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The Art of Self Spanking

Jessica Burns
With John Summers

The Art of Self Spanking

Sensual Planet Limited 2012
This publication is released under the Creative Commons Attribution, Non Commercial, Share Alike License, Version 4.0 or
any later version:
Please note that much of this publication is based on personal
experience and anecdotal evidence. Although the author and
publisher have made every reasonable attempt to achieve accuracy of the contents, they assume no responsibility for errors
or omissions. You should use the information contained herein
according to your discretion and at your own risk. This work is
released with the express understanding that the publisher and
the author are not engaged in providing professional counselling,
psychological, psychiatric, or medical advice. The advice and
strategies contained herein may not be suitable for every situation. Should assistance in those areas be required, the advice of
a competent professional person should be sought.
Readers should be aware that websites listed in this work
may have changed or disappeared between when this work was
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The publisher and the author specifically disclaim all warranties, including without limitation warranties of fitness for a
particular purpose. No warranty may be extended by sales or
promotional material.
To the support that was silent and strong: THANK YOU.
To the love that was loud and proud: THANK YOU.
John & Jessica


What Is Self Spanking and Why Do We Do It? 5

1 Introducing Self Spanking

2 Pain As Pleasure


3 Finding the source of the spanking demon




Self Spanking In Practice

4 Safety


5 Self spanking techniques


6 Implements


7 Enhancing the experience




Life As a Spankophile

8 Living in the universe as a self spanker


9 Stepping back from the spanking world


A Possible Fantasy Scenarios



Theres no sore ass like your own sore ass.
Irish Proverb1
We spank ourselves. Actually, thats not quite right and we
certainly dont want to mislead you with our first few words. This
is a co-inspired book. So, when I say we spank ourselves, what
we mean is that I (Jessica) spank myself and John spanks himself.
We have neither seen nor touched each others bottoms, and quite
frankly we suppose we never will.
The story of how we came together to work together on a
project of such an inherently private nature is one that we will
not relate in detail. We could of course try to convince you that
we stumbled across each other whilst frantically bashing our own
butts. Perhaps we were both in corner hotel rooms, with big
glass windows overlooking the others room. With the curtains
kept openfor added punishmenteach saw the other lying
across pillows in the centre of the bed, raising their respective
implement and bringing it swiftly down on their unprotected
bottom. Astonished by this discovery of mutual pleasure, we
talked for hours, had a session of extremely wild sex, then gave
each other the thrashing of our lives. Alas, as is often the case,
the truth is much more mundane and, inevitably, involved the
internet as our key tool of communication.
So, why did we decide to write this book? Well, we could see
that self spanking was increasingly prevalent on the internet,
yet it did not appear to be featured in the sex guide literature.
We wanted to fill that gap. Between us we had decades of self
spanking experiences. On top of that I had a love of writing and (I
1 See

assumed) the academic background to enable me to research the

topic from all angles. Oh, and did we mention that self spanking
gets us off, tickles our boats, and frolics our fancies? John thinks
that I made that last phrase up and he is quite right. Oh dear, I
suppose I shall have to give myself a few extra strokes tonight.
Self spanking is not for everyone. However, we feel self spanking offers a unique and fulfilling experience that is free, accessible,
fully consensual, and mobile (it can be done just about anywhere).
Were not saying it is better than sex, or that it is a replacement
for relationships. In fact both of us have had caring and successful relationships, and John still treads that path. We have also
both spanked and been spanked by others, yet we have never
lost the thrill of self spanking. It remains, at least in our view, a
wonderful way of achieving heightened self-pleasure. It is about
pain, yes, but it is also about desire, a high, a mental buzz; it is
about imagination and being able to respond to ones innermost
fantasies. We cant lay this all on a platter for you, but we hope
to share our passion for self spanking and help you to achieve
that sexy red bottom feeling.
Who is this book for? We think it will most appeal to those
who, like ourselves, have long harboured a sexual interest in
spanking. It is a prejudice on our part, but we have always found
spankophiles (spankos) to bein generalintelligent, open and
fair minded. There are spankos of every race, every sex, every
physical characteristic and every sexuality. However, we dont
believe that the world is split between those who get spanking
and those who dont, and others may also like to try the experience. That said, an open mind is called for. If you tend to think
that spanking is perverted and unnatural, youre probably not
the kind of person who is going to respond well to this book.
We should make it clear that this book is for consenting
adults only. We were all teens once andsurprise, surprise
had strange sexual thoughts then too, but self spanking is an
activity for those over 18 years and for those with the maturity
and sense to be able to appreciate and engage with the practice
on a safe and pleasurable level.
We should also be clear that we do not support the physical
chastisement of children or non-consensual violence in any form.
In fact there are many reasons why hitting another person as
a real-world punishment is not appropriate. However, after you

have read this book, we hope you will agree that spanking, especially on the buttocks, is an activity so interlaced with a persons
sexuality that it is not a desirable method of child-rearing. The
sexual practice of spanking, whether undertaken by you or given
by or received from others, is primarily about fantasy. If you cant
distinguish between adult sexual fantasies and real-life abuse,
youre probably not ready for the remainder of this book. For the
rest of us, it is time to move on. . . .
Weve split the book into three distinct parts.
Part I is about discovery: it is the why section of the book. We
explore why we self spank, and, indeed, why spanking turns us
on at all. This was the easiest section for both of us to complete,
primarily because the other parts induced so many fantasies that
our blood boiled with lust whilst we sought to concentrate on
Part II is the how to section of the book. These chapters
include important safety advice as well as key pointers on self
spanking techniques, and comprehensive advice on implements
for the task. We also suggest how you can add more than a little
extra spice to your spanking sessions.
Part III is the self-help section of the book. That term is
potentially patronising, we know, yet the words are forged from
decades of handling our spanking demons. These chapters focus
primarily on how to survive as a self spanker in this complex,
image obsessed, and disingenuously open world of ours. We
have, sadly but determinedly, also included a chapter to offer
advice in the event that you wish to step back from the world of
For our own pleasure, and hopefully for yours, weve wrapped
up the book by adding an appendix of scenarios that you might
like to think about. This was by far our favourite section to
write! Finally, as we loathe people just uplifting other peoples
hard worka not uncommon scenario on the internetwe have
naturally ended with a list of references to acknowledge key
A quick word here about the use of the phrase self spanking
in this book. Self as a prefix is almost always hyphenated
(e.g. as self-help earlier). However, we have rarely seen self
spanking hyphenated, and the convention appears to be to treat
this as two distinct words. Although the hyphen is arguably

dropped most times out of sheer erotic mania, we have followed

this tradition and not joined the two words with a hyphen. (Note
from John: if you find this aggravating, youll have to spank
Jessica, as she is the de-hyphenator here.)
We do hope you enjoy reading this book and, as importantly,
that you also end up with a nice red stinging bottom that makes
you feel alive and wondrous.

Part I

What Is Self Spanking

and Why Do We Do It?

Chapter 1

Introducing Self
What is self spanking? It is, quite simply, a practice whereby a
person spanks themselves on the buttocks to induce sensation.
We wont say pain at this stage as that isnt always correct. Were
not going to include a dictionary definition of spanking here. If
youre anything like us, then by your early teenage years you
had already looked up spanking, chastisement, walloping,
thrashing, caning, whippingor any similar termsin countless dictionaries. Suffice to say we take a fairly broad definition of
self spanking that effectively means the striking of ones buttocks
or upper thighs with pretty much anything to hand, including
the, err, hand.
We recognise that some people are into hitting other areas
of the body. It would be a little hypocritical, as well as hugely
condescending, for us to adopt an overly critical stance on those
practices. That said, we should make it clear that we dont
condone or support the hitting of the genital areas. In fact, we
like our genitals very much indeed and the thought of damaging
them does not fit well with us. (For full disclosure I will admit
to some very gentle pussy slapping, but John appears to treat
his personal member like a very valuable and fragile item from
antiquity.) As you will see in subsequent chapters, we dont have
the same anxious feelings at all about our bottoms.
We wanted to help us (and you) to understand why we under6

take this practice of baring and bruising our own bottoms. John
in particular has no tolerance for illness, disease or real life
pain in any shape or form. Although I am not quite as extreme in
my desire for uninterrupted pure health and well-being, I share
Johns distaste for my body playing up. So why would we voluntarily try to spank ourselves? This is a practice supposedly
related to pain and punishment?
We should begin by assuring ourselves that we are asking the
why question for the right reasons. Review any pornographic
website and you will see people getting off on spreading semen
over a girlfriends face as she lies kneeling before her man; you
will see scratching and biting; you will see costume sex, anal sex,
oral sex, foot play and so on. (We really could go on and on here.)
These are all features of non-procreative sex play. Why should
we be so questioning of our spanking desires, when the world is a
heterogeneous feast of rampant sexualities? As the American sex
therapist, Dr Margaret Nichols, suggests (regarding why people
undertake spanking practices in general), the question itself
is a subtle way of pathologizing behavior.1 We dont want to
encourage a view that self spanking is a practice that needs
clinical justification. Be that as it may, we have found over the
years that intelligent people are inquisitive, often self-reflective
in their nature, and wish to understand themselves that little bit
better each day. We cannot promise true enlightenment, but we
can help to document some of the factors at play.
Before we delve deeper, lets dispel some potential misconceptions.

Self spanking is not a form of self-flagellation. Flagellation is the
whipping of the skin, typically on the back and often drawing
blood, as a bodily penance to show remorse for sin. There are
accounts of medieval women who would flagellate themselves
in an effort to become saintly. Rudolph Bells Holy Anorexia
describes a 16 year old Catherine Benincasa who would whip
1 Margaret

Nichols, Couples and Kinky Sexuality: The Need for a New Therapeutic Approach, in A. Lev and J. Malpas, eds., At the Edge: Exploring Gender
and Sexuality in Couples and Families (Washington, DC : American Family Therapy Academy), pp. 2533.

herself three times a day with an iron chain until blood covered
her from shoulders to feet.2 Any readers familiar with other
aspects of Catherines life will hardly consider this to have been
at least on the face of ita sexual activity. Nonetheless, we would
argue that some self flaggelants have been engaged in a practice
more akin to self spanking. Indeed, in the early eighteenth
century a doctor of theology at the Sorbonne in Paris voiced
his concerns about the pagan origins of flogging, its lack of
precedent in the bible, and especially its ability to stimulate
unchaste feelings in the body.3 That is by no means to say that
such practices were, or continue to be, predominantly of a sexual
nature but the suspicion of eroticism was clearly evident. It has
been acknowledged for some time that libido sexualis can be
induced by stimulation (castigation, whipping, flagellation) of the
gluteal region.4
We will return to the tantalising connection between pain and
sexual pleasure in the next chapter. In the meantime, we are
aware that some reported self spankers give themselves a bottom
beating purely for punishment purposes, with no (reported)
sexual context whatsoever. The spanking may be due to that
person not studying hard enough, or because they have eaten too
many fatty foods, etc. Now, both John and I talk a lot about chastisements. We may pretend that weve done something wrong and
need a good spanking, but the punishment is always eroticised.
The one thing that we are both quite good atwhich may explain
our friendshipis that we are always honest to ourselves. We get
off on the spanking. If youre an adult and spanking doesnt turn
you on, why do it? If it does, admit it, at least to yourself. Enjoy
We dont recommend anyone using self spanking as a serious
form of punishment for their sins, be they real or imagined. If you
need to have a pretext for spanking yourself, then use whatever
you like. However, its rarely helpful to set up as a deterrent
device something that your inner sexuality is crying out for. If
you want to lose weight, or study more, just do it. Work as
2 Rudolph Bell, Holy Anorexia (Chicago: The University of Chicago Press,
3 Niklaus Largier, In Praise of the Whip: A Cultural History of Arousal, tr. by
Graham Harman (New York: Zone Books, 2007).
4 Richard von Krafft-Ebbing, Psychopathia Sexualis, 12th edition, tr. by F. J.
Rebman (New York: Rebman Company, 1900).

hard as you can. . . and then reward yourself with some sexual

Is self spanking a form of self-harm?

One (allied) worry that we had when writing this book was
whether self spanking is a form of self-harm, a more sexualised
version of cutting oneself or of similar activities. Non-suicidal self
injury (as the current terminology describes self-harm) is seen
as a harmful behaviour that may decrease unpleasant thoughts,
generate desired feelings, and facilitate help-seeking. Well, we
believe that self spanking can help to relieve stress, and it certainly generates those desired feelings. However, research has
also shown that very few self-harmers are sexually aroused by
the act of injuring themselves.5 This is explicitly contrary to our
conception of self spanking as primarily a sexual activity. We
also do not use self spanking to facilitate help seeking; as with
masturbation it is primarily a deeply personal activity and is not
a cry for attention. (Just for the record, some self-harmers also
disagree that they are seeking attention.)6
Let us explore this further. An alternative definition of selfharm (self injury) is intentional, self-effected, low lethality bodily
harm of a socially unacceptable nature, performed to reduce
and/or communicate psychological distress.7 Low lethality bodily harm sounds more than a little familiar to our buttocks. We
suppose some aspects of self injury (bruising, potential for bleeding, etc.) could be identified with self spanking, yet neither John
nor I use spanking to communicate distress. We have both said
that we tend not to be in the mood for self spanking if we are
feeling stressed by work, though that is often mostly to do with
time constraints. Additionally, with respect to the other element
of the definition, is self spanking socially unacceptable? We may
be embarrassed by revealing that we self spank, but would the
5 Armando R. Favazza, Bodies under Siege: Self-mutilation, Non-suicidal Selfinjury, and Body Modification in Culture and Psychiatry (Maryland: John Hopkins
University Press, 1996).
mentalhealth.letters or many internet forums on the subject.
7 Barent Walsh, Treating Self Injury: A Practical Guide, 2d edition (New York:
Guildford, 2012).

general reaction of others be the same if we were to reveal that

we cut and scarred our arms or legs with a piece of glass? Our
view would be that most people would regard the former as a
sexual kink, requiring little more than raised eyebrows or eyes
glistening with comprehension, whereas the latter would suggest
some psychological distress.
The film Secretary (2002) portrays a womans journey away
from a life where she needs to cut herself to one where she is
spanked by her boss/partner. This is presented as a positive
development for her, albeit within the context of moving to a symbiotic relationship with the man in question. We are not saying
that that is the correct stance. We dont understand self-harm
sufficiently to take such an approach. However, the self-harm
literature that we reviewed does not focus on self spanking as a
pathology. We cannot deny, though, that a psychological need for
self-harm may manifest itself through severe self spanking. In
fact, extreme behaviour as a result of psychological disturbances
can be seen in most sexual practices, be that simple addiction
to the act of sex or to a whole myriad of other practices. If you
are in any way engaging in self spanking as a scream without
sound,8 then we do recommend that you seek some additional
therapeutic support.

