*Prologue*

WARNING: This fanfic may be triggering.

He was the one; I didnt realize it till nowtill he was gone.
My best friend Niall Horan has always been the smiley, laughing, care
free kind of guy, but then I noticed something about him. Scars started
to appear on his arms, more and more every week. And I noticed that
the funny, care free boy I used to know, changed.
His smile started to fade, and he did along with it.
I did manage to help him, for a while he was clean. But he still wasnt
happy. I never asked why he did it; I thought it was too personal. But I
always wondered why? Why would he do that to himself? He was so
handsome, and funny, I would even say perfect.
And it wasnt until now, that I noticed how much I really loved him. I did
anything for him, I got anything for him, I just wanted to see my friend
happy again. The crazy thing was, he needed me to be there for him, but
in reality I needed him to help me.
I guess it wasnt enough, because one day everything in my life
changed.
This is the story of how I lost my best friend and the first boy I`ve loved.
*Chapter 1*
Sorrows my body on the waves
Sorrows a girl inside my cave

I live in a city sorrow built

Its in my honey, its in my milk
Dont leave my half a heart alone on the water
Cover me in rag and bone sympathy
Cause I dont want to get over you.
--The National
*************************************
I hear the sound of an annoying alarm clock go off, I slam my hand down
on the button and it automatically shuts off.
Its December in cold, windy, snowy, Chicago and all I want to do is stay
in bed. Feel the warmth of the blankets, cuddle up and read a book. But
instead I have to go a place where people are forced to feel left out,
unwanted, judged, where having sex is cool and hip and being a virgin
means youre a loser. In other words, I have to go to high school.
I hear a light knock on my door, I stretch and sit up.
Come in I say with my raspy morning voice.
I see a blonde head pop out into my room, it was Niall. I smiled as he
came and sat on my bed, he had two donuts and two coffees, one for
the each of us. I took my donut and coffee and slumped back in my bed
a little.
You know you have to get ready Mimi Niall says quietly.
Can I just stay home today? I whine.
Niall smiles, his smile always makes my day better. You have to go or
you`ll get in trouble for skipping
I groan and get out of bed and set the donut on the bed side table. I go
in my dresser to get something to wear; I pick out a pair of blue skinny
jeans, a grey sweater from Hollister, and a pair of black flats. I went into
the bathroom to change so Niall could relax, when I walk back in I saw
he was half asleep. I lightly punch his arm and he gets up right away.
Babe, c`mon let me sleep a little longer?
I giggle a little and make him get out of bed, If I cant sleep neither can
you
I grab my coffee and donut and take Niall with me down the hall to the
kitchen and family room. I saw my dad at the table reading the morning
paper and slowly sipping his coffee, my mom was in the kitchen cooking
herself some breakfast and the news was blaring from the family room.
Niall sits at the table across from my dad and I go into the kitchen to see
my mom.
Good morning sleepy head, I had to send Niall in there just to wake you
up My mom turns and smiles at me.
Morning mom I hug her from behind Did Taylor call yet?
Not yet sweetie, give it time. She will, trust me she kisses my cheek.
Taylor`s my big sister, shes older than me by three years. She went on a
little vacation with her boyfriend Louis and hasnt called, texted,
emailed, anything. I`m not worried about her because she has Louis and
I know he will keep her safe, but I do miss her.

I`ve got to go to school mom, love you

I walk back into the family room and Niall stands up, he smiles a little.
Goodbye dad, have a good day at work today I smile and kiss my dads
cheek.
He nods and gets back to his paper. I grab my jacket and Niall grabs his
off the couch.
Niall and I run out the door and to his car, the cold wind hitting my skin
gives me chills, I shiver and hop into Niall`s truck. He turns the heat on
and a burst of hot air comes out the conditioning components. I put my
hands up to cover my hair so it doesnt get all crazy.
Niall starts to drive to short way to school. It was quiet as Niall sipped his
coffee and drove, and as I ate my donut and drank my coffee. When we
got to school I hopped out of the car and walked over to Niall`s side, who
was still getting out. When he was fully out of the car and we were
walking up to the school I saw him tense up, I ignored it and kept
walking.
We walked down the hall to my locker. Since Niall`s locker is farther
away he waits until the bell rings to go to it, he just hangs out with me
until then. It was quiet as I started to fix my locker and move things
around.
So what do you think you got on the chemistry test? Niall asks, taking
another sip of his coffee which he oddly didnt finish yet.
I think I failed what about you?
I passed, already checked my grades. Do you need a tutor or
anything?
I guess yeah but I most likely wouldnt get any work done
Well what if it was me who was tutoring you? Niall asks.
I look over at him and stop messing with my locker.
You? Tutor me? I question the idea; I would end up getting drunk or
something because of something Niall made me drink.
Yeah, I mean think about it, you`ll listen to your friend, I know
chemistry like its the back of my hand, and I`m pretty sure I`d be a
better tutor than half the people signed up for it
I think about it for a minute, he was right, and usually my best friend is
always right. I just had to give into him.
Okay fine, whens the first session?
I see Niall`s face light up Tonight, my place, alright?
The bell rang and Niall hugged me very soft. I watched him walk down to
his locker. But I noticed something about Niall; he wasnt as cheerful as
he used to be. Granted, it is the morning but he still usually is the same
in the morning as he is every day. I ignored it and grabbed my stuff out
of my locker. I threw my coffee away and headed to class. I saw my
friend Gabriela walking towards me, smiling like she was the happiest
person on earth. She came up and grabbed my arms tightly.
Guess what? she squeals.

What? I smile at her, seeing how happy she is could make anyone
smile.
Harry Styles asked me out!
I was stunned; Harry Styles one of the most popular guys in school asked
her out?
Wait, THE Harry Styles? I ask her.
Yes! The curly haired, green eyed, muscular hottie. And he asked ME
out!
I was happy and jealous for her at the same time. She knew I had a little
crush on Harry but come on, who didnt have a crush on him? I
congratulated her a number of times and walked the rest of my way to
class.
When I got there I plopped my stuff down and leaned back in my chair, I
was probably going to fall asleep but that was okay, looks like there`s a
substitute here today anyways. I felt my phone buzz and I jumped a
little. It surprised me and a few people looked. I took my phone out
quickly and unlocked it, revealing a text from my sister Taylor.
I`ll be home tonight, make sure mom and dad dont make a big deal out
of it.
See you later.
~With love, Taylor
I smiled at the text on my phone, which meant I was being tutored
tonight, my sister was coming home, and Harry Styles asked out my
friend Gabriela. This day was already amazing, I wouldnt be surprised if
the rest of the day went this amazing.
But boy was I wrong.
*Chapter 2*
Niall drove me over to his house after school, his parents were supposed
to be leaving in a few hours so then we would have the house to
ourselves. Thats when Niall got crazy.
I walked inside and his mom smiled and hugged me, Seems like I never
see you anymore Mimi! You`re turning out to be very beautiful she
looks over at Niall Make sure you take care of all those nasty boys for
her Niall
I giggle and Niall blushes with embarrassment.
You got it mom he looks down and you can see a smile on his face.
Well I`ll leave you two kids to study, Im sure Niall is a very good
teacher Niall`s mom smiles then walks out of the room.
Sorry about her Niall apologizes.
Dont be sorry, I never see your mom anymore
Niall nods his head a little, Wanna go up to my room?
That would be great I smile.
I follow Niall up stairs to his room, he opens the door and I see the usual
mess. He has his clothes spread out all over the room, pop cans, candy
and food wrappers, the whole deal. But thats Niall.

Niall clears his desk off and brings two chairs over to it, I watch him take
out his chemistry book, a few pieces of paper, and a pencil.
Did you bring your Chemistry book? Niall asks.
I shake my head no, I left it at school
Thats okay, we can share mine
Niall smiles a little and pulls out a chair motioning for me to sit. I plop
down and take a pencil out of my back pack. Niall opens the book to a
random page and hands me a piece of lined paper.
Alright, first question. Why do onions make you cry? Niall asks.
I shrug I dont know
Niall laughs Thats what the books for Mimi, why dont you look for the
answer
I groan and flip some pages; I find the answer and decide just to read
the whole paragraph, mostly to get Niall mad but also to show him that
im actually trying.
When you cut an onion, you break cells, releasing their contents. Amino
acid sulfoxides form sulfenic acids. Enzymes that were kept separate
now are free to mix with the sulfenic acids to produce propanethiol Soxide, a volatile sulfur compound that wafts upward toward your eyes.
This gas reacts with the water in your tears to form sulfuric acid. The
sulfuric acid burns, stimulating your eyes to release more tears to wash
the irritant away I say with my best science teacher voice.
Good, even though you didnt really think about it yourself. Write the
answer down and lets get to the next question
I write the answer down and wait for Niall to say the next question.
Whats the difference between radiation and radio activity?
I stuck my head up high; I actually knew the answer to this one.
Unstable atomic nuclei will spontaneously decompose to form nuclei
with a higher stability. The decomposition process is called radioactivity.
The energy and particles which are released during the decomposition
process are called radiation. When unstable nuclei decompose in nature,
the process is referred to as natural radioactivity. When the unstable
nuclei are prepared in the laboratory, the decomposition is called
induced radioactivity.
I looked at Niall who just looked at me in awe. Wow, good job Mimi
Thanks I smile.
Next question, Dihydrogen monoxide is
Its a hoax I turn to Niall and notice how close our faces were to each
other a hoax forum
I trailed my sentence off, I couldnt think for the longest time. Our faces
were inches apart, and then I noticed Niall was looking at my lips, and
then he looked up at my eyes. We started moving closer to each other, I
closed my eyes waiting for what would happen then
WE`RE GOING OUT FOR A WHILE NIALL, LOVE YOU Niall`s mom yelled
from downstairs.

We both moved away from each other, what were we doing? He was my
best friend, thats it. But I did want to kiss him, and obviously he wanted
to kiss me.
I cleared my throat I think thats enough for tonight, I should go I stand
up and walk towards Niall`s bedroom door.
Wait! Dont go Mimi, I dont want to be alone tonight, please
He grabbed my hand and looked in my eyes, his blue eyes begged me. I
couldnt say no to him, he had a reason he wanted someone to be with
him. I didnt ask, I just nodded my head.
Okay fine, but Im not getting drunk again, you messed me up last
time
Niall rolls his eyes Finneeeeeeeee
I laugh and walk downstairs, I go into the kitchen and grab me a pop, I
lean against the counter as I watch Niall grab a beer out of the fridge.
You know Mimi, what almost happened up there-
I cut him off It`s fine, already forgotten I assure him, Im sure he
wanted me to forget the ever happened.
He reached up and ran his hands through his hair, I noticed some marks
on his arm, some Ive seen never seen before, but I let it slip.
He messed up his hair a little and looked at me then down at the floor.
I was actually going to say I want to try that again he laughed a little
Its stupid, lets just do what you said and forget about it.
I set my pop down and walk over to Niall, No lets not forget about this.
You mean you wanted to kiss me? I ask him.
Well yeah, really bad
But I thought I was just your friend
Niall touched my hand and I looked at his moving lips, Maybe I want to
be a little more than friends
I felt my mouth drop open a little, but the space was closed up by Niall`s
lips and tongue. I didnt push him off of me, I didnt tell him to stop,
instead I joined in with him. Our tongues dancing with each others, Ive
never kissed someone like this. The funny thing was Niall and I were
both virgins, and we spent almost every waking minute together, Ive
never seen him kiss a girl. I felt Niall`s other arm wrap around my back
and pull me closer to him. The height difference was little difficult to deal
with but we made it work.
Then my phone started buzzing, it was in my front pocket and was
vibrating against Niall`s hips. I heard him moan and he kissed me
harder. I had to push him off me so I could answer the phone, we looked
at each other for a hot second and I knew our faces were the same. We
were both stunned.
It took me a minutes to answer my phone but when I did I heard my
moms voice.
Mimi, Taylor`s home. Where are you? she asks.
Niall`s tutoring me, do I need to come home now? We`re doing
something important

I looked at Niall who smiled, I looked down at his arms again and those
marks were a lot clearer. They werent just some marks, they were scars,
and I know scars when I see them.
Yes please, you need to be here for your sisters homecoming, we`ll go
out to dinner okay?
I kept looking at Niall`s arm, I think he noticed because he put his arm
behind him so I couldnt see it anymore.
Okay, I`ll be over soon I tell my mom then hang up.
I took another sip of my pop and walked towards the door, Niall stopped
me before I walked out.
Sneak out tonight? I want to take you somewhere Niall said to me.
I thought about it for minute, I hadnt snuck out for Niall in a while, and I
wanted to talk to him about those marks.
Okay, meet me at the stop sign down my street at 11, be on time I tell
him.
Great he lets go of my hand and I step outside onto the porch, Oh and
Mimi, you`re a fantastic kisser he winks and closes the door.
I giggle to myself and feel my face get hot.
On the short walk home I think about how Niall wanted to kiss me, and
how it wasnt a mistake. And that I also wanted to kiss him too. I couldnt
stop thinking about the kiss, it was great, and one of the best Ive ever
had. Maybe Niall was right, maybe I wanted to be more than friends too.
*Chapter 3*
I get home and as soon as I open the door Taylor wraps me up into a big
hug. She puts me down and is see the big smile on her face.
Ive missed you so much! Ugh, I cant live without bugging my little
sister! Taylor teases.
I put my stuff down and walk into the family room with my sister; my
mom looks up at us.
I guess we arent going out to dinner anymore because your father is
staying at work a little later. You can go back to Niall`s now Mimi
No thats alright mom, he was going out anyways. I`ll just hang out with
Taylor I grab her hand and lead her to my room. I close the door and
make sure my mom cant hear us from the other side.
Whats with all the secretive stuff Mimi? Taylor asks.
I need to tell you something and its sort of a big deal
Okay but me first Taylor smiles at me.
I nod which tells her to go ahead and tell me her news. She slowly brings
her left hand up and holds it in front of my face; she stands there
humming for a few minutes. I didnt notice it at first but once I did I was
stunned.
YOU`RE ENGAGED? I ask loudly, Taylor brings a finger to her mouth
and tells me to shush.
Yeah! Louis proposed the other night and we`re getting married next
summer

Did you tell mom yet?

Obviously not, she`d flip her shit, she didnt even notice the damn ring
I laugh a little, Congrats Taylor, you two will be very good together
Thanks sis, now what do you need to tell me she sits on my bed and
pats a spot next to her.
I sit down next to her and put my hands in my lap. I didnt know what to
say really, I thought about how I would tell her on my walk home. I
hesitated and stuttered on my words until she yelled at me to spit it out.
I think Niall`s cutting himself! I yell, I cover my mouth with my hand.
Taylor looks down at the floor; I knew that she couldnt believe it just like
me. Taylor always saw how happy Niall was and now that I told her this it
was like taking a bullet to the chest.
How do you know? she asks quietly.
Well we were standing in his kitchen and he messed up his hair and I
saw scars scars like these I lift up my sweater sleeve.
My sister knew about my scars and she knows I wouldnt start again. I
saw my sisters face become even sadder, I didnt want her to feel bad
for me or anything. I just didnt know what to do for Niall.
But thats not the only thing that happened I say. He kissed me too
Her head shot up and she looked at me, He kissed you?
I couldnt help but smile a little Yeah, and it was perfect
She smiled a little but looked down at my arm again and her smiled
faded. I pulled my sleeve down to cover my arm back up.
Well you need to help him stop; you cant let him do that anymore she
says to me quietly.
I know, Im sneaking out tonight, maybe I can help him then
She nods and stands up, she walks towards the door but before she
opens it she turns back to me.
Just promise me; no matter how hard it gets for you, you wont take out
your old blades?
I didnt want to promise her that, because what if I did on accident? I
guess I will have to try my best.
I promise I nod at her.
She opens the door and closes it slowly behind her; I get off my bed and
walk towards my dresser. I open the top drawer and move all the
underwear and bras out of the way. Finally I reach the back of the of the
drawer and I see my blades, I grab them and hold them in my fingers.
The cold metal giving me Goosebumps that goes all the way up my
arms. I craved that feeling of them scrapping against my skin, but I
looked at them and put them back away.
Not tonight.
**************************************************
It was 11 and I was heading to the stop sign at the end of my street. I
held my jacket close to my body as the cold winter hair hit me. My eyes
and nose scrunched up because I thought that somehow it would help

the wind from hitting my face, but obviously it didnt do anything to

help.
I reached the stop sign and of course Niall was late like every time, this
was why I didnt like to sneak out with him, he would have me standing
out here in the dark for minutes on end. Finally I saw him running out of
breath to meet me.
Sorry Im late he panted.
Uh huh, can you just take me to where you said you were?
Niall nods, he didnt want to talk because he was trying to catch his
breath. He took my hand and dragged me across the street. We walked
through downtown for a while, until we made it to Lake Michigan. I
looked at him like he was crazy.
What are we doing here? I ask.
Niall sits down on a bench facing the water Just sit, lets talk
I sigh and sit next him; he puts his arm around me and pulls me close to
him. We sat in silence; I didnt know what he meant by talking because
we werent doing any of it.
I became colder and shivered a little and hung on tighter to my winter
jacket. Niall pulled me even closer, it didnt help stop the cold but I did
feel my face and body start to get hot.
I wanted to bring you here to tell you something Mimi Niall finally said.
Okay, what is it
I`ve been cutting myselfa lot, and sadly I know you have a lot of
experience with that stuff so I was wondering if you could help me stop.
And help me be happy again like you.
I know you were cutting yourself Niall, you cant hide that from me. But
Im happy you realize you have a problem, thats the first part to
becoming better. If you ever need anything you know you can tell me I
assure him that I will always be there for him.
He smiles his adorable Niall smile and kisses my cheek softly, I`m okay,
for now all I need is you his grip on me got tighter as he pulled me
closer to him. I looked down at his arms, under his jacket and shirt there
was marks, marks that we both knew wont ever go away. I cuddled my
body as close as I could to Niall. I wanted him to know I wasnt leaving
him.

