Tantracourse Workbook and Bonuses

Copyright 2005 Spectra 2000 Pty Ltd
ISBN: 0-9758202-1-4

All rights reserved. No part of the contents of this workbook or MP3 recordings may be reproduced or
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About the Authors

For 25 years Diane and Kerry have explored the great
traditions of ecstatic sexuality, including Taoist sexology
from ancient China, Tantra from ancient India, Shaman
Indian sexuality from North America and sacred
womens sexuality from ancient Babylon.
They combined these secrets and practices with the
most recent research on sexuality from universities and
sex therapists throughout the United States and read
and studied extensively with numerous authors and teachers in this field.
Their background in the human potential area is extensive. They have lectured
to over 40,000 people and produced numerous CDs and video programs. They
were featured in, and co produced the film Secrets of Sacred Sex a guide to
love and intimacy and wrote the international best seller "Sexual Secrets for
Men". Also "Discovering Your Tantric Goddess Within".
From their vast breadth of research and practice they devised their own unique
practices. Since 1984, they have run numerous programs on relationships and
sensual loving, they now run the Australian School of Tantra.
Table of Contents

Tantric Lovemaking secrets & practices
Home Tantra course
TABLE OF CONTENTS

Introduction to program..1
How to use this course. 2
Program components. 4
The workbook5
Other products.6

Section one. Exploration Tantric Lovemaking
Overview6
Intension..7
How this is relevant.7
Method.7
Key points.. 8
Questions16
Experiments.18
Results & Ideas.20

Section Two. Ancient Arts For Modern Lovers
Overview & Intention.......23
How this is relevant24
Method 25
Key points......26
Questions33
Experiments.36
Results & ideas.39

Section Three. Sexual Secrets That All Women Would Like Their Man to Know
Overview & Intension42
Method.44
Key points.45
Questions53
Experiments.56
Results & Ideas.59

Section Four. The Body Sensual
Overview & Intension..62
Method.63
Key points.65
Questions68
Experiments.71
Results & Ideas.73

Table of Contents

Tantric Lovemaking secrets & practices
Home Tantra course

Additions And Extentions To The Course
Differences in Desire Daily Devotion74
More Sweet Orgasms for Women..79
Male Virility Drugs Solution or Problem.....85

Introduction

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Home Tantra course

INTRODUCTION TO THE PROGRAM

Welcome to Tantric Lovemaking Secrets and Practices home tantra course.
This is a personal change course and we appreciate and congratulate your
commitment to improve and expand this area of your life. These practices
will add a new dimension to what can potentially be the most enriching and
enjoyable areas of your life: SEX, LOVE and RELATIONSHIP.

This is an integrated learning system developed by the Australian School of
Tantra and based on the acclaimed Tantric Lovemaking Secrets and
Practices Course taught internationally by Kerry and Diane Riley.

This Tantra home course includes 8 x Mp3s, and one comprehensive
workbook that includes overview, intention, application to your love life, key
points that extensively summarize the main points covered, questions,
experiments, results and ideas. The course program allows you to put into
practice, test out, and see the results from each module of the course.

The course is designed for both men and women to get the best out of their
love life.
To become an extraordinary lover.
Techniques to take you and your lover into sexual experiences that will
have you both saying thats the best ever!
Ways for balancing differences in desire.

For Men
To increase your staying power.
To satisfy your women on all levels.
To turn sex into making love and pleasure into ecstasy.

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For Women
To increase your sexual desire and enjoyment of good sex.
To extend your orgasmic potential.
To discover practices you can do to help your partner be able to last
longer for you.
Keys to open your partner to emotional intimacy and heartfelt
connection with you.
Turning love into a ritual.

For Couples
You will have new ways to add new energy to your love life and deepen your
relationship together, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

This course has produced amazing results for thousands of people. It has
been taught over and over again to people from all walks of life. The way this
course is presented is simple, easy to follow, it makes a lot of sense and
most importantly it works! It is practical and all you have to do is follow the
advice contained in the material.

This program goes beyond theory, beyond book learning and into everyday
erotic experience, becoming a natural part of what you do as an
extraordinary lover.

HOW TO USE
Tantric Lovemaking Secrets & Practices home course

The Mp3s have been designed to allow individuals to work at their own pace.
This is one of the advantages of taking the program this way. Some people
may casually do the course over a year and others may want to develop it as
soon as possible and complete it within a few days.

Please Note:
The original program was taught over four weeks with one week in between
to practice the skills, complete the experiments and implement what you
have developed into your love life.

If you would like to adapt this formula then the following sequence is
suggested.

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The Mp3s are numbered 1 to 8. Each module has two Mp3s

1. Listen to Mp3 no.1 and Mp3 no.2

Read the corresponding section in the workbook (section 1 & 2 An
Exploration into Tantric lovemaking)

Take one week to practice and repeat the exercises regularly.

Throughout that week complete the questions and experiments.

List the results so far.

Then Continue:

Take the week to implement in your life as above.



This way the whole program will be completed in four weeks.
For the best results it is important to integrate each section before moving on
to the next section. It may be tempting to want all the information first,
however this is a practical course and remember it was taught over 4 weeks
with each week in between to practice what youve learned. The week in
between is essential to assimilate the information and apply it into your life.
Tantra is about Expansion: expanding the ways you think about love and
sexuality and of course expanding the ways you experience love and
lovemaking. It is also about integration, making it part of your life in a real
way, thus vastly improving the quality of love and romance in your life.

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PROGRAM COMPONENTS

The Tantric Lovemaking secrets and practices home study course includes
four sections comprising eight Mp3s and a Workbook. Each section includes
two Mp3s. i.e. After listening to the first two Mp3s then you can move on to
the first section of the course in the workbook, and so on.

Mp3 no.1 & Mp3 no.2 An Exploration into Tantric Lovemaking
An Exploration into the Secrets and
Practices of Tantric Lovemaking from the
physical, emotional and spiritual
perspectives. This will expand and
transcend your understanding of sexual
love as you know it.

Mp3 no.3 & Mp3 no.4 Ancient Arts for Modern Lovers
Practical ways to: Keep love, intimacy and
passion alive in your relationship, have
longer and stronger orgasms, improve
ejaculation control. Turn lovemaking into a
joyful meditation that touches you on every
level: body, heart and soul.

Mp3 no. 5 & Mp3 no.6 Sexual Secrets That All Women Would
Like Their Man to Know
Longer and more satisfying lovemaking for
men and women. Master all the skills of
ejaculation control. Discover the secrets of
sexual virility, stronger erections, making
love over and over again at any age. Learn
how to have prolonged orgasm without loss
of energy. Give and receive love.

Mp3 no.7 & Mp3 no.8 The Body Sensual for Men and Women
A guided practice on Mp3 no.7 Experience
deep relaxation evoking a whole sensual
awareness. Mp3 no.8 Increase sexual
desire and response, expand awareness,
heal sexual inhibitions and connect with the
eternal moment.

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THE WORK BOOK:

The work book acts as a complete summary of the principles and information
conveyed in the Mp3s. There are six components in each section. These are:

Overview: Outlines the information given in the section.

Intention: Gives the prime learning outcome of the section.

How this section is relevant: Specific references to how this section will
benefit you.

Key Points: The Key points summarize the main areas covered in this section
of the course.

Questions and Experiments: The questions and experiments give you a
framework to adapt the material in the course to your personal situation.

Results and ideas: A place to note results you have experienced and ideas on
how to apply the material to your circumstances.

PLEASE NOTE:
Many of the key points are transcribed directly from the Mp3s and as such
may not be as grammatically correct as they would be if this were a book. It
is spoken word purposely not edited so that it puts you in a direct
connection and relationship with the person speaking, and is a reinforcement
of the way you heard it on the Mp3s, as if you were present in the room with
Kerry and Diane as they share the information.

OTHER TANTRA PRODUCTS

E-book Sexual Secrets for Men - what every woman would want her man to
know by Kerry Riley available at www.sexualsecretsformenebook.com

E-book Discovering Your Tantric Goddess Within by Diane Riley available at
www.tantrasecretsforwomen.com

DVD and Video The Secrets of Sacred Sex Co-created by Kerry and Diane
Riley. (This is one of the most popular and widely acclaimed Tantric
educational videos on the market today) available at www.tantricdvd.com

For more information on the Australian School of Tantra workshops and
private sessions go to www.australianschooloftantra.com.au

To contact New Dimension, the company that has brought this product to
you, please email info@tantracourse.com

SECTION
ONE

This section requires you to have listened to
Mp3 no.1 & Mp3 no. 2

Exploration into Tantric Lovemaking

Exploration Into Tantric Lovemaking

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OVERVIEW:

This first section of the course is to give
you an overview of what Tantric
lovemaking is about. Tantra itself is a
spiritual science and philosophy on life
from ancient India. In its basic essence
it is very similar to Taoism from China.
Both involve balancing the male and
female energies to create harmony and
have an ultimate goal of unity or
spiritual ecstasy, known as individual
enlightenment. Tantra encourages one
to explore every aspect of life. So
obviously the study of sexuality was
included, not just included but in fact
revered.

The study of sexuality in the west is very
new, whereas relics of Tantric rituals
date back nearly 5000 years. So there is an incredible wealth of knowledge
we can draw on and use in our lovemaking.

However the purpose of this course is not to teach traditional Tantra. Kerry
and Diane Riley provide a contemporary approach to Tantra drawing on what
has worked for them and the thousands of people they have shared these
practices with. They address such practical issues as:

If the sizzle has gone out of your sexual relationship, what can Tantra
do for you?
Balancing differences in libido.
How can you bring a spiritual aspect to lovemaking?
A lot of people say we never have time - what does Tantra have to
offer?
How to explore and expand the amount of sexual pleasure you can
experience and bring to your partner.
How to maintain exciting sexual passion in a committed relationship
while managing the stress of life and work.


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INTENTION:

To give you an insight into how you can incorporate the practices of
contemporary Tantra to enhance and even transform your love life.

HOW THIS IS RELEVANT:

Have you ever found yourself looking forward to making love but by
the time you get into bed youre just too tired?

Or too tired and he still wants sex?!

Or too tired and she still wants sex or more loving attention?

Do you sometimes feel you have gotten into habitual ways of making
love and its just not as exciting as it used to be, but youre not sure
what to do about it?

You still love each other but its not as exciting anymore?

Do you want to last longer for your woman but as soon as she gets
excited you finish?

These are just a few situations people run into. This section provides ways to
change these occurrences and provides many solutions to other common
situations that lovers may experience.

METHOD:

Instead of Kerry and Diane simply lecturing on this topic, they are asked
practical questions from an interviewer, a layperson who is not educated in
the practice of Tantra. This way you get a simple and practical explanation
that most likely addresses many of your own questions about Tantra.

A unique aspect of this course is that it provides understandings and
practices from both a womans and a mans perspective. Even more
importantly, the knowledge comes from a committed couple who have been
together for over twenty years practicing Tantra. This is rare in the teachings
of Tantra currently available in books or seminars.


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KEY POINTS:

Comments and insights from people who have studied Kerry and
Dianes Tantric Lovemaking methods.

Mary Anne: The sexual techniques that we have been taught extend into
everyday life and extend into even the type of hugs we give each other, or
the way we look at each other. From that sort of thing right up to the
intensity and excitement of great pleasure and many orgasms in a row, it
varies.

Peter: We have certain simple techniques that we use regularly, a whole
gamut of things that can be done, and we do set aside several weeks a year
to experience that within a holiday environment, but everyday techniques are
easy to apply. They are not complicated nor take time.

Ralph: The real highlight I remember is an exquisite gorgeous feeling that I
had in my heart at one point when we were actually doing the techniques.

Trish: It was a revelation that sex could be such a sacred thing. And I felt a
healing happen inside of me as a woman that I was being honored, not just a
sexual object or to be used to for someone elses needs.

Following is an intimate interview with Kerry and Diane:
Q: If the sizzle has gone out my loving relationship can you do something
for me?

Kerry: Tantric lovemaking can do something for you. In the early stages of
relationship when you first meet someone, when anyone first meets someone
and they are in love with them there is lots of energy, theres lots of passion,
theres lots of lovemaking, theres lots of excitement. And if we are not
conscious lovers we can easily fall into a pattern and that pattern can
become habitual, and the excitement is not there as before.

You can bring back different elements, for example explore more romance in
your lovemaking. Put a time aside to set up a space where you bring in
elements of lighting and colors and smells and incense and some flowers.

Diane: Yes, its starting to make the ordinary extraordinary again. Physical
elements, but also the element of attitude. So when you come into
lovemaking in a Tantric way, you can look at your beloved as though she is
the embodiment of all women, and for the woman to look at her beloved as if
he is the embodiment of all men. It transforms lovemaking from just Harry
and June making love to the Shiva and the Shakti meeting in this
extraordinary place.


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Q: What do you mean by Shiva and Shakti?

Diane: Shiva and Shakti were ancient Hindu deities. Shiva represented all
man, and Shakti represents everything that was feminine, and they started a
dance together and this led to the creation of the world. So Tantric
lovemaking reflects for us getting in touch with that divine essence, with that
divine spark that both male and female hold as a potential within.

Q: Is there a spiritual aspect to lovemaking?

Kerry: Yes, well definitely, theres a spiritual aspect of lovemaking. Men will
say, Well, Ive have tried everything, I know the 101 ways, I know the
location of the clitoris, I know the location of the G-spot, I enjoy oral sex,
what else is there? Thats the physical side of sexuality. Thats only one
aspect of what Tantra is about.

Ask yourself the question, how much love are you sending your beloved
while making love? Im sure many people have had an experience that took
them to the depths of love, the heights of ecstasy and beyond that
sometimes, where there was some sense that this is touching something
deeper, a soul-nourishing experience. Id call that a spiritual experience.

Diane: The secrets of Tantric lovemaking can provide education to give us a
much wider context of what sexuality is about. Sexuality is not only Lingum
and Yoni or penis and vagina, the physical, but sexuality is also about just
how much love you can transmit through your touch. How much love you can
you send your beloved through your eyes. How much love can you feel in
your heart connect with your beloved while youre making love.

Kerry: I believe that most men want to be good in bed. A lot of men think its
how you do it that makes you good, if you can get her to orgasm and so on.
Thats great, but what I want to stress and this is one of the greatest
secrets; the way to a womans sexuality, the way to her yoni her sacred
place is through the heart.

Q: What does Yoni mean?

Diane: Yoni means sacred place or hidden valley, so for me I will take my
vagina to the gynecologist but Ill have a yoni while making love. And Kerry
has a Lingum meaning wand of light, instead of a dick or a penis, a term
that sounds quite anemic, where as a Lingum is a wand of light!

Kerry: We have drawn on ancient Tantra for those terms and they are
unusual to use at first, but I have considered how can I make my lovemaking
sacred and beautiful, romantic and wonderful, however when Im calling it a
dick, I realize the term carries derogatory energy. Just think of how you feel
about someone when you say you dickhead. Therefore these names,
lingum and yoni, bring some magic to sexuality, back to lovemaking.

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Q: How can you bring more intimacy into lovemaking?

Kerry: First of all realize the importance of intimacy, its not how many
strokes you can do or the kind of strokes you can do that is going to make
the difference, its how much love you can send. Its a truth that if a woman
is feeling the love, the nurturing, she trusts more and her sexuality starts to
open up, so if you want to be good in bed men have got to learn to be more
intimate. Men who can be more intimate express intimacy; feel his intimacy
and he will never have a shortage of women in his life.

Q: What can I do to create more intimacy?

Kerry: Your eyes are the windows to the soul, have some more eye contact.
Practice this with your partner outside of making love and then when youre
making love. We know from the movies and magazines that often
lovemaking will happen with eyes shut, and what happens with our eyes shut
we are often in a faraway place. We may be having a lovely time ourselves
physically, however there is not that deep connection between you and your
partner.

Having eyes open sometimes during lovemaking can be unusual at first but
just try it for a few moments at first until you become more comfortable with
it. You dont need to do it all the time, just occasionally. When you have your
eyes open occasionally, you are being totally present with your partner. You
are allowing a deeper connection, a much deeper sharing emotionally and
this amplifies the potency of sexual energy shared. To make love with eyes
open is an important step to having a Tantric experience.

Q: I have heard that the aim of Tantra for a man is not to orgasm, is that
right?

Kerry: We need to make a distinction between ejaculation and orgasm. If a
man doesnt orgasm this isnt good for him. This idea of not orgasming is a
misunderstanding in Tantra. The thing to understand is that orgasm can
happen without ejaculation. Non-ejaculation rather than no orgasm is the
skill to learn and this is covered in my book and our Tantra course.

There is value in building energy through non-ejaculation, especially as a
man gets older. If he can build his energy over two or three times without
ejaculation, then when he finally releases he feels young again he
experiences more of a whole body orgasm, not just a bleep as an older man
unfortunately can often identify with!

Q: A lot of people say, we never have time for sex

Diane: What happens, and naturally it happens without being aware, is that
making love gets put further and further down the priority list. So I suggest
to couples to actually put a time on the calendar and organize everything so

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its taken care of. Tantric lovemaking is about creating energy and love and
care and nurturing of your partner. Are you too tired to be nurtured? To be
held? To be caressed? What I suggest is that a lot of people are really too
tired for a big performance, for that struggle towards orgasm. Kerry and I, if
we are too tired at end of evening, will come together just to charge each
other up again. That may only be for five minutes, and I can always have
five minutes for love. People may say well how can you make love in five
minutes? We have a process called the daily devotion, which we teach
couples, and its great for busy couples. Its five minutes together, where you
come together and make a connection genitally and with your heart. But you
have no intention of performing, no movement is required, the purpose is to
nourish each other, to be connected and to harmonize body, mind and spirit.

Kerry: Men love to be inside yoni, and if you can be there everyday without
having to perform, without having to even have an erection, after three days
of doing that you have an erection no mater what your age is.

Diane: Also, for women it is very reassuring to know that if you are going to
be together so that youre just going to be held and caressed and that lingum
will be inside yoni, but you dont have to do anything. Energy will start
happening on its own accord between lingum and yoni and heart and heart.

Q: What about the balance of libido in people? I mean, people say, Oh, you
know my husband always wants it or I want sex and he doesnt, he wants
it, and I dont. Can you balance it out?

Diane: Again daily devotion is a great practice for balancing libido. It is
about being together, genitals connected. If one partner has more desire
than another they can still have that deep sexual connectedness and heart
connectedness. It also harmonizes the couple emotionally, because a lot of
women dont want to make love because they are not nurtured emotionally
through the heart. But once this strong heart connection gets addressed and
she feels loved and nurtured, then the energy will flow more often than not
to her yoni, and then she will be ready to make love with her partner.
(For more about daily devotion see additions and extensions at the end of
the workbook.)

Kerry: I think for a man one of the most fearful things is to have a woman
whose sexual energy is stronger than yours. Especially as we are ageing,
very often mens libido starts to drop and womens energy often becomes
stronger. Men should realize that there are other ways of making love where
you can provide sex and love for your beloved at any time of the day. With
the skills of Tantric lovemaking you can match the libido of any woman.

Tantric masters would have 20 consorts or more to whom they were making
love, and sometimes all in the one night. In special Tantric rituals they

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developed some wonderful skills and these are some of the greatest secrets I
can share with you, and I do that in more detail later in the course.

Q: All the magazines, the glossies that kids read these days, the teenage
kids and then into their twenties, its all about sex, but it all seems to be on
the surface doesnt it?

Diane: These magazines focus on the physical side of lovemaking, they are
about techniques for recreational sex, some are great, however we are
teaching about something far deeper. I would love for all young girls, as
theyre growing up, to learn the arts of Tantric lovemaking; to know the
spiritual significance sexuality can have for them. Tantra teaches by blending
sexual passion with the passion of the heartfelt love and combining this with
a meditative experience, that the sexual spiritual energy is released. This
energy belongs to women and is the most potent transformative energy
available on the planet today.

In ancient times female sexuality was honored, not only for reproduction, but
also for the way it inspired passion, desire and pleasure. Earth-centered
civilizations considered the divine feminine as the creative source of all life.
Ancient temples to the goddess Innana, Ishta, Astate existed in ancient
Babylonian times. These deities personified the union of sexuality and
spiritually. And women were custodians of this energy. And I think its time
again for women to be reintroduced to the notion that sexuality can be
reconciled with their spirituality. When connected as one it becomes a
transformative creative and life-affirming force. Tantra is not just about
sexual exercises to get into 101 positions so that you can come
simultaneously. Its about an energy that can transform things that are going
on in your own life, your lovers life and the people around your life. How can
this be achieved? Through using devotion, through using meditation, through
using your breath.

Q: Could these techniques you are talking about help a single man or woman
become more attractive to the opposite sex?

Kerry: The methods we teach can be used equally with single people as they
can with a committed partner. Diane is brilliant working with women in
evoking what we call the Shakti energy, which is, in Tantric terms, the sexual
and spiritual energy that resides within women and through the work of
evoking that Shakti, awakening that Shakti, women become very attractive.
This is how women can increase their attractiveness. This awakening of the
Shakti happens by playing The Body Sensual Mp3 No 7 and No 8 over and
over again. This is an important practice in the last section of this course.


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Q: You and Diane are very much in love, and enjoy exploring the more
spiritual aspect of sex. Is that what you focus on in Tantric lovemaking?

Kerry: Tantric lovemaking as we teach it involves three aspects, the physical,
emotional and spiritual. One aspect is the physical, how much ecstasy you
can experience during lovemaking, how far you surrender to your pleasure.
We learn to expand and give, receive and generate more and more and to be
able to go into the higher states of whole body orgasm.

According to Taoist sexology most women orgasm at lever four, but they say
there are nine levels that they can actually go through. Through these
secrets you can go and nourish higher and higher levels. Its only the mind
that stops pleasure, when a woman has an orgasm the mind will say, Ive
had my orgasm. But there is much more beyond that, the potential of the
Shakti is truly unlimited. Ecstasy has not been explored to it full extent, but
you add to that the intimacy, now thats the challenge. You have love
burning with the sexual passion that you transcend into an area that touches
the soul - a spiritual experience.

If he knows these secrets, a man can take his woman to levels of ecstasy she
hasnt been before. At the same time he feels his deep love and intimacy,
she may experience transcendental spaces, then that woman will never leave
that man, and her love will know bounds.

If youre single you learn these skills by practicing yourself, before you even
have a partner. So when you are finally with the person you love, they stay
with you.

Q: How can you increase and expand the amount of ecstasy you can take as
a person.

