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Ocean Sized Love

Ocean Sized Love


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Published by Katiebug96

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Published by: Katiebug96 on Dec 26, 2009
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And I wish to feel smaller under your hands, though you seem satisfied as you slip mine down

your pants. And I'm thinkin' about how you care half as much for me, while you lift up my shirt after asking politely. And I guess it doesn't matter what I am or pretend to be cause it's her you'll always love and it's her I'll always envy. I want to end this now so dreams of you won't keep me up, but I swear I'm gonna cry. I'm sick of tryin' to be tough and my blood won't stick to the confines of my veins. And your heart is gonna tear mine away. When you're talking out loud and nobody is there, you look like hell and you just don't care, you're drinking more than you ever drank, and sinking down lower than you ever sank. When you find yourself falling upon your knees, praying to god, begging him "please", that's when she's more than a memory. But I just thought that you should know, that was how I spent my autumn, wanting you. I was just too scared to admit it. And you're so guilty it's disgusting, he's been sneaking underneath your sheets. And your hands have been in places that they probably shouldn't go. But don't worry sweetie, because I already know. Regardless, you know that I'll still wait for your call. Well it's getting colder and you're getting distant, and I just keep thinking that I never meant it to be like this. You know what comes next, and so do I. You�re begging for a way to gracefully bow out, and say goodnight. It's shocking how many kinds of addiction exists. It would be too easy if it were just drugs and booze and cigarettes. I think the hardest part about kicking a habit is wanting to kick it. i mean, we all get addicted for a reason, right? Often, too often, things that start out as just a normal part of your life at some point cross the line to obsessive, compuosive, out of control. It's the high we're chasing, the high that makes everything else fade away. I'm your puppet, I'll learn to love it and I'll undress if you need it, but please don't need it, if you need it, I'll scream out. Weave a secret, I will sweep it beneath the carpet, where you'll keep it, how weak is that? Wish I was worth it to you. Review my wishes for fair weather, 'cause I know if the clouds with rains or snows, you wont be there, how weak is that? Wish I was worth it, to you. yeah, i'm not angry and no i'm not upset it's taken me awhile, but this is what i've learned: emotional attachment is really not a threat when i'm simply not concerned. she's just a friend, you always agree. you know i lie but you still trust me. and you believed in so much hope. but i'm the one who let you go. we turn our music down and we whisper. "say what your thinking right now" tell me what you thought about when you were gone and so alone. the worst is over you can have the best of me. we got older but we're still young. we never grew out of this feeling that we wont give up. fightig back the impulse turn my head and close my eyes. spending these nights awake and cold and paralyzed. wonder how we got this far and never realized. everyday, with worthless words we get more far away. the distance between us makes it so hard to stay. nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe. it hurts but it may be the only way. don't you say that i'm ruining what we've made. we know enough to know we're both

to blame. it's like you're leaving but you don't know the way. the city is making me sick, and the season's getting colder. and it's not helping now that we're growing so much older. in all this monotony, oh darling it's getting to me. and how do they expect for me to plan out my life so precisely? and all this negativity, you know it's getting to me. are we just holding onto the things we don't have anymore? sometimes time doesn't heal, no not at all. just stands still while we fall in or out of love again. i doubt i'm gonna win you back when you got eyes like that. this town, it feels like a headache. and all the words inside my mouth won't come through. i've got this pain in my head that i can't shake. when i remind myself i can't get to you. i watched you change with the seasons. i wrote you letters but i forgot to mention that i'm a wreck, i'm a mess, you're a stranger. another cigarette and i'm so bored. your words aren't making sense. i was taken, but you were waiting. one more drink and i'm convinced. Over time, I've watched you change. Now I wonder what you have become. What have you become? Has it dawned on you I haven't done a thing but sit back and watch you tear apart what we had? The only mistake I ever made was placing my faith in you but I can't control what's out of my hands (this time I know where I went wrong.) Nothing we shared was ever good enough for you. Nothing we shared was ever good enough at all. There is no way, there's just no way you're going to turn it around on me. There is no way, there's just no way, you're going to take this away from me. Tonight I lose my best friend. Tonight I lose it all. How can I stop you from walking away? You spend so much time wondering who you are, don't you think? You flounder about, searching for your identity, when most of the time it is as plain as the nose on your face. You struggle with questions of purposes and need and forget the answers are found mostly in yourself. ^^especially love this onee. :] a sip of wine, a sip of water. someday maybe, maybe someday we'll be smarter and i'm sorry that i'm such a mess. i drank all my money could get and i took everything you let me have and then i never loved you back. The last time we were all together was different than the first. The last time, we sat there talking about nothing at all. We had so much to say but we couldn't let it out. We were a family and we knew it then. We knew all there possibly was to know about each other, but most importantly, we knew it was the end. That was the last time I saw my best friends for who they really were and the last time I ever would. so one last touch and then you'll go, and we'll pretend that it meant something so much more. but it was vile, and it was cheap. and you are beautiful, but you don't mean a thing to me.