*Chapter 4*
The weekend that passed I didnt really talk to Niall, but he didnt make
any moves to talk to me either. I stayed at home and hung out with my

parents and Taylor, they said we all needed more bonding time together
so I just went with it.
When Monday morning came around there was no sign of Niall, he did
text me though saying that he couldnt give me a ride to school, so that
meant I was walking.
I started walking and it was still the early hours of the morning, when
everyone was either sleeping or drinking their morning coffee and
watching the news. I always loved the mornings like this; they were so
quiet and peaceful.
One thing I thought was weird though was that my friends Gabriela and
Kaitlyn havent met up with me. I used to walk to school with them all
the time till Niall got his license, I think thats what separated me and
my friends and we didnt really talk anymore. I heard the sound of feet
hitting the pavement and I turned around to see my two friends running
as fast as they could to catch up with me. I laughed at them as they
finally caught up.
We didnt know you would be walking this morning! Kaitlyn says.
Well I am I smile
What did Niall get his car taken away or something Gabriela jokes.
No, he just said he couldnt give me a ride I was desperate to change
the subject, Do you guys know when the book report in English is due?
I ask.
We all start walking then, talking about school and nothing much else.
The topic of Harry Styles came up and thats when Gabriela couldnt
keep her mouth shut. Kaitlyn rolled her eyes and I just ignored it all,
even though I know I could never have a chance with him it pissed me
off that Gabriela thought she was the queen because Harry asked her
out and not anyone else.

Finally we were at the school and my friends and I went our separate
ways down the hall. When I arrived at my locker I noticed Niall leaning
up against it. It startled me a little.
Oh, Hey Niall I say.
Hey Niall looks down at the hall floor.
Are you okay? I ask him.
Yeah, sure. Sorry I couldnt give you a ride today there was little
problem-
I cut him off its fine, I dont mind walking
He looked up at me with his big blue eyes, I noticed his eyes were also
blood shot, hes been crying. But I know better than to ask him why, he
always told me to never bring up that he had been crying, so I just
ignored it.
Do you need to be tutored again? he asks me as he gets off my locker
I wouldnt mind helping you again his face was close to mine again,
like the other day; I just wanted to kiss him.
I felt my face get red and hot as I was opening my locker, If you want, I
wouldnt mind you helping me I smiled a little.
Great, See you later Niall said as he walked away.
The word later lingered in my brain for some reason; I shook my head
and grabbed my books for first hour. I turned around and bumped into
someone. My books and papers went flying everywhere. A few girls
laughed at me and everyone just walked around the mess, except the
boy that I bumped into; he was helping clean up. I looked up at him for a
second and saw his brown hair, his hands went fast as he was trying to
clean up all the papers and gather the books. I stood up when the mess

was pretty much all cleaned up, I was checking to see if everything was
there as I saw the boy stand up in the corner of my eye.
You know you should really watch were- I looked up and saw Harry
Styles standing there. I couldnt finish my sentence.
He smirked at me, Sorry about that he said in his raspy voice This
must be yours he said as he handed me my last book.
I watched him flick his hair to the side and stick his hands in his pocket,
I hope to bump into you again he winks then walks away.
I stand there like an idiot watching him walk away from me. Harry Styles
helped clean up MY mess, and he said he HOPED to bump into me again.
My heart was fluttering. I turned the other way and walked to my class,
the whole time I just thought about the way he flicked his hair and
winked at me.
I went the rest of the day thinking about that, and also thinking about
how Niall was crying. I wanted to know why, but I couldnt just ask him.
He would get mad at me too, this was so complicated. Just like how I
wanted to ask why he was cutting himself. I mean hes absolutely
perfect in every way, and he has so many people that love him. Theres
no reason for him to be doing that but it was the same for me. I didnt
really remember why I cut myself but I didnt care, it was years ago and
it wont happen ever again. I just promised myself that no matter what I
wouldnt let Niall take this cutting thing farther than just that. I dont
know what he would do if it went any further but I had an idea, and I
didnt like that idea at all.
**********************************************
When I got to Niall`s house it was pretty much the same as the last time.
His mother complimented me, we went up to his room and started
working on Chemistry, and then his parents went out.

Okay, Mimi, what does TNT stand for? Niall asks me.
Why were you crying this morning? I accidentally let slip out of my
mouth, it was like word vomit, I couldnt stop it from coming out.
Um Niall just closes the Chemistry book; I think we both knew
nothing was getting done tonight.
Just tell me Niall, I need to know a few things about your life, you cant
just hide it from me, we`re best friends remember?
Niall nods and walks out of the room and downstairs, I follow him into
the kitchen, he grabbed a beer out of the fridge like last time, and I
thought it was weird. He leaned up against the counter and started
drinking his beer, it was pissing me off.
Are you going to tell me or just stand there pissing me off? I ask his
with a tone I rarely use with him.
Niall looks up at me, he didnt say anything for a minute, and then he
spoke.
I`m tired of feeling this way Mimiwhats wrong with me?
He put his beer down and put his hands in his face. I heard him crying. I
walked over and put my arms around him, we was skinnier than I
remember, dont tell me he wasnt eating either. I rub his back softly and
squeeze him tight.
Theres nothing wrong with you Niall, you`re just a nice person that bad
things happen to. You`re a perfect human being and you are going to get
through this. I know it I whisper to him.
Niall dropped his hands and put them around me. My head was leaning
on his shoulder and his head was smushed against my forehead. He was
sniffling and I hugged him tighter.

You`re an amazing friend Mimi, I love you Niall whispered back to me.
I smiled a little, Niall let go of me and wiped his face with his hands.
Mimi, could you do something for me? he asked me quietly.
I let go of him and looked into his eyes, I wiped another tear falling down
his face.
Anything Niall
He grabbed my face and kissed me, again, I didnt stop him. His hands
moved down to my hips and he picked me up and set me on the kitchen
counter. I kept kissing him as hard as I could, if this is what he wanted
me to do then I would at least try my best to please him. He was kissing
me back so hard I was almost laying on my back. I felt his hand move
down my stomach to the hem of my pants. He slipped his hands down
and started rubbing me through my underwear.
Like I said earlier, I didnt stop him. I wanted him to be happy, and in his
defense it was making me feel amazing. I softly moaned into his mouth,
Niall smiled and pulled away but as he did he tugged at my bottom lip.
He looked at me with his beautiful blue eyes, I looked at him, and it was
silent. It honestly felt like we were the only two people on earth. I
grabbed the back of his head and pulled him back to kiss me. I let my
hands get lost in his blonde hair, getting my fingers tangled in process.
He was rubbing me faster and harder and I was moaning every few
minutes. I didnt want this to stop. Then I heard his phone go off, his
annoying ringtone rang and rang. I stopped kissing him.
Just answer the damn thing I tell him.
He moves away and takes his phone out.
Hello? Greg what the hell do you want Im busy!
I giggle a little at how mad he is.

Why does it matter? I`m just busy alright. I`m with Mimiyeah? Okay
bye
He stuffs his phone in his pocket and looks at me, Now where were
we?
I smirk and he attacks my mouth again, rubbing me harder than before.
You`re so wet he growls.
Then we heard a car door close, Niall stopped kissing me and took his
hand out of my pants. I hoped off the counter and Niall threw away his
beer, its not like his parents would notice its gone anyways. We heard
the door lock unlock and I started to fix myself so I looked natural. Niall`s
dad and mom popped in and saw us standing there.
Hello guys, do anything productive today? Niall`s dad asks.
Niall nods.
Yeah, we did a lot I told him.
His parents walked away into the other room and I breathed out fast.
Ugh that was close Niall says.
Yeah, I`m gonna go see you later? theres that word again.
Definitely Niall gets close to me and whispers in my ear We need to
do this more often
I smiled and left the house. I walked home slow and steady. I couldnt
help but think about how much I wanted Niall, and I was soon going to
have him.

*Chapter 5*

The rest of the week went by slow, always bumping into Harry in the
morning and getting into intense make outs with Niall after school. I
thought it was a little weird how every day was just like the last. Except,
I would hang onto my books and papers tighter so they wouldnt go
everywhere when Harry bumped into me, and maybe we could have an
actual conversation. Or how every time Niall and I made out it would get
more and more intense and I would have to stop him.
When I always came home from Niall`s, Taylor would take me into her
room and brag on and on about how fantastic Louis is. But I guess I
didnt mind too much because I actually listened, I know Taylor thought I
wasnt though, so when I asked a question about what she said, she was
surprised.
What does sex feel like Taylor? I asked her, not feeling awkward about
it at all.
What? she looked at me, obviously shocked I was paying attention.
Its just, you seem to talk about it a lot, and it obviously feels nice I
say, shrugging my shoulders.
Do you mean sex in general, or how the sex with Louis is?
Either one, by the way you talk it seems Louis is the best at it
Taylor giggles, Yeah he is
Explain
Well, he makes jokes sometimes, and it makes me laugh. He tells me
how beautiful I am and how much he loves me, he knows all my sweet
spots so Im always pleasured and he never stops until I`m down from
my, well in your words High
I nodded; I watched her smile and tuck her hair behind her hair.
What does it feel like the first time? How much does it hurt?
Taylor looked at me, You know Mimi, why dont you go ask mom about
this stuff I dont feel comfortable talking to you about this
No, Im already here so Im asking you. Plus you`ve been talking about
this almost every night this week, now tell me
She sighs and starts speaking, At first you dont really feel anything,
then once the boy starts moving it hurts a lot, you may cry a little and
usually the boy will stop to make sure you`re okay. Then once you yell at
him to keep moving the pain will go away and then the pleasure comes.
You`ll feel complete ecstasy and when its over youll be completely in
love with that stupid boy who took your virginity
What do you mean- I started but she cut me off quickly.
I`m done talking about this, if you have any more questions go ask
mom. I`m going to call Louis now
She grabs me by my arm and pushes me out of her room and slams the
door shut. What did I say?
I walk down the hall to my room and take my phone out. I noticed a text
from Gabriela, I immediately clicked on it.
Harry`s a douche, you`re lucky he didnt as you out.
I`ll talk to you on Monday

-G
I looked at the text; I wondered how or why he was such a douche.
Granted he was one of the most popular boys in school so he probably
thought Gabriela would sleep with him on the first date, which I know
she wouldnt.
I didnt answer her back, I went to Niall`s contact and called him.
Hello? he said in his deep voice.
Hey Niall, you busy?
Not at the moment, why you want to come over?
I thought he wouldnt ask me to come over, but when he did I was
happy.
Yeah! I`ll be over there soon
Okay, hurry though, theres a pizza coming and I want it to be warm
when you get here
I smile, Will do, see you soon
I hang up and grab my boots. The snow was up to my ankles finally. The
only thing I liked about winter was playing in the snow, and obviously
Christmas.
I run outside without telling anyone where Im going, they wont notice
Im gone anyways. I run to Niall`s house just as the pizza man was
walking up the porch steps. I paid for the pizza and quietly walked in the
house. The box got hot so walked into the kitchen and put it on the
counter; the same counter Niall puts me on every day. I smiled and it
was so quiet I could hear loud breathing, I turned and walked towards
the stairs, it was coming from Niall`s room, I ran up the stairs and burst
into his room. I saw something I never wanted to see, Niall bleeding from
his arms. I stood in the door way just looking at the blood dripping down
into little puddles on his hardwood floor. Niall looked at me like I was a
ghost, he went pale. I stood there doing nothing, just letting my mouth
hang open; I covered my mouth with my hand.
Mimi, its okay Niall tries to tell me.
I shake my head and look at his arm, the cuts went vertical and right on
his veins. The blood was crimson red, it didnt stop coming out. I felt sick
to my stomach, seeing my blood didnt bother me but other peoples just
made me feel the need to throw up.
Niall reached his hand, the one he held the blade in, towards me.
Mimi, I`m alright, see I`m smiling he gave me one of the most fake
smiles ive ever seen.
How much more are there? I ask him, making my words come out fast.
What?
How. Much. More. Are. There?
Theres not anymore he tries to tell me.
No Niall, I used to cut, you dont just cut a couple times on your arm.
Where are the rest, you better show me them now or I`ll get even more
mad

Niall stands up and puts his blade down, the blood still running down his
right arm, seeing as hes left handed. He grabbed a perfectly clean,
white towel and dapped the blood. I noticed there was a lot more than a
few cuts, they`re was hundreds; at least thats what it looked like. I
gulped, and watched Niall stand up. He slowly pulled his pants down to
reveal his pale legs; they were covered in cuts too. But my eyes
wandered to his Calvin Kleins, I looked at the big bulge in his pants. I
stopped and looked back at the cuts on his leg; I cant be thinking about
that right now I told myself over and over again.
I walked over and got on my knees for a closer look at the cuts. I felt my
face get red hot, being so close to Niall`s junk made me nervous. He
didnt even make a move; he just stood there watching me touch the
cuts. He flinched a little but soon got used to it. I put my hand on his
inner thigh and grazed my hand over Niall`s cuts. They throbbed and
were red, really red. I noticed Niall`s legs start to shake a little as I
moved my hand around his leg and inner thigh.
Why did you do this Niall? I ask him.
You wouldnt understand
I looked up and him from my spot on the floor, You think that I wouldnt
understand? Niall, look who you`re talking to I laughed a little, even
though this wasnt a funny situation.
I stand up and wrap my arms around Niall; I hug him soft and short. I let
go and grabbed the white towel, which now at red blotches all over it. I
dapped his cuts lightly and made sure the blood was clotting and would
stop pouring out of his skin. I grabbed his blade and put it in my pocket; I
would be hanging onto this for a while. I took his hand in mine.
Pizza`s here, are you hungry? I ask.
I`m always hungry Mimi, you know that he laughs a little.
I smiled and laughed too. I led him down stairs to the kitchen, I got him
everything he needed and gave him his pizza, I thought it was weird his
parents werent here but I chose to ignore it. We sat in silence eating the
pizza until Niall looked up at me.
What do you think about being a virgin Mimi?
I almost spit out the little food I had in my mouth, Excuse me? You`re a
virgin too
Yeah I know but whats it like for a girl? Does it feel weird?
I laugh at him, It feels normal, what is it like for a boy?
We`re always horny, trust me I had to think about dead cats just to
keep my dick down while we were upstairs
I laughed a little harder and Niall laughed too, I loved when he laughed
at his jokes.
Well being a virgin also means you`re a loser, and you`re Uncool I
put air quotes on the word uncool.
Niall shrugs, I dont know, I think you`re pretty cool
I smiled at him and threw my plate away, I wasnt hungry anymore, lost
my appetite I guess. But of course Niall being Niall he didnt stop eating.

