P. 1
Ally McBeal Script

Ally McBeal Script

|Views: 5,024|Likes:
Published by Lynn Isenberg
ALLY MCBEAL "The Question" - Script that broke ground when Ally gets a case representing two women in a fight for gay marriage; when juxtaposed with all her failed relationships with men, Ally begins to reconsider her sexuality in hopes of finding a happy and meaningful relationship.
ALLY MCBEAL "The Question" - Script that broke ground when Ally gets a case representing two women in a fight for gay marriage; when juxtaposed with all her failed relationships with men, Ally begins to reconsider her sexuality in hopes of finding a happy and meaningful relationship.

More info:

Published by: Lynn Isenberg on Nov 24, 2009
Copyright:Traditional Copyright: All rights reserved
List Price: $2.95 Buy Now

Availability:

Read on Scribd mobile: iPhone, iPad and Android.
See more
See less

01/19/2016

$2.95

USD

Sections

  • INT. ALLY'S APARTMENT - BATHROOM - PRE-DAWN
  • RENEE And Sam? From last month?
  • RENEE And Larry? From the month before?
  • RENEE You yearn to yearn
  • INT. KICK BOXING GYM - MORNING
  • FANTASY - SLOW MOTION
  • BACK TO REALITY
  • BLONDE WOMAN
  • ALLY (VO) Chin? Or mouth?
  • BLONDE WOMAN (CONT.) I'd alternate hot and cold on that
  • INT. UNISEX BATHROOM - MORNING
  • ELAINE Which you got from...?
  • INT. OFFICE COMPLEX - MORNING
  • INT. ALLY'S OFFICE - MORNING
  • Ally
  • ROBERT You never asked
  • ROBERTS Lots of married men don't wear rings
  • FANTASY
  • ROBERT What about dinner at my hotel tonight?
  • EXT. ALLY'S OFFICE - MORNING
  • GEORGIA What's going on?
  • GEORGIA What kind of trust issues?
  • BILLY I thought you'd appreciate that
  • INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - MORNING
  • GEORGIA What were they arrested for?
  • FADE IN:
  • INT. FISH'S OFFICE - DAY
  • INT. COUNTY JAIL - DAY
  • FEMALE VOICE (VO)
  • JULIE Yeah. He introduced me to Rebeka
  • EXT. BOSTON STREETS - DAY
  • JULIE Everybody has to start somewhere
  • REBEKA Need a ride?
  • INT. BILLY'S OFFICE - DAY
  • BILLY What's wrong?
  • INT. JOHN'S OFFICE - DAY
  • EXT. OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
  • Ally looks up the address she's holding and enters
  • INT. OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
  • Ally walks up to a counter with LAMBDA LEGAL DEFENSE
  • TIME CUT TO:
  • INT. LAMBDA LEGAL OFFICE - TEN MINUTES LATER
  • LIBRARIAN You work around here?
  • LIBRARIAN That would be an accurate assessment
  • INT. ELEVATOR - DAY
  • EXT. ELEVATOR, OFFICE BUILDING FOYER - DAY
  • INT. THERAPIST'S OFFICE - DAY
  • TRACEY You're not gay
  • TRACEY So maybe you're bi-curious
  • INT. OFFICE COMPLEX - DUSK
  • GEORGIA I just want some time to myself
  • BILLY Can't put your pride away for one night?
  • INT. ALLY'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
  • RENEE So your angle is discrimination?
  • RENEE What's going on in your head?
  • Off Ally's shocked face
  • RENEE What do you want a bet?
  • BILLY Can I ask you something?
  • Right
  • Fine
  • ELAINE (CONT.) (cont'd) Your button's undone. Want me to get it?
  • EXT. ALLY'S OFFICE COMPLEX - DAY
  • INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
  • REBEKA Any other options?
  • REBEKA What's the unconventional approach?
  • INT. OFFICE COMPLEX - DAY
  • Ally
  • INT. WHIPPER'S BEDROOM - DUSK
  • WHIPPER You're holding back
  • WHIPPER When I smell an ulterior motive there is
  • WHIPPER I'll think about it
  • INT. UNISEX BATHROOM - DAY
  • GEORGIA Oh. Thanks. Do you mind?
  • BILLY What are you doing?
  • BILLY Are you mad at me?
  • INT. ALLY'S OFFICE - EVENING
  • BILLY Oh. Okay. Where?
  • BILLY This isn't about fear
  • INT. GAY BAR - NIGHT
  • WOMAN I meant out of the closet?
  • ALLY (VO) (cont'd) I'm just thinking about it
  • WOMAN Then why are you here?
  • Ally glances at the bar
  • ANGLE ON THE BAR
  • BACK ON ALLY'S TABLE
  • ANGLE ON BAR
  • INT. COURTROOM - DAY
  • MIKE RADNER for the defense stands up
  • JUDGE CONE Overuled. Answer the question
  • INT. COURTROOM CORRIDOR - DAY
  • MALE VOICE (O.S.)
  • Well
  • INT. COURTROOM - DAY FIVE MINUTES LATER
  • RADNER We'll be filing an appeal
  • EXT. BOSTON STREET - DAY
  • PULL BACK TO THEIR POV
  • RENEE & ALLY
  • First Draft

