1

INT. CARLSON’S BOOKS – LATE AFTERNOON (2006)

DJ, now in his early thirties, wearing a charcoal grey

hoodie, black slacks and sneakers, juggles a large stack of
dusty brown books. He waddles blindly to the checkout
counter, where ED, a bored, balding middle-age man sits
reading a well-worn porno magazine. DJ carefully lowers the
stack next to two others already on the counter.

DJ
Whew! That’s it for today.

DJ looks at the stacks and frowns.

DJ
Didn’t find as much as usual.

Ed disinterestedly scans over the books. He immediately

goes back to his reading.

ED
Fifty bucks.

DJ pulls his distressed leather wallet from the front

pocket of his jeans and slips out a $50 bill. Ed snatches
is without looking up, immediately stuffs it in his pocket.
DJ contemplates the stacks, spots a hand truck near the
counter.

DJ
Mind if I borrow that to get these out to the car?

Ed still doesn’t look up, just grunts.

DJ
I’ll take that as a yes.

DJ carefully loads the books, and wheels them toward the

door.

DJ
I’ll be right back.

Ed doesn’t look up, but grunts in reply.

EXT. CARLSON BOOKS – DAY

 2

From a distance, we see DJ load the books carefully into

the hatchback of his black Hyundai Accent, and roll the
cart back into the store, and emerge again, shaking his
head in disgust.

DJ gets into his car, and drives around the corner to a

nearby parking lot.

EXT. PARKING LOT – DAY

DJ bounds out of his car, pulls a small backpack from the

passenger seat, and opens the hatchback. He sets his
backpack next to the car.

INT. TRUNK

Inside his trunk we see a complex array of covered vats,

clear boxes of dust wipes, cotton swabs, and plastic book
sleeves. Everything in the trunk of the car is for
performing immediate rescue techniques on antique books.

EXT. NEARBY PARKING LOT – DAY

DJ lovingly holds a book from Carlson Books. It’s a rare

first edition of the Wizard of Oz. He opens the book with
reverence.

On the first page it’s autographed by L. Frank Baum. He

turns the page, and sees a child’s crayon drawing of the
Tin Man, with the words “Margaret loves the Tin Man” in a
child’s handwriting below the picture.

DJ laughs, shakes his head and speaks under his breath to

himself.

DJ
That’ll take a bit of work to get out…

DJ gingerly places the book into the trunk of the car, and
closes the hatchback.

He picks up his backpack, and pulls out a snappy tweed

blazer. He pulls the hooded sweatshirt he’s wearing off
over his head, revealing a dark colored button up shirt,
and patterned silk necktie. He puts the blazer on.
 3

He removes a pair of leather dress shoes from the backpack

and drops them at his feet. He kicks of his sneakers, and
slips the dress shoes on. He picks up the sneakers, packs
them and the sweatshirt back into the backpack. He gets
back into the car.

INT. DJ BOSWORTH’S CAR – DAY

DJ drops the backpack on the passenger side floor. DJ picks

up a briefcase from the passenger seat and opens it. Inside
are a few antique books, all in nearly mint condition. DJ
smiles, shuts the case, and sets it back on the passenger
seat.

EXT. PARKING LOT – DAY

DJ’s car pulls onto a busy street.

EXT. CLAREMONT & SONS FINE BOOKS – DAY

DJ’s car pulls up across the street from the bookstore. He

slips from the car with his briefcase, jogs lightly across
the street, and takes a breath, ‘centering himself’ before
he enters the bookstore.

INT. CLAREMONT & SONS FINE BOOKS – DAY

An earthy sounding bell jingles as DJ enters. He is

immediately greeted by MR.CLAREMONT, a slender
grandfatherly man in a dark suit, with a salt and pepper
beard.

MR. CLAREMONT
Mr. Bosworth! So good to see you again!

DJ
Good Afternoon, Mr. Claremont, good to see
you again as well.

Mr. Claremont grasps DJ by the arm in a friendly way

leading him over to the far end of the counter.

MR. CLAREMONT
What treasures have your sources sent you
with today, Mr. Bosworth?
 4

DJ sets his briefcase on the counter and pops the clasps,

lifting it open with a flourish worthy of a treasure chest.
Mr. Claremont’s eyes widen.

MR. CLAREMONT
My, my…

Mr. Claremont picks up one of the books, and delicately

turns it over in his hands.

MR. CLAREMONT
What a breathtaking edition of Sallust’s
Cataline Conspiracy!

DJ smiles in a business-like way as Mr. Claremont examines

each book, and sets them on the counter.

MR.CLAREMONT
I believe I can make room in my shop for
these beautiful additions. And I’m sure your
sources will be very happy with my offer.

Mr. Claremont writes on a small slip of paper, and slides

it across the counter to DJ. DJ smiles, and nods.

Mr. Claremont disappears to the back of the shop, and

reappears with fairly thick envelope. He hands the envelope
to DJ, who slips it into his briefcase. They shake hands in
a friendly manner.

DJ
Mr. Claremont, always a pleasure doing business
with you.

Mr. Claremont smiles in a friendly but Cheshire Cat like

way.

MR. CLAREMONT
The same to you, Mr. Bosworth. Please let your
sources know they are always invited to stop by
my bookshop if they are in the neighborhood.

DJ returns the smile and shakes his head.

DJ
Now Mr. Claremont, you know my clients prefer
to remain anonymous- -
 5

Mr. Claremont claps DJ on the back.

MR. CLAREMONT
- -I know…I know…But you can’t blame an old man
for trying.

DJ and Mr. Claremont make their way toward the front of the
store.

MR. CLAREMONT
So, my boy, what do you think your sources might
produce for me next?

DJ
I’ve heard talk of an autographed first edition
of the Wizard of Oz…

Mr. Claremont pauses, turning toward DJ.

MR. CLAREMONT
Delightful! I can’t wait to see it!

DJ furrows his brows, suddenly seeing something hidden on a

shelf behind the counter. DJ gasps in surprise and awe.

DJ
My God! No! It can’t be!

Mr. Claremont grins brightly.

MR. CLAREMONT
Ah….I was meaning to share that with you…

DJ
Is that….

Mr. Claremont goes around the counter, and pulls the book
from the shelf, savoring it. He turns dramatically, holds
it out to DJ.

DJ reaches out to open the book.

DJ
May I?
 6

Mr. Claremont nods, with awe and reverence DJ opens the

cover of the book. Inside the cover, an inscription reads,
“I’m trying to eat! Fuck off! Ernest Hemingway”

DJ practically hears the music of angels as he touches the

book. He tries to reclaim his composure, and resumes his
business-like demeanor.

DJ
A uniquely autographed first edition of Ernest
Hemingway’s The Sun Also Rises. What is a
copy in this condition going for?

MR. CLAREMONT
I’m afraid it’s not for sale, Mr. Bosworth.

DJ
Perhaps a trade? I’ve got some fine editions
I’d be glad to bring in. Hagar’s Daughter,
first edition, second state…an autographed
edition of Miss Lonelyhearts…Beeton’s
Christmas Annual?

MR. CLAREMONT
I won’t be able to trade books for this edition.
Perhaps your sources may be able to help
you aquire it.

DJ grimaces.

DJ
I will speak with them. We’ll talk more of
this.

The bell on the door rings as another customer enters. DJ

and Mr. Claremont exchange nods, and DJ moves toward the
door.

As DJ nears the door, he notices a small, slender dark-

haired boy, around 8 years old, wearing a school uniform
standing behind a shelf. DJ sees the boy furtively slip a
book off the shelf, and into his backpack in one move.

DJ walks up behind the boy.

 7

DJ
You’ll enjoy that edition of Aristophanes. It’s
an early vernacular translation. They left in
all the fart jokes.

The boy whips around, clearly insulted.

BOY
I did not steal it for the fart jokes!

DJ pulls back, startled by the outburst, and shushes the

boy. He resumes speaking, in a whisper.

BOY
I… I took it for the hand marbled endpapers….

DJ’s face splits into a huge grin and he laughs.

DJ
Well, I can’t let a young man of such excellent
taste go to juvenile hall for theft. Give me the
book and I’ll buy it for you.

DJ holds out his hand, and the boy reluctantly takes the
book from his backpack.
Together they approach the counter. A young woman works
behind the register. DJ pulls a few bills from his wallet,
and hands them to the woman, who begins ringing and
packaging the book for him.

DJ
You know, if you like hand marbled paper
I’m doing a free workshop at the downtown
library this Saturday afternoon. Why don’t
you check it out?

The boy furrows his brows in thought for a moment then

nods. The woman hands the wrapped book and his change back
to DJ. DJ passes the book to the boy. Together they exit
the bookstore.

EXT. CLAREMONT & SONS FINE BOOKS - DAY

The boy turns left, and DJ steps to the curb to cross the
street to his car.
 8

DJ
Hey!

The boy turns to look at DJ.

DJ
No more stealing!

The boy nods solemnly, then smiles. He remembers his new

treasure and begins running home. DJ laughs, and crosses
the street briskly back to his car.

EXT. PARK VILLAGE APARTMENTS – EARLY EVENING

He walks briskly, practically skipping up the few low steps

to the front door of his apartment building.

INT. LOBBY - PARK VILLAGE APARTMENTS – EARLY EVENING

DJ unlocks the interior door, and enters the lobby. He

unlocks his mailbox, looks inside, but leaves the mail. He
hits the button for the elevator. Humming to himself, he
primps in the mirror in the lobby as he waits for the
elevator.

INT. FOURTH FLOOR – PARK VILLAGE APARTMENTS – EARLY EVENING

DJ exits the elevator, and walks a short distance down a

dim, clean but grungy hallway. He slows as he approaches
apartment 404. On the floor, immediately in front of the
door is a small bag. DJ approaches it suspiciously and taps
it with his foot. He picks it up.

DJ opens the bag finding a small box and a note. Curious,

he closes the bag, and unlocks and opens the door.

INT. DJ AND DANA’S APARTMENT

DJ pulls the box and note out of the bag. He sets the box
on a small table near the door, and begins reading the
note. He lets out a loud sigh, crumples the note and tosses
the note and the box into the trash as he mutters to
himself.

DJ
God, Mom! A fertility test for Dana!
 9

INT. BEDROOM

DJ whips opens the closet doors. He stands and stares into

the closet, remembering.

FLASHBACK – INT. DJ’S BEDROOM (1984)

DJ and his mom kneel on the carpeted floor. He wears

scuffed up jeans and an ‘alligator’ polo shirt and
Kangaroos shoes. His mother looks straight out of “9 to 5”.
June pins a small piece of cloth to a He-Man action figure.

JUNE
…so when you have children, you’ll know how
to put on a diaper!

FLASHBACK – INT. A CHURCH (1989)

DJ and his mom have just attended the baptism of a

neighbor’s baby. DJ wears an ill-fitting suit, and his
mother wears a turquoise silk jumpsuit with a large
turquoise and hot pink leather belt. Intense shoulder pads
and huge “mall-hair” complete the look. DJ curiously
approaches the priest. June watches warily.

DJ
How do you get a job as a priest?

Before the priest can reply, June scurries forward,

speaking quickly and curtly.

JUNE
Excuse us, we’re running late.

She grasps DJ’s arm and steers him away. DJ scuttles next
to her, indignant.

DJ
Hey! What’s the problem with me talking to
the Father?

JUNE
He’s nobody’s father! That’s the problem!
 10

FLASHBACK – JUNE BOSWORTH’S LIVING ROOM (1993)

DJ and a young woman, SARAH stand in the living room near

the front door, wearing formal wear, on their way to prom.
June takes a couple pictures, then pulls DJ aside while
Sarah stands awkwardly alone.

JUNE
Sarah doesn’t really have good ‘birthing hips’.

DJ’s mouth drops open in shock. He hisses at June

DJ
What the… Mom, you’re insane.

June muses in a dreamy voice, oblivious to DJ’s anger.

JUNE
I was hoping you’d take Becky to the prom.
The kids the kids the two of you would have.
Gorgeous, like little angels…

DJ storms out the door. Sarah looks around confused.

FLASHBACK - JUNE BOSWORTH’S LIVING ROOM (1998)

DANA SCHOTZE, a slim, pale, dark-haired woman in her mid

20’s wearing excessive dark make-up. DJ and Dana sit at the
table, awkwardly wrapped in bed sheets. A pair of men’s
blue jeans, a black hoodie sweatshirt, socks, sneakers, a
black velvet dress, black boots and fishnets are all strewn
on the floor. June stands nearby, wearing a dark wool dress
coat and leather gloves. DJ and Dana look down at the
floor, their faces flush with embarrassment. DJ speaks
slowly and quietly.