One more question Mimi Niall says with his mouth stuffed with pizza.
Whats the question?
How would you like it if if we both lost our virginities at the same
time?
*Chapter 6*
I just sit there looking at Niall, was he serious?
"Excuse me?" I ask him.
"Well, we could maybe lose our virginities together, you know with each
other"
I laugh and Niall looked at me.
"You can't be serious?" I say laughing.
"I'm not kidding! C'mon please? For me?"
I shake my head and look down, I wasn't ready yet. Yeah, I was okay with
making out and touching each other but I wanted to lose my virginity to
someone I love... But maybe I love Niall.
"Why do you want to do this now?" I ask him.
"Because I want to get it over with, you know before we move out and
go to college. I don't it was a stupid question"
"No, Niall you're right. Maybe we should get it over with"
Niall teased his hair and smirked a little.
"Really?"
I smile and look down at my hands, "really"
Niall gets up and walks over to me, he slowly reaches up and moves a
piece of hair out of my face and pushes it behind my ear. He grazes his
thumb across my bottom lip causing me to open my mouth a little. Niall
bent down and kissed me passionately, I cupped his face with my hands
and pulled him closer. Nialls hands wandered down my back to my butt.
He squeezed my ass cheeks and I jumped up and wrapped my legs
around his waist. Niall gripped onto my butt, putting his fingers in my
pant loops. He carried me up to his room and carefully set me on his
bed. I sat there watching him undress. He took off his shirt and it
exposed his chest and abs. I licked my lips and looked at him up and
down. Niall laughs at me.
"You like this?" He asks smiling.
"Yeah, a lot" I smile.
"Good, now lets see what you look like" he smirks and slinks over to me.
I slowly lift up my shirt, exposing my stomach and the top of my breasts
which were sticking out because my bra was a little too small. Niall bit
his lip and I reached behind me and undid my bra straps. I threw my bra
across the room and looked at Niall. His eyes were big and he had a
huge grin across his face. I watched him raise his hands and they go
straight for my breasts, massaging them softly. He came over and kissed
me, I stuck my hand down his pants and grabbed his shaft, rubbing him
slowly. Niall stopped kissing me and looked into my eyes.

"Mimi, just know if this hurts I will stop. I don't want you to feel any pain"
Niall says to me.
"It's going to hurt no matter what Niall, I want to do this. And I want to
do it with you"
He blushed and kissed me again. I fondled with his pants to get them
down, Niall sat up and pulled them down for me. Next was my pants,
they were easier to pull off.
We laid there making out in our underwear and Niall moved his hand to
my underwear. Rubbing my clit with his index and middle finger. Circling
my wet hole with his thumb. I moaned softly into his mouth and he
shoved a finger inside me, I immediately bucked my hips on his finger, I
rode his finger as he started thrusting his fingers faster and harder. I
thought it was weird that this didn't hurt but I totally ignored it, Niall was
really good at pleasing me. He pulled his fingers out and took my
underwear off slowly, making me even more wet. We stopped kissing
and he looked down at me, I was fully exposed and somehow not
embarrassed by it.
Niall leaned his head down and I felt his tongue circle my clit, I
immediately gripped onto his head and shoved his face I between my
legs. His tongue circled my entrance slowly and I was dripping. Niall
looked up and obviously saw my face which was orgasmic.
"Someone's a dirty, wet girl huh?" Niall smirks.
"Uh huh" I nod.
"Dirty girls need to be punished"
I didn't know how good I could be at foreplay but I tried my best. Being
my first time I didn't know sex would be like this, I don't even think Niall
knew what he was saying.
"Then punish me Niall, show me how dirty I've been" I moan.
I watch him smirk and pull his underwear down as fast as he could. Niall
hovered above me and his hands were on either side of my head on the
pillow. I felt his tip tease my entrance and I just wanted him, so bad.
"Remember, if it hurts tell me"
I nod and Niall slowly thrusts in. After the first few thrusts I don't feel
anything, then I feel the pain. I close my eyes so I don't let any tears out.
Niall was grunting loudly, he was thrusting really hard and fast which
wasn't helping the pain. I whimpered and Niall stopped thrusting. He
looked at me, he was panting a lot.
"Mimi what's wrong? Tell me if I should stop"
"No Niall keep going just go"
Niall waits a few seconds and starts moving again. Then the pain slowly
started to fade and I felt pleasure.
"Uhh Niall" I moaned softly.
Niall giggled; now we were both having a good time.
"I love how you feel around me" Niall whispers "it feels almost perfect"
I smiled and I felt Niall hitting my sweet spot. I let out a loud moan and
orgasmed. I looked up at Niall's blue eyes the whole time, he looked

down at me. Smiling big knowing that he made me feel this good. When
I finally came down from my high Niall started to violently twitch. He
pulled himself out of me and came all over his bed sheets. He rubbed
himself down till he was back to normal. I moved over and let him lay
next to me. We laid there spooning, not saying anything to each other.
Then I spoke up.
"So what are we Niall?"
"Friends"
I felt my stomach drop.
"Just friends?"
Niall pulled me closer to him and whispered in my ear.
"Friends that like to do this"
*Chapter 7*
I fell asleep at Niall`s house, I didnt wake up till it was dark outside. I
looked over at Niall who was curled up in a ball, still naked.
I sat up and started getting dressed, trying to be careful not to wake up
Niall. My body ached but mostly my legs and stomach, I hoped that
would go away soon. When I was all dressed I walked down the stairs,
surprised to see Niall`s parents not home yet, guess they really had to
be somewhere. I grabbed my purse which was on the floor, got my
jacket and walked out of the house quietly. I turned down the street and
walked to the corner where I have to cross. Right as I was about to walk
across the street someone bumped into me, I didnt see them coming or
anything, guess Im just peoples punching bag. I fell onto the ground and
so did the person who bumped into me.
Honestly, can you watch where you`re going I say watching the person
stand up.
They removed their hood and I saw the persons face. Harry, it was Harry.
I see the look on his face and he seems upset.
I`m so sorry, here let me help you he holds out his hand and I take it,
standing up and making sure I look okay. I am really very sorry, guess I
cant help but bump into you when Im around you
For some reason I took that as flirting and I blushed like the idiot I am.
It`s fine I said quietly.
So what are you doing out here so late? he asks me.
I`m walking home from a friends the word friends still stung me
Oh, well let me walk you, its the least I can do
I shake my head, No really its not that far away I`ll be fine
Mimi come on, maybe it could be a chance to get to know each other?
How did he know my name? I looked at him for a second, we`ve never
really talked before, all was usually said was I`m sorry, let me help you
with that, or maybe I`ll see you around. We never discussed names so
obviously he was checking out who I was and asking around.
Alright, I guess it couldnt hurt I shrug and we start walking, well
obviously Harry was just following me to my house.

It was quiet for the first couple of minutes, we only said a few words but
nothing really to make a conversation about, I guess Harry hated how
quiet it was because he started asking questions.
So, do you have any brothers or sisters? he asks me.
One older sister, how about you?
Same, one older, annoying sister
I giggle a little and Harry smiles.
So how was the date with Gabriela? I ask, but after wishing I could
take it back, it wasnt the right question to ask.
Harry laughs a little, Not very good, no offense but shes not really good
with the whole date and boyfriend thing, you know?
I laugh, Oh trust me I know, but give her another chance, she was
excited when you asked her out. She really does like you Harry
Yeah but a lot of other girls really like me too, you know just for once I
want to be normal and not popular. I want to be like your friend, whats
his name, Niall? No one really cares about him and not everyone is in
love with him.
Excuse me? I stopped walking and looked at Harry, was he being
serious?
I`m really sorry, that came out wrong. You know what I mean though
dont you? I mean he seems like a cool guy and all but no one really
pays much attention to him
I start walking again and roll my eyes; Harry should just shut his mouth.
I dont know how to put that lightly, either way it sounds bad but I dont
mean it to be honestly. Im just trying to say that I want to be normal for
once. I would trade places with Niall any day
Believe me its not all fun and games with Niall, theres a lot more going
on than you know
Well lets think about the pros here. He isnt praised for everything he
does, not everyone cares if he fails at something, girls arent all over him
all the time, he isnt portrayed as the sex crazed womanizer, he seems
actually normal, and he gets to hang around you
I blush again like I did earlier, that meant Harry actually thought I was
cool.
I dont know if Niall likes hanging out with me that much I didnt know
what I was saying, of course Niall liked hanging out with me or did he?
Havent you guys had sex at least once? I mean if you havent that boys
got to get it together, a pretty girl like you in his life and he hasnt
touched you that would be downright dumb
I giggle, if only Harry knew.
We get to my house a few minutes later; the walk was a little longer with
me stopping whenever Harry said something rude about Niall. Harry
walked me up to my door and just stood there looking at me.
Thanks for walking me home Harry, you didnt have to I say.
No problem at all, it was fun, well I had a good time, not sure if you did
though he smiles and playfully bumps my arm with his.

I reach for the door but Harry stops me. He leans over to my ear and I
feel his breath, it gives me chills.
I can tell you obviously like Niall a lot but maybe we could change that
he kisses my cheek softly. Hope to see you around Mimi
I watch him smile and walk down the porch, that boy was so strange. I
walked inside but started to wonder something, why was Harry outside
at this time anyway? At least I had an alibi, I let it go and walk down the
hall to my room. Everyone was asleep and no one even noticed I left, so
much for a loving family. I closed my bed room door and crawled into my
bed and curled up, my stomach and legs still hurt like a bitch but I will
have to get used to it for now.
I thought about Niall and how he said we were just friends. Even after I
gave him my virginity he couldve said something about how we could
try and have a relationship, but no. friends, who like to have sex.
But Taylor was right, you love the idiot who took your virginity, and I
guess you could say I was in love with Niall.
*Chapter 8*
I woke up the next morning feeling good, my legs and stomach stopped
hurting and I felt refreshed for the first time in a while. I shouldnt have
stayed out late last night though, even if it was just to walk home with
Harry, it wouldve been better just to stay at Niall`s and wait till the
morning so he could take me to school. But stupid me didnt think about
it at the time.
I got out of bed and started to get my clothes together. I heard a knock
at the door and Niall walked in right as I was taking my tank top I wore
to bed last night.
Niall! I yell turning around covering my chest even though I had a bra
on.
He laughed, C`mon Mimi, you act like I havent seen you naked before
he walks up behind me and puts his arm around my stomach and pulls
my body close to his, putting his mouth up to his ear. I was upset to see
you left last night, I was hoping we couldve done something this
morning
I blush and smile, I turn around to look at him. I guess you`ll just have
to wait till later
He smirks and kisses me, once he was done kissing me I got fully
dressed and we headed to school. While Niall was driving his sweater
sleeve slipped up a little and I saw the cuts he made yesterday, and I
remembered that I had his blade in my pants pockets at home, that way
he wouldnt be able to do anything till he got a new one, which I guess
wasnt great but he didnt even notice I took it.
We got to school and I saw Harry with his friends, he smiled a little at me
but then went back to his friends. Niall followed me to my locker like
usual, everything was normal. It was like we didn't just have sex last
night and lose our virginities to each other. And I think I liked that; acting

like everything was normal. When the bell rang Niall said goodbye and
ran down the hall. Harry didn't walk down my hallway this morning so we
didn't get to "bump into each other". I was a little upset about that but
who cares, it's not like he's my boyfriend.
**************************
I was sitting in geometry when I got called down to the office. Some
people made "ooooo" noises and others just ignored me. I was sweating
a little on my walk down to the office, I didn't do anything to get In
trouble for but I was afraid.
I got to the office and saw my sister sitting there. She looked at me and
stood up when I opened the office door.
"Mimi, we need to talk. Do you need to get anything from your locker?"
I looked at her like she was crazy. Taylor never needs to talk to me, or
takes me out of school for anything. So both of these things surprised
me.
"Um, no. Why are you here?" I ask her looking at the secretary who
shrugged.
"You'll see in the car, get going"
She gently pushed my arm and I followed her outside. I didn't say
anything and neither did she, I looked at her and she seemed very
serious about something. We got in the car and as soon as we did she
looked at me.
"Lift up your shirt sleeve"
"What?"
"Lift. Up. Your. Shirt. Sleeve"
I slowly lifted up both my sleeves and they were clear, obviously had
scars but nothing bad or wrong on them.
"What do you need to see Taylor?" I ask her pulling my sleeves down.
"I found this in your pants" she held up Niall's blade. "Mom told me to do
your laundry and this is what I find. I told you no more"
"It's not mine! It's Niall's, I took it from him!"
She looks at me suspiciously but starts the car. Was this the only reason
she pulled me out of school? Really? I didn't argue with her though, I just
went along with it as she drove home.
I walked inside and into my room, I threw myself onto my bed and laid
there. I didn't move for a while, I day dreamed about Harry for a while,
but it changed to Niall. That's when I sat up.
I can't have feelings for Niall.
No, it's not possible.
It can't happen.
I hear my phone go off, Niall was calling me, speak of the devil.
"Hey" I say quietly making sure no one can hear.
"Where are you? I wanted to skip with you" Niall whines.
"Niall, you know I don't like skipping"
"Maybe you could start to like it"
I giggle and Niall laughs a little too.

"I'm at home, Taylor came to pick me up because...um, because my

mom needed me to watch my little cousins" god what a lie that was, my
younger cousins lived a few states away.
"Oh I see, well I hope I can see you later. I don't want be lonely tonight"
I blushed a little, thank god no one could see me right now.
"Okay Ni, I'll talk to you later"
"Bye Mimi"
I hung up and laid back down. I thought about the way Niall acted today.
He seemed happy but a little too happy. It was odd, maybe I should ask
him about it later today.
I hear my phone go off again but this time it was just a text. I grabbed it
and read it fast. It was from and unknown number.
'Hey, we should hang out tonight'
I read it over and over again. I looked at the number over and over
again, still didn't recognize it.
'Who is this?' I answered back.
Within seconds the person answered back.
'Harry:) I thought we could see a movie together or something, you know
there's that new Adam Sandler movie out'
I smiled at went to add Harry's contact. I was weirded out about how he
got my number but I didn't ask. I wrote the name Harry and put a small
heart emoji next to it. Then went back to text him.
"Oh hey, that would be cool I'd love to, but I'm broke'
Again, seconds later.
'That's fine! I've got enough money for the both of us!'
'No Harry I couldn't do that'
'Mimi it's fine...it can be like, a date?'
I laughed and smiled at my phone, a date? Harry Styles wanted a date
with me?
'Well if its fine with you, I'd love to go on a "date"'
'Hah great! I'll pick you up around 7 okay? See you later love xx'
I stared at the text for a while. Was it bad to go on a date with someone
my friend just went out with? I didn't know, I didn't think it was in the girl
code. I didn't care anyways, Gabriela would have to get over it.
Even though it was only 2 I started getting ready. 5 more hours till Harry
was coming to get me. I completely forgot to text Niall or tell him that he
was going to be alone tonight.
I texted Kaitlyn telling her about everything. She seemed a little angry
that I accepted to go out on the date but whatever she's obviously
jealous. I called Gabriela, she should know, I'm not going to keep this
behind her back.
"Hey Mimi!" She answers.
"Hey Gabbie, can I talk to you?"
"Of course you can! What's up?"
"I kind of have a date with someone tonight" I say shyly.
"Oh my gosh! With who!?" She acts all surprised

"Uh Harry...Harry Styles"

It was quiet, she didn't say anything and neither did I.
"So who asked who on the date?" She asks.
"Harry asked me, I thought it would be fun"
"Oh, well I hope you two have a fun night"
Then Gabriela hung up. I knew I shouldn't have said anything anyways,
this is what I get for trying to be a good friend.
I started doing my makeup, not too much but just enough so I don't look
like Casper the friendly ghost seeing as its winter.
I put on my dark blue school sweatshirt and a pair of skinny jeans, I
didn't want to be too dressed up and too under dressed. I put on an old
pair of UGGS and walked out to sit out on the couch. Taylor was sitting
there on the phone with Louis. They were talking about how much they
missed each other, I didn't understand why they couldn't just go see
each other.
I plopped down next to her and she gave me a look, I gave her one back
and she rolled her eyes. I checked the time and it was about 5, I've spent
3 hours getting ready or talking to my friends. Nothing exciting ever
happens.
*******************************
Finally it was 7, I sat on the porch but tried not to act eager when Harry
picked me up. But I was exciting, I wanted him to be here now but I
needed to act cool and pull myself together. I saw a car pull up and
Harry step out. I stood up, fixed my hair and walked over towards him.
He smiled and took my hand in his gently, not squeezing or pulling me. I
smiled slightly at him and felt my cheeks get red. Then Harry spoke up.
"Wow Mimi, you look beautiful tonight"
*Chapter 9 *
Harry and I got to the movie theater shortly after he picked me up. I left
my phone at home which probably wasn't the best idea, but I won't need
it so why should I worry?
Harry paid for the tickets, snacks, and drinks. I felt bad for him and
apologized countless times as we sat down in our seats for the movie.
"I promise I'll pay you back Harry" I said.
"Mimi really, it's fine. My treat" he smiled and those dimples that every
girl loves showed up.
I half smiled at him and sat back in my chair, I still felt bad that he had
to spend all this money on a stupid movie when we could rent one and
hang out at home. But whatever, I was with Harry Styles and that's all
that mattered.
We didn't kiss or anything during the movie, we touched hands every
once in a while when we grabbed popcorn but nothing big happened. On
the rise home it was quiet and awkward, the movie wasn't very good
and Harry pretty much spent all that money for nothing.

