world is key to the development of a sense of positive identity and self-esteem. emotional. In Tomas’ situation. These traumas cause the brain to adapt and override the normal pleasure pathway. his brain rejected the pathway of “successful completion. 10 cepting to be the pitcher North Star Family Matters | October 9 . from health issues to addictions to depression or relationship issues. and act on information gathered from each of our unique experiences in order to ensure survival. David Hendricks. it became detrimental.” say ex- perts. As conscious parents we can no longer afford to dismiss our children’s negative experiences when we are aware of the true and lasting impact these early experiences can have on their futures. social. Later in life. completing his homework successfully would normally bring praise and therefore pleasure. Tomas would make decisions that were supposed to bring pleasure by acpg.” because it expected pain. Traumatic experiences cause a physiological change in the brain that impacts a child’s spiritual.” Would you like to do all you can to prevent addictive or selfdestructive behaviors in your child as he or she enters and proceeds through the teen and young adult years? Let’s take a quick and simple look at how brains develop and what you can do now to prevent unhealthy behaviors. behavioral. and physical development—unless or until the Trauma can result from any experience that disrupts our view of the world as a safe and stable place. and physical experiences in childhood could transform our culture. it produced feelings of sadness and guilt because the teacher reprimanded his friend. store. During the first six years of life. Instead. In fact. process.
so they can meet the world with an open heart. so it’s not that the subjects are too easy. “It sounds like you don’t like your science class. taking the lead in the school play.” “Hmm. Asking children to acknowledge and identify their feelings is the first step in resolving hidden trauma. but it is our role to support them in releasing the negative emotions they carry. such as changes in habits. How do you feel about your best friend’s parents getting divorced?” Does your child feel sad. I know you’re close to them. and socio-economic levels turning toward drugs. continue: “So you wish you had homework that was more challenging?” The child gives a big sigh and says. or anxious? Treat that feeling as if it holds magical power over her future choices and decisions—it does! You may find that your child can easily identify and tell you how he’s feeling. and other destructive behaviors to mask their pain. “Yes. is that it?” When the child nods yes.” Left unresolved. but I notice that lately you always sound frustrated when he calls. exactly. it sounds like you’re really frustrated because you think your science class is too easy. religions. frustrated. These physiological responses create emotional barriers that keep our kids from realizing their true potential and. ready to share their talents and contribute to society. I like the subjects we’re studying. but we can be responsible for ensuring that they are supported in resolving their past and present traumas. How do you feel when you’re in class?” “You used to love going over to Josiah’s house. Only the child determines what impacts them.” If he tells you that he’s frustrated because his science class is boring. As conscious parents. Conscious Parenting Whatever it is that disrupts a child’s sense of safety and wellbeing is traumatic. or failing to follow-up with a business contact. angry. no matter how seemingly small or large. Do you wish you could study harder subjects?” “No. He would end up not showing up for baseball practice. but the worksheets she gives us are boring. or attitudes. 9 on the baseball team. Did anything happen at his house that upset you?” “I heard that Martina’s parents are getting divorced. We just copy the answers straight from the book. In our society. intelligences. there’s nothing wrong. acknowledge that emotion by reflecting it back and guessing what he might need: “Boy. Know The Signs Of Stress One way to identify hidden trauma is by recognizing signs of stress in children. she might deny her feelings by saying “I feel fine.P pg. we see kids of all races. afraid. or. I guess I could ask her for some extra homework or maybe 10 North Star Family Matters | October . emotions. Dedicating the time and energy to empowering your child to resolve traumatic experiences is important at any age. it is our responsibility to help our children remove the barriers that form from emotional trauma. or beginning a business venture. forgetting to memorize his lines. We cannot be responsible for what happens to our children. disappointed. I wish the homework she gave us actually required us to think. too often.” “Oh. alcohol. such tension can result in addictions and psychological or neurological disorders. but especially in the first six years. Trauma creates tension between our “subconscious survival programming” and our “conscious will. Traumatic events stimulate a cascade of physiological and emotional responses that live on long after the event ends. but that the homework’s too easy. so what might you say or do to get more challenging homework?” “Well. move them toward covering up their discomfort with unhealthy or addictive behavior. but the tension between his conscious desire and his subconscious programming would create such internal stress that he would not follow through on these decisions.
therapy. They learn to accept responsibility for their reactions. Tools To Help Our Children As parents. Tomas was able to let go of the emotional charge his memory carried to see the situation from a more healthier. hugs.html Interview with David Hendricks.D.scholastic. Your child is the authority on how she feels.. If you encounter denial when you ask your child how she feels.D http://teacher. Mich North Star Family Matters | October 11 . but. Traverse City. and was enthusiastically looking forward to future planned projects. Blaming external circumstances for how we feel is part of denying responsibility for our emotions. so that he may place his powers freely and gladly in the service of all mankind [and to] help the young person to grow up in such a spirit that [it] should be to him as the air which he breathes. M.and John Marcellus. I Bruce D.P “The goal of civilized mankind is the free and responsible development of the individual. But delving in to gain those insights and find those connections is part of the healing process.edu/opa/v29.” Acknowledge Feelings And Work Through Denial Acknowledge your child’s feelings while keeping in mind that our emotions and reactions are always our own responsibility. Later that week. Few children. more realistic perspective. they are able to interact with the world to their full potential. he experienced a new sense of completion on a project he had been working on for some time. Your role is to ask questions to help your child zero in on those feelings and what the underlying needs are. prayer. With the help of EFT. teens. Ph. remember. M. her feelings are simply an expression of her internal needs. we move them away from making addictive choices in the future. realize that it’s also a sign of underly- ing trauma. and we help them discover better and healthier ways to address their resulting emotions as they interact in the world. When we help them resolve those traumas.yale.D. or adults are so insightful. Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT). If we treat each of our children’s “traumatic moments” with respect and a willingness to resolve them.htm http://www. Try using Connective Communication (available on our website). Perry.…” Albert Einstein. or whatever resonates with you. It’s difficult for any child to address an underlying issue if she doesn’t know or understand fully what is amiss. When your child feels that her emotions are heard and acknowledged.n8/story10.com/professional/bruceperry/abuse_neglect. Tomas did not link his avoidance to completing projects with an event that occurred in the second grade. traumatic events lose the emotional charge and your child will be able to move on to ask for what she needs. Ideas and Opinions Conscious Parenting even homework on the same topic but a couple grades ahead. Our goal is to insure that our children are living and acting from a place of security and confidence instead of acting on fears left over from past traumas. MD. we can equip ourselves with tools to help address our children’s feelings or we can turn to other sources of support.