Kerry: For a man, the essential skill is ejaculation control. One of a mans
biggest disappointments in bed is coming too soon. The way you practice
this, is that you make love in your normal way, but as soon you get to a
point where you are starting to peak you use techniques to stay in that
orgasmic energy area, without the urgency of impending ejaculation. You can
experience this for up to half an hour or more, going from peak to peak to
peak as more and more energy is being built up in the body.

Q: Is this the same for a woman?

Diane: Yes, A woman can be in this orgasmic state too! She needs to co-
ordinate well with her man and communicate with him verbally or non
verbally. To assist him she needs to know when to stop all movement for a
moment or two, or even for a few minutes. This will allow him to assimilate
all his sexual energy and there are other techniques we will be describing
later on how she can actually physically assist him in this way. For her sexual
energy builds and peaks again and again, so when orgasm or multiple

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orgasms come, its the most powerful experience she can have sexually and
each time she can truly say to her partner that was the best experience I
have had!

Q: You both used the word techniques; can you take us a little bit further
with a technique?

Kerry: There are many techniques and some work best for some people and
some work better for others, depending on your age and circumstance. A
fundamental technique for both men and women is strengthening your
pubococcygeus muscle - the PC muscle. In order to stop urination midstream
you would tighten this muscle. You practice it separate from urinating. You
can do this exercise while youre driving your car, while you walk, while
youre talking. To strengthen a muscle it needs to be repeated over and over
again, what important is not only to know and understand the theory but
also to put it into practice.

Once this muscle is located and strengthened, many additional muscles in
the genital pelvic area can be isolated for both men and women. And can be
used to give and receive physical pleasure. We know a woman who practiced
this exercise for half an hour every day driving to work in the mornings. But
after a month she had to stop because she became orgasmic while driving. I
suggest you start to practice this squeeze and release of the PC muscles up
to 300 times day for a month and then after that as you find appropriate.

This muscle can get very strong. In Taoist sexology (ancient Chinese studies
equivalent to Tantra, in a way, from China) Taoist sages would have that
muscle so strong that they could put their lingum in a glass of water and
empty that glass of water through their lingum, as if it were a straw.
I am amazed at how strong that muscle can get, that you can create a stage
called injaculation (ejaculating internally). We give men techniques of how to
do that manually later in this course to experience what it feels like.

For women, the PC muscle can really enhance orgasmic potential as well. So
if you are a woman who orgasms easily that will elongate that orgasmic
feeling and then youll go into multiple orgasm, and if youre a women who
struggles to reach orgasm you will find it much easier to get there.

This course is for everyone from young people nineteen years old to couples
in their sixties are who have been married for forty years. Its wonderful to
see couples of mature years really sparking with each other again.

If you want to become a great musician, a great engineer, you study with the
best. If you want to become a great artist you study also. So doesnt it make
sense that the area of love and sexuality should be an area that everyone

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really explores? Just because love and sex can be the strongest transmitters
of energy in the human body and its just a wonderful journey into love
together. When you decide, Well, Im not going to be affected by the way
society has looked at sexuality at the past, Im choosing to keep love and
sexual passion alive for a lifetime together, and Im going to do whatever is
necessary.

Tantric lovemaking is a way to combine deep intimate love from the heart
with a strong sexual passion from the genitals and expressing that in a
sacred way, in a way the really touches your soul. So that lovemaking in a
relationship is more than just good sexual experiences. Its a way in which to
enrich the whole relationship encompassing body, heart and soul.

*Note: For more information about Daily Devotion see Additions &
Extensions section at the end of the workbook

Daily Devotion

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QUESTIONS:

1. What is your motivation for doing this course?
What would you like to get out of it?

2. What do you enjoy about making love currently?

3. What are some things you have learned from this section that you could
develop to enhance your love life?

(A) Physically:

(A) Emotionally:


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(C) Spiritually:

4. What is the meaning of:-

Yoni:

Lingum:

Shakti:

PC Muscle:

5. What is one tantric attitude you could bring into your love life?

6. What is one practice you could do when you find yourself not finding time to
make love?


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EXPERIMENTS:

Experiment (1)

Shut your eyes and focus your awareness in your genitals. This may take a
few moments to sense. Then focus your awareness in your heart. Imagine
that a physical connection exists between them. It could be a golden light
joining these two energy centers; perhaps it is a thread of silk, of satin
ribbon connecting the heart in your chest and your lingam/yoni in the cradle
of your hips. For some people it may be a feeling such as the sensation of a
running stream or waterfall linking these two parts of the body. For others, it
may be just the thought of a strong continuum of energy from heart to pelvis
and pelvis to heart.

Experiment (2)

List other names for vagina and penis that are used in our community. Some
are derogatory and used for insults. In Tantra its healing to have personal or
sacred names for your genitals. What are your personal names for
penis/vagina?

Experiment (3)

Next time youre making love just stop, just stop in the middle of your
lovemaking and for a moment just look at your beloved. Look in his/her eyes
and consciously breathe in and say, I love you, and breathe the energy up
out of your lingum or yoni and into your heart.

Experiment (4)

While making love, if you find you are concentrating too much on her
coming or if youre a woman you find you are concentrating too much on
Am I going to come? Or your mind is not present and you are not feeling as
much as you would like to, get your partners attention and ask him/her to
breathe with you. You can still keep moving but focus on your breath (eyes
open or closed).

Experiment (5)

PC muscle exercises:
First, mentally locate the muscle, the one that you would use to hold back
urination. Locate the muscle and tighten it. Tighten and hold, then release.
Again tighten, hold and release, locate the muscle, tighten, hold and release.


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The release is just as important as the contraction. In the early stages you
may be tightening the whole body, but then as you practice you will get to
isolate that muscle and perhaps just do the pelvic floor muscles and
eventually you will get the specific muscle.

Do this contraction and release of the PC muscle for a set of sixty, three
times per day for at least one month to see a real difference. Remember you
can do it at any time; in fact you could do a few contractions right now.

Experiment (6)
Start pumping the PC muscle sometimes while you are making love. Ask if
your partner can feel your muscle contractions.

For Women; when in sexual embrace with your partner, lie completely still
together and practice the PC squeeze ask your partner if he can feel the
pressure and what do the yoni contractions feel like for him?

Experiment (7)

Advanced exercise for women
While in a sexual embrace, but apart from your regular intercourse, try
contracting the internal vaginal muscles, imagining bands of muscles starting
from the opening of the yoni, to deeper inside the yoni. Ask him for feedback
- can he feel the length of his lingum being massaged?


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RESULTS & IDEAS:

Results

What happened when you tried the experiments?

Experiment (1)

Experiment (2)

Experiment (3)


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Experiment (4)

Experiment (5)

Experiment (6)

Experiment (7)


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Ideas

This is a place to note your ideas on how to apply the material to your
circumstances.

SECTION
TWO


Ancient Arts for Modern Lovers


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OVERVIEW:

In order for you to obtain the most out of this
section of the course, the approach will be two-fold.
Firstly you will be given knowledge about Tantra,
education about these ancient arts and lovemaking
attitudes. This will give you the opportunity to
expand and weave them together with your own
attitudes and as a result open new horizons and
possibilities in your love life.

This education is so important, because our
attitudes to sex have been greatly influenced by our
upbringing in a society that gave us mental
associations with sex of fear, guilt, secrecy and
shame. Although you may not see it that way now,
as an adult often early conditioning is still in your
subconscious and it affects your ability to truly feel all the bliss and ecstasy
that can occur during lovemaking.

Secondly we will be combining this knowledge and education with
techniques, skills and practices to turn your lovemaking into an art form.

We assume that you have already listened to Mp3s no.1 and no.2 An
Exploration into Tantric Lovemaking and so youre familiar with our approach
to lovemaking, which is a way of combining sexuality, love and spirituality in
the most beautiful blend that it can be. We also assume that youre familiar
with some of the terms that we use. For example instead of Penis we use the
word Lingam because it means wand of light. And for Vagina we used
the word Yoni which means sacred place or hidden valley.

INTENTION:
To give you the education and the practices necessary to increase ecstasy for
both you and your partner during sexual loving physically, emotionally and
spiritually.


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For Women
Do you sometimes want your orgasms to be stronger or want to feel
more sensation during intercourse?

Do you find yourself pushing towards climax but dont know how to
trigger your release?

Do you find your partner is not giving you enough intimacy during the
day but as soon as he gets into bed he wants sex?

For Men
Do you wish for more control over ejaculation?

Are you having times when you are making love and you find you are
losing your erection strength? Or finding it not as easy to get an
erection as you used to? The Mind is willing but the body isnt!

Do you find your partner complaining she is not getting the intimacy or
romance she needs from you? (Which often shows up as I dont feel
like sex tonight.)

For Couples
Would you like to bring a more sacred aspect into your lovemaking?

Turn sexual loving into a meditation that nourishes you on all levels:
body, heart and soul.

Bond your relationship even closer together.

This section of the course gives you practical ways to handle all of these
situations and many more. It addresses not only our physical needs in our
sexual loving but also our emotional and spiritual needs.


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METHOD:

A. Physical Ecstasy:- The practices given in the
first section include:
(i) Strengthening the PC muscle to
strengthen orgasmic sensation.
(ii) PC muscle combined with breath
exercises in order to spread energy
throughout your body. This way you
have a whole body experience rather
than just a genital experience.

Ecstasy happens with PC contractions
(iii) For women there are two techniques of pumping the PC and using
visualization during intercourse to bring on orgasm.
(iv) For men, two extra techniques, new techniques for ejaculation
control and extending lovemaking for as long as you choose.

B. Heartfelt Ecstasy:- Experiencing, respond-
ding to and expressing your heartfelt
emotions to create more love and intimacy.
Practices for being more emotionally
intimate throughout the day, not just in
bed; eye contact for more intimacy;
sharing your feelings and positive,
supportive communication with your
partner.
Physically and emotionally touching your
partners heart center to remind you both
. of your love.

C. .Spiritual Ecstasy:- A White Tantra exercise
to help train your mind to be more present
during lovemaking. A practice of Red
Tantra, a joint meditation sexual practice
with your partner connecting your sexual
center with your spiritual center. Ways to
make your lovemaking the most sacred
experience that it can be.

Connecting with the heart
Yab Yum. The red Tantra meditation

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KEY POINTS:

Tantric lovemaking is a journey and a spiritual path which you can have
individually, or share with a partner, towards experiencing your highest
potentials physically, emotionally and spiritually.

If youre single, by doing these practices you may find your magnetic
attractiveness is increased and as a result may draw to yourself a suitable
partner and when you do, youll have extra skills to develop and maintain a
nurturing and passionate partnership.

If already in relationship, you and your partner will be opened up to new
heights of love on all levels of body, heart and soul. You will also have
insights and techniques for deeply connecting with your partner and
experiencing transcendental states while lovemaking.

If you want to be proficient at anything, there are certain skills that are
essential to master. Its like learning to dance you first learn the skills and
techniques then you practice so that when you finally dance you can just go
with the music. You dont have to think about the skills, they just come
naturally. Its the same with Tantric lovemaking, but to get to that stage of
proficiency its important to practice the skills.

If you suffer from prostate difficulties or sexual or life-threatening diseases
or are pregnant, please consult your doctor before doing these practices.

Understanding the principles of Tantric lovemaking can help you expand your
attitudes to sexual loving. Tantra is a spiritual science from ancient India,
there are texts dating back some two thousand years.

In its basic essence it is very similar to Taoism from China, both involve
balancing the Male and Female energies to create harmony, and have an
ultimate goal of unity or spiritual ecstasy known as enlightenment. Tantra
encouraged one to explore every aspect of life, so obviously the study of
sexuality was included, not only included, but in fact revered. Making love
was seen as a gift to God. There was no repression or guilt attached to sex.
It was taught that when a man approached his beloved he should have a
sacred feeling as if he were going into a temple. The ancient art of sexual
loving was the noblest of arts to study.

For most of us there is no quality education, no real education about how to
extend love in sexual ways to your partner, other than intercourse with penis
in vagina and perhaps more recently with stimulation of clitoris and nipples.
This is a very limiting view, Tantra encompasses so much more.

Thank goodness its changing now and you can get wider perspectives about
sexuality. This has been greatly assisted by the explosion of information on
love and sex in the media over the last few years on radio, TV and the

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magazines. This is the first stage of a new era in the area of sexual loving,
the sexual revolution of the sixties was only the beginning, we are now
moving into a sexual evolution. In Tantric writings they say that Tantra is
born again from age to age, we have been in the dark ages in the area of
sexual love, many things in the future will change and the sacredness will
reunite with sexual loving. Not in the same form as ancient times but in a
new form adapted for modern lovers, and what is exciting is that you are a
pioneer, I mean you are on the cusp of that change now and your willingness
to listen to do this program and your openness to expanding your attitudes
to love and sex.

Tantra for Modern Lovers
In this course we dont teach the sexual arts of Tantra per se, we have
adapted them for modern lovers and take on what we like and what works
for us, and we encourage you to do the same thing. This is a contemporary
approach to tantra, suitable for everyone to try.

One of the meanings of the word Tantra is to expand. That is, its not one
thing and this is important to understand. It includes every aspect of sexual
loving. Many people think Tantra only includes long slow lovemaking without
orgasm, and it does include that. But thats only one end of the spectrum.
Tantric lovemaking includes the other end of the spectrum, and that is hot,
juicy, passionate sex with mind-blowing orgasms and I like that too, and I'm
sure many of you do. Tantric lovemaking encompasses the lot, the whole
spectrum. It includes the way you already make love and introduces you to
expanding into other modalities physical, mental and spiritual. One caveat:
whatever you practice on your own or with a partner, no harm is to be done
on any level to yourself or others, physically, emotionally or spiritually.

Expanding Ecstasy:- Physically.
One way to increase your physical sensation in the sexual area is to
strengthen your PC muscle, because this muscle is the main muscle involved
in orgasm. So it if gets stronger, then when you have an orgasm your
orgasm feels stronger. Also men can use this muscle for ejaculation control
so you both get the opportunity to make love much longer and give and
receive a whole lot more pleasure. By exercising this muscle regularly it also
helps men to retain the strength of their erection, which can give both
partners a lot more enjoyment.
For women, strengthening the PC also enhances your orgasmic pleasure too.
Its an essential exercise to be done on a continuing basis for women of all
ages.

Another way to expand ecstatic feelings is to learn to coordinate the PC
contractions with the breath, consciously aware breathing is a key in Tantra
and this will be your first experience of using the breath to spread pleasure
throughout the body. You can use this exercise separately from lovemaking
as a way of strengthening the PC, or you can use it during lovemaking or
during self-pleasuring.

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What youre doing is taking sexual energy felt in the genitals and you are
spreading it through whole body, so it becomes a whole body sensation, not
just a genital sensation. You can do this practice at each peak of pleasure, at
each peak of pleasure you build up the energy to a peak and then you suck it
up with the PC and the breath, and then release the PC contraction and this
assists to spread it again. What you are going to find is if you do this
exercise its going to reduce your need to ejaculate, so you will be able to
make love for much longer, and when you do come you are going to find it is
going to be much longer and much stronger.

Women, you can use this PC breath exercise during lovemaking too. In a
similar way where you breathe in and squeeze the PC, and you imagine the
energy drawing up from his wand of light and taking that up to your heart.
Then spread the energy with the release of the breath and the release of the
PC, so when you squeeze the PC imagine that you are drawing the energy
up, up high into the heart. As you do this you are inhaling and then releasing
the PC and exhaling the breath. You can do this for 5 to 6 breaths at a time,
several times during lovemaking when you feel its appropriate. Experiment a
little and see what works for you and your partner.

However, we know from sexual research including the Hite report, that
orgasm during intercourse can be elusive for over 50% of women. So if this
is the same for you, to increase pleasure you will need to focus and gather
sexual energy, rather than spreading throughout the body all the time. There
are two excellent ways of doing this.

Firstly, visualizing energy entering in at the big toe, running along the foot,
along the inside of the legs and thighs up into the yoni, into the clitoris, and
ovaries and uterus. This is the pathway of the spleen, kidney and liver
meridians, which run sexual energy throughout the body in Chinese
acupuncture. Sometimes when youre making love you might have noticed
that your big toe curls over, this is because the spleen and liver meridian
start in the big toe. So what you do is to visualize energy moving along these
meridians from the feet to the inside of the ankles, calves, thighs up into the
clitoris and yoni. And sexual energy will build, leading to heightened
pleasure, leading to orgasm.

A second way is using the PC squeezes during intercourse. Its a great way to
focus the mind and attention on your own pleasure in the yoni to really
connect with the neurotransmitters of pleasure. This will amplify your
pleasure and in fact some women can induce orgasm themselves with this
method alone. Your partner will also find this feels fantastic on his lingam,
however if you continue the PC squeezes for longer periods hell have to be
well-practiced in the arts of Tantric lovemaking to be able to handle that
amount of pleasure.


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One of the major difficulties for many couples in reaching higher states of
pleasure is that the man climaxes too soon. If you try this PC breath exercise
for ejaculation control and a peak of energy and it doesnt work as well as
you would like, than its simply because your PC isnt strong enough yet.
Thats all it is, all you need to do is continue the exercises.

The manual prostate pump:
In the meantime, there is something else you can do to release the urgency
to ejaculate and that is to manually pump the prostate area. The prostate
enlarges near ejaculation, to manually pump the area take your hand to the
region between the scrotum and the anus, and press firmly up in that area
with two or three fingers, and you hold it for two or three seconds, and then
you gradually release. You pump it like this manually several times, maybe
ten times until you feel your erection starting to subside. You can then
continue to make love; again your lovemaking can go on indefinitely doing
this.

As your PC muscle gets stronger you will not need to use this manual
pumping technique at all. You will be so proficient at it that during
intercourse you will barely need to stop movement at all. A simple easy
contraction and release of the PC will be enough, and your partner will not
even be aware that youre doing it, but that takes some practice to get to
that stage.

Techniques for women helping the man:
Women can help their men with ejaculation control in many ways. Heres one
Ill share with you now. It works on the principle that as man is about the
ejaculate, his testes or jewels get drawn up closer to his body. So what we
do is to reverse the process by pulling the testes down. The pull needs to be
gentle but still quite firm. You wont hurt him as long as youre not squeezing
the testes together. Continue to hold them for 30 seconds or longer and
repeat when necessary. Now depending on body sizes and lovemaking
positions the woman might find it hard to reach his scrotum. So the man can
do this for himself. Either way genital contact is not interrupted and
lovemaking can have many more magic moments.

Heartfelt Ecstasy: Heartfelt Loving
The second element to bring more ecstasy to lovemaking is focusing on the
heart component - how much love you can feel while making love. A lot of
people use the term making love whenever they have sex, but to me
making love has a higher vibration, a unique blending of your sexual passion,
connecting the heat of your genitals with a deep love and intimacy you feel in
your heart.

Whats important for men to realize is that to become a good lover you need
not only be an artist with your lingam, you have got to be an artist with your
heart also. So try being much more romantic and much more loving with
your partner and not only in bed but throughout the day. A lot of men make

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the big mistake of only lovingly touching their partner when theyre in bed.
They forget about it throughout the day, especially if they have been
together or married for quite some time. Try giving her much more attention
for three weeks and see the effect. Again, knowing about something and
practicing it are totally different things. Knowing about this doesnt count,
bringing home flowers every day for a week, taking time to sit and talk, to
massage her shoulders, to let her know you love her, that counts!

One way for both men and women to create more intimacy is to keep eye
contact. We will often shut our eyes while making love and go into our own
space, which can be really nice, of course. But to be more intimate and
maintain contact while you are making love, not all the time but often, stop
and open your eyes and feel your love, feel your connection to your beloved.

For women, to get your partner to open his eyes during lovemaking this may
be more difficult for some men as feelings of vulnerability may surface. As a
suggestion, pamper his male ego and affirm his skill in some way e.g. this
feels so good, your lingam feels amazing then go on to ask him to open
his eyes, talk to him and tell him of your feelings of love for him and that you
want to connect even more with him.

Making eye contact helps him to connect the pleasure and passion he feels in
his genitals with the warmth in his heart and intensifies his feeling of love for
you.

The other thing you can do to have more intimacy while making love is talk
to your partner, share your innermost feelings, share your innermost feelings
of love. A lot of people only make love in silence with a few oohs and ahhs.
But its nice sometimes to speak your heart, its more intimate and its more
romantic to say loving things to your partner while making love.

There are other ways to communicate this heart energy. In eastern traditions
they say there are seven major chakras starting at the base of the spine and
finishing at the crown of the head.

The heart chakra or the heart center, being in the middle, is of utmost
importance. It is in the center of the chest between the nipples and it is also
called the seat of compassion. Its important to have ways of connecting the
heart centers. Simply touching your partner at their heart center can help
open them to intimacy. Also, Tantric traditions teach that heart energy can
be directed along the arms to the hands, so that the hands become
wonderful transmitters of energy, extensions of the heart.

Spiritual Ecstasy: Turning lovemaking into a meditation.
Tantric lovemaking can be a spiritual practice, a meditation. Tantra in fact
urges meditation, the conscious turning away from the mind, from the things
of the world in order to be totally present in what you are doing, to
experience a kind of inner peace. Sometimes during really high experiences I

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feel a sense of expanded consciousness of melting into the cosmos. Eastern
religions would call this a state of Samadhi or bliss. By learning how to turn
your lovemaking into a meditation, these experiences will happen much more
often for you.

You can do this meditation alone. Its called White Tantra. When you do it
with a partner and you bring in sexual energy its called Red Tantra we
find Red Tantra the most powerful. You can practice Red Tantra during
lovemaking or separately from lovemaking as a meditation together.

The man can sit in a chair with his back upright. This is a common position
for meditative practices, keeping the spine upright. The woman can sit on top
of the man, lingam in yoni, although this is not necessary. You dont have to
be in a heightened state of sexual energy to do this, as long as the genitals
are touching. Start breathing and squeezing the PC as you breathe in and
imagine energy or white light moving up the spine. You can actually take it
right from the genitals at the base of the spine right up into the crown
chakra. This is the spiritual energy center at the top of the head. You make
the sipping sound, Thhhh, as you both take it up the spine and the relaxing
sound, Ahhhh, as you both take it all the way down the spine, releasing the
PC, and breathe.
This energy that we are moving up and down the spine is called the Shakti
energy or the Kundalini energy, and the spine is the major pathway in which
it moves.