ALLY MCBEAL – One Hour TV Script

"The Question" by Lynn Isenberg
ACT I
INT. ALLY'S APARTMENT - BATHROOM - PRE-DAWN
Ally, in sweats and T-shirt, RIPS the hair blower cord out of
its socket, then CRASH, it accidentally drops to the ground.
She grabs it.
ALLY
Damn it.
She rapidly stuffs the hair blower in her gym bag along with
an array of make-up, when RENEE, in a hypnogogic state,
appears in the door jamb.
ALLY (CONT.) (cont'd)
Ooooh. I hope you're not awake because I
dropped a hair blower. Unless you wanted
to be saved from a bad dream, a very bad
dream.
RENEE
Ally. It's 5:30 in the morning. What are
you doing?
ALLY
What does it look like I'm doing? I'm
preparing to release accumulated
aggressions from the un-evolved behavior
patterns of Cro-Magnons.
Renee, coming to full awareness, stares at her.
RENEE
Does this have to do with Robert from
last night?
ALLY
Oh. You must mean betrayal number three
on the quarterly report. I must really
have a way of picking them.
Renee raises an eyebrow. Wondering.
ALLY (CONT.) (cont'd)
We had a surprise visitor show up between
the cappuccinos and the crème brulèe...
his wife. I hate surprises. Especially
those kind of surprises.
Renee looks at her again. Suspicious.
ALLY (CONT.) (cont'd)
Don't look at me like that, Renee. I did
not know he was married.
RENEE
And Sam? From last month?
ALLY
Hey. I did not know Sam was engaged.
RENEE
And Larry? From the month before?
ALLY
I did not know that Larry wasn't over his
ex-wife and had girls in every airport,
boat basin and bathtub to help him forget
about her. Face it, Renee, all the good
ones are gone.
(beat)
I should have known. None of them could
kiss. That first kiss. Tells you
everything you need to know.
RENEE
Did Billy's first kiss tell you he'd
marry someone else?
Ally shoots a look right back at her.
ALLY
It told me he'd be there if I fell. These
guys, I could stumble off a bridge and
they wouldn't bat an eye. I just want
someone who can catch me.
RENEE
You have to be available to fall and so
do they. But you just like to yearn for
love. You're addicted to yearning.
ALLY
Excuse me? I yearn?
RENEE
You yearn to yearn.
ALLY
What's that supposed to mean?
RENNE
When you're always yearning that's what
you get-- yearning. Face it, Ally, you
were weaned on Harlequin romance novels.
ALLY
Look, maybe it's true that I, uh, I am a
romantic and maybe with that comes a form
of yearning that I happen to identify
with, but-- I do not identify with cheap
Harlequin romance novels.
(pause)
I relate to Henry James and Jane Austen
and D.H. Lawrence-- if I yearn it's high
quality literary yearning.
RENEE
What's the difference, Ally? Yearning is
yearning no matter what book jacket it
wears. Your problem is your picker. Stop
picking people who are unavailable.
CUT TO:
INT. KICK BOXING GYM - MORNING
Alone. Ally cuts loose practicing her kickboxing moves on a
big leather punching bag.
ALLY
That's for Larry (PUNCH), and Sam (KICK),
and Robert (PUNCH!!)... Ow!
She holds her wrist in pain as she sends the bag spiraling
off in multiple directions revealing in the background TWO
WOMEN playfully sparring, laughing, hugging and... kissing.
Ally is embarrassed, then mesmerized. Not watching-- the
punching bag returns on rebound and hits her in the head.
FANTASY - SLOW MOTION
Ally falling... about to hit the floor. The BLONDE runs over
breaking her fall, leans over her, gently stroking her hair
back, deeply concerned, about to kiss her...
BACK TO REALITY
The blonde leans over Ally and administers mouth to mouth
resuscitation. Ally comes to and shakes her head as she gets
her bearings.
BLONDE WOMAN
You okay?
ALLY (VO)
That was a dream. Right? A hallucination.
Maybe a concussion.
ALLY (cont'd)
Fine. I'm, uh, fine. Fine. Thanks.
Ally holds her jaw in pain, then gets up. Uncomfortable.
Nervous. The blonde looks Ally in the eye. She gently takes
Ally's chin in her hand and sensuously rubs it.
BLONDE WOMAN
You might have a really sore jaw. You
took it on the chin.
ALLY (VO)
Chin? Or mouth?
BLONDE WOMAN (CONT.)
I'd alternate hot and cold on that.
ALLY
Hot and cold. Thanks. I, uh, thanks for
helping me. I, um, have to go.
CUT TO:
INT. UNISEX BATHROOM - MORNING
Ally stares at herself in the mirror, oblivious to the bruise
on her jaw.
ALLY (VO)
Okay, that was nothing. I'm not
metamorphosing. I'm still me.
Elaine enters holding a cup of coffee.
ALLY (CONT.) (cont'd)
Elaine. Hi, uh, do I, uh, look different
to you?
ELAINE
Is this a trick question? Am I not
supposed to see the big red throbbing
bruise on your jaw that even Chanel's
best cover up make-up couldn't save?
ALLY
Besides that. Do I, uh, look different to
you?
ELAINE
Which you got from...?
ALLY
Falling. Fell. I fell, at the gym.
ELAINE
No. But you'll need a trim in about six
days... and information has a way of
changing your,... face.
ALLY
(suspicious)
What kind of information?
ELAINE
Surprises. Like the man in your office.
Robert.
Ally rolls her eyes. Her whole face changes.
ALLY
Can't I have a cup of coffee before...
Elaine hands her the cup of coffee.
ALLY (CONT.) (cont'd)
Oh. Thank you, Elaine.
They exit.
CUT TO:
INT. OFFICE COMPLEX - MORNING
Ally strides toward her office and accidentally bumps into
Georgia, spilling coffee over her.
ALLY
Ooops. Oh, God, I'm sorry. Are you okay?
Ally quickly pulls out a handkerchief.
GEORGIA
(annoyed, par for the course)
Yeah. Fine. I was just getting some
coffee... to drink... not wear.
Ally tries blotting the coffee out on Georgia's shirt. She
suddenly realizes it might be unconsciously sexual and
immediately stuffs the handkerchief in Georgia's hands and
rapidly pulls her arms back.
ALLY
Sorry. Here. Take it. In fact, keep it.
Fish steps in smiling at both of them.
FISH
(to Ally)
Nice bruise.
(to Georgia)
Nice stain.
(beat)
Stop. Don't think. Just answer. First
thing. Like an oral Rorschach test.
(to Ally)
You like women?
Ally looks at him. Suspicion and embarrassment crown her.
ALLY (VO)
It's Big Brother. And he knows more than
I do.
ALLY (cont'd)
Why?
FISH
Trust men?
She glances at her office door.
ALLY
Absolutely not.
FISH
Georgia. You trust women?
Georgia looks between Ally and her stain.
GEORGIA
Can we talk about this later?
Georgia heads off. Fish shrugs and turns back to Ally.
FISH
Would you say your a man's woman, a
woman's woman, or both?
Ally looks at him like he's from outer space and no longer
listening faces her door and walks past him.
FISH (CONT.) (cont'd)
(calls to her)
Give me a Switzerland. I'm looking for a
Switzerland here.
Elaine, watching from the sidelines approaches.
ELAINE
If not for pre-occupied circumstances I
believe the answer would be both.
FISH
I'll accept that.
CUT TO:
INT. ALLY'S OFFICE - MORNING
Robert from last night stands backlit by the window.
ROBERT
Ally...
(sees her bruise)
What happened?
ALLY
I got kissed. I mean punched. By a bag.
Actually, I think it's a psychosomatic
reaction from last night.
Robert nods, not listening. Ally sighs.
ALLY (CONT.) (cont'd)
Why are you here and why, why did you lie
to me?
ROBERT
You never asked.
ALLY
No ring. I didn't think I had to.
ROBERTS
Lots of married men don't wear rings.
ALLY
You lied by omission, Robert. You
deliberately mislead me.
ROBERT
I'm sorry. The truth is... I'm never
going to leave my wife. Our history keeps
us together. Ally, you deserve someone
who's... available.
ALLY
Then why did you take me to museums, and
symphonies and wine and dine and uh, and
uh, lead me on. You're a tease, you know
that, a tease. Worse than a tease. A
ruthless, cold-hearted... tease. Why?
ROBERT
Because I love women. I mean I really
love women. Do you have any idea how
fascinating you are? How sexy and
alluring and complicated?
ALLY
Is that me? Or would that be me in the
greater collective and generic sense of
all women?
ROBERT
Both. I really love you. I love women.
You intrigue me. If you could just walk
in my shoes, you'd know.
FANTASY
Ally in Robert's huge shoes and oversized clothes walking
past rows and rows of beautiful women...
ALLY (V.O.)
Pig.
BACK TO REALITY
Ally holds the door open. He hesitates.
ALLY (CONT.)
Goodbye, Robert.
ROBERT
What about dinner at my hotel tonight?
ALLY
Out. Now.
He leaves.