we are in the business of empowering kids.D. 1 J. if a child isn’t learning to read. a struggling reader. Read Right empowers kids with the philosophy that. it’s not because there’s something wrong with the child. who was determined to help her son. Read Right’s premise that all children can learn to read. Tadlock and Read Right Systems have helped thousands of children. together with Read Right. Dr. Now read it again and this time think: Christopher Columbus1. Th rset cn be a toatl mses nd yu cn sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Dr. “Effects of Comprehension on Retention of Prose” Journal of Experimental Psychology. The Read Right system was developed by a mom. Rather there’s something “wrong” with the way the child is being taught! Let’s show you what we mean. Dooling and R. Canada.P Reading Right Reading Right E ach month we bring you a column by Read Right developer. not decoding. You didn’t get the meaning. 1972. plus their phenomenal success rate. Can you understand the meaning of the following paragraph? Aoccdrnig to rseerach. telephone tutoring.Volume 88. and at-home programs. Dee Tadlock. and adults in the United States. it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are prseetend. Lachman. is why NSFM partners with Read Right. and Germany through school-based programs. did you? Even though you “read” all the words the first time. The olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteres are at the rghit pclae. Ph. This required her to discover how the brain learns to read successfully. Dee Tadlock.D. Ph. 12 North Star Family Matters | October . pages 216-222. you probably didn’t understand the author’s meaning. China. she found that reading (whether early reading development or remediation) must be grounded in meaning. teens. Since 1991. Reading empowers the lives of children and. You probably got the meaning even though you couldn’t have sounded out most of the words! Nor could you have recognized any of them by sight! Now try this: With hocked gems financing him Our hero bravely defied all scornful laughter That tried to prevent his scheme Your eyes deceive he had said An egg not a table correctly typifies this unexplored planet Now three sturdy sisters sought proof…1 By Dee Tadlock. During her extensive research.
I wondered what accounted for this generational difference? Why did my brother and I relish our nightly routine. and many others. Although my own children didn’t share a small room. Frankly. Mrs. I phoned my brother to see if my memory was off. and the language was complex. things like video games and DVDs heighten that influence (most young children have a large movie library—sometimes bigger than their book libraries!). carrying vivid memories of it to this day. (She frequently could be cajoled into “Just one more chapter. P Reading Right A Visual Era I am not sure why my children rejected the children’s classics. but I think it may be related to the Build Reading Memories The major lesson I offer from this trip down memory lane is that instilling a love of reading and a value for books and the pg.” --Mark Twain the sentences were long. When I first decided to continue this family tradition. Black Beauty. but the earliest experience I can recreate is this: my mother sitting on a straight-backed kitchen chair in the just-enough space between my brother’s twin bed and mine in the small room we shared. but I still marvel at what a difference in appreciation we had for those books at an early age. At even earlier ages than five and six. more than half a century later. I eagerly sat them down and started reading the same children’s classics night after night. only five and six when the nightly readings from children’s classics first took place. indeed.) What were these books that enthralled the three of us and left us begging for more? They were what might be categorized as children’s classics: The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn. but he confirmed that we were. my brother and I tucked in for the night and listening with rapt attention as my mother read at least one chapter every night from the book she had chosen for us. Television immediately comes to mind as one such source of ready-made visuals back then. and today. please” because the truth of it was she was enjoying the book as much as we were. and I have many years of remembrances of her. excited at the opportunity to pass down the thrill of those wonderful books. it didn’t take long for my kids to O leave the couch. Our exposure was limited to the natural environment and we were used to imagining our own illustrations. Finally I acknowledged that I was not going to be able to recreate the experience for them. of course the language was different—less formal and more conversational than the language in the children’s classics I had listened to all those years ago. my thoughts keep returning to her. many of “The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them. There were no pictures and their imaginations had to provide any illustrations. The Littlest Colonel. they eventually read most of those classics on their own. whereas my children had become used to having visual stimuli provided for them at every turn.ctober is the month of my mother’s birthday. 15 North Star Family Matters | October 13 . the books seemed too advanced. Predominant among them are the memories of her reading to my older brother and me. Hans Brinker and the Silver Skates. She will be eighty-eight on this year’s birthday. Wiggs and the Cabbage Patch. and as I contemplate what I want to share with NSFM readers this month. They were used to listening to me read books with pictures on every page and less complex language—books that I returned to for our reading rituals once they had convincingly voted against the classics with their feet (so to speak). I feel certain that reading out loud to us started sooner than my earliest memory. I am not surprised that my two boys were not interested in these classics at such an early age. But my children weren’t interested! Although they were the same age as my brother and I had been when we were totally captivated by the same books. I tried one after another with the same result. the print was dense and there were no pictures. Furthermore. But. As my children grew up. yet my children were unwilling to participate? constant visual input they were exposed to that my brother and I weren’t. Today’s children’s books are wonderfully illustrated in vivid color—but the resulting experience of being read to is quite a different experience than being read to from a book where language alone inspires children to build the pictures in their minds. Becoming engrossed in a story from a book with no pictures would be a huge departure from the world that today’s young children normally inhabit. my children enjoyed the stories I made up. Peter Pan.