Please try this Red Tantra practice. Try it with your partner for a five or ten
minute period. Its probably going to be one of the most enjoyable
meditations that you have ever done, and if you have never tried meditation
before its going to be a wonderful introduction to it. You are breathing
together and your mind is totally present making this a very powerful
meditative experience, mixing sexuality with spirituality.

Using the Breath:
Because you may be unfamiliar with this way of lovemaking, of combining
breathing with using the PC muscle and visualizing sexual energy moving up
and down the spine, it may seem unusual or unnatural for some of you at
first. But please dont let this be a barrier to continuing to experiment. As a
result of doing this joint meditation practice, you can take parts of it and
integrate them with your own usual ways of making love. Being conscious of
the breath, for example, is an excellent element to add to any lovemaking
experience. The breath is of utmost importance in advanced Tantric
lovemaking.
You can use the breath in different ways, firstly focusing on the breath while
lovemaking. This has many benefits. Being aware of it helps to keep you in
the present moment instead of the mind racing off to how am I doing or is
he going to come too soon or I can hear the telephone and I wonder who it
is. The breath helps focus you and keep you in present time.


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When couples are consciously breathing together this helps to harmonize and
weave their energies together so that they become two making love as one,
instead of him making love to her and her making love to him, almost
independently of each other, off in their own two worlds. The two become
one. This is where the real alchemy can start to happen.
The breath is only a tool for coming into the present moment. True ecstasy
happens when you are so thoroughly absorbed in the present moment that
nothing else exists. Breath is also used for harmonizing together and
balancing emotional and physical energies as mentioned previously in
relation to daily connection practice p13 of Exploration.

Lovemaking as a devotion:
Another way you can combine sexuality with spirituality is to use your
lovemaking as a devotion, to make your lovemaking a prayer. Your sexuality,
when mixed with your partners, is a potent force and its highly charged
energy can be dedicated or devoted to whatever you choose. It has powerful
manifesting qualities when blended with love. We do suggest that you only
use this creatively and positively and qualify your devotion with and let it be
for the best for all concerned.

To add power to a devotion, Tantric lovers like to create a special place to
make love in, a sacred place. It can be simple or elaborate, using objects or
trinkets that have significance to you and that are reserved especially for
these occasions. Such as candles, special flowers, incense, perhaps even a
silk rug. These things will help change the feeling of your room from that of
the ordinary to that of a temple. It is your intention to dedicate the energy,
your attitude, to lovemaking and the special space that you have created,
that can make your lovemaking sacred, make your lovemaking into a prayer.

Lovemaking can be the richest experience we can have as a human being. If
thats what you truly want then you will find the ways, find the teachings,
you will find the path. The richness of your experience of sexual love is truly
unlimited. There are over two thousand years of Tantric lovemaking secrets
we have drawn upon and incorporated into this course. And most importantly
we have made it practical for modern lovers. This is just the beginning and
we do hope that it will lead you into some wonderful lovemaking.


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QUESTIONS:

1. Describe your first sexual intercourse experience. How could it have been
better?

2. What is the main value for men in strengthening the PC muscle?

3. What is the main value for women in strengthening the PC muscle?


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4. What is one exercise women can do to help to evoke or elongate an orgasm?

5. What are two extra practices you have learned to help with ejaculation
control? (Or to help your partner with ejaculation control if youre a woman?)


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6. How do you feel when you have your eyes open during lovemaking?
very uncomfortable
reasonably comfortable
no problems
fantastic

7. What are some ways you can assist your partner to feel your love? Please
write these down.

8. What affirmations could you use either as a single or in partnership, as a
devotion before you make love? Kerry and Diane suggest including
something as simple as I honor the divine within you.


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EXPERIMENTS:

Experiment (1)

When making love this week, try after a period of dynamic movement to stop
and pause. Feel the sensations in your body. Then move into a slow
movement, then try fast, and then stop again, then absolute stillness.
Consciously weave together periods of fast and slow and stillness. (If do you
not have a partner, try it during self-pleasuring).

Experiment (2)

Co-ordination of the PC muscle contractions with the breath.

You can use this exercise separately from lovemaking as a way of
strengthening the PC, or you can use it during lovemaking or during self-
pleasuring.

How you do it is, as you breathe in you make a sound thhhh, like drawing
and sipping through a straw, and at the same time you pull the PC muscle up
so you are coordinating the breath with the PC muscle. You hold it and then
you release the muscle and you release the breath together making the
sound ahhhhh, letting the energy spread through your body. So you
breathe in thhhh fill up your chest and then hold it, and then release
ahhhh, and visualize the energy moving throughout your body, out your
arms, out your legs and spreading the energy throughout your entire body.

Its very important that as youre releasing the energy and visualizing it
spreading through your body, that youre totally relaxing all of the muscles,
especially the buttock muscles.

Experiment (3)

Try doing the above practice during lovemaking or self pleasuring.

Men can imagine your lingam acts like a straw. As the sexual energy builds
up, stop movement and sip up the energy to your heart. Repeat this at each
peak of energy to reduce the urgency to ejaculate

For women, try pumping the PC muscle during intercourse. This will help to
move your energy into your genitals. Also try pushing down from your heart
to your yoni, opposite to men, if you want encourage an orgasm.


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Experiment (4)

Pouches of Jewels

This exercise is for men and women to work on together as teammates
(alternatively, men can do it on themselves during self pleasuring).

At points of high energy, to reduce the urge to ejaculate, reach around and
manually pump the area between the scrotum and the anus, hold for two to
three seconds, gradually release and repeat this several times before
continuing to make love.

Also try pulling down the scrotum. Be quite firm, you wont hurt him as long
as youre not squeezing the testes themselves. Men can often reach around
and do this themselves and continue to move without having to stop to get
control. Thats an advantage of this technique.

Experiment (5)

Practice being more intimate

Separate from lovemaking, practice being more intimate. For example,
during dinner one night, instead of talking about the usual things, try this
process. Let one of you speak for two to three minutes and then the other
person speak.

Say, What I appreciate about you is . (Say the persons name and
fill in the space, whatever it is you appreciate about them).
E.g. What I appreciate about you is waking up and seeing you next to me in
the morning or What I appreciate about you is the way you relate to the
kids or What I appreciate about you is having you as my best friend and
each time you share something your partner is to simply say, Thank you,
but refrain from commenting.

Then change roles. That is, you become the listener and your partner shares
something with you. This is a simple and powerful exercise.

We often fail to tell our partner what we appreciate about them, and instead
pick on the things they are doing wrong and we focus on the negative
because we assume our partners already know what we appreciate about
them. This exercise is a wonderful way to create intimacy, if you do this
exercise a couple of times, even for two minutes, youll find your intimacy
starts to increase.

Intimacy means into me see. When you create more intimacy you allow
yourself to be seen and your inner feelings to be expressed.

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Experiment (6)

Red Tantra

This can be done as a sexual meditation separate from intercourse, with
clothes on, or as part of sexual loving. This experiment is best done in the
sitting position, like in meditation. If this is difficult try sitting on a chair or
stool.

(i) The woman sits astride the man and you start to breathe together, let
your partner hear your breathing and tune into the same rhythms.

(ii) Begin to co-ordinate the breath with the PC muscles together.

(iii) As you breathe in together, imagine pulling the sexual energy from
your sex centers to the heart centers (in the center of your chest.) And
breathing out, back into your sex center and continue (connecting sex
with love). Try this for five minutes to start, up to 10 or 15 minutes for
subsequent sessions.

(iv) Put your foreheads together (third eyes touching). Do the same as
above (iii) but move the energy between the sex center and spiritual
center at the third eye (center of forehead just above eyebrow level).

(v) Sit in stillness and meditate together, being present in the moment.
Let your thoughts pass away as you melt not only into each other but
also into existence.

If you have not tried mediation, then I suggest you try this in a sitting
position and just breathe together. This practice can be done after you have
been making love for some time when your sexual energy is fully charged.
Still, finish this practice in stillness instead of pushing on for orgasm as you
may normally do. See what happens.

Experiment (7)

Try making more eye contact during lovemaking. Sometimes, feelings of
shyness or inhibitions take over. As you become more comfortable, try
having eyes open and maintaining eye contact with your partner for longer
periods of time.


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RESULTS & IDEAS

Results


Experiment (1)

Experiment (2)

Experiment (3)


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Experiment (4)

Experiment (5)

Experiment (6)

Experiment (7)


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Ideas

circumstances.

SECTION
THREE


Sexual Secrets That All Women Would Like Their
Man to Know

Sexual Secrets that all women would like their man to know

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Sexual Secrets
That All Women Would Like Their Man to Know

OVERVIEW:

This part of the course is about practices
men can do to improve their lovemaking
prowess - this is covered by Kerry Riley.
Beyond this, what is just as important, if
not more important, is how it is for the
woman when making love to a man who
learns these skills, and what she can do
to assist him in being a better lover for
her - this is covered by Diane.

INTENTION:
To give men the education and skills necessary not only to be a good lover,
but a truly extraordinary and caring lover. And the truth is that is what every
woman yearns for in a man. By the end of this course you are going to know
more about lovemaking than 99% of men on this planet, and the woman you
have in your life, or the one you attract to you, will love you for it because
you will be able to bring her the love and pleasure she yearns for. In
response, her love and sexual energy toward you will know no bounds.


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For Men
Have you found yourself in the embarrassing situation where you want
to have sex but you cant get a strong erection?

Have you ever made note of what physiological changes happen in your
body as you approach ejaculation? What if you could reverse these
ingrained responses that cause you to ejaculate and change your whole
programming so you could go on much longer?

Have you noticed that as you get older that ejaculation leaves you quite
depleted? Did you know there were practices of non-ejaculation used by
Taoist masters in ancient China that allowed them to make love to many
women?

You may have heard of extended orgasm for women, but do you know
how to create an experience of extended orgasm for yourself?

For Women
What do you do in a situation where you try everything but he is still
soft? What can you do with a soft lingum to still give both of you a lot
more pleasure?

Do you often find your man is getting to excited too quickly? What if you
could do something with your breathing so he doesnt come too soon?

Do you know you can create an internal orgasmic experience for your
man once you know the million-dollar point?

Have you found yourself in the situation where he is struggling so much
to control his ejaculation that you cant enjoy yourself? What if you
could do some things for him that would help him go longer?


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THE METHOD:

Kerry Riley will share with you all the secrets a man needs to become an
extraordinary lover
Things covered will include addressing the two most common physical issues
men face.

(i) Ability to make love long enough to satisfy his partner -
Ejaculation control.

(ii) Ability to get and maintain the strength of erection at any age.
Sexual Virility
Non-ejaculation Skills
Injaculation

These techniques will involve more subtle and less known skills that women
enjoy, rather than the more forceful methods some men are already familiar
with.

Diane will give her perspective on how it is for her and for women when a
man develops these ways of making love. Also how the woman can assist the
man with ejaculation control and what to do if he loses his erection.

Press here for
injaculation

Heart Technique. The challenge men face.


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KEY POINTS:

When a man loves once without losing his semen he will strengthen his
body, if he loves twice without losing it, his hearing and his vision will be
more acute. If thrice all disease may disappear, if four times hell have peace
of his soul, if five his heart and blood circulation will be revitalized. If six
times, his loins will become strong. If seven his buttocks and thighs more
powerful, if eight times his skin may become smooth, if nine times he will
reach longevity. If ten times he will be immortal.
This is from an ancient Chinese text on sexology. You will learn more on this
in this section of the course.

Contrary to what the ego would have us believe we are not born naturally
good at sex. We need education and we need to ask questions about
becoming a good lover. I mean Im not talking about screwing; anyone can
to that, any animal can do that. Im talking about lovemaking Im talking
about lovemaking that touches you and your beloved on every level of your
being, body, heart and soul.

Often the lovemaking is over far to quickly for the woman to feel her full
orgasmic pleasure because her partner has ejaculated too quickly, and not
only has he ejaculated but he hasnt had enough time to give her that love
and emotional loving that she really needs.

Learning these secrets is wonderful because often women will try to tell their
men what they want, and they have to be really careful because a mans ego
is very connected to his sexual performance. Therefore she may be afraid of
hurting his ego and men often wont ask their partner want she wants
because they, as men, are supposed to know. So they dont find out what it
is she wants in bed and how to improve their performance and their loving
skills, and it is a no win situation.

Even in a long term relationship some women will be very hesitant to suggest
to their partners what they would like. Especially if it is different to what they
have been doing over a number of years. So this section of the course is
great, women can get an insight into what happens for their man in sexual
loving and what happens for him physiologically before orgasm. It will be
great for both of them and they will be able to discuss and communicate
further.

For single men, training to be a good lover is essential, so that when they
meet a women with whom they want to form a relationship they will be far
ahead of the man who literally enters and blows it the first time.

For single women when they attract into their lives a man suitable for a
partnership, having knowledge of these skills will really help her understand
what happens in the lovemaking for him and she will be able to encourage
him and in fact help him.

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These ancient arts were taught, but usually only to emperors, kings and
noble men, because the art of lovemaking was the highest kept secret. In the
ruling class, a mans power and respect was judged on the amount of
consorts that he could keep sexually satisfied. It is written in the ancient
texts of China that it was common for the emperors trained in the art of
lovemaking to be passionately making love in their 90s, sometimes with up
to twenty different consorts, twenty different lovers.

Women want good sex, and that means good loving. Good sexual loving
includes the heart being nourished, the physical body being nourished as well
as deeply connecting. So if the man ejaculates too quickly they dont have
that time span to experience any of this.

You can learn it, it takes some practice. Its like learning to ski, you fall over
a few times, but with practice you get better. In fact if you continue to
practice you get really good. Now you might never become a champion, you
might never become like these emperors in ancient India, but thats not what
you want, thats not what you need. What you need is to feel good about
yourself as a man, to know that your woman loves you and you are
satisfying her fully. You are going to be able to do that by practicing the skills
in this course.

Being a man you face two major sexual difficulties in your life. The first is not
being able to last long enough to satisfy your woman, and the second
difficulty is almost the opposite, and thats not being able to get an erection
or losing your erection, or the minds willing but the body is not.

These are incredibly embarrassing times for a man, you feel terrible as a
man when this happens. Especially if your woman is wanting more and you
cant do anything about it. But these major difficulties can be overcome by
learning two secrets.
Number 1. Ejaculation control, which will solve the first problem.
Number 2. Non-ejaculation, which will solve the second major difficulty.

Lets start with ejaculation control. We already gave you some good
techniques.
(i) A strong pubococcygeus muscle (PC)
(ii) The PC muscle and breath coordination
(iii) The testicular pull technique
(iv) Manually pumping the area of the prostate

Another one of the greatest secrets to know is breath control. What most
men do as excitement builds up is that they move harder and faster and the
breath gets harder, heavier and faster. Or they hold their breath as they get
close to climax. What we need to do is reverse the flow of sexual energy and
one of the best ways to do this is to breathe slowly, rhythmically and deeply.

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For the woman you can help your partner with this. If he starts breathing
and panting you know he is moving towards ejaculation and you can gently
work with him and gently remind him by saying something like breathe with
me, darling. Breathe a little louder so that he can hear. This will remind him
of the slower breathing and he will follow you. Sometimes Ill just blow a
cooling breath on Kerrys face and neck and this is a signal between us for
him to slow down. Then Ill keep breathing slowly and he will follow me. And
then when the urgency subsides it gives us time to connect with our eyes
and our hearts as well. And then we can move on to more passionate love
making again. And we both really like this technique.

Another wonderful technique for ejaculation control that women enjoy is
called take it to the heart. This is a most valuable sexual secret for men to
know. To practice this you must first take the focus off the genitals by
stopping all movement then try to feel in your heart a deep love for your
partner. Even if she keeps moving you can still get your energy up to your
heart by repeating over and over to yourself. I love you, I love you, I love
you. Whatever you need to do to get the energy up into your heart and out
of your genitals. Dont worry if there is a diminishing of your erection. If
youre getting this energy up to your heart the erection can subside about
20%, but when the erection returns again you will find it is even stronger
than before.

Women, here is a little secret for you. Men are afraid of losing their erection,
that their lingam may go from hard to soft. So dont say, Your lingams gone
soft darling, whats happened? Say I love it, I love it when your lingam is
soft. I love the feeling of your soft lingam, and remind him he can do so
many magical things with a soft lingam. If the lingam falls out of the yoni
you can use it as a paint brush. Get into a position where you can take his
soft lingam in your hand to pleasure your yoni or your clitoris. Perhaps as a
change, take him in your mouth and sucking him gently, seductively and
passionately. You can also use his lingum like a paint bush, painting around
the outside of the clitoris and the vagina.

Playing like this is a wonderful sensation that you both can really enjoy. So
its important, making him feel good about the soft lingam, because in fact
he is taking that energy up to his heart and will be experiencing so much
love for you in a new way that he hasnt done before. So he needs this
reassurance. And most likely youll find his lingam turns to being nice and
hard again fairly soon. But if you make him feel guilty or bad that youre
missing out, it will make things worse because during lovemaking he will be
afraid it will happen again and this fear will, in fact, cause it to become an
ongoing problem. You will miss out and so will he. He might not be willing to
try this technique, so please encourage him and give him reassurance. If you
can bring yourself to orgasm with this paint brush technique, even better.


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The next secret is muscle tension release. The muscles of your body are
conditioned to respond in a certain way as you build towards ejaculation. So
what you need to do is reprogram what your muscles do when you come
close to climax. You need to learn how to relax the muscles as they start to
tense. Do you know what is happening with your bodys responses as you
come close to climax? Your muscles? Your thoughts? Your breath? If you can
observe what you do then you can also work at reversing the conditioning.
Its not difficult. Its just a matter of awareness and a little training. You can
teach yourself. If you hold your breath as you are coming to climax then
learn to keep breathing. If you are breathing through your mouth start to
breathe through your nose. The idea is cooling down the system, not heating
it up!

Thought release is another great secret. As you feel your mind rushing
towards climax, slow down your thoughts, often your mind will focus on the
goal at the end, rather then the pleasure along the way. The mind will focus
on your orgasm or on her orgasm, or on your performance. And this actually
brings on ejaculation and you miss the precious moments along the way.
So try to delight in the subtle energies of mild arousal, the pleasurable
feelings that occur long before the highly excited phase. And drink deeply of
those sensations. When you are getting close to climax use your mind to
relax your muscles. If youre tensing and fighting the sensations to ejaculate,
stop all movement and breathe. Release your breath. Breathe deeply of the
pleasure and spread that energy on the out breath through your body.

Thought release, muscle release and breath release. Remember these things
because these are wonderful techniques to prolong your lovemaking. And I
strongly suggest you listen to the body sensual Mp3 (Mp3 no.7 and Mp3 no.
8) in this series to practice these skills.

I think its valuable for a man to do a self pleasuring experiment. Once the
initial embarrassment is overcome and the vulnerabilities are let go of, it can
be a wonderful sexual sharing couples can have together. Talking over what
he found out about himself, what he found out about his breath patterns, his
muscle patterns, how he likes being touched, information that probably
neither of them knew before. So this will be greatly to their advantage.

I think at this point I have covered enough ejaculation control techniques to
last you for a lifetime. Other extreme techniques in Taoist sexology books
involve rolling the eyes back, pressing the tongue to the roof of your mouth
and clenching your teeth and clenching your fists. It works, but its certainly
not a turn-on for your woman when she looks up and sees you doing that.
This is an extreme control technique. The word control often implies tension,
this technique is a tension technique, its fighting against something, and this
is not the type of control I am talking about. Its a relaxed control that you
want to develop, you can be in control in such a way that its not a fight, its
being totally with the energy. Centered, experiencing everything that is

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happening. Being in the now. Totally present with whats happening. Its a
relaxed presence rather then control.

Non-ejaculation. This can solve the second major problem for men, which is
losing their erection while making love or not being able to get an erection or
losing the strength of their orgasm. It is especially valuable to practice for
men whose sexual energy is not as strong as their partners. The possibility
of non-ejaculation, having intercourse but not coming, is a strange idea to
take on at first.

There are some great benefits of learning the technique of non-ejaculation.
Because women dont lose energy through orgasm, they might get relaxed,
tension might be released and they are relaxed, but the energy around a
woman after she has had an orgasm is beautiful energy, its high energy.
But the man tends to just close down, not only physically but emotionally
after ejaculation. He often just wants to go to sleep.

A mans burning desire for lovemaking happens before intercourse, a
womans often happens after intercourse. It is a wonderful technique for an
older man whose sexual energy and vitality is not as strong as it used be; or
a man whose sexual drive isnt as strong as his womans. All you need to do
is practice non-ejaculation several times and you will find that your energy
will start to come back.

It still means that you can make love but you dont ejaculate. I suggest the
first time you try this, dont go to the final stages, otherwise the energy may
stagnate and you can get discomfort. You may need to get your partner to
work with you on this one. Well before getting to the point of no return just
rest inside your partner, breathe in and hold the breath as you contract the
PC muscle, then release and feel the energy spreading from your genitals
throughout your whole body. Repeat this several times, feel and visualize the
energy spreading. You can practice this in Mp3 no.8 without a partner.
Finish the lovemaking go out to dinner, go to work and see how you feel. If
you have managed to spread it properly you shouldnt feel tense or
frustrated, but rather relaxed and full of good vital energy. Youll take that
vitality with you next time you make love.

Dianes comment about this: Culturally we have been taught that for a
lovemaking session to be successful, ejaculation needs to happen. This is a
joint belief, a joint attitude held by men and women. So if you want to go
and try this, and Im speaking to the men here, let your partner know. Say,
This time, for our lovemaking, Im not going to ejaculate. Im going to try
and not ejaculate. So she knows whats going on. Because I know from my
own experience and in talking to other women who practice this with their
partners, it can take quite a few months to get used to the idea because we
have been trained as young woman when we are in a partnership ejaculation
should happen. Male ejaculation should happen. And if it doesnt happen,

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something is wrong with me. I havent been as sexy as I should have been
or could have been.
So for the woman, if you know that this is being done for your benefit you
will start to enjoy him doing this because you know he will be able to make
love with you again later and wont have any trouble getting his erection
back. Also youll find he will be more open and attentive of you. Men often
shut down, not only physically, but emotionally, after they ejaculate.

Pain in the scrotum can happen at the beginning of your training in non-
ejaculation. But after a while its not a problem. In the earlier stages it is,
and what you need to do is some pelvic congestion relief exercises. One of
them is pumping the PC muscle after you have non-ejaculated. Another way
is to massage the area of the prostate gland. Press firmly on the area
between the anus and the base of the penis. At least 100 times, or your
partner can do it for you.
Another way is you can use the breath and the PC muscle squeeze technique,
where you draw up the PC muscle and you hold the breath and you release
that muscle and the breath. Ahhhhhhh! The same time letting that energy
spread throughout your body.