He pulled up into my driveway and I sat in the car for a minute, waiting
for someone to say something.
"I had fun tonight, maybe we could do this again?" Harry looked at me.
I nodded, "yeah, that'd be cool"
We sat in silence for a little longer. Then I decided to get out, I said
goodbye and thank you again but Harry stopped me.
"Oh, and Mimi. If you ever want to...you know, go out with me I would
really like that" he smiled.
I looked down at the ground, "but there's also Niall-"
"He obviously doesn't know what has standing right in front of him. Just
know that I can give you more than he can, I'd pay more attention to
you. Don't forget that Mimi, I'll talk to you later"
I closed the door and he drove off. I know and he knows I'm not going
out with Niall but it could happen. Harry said it himself, that he could
always give me more than Niall could. But I shook that out if my head.
Niall and I were just...friends. And so was Harry and I, if you would even
call us friends.
I walked inside and there was no sign of Taylor, my mom, or dad. I
walked quietly to my room and saw my phone sitting face down on my
bed. I picked it up and unlocked it, I noticed a bunch of text messages
and calls from Niall, asking where I was and if I was okay. I rolled my
eyes, he can be so dramatic sometimes. I decide to call him back, and
after the first ring he answers.
"Mimi?! Where have you been!? Are you okay?!" Niall seems really
worried.
"I'm fine, I just went out for a little"
"We were supposed to hang out tonight, remember?" He puts some force
into the word remember.
I totally forgot about that, to be completely honest I think I forgot about
anything Niall said to me today after Harry asked me to the movies.
"I had last minute plans I couldn't refuse"
"What "last minute plans"? You didn't tell me about this?" He was getting
pissed.
"Someone...someone asked me to go out tonight" I stuttered on my
words.
"Who?"
"It's not really any of your business now is it?"
"I'm coming over, bye" and Niall hung up.
I sighed and fell back onto my bed. Niall loved to start drama didn't he?
Always had to know all about my life and everything in it. I was tired of
if, but at the same time I loved it...maybe he was just trying to take care
of me.
Minutes later, Niall was in my room. Pacing back and forth, while asking
me a bunch of questions that I wouldn't answer.
"Who did you go out with tonight?" He asked getting even more angrier.
"That's none of your business Niall"

"Yes it is!"
"How?" I ask putting my hands on my hips.
"Because I'm your friend and I deserve to know these things"
"Fine! You want to know so bad?! I went out with Harry, the most popular
guy in school!"
I watch Niall's face go white. What was his problem? He acts like I just
told him I had cancer or something. He stepped back a little.
"Why'd you do that?" He asks as if I did something wrong.
"Why do you care? you're not my boyfriend!" I screamed.
Then Niall's face went blank, no expression, no color, nothing. It
shouldn't have mattered to him anyways, it's not like he said we were
anything more than friends.
"Right, cool. Um I hope you have fun with Harry, I don't think we should
be uh friends anymore" Niall said stepping out of my room and into the
hallway, i followed him.
"What? Niall I didn't mean-"
"Save it Mimi" he cut me off "I'm tired of this game we're playing. Ill see
you around"
I stopped walking and stopped in the hallway, I watched him walk to the
front door, open it, then walk out. I stood in the middle of the hallway
like and idiot. I didn't know why I said anything to him, I could've just
said I took a really long nap or something. I walked into my room and sat
on my bed staring at the floor, then looking at my hands and making my
way to my arms. I stood back up and walked to my dresser, opened the
top drawer, and looked for my blade.
When I found it a smile came across my face. I held the cold, metal
blade in my hand. It sent chills up my body and there was practically a
little voice in my head telling me;
"Do it, no one will know, do it, you know you crave the pain, you know
you want to see your blood rushing down your arm, do it"
I shook my head and spoke to myself.
"No, I can't do it. It's not fair to Taylor, Niall, even Harry. I'm not doing it"
I tried putting it away but something stopped me. I just couldn't put it
away, I brought it out for a reason and I needed to get it over with. I
looked down at my arm, my sweatshirt sleeve was pushed up my arm so
all my scars were visible. I lowered the freezing cold blade onto my arm.
"Just do it" I begged myself.
A few tears fell down my face, I closed my eyes. then I dragged the
blade hard and fast across my skin. I opened my eyes and saw the blood
coming out. It was faster than I remember, I added another cut, and
another. Soon there was 5 fresh cuts on my arm. I cried even harder, not
because of the pain but because of what I did, I yelled at Niall for no
reason at all.
I went into the bathroom, still sobbing, and I started washing my arm off
trying to stop the blood, it wouldn't stop. I was starting to feel a little
light headed. I grabbed a washcloth and sat on the toilet seat, I finally

pulled myself together and stopped crying. I stood up and looked at

myself in the mirror, I just let everyone down by doing that, including
myself.
My face was all puffy and red, my arm was red and swollen around my
fresh new cuts. I walked out of the bathroom to see Taylor and my
parents walking in the house. I stopped and looked at them, they looked
at me. I slowly put my sweatshirt sleeves down to cover the cuts up.
"Honey, you look like you've been crying" my mom says walking over to
me.
"I just went out for a run, it's a little cold outside" I sniffled.
"Next time wear a winter jacket, we don't need you to get sick" my dad
says walking past me into my parents bedroom.
"Yes dad. Mom, I'm just going to go to bed now, I'm not feeling very well"
She nods, kisses my forehead and sends me to me room. I sit on my bed
and sniffle again, I pick my phone up and go to Harry's contact. The
phone rings over and over again. Then he finally picks up.
"I'd knew you'd call" he says.
"I think I want to take your offer"
*Chapter 10*
Every week after that went by slow. Nothing was really the same, I was
dating Harry now and I had a bigger groups of friends and more people
wanted to be my friend. Niall was still Niall though, and I didn't know for
sure but he was probably still cutting.
Harry always pressured me into sex but I didn't want to. I don't know it
just didn't feel right. Surprisingly he didn't push me into it and let it go.
But I was finally going to give into him and give him what he wants.
**********************
Harry picked me up from my house and we went on our usual date.
Movie, fast food, back home. But instead this time he took me back to
his place.
His parents weren't home and as soon as we walked in he told me to go
sit on the couch. I did as he said and plopped down awkwardly, Harry
didn't follow me but I'm sure he would be here.
A few minutes later Harry came and sat down next to me, it was only a
matter of seconds until Harry was on top of me and we were making out.
I grabbed his face wanting more, he was actually really good at this.
"I just want to fuck you so hard Mimi" Harry growls at me, gripping the
back of my shirt.
"Then do it" I whisper.
Harry stops kissing me and looks at me. He must've been surprised I
said that being since I didn't want to have sex.
"Really?" He smiles.
I grab his face and kiss him again, this time Harry slowly pulled his pants
down, hitting his growing bulge and making him grunt a little.

I laughed and bit Harry's lip as he pulled away from me. Harry sat up and
straddled me and I watched him take his shirt off, I smiled at him when I
saw how ripped he was, Harry smiled back at me.
I sat up as well and started to get undressed, I removed my shirt and
then my bra. Harry's hands cupped both my breasts and started to
massage them as we kissed again. I lowered my hands and grabbed the
button to me pants, I tried to un button them but Harry stopped me.
"No love, that's my job" he smiled as his heads went to my pants and he
slowly took them off. I groaned as the cold air hit my hot entrance
through my underwear. I was soaking and Harry could tell. He took my
underwear off right after my pants, he smiled and then circled a finger
around my hole while he bent down and flicked my clit with his tongue.
I let out a small gasp and Harry removed his finger and used his tongue
in ways that couldn't be described. He moved his tongue in and out,
sending vibrations through my body. Licking up all the wetness, from my
lips to my core.
"More more more" I begged as I grabbed Harry's head and pushed him
farther into me.
Harry started to suck on my clit and that drove me nuts. I softly moaned,
but tried not to be too loud in case someone could hear. To be honest I
was wondering were his sister was.
I felt my legs shake and Harry stopped everything. He looked up at me
and I looked at him, obviously I was upset.
"What the fuck was that?" I ask.
"Sorry Mimi, but I want to be inside you when that happens"
I roll my eyes and lay my head back down, now Harry was taking off his
underwear. I watched as he slowly pulled his boxers down, being a tease
about it. I looked at his bulge, it was huge, I didn't know if it'd be able to
you know...fit. Once his underwear was completely off I saw everything.
His erection stood straight up, I bit my lip as Harry stroked himself a few
times.
"You wanna suck me cock Mimi?" He asked a smiling.
I haven't done anything like that before but it's worth a try.
I nodded my head and Harry hovered over my mouth. I took him all in,
bobbing my head up and down to get his full length. Harry helped as he
grabbed the back of my head and made me deep throat. He hit the back
of my mouth a few time and made me gag. He tried to apologize but his
moans stopped him from doing that. I started to swirl my tongue around
the tip and then my teeth grazed against him, and once that happen he
came in my mouth. I swallowed it and it actually wasn't as bad as I
expected.
"You ready for the time of your life?" Harry asked lowering himself down
and placing himself at my entrance.
"Give it to me" I smiled deviously at him.

Harry thrusted himself into me, he gave me no time to adjust as his

thrusts were fast and sloppy. It hurt a little to be honest with you but at
the same time I was in heaven.
I was moaning frequently and Harry was just saying things at me, only
turning me on even more.
"God Mimi you're so tight my big cock can barley fit inside you"
I smiled at him, how he thought so highly of himself, it was cute.
I grabbed his head and kissed him, making Harry's thrusts slow down a
little but they were still sloppy. I felt my legs begin to shake again, I
knew I wouldn't be able to hang on for long. I came all over Harry and
screamed out a number of words.
"Uh fuck Harry! God dammit you're so fucking hot!"
Harry laughed at me, watching me cum but still thrusting fast. I grabbed
onto his back, clenching my nails into his back. Harry started grunting a
lot more and I knew what was coming. He pulled out of me and he came
all over the floor. I rubbed myself and I watched the white liquid squirting
out from his erection that was slowly going down. Once he was down
from his high he looked at me then laid his head on the arm rest on the
other side of the couch. He circled his finger on my leg.
"You're amazing at this Harry" I smile.
He smiles at me too, "you're the only reason I was so good today Mimi"
***********************
The next day at school I was at my locker, I turned around for a minute
and saw Niall walking past me. Our eyes met but we both looked at the
floor. Harry came around the corner and wrapped his arms around my
hips.
"Well hello gorgeous" Harry kissed me and smiled.
"Someone's happy to see me" I laugh.
"Well c'mon, I couldn't stop jerking off to the thought of you last night"
I laugh and looked down the hall at Niall. He shook his head, teased his
hair and groaned, probably rolling his eyes in the process.
I looked back at Harry.
"I've got to get to class but I'll see you later" Harry winked at me and
walked away.
I smiled, he was a great boyfriend but I missed Niall. I missed Niall more
than anything. I decided to get up the courage and go talk to him. I
grabbed my books, closed my locker and walked down to his. Once there
I wanted to turn and run, this was a bad idea.
"Uh hi Niall" I tried to smile.
He didn't say anything, just moving his books around and grabbing
things for class.
"I...I miss you, a lot" I say.
Again, Niall says nothing. It was starting to make me angry, but I didn't
want to start yelling at him.
"I guess, I'll see you around. Bye" I said as I walked away.

I hoped Niall would stop me or something, and then confess how much
he misses me but that didn't happen.
The rest of school went by okay, I didn't see Harry around much which I
thought was weird.
Once school was over I walked to Harry's locker like I usually do, I didn't
see him there. I walked back to my locker and didn't see him there
either. I just decided to walk home, the long way.
I walked to the doors at the back of the school, I loved walking the long
way home, there was so much more to look at.
I heard someone fighting, or at least that's what I thought it was. Being
the nosey person I am I had to investigate. I walked over and then saw
it.
Harry was holding Niall up against the school wall screaming things in
his face.
"You don't talk to her! You don't even look at her you understand me!?"
Harry yelled in Niall's face. Niall didn't respond which I knew would piss
Niall off.
"I told you a hundred times Horan to back off her! I told you every day
that id kill you if you didn't do it yourself. You knew that since the
beginning of the year but you didn't listen! Well guess what, I bet you're
going to listen now" Harry raised his fist.
I dropped my backpack and my books and ran over to them.
"Stop Harry! Stop!" I screamed.
Harry and Niall both looked at me, Harry's face went pale but Niall
looked relived.
"Mimi? What are you doing here?" Harry asked.
"I should ask you the same question" I walked in the space between him
and Niall and slapped him.
"It's over. You fucking douche bag. You don't hurt my friends, and you
never talk to me again! Do you understand that?!" I scream in Harry's
face.
He laughs, "c'mon Mimi, you're making a bigger deal out of this then it
needs to be"
"No Harry, I'm not. We're over and I never want you to talk to me again,
got it?"
"I bet if we go have sex right now you'll forgive me" Harry jokes.
"I'm not joking around Harry and I'm not having sex with you! Grow up
and don't hurt my friends" I push him and he stumbles back.
"That's it" Harry raises his hand and it goes across my face. Making a
smaking noise. "Hope you have a good life with this depressed freak" he
says to me about Niall.
I watch him walk away, Niall just stands there behind me.
"You fucking ass hole!" Niall runs after him.
I looked, I wanted to stop them but couldn't. I grabbed my face and I
cried, I didn't cry a lot but I did look stupid.

"You think you can hurt me!?" Harry sarcastically laughs, "bring it" Harry
says in Niall's face.
I watch Niall punch him, Harry struggled to stay up. And they just swung
punches at each other, each one harder than the last. Niall was staying
up good, but Harry was struggling.
To be honest Niall looked hot, blood dripping from his mouth, throwing
punches at a guy who just slapped me.
I needed to break up the fight. I ran over and pushed Harry away from
Niall.
"Just leave, no one wants you here anyways" I spit in his face.
Harry rolls his eyes, stuffs his hands in his pockets and walks away. I turn
to Niall who hugged me.
"Thank you Mimi" he whispered.
I started to cry. Not like the little cry where you can stop it at any minute,
the cry where you're sobbing, gasping for air at any chance you get.
Having your face flushed with tears and beat red. That's the crying I was
doing.
Niall hugged my tighter and rubbed my back.
"It'll be okay" he whispers.
"Don't leave me ever again" I say through sobs.
*Chapter 11*
After that fight everything went back to normal. Well not completely.
The problem was Harry was still bullying Niall, harry obviously wanted
me back but Niall wouldnt let him, I wouldnt go back to him anyways.
Niall and I went back to being best friends, nothing more, nothing less.
Its better this way I thought. My heart wont get broken and our friend
ship wouldnt be ruined. As long as Niall was in my life I was happy.
I made a deal with Niall that he can cut once a week, the same deal he
made with me. The amount of scars on his arms and legs multiplied in
numbers when we had a break from being friends. It made me sick to
my stomach, I didnt tell Niall I cut though, it would make him even more
depressed.
Even though Niall`s cutting went down and we were friends again his
depression seemed to get worse. I would tell him all his favorite jokes
and he wouldnt even crack a smile. When we watched his favorite
movies he got bored and turned it off before it was even halfway
through, when I brought him some of his favorite foods he didnt even
eat it. I was getting really worried about him. So one day I decided to
take matters into my own hands.
***********************************
There Harry was, all I have to do is go up to him, ugh but he`s with all
his friends maybe I should wait no, now.
I said to myself as I walked over to Harry at school. I tapped his shoulder
and he turned around, he smiled, probably thinking I was going to take
him back.