ALLY (CONT.) (cont'd)
(mutters under her breath)
Men.
EXT. ALLY'S OFFICE - MORNING
Ally pops her head out. Elaine perks up.
ALLY
Any person bearing a y chromosome is
barred from my office.
ELAINE
Is that permanent or temporary and if
temporary, then for how long?
ALLY
Elaine, I am not in the mood for a
Socratic dialogue.
She slams the door. Billy walks up, about to turn the knob.
Elaine smoothly slides in between him and the door.
ELAINE
Excuse me. You can't go in there. You
have a "y". Perhaps I can translate for
you.
ALLY (O.S.)
NO!
Elaine reacts. Georgia walks by with a cup of coffee.
GEORGIA
What's going on?
ELAINE
Ally. Male to female trust issues.
Although I don't see why I'm being
punished for it.
Georgia casts a look Billy's way.
GEORGIA
What kind of trust issues?
ELAINE
The usual. Betrayal. Deception.
Dishonesty. Manipulation. Shall I go on?
BILLY
I need her to sign off on the Coltin
case.
GEORGIA
The Coltin Case? You promised me the
Coltin case. I've been prepping for a
month. You knew that.
BILLY
You were having a bad week. Remember. All
those cramps. Your mom being sick.
GEORGIA
(livid)
Billy, I can't believe you would do that.
After all the research I did...
BILLY
I thought you'd appreciate that.
GEORGIA
You lied to me. This is the second time
you've done that. What right do you have
to make my decisions for me?
Billy sighs. John Cage enters.
JOHN
Excuse me. Our presence is requested in
the Conference Room. It appears to be of
an emergency nature.
(to Elaine)
Shall I alert Ally?
ELAINE
That's not a good idea. You have a
"y".
JOHN
(perplexed)
Why?
ELAINE
Allow me.
Fish appears. Hyper. Excited.
FISH
What's taking so long?
Fish goes for Ally's door as Elaine opens her mouth to stop
him. Too late.
CUT TO:
INT. ALLY'S OFFICE - MORNING
Ally has her head in her hands. Frustrated.
FISH
Am I interrupting something?
ALLY
What happened to knocking? Have men
forgotten about common courtesy? You
think you can just barge in whenever you
like?
FISH
Inconsequential when you're about to make
history.
ALLY
Excuse me?
FISH
Roe v. Wade, Brown v. Board of Education,
New York Times v. Sullivan. Ground
breaking cases. It's our turn now.
Details in the Conference Room. Follow
me.
ALLY
I don't, follow... men.
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - MORNING
Billy, John, and Georgia sit. Fish stands, excited. Ally
rushes in spilling coffee on her breast. Georgia rolls her
eyes. Ally zeros in on Fish's wide smile.
ALLY (VO)
Wide grins are extremely suspect. I don't
trust anyone who's that happy.
FISH
The firm of Fish & Cage is about to make
history.
(pause)
We now represent a female couple suing
the Department of Health for denying them
the right to marry.
Billy shifts in his seat.
BILLY
Same-sex marriage. That's a big issue,
Richard.
FISH
Problem?
Billy averts his eyes and lets it go.
ALLY
(confused)
Excuse me. A, uh, lesbian couple, came to
you for representation?
FISH
Actually, I came to them while they were
sitting at the marriage license bureau.
Moments before their arrest. I planted
the idea. It sprouted. They hired us.
GEORGIA
What were they arrested for?
FISH
Sitting.
Everyone nods. Not sure what to make of Fish.
BILLY
Why were you at the marriage license
bureau, Richard?
FISH
Whipper research. Desperate times,
desperate measures. I think Ally should
take charge here.
Everyone looks surprised, including Ally.
ALLY
Me?
FISH
What? Our clients prefer a female
attorney they can identify with.
ALLY
Excuse me, but, uh, what makes you think
we identify with each other?
FISH
Isn't it obvious? You hate men this
month. They're lesbians. It's perfect.
Ally rolls her eyes.
ALLY
I do not hate men. I just don't trust
them. There's a big difference.
FISH
Oh. Bygones. They're awaiting bail. I
suggest you talk to the Lambda people who
specialize in same-sex marriage cases.
Here's their address.
He hands her a piece of paper.
FISH (CONT.) (cont'd)
In the meantime, we should all back Ally
up with any information we can find.
John, check for related info on the net,
Georgia and Billy, check the library.
Oh... and I expect to lose.
Pause. They all look at Fish. John pinches his nose.
JOHN
Forgive me, but this appears highly out
of character.
FISH
This is a landmark opportunity to put us
on the map of fame and fortune.
GEORGIA
So we lose... and then appeal to the
Supreme Court.
FISH
Bull's eye! We create history by paving
the way for the future. By advocating the
fight for same-sex marriages.
(to Ally)
Ready to plunge into unexplored
territory, Ally?
ALLY
No. I mean, sure. Why not? To history.
FADE OUT.
END ACT I
ACT II
FADE IN:
INT. FISH'S OFFICE - DAY
Fish stares out his window. Proud. Billy enters with furrowed
brows.
BILLY
What's your real motivation for taking a
same-sex marriage case, Richard?
Fish turns around to face him. Cocks his head waiting for
Billy to go on.
BILLY (CONT.) (cont'd)
I don't believe that you believe in their
cause. You're just using them for the
attention. And that's a form of modus
operandi that crosses ethical boundaries,
the kind of boundary crossing that I have
a problem with.
FISH
It doesn't matter what I believe. Our job
is to challenge the law on behalf of
those who believe they're being denied
their right to pursue their freedom as
represented by the second, third and
eighth amendments of the Constitution.
DOMA, the Federal Defense of Marriage Act
is unconstitutional. And yes, fame and
fortune are part of my agenda to pursue
my version of the great American dream,
so why can't they have theirs? If Whipper
and I got married, we wouldn't have kids.
Is it fair to discriminate because we
have ready-made tools and they don't?
BILLY
I'm not sure how I feel about all of
this. It doesn't seem right. It throws
off the whole definition of family.
FISH
No. It only throws off your definition of
family. It's an ever evolving world,
Billy. Only those who remain open-minded
survive, and reap the benefits.
Billy reacts, not liking the information as it sinks in.
CUT TO:
INT. COUNTY JAIL - DAY
Ally takes notes as she sits with JULIE SCHIFF (32) and
REBEKA LIGHT (36). Ally can't help but notice the way they
gently touch each other. Very much in love.
ALLY
So, um, how long have you been together?
REBEKA
Six years. We've been trying to get a
marriage license for four. We have over
three thousand names on our petition,
including everyone at work.
ALLY
What do you both do?
REBEKA
I'm a real estate agent and Julie's a
graphic designer.
JULIE
We want the freedom to choose who we love
and who we marry. The right to conduct
ourselves with the same dignity as other
married people.
(pause)
If you were in love with a woman,
wouldn't you want the right to marry her?
Ally hesitates and nods out of politeness.
REBEKA
We want to be protected by the law when
we have children. I mean, what if one of
us gets sick or dies. We want family
health coverage and the right to take
care of each other.
FANTASY
Ally sick in bed. The BLONDE softly smiles as she gently
takes Ally's temperature and feeds her chicken soup while "An
Affair to Remember" plays in the background.
FEMALE VOICE (VO)
You're free.
BACK TO REALITY
The words startle Ally back to the present as the FEMALE
GUARD opens the cell.
GUARD
Julie Schiff. Rebeka Light. You're
released on bail of $10,000.
All three get up and exit the cell.
JULIE
(to guard)
Where's Mark?
GUARD
Mark who?
ALLY
Who's Mark?
JULIE
My ex-boyfriend. He's coming to bail us
out. Or was.
ALLY
Oh. You, had a boyfriend?
JULIE
Yeah. He introduced me to Rebeka.
REBEKA
With the intention of fixing us up.
Off Ally, as she tries to figure it out.
ALLY
Oh. Who took care of the bail then?
The GUARD looks it up.
GUARD
Marked private and confidential.
Ally nods, thinking, wondering.
CUT TO:
EXT. BOSTON STREETS - DAY
Ally walks with Julie and Rebekah toward their car.
ALLY
So. I'm a little confused on the
boyfriend thing. I thought you were, you
know.
JULIE
Everybody has to start somewhere.
REBEKA
I had crushes on girls since I was ten.
Course, I didn't have a great role model
for a father. He was always absent, then
one day, he became permanently absent.
JULIE
I love men. I've had boyfriends my whole
life. But my last boyfriend really hurt