Another method to use for pelvic congestion relief is to pull the scrotum
down while having a shower after your lovemaking, so that the warm water
runs around the area of your genitals. Hold the scrotum down and continually
rub the area below your navel in a circular motion with the other hand.
Another method is to put a hot water bottle on the area after you finish
making love. You might think, well, Hey this is not worth it, but remember
the benefits of being able to make love more often, being able to satisfy your
women more, being able to get much more powerful experiences for
yourself, and not being drained and not feeling tired after intercourse. To me
that far outweighs the chore of pelvic congestion relief, at least for a try
anyway. And maybe the Taoist masters were right, maybe it does give you
more life, maybe it does rejuvenate you.

If you have any prostate trouble then you should not practice this non-
ejaculation at all, until your condition clears up. Also if you suffer from any
non-specific urinary tract condition, non-ejaculation can aggravate this also.
So you need to clear up these conditions first.

Changing your diet can be part of a healthy lifestyle change. We have
observed in men who have had difficulty with ejaculation control that often
changing their diet helps, and it certainly influences the taste and scent of
your sexual fluids.

Injaculation: With injaculation, you get the same throbbing sensation as
ejaculation but you dont pass semen. To create injacultion manually you
need to locate the point midway between the anus and the scrotum. Its
called the perineum. When you locate this point with the finger it feels like
theres a small indentation or a hollow in that location.

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So what you do is at the moment you feel that youre ready to ejaculate,
reach around behind your buttocks and locate this point. If you press it hard
enough the semen is not able to travel out of the prostate or through the
urethra. So semen is recycled via the lymphatic ducts into the blood stream,
which nourishes the body.

In normal ejaculation the prostate pumps between five and twenty-one
times. However with the compression of this point it may take several
minutes for the prostate to empty. So you feel a long, extended orgasm,
sometimes with young people up to five minutes. Dr Stephen Chang calls this
point the one million dollar point, because one of his students came back
after trying it and said it feels like a million dollars. A five-minute orgasm
should feel like a million dollars.

It takes a bit of practice, so while youre learning it might be a good idea to
use three fingers, then you can experience what injaculation feels like. If you
choose to try this practice during self-pleasuring or during lovemaking, then
as I said before, simply reach around behind your buttocks and press the
point just before ejaculation. Or your woman can learn to do this for you. The
same warning goes for anyone who has prostate or non-specific urinary tract
infections you should not use these injaculation techniques. Its my advice
to use the technique only on occasion, because I have a sense it may put a
lot of pressure on the lower part of the body if its done too regularly.
Although Dr Chang who is a medical doctor doesnt give any such warnings,
its just my feeling that that may happen.

It is a wonderful experiment for a beginner to use. Once you learn the more
advanced techniques and the different forms of orgasm that you can have,
you can leave this technique behind. Other forms of orgasm are covered in
my book Sexual Secrets for Men, What Every Woman Will Want Her Man to
Know

Its very important to not become too fanatical about non-ejaculation. Some
of the Taoist books advise that you should only ejaculate one in a hundred
times; well this is definitely extreme and its not necessary at all for this day
and age, let alone desirable. So dont be fearful about ejaculating, if you do
cum you can easily regenerate this energy through the womans Shakti.

Final secret: This is the final secret to give you, its a great secret to know
that you can balance any loss of energy from ejaculation with absorption of
your womens Shakti.

Her Shakti is sexual and spiritual energy and you being inside her yoni
connects you with her vital essence. A womans essence can empower you, it
can lift you, it can energize you and it can heal you. Its my experience and
the experience of many men that I have introduced this secret to. That if you
can stay in your women for at least one hour you dont lose energy when you

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ejaculate, because you can absorb the females essence when you stay in
your womans yoni for that length of time. You can energetically and
psychically absorb this regenerative essence and so balance any loss through
ejaculation. You dont need to be pumping for the whole sixty minutes; you
just need to be inside her and learn how to absorb and drink of her Shakti,
and spread it through your body with the breath.

By learning these sexual secrets from this course you can be sexually active
in your nineties. Not from positive thinking or willpower but from a deep
understanding and practice of these secrets. Through mastering these skills
you will have the ability to be totally there with your beloved when youre
making love, instead of having to concentrate on the fear of coming too
soon. You will reach a stage where there wont be any difference between
loving, touching and actually making love. This is what every woman wants,
and every man can achieve by mastering these techniques. Take your time in
learning the skills, have fun with them and realize that you know more about
lovemaking than 99% on men on this planet.
I wish you the very best of lovemaking for you and your beloved, or if youre
single for the partner you draw into your life.


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QUESTIONS:

1. What are the two major difficulties that concern men the most in their sex
life? (It is also important that women know this.)

2. Describe thought release, muscle release and breath release and what are
the benefits of doing these things?


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3. What is the benefit of non-ejaculation?

4. What do you need to be particularly careful of with non-ejaculation?

5. What is injaculation?

6. What are the contra-indications to trying these practices? In other words,
who should never try these techniques?


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7. Ask your partner what is one thing you could do to help them enjoy their
lovemaking more (we often dont ask, but are expected to know!).
You may like to write these down.


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EXPERIMENTS:

Experiment (1)

Self Pleasuring
You may feel embarrassed about doing this but it is going to give you so
much valuable information.

For Men:
First, find a safe private space and lock the door. Use a lubricant if you wish
and start to self pleasure yourself for at least 20 minutes. Each time you
approach climax, just before the point of no return, firmly but gently hold the
head of the lingam with a closed fist. Dont move; dont move at all until the
energy subsides. Keep your hand in place until the erection starts to soften.
And then continue to stroke until you approach climax again. Repeat the
procedure. Gently hold the head of your lingam again until the erection
subsides. And you continue to do this for at least 5 times. Now you can go on
to ejaculation if you wish. But thats not the point of this exercise. That might
be the point of masturbation. But its not the focus in this experiment.

The point of this experiment is to know what is happening as you approach
orgasm. Whats happening with your breathing as you are getting close to
climax? Are you holding your breath? Are you panting? Or what muscles are
tensing? Are you tensing your shoulders? And more importantly your pelvic
floor muscles? Whats happening there? Your buttocks? Your genital region?

The thing to do is start revising some of this conditioning. Start with your
breath slow down your breathing, use long steady breaths. Breathe the
opposite way to the way that you were breathing through the self-pleasuring
experiment.

If you hold your breath as you are coming to climax then learn to keep
breathing. If you were breathing through your mouth, start to breathe
through your nose.

When youre getting close to climax use your mind to relax your muscles. If
youre tensing and fighting sensations to ejaculate, stop all movement and
breathe, release your breath. Breathe deeply of the pleasure and spread that
energy on the out breath.

Reverse everything you usually do.

For Women:
Try a similar experiment. Dont focus on orgasm, focus on any pleasurable
sensations you are feeling. Use thought release, PC muscle squeezes, sound
and movement to keep you in the moment.


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Experiment (2)

An extension of this experiment above (experiment 1) is to allow your
partner to watch you.

For the man, he will be able to learn some valuable skills on how to pleasure
you (the woman).

For the woman, she will learn a lot about him, to help with his ejaculation
control.

Experiment (3)

For Men:
Next time you make love, use your non-ejaculation control techniques to
make love until your woman is satisfied. So she has had her orgasm, but you
dont ejaculate. You just stay inside your beloved quietly and rest there,
resting your mind, resting your body, resting your thoughts. Drinking deeply
of the pleasure that you have been having. Stay connected until your lingum
begins to soften again.

You could try this one night before you go out. Try this practice of non-
ejaculation and once you have relaxed then go out to dinner together. You
are going find that when youre out at dinner you are going to feel totally
open, sexy and loving all night. Your woman will love this, and when you do
get home you will find youre not tired, youre full of love, full of passion and
desire.

Experiment (4)
Extension of Experiment (3) Advanced students only

Make love again when you get home after dinner and practice non-
ejaculation again, then make love again the next morning. It is going to feel
like the very first time you made love. If you practice non ejaculation again
that morning then you are going to be going along the highway whistling and
singing along the freeway, because your energy is going to be so high. You
wont be drained, you will be charged with energy throughout the whole day.

N.B You will need to be practicing the Tantra skills for quite sometime before
you will be able to do this non-ejaculation three times in a row. I suggest you
just try it once first and see what happens. Most men cant carry this much
pleasure without getting tense and irritable. It takes some training but the
advantages are multifold, especially as you get older or at times when you
are experiencing loss of sexual vitality.

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Experiment (5)

For Women:
If he does experiment 3 and is feeling tension, give him a pelvic congestion
massage.

Its really quite simple, if you sit in between their legs, this is after
lovemaking. Apply really firm pressure along the inner thighs up to where the
sit bones are and be careful not to press on the actual celestial jewels or the
lingum itself. But you might lift that area gently out of the way and continue
firm pressure with the heel of your hand, in along where I said on the inner
thighs, the sit bone and the area of the perineum. He can tell you if he would
like that harder or firmer until you get the pressure right. Do this for five
minutes or so.

Experiment (6)

For Women:
Before your partner is fully erect, or if he is trying to get an erection, try
using his lingum as a paintbrush and paint around your clitoris and vagina.


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RESULTS & IDEAS

Results


Experiment (1)

Experiment (2)

Experiment (3)


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Experiment (4)

Experiment (5)

Experiment (6)


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Ideas

circumstances.

SECTION
FOUR


The Body Sensual

The Body Sensual

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The Body Sensual

OVERVIEW: guided practices with backing music.

This part of the course involves practices and as
such is more about practicing than theory. However
major points have still been included.

Mp3 no.7 A Sensual Relaxation: (referred to as
part A on the Mp3 recording)
This sensual relaxation is especially good for being
able to tune in to different parts of your body, to be
able to relax in lovemaking. To get out of the mind
and tune into your whole body, to come into the
present moment and feel the expanded state of
consciousness this creates. It is also a healing and
rejuvenating practice healing us of past tensions
and hurts connected with our sexuality.

Mp3 no.8 A Guided Sexual Practice: (referred to as part B on the Mp3
recording.)

This is a guided sexual practice to put the things you have been studying into
practice.

If you do not have a partner to make love with then this practice is
extremely valuable for you because once you do have a partner the
skills will already be honed and developed.
If you do have a partner or a friend who wants to learn, you can do this
practice beside them while lying down next to them.

Often couples do this practice next to each other then go to make love at the
end of the practice or sometimes during the practice! This part of the course
is designed to turn on your sexual energy.

INTENTION:
(i) To give you a sensual relaxation practice that helps you be more present
in your lovemaking and at the same time rejuvenates your sexual
vitality.

(ii) To give you a sexual practice you can do alone or with a partner where
you are guided in the Tantra skills you have been studying.

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Often while making love the body becomes tense. This can result in the
man coming prematurely or the woman not being able to let go.

Have you noticed that sometimes during lovemaking you are thinking
too much?

Have you experienced times when your sexual energy is low and you
wish you had a way to bring back the desire?

Do you want to have more times where you go into spaces of pure bliss,
not just at orgasm but throughout your entire lovemaking experience?

These practice Mp3s train you in what to do to address these issues and
many more.

METHOD:

By playing Mp3s no. 7 & 8 over and over again you will start to feel your
sexual energy gently bubbling up throughout the day. This is very healing for
anyone whose sexual vitality has started to wane.

Mp3 no.7 has a subtle effect but over time it can be very deeply healing. The
method to see results is to play it regularly. You can use it purely as a
relaxation practice. Its a fabulous way to relax and meditate.

By practicing Mp3 no.8, you have a way of doing the practices of tantra
without a partner. You will see the benefits in many aspects of your life
because your sexual center is a store house of vitality and creativity. If
youre not using it youre losing it - and this shows up in your vitality for life.

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The Body Sensual meditation can be done as a couple or as a single.

Breathing the energies through the chakras.

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KEY POINTS:

For (Mp3 no.7)

Practices for muscle release, breath release and relaxing the whole body.

Tuning in to your sensual areas.

Becoming totally present in the body, out of the mind, and in a state of deep
pure relaxation.

You experience your physical reality through the senses. When these are
opened up, practiced with and expanded, your sensuality increases.

Breath awareness.
With each exhalation release any tension and become more and more
relaxed. Feeling a wave of relaxation moving through your body.

Take awareness to each and every part of your body including your genitals,
until the whole body is relaxed and connected.

Imagine energy building in the sexual region and let this spread throughout
the whole body. Healing the body and rejuvenating the body.

Activate the kundalini energy with pulsing of the PC.

Focus on the rhythm of your breath; keeping your mind present and in the
moment.

Give yourself positive affirmation about the pleasure of sexual feelings.
Healing past conditioning of any guilt attached to feeling sexy.

Transmit the sexual energy into healing energy and spread it through your
body.

For Mp3 no.8 - A more sexual practice.

Prepare your space, have some massage oil or body gel within reach.

The use of sound and breath brings you into the moment to release any
tension in all parts of your body, especially the genital area.

Visualize energy pulsing up the inside of your legs into the pelvis and into
your yoni (vagina) or lingam (penis), our sacred parts.

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Amplify the pulsing with contractions of the PC muscle. Feel the pulsing in
the yoni (the sacred place, hidden valley, field of pleasure.) Or for men in
the lingum, the wand of light and the celestial jewels.

Spread this energy through your whole body with PC pulse, breath and sound
together.

Start rocking and swirling your hips and pelvic bowl, which is a storehouse of
sexual vitality.

Move this energy from the sexual chakra to the heart chakra and outward to
your fingertips.

Sensually touch your whole body with your finger tips.

Explore your sacred parts using oil or gel.

Allow yourself to thoroughly enjoy the pleasure sensations while continually
connecting breath, sound and the PC pulsing.

Start moving your hips more dynamically, combining this with increased
breath pattern and sound. Even if this is not happening naturally, the idea is
to do it anyway, because it can trigger your orgasmic response.

Amplify the energy with PC squeezes, feel the kundalini energy moving up
the spine connecting the chakras. Pelvis to belly, belly to heart, heart to
throat, throat to third eye, third eye to crown (the spiritual center).

Now bring the energy down again from the spiritual center to the sexual
center.

We move the kundalini energy up and down the body because sometimes we
want more energy in the genitals, sometimes in the heart (to feel more love)
and sometimes in the spiritual center (to experience a moment of bliss).

Valley orgasm: Breath in deeply, squeeze the PC muscle and hold the breath
for several seconds. Then release and spread the built up energy through
your whole body. Repeat this several times.

Be still, be in the after glow and integrate the experience deep within
yourself.

Devote the energy to a higher purpose.

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If this Mp3 is played over and over again it will:

increase your orgasmic response.

reduce past negative sexual conditioning.

add to your love, your joy and your pleasure.

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QUESTIONS:

1. What can your do to bring your mind more into the present moment while
making love?

2. What are three things you can do during lovemaking to activate your
orgasmic response?

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3. How can you connect all the chakras together during sexual excitement?

4. What would be a reason for moving sexual energy up to the higher energy
centers?

The Body Sensual

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5. What would be a reason for moving the sexual energy down into the
genitals?

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EXPERIMENTS

Experiment (1)

Part (A) of The Body Sensual Mp3 no.7

Write down a time you are going to practice part (A) of the The Body
Sensual. You need about 20 minutes. Do not play it in the car. You may
easily fall asleep through the practice so it may be a good idea to do it before
sleep.

Write down your experience of practice (A).

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Experiment (2)

Part (B) of The Body Sensual Mp3 no.8

This practice is much more active and ideally you will need a private place to
practice it. It is a sexual practice.

Write down your experience of Practice (B)

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RESULTS & IDEAS

A place to write what happened with any of the experiments and to note your
ideas on how to apply the material to your circumstances.

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Additions &
Extensions to
the Course

This section covers extra information, skills and
techniques for the Tantric lover

Additions & Extensions

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Additions & Extensions to the Course

1. DIFFERENCES IN DESIRE DAILY DEVOTION

In MP3 no.1, Diane and Kerry brought your attention to a practice called
Daily Devotion. We are elaborating on this practice here because over
the years of teaching Tantra and getting feedback from hundreds of
students, this has proven to be one of the most valuable and useful
practices couples have been able to incorporate into their lovemaking.

This practice is especially useful for busy couples who say they cant find
time for making love (especially if they have young children) or say they
are too tired by the time they get to bed anyway. It is also one of the
best practices Kerry and Diane teach for balancing desire, where one
partner complains the other always wants sex more than them, or their
partner doesnt want it as much as they do. This creates a lot of
problems in relationships.

The following is an extract from Diane Rileys book Discovering Your
Tantric Goddess:

A woman in touch with her Tantric Goddess knows that her body is
sacred. No-one is to enter her temple unless they are invited and only
then if they respect the preciousness of her Shakti, her sexual and
spiritual energy. Some men, especially after they have been in a
relationship for some time with the same woman, forget this. Many of
them seem to think that anytime they want to make love, the woman
should respond and make love, whether she wants to or not. Many
women give in anyway, just to keep the peace. This results in sex that is
more like marital rape than making love. If this happens to you, in all
probability, youll no longer feel like a virgin goddess (a woman whose
sexuality belongs to herself). Instead, youll feel used.

On the other hand, a wise goddess knows the power of kindness. Out of
love and compassion, sometimes she may bless her partner with her
lovemaking as an act of kindness rather than as an act of submission.
There is a big difference between this and submitting to his pressure to
make love. A whole set of other problems arise when you want sex more
than your partner does. Men who find themselves in this position feel
weak and powerless and will often compensate by being aggressive or
cold towards their partners, keeping their distance and avoiding intimacy.
A recurring example is when the man overworks or over commits himself
with sports and social occasions so he doesnt have the time for sex.

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These situations arise because of one of the most common problems in
sexual relationships: - differences in desire. So what can the Tantric
Goddess do about these situations? In this extract, we shall examine this
issue more closely.

The other side of the bed
Why can't a woman be more like a man?" Dr Doolittle demanded of Eliza
Higgins, played by Audrey Hepburn in the classic film, My Fair Lady. In
terms of sexual desire, I suppose that, for most men, their secret wish
would be: For her to be ready when I am.

It is highly unusual for partners to always have the same level of sexual
desire. Lovers find their own ways of coping with individual differences;
however, it can be a source of frustration, anguish, guilt, emotional hurt,
and is often at the root of relationship breakdown.

Frequently, womens sexual energy ebbs and flows. Some women
experience pronounced differences in desire related to their monthly
cycle. There is no set pattern for all women. Some say they feel most
turned on just before menstruation, others, during, or just after. Men will
often see it as unpredictable, rather than changeable. This is just as
important for women to understand as it is for men. Women will often
think their sexual energy is "lacking" or miss-timed rather than seeing it
as a natural flow of the cycles of all womens experience.

At my women's' seminars, many women talk of their experience of feeling
sexually loving towards their partners through the day, for instance, on a
weekend or holiday, yet when he routinely expects sex in the evening as
an extension of her daytime initiation, he is disappointed when she
doesn't feel like it, or that she is too tired. He expects her sexual interest
to be constant until it is consummated by intercourse.

Women often tell me that when they feel very loving and sensual, usually,
theyll let their partners know. However, because it may not be
appropriate to make love at a certain time, nothing happens. Later,
however, he might want to make love yet she wont feel the same desire
as earlier. More than likely, hell become upset because he assumes her
desire is still the same, four hours later. For him, it's as if her sexual
desire must remain constant until lovemaking can happen. Most men
don't understand the changeability of a woman's sexual desire and will
blame her for not wanting to make love. Whereas for the woman,
although she still loves him, her desire might not be there as it was
earlier. There are many reasons for this including:
Her emotions or circumstances have changed
Fatigue
Past history of not getting what she wants sexually
Health reasons, stress and financial worries.
The nature of woman's energy.

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The heart and yoni are connected

If they feel sufficiently loved and appreciated, most women are more
willing to love sexually, whereas for men, it works in reverse - men
respond with more love and attention once you indicate sexual interest.
As John Gray, author of Men are from Mars, Women from Venus, explains,
"Once they feel accepted as sexual beings, men open up. Men are more
talkative if there's more possibility of sex. Of course, sexual energy
fluctuates for both men and women with changes in life circumstances.

Tantric philosophy understands that the chakras or energy centers in the
body are charged. Man's heart chakra has a negative charge, while a
women's heart chakra carries a positive charge. Its the opposite with the
sexual chakra; its positive for men and negative for women. This means
women's emotional energy of the heart, love, harmony and compassion is
closer to the surface and more easily and willingly expressed, while their
sexual energy of sexual passion and desire is deeper and takes longer to
access. While the reverse is generally true for men, a man's emotional
energy is still in the heart chakra, but its not expressed as easily and
readily. Hence, natural differences in desire and libido.

Tantra teachers, Charles and Caroline Muir, teach that young women
come into the arena of love, saying, "I want to be loved through the
heart, then maybe physically" while young men might say, Love me
through my body first, then maybe my heart".

If a woman isn't feeling heartfelt love, she will be less open to a sexual
connection; her desire level will be low. Whereas, if he isn't feeling
sexually loved, he will feel more emotionally distant from her. If there is
no realization of what is causing this to happen, then one blames the
other and sex ends up happening less often. The estrangement can easily
escalate, until no sex is happening at all.

Daily devotion - to balance differences in desire

Many couples have found the practice of daily devotion of extraordinary
benefit in many ways:
It harmonizes sexual and emotional energy between partners to gently
re-establish regular sexual contact.
It provides a way to have intimate, sexual sharing without
performance pressure.
It increases sexual desire.

Daily devotion is a sexual practice where the couple assumes the standard
missionary position with genital contact, with either partner on top. The
difference here, however, is that there is no movement (just enough for

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your partner to maintain an erection). Once the lingam is inside the yoni
(or touching outside the yoni if there is no erection), there is stillness. Use
natural body fluids or a little oil or natural gel product if needed. The
couple embraces gently, heart to heart, maybe kissing or exchanging
words of love from time to time.

It's not the position but the inner attitude you carry that is important.
This time is for nurturing each other in a sexual embrace; it's about
slowing down and enjoying close intimacy holding, melting together, a
time to "be with each other". It is not about intercourse, it's about being
with your partner with your hearts and genitals close or touching, so that
the energy between you starts to harmonize and equalize. It is an
exercise that has many significant benefits on different levels of body,
heart and soul. However, it does require a little understanding and
appreciation of its subtleness; otherwise it can be easily discarded as "sex
without coming. Many make the mistake of dismissing it without trying.