DJ
Mom…I’m so sorry. We didn’t think you’d be
home quite this early.

June smiles broadly, inappropriately delighted by the

situation.

JUNE
No apology necessary!

June whispers excitedly under her breath.

 11

JUNE
I can’t wait to tell my first grandchild about
this!

INT – DJ AND DANA’S BEDROOM

Shock colors DJ’s face as realization hits. He turns from

the closet.

DJ
She’s always wanted babies.

Dana’s cat Isis saunters into the bedroom, effortlessly

leaps up to the foot of the bed, and curls up in a ball. DJ
directs his rant toward the cat.

DJ
Babies!

Another level of realization hits.

DJ
My God, Isis, you’re named after a
fertility goddess!

DJ furrows his brows, scowling.

DJ
I always thought it was odd that mom wanted to
name you so badly.

DJ shakes his suit jacket off, and tosses it over a chair.

DJ
Babies this, babies that!

DJ impatiently unbuttons his shirt, and whips it into the

corner inside the closet. He yanks a t-shirt out of a
drawer, and snakes into it. He performs a snide imitation
of his mother’s voice.

DJ
“Sarah doesn’t have good ‘birthing hips’.”

DJ snatches up a hooded sweatshirt from the floor of the

closet and pulls it on.
 12

DJ
What the hell does that even mean?

DJ kicks off his dress shoes, and grabs a pair of sneakers

out of the closet. The cat looks up as he plops down on the
edge of the bed.

DJ
And a fertility test! That’s it!

INT – JUNE’S LIVING ROOM – EARLY EVENING

The doorbell rings. June appears from the kitchen and opens
the door. DJ stands fuming and wrathful on the front porch.
He enters immediately, and June throws her arms open to hug
him.

JUNE
Honey! What a surprise!

DJ storms past his mother, ignoring her attempt to hug him.

She approaches him, concerned.

JUNE
DJ, what’s the matter?

DJ spins to face his mother. He whips out the fertility

test and holds it in her face.

DJ
What the hell is this?

JUNE
It’s a fertility test dear. It was on sale at
Walgreens.

DJ glares at her.

JUNE
It’s not for you dear, it’s for Dana.

DJ
I know who it’s for!

June smiles condescendingly.

 13

JUNE
Well, you and Dana have been trying, and- -

DJ
Trying?

JUNE
Trying to get pregnant.

June smiles proudly.

JUNE
I figured this might help things along.

DJ paces away, shaking his head. He sighs. June gasps in

dismay.

JUNE
Unless….Oh honey…It’s not….

June drops her voice to a whisper.

JUNE
It’s not your little swimmers, is it?

DJ throws his hands in the air.

DJ
Good God Mom! It’s not me, it’s not Dana…
For God’s sake, it’s none of your business
anyhow!

June looks stunned. DJ stalks away angrily. He turns, sees

hurt on his mom’s face, then approaches her. He guides her
to a nearby sofa, and takes a seat next to her.

DJ
Mom, my whole life you’ve been grooming
me to have kids. Like, even when I was way
too young to be having kids. Why?

June wrings her hands.

JUNE
I…..I guess I just want to be a grandmother.
I miss having a baby around the house.
 14

DJ shakes his head.

JUNE
I just want something to love, to spoil…

DJ glances at his watch and sees that he’s running late.

DJ
Mom…I’ve got to go meet Dana.

DJ rises, strides toward the door.

DJ
We’ll talk again soon, I’m sure we can come up
with something to cure your loneliness.

June smiles broadly, leans in and gives DJ a big kiss on

the cheek. She is positively ecstatic.

JUNE
Oh honey! You have no idea how excited I am
to hear that.

DJ hugs his mom goodbye, then jogs down the steps. June
smiles and waves before shutting the door.

INT – HOME OF JUNE BOSWORTH – EVENING

June smiles to herself. She picks up the nearby cordless

phone and dials. She taps her fingernails on the counter as
she waits for an answer. A female voice answers.

JUNE
Angie! It’s going to happen! DJ just left and I
have a good feeling he and Dana are going to try
for a baby soon!

EXT – HAPPYCAT! MARKETING AND DESIGN – EVENING

DJ’s car pulls into a lot behind a refurbished 1880’s fire

station.

Sitting at a picnic table near the back door are Dana, and
a few of her co-workers, JOSH, TARA and LUKE. All four of
them look like ‘grown up’ versions of the goths and ravers
they were ten to fifteen years ago.
 15

As DJ gets out of his car, and approaches the group. Dana

smiles broadly and jumps up to give DJ a big, tight hug and
playfully passionate kiss on the mouth.

DANA
Hey Hon! Mmmm…so glad to see you!

DJ
You too, angel! Been looking forward to it
all day!

DJ and Dana stand hand in hand near the picnic table. DJ

nods greeting to the others at the table.

JOSH
We’d better get inside if we want to finish
that “Smoking is Lame” campaign…

TARA
Dana, did you send me that pic of the creepy
guy in the trench coat on email? You know, the
pimply guy with the rug? I think he’s our best
bet for the print ads in teen mags.

Dana nods and laughs.

DANA
Yeah, smoking will look a lot less sexy with
him promoting it!

LUKE
Let’s get on it. There’s a Mythbusters marathon
on tonight, and I don’t want to miss it.

EXT. SUPERIOR STREET – EVENING

DJ and Dana stroll holding hands past Victorian era

downtown buildings.

DJ
You’ll never guess what I found at Claremont
today?

DANA
Hmmm… Was it Catullus?
 16

DJ shakes his head.

DANA
Some fun old almanacs?

DJ shakes his head again, smiling.

DANA
Ok, I give up. What was it?

DJ pauses for effect.

DJ
My number one.

Her eyes pop with astonishment. She stops, turns to DJ,

grinning madly.

DANA
An autographed copy of Hemingway’s The Sun
Also Sets? You’re kidding?

DJ smiles broadly. Dana’s mouth drops open in realization.

DANA
No! The one autographed “I’m trying to eat!
Fuck off!”? Get out! You’re so kidding!

DJ practically shivers with excitement. Dana grins broadly

and hugs him. They jump up and down, laughing and screaming
in glee.

DANA
So, how much did you have to pay for it?

DJ sighs. Dana’s face drops. She bites her lip nervously.

They mosey further.

DJ
He wouldn’t sell it. Or trade it. He hinted
that if I told him where I got my books
he might be able to help me.

DANA
Oh DJ, I’m so sorry. That sucks. He seems
like a nice enough guy, maybe he’ll mellow
out and consider selling it.
 17

DJ
I hope so, that book would be the pinnacle
of my collection.

Dana nods. They continue strolling in silence.

EXT. FIRST STREET – EVENING

They round a corner, nearing their destination, a 50’s

style diner and ice cream parlor.
DJ snickers under his breath.

DANA
What?

DJ
The sign up there, on Pop’s.

Dana squints, and reads the sign out loud.

DANA
“Come in for a cone or sundae today. Remember,
seven days without ice cream makes one weak!”

DJ laughs loudly. Dana smiles, clueless, and shakes her

head.

DANA
I don’t see what’s so funny.

DJ
It’s like, you need ice cream to survive, and if
you go seven days without ice cream, you’d be
weak. And seven days make up one week. Get it?

Dana shrugs.

DJ
Ok, like if you didn’t eat ice cream for seven
days you’d get weak, like you couldn’t stand. And
there are seven days in a week, like on a
calendar. Get it?

Dana smiles slowly, then feigns laughter.

DANA
Oh… yeah… that’s funny…
 18

DJ stops and turns to look at her.

DJ
You do not get it! You’re faking!

Dana pouts.

DANA
I do so get it. It’s just not that funny.

DJ
So, if you get it, explain it to me. Explain
why it’s funny.

DANA
I can’t explain why it’s funny because it isn’t.

Frustrated, DJ waves his arms as their voices get louder.

DJ
It is funny! You can’t explain it because you
don’t get it! You don’t get the joke!

Dana sighs. She stalks away.

DANA
So what if I don’t get it. Who cares?

DJ
I care! I want you to get the joke!

Dana snorts a laugh.

DANA
Stop caring!

EXT. DINER - EVENING

DJ stops to look up at the sign. Dana bounds up the few

steps to the door.

DANA
I’ll grab us a table…
 19

Dana pulls open the heavy glass and chrome door, and
enters. DJ still stands outside, staring up at the sign,
thinking. After a moment, he slowly climbs the steps, and
enters the building.

INT. POP’S DINER - EVENING

DJ wearily pulls the door open, and shuffles over to Dana.

He scoots into the booth.

A slender waitress approaches the table, sets down two

glasses of water.

DJ
You know, if this were a perfect relationship,
you’d have gotten that joke.

Dana rolls her eyes and smirks.

DANA
What’re you gonna do, dump me?

DJ opens his mouth, as if to speak. Dana’s eyes open wide

in shock.

DJ
Well, not dump you….but…

Dana shakes her head, in awe of DJ’s audacity. She laughs

in disbelief.

DANA
…but what?

DJ
What if we aren’t perfect for each other?
Maybe we should…I don’t know, keep
looking?

Dana laughs.

DANA
So, we keep looking for other partners, but
what? Keep each other around in case we’re the
best we can find?

DJ shrugs.
 20

DANA
You honestly believe after eight years of being
together that we’re going to find someone else?

DJ
Well, probably not, but it would be an
interesting experiment. We could go on dates with
other people, nothing too serious…

Dana laughs.
DANA
Sounds like an experiment. Mad scientist
experiment.

They sit in silence together, then...

DANA
If we did it, we couldn’t bring the other people
we date back to our apartment.

DJ gasps.

DJ
Ooh, good thought. We’d each have to go live
somewhere else.

DJ groans.
DJ
Like me with my mom…

DANA
And me with one of my sisters…

After a moment spent thinking, Dana looks up, determined.

DANA
Ok, you’re on. One week, for us to find better
partners.

Dana, smirking, slips out of the seat.

DANA
Starting now.

Dana turns on her heel and marches out. DJ drops his head
to the table.
 21

DJ
I’ve created a monster.

EXT. 1212 MAPLE STREET, VICKI LYNN’S HOUSE – EARLY EVENING

Dana presses the door buzzer, a small black suitcase at her

feet.

A pleasant looking, slightly plump brunette wearing a Dale

Earnhart Jr. t-shirt, black sweatpants and slippers answers
the door.

A sticky looking toddler clings to her calf, and she has an

infant slung on her right hip.

The television is on loudly.

VICKI LYNN
WHHAAAZZZZZ-UUUUPPPP!

Dana laughs, picks up her suitcase.

INT. VICKI LYNN’S HOUSE

Two large forest green leather sofas take up most of the

floor space, the remaining space consumed by a big screen
TV and large speakers. NASCAR racing plays on the TV.

The walls are covered with heavily lacquered clocks and

plaques featuring pictures of NASCAR drivers.

DANA
Hey Vicki Lynn…Would it be cool if I crashed here
for a week or so. DJ and I are doing this…

She shakes her head, laughing.

DANA
…this experiment. We’re going to try to find
better partners in a week.

Vicki Lynn cocks her head to the side.

VICKI LYNN
You two are so weird.
 22

Vicki Lynn waddles through the living room toward the

kitchen, the toddler scuttling after her.

VICKI LYNN
Ya wanna beer?

DANA
No thanks, I gotta run an errand. I’ll be back in
a bit.

INT. PUPPYWORLD PET STORE – EARLY EVENING

DJ is dwarfed by the towering Plexiglas cages holding every

type of puppy imaginable.

Determined, he immediately stops the first sales clerk he

sees, a short, red-headed girl.

DJ
I need a puppy.

The clerk stares blankly. Drolly, she gestures at the

hundreds of puppies within sight.

DJ
For my mom. As a gift.

The clerk nods.

DJ
It needs to be cute, the cutest puppy ever.

DJ races from cage to cage looking at each puppy, the clerk

trails along behind.

DJ
See, she really wants a baby, she wants me
to have a baby…

DJ glances at the clerk.

DJ
Well, not me actually having the baby, my
girlfriend Dana having it…

DJ furrows his brows.