me. Emotionally. I couldn't take his
games. Too many burns, know what I mean?
ALLY (V.O.)
Oh, God. I can relate to that.
JULIE (CONT.)
Then I met Rebeka and I felt safe and
understood like never before. I'm just
glad I have the courage to be with the
person who makes me happy no matter what
the gender.
ALLY
Oh. Right.
They reach the women's car, an expensive brand new black
Lexus jeep.
REBEKA
Need a ride?
ALLY
No, thanks. I like the walk. Nice car.
JULIE
Thanks.
CUT TO:
INT. BILLY'S OFFICE - DAY
Ally shuts Billy's door. He sees her troubled look and hangs
up the phone.
BILLY
What's wrong?
ALLY
Tell me the truth. Do you think I'm
attractive? I don't mean to you
personally, I mean to men, in general.
BILLY
Yes. I think you're attractive to men. In
general.
ALLY
Would that include sexy? As in a strong
desire to sleep with me? I don't mean
catching REMs, I mean making love and
mating for life.
BILLY
Yes. Ally, there should be no reason for
you to doubt the fact that men, in
general, want to make love to you and
marry you... for life.
Georgia walks in. Billy and Ally immediately grow guarded.
ALLY
Georgia. Hi. I was just getting a
statistic on sexual attraction and mating
rituals, as it affects this, uh, case.
Two women, you know, what makes them
attractive to one another, enough to, you
know, bond for life. And it just made me
think about how, uh, people, men,
perceive attraction, on a, uh, variety of
levels.
GEORGIA
Uh, huh. Well, I found some case studies
on same-sex marriages for you. I put them
on your desk. It might take a long time
to go through them. But I think they'll
help your case.
Ally nods.
ALLY
Thanks. I'll go look at them right now.
Ally exits.
CUT TO:
INT. JOHN'S OFFICE - DAY
Ally enters, hesitant to speak. John looks up from his
paperwork. She shuts the door.
JOHN
Yes?
ALLY
John. You know me pretty well by now. Do
you think I have any tendencies toward
my, uh, own kind?
John, silent and still, then methodically nods at her.
JOHN
Briefing dis-ease.
ALLY
What?
JOHN
Briefing dis-ease. You're sub-consciously
taking on your clients' personas.
Tendencies toward thinking the way they
might think. It's quite normal, Ally,
like medical student's dis-ease. They
study a new dis-ease and develop similar
symptoms. You're identifying with your
clients' cause and sub-consciously
relating to it. It's perfectly normal.
ALLY
Oh. Okay. That's good to know. Thanks,
John.
JOHN
Anytime.
(beat)
I'm gathering information for you off the
internet. I'll have it to you tomorrow.
Fascinating issue, Ally. You're at the
forefront of a changing society.
Ally smiles uncomfortably and leaves.
CUT TO:
EXT. OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
Ally looks up the address she's holding and enters.
INT. OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
Ally walks up to a counter with LAMBDA LEGAL DEFENSE
signs.
A pretty LIBRARIAN stands behind the Research Desk. Ally
nervously approaches her.
ALLY
Hi. I'm Ally McBeal. My secretary called
earlier about the research articles on
same-sex marriages.
The librarian nods at her.
LIBRARIAN
Oh, right. Here you go.
She hands Ally a large packet of papers and a video tape.
LIBRARIAN (cont'd)
You can look at the video over there.
She points to a table with a monitor and VCR. Ally smiles
back.
ALLY
Thanks.
TIME CUT TO:
INT. LAMBDA LEGAL OFFICE - TEN MINUTES LATER
Ally reviewing the material. (possibly intercut clips from
documentary on video called "The Right to Marry").
A LADY walks in and approaches the Librarian behind the desk.
Ally watches. Curious.
LADY
Hi. Picking up materials for Evanson.
The Librarian hands her some packets. They look each other
over.
LIBRARIAN
You work around here?
LADY
I just started as a paralegal down the
hall.
LIBRARIAN
Well, if you'd like, I'd be happy to meet
you for a drink and fill you in on the
building directory's "Who's Who".
LADY
That would be great. Should I come back
here around seven o'clock?
The librarian nods, smiling. Ally is astonished. The Lady
leaves. Ally returns the video to the desk.
ALLY
Uh, excuse me, but did you just pick up
that woman that was here?
LIBRARIAN
That would be an accurate assessment.
ALLY
I see. Um, I was just wondering, why
didn't you, you know, pick up, me?
LIBRARIAN
Because you're not gay.
Ally nods. She starts to go, then turns back.
ALLY
How, um, how do you know that?
LIBRARIAN
Takes one to know one. And you don't have
what's known as gaydar.
ALLY
I see.
Ally walks out.
CUT TO:
INT. ELEVATOR - DAY
Ally enters. Just before the doors close the Paralegal Lady
enters. Ally nervously smiles at her, somewhat coquettishly.
She smiles back, then returns to her paperwork in hand,
paying no attention to Ally. Ally frowns at her.
ALLY (VO)
I don't get it. What's wrong with me? Why
do I care? Oh God, I need help.
CUT TO:
EXT. ELEVATOR, OFFICE BUILDING FOYER - DAY
Ally exits and from the corner of her eye catches Fish
entering another bank of elevators with a MAN who's got his
arm around Fish's shoulder. Ally's eyes bug out.
CUT TO:
INT. THERAPIST'S OFFICE - DAY
Tracey sits across from Ally. Pencil between her lips. Head
bobbing up and down to Ally's words.
ALLY
I don't think my pheromones are working
properly. I can't seem to attract,
anyone, I mean, single guys, and ever
since Robert, Larry, and Sam lied to me
and uh, since I took on this case...
Ally pauses. Tracey's hard stare pulls it out of her.
ALLY (CONT.) (cont'd)
I've, uh, I've been having thoughts...
about women.
TRACEY
Thoughts? What kind of thoughts? Sexual
thoughts? Nurturing thoughts?
ALLY
Um. More nurturing thoughts. Do you think
I didn't get enough love and attention
from my mother?
TRACEY
No. No. No. We're not there yet. You
can't determine what set a building on
fire until you first put the fire out.
(beat)
So let me ask you something. What do you
see when you picture yourself in bed with
a woman? I don't mean hot chocolate and
re-runs of an "Affair to Remember". I
mean sexually.
FANTASY
Ally imagines herself suffocating among thousands of
dismembered breasts, desperately trying to come up for air
among a sea of fleshy chests.
BACK TO REALITY
ALLY
An over abundance of fleshy chests.
TRACEY
You're not gay.
ALLY
Then why do I keep thinking about women?
TRACEY
So maybe you're bi-curious.
ALLY
Bi... Curious? What's that?
TRACEY
Look. Forget about labels. So what if
you're bi or straight or gay. Who cares.
What matters is what are you, Ally, going
to do when you meet someone, man or
woman, who makes themselves emotionally
and physically available to you?
ALLY
Run.
TRACEY
So the next time you feel like running, I
want you to FREEZE. Practice standing in
one place when you don't want to. You
know what would be good for you? Yoga.
ALLY
Yoga? You mean putting my body in those
uncomfortable contortions for millenniums
at a time?
TRACEY
It trains your mind not to react, but to
accept where you're at right now in your
life. That would include accepting
someone else's availability.
FANTASY
Ally on a street corner frozen in a contorted yoga position,
forcing a smile, as a good-looking MAN carries on a
conversation with her as if she's in a normal pose.
BACK TO REALITY
ALLY
I have to go.
Ally gets up to leave.
TRACEY
Freeze!
Ally instantly freezes in place. Then turns to face Tracey.
ALLY
What was that?
TRACEY
Practice. I'm serious, Ally. Freeze when
you feel uncomfortable and see what comes
up. Hear your theme song and plunge into
the moment!
Ally smiles uncomfortably and leaves.
CUT TO:
INT. OFFICE COMPLEX - DUSK
Billy enters Georgia's office who sits behind her desk going
over some briefs.
BILLY
You ready?
She looks up at him.
GEORGIA
Oh. Billy. Uh, I don't think I can go.
I've got a lot of work to catch up on.
Billy's a little surprised.
BILLY
This is a reunion dinner with my college
professor. We've had this down in the
books for weeks. And now you don't think
you can go? I thought you planned for it.
GEORGIA
Well, I did, Billy. The same way I
planned for the Coltin case.
Miffed, he throws dagger eyes back at her.
BILLY
So this isn't about too much work. It's
about wanting to prove a point.
GEORGIA
I just want some time to myself.
BILLY