and she’s just a little girl. This makes every situation a teachable moment. holding my hand. validate 14 North Star Family Matters | October . many kids are reluctant to try new things. the baby is reluctant to crawl across the glass. There are even studies that show a correlation between the willingness to take risks and reading level. Our job as parents is to empower our children to learn to trust themselves and to go with their instincts. Though trips to the emergency room do happen. Even babies have a basic. or whatever other creative ideas work for her. a crawling baby was put W By Kurt Hines on a table with a glass platform between the baby and its mother. innate understanding of risk factors. but they also seem to have an understanding of their own limitations. sad. because he can see through the glass to the floor a couple feet below. go to new places. “Are you crazy? Even in this small town things have changed. putting on her “lucky” necklace. she will gain confidence and independence. like any skill. “What a great idea. Like these babies. mister. failing. about six blocks away. Sometimes it is just a matter of finding the time to sit down and write. in spite of my awareness that. jump. I want to encourage her to get in touch with her underlying feelings. Taking risks. and other times it is about the discomfort of exposing my true feelings to the world as I sort through my sense of who I am as a father and as an individual. I can take the time to sit down with her and explore how she’s feeling…is she anxious. Even when the mother calls out. I can ask what she needs to do to let go of the fear just enough to try. afraid. In one study. My ten-year-old daughter asked if she could walk with a friend to the local ice cream vendor. but it is harder for me to assess those risks as a parent. it’s how we learn.” I know taking risks is a necessary part of life and the benefits are many. as a child. and climb nearly every day and rarely exceed their limits or abilities. It might be using EFT. You need to protect and take care of her just a little longer. If my daughter doesn’t want to go up to the counter at a store to ask for something by herself. I wanted my independence just as she now wants hers. Reason says. it must be practiced in order for it to be strengthened and improved. This month I am once again being pulled in opposite directions between my emotional self and my reasoned self. or deal with new people until they have gained sufficient comfort or experience.” But then my emotional self steps in and says. and trying again is the way of life. or…? Then.P Reflections of a Stay-at-Home Dad Letting Go riting a monthly article about being a stay-athome dad is not always easy for me. kids run. Evaluating risk is a valuable skill to have and. Not only are kids often capable of assessing risk.
Let your child see that you value books as gifts for him or her. Ph. 888. Consider having a monthly ritual of buying a new book for your child’s library. You can pick whatever book you want.” Or. or the Sunday funnies is irrelevant. motivating them to make decisions based on accurately assessing a situation rather than always acting out of fear or ignoring their own intuition.0303 • ads@northstarfamilymatters. and help her to move through them as she finds an empowering way to address the situation.” or “Everyone else did.com North Star I About the Author: Kurt Hines is a full-time father of three children.” reasoning. As they build confidence in their ability. my daughter took another step toward becoming empowered. but do read to them. the more we empower them to develop their own sense of good choice-bad choice risk assessment. Read in the car on long trips—or even short ones! Establish reading rituals: before naptime. is the founder of Read Right Systems and primary author of Read Right! Coaching Your Child to Excellence in Reading. picture books. and they always evoke an authentic smile and warm memories of books. Michigan. other times we might sit back and watch as they step forward into the unknown to learn a little more about themselves and their abilities.these feelings. Empowering my daughter to take healthy risks now actually protects her from making poor decisions in the future. comic books. In the end.360. and refer to it as that: Say “We’re going to the book store today to buy a new book for your library. Tell your children that you look forward to the day when they will be able to read aloud to you. P Reflections of a Stay-at-Home Dad I About the Author: Dee Tadlock. We want to support our kids in the process of evaluating their fears as either justified or imagined. before bedtime. even when peer pressure leads them toward “He told me to. Sometimes we might demonstrate or coach them. I still get books from my mother for Christmas and for my birthday. the tool they will use to make decisions in the world. when your child isn’t feeling well.D. Follow your children’s lead and read what they want to hear. schedule a weekly trip to the library to choose books to read together. My internal struggle as a parent to put this into practice reminds me that I am still growing and evolving right next to her. www. 13 written word can begin early in your child’s life. This can continue as long as your child is living under your roof—and beyond. They used their own money and took a walkie-talkie along with them to reassure me. He has a degree in early childhood development and lives in Alpena. The more we are willing to let go of our own fears and risk letting our kids make their own judgments. Whether that reading is of children’s classics. and read often. if it makes more sense for your family. In doing so. Give books as presents. it empowers them to take responsibility for their own decisions. or when she’s hurt to make her feel better. she and her friend walked to the ice cream stand all by themselves. Take a book along when you go to a doctor’s or dentist’s appointment with your child and read to them in the waiting room.com North Star Family Matters | October 15 .ReadRight. but also for your friends and family. pg. and I took another step toward stepping back from my fears.
“How about we research what Halloween’s all about? Maybe that will make you feel better.“Carrie. and--to make a long story short--it basically says that because our country is a melting pot of other cultures. Carrie. walks up next to me. There must be a reason I feel this way and I’m not going to go just because everyone else does. grab the laptop and head to my room. Yesterday my mom asked me what I wanted to wear for Halloween. thanks Carrie. on the steps. but once she gets it. but it’s true. I just don’t feel good about any of it.” “Jana. what does it matter? So here I am.” The rest of the way home we chat about typical everyday stuff.” I plod through the rest of the day feeling as hollow and empty as a carved-out pumpkin. stops walking and finally pays attention. I’m 12 years old so why is there a holiday that sends me out on the street to get scared?! I get scared enough right inside my home. I thought you were kidding or just being a little crazy. we talk about how we’re going to deal with my scary Halloween mood. That’s what good friends are about. our holidays are a blend from other countries. ” “Great. Sometimes she might not understand where I am coming from. and that Halloween is one of the best examples. we can try that. worried about Halloween when everyone else is excited.” Carrie puts her arm on mine. My best friend. Jana. But there seems to be something else that’s bothering me. sounds good. Strange. or care. I’m not going trick-or-treating.P K Empowered Kids I Un-Happy Halloween By Sue Woodward A Read-Aloud For Parents & Kids after school and talk about this?” “Okay. “Okay. I really don’t want to go. I could go as myself. t’s Halloween soon and I don’t really understand the holiday. she’s always there for me. I am. Why should we have to dress up? Why can’t we just go door to door as young girls? I just don’t care. yeah. and as we walk to my house. life is more than just getting candy or doing what people tell us to do. How can I help? How about we go to your house 16 North Star Family Matters | October . We meet on the steps after school.” Carrie suggests. wandering the halls of my school.” “Sorry. “You sound really sad about Halloween. See you then. go to the kitchen. huh?” “Well. Then we get to my house. We Google Halloween. After all. are you crazy?! Let’s just go out and have fun! Think of all the candy we’ll get!” “Carrie. For some reason I don’t want to do this. and I just didn’t know. get some juice and snacks. Carrie is my best friend.” “See you after school.