Harry can I talk to you? I asked, his friends all looking at me.
Yeah, sure he nodded.
I took him around the corner and he leaned up against the wall.
Here to take me back I suppose? he smiles big at me.
Never, Im not taking you back now or any time in the future
Uh huh sure, now what do you want? I` m kind of busy
Oh what? Talking about all the pussy you`ll never get?
Well I got yours, which should count for something
I rolled my eyes and pointed a finger at his chest, making him go further
against the wall.
Listen, leave Niall alone. I thought I made this clear to you, I dont want
you messing with my friends, or me for that matter!
Mimi, really? Its a free country isnt it? he laughs a little and pushes
my hand down, Now I already slapped you once, dont make me do it
again he tries to walk away but I pull him back.
I dont think you get it. Stop. Messing. With. My. Friends. I say through
gritted teeth.
Mimi I already did! Honestly, if someone tells me not to do something I
wont do it, especially if you tell me he puts his hands on my hips but I
take them off.
Then why is Niall still depressed and cutting himself?
I have no idea, why dont you go ask him instead of interrogating me.
Ive got to go Mimi, call me if you want to have some fun he walks away
but turns around and does the `Call me` sign. I roll my eyes and walk
away.
******************************************
Tonight was movie night with my family, the one night I hated more than
anything. Taylor picked out the movies, Love Actually and some movie
called Juno about a girl who gets pregnant at 16 or something. I knew
that both of these movies would be awkward to watch in front of my
parents but it was Taylor`s turn to pick the movies and thats what she
picked.
Louis was coming over for dinner also. When he walked in I didnt even
recognize him, he looked so much more mature and older since the last
time I saw him. He and Taylor hugged first; he picked her up and kissed
her. Then he hugged my mom soft, shook my dads hand and then it was
my turn. He wrapped his arms around me and rubbed my back, but kept
moving his hands down my back, all the way to the top of my butt when
I pushed him off of me.
We walked into the dining room and took our seats. Taylor, Louis, and I
on one side of the table and my parents on the other side. My parents
started asking Louis how college was and stuff, they all talked while I
texted Niall, hiding my phone under the table.
And Mimi has been going out for runs now my mom says.
My head flicks up, What?
Wow really? Louis looks at me.

I wanted to laugh at my mom, I was obviously lying about the running

thing, whenever I was crying after I cut myself I used that excuse and I`d
always get in trouble for not wearing a winter jacket.
Thats right; I guess shes getting self-conscious about her weight
I look at my mom like what the fuck?
What are you even- I try to say but Louis cuts me off.
I`m not sure why, I think every women is perfect no matter how big or
small they are. Especially being Taylor`s sister Mimi, you`re perfect the
way you are he puts his hand on my thigh and squeezes it.
I look over at Taylor and she looks at me, at least she knew I wasnt
comfortable with this. I got up fast and bumped my leg into the table.
Uh Im going to go out for another run, you can start the movies
without me I say as I run out of the house.
I take my phone and call Niall.
Hello? he answers.
Meet me at the stop sign? I ask.
Yeah, on my way he hangs up and I walk down to the stop sign.
Surprisingly he got here in a few minutes; hes usually always a half hour
late. When he sees Im just in a sweatshirt he offers me his jacket.
Here Mimi, you`ll get cold
No Niall, Im fine. Just come with me.
I take him down the streets, through downtown Chicago, till we get to
Lake Michigan. I sit on the same bench that we sat a few months ago,
facing the water. Niall sat next to me and rubbed his arms, he was
getting cold.
Niall I just need to ask you something, something I really dont want to
Alright, what is it?
If Harry isnt bothering you anymore then why are you still cutting?
Niall looks down at his hands and he doesnt say anything for a few
minutes. Then finally he talks.
I hate myself he says quietly, I look at myself and-and I see someone
I dont want to see, I dont like what I see. Im ugly, boring and stupid,
theres no reason for me to be here. I hate myself he says again, and
then he starts to cry. I wrap my arms around him and put his head on my
shoulder, I push his hair to the side.
Niall dont say that, you are perfect in every way, you`re funny,
adorable, sweet, caring, everything a girl wants. Honestly you`re one of
the most amazing people Ive ever met
Niall looks up at me, his eyes red. Really? he sniffles.
Really I kiss his cheek, Now I want you to stop hurting yourself, I love
you
Niall half smiles and wipes his face, I love you too Mimi
*Chapter 12*
Niall walked me home that night, and when I walked inside everyone
was sleeping. I took out my phone to check the time and it was only 11.

I walked down the hall to my room and when I open the door I noticed
Louis was sleeping in my bed. I shut the door fast and put my back up
against it. Taylor was just coming out of her room at the same time, her
hair a mess and in pajama pants and a tank top.
Why is he in my bed? I whispered.
He had nowhere else to sleep Taylor whispered sleepily
Why couldnt he sleep in your room?
Taylor gives me a stern look, You really think mom and dad would let
him sleep in the same room with me, besides you werent home to stop
them. Maybe you shouldnt abruptly leave the house.
I roll my eyes, Then where am I sleeping smart one?
I guess on the couch she points.
I`m not sleeping on the couch, this is my room and my bed. You`re
getting him out and telling him to sleep on the couch! my voice started
to rise.
I`m not doing anything, if you want to sleep in your room so bad then
get him out yourself she walks back her room; I guess she came out for
no reason at all.
I groan and turn back to my door. I slowly turn the knob and step in, the
floor made a creaking sound so I slowed my steps down. When I reached
the bed I didnt know what to do, I didnt know how to wake him up. I
just put my hands on the shoulder facing me and shook him. He was up
in seconds, I guess he would be good to have if there was an intruder in
the house.
He shot up and looked at me, then smiled a little.
What do you need Mimi? he asks quietly.
I need you to go sleep on the couch
Oh c`mon I`m comfy he whines.
Louis get out of my room he was like the annoying little brother you
hated.
Nope, crawl in bed with me he moves over.
I put my hands on my hips and look at him. Louis, get out of my room,
now
He rolls over on his side, his back facing me. I was getting really
annoyed by this point. I grabbed a pillow off my bed and took the
comforter away from Louis. He laid there in a pair of basketball shorts; I
didnt realize he was shirtless.
Mimi, dont be such a party pooper, come snuggle with me he slurred
his words, he mustve been drunk.
No Louis, have fun sleeping with yourself
I walked out of the room and closed the door a little louder than planned.
My mom then walked out after.
Oh sweetie, when did you get home? We were worried about you she
comes over and kisses my cheek.
Sure they worried about me, I didnt get one phone call or anything from
them, my parents are such phonies.

I just got home; Im fine I went out with a couple friends. Why did you
give up my bed to Louis? You know my room is off limits I told her.
Well we didnt want Louis to be uncomfortable and we didnt know if
you were coming home tonight
Its a school night I try not to have an attitude with her.
How am I supposed to know Mimi, one day you`re too lazy to go
grocery shopping with me and the next you`re out running, I dont know
what to expect anymore!
I turn around without saying anything else to her. I make my bed on the
couch and lay there. I stare at the ceiling for the longest time, I couldnt
sleep, my brain was thinking so many things.
I hate everyone, every single person. No one cares about me, I mean
just look at my parents. They were more worried about my sisters fianc
then if I was still alive. I turned on my side so then I was looking at the
family room but my eyes scanned over to the fireplace. I just stared at it,
blinking and thinking.
What if I killed myself? Would only Niall care? Or anyone else? Probably
not, theres no reason for thinking those things because it doesnt
happen, well it doesnt happen to people like me. I close my eyes and try
to sleep. Maybe I can dream something good.
*********************************************
I wake up and my mom, sister, and Louis are in the kitchen making a
bunch of noise, obviously my dad is at work. I bet if I did that then I
would get yelled at, but of course I can never sleep.
I get up and walk into the kitchen, teasing my hair as everyone looked at
me. My eyes trying to stay open.
Good morning sleeping beauty my mom smiles.
I look over at the stove, 10:56.
Mom I have to get to school! I`m late why didnt you wake me up?!
Taylor and Louis laugh while my mom smiles at me.
You had a bad night last night, I thought you could stay home today and
we could go out she motions at Taylor and Louis.
I`d rather go to school I say.
Taylor laughs sarcastically, Mimi, you`re so funny sometimes
I`m being serious I say.
I`ll go get ready and we`ll be out of here by 11:30? Sound good with
everyone? my mom asks.
Great Louis and Taylor say in unison.
No that doesnt sound good I say.
I just got my Christmas pay check, guess Im going present shopping
Taylor squeals with excitement.
When do you work? I ask her.
You dont need to get me anything babe Louis says to Taylor wrapped
his hands around her hips, All I want for Christmas is you
Awhh Louis she smiles and they kiss.

I could say anything I wanted to right now, Im going to be a stripper

when I grow up!
Maybe we should go get a shower in Lou Taylor giggles.
Maybe I`ll get a tattoo on my butt, get a noise ring, start calling
everyone bitch!
Not now babe, later when we go to the hotel Louis says to her.
I roll my eyes and walk into my room, I grab a pair of leggings, a black
tank top, and a jean cardigan, with my UGG boots of course. I put my
hair in a cute, but messy bun and put on some mascara, the only kind of
makeup I really only wear.
On the way to the mall I was stuck in the front seat with my mom,
dreading every second of this. I kept changing the radio stations and all
it was, was Christmas music. I always have hated Christmas music but
everyone in my family loves it, so when Im in charge of the radio its
usually never on during the Christmas season.
When we got to the mall I was sent off on my own, well it wasnt really
any one elses choice but mine, I just needed to get away from them.
While I was grabbed a few CD`s at the small Best Buy someone touched
my shoulder, I almost screamed but then I saw it was Louis.
What do you want? I say looking at the back of one of the CD cases.
I want to apologize for the way I was acting yesterday, well last night. I
was drunk and I didnt mean to you know try anything on you. I love
Taylor and thats how it will always be
So I was right, he was drunk.
Why were you drunk? I ask looking at him this time.
I was nervous, Taylor told me that we were going to tell your parents
that we were engaged and I was afraid they wouldnt like it because
Taylors just turned 21 and im 25, almost 26. But in the end we didnt say
anything so I guess I got drunk for no reason. I just feel like your parents
dont like me
Oh believe me Louis, they like you
He looks down, I hope so. So are we okay? he ask smiling.
Yeah, we`re good I hold out my hand.
We shake and before he lets go of my hand he pulls me close so he can
whisper in my ear.
But I wasnt lying when I said you were perfect
*Chapter 13*
When I got home from the mall my mom and Taylor were squealing over
what they got for everyone for Christmas. I walked directly to my room; I
didnt want to listen to everyone talking about Christmas.
I have always hated Christmas. There really isnt a reason why, I just
really dont like Christmas. I mean Im not like the Grinch or whatever,
Im happy to spend time with everyone and get presents but theres
something about Christmas that just gets me mad.

I put in one of my new CDs, Mumford and Sons. It started to play as I

started to clean up my room a little. While I was picking clothes off the
floor when I noticed a piece of paper, I picked it up and opened it slowly.
Hey Mimi,
Well I know Christmas is coming and I have nothing to get you, and im
sure you have nothing for me.
But there is one thing we can do for each other that will please us both.
I think you know what Im talking about.
Text me if you`re interested.
Maybe this time we can talk a little after?
Love, Niall
I sighed, not this again. I thought I made it clear enough that I dont
want any kind of relationship like that, im just not good with the friends
with benefits thing I guess.
I threw the clothes in my hands back on the floor, so much for cleaning. I
took my phone out and texted Niall.
I got your note
What do you think? he asked me.
Idk, you really want to do this again?
I want to do it with you
I laughed a little at that even though I know it was a joke.
Well I just dont want it to be like last time
It wont be he tells me straight forward.
Are you sure? I ask, still unsure myself.
Positive. Just come over and we can talk about it, not that we`d be
doing a lot of talking but we could try xx
I smiled and laughed. I didnt need to text him back because he knew I
couldnt refuse coming over.
I put my boots back on and walked out of my room. I said bye to Louis,
Taylor and my mom. I ran into my dad on the way out, I hugged him.
Be careful, mom and Taylor went shopping I whispered to him.
He looked at me like oh shit. I smiled at walked outside.
It was snowing and the snow was already a few inches high. I stomped
my way over to Niall`s but stopped when I saw his brothers car in the
driveway, his brother was always so loud and obnoxious, Niall and I
hated it.
I didnt need to knock on the door, I just walked right in. Niall and Greg
both looked up and me from the couch. I waved and smiled a little.
Hey I look at Niall and he rolls his eyes.
Hey Mimi, come on and sit, Greg was just telling me about his new
fiance he pats the couch next to him.
I walked over and sat down, Greg on the chair across from us smiling.
So Greg, tell me about the lucky lady I say, Niall laughed a little.
The thing was, it seemed like every week Greg had a new girlfriend or
fiance. Niall and I always joked about it and thought Greg was just

immature and none of the women wanted to stay with him. But its his
life, not mine, and hes not my brother so I have no room to talk.
Why say anything when shes coming over tonight? Greg laughs a
little.
Greg?! Tonight Mimi and I were supposed to hang out; you cant just
bring her here! You`re not even supposed to be here Niall yelled at his
older brother.
Oh come on, you and Mimi hang out almost every day, its not like you
do anything anyways! Greg yells back.
I look at Niall and he looks at me, he clears his throat.
Fine, but you guys are not sleeping here. This is the first time that mom
and dad have been gone in weeks and I plan on spending it with my best
friend Niall says.
Theres that word again friends. That word just stings me.
Alright Niall, I got it, you dont have to keep yelling at me then the
doorbell rings, That must be her! Greg smiles and gets up to open the
door.
A tall brunette walks in, she was wearing a tight cocktail dress with tall
black pumps, she looked like she had just come from the club. I looked at
Niall`s face and he looked dazed, it pissed me off.
Niall and I stood up to meet the new bride. I tried to smile at her, but I
dont know how good of a job I did.
This is Amber, shes very friendly Greg says, I hold out my hand to
shake but Amber takes me into a big hug. Guess Greg was right when
she said friendly.
Mimi right? I`ve heard that you and Niall have been friends for a long
time she smiles at me, god she was almost perfect.
Yeah, a longtime I look at Niall, his eyes glazed over like he was
looking at an angel. I tried to keep it together; I had to be friendly and
polite right?
And you must be Niall Amber says as she hugs and kisses Niall on the
cheek.
Niall was smiling as he was standing back over by me. Amber was pretty
much all over him, asking him questions and touching his shoulder and
back. I kept it together for a while then I snapped, I really wish I hadnt.
Greg has a lot of girls so dont be upset when I dont put your name to
memory I say to Amber.
Niall comes over and wraps his arm around my hip and pulls me close to
him.
Put the claws down kitty; dont need to be so angry Niall laughs a little.
I thought it was supposed to be just us tonight I whisper in his ear.
Change of plans I guess, dont think of it being so bad, we can be the
mom and dad and these are our kids Niall tries to crack a joke.
This isnt the kind of mommy and daddy I was thinking of I tell him,
pulling away.
He looks at me then turns to his brother and I guess future sister in-law.

Get out Niall says, his grip on me getting harder.