Self spanking as solo spanking

What exactly is the relationship between spanking and self spanking? Is self spanking to spanking as masturbation is to sex? We
have looked at a wide range of comments from reported self
spankers in various internet forums (too varied and, often, too
transitory, to mention in detail here). We dont profess this to
be a strictly academic work, so we will not go into the detailed
numbers. However, a number of people suggested that they
spanked themselves in the absence of a partner to undertake
their disciplining. Some found the practice unsatisfying because
they could not achieve sufficient force, or their primary buzz had
come from a feeling of helplessness at the hands of their partner.
Overall, we do feel reasonably comfortable in suggesting that
8 Dawn

Collins, Attacks on the body: How can we understand self-harm?

Psychodynamic Counseling 2 (1996), pp. 46375.


self spanking is analogous to masturbation. Indeed, the two

practices can be indulged more or less concurrently, be that in
anticipation of chastisement to come, as heightened pleasure
during the session, or as a climactic release following a deeply
arousing experience. Nevertheless, we dont agree that self spanking is just something you do when no one else is around to do it
for you, although that can be a powerful reason. Self spanking
offers an opportunity to explore your own feelings and sexuality without having to share that journey, or have it diluted in
some way by a partner. Both John and I agree that we like sex,
but that we have also had very powerful, and deeply personal,
sexual experiences through masturbation. We dont like to say
one experience is better than another; both shared and selfinduced sexual experiences offer us an opportunity to explore
our fantasies and achieve great pleasure.

Are self spankers masochistic?

If self spanking is just a form of spanking without a partner, are
self spankers masochistic? They are the ones being beaten and
subjugated after all. On a social-psychological level, masochistic
practices are viewed as an escape from self, with masochists
absolving themselves from responsibility for their own behaviour
whilst acting on the demands of the dominant partner.9 Within
this definition it could be considered absurd to suggest that self
spankers are masochistic. They are taking ultimate responsibility
for their own actions by deciding on an action and carrying it
out themselves. Actually, we think the situation is much more
For a start, self spankers will often abrogate decision making
over a punishment to a random element (e.g., to the roll of a dice)
or occasionally to another person. Although I mostly fantasise
about receiving punishments, John is also massively turned
on by giving spankings. For both of us, self spanking offers
both elements of sadism (giving pain, albeit to ourselves) and
masochism (receiving pain). Unless youve been in the midst of
a heavy session of self spanking, it is difficult to explain how
9 D.

Richard Laws and William T. ODonohue, Sexual Deviance: Theory, Assessment, and Treatment, 2d edition (New York: The Guildford Press, 2008).


this dual element works. It is like having two personalities at

work throughout the process, though these are ill defined and
wont necessarily have distinct voices. John believes that his
dominant side comes out more during his sessions, whilst I feel
I am more submissive. A self spanking personality is therefore
highly individualistic and need not necessarily be a top or
bottom. (We use these terms here to help denote dominant
and submissive characters, though neither of us can bear these
expressions.) There is no right or wrong answer and, like us, you
will probably also flirt between these two aspects of spanking
sexuality. What we do know for sure is that there is, somehow,
a link in our souls between pain and pleasure, and it is to this
connection that we now turn.


Chapter 2

Pain As Pleasure
If you are anything like us, and we suspect other spankos are like
us, at least in this respect, your ears will prick up whenever a
spanking term is heard in the mainstream media. You may therefore recall hearing of a Russian scientific study that suggested
taking a beating on the buttocks with a cane helped as a cure for
depression by releasing endorphins into the blood stream.1 Endorphins are neurochemicals produced in the brain in reaction to
high levels of pain. This response can lead to feelings of euphoria.
In fact, these neurochemicals have a similar effect on pain as
drugs such as morphine and codeine. Now, neuroscience is by no
means our speciality, and the complexity of the research in this
regard is bewildering. However, experienced self spankers will
know already about that feeling of a (neurochemically induced)
high during an especially rewarding session.
Quite obviously, the fun of self spanking is not all about the
neurochemical response to pain though. After all, weve had
painful injections, stubbed toes and other traumas. (John is
thinking here of an accidental testicular blow he sustained a
while back.) Surely we should get the same type of euphoric
feeling? Is pain to the buttocks somehow special? Well, lets
consider this. The bottom is a naughty area. From an early
age, it is treated like the penis, vagina, or breasts. It is kept
hidden from view. It is part of our sexual being. Anatomically,
beating/2005/03/30/1111862460598.html for a news description of the


the buttocks are essentially just muscle masses superimposed

by a layer of fat. However, several important nerves either supply
or cross the gluteal (buttock) region.2 We wont get into a debate
about whether the buttocks should be considered an erogenous
zone, but suffice to say the bottom has nerve connections with
the genitalia.
We know too that a persons pain threshold increases as they
become sexually aroused.3 Your perception of the pain you are
experiencing will be dependent on the overall circumstances in
which the discomfort is being realised. Try self spanking yourself
when you have a common cold or a fever. It hurts, and not in a
good way. Of course, there are many other factors that influence
each individuals pain response. For example, women tend to
have a lower pain threshold than men (though, interestingly,
research also suggests we tend to experience more pain in our
lives).4 This fits in with our own experiences, as John can take a
much harder beating than I can.
Although pain is the primary symptom associated with spanking, other physical responses do occur. Receiving a beating
involves a flow of blood to the assaulted buttock area, with that
feeling of warm-to-the-touch skin that is so familiar to the well
spanked individual. The punished person may also start to sweat
and their heart may race (reactions associated with excitement).
Their knees may buckle as their equilibrium become unbalanced
with a particularly nasty stroke, and they may shake. The individuals level of arousal may increase as they respond sexually
to what is happening to them. In emotional situations, they may
begin to cry.
We mustnt overlook the oft-forgotten aural context to spanking. Many implements make a satisfying thwack, crack, slap,
or whoosh as they make contact with the elastic skin of the
buttocks. The punished person may grunt, give an unintelligible
ooh sound, cry out, or even scream. I tend to give a rather
strange aaawwwwww sound that is difficult to express in writing, whilst John tells me his utterances are more akin to a mpfh
2 A technical description of the gluteal region can be found at http://www.
3 Robert C. Scaer, The Body Bears the Burden: Trauma, Dissociation, and Disease, 2d edition (Binghamton: Haworth Medical Press, 2007).
4 R. B. Fillingham, Individual differences in pain responses, Current Rheumatology Reports 7 (2005), pp. 3427.


after particularly strong contact is made with his bottom.

There is of course a significant visual component to the spanking. The chastised area of the bottom will start to redden, and
welts or bruises may appear. No matter the skin tone, the red
always shines through. It is, and always has been, a significant
turn-on for both of us to contemplate the sight of our reddened,
well-punished posteriors.
You might think from reading all of this that errant pupils in
Victorian times would have rushed to their headmasters in droves
for the thrill of a caning. This clearly was not the case, though we
cannot discount the possibility that some may have sought out
punishment for that reason. Indeed, we know from The Confessions of the great philosopher Jean Jacques Rousseau, that his
own tastes for spanking developed from an early chastisement.5
Who could have supposed that this childish punishment. . . would determine my tastes and desires, my
passions, my very self for the rest of my life, and that
in a sense diametrically opposed to the one in which
they should normally have developed.
It is no surprise from our review thus far that corporal punishment is increasingly perceived in western societies as having
a sexual meaning.6 Nonetheless, the question here is whether
we are overstating the joys of receiving physical blows to the
buttocks. We cant get away from the fact that it has traditionally been a significant punishment in previous societies and the
practice still exists in some countries. In fact, as of this writing,
only 33 countries have completely banned the use of physical
chastisement in all settings.7
We should bear in mind that corporal punishment has traditionally involved other areas of the body in addition to the bottom
(e.g., the holding back of tears as he lashed out across the back
of the knees or the open hands),8 without an obvious sexual
5 Jean-Jacques Rousseau, The Confessions, tr. by J. M. Cohen (London: Penguin, 1953).
6 Trevor Butt and Jeff Hearn, The Sexualization of Corporal Punishment: The
Construction of Sexual Meaning, Sexualities 1 (1998), pp. 20327.
7 For current statistics, see, the website of the Global Initiative to End All Corporal Punishment of Children.
8 A. Holbrooka, Rewards and punishments in New South Wales classrooms
in the early twentieth century, Melbourne Studies in Education 38 (1997), pp.


linkage. Some corporal punishments were also extremely severe

and could certainly not be countenanced in sexual terms. For
example, records from 1860 relay details of a fifteen year old
schoolboys encounter with a punishment from his headmaster
that led to injuries that were ultimately fatal.9 To the contrary,
one possible explanation about our enjoyment of spanking games
in the developed world may be that it is a way of experiencing
pain and suffering whilst having the benefit of knowing that
we will not come to any harm. Activities such as chili eating or
riding on a roller-coaster are, for example, known as constrained
risks, with the enjoyment of the irritation stemming from an
appreciation that the sensation and the bodys defensive reaction
to it are harmless.10 An element of this rings true for both of us.
Those times when we have been frightened of having done real
damage from a spanking were not at all exciting or pleasurable.
The sheer physicality of spanking is not the only factor in
our enjoyment. Speak to anyone who likes spanking and they
will invariably tell you that it is about more than the physical
response to punishment. In fact, the anticipation and the background history can be more satisfying than the pain. As a case
in point, the best spanking stories can drive both of us close to
orgasm even before the actual punishment has been described.
Clearly, the psychological context is critical. Over the years we
have seen many visualisations of the spanking desire, through
personal interactions, movies, videos, stories, blogs, chat-rooms,
and forums. We are certain that spanking encapsulates extremely
strong feelings of control, submission and shame. You will see
many of these in the scenarios appendix. However, those three
characteristics are by no means unique to spanking. Preferring
to be on top during intercourse may represent an attempt to be
in control of a sexual situation. A girl kneeling down and giving
oral sex to her boyfriend and allowing him to ejaculate over her
breasts is arguably an act of submission. Exhibitionism could be
interpreted as a person trying to feel humiliated at the thought
of another seeing them naked. In fact, each of those encounters
(and many more besides) could be interpreted in a number of
9 D. P. Leinster Mackay, Regina v Hopley: Some Historical Reflections on Corporal Punishment. Journal of Educational Administration and History 9 (1977):
pp. 16.
10 Paul Rozin and Deborah Schiller, The nature and acquisition of a preference
for chili pepper by humans, Motivation and Emotion 4 (1980), pp. 77101.


The temptation here is for us to simply say that all sexual acts
are in some way related to power interactions. That may or may
not be true, but it doesnt help to answer the specific question of
why spanking above all else turns us on. Where does our terrible
lust for spanking come from? Lets try and find out.


Chapter 3

Finding the source of

the spanking demon
Lets face it, many of us will have encountered spanking type
thoughts long before we had first beaten ourselves with a bath
brush in front of the mirror. During our early wandering thoughts
we knew nothing of endorphins or blood spreading across our
buttocks. Indeed, John recalls his initial stirrings as having
nothing to do with spanking. He finds the memory difficult to
date but estimates that he was about ten years old. For some
reason the idea of an attractive girl at his school being made
to run extra laps (around the school athletics track) made him
feel very strange and excited. These ideas evolved into fantasies
about her being forced to place a fork up her bottom. Even at
that age these fantasies were subsequently considered absurd by
John and were unsatisfying in as much as they were unreal.
At some pointJohn has no idea whenthe focus turned to
fantasising about spanking girls bottoms. This was somehow
more vivid and tangible. For John, spanking is a manifestation
of some sadistic demon that has driven him from an early age.
However, I want to point out here that he is a kind and gentle
man, and I have no doubt that he has always behaved impeccably
towards women (in my view treating them far too much like angels
in some cases). Indeed, both John and I agree that spankos are
often the least aggressive or contentious people we meet. Again,
there is no scientific basis to this, but we have conjectured that

sexual spanking acts as a conduit for our aggressive thoughts and

any violence is filtered out into a safe and consensual channel.
Johns first self spanking experience was in the bathroom,
with a bath brush, with a terrified ear listening for sounds of
family members returning home. For John, self spanking was an
attempt to develop the punishment fantasy beyond masturbatory
imaginings of the mind alone. He wanted real physical sensations.
At that age he would never have spoken to girls, or anyone else,
about his spanking interests. There was no question of him
achieving the sensations of giving or receiving spankings through
any other source. Thus it was the bath brush, the ruler, and
then almost any instrument to hand, that bluntly thwacked into
his teenage bottom. John recalls his deep disappointment when,
many years later, he first received a spanking from a girlfriend.
The girl, certainly not a spanko as such, had been very anxious
about hitting too hard. To buttocks that had sustained the
assaults of everything from a tree branch to a telephone cord, a
hand spanking from a petite twenty-something made very little
My own feelings are hazier, and certainly it is difficult to
pinpoint the origins of my spanking interests. Outwardly, I was
an active, confident girl and was often surrounded by boys whom
I rarely felt attracted to. They would, as teenage boys tend to,
profess undying love. However, I didnt have a truly satisfying
connection with any one boy at school. I recall having distinctly
weird feelings when reading Jane Eyre (at one point she is
punished in the novel). The most vivid memory, though, relates
to a television show or movie where I witnessed a male giving a
much younger girl a punishment caning. Even now, trying to
recall this, a shiver goes through my loins as I hear the cracks
on flesh and the cries of anguish.
Alas, I have never been able to find the caning scene since,
despite extensive searching. I did wonder whether this was one
of the punishment scenes from the Happy Valley (1987) movie
(YouTube usually has these clips), but I am convinced that it was
not. Perhaps it is better that I do not see the scene again. In any
case, it was not long after watching that scene that I first tried
to spank myself. I had long hair and I had a hairbrush in my
room, soand I am sorry to be a clichI furtively pulled down
my pyjamas and gave myself several cracks with the brush. I can