Is that pg.“Carrie. Halloween is about winter. that’s unusual for you.” Adam manages to say as we climb all over him. and winter is like death. As soon as we open the door the knocking stops.” Then the knocking starts again. And. “Jana. We close the door and stay standing in Adam’s room. just as we enter my room. this is already scary and it is only day time and not even Halloween! What could that noise be?” “I don’t know but what are we going to do about it?” The noise came again. a light tapping on the wall.well…sad. We’re overreacting because it’s Halloween.” I whisper. So we sneak back to Adam’s room. Costumes and scary faces were to chase evil spirits away. this is silly. There’s nothing to be afraid of. Maybe he’s home and we didn’t know it. this is pretty cool. quiet as two mice. getting even with my brother for his trick. and how everything dies. Ranchers let their cattle out in May to feed all summer and herded them back for the winter. We whisper to each other now. desperately hoping he is there. and just as we open the door the knocking stops again. tapping on the wall. 19 why you wanted to research P K Empowered Kids North Star Family Matters | October 17 . “It’s coming from Adam’s room. We quietly tiptoe over to the closet door. I just don’t like Halloween and I don’t know why. or the spirits could contact the living on that night. It sounds like you’re really upset.” “Hmmm. It is about death. We run to Adam’s room. “Oh. quickly yank the door open and there is my brother. Suddenly we hear a muffled laugh. But this time we only pretend to leave. Jana. “I heard you two talking in the kitch- en about researching Halloween and I just couldn’t resist giving you a Halloween scare.Adam. open the door and the knocking stops once again. the growing season is like life.This is freaking me out! When will someone be home?” “Carrie. there are a bunch of customs from other countries where they believe that the dead. quietly knock on his door.” Carrie murmurs. There is no answer. So we silently open the door and look in.” We tiptoe down the hall. that’s all. Jana. We jump all over him and start yelling and laughing.” “Shh. We freeze in place. We close the door and head back to my room. Did you hear that noise?” We both listen and hear a tapping coming from the wall. this year is different. These two seasons. the death of plants and the food source. lying on the floor. Suddenly we hear the tapping again but now we can hear that it is coming from Adam’s closet. I don’t want to do anything for it and I feel…. “It’s coming from the next room. “Adam. Just as we enter my room the knocking starts again. “This isn’t helping me feel better about Halloween.
Top of Head 3. Under Arm . Rib Cage 10. Side of eye 5. Under eye 6. Collar Bone 9. Karate-Chop 2. Under nose 7.1. Inner Brow 4. Chin 8.
I need to ask you something.” Adam comes over and gives me a hug. close your eyes. let’s go make a flyer to put out and collect a lot of books--all in memory of your Nana. October 25 we took her in. Mom. just being with her.“She’s really upset about Halloween. I just don’t want to do anything.” Carrie adds. This actually begins to make sense. Maybe it’s something related to that that’s bothering you. you know that “I AM” birthday party you were telling me about? How the kids all bring children’s books and ship them to some school or place that needs them? Well. now up and around the other way. sis! We can pull the wagon around to carry the books in. just talking and doing homework. Count to five again. but even baking cookies doesn’t sound very fun this year. Remember?” “Yeah. It’s supposed to work on your subconscious thoughts. Tap the side of your hand on the table and say. “Hi Girls. and had fun. you just might not be as wild and crazy as I thought!” I give Adam a loving punch in his arm for that comment. The last two years I don’t really seem to remember anything at all. Suddenly I know what I need to do. Nothing comes up for me until suddenly I think of my grandmother. I know it’s hard to believe. Nana loved to read to us and that will give a special meaning to Halloween. I think that’s it! I really miss her and I don’t want to celebrate or have fun with her gone. You and I were in the back seat of the car as Dad rushed us to the hospital and you were really crying. And to have fun without her would be like… like not missing her!” Mom hugs me.” We go outside and climb up to the tree house and hang out. something in honor of Nana.” “Jana.“Jana.” My Mom thinks for a moment and then says.” Gosh. 17 figure out why you feel this way?” “Yes.Then he says. we always made fun costumes. “Is this the first year you remember feeling that way?” “I don’t know.” Finally Mom realizes there is really something bothering me. The stuff she uses with her track team. I completely and totally accept myself. “I remember now. “I’ll go ‘book-or-treating’ with you. Thanks to all of you. Even though I miss my Nana. “Nothing Adam.” I start crying. but that has nothing to do with any of this. I completely and totally accept myself. She stops what she is doing and sits down at the table with us. How did your day go? “Good. this Halloween I am going to ask each place I trick-or-treat to donate a children’s book for that Foundation. until Mom gets home. Nana used to have us over on Halloween and bake cookies. Then we run into the house. I came home and Dad told me you were at the hospital. How about giving me a break and then downloading your day?” “Please.pg. Let’s see…we can dress up as farmers—we’re farming books!” “This sounds like fun again. We can ask Josie at the coffee shop if we can set up a box for book donations. Then Carrie says. I remember.” Halloween? To see if you can My Mom picks up my hand and gives it a kiss. Mom. this will be a Halloween to remember!” K P K Empowered Kids I North Star Family Matters | October 19 . look down hard to the right. She made Halloween fun. Mom. close your eyes and try to remember the first time you ever felt this way. do that tapping stuff my mom showed us. When was it?” “Actually it was almost three years ago to the day. keep your head straight and. I just think of Nana. We’ll ask my Mom when she gets home. “I feel a little better. I still want to do something special this Halloween. We spent a lot of time at Nana’s house. hum happy birthday. It was such a sad day. but as I tap I feel the sadness leave. take a deep breath and think of your Nana. and do it all in memory of her. I just hate the thought of Halloween and I don’t know why. Carrie hugs us both and Adam sits at the table staring at me as if I am from outer space.“When did your grandmother get sick?” “I don’t really remember. Nana got sick just around Halloween three years ago. ‘Even though I feel really sad. Nana. can you answer some questions first?” Carrie pipes in. So I try. went to Nana’s to make cookies.’ Now. For some reason. Now I don’t want to do anything. I just got home. and it’s freaking me out for some reason and I wish I knew why because I know that I didn’t always feel this way. I feel angry and sad and just won’t do anything.” “Jana. Jana. In fact. hum happy birthday. that sounds great. I feel sad about it. Jana.” Adam suggests. just like she helped us. We will be sending Nana all over the world to help other kids. but now. well. “Jana. with your eyes. move your eyes all the way up and around in a circle.” “Jana. I always thought I liked it before.“I remember that day too. put a picture of your Nana on it. hard to the left. and race into the kitchen to talk to her. “Well. as well as on Halloween.” “I remember we had to rush her to the hospital.” “Well. Nothing about Halloween or anything. Count to five out loud. “What’s up Jana?” she asks. Now.