Can't put your pride away for one night?
GEORGIA
To put on a rally cap for you? No. I
can't. My mother was sick for a month. I
flew alone to my cousin's wedding. Where
was your rally cap?
BILLY
Fine.
He leaves, angrily closing the door behind him.
CUT TO:
INT. ALLY'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Ally and Renee, in footsie pajamas maneuver between the
living room and the kitchen with cups of hot chocolate and
marshmallows.
ALLY
The Federal Defense Marriage Act is
completely unconstitutional. All it does
is create a caste system on marriage. Not
to mention its violation of the Tenth
Amendment.
RENEE
So your angle is discrimination?
ALLY
It's Loving v. Virginia all over. Only
instead of breaking the intermarriage
race barrier, this time it's an
intermarriage gender barrier.
(beat, thinking)
You know, they really love each other.
Renee watches Ally as she drifts off.
ALLY (CONT.) (cont'd)
The kind of love that won't ever go away.
I think they just gave up on men...
RENEE
What's going on in your head?
ALLY
Look, single available guys take pleasure
in avoiding me. So, maybe I should open
up my options. Create a bigger playing
field to meet the right... person.
Renee looks at her like she's really lost it.
RENEE
You don't just decide to be gay, Ally. Or
did you forget about the sexual component
involved here?
ALLY
Who said anything about sex? I don't even
know what that is anymore. This is about
lifelong companionship. Maybe I'm really
a gay-by-circumstance person.
Renee looks at her.
RENEE
You've just had a bad round of men. And
you're using this case as an excuse not
to get back up on the horse you've fallen
off of.
ALLY
Well, who wants to keep getting bucked,
Renee?
RENEE
You think you won't get bucked by
another breed? Why don't you work on your
trust issues with men instead of avoiding
it with another diversion.
Or is this about you getting closer to
Billy?
ALLY
What does that mean?
RENEE
You and Georgia. Why don't the three of
you just all sleep together?
Off Ally's shocked face
FANTASY
A maze of dismembered arms and legs. Ally's head pops up. She
tries groping her way out, lost in a sea of limbs.
BACK TO REALITY
ALLY
I think I'd get lost.
RENEE
Face it, Ally, on the pendulum you swing
way to the right.
ALLY
That's not true. I could be gay if I
wanted to. I trust women. I understand
women. And I'm sure I could acquire a
sexual inclination. It might be nice to
be with someone who purrs instead of
grunts.
Renee just cracks up.
ALLY (cont'd)
What's so funny?
RENEE
You, Ally. You can't tell dirty jokes and
you sure as hell aren't gay. You couldn't
pick up a woman if your life depended on
it.
ALLY
You know what you're doing, Renee? You're
labeling me. And I, I can't be labeled.
RENEE
(laughing)
That's for sure. Call it a rational
deduction based on evidence of your
behavior patterns.
ALLY
Okay. I bet you I can attract a woman.
Renee bursts with laughter again.
RENEE
What do you want a bet?
ALLY
My black cashmere sweater for your Donna
Karan jacket.
RENEE
Deal.
They shake. Renee immediately stops laughing. Ally looks her
over, scrutiny in her eyes.
ALLY
You deliberately laughed at me so I would
make the bet, didn't you, Renee?
Renee mischievously smiles back at her.
RENEE
I love it when your gullible.
FADE OUT.
END ACT II
ACT III
FADE IN:
INT. ALLY'S OFFICE - MORNING
Billy enters as Ally is about to exit with an empty coffee
cup in hand.
BILLY
Can I ask you something?
ALLY
Sure, if you don't mind escorting me to
the bathroom. What's up?
CUT TO:
INT. OFFICE COMPLEX - MORNING
Billy and Ally walk toward the bathroom.
BILLY
Georgia. She's upset with me. I thought I
was being thoughtful on that Coltin case.
ALLY
You took away her right to choose. You
efemulated her. Women don't like to be
efemulated, Billy.
BILLY
(nodding)
Right.
(raising a brow)
Efemulate?
ALLY
A McBealism. Choice equals oxygen.
Without it we can't breathe.
CUT TO:
INT. UNISEX BATHROOM - MORNING
Ally and Billy enter. Fish and Cage wash their hands.
FISH
The nuclear family-- it's a fossil.
Alternative families are the new...
(to Ally)
How's our Supreme Court case coming?
I want our firm's name printed in every
school text books next edition. So how's
it going?
Ally forces a smile. He tries turning the faucet up. Not much
luck. He pulls out a mini-dictaphone and hits a button.
FISH (CONT.) (cont'd)
(into dicatphone)
Note. Bathroom faucets require more
pressure.
FANTASY
Steam pours out of every orifice on Ally. She looks like a
pressure cooker with a gasket about to blow.
ALLY (VO)
How about taking some of mine.
BACK TO REALITY
ALLY
Fine.
(gets an idea)
But um, I have a question. Research. I
uh, need to know how all of you would go
about picking up a woman.
They all look at her. Perplexed.
ALLY (CONT.) (cont'd)
It's uh, something I might use for my
summation. Attraction, marriage, you
know.
JOHN
Given my statistical record, with a
failure rate disproportionate with what
your needs are I think I would be the
least helpful to you, Ally.
(pause)
May I suggest Internet Chat Rooms and
local bartenders. Also, classic films
with icons such as Clark Gable, James
Dean or Humphrey Bogart. Well thought out
scripted dialogue are quite effective on
the female public.
Ally nods. She looks at Billy who shrugs his shoulders.
BILLY
I'm out of practice. Whatever I have to
give you would be dated.
FISH
I have lines for every possible scenario.
Stop by my office in two hours. I'll have
a print out for you.
He pulls out his mini-dictaphone again.
FISH (CONT.) (cont'd)
(into dictaphone)
Print out "The Art of the Pick-up by
Richard Fish", the abridged edition.
ALLY
Two hours?
FISH
It's one hundred sixty-seven pages.
ALLY
Do they work?
FISH
(pondering)
I think it's my delivery.
They HEAR a FLUSH and turn. Elaine steps out of a stall,
walking with sensual confidence, like Ellen Barkin in "Sea of
Love".
ELAINE
Interesting conversation.
She washes her hands and turns to Ally. They all watch her,
transfixed, as she throws a winning smile at Ally.
ELAINE (CONT.) (cont'd)
Your button's undone. Want me to get it?
ALLY
Sure.
Elaine carefully buttons the back of Ally's blouse and leans
into her neck, softly whispering, with a sincerity they have
never before witnessed in Elaine.
ELAINE
I'd love for you to come home with me
tonight, but I don't want a one night
stand. I'd rather get to really know you,
because in the end, I don't want someone
who's heart I can't take home.
Elaine pulls away. Smiles. Looks in the mirror and fixes her
hair.
ELAINE (CONT.) (cont'd)
One hundred percent fool-proof.
They all stare at her, speechless. The guys finally breathe
again. As they walk out, Fish pulls out his dictaphone again.
FISH
(into dictaphone)
Scratch the last memo.
Ally turns to Elaine.
ALLY
Excuse me, Elaine, but are you suggesting
that...
ELAINE
Ally. I know you're having a sexual
identity crisis. Everyone in the office
knows. Just so you know, according to the
Kinsey Report on sexuality, it's quite
common for heterosexual women to
fantasize about women and for gay women
to fantasize about men. Either way, we
accept you. We just want you to stop
yearning.
ALLY
I do not yearn, Elaine. I was just
getting information to understand my
clients sexual bond with one another. It
has to do with the case.
Ally walks out. Elaine follows her.
CUT TO:
INT. OFFICE COMPLEX - MORNING
ELAINE
It's the same bond. Same emotions. Just
different apparatus. I myself prefer big
jeeps with stick shifts as opposed to
sleek convertibles with automatic,
although convertibles have their
attributes, it's just that I like being
the only convertible in a...
ALLY
Thank you, Elaine.
Georgia walks by catching the last of it.
GEORGIA
Are you getting a convertible, Ally?
ALLY
No, no. No convertible for me. Too much
air.
ELAINE
Ally just wanted some information on
female homosexuality and I was providing
analogies for her.
FANTASY
Ally's face transform into a beet, replete with its vibrant
color.
ALLY (VO)
This is cruel and unusual punishment with
intent to humiliate.
BACK TO REALITY
ELAINE
Contrary to certain belief systems in
this office I do have a lot more to offer
than a character veil of two
dimensionality.