still recall the excitement as my deathly pale white bottom turned

red. I only wish I had known then (as I know now) how to really
get myself off, as the orgasmic potential from that moment would
have been truly quite exhilarating.
What we both have in common is that we were non-rebellious
children of above average intelligence in stable, loving, nonabusive homes. Neither of us recall ever being spanked, though
our parents say they gave us light slaps when we were children.
My formative years were wealthier than Johns, for sure, and
he cant discount that some of the early humiliations associated
with a lack of money may have contributed in some way to his
psyche. Maybe my comfortable existence had the reverse effect
and I wished to seek out degradation. Who can say for sure?
What we do know is that we both lost our virginity at roughly the
same timethe first year of college. We suppose the appeal of
ordinary sex was not there for us in our early teenage years. No,
thats probably not quite true. Its just that we were not chasing
sex, or particularly anxious to experience lovemaking in its
traditional format. What we really wanted was to spank and be
spanked. That consumed our formative years to the extent that
other sexual activities were simply pushed out to the periphery.
Both John and I suspect that our own attempts to define
the origins of our interest in spanking are almost certainly false.
Clearly, with Johns recollections listed earlier, something existed
within him before that point. What was that? Psychologists have
variously sought to explain the interest in spanking and other
sadomasochistic activities as related to sexual abuse, as a deviance, and as a result of childhood experiences.1 Although there
is some evidence that participants in sadomasochistic activities
are more likely to have been abused as a child,2 the overwhelming
majority of participants were not abused. Other research has
indicated that sadomasochism is not a pathological symptom of
past abuse or of difficulty with normal sex.3
1 Alan Soble, ed., Sex from Plato to Paglia: A Philosophical Encyclopaedia, Volume 2 (Westport: Greenwood Press, 2006).
2 See e.g. Niklas Nordlinga, N. Kenneth Sandnabbab, and Pekka Santtilac
Nordinling, The Prevalence and Effects of Self-Reported Childhood Sexual Abuse
among Sadomasochistically Oriented Males and Females, Journal of Child Sexual Abuse 9 (2000), pp. 5363.
3 J. Richters, et al., Demographic and psychosocial features of participants in
bondage and discipline, Sadomasochism or dominance and submission (BDSM):
Data from a national survey, Journal of Sexual Medicine 5 (2008), pp. 1660


We have a number of issues with the traditional academic

interpretations of sadomasochism. One of the most important
concerns is that there is often a focus on BDSM subcultures.
With all due respect to those individual societies or gatherings, we
are not convinced that they necessarily represent the mainstream
of spanking culture. Thus the research tends to miss the hidden
spankosmillions in our assessmentfor whom spanking is a
private, occasionally repressed affair, their true sexuality carefully
concealed from those around them. It is doubtful that those
spankos would reveal themselves even within anonymous postal
sex studies. Thus we have reviewed a considerable range of
literature, yet in truth we have not found a solid analysis of the
desire that speaks to who we truly are.
For what it is worth, our own view is this. By our early teen
years, we have undergone millions, possibly billions, of individual
experiences (moments of life, glances, utterances, sounds heard
and so on). In effect, by the age of 15, a teenager will have lived for
7,884,000 minutes. Some of those have been very long minutes
indeed; some have seemed much shorter. It seems plausible
that some experiences within those minutes will have had such
profundity as to mark the whole of our lives, yet we prefer to
think that we are the sum total of all of those encounters. We
cannot recall or document the majority of those encounters and
therefore we cannot interpret them effectively. At some point
it seems likely that, for us, there arose a connection between
an ill-defined concept of punishment and our early sexualised
thoughts. We wont have understood it at the time and certainly
would have been unable to verbalise it. Indeed, it may be that this
feeling existed initially only at a purely emotional, instinctual level.
In any case this link marked our initial masturbatory fantasies
and thus simply became self-reinforcing over our impressionable
teenage years and into adulthood. In the circumstances self
spanking was simply a natural extension of the development of
our sexuality.
The, frankly inadequate, conclusion to this chapter is that we
simply dont know why we love spanking. Perhaps that is not a
bad thing. Clearly, whatever the explanation, our sexuality is at
the core of our complexity as human beings. This makes us who
we are as much, if not more, than our politics or our preferences


for art, music, or literature. We would hope that this can never
be fully explained awayand thus diminishedby an equation
of experiences or acts.
At this point the reckoning from both authors is that weve
spent enough time on our attempts at self-analysis. Isnt it about
time we moved into some self spanking? We thought youd agree.


Part II

Self Spanking In


Chapter 4

Is spanking dangerous? Before we arm ourselves with multiple
studies of childhood development, let us again be clear that
we are not debating the merits of the physical chastisement
of children. As we made clear before, that is a different topic
altogether and, frankly, youre still reading the wrong book. We
are only seeking to help potential adult self spankers consider the
risks associated with the practice. Apologies if that all sounded
somewhat churlish. Unfortunately, tolerance and reasonableness
are rarely virtues associated with the manner in which this topic
is debated. Spend some time reading on this subject and youll
either think that spanking is the safest practice the earth has
ever seen or that it will certainly kill you (or at least permanently
disable you). Both standpoints are misleading.
Firstly, it would be extremely foolish to suggest that any form
of spanking is entirely risk free. Experienced practitioners know
this and act accordingly. If you want empty reassurance, this isnt
the place for you. Weve struggled to fully explain the risks here,
partly due to the apparent rarity of documented incidents of long
term injury amongst the BDSM community and partly because
most serious injuries described following corporal punishment
have involved young children. However, for the record these included spinal injury,1 hypovolemic shock2 (serious condition of a
1 M. Renard, et al., Three unusual cases of spinal cord injury in childhood,
Paraplegia 16 (1978), pp. 130-134.
2 Scott Eichelberer, Douglas W. Beal, and Ronald B. May, Hypovolemic Shock
in a Child as a Consequence of Corporal Punishment, Paediatrics 87 (1991), pp.


reduction in the volume of blood in the body) and rhabdomyolysis3 (which causes kidney damage). Spanking and paddling have
also been associated with sciatic nerve damage, central nervous
system haemorrhage, muscular and skeletal damage as well as
other injuries.4
If youre as risk averse as we are, youll likely be made quite
anxious by the idea that spanking could cause grave complications. However, lets consider the potential risks of some other
activities. Baseball players may wish to know that they run the
risk of death,5 severe head injuries, cervical injuries, commotio
cordis (disruption of the heart rhythm as a result of a blow to
the area), a collapsed trachea and facial fractures.6 A little more
worrying to the authorswe are presently quite comfortable on a
sofa with a laptop writing this chapteris the clear association
between increased mortality rates and the length of time we sit
down.7 Its a facile point but an important one. There are risks
in everything we do. Be aware of them, minimise them, but ultimately only you can decide if the risk is worth it. Thats the case
for spanking, as it is for playing baseball or for getting in a car or
a plane.

The Impact
When you strike your bottom, the painful stimulus is detected by
tissue sensors called nociceptors. There are hundreds of billions
of nociceptors on your buttocks. Indeed, the body is saturated
with pain sensors ready to leap into action to deliver signals to
your central nervous system. Please bear in mind though that it
3 See for
details of the sad death of the child involved.
4 Edward F. Zigler, Matia Finn-Stevenson, and Nancy W. Hall, The First Three
Years and Beyond: Brain Development and Social Policy (New Haven: Yale University Press, 2004).
5 R. van Amerongen, et al., Ventricular fibrillation following blunt chest
trauma from a baseball, Paediatric Emergency Care 13 (1997), pp. 107110.
6 Barry P. Boden, Robin Tacchetti, and Fred O. Mueller, Catastrophic Injuries in High School and College Baseball Players, American Journal of Sports
Medicine 32 (2004), pp. 11891196.
7 P. T. Katzmarzyk, et al., Sitting Time and Mortality from All Causes, Cardiovascular Disease, and Cancer, Medicine and Science in Sports and Exercise 41
(2009), pp. 9981005.


is possible for the threshold for the activation of the nociceptors

to move up and down.8 Dont assume the same spanking will
deliver the same amount of pain.
As the spanking continues, blood flows to the area and this is
what causes the all-too-familiar reddening of the skin. A bruise
is made when tiny blood vessels under the skin are damaged.
The blood has nowhere to go, so it forms a purple/red mark on
the skin.9 This changes in colour over time, though the age of a
bruise cannot be easily distinguished by its colour.10
In his useful explanation of blunt force trauma, the pathologist
Dr Nicholas Batalis explains that the impact of an injury is
dependent on a number of factors, including the kinetic energy
displaced by the object in motion.11 Kinetic energy just means the
energy a body (e.g., a paddle or hairbrush) has by virtue of being
in motion. The general idea is that a lighter object travelling at a
fast speed will do more damage than a heavier object travelling at
low speed. A spanking with a heavy oak paddle connecting slowly
with the buttocks does less damage than a small hairbrush flying
at speed towards your rear end.
Dr Batalis notes that impacts involving a large surface area
relating either to the implement or the tissues being impacted
will result in a greater dispersion of energy over a larger area
and less injury to the impacted tissues. This would mean that
a thin cane striking the buttocks would be expected to inflict
greater localised injuries than a paddle stroke of similar mass
and velocity. Those who have taken a good caning will have
experienced the science already. Likewise, an impact on a small
area of a curved surface will cause greater damage than would
be caused were that same impact to occur on a flat surface. Dr
Batalis also points out that the composition of the tissues also
affects the level of injury. Deeper, more solid tissues such as ribs
and internal organs may experience injuries such as fractures
and lacerations. Spanking must never involve such areas of the
8 Jay

B. Forrest, Conquering Pain, Chicago: BC Decker, 1994.
10 N. E. I. Langlois and G. A Gresham, The ageing of bruises: a review and
study of the color changes with time, Forensic Science International 50 (1991),
pp. 22738.
11 Nicholas Batalis, Forensic Autopsy of Blunt Force Trauma, http://
9 See


Another factor affecting the severity of injuries is the amount
of time the body and the impacting object are in contact. A longer
period of contact allows kinetic energy to be dissipated over a
prolonged period, resulting in less damage to the tissues than
an equally forceful impact with dispersion of energy over a brief
period. This could explain why snap strokes that are pulled
back or snap back after impact tend to hurt more than follow
through strokes.

Practical safety tips

So what does all of this mean in practice? As we said before,
there is no safe way to self spank. However, here are ten useful
tips to help minimise the risk of injury and ensure you have a
more enjoyable time.
1. Should you be self spanking at all? We cant offer you
medical advice. However, if you are pregnant or have any
underlying health problemssuch as bruising or blood clotting disorders, kidney trouble, back problems, etc.then
we recommend that you consider refraining from self spanking altogether or seek specialist clinical advice. After all, it
stands to reason that any condition that causes problems
with the bodys healing systems, exacerbates bruising, or
reduces the ability to fight infection, may be incompatible
with self spanking.
2. Give yourself the time to self spank safely. We know thats
easier said than done in this busy, high pressure world.
However, if you act in haste, you are more likely to injure
yourself. Also, the anticipation and the slow build up
the time taken to dream up and calculate the punishment
duecan be half the fun of a good self spanking session.
3. Be clean and use clean implements at all times. Whenever
we use implements, we consider that there could potentially
be a break in the skin, even if choosing a seemingly safe
item. To give you the general idea, belts can have metal
screws and wire hangers can have sharp edges. You wont
always see the problem until it has nicked you. Additionally,

many items can pierce the skin of an already damaged

bottom. We therefore clean the item and use a form of
disinfectant on our buttocks and on our implements. John
rubs cheap aftershave all over a paddle or belt and covers
his buttocks and upper thighs with pre-shave alcohol. He
then uses antiseptic cream afterwards. Any microbiologists
amongst our readers will know that that will not eliminate
the risk completely. Nevertheless, as John has no intention
of breaking the skin during his sessions, his preparations
are probably proportionate to the accidental risk of a skin
break. If youre using birches, especially if prepared from
natural twigs, use a proper disinfectant. In all cases, make
sure you are not using an implement or other material that
you are likely to be allergic to.
4. Aim for the lower, soft, fleshy part of the bottom. Avoid the
coccyx (tailbone). You can injure your coccyx if you suffer a
hard impact to the base of your spine.12 Self-evidently, you
should steer clear of the kidneys (located in the back of the
abdomen so you should be aiming nowhere near them), or
any other sensitive areas. Additionally, dont spank the side
of the bum (hip area). Think about what we have said about
blunt force trauma.
5. Dont purposefully break the skin and dont spank skin that
has broken, or is bleeding. Thats a no-no. Sometimes this
happens accidentally (as above). Common sense, though,
tells any sane, clear-thinking person that something sharp
impacting at high speed against your bum can break the
skin and is thus a bad thing. Or, so you would think. Let me
clarify this. One of my favourite implements is the hairbrush.
I was going through an unusually (for me) severe phase and
really loved getting a hard, firm spanking. The hairbrush
addicts amongst you may know that the sensation can lose
its effect after several sessions. With a deliciously anxious
feeling of impending severe punishment, I re-directed the
blows using the bristle end of the brush onto my delicate
female bottom. I wont say that it wasnt a nice feeling.
However, after giving myself only a relatively small number
12 See



of firm strokes, the hairbrush was red and my bottom was,

quite literally, covered with blood. Clearly, the individual
bristles had broken the skin in a number of areas. Not
only did this instantly kill the mood and end the session,
I managed to get through half a tube of antiseptic cream
within the following sixty seconds and spent the next few
days convinced I would somehow suffer a critical episode
of septicaemia (blood infection). How would I explain this
to sceptical emergency medical staff, not to mention friends
and family? Fortunately, no such infection developed, but I
never again used the reverse side of the brush.
6. Avoid the genitals. For quite obvious and less protruding
reasons, the ladies have the easier time here. Men should
take great care to tuck their treasured assets well away from
harms reach. John has plenty of agonising examples of
how he aimed to bring a heavy belt down onto his buttocks,
only to catch his testicles in the process. Dont use less
controllable implements (e.g., belts) standing up, or in any
other position where you cannot fully protect your genitals.
John takes great care now in lying over a pillow and ensuring
his genitals are up front against the pillow and not near the
bottom region.
7. Stand up or lie face down (back straight). Dont bend with
your back, and try to avoid sudden jolts. Youre after a
stinging red bottom, not the agony of a slipped disc. If a
position is uncomfortable or it seems to place a strain on
your back, it more than likely wont do you any good, and
you are unlikely to have an enjoyable session.
8. Stay aware of what you are doing to yourself. Some people
dismiss self spanking as a waste of time because they cant
actually hurt themselves. Quite simply, it is utter nonsense
to suggest that you will be unable to harm yourself because
you are the one inflicting the pain. For us, we feel the
most dangerous time is when we have entered the zone
towards the end of the session. It really is very easy to
let loose on your bottom with all those neurochemicals
swimming around your entire being. Both John and I have
been shocked more than once at the appearance of our