For numerous women, it's often a welcome experience to be held close in
a sexual embrace without having to do anything physical. Her release
from any performance concerns means that she can be physically close
with her partner while feeling nurtured via the heart. This often brings her
desire back more than any purely physical sexual technique.

For the man, it offers him the opportunity for a sexual connection with his
partner more often, rather than always waiting for her to be "ready" for
sex.

What is unique about this practice is that you dont have to be ready to
make love. Many couples feel that they have to wait until they feel like
it before having sex. Everything has to be right, they both have to feel
sexy at the same time, and things have to be going well at work and in
the family life- no stress, no tiredness, no headaches, and no emotional
upsets. And maybe only then will they make love. The problem is that
very rarely is everything just right. What they are not ready for is the
energy required for the whole sexual performance. Daily devotion isnt
about performance. Its a way to give each other energy

Case Study: Eddy and Karen
Eddy and Karen have two children and demanding jobs. Karen explained:

When we were first married, we had a lot of sex; we were hot for each
other most of the time. Now, with the kids and work all we want to do at
the end of the day is sleep. We like sex and love each other but we are
lucky if we make love once a month.

This is typical for a lot of couples. The thing to realize is that if you dont
keep sex happening, then the passion dies. You might love each other,
but you will lose the passion.

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In Daily Devotion, you make an agreement to connect in this way
regularly. We suggest you try it every day for one week to see what
happens. First thing in the morning and last thing at night. For people
who say we havent got the time to make love, this is perfect because it
only takes five minutes.

It's important to remember to make agreements about this practice
before trying it:
Firstly:
The goal is not to have orgasm (if it happens fine, but its not about
seeking it)
Secondly:
Have an agreed time frame (suggested 5-10 mins, no more).
Thirdly:
Honor the agreement (e.g. don't you or your partner insist that it goes on
to a lovemaking session) or trust will be broken.

In this position, the heart chakras are connected and the sex chakras are
connected. There is absolutely no pressure on "sexual performance".
There is sexual connection without the necessity for orgasm.

If you want to introduce this practice to your man, I suggest he reads
Sexual Secrets for Men.

He will realize that sex without ejaculation is, in fact, of great benefit, as
it will increase the power of his sexual energy. So his erections will get
stronger, he wont lose erection, and, when he does ejaculate, it will be a
stronger and fuller sensation for him.

A number of men say they want more sexual contact in their
relationships. They would like to make love more often than their partner
does. On the other hand, men with lower libido than their partners don't
want to make love and are affected by performance anxiety. Either way,
this exercise is worth a try, but do it for at least a week or two.


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2. MORE SWEET ORGASMS FOR WOMEN

There are many techniques in the course for ejaculation control and how
women can assist their partner with that. If a man can last longer, then
there is more time making love and more time for the woman to reach
orgasm. There are many good reasons for a man to learn to hold back
ejaculation, because when a man ejaculates he loses energy. However a
woman doesnt lose energy through orgasm, in fact she can gain energy.

A lot of Tantra books teach you to move energy from the sex chakra to
the higher chakras. This is good for transforming sexual energy into
spiritual energy, like in the guided practice in MP3 no.8. On a physically
level it makes sense for men to do that because it takes away the urgency
to ejaculate. However it is not always the appropriate thing for a woman
to do on a physical level, because if a woman pulls energy out of her
sexual centre, she may have more difficulty having a genital orgasm. It is
not necessary for a woman to pull energy up because when a woman has
a good orgasm, the energy shoots up naturally, and opens all the chakras
including the crown, the spiritual centre. Thats why you will notice the
womans head tilt back in ecstasy.

Most Tantra and Taoist texts were written by men for men and the
practices are not always appropriate for women. What a woman needs for
spiritual ecstasy is not orgasmic control, but exactly the opposite - more
sweet orgasms.

The following is an extract from Dianes book Discovering Your Tantric
Goddess.

SWEETER, LONGER ORGASMS FOR WOMEN

Would you like more sweet orgasms? If you can answer yes!" then all is
possible because the orgasmic potential of your Erotic Goddess is
unlimited.

I found it hard to believe the theory that a woman is capable of unlimited
orgasm; however, when studying advanced sexuality at Moore University
at Berkeley, California in 1987, I saw a woman orgasm for over 30
minutes. It amazed me that a woman could continuously orgasm for that
length of time, that she could have so much bliss. She wasnt a highly
sexed woman or so-called nymphomaniac. She was an ordinary woman
who had developed an extraordinary skill. It opened my mind to the
possibility that the frequency and length of my own orgasm could be
enhanced.

I felt a little cheated because this woman's experience was the exception
rather than the rule. A lot of women don't orgasm at all and for many that
do, it's for a much more limited time. I wondered if, without centuries of

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accumulated suppression of women's sexuality, it would be possible for all
women to enjoy orgasm like this. However, I chose to focus not on the
past or on the problems of women not coming, but rather on the fact that
what I had witnessed, existed at all. It was this more positive focus that
led me through some profound experiences over my life to a point where
I know and experience what it means in the ancient Tantric writings: "The
power of the Shakti is unlimited".

More sweet orgasms are your birthright. As you follow the advice in this
extract, more and more will become available for you. Your Erotic
Goddess will surround you with her glow.

This extract is not just another version of How to become orgasmic.
Many books have already been written on orgasm. It was once the focus
of much of the sexual literature for women, for the simple reason that few
women at that time had experienced orgasm. Most of our grandmothers
would have never experienced an orgasm when they were younger while
most grandfathers probably wouldn't know that women were even
capable of having them. Since then, things have changed considerably
with many more women now experiencing orgasm.

If having an orgasm is a difficulty for you, there are exercises throughout
the tantra home course designed to help. The focus of this extract,
however, is learning that regardless of what type of orgasm you may or
may not have right now, the potential to achieve long-lasting, pleasurable
orgasm is almost limitless.

Once a woman orgasms regularly, she often ceases to explore further.
She has her orgasm and goes to sleep like men often do. What she
doesnt know is that there are even more available to her. This potential
to orgasm over and over again is one of the greatest gifts the Goddess
has given us over men. When a man comes - he goes, Stephen Chang,
author of the Tao of Sexology, once said to me. In other words, once a
man ejaculates hes finished. According to Eastern traditions, he has lost
energy and needs to regenerate, therefore he sleeps.

Scientific research has analyzed the nutritional value of an average male
ejaculation, which is equivalent to two pieces of steak, ten eggs, six
oranges and two lemons combined. That includes protein, vitamins,
minerals, amino acids everything"
10
. No wonder that he'll often roll over
and go to sleep after he comes, or maybe I should say after he goes!

Gaining energy
Women dont lose energy through orgasm; they don't lose minerals and
proteins. In fact, women can gain energy from orgasm. It is only our
minds, falsely conditioned by male sexuality that stop us after we orgasm.

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Also, a woman may feel tired or even exhausted after sex if she is already
tired before lovemaking or her orgasm has originated from feelings of
obligation or pressure to perform.

What she should realize is that, given a little more knowledge, it is
possible for her to open the door to multiple orgasms. There is no physical
reason for a woman to stop - its just her mind that has tricked her.
Once she can overcome this, shell wonder why she should stop when
there is so much more pleasure to have. This is one of the Erotic
Goddess's best-kept secrets. If only this secret had been known to
ordinary women in the past! Unfortunately, many men had a vested
interest in keeping this secret because it threatened them or at least
those men who didnt have good love making skills.
Sure you feel relaxed after you orgasm and that's good. But there can be
more! And yes, there is definitely more! Are you ready? Im going to give
you three practices that will expand on your orgasmic pleasure:

Stronger orgasms
You may have the feeling sometimes that when you climax, it doesnt
really complete you. According to the ancient Taoists, this happens for the
following reasons. A woman's orgasm builds up over nine rising plateaus
of orgasmic energy. Each level of orgasm energizes certain parts of the
body and evokes observable and predictable responses. When you
orgasm before reaching Level Nine, it feels good but you don't feel totally
satisfied. Many women have conditioned themselves to push towards
orgasm to climax before their man ejaculates because then, its all over.
Some push themselves to come together with their man even though they
may have enjoyed going longer. When you do this, you only release at
Level Four, however, there are another five levels of completion you
haven't even touched. Of course, many don't even get to Level Four
before their partner is finished.

In The Tao of Sexology, Dr Chang writes "Many men, even women,
mistake vaginal spasm at Level Four for a complete orgasm. this false
orgasm has been called coming together in most sexology books". Dr
Chang, however, goes on further to say that repeated interruption of
orgasm at a certain levels could create an energy imbalance in the
corresponding organ for that level of orgasm. For example, Level Four
orgasm is related to the kidney and bladder and thus could cause
urogenital problems.

The Taoists teach methods that prolong a man's ability to sustain erection
so he can make love long enough to enable his partner to go through all
nine levels. These methods are covered in the Tantra Home course. The
higher levels of orgasm take our sexual energy deeper into our bodies,
not just energizing the clitoris and vagina, but all our organs. This gives a
feeling of deep joy, peace and wholeness on every level of our being.
Becoming multi-orgasmic.

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The difference between single orgasm and multiple orgasms is that after
single orgasm, there is a resolution phase during which arousal and
tension are significantly reduced, whereas with multiple orgasms, a
woman has a number of orgasms without a complete return to the
resolution phase.

From my studies, I believe any woman who is orgasmic can become
multi-orgasmic. Its not that some women are lucky and others not. Once
you accept this reality then you can start experimenting with self-
pleasuring. Use whatever technique brings you reliably to orgasm. Then,
depending on your sensitivity, begin stimulation again. You may want to
use a vibrator or ask your partner to give you oral sex - whichever gets
you to orgasm. Whatever it is, do it as soon as you can after your first
orgasm.

Sometimes you may find further stimulation after the first orgasm, is
irritable, burning, painful or just numb. If this is the case, then gently
hold your whole yoni with a cupped hand for a while before starting again
or move to the inside the yoni before touching the clitoris again. You may
need to vary the length of time before re-stimulating.

By fine-tuning this technique, most women will experience another
orgasm, followed possibly by more. As you practice, youll find the
intervals between orgasms will decrease.

Essentially, there are three different types of multiple orgasms:

Compounded singles is where each orgasm is separated by a significant
drop in arousal and sexual tension. Then, the energy is built up again and
another orgasm happens.

Sequential multiples are where orgasms are two to ten minutes apart
with little drop in arousal in between.

Serial multiples are sometimes experienced as one long orgasm
separated by mere seconds or minutes at most with no drop in arousal,
often referred to as extended orgasm.

Whatever the type of orgasm, they are all great - any woman who is
orgasmic can become multi-orgasmic by practicing the sexual secrets in
this Tantra Home course. When you are multi-orgasmic with self-
pleasuring, you can transfer that experience to lovemaking with your
partner. If you orgasm through intercourse and he follows that with oral
sex its often a reliable way to enjoy another orgasm.

Case Study: Lorraine and Geoff

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Lorraine, 29, and Geoff, 27, had been together for five years. She came
to me because she had read about the possibility of women becoming
multi-orgasmic. Now, she wanted to explore it for herself:

Geoff was also keen on the idea. Through asking a little about their sex
life together, I found Lorraine could orgasm every time with self-
masturbation, rarely with intercourse, but consistently with oral sex.
However, their pattern was that very often, they would start with oral
sex. Geoff would enter before her climax and try to complete it with
intercourse but that didn't happen so eventually he would come and she
was left.

I told them to begin with what works. So, for the next month, they were
to forget about intercourse - they could do that for the rest of their lives.
The focus for the next month, instead, was to have Lorraine experience
more orgasms. I suggested a pattern to replace their normal one. Firstly,
Lorraine would orgasm through self-masturbation while Geoff kissed and
cuddled her, telling her how much he enjoyed being with her and loved to
see her have pleasure. Secondly, as soon as Lorraine climaxed, Geoff
would start to give her oral sex but would avoid direct contact with her
clitoris until she relaxed with the new stimulation (Gentle blowing of this
area without actually touching is often a good way to re-approach this
most sensitive place). This would continue until she had another orgasm.

One month later, they came back. Lorraine looked so much more relaxed
and Geoff looked very pleased with himself. Lorraine said, "Although I
always climax with oral sex, I was surprised how quickly I came again.
Geoff couldn't resist intercourse and entered, but it didn't really matter,
I'd already climaxed twice anyway." I suggested to them that from now
on, besides their normal spontaneous lovemaking, they could at least
have one session per month where they played with the practice of "more
sweet orgasms"; having multiple orgasms.

Twelve months later, Lorraine says that very often, she now orgasms at
least two or three times in the one session. Frequently, with oral sex, the
time between her orgasms is only a minute or two, sometimes seconds.

Two techniques that can create orgasmic pleasure

Pulsing the PC Muscle
Contracting and releasing of the PC muscle during intercourse is a good
way to assist and increase orgasmic sensation. The use of the PC muscles
is well covered in the Tantra Home Course.

Pelvic movement
Pelvic movement is one key to increasing the likelihood of orgasm during
intercourse. Traditionally, movement in lovemaking was achieved by the
male thrusting in and out of the vagina while the woman was supposed to

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lay back and enjoy. However, current research by sexologists shows that
this action does not provide sufficient stimulation on the clitoris to
produce orgasm for many women. Its little wonder then those women
dont orgasm during intercourse without some other form of direct
stimulation of the jewel (clitoris).

Its important to experiment with positions until you find the one that
gives you most direct stimulation. However, no matter what the position,
a woman can achieve better stimulation of the clitoris by grinding and
rotating movements of her hips. It would seem commonsense that if
pelvic movement is fluid and mobile, then more sexual energy will be
generated.

The woman-on-top position often allows a woman to tilt her hips in such a
way to maximize contact between the clitoris and the base of the lingam
or pubic bone of her lover.

As mentioned, I often recommend belly dancing classes to free up the
pelvic area of the body. If your partner only ever moves in the traditional
in and out pattern, then show him some of your hip movement
Sexercises we have already discussed. Youll be surprised at the limited
movement most men have in their hips. However, if he wont do anything
about it, then that doesnt stop you from getting him into a position
where you can move.

Case Study: Susan
Following one of my workshops, Susan gave me this feedback:
That night, putting into practice the hip movements I had learnt during
the workshop, I added fantasy to my lovemaking with my partner, Eric, so
as to help me with the hip movement. As I climbed on top of him, I
shared with him the following fantasy: I imagined myself as a goddess of
the South Seas, a goddess of love, welcoming my beloved home. I sat
astride him and gently slid over his erect penis. Then I performed a hip
dance of welcome and through the movements of my hips, told him how I
missed him and longed for him. Sometimes, I moved my hips slowly in a
wide rotation and other times suddenly, fast and forceful. Such fun! As
my pleasure would peak I asked Eric for complete stillness and we would
feel the pleasure flooding through our bodies. I continued with more hip
dance. Fortunately he had mastered his ejaculation control techniques so
I could continue my south sea hip dance on his lingum for 4 or 5 more
times with periods of stillness in between until finally I felt my moon
waters releasing and blessing his wand of light.

Susan said she usually didnt have a lot of difficulty coming on his lingam,
but the increased hip movement certainly intensified her pleasure and
climax.


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The moral of this tale is to experiment much more with moving your hips
during intercourse as it will increase your likelihood of orgasm or intensify
the orgasms you already have.
The sexual secrets for women Ive given you in this extract are very
powerful. Try not to be discouraged if a particular practice seems difficult
at first. Eventually, you will move beyond the practice and suddenly, there
will be a breakthrough. The practice will have moved into pure joy and
you will have claimed another piece of ecstasy that is the birthright of all
women awakening to the Tantric Goddess within.

3. MALE VIRILITY DRUGS SOLUTION OR PROBLEM?

As we have already discussed, male virility drugs are being hailed as
miracle drugs for impotence, yet, after all the hype they are simply
preparations to help impotent men get an erection. They are not
aphrodisiacs and might not have any impact on a mans interest in sex or
his desire to be more intimate with you.

Nevertheless, many new performance enhancing drugs can exert a
powerful influence within sexual relationships, improving things out of
sight for some, but causing lots of problems for others. This is especially
true in situations where a mans newfound potency is not welcomed by his
partner so he starts to seek other women to test himself out. For some
men, once they know they can attain an erection as often as they can
take a pill, their desire for sex increases, because they feel confident that
they can now perform.

I in my opinion, the use of drugs like these may pose a health risk for
some. The Ancient Chinese believed that as a man's life force diminishes,
so too does his ability to get an erection. It's the body's natural protective
mechanism to save him from over ejaculating and losing more life force.
Therefore, by using chemically stimulants for the body to produce an
erection, the danger facing most men is that they then force themselves
to ejaculate even though they might not have felt like it. The next time
they try to make love it is less likely they will get an erection naturally so
they use the drug a second time and again ejaculate, after continuing this
they not only become dependent on the drug but feel exhausted and it
affects everything they do.

With many drugs, there are attendant side effects. This comes as no
surprise. For example, look at the hidden side effects, which the
contraceptive pill has caused since its introduction. It wouldn't surprise
me to see prostate problems increasing after long-term use of male
virility drugs, as the prostate is the gland so integrally involved in sexual
functioning in men.


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My suggestion is to try natural methods first. If your partner does decide
to use a virility drug, then encourage him to use it in moderation. Of
course, it won't be long before there is a virility-type pill for women on
the market.

If your partners desire is less than yours, then whether he chooses to use
a male virility drug or not, Daily Devotion is a valuable practice, which
builds intimacy and energizes both of you.

Ive found Daily Devotion to be of great value for all couples whether they
have difference in desire or not. I've found it especially good for couples
with small children, because its a way to keep sexual passion alive, it
doesnt take a long time and it gives you energy rather than depleting
energy, which can happen if you are forcing yourself to go throough the
whole performance often required for the normal act of making love. With
daily devotion you are in fact making love. It connects sexuality with
heartfelt love and there are no performance issues. Daily devotion
nourishes you and your relationship.

SPECIAL
BONUS

Keeping love and sexual passion alive.

Keeping Love
And Sexual Passion
Alive

By Kerry and Diane Riley

This E-book is taken from a recorded lecture series on Tantra and
relationships.

Speakers: Mr. Kerry Riley
Mrs. Diane Riley

Copyright Australian School of Tantra and Spectra 2000 Pty Ltd.

All rights reserved. This Electronic book has been created by new Dimension.
No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any
means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without permission from
the copyright holders.

Contact:
New Dimension info@sexualsecretsformenebook.com
Or http://www.australianschooloftantra.com.au

Disclaimer:
The purpose of this e-book is to educate and entertain. The authors shall have neither liability
nor responsibility for any purpose or entity with respect to any loses or damage caused or
alleged to be cause directly or indirectly by the information contained in this e-book.

Bonus
ONE

One Year Gold Membership To

Tantric Sex Tips, Secrets & Practices

Every 28 days you will receive an email from New
Dimension with your Tantric Sex Tips, Secrets &
Practices.
This entitles you to:
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Bonus
TWO

THE TANTRIC GODDESS-TREATING
HIM...WHAT TO DO FOR YOUR MAN!

1

TlL TlL TlL TlL TAr:Rlc TAr:Rlc TAr:Rlc TAr:Rlc CcLLLee CcLLLee CcLLLee CcLLLee. .. .
TFEATlMC lM TFEATlMC lM TFEATlMC lM TFEATlMC lM
.vlA: :c Lc lcR YcLR VAr .vlA: :c Lc lcR YcLR VAr .vlA: :c Lc lcR YcLR VAr .vlA: :c Lc lcR YcLR VAr

vRl::Lr LY LlArL FlLLY vRl::Lr LY LlArL FlLLY vRl::Lr LY LlArL FlLLY vRl::Lr LY LlArL FlLLY

Copyright Spectra 2000 P/L 2005
The Australian School of Tantra
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, or transmitted in any form
without prior permission of the author. Practices described are for entertainment purposes. Please
consult your doctor for safe sex practices and advice on suitability of practices for you and
your partner.

2

My hand, would that it resembled Aphrodites hand

My faithful ladys, the mistress of loves caress.

When I am ill she heals my precious stalk.

A woman who is comfortable with her Erotic Goddess of love is able to delight in the sexual
pleasure she can initiate for her lover. She knows that sometimes, her lover really appreciates
being seduced and feeling the one "desired". She knows it's important they both take this role at
different times. That is part of the dance of love that helps to keep love and passion alive.
Men's secret desires
In surveys I've conducted with couples in my seminars, I've found mens most common sexual
request is that they would like their partner to be more active and take initiative more often than
they do. Just as a woman enjoys her beloved organizing romantic dinners or bringing home
flowers, a man enjoys his lover to take initiative in sex. Another request is that they would
sometimes like to make love with their partner, without the romantic prelude or the warm up, in
other words, sex for sex sake.
When was the last time you greeted your partner at the front door in underwear and gave him
a passionate kiss, or seduced him, other than in the bedroom? Most men enjoy passionate sex
without the necessity of the emotional preparation.
Mens sexual awakening
Mens sexual potential is just beginning to be understood. For many years, the focus of sex
researchers has been the sexual responses of women and not of men, somehow assuming if a
man ejaculates, thats all he needs to do to experience great sex.
Most men know little of the erotic pleasure that their own body can bring. A lot of mens sexual
pleasure is limited to their active thrusting during intercourse. This of course, is wonderful but
much more pleasure is available to them.
It was a surprise for me to learn that men will ejaculate because they have reached their
pleasure limit and that in fact, ejaculation isnt always orgasm. Men can extend their capacity for
sexual pleasure and have the potential to be multi-orgasmic too! Men become more aware of
their own sexual potential when they become more sensually focused rather than exclusively
thrusting-orientated.