Elaine exits. Ally gives Georgia an embarrassed smile and
quickly ducks into her office to escape.
CUT TO:
INT. ALLY'S OFFICE - MORNING
Ally takes a deep breath.
MALE VOICE (O.S.)
How come you don't return my calls?
Ally gasps, trips, and falls. We see SAM as he does nothing
to help. She gets up and quickly regains her composure.
ALLY
I'm not the one who owes anyone an
explanation, Sam.
Sam spreads his arms wide and smiles.
SAM
Hey, come on, let it go. You look great.
Tell me you'll have dinner with me
tonight.
ALLY
What for?
SAM
What for?
ALLY
Why would someone who is unavailable want
to be with me? Do you think I'm only
available for the unavailable? Because if
you do, that's really low. It makes you
a, uh, tease.
SAM
I just wanted to talk. Catch up. I've
missed you.
ALLY
Still engaged?
SAM
Postponed. So I could resolve any
feelings I have for my old flames.
ALLY
And I am an old flame?
Sam looks at her, nods.
SAM
I was hoping for current flame.
Ally opens the door.
ALLY (CONT.)
I'm no longer available for the
unavailable. Goodbye, Sam.
CUT TO:
EXT. ALLY'S OFFICE COMPLEX - DAY
Sam leaves. Elaine pops her head out.
ELAINE
Your clients who double as the catalyst
for your sexual identity crisis are here.
Off Ally's look.
CUT TO:
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
Ally sits across from Julie and Rebeka who continually hold
hands, staring at the intimacy she longs for.
ALLY
Baehr v. Miike in Hawaii set the
precedent for discrimination on the basis
of sex. We can play the same game, see if
the state can show a "compelling state
interest" to continue denying marriage
licenses.
JULIE
We have friends who've tried that and
failed. Why is it working in Hawaii and
not here?
ALLY
Because Hawaii has an Equal Rights
Amendment that was violated.
REBEKA
Any other options?
ALLY
You could wait until it becomes legal in
Hawaii. Only a constitutional amendment
could allow the continued denial of same
sex marriages. But that would require a
two-thirds vote from the legislature plus
ratification by a popular vote or a
constitutional convention. It's unlikely.
It just means waiting. Or we can go for a
more unconventional approach.
JULIE
The point is to add to the fight with
another battle. Win or lose, we raise
public consciousness.
REBEKA
What's the unconventional approach?
ALLY
I'm working on it. But I need to know if
you two, uh, ever fantasize about men?
Julie and Rebeka look at Ally.
ALLY (cont'd)
I said it was unconventional.
JULIE
I do.
REBEKA
I have.
ALLY
Okay. And uh, if I wanted to do some
research, could you recommend a gay bar?
JULIE
That depends. Do you want butch, soft
butch, femme, or lipstick lesbian? You
would come under the femme category.
Ally gets flustered.
ALLY
Oh. Okay. Femme.
REBEKA
Probably The Bordeaux Room.
ALLY
Okay. Thanks. I'll be in touch.
They get up to leave.
JULIE
Please thank Mr. Fish for all his help
and generosity.
ALLY
Did he explain to you the court costs
involved in lengthy litigations like this
one?
REBEKA
We're grateful it's just our time and not
our money.
Ally stops, shocked.
ALLY
What? Fish is doing this pro-bono.
JULIE
Thank God for lawyers who actually care
about the law.
ALLY
Right.
CUT TO:
INT. OFFICE COMPLEX - DAY
Ally runs headlong into John. He's got loads of paperwork on
him which spew all over the floor on contact with her.
JOHN
Ally.
(holding it together)
These, were for you.
ALLY
Sorry, John. I have something important
to ask Fish. Here. Let me help you pick
those up.
The two of them pick up the strewn about papers. John
practices his smile and regains his composure.
JOHN
I happened to find these articles on same
sex-marriages on the internet. I thought
you might find them helpful. There's a
history of gay couples in real life and
in fiction.
(beat)
There's also historical evidence that in
pre-modern Europe male to male marriages
were the norm. That might make for an
interesting approach since you'll be
going against Mike Radner from Nanas,
Klein, & Diemer. A former sociology
major.
ALLY
Oh. Thanks, John.
JOHN
By the way, how's your trust issue with
men these days?
ALLY
Status quo.
JOHN
If there's anything I can do to help
diminish those feelings, I'd appreciate
it if you'd tell me.
I'd like to help in any way I can on
behalf of the human male species,
especially to counteract against those
who make a bad name for the rest of us.
By the way, you look very lovely today.
He starts to walk away. Ally stops him.
ALLY
What, what was that all about? Are you
going to some sort of special training
school on how to talk to women in their
native tongue? How did you know to be so,
so, thoughtful?
John looks at her and shrugs.
JOHN
It's my nature, Ally. I genuinely care
about my fellow humankind.
ALLY
I'm not sure I trust it. You must be
hiding an apple somewhere in your jacket.
John opens his jacket and smiles. No apple.
JOHN
Contrary to the men you've been dating, I
don't believe in false temptations. With
or without apples. I like to practice
tolerance for all, judgement for none.
ALLY
Oh. Okay. Hmmmph.
(thinking)
John, do you, uh, do you think Fish is,
well, you know, dabbling on the other
side. Because I saw him with a man's arms
around his shoulder and...
John looks at her. He starts "tssssking."
JOHN
Briefing dis-ease. Carries over into the
people you commonly associate with on a
regular basis.
Ally nods. John hands her all the paperwork.
JOHN (cont'd)
Tolerance for all, judgment for none,
including your peers, including your
self, Ally.
He walks away. Ally stares after him.
CUT TO:
INT. FISH'S OFFICE - DAY
Ally enters. Fish is gone. Elaine files papers.
ALLY
Oh, hi, Elaine. Where's Fish?
ELAINE
Whipper's sick. He's paying a housecall.
He's about to ask her the big question
while she's in a vulnerable state, of
course.
ALLY
Elaine. How do you know, everything?
Elaine offers a secretive smile.
ELAINE
We all have our gifts in life.
Ally nods, then a light goes off.
ALLY
Right. And since you really are so,
gifted, at uh, gathering information,
Elaine, do you think you could find out
who released my clients on bail and why?
Elaine smiles, delighted.
ELAINE
The "whys" are what give meaning to my
life's work.
ALLY
Oh. I'm glad.
CUT TO:
INT. WHIPPER'S BEDROOM - DUSK
Whipper lies in bed with a box of kleenex watching Fish set
up an elaborate display of soups. She can't help but reveal a
smile.
FISH
Here we have good 'ole fashioned chicken
soup.
And in this corner, hot and sour, great
for clearing up the sinuses. Tomato soup
to clean the palate. And a broccoli puree
with garlic to build the immune system.
(beat)
Lots of liquids. To flush out the cold.
WHIPPER
Very clever. Why are you here, Fish?
FISH
What? What do you mean why am I here?
Isn't it obvious? I like soup.
WHIPPER
You're holding back.
FISH
Okay. I like power. I'm up. You're down.
Power.
Whipper reacts, scrunching her face at the power word.
Oblivious, Fish gets on his knees beside her.
FISH (CONT.) (cont'd)
Come on, Whip. I like being here for you.
Isn't that what love is? So let's do it.
Under the laws governed by the United
Sates of America, I exercise my right to
choose you as my wife. What say you?
Let's declare to the world that we love
each other.
WHIPPER
This is just a power trip for you.
Marriage as a status symbol to advance
your personal and professional gain. We
both know marriage offers a lot of
financial perks.
FISH
Whatever I said, you misinterpreted. Love
is a balance of power. See Machiavelli. I
like it both ways. Right now, you need
me. Tomorrow I need you. Something wrong
with that?
WHIPPER
When I smell an ulterior motive there is.
FISH
No motives. Unless you count love as
motive.
Whipper stares him down.
WHIPPER
I'll think about it.
FISH
Okay.
Fish stands up to go with deflated expectations.
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT III
ACT IV
FADE IN:
INT. FISH'S OFFICE - DAY
Ally barges in. Fish wraps up a call and looks at her with
expectant eyes.
FISH
Yes?
ALLY
How could you possibly have some other
agenda connected to this same-sex
marriage case that isn't predicated on
money?
FISH
Point being?
ALLY
We're doing this pro-bono. When judging
from our clients' lifestyles they're not