Now i do as i please, and i lie through my teeth someone might get hurt, but it won't be me i should probably feel cheap, but i just feel free and maybe a little bit empty. You�re such a violent scheme, you say i looked beautiful on my knees. i say i looked better on my back, only in the backseat of your car. looking out through the skylight at the blanket of stars, that night was a whirlwind, that just flew by. you're the only one in the world who knew i sinned, a sin that made me cry. do you ever think that we'd be different, if our paths had never crossed. what if we could go back & do it all again, do you think we'd do it different? i wouldnt, i wouldnt change a thing. what if you never broke my heart. or i never let you back in. but i'd always let you back for more, i always would because you said i looked beautiful on my knees. you said i looked beautiful I'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do follow me there A beautiful somewhere A place that I can share with you. Are we holding on to what's already gone from our hands? Time will tell truth just like a night fall hits land. I'm sorry that I didn't treat you like an angel, cause that's exactly what you were. Everywhere she looks, she looks through the corner of her eye. Every time she left, she never turned to say goodbye Don't walk too close. Don't breathe so soft. Don't talk so sweet. Don't sing. Don't lay oh so near. Please don't let me fall in love with you again. Please let me forget all those sweet smiles. All of the passion. All of the heat, the peace, the pain. All those blue skies, where your words were my freedom. Please, don't let me fall in love with you again. Sometimes my burdens get so heavy and they seem too hard to bear. Sometimes I feel so empty and it feels like no one's there. Somebody said that nothing lasts forever. Just a storm, so I've been told. But it seems that when it rains, it pours. And I hope that someday we could talk and forget that time ever drew distance between us. We could make a bridge out of words, as fragile as it might be, the awkward pauses and incomprehensible mumbling twisting and twining into some stronger foothold. Someday, I might reach you and redeem myself. But I wouldn't count on it anytime soon. So imagine what you want and then hold on to that thought. Cause that's as close as it will ever come and believe you're where you are and keep acting out the part. But at the end of the end of the day the trees all get wheeled away and you'll be standing alone in a blank blank space. Turn out the light. Just say goodnight to yourself. May I remind you when you find you're all alone, is when you've got to be strong. Could you save yourself for someone who could love you for you? So many times we just give it away to someone who we met in a bar, the back of a car and for a moment you felt important, but not in your heart.

The last time we were all together was different than the first. The last time, we sat there talking about nothing at all. We had so much to say but we couldn't let it out. We were a family and we knew it then. We knew all there possibly was to know about each other, but most importantly, we knew it was the end. That was the last time I saw my best friends for who they really were and the last time I ever would.

Do you wanna hear something so cliche that its true. You loved me when i couldnt love myself, and you should never underestimate the power of that. When i broke down, you were the one i clung to. whether you realised it or not. The little girl who never knew any different. Even growing up was a challenge, because although i never knew who i was.. trying to find myself seemed so much harder. But through your lies, you pushed me away. the thread that kept me hanging was taken, and i had no choice but to stand alone and find my way through this harsh world. It still gets difficult at times, i manage to wash away any colour which finds me through these dismal days. But ive learned that sometimes you just have to be yourself, and be okay with that. people will talk. they`ll judge. but they`ll also love. and see you for who you are. i guess i just needed to see for myself who i was, before i let someone else in. Although for me, that was the hardest thing to do. Let someone in, especailly after you. When you do everything you can, sometimes more than you thought you could, you've got to walk away knowing you fought the good fight. And I remember your favorite lines, sayin 'you need some space' and I stood and let you go, but I was too in love with you to leave. And you were too in love with having someone, someone you could form to fit your needs Now I think we're taking this too far. Don't you know that it's not this hard? Well it's not this hard if you take what's yours and I take mine. Must we go there? Please not this time. No, not this time. Not even a little one so baby, when I call to you, I want you to come and lay it out for everyone exactly how it was before any of this happened and why you can't leave it behind. if you don't go after what you want, you'll never get it. if you don't ask, the answer is always no. if you don't step forward, you're always in the same place No, I don't know how to hold you without shaking. No, I'm not aware of could possibly love you without aching. Somethings scratching its way out, something you want to forget about. You can't even cry, can you? Something has been taken away from you. You're numb. And you know what? I think you're grateful for it. No wonder you're afraid of ending up alone. The flames and smoke climbed out of every window and disappeared with everything that you held dear. But you shed not a single tear for the things that you didn't how I