3
Its easier to give than receive
This is true for most heterosexual men when it comes to sex. They are used to taking the active
role. They take it as their responsibility to give the woman pleasure and hopefully give her an
orgasm. Whether this stems from their egos wanting to be good lovers or from real care for their
partners wellbeing is not always clear. There are some men who are still caught in the male
thing of giving it to her, semen and all. Most modern men feel more pleasure from satisfying
their partner, than receiving pleasure directly to nourish themselves.
When you reverse roles like we do in the exercises in this chapter, you may find many men
dont know how to receive. They may be very uncomfortable about receiving for more than a few
moments without having to reach out and do something to you.
The practices Im about to give you are given separately from intercourse as pleasuring
sessions in themselves. The reason for this is that once a man enters a woman with his penis,
old conditioning often takes over with concerns about his performance and about whether his
partner will orgasm. This is associated with conditioning about being the provider, which leads to
performance anxiety and therefore, ejaculation focus. The interplay of his energy with yours,
thoughts of how you are responding, will you orgasm, when you will orgasm etc., take over.
There is too much happening in his mind for him to be able to concentrate on his own capacity to
receive.
By keeping this pleasuring session separate from intercourse, with him lying on his back while
you use your hands to give him the magic strokes given in this chapter, you will give him more
chance of being able to let go and surrender to your looking after him.
You might think that this happens in the woman on top position, but youll find the man will still
be thinking the same thoughts as when he is on top. Only the positions have changed.
Once he can relax and drink deeply of your every touch, of every sensation you are giving him,
he will begin to extend his pleasure threshold, learn to receive sexual pleasure, spreading and
absorbing it through his body. Youll find your lovemaking during intercourse will take on a whole
new dimension of mutual exchange - of giving and receiving, no matter what position you are in.
The following lovemaking skills involve you as the initiatress, introducing your beloved to levels
of pleasure only available to him when he is the receiver, not the active partner. First, let me
explain in tantra the sexual organs are not called vagina or penis. The terms are much more
endearing. The term vagina, for me, seems very anatomical and medical. I will take my vagina to
the gynecologist, but I have a yoni as a sensual woman and while making love! Originally the
name vagina came from the Latin, meaning, sheath for the sword
The word yoni is from the Hindu language meaning sacred place, precious garden, field of
pleasure, gateway. In ancient India, the yoni was acknowledged as the gateway through which
we were all born. Therefore it was a sacred place. In lovemaking, it was revered as a place
where a man could enter a field of heaven. Such renaming of our sacred parts brings a magical
and transformative quality to lovemaking again. How much more preferable is the use of the
word yoni to other less poetic and often derogatory terms such as cunt, for example - a word
commonly used to describe someone you fervently detest. Interestingly, the early derivatives of
cunt from the early Norse language is Kunna- meaning to know, in middle English, cunte
meant country.
Perhaps you would like to borrow some of the following names of love and beauty for your own
genitalia:
Vagina: Yoni, lotus flower, bell, cup, flower, jade cavern, field of heaven, pleasure palace, hidden
valley, cunny, honey pot, or rosetta.
And for him, instead of penis, dick, prick and other equally assertive, dominate and less sensitive
romantic terms the tantric reference is lingam, meaning wand of light! A lot of men like the idea
of having a lingam or lingam, one young man in my workshops said he liked to call his, his

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longum!!! Of course whatever he has, let him know how beautiful it is and how much you admire
it. The guys are more sensitive than we know when it comes to their bits.
Heart-lingam connect
Have him lie down on his back as you sit between his legs. Then, pleasure his lingam (you could
use some of the magic strokes already suggested), or give him oral sex until he is fully erect and
charged with energy. Have him open his eyes, then put one hand over his lingam and the other
hand on his heart center. Get eye contact, talk to him and tell him you love him. This helps to
connect the pleasure and passion he feels in his genitals to the warmth in his heart and
intensifies his feeling of love for you.

Also try by running your palm from his genitals along to his heart center then through to his
shoulders and down to his hands. Do this in long, sweeping strokes, one hand after the other, for
five or six strokes. Breathe in deeply as you stroke up to his heart and breathe out as you take it
down his arms. Ask him to follow your breathing - this helps to lift the sexual energy away from
the genitals to the heart and upper body. You can also use a sweeping stroke down his thighs.
Your hands can help create pathways, not only for the energy to flow to his heart and upper
body, but also down his lower body and feet. Once a man develops this connection, then during
lovemaking, all you need do is simply reach out and touch his heart center. It will act as a
reminder for him to get in touch with his love, not just his performance. In tantra, the most
important connection is between the genitals and the heart, so making this connection for him
through the massage helps move his sexuality past his groin other parts of his body and most
importantly to his heart, the seat of his emotions. Of course some guys may be quite
uncomfortable with this as they just want to get their rocks off and not think of any love they are
feeling, they are just in it for the rush of explosive orgasmic energy. Tantra brings both orgasmic
ecstasy but combines it with an expanded experience of our different bodies, the physical, the
emotional and the spiritual. So it can take a little practice and more openness to move out of the
known routine of sex, pash, grope, make out and come, to explore physical ecstasy and heartfelt
loving combined.

Case study: Lisa and Jesse
Jesse was in his early 20s and had practiced the Taoist teachings of ejaculation control yet this
practice of heart- lingam connect had opened up another dimension for him. There was so much
energy in his heart that his erections would actually subside momentarily. He had an experience
of a deep feeling of love for his partner Lisa; he even felt tears come to his eyes. Lisa loved
seeing him feel his emotions. She had always liked his sexual technique and his ability to control

5
his orgasm because she was nearly always sexually satisfied. But this was something else; she
had never seen this tender side of him. From that moment forward, for both of them, their
lovemaking was no longer just good sex. They now each recognized and understood the Erotic
Goddesss secret of transforming sex into making love.

Anyway, enough of the heart, lets get down to the tantric tips!
Erotic full body massage

A wonderful part of being an Erotic Goddess is being able to give your partner more pleasure
than he has ever experienced before. The first thing you need to do is to set the scene; room,
music, lighting, temperature, refreshments. This time is for his pleasure, let him relax, he doesnt
have to do anything except receive your attention and your love. For many men, this is a dream
come true! So for a man to hear that all he needs to do is to enjoy his womans loving attention,
its great.
He may have had a massage before, but not like the one you are about to give him. Masseurs
avoid our most pleasurable parts. This time, the focus is on the whole of the body and that
means his wand of light will definitely not be left out.
Your partner is going to love this. It will help shift the focus of his sexual experience from
purely genital to an overall feeling of bliss on many levels. Not only will it be good for your
partner, you will also thoroughly enjoy giving it. It will open you up to new experiences because it
will give you a sense of power. You will be orchestrating his pleasure and initiating him into new
areas of sexuality.
In this practice, you will experience being an Aphrodite Temple Priestess and take him to
Paradise. As one of Aphrodites, you view heightened pleasure as a gift to the Divine, to the
goddess. You know pleasure is derived not purely from just receiving as is the case for mere
mortals with their attitude of whats in this for me? True pleasure also comes from giving in
service of the Goddess.
First, set the temple scene for the massage; whatever scene you set in your bedroom depends
on what gives you a feeling of being the initiatress. Wear clothing that imparts this feeling. For
some women, this can mean lacy underwear, for others it could be transparent scarves and
beads, for others still, maybe black leather.
Have massage oils prepared, towel, water, and a massage table if you have one. Check to see
you have everything on hand you need so that you dont have to keep getting up to find
something.
Once youve set the scene, prepare your partner. Perhaps scrub his back in the bath and towel
him down. You could offer him his favorite food or drink and provide some entertainment, music
or even a seductive dance as a gift from Aphrodite.
Have him first lie down on his stomach and first give him a back massage. Many of us carry a
lot of accumulated tension and stress in the shoulders and back and across the hips. Firm
pressure and pummeling with a loose fist is often just what he needs to relax. Ask him to turn
over and massage him all over including hands, feet, legs, arms, head, neck, and chest. If you
have never given a massage before, you could book yourself in for a therapeutic massage so
you get some ideas on what to try, or join a basic massage class. Otherwise, simply sweep your
hands all over his body, apply firm pressure to tense areas using the flat of your hand with
circular motion and kiss any sensitive areas including ankles, knees, inside of thighs, neck, ears,
and nipples and so on.

6
Continue this way for around ten to fifteen minutes until you arrive at that glorious destination,
his wand of light.
Pleasuring the penis - lingam delights
There are many benefits of learning massage techniques of the penis/ lingam. According to Dr.
Stephen Chang, each part of the body, including the genitals, is a microcosm of the macrocosm.
Just as there is foot reflexology, where pressing certain points on the feet stimulates certain
parts of the body, penis-reflexology operates in a similar fashion.
The Ancient Chinese believed that each part of the penis corresponded to a particular organ
and the functioning of that organ can be affected by massage of that particular part of the penis,
whether manually or orally, or indirectly adapting lovemaking positions. So do this for his health!
These following erotic lingam massage techniques were first introduced to us by Neville Rowe,
a Tantric teacher who originally had studied and taught sacred sexuality within the gay
community in America in the late 80s. These techniques are designed to heighten male pleasure
and were first practiced within gay relationships. They are wonderful lovemaking practices to add
to heterosexual relationships as well.
The practices entail role reversal from the usual heterosexual relationship where the male is
actively thrusting. Here, the male is in the receptive role. He receives attention and genital
pleasure while his partner initiates and is active. Its a good idea to start with the body massage I
suggested before going directly to his lingam. Make sure he is lying comfortably on his back,
head on pillows if preferred. Ensure the room temperature is appropriate for comfort and have
plenty of lubrication for the massage - oils, petroleum jelly, or water-based lubricant.
Magic Strokes
Lay him on his back, legs spread apart, as you sit between his legs.
And try these sexy tantric tips.

1. Sweeping Stroke (Sweep it up)
Use plenty of oils, start on the inner left thigh and sweep along the thigh up over the penis and
down the inside of the other thigh. The stroke is performed by sweeping one palm following
immediately after the other in a continual motion. Do this several times, and then reverse the
direction. After a while, up comes the lingam, raising its head looking for more!
2. Jiggle and Giggle
Take his wand and cup your hand over the head so your fingertips hold the top of the shaft just
behind the head. Jiggle your hand, making a vibration, stop, and jiggle again and continue. This
will usually put a smile on his face and get you giggling. Have fun while youre doing this and
remember its not a scientific experiment.
Some men will like a light touch while other may prefer it much firmer. A combination of both is
usually appreciated.
3. Rock around the clock good for when he is soft or firm
Again, have lots of oil and firmly stroke along the shaft of the lingam, one palm after the other
from the base up to the head then starting again at the base. Guide the direction so you take the
lingam through the hours of the clock. In the 12 oclock position, you are stroking towards the
navel, at 1 oclock, towards the hip bone, 2 oclock towards the groin, 3, 4 and 5 against the
inside of the leg and 6 oclock, straight down. Now continue up the other side the same way,
back to the 12 oclock position, and go around again.

7
Be as rapid or slow as you like. His hour hand may become more and more erect so that the
stroking is diagonal to his body rather than flat against it.
Ask him what time he likes best! Is it 12 oclock or 6 oclock? Again remember to have some
fun, sex is sometimes too serious, see if you can lighten up and not try so hard.
4. Ups and downs
Hold at the base of the lingam and stroke up and down. Have one hand or thumb and middle
fingers holding the base to give stability while you use the other hand to stroke the penis. Vary
the rhythm, speed and pressure of the strokes up and down along his lingam.
Now have the lower hand stroke from the middle of the shaft down to the base as the upper
hand strokes at the same time from the middle up to over the head. Then slide hands back to the
middle again and repeat. As your hands go in opposite directions, this can give him the feeling
of an enhanced length in his penis, which men enjoy. Vary the speed at which you do this
5. The extra three inches
Use the same stroke as before with your hands going in opposite directions, left hand going up
and right hand going down but this time; continue with the lower hand through to the scrotum.
The left-hand finger and thumb form a circle hooked behind the head of the lingam for traction
pulling upwards. The right hand encases the balls - pull quite firmly on the scrotum but be careful
not to over squeeze. This stretching in opposite directions with left and right hands gives him an
extra feeling of length. Now continue with your right hand under the scrotum towards the anus
and youll find another three inches of lingam under the skin. Stroke this area up and down as
well several times and tell him Ive found another three inches - hell like that!
6. Pouches of jewels
Women often avoid touching the scrotum, because they have been taught that the testicles are
extremely sensitive and can be easily hurt. Of course, this can be true in the case of rough
handling. During sexual arousal, however, they become engorged and harder and are very
sensitive to erotic touch.
When he is highly aroused, use one hand to encircle the scrotum above the testes while the
other fingertips stimulate and tickle his jewels. Kissing and licking are also delightful. This can be
a turn on for both of you.
7. The Twister
This technique is a much-loved favorite of many men weve introduced it to. Use lots of oil or gel
on his lingam, have your hands in the same mid-position as for ups and downs. Now gently
twist laterally in opposite directions then together again. Slide your hands together up and down
the shaft as you continue the lateral twisting. Neville Rowe called this stroke Twist and Shout.
But if there is plenty of oil, the shouts will be of joy, not distress!
8. Enter and Enter
For this stroke to feel best, he needs to be erect. The technique consists of a firm, steady stroke
using both hands. Make a circle with your thumb and first finger of your left hand and take that
circle over the head of his wand so it has to push through like entering your yoni. Now, put your
other hand on top of that, making an open fist like the cylindrical shape of a barrel. Slide your
hands down so the lingam passes through both hands until the circle on your right hand reaches
the base of his lingam. Then immediately start him entering a circle made with your left circle
hand and so on. Continue as before, repeating this hand over hand. To him, it feels as though
he were making his entrance again and again.

8
9. Gates of consciousness
One of the most sensitive places on the penis is the fremulum on the underside of the penis just
under the head. The skin here is fine and baby soft. If your man has a foreskin, gently pull it
down. With oil, begin using the flat, upper part of your index and middle fingers to gently
massage the fremulum. Remember, this is extremely sensitive so make sure you get a little
feedback so the sensitivity doesnt turn into irritability. As we have already seen, in the same
way, if a clitoris is over stimulated, the feeling can quickly turn from pleasure to pain.

These strokes can be a part of foreplay, but if you only ever use them in this way, then while hes
receiving, he might just be thinking about the intercourse that will come next, rather than relaxing
and receiving the pleasure that is happening now.

Case Study: Sue
During a period of almost two years, Sue had rarely made love with her partner, John. He always
seemed too busy and whenever she would try, he would say he wasnt interested.
When she came for a consultation she was very upset. She had really tried the previous night;
shed been to her hairdresser, cooked a fabulous dinner, massaged his shoulders and was
ready to try some of these strokes on him that I had taught her.
She thought: If he is tired, then Ill treat him and maybe hell get interested after that.
When he got to bed all he wanted to do was talk about financial issues. She had had enough.
She asked if I knew anyone she could use some of these practices with - no strings attached. I
knew a guy I felt would suit and arranged a meeting and dinner. They eventually got to bed
together. Sue said, It was fabulous, I felt like I was a temple priestess I knew all these secret
skills that only Erotic Goddesses know and here was a stranger who had come to the temple for
sexual healing from the highest priestess. I gave him a time to remember. He said that I was
very skilled and that he felt he had been touched by a goddess. It was as though he were in
heaven. We didn't go on and make love. I wanted to but I would have felt too guilty. I felt OK
about doing this. In fact, it was so damn good, I think Ill do it at least once a month! Im much
calmer with John now and I think hell be relieved when I dont bother him as much.
Resistances
You might be surprised, but I know that for some women, the idea of gently massaging their
partners lingam might seem a little foreign. For some, it is associated with subservience,
degradation or exploitation. If you have any of these feelings, its a good idea to examine them,
to see if there is a foundation for them, and talk to your partner about it if you can. If you have a
past sexual history that was painful to you emotionally or physically, something you and your
partner cant handle, seek some help.
Case Study: Karen and Phil
Karen met Phil while she was recovering from a sexually abusive first marriage. They did a lot of
personal growth work together and they were keen to take that consciousness into their sex life.
They both knew that it would require love and patience.
Karen was articulate and expressed to me clearly what it was like learning to face the terror
that presented itself to her occasionally when old memories would surface. This is her story:

9
Karen shared with me that pleasuring of her partner brought up deep resistance for her. As Phil
lay down, memories of her prior abusive marriage flooded into her mind. She felt a strong desire
to retaliate for the past, now that she was in a position of power and control, even though she
was with Phil whom she loved and felt safe with. However, she kept these feelings in check, she
reminded herself of the love she felt for Phil and tentatively started to stroke him. Phil was aware
of her hesitancy and softly gave her feedback on his pleasure.
Karen lightly stroked him all over then gently cupped his jewels (scrotum) and lingam in her
palms and whispered to them, as she would to a baby how she loved them. Applying oil to his
lingam, she stroked, using upward motions while holding firmly the base. With each peak of
energy, her confidence grew and she was delighted with her newfound skill. Phil was
experiencing increasing waves of pleasure. He said, It was as if my whole body was as
sensitive as my lingam. I lost boundaries of time during the experience and I felt this energy
entering my heart. I felt so much love.

Karen had made a breakthrough where she was able to willingly give sexual pleasure to the man
she loved and let go of sexual fear from her past.
In couples seminars I have taught, it has been my experience that Love is the greatest healer.
That either partner can be a healer for the other to help overcome the emotional damage caused
by past negative experience. If your partner can be there for you in sexual intimacy as a healer,
using unconditional love and support, then no matter what emotional pain and distress you are
feeling, it can produce healing of huge magnitude. And you can do the same for him.
Of course, working with a trained therapist can also be valuable but very few employ the
physical and sexual healing that may be needed.
Peaking
Its about building sexual energy higher and higher with each peak so that orgasmic energy is
more powerfully felt with each orgasmic rush. This building up of energy is called tumescence.
You need to be able to communicate with your partner. This isnt about teasing him. This is
about assisting him to learn about his orgasmic response. Orgasm and coming or ejaculation
are two different things. Men can come without a full orgasm and visa versa, so when starting
out on this experiment with your partner. You need to learn about your partners sexual
response, how much pleasure and sexual stimulation he can cope with, before he comes. So
take him to about 60% the first few times, then up to 75% and eventually to 95%. In between you
will need to de-tumesce him which will spread the sexual energy for him.
Stimulate his penis manually and, as he becomes more and more sexually excited and his
penis becomes even more erect, stop stimulation and cup your palm over the head of his penis
with firm but gentle pressure.
After a few minutes when his lingam relaxes a little, start stroking again. This cupping method
creates de-tumescence, it allows the nerve endings in the penis to assimilate the stimulation and
your partner time to spread the energy in his penis throughout his body.
This peaking may be repeated up to ten or more times in one session.

I call this whole pleasuring session, that is, the erotic massage, including magic strokes for the
lingam, combined with peaking, male honoring.

10
Male honoring and whole body orgasm
A whole body orgasm is where you build up the sexual charge so that every part of the body is
full with energy, not just the genitals.
Very often, when men ejaculate, only the sexual center is charged. The orgasm is just a genital
experience. In male honoring, we keep building the sexual energy to a very high level so that
when he releases, he feels it throughout his entire body. The whole body will feel like one big
penis, pulsing with pleasure.
During male honoring, use the erotic lingam massage techniques to bring him to a sexual peak
at least seven times. The length of time between peaks of energy may vary. Sometimes, it may
only be a few minutes and other times it may vary up to 10 minutes.
A man may need to experience this honoring technique a few times until he feels comfortable
with it before he experiences a whole body orgasm. It requires trust and communication.
Its essential for him to be able to trust you that you are able to pleasure him enough without it
becoming too much for him, causing him to ejaculate before he builds enough energy, so be
aware of this.
In the early stages, it would be much better to stop and hold too early rather than too late.

Male honouring has many benefits:
His pleasure threshold will be enhanced; he will build up more and more sexual energy before
ejaculation, which means when he does ejaculate, the sensation of orgasm will be more
powerful than before.
When having intercourse with you, he will be able to sustain erections for longer, enabling you
to experience more of your pleasure
As he experiences higher orgasmic states, it changes for him from a solely genital based
orgasm into a whole body orgasm.
He experiences what its like to receive in lovemaking, which develops his ability to surrender
and let go. This, in turn, increases his pleasure.
You understand your partners pattern of sexual response much better.
The experience increases a womans sense of control and confidence sexually.
Many women enjoy giving and directing the pleasure. It can engender a wonderful sense of
wellbeing.
Case Study: Story from Lombok
Emma, 23 was very much in love with Joel, 26. They came on a vacation seminar with us a few
years ago on the island of Lombok, Indonesia.
The morning after the male honoring homework, Joels eyes were shining. He had so much
energy as he recounted to our group his special experience. He said Emma had treated him like a
king, she had organized the room with candles and music then had given him a relaxing and
sensuous massage. He said she massaged his wand of light for what seemed like at least half an
hour before he lost track of time. Finally, he experienced a flooding of energy pulsing through his
body like waves of bliss. He said it was incredible and honestly didnt know if he had ejaculated or
not. When he asked her, she said he hadnt. He couldnt believe it, his whole body in orgasm for
what seemed like 10 minutes yet he hadnt even ejaculated.

11
What Joel experienced was a whole body orgasm. An experience of sexual energy rose so high
that it pulses through the whole body.
Some men may physically ejaculate with whole body orgasm while others may experience the
orgasm without ejaculation like Joel had. It was Joels first experience of orgasm without
ejaculation - whether he had ejaculated or not would have made no difference to the high state
he was in. Emma said she had never seen Joel so sexually high before and that she became a
little frightened of the intensity of his experience. She realized he had his eyes shut and it was if
he was off in a world of his own.
Wisely, she recognized that for her to feel a part of his experience, she needed more eye
contact. From time to time, she asked him to open his eyes and look at her. With this simple
request, Emma was able to feel connected with Joel as she took him into higher and higher
orgasmic states.
Surprising resistances
For men and women, often resistances get in the way of experiencing pleasure, especially when
it is a new situation, and for many men, the idea of postponing or building on orgasm is a new
one, a new aspect of making love.
Once your man experiences the benefits, however, he wont have any trouble but you might
have to encourage him to let you even try at first.
Dont be surprised that after initial eagerness, he is a little uncomfortable, and wants to
become more active and touch and stroke you, and direct what you are doing. If this happens,
just ask him to relax and receive. Some men find it difficult to take a totally receptive role, yet if
you let them take over for even five minutes, they wont be able to control themselves.
While your man is enjoying these strokes, unexpectedly, he may have trouble maintaining his
erection or even getting one, or is not as turned on as you may have thought.
In many cases, it simply means his pleasure in the past has been focused on your pleasure.
This is better than the sexually immature man whose pleasure is totally focused on his
ejaculation.
Nevertheless, it may still be difficult for him. Its just that most men dont know they can still
enjoy lots of pleasure from a soft lingam. Its still a very sensitive organ. We will discuss this
issue later in this chapter. At this stage, just assure him you like playing with his soft wand.
Rock around the Clock can actually feel better on a half-erect lingam. Its important that,
during this pleasuring session, he is not lying there trying to produce an erection again. The
object of the exercise here is simply to relax and just receive.
It is very important to ask for feedback if he would like you to stroke faster or slower, harder or
softer.
At times it may be appropriate to stop and hold still with no movement at all, not as a peak but
as a way of varying the stimulation.