 23

DJ
Though, I don’t even know if she’s really still
my girlfriend after tonight…

DJ peeks at the clerk. She raises an eyebrow. He stutters.

DJ
Not…that…any of that matters to finding a puppy.
I’ll just look around.

DJ scurries away from the clerk, and ducks around a corner.

He’s in another towering aisle of clear boxes, full of

clambering, scampering puppies.
DJ shakes his head in awe.

DJ
Which one of you will take my mom’s mind
off babies?

INT. DJ’S CAR - EVENING

DJ drives past Claremont & Sons Fine Books. DJ slows the

car, seeing Dana inside with a young, attractive salesman.
They are laughing, and Dana puts her hand on the man’s arm.

Shocked and anxious, DJ swerves to pull over, but a car

behind him honks and the puppy in the carrier starts
wimpering. DJ is jazzed and speeds up to avoid getting hit.

INT. JUNE’S HOME - EVENING

The doorbell rings. June hustles to the door. She peeks

through the peephole, and seeing DJ, throws open the door
happily.

JUNE
DJ, honey! What a surprise!

June moves to hug DJ, but stops and raises a brow at the
dufflebag and small cardboard carrier with airholes.

JUNE
What’s all this?

DJ lowers the bag and carrier to the ground and bites his
lip nervously.
 24

DJ
Mom… This isn’t easy to tell you.

June puts her arm around DJ and leads him to the sofa. They
sit.

DJ takes a deep breath to gather his courage.

DJ
I need to stay with you for at least a week.

June gasps in horror.

JUNE
Whatever you did to cause Dana to put you out,
you go right back there and apologize!

Panicked, June reaches for the phone.

JUNE
I’m calling the florist, we’ll get some beautiful
roses over there and she’ll have to take you back.

DJ slaps his hand over June’s, stopping her from picking up

the handset.

June casts a scathing glare at DJ.

JUNE
DJ!

DJ takes a deep breath.

DJ
Well, Dana didn’t get this joke, so I said
maybe we weren’t right for each other.

June gasps in shock, bringing her hands to her mouth.

DJ
And I said maybe we should take at least a
week off from each other.

June drops her head into her hands.

DJ
 25

And Dana agreed. She’s moving in with one of

her sisters.

June drops her head back melodramatically, and clasps her

hands to her heart.

She suddenly snaps her head up.

JUNE
I thought you two were going to try for a baby?

DJ furrows his brow, looking at his mother as if she’s lost

her mind.

DJ
What on earth gave you that idea?

JUNE
Our conversation this afternoon…

DJ shakes his head.

DJ
I’m sorry if I gave you that impression, Mom…
We’re definitely not...

June’s eyes narrow to slits. DJ sighs and rolls his eyes.

DJ
Let me guess, you’re hoping we tried in the…

DJ glances at his watch.

DJ
…three hours since I was last here.

June nods, pathetically desperate. DJ laughs, and moves to

hug his mother.

DJ
I love you, Mom. You’re such a nut, but - -

June sighs heavily and stands.

JUNE
 26

I’m unspeakably disappointed in you. You must try

and talk to Dana. Tell her you’ve changed your
mind.

DJ sighs.

DJ
I think it’s too late. I saw here talking to this
other guy.

June tries to steady herself, but collapses histrionically.

JUNE
Oh DJ, what have you done?

Suddenly, a wimpering sound comes from the cardboard

carrier. DJ excitedly scoops the carrier up, bringing it to
June.

DJ
I got something for you. It’s not a baby, but
it’s kind of like a baby.

DJ opens the carrier, and lifts out a tiny shivering dog.

The dog wears a sweater that says “Grandma’s Baby” on it.
DJ
Tah-Dah!

DJ ceremoniously presents the dog to June.

She holds it disdainfully at arms length. Her face

scrunches up in disgust. She suddenly bursts into tears.

She shoves the dog back to DJ and runs upstairs to her

bedroom.

DJ
Oh DJ, what have you done…

INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY – EVENING

DJ sets his stuff down next to a door. He yells to his

mother, who is in her room across the hall.

DJ
Um, Mom? I’ll be in my room, ok?
 27

DJ waits a moment, there is no reply. He opens the door to

his room.

INT. DJ’S BEDROOM - EVENING

Inside the door are piles and piles of boxes and books. The
room appears to be used for storage.

DJ
Mom! You left my room exactly how I left it!
You’re so sweet!

DJ picks up his bag and carrier, and disappears into the

maze of boxes and books.

INT. VICKI LYNN’S HOUSE – LATE MORNING

Dana lays sleeping on one of the large leather sofas in the

living room.

Loud rock music from the back yard gets louder as Vicki
Lynn enters from a door off the kitchen.

VICKI LYNN
Party! Party! Party!

Dana rolls over and hides her head under the blanket.

DANA
No party. Still sleeping.

Vicki Lynn pulls the blankets off Dana.

VICKI LYNN
I invited a bunch of friends over. Now that
you’re single, we’ll get you hooked up with
someone really cool.

Dana curls up into a ball, still trying to sleep.

DANA
I don’t wanna date Dale Earnhardt…

Vicki Lynn pokes at Dana, laughing.

VICKI LYNN
 28

He’s dead. But if Junior were here, he’d

be mine.

Dana laughs sleepily.

DANA
Fine. Did you invite anyone I’d think was
hot?

Vicki Lynn folds the blankets up neatly and stashes them in

a cedar chest.

VICKI LYNN
If you’re looking for another geeky bookworm
like DJ, you’ll be disappointed.

Dana sits up slowly, rubbing her eyes.

DANA
Nah, I’ll be back with DJ in a week. Might as
well see who else the world holds while I have
the chance.

INT. DJ’S BEDROOM – LATE MORNING

DJ lays sleeping in a narrow bed cluttered with books.

Boxes are stacked high on both sides of the bed.

A thick volume slips from the bed and thumps loudly on the
floor. His eyes snap open at the sound, and slowly focus on
a piece of pink paper laying on his pillow.

DJ picks up the paper and reads it aloud.

DJ
Dear DJ, I’m sorry I didn’t get the joke. Please
come back home. Can’t wait to see you. Love,
Dana

DJ rolls his eyes.

DJ
(yelling)
Nice try, Mom! It’s so obvious this note isn’t
from Dana!
 29

DJ crumples the note and tosses it over the stacks of boxes

and out of sight.

He mumbles under his breath.

DJ
Dana would never have been able to get through
this maze of boxes without tipping something over.

EXT. VICKI LYNN’S BACKYARD – AFTERNOON

A television set the size of a Yugo, broadcasting a NASCAR

race, sits on a sagging make-shift table consisting of a
piece of plywood on top of two sawhorses. In front of it
are a few lawn chairs, and a ratty sofa.

Dogs and a number of mostly naked children run in circles,

as groups of adults laugh and talk loudly.

Dana stands off to the side and appears clearly out of

place amid Vicki Lynn’s boisterous working-class friends.

She approaches Vicki Lynn, who is perched on the edge of

her lawn chair seat.

DANA

Hey Vicki Lynn…I’m going to head out for a bit.

TV ANNOUNCER
…that’s Junior coming around the inside….

Vicki Lynn waves her hand distractedly.

VICKI LYNN
Hold on, hold on!

Dana stands by, unsure of what she’s waiting for.

TV ANNOUNCER
…and Junior takes the lead!

Vicki Lynn leaps from her seat screaming happily. Dana

laughs, shaking her head.

DANA
I’ll be back later…
 30

Dana wanders slowly around the outside of the house, the

din of the party fading slowly behind her. She approaches
her car, a repurposed vintage hearse.

She slips behind the wheel, starts the engine, does a U-

turn, and guns down the street.

EXT. STORE-IT STORAGE FACILITY – AFTERNOON

Dana pulls up, and turns off her car.

She walks up to a silver overhead door, and bends down to

unlock it. She lifts the door, and it noisily rolls up on
its track.

She reaches inside, and flips on a light. We see plastic

totes neatly piled on pallets.

Dana approaches one of the stacks, and removes the lid of

the top-most tote. She reaches in and fishes out a handful
of black lacy material, and grins broadly.

INT. BONGO VIDEO – AFTERNOON

DJ stands at the counter, talking with his friend Mark, a

skinny man, with a mustache like Clark Gable, wearing slim-
fitting rockstar jeans and a black vintage “Members Only”
jacket.

Mark winks slyly at DJ.

MARK
…So, can I date Dana during this week?

DJ stops tapping his toe against the counter.

DJ
I hadn’t thought of that.

DJ thinks for a moment.

DJ
No, I don’t think that would be fair. Unless…

DJ begins tapping his toe against the counter again.

 31

DJ
If she asked you on her own accord, you could
go out with her.

Mark scoffs, and picks up a stack of videos to restock.

MARK
She doesn’t even know my number, how is she
going to ask me out.

DJ takes half the stack from Mark and helps stock as they
continue talking.

DJ
I don’t know, but that’s the deal. And what would
Niah think of that?

DJ enters a narrow aisle and bends down to slip a video

back into place.

DJ
Besides, you’re supposed to be helping me find
dates.

Mark slips past DJ and stands on tip-toe to place a video

on a high shelf.

MARK
“Soup and Cinema” is tomorrow night. There’re
always single chicks there.

DJ places the last of the videos in its place, and glances

at his watch.

DJ
Cool. Gotta run, see you there tomorrow.

DJ exits the video store, strutting like a pimp. Mark

shakes his head, smiling.

DJ
Tell Niah to bring some of her cool single
friends!

EXT. ATOMIC RECORDS – LATE AFTERNOON

 32

Dana’s car pulls up in front of the record store. The

driver’s side door opens, and a black leather high heeled
boot stomps out onto the asphalt.

Dana steps out of the car, dressed in full goth regalia:

She wears thigh high black leather boots, black fishnet
tights, a short black miniskirt with a longer layer of
black netting over it, a black corset, black fishnet
sleeves, heavy black make-up and a black tulle veil.

She pouts her way, sullenly but proudly, through the

entrance of the store, and immediately begins flicking
disdainfully through albums.

A young PUNK CHICK snickers under her breath at Dana.

PUNK CHICK
Nice boots, granny.

Dana looks up, sneering at the punk chick.

A gloomy looking EMO GIRL mutters under her breath.

EMO GIRL
…better than your hair…looks like Oscar the
Grouch puked on your head…

The punk chick sticks her jaw out, approaching the emo girl
threateningly.

PUNK CHICK
What the fuck did you say?

The emo girl steps to the punk chick.

EMO GIRL
You heard me, poseur!

STORE OWNER
(shouting)
No fighting in here! Take it outside.

Dana, surprised by how quickly this has escalated, slips

behind a rack of zines.

PUNK CHICK
Fuck yeah we’ll take this outside!
 33

Punk chick grabs emo girl by the hair, dragging her towards
the door. Friends of both girls join the fracas as fists
fly and hair is pulled.

Sheepishly, Dana slips out the door after the group of

rumblers.

She climbs behind the wheel of her car, and turns on the
engine. She catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror, and
pulls her veil off, now embarrassed by her extreme
appearance.

INT. CLAREMONT & SONS FINE BOOKS – LATE AFTERNOON

The heavy musical bell jingles, announcing DJ’s arrival at

the bookstore.

Mr. Claremont beams in a fatherly way at DJ as he enters.

MR. CLAREMONT
Good Afternoon, Mr. Bosworth. What kind of fine
antiquities are you offering today.

DJ is polite, but distracted. He opens his briefcase, and

offers the contents to Claremont.

Mr. Claremont examines each book closely, gingerly thumbing

through the aged editions.

MR. CLAREMONT
Excellent, excellent.

Mr. Claremont scratches a figure on a slip of paper, offers

it to DJ.

DJ glances at it, and nods. Claremont slips to a back room,

returning momentarily with a thick envelope.

DJ nods, drops the envelope into his briefcase, and as

closes it, catches a glimpse of the shelf behind Claremont.

DJ
The Hemingway, it’s gone?

Claremont nods solemnly.

 34

MR. CLAREMONT
Yes, I’m afraid one of my associates sold it,
without my knowledge.

DJ is frantic.

DJ
Where is it? Who bought it?

Claremont shakes his head.

MR. CLAREMONT
The buyer wished to remain anonymous. There’s
nothing more I can tell you.

DJ drops his head, crushed by this news.