What? his brother asks confused.
I need to do something, get out. Come back later tonight
I look at Niall, was he being serious? He was going to make them leave
just to make me happy.
Niall come on- Greg starts.
Out. Now
Niall was really being serious.
I watched Greg and Amber walk out and as soon as they did Niall picked
me up wrapping my legs around his waist and kissing him long and hard.
Now lets go play your version of mommy and daddy Niall smiles at
me.
*Chapter 14*
I giggle and kiss Niall again. He takes me up stairs to his room, he sets
me down on his bed but he stands there still kissing me. I wrap my
hands around Niall`s pants and pull them down fast, earning a groan
from him. I stopped kissing him and got down on my knees, I looked up
at him and smiled, he smiled down at me too. I pulled his boxers down,
nice and slow, making sure to get him harder than ever in the process. I
grabbed his growing member and flicked my tongue alone the tip. Niall
thrusted forward.
Dont be such a tease Mimi, suck my big cock he thrusted forward
again.
This time I took him all in my mouth. I gripped the bottom on his shaft
helping me take him all in my mouth. I slowly massaged his balls,
making Niall groan and grunt loudly.
Ugh fuck Mimi, fuck he grunted as he gripped my hair pushing my
head lower on him.
I hollowed my cheeks and sucked him harder, getting more and more
grunts which was making me even more turned on. I swirled my tongue
along every vein I could feel, I tasted pre cum and felt him twitch, I took
him out of my mouth. Making a popping noise as I pulled away. I looked
at Niall`s face and he looked upset.
You`ll pay for that he growls and he pushes me on my back onto the
bed.
He kissed me again and squeezed my breasts through my shirt, making
me moan softly. He squeezed them tighter getting two other moans from
me. His huge erection was hitting up against my jeans, I laughed every
time it hit me.
Niall, I neeeeed you I moaned in his ear, cupped his face with my
hands.
How bad? he teased me.
So bad, I`m soaking I moaned again.
I guess I`ll have to see that for myself Niall kissed my neck.

I moved my hands down and started to rub Niall down, making him
moan into my neck, I loved this. I didnt even know what I was doing; I
was just going with what my gut told me. Niall`s hands moved down to
my pants and he pulled them down, slowly, making me even more wet.
Niall please! I yell at him, trying to make him hurry up.
Once my pants were completely off Niall ripped off my underwear and
shoving a finger in, then another scissoring them. My back arched to his
touch, I wanted him so bad.
You`re right, you`re so fucking wet
Niall- I I I couldnt make the words come out.
Take off your shirt babe, let me see your beautiful body Niall said to
me, pushing his fingers in deeper.
I sat up, still having Niall pump his fingers in and out of me. I pulled my
shirt off and unclasped my bra, throwing them across the room onto the
floor. Niall removed his fingers and took both hands massaging my
breasts, I gripped the bottom of Niall`s shirt, tugging it so he would get
the clue that I wanted it off. Niall listened and took it off nice and fast;
the tip of his member touched my entrance, brushing against my clit. It
was sensitive so when he brushed up against it I grunted into the
passionate kiss Niall and I were having. Niall stops kissing me and looks
at me with his crystal blue eyes.
I need to tell you something he says to me.
Tell me after, we`re a little busy now I say grabbing the back of his
head and kissing him again.
Niall got on top of me again and teased me; I was tired of it so I grabbed
him and shoved him into me. Niall stopped kissing me and then his
grunts started. Niall`s thrusts started out fast, making me grip onto the
bed sheets and his back.
UGH NIALL! I scream.
Thats right Niall moans Scream my name
Niall starting grunting in my ear, whispering many words that for some
reason just turned me on even more, even if I couldnt understand them
because of his think accent. I held onto the back of his hand as he
thrusted into me, I felt him slow down and he didnt thrust as hard. But I
was still in heaven, the way Niall could make me feel was orgasmic, his
touch made me feel on top of the world. Then I felt me hit my high.
FUCK NIALL FUCK! I screamed at the top of my lungs.
Louder! Let everyone know whos making you feel like this! Niall yells
at me.
NIALLL! my back arched and my eyes rolled back in my head.
Niall was still thrusting, my walls clenching onto him. It wasnt for a few
minutes until Niall climaxed. He pulled out and came all over the sheets,
just like last time. I watched the cum dripping from his twitching
erection, the tip was red and throbbing. Niall flopped down next to me,
both of us gasping for air and letting it out. Niall grabbed me and pulled
me over to his body, generating body heat for each other.

God Niall, you`re so good at this I say between breaths.

Only because of you, I just want to make you happy he smiles at me, I
blush and kiss his pink lips softly.
Niall?
Yeah Mimi?
Why were you jealous about Harry? Its not like we were dating or
anything
Thats what I was going to tell you his voice trails off.
I look into his eyes again, What is it Niall?
I think I think he stutters, I think I love you
*Chapter 15*
"Wh-what?" I stutter.
"I think I love you. Well, actually, I don't just think that, I know it"
"What made you think that?" I ask.
"You. The way you are, your beautiful personality, your body, everything
about you. I just got so jealous when you went out with Harry. I know I
said we weren't a couple or anything but then I saw you with him and I
just wanted you all to myself"
I giggled, I never thought my best friend, Niall Horan, would be jealous
over a boy going out with me. I snuggled closer to him and he tightens
his arms around me.
"Please stay" he whispers.
I look up at him, "I don't want to leave"
I kissed his cheek and laid back to where I was before. Slowly drifting to
sleep.
************************
I slept in with Niall that morning. When I woke up he was just looking
down at me. I stretched, sat up and looked at him.
"Why are you looking at me?" I asked softly.
"You just looked so sweet and peaceful. It was beautiful" he said in his
raspy morning voice.
I smiled and kissed his pink lips, he kissed me back.
"You never told me" his voice trailed off.
"What didn't I tell you!" I ask him.
"If you love me too?" His face went pink.
"Niall, of course I love you back"
Niall smiled big and sat up. I watched him get dressed. He handed me
my clothes but I didn't put them on. I stood up and grabbed one of Niall's
shirts off the floor. When I put it on Niall looked at me up and down.
"No matter what you look like Mimi you're beautiful. How are you so
perfect?"
I felt my face get hot. Niall was so sweet, the only thing was we still
didn't know what kind of relationship we had.
I walked to the kitchen with Niall and he made us coffee. We leaned up
against the counter just sipping the coffee and enjoying each others

company. Then all of a sudden his brother stormed into the house. His
face went white when he saw me standing there in a t-shirt.
"Woah Niall, did you guys?" Greg started.
Niall walked in from of me to cover my body.
"Yes, now what the hell are you doing here ?"
"I forgot my phone on the table in the other room... Hey Mimi, how good
is he? I always used to tease him about how he would be bad" great
laughed slightly.
"Well, coming from her loans and screams, I'd say I was pretty good"
I giggled and stepped out from behind Niall.
"He's great, a hell of a lot better than Harry"
Niall smirks and pulls me close to him by my waist.
"I guess I leave you two alone. Just don't get caught by mom and dad"
Greg tells us.
"That might be a little bit of a problem judging by how loud Mimi
screams"
I laughed at how uncomfortable Greg looked.
I watched him walk out of the house and I turned to Niall. He kissed me
nose and moved his lips down.
"Be mine?" Niall whispers onto my lips.
"How could I refuse?"
*Chapter 16*
Ive never dated anyone this amazing before.
Niall was so much better than my X`s, a lot hotter, and sweeter. He
always called on me to check if I was okay and he always pleasured me
to the full extent.
Christmas went by fast which I was happy about, and New Year s Eve
was right around the corner. I didnt know what I was going to do
because Niall was going to be out of town. I guess I could to hang out
with Kaitlyn and Gabriela, if they even want to hang out with me.
I decided to call them, they cant stay mad at me forever, plus we`ve
been friends since 1st grade. Theyll forgive me in a heartbeat. I decided
to call Kaitlyn first; she was the sweetest and forgives me faster.
Hello? Kaitlyn answers.
Hey! I say with my voice high and cheerful.
What do you want?
I want to apologize for going out with Harry. I didnt realize how much
Gabriela liked him, well I mean I did but I thought it was kind of over with
them. At least thats what Harry told me.
Yeah I know, its just Gabby really liked him and you went out and
well lets not get into it. But I only got mad because shes my best
friend now that you`re with Niall all the time and I need to watch out for
her she explains.
I understand completely, but it was out of line for me to out with him,
but Gabby was 100 percent correct, he is a douche

Kaitlyn and I both laugh, she laughs a little harder than I do.
Can you just tell her I`m sorry, I would call her but Im pretty sure she
doesnt want to talk to me I say.
Mimi I`m sitting right here, Kaitlyn had the phone on speaker the whole
time. I will let this one slide but next time if you try anything on anyone I
date, then I dont think I will forgive you
I sigh loudly, at least she isnt mad at me anymorewell she didnt
really say if she was or not.
Thanks girls, you guys are amazing I tell them.
Yeah sure, we have to go but talk to you later?
I smile, Yeah, bye
I hang up and sit down on my bed. Then I get a text from Niall.
Babe! I miss you, even though I saw you earlier ;)
Want to go out and get something to eat? I kind want to talk to you
about something.
Get back to me soon. Xx
I smiled.
That sounds good, where were you thinking? I send.
Pizza maybe? I`m just craving pizza lol
I giggled a little; Niall was usually always craving pizza.
Fine with me! Pick me up around 5?
Cool Mimi that`d be great, I`ll see you soon, Love you xx
Love you too Niall
****************************************
When we got to the pizza place downtown we didnt say much. I didnt
even say anything to get the conversation going, and Niall didnt
mention what he wanted to talk about. But he didnt seem happy.
We sat in a booth in the back of the restaurant, the lighting was dim and
I couldnt really see Niall, other than the glow of his bright blue eyes.
So, what did you want to talk about Niall? I asked.
You cant get mad at me, okay Mimi?
I roll my eyes, Just tell me I breath out, annoyed.
Even though we`re going out and stuff I`m still cutting. I dont feel good
enough for you, I feel like a pile of shit next to a princess. I love you, and
being around you, but I cant help but feel that you`re too good for me.
And a lot of people around here think that too he looks around real
quick then down at the table.
I grab his hands in mine, Dont say that Niall, dont ever say that. If
anyone is too good for the other its you, you`re way too good for me.
Compared to you, Im a peasant; dont say that Im too good for you
because Im not. Who would even say that?
Niall didnt say anything, then he walked in. it was Harry, what are the
odds of him being here? Niall cleared his throat and thats when I knew.
That fucking ass hole I stood up and Niall tried to stop me.
Mimi no, stop, we dont need this drama, let it go!

I ignored Niall and walked up to Harry, pushing him right against the wall
and getting in his face.
I thought I told you to leave Niall alone I say in a threatening tone.
Dont you get in my face you slut Harry pushes me off of him, I can do
whatever the hell I want
I push him again but not against the wall.
Im not saying you cant! But dont you DARE tell him he isnt good
enough for me! He`s better for than you are! I scream in his face.
Everyone in the restaurant was looking at us, and I didnt realize Niall
was standing behind me, breathing slowly but fists clenched.
Thats not how it sounded when I fucked you on my couch! Harry spat
out at me.
I stepped back, I heard some people around snicker. Niall stepped right
up behind me, his body on my back.
Now dont go around telling me what I can and cant do you no good
whore! Im embarrassed I even took you as my girlfriend!
I looked at Harry and tears welded in my eyes. I dont know why that
bothered me so much, I guess because I was always the one girl
everyone was embarrassed to be around.
You take that back my voice shakes.
The look on Harry`s face went from total douche bag to caring best
friend. I didnt know what was going on and the next thing I knew Harry
grabbed my face and kissed me hard. I tried pushing him off of me but
he wouldnt budge. Until Niall came around and pushed him, Harry fell
into the wall again and Niall pinned him up.
You leave her the fuck alone, you can mess with me all you want but
when you hurt her you`re just asking for it! Niall says gruffly. Do you
understand?
Harry nods, he didnt look scared but I knew he wanted to get that over
with. He didnt want Niall in his face anymore.
Harry walked towards the door, turned around to look at me one last
time and then he walked out. Some people cheered and others went
back to what they were doing. Niall turned to me and brought me into
his arms.
I`m so sorry you had to go through that princess, I promise he wont
hurt you anymore
I nod into his chest and wrap my arms around him.
I trust you Niall
Good, now lets go get the taste of douche bag off your luscious lips
*Chapter 17*
Niall and I ended up not eating, we went home right after. He dropped
me off at my house and then took himself home. I shouldve just listened
to him when he said to let it go, but no, I had to get up in Harry`s face.
Im such an idiot.

I walk inside and see Taylor with Louis on the couch, my parents on the
one across from them. Taylor looked upset and Louis looked wasted
beyond belief. My parents didnt look happy either.
Mimi, sit down my dad motions for the chair next to them.
I quickly walk over there, he already looked mad enough I didnt want to
piss him off even more.
Mimi, I want you to be honest with us. My mom looks at me.
I furrow my eye brows, What is this about mom?
Moms just got a big stick up her ass
I snap my head around at Taylor; she really just said that didnt she? I
wanted to laugh and hit her on the shoulder at the same time.
Taylor, watch your mouth my dad tells her, not getting mad.
That pissed me off, if I said that I wouldve been screamed at and
grounded for like a week. But if Taylor says that all she gets is a Taylor
watch your mouth.
Mom seriously, what is this about? If this isnt relevant to anything then
can I leave now? I sigh.
Did you know about Louis and Taylor? she asks me quietly, like they
werent supposed to hear.
I look at Taylor, she just looks at Louis, who looks like he`s going to pass
out. He was really drunk. Louis looks over at me, I didnt know if I should
say that I did now or that I didnt know. But then Louis slowly nodded
and I knew what to say.
Yes, but heres the thing mom. They are in love, and I think they need
to get married. I mean look at Taylor, shes looking at Louis, worried,
wondering if he`ll be okay. And Louis, he is trying to make this
relationship work, with you guys and with me. He even told me he loves
Taylor more than anything and he will fight for her. I love their
relationship and hope I have one like theirs someday. And you, mom and
dad, dont love their relationship then I dont know who you are. You
were always the people who told us to love who we wanted. No matter
age or gender. These two were made for each other, so dont tell me
they arent getting married because they are, Louis has my blessing
I look at Taylor and she smiles at me, I knew I did well. I looked back at
my parents who looked stunned that I said that. I was a little stunned
myself.
Wow Mimi, I didnt know you felt that way about them my dad
chuckles.
That may all be true Mimi but look, they`re young. Louis wont be home
enough for Taylor. I just dont trust them together my mom sweetly
says.
Mom, Louis is 26, I think its time hes found a wife. And he obviously
wants to do that with Taylor. And Taylor wants to do that with him, you
need to let them live their lives too. You cant always get in the way
My mom nods and no one says anything. It was awkward, after my big
speech and standing up for my sister and her boyfriend. But I knew

Taylor would repay me somehow, I didnt know how but I knew she
would.
I`m going to my room, I`m done with all this drama today I groan
getting up and walking into my room.
I spend too much time in here, I need to get out and actually be with
everyone. But thats right I hate everyone.
I really want to cut but if I did Niall would find out and he`d get upset;
probably threaten to cut himself also. I didnt want him to do that; I
needed him to get better. I dont like when hes upset, it just makes me
upset.
I decided to call him and apologize, apologize for all the crap I did today.
Hey I say softly.
Hi Mimi, what do you need? he answers.
I`m sorry for what happened to you earlier, I shouldve just listened to
you and let it go
It`s not your fault. Its mine, I let him push me around, and I let him get
to me. I let him make me depressed, its all my fault like everything
else then Niall started crying.
Baby no, its not your fault I try reassuring him.
Yes it is Im such a failure he sobs.
Niall stop, you are NOT a failure, you`re one of the most amazing
people I know. Dont you EVER tell me that its your fault. Its Harrys fault
for doing that to you; he should be the one feeling guilt, not you
Niall sniffles, Sure Mimi whatever you say, I have to go and then he
hung up.
I breathed out loudly and threw my phone across the room. I felt like
screaming, I just needed to get my anger out somehow, then I just
started crying. Hearing Niall cry could make anyone cry. He was always
the boy who laughed and smiled; now hes the boy who always cried and
frowned.
Once I was crying I couldnt stop. It came out in buckets; I was curled up
in my bed, the lights off and the comforter over me to muffle my sobs. I
didnt want to move, I wanted to sit there and cry. Soon I forgot why I
was crying, and no more tears were coming out, I mustve cried all I
could. I gasped for air, sniffling in the process. Then I heard my phone go
off. I made an annoyed noise and went to look for it. When I found it and
read the text message from Niall, I couldnt move.
Goodbye Mimi, I love you. Harry will be happy soon, he`ll have you all to
himself
*Chapter 18*
I didnt even have to read the text again to know what was happening.
I grabbed my jacket off the ground and run out of my room. I ran to the
front door, my eyes were welling up with tears, I couldnt really see
straight; I struggled with the door lock when my parents noticed me.
Mimi, whats wrong? My mom asks from the couch.