Case Study: Sarah and Marcus
Heres what happened for Sarah when she gave Marcus a male honoring session:
Sarah wanted this night to be special. She saw it as her gift to Marcus. She asked him to relax
and enjoy a long bath, which she poured for him, adding a little oil of ylang ylang and vetiver. Her
space was ready, soft light, relaxing music. She knew if she wanted Marcus to feel special and
cared for, she too would have to feel and look special. She helped dry Marcus down and asked
him to lie on his back on the mat. Carefully, she placed a cushion under his head, and began

12
gently to massage his toes and feet. She stroked over his legs, hands arms, neck, face, ears,
chest and abdomen. She stroked his lingam gently in different ways, using some of the magic
strokes. Soon, he came to a peak of sexual energy. Sarah was aware not to over stimulate
Marcus and held the top of his lingam with the palm of her hand firmly cupped over the head (de-
tumescing), until his lingam became a little softer. Then she started stroking again, peaking and
de-tumescing five or six times for around 30 minutes. Marcus told Sarah that this was the most
intense experience he had ever had he had orgasmic sensations running through his entire
body. Sarah felt terrific; she had kept Marcus in this state for such a long period.
At the end of the session, as he lay there in ecstasy, she asked him to open his eyes and look
at her. As their eyes met, the heightened sexual energy transported them into a sweet and
beautiful place; it felt as if they were floating in a timeless space. She took him in her arms,
holding him tenderly; they were so much in love.

When you give your man a male honoring session, consider wearing something that is sensual,
whether it is sensuous underwear, a see-through blouse, or sarong. If you have nothing suitable,
treat yourself to new underwear. Even a simple scarf tied around your hips can add a touch of
the seductress and, if it suits, some jewelry or makeup. Remember, you are becoming more and
more the Erotic Goddess. A man appreciates a woman who has a strong sense of her sexuality
and who enjoys looking sensual.

Bonus
THREE

WHATS GOING ON IN SEX!

WHATS
GOING ON
IN SEX

By Kerry and Diane Riley

This E-book is taken from a recorded lecture series on Tantra and
relationships.

Whats going on in sex is part of a four part course series audio
CDs.

Speakers: Mr. Kerry Riley
Mrs. Diane Riley

Copyright Australian School of Tantra and Spectra 2000 Pty Ltd.

All rights reserved. This Electronic book has been created by new Dimension.
No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any
means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without permission from
the copyright holders.

Contact:
New Dimension info@sexualsecretsformenebook.com
Or http://www.australianschooloftantra.com.au

Disclaimer:
The purpose of this e-book is to educate and entertain. The authors shall have neither liability
nor responsibility for any purpose or entity with respect to any loses or damage caused or
alleged to be cause directly or indirectly by the information contained in this e-book.
Welcome to Whats going on in sex.
In our workshops on relationships and sexuality we often get people to write
down some of their difficulties and fears in the areas of relationship, and the area of their
sex life, these are written privately with no names attached. We collect these letters,
which we now have a collection of thousands where get this information. To find out
what is really going on in the area of sex, and please realise that what is happening for
you right now in your sex life, in your relationship is perfect, its all happened before and
there is an opportunity there for your growth.

Our work is not about solving your difficulties, because if we were to solve those
difficulties you are experiencing now in your relationships and in your sex life, then all
you would find is that there would be a whole lot more difficulties and problems that
would appear. Its like the concept that life is a journey its not a destination, there will
always be something else. Life is happy, life is sad, life is joy, life is disappointment, life
is health, life is sickness, life is night, and life is day, and the journey of your sex life is
many different things. If anyone tells you they never had any problems, disappointments
or difficulties in their sex life, then you can be assure that they lie about other things as
well.

Now what we are going to do is listen to an exert from one of our seminars in
Melbourne Australia, to over 200 people where we were reading out some of theses
letters. I hope you enjoy it!
Letters from the Workshop

Note: K: Means Kerry Rileys speaking
D: Means Diane Rileys speaking

Letter: I would like to learn ways to keep a happy satisfying and loving relationship,
where I am open and completely trusting to my partner.
D: Who relates to that one?
1

Letter: Some of my difficulties in the area of my sex life are; orgasm, satisfaction,
foreplay, suitable partner, enough, cuddles.
K: Who can relate to that, no one needs more cuddles? Cmon lets be honest, who can
relate to some of those things. Good, Good. See how perfect your relationship is.

Letter: My partner doesnt want as much sex as I do.
K: We wont ask hands up for that one. (Laughs).

Letter: I lose interest in my partner as time goes on, and the sexual spark wont be there
as much.
D: A lot of us can relate to that one.

Letter: Some of my past negative experiences in area of my sex life are; harassed by a
fellow worker; I was attacked in the park. One of my lovers was cruel to me and left bad
memories.

Letter: I feel very vulnerable, and fear of not being able to find the right partner
K: Who can relate to some of those ones? Yeah have a look, have a look around.

Letter: My fear about relationships is being disliked and criticized

Letter: I would like to learn to have more fun in my relationship; I would like to learn to
be able to communicate more effectively on all levels with my partner.

Letter: My difficulties in the area of my sex life are I dont relax. I think too much about
other things. I think about if I am satisfying the other person.

K: J ust a few more, there are some other things here I would like to get out, Diane could
you read this one?

2
Letter: We both have family and separate commitments.

Letter: Some of the fears in my sex life are I dont live with the man that I want to live
with.

Letter: In relationships, when I am with someone I am still attracted by other women, and
we grow apart within a short period of time.

Letter: Past negative experience in sex life. Treatment of women in general, I feel no
respect form men, more like a sex object.

Letter: Want a better understanding, and a more conscious way of communicating with
human beings, and to find out the secrets to accumulate my sexual energy.
K: Good, good.

Letter: learn to enjoy my relationship; the sex and joy with my partner.

Letter: I would like to have a better sex drive, Im not sure if I have one at the moment.

K: Could you read out some more purposes Diane I just like reading all these things.
Want to listen to more?

Letter: What I would like to get out of the weekend is a closer and loving relationship
with my partner.

Letter: An insight into the art of better lovemaking.

Letter: To learn how to keep relationships alive and well, to learn to control my sexual
feelings, to learn to effectively combine good sex with a Christen lifestyle.

.
3
.

We are going to leave the workshop here and Id like to summarise some of the
things that regularly come up for people.

Too much tension to hold back my ejaculation.
Too much tension to have an orgasm.
I dont find sex as interesting as I used to.
I am afraid of not satisfying my partner.
Difficulty in having an orgasm and feeling satisfied.
Not a strong sex drive.
Imbalance in our sex drives.

A whole range of letters from men are related to performance, and whole range of
letters from women are all about attraction. That is because it is basic nature of men and
women.

As we read and go into the next section of this audio CD, we are going to make
comments on some of the letters, and I hope you can integrate some of our suggestions.
But please realise we are not setting ourselves up as perfect, and we dont expect you to
agree with everything we say obviously.

What we are doing and what we are about is just opening up people to being able to
freely look at their sexuality as another part of personal growth, in getting to know thy
self, another one of lifes journeys.

4

Sex and relationship - questions answered

Diane could you please read the first letter you had there, thanks.

D: One lady wrote I dont like my breasts being touched, and my boyfriend is always
putting pressure on me to respond. We have discussed this difficulty and have argued
about it. But neither of us knows what is happening or why its happening for both of us.

K: My comment on this is that maybe emotional hurts from past sexual experience
that you havent recognised and it had been imprinted on your sub-conscious, and now
youre living out of them like theres some truth. We are very vulnerable and sensitive
when it comes to our self-image and the area of sex. Your first few partners that you
have, have a very deep effect on how you feel now about sex.

Lets say for you, for your guy its his first or second sexual experience with a
woman, and the woman said to him, I mean shed been around for a bit and she said to
him. You dont satisfy me, youre not a good lover. Now that could leave a serious
imprint on that mans subconscious and from there on his life is always about trying to
please the woman without getting much satisfaction himself.

He doesnt even realise his doing it, but deep down he has a fear that maybe he is
not a good lover, his not a real man. Now a lot of guys are out there are trying to prove
they are a good lover. But they are missing love.

Now thats a shame, and for you in one of your earlier sexual experiences, maybe
your guy tells you your breast are a funny shape, or there too big, or too small. Or maybe
someone at school one day, or one of your family members made some negative
comment about your breasts.

5
It hurts, and you can take it in as a hurt and brew on it in your sub-conscious, and
from then on you dont like your breasts. So when a guy is making love to you and your
guy loves them and his touching them, but at the same time inside you know that they are
ugly. You could have ten lovers tell you I really love your breasts and you wont believe
them. The reason you wont believe him is you have a past hurt in that area, which has
been imprinted on your sub-conscious and its now like a reality for you.

A man can say to you after a sexual experience, you dont respond very well,
you take too long to orgasm. One lady in fact told me once that her first lover was a
Doctor and he told her she should get an operation on her clitoris. Now if something like
that happens to you in an early sexual experience, that can have a devastating effect on
you, and you can spend the rest of your life desperately trying to prove that youre a real
woman. Desperately trying to respond properly, desperately trying to get those fabulous
orgasms every time, because you have a fear that maybe he was right.

So what to do, well first thing is to become aware of it, Awareness. You can often
let go of past, just by becoming aware of how it was created. Realising you dont want to
live your life out of someone else, out of something that happened way back there. That
this is your life and you get to choose.

Realising what is happening and then choosing again, only this time according to
what you want to create. Not entertaining any negative thoughts in the area of your sex
life. Realising this gives the negative thoughts power and they grow and become truths
for you. Rather, observe them. Dont fight against them, realise thats the past, thats not
you, its the past.

Catch yourself thinking them and replace it with thats not like me, and then
take creative periods every evening where you go into your mind and visualise the way
you would like to respond. See yourself enjoying every moment of his loving and
caressing of you. Repeating to your self I am a sensual woman I deserve pleasure. Or I
love sex now, I just let go and I relax or I deserve love, I deserve sexual pleasure.
6
Id like to suggest to everyone to read a book by Sondra Ray called I Deserve Love,
now there are some excellent affirmations here for a whole range of difficulties to help
you open up to love, and help you open up to sex in your life.
.
Id like to read a letter; this is from a woman sometimes I feel as though I'm on
tap. That my body is being used just for my husbands physical satisfaction.
Diane would you like to comment on this on please?

D: Thank you Kerry. Now I feel that this is a very common complaint. Over the time
we have been doing the seminars a number of women have had similar comments
especially in long term relationships. When life partners or husbands and wives are really
busy with life issue, of establishing financial security, or bringing up a family. What
happens is there is less and less time available for each other, and time for that emotional
closeness that you had in the early part of the relationship. This emotional closeness is
being sacrificed, to the business, to the carrier, to the family. Which is all essential, but
we start to lose sight of ourselves as a couples.

So when our partner initiates sex and this is often the male, and the time is in bed
late at night, after a busy day, when the woman has had little energy left after spending
all her time with kids, and sorting out the different difficulties of whats been happening.
She certainly doesnt want to be approached by an erect penis, or fondling of the breasts
just before penetration.

Well we have to look at the issues; now what has been happening is often the
males sexual readiness is much higher than the females. He is constantly being exposed
to sexual energy from popular culture that is from magazines and advertising. As you
know and they advertise everything from mineral water through to trackers using female
bodys on TV, posters etc. Then men also really get into conversational inferences, lustful
glances, fantasies and imaginings.

What then happens is his woman really needs her emotional levels fulfilled before
she feels sexually empowered, before her sexual temperature starts to rise to meet his.
7

Again back to man and woman and what they really need is to respect each other,
and their individual needs, to forget that they are husband and wife, Mother and Dad.
These areas are so often neglected and forgotten, and it unfortunately leads to real
emotional dissatisfaction on part of the woman, who releases all this frustration with
emotional outbursts, and criticism of the man.

He then becomes really sexually frustrated, and fears he has been really un-fairly
victimised by his partner, in relation to as many tasks, as though he were being nagged.

I suggest that husband / wife, man and woman like partners, need to keep a
regular time to really nourish each other and to support each other on a daily basis. I
mean you may say to me, Oh 5 minutes, I cant find that five minutes to sit down with
my partner.

But lets really look at whats important. Its your relationship, your commitment
to your emotional and sexual relationship. So five minutes is a small investment, to sit
down together put aside the business, the children and to communicate how you are
really feeling about yourself. What is happening with you for that day, what different
things are you going through, and take the opportunity to give each other reassurance and
support that friends and mothers do.

Now this short daily practice can go a long, long way in the emotional nurturing
of both man and woman. So when they come together sexually later, the energies are
much more closely attuned and harmonised more quickly.

8
Another exercise for people with some knowledge of spinal energy work, is just
simply sitting back to back, and if your familiar with charkas just slowly rising the energy
from the base of the spine up the charkas, up to the crown to the top of the head, and
down again. Harmonising your breath together and then as your breathing in rasing the
energies together and down. This is a really close exercise to bring the energies really
close together in quick time.

Another suggestion is I think its really important to make a date for sex, at least
once a week, or a fortnight, or whatever is comfortable for you. What I mean by
a date for sex, not that you wouldnt have sex other times, but this is planned time in
advance when you both make the commitment to organise your tasks, or to set aside two
or three hours or more if you can for each other just sexually.

Now some people would say to me Oh, well sex should be spontaneous
otherwise I'm just not interested. Well Im suggesting to you that sex can be like
planning a fabulous dinner.

Sometimes with spontaneity, you have these great ideas, and you get interrupted
by a knock on the door, the kids crying, the phone, and all of sudden some emergency is
happening. If it is planned and you take the time to really make sure all these other issues
are dealt with, or the kids are looked after. Then you know you have this time together,
youre planning ahead for it during the week.

Its like making a date to go to the theatre and enjoying the anticipation of it,
reminding each other of it, and talking about the wonderful time you are going to have
together when you do have this date. So you can organise for the children to sleep over at
friends, or get them to bed really early, or something can be organised.

If you want something to happen and you have your intention there, you can
organise it. Or the business matters are arranged so that you have a free day, and then
when the agreed time comes you have to go through with that commitment.

9
What happens is men are often afraid that their partner is going to be too tired, or
have a headache, or whatever it is, and that physical intercourse wont happen. So his
sexual temperature rises even more, so often the sight of his womans naked body is
enough to have him just totally aroused, so as soon as any penetration takes place he has
come and gone and the situations lost to you.

So it needs to be done where you both are sure this time is going to be committed
to each other, but its done in a relaxed atmosphere of talking, holding, touching, and
encompassing everything that making love is. A process of discovering what being love
is, and what loving another human being can be.

K: Thanks Diane, would you like to read the next letter please?

D: Ok, now the next one is My husband is always trying to give me an orgasm, and
I dont have an orgasm every time. He blames me and calls me fidget; I blame him and
tell him his a incompetent lover. We hurt each other a lot this way.

K: Yeah a lot people hurt each other a lot sexually, and theres a lot of pressure on
people to a have fabulous orgasms, fabulous orgasmic sex every time. This most likely
come from as Diane suggested earlier, from the media, books, magazines, TV and movies
where it appears that everyone is having a perfect orgasm every time they make love.

When you watch a movie its simultaneous orgasm every time, in some magazine
articles and books that I've read, the woman has her first orgasm when she takes her pants
off, second when he touches her breast, third when he enters and another three or four
after that.

Well, the man feels he has to be able to do that for his woman if he is to be a real
man. He has to be able to produce, she feels she has to deliver if shes a real woman to
keep him attracted to her, and this obviously results in a lot of fear, a lot of frustration for
people.
10

Often the man then blames her, and what hell often do then is look around for
other women all the time, and hope hell find one like that one in the movies. But from
our surveys we carried out over the years, there isnt anyone having perfect sex every
time, everyone is experiencing a range, if anyone tells you that they have never had
mediocre sex then they know something I dont know.

If youre trying every time you make love to have the perfect orgasm you are
going to be frustrated. In fact you are going to be way worse off than if you just relax and
enjoy it, let every experience be what it is, enjoying the journey.

This doesnt mean that you dont have any vision of what is possible for the both
of you, but enjoying the journey is very, very important, and when you do have mediocre
sex dont lye there blaming yourself or your partner, or in your own thoughts, because as
you know this effects her.

Your thoughts about her affect her; her thoughts about you are affecting you. J ust
laugh at it, I mean say to your self thats just disastrous sex out of the way, I wounder
whats going to happen tomorrow night its part of the range in sexual experiences we
have.

Its normal to have mediocre sex, disastrous sex, good sex, mind blowing sex
cosmic sex. Like in life its normal to have sickness, health, its normal to have happiness
to have sadness, day / night, winter, summer, thats how life is, thats how sex is. You
cant be upset all the time because its not summer, its just as silly to be upset all the
time because you didnt have this fabulous orgasm.

There are many other things you can do with your sexual energy besides racing
towards the goal of orgasm. Have you ever tried using it for healing, empowering your
goals or bonding with your partner instead of destroying each other with your thoughts?
11

We do a lot of this type of work in our weekend workshops, sexual energy is life
force, and it can be used for many wondrous things in our life, not to damage each other
and hurt each other as we often do. Thank you.

K: Here is another letter by another guy, Im always afraid of losing my erection and
then not being able satisfy my partner Diane would you make some comments on this
one please.

D: Yes, again this is a common fear, sometimes its just a fear, you get a thought and
you all know how to treat your negative thoughts. Or other times it is again based on past
experience, again we can look at some different suggestions for this.

Firstly to look at the parameter of what good sex means to you, I feel we have
been far to narrow for to long. Sex has become technical and formulised, equating to the
erection and some quick foreplay and penetration followed by orgasm.

Well, sex in the 21
st
century is going to be a lot wider than this to encompass
many more acts of love, so that the pace is slower easier and energy is more harmonious
between the male ad female. I think the emphasis can shift to bring together sexuality
with hugging, with just stroking, being with each other, touching, smelling, breathing
together or just lying together, perhaps even with the head of the lingam (penis) just
touching the lips of the yoni (vagina) and just lying and being with each other and not
even moving out of that position for 30minutes. Try that.

12
When our expectation of what good sex is, is widened to encompass these acts of
sexual love, then enjoyment will be even more satisfying. I think discussion and
communication between you must be very open and frank, because sometimes we
women must allow her man the freedom to make love to her this way without the
pressure of him having an erect lingam.

D: The next letter reads, My wife is always complaining about her breasts, she thinks
there too small, I just dont know what to do about it

K: Id like to comment on that Diane. One of the basic needs for a woman is to know
she is attractive to you, they especially need confirmation about the attractiveness of their
body. Woman are very concerned about their bodies, its a very rare woman who is
totally satisfied with her body.

Woman say My breast are to big My breasts are too small, other women say
My thighs are too big My legs are too skinny I have too much pubic hair I dont
have enough pubic hair My bums too big My bums to small My nipples they look
funny, their turned in, their inverted their dark their not dark enough. Even the most
gorgeous women are concerned about the size and shape of their bodies, thinking that
their not perfect.

It is important for men to appreciate this, focus on what you like about your
womans body and tell her constantly, yes I mean constantly she will never get tired of
affirmation about her attractiveness.

If its her breast size as it is in this letter, then take her focus off their size, tell her
you love their feel, their sensitivity turns you on, they feel so good in your hand, the
texture, colour, the shape, its so attractive to you, they are just so soft and smooth, I really
love your breasts.

13
For the women reading this its important to realise that if you dont like your
breast then you can not expect your man to love them either. Heres the key right here, its
very important. You can only expect as much love from someone as you have for
yourself. Its your responsibility to learn to love your body find what you do like about it.
If its your breast size that concerns you then do exercise to make them more sensitive,
focus on that, focus on their sensitivity, there are exercise you can do to improve their
sensitivity, start to love that aspect of them, do visualisations and affirmations about their
sensitivity start to love that aspect of your breasts.

If you think your leges are too fat take some action on that to reduce their size, I
mean diet and correct thigh exercises do wonders. Or shift your focus on what you do
like about your legs. Are your knees sensitive, what do you like about your ankles, how
do they feel when their stroked. Recognise whats going on for you, dont ignore it say I
dont like size of my legs, but what I do like is the sensitivity of my knees and the shape
of my ankles and when you love that aspect of yourself I guarantee your guy will be
attracted to that aspect also.

Women like constant affirmation about their bodies, its not so important for guys,
guys are concerned about their bodies but really with guys its the size of the cock that
counts, its important for a man to realise his virile.

One of my friends J ohn Kehoe once said, guys can have a big pot belly, but as
long as their cock hangs to the knees its ok. Guys mostly function from production and
performance rather than attraction; they have the size of their cock tied with performance
and power.

A lot of letters on mens difficulties are related to performance, men really like to
give their woman a good time in bed and get them to orgasm. So if your man doesnt
bring you to orgasm realise its not the orgasm that his really concerned about, its his
performance that his concerned about, men like to feel virile.

14
Its important for a woman to understand this to build up the mans production,
affirm all the things he produces for you in your life. If you dont and you say thats
stupid, you may just lose your man. Do you want to hold your man or not? He will look
for another woman that he can win with, his performance is just as important to him as
your attractiveness and emotional needs are to you.

So in summary it is important for men to constantly affirm your womans
attractiveness, weather is makes sense to you or not. For women affirm your mans
production, his performance weather is makes sense to you or not.

It is part of what Diane and I call winning at the man/ woman game, and this is a
whole workshop on its self, which we cover on weekend workshops. Thank you.

D: I have the last letter here, which says; We enjoy sex, but there seems to be something
missing, he seems to go off into his space and I go off into mine. Sometimes it just feels
like mutual masturbation.

Again this is a comment we hear from time to time which I think is quite a
general one, that people while they are making love arent really making love to each
other. Theyre there checking the shopping list, worrying about the car payment and just
not being with each other.

It is a common problem, I am going to suggest that you do listen to tape four
which is a practical way of the art of soft sex, of keeping your mind focused of being
with the now, of being in the moment while enjoying the pleasures that soft sex can bring
you.

15
J ust laying next to each other, slowing down your thinking, coordinating your
breathing and just being with each others presence, then start to make love to each other
with love, with awareness and with care. When this happens there is a nurturing on so
many other levels as well, so its just not the physical act, its just not we are making love
to what could be a stranger instead of your partner. There is more communication
happening because the whole body and the aura is filled up with gladness, is filled up
with joy and aliveness and attention from the partner so you feel as though you are really
communicating on another space. Thats just not a physical space but approaching what
Kerry and I consider a much more spiritual space, a connectedness starts to happing here
where you are feeling connected with your partner on this bonding spiritual level.