MR. CLAREMONT
I am sorry. I know you were quite interested in
that edition.

DJ nods, smiling weakly. He slowly lifts his briefcase and

turns to go.

DJ
Good day, Mr. Claremont.

MR. CLAREMONT
Good day, Mr. Bosworth.

EXT. FREEMONT SKATE PARK – EARLY EVENING

Dana, now wearing a pair of black yoga pants, and a black

baby tee that reads ‘recovering goth’, sits near the top of
rickety wooden bleachers with the girlfriend of her younger
brother.

A group of young guys down on the concrete ramps and

ledges, in their late teens and early twenties appear to be
running around in circles, doing dance moves, and standing
in place posing.

A group of young girls, the same ages as the guys sit lower
down on the bleachers, talking with each other, filing
their nails and doing their hair.

DANA
 35

…so, we’re going to spend the next week dating

other people, as if we could find someone more
compatible in a week.

Nikki yells down to the guys on the concrete.

NIKKI
Good one, Jakob! Wooo-oooh!

Dana squints, watching the guys.

DANA
What are they doing?

Nikki rolls her eyes, laughing under her breath.

NIKKI
They call it ‘freestyle walking’.

Dana laughs in disbelief.

DANA
What?!

Nikki shakes her head, laughing.

NIKKI
I know…they all think they’re hot shit. It’s so
silly. But, you do what ya gotta do.

DANA
What, sit here and cheer ‘em on?

Dana and Nikki glance down at the group of women, as one

cheers her boyfriend on.

YOUNG WOMAN
Yeah Jake! Great moves! You’re rockin’ it!

NIKKI
Yeah, basically. It’s no different than you
supporting DJ’s wacky book hunting.

Dana shrugs.

DANA
I suppose.
 36

They sit quietly watching the guys sprint, pause, spin and
jump.

DANA
I don’t think I’m going to find someone more
compatible with me here, am I?

Nikki smirks, and pats Dana on the back in a sisterly way.

NIKKI
You know you and DJ are meant to be. There isn’t
a couple more right than you two.

Dana blushes, smiling happily, thinking about DJ. She nods.

INT. JUNE’S HOUSE – EARLY EVENING

The lock on the front door turns, and with much fumbling,
DJ enters, juggling a briefcase, a box of books and a sack
of tacos.

JUNE
DJ, you’re just in time for dinner with our
guests!

DJ’s face falls as he looks up.

June stands with a slender stylish brunette, about the same

age as June, and a nervous looking younger brunette, a few
years younger than DJ.

JUNE
This is my friend Tabitha, and her daughter,
Marie.

DJ nods politely with a fixed grin on his face, still

holding all his parcels.

June looks to DJ expectantly.

JUNE
Marie also likes books.

DJ grits his teeth, keeping the smile on his face.

DJ
 37

Good to meet you.

DJ struggles with his packages toward his mom. He sneers

under his breath.

DJ
Can I speak with you in the kitchen?

June beams at her guests.

JUNE
Make yourself at home. Dinner will be right out.

INT. JUNE’S KITCHEN – EARLY EVENING

The kitchen is ripe with delicious smells. This dinner

alone could win someone’s heart.

A sack of tacos squishes as DJ sets it on the counter. He

drops his box of books and briefcase at the base of the
stairs.

DJ fishes out a taco, and flicks open the paper wrapper,

dropping shredded lettuce as he bites into it.

June swats the taco away from DJ, just as he takes a bite
of it.

DJ
(mouth full)
Hey!

June drops the taco back in the sack, and scurries about
picking up the bits of lettuce. She speaks curtly, but
powerfully to DJ.

JUNE
You will be joining us for dinner.

DJ slouches, slowly crunching the one mouthful of taco.

JUNE
This was your ridiculous idea. If you’re living
here, you’ll do as I say.

June shoves a large serving platter artfully stacked with

glazed pork chops at DJ.
 38

A tight smile cinches her face.

JUNE
Now, go entertain our guests.

INT. DJ’S BEDROOM – LATE EVENING

DJ’s cell phone rings, playing a 1920’s ragtime piano riff.

He answers the phone.

DJ
Hello?

INT. DANA’S CAR – LATE EVENING

Dana holds her cell phone to her ear. She smiles brightly
when DJ answers.

Dana
Hey there, Deej! Just wanted to call and see how
your first day as a swingin’ single was going?

INT. DJ’S BEDROOM – LATE EVENING

DJ smiles when he hears Dana’s voice, but then his face

drops remembering Dana and the salesman at Claremont’s
bookstore.

DJ
(coolly)
It looks like your week is off to a roaring start.

INT. DANA’S CAR – LATE EVENING

Dana adjusts the phone against her head, frowning, assuming

she must have misheard him.

DANA
What?

INT. DJ’S BEDROOM - LATE EVENING

DJ grimaces, speaking accusingly.

DJ
I saw you at the bookstore. With that guy.
 39

DJ rises from his bed, pacing what little space he has.

DJ
Are you going to date only him all week, or
do you have a bunch of other young, book-
reading, intelligent, sharp-dressing guys
lined up!

INT. DANA’S CAR – LATE EVENING

Realizing what DJ is getting at, Dana shakes her head

wearily.

DANA
First, this experiment was your idea…and second,
you’ll be sorry once I explain - -

INT. DJ’S BEDROOM – LATE EVENING

DJ continues pacing the tight space around his bed, moving

faster, he stubs his toe on the metal bedframe.

DJ
SHIT!

DJ jumps up and down on one foot, massaging his stubbed toe

with one hand, and still holding the phone with the other.

DJ
I’m already sorry!

DJ punches the disconnect button and whips the phone

angrily against the bed.

INT. DANA’S CAR – LATE EVENING

Dana looks at the phone to confirm the disconnection. She

drops it on the passenger seat.

She thumps her forehead against the steering wheel and runs
her hands through her hair.

INT. VICKI LYNN’S LIVING ROOM - MORNING

 40

Dana lays on her back, sleeping soundly on one of the large

leather sofas. One of Vicki Lynn’s children, a toddler,
sits on Dana’s chest licking a rapidly melting push-pop.

The doorbell rings, a dog starts barking, and in haste to

get off Dana, the child drops the ice cream on her face and
jumps to the floor.
Dana sits up, startled by the cold treat.

DANA
Ugh! What the hell!

Dana wipes the ice cream from her face, and holds the
remainder of the sticky tube disdainfully between her
fingers.

DANA
(yelling)
Vicki Lynn! You’re kid’s all over me!

The doorbell rings again, and Dana kicks off the blanket to
answer it.

DANA
Coming!

Dana opens the door, and steps back, wiping her face with
the corner of her nightgown. A slim, muscular, well-tanned
man speaks with a slight Southern accent.

ADAM
Good Morning, ma’am. Is Joe here?

Dana looks up, and her mouth drops open.

DANA
Uhh. Yeah. He’s out back.

Josh nods to Dana, stepping by her to cut through the house

to the backyard.

ADAM
Thank you, ma’am.
 41

Dana turns to follow Adam with her eyes. When she hears the
screen door to the backyard slam, she slowly turns back to
the front door.

In a daze, she closes the door, and walks down a short

hallway off the living room.

She opens the door to Vicki Lynn’s bedroom and walks in.

VICKI LYNN (off-screen)

Hey! Knock first!

DANA (off-screen)
Wow. Who was that?

INT. NODE COFFEE SHOP – LATE MORNING

DJ stands near the front door, looking at fliers hanging on

a bulletin board.

A slim, petite goth girl slips up near him, also browsing

the fliers. Unexpectedly, she snickers under her breath,
and slips a pen from her coffin-shaped purse.

DJ watches her with interest, as she begins writing on a

flier depicting the floorplan to an apartment for rent.

The goth girl crosses out “Laundry Room” on the floor plan,
and writes in “Dungeon”.

DJ laughs out loud, and the girl turns around.

MARISA
What?

DJ snickers a bit before pulling it together.

DJ
Just what you wrote was funny. I couldn’t
help noticing.

Distrustfully, Marisa looks DJ up and down. DJ smiles.

DJ
Is that Bloody Mary “Black Blood” lipstick
you’re wearing?
 42

Marisa breaks into a wide grin.

MARISA
Yes it is!

Marisa gestures at DJ’s decidedly not goth appearance.

MARISA
How’d you know?

DJ smiles.

DJ
A…A friend…of mine has the same color.

Marisa nods.

MARISA
Cool. Were you on your way in, or out?

DJ
In. Can I get you a cup of coffee?

Marisa nods.

MARISA
Sure.

A grin splits DJ’s face. Together he and Marisa walk to the

front of the shop and stand at the counter.

INT. VICKI LYNN’S BEDROOM – LATE MORNING

Vicki Lynn, wearing sweatpants and a red t-shirt, stands

next to her bed folding baby clothes into a laundry basket.
Dana, now wearing jeans and a cropped black sweater, sits
on the edge of the bed and helps fold each piece of the
crumpled pile as they talk.

DANA
Why wasn’t he at the party yesterday?

Vicki Lynn shrugs. She stacks tiny blankets neatly in the

basket.
 43

VICKI LYNN
I really didn’t think he was your type. I think
he had to work yesterday too.

Dana hands Vicki Lynn a bundle of tiny shirts.

DANA
He’s really good looking. Those gorgeous eyes.

Dana pokes at the pile of laundry.

DANA
I kind of feel bad. I’m actually kind of
attracted to him.

Vicki Lynn pulls a sheet out of the pile of laundry, and

hands one end to Dana to help fold it.

VICKI LYNN
He’s single, why don’t I ask him to stay for
dinner tonight.

Dana snaps the sheet, straightening it. She blushes and

smiles, thinking about the possibilities.

DANA
Yeah, ask him. It would probably be easier to
get to know him around you guys.

She matches her corners of the sheet to Vicki Lynn’s, and

skips toward the door.

DANA
I’ll pick up some stuff for dinner! I’ll be back
later!

INT. NODE COFFEE SHOP

DJ and Marisa sit at a small table near a window. They are

laughing and talking animatedly.

Marisa’s cell phone beeps, and she pulls it out of her

purse. Upon looking at it, she stands and grabs her jacket
off the back of the chair.

MARISA
I’ve got an appointment, I’ve got to go.
 44

Out of politeness, DJ stands to see her off.

DJ
Can I give you my number? I’d like to hang
out again sometime.

Marisa pauses, smiles.

MARISA
Definitely!

DJ beams, and pulls a pen and a small leather-bound

notebook out of the inside pocket of his jacket, and begins
writing.

MARISA
Would you like to meet up later? I was going
to meet some friends at the Blue Plate Diner
for dinner.

DJ looks up.

DJ
I can’t tonight, I’m meeting up with friends
at “Soup and Cinema” tonight.

Marisa nods.

MARISA
That’s cool. Tomorrow night?

DJ
Sounds good to me.

MARISA
See you at 8, tomorrow at the Blue Plate.

Marisa takes the slip of paper with DJ’s number on it, and
slips it into her purse. She waves as she walks toward the
front door.

INT. POP’S DINER - AFTERNOON

Dana scribbles distractedly in a leather-bound journal. She

absentmindedly takes a sip from her coffee.
 45

A slim, slightly sleazy looking man enters. The other

patrons murmur under their breath as he primps, admiring
his reflection in the window glass.

He approaches Dana, does a hop-skip as he pulls his jacket

open at the hips and slips his hands in the pockets of his
jeans.

MICK
Hey there, Dana. Mind if I join you.

Dana looks up, smiles tightlipped, and gestures toward the

empty bench across from her.

Mick slips his hands out of his pockets, purposefully

dropping a ribbon of condoms on the table.

Mick winks suggestively and slips into the seat opposite

Dana.

MICK
Oops. Did I drop those?

Dana rolls her eyes as he picks up the condoms and tucks

them into an inside pocket of his blazer, never taking his
eyes off Dana.

Mick leans in, speaking in a low deliberate voice.

MICK
I missed you at work today.

DANA
I’m taking some vacation days, getting some stuff
done.

Mick whispers, puckering and pouting his lips unnecessarily.

MICK
Tara said you and DJ have separated.

Dana furrows her brow, scowling disgustedly at Mick.

DANA
Technically, yes. It’s just a stunt.
 46

Mick nods slowly, smiling. He takes out a black plastic

pocket comb and slicks back his hair.

MICK
I’d love to go out with you while you’re single.
I always thought you were my type.