I didnt answer her; I just focused on the lock. When the door was open I
bolted out of the house, not worrying about closing the door behind me.
I ran to the corner and down the street to Niall`s. I took my phone out
and dialed his number.
It rang.
And rang.
And rang even longer.
It went to voice mail and thats when I started sobbing.
I called again and the same thing happened. I was almost at his house
but I didnt know if I was going to make it in time, I prayed to god that I
would make it. I called for the last time, because after that call I would
be at his house.
When it went to voicemail I breathed in slowly.
Niall, you answer this god damn phone right now. You better not even
try killing yourself, you fucking stop it. You dont play games like this,
you fucking stop. I cant live without you I started sobbing even more. I
love you so much, please, please just stop this
I hung up and wound up at Niall`s house.
I ran inside, the door unlocked, which I hoped was right.
It was quiet but I heard him crying. I ran up stairs to the hallway
bathroom and thats where he was. I tried turning the knob but it
wouldnt budge. I pounded on the door trying to get him to answer.
Niall you open this fucking door right now! I screamed.
Go away Mimi! I dont want you to find me dead Niall sniffled.
Stop it Niall I leaned my body against the door, trying the knob again,
You fucking open the door or or ill break it down!
I didnt know what I was saying; maybe it was just in the moment? He
and I both knew I couldnt break down a door.
Go ahead and try Mimi, lets see you break down this door I heard Niall
struggling with a pill bottle.
My body was shaking as I stepped back from the door. I clenched my
fists and ran at the door, ramming into it with my side. It hurt a lot more
than I thought; I grabbed the part of my body that I ran into the door
with. I think I started crying harder because of the pain.
Nice try Mimi, but theres no way you`re breaking down this door, and
there is no way Im living anymore Niall said as he still struggled with
the pill bottle.
I closed my eyes and slammed against the door again, hoping for
something. I heard a little crack but knew it wasnt enough. I ran into it
again, another few cracks. The pain was throbbing through my body, I
couldnt hide my tears, it hurt too much.
I ran into the door this time, and then I heard more cracks. And thats
when I knew the door was going to be knocked down soon. I just needed
to keep doing what Im doing. I backed up again like I did the first time. I
rammed into the door again and this time I fell forward. When I hit the
ground I let out a groan, it hurt like a bitch.

I looked up at Niall who just opened the pill bottle, he didnt even
acknowledge that I was sitting right there, on top of his bathroom down,
on the bathroom floor. I got up at fast as I could; Niall was just reaching
for his first pill. It felt like everything was in slow motion. I got up off the
ground and hit the pill bottle out of Niall`s hands. He looked at me like I
just did the worst thing possible, I noticed his arms, and both of them
had fresh, new, bleeding cuts. I cringed then looked back up at Niall, he
still looked angry. The pills were all over the floor, there was no point in
picking them up and trying to kill yourself.
Why did you that? he screamed in my face.
I started walking back, I knew what was coming, he was going to scream
at me.
You fucking bitch! You knew I wanted to kill myself, why did you have to
stop me! I fucking hate my life and everything in it! You messed up
everything!
Next thing I knew I was pinned up against the wall in the hallway. Niall`s
face in mine, his light blue eyes were dark with anger, to be honest I was
scared.
What if I messed up your one chance at suicide Mimi! Guess what? I
wouldnt! Because I would know how badly you wanted to leave!
No you wouldnt Niall! Dont lie to me! You would try to stop every
chance I got, dont fucking play me like that! I screamed back at him, I
know this isnt the best thing to be doing for a suicidal person who just
tried killing themselves but I didnt know what to do.
You`re a fucking bitch, you couldnt just let me die? You had to come
save me didnt you?! You just had to ruin everything!
I couldnt take it anymore, I grabbed Niall`s face and kissed him, my
hands were rubbing his back, I wanted him to know everything would be
okay. When he pulled away I noticed his dark eyes went light again, they
were blood shot from all the crying he was doing. Then he started crying
again. I grabbed him and hugged him, one hand in his hair and another
on his back. He was sobbing hard.
Shh, Niall it`ll be okay, calm down I whispered, his head, resting on my
shoulder.
I`m so sorry Mimi, I shouldnt have gotten angry
It`s okay Niall, I understand why you were mad. But dont ever do this
again
Mimi? Niall lifted his head, dont leave me tonight
I`m not going anywhere
*Chapter 19*
I didn't leave Niall alone after that. I was always around him, making
sure he got enough food, making sure he went to sleep, even making
sure if he went to the bathroom. I didn't want him to do anything to hurt
himself again.

His arms were all red and swollen from the new cuts he made. They
didn't seem to go down and that worried me. There was so many that
when I touched his arms he flinched. I tried cleaning them but Niall was
in so much pain I had to stop.
His parents were always gone at work to make up for some time before
they left for their vacation on New Year's Eve. That's what I was worried
about, leaving Niall alone with them. I knew his parents would take good
care of him, I didn't doubt that, I was worried that he would hurt himself
again when his parents weren't looking. Niall also begged his parents for
me to go with them, so then I would still be able to take care of him, but
they said no because it was family time. I just had to understand that.
The day Niall was leaving I helped him pack, when I zipped it up he came
and hugged me from behind me started to kiss my neck softly.
"I'm going to miss you" he whispers.
I smile and turn around to face him, "I'm going to miss you too" I kissed
his nose.
"Can I get a goodbye present?" Niall smirked at me.
"I think you're thinking of what ill do to you when you get back" I bit my
lip
Niall moved closer to me and pushed my legs up against the bed.
"I can't wait that long" he whispered softly.
"It'll only be a few days Niall" I wrapped my arms around his neck.
"One going away present, please?" Niall's eyes begged me.
I couldn't say no to him, I wanted him to be happy.
I kissed him, "fine". I got on my knees and started to unbuckle his pants.
I pulled them down to his ankles in one swift motion. We had to be quiet
about this, his parents were down in the basement checking on the
water heater and such, making sure everything was okay before they
left.
I looked up at Niall and he looked down at me. I put a finger to my mouth
to make sure he knew to be quiet.
Then, I slowly pulled his underwear down, making him ache. I could tell
by the way his growing member throbbed when it hit the warm air of his
room. Niall seemed to lean backwards a little but I made him stand up
straight. I grabbed his member and started to stoke it slowly, earning a
soft groan. I smiled and then licked the tip slowly, getting all the pre cum
on my tongue.
"Uhh Mimi, stop teasing" Niall moaned quietly.
I stopped everything I was doing and looked up at him.
"Teasing? I do nothing of the sort" I smirked.
Niall's furrowed his eye brows at me.
"Mimi..." He gritted his teeth together.
"Yes Niall?" I smiled at him this time.
"Stop. Teasing." He started to grind his teeth.
"What are you going to do if I don't?"

He didn't answer me, he didn't know what to do. I knew I won that time
but I wasn't finished with him.
I started to slowly massage him, licking his red tip softly and slowly, and
then moving me head all the way down his shaft, making him hit the
back of my throat. Niall's hands clenched to the back of my head,
pushing me further down him and making me gag a little every time.
"Look at me" Niall breathed out.
I did what he said and flicked my eyes up at him. He looked down at me
and smiled.
"I want you to look at me when I cum" Niall order me.
I started to hollow my cheeks and I grazed my teeth on him a few times,
by accident of course, by but Niall's quiet moans he seemed to enjoy it.
Niall pulled at the back of my hair and made his face and I knew what
was coming. He twitched in my mouth and came. I swallowed it all, while
Niall covered his mouth to muffle his orgasm screams. I took him out of
my mouth and as I did it made a popping sound. I giggled a little at that,
and Niall smiled.
I stood up and kissed him.
"How's that for a going away present?" I licked my lips.
"It was great" Niall slowly breathed in and out.
"The coming home present will be a lot better" I winked.
Niall laughed and pulled up his pants. He hugged me again and I rested
my head on his shoulder. We stood like that for a while, not moving, not
saying anything. I really was going to miss him, even if this only was for
a few days.
"Niall! Son, it's time to go!" Niall's dad yelled from the bottom of the
stairs.
Niall let go of me and we looked at each other.
"I'll call you when I get there, I promise" he nods a little at me.
"Don't let your parents leave you alone and don't forget to take your
anti-depressants I gave you"
Niall grabbed me by the hips and kissed my cheek.
"Don't be such a mom, Mimi" he joked.
I smiled a little and nodded.
Niall grabbed his suit case and went for his bed room door, he opened it
and was stepping out. Before he was fully out of the room I yelled after
him.
"Wait Niall....I love you"
Niall smiled at me and his cheeks went a little pink.
"I love you too"
I watched him walk down the stairs and out of the house with his
parents. I was going to clean up Niall's room before I went home, I
wanted everything to be perfect when he came home.
I waved good bye to him as his car drove away, I felt a little empty inside
to be honest. I hated when I was away from Niall for a few days, when

we weren't friends for that long stretch of time I felt lifeless. But that's in
the past, it's over now.
I started to pick up Niall's clothes and put them in the dirty clothes
hamper. Niall never knew how to put clothes away, his mom always
yelled at him for it but he never listened.
Once his clothes were all picked up I started to grab the food and candy
wrappers. Now this is one this Niall is notorious for doing, he never ever
EVER throws his candy or food wrappers away. It's just something his
family and I have gotten used to, and we've stopped telling him to pick
them up as well because he never listens.
When I was done with that I decided I'd go home. I still had a few more
days to clean up anyways, leaving now wouldn't make a difference.
I grabbed my bag and walked home. Today was warmer say, the snow
was slowly melting away, my boots were very wet.
When got home it smelled like pie and turkey, then I remembered. My
family was coming over for a get together.
I groaned as I walked through the house, setting my bag in my room and
the going into the kitchen.
"Good morning Mimi, how's Niall's parents doing?" My mom asked.
"Good, hey mom?"
"Yes. Sweetheart?"
"Is there any way I can get out of this family dinner?" I faked a good
smile.
"Mimi come on, your dads family never comes to visit us anymore and
whenever they do you always want to bale. And since I can't then you're
staying too"
I rolled my eyes, "but mom, I hate dads fam-"
My dad walked right into the kitchen.
"Hi daddy!" My fake smile was on more than ever.
"Morning Mimi" he slightly nodded his head at me.
"You know dad I almost forgot, I have this school thing that I have to go
to tonight and that might mean missing the family dinner"
"Mimi you're not getting out of this one. I've invited some of my friends
and their kids too! Don't worry, you'll have fun"
I crossed my arms over my chest, "fine"
"Great! Now don't be such a party pooper and help me get ready for
tonight" my dad dragged me to the dinning room to hell set up.
This wasn't going to be fun.
***************************
There I was, standing in my room looking at myself in the mirror. I was in
a black short dress that cut off at my knees. It make me look even more
curvy than I already was and I didn't like that. I had heels on but they
weren't that big, or that amazing. Taylor was wearing the amazing one. I
got the junky ones.
I just looked at myself, up and down. I didn't like how I looked but my
mom did and that was enough to please her.

"I'll stay, ill stay ill stay" I said over again. "If I don't stay and I sneak out
then ill get yelled at, ill stay" I shook my head and looked at myself one
more time.
The door bell rang and that was my cue, I had to leave my room and go
say hi.
I walked out and down the hall, I heard my dad and mom talking to the
people like they were good friends.
My dad say me and motioned me over.
"This is my daughter Mimi" he pointed at me, "Mimi this is the people I
work with, Mr. And Mrs, Styles, we've been good friends for a while" my
hearts stopped as I shook Mr.Styles hand.
I stood there looking at them.
"And Mimi, this I'd their son, Harry" my dad said.
Harry walked out from behind his parents. His face was the same as
mine when he first saw me. His face was pale and his mouth hung
slightly open.
"Apparently you two go to school together how nice is that" my mom
smiles.
I looked at Harry and he walked over to me as our parents talked.
"Don't think that your pretty boy Niall can save you from me this time"
he whispered in my ear.
"Oh cry me a river" I spat out at him.
He walked away from me into the dinning room.
Fucking fantastic.
*Chapter 20*
During dinner Harry sat across from me. Harry had a normal black suit
on, it was nothing fancy but it did make him look dressed up. He always
looked at his plate then up to me. I would give him a perching stare. I
wanted him to leave me alone, but I knew that wouldn't happen.
"Mimi, have a drink" my sister shoved some champagne in my face, "it'll
calm you down" she slurs in my ear.
I take it and chug it down, setting the glass in front of me and every one
turned to me, their eyes wide with disbelief that I could do that. I
shrugged and got back to my dinner.
"Why don't we all go in the family room?" My dad suggests.
I watch them all pour into the family room, but I didn't see Harry. I
ignored it and poured myself another glass of champagne, and another...
And another. Soon I was buzzed, or drunk, I couldn't tell the difference.
My head felt light and airy, I felt like I could fly.
I stumbled down the hall into my room. I swung the door open and say
Harry sitting on my bed, it sounded like he was crying. My vision blurred
a little but I could still see him. He rubbed his eyes and sniffled.
"Oh! Mimi, I didn't see you there, ill go" Harry tried getting up but I told
him to sit back down.
Why was he crying?

Why did I stop him from leaving?

Why was he not staying by is own will? You would think after all the shit
he's done he wouldn't even have mentioned leaving.
"What?" He asked me.
"Stay." I tell him, plopping down next to him.
"You know Harry, life...Is a bitch" I turned to him. My eyes half closed as
my speech slurred.
"You're drunk" Harry points out.
"You're sexy"
What was I saying? Was it the champagne talking or was it really me
talking? I was so confused I didn't know what was happening.
"Mimi? Do you know what you're saying?" Harry asks, sounding just as
confused as I was.
"What did I say?" I already forgot what I said to him.
"You called me sexy" Harry tells me, scooting a little closer.
"I did? Oh! I remember that, but I thought I said that to someone else,
now I can't remember"
"So...you can't remember what you just said to me?" Harry asks,
scooting close to make our legs touch.
"I was talking to you?" I felt like such an idiot, I couldn't remember
anything I just said, or who I said it to, or what I just did.
Harry laughs at me and smiles, "yes, Mimi you were" he looks down and
back up at me, "you're adorable when you're drunk"
I look at him, "I'm not drunk!"
Harry rolls his eyes, grabs my face and kisses me. He kisses me hard,
with lots of tongue and lots of force. I didn't stop him though, I gently
touched his face, feeling his rough jaw bone on my hands. No matter
what, Harry will always be a perfect kisser. No matter how much I love
Niall...wait Niall.
I shoved Harry off of me and he fell onto the floor.
"What did you do that for?!" I tell at him.
"What? Kissed you?"
"Yes! You- you kissed me! You know I'm dating Niall, you know I'm in love
with him!" I scream at Harry.
"You don't seem too "in love"" he put air quotes around that, "after you
just kissed me like that"
I rolled my eyes.
"Just get out of here Harry" I watched him get up and walk to the door.
"Wait!" He turns to look at me, "you can't tell anyone about this, Niall
can't find out"
Harry smirks at me.
"I'm not making any promises."
Then he opens the door and walks out, leaving me sitting there looking
like an idiot.
************************

