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Writing Project 1: Genre in the Glamour Era

Text from my initial


WP submission:

An observation or
question I received
from De Piero or a
classmate:

The change(s) I made


to what I initially
wrote: (ie, the
change[s] I made to
column 1)

How this change


impacts my paper:

When comparing the


collection advertisements
of M.A.C., Sephora, and
Avon, genre is viewed
more clearly after
breaking apart the piece
of literature; Labeled as a
genre, collection
advertisements withhold
conventions that portray
communication
effectively.

What were you trying


to convince me of in
this paper, and what
exactly does it all have
to do with genre?

Collection advertisement
are definitely seen as
genre because they follow
a strict set of conventions
and there are certain
expectations when one
hears the word collection
advertisement.
Advertisements, as
explained later
throughout the paper, are
distinguished by many
details, but two are bold
format and attractive
language. The
conventions of collection
advertisements are
important because of their
daily purpose to
communicate messages to
audiences.

I believe my thesis did


not help with
convincing you what
this paper is about and
why genre matters. The
thesis I submitted for a
grade should have been
more straight forward
and affirmative rather
than cushiony and
beating around the
bush, so to say. My
paper improves with
changing my thesis
because it guides my
readers and shows what
exactly Im trying to
convince my audience
of.

The writers of these ads


also direct these
advertisement towards
professionals like
makeup artist and
company representatives.
Makeup artist and
company representatives
are impacted by these
advertisements
immensely since
cosmetics are part of
their lives.

Its great that youre


acknowledging this, but
why? Based on what?
(Im not doubting you;
I just want you to dig a
little deeper to
substantiate this claim.)

The writers of ads also


direct these advertisement
towards professional like
makeup artists and
company representative
because advertisements
are created to attract the
eye of possible buyers.
Once again, it relates to
the importance of
communicating and
making possible profit.

This is true. Sometimes


in my writing I set a
solid claims, but I do
not back it up with
legitimate reasons. By
digging deeper, my
claim seems more
effective than before.
My audience will not
feel like this is solely an
opinion. Since one
needs to persuade the
audience, claims need
this textual evidence.

(a phrase, sentence,
paragraph, idea, move,
punctuation, piece of
evidence, etc.)

Although each
advertisement
demonstrates each of the
collections products, it
shows a disparate [ZD1]
color scheme and text.

[ZD1]Do you mean


different? My
understanding of
disparate means
something more along
the lines of not
connecting properly

Although each
advertisement
demonstrates each of the
collection products, it
shows a unique color
scheme and text.

Finding the proper


words for certain
context is really
important. At times as a
writer, we might lose
our judgement and feel
word works, but really
it doesnt. By using
inadequate words, one
as a writer could lose
our audience and
confuse them.

Each of the products


also has a rating
section where the
customers could post if
they were satisfied or
not.[ZD1]

[ZD1]Iglesias, right
now youre doing a
super-solid job of
describing these
products, but Im not
quite sure WHY.
What are you trying
to get across in this
paper? What about
these products are
you trying to argue??
(And how does it
specifically relate to
genre?)

Each of the products also


has a rating section where
the customers could post
if they were satisfied or
not. Viewing the analysis
above, one could see how
genre is effectively using
its conventions to create a
purpose. Collection
advertisements are
proving to be solid
examples of genre with
useful conventions to an
audience.

Throughout the paper, I


was getting carried
away with pointing out
details that were
important clearly. I
didnt stop much to
connect it to the prompt
which would make my
paper more of a
purpose. By throwing
details at my audience, I
am not convincing them
with an argument rather
giving them pointless
information.

These advertisements
specifically represent
one industry or the
partner of the industry.
Viewing the impacts
and conventions of
genre, one can see how
learning genre is
important to translate
and find meanings to
different genres.

By adding a smoother
transitional phrase, it
seems to clarify my
thought process.
Before making this
change, it seemed my
thoughts and
connections were
foggy; the audience
does not know
exactly what Im
trying to say, so I
need to try and guide

(PS, your sentences


and
syntax/mechanics
are great.)

These advertisements
specifically represent one
industry or the partner of
the industry.
Learning genre is crucial
to the learning
experience[ZD1]

ZD1]Whats the
specific link between
sentence 1 and
sentence 2? Whatever
that is, considering
putting it into the start
of sentence 2. (At the
end of sentence 1 is
another option.)
Right now, its an
abrupt, not-so-smooth

transition.

them with my
analysis.

When one heads out to a


grocery store or to a
family reunion, theres a
difference in the way one
speaks to people in
distinct settings. When
one writes an email or
text message, people use
their logic to find the
adequate words for
whom the piece
corresponds to.
Educational settings give
students a variety of
ways to communicate
whether it be through
poetry, narratives, or
research papers.

[ZD1]I feel like youre


missing an opportunity
to connect this back to
your topic
(makeup/glamour).

When one heads out to a


grocery store or to a
family reunion, theres a
difference in the way one
speaks to people in
distinct settings. When
one writes an email or
text message, people use
their logic to find the
adequate words for whom
the piece corresponds to.
Educational settings give
students a variety of ways
to communicate whether
it be through poetry,
narratives, or research
papers. Similarly, the
audience of collection
advertisements make their
own interpretations and
translations based on the
conventions.

Connecting back to my
topic and the purpose of
my paper seems to be
one of my biggest
issues. By referring
back to topic, I dont
lose my flow and my
audience will stay intact
with what how Im
connecting my analysis
to my subject of the
paper.

The importance of genre


is to be able to receive
and give a message[ZD1]
.

[ZD1]Im not sure what


you mean here.

Collection ads are seen as


a genre that impacts
society because they help
audiences receive a
message.

My paper is more
clarified once I take
time to rephrase some
sentences correctly.
Sometimes after reading
it through, all my
thoughts make sense in
my head, but the
audience does not
respond the same way.

Relatively, the collection


advertisements explained
above are part of this
media oriented
environment; collection
advertisements develop a
message and direct this
message to the specific
audience. There is a
purpose to get people to
buy products and to
expand the company as
much as possible.
Attached to this purpose
is the context. The
context of these
collection advertisements
flourished from fashion
or cosmetics

Theres a lot going on in


this paragraph here. How
do all these ideas fit
together? Why bring all
of them into the
discussion? If I'm (your
reader/"audience") having
trouble understanding
why, it might be useful for
you to explain how/why
you're using them in more
explicit detail.

To fully understand the


purpose of a collection
advertisement and
collection advertisements,
one should analyze the
the context and the
environment of collection
advertisements.
Continuing, collection
advertisments.. (rest of
the paragraph)

I felt it was important to


look at the surrounding
of where and why
collection
advertisements are
created. This clarifying
topic sentence will give
the rest of my paragraph
a better flow since
before it was just
interesting ideas and not
supported by some
principal ideas.