This is why we enjoy practicing the art of soft sex and I hope you enjoy it to and
a have a lot of fun with it.

16

Bonus
FOUR

TANTRIC LOVEMAKING AND INTIMACY
An article by Kerry and Diane Riley

Tantric Lovemaking & Intimacy

Tantra is a spiritual science from ancient India and in its basic essence, very
similar to Taoism from China. Both involve balancing the male and female
energies to create harmony and have an ultimate goal of unity or spiritual
ecstasy, known as enlightenment. Tantra encourages one to explore every aspect
of life. So obviously the study of sexuality was included, not only included but in
fact revered.

Making love was seen as a gift to God. So there was no repression or guilt attached to
sex. It taught that when a man approaches his beloved he should have a sacred feeling
as if he were going into a temple. The art of sexual love was the noblest of arts to study.
As a young person in ancient India you could go to the sacred temples and be taught
lovemaking secrets by Darkas and Darkinis, the priests and priestesses of love. The
study of sexuality in the west is very new, whereas relics of Tantric rituals date back
nearly five thousand years. So there is an incredible wealth of knowledge we can draw
on and use in our own lovemaking.

Tantric lovemaking can add to the ways you make love in 3 major areas:
Firstly: It gives you ways to reach heightened states of ecstasy and pleasure beyond the
realms of normal sex;

Secondly: It teaches you ways to open to more love so that your heart opens even more
to your partner and you remember how great it feels to be deeply, passionately "in
love."

Thirdly it teaches Sacred Sex- ways to transform your lovemaking into a sacred
experience which will touch you on every level of your being, body, heart and soul

A male can increase and expand the amount of ecstasy he can have and at the same
time increase the length of time he is able to make love so that his partner has a chance
of reaching higher states. Ejaculation control is an essential skill to master so that
during lovemaking, instead of ejaculating at the first peak of energy which a lot of men
do, they can learn instead to peak with that energy and use techniques to spread that
energy throughout the entire body. Then as the urgency for ejaculation subsides,
continue to make love again until reaching another peak - much higher than the first
peak and then he can use techniques to peak and spread the energy again. As he
Continues to do this, reaching higher and higher peaks of ecstasy and at the same time
his beloved is feeling that energy and is being warmed up to higher orgasmic states.

In Taoist sexuality writings they say, the woman is like water and the man is like fire.
What normally happens is the water puts out the fire too quickly, the man is left
exhausted and the woman is frustrated. They say there are in fact nine levels of a
woman's orgasm, nine levels that she goes through before she's fully nourished
sexually before her Shakti, her sexual spiritual energy is fully awakened. Most women
have their first orgasm at level four, the man ejaculates and the other five levels are
rarely reached. We as conscious men, as extraordinary lovers need to be able to make
love as long as necessary to satisfy our woman and at the same time reach higher
orgasmic states ourselves.

There are two exercises, two techniques that will help with ejaculation control. One is
P.C. Muscle exercises and the other is the breath.

These exercises are also beneficial for women to extend their orgasmic response,
taking more pleasure for herself and to give more pleasure to her partner. The P.C.
muscle is the major muscle of contraction in both sexes for orgasm, so strengthening it
increases sensations of pleasure.

The P.C. muscle extends from the base of the spine where it is connected to the
coccyx, to the front of the body where it is connected to the pubic bone.

A good way to locate the P.C. or love muscle for yourself is that next time you are
urinating try to stop the flow of urination in mid stream. This will give you the feeling of
activating the muscle. then later on in your own private space practice tensing and
releasing the muscle several times so that you get the sense of how to do it you can
know. It is a good idea to incorporate these P.C. Muscle exercises into your daily
routine, associating them with some particular activity you do independent of your
lovemaking sessions. Then these exercises will become habitual and you won't have to
set aside a special time to practice. For example you can practice while you drive or
travel too and from work. No one will know you are doing it and it can be quite
enjoyable. One of our friends in fact, Helen said she started doing this every day for a
month while driving to work but unfortunately she had to stop because she said the
sensations were getting so strong that she couldn't concentrate at work because she
couldn't think about anything else at work other than sex and she couldn't wait to get
home to her lover.

And once a man has a strong P/C he can spread the sexual energy up and through his
body during lovemaking so he can experience wave after wave of peak pleasure without
coming so that he can make love for as long as he chooses, maybe even hours!

Another secret is working with your breath. What most men do as excitement builds up
is hold their breath as they get close to climax. If men are to reverse the flow of sexual
energy the best way is to breathe slowly, deeply and rhythmically.

For women to enhance your own ecstasy you can us the P.C. Muscle and breath
exercise also. You can do this at peaks of energy to spread the orgasmic energy
throughout the body. Another way you can enhance your pleasure is to mentally trace
or visualise the energy running up the inside of the legs through the calf, the knees and
thighs up into the vagina. This is especially good to do if the mind is wondering off onto
other things while making love; it helps focus the energy.

Some women need to focus it rather than to spread it and this can amplify the orgasmic
response you already have and is especially good for women who find orgasm elusive.
What you do is to keep squeezing the P.C. Muscles without spreading the energy. To
squeeze the muscles and to feel the charge building up and keep squeezing the P.C.
again. It is important to release and bear down as well; this also acts as a focus. Playing
with these elements of breath, P.C. Muscle, visualisation, as well as movement and
sound you can extend your orgasmic potential to one, two, three or even more orgasms.
All women are capable of extending their orgasmic potential. The woman's Shakti is
unlimited. The Shakti is the sexual spiritual energy of which women are the custodians.
As the Shakti awakens so does the priestess, the healer, the empowerer and the
goddess of love within.

A woman's sexual awakening can propel her on a spiritual path. Men may practice
celibacy and achieve spiritual enlightenment, but according to the Tantric texts women's
enlightenment is facilitated by the electric charge of her orgasmic nature.

The next important element is the heart. A lot of people have coined the term, Making
love whenever they have sex but to me making love is a higher vibration a unique
blending of your sexual passion, the heat of your genitals with the deep love and
intimacy you feel in your heart. Men who are able to feel their love and share their deep
feelings will never have any shortage of women in their lives. The challenge becomes
how much love and deep intimacy both partners can bring into lovemaking and a great
secret for you to know is the way to a womans sexuality opening up, the way to her
shakti, her sacred place is through the heart. So how can we bring more intimacy into
our lovemaking, more heart connection?

Well one way to create more intimacy is through eye contact, we often shut our eyes
while making love and go into our own space which can be really nice of course, but to
be more intimate look at your beloved a lot more while making love. Your eyes are the
window to the soul, look into each others eyes and tell each other how much you love
each other, how much you enjoy being with them, how precious they are to you and
thats the second thing you can do to create more intimacy. Talk to your beloved while
making love. Tell them what your thoughts are: I love you. Your fragrance is like
jasmine/musk, you make me feel so good. This is very powerful to create more
intimacy.

Another thing you can incorporate into your lovemaking for more intimacy is romance.
Romance is an important ingredient to encourage intimacy, an atmosphere of romance
is always conducive to higher lovemaking experiences and women dearly love it. So in
creating the atmosphere see yourself as a great lover and let your creative self step out
of the ordinary and create something out of the ordinary and create something magical,
something extraordinary.

You can include things like creating a special time where everything else is left looked
after, a special time where you wont be interrupted and a special space for making
love. Maybe not even in the bedroom, maybe going to a different place altogether but
make it very special. Prepare the room and prepare each other, bathe together, towel
each other down. Use things like massage, candle light, incense, special treats to eat
and drink, romance is foreplay to a woman and brings a male in touch with his softer
side.

So as a man if you want more lovemaking you then learn to be more intimate because
the way to a womans sacred place, the way to her yoni is through the heart through
intimacy. Intimacy means In-To-Me-See. Allow yourself to be seen, create more
intimacy, and allow your inner feelings to be expressed.

Women can interpret any lack of intimacy as coldness and the colder she feels you are
in the heart, the colder she becomes in the yoni. So what happens is she doesnt want
to make love she shuts down her sexuality and thats usually because shes not getting
enough attention, enough intimacy through the day or through the relationship and
because she shuts down her yoni he starts to close down his heart. He shuts down
intimacy. She then further shuts down yoni and it goes on and if it continues long
enough then a couple caught in this cycle may be headed for separation.

Once youre aware of the fact that she is coming from the heart and what she wants is
intimacy, romance, and she becomes aware that as she keeps shutting down sex shes
never going to get his intimacy, he can do something about it. Being in touch with your
heart and how much love you can feel is a wonderful aspect of Tantric lovemaking
secrets.

Next time youre making love stop in the middle of your lovemaking, stop the movement
and just ask yourself how much love are you feeling right now and open up your heart
and try to feel more of the intimacy, more of the love that the two of you are generating
between you.

The third aspect of Tantric lovemaking is Sacred Sex. Tantric lovemaking can be a
spiritual practice. In ancient India lovemaking was seen as a way to god. When I tell
some people that we use lovemaking in our relationship as part of your spiritual practice
they are often shocked. So I ask them what their practices are and they often say either
meditation or prayer. Well both meditation and prayer can be brought into your
lovemaking and its much more fun that way.

If you love sex and you like mediation or you would like to incorporate meditation into
your life then you will love this practice.

One practice of tantric lovemaking as a mediation I to sit opposite your partner, close
your eyes, and imagine energy moving up your spine on the inhalation with the
squeezing of the P.C muscle, and down the spine with the exhalation and releasing of
the P.C.

Continue this practice for several minutes and then open your eyes, co-ordinate your
breathing with your partner. Then start to exchange energy. As you release the energy
down your spine imagine it passing through your genitals to your beloveds sacred
parts, then moving up to their heart centre in the middle of their chest.

On the inhalation contract the P.C muscle and imagine the energy that is now mixed
with your partners coming back to you through the same way. Practice this also while
making love or kissing. After 5 or 10 minutes of doing this practice called Red Tantra
you often get a sense of merging into your partner, a sense of expanding
consciousness, of melting into the cosmos.

Eastern religions would call this a state of samadi or bliss. You may have had
experiences like this during lovemaking but didnt know how it happened or how to
experience it again. Through the practices of Rec Tantra you can reach this state at
will.

These are only a few techniques of tantric lovemaking, there are over 2,000 years of
Tantric lovemaking secrets and practices that you can explore to expand the already
wonderful ways you make love. Practicing Tantra as a couple can be a journey into love
to explore together brining more love, joy and passion to a relationship. Using Tantra as
a meditation focuses the mind on the present moment connecting the spirit with the
cosmos and the eternal now.

Kerry and Diane Riley have been teaching Tantra and relationship seminars over the
last 15 years in Australia and Internationally. Their work is practical for modern lovers
and was featured in the video The Secrets of Sacred Sex. They have a series of Mp3s
and a Home tantra course. Diane also conducts special woman to woman workshops
on shakti, and Kerry runs private consolations for men.

Bonus
FIVE

Secrets for a healthy relationship!
Secrets for a Healthy Relationship

An article on love, sex and relationships, workshop facilitators KERRY & DIANE Riley
expose old myths in regard to relationships, and share ways in which to create harmony
through a unique Bonding Process they have developed.

Close Loving relationships provide the potential for the highest lovemaking. It is worth
working on your relationship if you want to open up to more possibilities in the area of
your lovemaking, because as your relationship grows deeper and sex get better. There is
nothing better than having a fabulous sexual experience with the person whom you love
the most in life. Sex can be fabulous out-of-relationship, but it can be even more fabulous
with a person who deeply loves and trusts you because then you have the intimacy as
well as the sexual passion.

It is important to point out that relationships in their current form in our society are not
working. Statistics show that in Western societies more than fifty percent of married
couples get divorced. Once we fall in love, we get married and take a vow to honour and
love each other forever, in sickness and in health. Even though we may truly hope for this
at a time, the evidence is that fairytale marriages are rare. Yet deep down many people
still expect this to happen for them, and when it doesnt, they get deeply hurt.

If, on the other hand, we had been conditioned to accept and honour serial monogamy
as the norm, then we wouldnt put such pressure on ourselves or our partner to be happily
married and in love for a lifetime.

In Challenge of the Heart, by J ohn Welwood, it is pointed out that no earlier society has
ever tried, much less succeeded at, joining together romantic love, sex , and marriage in a
single institution. In traditional societies it was normal for marriages to be arranged by
the families. Happiness was not the goal of marriage, which was more to do with family
lineage and property. Feelings of love were never considered a season a reason for
marriage. Marriage for love was not attempted until the 19
th
century. However, it was
regarded as degrading for women in Victorian times to have sexual feelings, so men often
had sex with prostitutes.

Its important to understand the impact of this, to understand that you are a pioneer, one
of the first of mankind throughout history to even attempt to combine love, sex and
marriage. No wonder you have difficulties. Its not simply to do with you and your
partners inadequacies. Its a hug challenge and there is very little education on how to
combine all this for a lifetime together.

The emphasis on individualism in our society, on doing your own thing can work
against marriage. Many couples who have gone off on their own personal growth paths
separately from each other often find it difficult to integrate that individual growth in a
supportive way in their marriage. Im not suggesting that personal growth work should
not be done. It is most important, but if you have done a lot of that, its time to create a
balance between your individual needs and the needs of your relationships as a whole. Go
to groups that support your loving relationship.

I believe people are genuinely wanting to end the battle of the sexes and enter into a joint
journey of personal growth and sexual, emotional and spiritual fulfilment. We are
entering what you could call the We Generation, as opposed to the preceding Me
Generation, and this is happening on a global level. We need all the education we can
get to make our relationship work, so I hope you will try some of the secrets I share with
you.

Give your relationship high priority

Diane my wife and I have decided to maintain sexual passion and a loving bond
throughout our lives together, se we put a lot of time, energy and care into our
relationship. We treat it as a very special entity. It is more important than each of our
lives. It takes something we work on as team-mates, continually creating more and more
love in our lives. It takes something more powerful than hoping, wishing or desiring, it
takes a lifetime commitment.

In the initial stages of most relationships when men and women meet and fall in love,
there is lots of love and energy and intimacy, lots of lovemaking and lots of passion.
Then, after a period of time, many couples lose it. The Hite Report states that85 per cent
of women say that after two years of being in a relationship or marriage they love their
husbands but are no longer In love with them. Some couples will say to Diane and me:
we still have sex, our passion comes occasionally, but it seems to have lost its sizzle, its
lost its juice. The intimacy and the opening that we used to feel in our hearts when we
first met isnt really there anymore

There is a school of though that believes: Well thats natural, thats what happens.
Diane and I believe it is natural and it is what happens unless couples consciously
choose to continue to create love and passion in their relationships. This is possible, but it
requires a decision that this is something that you dearly want in your lives, something
that you treasure, something that you believe will give you more from life than anything
else.

Above everything else, we all want love. We can go through life and gain a lot of things
materially and socially, but if we miss out on love then we will have missed the most
important thing in life. The woman with whom you have chosen to live your life your
beloved is the one you have allowed to get closest to you, and through her you have the
potential to feel even more love in this lifetime. A lot of couples make a common error.
They put more energy into their career, their family, their sport and their interests than
into their relationship. They expect their relationship will progress satisfactorily while
they get on with their so-called much more important things. They do not realise that by
supporting and nurturing their primary relationship, they will be able enhance and give
more energy and creativity to all these other pursuits and relationships.

In other words, make an agreement to treat your relationship a high priority and put in the
energy necessary to support that decision.

Creating harmony when you dont see eye to eye

The truth is that no matter how much we want our relationship to run smoothly,
disharmony still occurs. We get out of sync with our partner. We have disagreements, we
argue and sometimes we get angry and hurt and say things to our partner that we
wouldnt say to our worst enemy.

What can we do about disharmony? First we need to have the right attitude. If we have
the attitude that conflict should not occur, then we are always going to be under stress.
Conflict is a part of growth and does occur in a healthy relationship. Very often the closer
we get to our beloved, the more conflicts arise, se we need to develop the attitude, as we
confront uncomfortable situations together, that although it can be painful, it is an
opportunity to grow closer together.

Many people have the attitude that a good relationship must always be smooth and
controlled, so they are unhappy and disappointed with their marriage when it doesnt
happen like that. They spend a lot of energy covering up the disharmony from others and
they cover it up from each other until it gets out of control, and then the whole
relationship explodes. So the first thing to have in your relationship is the understanding
that disharmony is part of a healthy relationship, that its natural. Loving couples strive
for the joy of becoming closer and closer together.

They want union, but along with union comes dependence which can make a man feel
that he is allowing a woman to hold power over him. Men dont want to have to depend
on women; to some men this is dependence threatens their sense of masculinity and they
resent it. Many women also resent feeling dependent on men and this creates an ongoing
struggle for power and independence.

That is why lovers will always go on fighting. The fight is simply a way to show each
other they are still independent.

It is important not to blame each other because this is something that happens between
male and female energies. Dont take it personally and dont hurt the other for doing what
is part of the man-woman relationship game.

If we are to move forward in our relationship, we must learn to let go and not carry bad
energy around with us for hours or sometimes days. Some of us hang onto our
disagreements for weeks. We must learn to let them go, but how do we do this?

Shutting off and walking out of the room is basically heading for a hug fight. You must
discuss the issue. If at some point you do head out of the room, make sure you come back
and be open to talk. However, discussing it while you are in a high state of resentment
can be difficult and could perhaps lead to more disharmonies.

What should you do in these situations? The first step is to let go of having to be right
and having to prove her wrong, and go into the bonding process.

The Bonding Process

Diane and I use a practice in our marriage called the Bonding Process. Many teachers of
sexual loving teach similar exercises. It includes stopping the talking when you realise
its not going anywhere and agreeing to physically connect your bodies.

It is important that you and your partner have agreed to do this in times of conflict. This
process will help to keep sexual passion and loving bond alive in your relationship. You
should make a prior agreement to partake in the process always. So when one asks the
other, even though you may not want to, you will agree to say yes. It is not based on
whether you want to, it is based on a decision you have made in your relationship which
you have both agreed to honour no matter what to keep sexual passion and loving
bond between you alive.

Never refuse to honour this agreement because if you do you threaten the issue of trust in
your relationship. Your partner has trusted you enough to drop the argument and ask for
harmony. This I affirming that your relationship is more important than ego, more
important than being right in this particular issue.

Suppose it is you who lets go first. You could say. This is not getting us anywhere. I
want to be in harmony with you. I want to do the Bonding Process. We can discuss this
later when we are not so upset. Lets put our bodies together. The steps in the Bonding
Process are as follows:

Step 1:
Take up the nurturing position. You (the requesting partner in this case) lie on your back
while your partner lies besides you and rests her head on your chest. Place your right arm
around her in a nurturing manner. She places her right hand on your heart chakra and you
put your left hand on top of hers. Bend your right knee and place it between her legs,
touching her sexual centre. Her right leg is bent over yours so her knee touches your
genital area.

This connects your heart centre. Where you can open to give and receive love again, with
your sexual centre, which, for a man, tends to open you more to wanting intimacy again.
For her, being held in the nurturing position tends to open her heart centre again and by
touching her sexual centre with your leg, reverses her normal reactive behaviour to close
down sex to you in time of conflict.

Step 2:
Use the breath to let go of any tension. If you are very upset you will find that you will be
tensing your body and holding your breath or you will feel your partner doing this.
Breathe in with a long, deep breath through the nose and then sigh as you breathe out
through the mouth ahh! Repeat this at least 10 times, co-ordinating your breaths if you
can; otherwise make sure you are both doing the deep breathing. Never allow just one of
you to be doing it; both must participate.

As you breathe out let go of any anger, resentments or the need to be right. Release all
tension in the body, especially in the jaw, neck and shoulders. As you continue with the
breathing, allow your mind to quieten, allow the inner chatter about the argument to be
dismissed. Take your awareness instead to the contact points between your physical
bodies, especially your heart being open feeling love, compassion, caring and
forgiveness. Feel the warmth of your partners hand on your heart centre. Now focus on
nurturing your partner like a child who has been hurt. Focus on that part of her that you
really love beyond the part that has upset you.

Partner B ( your lover in this case), focus on being nurtured and cared for and then shifts
her attention to her hand on your heart, healing it and opening you more to love again. If
it feels appropriate she can gently move her hand from your heart centre to your sexual
centre, gently cupping this area for a few minutes, while you keep your hand on your
heart centre. This allows harmony between the emotions and physical sexuality to
develop once more. You now exchange roles with your partner, gently repositioning
before beginning. You need to spend al least five minutes in each role for it to be
effective.

Step 3:
Both turn and face each other and hold each other naturally without your ands holding the
heart or sexual chakras. Continue to breathe and let go, but do not say anything. Gaze
gently into each others eyes with love and compassion while tuning into your own
higher self, where having to be right or having to win the argument is not important.
What is important is to keep eye contact and be soft, vulnerable and see the part of your
beloved that wants to be loved and wants to love. Act as healers for each other, showing
compassion, care and concern for your relationship.

Keep breathing gently and after a minute or so and when appropriate, one says Im sorry
(we were fighting). I love you. The other listens, breaths in and internally accepts this.
Then she says Im sorry too and I love you. Finish with a hug or a kiss.

It is most important not to say anything like I forgive you, but next time.. This would
blow the whole process. You may as well not have done it in the first place. Do not talk
about the issue, just hug and kiss and suggest a cup of tea or a walk. Maybe several hours
later or the next day you can return and deal with the issue. Dealing with it immediately
after the Bonding Process is dangerous because you are very open and sensitive when
you have trusted enough to say sorry.

After you have completed this process, you may not even need to discuss the issue again
because you will find that the re-established harmony and balance may well provide a
new viewpoint or attitude. If you do discuss it, you may come up with other solutions to
the problem which you may not have reached while in a reactive mode.

In reality, neither of you are perfect. You both contributed to the disharmony in some
way. By looking within and forgiving and by balancing the energies between you, very
often circumstances begin to change.

The Power of Surrender

What you are doing in these three steps is surrendering your ego and honouring your true
feelings to keep the sexual passion and loving bond between you alive. Surrender is not
compromise. Surrender is letting go totally and giving over to a truth higher than
yourself. In this case, the bonding of your relationship becomes the highest truth, not you
winning the argument or allowing your beloved wants and needs to be more important
than your own. It is important to honour your truth, your needs and wants. Surrendering
is a powerful thing to do. Once the energy is balanced it is more likely that a solution will
be found to whatever caused the disharmony in the first place.

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