hurting. What's going on, Richard?
FISH
Something wrong with helping what could
be a potential landmark case?
ALLY
No. But this just isn't like you.
FISH
I see. Do I have to repeat myself? Did
Churchill explain himself at NATO?
History. Fame. Guarantees lifelong work
for the future. Equals fortune.
ALLY
There is something else going on. I saw
you, with a man, at Lambda's Legal
Defense office. His arm was around you in
a very, uh, affectionate manner. Is
asking Whipper to marry you some sort of
beard...
Fish erupts with laughter. Pulls out his dictaphone.
FISH
(into dictaphone)
Offer Ally role of Gossip Columnist for
Office Newsletter.
(to Ally)
Anything else?
She stares at him, then swivels around and leaves.
CUT TO:
INT. OFFICE COMPLEX - DAY
Billy stares at Georgia's closed office door where a "Do Not
Disturb" sign hangs. John passes, sees something amiss in
Billy's face and stops.
JOHN
Billy. You seem distracted. A little
down.
BILLY
I'm in a shut out zone.
John sees the closed door. Thinks a moment.
JOHN
I believe all problems can be realigned
or modified once the root cause is
identified.
BILLY
What if you can't put your finger on the
root?
JOHN
I'm told by married friends that an
invitation for a quiet, romantic dinner
is highly effective, although I don't
speak from first hand experience.
Billy nods as John walks away.
CUT TO:
INT. UNISEX BATHROOM - DAY
Ally and Georgia face the mirror.
GEORGIA
You know, Ally, if you need some help,
I've got some free time tonight.
Ally, surprised, sheds a quizzical look.
ALLY
Oh. Sure. That would be great. I might
need some research help on comparative
cases... your necklace, is undone.
GEORGIA
Oh. Thanks. Do you mind?
ALLY
No.
Ally stands behind Georgia trying to clasp her necklace
together.
TIGHT
on Ally's mouth in close proximity to Georgia's neck.
GEORGIA
What kind of cases?
Ally fumbles with the necklace.
ALLY
Oh, uh, kinds of cases. I need to know
how admissable fantasies are in court.
GEORGIA
(surprised)
Fantasies?
Billy enters, affected by Ally's close proximity to Georgia's
neck, reminiscent of Elaine's pick up lines. It's a sensuous
portrait, to which he is not immune.
BILLY
What are you doing?
GEORGIA
Oh, hi, Billy. I thought I was about to
hear some of Ally's fantasies.
Georgia laughs. Ally lets out a nervous giggle finally fixing
the necklace.
ALLY
For the case.
BILLY
Right. The big landmark case.
Georgia leaves. Billy turns to Ally. She shrugs innocently.
He stares at her.
ALLY
What?
He looks after Georgia's empty trail, then back at Ally.
BILLY
Are you mad at me?
ALLY (VO)
Just because I might become gay by
circumstance, in part thanks to you...
ALLY (cont'd)
No. No.
BILLY
I don't know what's going on, but I'm
very confused.
Billy turns and leaves.
CUT TO:
INT. ALLY'S OFFICE - EVENING
Ally and Georgia go over piles of case studies. Renee enters.
RENEE
Ready to forfeit the black cashmere?
Ally looks up, caught off guard.
ALLY
Oh, Renee. I forgot. Do we have to do
this tonight? Georgia's helping me with
the case.
GEORGIA
Do what?
RENEE
Ally and I have a bet to keep. It
requires a trip to a lesbian bar. You're
welcome to come, isn't she, Ally?
Georgia's mouth drops.
ALLY
For the case. Right, Renee?
Renee smiles.
RENEE
Whatever.
Billy enters, faces Georgia.
BILLY
There you are. I just got reservations at
Tristan's. How about it? A nice quiet
dinner. Just the two of us.
GEORGIA
Oh. I'm going out with Ally and Renee.
Sorry.
BILLY
Oh. Okay. Where?
GEORGIA
Um, a gay bar. For Ally's case.
BILLY
A gay bar? I'm not sure I'm comfortable
with that. I don't like the idea of you,
or Ally, going to a gay bar.
RENEE
What are you afraid of, Billy?
BILLY
This isn't about fear.
RENEE
Oh, yes it is. You're afraid you might
lose Georgia, that she'll meet a woman
who can give her more nuturing than you
can. So you make her feel bad for your
insecurities. And as for Ally, God forbid
she should ever fall in love with someone
else. You'd lose your consolation prize,
forever knowing that she still yearns for
you.
Billy shoots her a look.
BILLY
You're not my shrink, Renee.
RENEE
No. But I could be.
CUT TO:
INT. GAY BAR - NIGHT
Packed with femme women. Ally, Renee, and Georgia sit around
a table. They shed their coats.
RENEE
Well, Ally. See anybody you'd like to
take home with you.
Ally shoots Renee a look.
RENEE (CONT.) (cont'd)
While you scope out the room, I'll go get
us some drinks.
Georgia looks a little uncomfortable and gets up.
GEORGIA
I've got to go the bathroom.
Suddenly Ally's by herself. A PRETTY WOMAN eyes her from the
bar. She nervously smiles back. The woman approaches.
WOMAN
Hi, there. Can I buy you a drink?
ALLY
Oh, no, I don't, drink. Thanks.
WOMAN
(studying her)
How long have you been out?
Ally looks at her watch.
ALLY
Not even an hour...
WOMAN
I meant out of the closet?
ALLY
Oh. Oh. That "out". I'm not out. I'm in.
I mean, I'm not gay.
ALLY (VO) (cont'd)
I'm just thinking about it.
WOMAN
Then why are you here?
ALLY
I'm meeting my partner.
WOMAN
Partner?
ALLY
Colleague. Work colleague.
Ally glances at the bar.
ANGLE ON THE BAR
as Renne chats it up, laughing with several women.
BACK ON ALLY'S TABLE
The woman looks dubiously at her and then leaves. Georgia
returns.
GEORGIA
I miss much?
Ally shakes her head no as Renee returns with drinks.
RENEE
So, Ally. Who's it gonna be?
Ally looks around, spots a pretty woman at the bar, takes a
big drink and musters a semi-confident walk...
ANGLE ON BAR
ALLY
(to pretty woman)
Excuse me, my partner, I mean my
colleague, thinks I can't pick up a woman
and I was wondering...
PRETTY WOMAN
Oh, sorry. I'm straight. My brother and I
we're just visiting our sister.
From behind, a gorgeous GUY leans over and smiles. Ally takes
one look at him and melts.
RYAN
Hi. My name's Ryan.
ALLY
(smiles, embarrassed)
Ally. Hi.
ALLY (VO) (cont'd)
Someone must be playing a sick joke on
me.
ALLY (cont'd)
So. Are you straight?
RYAN
And single.
ALLY
Oh. Me, too.
Ryan smiles again, interested. We HEAR her THEME SONG "I
know
something about love." SCRATCH. It abruptly stops as Ally
gets nervous.
ALLY (CONT.) (cont'd)
Well. I have to go now.
She turns to run, then suddenly FREEZES and trips. Ryan
catches her in mid-fall. Renee and Georiga watch.
RYAN
Are you okay?
ALLY
Oh yeah. I was just-- freezing.
He takes his coat off for her and looks in her eyes.
RYAN
Would you like to go out sometime?
Ally nods a yes.
ALLY (VO)
The black cashmere's all yours, Renee.
CUT TO:
INT. COURTROOM - DAY
Judge Whipper resides. Fish, John, Georgia, Billy, Julie and
Rebeka watch as Ally examines JACK DUVANE.
ALLY
In your official capacity as Director of
the Department of Health for the State of
Massachusetts, why deny these two people
the right to marry?
DUVANE
According to Websters Dictionary, they
don't fit the definition.
And they aren't capable of procreating
which is one of the reasons why marriage
was established.
ALLY
So on the basis of Daniel Webster you
believe it's right to deny them the
benefits of marriage which include tax
breaks, insurance breaks, social security
survivor benefits, sick leave, divorce
and custody protections, to name a few.
Not to mention recognition and dignity.
DUVANE
That's right.
ALLY
Mr. Duvane. You're married, correct?
DUVANE
Yes.
ALLY
You and your wife consciously decided not
to have children. Is that correct?
MIKE RADNER for the defense stands up.
RADNER
Objection.
JUDGE CONE
Overuled. Answer the question.
DUVANE
Yes.
Ally sits, a small victory. Radner rises. Faces Duvane.
RADNER
If you and your wife decided to have
children, it's perfectly possible that
you could, is that true?
DUVANE
Yes. I believe so.
Reactions from all.
CUT TO:
INT. COURTROOM CORRIDOR - DAY
John stands beside Ally as Elaine runs up to them.
JOHN
You can counter with government's choice
versus the individual's choice.
ALLY
Who gets to have children. Who doesn't.
Does economic stability factor in, I
know. But we're getting off the issue
here. It's still discrimination.
ELAINE
Excuse me, John. Ally, I have some facts
for you. Of a private nature.
John holds his hands up and disappears.
ALLY
This better be good, Elaine. I'm in way
over my head right now.
ELAINE
Well. Your clients' bail. That was taken