“I’m sick and tired of telling you to get dressed!” What the child may be hearing is that “I’m sick and tired of you!” Obviously. “rejection can dramatically reduce a person’s IQ and their ability North Star Family Matters | October . and preparing for college. however. Parents can become angry and frustrated. we may say things that the child interprets or perceives as rejection. and to school on time. misunderstood. it is possible that we are overlooking something even more important for our children’s long-term success. “You’re grounded!” or “This isn’t over. discipline and boundaries are important to a child’s healthy development and children need to know that there are limits to their behavior.K P K Emotional Toolbox ith all of the emphasis on academic achievement. of Case Western Reserve University. but perhaps haven’t given enough thought to: hugs are good for us! According to family therapist Kathleen Keating. these children aren’t in a mood for learning. fed. We know that children learn best when they are happy. you just wait until you get home this afternoon!” Obviously. These endorphins give us a sense of well-being and happiness and can remain in the body’s bloodstream for up to four hours. As a school counselor. and when we do. I discovered that there is a scientific basis for something we’ve all known. we need four hugs a day for survival. or worried. eight hugs a day for maintenance. or worried that the parent may not love her anymore. when they are angry. I can clearly remember the stress of trying to get everyone up. We may think we are saying. The physical and emotional connection that hugs provide meets our innate need for belonging and inclusion. It is also important. Sometimes the child feels angry. and their academic performance suffers. Having raised two boys. not the child. dressed. According to research by Roy Baumeister. The last thing he heard before leaving the parent was. that the child knows that what we are rejecting is the behavior. Conversely. In doing some research this summer. passing state tests. sad. author of Hug Therapy. and twelve hugs a day for growth! Hugs produce a chemical change in the body by stimulating the release of endorphins in the brain. A hug or two in the morning is a great way to send your child to school. learning is more difficult. I often talk to children who come to school W 20 EFT and Hugs By Syandra Ingram upset because they had an argument or got in trouble with a parent.
it’s easy to lose that distinction. only by acknowledging them can we truly let them go.. Sometimes the best way we can help our children with a behavior issue is to work on our own feelings about the problem. inner brow 4. and I am a good parent. and it looks as if he/she is doing it on purpose. if any of the words don’t seem quite right for you. with 10 being the most angry. We serve our children well when we teach them that feelings are okay and that. as parents threaten and coerce just to get out of the house on time! This adds up to a very stressful morning for both parent and child. As parents.” “Makes me angry!” ”It’s so frustrating!” “He/she does it just to annoy me!” “He/she enjoys driving me crazy!” “It makes me so mad!” “I’m so frustrated!” If your stress level or anger is really high when you begin. we want to be in a place where we can relay the message to our children that they are unconditionally loved and accepted. insert your own.to reason analytically. Tap on the Karate-Chop point as shown. continue to do the above round two or three times to discharge some of the negative energy you have about the issue. 23 can’t help it?” 21 North Star Family Matters | October . CollAr bone 9. I deeply and completely love and accept myself. Under eye 6. KArATe-CHop K P K Emotional Toolbox 2. Under Arm Start Here While tapping the Karate-Chop point as shown.. For example. it may seem as though a child is deliberately trying to get on a parent’s last nerve. See where you are on the 1 . I’m still a good parent. For the particular example above. repeat the following phrase three times. Before tapping with the child about the issue. rib CAge 10.” Feeling excluded or rejected affects the individual’s sense of worth and safety. EFT Basics Step 1: Use the finger tips of one hand to tap the fleshy part on the side of the other hand. it is helpful for parents to do some tapping about their own feelings. 1. But as we get caught up in our own feelings of anger or frustration. The idea is to express your feelings about the problem. Under noSe 7. and repeat three times: “Even though I get very angry and frustrated when ________ (insert your child’s name) won’t get dressed.” This is a concept that many of us were not taught growing up.. “You are going to make me late! I am going to lose my job because of you!” By the time the child gets to school and the parent gets to work. first. The particular sequence and words are not as important as stating out loud “I deeply and completely accept myself for feeling what I’m feeling. • Feel Sad • Hate Reading • Am mad at my brother/sister • Feel _________ . identify how angry and frustrated you are on a scale of 1 – 10. contributing to impulsivity and self-destruction. Top of HeAd 3.. then tap the Karate Chop point and begin.10 scale and begin again. while increasing their aggression.” Then tap through the tapping points as shown in the diagram while alternating phrases such as these at each point: “Won’t get dressed!” “Makes us late. and neither can do their best. starting at the top of the head and working down to the point under the arm. This is called the Karate-Chop point. particularly if the parent has a job and feels under pressure about being late. modifying the initial part to fit the situation: “Even though I get angry and frustrated when ______ (insert your child’s name) won’t get dressed in the mornings. After you have discharged some of the negative energy. EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) can make a difference for parents. even if their particular behaviors are not tolerated. If the parent believes that the child is deliberately choosing not to get dressed (which is what it looks like). rather than ignoring or denying our feelings. Remember. Rejection also appears to interfere with a person’s self-control. Repeat 3 times: “Even though I. What if he/she pg. Side of eye 5. CHin 8. It may be understandable that the parent is angry and frustrated. as well as kids. try addressing how you feel and looking at the situation from another perspective. few or no hugs have been given.I deeply and completely love and accept myself because I am an awesome kid!” Step 2: Tap on points numbered 2-10 about 5-7 times each. the parent may feel rejected by the child and turn to blaming. both are feeling angry and rejected.