need cause you knew you were finally free. So you can try and live in darkness but you will never shake the light. It will greet you every morning and make you more aware with its absence at night, when you are wrapped up in your blanket baby, that comfortable cocoon. But I have seen the day of your awakening boy, and it's coming soon. I've always liked the time before dawn. 'Cause there's no one around to remind me who I'm supposed to be. So it's easier to remember who I am I wanted to write you one perfect song to make you cry in your sleep. Kinda like a soundtrack for your dreams, to let you know I'm watching and making sure it turns out alright. I guess I wanted to make you feel something. I wanted to make you feel everything. Well, I didn't mean for it to go as far as it did. And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did. I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did. And you did'nt mean to love me back, but I know that you did you give anything for it. sometimes you give everything. but sometimes it's just not enough. it happens to everyone as they grow up. you find out who you are and what you want. and then you realize that the people you've known forever don't see things the way you do. and so you keep the wonderful memories, but you find yourself moving on. I honestly thought we could make it all the way [</3] I never knew, i never knew that everything was falling through. That everyone i knew was waiting on a cue, to turn and run when all i needed was the truth. But thats how its gotta be, its coming down to nothing more than apathy, Id rather turn around and run than stay and watch the smoke, and whos still standing when it clears. Who's your school friend? He left you some messages. He'd love to see you again, thinks your ideas are brilliant and since you've been going out for coffee with him lately. Well, he is a pretty good-looking guy. Jealousy, jealousy am Im a, I, am I not yours, not yours, not yours? we sat in your car, on that cold fall night. talking about how much things have changed and how we lost ourselves in the mess. You fall away from your past, its following you. Take, take all of your dreams. & make them all what you want them to be. I never knew perfection till i heard you speak. Everythings reminding me of you. Its harder everyday, Maybe were better of this way,

Its better that we break. You say that we've got nothing in common. No common ground to start from and we're falling apart. You'll say the world has come between us, our lives have come between us. Still I know you just don�t care. i know you`ve got me in your heart baby. You almost always pick the best times, to drop the worst lines. You almost made me cry again this time. Another false alarm , red flashing lights. Well this time I'm not going to watch myself die. I think I made it a game to play your game. I buried myself alive on the inside, so I could shut you out.

You have a way of coming easily to me. And when you take, you take the very best of me. So I start a fight because I need to feel something and you do what you want 'cause I'm not what you wanted. Nothing hurts like love. I want to be the girl at the end of the movie who does a half smile and knows everything will be fine. I want to achieve everything they never did. And I was trying to disappear, but you got me wrapped around you. I can hardly breathe without you. I was trying to disappear, but I got lost in your eyes now. You brought me down to size now. The answer lies in you. Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer Do you know your unlike any other Youll always be my thunder Your eyes are the brightest of all colours I Dont wanna ever love another Youll always be my thunder, so bring on the rain. and it hurts me to look into the mirror at myself and it hurts even more to have to be with somebody else and it's so hard to do and so easy to say but sometimes sometimes you just have to walk away. please tell me you're just feeling tired cause if it's more than that I feel that I might break out of touch, out of time. please send me anything but signals that are mixed cause I can't read your rolling eyes out of touch, are we out of time?

unbroken sleep with all the lights on. you're not so happy. you're not secure. you're dying to look cute in your blue jeans, but you're plastic just like everyone. you're just like everyone. we come here with nothing. and take it with us the day we leave. the first and last breath don't matter. it's all the ones that are in between. it's the reason for living. it's the reason the caged bird sings. it's why we sit in the movies all the way to the closing scene. Oh, when I look back now, That summer seemed to last forever, & if I had the choice, Yeah, I'd always want to be there. Those were the best days of my life. looking back at sunsets on the eastside we lost track of the time dreams arent what they used to be some things sat by so carelessly smile like you mean it So maybe you could walk with me awhile and maybe I could rest beneath your smile. Everybody stumbles sometimes and needs a hand to hold cause its a long trip alone. so i was putting on more makeup than usual; because I wanted to be the prettiest damn wreck you`ve ever seen. Just between you and me. This thing between you and me, Might not be anything worth singing about. Or it might be just what I need. Someone to take my minds off things. At the end of a long day. Aren't we so good at holding on to the past? If we weren't speeding, I'm sure we wouldn't have crashed. Under the influence of our shallow lust; I know we should be careful but that won't happen to us. Love is a second, third, fourth and fifth shot. God knows I need it. Oh and you are too much like a drug to me. No longer what I want,just what I think I need. Why would I leave when I could waste away with you? Less concerned with what I'll find than what I could lose... It's easier to look down than to look you straight in the eye.

