Traversing depths of eviscerated landscapes, I wade amidst the carnage of my soul.

Bridging black chasms across an island of self, I wander with no clear sense of purpose. I wonder about distance rays of sunshine, half seen. Will I ever feel their warmth upon my worried brow? I ache with an eternal brooding. At times happiness teases me, but always to flee before my clutching grasp. Like tendrils of smoke. My vehicle of choice, low self-esteem, which I ride like a beast of burden displaying my flags of self-loathing and doubt for all to see. Like most of my kind I wear a mask. Cleverly constructed layers of deception used to radiate normality so none might hear my silent scream. The public must never see the pain that lies beneath the surface. If they did I might have to face it, to declare it real. I cannot. ~I please others instead of myself or those closest to me. For this I have no answer and can not even come up with the question! I say I don’t please myself, but I do consistently deceive myself. This is a tool I use like a fool swings a shovel do dig his own grave. I am my own worst enemy, at war with myself. ~ ~By losing I hope to win. I must lose all negative thoughts and conceptions. Above all, I should give myself a break. ~

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