She had just seen her sevenyear-old son offer to fill a classmate’s water bottle at the drinking fountain and attributed his service-mindedness to the teachers. the class role-played and practiced phrases such as. the teacher presented an art project to do with partners so that sharing would be part of the lesson. curriculum. most of all. In response. With over 37 years of experience. North Star Family Matters | October . Education for Life schools focus on energy. this activity increased the culture of sharing in the classroom. a child had trouble sharing materials and classroom equipment. In a natural way. the “culture” of Living Wisdom School. A major aim of our curriculum is to help children realize that lasting happiness comes from compassion for others. “May I use the scissors now?” “I’ll work on coloring while you use the scissors. Before beginning. This system of education values personal development rather than memorization of facts. our teachers have learned that experience and the time to reflect on it help tune children into their deepest natures. and. wisdom rather than knowledge. as are other “Skills for Living” because they contribute to success in the world and happiness in life. Skills for Living Recently in one of our classes. Cooperation is an essential part of every activity.P K School Snapshots School Snapshots Education for Life-Living Wisdom Schools By Susan Usha Dermond R 22 ecently. Progressive Development In addition to learning self-understanding and universal values. Living Wisdom Schools are part of a network of schools united in their core philosophy: Education for Life. or may I use them for a few minutes?” Of course the teacher paired the student who had difficulty sharing with a student who was able to be assertive if needed. and the education of the whole person rather than mere intellect. and not selfishness.” “Do you need the scissors. the parent of a first grader told me she was grateful for the culture of calm and compassion at our Living Wisdom School.
edforlife. Keeping a positive flow of energy going in the classroom is an important objective. A Handbook. love and harmony. I feel really safe at this school. age 5 will and spirit. is co-director of the Education for Life Foundation.” Karl G. Portland. age 7 “The teachers are nice and this is a good school. though. They work with children in a way that helps them take control of their energy. it depends on a holistic view of the learner as a complete being with body. generosity.SusanDermond. will. That knowledge. and intellect. author of Calm and Compassionate Children. You get mixed groups. It may take some EFT tapping with the child. Perhaps one of the easiest (and hardest!) ways to help our children be successful this year is to send them to school with smiles and hugs. calm. feeling. Progressive development is a unique contribution of Education for Life. I Then tap through the tapping points as shown in the diagram while saying these phrases at each point: “Won’t get dressed!” “Maybe he/she can’t help it.livingwisdomschool. but it’s kids and adults helping each other and younger kids. They do try to teach us that people in the rest of the world are more firm than here. MS is a certified counselor. passing tests. 21 P K School Snapshots I About the Author: Susan Usha Dermond. it may take some “anticipatory tapping” the night before. and. While the problem is being solved. The people here are kind. and achieve their goals.” Dolby.org or www. then they are prepared to help their children.net. then focus the attention.” “Makes me angry!” “What if he/she doesn’t understand it either?” “He/she does it just to annoy me!“ “What if I chose not to respond?” “It still makes me so mad!” “What if I chose to remain calm and peaceful no matter what?” Once parents have removed the negative charge from their own emotions over the issue. secure in the knowledge that they are loved. and an elementary school counselor for the past 10. There’s no persecution and they don’t make you feel embarrassed. 9 3⁄4 years old. and/or other things to solve the problem of getting dressed.com About the Author: Syandra Ingram.com North Star Family Matters | October 23 . For a long-standing problem like the one above. and friendly. www.” Sabine. including Living Wisdom Schools in Seattle and Portland. There are presently seven schools throughout the world in the Education for Life network. focus it. There’s no teasing and kids are really friendly. along with the consistent use of EFT and hugs will probably even help on those issues of academic achievement. They help kids when they’re hurt and we all help each other. EFT tapping can help the parents remain calm and in control. and EFT practitioner. OR “This school is really good because I always like math and baseball and it’s fun. clearly communicating that what is being rejected is the behavior. mind. age 9 3/4 children. laying out clothes the night before. self understanding and balanced growth in body.Quotes From Kids “If you had a friend who was thinking of coming to this school.. and preparing for college! pg. a change in morning routine. Texas. www. what are some reasons you would give for why s/he should come?” “I would tell kids to come to this school if you really want to be happy. as well as tapping during the morning routine.EmotionalHealingNow. The mission of our Living Wisdom School is to help children to develop their own unique potential and give them the tools to make life choices that lead to lasting happiness by providing an environment where children develop their natural curiosity and expansiveness. not the child. finally. which helps me learn much better. EFT-ADV. The teacher’s first goal is to awaken enthusiasm. it’s not just adults helping Karl G. She lives in Pasadena. direct the attention to pursue a goal (such as learning about insects) or have an experience (such as self-expression through painting). Find out more at www. feeling. no matter what. with universal values of honesty. She has been an educator for 25 years.