buttocks after getting caught up during particularly fiery

9. Use appropriate after care. Dont heat the area as this can
cause further inflammation. Our own practice is to use a
form of antiseptic cream, or aftershave, even if we cannot
see any skin breaks. Medical websites recommended placing
ice on a bruise (use a cloth so as not to injure the skin) to
help it heal faster and to reduce swelling.13 Do this for no
longer than 15 minutes every hour.
10. Give yourself time to heal, physically and emotionally. Firstly,
your buttocks need time to heal. Love your bottom and make
sure that it has the chance to return to its normal soft and
flawless state. Just as importantly, you need to ensure that
self spanking is not becoming addictive for you. As we said
earlier, the pain of self spanking can induce a strong sense
of euphoria. There is a potential for a person to require ever
higher levels of pain to achieve the desired buzz. Of course,
some development in this regard is almost inevitable as you
get used to different sensations and pain levels. However,
be wary of escalating your sessions. Treat self spanking as
an indulgence. Just like chocolate or alcohol, self spanking
is lovely as a treat but it should not be a key ingredient of
our everyday diet.
Speaking of diet, we do recommend that you treat your stomach
far better than your bottom. For example, bruises are helped in
the healing process by important minerals such as Vitamin C, by
bioflavonoids (naturally occurring plant substances in brightly
coloured vegetables and fruits) and by essential fatty acids that
are necessary for tissue repair.14 Good sources of Vitamin C
include peppers (red is better than green), oranges, grapefruits,
kiwi fruits, strawberries and Brussels sprouts.15 Good sources of
essential fatty acids include oily fish (e.g., salmon and mackerel),
nuts (e.g., walnuts) and seeds (e.g., flaxseed). So youll be eating
13 See
F. Balch, Mark Stengler, and Robin Young Balch, Prescription for Natural Cures (New Jersey: Wiley and Sons, 2011).
15 Information sourced from the Office of Dietary Supplement for the National
Institute of Health. Factsheets can be found at
14 James


fish with a hearty green side salad and snacking on almonds and
pumpkin seeds.
One final but extremely important point. Please do not be
afraid of seeking medical advice if anything unusual does occur
with your body after a self spanking session. A (non-exhaustive)
list of possible warning signs includes redness spreading from a
break in the skin (not just a red bottom), an unusual level of pain
at that site, pus coming out of the area, discolouration of urine,
or an unexplained fever. It is invariably better to treat a problem
sooner rather than later. Most (at least, urban) Emergency Department doctors have heard and seen it all. Make up a story
of experimentation with a new partner if that will help (we dont
think its possible to tell the difference between self spanked and
partner-delivered bruises). A bit of embarrassment really is very
little in the scheme of things.


Chapter 5

Self spanking
Firstly, an apology. We both recognise that it can be irritating
when a self-appointed instructor tells you that there is no right
way of performing a particular task. If they havent quite worked
it out for themselves, why are they teaching it? Yet, were not
talking about refining a tennis backhand shot, or loading a gun.
For us, self spanking is not about delivering a sound whacking
as effectively and efficiently as possible (although we are envious
of those of you in decades to come who may well have robotic
assistance with the task). As pretentious as we know this may
sound, there is a difference between eating and dining. We can
all perfect the task of eating, but we may have very different ideas
about what constitutes an enjoyable meal experience.

A few words about you

You may be short or tall. You may have heavy muscles or no
upper body strength at all. You may have a thin bottom or a
lovely big bottom destined to be spanked. Your skin tone may
be white, black, light brown, dark brown, freckled, or clear. You
may have a big bosom or small breasts. You may be slender or
shapely. Above all, you are an individual, and you will need to
find the right technique and position for you.

We want you to feel comfortable and savour self spanking, so

think of the following as less of an instruction manual and more
as a series of hints and tricks to help you along and deliver what
you need for yourself.

Overcoming self-preservation instincts

Although our genes and neural programming help us to survive
and propagate the species, they do prove rather burdensome for
self spankers. We dont want our internal software to protect
ourselves from a danger (a rod beating down on a defenceless
bottom); we want to raise the bottom towards it. Some spankos
cant self spank simply because they feel unable to inflict any
sort of pain upon themselves. So, how to overcome this?
Let us say here that, if youre not into spanking at all, youre
probably not going to be able to wallop your own buttocks for
any length of time. However, if you are a spanko, its all about
creating compartments within your thinking: the devil within
the brain giving the punishment and the angel within the brain
receiving (or the roles reversed if you prefer). This is explicitly
connected with the scenario: the more powerful the fantasy for
you, the easier it will be. For example, you need to become both
the college professor and the hapless failing student. As you raise
the strap above your bottom, focus only on the thoughts of the
punisher (e.g., the professor), then on impact you are the student
again. (Thats the easier shift in thinking due to your anguished
rear end.) You can verbalise the two roles if you wish, or even
record the punishers role in advance and play it back during the
The trick is to bring the implement onto the bottom from a
sufficient distance to generate a speedy stroke, either from above,
assisted by gravitational forces, or from behind. Some people
try to self spank with the implement just a few inches from their
buttocks. This is usually unsatisfactory. If someone is punishing
you, they dont necessarily need a big back lift, but youre unlikely
to generate the desired force that way.
Undoubtedly, some discipline (i.e., willpower) can be required
initially. However, this becomes easier as the spanking progresses, particularly as the neurochemicals start swirling around.
In fact, you may find that, over time, the issue becomes not so

much one of how to inflict any pain on your bottom; it is about

how you can fine tune your technique to deliver the maximum
pain. That is why we have stressed the importance of safety
throughout this book.

Before you are in position

Your mood and physical well-being are the two most important
factors in achieving a good session. If you are feeling unwell, dont
bother playing at all. Aside from other medical considerations,
your response to pain is likely to be altered, and you are not
going to enjoy the session. However, if you are feeling a bit down
or sad, then a good self spanking might be just what you need,
with a couple of important provisos.
We recommend firstly that you only undertake a session in a
state of mind where you can engage sexually with the spanking.
That doesnt mean you have to achieve a sexual release; it just
means that there has to be a sense of arousal lurking within you
at the thought of the punishment to come. Not only does this
help to minimise the pain response, it is (at least in our view) the
very essence of self spanking. Indeed, we never punish ourselves
after sexual release has occurred, as the fundamental premise
for the act has gone.
The second consideration is that you should be able to fully
engage mentally with the session. When we are self spanking,
there are only three thoughts on our mind: the state of our
bottom, the arousal we are feeling, and the potential for discovery.
If your bosss furious assessment of your work earlier in the day
is still on your mind, give the session a miss. That is not to
say that self spanking cannot be a form of escapism and aid
relaxation. It is just that some stresses are so overwhelming that
we struggle to clear our thoughts. The last thing you want to
be doing is smacking down hard objects onto your body when
you are not in a clear state of mind. So, always get yourself
nice and relaxed and prepared for the session. Your only inner
trembling should be at the thought of what is going to happen
to your bottom. Make sure the room is warm and comfortable.
Take some relaxing deep breaths. Play some music and maybe
sip a nice cup of tea. . . .


Positioning and techniques

We use two basic positions.
The first of these is to stand up or kneel whilst we reach behind
to spank, either using the palm of our hands, or by grasping an
implement with our stronger hand and smacking this onto the
lower fatty part of our buttocks. This position is particularly well
suited to shorter implements, such as the hairbrush. We dont
recommend this at all for the belt, or any whip like implements.
Those items are very difficult to control in this position and
also have a tendency to wrap around and hit the genitals. An
alternative technique here is the reverse hand stroke whereby
the knuckles of the stronger hand face forward at the front and
side of the buttocks. An implement (a wire hanger or short cane,
for example) is then cracked onto the bottom using a flick of the
An advantage of the standing position for both men and
women is that you can use one hand to masturbate whilst you
are punishing yourself with the other hand.
The second key position is where we lie down whilst we use
our strongest hand to reach behind and whip an instrument
down on our buttocks. Imagine lying on a bed (face down) and
rolling slightly away from your stronger arm, so that your body is
at a slight angle and you are leaning more on your other side. For
example, I am right handed, so I lie down and then lift my right
side up slightly by balancing on the other side. This is so that I
have easier access to turn round and see where the implement is
This is a better position for whip like implements, as we can
ensure our genitals are tucked up front against a pillow (dont
open your legs). Gravity also helps to deliver the spanking as the
implement is coming down from on high.
It is not as easy to masturbate during the lying position.
(Though it is a punishment after all folks!) However, girls can
strategically position the pillows and (not so surreptitiously) rub
themselves against the material whilst the spanking is ongoing.
Boys are going to struggle. If you wish to have some genital
stimulation as you wallop yourself, best to uncover the foreskin
(if you have one), place this against the pillow and rock during
the punishment.


As we mentioned earlier, we dont bend over as such as that

places a lot of strain on the back. Its fine to lie across the table
with the legs protruding down, as long as the back is straight.
I occasionally use a technique where I sit back and expose my
bottom so I can attack this from the front. I can give myself a few
swats, then play with my pussy and then return to the spanking.
I learnt this position from a couple of spanking movies where the
person being punished (usually a girl) had to hold their feet up
and fully expose themselves. However, John hates this position
as he cant get his testicles out of the way.
Of course, there is no limit to where these positions can be
situated: lie down on a bed, the sofa, or even a kitchen table.
Stand up on a naughty chair in the centre of the room, or stand
with your back to a mirror in the bathroom.

Timing of individual strokes

A common problem for self spankers is getting the timing of
strokes just right. Indeed, we suspect that many who dismiss self
spanking as delivering inadequate sensation are rushing their
technique. This is especially likely in self spankers who have been
used to receiving punishment from other people. Self spanking
requires more patience and offers a slower build up to achieve
maximum sensation. The sort of caning that one person can
deliver to another in a few strokes is obviously going to be more
severe than a self spanker can inflict upon themselves in the
same time period.
The trick is to know your implement (see the next chapter).
For example, dont try and use the cable, cane or a large paddle
to deliver rapid-fire strokes. Leave a long pause, allow for the
psychological build up; use the time to adjust your aim and steel
yourself to bring the implement down smartly on your backside.
Hairbrushes and wire hangers, on the other hand, are ill-suited
to slow, heavy strokes. The goal is to deliver lots of quick, rapid
blows, leaving only a momentary gap for the bottom to recover.
As the punishment reaches a crescendo, increase the speed of
the strokes to the maximum you can achieve. This should only
be done towards the end of a spanking, though, as the bottom
will likely be too numb to achieve much sensation after that
escalation period.

Whichever technique you use, we recommend building in

natural pauses within the spanking. So, if you want to give
yourself 50 strokes, do this in two sessions of 25. This has a
number of benefits. It gives time for the bottom to cool down
and recover sensation. Additionally, this allows you to go and
examine your buttocks in a mirror. Not only can it be extremely
erotic to see your reddening bottom, knowing that it will become
yet more so, it also gives you the opportunity to inspect for any
damage that may have occurred. Such signs often go unnoticed
in the heat of the bottom battle.
You should now have an understanding of the basic techniques. In the next two chapters well list the key instruments of
doom for your bottom and give you some other unsavoury ideas


Chapter 6

We have listed the key items alphabetically. Of course, this list
is not definitive and in fact it could not possibly be so. It can
be quite exciting to search the home or the local shops to find a
new implement. No one will know that you dont ever intend to
chop onions on that new wooden kitchen board that youve just
purchased. Yes, this experimentation can be disappointing on
occasions, and you can hardly give yourself an experimental swat
with the new leather belt in the store. We find, though, that the
anticipation of innovation with new implements is worth the odd
unsatisfying experience. Unfortunately, the world is becoming
ubiquitously plastic and finding decent wooden or leather items
outside of a mail order setting is getting increasingly difficult.

A few words about pain levels.

Defining pain in terms of subjective personal experience is as useful as. . . telling a blind man that everyone
knows what the colour red is.1
Weve all seen serious movies where a lady receives a few gentle
smacks with the hand on petticoat covered buttocks, and yet her
face contorts with pain such as youve never seen before. Quite
understandably, spankos regard such scenes with ill-disguised
contempt. We may also have viewedwith equal suspicionthose
1 Fernando

Cervero, Understanding Pain (Cambridge: MIT Press, 2012).


film scenes where a naked man or woman laughs through an apparently brutal whipping. Clearly, those extremes are caricatures
of reality. Nonetheless, we do know people have significantly
different responses and tolerances to pain. We will try to give an
overall sense of the average pain and sensation that an implement and technique can deliver. The scale will be from 0 (no pain)
to 10 (maximum pain and sensation). However, we appreciate
that everyone will have their own views on this, and we of course
welcome feedback about your own spanking experiences.

