RABBI FRIED

continued from page 39

Is there still a problem within our
community of people not sending
their children for special schooling
because it could have an adverse
effect on potential shidduchim for
family members?
"The problem is not as widespread as
people say it is. Most parents will accept
help. Maybe they'll stay in denial for a year
or two, blaming the child's teachers. Then
they come. Some keep resisting. We tell
parents that if their child gets special education in the early years, he might not need
it at age twelve. If they wait too long, by the
time he's twelve there will be a wide gap."
Two-thirds of students with learning
disabilities have language problems, says
Rabbi Fried. They need to be taught to
comprehend the nuances of language. In
Gemara, this is called diyukei halashon.
In many classrooms there are talmidim
who understand Gemara, he explains, yet
can't read the Gemara properly. When he
asked a rebbe why he didn't practice reading Gemara with his students, the rebbe
replied, "The kids don't have patience for
that."
Rabbi Fried believes that "if we put as
many kochos into regular education as we
do into special education, we would have
far fewer children in special education.
There are many students who could be in
regular classes if our teaching were more al
pi Chazal, more focused on the talmidim,
less rushed."
He feels the situation is improving but,
he says, more needs to be changed in the
classroom.
"Some places have the distorted idea
that overwhelming a boy with lots of deep
concepts in a short time so he can't possibly understand them gives him greater
derech eretz for Torah. In a class where boys
are learning shnayim ochazin, the rebbe is
often bringing in Tosafos and five different
examples of chazakos before they have finished learning the mishnah."
Rabbi Fried advocates "tiered learning." The first tier is knowing the Gemara
and Rashi clearly. After that, he says, you
can teach Tosafos, followed by some
Rishonim. Not all of the boys will underRabbi Fried educating preschool students.

PERSONAL GLBIPSES

stand the Rishonim, but they will know the

Gemara and Rashi.

Whom do you consider to be your

mentors, both on a personal level
and as a mechanech?
"Rav Dovid Kalman Drebin, zt"l, was
my rebbe in Toronto. I maintained an ongoing kesher with him until his early petirah.
The IVIunkatcher Rebbe, shlita, took me
under his wing and learned with me
bechavrusah when I was a young bachur.
The Debrecener Ray, z t"/, was our halachic
advisor at Chush; I was zocheh to have a
shiur with him in hilchos melamdim.
"My Rosh Yeshivah at Beis Medrash
Elyon was Harav Gedalyah Schorr, zt"l.
Later, I was especially fortunate to have a
close relationship with Harav Mordechai
Gifter, zt"l, and, yblc"t, Harav Chaim Stein,
shlita, during the years I spent in
Cleveland. I was privileged to receive
hours of guidance from the Klausenberger
Rebbe, zt"l, who took special interest in my
work. The Amshinover Rebbe, Harav
Meir, zt"1, of Yerushalayim, was a tremedous source of inspiration.
"It was a great zechus to be part of a generation that merited the influence of the
Satmar Rebbe, Harav Moshe Feinstein,
Harav Yaakov Kaminetzky, the
Klausenburger Rebbe, the Bobover Rebbe
and the Lubavitcher Rebbe, zy"a . We were
guided and inspired by their daas Torah."
What message do you have to
give mechanchim everywhere?
"Be more open and honest with parents. 'He's doing okay' is not good enough.
You must be honest with parents about
students' capabilities and what they're
accomplishing. Don't use professional

terms or diagnostic language; just describe

what's going on in your class. Don't generalize; be specific. If you mention the good
points first, parents will be more open to
your advice."
And to relatives, friends, and neighbors
of families with special-needs children,
Rabbi Fried says:
"If you don't know, don't give advice.
Well-meaning individuals will tell parents,
'Your child doesn't need help. He'll grow
out of it.' Are these people ready to take
responsibility for that child's life? What if
he doesn't grow out of it?
"In many cases," Rabbi Fried adds,
"parents tell me that the child's
rebbe/ teacher told them their child was
doing okay. Much of the time, the parents
have been listening selectively and hearing
only that which they wish to hear, understanding only what they wish to understand. Often, however, educators fail to
communicate in a clear and forthright
manner. When I ask the rebbe/ teacher
whether the child is indeed doing okay
and keeping up with the class, the rebbe
looks at me in amazement and says, 'I didn't say that! I meant that he was doing
okay for him.' "Probing further, I am told that the parents were told at some time in the past that
their child was having difficulty and that
they were aware of it. In this context, the
rebbe feels that telling the parent the child is
doing okay clearly means 'given his limitations and vis-a-vis himself only.' Still further questioning reveals that the 'sometime
in the past' when the parent was apprised
of the child's problems was in kindergarten or in first grade! This is not okay.
Parents pray and hope to hear a good
word about their child from the
rebbe/ teacher. When they do, they want to
take it at face value. They cannot be expect-