Dana shakes her head.

DANA
I’m flattered, but I don’t think so. I’m not
really taking this dating-other-people thing too
seriously.

Dana winces as under the table, Mick’s foot slides up her

leg.

MICK
You have this darkness about you.

Mick stares off into space, daydreaming. Dana slams her

journal shut and crams it into her messenger bag.

MICK
You’re like this mystical warrior priestess,
a Valkyrie towering over the darkside, the
orphaned daughter of the Underworld…

Dana leans back, disturbed as Mick reaches his climax.

MICK
You could be my dominant German
mistress!

The waitress arrives with Dana’s food. Dana holds her hand
up, stopping the waitress from setting the plate down.

DANA
I’m not hungry anymore. I’ll need this to go.

Dana hurriedly scoots out of the seat. Mick glares at her

angrily.

MICK
Where are you going?
 47

Mick snatches a butter knife from the table, holding it

threateningly at his throat.

MICK
Don’t make me do this, Dana!

Dana backs away guardedly.

DANA
I think it would be best if we kept our
relationship on a professional level.

Mick holds himself hostage with the knife.

MICK
Dana, you’re not like other girls!

Mick speaks in a girly voice.

MICK
“The ropes are too tight! I can’t breathe!”

Mick throws down the butter knife and frantically struggles

out of the booth.

MICK
You’re not like that, you’re special Dana, I know
it!

Dana snatches the Styrofoam box and slaps a ten dollar bill
on the counter, turns and bounds out of the diner.

INT. INDEPENDENT FILM CO. - EVENING

DJ, Mark and NIAH enter the dimly lit building. Folding
chairs are lined up, facing a make-shift movie screen. A
black and white film of scratches and squiggles plays on
the screen.

Along one wall is a long table full of an assortment of

foods. Niah adds a platter of cheese and crackers to the
table, and DJ sets a 2-liter of soda at the head of the
buffet.
 48

DELERIA, a wild-eyed redhead wearing nothing but a t-shirt

with “I am not your property” scrawled on the front in
black magic marker approaches. Each fingernail and toenail
is painted a different color.

DELERIA
DJ, Mark, Niah. I felt your auras and had to
greet you.

Deleria waggles her fingers around their bodies, as if

tickling their auras.

Without waiting for a response, Deleria wanders away,

appearing to be grasping at invisible butterflies
fluttering around her head.

DJ looks at Mark in astonishment.

DJ
Wow!

Mark and Niah nod, knowingly.

DJ
She is so normal now!

They all turn, their gaze following Deleria. She stops

suddenly, and bends over. Her t-shirt pulls up, and her
bare bottom is exposed.

NIAH
Oh god. Moonshine!

MARK
Don’t look directly at it!

DJ rushes over to add a reel to the stack next to the

projector. He returns to Niah and Mark who are filling
plates with an assortment of snacks before finding a seat.

DJ
I found this great vintage stag film a couple
months ago. You guys will love it!
 49

INT. VICKI LYNN’S BATHROOM - EVENING

Dana pins a last loose strand of hair up, and then changing
her mind, pulls it loose again.

She looks herself over in the mirror. She’s pleased at her

appearance: natural make-up, slim-fitting jeans and a soft
chocolate brown cropped sweater.

Taking one last look at herself, she exits the bathroom.

INT. VICKI LYNN’S KITCHEN - EVENING

Dana takes a stack of plates from the cupboard and begins

setting the table.

Vicki Lynn stands at the stove, whipping a large kettle of

mashed potatoes.

VICKI LYNN
Adam and Joe are out back. I’ll call them in
once the table is set.

Dana giggles.

DANA
Did Adam say anything about how awful
I looked this morning?

Vicki Lynn bangs the whisk on the rim of the kettle and
sets the lid back on.

VICKI LYNN
Not that I know of, but I wasn’t around them
too much today.

Dana grabs a handful of silverware from a drawer.

DANA
What do you think of my outfit? Do you think
he’ll like it?

Vicki Lynn looks Dana over.

VICKI LYNN
He’ll definitely like it more than your sorry-ass
nightgown.
 50

Dana smirks.

DANA
So, who’s his favorite NASCAR driver?

Vicki Lynn opens the fridge, and selects a gallon of milk.

VICKI LYNN
He doesn’t really watch NASCAR.

Dana nods slowly. She places the last fork on the table.

DANA
Finished. Do you want me to go call them in?

EXT. INDEPENDENT FILM CO. – NIGHT

DJ, Mark and Niah stand outside the building with a few
other people. Niah smokes a cigarette.

DJ
Wasn’t that stag film I found a riot?

MARK
The sideburns on the men were beyond
hysterical.

Niah blows a puff of smoke.

NIAH
Can you believe that pretentious Jessa brought
her stupid “me-naked-in-the-woods” film again?

DJ
I was surprised. I haven’t been here in forever,
but even I remember that one. Does she bring
it to every event.

Mark nods.

MARK
Yeah. Last time was the worst though. She
brought a bunch of pine tree branches and sat on
the floor wearing nothing but a blindfold
whipping herself with them.
 51

DJ laughs.

DJ
You’re kidding me!

Mark and Niah laugh.

MARK
I wish I was. I swear it’s gotten worse since you
used to come to these regularly.

DJ kicks his heel against a spot on the sidewalk.

DJ
I don’t think I’m going to find anyone here
to date. I’m just not the same guy I was
eight years ago.

Niah drops her cigarette butt and grinds it out with the
ball of her foot.

MARK
I suppose not. But, at least you’ll get some grub
and get to see Jessa’s naked willowy form run
through the woods.

NIAH
Wasn’t that just Peterson Park that she filmed
that at?

Mark laughs.

MARK
Yeah, I heard the cops picked her up for public
nudity.

Niah turns and heads back into the building. She calls back
to the guys.

NIAH
And I’m sure she made film of that too!

EXT. VICKI LYNN’S HOUSE – EVENING

Vicki Lynn, Joe, Dana and Adam sit on the front porch.
Everyone has a bottle of beer.
 52

Vicki Lynn tips back her beer, finishing the bottle with a
long drink.

VICKI LYNN
Well, Joe, why don’t we head inside?

Vicki Lynn stands.

JOE
It’s still early, I was gonna…

Vicki Lynn gives Joe a frigid look.

JOE
I was gonna head inside with you.

Dana and Adam snicker as Vicki Lynn chases Joe inside. The
sit in silence a moment after the screen door wheezes shut.

DANA
I guess they thought we needed some time alone.

Adam nods solemnly.

ADAM
What do you think?

Dana bites her lip, looking at a dog barking in the

distance.

DANA
It’s a good way to get to know someone.

Dana looks back at Adam, and smiles. Adam nearly blushes,

and looks down, nervously bending a trucker cap in his
hands.

DANA
I’m surprised you wanted to stay for dinner
after seeing me look such a fright this morning
in my nightgown.

Adam looks up suddenly.

 53

ADAM
Nightgown! I’m sorry ma’am! I thought you were
wearin’ some Halloween costume. Dressed up like
Elvira or sumpthin’!

Adam practically wraps the brim of the trucker hat around

itself bending it so tightly.

ADAM
Had I known you were in your nightgown…
…I would have uh…averted mah eyes, er…

Dana giggles, putting her hands over her mouth.

DANA
No big deal. I’m much more embarrassed to
know you thought I was dressed up for
Halloween…

Adam looks up, and sets the hat next to him purposefully.

ADAM
I didn’t mean to make you embarrassed…
That uh…that Elvira look is very uh…
…very flattering on you.

Dana blushes.

DANA
Thank you.

Dana sighs happily.

DANA
You have gorgeous eyes.

Adam picks his hat up, and locks it down on his head.

ADAM
Thank you, ma’am.

Dana pats the seat of the porch swing.

DANA
Join me…
 54

Adam rises slowly, and steps toward Dana.

INT. MARK’S CAR – NIGHT

Mark drives, Niah in the passenger seat, and DJ sits in the

middle of the back seat, leaning forward to participate in
the conversation.

Mark pulls up to the house that he and Niah share.

NIAH
Thanks, hon.

Niah turns to face DJ.

NIAH
I have to work tomorrow morning, but no reason
for you two to call it a night.

Niah leans in to kiss Mark goodnight as she unbuckles her

seatbelt. The all exchange goodbyes.

DJ pops the seat forward and hops out to get in the front
seat after Niah exits.

DJ
You so had that planned. Does she even need to
work tomorrow?

MARK
She does, I swear! What do you say to Paul’s Club?
Gin and tonics on me!

DJ chuckles.

DJ
Sounds good man!

EXT. VICKI LYNN’S HOUSE - NIGHT

Adam and Dana sit on a porch swing, snuggled close to each

other. Dana has Adams flannel shirt wrapped over her
shoulders.

ADAM
It’s starting to get a little cold…
 55

Dana sighs.

DANA
I suppose it is…

They sit in silence together for a moment.

ADAM
Maybe I’m being too forward, but I don’t really
want the evening to end quite yet.

Dana smiles shyly, and turns to look him in the eyes.

DANA
How early do you need to get up tomorrow?

ADAM
No particular time, why?

Dana stands, pulling the flannel more tightly around her

shoulders.

DANA
I know this all night diner, you wanna get a
milkshake or something?

A broad smile splits Adam’s face.

ADAM
I’d like that.

Dana reaches for Adam’s hand, playfully pulling him off the
porch swing.

INT. VICKI LYNN’S HOUSE - NIGHT

Vicki Lynn and Joe kneel on one of the sofas, peeking out
between the curtains.

They whisper conspiratorially to each other.

JOE
They’re leaving now, can we go back outside.

VICKI LYNN
 56

Ten bucks says they’re going to screw around in

the back of Adam’s pick-up.

JOE
Adam’s not that kind of guy. And I don’t get the
impression you’re sister is that kind of woman.

Vicki Lynn swats Joe angrily.

VICKI LYNN
That kind of woman! What’s that supposed to
mean?

Joe leaps from the couch in surprise, holding his arm where
he was swatted.

JOE
OWWW! What was that for?

Vicki Lynn springs from the couch and lunges at Joe still
swatting at him.

VICKI LYNN
That kind of woman! Screwing around in your
truck, that’s what we did on our first date!

Joe stutters, backing away from Vicki Lynn.

JOE
That’s not…That’s not how…er…what I meant!

Vicki Lynn stands menacingly, her hands on her hips.

VICKI LYNN
You’d best just stop talkin’ now, before I get
the frying pan.

Joe turns and immediately heads toward the bedroom.

JOE
I’m sorry. Goodnight sweet’ums.

Vicki Lynn yells after him.

VICKI LYNN
Where do you think you’re going?
 57

Joe shamefully turns to face Vicki Lynn.

JOE
I’m getting my blanket and pillow to sleep on
the couch.

VICKI LYNN
Damn right you are!

INT. PAUL’S CLUB – NIGHT

DJ and Mark enter the bar, a clean, upscale place with many
cozy tables lining one side, and a long bar lining the
other side. In the middle of the building a huge oak tree,
made of a real trunk and faux leaves shading the whole bar.

The guys slip past the thick trunk of the tree, and slide
up on a couple of stools at the far end of the bar.

MARK
Two gin and tonics, please.

The barkeep nods.

MARK
So, where are you really at with Dana?

DJ frowns, poking at the napkin in front of him.

DJ
I don’t know. I guess I didn’t think she’d go
along with it.

The barkeep pins the napkin down with DJ’s drink. He sets
an identical drink in front of Mark.

DJ
And I thought she was already dating someone
when I saw her with a guy at Claremont’s.

Mark pokes the ice in his glass with a stirrer.

MARK
But she’s not with that guy.

DJ takes a sip.
 58

DJ
I don’t know. I was on the phone with her, and
she was going to explain something to me, and
I stubbed my toe and was so angry I hung up on
her.

Mark winces and looks at DJ with mild disgust.

MARK
Tell me you called her back and talked things
out with her, at least found out what she wanted
to tell you.

DJ sighs heavily.

DJ
I didn’t. My mom was making me bring out the
dinner for this girl she invited over…

Mark looks at DJ quizzically.

BARKEEP
Last call!

Mark and DJ both take a sip of their drinks.

DJ
I can’t wait for this week to end.

INT. MARK’S CAR – LATE NIGHT

Mark drives as DJ looks out the window. They pass Pop’s

Diner, and through the window, DJ sees Dana hugging a man
he doesn’t recognize.