The bath brush

Similar to a hair brush, though usually larger and occasionally
plastic. This seems to be a common implement for virgin self
spankers, no doubt partly due to the availability of this heavy
implement in most bathrooms and its proximity to our naked
bottoms when undressing for showering and bathing.
Pros: Ease of use (its length and weight seem to be made
for self spanking). Usually heavy and swift enough to provide a
decent paddling, too.
Cons: Like many implements of this type, the sensation can
become numb and unsatisfactory after a relatively small number
of strokes. Good for first attempts, but not for longer sessions.
Pain rating: 6/10

The belt/strap/tawse
At risk of causing offence to purists who may regard each of
these as unique implements in their own right, we have unceremoniously lumped them all together. After all, in all cases were
talking about striking the bottom with a thinnish strip of leather
material. In our view having a couple of tails on the end of the
leather doesnt make a whole host of difference. That is not to
say that the choice of implement is not important: in fact, it is
crucial for self spankers.
First of all, ditch the cheap plastic belts. Plastic belts make
noise; good quality thick leather delivers sensation. (When we
say thick, we dont mean width of the strip; we mean the depth
of the leather.) Unfortunately, good quality thick leather belts are
neither cheap, nor that easy to get hold of unless you are ordering

via the internet. Cheaper thin belts are difficult to manipulate

and cause more injury to your arm than your buttocks. However,
we think we have developed a decent solution that works with
most leather belts.
The trick is to use an old belt and cut off/remove the metal
buckle, keeping the thicker area of the belt that supports the
buckle (be sure to remove any screws or similar left there). Lie
face down and reach behind to raise the belt high above your
bottom. Swing the belt down, so that the thicker buckle area
connects with your bottom. Not only does this heavier part of
the belt help with your aim, its thicker masscombined with the
laws of gravitycan help to deliver a nicely stinging sensation.
Of course, if you already have a good thick belt to hand, this may
not be as important.
The belt/strap is an implement where length is important and
there is no right answer here either. We dont like to double up
the belt. We either use a shorter strap, or use the long belt carefully (holding it 5070cm from the end for better control), so that
the tip meets nicely with the bum from up high. Indeed, although
short/mid length straps can be easier, there is something about
the unpredictability of a longer strip of leather bearing down on
to your arse from up high that adds an extra level of excitement.
However, you do need to be very careful with this, as you can end
up hitting parts of the body that you would much rather keep
away from the strap.
Pros: Nice stinging sensation, with the lovely traditional feel of
leather against the bare bottom. Can connect with both buttocks
at the same time.
Cons: Takes a lot of physical and mental effort to get it right.
May need to experiment with individual belts and techniques to
get the best out of the experience. Poorly controlled swings can
cause unintended damage.
Pain rating: 7/10

The birch
A bundle of leafless twigs bound together. One of the punishment
classics. Buy one or use your own collection of twigs/branches
(suitably disinfected of course). Needs to be longer than a standard birch if you are using the lying down position, but that can


cause stability problems with the spanking end of the instrument.

Pros: There are few sensations to match a good birch connecting with your rear end.
Cons: Dulls quite quickly in our view (for self spanking). Expensive or time consuming to prepare. Outcome is very variable.
Pain rating: 5/10

The cable
What we mean here is the kind of cable that connects video
players to televisions, although you can experiment with any
type of cord as long as you dont expect it to deliver top class
audio-visual playback the following day. This is one of the few
implements where we recommend doubling up. This means
holding both (usually metal/plastic) connecting ends in one hand
and bringing the other U shaped plastic cord down on to your
Pros: The most fearsome implement we have yet used in self
spanking. Bring one of these down smartly on your bottom
and youll know about it. Unlike some other implements, sensation does not reduce to an unsatisfying numbness within a few
Cons: Be careful with your aim as this can be difficult to
control. Not for those with a low pain threshold. Even we have
struggled to whip it down on occasions and would not award
ourselves more than a few dozen.
Pain rating: 9/10

The cane
Traditional instrument of chastisement, but can be unsatisfactory
and frustrating for self spankers. The choice of cane is important,
with a thinner, whippy, stick cane (i.e., no handle) probably best
for self spanking. Consider wearing a glove on the hand that will
wield the cane, as the backlash can be uncomfortable over time.
Not suitable for the standing position. Lie down, raise it above
your bottom, and give it your best.
Pros: Really nice bite if you get the stroke right. Does not
numb whole buttock area,


Cons: One of the more difficult instruments. If the canes not

right, youll end up with aching arm muscles, sore thighs (having
missed your bum so much) and a generally fed up countenance.
Welts can take more time to fade away.
Pain rating: 8/10 (but usually falls below potential)

The hairbrush
Were not talking cheap plastic here; were talking sturdy and
solid wooden brushes. A decent sized handle will give you extra
reach but is not essential. Use the hairbrush to deliver some
good hard spanks, particularly on a nice fleshy bottom.
Pros: Easy to use and easy to aim. Decent sensation. Very
good option for the ladies, as they can keep it on the dresser for
a (wink, wink) dual purpose.
Cons: Bottom can feel numb quite quickly with a reduction in
feeling. Delivers a more solid thud and a less intense sensation
than some other implements. Men tend not to have the required
type of hairbrush and may feel they have to buy one and hide it
Pain rating: 6/10

The hand
The spanking instrument you carry everywhere and a traditional
punishment tool for centuries.
Pros: Safe, easy. A good option for those with a very low pain
Cons: It feels as if you are doing more damage to your hands
than your bottom. Weve tried gloves but still without much real
sensation for us. Makes quite a loud noise.
Pain rating: 1/10

The paddle
A traditional school punishment implement in the US, the paddles size and design are often ill suited to self spanking in our
view. Lighter ones are ineffective, whilst heavier ones are only
worth a shot for body-building self spankers. If you have one to
hand, dont just take our word for it and by all means give it a

try. However, to avoid disappointment, we wouldnt recommend

purchasing one for the purposes of self spanking.
Pros: Solid hit and warmth spreading across a wide area if
you get it right.
Cons: Spreading that warmth may require multiple sessions to
the gym and steroid use to develop your arm muscles sufficiently.
Area can quickly become quite numb. Paddles can also make
quite a loud sound against your bottom.
Pain rating: 6/10

The ruler
Again, we dont recommend plastic rulers (lots of noise, no sensation) or metal rulers (lots of damage, no sensation). So its back
to wood again. . . . Ah, trees, you are the lifeblood of our spanking
Pros: A good heavy thick (in depth), medium sized (3050cm
length) ruler gives a welcome sharp shock.
Cons: Rulers longer than 50cm will be very difficult to control
effectively. Alas, the stationery world seems to have embraced
plastic with a vengeance and solid wooden rulers can be difficult
to find on the average shopping run.
Pain rating: 8/10

The whip
Whether using a single cord, or a multi-tailed whip, we feel these
are best kept for games with multiple players. Our thoughts on
this are similar to what we have said about the paddle. If you
have one, give it a go, but if you dont, its probably not worth the
money to get one. Our apologies to sex shops everywhere.
Pros: Shorter whips may deliver a nice, low grade stinging
sensation to those with a low pain threshold. Thicker, more solid
leather whips can also be a nice tool. Tend to be a bit quieter
than some other implements.
Cons: Theres lots of party whips out there that are so
ineffective you start to think seriously of upgrading to a hand
spanking. More serious, longer whips, can be extremely difficult
to deliver on target and can cause significant injury (even to the


face if youre not careful and certainly to the genitals). Dont even
try bull-whips, or anything of that length.
Pain Rating: 6/10

The wire coat hanger

Simply take a wire coat hanger, stretch it out until it is one long
piece of metal, then curl up one end to form a handle. Lightly
hold it with the handle to the side of your bottom, then flick it
Pros: Cheap, light weight and whippy. It is easy to stand
up and deliver a large number of strokes with one hand whilst
pleasuring yourself with the other. The cumulative effect of the
strokes can deliver a smarting sensation. The wire hanger is also
very quiet and can be a good option if you worry about strokes
being overheard.
Cons: Wire can bend back and need re-shaping, especially if
attempting harder single strokes. Impact for individual strokes
Pain rating: 6/10

The wooden spoon

Every kitchen has one; its the implement of instant punishment
when theres nothing else to hand. Capable of a few good swats.
Pros: Ease of access and use.
Cons: Theyre often not strong enough for serious spanking
and can be ineffectual and barely felt after the first few hits.
Pain rating: 3/10

Other implements
Book: Thin, heavy hardback books are an option if there really
is nothing else around. The sensation fades quite quickly,
though and, lets face it, books are for reading. It goes
without saying that we do not recommend self spanking
with a Kindle. . . .
Carpet-beater: Looks like a wooden tennis racket with big holes.
We have seen decent spankings given with them, but gener-


ally impractical for self spanking and can be difficult to get

hold of.
Headphone Wire: Gave me a little bit of a sting when I was
bored one day, but mostly gave me a rash afterwards. John
considers this highly amusing.
Ping Pong bat: Maybe the more expensive ones are a bit sturdier,
but we could whack our butts all day with the cheap ones
and barely notice.
Saucepan: More likely to cause damage than sensation. Totally
Slipper/Pump: This is one that disappointed John, primarily
because he had had several salacious fantasies about a
good slippering. Alas, he found a number of sports shoes,
slippers and formal shoes, to be all quite ineffective. He is
still searching for the right sole that will give his bottom
what it needs.
Tennis Racket: Has the right delivery mechanism, but simply
bounces off your buttocks with little if any impact.
Wet Towel: An admission from both of us here. We have seen
descriptions of wet towels being used in spanking punishment scenarios, but were still not at all clear how this is
done. Weve tried it a few times, yet remain flummoxed as
to how one is actually supposed to do this.
Wood (other): Almost any wooden instrument can be looked on
as a potential self spanking implement. The key is in the
shape and quality of the wood. A clothes brush can deliver
a good crack, but is almost impossible to handle effectively.
A cheap wooden spatula can be handled well, yet delivers
very little sensation.

A final word on. . . the spanking machine

Historically, spanking machines were more imagined in cartoons
than seen in real life. That has changed slightly in recent years
and there are several spanking websites that show videos of poor

bottoms being beaten by a rather odd looking mechanical contraption. There are even vendors that will sell you one. These
are typically both exorbitantly expensive and severely lacking in
portability. We havent tried any spanking machines, so we are
reluctant to comment too harshly. However, we are sceptical
that the devices we have seen would offer a sufficiently desirable
experience to justify the expense, or for that matter, the inevitable
loss of storage space in your home. After all, a spanking machine is not like a hairbrush that you can quickly pop into your
underwear drawer when your uncle comes to visit.
As you will have guessed, the choice of implement is not the
only method of heightening the experience. We will therefore now
turn to some of the less, mmm, solid ways of enhancing your self
spanking exploits.


Chapter 7

Enhancing the
There are a number of ways to enrich the self spanking experience.
Here are some ideas.

The background scenario

We suppose there are occasions when we just pull up our skirt (or
down our trousers) and give ourselves a quick red bottom with a
hairbrush. However, we rarely find these self spanking quickies
to be enlivening of the spirit, or indeed of the genitals. No, we
need to have a scenario lodged firmly in the mind and usually
a specific number of strokes, though theres nothing to stop
the punisher deciding we havent been taking the chastisement
seriously and adding many more strokes.
Youll likely already have your fantasy scenario in mind. This
will consist of who will be punishing you, as well as how, why,
and where they will be doing so. The only limits to this are your
own imagination. However, we all get bored of ourselves from
time to time so weve added in a few scenarios for you to consider
in the Appendix.


Deciding on the severity and number of

The self spanking can be anything from a few slaps with your
hand to a multi-implement fantasy session lasting several hours.
It will take time for you to judge what works well for you. However,
bear in mind what we have said about safety, and also remember
this should be about pleasure and sensation. Weve adopted
scenarios where we are due to get a couple of hundred strokes
of the belt or cane, but end up bored and giving half-hearted
semi strokes just to get the numbers out of the way. We partly
blame some spanking fiction for this, as it can describe some
truly ridiculous punishments. A lower number of strokes that
deliver good sensation to your bum are better than a high number
of ineffectual strokes.
Inevitably, someone will suggest a warm up spanking here.
Effectively this is a practice whereby a person gives themselves
(or is given) lower impact strokes initially (e.g., a hand spanking),
so that the buttocks are already partially numbed to the pain
and more intensive strokes can then be delivered. We suppose
the benefit is that longer, more severe spankings can be given.
However, if the aim is to deliver sensation (as opposed to damage),
were not convinced that there is much to gain from a warmup spanking. To the contrary, numbness is a self spankers
enemy, as this is less easy to overcome than for those delivering
punishments to the bottoms of others.

Clothing and body

Is there any way to self spank other than on the bare bottom? We
dont think so. However, we wont completely discount the possibility that some may prefer to spank a silk underwear covered
rear, so its your preference. In truth, deciding on the level of
undressing required can be part of the excitement. Will you have
to be naked for this one, or will it suffice for you to just remove
your pants? Get into the right scenario and the correct mood
and you can still feel a sense of humiliation as you bare yourself
for the punishment. After all, even for those with spanking partners, the sense of occasion associated with undressing has often

diminished with the daily routine.

You may wish to dress up in a uniform or a specific set of
clothes. (Okay, I admit it: I have spanked myself in a cheerleaders outfit.) Whatever works with the scenario; just do what
you can to help get yourself into your fantasy role. You obviously
cant tie up your hands, as how then would you spank yourself?
However, you might consider tying your legs together, or maybe
using one hand to spank yourself and have the other tied to the
edge of the bed.
Another option is to wet the bottom, either prior to or during
the spanking. This can stop the buttocks becoming numb and
increases the level of sensation. John swears by this, though he
thinks that cool refrigerated water works better than tap water.
Place a water spray dispenser in the fridge so its ready. An
interesting water-based sensation is to spank yourself whilst you
are wearing soaking wet cold panties or shorts. For me, this takes
a lot of preparation and is a bit messy but it can be worth it.
Some spankos advocate the use of oils on the bottom to enhance the sting of the spanking. Neither of us are huge proponents, as the sensation (for us) is typically either too little or
too much. You can buy readymade spanking oils (just do a web
search) or make your own. You would be advised to take great
care in mixing your own concoctions though. Also be aware of
handling irritant items and then touching sensitive areas of the
body. John reliably informs me that hot chili being inadvertently
transferred to the top of the penis is not a pleasant sensation.
Also, chili (which really does burn the tissue) doesnt seem to
come off with simple hand washing, so the best thing to do is
jump in the shower, make sure the substance is off your hands
first and then give everywhere a strong soapy rubdown.
For men, a hairy bottom can spoil the effects of a good spanking. Rarely, this problem can also affect women too. Using
waxing or laser hair removal on the buttocks is a good choice.
Men can shave their bottoms, but John tells me that this can
be very itchy a few days down the line. Fortunately Ive never
needed hair removal from the buttocks so I cant attest to this.
Nonetheless, Im not sure that shaving is such a good choice
for women, as that might enhance the problem. To get deep
into a scenario, I have shaved my pussy a few times. That can
feel very decadent, though I did once cut myself slightly through


impatiencefortunately not at a particularly sensitive point.