118 Well this is not your fault But if I'm without you, Then I will feel so small. And if you have to go, Well, always know, that you shine brighter than anyone does. ? Most people are stronger than they know, they just don't believe in themselves. Konijntje When words become useless Hold her hand. ? everytime our eyes meet, this feeling inside me, its almost more than i can take. baby, when you touch me, i can feel how much you love me, and it just blows me away. i've never been this close to anyone or anything. i can hear your thoughts, i can see your dreams. ? wherever you go, go with all your heart. ? Sure we had our song, But we never danced to it.


Stop falling in love with everything that lets you down. ? DSC09727 ? But maybe that isn't so bad. You can't love anyone that way more than once in a lifetime. It's too hard, and it hurts too much when it ends. The first boy is always the hardest to get over. It's just the way the world works. -That Summer ?

Colour me beautiful, Then wash me away. im_having_a_love_affair_____by_metaledz because nothing sucks worse than feeling alone, no matter how many people are around. ? I Could use a hero right now. empty Because i love you, Whether its wrong or right. ? Save your tears for a rainy day, that way. No one knows. ? Every damn day is the same shade of gray. ? I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times I'm hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. how does it feel to know that you've taken someone's smile away? ? i fought so hard for a boy who later turned out to be someone i hardly knew. i spent a lot of my time trying to make this alright. spent a lot of my time trying to make this right. i hope this is all that you wanted. ?

Foolish Heart looks like were again. Same old game of plastic smiles, dont let anybody in. ? Dont start with me now. If we start pointing fingers again, it might just kill me inside some more. Lets just agree that we went our separate ways, it wasnt either of or faults. We dont need to tell anyone of the truth. Everyone already knows it was you that killed us. ? But there was a time when you were the one. You were the blue of the sky. You came after the storm. You were the switch on the wall in the dark of the hall I'm still

fumbling for. 'Cause I'm lost in the black & I don't know where I am. ? -Cause its summer, and the memories are just waiting to happen? Well you were just friends, at least thats what you said. Now i know better with your fingers in her hair. I`ll forgive you for what you`ve done. If you say that im one. ? She's giving boys what they want, tries to act so nonchalant, afraid they'll see that she's lost her direction. She never stays the same for long, assuming that she'll get it wrong. Perfect only in her imperfection. ? And this is so difficult for the both of us. I know we tried so hard. There's just no hope for us. Well, it's more than a shame that we lost to this time. All my walking, talking, sleeping, breathing; nothing will ever be the same. ? Baby, im amazed by you. </3 ? Cause sometimes you wish for the past a little too hard. a little too often. Sometimes people just slip away,& you can never get them back. ? Is it really over between us two? Then why dont you love me, the way that i still love you. ? the more you want something, the better it feels when you get it. ?

Everybody loves somebody, Whether they admit it or not. Im lucky. Sure he likes her, but it could always be worse. He could live on the otherside of the world. Some unlucky person in china hasnt seen his smile. ? It's a cold, cold world out there. You'll fall flat on your face a couple of times. You'll make the same mistakes over and over, wondering what the hell you're

doing wrong, you'll start to wonder if it's best to check out early. I'll say, "suicide is the coward's way out." And you'll reply, "But, I never said I was brave." We are both sitting, waiting patiently. ? When you're so lonely laying in bed, nights closed its eyes. But you can't rest your head. Everyone's sleeping through the house, you wish you could dream, but you've somehow forgotten how. ? And it must of been and hour that I clutched you in my arms And I must have said the right things because you instantly felt warm And you heard my heart stop beating but you wanted not to cry As your sympathetic whispers told a tale of bad goodbyes You swore you heard me laughing and I swore I saw you smile As the time we've spent together was meant to last us quite a while ? Because i lost everything that night. then & there. Everything i had strived to achieve disappeared. Everyone found there number one, and i found the same four walls where i sat day by day. alone. Yet i still couldnt bring myself to shed a tear over the fact that everyone had faded away. ? I just got so hurt..really hurt & sometimes when that happens, something inside just shuts off. ? As the blood runs down her legs from her razor cuts, She wipes the tears from her cheeks with force. She just wants to be strong enough for this world. ?

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