INT. POP’S DINER – LATE NIGHT

Standing next to the booth they just shared, Dana tightens

her embrace with Adam.

Slowly, smiling, they draw themselves apart.

DANA
You are so brave. I can’t imagine how difficult
it is to work around people who are so homophobic.

Adam drops his eyes.

 59

ADAM
You’re something else, Dana. Joe and Vicki Lynn
are nice and all, but I’d never be able to tell
them the things I just told you.

Dana’s eyes sparkle as she laughs.

DANA
I love Vicki Lynn, but have no idea how we became
such different people.

Dana’s eyes drop, as the smile fades from her face.

DANA
Don’t tell them about me being bi. I know they
could probably handle it, but I’d just rather
they didn’t know.

Adam playfully and gallantly bows.

ADAM
Your secret is safe with me, madam!

Dana throws her head back with a roar of delighted laughter.

DANA
Adam, if you weren’t gay, I’d be on my way to
Vegas with you for a quickie Elvis wedding!

INT. DJ’S BEDROOM– LATE MORNING

A loud rapping on the door startles DJ awake. June shouts

pleasantly through the heavy wood of the door.

JUNE (O.S.)
DJ! The ladies are here! Get dressed and come
right down!

DJ kicks violently at the twisted blankets, and groans.

DJ
What ladies?

The door creaks as June pops her head through. The look on
her face means business.

JUNE
 60

DJ. The ladies are here. Get dressed, nicely, and

come right down.

Daintily, June pulls the door shut, and DJ groans.

INT. JUNE’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – LATE MORNING

A group of young mothers sits in the living room. Numerous

children, ranging in age from infants to pre-schoolers run
through the house.

Bounding down the stairs, DJ screeches to a stunned stop as

he sees the women and children.

The women turn to stare, and DJ makes an effort to regain

his composure.

DJ
Good Morning…Ladies…

DJ takes the last few steps in a leap and swings around the
banister toward the kitchen.

INT. JUNE’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – LATE MORNING

June fussily puts the finishing touches on a plate of

gorgeous hor d’oerves.

DJ bursts through the swinging door into the kitchen,

stalking directly up to his mother.

June smiles tightly, and hands the tray of snacks to DJ.

JUNE
Now, go out there and wow ‘em!

DJ grips the tray, staring at his mom blankly.

DJ
Who are those women?

DJ shakes his head in disbelief.

DJ
Those children?

June smiles condescendingly.

 61

JUNE
Did I forget to mention that I invited a single
mother’s group to meet here?

June winks.

JUNE
They’re dying to meet you, DJ.

DJ’s mouth drops open.

June smirks, and presses DJ’s jaw back into place. She
grits her teeth.

JUNE
Now, you’ll go out there, play nice, and have
at least one date set up by the end of lunch…

June’s eyes grow wide and demented.

JUNE
…Or I’ll have the moving truck here for your
things so fast it’ll make your head spin!

As quickly as June snapped, she returns to being Donna

Reed. She takes a snack from the tray and pops it into her
mouth, closing her eyes to savor it.

JUNE
Mmmm….It’s the cream cheese. Makes it melt
in your mouth.

INT. POP’S DINER – AFTERNOON

The bell on the door jingles merrily, announcing the

arrival of another patron. Dana looks up from her
journaling to see her father, a husky man in his early
fifties, with a full beard, wearing well-worn workmen’s
overalls, a red t-shirt and a blue and white spotted
engineer cap.

His eyes light up upon meeting the gaze of his oldest

daughter. The family resemblance is striking.

Dana stands as he approaches the table.

 62

DANA
Hey Pa! Glad you could meet me.

Pa takes his hat off, and tosses into the bench seat.

PA
Had to get away from your ma…

He shakes his head, as if that explains everything.

It does, and Dana laughs heartily.

They both slip into the booth.

PA
After eight years, glad ya finally came to
your senses.

Dana holds a finger up to caution him.

DANA
Pa, it’s just a stunt. We’re going to be back
together in a week.

Pa shakes his head.

PA
Ya gotta be with someone more grounded. Me and
yer Ma, we got married right away. Why is he
refusin’ ta marry ya?

Dana snorts.

DANA
It’s my decision too. I don’t want to get married
either.

Dana laughs under her breath.

DANA
Besides, look where you and Ma are? I don’t want
that.

Pa shakes his head.

PA
 63

It’s just not right. DJ’s too high-falootin’ for

ya. Ya need someone who’ll marry ya, treat ya
right.

Dana opens her mouth to speak, but Pa keeps going.

PA
Ya shoulda known right away. Where’d he take
ya on your first date?

Dana squints, unsure of what this has to do with anything.

DANA
Giorgione Spigola Ristorante

Pa scoffs.

PA
See! If tha dinner costs ya more per hour to eat
than ya earn, it’s too much.

Dana’s mouth drops open with disbelief.

PA
Say ya earn ten dollars an hour…

Pa proceeds to pull out a small beat up spiral notepad and

a stub of a pencil sharpened by whittling. He licks the tip
of the pencil and starts calculating.

PA
So, ya earn ten dollars an hour. Ya buy a dinner
that takes ya two hours to eat. It shouldn’t be
costin’ ya more than twenty dollars.

Dana bites her lip to stop a laugh.

PA
Why, I bet that dinner at that Georgi-Spigoli
place costed at least a hundred dollars. I bet it
didn’t take no 10 hours to eat either!

Dana bursts out laughing.

DANA
I’m sorry. I can’t follow rules like that, Pa.
 64

Pa pockets his notebook and pencil.

PA
What kind of fellers you datin’ now?

DANA
Eh.

PA
You aren’t datin’ another high-falootin’
college boy like DJ are ya?

Dana rolls her eyes.

DANA
Pa, first off, I graduated from college. I’m a
college girl, so it only makes sense that I’d
date college guys.

Pa concedes the point with a nod.

DANA
Second, I’m not taking this thing to seriously. I
haven’t really been out on any dates.

Pa’s cell phone rings. He awkwardly fishes it out of a

pocket on the front of his overalls.

DANA
Glad to see you still have the phone I got you.
How’s that workin’ out?

Pa looks at the display and grunts.

PA
It’s yer ma. She can get me anytime now.

Pa holds the phone a foot away from his head with one hand,
and pokes a button on it with the other hand.

Immediately a shrieking female voice shoots out.

Pa stands up, grimacing. He waves pathetically at Dana as

he heads for the door.

INT. BLUE PLATE DINER – EVENING

 65

DJ runs his fingers through his hair, knocking his glasses

slightly askew. He straightens his glasses, getting
fingerprints on them. He takes them off to wipe them, but
when he pulls the napkin from the table, he knocks a glass
of water over.

He drops to his knees next to the table, shoveling the

chips of ice back into the glass.

A pair of tall black leather, spiked heel boots appear amid

the scattered ice chips.

MARISA
Just where a man belongs. On his knees…

DJ fumbles with the glass, realizing who it is. His eyes

travel up, up, up Marisa’s stocking-clad legs to her short
black mini-skirt.

DJ gulps.

A waiter approaches, and begins cleaning up the ice as DJ

stumbles to his feet.

He pulls back a chair for Marisa and offers to take her

coat.

MARISA
Thank you.

DJ pushes in her chair and takes a seat.

Marisa stares silently at DJ, clearly in deep thought about

something.

MARISA
Do you like to play?

DJ tilts his head quizzically.

DJ
Play? Um… I suppose I like to play.

At a nearby table, an elderly gentleman has just pulled an

antique, leather-bound volume from a briefcase, and is
paging through it. DJ can’t help but be highly distracted.
 66

MARISA
You know, bondage, edge-play, CBT?

DJ follows the book as it changes hands. He mumbles a reply.

DJ
I’m up for anything once…

Marisa licks her lips with delight.

MARISA
Are you more of a switch, sub or slave?

DJ watches closely as the men page through the book,

examining the cover, the spine…

DJ
Um…The last one I think…

Marisa gasps. Her eyes sparkle with anticipation.

MARISA
You know, I’m not all that hungry. My place is
right upstairs. Let’s go.

Marisa rises, snapping DJ back to reality.

DJ
Where are you going?

Marisa laughs.

MARISA
My place, come on.

DJ rises, craning his neck to get a better look at the book

as he follows Marisa.

INT. MARISA’S APARTMENT

A small apartment, lushly and stylishly decorated in dark

jewel tones.

A key turns in the lock, and Marisa enters, followed by DJ.

 67

A nude woman scuttles quickly into a darkened room off the

hallway.

DJ laughs nervously.

DJ
You can tell your roommate I didn’t see anything!

Marisa stomps her foot.

MARISA
Becky! Come here!

The nude woman scuttles back in, and drops to her knees in
front of Marisa, bowing her head.

BECKY
Yes, Mistress!

Marisa roughly grabs the woman by the hair and lifts her
head to meet her eyes.

MARISA
You will strip our new slave, and orient him to
our training room.

Becky nods solemnly.

BECKY
Yes, Mistress!

Becky takes DJ by the hand, and leads him down a short

hallway. DJ looks back in desperation.

DJ
I think there’s been some kind of
misunderstanding!

INT. BONGO VIDEO – AFTERNOON

Mark juggles a tall stack of obscure videos, as he slips

from behind the counter. A cheap tin bell duct-taped to the
door jingles as DJ enters. He bolts toward Mark, catching
the now toppling videos, averting disaster.
 68

MARK
Thanks, man! Good catch!

DJ drops the armload of videos on the counter.

DJ
No problem! Glad to help…

DJ leans over conspiratorially.

DJ
Dude, you wouldn’t believe what almost happened
last night…

A slim, dark haired girl wearing excessive black make-up

and a wedding dress dyed dark purple parts the beaded
curtain leading to the back room. She meets DJ’s eyes and
smiles darkly as she disappears behind a shelf of videos.

DJ pulls Mark as far away from her as they can go in the

tiny video store.

DJ
(whispering)
Wow…who’s she?

Mark smirks.

MARK
Niah’s cousin Tessa. She just moved here from
Chicago.

DJ
Dude! You’re so holding out on me!

DJ sneaks around the counter, peering around racks of

videos, trying to get another glimpse of Tessa.

DJ
You know the kind of wackiness my mom is
setting me up with, and you’re not telling me
about the daughter of doom here!
 69

Mark slips a pack of cigarettes out from behind the

counter. He gestures toward the front door.

MARK
Join me in my office.

EXT. BONGO VIDEO – AFTERNOON

Mark flips open a Zippo and lights a cigarette for himself,

while DJ absentminded kicks rocks by the front door.

MARK
Here’s how I’m going to make it up to you.

Mark takes a long drag off his cig.

MARK
I’ll invite Tessa to come to Denny’s for a snack
with you, me and Niah after we close tonight.

DJ looks up from his rock kicking.

MARK
You text me when you and her are both there, and
I’ll call her and tell her Niah and I can’t make
it.

DJ nods slowly.

DJ
Excellent plan!

EXT. DENNY’S – NIGHT

Tessa seductively blows smoke rings as she and DJ stand

outside the restaurant waiting for Mark and Niah.

DJ scuffs his heel against the curb as he text messages as

casually as possible.

Tessa fluffs her hair, pauses, and begins fishing around in

her purse as her cell phone begins playing “Detonation
Boulevard” by The Sisters of Mercy.

TESSA
Hello?
 70

Tessa rolls her eyes at the excuses coming from Mark on the
other end of the phone.

TESSA
Uh-huh….Yeah….OK…Yeah…
Tell Niah I hope she feels better. Yeah…
See ya tomorrow.

She clicks her phone shut and slings it back into her
purse. She drops her cigarette to the ground and grinds it
out with the pointy toe of her black, heavily-buckled boots.

TESSA
Mark and Niah aren’t coming.

DJ feigns surprise.

DJ
Oh, that’s too bad…Well, we can still get a bite.
Whaddaya say?

Tessa shrugs.

TESSA
Yeah, why not. Go on in and get us a table,
I’ll be right in.

DJ slips past her, entering the restaurant. Tessa watches

him approach the hostess stand, and be escorted into the
restaurant.

Tessa slips near the building. She rustles in her purse,

fishes out a glass vial, and leans behind a hedge for a
moment. When she turns to enter the building, she has a
broad, mischievous grin on her face.