You can increase the sense of ritual in other ways. You could
draw target Xs or a round circle on your bottom, indicating
the area to be spanked. Perhaps you might write slut or bad
boy on your buttocks in red pen and then cover this up with
the redness of the bottom from a spanking. That is, of course, if
you are able to write legibly on your own bottom whilst in erotic
contemplation of a jolly fine whacking.

Capturing the emotion

It is not all about sex, pain and fantasy. For some, the emotion
of a spanking is extremely important and even a good cry may be
desirable. If youre looking for this, then plan your self spanking
session carefully so you are relaxed, prepared, and fully engaged
with the scenario. Imagination is everything here; let yourself go
into the part. After youve roasted your bottom, why not give a
big hug to a teddy bear, a cat, or a dog? Alternatively, put on
some loud music and get swept away by the emotions.
A recurring theme in the self spanking discourse is the requirement for a sense of helplessness as part of the session. In
truth you may find this emotion difficult to create on a full blown
Im at your mercy level, though randomising the punishment
(see further below) can give a sense of your not being fully in
control of events. Some non-spanking sensations such as the
use of chili, or nettles (see the extra spice section at the end of
the chapter) can give a feeling of helplessness as their potency
cannot easily be diminished once started. These can be extremely
dangerous, though, particularly if you do not take great care, or
have an allergy to the substances involved.

Location, location
You need to have a safe, secure place to self spank, as distractions
can easily spoil the mood. Not everyone has the luxury of an
apartment or house to themselves, so you may have to steal those
precious times when everyone else is out. We have both tried to
self spank with others present in a house. This wasnt always
satisfying as we spent more time listening for creaking stairs

than we did spanking. If noise is the biggest problem for you

(the beating of flesh can make quite a racket) then have some
loud music to hand (not too loud or youll get visitors due to the
noise!), or use a quieter implement such as a wire coat hanger.
If you are lucky enough to be able to self spank in other areas,
why not stand expectantly for your punishment in the living room,
hall, or kitchen? You may like to stand in front of a big mirror
in the bathroom, so you can watch your buns turning nice and
red. If you are very, very lucky, you may have access to other
areas, perhaps an isolated barn where you can bend over some
hay and give yourself some much needed licks. Indeed! More
likely, you will have to make do with what you have and use your
imagination. Drat, more work for the poor brain.
The experience can be heightened for some people by a fear
of discovery, be that real or imagined. This truly is my thing,
though John would rather self spank in darkness in a sound
proof room than risk discovery. I can understand that and I dont
exactly run down the street naked as I flay my poor backside. I
wouldnt want to be discovered in flagrante either, and I suppose
I dont run any real risks. I do though sometimes like to just open
the window blinds enough to put that fear inside of me. Also, I
find that net curtains offer the anticipation that I can be seen,
without much fear of actually being viewed. This is particularly
the case at night (assuming you dont turn the light on). When I
was much younger, I used to have access to a rooftop area, and I
did give myself more than a few spanks on the bare bottom (in
perpetual terror of discovery). There is quite something, though,
about prostrating yourself in the open air whilst you scorch your
naked buttocks with a hairbrush.
What you shouldnt do is deliberately court discovery, especially in a public area. Thats likely to lead to lots of questions
and, more likely than not, some sort of court appearance. In particular, never ever risk exposing or revealing yourself to anyone
who is not an adult, as that could take you down a very dark and
difficult path. This is the case for self spanking, as it is for any
other sexual practice.


Before and after

Perhaps you will be forced to stand naked with your hands on
your head whilst you think about your impending punishment.
Or maybe you will just lie down on the bed, hairbrush perched
on your bottom, whilst you write down why you are due to receive
a good thrashing. Of course, if the hairbrush were to fall off, that
would mean extra strokes. . . . You get our drift, of course. Every
good dining experience should have an aperitif. When you have
some privacy it is possible to absorb yourself completely in the
role and create a deeply erotic prelude to your spanking.
Dining is of course incomplete without a dessert, and you
should try to prepare the ending to your playtime before your
bottom starts to redden. For many the dessert will be a sexual
release. For others, that spoils the essence of the punishment
scenario. In either case, some form of corner time is always
worthwhile. We wont have to explain this term to spankos, but
for any non-spankos reading, this just means spending some
time in contemplation of the spanking you have received. You
dont necessarily have to have a corner; we know those oval
shaped rooms can be troublesome.
You may wish to add some additional, perhaps painful, features to your corner time. Perhaps you will force yourself to kneel
down on some hard peas with your hands behind your back, or
sit on a tray containing (clean, not sharp) pebbles. Sometimes,
just sitting down on a hard chair, hands above head, can bring
spicy discomfort to a well bruised bottom.
Some people prefer to perform after-care before their corner
time. John finds it a considerable turn-on to look at his antiseptic
cream covered bottom. He thinks it is the way the white stickiness
intersperses with the reddened, bruised buttocks. On the other
hand, I like to stand on my chair with my hands on my head,
bottom burning in disgrace, until a timer on my mobile phone
releases me. Then I clean up, do the necessary, and carry on
with my life.

Recording the experience

You may wish to have a log of your punishments. Neither John
nor I do this, so we dont know whether it is helpful. However,

some people like to do this. If you are going to, we wouldnt

recommend making this record paper based. We would probably
go for a password protected word processor file. John wants me
to add in an encrypted location here but I think that might be
overkill. If youre as cautious as John, do a Google search on
encrypted storage and lots of options will present themselves.
One thing that turns some people on is to record their self
spanking session and place this on any number of adult websites.
Usually, only the bottom (or the body up to the shoulders) is
shown. Now, I have considered this on a number of occasions.
Several aspects of this worry me. Who is watching? I cant
imagine an ex-boyfriend would be able to spot my bottom from
the thousand others online. It would though be just typical for
my friends to recognise one of my beautifully patterned rugs.
The other point is: how anonymous is your submission? Could
your IP address (i.e., the number of your computer connecting
to the internet) be logged and the video somehow referred back
to you? Of course, if youre massively turned on by the thought
of thousands of people watching you blister your own bottom,
then you may not be too fussed about the small risk of detection.
Indeed, just typing this, I have decided that I may just be able to
cover up my rugs with a large white sheet. . . .

Randomising the experience

One of the exciting features of self spanking is randomising your
punishment. You can randomise implements, strokes, locations,
and even your attire. You can also randomise using dice or an
online random number generator. Another option that weve tried
is to write implements and numbers down on a piece of paper,
then pull them out of a hat or a tin. However, in all of these
manual cases, be careful to throw all the paper bits away unless
you want other home dwellers or visitors to wonder why there are
small pieces of paper with cane or naked across bed written
on them.


Adding extra spice

There are countless ways to add a little extra to the self spanking
ritual. These will largely depend on your own sexuality. We have
included a few ideas below. However, by no means are we experts
in these practices and you will find superior and better informed
how to guides on the web.
Anal play: There are those who think it is folly to spank the
bottom and ignore the anus. You can push something up
there and spank yourself, with the sensation of the slapping
complementing the stretching, tight anal feeling. Be sure
to ensure the device does not go too far in, as a trip to the
emergency department may be required to get it back out.
Bondage: Perhaps give yourself a good spanking and get yourself
nicely restrained. Neither of us have done this, so we cant
comment on whether its worth the fuss.
Figging: This practice involves inserting a ginger root into the
anus, making sure that it cannot get lost up the rectum by
carving a stop section at the back. The idea is that the
ginger provides a deep burning sensation within the bottom.
It is reportedly a very nice complement to spanking. Ive
done it a couple of times, but with disappointing results
each time. Yes, there was some mild sensation but I had
been expecting to have a fire inside my bottom that would
make my knees buckle. Oh well. My ginger was an odd
shape and perhaps I didnt do it quite right. You may have
better luck.
Nettles: Applying these onto the skin will sting and cause a rash.
They seem to be more prevalent in the BDSM community
these days, possibly due to the sense of helplessness that
we mentioned earlier. However, allergic reactions to nettles
can occur and have even been fatal.1
Vibrator play: Sometimes I will place a vibrator in my pussy
and keep it there whilst I lie down for my spanking. Larger
vibrators give a sense of being full during the spanking, yet
1 Graham D. Hammond, et al., Urtica ferox neuropathy, Nerve and Muscle
35 (2007), pp. 804807.


I prefer the way my clitoris rubs against the pillow. (it is

ultimately better when the vagina is empty in my view.)
Hopefully weve reached the point where youve earned yourself
a jolly good thrashing (and can carry this out effectively). In
many respects, though, this is the easiest part of self spanking.
Surviving as a spanko in todays society requires a little more
thought, and this is where we now head.


Part III

Life As a Spankophile


Chapter 8

Living in the universe

as a self spanker
We do not reveal ourselves as spanking enthusiasts over polite
dinner conversation. In fact BDSM practices are typically secret
practices. The reasons for this are not fully understood, though
research has suggested that this may be due to feelings that the
practices may be regarded as immoral, or that BDSM protagonists
may have a desire to be part of a secret subculture.1 We think
that for most serious spankos the first explanation is correct.
Lets consider the morality issue further.
Consensual spanking is not immoral. We have no real desire to
provide a detailed self-justification of this here. We live in a world
of war, terrorism, famine, disease, murder, child abuse, dignity
depriving poverty, corruption, rape, drug dependency, bigotry,
racism, homophobia, homelessness, deprivation of liberties, and
oppression. If you genuinely think that consensual spanking is
one of the big moral issues of our time, then we are confident
that our own limited debating skills are not going to shift you
from that viewpoint. Both John and I worry about decisions that
we have made in our lives and how those choices might have
affected other people. We do not lie awake at night fretting about
1 Beverly L. Stiles and Robert E. Clarke, BDSM: A subcultural analysis of
sacrifices and delights, Deviant Behavior 32 (2011), pp. 158189.


the morality of spanking, though neither are we so smug that we

are blind to the negative aspects of our fetish. (We hate this
So, if we are so confident that we spankos are not evil, why
dont we come out to our friends and families? We could simply
say that our sexuality is nobodys business but our own. Thats
neither a morally, nor a legally, defensible position in of itself; we
could use that argument to defend paedophilia, for example. We
might argue that our spanking sexuality is inherently private and
does not impact upon others. Were not sure thats strictly true
either, as a vast amount of pornographic material is generated to
satisfy our sexuality. Indeed, many of us will also have exchanged
stories and other comments in a public arena, albeit often under
the cloak of anonymity.
Our argument for privacy is along these lines: Spanking is
still perceived as a sexuality that has somehow misfired. In those
respects it is similar to how homosexuality was considered many
years ago (and, regrettably, as it still is in many countries), yet
we believe that being a spanko is different from being gay. Being
gay, lesbian, bisexual, or straight, is at the core of a persons
identity. It would be difficult to live amongst friends and family
without sharing that core identity. However, in our view at least,
being a spanko relates to some of our innermost sexual desires.
A man might openly say he is straight or gay, but he wouldnt
necessarily say that he is into oral sex, or that he is turned on by
bare feet. Your friends and families likely wouldnt share those
intimate details with you, so why should you share with them
that you like having your bottom beaten? Unfortunately, even
though it is pretty much guaranteed that everyone has what
others might consider an oddball preference during their sexual
activities, society is largely scornful of erotic details, and cheap
jokes abound aplenty.
We realise that some people see BDSM as a lifestyle choice.
Were absolutely happy if people want to be fully open about
their core desires and act out their fantasies as an integral part
of their lives. Thats the case for spanking as it is for all of
our innermost sexual fantasies. Hey, we might all be better
off if we were that open all the time about our sexy secrets. It
would certainly make it easier to find fellow spankos. Alas, for
most of us, our innermost sexuality remains hidden. Were not


saying that thats right, but that you should feel no great need to
unburden yourself by revealing your spanking tastes to those
around you. In fact, there is no guilty secret here at all, and there
is no need for the world to know your detailed sexual preferences.
If you feel the need to mention spanking at all to friends,
humour is likely the best approach. I once spoke to a friend
about my spanking interests. It was no more than a late night
admission over a bottle of wine that I liked a man to give me a
red bottom. I was feeling warm and confident and joked that
many kids are desperate to avoid what I am desperate to receive.
She, in turn, confided that her boyfriend was asking her to do
some anal sex play, but she wasnt yet sure that she wanted to
go down that path. It was a sexy, secret-swapping, late night
conversation many years ago, and we havent discussed it since.
We had known each other for years and had that sort of open,
mutually supportive relationship. However, that was a rare red
bottom divulgence, and there is simply no need for other people
to know or care what gets me off in bed. Mmm. Thats not
entirely true, is it? Someone sharing that same bed might, in fact
probably would, disagree. So the bigger question is, of course,
what should you tell your sexual partners?

