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16

T h e

I m p r o p e r

B o s t on i an

Guac Walk

Guacamole doesn’t belong on tasting menus. It belongs at tailgates.
It doesn’t need to be prepped tableside or cost more than your
entree. But it does need fresh ingredients and bright flavors that’ll
make you sigh and say, “Te quiero.” Here, we made the sacrifice and
tested the guac at local eateries to see who’s got the green thumb.
Hannah Lott-Schwartz and Hannah sheinberg

pretty
please?

T

o the woman in the white
Honda Civic on 93 North: I
understand that mornings are
crazy and traffic is awful, but is it really
necessary to put your makeup on in the
car? I watched you apply concealer,
powder, blush, eyeshadow, eyeliner (that
was scary) and mascara from my rearview
mirror, all the while hoping you wouldn’t
rear-end me. I know we all want to cover
those under-eye circles and look halfway
presentable at work, but next time will
you please just set your alarm clock five
minutes earlier? Many thanks.

You’re making the rest of us look bad
To the person blithering on the phone while
walking through a lit pedestrian crosswalk: As you grazed a woman, you weren’t
completely distracted; you yelled at the poor
thing. Jerk! Maybe the police don’t care, as
I’ve seen them do the same thing near the
Statehouse.

El Centro ★
True, the chips at this authentic eatery are outstanding and the main dishes excellent, but this was the
only guacamole we didn’t finish. This green creamy
matter contains only avocado, pico de gallo, lime and
salt, but inexplicably left our mouths with an acrid
aftertaste.
$5, 472 Shawmut Ave., Boston (617-262-5708)
elcentroboston.com

Lolita ★★★★

$8, 271 Dartmouth St., Boston (617-369-5609)
lolitatequilabars.com

Lone Star Taco Bar ★★★★
Served with wedges of lime and a lone sprig of cilantro,
this green monster nearly stole our hearts (and taste
buds), hitting the golden ratio of avocado to salsa,

$9, 479 Cambridge St., Allston (617-782-8226)
lonestar-boston.com

The Painted Burro ★★
It’s good, but the mash of avocado with white onion,
lime and salt doesn’t feature nearly enough cilantro.
Mixing it with the complimentary salsa gives it an
oomph that’s otherwise lacking. Add a point for the big,
tasty chips.
$9, 219 Elm St., Somerville (617-776-0005)
thepaintedburro.com

Taco Party ★★★
The competition’s underdog, this food-truck guac
carries a citrusy tang and fresh flavors but isn’t
substantial enough to stand on its own (gimme them
tacos). Overall it could use more ingredients—mere
avocado, onion and lime does not make for the most
memorable guacamole.
$3, check website for locations, Boston,
tacopartytruck.com

To the T driver who stopped and waited for
me as I ran to the Fenway stop on the D
Line: Thank you. Most T drivers would have
closed the door in my face, and grinned at
me as they drove away. This particular
morning I was running late to work and
desperately hoping to catch that T. You saw
me running down the stairs, and even
though the T doors were already closed, you
opened them up again for me. I made it to
my early-morning meeting on time.

Another rushed commuter

To the early-bird tourists taking pictures
in Copley Square: I’m sorry that I’m
always in your way. Whether it’s walking in
front of the photographer right when they
click, or accidentally photobombing in the
background, I know that you’re probably
annoyed with me. Truth is, I don’t have
time to wait for you to set up your shot—
Copley is my shortcut to work. But seeing
you all there always makes me remember
how beautiful and picturesque the city is,
even if I’m quickly walking by it.

The photo ruiner

Unrequited crush? Bad hair? Need to vent? Send your emails of love

and spleen to impersonals@improper.com, or visit improper.com/
impersonals.

Painted Burro guacamole: Nicole Popma

Holy guacamole, let’s build a shrine to this dip. Both the
fresca and the picante come topped with an abundance of fresh pico, with cilantro, onion and serrano
chiles mixed in. We’re willing to forgive the slightly
overmashed consistency in light of the guac’s unique
spice profile, which had us digging for crumbs in the
tub of chips for another taste.

smooth to chunky. Tangy and sweet with a little hot
sauce heat, the guac can be an app or a meal in itself,
and either way it’s batting a thousand.

Paying attention