I reflected on my experience growing up as the smart kid in class.” reminded me how easily my behaviors could have a negative. While I pride myself on being a terrific listener with an ability to express my needs. as far as Guy’s physical health is concerned. He demonstrates musical. cry. I never imagined life for the students whose intelligence was not acknowledged. I received constant praise from my parents and other adults. Sue’s article.” about how our experiences in school reflect our own self-esteem. Fortunately.P Guided By NSFM Guided By NSFM Look for Tanessa’s article every month as she shares her experiences raising her 10-month-old son. he’s going to be a handful. or afraid. wait until he’s one or two or three. ur little one is officially walking with ease. focusing on the issues I noted. Yet. We seem to be doing everything right. My husband and I feel more free because of our baby. and logical/mathematical intelligences that were not nurtured in school. Still. People say. I was aware of all these By Tanessa Dillard Noll O issues. We certainly weren’t the youngest adults. I wrote out all the things that made me sad. and throw my hands in the air. his parents encouraged his interests. These articles offered some hope. I think it’s too early to tell where our son will thrive. As I read “True Success. in spite of what we do well. I noticed how the children seemed to follow my husband and me wherever we went. angry. but we were playful and adventurous. on the tools and insights offered in our magazine. The “Reading Right” article encouraged parents to read books over and over with their children. and to pursue our dreams. He is happily on his feet all day. but writing them down on paper illustrated how my past keeps me from living fully in the present. I still find myself frustrated when my needs aren’t met. along with simple but powerful tools to improve the communication in my family. natural. Guy. I’m not perfect and I know our family needs some major healing from emotional issues that have gripped our past. He inspires us to see the world through a child’s eyes. attempting to be understood. Deep down. I appreciate the challenge of being a “curious and creative” adult for my child. we can give him as many diverse experiences as possible. “Lucita & the Leopard. So this is confession time! The recent issue of NSFM included two articles on communication. long-term impact on my son. Sue suggested EFT as a way to let go so I thought I’d try it for the next month. Such attention encouraged my continued success. Like my ten month old. scream. to make bolder choices.” It reminds me of all the friends who suggested that having a child would rob us of our freedom. I kick. so he can discover his genius. discovering the new places his little feet take him and looking for adventure around every corner. At a recent family function. I know that my husband’s school experience was quite different from mine. as well as the other children in my life. Since I “succeeded” in school. which must have interested them in our company. “Oh. but it also gave 24 North Star Family Matters | October .
WA. wi th son. We communicate as if we understand each other. I delight in the joy my son currently has for reading and I look forward to keeping the reading experience meaningful for him. Guy. as he sees the world through a child’s eyes. I like to think that we do. Then I respond. and pursuing his dreams. I have seen the dread on people’s faces at the mere mention of books. He lights up whenever he hears the opening lines. she worked with kids of all ages as a tutor. K P K Guided by NSFM I Author. I allow him to babble. age 10 months About the Author: Tanessa Dillard Noll is a stay-athome mom who lives in Belfair. North Star Family Matters | October 25 . As a former teacher and friend to dozens of non-readers. rather than forcing the process. as if it were poetry. chat room monitor and teacher. Guy has a favorite book. By being conscious in my parenting. I look forward to reconnecting next month and observing how my son has grown and how my perspective as a parent evolves with each issue of NSFM. To conquer boredom. which we read several times a day. Before motherhood. mentor. I often recite it. Tanessa. She has degrees in communications and teaching. Since I’ve memorized the book. I’m learning that I have as much to learn from my son as he has to learn from me. making bolder choices. I challenge myself to read it differently and make conversation with him about the story.me some crucial advice about following my child’s lead.
or color applied to words in a meaningful way. But you decide not to go and look for it.K Brain Teasers 1. A person lives on the tenth floor of a building. Below are four examples. big big ignore ignore stand i 9. size. 7. Only on rainy days does he take the elevator to the tenth floor. search and 26 North Star Family Matters | October . John Smith bought a used car for $600 and sold it to Mary Baker for $800. Why? 5. How long would the pills last? 3. Every day he takes the elevator to go down to the ground floor to go out. He later bought it back for $1000 and resold it for $1200. He hates the stairs. What position do you finish? 2.You overtake the second person. When he returns he takes the elevator to the seventh floor and walks up the stairs to reach his apartment on the tenth floor. Can you guess what phrases they represent? 6. highlighting. A doctor gives you three pills telling you to take one every half hour. One friend says there is a $100 dollar bill hidden between pages 75 and 76 of a book in the library. so why does he do it? Games A rebus describes a phrase by using position. You and a group of your friends are in the library. ice 3 8. You are participating in a race. How much profit did John make? 4.
or quirky question you’d like to submit? E-mail us at: games@ northstarfamilymatters. Counting by 4’s. Promontory Rd. place a number in each box so that each number is used only once in each row.com If you prefer to write a letter. column. tips.sudoku.Where In The World? 10. Solution. tricky picture. Do you have a brilliant brain teaser. column and the nine 3 x 3 boxes. WA 98584 Or call us for free at: 1-888-360-0303 K Games JOOJIRU™ Fill in the blanks below with the numbers 1-9 so that each number is used exactly once in each row. send it to: North Star Family Matters 698 E. funny joke. Do you know or can you find out where this picture was taken? Look for the answers to these puzzles in next month’s edition. and the nine 3 x 3 squares.com North Star Family Matters | September 27 . and computer program at www. The numbers used are numbers from 4-36. Shelton.
K Coloring Page 28 North Star Family Matters | October .