care of by Fish.
Ally's face. Shocked.
ELAINE (CONT.) (cont'd)
And the reason why. I love the whys. Is
because his uncle who died was gay. And
his uncle's lover of twelve years, was
never given the right to visit him in the
hospital or even bury him. Apparently,
there were a lot of legal and medical
complications that Richard feels
responsible for. He promised them he'd
help fight their fight, the right to
marry fight.
ALLY
Thanks, Elaine. Oh. What does his uncle's
lover do?
ELAINE
He volunteers for Lambda's Legal Defense.
In public relations.
ALLY (VO)
I have a professional operative spy
working for me.
MALE VOICE (O.S.)
Ally.
Ryan walks up to Ally. Elaine eyes him and leaves. Ally
smiles, starts to turn away, then freezes in place.
ALLY
Ryan. Hi. What are you doing here? I
thought we had a date tomorrow night.
(beat)
You've come to tell me something bad,
haven't you?
RYAN
I got a job with the L.A. bureau of
Newsweek. I didn't think I'd get it. They
want me right away. Tomorrow.
ALLY
Well...
(disappointed)
At least you were single... and almost
available.
RYAN
I'm sorry. I was looking forward to
getting to know you.
ALLY
Me, too.
RYAN
Well, if you're ever in L.A., promise
you'll look me up.
She nods and watches him walk away.
CUT TO:
INT. COURTROOM - DAY
Everyone is back in place as Ally examines DR. ALAN NORTH.
She turns to Judge Cone.
ALLY
Your Honor, Dr. North is an expert in the
field of sociology with a special
expertise in adoption and other forms of
non-biological parenting. He's conducted
numerous studies on same sex couples with
regard to child-rearing.
Judge Cone nods. Ally turns to Dr. North in the chair.
ALLY (CONT.) (cont'd)
Dr. North, could you tell us about your
findings?
DR. NORTH
We discovered that a biological
relationship between parent and child is
not essential to raising a healthy child.
The quality of parenting is more
important than biological connections or
gender. We also found no data that
establishes gay or lesbian parents as
being less capable of good parenting than
non-gay people.
ALLY
In other words, sexual orientation is not
an indicator of parental fitness?
DR. NORTH
That's correct.
ALLY
The state seems to argue that we need to
identify a "best family", a "best
parent". What's your position on that?
DR. NORTH
It's about "best environment" and that
means love, nurturance, guidance,
protection and safety. Those things we
associate with family so we can be well
adjusted to function in society.
ALLY
Society. What comprises a society?
DR. NORTH
A society is made up of its people.
People who live in a civilized manner.
ALLY
You also hold a degree in psychology.
Could you tell us what makes a healthy
society, of people?
DR. NORTH
Expression of self within boundaries
established by a governing body of people
on behalf of its inhabitants.
ALLY
And what happens to a society, to its
people, who comprise it, when they are
denied self-expression?
DR. NORTH
Ultimately anarchy or self-destruction.
Otherwise, you have a lot of unhappy
people.
ALLY
And what do unhappy, frustrated people
do, short of anarchy or suicide?
RADNER
Objection. This line of questioning is
irrelevant.
JUDGE CONE
Overruled. Answer the question, Dr. North.
DR. NORTH
They find crutches to fill the void.
Sometimes it's drugs, alcohol, crime.
Sometimes it permeates in everyday
behavior, affecting others they come into
contact with.
ALLY
Would you say there are different forms
of society? Different forms of family?
Different forms of love? Does the state
have the right to identify or define the
best of these?
DR. NORTH
To talk about one form of family that is
best, I personally find offensive and a
distortion of the research literature
which also proves that diversity is what
provides cultural longevity.
ALLY
Thank you.
Dr. North leaves. Ally turns to the Judge.
ALLY (cont'd)
Are we what we fantasize? Julie and
Rebeka think about men. Fantasize about
men. Dated men. But they didn't find love
with men. They found love with each
other.
They didn't look at race, religion or
gender. They looked at the person. They
found another human being who wanted to
be available to them in the most sacred
and intimate manner.
Judge Cone looks at Richard. Billy and Georgia share a
glance.
ALLY (CONT.) (cont'd)
They found someone who wasn't afraid to
express and acknowledge those feelings.
Someone to care for and be cared by.
Someone who offered emotional and
physical availability. That's not easy to
find. Or accept. But isn't that what love
is about? Or do we try to define love for
everyone and have a society of unhappy,
unproductive people.
(pause)
The Department of Health is denying
people in our society, the pursuit of
happiness. How healthy is that for them
and how healthy is that for the rest of
us?
Georgia reaches out to hold Billy's hand. Fish and Judge Cone
acknowledge each other.
JUDGE CONE
I'll take the matter under submission.
TIME CUT TO:
INT. COURTROOM - DAY FIVE MINUTES LATER
Judge Cone turns to the courtroom.
JUDGE CONE
I'm compelled to find for the plaintiff.
Ally, Julie and Rebeka hug. The gang smiles. Fish pats his
Uncle's lover on the back. All smiles. Radner turns to Ally.
RADNER
We'll be filing an appeal.
ALLY
I'd be surprised if you didn't.
Billy and Georgia kiss. Whipper and Fish stare across the
room at one another.
CUT TO:
EXT. BOSTON STREET - DAY
Ally and Renee in jeans. Renee wears Ally's black cashmere
sweater. They sit on a park bench.
PULL BACK TO THEIR POV
watching young, tanned, gorgeous men in bare chests and faded
Levis sweat and toil on a construction site. Renee pulls out
a bag of popcorn. Ally smiles as they dig in.
RENEE & ALLY
Men.
Satiated looks on their faces. One GUY gives Ally a special
smile. They watch. Full of glee.
THE END
First Draft
Lynn Isenberg, Focus Media, Inc.
[Portions of legal text paraphrased from Civil Case No.91
1394, State of Hawaii; Baehr vs. Miike]
ALLY MCBEAL
"The Question"
CAST LIST
ALLY MCBEAL
BILLY ALAN THOMAS
RICHARD FISH
GEORGIA THOMAS
ELAINE VASSAL
RENEE
JOHN CAGE
VONDA SHEPARD
WHIPPER CONE
REBEKA LIGHT - PLANTIFF
JULIE SCHIFF - PLANTIFF
ROBERT
SAM
MIKE RADNER - STATE'S ATTORNEY
DR. ALAN NORTH - SOCIOLOGY/PSYCHOLOGY PROFESSOR
BLONDE WOMAN
PRETTY WOMAN
LIBRARIAN
RYAN
RYAN'S SISTER
First Draft
Lynn Isenberg, Focus Media, Inc.
Attorney: Todd Stern, Weissmann, Wolff, Beverly Hills, CA
Copyright, WGA
ALLY MCBEAL (cont'd)
"The Question"
SET LIST
INTERIORS:
CAGE AND FISH LAW OFFICE COMPLEX - DAY
ALLY'S OFFICE - DAY & NIGHT
CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
BATHROOM - DAY
BILLY'S OFFICE - DAY
FISH'S OFFICE - DAY
JOHN'S OFFICE - DAY
SUPERIOR COURT - DAY
COURTHOUSE JAIL - DAY
COURTHOUSE CORRIDOR - DAY
LAMBDA OFFICES -DAY
ELEVATOR - DAY
DOWNSTAIRS BAR - NIGHT
ALLY'S BATHROOM - MORNING
ALLY'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
KICKBOXING GYM - DAY
GAY BAR - NIGHT
WHIPPER'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
EXTERIORS:
ALLY'S APARTMENT - DAY & NIGHT
BOSTON - DAY
LAMBDA OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
COURTHOUSE - DAY
First Draft
Lynn Isenberg, Focus Media, Inc.
Copyright, WGA

ACT I INT. ALLY'S APARTMENT - BATHROOM - PRE-DAWN Ally, in sweats and T-shirt, RIPS the hair blower cord out of its socket, then CRASH, it accidentally drops to the ground. She grabs it. ALLY Damn it. She rapidly stuffs the hair blower in her gym bag along with an array of make-up, when RENEE, in a hypnogogic state, appears in the door jamb. ALLY (CONT.) (cont'd) Ooooh. I hope you're not awake because I dropped a hair blower. Unless you wanted to be saved from a bad dream, a very bad dream. RENEE Ally. It's 5:30 in the morning. What are you doing? ALLY What does it look like I'm doing? I'm preparing to release accumulated aggressions from the un-evolved behavior patterns of Cro-Magnons. Renee, coming to full awareness, stares at her. RENEE Does this have to do with Robert from last night? ALLY Oh. You must mean betrayal number three on the quarterly report. I must really

You're Reading a Free Preview

Download
scribd
/*********** DO NOT ALTER ANYTHING BELOW THIS LINE ! ************/ var s_code=s.t();if(s_code)document.write(s_code)//-->