INT. DENNY’S – NIGHT

Tessa approaches DJ, who sits at a booth, studying the menu

intently. Tessa, exuding boredom, plops into the booth
across from him.

DJ
Got us a seat in smoking…
 71

Tessa raises an eyebrow, and speaks sarcastically.

TESSA
NO?!? The ashtray didn’t give it away.

Tessa sneers at the ashtray, already full, sitting on their

table. Effortlessly, she swipes it to the edge of the
table, and off onto the carpet.

TESSA
Maybe now they’ll remember to change them
between customers.

DJ is mortified by Tessa’s behavior. Before he can slip out

of the booth to pick up the ashtray and scattered butts, a
waitress approaches with a broom and dustpan and begins
sweeping up the mess. A second waitress approaches to take
their order.

TESSA
We’ll need a clean ashtray. I’ll have a bread
bowl salad, a raspberry iced tea, and whatever
he’s having.

Tessa’s eyes bore into DJ.

TESSA
Dinner’s on me.

DJ mumbles to the waitress, dumbfounded by Tessa’s behavior.

DJ
Um…Hamberger, well-done, extra mayo…
And a Coke…

The waitress dutifully jots down their order, and turns on

her heel to deliver it to the kitchen.

TESSA
I find the ruder you are, the faster you get your
food, because they want you out.

Tessa flicks open a sliver cigarette case, and slips out a

long, very feminine cigarette.
 72

She holds it in her hand, her head tilted slightly, until

DJ gets the hint, picks up her Zippo and lights the
cigarette for her.

DJ speaks, stuttered a bit, confused and flustered by the

whole situation.

DJ
It’s…um…nice…of you to pick up dinner…

Tessa snickers menacingly.

TESSA
Oh, it’s nothing.

The waitress appears again, balancing a tray with their

food, before Tessa has finished her first cigarette.

TESSA
See, I told you.

The waitress silently places the plates one at a time on

the table. She leaves the check too.

DJ reaches for his burger, picks it up and takes a big bite.

Tessa digs through her purse, which is on the bench next to

her. She triumphantly pulls a small glass vial, containing
a large spider.

DJ gulps down his bite of burger.

DJ
What the hell is that!?

Not answering, Tessa unscrews the lid of the vial, and tips
the spider into the salad. She fluffs the lettuce around it
a bit, before stabbing a fork-full.

She releases a blood-curdling scream, causing customers to

turn, and their waitress to run back to them.

Once she’s got the full attention of the entire restaurant,

Tessa screams angrily.

TESSA
There’s a spider in my salad!
 73

She violently shoves the salad off the table, spilling

lettuce everywhere, and revealing the spider skittering
away across the floor.

Other patrons gasp, and scream.

TESSA
Get your manager over here, now!

Hearing the ruckus, the manager, a tubby, rather dumpy

woman with stringy hair hustles over.

MANAGER
What seems to be the problem here?

Shouting even louder…

TESSA
There was a spider in my salad! This place is a
joke!

The manager cringes as Tessa shouts. She hisses at her.

MANAGER
For God’s sake, keep your voice down.

Tessa rises, standing face to face with the manager.

TESSA
I’m disgusted! I don’t expect to pay for this! I
want you to get me a new salad…

Tessa raises her voice again.

TESSA
…without any bugs in it! And…

She gestures at the paralyzed and mortified DJ.

TESSA
…box his food up for him.

EXT. DENNY’S – NIGHT

 74

DJ stumbles confused and flustered from the restaurant,

carrying a stack of white carry-out boxes, nodding at the
manager who continues to apologize for the bug in the salad.

Tessa struts haughtily ahead of him, headed for her car.

The cool night air snaps DJ back to reality.

DJ
What the hell was that?

Tess turns around, now walking backwards.

TESSA
Free dinner.

She turns around again, approaches her car, and unlocks it.
She looks impatiently at DJ, and speaks sarcastically to
him.

TESSA
Would love to stay and hang out…

She opens her car door, and holds her hands out to receive
her take-out boxes.

TESSA
…but I’ve really got better things to do.

She tosses the boxes on the passenger seat and gets into
the car. She revs the engine and takes off.

DJ watches her drive to the end of the parking lot, turn,

and drive back. She rolls down her window, and hands him
one of the take-out boxes.

TESSA
Here’s your burger, dipwad. I’m a vegetarian.

Without waiting for a reply, she takes off again, leaving

DJ standing alone in the parking lot.

INT. VICKI LYNN’S BATHROOM – MORNING

Dana fiddles with the spigot, as she stands nude inside the
shower. She turns the handle back and forth a couple times,
 75

and when she hears the water flowing peers inquisitively at

the showerhead, waiting for water.

DANA
Come on…

Suddenly, the showerhead itself shoots off, being pushed by

the pressure of the water. It hits Dana square in the eye.

DANA
OWWWWW!

She immediately turns from the shower spray, hunched over,

holding her hands over her quickly bruising eye.

The jet of hot water sprays against her backside, burning

her.

DANA
Oh shit!

She jumps forward, trying to avoid the spray, still

pressing her hand against her eye.

She loses her balance, and tips against the shower curtain.
She scrambles for purchase, winding her body against the
curtain, ripping it from its rod.

She collapses in a sopping wet pile on the floor.

Vicki Lynn bursts into the bathroom, barely awake, but

clearly jazzed by the noise.

VICKI LYNN
What’s going on? Are you ok?

Looking around at the insane mess, Vicki Lynn’s mouth drops

open.

VICKI LYNN
What the hell have you done to my bathroom!?

INT. DJ’S BEDROOM – AFTERNOON

The sound of a Scott Joplin rag emanates from under the

blankets on DJ’s bed. Moving with surprising speed, DJ
 76

moves like a lab rat through the maze of stacks of books

and boxes.

Reaching the bed, he flops on top of it like a teenage

girl, and fishes the phone out from under the blankets.

DJ
Hey Dana!

SPLIT SCREEN WITH EXT. BOLLER PARK - AFTERNOON

Dana sits on a park bench throwing popcorn to ducks that

have crowded at her feet.

DANA
Hey there Deej! Did the ragtime music have
you running for the phone?

DJ
Damn straight! Only the best for you, babe!

DJ rolls over on the bed, hanging his head off one side,
and gazing absentmindedly out the window.

DJ
So, what’s up?

Dana throws another handful of popcorn to the frantic flock

of birds.

DANA
Well, it’s nearing the end of your little
experiment…

DJ
Thank goodness!

Dana snickers.

DANA
You’re dates have been that good, huh?
Tell me I’m at least invited to the wedding?

DJ groans.

DJ
 77

Dana, this week has really reminded me what an

amazing woman you are.

Dana blushes and bites her lip, clearly flattered, but

speaks in a teasing tone of voice.

DANA
I certainly hope so!

Dana throws the last handful of popcorn, and rises, parting

the sea of birds to walk toward a small stream.

DANA
Seriously though…I didn’t think I needed
reminding,but I did. You really are the perfect
partner for me.

DJ sits up, cocking his head to one side.

DJ
So, you had a doozy of a date too?

Dana picks up a small rock, and tosses it into the stream.

DANA
Definitely some weird stuff…Mick from work…
Just craziness…Nothing compared to yours, I’m
sure.

DJ lays back down on the bed, fluffing a pillow up behind

his head.

DJ
Total insanity. I ended up at this dominatrix’s
house, and this other girl put a spider in her
salad, and my mom put an ad in the paper…

Dana laughs, slapping her thigh in hysterics.

DANA
I totally saw that!

She quotes the ad.

DANA
“Marriage-minded women wanted…”
 78

She turns and starts strolling back toward her car.

DANA
I meant to call you and razz you about that.
I cut it out and framed it. It’s so going up when
we get back to our apartment.

DJ shakes his head.

DJ
Please don’t. I could have killed my mom for that.

DJ pauses.

DJ
She did get a lot of responses though. So, if you
aren’t totally grateful to have me back, there
are a lot of “marriage-minded” women out there.

Dana snickers, meandering past the herd of birds, now

assaulting an older woman with a sack of Wonder Bread.

DANA
I’m just on lunch from work, but was wondering
when you wanted to get together to ‘debrief’ and
end this.

DJ stands and begins moving books from one stack to

another, still talking, the phone propped between his
shoulder and head.

DJ
I’m sure my mom has someone lined up for me
tonight.

Dana unlocks her car, and slips in, pulling the door shut.

DANA
Yeah, one of the guys at work wants to hook me up
with his new neighbor for lunch tomorrow.

Dana speaks in a cutesy-seductive voice.

DANA
It’ll be my first date with a woman.
 79

DJ freezes, holding a stack in mid-air.

DJ
Ooh…We didn’t talk about that possibility when we
set this up.

DANA
What’s any different about me dating a woman than
me dating a man?

DJ sets the stack down and paces in the small area

available.

This basically has him turning in circles.

DJ
Well, being a…

DJ pauses.

DJ
..confirmed heterosexual man... Well…
Women are hot! A woman might actually
be a threat to us getting back together after
this is all over!

Dana shakes her head.

DANA
Look, it’ll probably be just as much of a
success as all our hetero dates have been.
Don’t worry about it.

Dana glances at the clock in her car.

DANA
It’s getting late, I’ve got to get back to the
office. I’ll see you tomorrow night.

She smirks and speaks sarcastically.

DANA
Good luck on your date tonight!

INT. JUNE’S KITCHEN – EVENING

 80

The lock turns, and the door swings in, filling the kitchen
with the melodious giggles of June and BETH.

June enters first, holding the door open with her foot as
she juggles paper grocery sacks as well as her purse and
keys. Beth enters, carrying more groceries.

JUNE
Just set those down anywhere…

June sets her bags on the counter, and shuts the door.

JUNE
Please don’t think me a terrible hostess, having
you help bring in the groceries. I really
appreciate your help!

June grins mischeviously, her back still to Beth.

JUNE
Besides, I’m glad you’re here early. It’ll give
you and DJ a chance to catch up.

BETH
I still can’t believe you recognized and
remembered me after all these years. I swear you
only met me the one time.

JUNE
Yes, but DJ spoke of you often.

June peeks her head out to the living room.

JUNE
Speaking of DJ, I think he’s home. Why don’t you
go up and see him. His room is the first door on
the right at the top of the stairs.

INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE DJ’S BEDROOM – EVENING

Beth pauses, listening to the loud classical music coming

from behind the first door. Smiling in anticipation, she
knocks.

INT. DJ’S BEDROOM – EVENING

 81

DJ grits his teeth as he hears the knock at the door. He

rises from the beanbag chair in front of the stereo and
stalks toward the door.

DJ
Mom, you know I don’t like to be interrupted
when I’m listening to…

He gets to the door and whips it open.

DJ
…Beth?

DJ faints.

POV: DJ sees the ceiling slowly appearing from the

darkness, a face, blurry hovers over his.

DJ
Angels…

Beth kneels next to DJ in the crowded bedroom, shaking him

at the shoulders.

BETH
DJ! Are you ok? Can you hear me?

DJ scrunches his eyes shut, and then opens them again. He

shakes his head.

DJ
Beth? How did you get here?

Beth brushes DJ’s hair from his forehead.

BETH
Your mom ran into me at the grocery store and
invited me over for dinner.

DJ opens his eyes wide.

DJ
There’s grocery stores in heaven?

Beth leans in close.

BETH
 82

DJ, you aren’t dead. You just fainted.

DJ sits up suddenly.

BETH
Don’t move so quickly, you don’t want to faint
again.

Beth helps DJ to his feet, and leads him to the bed. She
guides DJ to lay down, and sits on the bed next to him.

BETH
Your mom invited me over for dinner, so the two
of us could catch up.

She looks at him nervously.

BETH
If you’re uncomfortable with that, I can tell her
I can’t stay.

DJ grabs her wrist, and then embarrassed, releases it.

DJ
No. Stay.

DJ tries to dismiss the tension.

DJ
We’re both adults. We can have a polite dinner
together…free of any…

DJ shakes his head dementedly.

DJ
…uncontrollable lust and unfulfilled teenage
desire!

Beth cracks up at DJ.

DJ
You thought I was joking around…but you don’t
know what you did to me as a teenage boy!

Beth snickers. She rises and begins wandering through the

cramped room.
 83

BETH
Hmmm…Looks like you still like books…

Beth gestures to the blaring stereo.

BETH
And classical music.