Self spanking in a relationship

If your partner is a fellow spanko, chances are that youll spank
each other, so you wont discuss self spanking that often if at
all. As we discussed earlier, self spanking is predominantly a
manifestation of our particular sadomasochistic interests. It is a
little like a person saying, I masturbate. Yes, we know. Almost
everyone masturbates and it isnt that interesting to talk about in
polite company. However, if you have a long distance relationship
with a spanko, you can use self spanking techniques via video
chat, or via a simple telephone call. It can be particularly hot
to undress in front of a webcam, knowing that youre going to
beat yourself at your partners command. Laptops or tablet PCs
are best for this, as you can carry them round with you so your
partner gets a nicely intimate view, whatever position you take
If you havent talked about spanking with your partner, then
we recommend trying to broach the subject at some point. Be

wary of the impression (easily gained from spanking fiction) that

your sexual partner will fortuitously turn out to be a stringent
spanko just dying to bare their bottom and either cane you, or
be caned by you. In fact it is difficult to calculate the odds of
this being the case. Research into this area must be treated with
some scepticism and is rarely definitive. However, the prevalence
of some level of BDSM engagement (spanking alone is rarely
separated out) amongst individuals has been identified to be from
a little under two percent to just over ten percent2 of the general
population. That could mean anything from a one in fifty chance
that your partner is a fellow spanko to a one in ten chance (not
high, yet this could still mean up to 600 million spankos on
the planet). That said, partners do not always have identical
sexual preferences and, even if they did, there is no guarantee
that sparks would fly. Although the odds look poor, there is a
much higher chance that you will find a loving partner who will
be tolerant of your spanking desires, even if he or she does not
fully share them. That said, real life does not match Hollywood,
and things dont always work out.
If you are in a fairly new relationship and havent yet discussed spanking, you might consider holding off until you get to
know each other better and theres an established trust. Thats
not always the best way, though, as your sex lives can enter a
particular pattern, and you may find it difficult to break out of
that. Quite a lot of this depends on your personality. John and I
are cases in point. I wont ask someone to spank me until I feel
totally trusting of them (always good advice for women). John, on
the other hand, feels more inhibited with people he knows well
and is more likely to be bolder with someone who is effectively
still a stranger. Part of that, he supposes, is that there is more
to lose with someone you have an established relationship with.
This is particularly so if you have strong feelings towards that
person. However, perhaps there is no more to it than I think men
2 See T. Bezreh, T. Weinberg, and T. Edgar, BDSM Disclosure and Stigma
Management: Identifying Opportunities for Sex Education, American Journal of
Sexuality Education 7 (2012), pp. 3761; Albert Kinsey, et al., Sexual Behavior
in the Human Female (Philadelphia: Saunders, 1953); Anne A. Lawrence and
Jennifer Love-Crowell, Psychotherapists Experience with Clients Who Engage
in Consensual Sadomasochism: A Qualitative Study, Journal of Sex & Marital
Therapy 34 (2007), pp. 6785; and J. Richeters, et al., Demographic and Psychosocial Features. . . , op. cit.


respond well to kinky women, whereas John thinks women may

be suspicious of men into spanking. The idea of beating, or being
beaten, by someone in a relationship has perilousalbeit utterly
misplacedassociations with domestic violence.
So how do you tell someone you know well that youre in to
spanking? With courage, with care, and with tolerance. Quite
often, the easiest way to tackle a potentially difficult or awkward
conversation is head on. For partners, the best way is obviously
not in the car at the end of a hard days work; it is when you are
both feeling warm and intimate, possibly already in the midst
of some erotic play. I just say to a partner, You know, I would
love it if you gave me a spanking. Okay, some men give you a
few playful slaps and want to move on to other areas. Some are
more attentive and simply require a few harder, harder cries
from me to get it working. If theyre not into it, just carry on with
your erotic play and then ask, perhaps in a playful way in the
exhausted aftermath, So you didnt want to spank me then?
Perhaps they will explain; perhaps not. It may be the case that
it is a turn off for them; there could even be underlying fears or
frightening memories.
Many years ago John gave a few playful spanks to a girlfriend
during some bedroom play and was taken aback at how upset
the girl became. It turned out she had been punished by her
stepfather in this way. She was open to all sorts of sex acts,
but completely closed to spanking. Maybe asking her to spank
him may have been an answerplacing the girl in the position of
power as the punisher might have been a turn on for herbut I
doubt it. The simple fact is that incompatibility between different
sexualities does exist. Do your best to communicate, but be
prepared to either move on or compromise on your sexual desires.
You should also bear in mind that the level of a persons sexual
experience will play a role here. By and large, a forty year old
with a history of multiple partners is likely to be more receptive
to different sexualities than an eighteen year old with his or her
first partner.
If you cant broach the idea of spanking with your partner,
the chances are that youre not going to talk about self spanking either. The options are, therefore, to repress your spanking
preferences, or to engage covertly with self spanking and other
forms of spanking erotica during the relationship. We suppose


you could always seek a spanking from someone outside of the

relationship, but that is arguably a much greater betrayal and
brings a deeper burden of guilt and long term risks of discovery. So, it comes down to either withdrawing from spanking, or
indulging in the shadows.
Lets consider the first of these options. Whether you can
enjoy a purely non-spanking relationship (we wont use the term
vanilla, simply because we abhor it) is partly dependent on
how much of a part spanking plays in your sexual identity. If
you simply dont get turned on, or cant get an erection at all,
from non-spanking activities, theres little point in pursuing a
sexual relationship with a non-spanko (but please see the next
chapter). If giving up spanking is a price worth paying for the
man or woman you love, then thats a perfectly reasonable thing
to do. However, spanking desires can be so deeply wired that
they are very hard to let go. Just dont get married and then cry
twenty years later because youve had a deeply unsatisfying sex
life. Thats not doing any favours to you, and it may not be doing
much for your prospective husband or wife either.
The second option is to have a secret self spanking side life.
In fact both John and I have had conventional relationships
where we have satisfied our spanking needs via self spanking.
Neither of us was living with our partners at the time, which of
course made avoiding discovery a lot easier. For me, there were
always periods of at least two days where I would not see my
boyfriend. I have rarely given myself a beating where the marks
are still recognisable three or four days after the session. In
fact, most of my punishments with the hairbrush will clear up by
the following day. However, John is a much harder self spanker
and tends to use deeper biting instruments, such as the cane.
Those marks are very difficult to hide in all but long distance
relationships, where meetings are infrequent. If you want to
conceal your activities from your partner, you may therefore need
to moderate your spanking enthusiasm.
Strangely, we dont consider concealment the biggest challenge
of having ongoing bottom-beating interests in a non-spanking
relationship. We think the biggest challenge is in maintaining
your desire for conventional sex with your partner. Lets be
honest. If youre reading this book, there is a good possibility that
spanking takes you to unparalleled levels of erotic excitement.


Self spanking is a way you can go deeper into some of your most
pussy-dripping or cock-exploding fantasies. It is naturally very
tempting to retreat into that world and seek less direct sexual
contact with your partner. This can become a major problem
indeed and ultimately lead to the destruction of your relationship.
However, this can be addressed by self-discipline (no, we dont
mean that kind). For example, you may restrict yourself to
engaging in spanking play at certain times, perhaps only when
your partner is away, or maybe as a special treat once a month
or bi-monthly. Nevertheless, it is not difficult to become addicted
to something that makes you feel so good. If that is the case, and
you feel your future lies with your non-spanking partner, perhaps
you should consider withdrawing from the spanking scene.

Self spanking as an individual

For those without a partner, the issues are often broadly similar to those within a relationship: discovery and maintaining a
sexual balance. Concealing a self spanking lifestyle is obviously
easier, particularly within your own home. Undressing in public
situations (e.g., at gyms or for swimming) might pose a challenge,
but you can always face your bottom away to hide any bruising
or marks. Unless youre going to be naked in a sauna, or getting
a full body massage, you wont exactly be baring your buttocks
for more than a few seconds anyhow. In general, this is a bigger
problem for women, as we tend to wear underwear, bikinis, and
swimming costumes that reveal more of the lower bottom and
thighs. Mens shorts usually cover most of the buttocks and a
portion of the upper thighs, often the lower thighs too. In any
case, as long as you retain some vestige of modesty, it shouldnt
be too much of a problem. Indeed, when we see someone covering
up on a sizzling afternoon at the beach, we do sometimes wonder
whether their conservative dress is actually because they gave
themselves a darn good thrashing earlier in the day.
Concealment strategies do of course extend beyond the visible
signs on the body. If privacy is important, you should consider
where you store implements and any other play items. A hairbrush can be left in plain sight, but how many people these
days use a cane? Internet histories and cookies can be routinely
deleted and documents password protected. Even if you are fully

open about being a spanko to those in your personal life, you

might want to keep an eye on social networking sites if you have
both work and personal friends looking at your updates.
As we mentioned in the relationships section, maintaining
a strong sense of balance in your sexuality is challenging, and
this can be very difficult if you are single and left to your own
erotic devices. This is especially so if your conventional sexual
encounters with others are few and far between. The temptation
may be to seek more and more pain and sensation and delve
ever deeper into the spanking world. Some may seek increasingly severe levels of pornography and more brutal punishments.
This may be the way you want to live. We certainly dont set
ourselves up as judges of the right lifestyle. We just ask that
you dont harm anyone else in the process. If this book is about
anything at all, it is about taking responsibility for yourself and
the risks associated with your lifestyle. However, be aware that
the complete immersion into the spanking world, to the detriment
of everything else, may not ultimately be satisfying for you in the
long term. Moreover, it can be difficult to step back down if you
find a non-spanko partner with whom you wish to share the rest
of your years. Strategies to help with stepping away from the
spanking world can be found in the next chapter.
We have tried in this chapter to guide you through some of the
pitfalls that weve either encountered, or that weve seen happen
in others. Like many other things in life that give pleasure, self
spanking can cause embarrassment, and it can get out of control.
Those with a taste for alcohol will understand this perfectly.
That said, if your practice is safe and if the power of desire is
respected, and if you dont impose yourself on others, you can
have a wonderful world of sensation. In fact, if you are on your
own, self spanking offers an extra layer to self pleasure that is
simply unavailable to non-spankos. Above all, we say this: we
dont know how we entered the spanking highway of this world,
but were going to enjoy the ride all the same.


Chapter 9

Stepping back from the

spanking world
Important: If you are feeling suicidal, extremely depressed, or
out-of-control, you should seek specialist help. There are some
problems we cannot defeat on our own, and it is neither shameful nor stupid to seek support. We can only offer our general
thoughts on the problem here. We cannot offer specialist psychiatric advice.
We werent quite sure whether to write this chapter. Would you
think we were somehow suggesting that spanking is a dysfunction
that needs to be overcome? We hope that, at this point, you
appreciate that that is not our view at all. However, some people
do need to withdraw from a world of sadomasochism to foster
a different life, or because spanking is becoming addictive and
dangerous for them.
If you do wish to step out of the spanking world, we recommend asking yourself why before you take any further steps.
In our experience, giving up spanking for a period of time is
much easier if there is a specific benefit, or a positive alternative
direction that you wish to take. You might feel that your spanking desires are harming your relationship with a girlfriend for
whom you care deeply. Alternatively, you may decide that you
are addicted to pain in a negative way and want to stop to prevent
yourself from becoming seriously injured. We can all understand
in such circumstances why that person may wish to change some

of their sexual habits. However, some people can feel shameful at

having spanking desires and simply want to be normal. Were
not sure that that is enough. In those circumstances you may
be better off trying to come to terms with your own guilt, be that
through counselling, or understanding through books such as
these that you are not alone in the world as some crazy deviant.
Overall, without a clear and unqualified motivation, you may be
wasting your time in trying to effect any significant long-term
With all of that said, lets look at a couple of the ways in which
you can step back from spanking.

Cold Turkey total withdrawal

John has tried this in the past (for relationship purposes) with
mixed success. You simply say to yourself that, from a certain
time and date, you will not engage in any self spanking, any
thoughts about spanking, or access any spanking pornography.
This is of course much easier to do if youre off somewhere screwing the girl of your dreams. Alas, just as alcoholics have to
pass bars, spankos have to come across spanking images and
suggestions on mainstream media. Imagine the scene: Youve
had a great week and havent thought about bottoms at all. You
relax with a nice movie, and suddenly theres Jessica Alba getting whipped (in Sin City). The twitch (or the wetness) will come,
and theres not a whole lot you can do about it. The situation
deteriorates quickly.
Yes, abstinence is great, but that temptation moment will
come for you. It will not come when you are lying on a sunny
beach next to a beautiful man or woman, with a delicate breeze
gently cooling you. No, it will happen after youve had a dreadful
day at work. It will happen when youve had an argument with
a friend or partner. It will happen when youre feeling ugly or
inadequate. In short, it will happen when you are vulnerable.
Of course, if youre strong, you wont succumb to temptation.
However, as weve said, it wont happen when youre strong. And
you will just start to rub and play, or get your cock out and start
to stroke it. Just a little. And then you will take a quick look
at a spanking story website. And then you will see how many
new and brilliant stories there are. And what new tantalising

spanking videos there are. And the masturbation will suddenly

become more urgent, furious even. And you will fit in a paroxysm
of pleasure, or spurt your cum to the ceiling. And you will feel
so good at that moment that you must do it just once more. And
that will be the beginning, but not the end. After all, there is
no desire quite like a desire that has been left to rage internally,
unfulfilled, for weeks, months, or even years.
We think you will get our point here. Abstinence can be
a wonderful thing, yet is incomparable to the magnificence of
succumbing to temptation. This is not to say that going cold
turkey wont work for you. Given a low stress environment
and distracting interests in other areas, this could be a way of
withdrawing from the spanking scene. However, the battle will be
a lifelong one, just as with a drug addict. Any engagement with
spanking could lead to you going off the wagon at any moment.