I must've passed out after that because I woke up and it was around 3 in
the morning.
I had a bunch of texts and calls from Niall, his voice mails were adorable.
"Hey Mimi, I don't know if you're sleeping right now or if you're awake,
well obviously you're asleep if you wouldn't answer my call. Hah,
anyways I just want to tell you that I'm here and my dad said we have to
come home a few days early for a work problem so that mean home
coming sex!... Wait, I should've kept that to myself. Okay I'm making
things awkward, well I love you Mimi and hope you're having a horrible
time without me being there. Love you" then it was over.
I laughed and smiled at my phone. Niall was the cutest.
I got up and walked down the hall to the kitchen for a midnight snack,
then I saw Louis sitting at the dinning room table. I walked over and
decided to sit with him. He looked upset.
"Louis, are you okay?" I whisper sweetly.
He shakes his head, "I don't know if I can go through with this Mimi"
I knew exactly what he was talking about.
"Don't say that Louis. Taylor loves you, if you let her go-"
"I know, I know. I just don't want to get married, have kids, then grow old
together and have us fighting all the time and we grow to hate each
other. I want to love her forever and I'm thinking that maybe we
shouldn't get married, but stay together and have kids and a family. You
know?"
My head was throbbing, hangover.
"What kind of stupid ass idea is that Lou? You really think that's going to
solve anything?"
He puts his hands in his air and pushes it back.
"I don't know"
I sigh loudly and shoot closer to him.
"Listen. You and Taylor will love each other forever, you won't hurt her
and she won't hurt you, don't break this relationship because you're
scared. That's like me breaking up with Niall because he's suicidal"
I cover my mouth with my hand. I didn't mean for that to slip out. I stand
up and push my chair in.
"Silly brain, that must be the booze talking. I should go to sleep now, see
you in the morning" I walk towards the hallway fast.
"Mimi stop! What are you talking about?"
I stopped in my tracks and turn around.
"Niall may or may not have tried killing himself and I have or have not
saved his life and he may or may not be thinking about doing it again" I
put on a fake smile and Louis could obviously see right through it.
"Niall's tried killing himself?!" Louis's voice raised.
"Be quiet! The whole neighbor hood doesn't need to know!"
Louis walks over and brings me into a hug.
"I'm so sorry Mimi, I didn't know"

I push him off of me. "I don't need a pity party, I've got this one. Now if
you'll excuse me, I'm going back to sleep. Good night"
I walked back into my room and sat on my bed. Going back to sleep was
a load of bull shit. I wasn't going back to sleep. I had to find a way to
keep Harry's mouth shut, and it wasn't going to be with mine.
*Chapter 21*
Niall was coming home today! I was so happy and excited I couldn't even
sleep the night before.
I was going to go over to his house and surprise him but I thought I
would let him relax a little, then go over.
I woke up this morning smiling and happy. I hugged everyone and even
kissed Louis on the cheek, I was so happy! They all looked at me like I
was absolutely crazy. Maybe I was, but I didn't care.
My boyfriend was coming home today and that's all I cared about.
After lunch I called Niall and he answered, but he seemed a little upset.
"Hey Mimi" he said, sounding gloomy
"Hey Niall! How much longer till you're home?" I ask sweetly.
"About an hour"
He didnt seem like he really wanted to talk.
"Cool, so what time would you want me to come over?" He would
obviously want me over. I mean, after all that talk of a homecoming
present I think he would enjoy me being there.
"Actually can I just be alone tonight?"
I was confused, he wanted to be alone?
"I guess, why?" I didn't want to sound nosey.
"I'm just tired, I want to be alone for a while"
"Well...alright I guess. Just call me whenever okay? Ill be here"
"Okay bye"
Niall hung up before I could say anything else. I sighed and walked into
the kitchen. Running into Taylor while she was making a cake.
"Why are boys so confusing?" I groan as I get a pop out of the fridge.
Taylor laughs, "you're just figuring this out now?"
I stand up and watch her mix the cake batter.
"I knew that for a while its just...when a boy talks about a "homecoming
present"" I put air quotes around that "then when you are going to give
it to him he tells you he just wants to me alone, does that mean
anything?" I ask my sister.
She turns to me.
"Maybe he wants to touch himself to the thought of you giving him that
present"
I cross my arms over my chest.
"If you were a boy would you rather touch yourself or get the real thing?"
"Oh... Yeah. I guess I didn't thinly hay through" she shrugs and turns
back to her cake.
"Should I just go over there?"

"No! You'll make a fool of yourself, I mean, maybe if he didnt tell you that
he wanted to be alone that would be okay but he did tell you he wanted
to be alone so..."
I sigh and walk outside. It was snowing pretty hard, I decided just to sit
on the porch and wallow in my sadness like the freak I am.
I looked up at the sky and watch the snow fall. It was so quiet and
peaceful, I could stay like this forever.
I let out puffs of air and watched them deteriorate into the air. I sort of
laughed at myself, instead of being with my boyfriend I was watching my
breath in the cold snow.
My mom came out and said she needed to talk to me.
"Niall didnt really have to come home early Mimi, his parents told me he
left the hotel to come home. Would you mind checking on him when he
gets home?"
I roll my eyes. Niall always has to start drama.
I text Niall asking if he's home and he says almost. Which means he
probably is.
I walk in the house to get my jacket and boots.
Once everything was on I started to walk over to Niall's house. I didn't
hurry or anything, I took my time. I played on my phone, texted kaitlyn
asking if she was busy this weekend, I even started to play a game.
When I was on Niall's street I started texting him so he would think
everything's normal. But I never got a text back.
I didn't think that this was that serious, I just thought Niall wanted the
attention. I mean, he usually always wants attention.
I got to Niall's house and knocked on the door. No one answered. I tried
to open the door but it was locked. I knocked on the door again.
"Niall! It's me! Open up, I'd like to see you!" I smiled.
I tried texting Niall again, hoping for a response.
Nothing.
I was starting to get worried.
I tried opening the door with a bobby pin, I tried climbing through the
window, but nothing worked.
Then I heard a loud bang come from inside.
That's when I knew, exactly what was going on.
*Chapter 22*
I look fanatically for the key to open the door. I check under the door mat
and in the flower pot next to the door. I know Mr. and Mrs. Horan keep a
spare key somewhere and I just had to find it.
I finally found it in the dirt under a bush, great place huh?
I open the door and burst into the house, not bothering to close the door
behind me. I run up the stairs to Niall`s room and his doors wide open. I
see him lying on the ground, blood surrounding him. But he was
breathing, his eyes were open. He was still alive!

I rush over to him and take his hand hard in mine. There was a bullet
wound in his stomach, there was a lot of blood pouring out.
I looked Niall in the eyes and my eyes started to fill with tears.
He is breathing slowly, deliberately. I want to talk but I dont know what
to say, or if it will help either of us. He looks at me.
Mimi he begins, and I see the fear in his eyes. I thought I was ready
for this. His voice shakes.
Im here, Niall.
Im afraid, Mimi. I have never heard his voice so small.
Nothing I ever do will ever be this important again.
I pull him into my arms and tuck his head down to my shoulder. He is so
thin. He folds into an unbelievably small space, fitted into my lap; my
arms can encircle him completely. He grasps a handful of my jacket and
lets out a shaky breath.
Just relax, I whisper.
I dont want to leave you anymore. Im sorry
I dont want you to go.
We are skating near the edge. Dull horror floods me. I desperately dont
want to hear it. Just as desperately, I dont want to say it. Right now, I
am losing my best friend, and that is bad enough. I dont know if I could
stand to lose more. I cannot look at the future that were now being
denied and admit that we could have had anything other than the
friendship I already know. If I look down that road which is now closed
and see something else there, always glimpsed but never reached for,
never acknowledged, it might really break me for good.
But this isnt about me. If he needs it, then itll be said. And God help
me.
I feel his limbs loosening. Mimi, he says, and the word is slurred. Need
to see you.
I shift him around in my arms until were face to face. His eyelids are
slack. He is shaking.
Niall, just look at me. Dont think. Dont try to hang on. You just look at
me, okay?
He does. His eyes flick over my face like hes trying to do what I was
doing earlier, and memorize me. I know that I wont be spared, because
he hasnt been.
I kiss his lips, gently. I feel the tension sag away from him and his hand
on my face. I hold him close, our foreheads together again. His eyelids
are flickering now. He kisses me back, straining like its taking the last of
his strength. His hands clench in my jumper and his eyes blaze as he
looks at me.
I want you to be the last thing I see, he rasps.
I hold his gaze. I feel every second like a blade against my skin but I hold
it. I wont look away because this is sacred and Im long past the point of
salvage anyway. He takes a few deep breaths. His eyes close.
He`s passed out now. It wont be long.

I gather him close, wrap myself around him. I kiss his face over and over.
Im aware that Im talking to him but I dont know what Im saying. I may
be telling him I love him. I may be telling him Ive never loved anyone
else and never will. I may be cursing him for leaving me. I really have no
idea. It doesnt matter. Those things are all true, whether I am telling
him or not.
He takes his last breath a few minutes later. Exhale, and thennothing.
I stare down at his face. It is not real.
He cant hear me now. So I say it all again and this time I know Im doing
it. I talk to him until my voice gives out.
Nialls parents are there. When did they arrive? They are leaning over us,
their faces sad. Mrs. Horan is crying. Mr. Horan was trying to comfort
her, without crying himself. Mrs. Horan has her arm around me and
finally she and Mr. Horan get me to release him. I cant watch. I go to the
window and Mrs. Horan hugs me from behind. I hear the rustlings and
the wheels on the stairs, I knew that the ambulance was here,
everything was so quiet, I didnt even hear his parents come into the
house.
Wait. One moment. I must sound calm enough for them to stop when I
say so. Niall is covered with a sheet. I go to the bed the ambulance
workers have him on and peel the sheet back.
I just look. Perhaps I had something to say but its gone now. Its too late.
The man Ive lost wasnt just my best friend, not now.
They take him away. Mr. Horan hugs me, and its a bit alarming, but I
need it. He leaves, and Mrs. Horan watches me like a hawk.
I walk downstairs to the living room toward the couch. I make it halfway
there. My legs slowly buckle and I am sitting on the floor, staring into
space. Mrs. Horan joins me there and holds my hand.
I feel nothing.
****************************************
I thought it was weird that I didnt cry when Niall died in my arms, or
when they took him away. But when I got home that night I couldnt stop
crying. Everyone at home grieved for me, and said that I will get through
this. I didnt believe them; I wanted to kill myself too. That way I could
be with Niall and we could be together forever.
The day after the police showed up at my house.
Mimi? We found this in Niall`s room. He wrote a suicide note for you, his
parents, and a boy named Harry Styles. Would you mind giving the boys
his? Here is yours as well he officer handed me two notes.
I nodded, tried to smile and closed the door.
I walked into my room and opened up my note.
Dear Mimi, Well if you`re reading this Im obviously dead.
I hope you didnt have to see me dead, I wouldve hated for you to see
that.
But right, suicide note.

I love you so much Mimi, you really dont know how much. I would spend
the rest of my life with you if I could. You mean so much to me its not
even funny, I love everything about you. You`re one of the best people
this world has to offer and any boy will be lucky to call you his. I hope
that life gets better for you; you dont deserve to be sad.
Ill watch over you from where ever I go. Oh and Mimi?
You were the first girl I`ve ever loved and my best friend. Thank you for
being there for me, it really means a lot. I hope that my death doesnt
affect you in any way. I mean I know it will a little but I want you to have
the least amount of problems.
I love you, Mimi.
Forever and always, ~Niall
I put my face in my hands and sobbed. He was really gone wasnt he? I
didnt realize how much he meant to me till he was gone.
When I was finally done crying I looked at Harry`s note. I wanted to read
it but it would be a violation of privacy.
Fuck it.
I open it slowly and read it.
Dear Harry,
Are you happy now? I`ve killed myself, now you`ve got Mimi all to
yourself. You better treat her right or ill find a way for you to get hurt.
Shes a princess and deserves to be treated like one.
I wish we didnt have to fight and we couldve been friends, then maybe
things will be different. But now Im gone, so theres no use in trying to
fix things.
You were actually a nice person Harry, you just thought that being a
douche would make you cool, apparently it did.
Just promise me, if Mimi does take you, dont hurt her. Shes been
through a lot more than you know and if you`re just going to be a
douche she wont give you a chance.
Oh, and try to get a new personality because the one you have now
sucks.
Goodbye, I hope you`re happy.
~Niall
That night I cried harder, I didnt know if I would ever pull myself
together.
******************************************
After about a week of missing school I had to go back. I walked in and
everyone looked at me whispering things like.
Her boyfriend committed suicide
Her boyfriend was that weird, depressed blonde kid
Thats the girl? Damn, shes a looker
I rolled my eyes and walked to my locker. It felt weird not having Niall
stand with me here.
I looked down the hall at Niall`s locker. It was filled with cards, balloons,
stuffed animals, everything you can think of. It was like a memorial.

I looked at my locker. Nothing. I was the one who saved his life, I dont
know how many times, and I get nothing? Niall`s the one that took his
own life and he gets everything? He cheated his way out! He couldnt
just deal with the circumstances so he killed himself! Yeah, hes a great
role model.
I stopped.
What was I thinking? Im just angry, emotional, everything in between. I
wasnt thinking straight. I needed some water.
I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turn and it was harry, he clutched his
books closer to him and tried to smile.
Hi, Mimi
Hi I say back grabbing my books.
I`m sorry for what happened, do you want to come over after school?
he asks as sweetly as he can.
I turn to him.
My best friend, and boyfriend just killed himself because you were
bullying him so much and because you wouldnt leave him alone, and
you want me to come over?! What, so you can fuck me? Well heres a
news flash for you Mr. Harry Styles, I dont like you, and I never will! So
stop trying! I throw Niall`s note to him at his face. I hope this makes
you feel like a bucket of sunshine
I slam my locker and walk away. Hoping never to talk to him again.
***************************************
His funeral is well attended. This does not surprise me. Many people
admired Niall. Many more couldnt stand him. But nobody who ever
came in contact with him ever forgot it, and it seems as if all of them are
compelled to be here.
I am being treated as the grieving widower. It really ought to be his
mother, but everyone seems to think this arrangement entirely
appropriate, including the woman herself.
Despite my fears, she doesnt blame me. Greg says that she hates
goodbyes and wouldnt have known how to handle Nialls, so its just as
well. She seems to understand this. She hugs me and tells me shes so
glad that he had me with him in his final minutes of being here.
I stand up to give his eulogy. I only do it because I cant imagine anyone
else doing it. I talk about his brilliance, and his love for his family and
friends. I talk about the people he helped and the lives hes changed. I
dont talk about how he made me feel alive, or the way his blue eyes
looked when the sun hit them.
I tell the mourners that he was my friend, and I am honored to have
known him. I dont tell them that I loved him, and that I love him still,
and that if I had one wish in the world it would be that I could make it
stop.
Nialls left me everything he has. Starting with his guitar all the way to
his laptop. I didnt see the reason for it but I kept it all anyways.

One night I open up one of his yearbooks from when we were in 5th
grade together, just becoming friends. Looking at the autographs from
other kids and then the little things he put next to people he liked or
didnt like. Then I came across my picture, it had a heart around it.
I cried again that night.
Harry calls me about six weeks after the funeral.
can we get coffee? he asks. I just need to talk to you, get some things
straight.
why? I ask, puzzled.
Will you come?
Me?
He sighs. Youre the one I asked, Mimi. Please?
So I go. Everyone stares. I must look terrible. I started not to care how I
looked because I didnt have a boyfriend to impress. I closed my eyes for
a minute, and then I imagined Niall there with me.
I look and find Harry at a table, sipping a coffee and playing on his
phone. I walked over and sat down, I didnt get myself anything. We
were here to talk, not drink.
Hey Mimi he puts his phone down and tries to smile at me.
Hey
I read the note Niall wrote me, and it said a few things
I wanted to play along; I couldnt tell him I read it. What kind of things?
How you and I should try this relationship thing again, I think we should
try again, Ive changed, Mimi, I really have.
I sigh and look down at my hands that were in my lap.
Im not like him, Mimi. You know that, but I can try my best, I want you
to be happy.
I smile a little. Sure Harry
Its true; I never liked seeing you sad
I sit back farther in my chair; a waitress comes around and asks me if I
want anything. I give in and order a latte.
He was a great guy, Mimi, I will give you that. But you will need to find
someone else. I know you love Niall, and you always will. But maybe, we
can try again?
How can you tell that I still love him?
You`re always sad, and I can just tell you`re thinking of him. I can tell
by the look in your eyes and the way you bite your lips. He was
obviously very good to you
I giggled a little, first time Ive semi laughed in ages.
I smile. So you want to try and have a relationship with a depressed,
emotional, crazy, freak?
As long as you think Niall will be okay with it
I sit there for a minute, thinking about Niall. Sometimes I can almost see
him. I shut my eyes and picture him.
I love you.
He doesnt answer. He never does when I say that.

The end.