The youngest. The oldest.S. I find myself saying. “If only I’d known that when…” Now it is confession time: Even though I’ve worked with parenting and education programs for years.Empowerment @ Any Age Do you ever find yourself saying. W . P K Subscribe! --R. The old saying. but I am already seeing the good the tips and ideas presented in NSFM are doing for our teenage children. We can all learn—at any age—to do more to empower our children-and. as a force of habit. “If only I’d known that when my kids were little”? I am the parent of two teenagers and have had the honor and privilege of working professionally with parenting and education programs since before my children were born. I have a long way to go because old habits are hard to break. empowered children! What are the symptoms? Both of my teens still look to me or my husband for “permission” for nearly everything they choose to do. however. It wasn’t until I began reading NSFM that I noticed just how extensive the limitations are—and began to understand that how we raised our children created those limitations! Now. struggles to maintain calm and confidence in new situations. needs a surprising amount of direction. age fifteen. NSFM really is appropriate for every age and stage of parenting. I’m beginning to change how I interact with my teens.. with the help of NSFM. Shelton. I’m replacing the “old habit” with discussions about their desires and the support they need from me to make things happen on their own. Admittedly. I didn’t even notice that our children were on self-limiting paths. I did not raise confident. Each and every issue of NSFM. I make decisions for them. “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks” simply is not true. empowerment is a vital ingredient in a healthy life. right down to how he spends his free time. age eighteen. truly. I am beginning to spot those moments when.
Commission-based pay with profit sharing and great potential for future earnings. adults and children with Syandra Ingram. Visit www. 4. Brown 6. See article in this issue. birthdays. www.HarstineSparkles. Easter Island. is the mother. thebodyshopathome. Independent Director and Founding Consultant. 13. Page 23. anniversaries. The other American 12. SPANISH. readable and affordable.NorthStarFamilyMatters. 2. A to-do list Follow the North Star Page 13. Pendants. custom orders welcome. Syrup 3. Red 4. Marina’s sister 8.EmotionalHealingNow.P Business Opportunities Jewelry HARSTINE SPARKlES Handcrafted artisan jewelry for the discerning eye. (888) 360-0303 x 1 Health & Therapy Kid’s Books THE BODY SHOP AT HOME™ Part Time. music & more CALL TODAY (253) 841-8410 Answers to September’s Games 1. Repeat after me Chile 11. Memorials. Unhappy without Volcano Rano Rayou raku. bracelets.com Music Instruction Classifieds Jobs NATIONAl AD SAlES NSFM is seeking experienced print advertising sales reps to work from home selling ads. www.com/special Vacation & Travel FABULOUS FAMILY VACATIONS PERSONAlIzED DVDS Use WWW. 10. SIGN language. No 1. crisp. 3. Ecuador 5. EFT-ADV. (206) 795-1423 www.GLENLAKECOTTAGES. Big Time. All occasions.com/web/jillmw Digital Media your photos and home video to create a unique gift. or e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org www. Start tonight with your FREE recipe for Roast Chicken with Rosemary. Full Time.AVividMemory. Page 20.com (888) 360-0303 30 North Star Family Matters | October . 116 years 2.com RE-CREATION HEAlINg EFT Joojiru™ Place Your Ad Today! NSFM ClASSIFIED ADS Clean. (360) 2013093. 7.ORG Education EVERgREEN MONTESSORI Academy. has limited space available for fall 07 enrollment for 3-6 years old. Call (713) 628-9105 or go to www. Crater of the 9. earrings. South Hill Puyallup.com Meals & More EASY FAMIlY DINNERS Step-by-step color photos teach you how to be a successful cook.OneRoastChicken. rings. Clear Expression for Complete Exposure. Call Jill MacIntyre Witt. computers. Page 32 Sudoku EFT Practitioners for families.
We agree to: • Respect each person’s input • Let each person finish talking • Avoid using limiting or judgmental words such as can’t. as presented in Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life.). Acknowledge Your Overwhelm If you can’t resolve your negative reactions. Take time to filter out the harmful or limiting messages that attach themselves to negative reactions (anger. Everyone agrees to work together to find a way to meet that person’s needs. sad. This helps kids and adults remember the emotionally charged events mixed throughout their day. Listen. Illuminating Questions When you suspect a deeper issue. D. Encourage Asking Help form a request that meets their needs and ask for it. “I went to school. Start when your kids can walk and talk! 1. ask general questions that open the door just enough to give room for their responses. as you discover a PLACE of Peace. my first class was___. Observe Feelings Identify the emotions under the issue. and not • Focus on what we do want instead of what we don’t want • Focus on the future rather than the past • Give everyone equal respect and equal say in the process and decisions • Commit to communicating until everyone feels that their concerns are resolved. Ph. and information they assimilate. The child or adult feeling most balanced volunteers to lead and opens by stating the agreements. www. love. and uncover feelings and needs in compassionate. Downloading Days Every day take 10 minutes per day per person when someone comes home and go through their routine. Appreciation. C. Clues for a CODE ALERT Use it anytime you hear or feel: Anger • Fear • Anxiety • Blame • Judgment • Guilt • Yelling • Sadness • Generalizations • Frustration • Hurt. Concern. take responsibility for them by sharing your struggle with your child and reassuring her that she is not responsible for your negative reactions. support.NorthStarFamilyMatters. E. Make it fun and make it happen. shouldn’t. “I feel _____” (angry. *A full version of Connective Communication is available on our website. etc).99. Connect Objectively Listen and clarify the issue objectively (no blame or judgment). blame. no. or as needed. open-minded ways. Ask “Is there anything anyone would like to see done differently in the future?” 3.CNVC. facts. mainly from us. etc. How do you feel about about yourself? How would you feel about school? How do you feel about your friends? Increase Awareness Children construct meaning based on the messages. Family Meetings The CODE Empowering Questions Conscious Message Filter . Discover Needs Ask what needs to happen right now to improve their life. don’t. and then…” including both what you did and how you felt.Once a week.D. 2. won’t. O. www. tension. **The CODE is NSFM’s interpretation and representation of the ideas for compassionate communication based on the material of Marshall Rosenberg. and Empathy.com for $9.org. any member of the family can call a family meeting for any reason.
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