DJ suddenly realizes how loud the music is, and jumps off
the bed, leaning precariously over a teetering stack of
books to turn it down.

He turns to face Beth, and in a fake debonair French accent…

DJ
And you, my darling demitasse, are the same
glorious gothic beauty you were in high school.

Beth blushes, and turns from DJ. She spots their senior
yearbook among the books and picks it up.

BETH
We’ll see about that…

She flips it open, and begins paging through it. Under her
breath…

BETH
…hmmm…Juniors, Seniors…here we are!

In slow motion, DJ dives toward Beth, desperate to stop her

from turning the page.

DJ
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Too late. Beth flips the page, and there, in glorious

color, is her Senior picture. Pale white face, dried blood
colored lips, and jet black hair. Surrounded by hundreds of
hearts drawn in with marker.

BETH
Oh. My. God.

Beth slaps the yearbook shut. DJ flops to the floor in

defeat.
 84

BETH
I can’t believe I thought I looked good with hair
like Robert Smith.

DJ looks up with hope in his eyes.

EXT. VICKI LYNN’S HOUSE – AFTERNOON

LIZ puts the car in park, and looks to Dana.

LIZ
I had a really great time tonight.

A sparkle lights in Dana’s eyes.

DANA
Me too. You know, this is the first real ‘date’
I’ve
had with a woman…

Liz blushes.

LIZ
Honestly…Me too.

DANA
I wasn’t sure how it would work out…

Dana and Liz blush, bite their lips nervously, then lean in
toward each other, at first with some uncertainty, and then
more deliberately. Their lips meet.

INT. VICKI LYNN’S HOUSE – AFTERNOON

Vicki Lynn rolls away from the blaring television to peek

out the window at the sound of the car turning off.

Squinting, she’s able to make out Dana, and another woman

inside the car. The other woman is leaning against Dana,
their mouths pressed together…

Vicki Lynn twitches in confusion, and flailing, rolls off

the couch onto the floor. She crawls to the door, pulls
herself up, and flinging the door open, races to the car.
 85

She throws herself against the car, pounding on the

windshield.

VICKI LYNN

She’s mah sister! If she needs CPR, I’ll do it!

I’ll save mah sister!

INT. LIZ’S CAR - AFTERNOON

Startled by sound of Vicki Lynn’s body hitting the car, Liz

and Dana pull apart.

Liz screams. Dana, stunned for a moment, recognizes Vicki,

and starts laughing.

EXT. LIZ’S CAR – AFTERNOON

The passenger side door opens, and Dana, laughing so hard

she’s silent for lack of breath, flops out of the car and
onto the grass. She gets a breath of air, and shrieks with
hysterics.

Liz bolts from the car, still energized by her fright, and
hearing Dana laughing, relaxes.

Vicki Lynn drops to her knees next to Dana.

VICKI LYNN
I’ll save yah!

Realization begins sinking in for Liz, and she starts

laughing.

Hearing Liz’s building giggles, Dana flails on the ground,

completely overcome by hysterics.

VICKI LYNN
Dana! Yer alive!

Gasping, barely able to talk.

DANA
I…was…kissing her!
 86

Vicki Lynn stares down at Dana in disbelief. Dana continues

to gasp for breath.

DANA
We…were on…a date!

Vicki Lynn looks up at Liz. She nods in confirmation,

stifling giggles.

VICKI LYNN
You like women?

Dana begins to pull herself together, and sits up.

DANA
Why do you think I had pictures of Kate Pierson
on the walls when you had pictures of Christian
Slater.

Vicki Lynn scrunches her face up.

VICKI LYNN
I just thought you liked her weird clothes…

Dana grins.

DANA
Well, that too…

Vicki Lynn leans in conspiratorially.

VICKI LYNN
What about…

She whispers.

VICKI LYNN
…men?

Dana stands up and brushes herself off.

She gestures toward Liz.

DANA
Vicki Lynn, this is Liz. Liz, this is my sister,
Vicki Lynn. Vicki, Liz knows I’m bi. She’s
bi too. We both sleep with men, and women.
 87

A somewhat sickly tight smile appears on Vicki Lynn’s face.

VICKI LYNN
Urrr… Good to meet you. So…

She turns on her heel and waddles quickly toward the house.

VICKI LYNN
Who wants a beer?

INT. POP’S DINER – EVENING

Shreds of paper flutter to the table as DJ nervously twists

and tears the napkin. He alternately glances anxiously to
the door and his watch.

Dana pushes through the door, her head down, as she fishes
in her purse for her ringing cell phone.

On his feet at the sight of her, DJ freezes next to the

table, staring in awe.

Dana triumphantly pulls the cell phone out, just in time to

hear it stop ringing. Defeated, she drops it back into her
purse.

Glancing up, her eyes meet DJ’s, and immediately brighten.

Almost skipping, she runs into DJ’s arms, and hugs him
tight. After moments holding each other, they drop into the
waiting booth.

DANA
It’s so good to see you again!

DJ
I know! I…I didn’t realize how much I’d miss you
this week.

DANA
I saw so many things, and I was like “If DJ were
here…”

DJ
I did the same thing…I really have missed you.
 88

A light tinkling announces another customer entering the

diner. It’s Beth.

DJ
I need to use the bathroom. I’ll be right back.

DJ hastily rises and rushes to meet Beth near the end of

the counter, out of sight of Dana.

DJ
Beth! What are you doing here?

BETH
I’m coming in for a soda. The way you were
bragging about it the other day, I had to check
it out.

DJ
Oh. It’s not that great, maybe the 7-11 up the
street would be a better bet.

BETH
I kind of doubt it.

DJ
Could we talk? Outside?

EXT. POP’S DINER – EVENING

DJ and Beth huddle just outside the door, at the top of the
stairs.

BETH
Actually DJ, there’s something I needed to talk
with you about too…

DJ
Um…Could I go first? I think what I have to say
might change what you say…

Beth nods.

DJ
Beth, I was so amazed when you came over the
other night. I never thought we’d get the chance
to talk with each other, and…and it’s something
I’d thought about since high school.
 89

DJ refocuses his courage.

DJ
But high school was a long time ago, and I’ve
got to be honest with you. For the last eight
years I’ve been with the woman of my dreams.
We had separated briefly, but now I know
we’re meant to be.

BETH
Wow. I don’t know what to say.

DJ
I really didn’t want to hurt your feelings. I
hope you don’t feel like I lead you on or
anything.

BETH
Not at all. I’m relieved!

DJ
You are?

BETH
DJ, a lot has changed for me in the last eight
years as well. Things you, and your mom
don’t know about me.

DJ
You know you can tell me anything.

BETH
I know I can, that’s the only reason I’m able
to share this with you. I’m not open about this
with many people, especially people from
high school.

DJ
You can count on me. Nothing you could tell me
would change how much you mean to me.

BETH
I’m exploring my sexuality. I’m bisexual.
I’m really not interested in a traditional
relationship. That’s what I needed to tell you.
 90

DJ
That’s all?! That’s so no big deal! The
girlfriend I was telling you about, she’s bi too.
I’ve always been really comfortable with that.

BETH
She’s a lucky woman to have someone so open
and supportive like you.

DJ
I’m the lucky one. She indulges my flights of
fancy,like separating for a week over a joke.
She’s the most open-minded, loving, beautiful
woman.

BETH
I’m so happy for you! I just started dating a
woman like that too. I mean, we’ve only been on
one date, so I know we really don’t know much
about each other, but she seems really amazing.

DJ
I’m really happy to hear that! I’m rooting for
you! I hope everything goes exactly as you want
it to!

DJ and Beth embrace, all the tension and stress leaving

their bodies.

DJ
I’m so glad my mom invited you over. And we’ve
gotten to know each other as adults like this.

BETH
Me too. Whew…It’s a little cold out here. I’m
going to run in and grab that soda, and I’ve got
to get going. I definitely want to keep in touch
though!

DJ
I wouldn’t have it any other way!
 91

INT. POP’S DINER – EVENING

DJ and Beth slip through the door together. They share

another hug, and Beth heads to the counter to get her soda.

The bathroom sign catches DJ’s eye, and he slips into the
rest room.

Beth orders her soda, and turns, leaning her back against
the counter, looking around the restaurant. She sees Dana
sitting alone at a booth.

BETH
Dana!

Beth waves, and when Dana looks up and smiles, Beth

approaches her.

DANA
Liz! What are you doing here?

BETH
I just heard about this place the other day from
a friend of mine, and I had to come here and
check it out.

DANA
That’s cool! A friend of mine told me about it
years ago, and I’ve been coming here ever since.
I’m sure you won’t be disappointed.

BETH
Yeah, I ordered the cherry vanilla custard float.

DANA
Ooooh. That is so the best! It’s what I get every
time!

Dana offers Beth a sip of her drink.

Beth leans in, and holding eye contact with Dana

suggestively, takes the straw between her lips. Dana winks
suggestively back at Beth.
 92

DJ rushes around the corner running his hands through his

hair. He stops in his tracks as he takes in the sight of
Beth and Dana together giggling.

Beth’s words echo in DJ’s mind.

BETH
I just started dating a woman like that too. I
mean, we’ve only been on one date, so I know we
really don’t know much about each other, but she
seems really amazing.

DJ gasps, choking on the realization.

The waitress behind the counter calls Beth’s take out

order. Both Beth and Dana look up, and see DJ standing
paralyzed with shock.

DANA and BETH

(together)
DJ?

DJ shakes his head, and bolts through the door into the
night.

Dana and Beth look to each other for an explanation.

DANA
You know DJ?

BETH
Yes, we went to high school together. We just
met up again for the first time in years. He’s
the one that told me about this place.

DANA
He and I dated for years, and this last week we…
Beth, sit down for a second.

BETH
I think I know what you’re going to say…

DANA
We took a week off from each other as a stunt.
I didn’t know you and I would hit it off so well.
I’ve got to be frank with you. I’m so attracted
to you, but I am truly in love with DJ. He’s got
 93

his quirks…

BETH
…but you love him. He loves you too. His mom
fixed us up during your week off. We really hit
it off after all these years. I would have
continued it with him…I just told him outside how
I wanted to keep dating you. And he just told me
outside how he wanted to keep dating you. Dana,
you both feel the same way, you’ve got to go
after him.

EXT. STATE ST. – EVENING

DJ stalks up the street, furious at himself.

DJ
Of course. The two most perfect women in the
the world, and they fall for each other. I’d be
angrier, but I can’t even blame them. They make
one hell of a couple.

DJ slows as he comes up under a street lamp. It’s Dana’s

car. DJ reaches a hand out, and traces it slowly up the
hood of the car. He gazes forlornly at the car. Inside, on
the passenger seat lays a book. The glint of the gold leaf
text catches DJ’s eye. It reads “The Sun Also Sets”. It’s
the rare Hemingway book from Mr. Claremont’s shop.

DJ
You were the anonymous buyer.

DJ stands, throws his shoulders back with a newfound energy.

DJ
Dana, I love you. I’ll do whatever it takes to
win you back.

DJ breaks into a sprint, racing back towards Pop’s.

INT. POP’S DINER – EVENING

The door blasts open, knocking a waitress backwards,

spilling food and dishes across the floor. DJ explodes into
Pop’s, seizing the attention of all the patrons, including
Dana and Beth.
 94

DJ
Dana!

Dana runs to DJ ecstatically, hugging him tightly.

DANA
DJ! I’m so glad you came back, we were just about
to go after you!

DJ
Dana, I love you. I’ve loved you like mad for
eight years now, and this week has made me
realize what a fool I was for even suggesting we
take time off.

DANA
Liz and I were talking - -

DJ
Please hear me out, I will do whatever it takes
to earn your love back.

DANA
DJ, you never lost it. I wasn’t taking this stunt
too seriously, but when I met Liz, she really
turned my head.

DJ
I can understand that. I’ve had a crush on Beth
as long as I can remember. I know you don’t have
much reason to choose me. Hell, if I were you I’d
choose her over me!

DANA
DJ, Liz and I were talking…

Liz moves closer to DJ and Dana, speaking in a low voice.

LIZ
…maybe no one has to choose.

INT. DJ and DANA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

The floor is littered with a trail of clothing. A shoe, a

shirt, a skirt, a pair of jeans pave a vague path to the
 95

bedroom. The door is closed, and cacophony of giggles,

squeals and surprised moans are heard from behind the door.

FADE TO BLACK