Fantasy re-direction
Our own recommendation for moderating spanking interests is
to use fantasy re-direction based on masturbatory reconditioning.
Now, let us be clear, this is a much debated subject and is
typically used in more extreme settings.1 However, this has
been very helpful for John in particular (for a non-spanking
relationship), and we feel some could benefit from the technique.
This idea is this: get yourself comfortable and begin a session of masturbation by fantasising about spanking. Also, try to
find images, videos or stories of non-spanking, conventional sex
themes with men or women that you find attractive and engaging.
When you reach the point close to orgasm (when you are highly
aroused) switch to watching the non-spanking pornography. Focus only on those themes and continue to orgasm. If you start
1 See Anthony R. Beech and Leigh Harkins, DSM-IV paraphilia: Descriptions,
demographics and treatment interventions, Aggression and Violent Behavior 17
(2012), pp 527539; Nadine Campell-Fuller and Leam A. Craig, The use of olfactory aversion and directed masturbation in modifying deviant sexual interest:
A case study, Journal of Sexual Aggression 15 (2009), pp. 179191; D. R. Laws
and W. L. Marshall, Masturbatory reconditioning with sexual deviates: An evaluative review, Advances in Behaviour Research and Therapy 13 (1991), pp. 1325;
and Anthony R. Beech, Leam A. Craig, and Kevin D. Browne, eds., Assessment
and Treatment of Sex Offenders: A Handbook (Chichester: John Wiley and Sons,


to become less aroused, and wont achieve an orgasm, then return to the spanking themes and start over again. This process
should be continued at each masturbation session, reducing the
time spent on spanking themes on each subsequent occasion
(though there is no need to stand there with a stopwatch). Try
then to have whole masturbation sessions with the non-spanking
You can probably work out the basics of the approach: the
idea that sexual pleasure and climax become associated with nonspanking themes. We dont advocate the negative reinforcement of
spanking as bad (e.g., by associating foul smells with spanking
images), simply because we dont think spanking is bad. It is one
thing to help to increase your pleasure in non-spanking erotica;
it is quite something else to suggest that spanking is somehow
inappropriately deviant.
There is a suggestion that such an approach may work less
well in some cases, particularly for women. This is because sexual activity prior to orgasm is reinforcing and also because not
all ladies will experience orgasms on a reliable basis.2 This is
why we feel it is important to reduce the length of the spanking
fantasies on each occasion, so the significant body of the masturbation session is focused on non-sadomasochistic themes. We
chose those last two words carefully. John reports that an early
temptation of his was to avoid spanking themes, yes, but to visit
pornography associated with exhibitionism, hard and painful
anal sex, humiliation or non-consensual themes. He recognises
that he was effectively looking for some of his spanking fetishes
(punishment spanking without consent, pain, forced stripping,
embarrassment from the experience) without actually engaging
in spanking pornography. It is best to avoid these altogether in
favour of softer sexual experiences. As we said before, sexuality
is complex and multi-faceted. Find an aspect of your sexuality
that is enjoyable outside of spanking and use that as a beginning.
For John, he began to enjoy viewing amateur oral sex videos
(the saucy devil). Several of those videos concluded with conventional sex within the scenario, which he also masturbated to.
He began to enjoy the non-spanking masturbation sessions as
2 J. Paul Fedoroff, Treatment of Paraphilic Sexual Disorders, in D. L. Rowland and L. Incrocci, eds., Handbook of Sexual and Gender Identity Disorders
(New Jersey: John Wiley and Sons, 2012), pp. 563574.


much as the sadomasochistic ones, more in some cases because

so much of the material was new for him. John presently has a
fulfilling non-spanking sex life. He still enjoys spanking as much
as before, and does indulge in self spanking from time to time.
However, he rarely allows himself to climax to a sadomasochistic
scenario. That has proven to be the answer for him.
I, on the other hand, am more than happy with my spanking
desires. Theyre controlled, and they dont stop me from enjoying
my life or taking pleasure in other sexual avocations. I neither
feel the wish nor the need to change who I am. That said, John
has visited darker and more intense spanking places than I have,
so I can understand why he has on occasions wished to take a
step back. Whether this is the case for you, only you (and your
bottom) can know for sure.

The End of Our Journey

How are you feeling now? Are you looking through the mirror at
your freshly spanked buttocks, still glowing hot with the chastisement that you have inflicted upon them? Are you sitting on
a hard chair as your newly fashioned bruises press against the
hard wood? Perhaps you are smearing antiseptic cream on harsh
cane marks?
During the writing of this book we have both been thinking
a lot about pain. We have lain awake at night worrying whether
we will be bringing yet more of this into the world. Should a
book promote people beating themselves? We cant anticipate
the reaction to our words. Were confident that most spanking
enthusiasts will appreciate that weve attempted through the
chapters to promote heightened pleasure and desire, as well
as increased self-knowledge and awareness. As for the less
spanking-oriented, we can only hope we have offered you a better
insight into our world and that you leave feeling perhaps a little
more interested in your own sexuality. To all readers we hope
that you have found this book enjoyable and informative.
Please continue to enjoy your interesting sexuality in a safe
and responsible way.
We will leave you now to go and think about our own bottoms.
This isnt quite the end, though, so flick through our Appendix to

see if there are any interesting scenarios that you can immerse
yourself in.
For now, both John and I wish you the happiest of spanking


Appendix A

Possible Fantasy
Weve included a few unusual scenarios below to help your imagination along. We have mostly not allocated either the number of
strokes or the implement, as you can select these for yourself (or
use a randomising tool). You can turn any of the scenarios into
soft or harder punishments depending on your pain tolerances
or just on how you feel at the time. We have indicated whether
the punisher is primarily a man or woman and whether the receiver is male or female, although these again can be changed. In
particular, you dont have to imagine during your self spanking
session that the person punishing you is the same sex as you!
None of the characters involved (e.g., girlfriend) have to be real (it
is fantasy). Some of the scenarios are based on the premise that
you are spanking yourself. We have also added a few play tips
suggestions for each on how you might enhance your experience.

Bad boyfriend
Punisher: Female
Receiver: Male
Your girlfriend is extremely upset at your unacceptable attitude during last nights party. You ignored her throughout the
evening and even flirted with other girls. Today you are going to


pay for it with a spanking. Shes thought about it all night and
has made her mind up. Yes, she did say a spanking and a darn
severe one at that. She doesnt care what you think of the idea.
If you want to stay with her, you are going to have to take a good
thrashing. You embarrassed her in front of her friends and now
shes going to humiliate you. So get those trousers down, right
Play tips: Dress casually, use everyday spanking implements.
Touching yourself during the punishment gets your girlfriend
even angrier and increases the severity of the spanking.

Bad girlfriend
Punisher: Male
Receiver: Female
What do you have to do to get that man to spank you? Last
night in bed you wanted a good hiding and he gave you two playful
taps on your rear before plunging his penis into you. Okay, that
bit was fun, but you needed so much more. Typical man. Okay,
you will just have to spell it out for him. He isnt listening (perhaps
he needs a spanking), so you will write down exactly what you
need. Hes gone to watch the game this afternoon. When he
comes back, he will see the note with your instructions. You
will, of course, be waiting in your bedroom, bottom bared and
awaiting his chastisement. Just bear in mind, though, that men
are not keen on reading instruction manuals. He may just decide
to take a DIY approach to your spanking. . . .
Play tips: Write the note!

Barista mind-control
Punisher: Self
Receiver: Self
You go to the coffee shop on the corner every day, without fail.
Hey, you like coffee! Okay, so there is that one cute barista that
gives you a lovely smile every time you go here. That really makes
your day. No, its more than that. There is a deep look too. It
feels as if there is a real connection.


You were running late this morning and didnt get your daily
coffee shop fix. Youve had a bad day at work and you regretfully
pass the closed coffee shop on your way home. Suddenly you
stop. The shop light is on and your barista is there! Perhaps
theyve changed the opening times? In any case a hot coffee
would go a long way to relieving your mood.
You enter the store and you become aware that there is only
you and the barista in the shop. The barista stares at you intently
whilst handing you your coffee. Your mind goes strangely blank.
Calmly, the barista walks to the store door, turns the open sign
over to closed and switches off the lights. You take a sip of your
warm coffee and choose a comfortable chair. It does not seem odd
to you that the store is in near darkness. Nor does it seem odd
when the barista comes and stands next to you and you begin
to remove your own clothes. What! Suddenly you are standing
there in your underwear. A sense of deep humiliation comes over
you, yet you have no idea why you have taken off your clothes.
Suddenly, your embarrassment deepens. You are removing your
own underwear!
The barista is unconcerned at your nakedness and simply
hands you an implement. Now you are spanking yourself with
this, your bottom glowing the same colour as the cheeks on
your face. The barista smiles and watches intently. After many
minutes of spanking there is shouting outside. The barista is
startled and it seems a connection is broken. You start to regain
your senses and quickly get dressed. Shocked, you leave the
store. The barista moves away, unworried. You will be back for
more coffee.
Play tips: Make sure you enjoy the coffee beforehand.

Beached bum
Punisher: Any
Receiver: Any
Your boat was caught up in a powerful storm and you were
adrift for many days in a small lifeboat. Fortunately you washed
up upon a warm and lovely island, with plentiful food and a
stream from which to drink. You are all alone and, as days
turns to weeks, you settle into a gentle routine. You have only
the clothes that you were wearing at the time of the storm, so

you do not bother to hide your modesty. However, it turns

out that this island is neither uninhabited nor bereft of social
conformities. Upon their discovery of you, the islanders are
furious that you have soiled their paradise with your decadent
ways. You are captured and pushed down onto the rough sand of
the beach. Leaves are placed over every part of your body except
your buttocks. The islanders then takes turns to ensure that you
are soundly thrashed for your immodesty. Now rescue cannot
come soon enough.
Play tips: Great if you have a big sand pit, but most will have
to make do with some tropical sounds.

Big brother is watching you

Punisher: Self
Receiver: Self
After a great financial crash, society descended into chaos and
democracy collapsed. Your country is now subject to a harsh
dictatorship intent on restoring public order at any cost. All
laws are initiated by an imposing leader whose primary policy
to date has been the re-introduction of corporal punishment for
all citizens. However, as the state does not have the resources
to punish most minor infractions, all citizens have to undertake
their own chastisement. Failure to comply means immediate
transfer to a cold and unforgiving penal colony.
You have broken the law and you must now punish yourself.
You will establish a live video link with the protectors (whose
job it is to oversee punishments). You will strip naked before
them and you will spank yourself as ordered. If you do not beat
yourself hard enough, you will be allocated more spankings. Be
warned: if your buttocks are not sufficiently red, the protectors
will call on you.
Play tips: Spank yourself in front of a webcam. Record the
session and play it back later for more fun.

Fesser = to spank
Punisher: Female
Receiver: Any

Your boss has instructed you to learn French for an important

Paris based client. You are hopeless at foreign languages and can
barely manage more than a few sentences without breaking down.
Your boss therefore sends you to an expensive private tutor with
an outstanding reputation for achieving amazing results. The
course is paid for in full by your company, with your job being
dependent on its successful completion.
Your tutor is a petite spectacled French lady who is as strict
as she is charming. If your efforts displease her, Madame simply
takes you over her knee and spanks your bare bottom mercilessly.
This shocked you deeply at first. However, your skills in French
have shown tremendous improvement and, after the initial embarrassment, you have learned to respect the chastisements.
You arrive for your fifth session to find that Madame has broken her arm. You are of course sorry for her, yet you are relieved
that your buttocks will be spared further pain. Unfortunately,
you make many mistakes during the session and Madame decides that she will need some assistance with your spanking:
from you! She hands you the hairbrush and instructs you to
spank your own bottom. This is difficult at first. However, under
Madames severe guidance, you begin.
Un, deux, trois, quatre. . . .
Play tips: Count out loud in French as you spank yourself.
After you know them by heart, try using other words to represent
the count. Before you know it your bottom will be speaking
another language. . . .

Future imperfect
Punisher: Any
Receiver: Any
All technology has failed and advanced civilisation has been
destroyed. Only a remnant of survivors remains, living in small
farming communities. Everyone must work to survive. Sloppiness
and laziness are punished swiftly and effectively. Unfortunately,
you failed to close the chicken pen last night and the local foxes
have taken several of the chickens. The leader takes you to the
barn where you are stripped, tied up and thoroughly spanked for
your carelessness.


Play tips: Secure your legs. Use simple instruments that

might be available in a low technology setting.

Landladys three strikes

Punisher: Female
Receiver: Any
Youve managed to find a great place to stay, with unbelievable
rent, and its convenient for everything you want to do. The only
set back is that your apartment is across the hall from your stuffy
landlady, who has rules about everything. In fact shes been on
at you twice already about your music. Hey, so you like some
loud sounds? Whats the problem?
The problem is that your tall, domineering landlady does not.
She also does not like to repeat herself for a third time. You
either leave her apartment right now or you take a good spanking
for your selfish behaviour. You cant believe your ears and are
simply stunned into silence. You have never been punished with
a spanking. Frankly you are embarrassed and a little scared
at the prospect, but on the other hand you dont want to leave.
Perhaps if you look contrite enough and charm the old bag, shell
back down. Unfortunately for you, your landlady takes this pause
for contemplation as tacit agreement of her plan. She roughly
turns you around and starts to undo your belt. Before you can
react, she has bared your bottom. She pushes you down on the
sofa and you hear her take something out of her handbag. You
are totally mesmerised by her and just lie there, half naked, half
open-mouthed too, yet not uttering a sound. That will change
soon enough.
Play tips: Put some loud music on before the spanking.

Neanderthal life
Punisher: Male
Receiver: Any
A Neanderthal man has returned from a disappointing hunt
to find that you have not prepared his meal. He roars with rage
and takes up a stick to express his anger on your pre-historic
bottom, stripping off your minimal garments and pushing you

over a cold rock. Perhaps historically inaccurate, but good fun

Play tips: Have dark, minimal light at home to simulate a cave.
Perhaps use a flickering candle. Dress in minimal (fake!) furs.

Servants inn-capacity
Punisher: Any
Receiver: Any
It is the eighteenth century. You are a servant to a powerful
and much-feared gentleman, who has a well-deserved reputation
for brutality. You have heard many stories of spankings and
know that you could not bear these yourself, so you decide to
return to your family in the northern country. You leave the
gentlemans mansion before dawn and begin your escape. Many
miles into your journey you stumble across an inn. You give the
owner some precious coins so that you may have a meal and a
threadbare room for the night.
You are sipping some cold cabbage soup as the inn door is
flung open. Your master enters with the head servant and the
keeper of the stables. They see you at once and the master
proclaims loudly, What have we here? This wretched scoundrel
dares to run away! You will need to be taught a lesson, and
there is indeed no time like the present. Everyone in the inn
shouts in agreement, for they dare not oppose the gentleman.
You are forcefully stripped and held by the head servant and
keeper whilst the master rolls up his sleeves. There are jeers
and whistles as you are exposed and spanked. Alas, for you, the
master has you in his sights, and this is likely to be only the
beginning of his cruelty. . . .
Play tips: Why not put on a servants uniform and use a video
site to find some jeering to play in the background? Also works
just as well with a strict lady of the manor.

Swimming pool rules

Punisher: Any
Receiver: Any


You could not resist that final leap into the pool, even after
the whistle had blown for the end of the swimming session. Most
regrettably, you are faced with a lifeguard who is enraged by your
actions. You are dragged out of the pool and immediately given
a spanking over your swimwear. However, the lifeguard is now
dragging you to the locker rooms and you fear that your ordeal
in not yet over.
Play tips: Put the swimwear on and make yourself nice and
wet (mmm) for this particular pool punishment.

Tribal whipping
Punisher: Any
Receiver: Any
You are due to undergo a Wpsha ceremony that qualifies
you to marry and give orders to those that have not undertaken
this rite. As part of the ritual you must disrobe and submit to a
flogging. You are not to show pain at any point, as this would
indicate that you have not yet learned the courage necessary to
become a leader. You will rejoice at each of the blows!
Play tips: Dress up as a warrior and play some tribal sounds
in the background!